Chapter 8: Conflict Management Skills

Conflict Defined
Conflict Elements
o Interpersonal Conflict: an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent
people who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, or interference in the
achievement of their goals
Conflict as a Process
o Mild differences Disagreement Dispute Campaign Litigation Fight
o 5 Stages
Prior Conditions
Frustration Awareness
Active Conflict
Resolution
Follow-Up
o 2 Types
Constructive: helps build new insights and establishes new patterns in a
relationship
Destructive: dismantles relationship
Conflict Triggers
o Criticism
o Feeling entitled
o Perceived lack of fairness
o More perceived costs than rewards
o Different perspectives
o Stress and lack of rest
o Dialectical tension: tension arising from a persons need for two things at the
same time
Being separate and connected
Feeling of being open and closed
Conflict Myths
Conflict is always a sign of a poor interpersonal relationship
Conflict can always be avoided
Conflict always occurs because of misunderstandings
Conflict can always be resolved
Conflict Types
Pseudoconflicts: misunderstandings
o Strategies
Check your perception
Listen between the lines
Be supportive
Listen actively
Simple conflict: different stands on the issues
o Strategies
 Clarify understanding
Stay focused on facts and issues
Generate many options
Find the kernel of truth in what your partner is saying
Ego conflict: conflict gets personal
o Strategies
Return to the issues
Talk about a problem to be solved
Write down rational arguments to support your position
Use I-messages rather than You-messages
Avoid contemptuous messages
Perceived gender differences in responding to conflict
o Feminine
Equity and caring
Interact to achieve closeness and interdependence
More aware of interpersonal dynamics
Encourage mutual involvement
o Masculine
Equality of rights and fairness
Interact to achieve specific goals
Less aware of interpersonal dynamics
Protect self-interest
Conflict and Power
Interpersonal power: degree to which a person is able to influence his or her partner
Power principles
o Power exists in all relationships
o Power derives from the ability to meet a persons needs
o Both people in a relationship have some power
o Power is circumstantial
o Power is negotiated
Power sources
o Legitimate: respect and position
o Referent: charisma and attraction
o Expert: knowledge and experience
o Reward power: persons ability to satisfy our needs
o Coercive power: use of sanctions or punishment
Compliance gaining: taking persuasive actions to get others to comply with our goals
Power negotiation
o Assess needs
o Identify power-based conflicts
o Discuss power issues directly
Conflict Management Styles
 Five-style model that includes two primary dimensions: concern for others and concern
for self
o Avoidant: backing out of and trying to side-step conflict (lose-lose)
Demand-withdrawal pattern of conflict management: one person makes a
demand and the other person avoids conflict by changing the subject or
walking away
o Accommodation: giving in to the demands of others (lose-win)
o Competition: stresses winning (win-lose)
o Compromise: seek middle ground (lose/win-lose/win)
o Collaboration: work together to solve conflict (win-win)
Conflict Management Skills
Manage your emotions
o Be aware that you are becoming angry and emotionally volatile
o Seek to understand why you are angry and emotional
o Plan your message
o Breathe
o Avoid personal attacks
Manage information
o Clearly describe the conflict-producing events
o Take turns talking
o Use effective listening skills
o Check your understanding of what others say and do
o Be empathic
Manage goals
o Identify your goals and your partners goals
o Identify where your goals and your partners goals overlap
Manage the problem
o Use principled negotiation strategies
Separate people from the problem
Focus on shared interests
Generate many options to solve the problem
Base decisions on objective criteria
o Use a problem-solving structure
Define the problem
Analyze the problem
Determine the goals
Generate multiple solutions
Select the best solution
o Develop a solution that helps each person save face

Chapter 12: Interpersonal Relationships: Family and Workplace

Family Relationships
Family Defined
 o Family: self-defined unit made up of any number of persons who live or have
lived in relationship with one another over time in a common living space and
who are usually, but not always, united by marriage and kinship
Family Types
o Natural or nuclear family: mother, father, and their biological children
o Extended family: includes additional relatives, such as aunts, uncles, cousins, or
grandparents
o Blended family: two adults and one or more children who come together as a
result of divorce, separation, death, or adoption
o Single-parent family: one parent raising one or more children
o Family of origin: family in which a person is raised
o Voluntary (fictive) kin: individuals considered family regardless of their legal or
blood connections
Substitute: fill in for other family members who have died or are out of the
picture
Supplemental: meeting a void or deficit with an actual family member
Convenience: context makes them easily accessible
Extended family: extended family members are closer than might typically
occur
o Two Models of Family Interaction
Circumplex Model: adaptability, cohesion, communication
Adaptability: ability to modify and respond to changes in the
familys power structure and roles
o LoAd: Rigid
o HiAd: Chaotic
Cohesion: emotional bonding and feelings of togetherness that
families experience
o LoCo: Disengaged
o HiCo: Enmeshed
Communication: influences adaptability and cohesion, and keep
families operating as a system
Family Communication Patterns Model: conformity, conversation
Consensual (HiCF HiCV)
Pluralistic (LoCF HiCV)
Protective (HiCF LoCV)
Laissez-Faire (LoCF LoCV)
Strategies for improving family relationships
Take time to talk
Listen actively and clarify the meaning of messages
Support and encourage one another
Use productive strategies for managing conflict, stress, and change
Specific Family Relationships
Committed Partners
 o Traditional couple: married partners who are
interdependent and exhibit lots of sharing and
companionship
o Interdependent couple: married partners who exhibit
sharing and companionship and are psychologically
interdependent but allow each other individual space
o Separate couple: married partners who support the notion
of marriage and family but stress the individual over the
couple
o Mixed couple: married couples in which the two partners
each adopt a different perspective on the marriage
Parent and children
o Children learn through interaction, instruction, and
observation
Siblings
o Childhood and adolescence
Companionship, emotional support, surrogate
caretaking, protection, and assistance
o Early and middle adulthood
Emotional support, relationship of choice
o Late adulthood
Communication increase, reminiscing and
validating memories
Workplace Relationships
Workplace friendship
o Values and function
Information exchange
Social support
Organizational support
Newcomer assimilation
Improved performance
Retention
Organizational change
Organizational enhancement
Workplace romances
o Values
Foster attraction and relational development
Same as workplace friendship
o Challenges and dark side
Quid pro quo harassment: you do something for me, Ill do something for
you
o Managements response
Manager will intercede if personal lives interfere with the workplace
climate or performance
 o Guidelines
Conduct yourself professionally at all times
Do not take long breaks with your partner
Avoid romance with clients, suppliers, or venders
Formal Relationships and Communication Directions in the Workplace
o Upward Communication: Talking with Your Boss
Pelz effect: subordinates feeling more satisfied in their jobs the more
their supervisors are able to influence higher-level decisions
o Downward Communication: Talking with Your Subordinates
Leader-member exchange (LMX) theory
Supervisors develop different types of relationships with different
subordinate and that seeks to explain those differences
o Horizontal Communication: Talking with Your Colleagues
o Outward Communication: Talking with Your Customers
Possible Questions
Describe the five stages and two types of interpersonal conflict.
o Prior conditions, frustration awareness, active conflict, resolution, follow-up
o Constructive and destructive
Describe conflict triggers.
o Stress, perceived lack of fairness, criticism, and different perspectives.
Describe one of the myths of conflict.
o Conflict is always a sign of a poor interpersonal relationship
o Conflict can always be avoided
o Conflict always occurs because of misunderstandings
o Conflict can always be resolved
Describe the two types of dialectical tension.
o Openness and closeness
o Separated and connected
Describe the one type of conflict and the strategies to solve them.
o Pseudoconflict: check perception, listen actively, be supportive
o Simple conflict: clarify understanding, generate many options, focus on facts and
issues
o Ego conflict: return to the issue, talk about the problem to be solved, avoid
contemptuous messages
Describe the perceived gender differences in responding to conflict.
o Feminine style is more about equity and caring, while masculine style is more
about equality of rights and fairness
o Feminine style is more about interacting to achieve closeness and independence,
while masculine style is more about interacting to achieve specific goals
o Feminine style encourages mutual involvement, while masculine style protects
self-interest
Describe the five sources of power
o Legitimate: respect
 o Referent: charisma
o Expert: knowledge
o Coercive: use of sanctions and punishments
o Reward: ability to satisfy our need
Describe the five conflict management styles.
o Avoidant: lose-lose, backing out
o Accommodation: lose-win, giving in
o Competition: win-lose, rivaling
o Compromise: lose/win-lose/win: middle ground
o Collaborate: win-win, work together
Describe conflict management skills.
o Manage emotions
o Manage information
o Manage goals
o Manage problems
Describe how to use principled negotiation strategies
o Separate people from the problem
o Focus on shared interests
o Generate many options to solve the problem
o Base decisions on objective criteria
Describe how to use a problem-solving structure
o Define the problem
o Analyze the problem
o Determine the goals
o Generate multiple solutions
o Select the best solution
Define family and describe the four types of family.
o Family is a self-defined units made up of any number of persons who live or have
lived with one another over time in a common living space and who are usually
united by kinship and marriage
o Nuclear: immediate
o Extended: additional relatives
o Blended: divorce, separation, adoption
o Single-parent: one parents raising children
Describe the four types of voluntary kin.
o Substitute: neighbor
o Supplemental: friends
o Convenience: coworkers
o Extended family
Describe the Circumplex Model of family interaction.
o Cohesion and adaptability and communication
o High cohesion is enmeshed and low cohesion is disengaged
o High adaptability is chaotic and low adaptability is rigid
 Describe the Family Communication Patterns Model and its four elements.
o Conversation and conformity
o Consensual: high conversation, high conformity
o Pluralistic: high conversation, low conformity
o Protective: low conversation, high conformity
o Laissez-faire: low conversation, low conformity
Describe strategies for improving family relationships.
o Talk with one another
o Listen and clarify meaning
o Support and encourage one another
o Use productive strategies in handling negative situations
Describe the four types of committed partners.
o Traditional couple: married and exhibit sharing
o Interdependent couples: married and allowed individual space
o Separate couple: married and stresses independence
o Mixed couple: combination of the above three
Describe the three learning process of children.
o Interaction and observation and instruction
Describe how sibling relationships change through life.
o Companion, protection > emotional support > reminiscing and validating
memories
Describe the values of workplace friendship.
o Information exchange, social support, retention, improved performance
Describe the challenges and dark side of workplace romance and strategies to remedy the
situation.
o Quid quo pro harassment: you do something for me, Ill do something for you
o Blackmailing
Describe the four communication directions in the workplace. Describe the Pelz effect.
o Upward: boss
o Downward: subordinates
o Horizontal: coworkers
o Outward: customers
o Pelz effect: feeling more satisfied if supervisors can influence higher-ups
Describe the Leader-member exchange theory.
o Supervisors develop different relationships with different subordinates and that
seeks to explain those differences