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wanderers.
explorers. Were
TO:
48. APPENDIX
H eres how things will go bad. And it
will happen.
Incomes are getting lower every year.
This will never stop.
Since 1993, income for people age 18-
35 has gone from $36,000 to $33,000.
This seems like a small amount.
What is reinvention?
FREEDOM
RELATIONSHIPS
COMPETENCE
I WANTED PRAKASH TO BE MY
MENTOR.
THE TAKEAWAY
NO
POWERLESS
Nobody wants to feel powerless. If the
negotiation is not going your way you
can say to them, Sounds like theres
nothing you can do.
This will make them feel powerless.
They will say no to that and now they
will try to do something for you to prove
they are not powerless.
SPECIFIC NUMBERS
MIRROR
SILENCE
LATE-NIGHT FM DJ VOICE
This was a totally new one for me.
In Chriss book, Never Split the
Difference, he talks about how you
have to use your late-night FM DJ
voice when you negotiate to show
people you are solid and serious.
I wasnt sure what that meant. He
showed me. He got his voice about half
an octave deeper and he slowed down a
bit between each word.
I practiced. It worked. It was almost
scary when I listened to Chris.
It brought back memories of my dad
being super serious about punishing me
and I did not want to mess with him.
TERMS AND CONDITIONS
PREPARATION
Dont go crazy over this since you dont
want to over-prepare. But get your
how questions ready. Your no
questions.
List your negatives down on a piece of
paper. Figure out your terms and
conditions in advance.
Do some basic work so when you come
up with specific numbers, you can back
it up.
Make a preparation sheet.
I said to him, You should be a couples
counselor. Thinking of the 10-plus
couples therapists Ive visited in the past
20 years.
Thinking of all the bad negotiations Ive
had in (now ex) relationships. Thinking
of the hardships. The pain.
He laughed. These techniques are good
for all situations really. Thats what I
love about what I do.
I cant even imagine negotiating against
him but he told me one story about
working with his son.
One of his colleagues came to negotiate
something with him. His son was there
also.
They were talking for about an hour
when his son started laughing. Dad!
Dont you see what hes doing? Hes
been mirroring everything youve been
saying for the past hour and you just
keep talking.
Im an assertive person, he said, so
its easy to get me talking. My colleague
was using my own tricks against me.
Even the master can be the student.
The key to success is to approach
everything with humility. To know that
there is always something new to learn
in this surreal art of being human.
I think Im too much of a sucker. Im
afraid every threat is true. And I want to
please everyone. I want people to love
me.
Next time my daughters negotiate with
me Im going to have to call Chris for
coaching.
But maybe I will let them win anyway.
Love will beat me in a negotiation every
time.
B efore I give a talk, I listen to Louis
C.K. Before an interview. Before I
write. Before I see my kids.
I first saw Louis C.K. perform in 1996.
He was great. But sometime in the mid-
2000s, he started to get more honest. I
dont know if thats the right word. I
dont think he was ever dishonest.
But he had a routine that basically was
My kids suck, and he would list all the
reasons why.
I played it for my kids. They were
SHOCKED! My youngest said, Did his
kids hear this? She was afraid for them.
(This was a while ago when my kids
were still younger. Theyre much harder
to shock now.)
I dont know if his kids heard it. It was
true and it was funny and the reason my
kids were shocked was because they
were afraid that if I listened to this then
their secret mission to drive me insane
would be over.
Maybe it opened their eyes a tiny bit
about how rotten little people can be.
And guess what? Big people are pretty
rotten also.
I listen to Louis C.K. not because hes
funny (although it helps) but because
hes right.
Life is hard, and things go wrong, and
we constantly make mistakes and fool
ourselves into thinking we have anything
resembling common sense.
Louis C.K. is uncomfortable and then
hes not. Which is why we laugh.
Laughter has been around since before
language. Mammals would use laughter
to convey that a situation that they first
thought was dangerous turned out not to
be.
That rustle in the bushes? It was just a
breeze. Not a lion.
He points it out. The contradictions in
every day life. The contradictions I see
in my life. The things that were
uncomfortable about.
Guess what? We dont have to be.
Here are some of his thoughts. And
below are some of my interpretations.
I try to be creative.
I bow down and surrender to what I
cant control.
And then at each of these things, I try to
improve 1%which means nothing;
what is the math of gratitude?
But heres the math. Compounding 1% a
day in X, makes X 38 times better in a
year.
Because this 1% gets me in that scary
void of cant. How can I be most
grateful when a business fails? Or
someone sends me hate mail?
How?
I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I
founded my first little motel and called it
the Phoenix.
I knew that whatever I did, I wanted to
be creative and to have freedom. I tell
everyone to write down the two most
important qualities about their calling
and check back with it over the years.
Eventually I felt like what I was doing
was the opposite of creativity and
freedom. And thats when I had that
experience of flat-lining. That was my
bodys way of telling me I had to change.
So I got rid of my hotels.
What if you are sitting in a cubicle and
listening to this and wondering how you
can find that creativity and freedom for
yourself? I asked. It all sounds good
BUT kids, responsibilities, age, etc. you
feel are blocking you?
Then get back to what you loved when
you were younger. Start to brainstorm
how you can bring that even a little bit
into your life now. And a little bit more
the next day. And so on.
Try many things. One thing I realized is
that quantity equals quality. People think
its one or the other but its not. When
you have a quantity of ideas and things
you are trying, you will find quality.
This reminded me of my approach to
exercising my idea muscle. If you write
down 10 ideas a day, you have 3,650
ideas in a year. And maybe one or two
will be good.
After he left, I thought about what I most
wanted to do when I was a kid.
I wanted to be a spy.
On whom? I dont know. I just wanted to
look at other people and follow them
without them knowing. To observe and
learn all of their secrets and then report
back to H.Q.
It would be a little dangerous, I always
thought. But I would survive. And save
the world.
Bit by bit Im doing it. My calling.
[CHRIS HAS A DIFFERENT BUT
EQUALLY VALID, DEFINITION OF PLUS
MINUS ZERO]
Today.
J. WHEN CAN I START DOING X?
Tomorrow.
O. WHAT IF I LIKE SOMETHING
OBSCURE? LIKE BIBLICAL
ARCHAEOLOGY OR 11TH-
CENTURY WARFARE?
What friends?
T. WHAT IF I WANT TO BE AN
ASTRONAUT?
Read B again.
X. WHAT IF I HAVE NO DEGREE OR I
HAVE A USELESS DEGREE?
Read B again.
Y. WHAT IF I HAVE TO FOCUS ON
PAYING DOWN MY DEBT AND
MORTGAGE?
Read R again.
Z. HOW COME I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE
IM ON THE OUTSIDE LOOKING
IN?
Give up.
BB. WHAT IF IM TOO SICK TO
REINVENT?