Distraction

Step away from your current emotions

-Go for a walk, bike ride or drive, especially if youll see some calming scenery on the way
-Watch a TV show or a movie
-Read something light and/or funny.
-Go to the gym. Make sure that your workout isnt boring, though,
because monotonous workouts can be a breeding ground for escalating ideation. Try a class
or else pump upbeat music and tire yourself out.
-Listen to music. I have a playlist specifically for laying listlessly on my bed and one for
favorite songs that perk me up.
-Intellectual pursuits: Immerse yourself in a favorite project. Read about something that you
find fascinating. Jump from wikipedia entry to wikipedia entry (or trope to trope). Make
logophilia lists of cool words that you want to commit to memory. Learn some
fucking German!
-Organize or decorate your room. Throw out old papers. Go through your clothes to see what
fits and what you want to get rid of.
-Play an instrument, discover new music online, or sing along to a power ballad. Soundcloud
has a bunch of tracks by independent artists for you to listen to (and in some cases, download
for free). And tumtaster is great for saving mp3s found on tumblr. I often go hunting through
the tags for new musicians that Im starting to get into.
-Plan for (or fantasize about) the future. Think about goals, visions, anything you want to
incorporate into your life at some point in the future. Research dream colleges, jobs or grad
schools.
Self-Soothing
Introduce new, pleasant emotions to replace the bad ones
-Take deep, intentional breaths
-Self-groom: shower, shave, floss, style your hair, etc. Doing kind things to your body sends
yourself the message that you are lovable and worthy.
-Take a bath. Incorporate as many senses as possible: warm water, nice-smelling oils, music
(or just the quiet whooosh of the bath itself), even some strawberries

-Cry. Fucking sob. Its awesome and endorphins-releasing (probably). People generally feel
much better after a totally self-indulgent cry.
-Write in a journal. It can be on paper, on a word document, or even on a website like tumblr
or dreamwidth. You can publish it or make sure it never sees the light of day. Free write
about anything that comes to mind. Pay as little attention to the mechanisms of style
or coherence as possible.
-Practice self-care by the senses (written by Tuesday, one of the mods here)
-Do something that will make your life easier these next few days or weeks. Reply to emails
that have been pilling up in your inbox or do your laundry.
-Try these excellent grounding exercises from Pandoras Project, if applicable.
-Find poetry that speaks to you. Repeat it in your head again and again. I particularly
recommend We are Hard on Each Other and You Fit into Me by Margaret Atwood.
Gwendolyn Brooks has some amazing stuff too, as do Richard Siken and Lucille Clifton.
-Do kind things for others. Send nice notes/texts/messages, run an errand for a friend,
volunteer to help out in your community.
-Think about what you would say to a friend who was in your position. Would you call them
worthless or broken? Would you tell them that they should go ahead with destructive
behavior or that things will never get better for them? Probably not. It can be easier to show
kindness and love to a hypothetical person than to yourself. Think about what you would
want for someone else in your situation. Then do that.
Buy Yourself More Time:
While major problems rarely work themselves out on their own, acute feelings of crisis often
do. Taking time off from dealing with a stressful situation or making a potentially selfdestructive decision will often help you calm down.
-Give yourself a time-frame. For example, if youre too angry/paranoid to think clearly you
can say I wont make any decisions about this relationship today. This also works well with
suicidal ideation: all Im going to ask of myself right now is that I make it through tonight.
-Go to sleep (really!). Its very, very common for a borderline person to go to sleep angry,
despondent, or even suicidal and wake up feeling fine.
-If a situation is really triggering some bad things for you, step away from it if at all possible.
Ask for an extension on the paper, step out of the room, turn off the computer, etc. At one
point in a really [really] bad relationship, I actually wound up asking someone if we could
postpone a fight for a few days so that I could finish my college applications. Some situations
require immediate action, but whenever its possible, taking a few days to get some
perspective and regain stability can be great.

Interpersonal Grounding:
For many people, dysphoric episodes are triggered or made worse by being alone. Making
contact with other people can be a huge help.
-Reach out to a friend, partner or family member
-Post to your tumblr asking people to send you messages. You can specify if you dont have
the energy to respond or if you dont want people to ask whats wrong/offer advice.
-If you want to vent or get validation about something specific, you can post a request on
your tumblr saying can someone who has experienced [thing] email me? It can be good to
talk to one or two people who know what youre going through.
-Call a suicide hotline (1-800-273-8255 in the US) or use crisischat online.
-Participate in some kind of forum or IRC chat thats relevant to one of your interests (FYBP
has a channel of our own, just saying).
-Simulate interpersonal interactions. Write letters, re-read old IM conversationseven
watching a TV show with characters youre familiar with or reading an advice column can
make you feel better.
Long-Term Strategies:
-Do away with sources of significant stress or upsetment. Be they a toxic relationship, an
overly-demanding job, a triggering volunteer project, something you havent come to accept
about yourself, or even your location, external factors can often make your experiences of
intense, episodic dysphoria much worse and much more frequent. If youre finding that
some things about your life now are triggering these feelings often, it can be very helpful for
you to cut back on them or get rid of them entirely, if youre able.
-Take care of your health as best you can. Physical discomfort often magnifies mental
distress, so the more you can do to feel good in your body, the better. Some things to try
include exercising regularly, keeping a steady sleep schedule, and finding/taking the right
medication(/s).
-Set realistic, flexible, and constructive goals. Before you do this, take an inventory of the
goals and self-promises youve made before. What worked? What was terrible? What do you
want to accomplish, and how can you lovingly hold yourself accountable for accomplishing
it? For example, I have a lot of lofty academic ambitions and a lot of equally lofty healthrelated ambitions (like brush your fucking teeth today, which I just did(!!!)). I find that my
most motivating goals are process-focused and not results-focused. I would do better to say
my goal is to work on this paper for at least twenty minutes a day instead of my goal is to
get an A. Working on your goals can be a source of self-esteem and consistency. Its a way
of being your own ally and feeling the control you have over your own actions and life. These

goals should make you feel better, not worse. Avoid the temptation to punish yourself for
falling short at all costs. AT ALL COSTS.

Grounding is a way of helping yourself cope with stressful periods in you life. While the
intrusive symptoms of traumatic stress like flashbacks, memories, and upsetting thoughts
cannot always be stopped, you can learn techniques that will minimize their impact.
Grounding techniques can help you regain a sense of safety and control in your life. They can
help you anchor yourself in the here and now and keep you from getting lost in the past.
Below you will find a description of several grounding techniques.** One (or more) of these
techniques is likely to suit you better than the others. Choose the technique that you would
like to focus on and practice it regularly, especially when you are feeling well. If you become
good at using the technique during non-crisis times, you will be better equipped to use it
when you are in crisis.
Seated Grounded Posture: This is a posture in which both feet are on the floor and your
spine is straight, but not rigidly so. In this posture, you are actively aware of your bodys
existence and its connection to the ground. Your legs should be uncrossed this allows the
flow of energy to pass freely through the body. Your hands may be resting on your thighs or
on the arms of the chair. Your head is held high. Notice the way your body rests in the chair;
notice the way your feet are resting on the ground. This is a posture that can allow you to feel
both strong and at ease.
Mindful Walking: Walk carefully, mindfully around the room. Mindful walking can be slow
or brisk. The goal is to be fully present with each step as you take it. Bring your attention to
the actual sensations of walking. Notice how the heel, then the ball of your foot makes
contact with the floor as you walk. Notice the bend in your knees, the flex in your toes, the
shift in your weight with each step you take. When your attention wanders, bring it back to
your walking. Center yourself in your body and be present in the moment. Count ten steps,
and ten more, and ten more, until you feel calmed.
Writing / Saying Grounding Statements: Develop several grounding statements that
remind you that you are safe and provide you with comfort. You may want to write the
statements on a small piece of paper or flashcard and carry them around in your wallet. You
may want to write the statement on a larger piece of paper that you will hang on a wall in
your home. Write your statements in a color that represents safety and strength to you. You
can say the statements out loud, or simply read or think them. Examples of grounding
statements include:
- This feeling will soon pass.
- You are no longer a child. You are an adult now, and you are safe.
- You are strong; you are safe now.
Develop your own grounding statements, ones that have special meaning for you.
Grounding Through Breathing: The breath serves wonderfully as a focus for your
attention. Think of it as an anchor that holds you in the present moment and guides you back
to the here and now when your mind wanders to the past. By bringing awareness to your

breathing, you are reminding yourself that you are here now. Breathe in and attend to the
feeling of breathing in; breathe out and attend to the feeling of breathing out. You may want
to focus on the air coming in and out of your nostrils or on your abdomen expanding and
contracting as you breathe. You may want to count ten breaths on the exhale, and keep
counting groups of ten breaths until you feel calmed. You may also want to use calming,
grounding statements as you breathe, like:
- Inhaling, I am breathing in calm. or I am breathing in good energy.
- Exhaling, I am breathing out anxiety, or I am breathing out bad energy, or I am safe.
Other Grounding Techniques
- Dance and/or sing to a song that makes you feel good.
- Stamp your feet. Feel the power in your legs.
- Visual grounding
* Make eye contact with a safe person.
* Scan the room to remind yourself that you are here now.
* Dont direct your gaze downward: Look up, look out, look around.
- Hold, look at, listen to and/or smell a grounding object. Grounding objects may be
distinguished by their smell, shape, weight, sound, or texture. Any object that comforts you,
that helps you to remember that you are in the present, rather than the past, can be a
grounding object. Some examples are:
* A smooth stone that youve found on the beach
* A bell that, when you ring it, has a soothing sound
* A piece of sandpaper with a course texture
* A photograph of a beautiful scene or of loved ones
* A small vial of a pleasant fragrance
* A piece of jewelry, like a ring or bracelet
* A picture that youve drawn of a scene that represents safety and comfort.
You may want to hold, look at, smell, listen to your grounding object while engaged in one of
the other grounding techniques. For example, you can hold your stone while repeating your
grounding statements, while walking mindfully, or while doing grounding breathing. This
way, you strengthen the grounding properties of your grounding object because it becomes
associated with other experiences of comfort and safety. If your grounding object is small
enough, you can carry it with you wherever you go. Knowing that you have access to a small
oasis of calm and comfort right there can help.