6 Trait Mini-Lesson: Sentence Fluency

Using complex cumulative sentences like the pros

Preparation:
Good morning PowerPoint slide (includes pre-prepared sentence examples)
Whiteboard/markers
Sentence strips (enough for each group)

What I was thinking:

I understood complex sentences vs simple sentences as a student in Jr. High. But those are really
broad categories for so many types of sentences that are possible for writers to use. I noticed with the
Decatur students that many of their papers use about the same 3 sentence types throughout, and many of
their sentence forms were restricting their ability show instead of tell. As a kind of extension of my
previous showing vs telling lesson, I wanted to give students a formula for putting those images into a
sentence. Too often students can come up with a list of images, but they are unsuccessful at actually
writing them into their papers. Complex cumulative sentences are great for this because it is a string of
listed images that together form the broader idea of the sentence.
After teaching this mini lesson to my classmates, many of them said that they were confused on
what the lesson was about. I decided to add an objectives slide and include the specific terminology
complex cumulative sentences on the slide. I was hesitant to do this the first time because I didnt want
to immediately turn off student interest by throwing large grammar names at them right at the beginning.
But I also reflected on the importance of targeted learning, and I decided that as long as I didnt spend too
much time giving out definitions and transitioned them immediately into their own discovering process,
that that objective might not be too discouraging.

Script:
Good morning everyone! Now its pretty early today so if I could have you all stand up, stretch,
and move around and find a group of 3-4 people you havent worked with so far this year. Be sure to
introduce yourselves if you dont know each others names yet! You have 30 seconds. ready go! (pull
up PowerPoint while students are forming their groups). All right times up, face time please! (flip to
objectives slide) Today we are going to discuss sentence fluency, or how we vary our sentences as writers,
specifically focusing on one type of new sentence called complex-cumulative sentences. (flip to first
example slide).
I am going to read this mentor text example from Mary Oliver to you and I want you to tell me
what you notice about it and why we even bother learning about how to write sentences in a variety of
ways. *reads line.* There is something really powerful in the language here, who can give me some
reasons why? What are the WOW factors in this line that you notice? (let students discuss ie rich imagery,
direct address you, structure emphasizes details of the scene, shows instead of tellswrite these on the
board). Some very good ideas right here. So after reading this sentence, I am wondering, Mary Oliver
could have just written You sat in the corner and daydreamed. Right? But using complex sentences like
this better help to show the reader(points to wall anchor) you remember when we learned about
Showing vs Telling right? Complex cumulative sentences are great because they are essentially a list of
very specific images that create a whole picture for the reader that lead to more powerful and accessible
writing.
Okay as a demonstration of what Im talking about, lets say Im writing a bio on President Dietz.
I read through my paper and I come across these two sentences (writes on board) Larry Dietz walked
across the quad. He was running late. Maybe this is a key point in my paper, perhaps some significant
things in Mr. Dietzs life happen because hes always late so I want to clearly emphasize this point for my
reader. So now I am thinking, (model thinking process) how can I better show Larry Dietz running late?
What does a person running late look like? How can I combine these images like Mary Oliver did? So

first, a person running late might be checking his watch. He might be sweating because hes running so
fast and is nervous about not being on time. He may be dodging other people as he runs across the quad.
So I take these images in my mindchecking his watch, sweating, and dodging studentsand I use the
same sentence structure of listing that Mary Oliver does. My new sentence now looks like this: (writes on
board)
Larry Dietz raced across the quad, dodging students, eyeing the watch around his wrist, sweat
staining his stiff white neck collar.
Notice in my new sentence, I never said Larry Dietz was running late. I didnt need to tell the
reader he was running late because the images I picked show it already in more powerful and clear way.
Okay, so now its your turn to practice Mary Olivers writing secret. I found two more model
sentences that I will leave on the board for your reference. I am going to give you all the same base
sentence: Dr. Seglem spotted me across the room. First individually I want you to think of the same
questions I did in my Laryy Dietz sentence. What is the situation? What are you doing, what is she
doing? What does the setting and situation look like? And finally, how can I combine the images the way
Mary Oliver did? You only have a couple minutes so spend your time wisely, Ill come around if you
have any questions.
All right! Now I want you to share the sentences you came up with in your groups and decide
either to combine some sentences or pick the one you like the most. Im giving you all about five minutes
for this one. I want you to really focus on the specific images and the form that Mary Oliver used to create
her complex cumulative sentence.
(pass out sentence strips and have students write their sentences on them and tape them to the
board. Have students read their sentences out loud and discuss whether or not the form is correct and the
images are specific enough).

If we are writing something that is important to us or to the world, we want our writing to be as
powerful as possible. We want WOW sentences that really resonate with our readers. You all have proven
you have the ability to write great complex cumulative sentences just like professional writers. For the rest
of class I want you to go back through your soundtrack drafts and pick one sentence or combination of
sentences that you could brainstorm images for and turn it into a complex cumulative sentence! Ill be
around to help!

Resources:
Mentor text examples included in PowerPoint:
You could have stayed there forever, a small child in a corner, on the last raft of hay, dazzled by
so much space that seemed empty, but wasnt.
Mary Oliver The Leaf and the Cloud
Then each house was a mumbling structure, buildings peeling apart, the yellow foam, the
contaminated drawl of mildew, mold.
Claudia Rankine Citizen
Tom Riddle hit the floor with a mundane finality, his body feeble and shrunken, the white hands
empty, the snakelike face vacant and unknowing.
J.K. Rowling Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets