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T

Grief
Grace
to

Providing emotional support to women


while recovering from breast cancer
by Amy Dee Stephens

Sarah & Steve McLean


with their children
Colin and Tatum

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Outlook October 2015

hanks to the iconic pink ribbon, breast cancer


awareness and early detection are at an all-time
high. Now, Sarah McLean, a cancer survivor, is
ushering in the next stage of care for affected
women by providing services for dealing with the emotional
aftermath.

During cancer treatment, you go into survival mode to
deal with the physical effects. The emotional effects are often
put on the back burner, McLean said. But the next critical
step of the journey begins after the treatmentthe recovery
and restoration.

McLean, a two-time cancer survivor, remembers what its
like to think, I can handle this, only to find herself, and her
marriage, falling to pieces. The 38-year-old knows how it feels
to worry that she wont be there for her children. She felt weak
and discouraged. Shes questioned her attractiveness after
having a double mastectomy.

Her heart was broken. Her faith was rattled.

I tried to coach myself through the emotional roller
coaster, but the more I tried, the deeper I went into depression,
McLean said.

Now that shes on the other side of the disease, McLean is
determined to help other women navigate the nightmare more
successfully. In 2011, she created Project 31, a non-profit that
provides financial aid for professional counseling and support
groups for women battling breast cancer and their families.

The name of Project 31 was derived from the biblical
passage in Proverbs 31 about beauty is fleeting. McLean said.
That verse struck me because this disease strives to steal our
beauty as womenbut that is false, our beauty hasnt been
stolen.

To provide hope to others, McLean wrote a newlyreleased book about her cancer journey. Pink is the New
Black: Healing the Hidden Scars of Breast CancerA
Journey from Grief to Grace tells about her shock at being
diagnosed in her twenties and addresses the real-life issues
women face as they lose their hair, their intimate body parts
and their identity.

I remember how it felt to have so much sympathy and
attention placed on me. I felt like I had to be strong. I didnt
want to go to counseling, McLean said. That sounded so
stereotypical. It was a step of courage for me to finally seek
help.

Eventually, McLean met with a psychologist, a cancer
survivor herself, who taught McLean to embrace the sadness.
She showed me how to work through the anger, bitterness,
sadness and fear that a survivor needs to go through in order
to truly grieve, McLean said.

Not only did McLean feel strengthened, but the counselor
also met with her husband, Steve, to help him understand
the emotional struggles women encounter as they undergo
treatment. According to McLean, many men are unable to cope
with the changes, so they turn to drugs or alcohol, they cheat
or disengage, leaving their wives to deal with it alone.

Fortunately, through counseling, McLean and her
husband avoided becoming a divorce statistic. McLean is
grateful for her husbands steadfastness. He is her greatest ally

in developing Project 31 services for other couples in need. One


of their most successful offerings is a new type of breast cancer
support group that, provides encouragement and educationnot
just a place to wallow in misery.

McLean knew from her own experience that patients feel
safer in small, intimate groups. She objected to the typical hospital
formula of grouping all cancers together
because, People dont feel vulnerable to
share their intimate feelings when a man with
prostate cancer and a woman with breast
cancer are in the same room.
The support groups are led by peers who
have experienced the breast cancer journey
themselves and can relate to the new attendees.
As the groups have specific requests best
addressed by experts, such as an oncologist
or therapist, professionals are invited as guest
speakers. McLean asks that as patients become
healthy, they give back by leading a support
group themselves or by mentoring in other
ways.

McLeans husband took the lead in developing a group that
offers advice and coping skills to the men who are caregivers of
breast cancer patientsa service which is often overlooked. The
Project 31 model for support groups has worked so well, that after
four successful years of meeting at Integris Cancer Institute of
Oklahoma, Integris is expanding the support groups into Canadian
Valley Hospital and Lakeside Womens Hospital. Individuals
can also request private counseling. Project 31 provides financial
assistance for families who are already strapped by medical bills.

For fundraising purposes, Project 31 is hosting a Paint the
Town Pink Gala on October 23rd. McLeans goal is to defy the
typical fundraiser formula in which attendees have dinner, watch
an emotionally moving video and write a check. Instead, she wants
to celebrate life by hosting an event that helps women feel beautiful
again and spurs them toward emotional healing.

McLean acknowledges that not everyone on the breast cancer
journey is ready to commit to counseling, a support group or a
fundraiser, but Project 31 invites all patients to take their first step
toward emotional healing. Upon request, a free Handbag of Hope
is provided. Each bag is filled with
items that breast cancer survivors
have found helpful, including a
book written for male caregivers,
who are often reluctant to seek
formal help.

I know a lot of people
become paralyzed by determining
why they got cancer or why
unexplained things happened in
their life. During my journey, I
realized how much hope I really
needed in order to recover,
McLean said. Project 31 exists
to help heal the damage that will
never show up on any scan or in the results of any biopsy.
For more information about Project 31 visit www.project31.us.

this disease
strives to steal
our beauty as
womenbut
that is false,
our beauty
hasnt been
stolen

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