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(This is no doubt going to piss some people off. Oh, well. Isnt that what Tuesdays
are for?)
Ive adhered to many of these rules for a while now, and I figured they were
common knowledge. But the more I travel, the more I realize that they most
certainly arent. So please forgive the obviousness of some of these edicts, but
they must be stated. And with that, I give you the Ten Commandments of Air
Travel:
1. Thou shalt do all thou can to hold in thous farts. If thou really cant contain
thine own flatulence, thou canst either get up and release it in the bathroom,
or at the very least turn on thy little overhead fan thingy.
2. When other people are trying to sleep, and thou has a window seat, thy little
plastic curtain shalt be lowered so that the blinding light of the sun does not
shine directly in the faces of other passengers.
Thou should not do as this man hath done.
3. Thou should store only one bag directly above in the overhead compartment,
and the other bag should be placed underneath the seat in front of thou. Im
sorry if that gets in the way of thine legroom, but those are the rules. Thou
should have thought about that before lugging all of thine crap onto the plane
as carry-on luggage.
4. Thou shalt be forgiving and patient with crying babies, for they are in pain and
in need of sympathy. (Thou can totally feel free to get angry at any of the
following: bratty children who art old enough to know better, drunken frat
boys, and anyone who speaketh so loudly, they can be heard from more than
three rows away).
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5. Thou shalt not bring really stinky food onto the plane, if thou can help it. I
understand that thou is hungry, but that stuff is going to stink up the cabin for
the next three hours. Seriously. I dont know how thou can eat that stuff.
Thy food is odoriferous.
6. Flight attendants are not thine own personal slaves. They should be treated
with respect and kindness because they work really damn hard and dont need
thou giving them a hard time or hitting on them.
7. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors arm rest. Unless, of course, thou is seated
in the unholy and accursed middle seat, at which point thou gets to use both
armrests, because thats only fair.
Also, thou should keep thy unkempt toes to thyself.
8. If thou hast an aisle seat, thou shalt get up without complaint when others in
thine row need to pee.
9. Thou should really be able to lift thine carry-on into the overhead compartment
by thyself. If thou really needs help with that sort of thing, perhaps thou should
have packed more lightly.
10.Thou shalt not kill.
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Thou shalt not expect to find things as thou hast at home, for thou hast left
home to find things different.
Thou shalt not take anything too seriously, for a carefree mind is the start of a
good holiday.
Thou shalt not let other travelers get on thy nerves, for thou hast paid good
money to enjoy thyself.
Remember to take half as many clothes as thou thinkest and twice the
money.
Know at all times where thy passport is, for a person without a passport is a
person without a country.
Remember that if we had been expected to stay in one place, we would have
been created with roots.
Thou shalt not worry, for he that worrieth hath no pleasure, and few things
are THAT fatal.
Remember, in Rome, be prepared to do somewhat as the Romans do.
Thou shalt not judge the people of the country by the person who hath given
thee trouble.
Remember, thou are a guest in other lands and he that treats his host with
respect shall be honored.
Discourage fellow volunteers (and even paid staff) from imparting "secrets" to you
that are damaging to other volunteers. Be your own person. Belong to no cliques.
Don't load yourself with other people's baggage.
9. NEVER THREATEN TO QUIT
without actually quitting. A threat to quit is valueless the second time you utter it.
Unless you stood by that threat the first time, you will become marked as the kind
of insecure person who uses threats as a ploy to get their own way.
10. SHARE YOUR KNOWLEDGE.
Above all, teach another volunteer as much about your job as you can, so that if
anything happens to you, the organization or the event is not left in the lurch.
7. Respect your roommate's privacy. Always knock before entering the room; you'll
be glad you didn't walk right in (God forbid someone's naked).
8. I understand most college students have raging hormones, but "sexiling" is only
acceptable when you give your roommate 48 hours notice. Asking permission after
that is the preferred alternative. Asking nicely is even better: say something like, "I
would be so grateful if you let me have the room tonight! I'll even buy you (insert
favorite indulgence here)."
9. Chill out, yo! Being the patient roommate is great because you don't get blamed
for "freaking out" about the little things, especially when things don't go as
planned. Always try to be thoughtful, generous and sociable. Good things come to
those who wait.
10. Quiet hours exist for a reason, so be silent. Avoid nocturnal din before an exam
or when residents are trying to sleep. Lower your music and do not yell in halls.