Communication Secrets PDF

Communication Secrets
For a Strong Long-Term Relationship
All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

All Rights Reserved

Copyright 2008 MeetYourSweet.com
Any opinions, findings, conclusions, or recommendations expressed herein are

those of the speaker(s) and do not necessarily reflect the views of
MeetYourSweet.com.
The information contained in this book is provided as is without warranty of any

kind. The entire risk as to the results and the performance of the information is
assumed by the user, and in no event shall MeetYourSweet.com be liable for any
consequential, incidental or direct damages suffered in the course of using the
information in this book.
No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted or distributed in any form or

by any means, electrical or mechanical, including photocopying and recording, or
by any information storage or retrieval system without permission in writing
from MeetYourSweet.com.

CONTENTS
How Love Mechanics Got Started. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
How Love Mechanics Works. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5
Understanding Your Own Communication Style . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7
How to Deal with Nagging . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
How to Teach Men Communication Skills. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11
How to Get Your Relationship to Change . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12
What to Do When the Relationship Breaks Down. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13
How to Accept the Person Youre With. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14
How to Deal with Emotions. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17
How to Deal with Criticism. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
How to Express Love to Your Mate . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21
Top 3 Tips for Using Communication to Build a Stronger Relationship. 23

for a Strong Long-Term Relationship
Amy: Hello, and welcome to MeetYourSweet.com! Im Amy Waterman, and Im

here today with a very special guest to talk about Communication Secrets for
a Strong Long-Term Relationship.
My guest today is Renee Piane. You may have seen Renee in one of her numer-
ous media appearances on shows like The Today Show, CNN, Blind date, Love
Chronicles and New Attitudes. Her love advice has been featured in maga-
zines like The LA Times, The New York Times and Cosmopolitan.
She is a personal empowerment coach, an image consultant and a communi-

cations expert. She is best known as the author of Love Mechanics, a system
that helps men and women alike to tune up their energies and attitudes to at-
tract the right people for love.
Welcome, Renee!
Renee: Hi! Im so happy to be here.
How Love Mechanics Got Started
Amy: What got you coaching people to find love? Its not your ordinary everyday
job!
Renee: I started this about 15 years ago. I was in the beauty business and also a bridal
consultant, and I was studying human communications, psychology, and the
holistic healing arts. I just have a natural ability to intuitively know what is
going on with people. People used to call me the Love Guru, back before I
officially started it.
I started doing coaching for men, specifically, when I was asked to do image
consulting for a class about picking up women and how to attract women.
After the class was over, I had a line of men wanting to consult with me. I
thought, Im going to start a business on this!
I originally started out teaching men how to understand powerful women, and
that got me into doing events. One thing led to another, and I was asked to be
on talk shows. I did my own shows and radio shows. It has turned into quite a
business for me.

Amy: That makes sense now why you call it Love Mechanics. Men can really re-
spond to the idea of mechanics.
Renee: When I came up with the name Love Mechanics, it was done over dinner
with a bunch of guys. I said, What would guys be interested in? There are
cars, theres sports, and theres sex: those are the three top things that men are
usually interested in. So I chose the metaphor for car so that men can tune
themselves up from the inside out, using themselves as the vehicle.
Amy: I think women could relate to that, too.
Renee: They do. They like the idea of men getting tuned up, but really both sexes need
a little tune-up, because there are a lot of challenges between the sexes all
over the world. Thats why Im here to help tune up who ever might be reading
this today.
How Love Mechanics Works
Amy: What is the philosophy behind Love Mechanics? Is there a specific angle that
you go for when it comes to tuning people up?
Renee: Yes, I think all people have their own internal mechanisms that has an auto-
matic operating system that make them react a certain way. It all depends on
their beliefs, the way they were raised and the things that they believe about
love and the opposite sex.
It is very important for a person to do an internal tune-up on themselves to

really get to know themselves and what their needs are, so they can commu-
nicate clearly about what they want. In any type of relationship whether it
is with your lover, your family and even with yourself people often fight with
themselves about what they want, and then they dont get the results.
Amy: I completely agree with the notion that we start with ourselves. Once we do
the work on ourselves, then love will just come to us. We dont have to work
on other people to somehow convince them to be attracted to us, because we
are pretty attractive ourselves.
Renee: A lot of people dont think that they are, when, really, they have a lot to offer.
You look at the divorce rate around the world right now, and there are a lot of
people getting divorced. You think about how they were raised with examples

of love that werent so healthy, so often they carry that in their beliefs about
what they deserve. [They think] that love isnt going to happen for them, and
it keeps love away. That shows up in the relationships that they attract, which
then causes communication problems.
[You may be] in love with somebody that doesnt love love or isnt into love the
same way you are. Often, people stay in relationships to try and fix the other
person.
So love is a process of two people that choose to be with each other and work
on their issues. The way that they handle the issues is the journey.
Amy: What sort of result that people who use your Love Mechanics system expect?
Renee: The results that people have gotten from my live seminars have been life-trans-
forming, because people get to look at what phase they are in. I take men and
women through almost the same procedure. It is an internal look at where they
are in their life right now, what their beliefs are, what their energy frequencies
are, and what they want. It is a really in-depth look at your life so that you can
get in control of what your outcome is.
Not every person is meant to be married. Not every person is meant to be a

father or mother. Every one of us seems to be going through this push to get
married. Not everyone is really intended [to be] or should be married; some
people should stay single. You have to get into acceptance for what you really
want and not follow the norm.
So what the system does is take you through the internal and then the external
look at your life, as if you are the vehicle. Basically, we are the vehicle that
has been given to us. We are going to tune it up from the inside first, and then
well look at the outside.
Then, well take this vehicle and send it out to go on a search for whatever it is
that we are looking for, whether it is multiple relationships, marriage, a com-
mitted relationship, or a spiritual relationship.
I help people to get into acceptance about who they are and then go manifest
their dreams. It has worked for thousands of people here locally, and now I
have decided to take it around the world. I have been doing my radio shows
now for over a year, and Im getting emails from people all over the world. But
I was so busy doing Rapid Dating and taking care of people locally that I got
too busy.

My goal is really to influence both men and women to achieve their goals and
tune them up so they can get the results they want individually.
Everyone is different.
Amy: Later on, we will tell you how you can get in contact with Renee and find out
more about her Love Mechanics system!
Understanding Your Own Communication Style
Amy: Lets get back to our major topic, communication. In my role as an online
counselor, we see a lot of marriages breaking down directly as a result of bad
communication.
One of the biggest issues is that most people are just unconscious of how they
communicate. They just talk and do things, but they dont really think about
how they are doing it. When they experience a conflict with in their relation-
ship, they respond automatically. They may shout, go silent, or issue threats.
They dont even think about what they are doing; these are just automatic pat-
terns.
How important do you think it is that we become more aware about how we
are communicating, rather than just what we are communicating?
Renee: Most people have an automated operating system. They get triggered by certain
tonalities of a persons voice, or they may have learned from their [upbringing],
where one [parent] yelled a lot to get a reaction.
That depends on the nationality of the person. With Italians, everything is very
loud! There is a lot of loud yelling, then everyone would eat and everything
would be fine.
Different cultures have different communication styles, and different families

show their children. It gets passed down from generation to generation.
You have to look at how you were raised and see if that is how you want to be
communicating. I teach people how to learn their own communication skills.
I also teach them how to learn what their love style is, so then they can ask for
what they need without feeling afraid. I think that what happens with couples
is that they are afraid to ask. A lot of people dont feel worthy in the first place.
Then, when they get upset, they either shut down or act out. It is almost like

their [inner] child is having the disagreement, not the adult.
Amy: The problem is that if you are used to doing things a certain way, it can be re-
ally hard to break those patterns. Do you have any techniques that people can
use to really stop and change those old habits?
Renee: The only way that people can change anything is by awareness.
If somebody is complaining to you consistently, like, You never listen, or,

You are really stubborn, or whatever it is, most often they have a reason for
saying that. People do things automatically, and they are not aware that they
are doing it.
Often, when you are in a relationship and you are hearing the same nagging
things over again, it is something to take a look at. Where in your life are you
being that way? Or are you that way to yourself?
I find that the reaction that people have towards others is often something they
are still healing or working on within them. If a person has doubt, fear, or
anxiety about something, then often they let it out on their mate. They are not
even conscious of it.
When a person you love is constantly nagging you about something, it is really
good for you to sit down and talk.
When my husband says, Honey, you are doing this or that, he is often right,
but how I process what he is saying is different to the way he is experiencing it.
I do what I call Perceptional Positioning. If you were your husband or vice

versa, put yourself in their position and imagine how they are feeling. If you
can imagine yourself sitting in your boyfriends shoes, it is really powerful.
When my husband says, Gosh, you are being insensitive, I think, He just got
off a plane. He is hungry; he is cranky. If I were feeling that way, how would I
want someone to be to me?
How to Deal with Nagging
Amy: One of the things that I liked about what you said is that you deal with people
on an individual level. A lot of times, if we talk about these things from a theo-
retical level, it can get lost. We think, That sounds like a great idea, but we
dont see how to apply it.

For the rest of the interview, I want to look at an imaginary couple that we
can counsel through their communication difficulties. Lets imagine that this
couple lets call them Bill and Jane just moved in together a month ago and
they are starting to experience all of those conflicts that you experience when
you move in together.
The thing about Bill and Jane, though, is that they are really in love, and they
want to make this work. We are going to see if we can help them communi-
cate better through all of the challenges they are experiencing so they can have
a long term, successful relationship.
Lets look at their first problem, which is arguing. Bill says that Jane is always
nagging him to do stuff. But Jane says that she has to nag Bill to get him to do
anything. What would your advice to them be?
Renee: First of all, before you move in together, it is really good to talk about the
things that you enjoy doing in the house and the things that you dont. For
example, I hate to do laundry and my husband is Mr. Clean, so we made an
agreement.
Its good to communicate about the things you enjoy doing together and the
things that you want or would hope that the other person would contribute to.
It is something that you should discuss, not something you should nag about.
If you are already living together and you are already irritated about it, you
need to have a little love time out.
When my husband and I moved in together, we moved into a small apartment

and his shoes literally took up all the space. We had to sit down and make
some agreements on how we were going to run the house. We sat down, and I
said, What kind of things do you like to do? He told me all the things he was
used to doing, then I told him all the things I was used to doing. Then we made
a plan.
What works with men is using a sweet tone of voice, wearing something pretty,
and getting them to talk when they are relaxed. If your guy comes home and
leaves the toilet seat up because he is tired and then you say, You always
leave the toilet seat up, he is not going to be listening or receptive because he
is tired.
It is all about timing. We are all busy, and we all have stress levels, so you

have to feel out the vibe. See what kind of mood they are in, make sure they
have the basic needs like water and food, get them comfortable, and only then
do you bring it up.
It all has to be done in the right energy, the right voice tonality, and the right
timing.
10
Amy: Often, the other person still isnt terribly receptive to that. What do you do if
you get a partner that isnt used to negotiating? So, when you try to sit down
and talk with them about who is going to do what, they dont do it? They are
just not used to negotiating like two adults.
Renee:
Normally, that situation happens where one or the other person is spoiled and
they are used to having somebody do things for them. It is a learning experi-
ence for the relationship.
You have to expect and ask for what you need in a relationship. Then, if the
person isnt shifting or willing, that is a sign that it may not be the right rela-
tionship.
Thats why, when people want to jump into getting married really fast, I always
tell them, Take this person for a test drive. See how they act in front of family.
It is important for couples to be around each others families first [to observe
the way they communicate].
If you move in with somebody, expecting everything to be perfect, and one

person isnt bendable or viable with communication, then it is going to be an
issue. You may want to say Honey, we really need to work on this, because it
could cause some problems in the future.
If you dont insist on that change, the other person might just think, They
dont care; Im going to get away with it. The tension starts, and the couple
end up pulling away from each other.
[You both have] to be willing to communicate, and the person whos mad has
to be willing to communicate in a nice way. Next, say, This is something that
we really need to discuss, because this relationship isnt working. Finally, ask
the person, Are you willing to work on this? If they say no, then perhaps this
is not the right relationship.
These people [in your example] are newly moved in together, and they are all
gooky in love, supposedly. Well, part of love is compromising, negotiating, and
talking. If the other person does not want to [do these things], you might be
counting your blessings early on [that you didnt] get married.
Im not saying to throw in the towel. [But its true that] when you live together,
all the crap comes out. You think, Oh no, this isnt going to work out. Well,
guess what? Every relationship has to have compromises; every relationship
11
has to have communication.
How to Teach Men Communication Skills
Renee: Heres a tip for all the ladies out there. We have hundreds and hundreds of
books that have taught us how to pick a husband and decide if he is the right
man. Guys dont have the same stuff. Thats why I decided to become the per-
son to teach men how to understand us.
But it takes a little time! Unless they were brought up in a healthy environment
with a cool mom or a great ex-girlfriend that told them, This isnt right; this
isnt right, then they really dont learn much from anywhere. They are learning
more about sex, pornography and that stuff online on how to be a pickup art-
ist.
Real communication takes work. Any man that is reading this, [heres a tip for
you.] If you want to have an amazing relationship, you have to learn the tools.
Women need to not expect so much from men up front, because guys have not
learned the same things we have learned. Being a bitch or a nag does not work
with most guys.
Amy: What do you think about women who go out and buy their man a book and
say, Read this book; this is how I want you to be like? I have known so many
couples where the woman will go out and buy her man a copy of Men Are
from Mars, Women Are from Venus [by John Gray]. Do you think that is a good
approach to take?
Renee: I do. If a couple isnt willing to work on the relationship, then they are not in a
relationship.
A relationship means relating. If you dont want to relate, then what are you
doing in a relationship?
Relationships are a co-creation. When I got married, I said, This is a co-cre-

ation. This is a choice I have made to choose this person and to live the fullest
life I can and have the best experiences I can with this mate in my life. He is
the person I have chosen to live my life with and have family, relationships,
and friendships built all around our love together.
If a couple isnt willing to go into a relationship with a foundation like that and
they arent willing to work on it, then it might not be the right relationship.
12
Guys are going to complain to their mates that their partner brought them all
these boring books. Well, read them! You are going to have better sex and bet-
ter communication, and the girl is going to be happier, want to look prettier for
you, and appreciate you more.
Because those are the things that men complain about. They complain that
women nag them, and then all of a sudden the sex stops, and they pull back
emotionally. All because the guys arent taking out the trash?
It is more about the control. Men have fears about being controlled by women,
or a woman taking over their life. What do most men say to me? Oh my god,
its the ball and chain. Somebody nagging, nagging, nagging. Find out what a
guys fears are, and then dont do those things.
Influencing men isnt as hard as we think it is, but you need to figure out the
things that make your man feel appreciated. Do those and then say, It would
be really great if you could, every once in a while, do these three things, in-
stead of insisting that he do it or demanding that he do it and then not give any
affection or sex. He doesnt want to be married to his mother!
How to Get Your Relationship to Change
Amy: A lot of guys say that women always want to work on the relationship and
theyre never happy with how things are.
What do you say to guys out there that say, My partner always complains? Of
course, the women respond, But we will never get any better if I dont com-
plain, because you are not going to change things. What do you say to those
people?
Renee: Men are very simple. Women are complex; we can do fifty things at once, and
we can handle all sorts of emotions at all sorts of times. Depending on the
phase of life that he is in, men dont like all of that emotional shifting all of the
time.
I think that women put too much pressure on men to shift as quickly as we do.
Women sit and process problems with each other, saying, He did this; he did
that.
The thing is: the man you are with will shift some and grow some if he is open
to doing it. If he isnt, you have made this choice. You may have to subtly give
13
him hints that you want that change, but you cant bug him to do that; its not
going to work.
When something is going wrong and I want to make changes with my relation-
ship, I have to stop and take a couple of deep breaths and get myself in my
feminine energy, then go to my husband in a loving way. The other way just
doesnt work.
All the ladies reading this can relate to that. If you keep demanding, it feels
more like [being his parent] than [being his lover].
What to Do When the Relationship Breaks Down
Amy: It often becomes a control and power thing. There are a lot of couples out
there who will say bad things about each other to their friends, or they will
argue in public so the other person has to capitulate.
What would you recommend to people who find they are taking their argu-
ments out in public, they are embarrassing one another, and they are finding
their relationship is becoming a power struggle rather than a loving relation-
ship?
Renee: Thats when you need to go get assistance. When you are acting out in front of
other couples or family, it is a call for help.
If one or the other person is acting out like that, it is really [coming out of
a feeling of] disappointment. One of the most common things I hear [from
women] is, He doesnt pay attention to me anymore, and he is bored. The
woman then pulls back, and the man says to me, I give her what she needs; I
pay the bills. What does she expect? They are complaining at each other and
to other people, and it is destroying the fabric and the foundation of the rela-
tionship.
That is a sign that they need a coach. They need somebody who can make
them look honestly at what they want now. Are they willing to take the steps to
give the other person what they need? That is what a real relationship is. If one
person or the other isnt willing to do what it takes to create that and rebuild
that fabric, then they need to decide what they are going to do about it.
Some people get married thinking that they are going to change somebody.
Thats where couples made the wrong choice to begin with. So, when all of
the deep stuff comes up, they have to say, Am I sticking to this commitment
14
and really committed to what I committed to? Or was I committed to some-

thing that I thought I could change from the beginning?
It takes communication and work.
Often, it is good to have an advocate there for both of you. Thats why therapy
is really good. I dont go back into the past with people, though. [You can
have all this history together], and you can be right about [everything that hap-
pened, but that isnt important]. I will sit down with these people and ask both
of them, We know what happened. Are you willing to stick it out, or are you
just going to keep beating the other person up?
[You have to] forgive and move on. You have to work on letting go and seeing
how you contributed to what happened. There are two sides to every fight.
[Now,] if we are talking about a couple thats living together and nagging at
each other for really simple things, that is simple stuff to fix. If you are with
somebody that is abusive or that is unhealthy for you, that is a completely dif-
ferent game.
This is where it all comes down to a persons foundation within themselves.

Thats what is missing in a lot of these love courses: questions like, Who are
you? What do you really want? What are you thinking you deserve? Are you
what you are asking for?
Most people go out and they say He [or she] has got to be this, this, this.
They come to my events, and I look at them and think, Well, what about you?
Are you kind, caring, compassionate, and giving? Are you loving? No, I dont
see that.
I am a very direct coach. If somebody calls me and gives me a bunch of hoo-

ha about a person, I ask them a lot of very hard core questions, so they can
take responsibility for their part in it.
I had a client who was with the wrong guy for six years. She was gorgeous,
fun and outgoing. He was lazy and smoked pot all day, which she didnt find
out till she moved in with him. She would get up at 5:30 a.m. to work out
while he lazed around in bed, watching TV until 10:30.
Her dream vision of snuggling in the morning, getting up, having breakfast,
and working out with him [never happened.] He never paid any attention to
her in the morning.
15
She was so unhappy. The sex got bad, then the communication got bad. They
were pulling away from each other. The only time they ever had sex was on
the weekends, when she stayed in bed with him in the morning. He was mad
because she got up early; she was mad because he wasnt snuggly with her in
the morning.
I worked with him for a long time. He was not the right person for her, and
she was not the right person for him. He hates holidays, is not sentimental,
and never wanted to buy her anything. He used to hand her money on her
birthday and say, Buy what you want. She wanted a card and romance; he
wanted simple. His way of showing love was to give her cash; her way of re-
ceiving love was to get something sentimental.
I kept telling her, There are a lot of other guys out there that will be more
compatible. But she didnt listen. She called me this year towards the holi-
days and said, Hes still doing the same thing. I said, Guess what? He is still
going to be doing the same thing six years from now. Is this what you want?
I said, You need to trust. If you let go of this, there will be someone better,
once you get into your power and say, This isnt what I really want.
How to Accept the Person Youre With
Renee: For couples that are just moving in, things are going to be rocky when you first
move in. You are going to find out the reality of the person. Youre going to
ask, When you are lying around like this? It makes me feel like maybe you are
not really as ambitious as what you said you were.
That doesnt make them wrong. It doesnt make them bad. I used to tell a lot
of my clients, The person that you are living with? They are what they are.
When somebody reveals their truth, you get to see it.
Often, people marry someone they dont even know. Her expectations are that
he is going to be all these things, and his expectations are that she is going to
be this, this and this. When it doesnt turn out that way, they get really an-
noyed.
They dont want to ask for what they need. They think the other person is just
going to automatically know.
So many women say, He should just know. He should have known that I
16
wanted a necklace for Valentines Day. I say, Did you ever open a magazine
and say, I would love to have one of these? Youre not asking him; you are
showing him gently.
You are not saying, Margaret and Bob went for a romantic weekend at the
beach, and what did we do? We lay around watching football. Bitching
doesnt work.
Guys, you need to get with the program and realize that women want you to
call and see how they are doing.
Every woman has a different communication style. What is yours? That is what
I teach.
Everyone needs to know themselves. Then, you can know what the signs are
when you are in a relationship. If its not working out Im not saying to give
up but I am saying to work on the communication.
If you find that your partner isnt willing, it is time for you to take a test. [Out
of 100%], what percentage are you happy and what percentage are you un-
happy?
Then you have to decide whether youre going to stay with that percentage. Is
that really going to work?
Amy: That sounds like what John Gottman teaches. He teaches that you need to have
at least five positive interactions for every negative one, if your relationship is
going to last. If there are more negative experiences going on in the relation-
ship than positive, chances are that it is not going to last, so you should end it
now.
Renee: I really believe that all relationships are a growing experience. Friendships are
[a growing experience], love is [a growing experience], and it isnt always go-
ing to be great.
People see me with my husband and say, You guys are the perfect couple.
Then they ask, Do you ever fight? I say, Absolutely, we do.
But when we fight, I know how and when to have our conversations. I know
how to push his buttons. Most people react and start to vent their feelings right
away, without being sensitive to the vibe.
17
Im really into energy. Im very intuitive, and Im really into reading peoples
energy and body language. Thats why, when you get into the study of the me-
chanics of other people, you can learn just by listening to words that they say
and their body language signals. You can read your partner even before they
are reading themselves.
My husband knows me. I am so blessed: my husband was married twice be-

fore I married him, so he did a lot of work on himself. He went to therapy and
read all these books, so, when I met him, he was already tuned up. He read
my book, Love Mechanics, and said, Ive got you pinned. When I talk, he
understands my terminology.
Why wouldnt a person want to read books? It is a way of educating yourself.

Men would spend hundreds of dollars on sports equipment to learn how to
golf, but the most important technology in the world is to understand women,
and we are complicated.
Amy: Especially when we expect men to read our minds all the time. We dont al-
ways help them out.
Renee: No, we dont.
I was single for a long time, and I really enjoyed being single. I was able to
communicate what I wanted as a single woman. I wasnt interested in getting
married for a while. I didnt want to have kids, because I was running around
the world teaching people.
Once you know who you are and what you need, it is easier. [Its easier] once
you become comfortable and not think that someone else will make you
happy all the time. You are responsible for your own happiness.
So, if someone isnt vibing with you, it doesnt make them wrong; it just means
that they have their own stuff going on. We cant take it so personally when
everything isnt all perky all the time. Its not going to be perfect all the time.
How to Deal with Emotions
Amy: Dealing with emotions is quite important from a gender difference level. Clas-
sically, men are very uncomfortable with displays of emotions. They are not
trained to be so in tune with their emotions as women.
Women are just so in touch with their emotions that we can be high one mo-
18
ment and low the next. We quite freely express what we feel when we want to.
Also, there are cultural nuances about how we express emotions. Some emo-
tions may be considered okay, and others arent. In my family, for example, it
was okay to be angry and it wasnt okay to be sad.
How do you counsel couples when they are having a hard time talking about
feelings? Particularly, how do you help men be able to express their feelings
and be able to listen to a womans feelings, even though he may feel like he is
being drowned in all her emotions?
Renee: As John Gray says, sometimes women are like waves; we go up and down.
When I am working with couples, I like to work with them individually first.
Ive found that once a man has chosen to work with a coach or counselor, they
have a lot to say, but they are afraid to say it in front of the other person.
If couples are having problems, there are a lot of seminars out there and great
teachers around the world.
What I suggest is going through some of those processes by writing. Everyone

has a different communication style, and guys have a hard time expressing
their emotions. A lot of times, if they write it out, or they tape-record how they
feel, [it helps].
Often, when I am doing sessions, I record it so they can hear what they have
said, because they dont remember.
Once they feel safe, men will open up. The reason they dont feel safe with
their mate is because it sounds like gibberish. They dont even hear what you
are saying, because it doesnt even sound like words to them. Its the tone you
use when you sound upset. The voice goes up, and you talk fast. He thinks,
Ive hurt her. Something is wrong. Im bad. Im in trouble. Thats what men
think!
So, when they have somebody else to listen to them, often that will help.
If a guy is into writing it all out, they can do that. When a lot of my clients
wrote down their feelings, I was shocked at some of the stuff that came out.
Body work [helps]. When people are stuck in their emotions, it actually lands
in parts of their body. When youre in a relationship that hasnt been loving for
19
a long time, your whole body shuts down, including your heart and gut. A lot
of people have a lot of stress on their mind, so they dont have any juice left to
work on it.
When you are like that, you need to step away a little bit. I always tell people
to go get body work done, like a massage, or go to someone that knows how
to do emotional releasing work or energy work on your body, so you can open
up your heart again and really discover whether you really want to work on
this or not. If you dont, then you are wasting time.
I know a lot of couples that go [to counseling], and the husband or wife will
just be saying the same thing over and over. They are just not willing to move
forward. Both partners really have to be willing.
I hear both sides, and then I ask them, What would you want this relationship
to be? If it could be anything perfect, what would it look like to you? I get the
vision of what they want it to be.
Then I get them together, after they have done that work, and then I tell each
person what that vision is to each other. Then we make new agreements from
that, not from the past, because you cant live in the past.
You have to decide how much each of you is willing to work on that. Any
change that anyone makes in any decision in their life takes awareness. You
have to look at the way you are looking at it, to see if that is making you happy
or sad. You have to look at a pattern that might be there and then make a deci-
sion about whether you are going to change or stay where you are and wake
up a year later thinking you are in the same spot you were a year ago. Where
do you want to be in a year? Where do you want to be in a week? Where do
you want to be tomorrow?
All of us have imperfections, and we all want love. What are you going to do
to get love? Do you want to pick the same partner that you picked, or are you
going to bail out?
If you bail out without looking at the issues, you are going to get the same per-
son in a different body. I have so many women come to me and say, I picked
the same guy with a different name. I say, There is something in you that
hasnt changed, not them.
So all of us have to look at that.
20
How to Deal with Criticism
Amy: One of the problems that a lot of people experience when they face their own
issues is that relationships are really highly emotional things. This is the person
we have chosen to be with; we have been vulnerable with them and intimate
with them. What do we do when they come back to us and say that there is
something about us that they dont like?
It feels like a slap in the face. It is worse than being rejected by someone you
dont even know, because this is the person who is your partner. When they
criticize you, you often feel like they are rejecting you and withholding love.
How can couples learn to criticize each other in ways that arent as hurtful?
Lets say, for example, they are no longer attracted to each other. One person
may have gained weight and stopped caring about their body, and the other
person isnt physically attracted to them any more. Lets say that one of the
partners even says, I feel like I am no longer in love with you anymore.
How do couples begin to open up these situations and talk about them in a
way that is healing?
Renee: Thats one of the biggest issues that a lot of people face, and it is a very deli-
cate situation, especially the weight thing.
I had a client contact me about a girl that he was living with. In the beginning,
everything was smoking. The sex was great, and everything was great.
Then she had some trauma in her family and started eating and drinking and
gained twenty-five pounds. She completely cut him off. Everything changed.
It is a very sensitive issue, and it needs to be addressed in a very loving way.

Women are extremely sensitive about weight, and so are men. I have a lot
of male clients where it happened the other way: he was a stud when they
got married, and now he is the beer-drinking, pizza-eating slob sitting on the
couch.
It has to do with poor self-esteem issues, deep-seeded insecurities within the

person. The only thing that you can really do is to go to them and use the tech-
nique where you start out with a loving opening and then you talk about the
real issue and then end it lovingly.
21
I literally give people scripts. When they call me about a situation, they say,
What do I do about this? I say, Okay, Steve, this is how you have to ap-
proach it. Then I find out a little bit about the other person. It is individual for
every couple.
So, when a couple has to talk about hard things, I call it the Love Sandwich,
where you put the love on the outside and the real issue in the middle, so the
person doesnt feel beat up when you are telling them something that is very
difficult to tell them. That is an art, and communication of that type does take
practice and coaching.
A lot of people call me and tell me that they have been with this woman, and
she turned psycho after six months. Then the woman will call and say, He
promised this. He did that. In the first romance of the new budding relation-
ship, everything is all flowery, but the issues come up over time.
The only way to get through them is to be loving and to actually bring them
to the surface, and then be loving again and see what happens. If the person
doesnt open up to shifting, then it might be time for you to re-evaluate the
relationship and where you want to take it.
How to Express Love to Your Mate
Amy: Going back to what you said about being loving, lets talk about one other big
place where there is miscommunication, and that is in expressing love.
We both read Dr Gary Chapmans The Five Love Languages, where he says that
we dont always give love the same way that our partner receives it.
For example, lets say the guy thinks he is showing the woman love because he
goes and tunes up her car, gets the milk and takes out the garbage. He thinks,
Right, she should feel very loved, because I wouldnt do this for just anyone.
Whereas the woman is thinking, Look at this guy! All he does is spend time
in his garage. He is even tuning up my car to avoid spending time with me.
He is always finding chores to do to spend time away from me. He must not
love me, because he doesnt want to spend any time with me.
Could you talk a little about miscommunication when it comes to expressing

love?
Renee: Every person has a different love style, depending on if they are kinesthetic,
22
auditory or a visual person.
A lot of guys are visual, and they like to see that a woman is happy about
something. So when he comes in and says, Honey, I just fixed your car! she
looks miserably at him thinking, Great, Im all dressed up and wanted you to
take me out to dinner.
You need to literally ask each other, What would make you happy?
A lot of womens expectations of a guy are very high because of the movies,
stories, and fantasies. We women can influence men. We have the tools, the
feminine energy, the sexual vibes, and the voice tonality to literally lead men
with our love.
If you want a man or a woman to offer you what would work, you need to sub-
tly show them what would make you happy. You could say, I love it when you
fix my car, and it would also be really fun if You would acknowledge him
and appreciate him for the things that he did do, while you are showing him
the other things that you would like.
I do that with my husband all the time. People say, Did you hypnotize him or
something? When you use words in combination with what they call in neu-
rolinguistic programming anchoring, where you touch someone on a certain
part of their body while you are sweetly saying something to him and appre-
ciating him, you can actually anchor feelings of love, appreciation, joy and
passion into someone, and they dont even know what is happening to them. It
is very powerful, and it is a technique that needs to be learned by all couples.
You know when you are first with someone and you touch the back of their
neck and get chills all the way down the back of your neck? That doesnt go
away, but we stop doing it because we think, Oh well, were together now,
whatever. Men dont do that kind of stuff because, once they have us, they
think, I already have her, so I dont have to do all that romance stuff any-
more. But that is not really what works with women.
So women have to do what we did originally to get them interested, which is

get dressed up, smell good, and look really happy to see them instead of say-
ing, Oh, youre home. It is all done with voice, energy, facial expressions,
and a lot of different tools.
Each person has their own set of what works for them and what doesnt. There
is not a generic formula. It is unique to every single person. That is why I can
23
never say, You have to do A, B, C, D and E. I can give them a whole bunch
of different things that they can do, but it is individual for that couple or that
person.
Do inner reflection on what works for you and then learn how to communi-
cate it, like the car thing. He comes in saying, Honey, I just fixed your car!
and she says, Well, you are two hours late for dinner. He comes in and says,
Honey, I just changed your tires and got your car washed, and she says,
Well, you didnt take me to the mall and get that shirt I wanted. You do that
three or four times to a guy, and he isnt going to do anything, because he isnt
getting any appreciation!
The #1 thing that men say, both in the dating world and the married world, is,
She stopped appreciating me.
Thats what men like. They like to feel like they are the man, like they are the
king, and that the woman appreciates them and shows them [her appreciation]
through her body language, her affections, her sexual energy, and her voice
towards them.
It is the same thing on the reverse. If you want more emotions from a man, you
thank him when he talks to you. Say, Honey, I loved it when you talked to me
the other night, as you are rubbing him on his body parts. Then he is think-
ing, Oh, I like this. Im getting rewarded for what I did, not beat up.
Men dont do things unless they are being rewarded for it. Modern women
are ball busters. We need to stop it and go back to our grandmothers day. You
have got to give him appreciation.
He is the king of the castle. Women are like, Stuff that, Im the king of the
castle around here! Im the boss. Whether men know it or not, they still like to
think that they are the king of the castle, even though they may not be.
Top 3 Tips for Using Communication to Build a Stronger Relationship
Amy: Renee, I want to thank you so much for joining us today. It has been such a
great discussion. All you out there need to read it over and over again; there is
so much good stuff in here.
Before we sign off, could you please recap for us? What would be your top
three tips for couples who want to use communication to build a stronger rela-
tionship?
24
Renee: First, all couples should continue to learn about communication skills. Read
up. There are so many people, just like myself, whose lives are dedicated to
help people have the best possible relationship.
Second, look around and see if there are couples in your life or people that
you would want to emulate people that have the kind of love that you seek.
Ask them questions. Guys may not want to do this, but all the great teachers of
the world say to look at people that have what you want and ask them how it
worked.
When you look at great leaders in anything, you read their biographies. Study
and keep up on sex; keep up on how to romance her. There are a lot of amaz-
ing authors and people that dedicate their lives to that. Keep expanding your
soul, keep expanding your mind, and look at how you are in control of your
love life.
Finally, have new adventures together. Try and make it a priority in your life,
and really make it a commitment to each other.
Really look and see that this is the person that you have chosen to be with. If
you are not married, and you are in a relationship thinking that marriage is
going to change it, you need to take another look before you jump into it, be-
cause marriage is a very huge commitment.
If you are married, you need to look at it like, Wow, I did make this commit-
ment. Am I still committed to my commitment? If you are not committed to
the commitment that you made, then you either (1) get together and try and
work it out and make new commitments with a fresh new page or (2) you need
to make some new agreements on how to get out of the relationship in a lov-
ing way so that you can have a new life.
Some people get married when they are nineteen or twenty, and they grow out
of love with each other. There is nothing wrong with that; there is no bad or
good. Just look at and honor the love that you do have [and recognize that]
it just changed form.
Divorce doesnt always mean failure. Divorce means that you are ready to
move to something else.
I think that if every person out there would do the inner work to tune them-
selves up, so that they are in touch with what part they are playing in the rela-
25
tionship, that would really help.
That is why I separate the men and the women. If guys come on my courses,
they can just talk to me about their stuff with women and let other guys hear
what is going on, so that everybody can learn. Its the same with the women.
The women get on and dump all their emotions onto me, without guys go-
ing, Oh, I dont want to hear that. It gives people a safe space to really learn
from each other, so that you can transform your relationships to have what you
want.
Amy: For all you readers out there that want to learn more about Renee and find out
more about the Love Mechanics system, you can visit her website at:
www.MeetYourSweet.com/recommends/lovemechanics
Thanks again, Renee, it has been really lovely having you!
Renee: Its an honor to be here. Im just here to spread the love, and Im really looking
forward to helping anybody out with any of the issues that they have been hav-
ing. I really appreciate you letting me share my words of wisdom. There is so
much more to learn, so keep opening your heart to love, believe in love, and
create the type of love by tuning yourself up first from the inside out.
Amy: Thats it from all of us here at MeetYourSweet.com. Join us again for more
great information on how to change your life, starting today!
26

Communication Secrets PDF

Cargado por

Información del documento

Título original

Derechos de autor

Formatos disponibles

Compartir este documento

Compartir o incrustar documentos

Opciones para compartir

¿Le pareció útil este documento?

¿Este contenido es inapropiado?

Copyright:

Formatos disponibles

Communication Secrets PDF

Cargado por

Copyright:

Formatos disponibles

Communication Secrets

For a Strong Long-Term Relationship

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

All Rights Reserved

Any opinions, findings, conclusions, or recommendations expressed herein are

The information contained in this book is provided as is without warranty of any

No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted or distributed in any form or

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

How Love Mechanics Got Started. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4

How Love Mechanics Works. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5

Understanding Your Own Communication Style . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

How to Deal with Nagging . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

How to Teach Men Communication Skills. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11

How to Get Your Relationship to Change . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

What to Do When the Relationship Breaks Down. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13

How to Accept the Person Youre With. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 14

How to Deal with Emotions. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 17

How to Deal with Criticism. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19

How to Express Love to Your Mate . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 21

Top 3 Tips for Using Communication to Build a Stronger Relationship. 23

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

Amy: Hello, and welcome to MeetYourSweet.com! Im Amy Waterman, and Im

She is a personal empowerment coach, an image consultant and a communi-

Renee: Hi! Im so happy to be here.

How Love Mechanics Got Started

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

Amy: I think women could relate to that, too.

How Love Mechanics Works

It is very important for a person to do an internal tune-up on themselves to

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

Not every person is meant to be married. Not every person is meant to be a

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

Understanding Your Own Communication Style

Different cultures have different communication styles, and different families

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

their [inner] child is having the disagreement, not the adult.

If somebody is complaining to you consistently, like, You never listen, or,

I do what I call Perceptional Positioning. If you were your husband or vice

How to Deal with Nagging

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

When my husband and I moved in together, we moved into a small apartment

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

If you move in with somebody, expecting everything to be perfect, and one

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

has to have communication.

How to Teach Men Communication Skills

Relationships are a co-creation. When I got married, I said, This is a co-cre-

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

How to Get Your Relationship to Change

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

What to Do When the Relationship Breaks Down

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

and really committed to what I committed to? Or was I committed to some-

It takes communication and work.

This is where it all comes down to a persons foundation within themselves.

I am a very direct coach. If somebody calls me and gives me a bunch of hoo-

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

How to Accept the Person Youre With

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

All Rights Reserved 2008 MeetYourSweet.com

My husband knows me. I am so blessed: my husband was married twice be-

Why wouldnt a person want to read books? It is a way of educating yourself.