Aikido and Conflict Resolution

by Judith Warner
(This material is adapted from an article published in Aikido Today . The
author, Judith Warner, is an instructor for Aikido Kokikai Rochester and has
been involved in the field of conflict resolution for the past ten years. She
works with Thomas Crum, author of The Magic of Conflict, and co-authored
Your Conflict Cookbook with Mr. Crum. Their company, Aiki Works, Inc., uses
principles and movements from the martial arts of Aikido and Tai Chi Chuan
to teach conflict resolution.)

Conflict. It surrounds us and is as natural as sunrise and sunset. Yet many of us react
to its presence with aggression, denial, or resistance. These are the knee-jerk
responses that we learned watching our parents, who watched their parents, or by
watching our buddies in the school yard, or even watching Rambo and John Wayne
movies. None of these responses really work. Have you ever truly solved a problem
by yelling at someone? Think of the last time you got frustrated with your spouse over
the monthly credit card statement. And did it ever work as a teenager when you and
your parents stuck to your positions on the use of family car rather than discussing
each other's needs? Yet, we repeat these same knee-jerk responses, day-after-day,
year-after-year.
Over the past ten years, I have been involved in countless conflict resolution
programs, helping people to deal with their dysfunctional problem-solving ways. In all
of these programs, Aikido has provided a base that helps people to examine and
change their ways of dealing with stress and conflict. Without my Aikido training, my
work in conflict resolution would be ineffective. This article explains how my company
uses Aikido in its programs. I hope that it will give you some insights into how you can
apply Aikido principles in your own life.

Basics of Conflict Resolution

The reasons why we react to conflict so often with aggression, denial, or resistance is
because we see conflict as negative and a contest. These are myths. Conflict is not
negative, it simply is a natural fact of living in an increasingly complex society where
we are all running about trying to get our jobs done and live out our lives. What we do
with conflict as it happens, how we respond, can be negative. You can probably think
of hundreds of images of negative responses to conflict - fist fights, massacres,
verbal retorts. However, there are also many positive responses - the women's peace
movement in Northern Ireland, a community garden at the site of a riot - where the
adversarial, or contest, aspect of conflict is missing. There is no winner and no loser.

When we do not view conflict as a win/lose contest, we can create win/win solutions.
For this to happen, three basic conditions have to exist: acknowledgment,

acceptance and adaptability (ADMITIR, ACEPTAR Y ADAPTAR) - the

"3 A's" of conflict resolution. Parties to a conflict must acknowledge its existence rather than trying to avoid or deny it, accept their involvement, appreciate the feelings
and viewpoints of all parties to the problem - without making judgments, and be open
to new ideas that might lead to solutions.

ARMAR SIMILITUD CON TECNICAS DE AIKIDO

VER SOFT AIKIDO 3D
Aikido's Potential Contribution to Conflict Resolution
These "3 A's" are readily seen and experienced in the art of Aikido. Every time
Aikidoka get on the mat, we are reminded that resistance, tension and aggression are
not the most powerful, nor the most effective, responses to conflict. It is only when we
are relax and move fluidly from center that we are most successful in our technique.
The heart of Aikido is about acknowledging, accepting, and working with an uke's
energy, being willing to adapt and change as necessary.
This is readily seen in an Aikido demonstration. The visual portrayal of harmony and
control without harm in a demonstration helps on-lookers to visualize how they might
handle their own conflicts, as parents, spouses, or team members. Traditionally,
Westerners have had a tendency to articulate too much, to be too digital-auditory, to
be too much in the brain, in the mind, in the intellect. When we do more than just
lecture on how to resolve conflict, more people get the message.
The power of Aikido in teaching conflict resolution increases even more with
participant involvement. In my company's corporate programs, we often hear
comments during a demo like, "It seems so effortless, are you really doing anything?
He (the uke) must be letting you throw him." So, if someone from the audience
volunteers, we have the person try a shoulder grab and experience the power of a
nikyo hold. His or her affirmation of the power of the seemingly effortless technique
intrigues and opens others in the audience to examine some new paradigms. We
also have everyone get involved in partnering exercises on concepts such as onepoint, the mind/body state that allows the Aikidoka to remain calm, aware, and
execute technique under pressure of attack.

The Value of One-Point

It is easy in the conflict resolution field to focus on communication techniques and

conflict resolution strategies. These pieces are essential but teaching them without
addressing the mind/body aspect of conflict resolution limits their effectiveness. For
example, are you more likely to draw upon your training in communication methods if
you are uncentered, tense, and agitated, or centered, calm and relaxed?
The principle of one-point, or center, in Aikido is a direct, simple way to introduce the
optimal mind/body state for conflict resolution - relaxed, aware, able to focus.
Everyone experiences this state at certain times in their lives - during a peak
performance, or at a special moment, such as a wedding, giving birth, or graduating
from school. The learning is that it is our choice everyday, every moment to be
centered. The challenge is chosing this state of being under stress. If we do so, we
are better able to handle conflict.

The Use of Basic Aikido Movements

Learning some of Aikido's natural responses helps people absorb conflict resolution
principles at a physical level, in the body. They can then apply the principles to nonphysical situations. For example, in South Africa, a colleague has been doing
programs in the gold mines with management and labor. When his clients
experienced the distinction between confrontation and working with an opponent at a
physical level, the metaphoric light bulbs began to go on. Their willingness to
consider new ways of working together on issues increased.
Aikido is rich in movements that can be used for this purpose, for example, a simple
shoulder grab. If you grab someone on the shoulder, his tendency is to react, to hold
his ground, and perhaps to grab at your hand. This, of course, makes him less stable
and more vulnerable to additional attacks from you for his focus is on the grab, not on
the rest of you. Our workshop participants work with a partner on this simple move,
imagining the grab as a non-physical attack in their lives - perhaps a retort from a
child or a fellow worker. They notice their internal response as they are grabbed increased tension, rapid breathing or maybe holding their breath, etc. Next they play
with the simple alternative of stepping aside, drawing their shoulder just out of reach
of the attacker, so their partner loses balance in grabbing for them. The participants
receive the immediate physiological and mental feedback that by stepping off line of
an attack, tension dissipates, they are still in balance, and their attacker is no longer
in a position to continue attacking. They are able to make a distinction between
stepping aside with awareness of the source of the attack and running away or
ducking the attacker's punch or grab. They experience the power of acknowledging
the attacker (one of the "3 A's") at a very simple, but profound, level.
The use of Aikido in teaching of conflict resolution whets people's appetites to
experiment with new ways of handling their problems. Once they have discovered
that there is a way for them to be powerful and nurturing at the same time, they want
to learn. Some begin training in Aikido. Others pursue mind/body disciplines such as
T'ai Chi, or begin to meditate, giving themselves daily training in centering. Whatever

their choice, they walk away with the knowledge that they have more options to
consider in handling their conflicts than they realized they had before.
Of course, the same off-the-mat applications hold true for practicing Aikidoka. If an
Aikidoist catches one point before beginning to discuss a problem with a child, boss,
or parent, the likelihood is that the discussion will go better. What is wonderful for
Aikidoka is that the opportunity to develop these conflict resolution skills is present at
every practice. Every technique on the mat is a chance to develop one-point, to play
with a metaphor for a personal issue. As long as we stay challenged and aware in our
practice, we are growing in our ability to deal with stress and conflict off the mat. I
wonder - how many of us appreciate this aspect of our practice? It never ceases to
amaze me how true the adage is that we never fully appreciate something sitting in
our own backyard. There is so much questing these days for stress management,
personal growth, relationship building. For Aikidoka, the basics for enhancing these
aspects of life are there on the mat in our daily practice. The gift is simply there for
the taking.

UNBENDABLE ARM
The classic (yet always impressive) Cool Ki Trick.
(Don't miss out on our strange interactive demo of this Cool Ki Trick!
Download the Shockwave plug-in to see it.)

What Happens.
Someone tries to bend your arm when it's stiff, and succeeds. But when
your arm is very relaxed, it becomes impossible to bend. This feels very
strange. And it's probably one of the best first ways to get a feeling for
the correct mind/body state. We try to always teach this to beginners
the very first time they come to Aikido class. I remember coming home
after my first class and trying to show this idea to my wife. I couldn't do
it, but she could. It bugged me for weeks.

How To Do It.
1. Hold your arm out horizontally, make a fist, and tighten all the muscles in
your arm. Now have someone put one hand on top of your elbow, and the
other hand under your wrist.
2. Have your friend try to bend your arm. If he's about as strong as you or
stronger, he should succeed.
3. Now, hold your arm out (again, with just a slight bend at the elbow), and
relax all the muscles in your arm. Let your wrist dangle comfortably. Use
just enough muscle to keep your arm in the air.
4. Look ahead in the direction your arm is pointing. Feel as though your arm
extends out from you hundreds of feet. Imagine reaching and touching a
tree or building that is a long distance away.
5. Maintain this feeling, and have your friend try to bend your arm again.

Tips.

When you're first learning this - and all - Cool Ki Tricks, you and your
friends should really try to help each other out. You need to try to help each
other catch the right feeling. So don't try to bend each other's arms with all
your might - at least initially.

Different visualizations work better for different people. Try thinking of your
arm as a fire hose, and water shooting out of it. Or, think of yourself as
being extremely thirsty and reaching all the way across the room for a cold
drink. Or, just extend your arm and keep One-Point.

Don't make your arm completely straight. Put a slight bend in your elbow.
And orient your arm so that the thumb side of your hand is up. Remember:
Elbows only bend one way! Be careful no one tries to bend your arm a
direction it wasn't intended to go.

Try not to get distracted by the person attempting to bend your arm. Just
keep your eyes forward, and maintain the image of your arm being very
long.

There's one thing more impressive than showing people you can do
unbendable arm. And that's showing them they can do unbendable arm.
Have a friend first make her arm very stiff and try to bend it. (With some
people, you won't be able to. But that's okay.) Then have her relax and
encourage her to feel as though her arm reaches out for hundreds of miles.
Then test her arm again. This is a real good way to get people to stop
thinking you're weird and join you in your mind/body training.

"So, what did I just learn?"

The unbendable arm exercise shows you the power of relaxation and positive
thinking. The more you relax your arm, the harder it will be to bend. Of course,
you can't just let your arm be limp. You've got to maintain the image of your arm
being very long, too. This is the positive thinking part. Relax and believe.

Aikido and Business

by Mike Lewis
"Oh no, not another staff meeting! " is your first response to the note on your email. Then you get that familiar knot in your stomach and the little guy with the
hammer starts tapping in your head; just behind your eyes. Its Thursday and the
meeting won't be until next Wednesday; six nights of restless sleep, and a
weekend to worry about who will say what about which project.
You talk to other members of your team; each one beginning to fight their own little
demons. The CYA (cover your a-- ) process begins; "If I did XYZ, then everything
would be allright" Then the blaming process; "If you had done XYZ, then we
wouldn't be in trouble." Then the judgment; "If those managers/boss think they are
so good, then let them finish the project."
On another floor in the building, a manager looks at the financials, spread sheets,
and timelines. Everything has slipped and is behind, and she has to report to the
business council about this year's product and sales projections.
"At least I have two weeks to worry about it,' Beth thinks to herself, "I'd better get
my team together." Then she reaches for the Maalox, and the enteric coated
aspirin. " I know my blood pressure is up, but if I go to the doctor, he'll just tell me to
eat and drink less, get more sleep, and relax. Relax? Sure! With all these
incompetents I have working for me? How can they do this to me? They must not
care about me. They must hate me and want to sabotage my career. They're only
interested in their paychecks."
Wow! Two trains full of emotion heading for the same intersection. High speed
crashes may be exciting to an outside observer, but they are no fun for the people
affected. Any adult who has never been in either of these positions, or felt these
emotions,is either a saint, or numb from the neck up.
Conflict like this frequently occurs in business, but can also be seen in any other
organization, including families. Daily conflict between spouses, partners and
children often leave us drained of energy and patience. We often feel that we must
win, and can do so with the authority of being a male or a parent, or by simply
having a bigger voice. Talking "up" to our parents is the most difficult, because we
are never right , and will never "win". We all know that the opposite of winning is
losing, and that if we lose more than we win, we are "losers".
Imagine the difference in reactions to conflict , if families and workplaces were
familiar with the principals of Aikido. Suppose that everyone understood that

conflict does not necessarily mean contest; that if we could all stay in the moment
long enough, we might find that we have shared goals despite our ways of
reaching them.
For my generation, the war in Viet Nam is a good example. There were good,
caring people who were "doves" and against the war. There were good, caring
people who were "hawks", and for the war. On the street, or in the same room, a
discussion between hawks and doves was a contest of tsuki and shomen attacks.
Each was a direct, confrontational, " I'm right, you're wrong" head on attack. Had
they turned tenkan and blended energy, they might have discovered that each
wanted a world safe for their children.
Jean-Paul Sartre said that the best thing a father could do for his son is to die
young. Maybe, if fathers and sons practiced Aikido together, they could find a
common path, if only to allow each other's growth: growth into an adult and growth
into an honored elder.
If both Dave and Beth were familiar with Aikido, the week or two before the meeting
would have been different. Rather than a time of anxiety and trepidation, there
would have been excitement and anticipation about the process. Rather than
fearing a contest and readying defenses, Beth and Dave would have been
discovering from where the energy was coming and how to use it to finish the
project.
In the best situation, the meeting would have been a celebration of energy, codiscovery and growth. Each would bring all their energy to the table, and each
would leave whole and healthy. Other team members would feel less threatened,
and therefore more able to contribute to the process. All would have less stress
and more vitality.
We do not need to wear a black belt to carry the spirit of Aikido into our daily lives.
We need only to strive for mastery and stay with one-point the best we can to
change the way we live with our families, our friends, and in our work relationships.

Ejercicios de Ki

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