Hamlet part! n for dinner fuck you you’re not sorry at all okay uuuuughhh you dont get it idont want one if theres the little crunchy things in it no the little crunchy things NO THE LITTLE CRUNCHY THINGS yeah bring two ifi dont die i want one for later dont come in though im working on something and i dont want you to look at it so just leave them by the door Virginia Woolf OH MY GOD MUM WHAT DID ISAY I NEED TO WRITE FICTION I NEEDED MONEY ANDI NEED A ROOM OF MY OWN NOT A ROOM YOU COME INTO WHENI’M GONE AND CLEAN UP AND REARRANGE EVERYTHING AND GO THROUGH MY STUFF THIS IS MY ROOM STAY OUT IKNOW YOU’VE BEEN READING MY JOURNALS UNDER THE GUISE OF “TIDYING UP” SO GUESS WHAT MY FICTION IS THAT YOU’RE AN UTTER BITCH TIDY THAT UP Hamlet part |! Wuthering Heights god ilove you cathy ilove you too ilove you so much god it hurts how much ilove you ilove you so much let’s break each other’s hearts -“" “oh my godlet’s | ilove you so muchi’m going to marry edgar ilove you so much i’m going to run away ( ilove you so muchi’m going _ tomake myself sick good good that’s so much love Glove youcomeuchiin coins to sersicieasainn just out of spite ‘ill forget how to breathe Pll be your slave “?llpinch yourheart and hand ~ _itback to you dead Pll lie down with my soul already in its grave ‘?lldamn myself with your tears | ilove you so much i’ll come back and marry your sister-in-law godyes_ and i'll bankroll your brother’s alcoholism -ialways hoped you would uuuuuuugh do you know who i hate? “everyone?” EVERYONE :):):) ilove youSO MUCH im going to write your name all over my books and then | \ ! < _ ?mgoing to have someone — | else’s baby and then DIE yes cathy yes that’s perfect i’m going to kidnap your daughter someday andi won’t let your nephew learn how toread because of how muchilove you and scream at your grave and i’ll rent your room out to some guy from London _ oh my god thank you thank you so much i’m going to love you so much ibecomea ghost i’m so glad to hear that i was hoping you’d say that ‘but i'm never going to haunt you _ just that guy who’s visiting from london that sounds perfect i’m so excited to hear him tell me about what your ghost looks like _ohmy god _ what are you going to scream at my grave oh man what aren’t i going to scream at your grave ill scream everything i'll scream at your soul i'll scream about what a bitch you were “iam so excited iam going to just ruin heaven with my screaming back at you that is so sweet of you to do that - plljust murder everyone’s heart _ ihope your ghost drives me crazy :) Gi love you like how rocks love forests ) itotally know what you mean “ilove you like ilove the | _ inside of my own brain ‘, oh my god that’s so much love “iknooooow _ do you want to make out right now god no i want to wait until you’re dead and then rip up the earth over your grave and crawl inside Hamlet part II! they had the little crunchy things in them you didnt no iate them anyway they were okay i guess i guess i dont mind the little crunchy things that much ) tell her im not here yes im busy im working on my project DON’T COME IN MY ROOM Jane Eyre JANE MY LITTLE SUNBEAM WHERE ARE YOU INEED YOU BY MY SIDE I’m taking a walk be back for dinner AH YES MY CAGED SPRITE COMMUNE WITH NATURE AND UPON YOUR RETURN RELATE TO ME THE VAGRANT GLORIES OF THE RUINED WOODS do you really want me to describe my walk to you MORE THAN ANYTHING YOU POCKET WITCH itis fairly cloudy out looks like rain soon AHHH TO THINK THAT MY LITTLE STARLING JANE SHOULD RETURN TO PERCH ON MY BROKEN MALFORMED SHOULDER SINGING A SONG OF THE GREY AND WRACKING SKIES MAKES MY HEART SWELL TO BURST all right eee JANE JANEI BOUGHT YOU A DRESS MADE OF TEN THOUSAND PEARLS AS A BRIDAL PRESENT where on earth would I wear that YOU COULD WEAR IT ON THE MOON that seems impractical how would i even breathe on the moon? I WOULD BREATHE FOR YOU MY JANE JANE WHERE HAVE YOU GONE 1AM BEREFT AND WITHOUT MY JANE ISHALL SINK INTO ROGUERY iam with my cousins WHICH COUSIN IS IT THE SEXY ONE Please don’t try to talk to me again IT IS YOUR SEXY COUSIN “ST JOHN” WHAT KIND OF A NAMEIS ST JOHN I’m not going to answer that IKNEWIT DID YOU LEAVE BECAUSE OF MY ATTIC WIFE IS THAT WHAT THIS IS ABOUT yes Absolutely BECAUSE MY HOUSE IN FRANCE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE AN ATTIC IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WERE WORRIED ABOUT IT HAS A CELLAR THOUGH SO YOU KNOW DON’T CROSS ME HAHAI’M ONLY JOKING eee [hope you’re packed for India already I’m not going to India with you, St John That’s not what these TWO TICKETS TO INDIA say You know I don’t want to marry you Why don’t you marry Rosamond instead? Take her with you Marry her? MARRY HER? Don’t be ridiculous I’mattracted to her That’s disgusting You are disgusting, Jane eee So you're really not coming then I’m really not I would be an amazing husband you know that? Iknow I taught you Hindi and everything That’s basically the same as getting engaged for missionaries And I really appreciate that It will be terribly useful in my career as an English governess See? That There. that is exactly the kind of tone] mean One round of cholera in the tropics would sear that sarcasm right out of you guess I really missed out Guess so Hamlet part IV they’re not my real friends if they were really my friends theyd leave me alone first of all she’s not my girlfriend second of all denmark is a PRISON stop telling me what todo you're a fascist everything is such bullshit men women animals the sky you such bullshit Harry Potter I’m serious, Ron lolllno there’s no way a “higgs boson” is a real thing Itis real! It’s very important It’s an elementary particle what does it do then Well it’s a particle and it sort of involves multiple identical particles to exist in the same state and place like magic No, not like magic not like magic at all like science haha what is science though Ron. im serious idon’t know what it is also what is maths ikeep hearing about it but no one can explain what it is to me Maths is a field of study It’s short for mathematics It’s concerned with quantity and structure and space hermione I dont even know how totip at arestaurant idont even know how to do percentals Percentages idont know that either Oh, Ron. also whats a credit card because i keep getting offers for them in the mail are they magic too? No No, honey, credit cards aren’t magic because ive signed up for six or nine of them does six come before or after nine Ron you haven't used them yet have you all you have to dois give the card toashopkeeper and they swipe it over a little machine and then they give you things it’s wicked Ron promise me you won’t use your credit cards again well I won't but I gave some of them to this Nigerian man or gave the numbers of them to him the other day so he might use them, I dunno you did what he’s a prince, Hermione! areal prince well he was a prince he’s in alittle trouble right now but I fixed it with a few of my credit cards so he’s all right now Oh, my God i thought youd be proud of me:) Hamiet part V hes not my real dad why do you even like him King Lear oh my god how much DON’T Ilove you is a better question ilove you like ilove eyes or outer space or standing up or even this question ahhhh that’s so much haha oh my god thank you ihope you didn’t think i was saying that just to get a kingdom oh actually that would not work for me we're redoing a lot of the rooms right now i’m so sorry!!! whois this stop texting this number leave me alone ididn’t steal it he’s in the shower if you must know if it’s so pathetic then why is he here showering with me instead of there showering with you just leave him alone shut up oh guess what edmund came out of the shower he says he loves me and we’re getting married and he’s going to murder my husband so can’t talk gotta go bye!!! nope he’s killing my husband right now oh my god there’s so much blood we're going to have to take another shower after all this husband murdering byyyyye allright yeah that would be jail with my dad so much better than moving to France with my powerful new husband yeah wow oh okay yes sure let me just tell my husband that I’m running off to jail with my dad forever it might take a little while things are pretty crazy around here right now