Sotirios (Sam) Karras

a Dialogue
between
the Greek Mathematician and the American Psychologist

In
In
the

ON FINDING GOD

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In the In
On Finding God
Copyright 2008 Sotirios G. Karras
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THANKFUL TO

From the deep of my heart, Big Thanks to the editor and mentor of
intellect, of this book.
The still unknown, Christy Lauer.
She sacrificed, she worked patiently, and most of all she was the
sharpest, warmest and most caring part of this project.
She is also the most strange coincidence in my life.
Like the In, she exists, she worked for this, but I have not seen her yet.
Like the In, she consists of the invisible but material part of this work.
We met, only online, when this book was needed, and yet is the
person with the best communication I ever had so far in my life.
Again, Thank You Christy! angel0256@gmail.com
To my mother, Adamantia, that everyone, who has met her, thinks I
got all qualities from her.
I CANNOT THANK any of them ENOUGH.
Besides those mentioned above, there are other people who helped in
many other supportive ways. I call these people sponsors. Sponsoring
happened in many ways. The most vital was the monetary one. However,
it is not unusual, where money is involved, that balance or relationships
are lost. None the less, I thank all those who helped me in this way.
Naming them individually is impossible due to many
circumstances, but they know who they are. Through their help, they
kept the work going when it seemed impossible.
Remembering the memorable hero, who taught me strength, my
father Georgios.

OPENING

It seems improbable that we would have ever met. We met through a

mutual acquaintance. We had lived 5,500 miles from each other and
ended up living in the same location, in Atlanta GA.
One had recently gone through a near physical void, ordinarily
known as death. The other had recently gone through a mental void,
ordinarily known as apathy. Both, one a mathematician and the
other a psychologist, had been searching for a real approach to God
independent of impressions of whom or what God is. Neither was a
minister. We were simply two seekers, two ordinary simple persons,
who started a dialogue with each other as a way to discover or, as the
mathematician would say, download our personal truth, knowing that
the truth, if it is the real, can be personal as well as impersonal.
One had gone through one spiritual institute and various esoteric
meetings, had taught mathematics, physics, and chemistry, and at one
time considered a career as an academic mathematician in Greece.
Instead, he became the owner of a contracting business in the States.
The psychologist had attended two seminaries, had taught as a layman
in church, and in his youth had considered the ministry. Instead, he had
been working as a private practice psychologist in the States for years.
As the dialogue develops, the reader will see that the mathematician,
as the teacher, focuses on logic, practice, and experience. The
psychologist, as the therapist, focuses on introspection and feedback
from the world of ideas, practice and psychological theories.
The mathematician persuades by synthesizing data in rational
answers. The psychologist persuades by analyzing emotions, thoughts,
and behavior in testing questions. The psychologist tends to be the
doubting Thomas or devils advocate. He initially focuses on the
world of ideas and knowledge from traditions. Eventually he lets go
of the ideas and decides to learn what the mathematician is saying
by practicing, himself, the approach to connect with God, as he
leaves behind his impressions. As he does so he relates what he is
experiencing to the world of ideas, thoughts, and systems but ceases to
rely upon them as he finds his own way.
The psychologist-therapist contains questions, and he balances
the sometimes arduous certainty and intensity of the mathematicianteacher. The teacher patiently responds and gives support to the
therapist as he doubts and questions.
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The focus is experience and practice.

Hopefully the reader can glean from this dialogue an understanding
of the In, which will define an approach to God who would be
revealed through ordinary daily activities.
This practically applicable approach begins with considering where
God is located.

IN

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ARRAS

FOREWORD

All spiritual and religious traditions utilize approaches or ways, to

finding God.
Although the approaches are numerous there appear to be two
major paths: by faith and by practice.
The most common or popular way is for the seeker to exercise faith
in a supreme being and adhere to a belief system that is included in
the act of faith. Here, faith generally is understood as believing certain
things and surrendering ones life to the subscribed deity. These belief
systems often use anthropomorphic language to describe their gods and
saviors.
Besides this popular way, another approach is for the seeker to
become enlightened or to experience realization. And that is the
development of the inner spiritual life with much less emphasis on
beliefs or faith, with the primary emphasis on practice, which entails a
focus on ones consciousness and experiences.
For example, in Christianity the fulfillment of theosis is the goal. In
some forms of Buddhism the attainment of Buddha hood, a specific
spiritual state, is the goal.
The major Eastern religions, such as Buddhism and Hinduism
noticeably exercise this approach.
Less noticeable are Judeo-Christian followers who focus on the
inner connection to God. The Kabbalah (Jewish) religion and Christian
mystics such as Thomas Merton are examples.
In a sense, all religions have a set of precepts, assumptions, and
beliefs (concluding the faith way) as well as moral codes (concluding
the practice way).
These two major approaches (faith and practice) overlap with
many seekers. The emphasis on one or the other varies, depending
upon individual interest, culture, or ones religious environment. The
variation in focus more specifically may depend upon the seekers
personality, repertoire of information, and habits learned from growing
up in a particular family or environment.
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There is always a methodology for becoming a follower of any

tradition. In basic Christianity, for example, one admits that he is a
sinner, confesses his sins, and believes in Jesus as his Savior. The
religious life then involves prayer, contemplation, and living by the
teachings of a religious book (Bible) and institutional doctrines.
An accepted approach to spirituality is to examine the difference
between esoteric and exoteric as directions developed through time.
Esoteric means hidden and has not been the mainstream
approach in systematic religion but has always existed. The idea of
being hidden means for some as hidden from oneself. It usually
means delving into the mysteries regarding the nature of reality and
being.
The connotation is that there is a secret to breaking through to the
real nature of things in order to find God. Teachers and institutes all
over the world are presently working with students to assist them with
understanding or unraveling these secrets of the spiritual world.
Exoteric means shown and is usually thought as the mainstream
religious tradition. Mainstream Catholicism, for example, has
developed doctrines, rules, and rituals were prescribed by a group of
believers who sorted out various ideologies and decided which ones to
keep and which ones were to be deemed as heresy.
The exoteric direction tends to focus on what is accepted as the
truth. This direction tends to fit best with the faith approach rather
than the enlightenment or realization approach to finding God.
This book, although we do not usually use words such as
enlightenment or realization, leans towards the esoteric by lack of
focus on the exoteric.
We usually use phrases such as: connecting with Essence or
being in the In or connecting with God. That does not imply that
exoteric activities or practices are unnecessary. Persons with exoteric
activities hopefully can use the knowledge in this book to have a closer
and deeper unity with their object of worship.
Another consideration for understanding the perspective of this
book is the language used to discuss God. The reader will see that the
word Essence is interchangeable in these dialogues with the word
God. One reason for this is that sometimes the word God can be
limiting and is easily related to a specific ideology or belief system.
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Therefore, the word Essence is preferred. The word comes from

the Latin esse, which means to be. It can also be seen as the actual
nature of reality.
In this book, which is focused on practical results, Essence refers to
God as we experience our connection and oneness with Him.
The reader should not look for a theological or philosophical
exploration in this book but practical ways of finding God
independently of his current understanding of theology or philosophy.
Hopefully the most trained theologian and philosopher may glean a
fresh approach to God as well.
Especially, understanding the In should be helpful for seekers
who have all but given up the spiritual quest.
It is important to note that any spiritual tradition can be
approached with the In, which is simply a clarification of anyones
approach or methodology leading towards a closer connection to God.
This foundation of understanding, also, will greatly aide in the
more in-depth discussions later.
In the In is the volume one in a series of spiritual guidelines for
the esoteric seeker. The title of each volume represents the context. The
title of the second volume will be, In the Within.

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OTIRIOS

(SAM)

ARRAS

INTRODUCTION

Perhaps more than any other time in history, people are dealing
with their inner spiritual struggles.
Many have become hopeless in their desperate search for a spiritual
connection, when they are often given incredibly simplistic answers by
the experts.
Others have become suspicious when told to embrace something
that completely contradicts their logic, reason, or everyday life
experiences.
Others have quit early, thinking, Well, these spiritual things are
difficult to know; nobody really knows and they leave it there, living
their lives as skeptics, but deep inside knowing that there must be
some way to approach the spiritual world that does not insult their
intelligence or their understanding of the material world.
The previous sentences give the impression that the spiritual and
material worlds are separate. The contention of this book, however, is
that the world we experience with our five senses (the material) gives
us the clues we need to experience the other world (the spiritual), as
being in connection with it.
This book is for all three kinds of people, mentioned above.
It is in a dialogue format. Its origins began as e-mail conversations
between myself, a mathematician, and a psychologist, sharing
philosophical discussion about seeking spiritual growth. We originally
met through a mutual acquaintance and developed a friendship that
allowed definition and clarity to the spiritual practice and led us both
on journeys that supported and grew our own paths.
This dialogue illustrates, in vivo, a process of discovery, which
originated with the simple question, Where is God?
What is the In and how can it be used for spiritual practice?

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These questions imply that God can be located, which at first seems
simplistic, but it actually is the important starting point for a spiritual quest.
So, when one asks where God is to be found (assuming that
He is somewhere), we immediately think that God is inside or
everywhere or in the universe or at some location.
These concepts of location or space are used all the time, though if we
are asked to define exactly what we are referring to, we may draw a blank.
To take this further, if we are asked to define what in is, we may
again be uncomprehending. We may say it is the opposite of out, but
ultimately it is a difficult word to define. We seem to know what in is,
but feel puzzled trying to explain it.
In consists of a beautiful contradiction: it is something we know,
but cannot find a fixed definition for it.
This impasse for an explanation, or definition, of the In is
the beauty of this book. Why? Because this impasse reminds us of
something defined but impossible to be accurately described.
Consequently, In becomes more of an axiomsomething that we
know is true and does not have to be proven. It is self-evident.
Why is In a good starting point?
An axiom implies a progress of thought. (Funk and Wagnalls
Standard Dictionary, International Edition, p. 101.)

Once in is an axiom and a location, then there is a point of

departure which can be established in the mental map or consciousness
of the seeker.
A sample set of questions in this dialogue is:
What is in the inside?
What is inside and not outside?
What is inside and not outside that you are called to bring
forth?
Answer: the In .
Another set of questions:
What is in the In?
Answer: the in is in the In .
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Another set of questions:

What is God?
God is what fills in the absence of his presence.
These questions and answers may, at first glance, cause the reader
to wonder if this is nonsense. The following advice is in the dialogue:
When you get it (an understanding of what is In), play like a
kid. What it means is just do it (practice) and watch where that is.
Then abandon it, intentionally. Then bring it back (practice again).
Then abandon it, again back and forth, all the time. This play will
lead you to locate it because at some point you will get frustrated and
want to locate it faster.
There is a playfulness throughout this dialogue which can loosen
up the tightly held beliefs we all tend to hold onto. Those very beliefs
can keep us stuck in a paradigm of thinking that traps us unnecessarily
in a spiritual box.
The logical exercises, contained in this dialogue, open up for the
reader the possibilities of experience. However, even though this spiritual
approach starts with logic, it does not end with logic. Often referred to
as the revolving logic or Sufi logic referring to the whirling dervishes
who whirl in order to stay centered, the logic is only a door that offers
a point, a base, a beginning for an endless journey of discovery. But this
happens here, in this book, for the first time.
As most students of religion and spirituality know, there has always
been a seemingly dichotomous void between faith and reason.
The understanding of the In as a spiritual approach, which
utilizes the best tool we have for realization, the mind, transcends the
faith and reason void, as well as other issues in the spiritual world,
including the problems of dualism, language, doctrines and systems.
All these issues are transcended with specific ways and techniques like
the synthesis one.
As the author, I realize that this is a pioneering effort and has
proven of tremendous benefit for students in their personal spiritual
practice.
I believe that what is experienced in the dialogue has benefited my
students and is worthy of sharing with others for their benefit.
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If it is experienced by the reader as nonsense I realize it may

not be suitable for everyone and where they are in their own personal
journey (back to Source) at this time.
However, I would be delighted if the reader finds some assistance
here for his spiritual life.

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PREFACE

This book is about developing an esoteric practice. Developing

within ourselves the ability of finding God.
This practice has nothing to do with known methods or
teachings. Instead it is a new approach in a new direction. It started
from the primary question Why can we not realize God if God is with
us, as we are led or taught to believe?, Why do we not understand
God if He is with us, all the time, anywhere?
Given that many, who have walked this path, describe God using
the same words, descriptions, or views, the primary question came
down to wondering how we understand, why we can understand a
specific theme and not another or why we can understand, efficiently,
the unknown atom but not the unknown God?
At this point I was surprised to recognize that we do not even know
how we understand. The question was not even why we understand this
or the other aspect, but how we understand in the first place, at our core.
It occurred to me that we understand some aspects better than
others because we tend to like this one, or because conditions exist that
help us access one easier than the other one, or even, we get trained
to enter into the experience and means of a specific aspect more than
any other. But when we enter into an aspect, we use the process of the
understanding without ever wondering how we comprehend, what is
that, where it is based, what is its mechanism and so on.
Once the recognition, of we do not understand how we
understand, occurred to me, the aim was formed easily to understand
how I understand.
The feeling of such recognition was a challenging one. Once we
do not comprehend how we do it, anything we do could be wrong.
If we do not understand how we understand then possibly we have
comprehended and accepted the wrong direction(s) or choices in life.
We act from tradition, trust, feelings and what the system teaches
us, not by what we really know to be true, because we do not know
how to do that because we are not aware of it. While we can surmise,
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we also do not know whether we understand correctly or mistakenly. I

am not saying the entire world is choosing incorrectly. Some people do
the right thing, they just do not know whether it is so or not, or why.
Some people comprehend the right way, but accidentally; by feeling, by
comparison, by experiments, or by other ways; gropingly, not with the
knowledge of how the decision is made for them.
Summarizing, this book is my major research to understand how
I understand. And this is the effort, the practice, to understand how I
understand.
It took a quite 30 years to find the answer. The In is the answer.
We all know what In means but if asked we cannot define it, nor
capture it in our mind.
This In is the simple, common, regular in that everyone knows
when thinks, I am in the room, I am in the car, I am in the city. It is
the same In we begin to approach when we close our eyes in an effort
to concentrate, pray or meditate.
From the time we are born until we die, we never consider the In
at all. We all think we know it. But if asked, we do not know what it is
and we cannot define it, nor capture it in our mind.
This work proves that the In is material because it is spacious.
But also the In is spiritual because it is indefinite. The eternal quest
of In and all that it represents! Such a simple word yet so vast! It
usually becomes the subject of arguments and debates because people
are scared of the possibility that God is so close, with such a daily
expression and so practically understandable. They would like God to
be somewhere far, even not knowing where, as long as He is removed
from this earth, from us.
Though, this practice is simple and rational, whoever applies it
in action sees its magnificence. The In serves to keep one warm,
spiritually, while performing life in the winter of the material world.
Yet, whoever doesnt apply it but wants to open a conversation about
it, will also understand why this way uses logic, plain grim logic, not
blindness nor brainwashing.
There has never been, in our experience, the use of logic in
spiritual themes, the use of simple scientific logic to make the decision
to proceed with action. The use of that logic that church-people
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unjustifiably negate due to their preference of the prepared dish

instead of the hard work of the discovery and verification by the sweat
of their own brow.
Surely, the practice, of the In, I present, will make many of the
system supporters go back to the scriptures to cross-examine and reexamine, to find whether these words have been traditionally accepted
and approved in there, looking to prove me a heretic. They will search
in vain as the proof is in the scriptures.
It is not very well known because the way that people interpret the
scriptures, differs. Do you realize the true meaning of when Jesus says
I live in him and he lives in Me ? If youd explain it as just that
Jesus is in us, then you may need to experience a good jolt.
Where do they say God is? Inside us, right?
So, if we knew how to define this inside then we should know
the location of God.
This In is one. Nobody created it. It is not borne! It is always
present, here. It never dies. Wherever you go it remains unchanged. It
is indefinite, but everybody knows it.
Therefore, the In has the characteristics of God! It is not borne,
it doesnt grow, it doesnt die, it doesnt change and it is everywhere
present. Correct?
On the other hand, if God is in us, what does this in mean? It
doesnt mean in our flesh, right? It doesnt mean in our bones, right? It
doesnt mean in our blood, or in our stomach.
So, what does in mean?
We do not know it now and for over 2,000 years the scriptures
havent referred to it. Except for one document and this is discussed in
the book.
From another point of view, once God is everywhere and if
God is in us, can God be just a part of this In? No, because He is
everywhere, right?
Therefore He is everywhere in that In, right?
Therefore, if God is in us, He occupies this entire In and in reality
He is that In, right?

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Though you, a simple person, do not know what God is. But you
know about the In although you cannot define it.
You find it difficult to catch it because it is indefinite. But this
is your job, to enter in there; in what you already know but you find
difficult to define or to catch. Your job is to enter into the In with the
purpose to precisely catch what you already know; this In.
Everything happens to show you the In, to teach you this.
You enter into the car, you exit the car; you enter into the church,
you exit the church; you enter into sleep, you exit from sleep.
I tell you the In can prove everything. And you do not have to
believe it in blindness. Neither do you need anyone to teach it to you.
It is there, you can look for it by logic and you can learn it by observing
how the world is made. You do not need a teacher.
This now means you do not have any excuses for not attempting to
know what the divine is, or what God is, or where God is, or how God is
in our lives. Now, with this simple discovery, you do not have any more
excuses to ignore God. You cannot hide anymore in the material life
pretending you are a lowly sinner and you do not know these things!
So the exhortation is do the In as much as you can. And the
practice is, see it anywhere you are. See it in front of your eyes. Define
it. Make it real. Realize it. Conceptualize it. Capture it. All this work is
in the mind! Like the prayers, like the meditation!
Practicing the In is very sharp and acts in incomprehensible
ways. The energy coming from this practice is like a sharp knife.
That knife is an excellent tool. You enjoy it, but if you do not pay
attention and you are not truly present while using it, it will cut your
hand before you feel it. You have based your life and built it on the
Outwards, not in the Inwards.
This change is huge and fortunately for all of us, the practical and
intellectual surprise is bigger than the spiritual one, although it should
be the other way around.

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Table of Contents

Thankful To . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .v
Opening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .vii
Foreword . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ix
Introduction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . xiii
Preface . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .xvii
Chapter I, a lesson in Logic . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .1
Chapter II, a Useful Technique . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .7
Chapter III, Man & Woman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20
Chapter IV, the struggle to Logically Find the In . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26
Chapter V, the Biographies (and of course the man and the woman) . .33
Chapter VI, reference to Ego (and of course the man and the woman) . . 47
Chapter VII, the Definition of God . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54
Chapter VIII, Experiencing the Path . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .63
Chapter IX, the Synthesis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .69
Chapter X, the ever primary Wonder: Where? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .82
Chapter XI, what is to Be in the In . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .108
Chapter XII, Faith, Beliefs & Results . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .141
Chapter XIII, Trust & Aim . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .166
Chapter XIV, Effects, Affects & Death . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .193
Chapter XV, what the In Is?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .210
Chapter XVI, how the In Affects Life, Man & Woman! . . . . . . . . . . . .228
Chapter XVII, is the In an Impression?. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .257
Chapter XVIII, the In as Psychological Treatment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .282
Chapter XIX, the In Revealed to people . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .322
Chapter XX, Practical approaches to In . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .358
Bibliography . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .431

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In the beginning, the reader may experience difficulty merging into an already going on net of
thoughts. This book is the continuance, as a diary of emails, of an ongoing discussion from a
few months prior. The original discussion started in early September 2004 in person, ending
approximately three months later, in late November 2004. After a pause of approximately one
month, it started again in writing, in January 2005, under the pretext of a Happy New Year
wishes. Although it is sometimes difficult trying to understand an ongoing process, especially a
conversation between two persons, especially an uncommon spiritual conversation, I preferred
to keep the dialogue in its original form rather than alter it to a more pleasant, easier pattern,
hoping the reader would appreciate the reality view and would patiently read through the
personal experience to gain the shared insights. I suggest they read the first 20, or even 35,
pages superficially, and complete reading the entire book, before re-reading them for a better
understanding.

Chapter I
a lesson in Logic

I (Sam) WROTE:

Essence New Year (2005).

HE (Richard) REPLIED:

Same to you. Just got back from Essence country, my country estate.
Richard

Welcome back to Essex ... ha.

Essence country for the monk, Essex city for the aristocrat.
Good luck in the New Year. You are lucky anyway.

If I am lucky, will it be harder for me to find Essence? Does it take

luck or work or neither?
Richard

I thought you were already there. This is why I said it.

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If you dont think so, I believe, it is because youve had doubts since
you saw me approaching Essence from my head.
I have doubts too, since I saw you approaching Essence from your solar
plexus. I think that one approach helps to empower us before death,
the other after death. Well see who is luckier. Maybe only the Essence,
by eating up our ambitious personalities.
Good, huuuuh!!! (Ha, haaaah)

The head and solar plexus are important, but so is the heart and base
chakra. I tried the approach from the head a long time, too. I reached
it little ahead of you, but you are doing fine since I am 20 years older;
so how could one be lucky at this age?

Do not complain (do you) my friend. The later in life, the faster you will
reach Essence. You have better balance and more precise information.
I need you for the information you possess. You do not need me.
On the other hand I do not pay attention to how Essence is expressed.
I do though to the approach to it. I think chakras and all techniques are
about expressing, using and living with it.
For a lonely cowboy, (like me), there is only one way to approach.
During the beginning approach has to be done with care.
Until trust comes, I need protection. So, the only way to approach
Essence, (with protection), is to use logic, have grounded results
on earth and each time to start from where I am. This prevents my
doubting the experience, by receiving confirmation of the experience,
especially at the beginning.
Some lucky people have been dedicated to an instructor who can be
system, teacher, guru or tradition (so generally speaking there are no
doubts, no confirmation, no beginning needed), and they will get there
faster. I, by doing this on my own and not having all that, am at all
times on the edge and do not forget the logic.
Anyway, in a few words, I dont really pay attention to chakras and all.
I keep practicing the current step (i.e. connect to the Essence as I
know how), until it brings the change itself, which means while I am
practicing it on different daily aspects, at some moment might I lose it.
When I do, the doubts and anxiety appear and I then push too much to
re-connect. The pushing makes connection impossible, so I continue by
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abandoning things like work-relations, etc., for a while, and refocus on

connecting to the Essence. Then the new apocalypse (revelation) comes
which is always a good payback. Then, I begin again, from my last
ending point, building from there and going forward.
I am glad after so long (30 years) Ive gotten to this point. This was a
payback for all these years struggling.
When I am talking about coming from the head I do not mean it comes
from one of the head chakras. I mean it is a knowing idea, an intuitive
sense that spreads over all the chakras and body together when it happens.
You see, any connection through chakras still creates ideas. So, I saw,
that the chakras expression is just energy that finally gets mixed with
your bodily aspects, so sense-feelings-emotions-actions are interrelated.
What I found is there is one nature that is behind any expression of
chakras. I observed there is one nature that is common in all chakras.
What is it?
Let me put this in a simpler way. If I told you that (which by the
way is true) I met two Orthodox (Christian) monks who told me they
met Buddha alive (as we know him from statues), what is your next
question to me?

Thank you for your trust and now I understand better about how you
work and agree that chakras are just energy and approaches. The
protection is quite important; I have always believed that I would not
be a therapist. One must feel safe in order to heal.
My next question is what difference does it make that the monks met
Buddha alive? Would that spoil the whole thing? Or make Buddha a
god, which we dont need, since the thing in itself would distract from
the Essence that Buddha teaches. What do you think?

The question was a rhetorical one. Even though I wrote which by the
way is true, it wasnt. I tried to throw you some surprising information,
passing it off as being real, information that somehow makes you open
your mouth so you can come back to me with a question in response.
I was looking for what that responding question would be. It looks like
I didnt succeed.

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You see, I was trying to tell you that I am working on the nature of
Essence and not on its expressions.
I was trying to give you a figure of what I am doing to approach that
nature, not the expressions. Because in this case (maybe because all is
One), the nature of it prompts the way to approach it, to connect with it.
Nature and Path are one in the same. The way to go there is the aim, too.
This is what I have seen lately.
So before I say it, before I say there is only one way (before I look like
an idiot or too stubborn), I was trying to make you see it yourself, in
your own words.
Make no mistake; I am not trying to teach you. What I am doing is, taking
advantage of our conversation to confirm if I am right, to verify if anybody
else can see the same thing. (Ha, ha, sorry to use part of your time.)
You see anytime I practice Essence, all mentioned items are there: the
way to approach it, where I arrive, safety, personality burning, locating
it, the method used to withdraw the mind from all attachments; all of
these are one technique, one motion, one word, one way.
All of these are one and that one can even explain Jesus when he said,
the Kingdom of God is here on earth (excuse my English, I am trying
to interpret it as I know it from Greek) for which no one has ever given
me a suitable explanation.
Lets try again, if I tell you they found a car that can open wings and
fly for 5 miles, what would be your first question in response?
I only thought about the question I would ask you for five minutes,
as if we were in a conversation, and the first thing that came into my
mind was: What color was the car? Ha-ha.
Seriously, or not seriously, perhaps the kingdom of God is just the
nature of all things and it is all one until we place the distinctions to
separate it, since we need to explain why we feel so painfully separate.
I may not be getting it in terms of what you are trying to tell me;
please do not think it is because you cannot explain it, since you
are very adept at discussing these matters, and in your own way
have been on your path (of which I have not) for a long time. I have
stopped with the void for several years, but am recently, partly due to
our meeting and other experiences, getting more acquainted with the
Essence world. I am, though, as you say, fairly acquainted with the
psychological world and I see how closely they can connect with each
other, more than ever.
Take care.
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I have learnt anymore, when I hear or to immediately think both. I

do not think separation anymore, I think unity.
Specifically, in my experience, it looks like the body is the last obstacle
to be overcome. Many seekers overcome the emotions, the pain, the
passions or other elements. But as taught by Jesus, Buddha, Socrates
the enlightenment should be achieved with the body.
So, the case of reincarnation can be perceived as a fact, an event
necessary to finally achieve the esoteric (i.e. Essence), to finally be in
full harmony with the body. Then for sure, personality (if any is left, I
do not know) is in accordance with Essence.
So, my practice is always through the body. This is why all those
fraternities and religious organizations (I have been through) are not
enough for me anymore. This is why I am still alone.
On the other hand, this is why I do not know if I follow the right path.
I never saw, read or heard anybody else encouraging the practice to be
grounded in the body or (if you wish) encouraging their disciples to
continue living as before within normal societal conformities.
So, this is where my doubt is based, which on one hand keeps me
awake, and on the other though, so scared. Fortunately I am a bit
stubborn and I will continue the same way until I see something wrong
or am forced to change.
This is why, besides practice, I use a lot of logic, some math, and a
systematic approach etc., (see example at the end) to convince myself
that at least I do not go crazy.
I use that method to connect with Essence, to go back into that
other dimension. But while connecting is an oh ... oh ... oh ... a big
hell, I cannot understand this connection, I cannot understand this
happening. I am trying to see it, to observe it. Its impossible so far. It
is an empty space, with all power, with all oneness, but it drives my
image - my ego - so crazy!!! Its unbelievable. I cannot see how or why
or when that happens; there is nothing. Just a great big nothing.
When I do not do it, then I am normal like everybody else, like before.
When I am out here, not in the Essence, outside it, not in this other
dimension, I know, for example, that the thought I am a loser is
not true. When though I am in the Essence, in the other dimension,
although I remember what I was thinking before, there is no way to
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control the feeling of the loser. It gets me fully all the time. The same
happens the other way around. When I am outside Essence, back here,
I remember the feelings and images occurring while connected, but
they cannot touch me; it is like I saw them in a movie.
It is very new situation, but very interesting too.
The only thing that saves me while doing all that is connecting back
to the body, which is achievable in both situations. So, my friend, I at
least have good entertainment, anyway.
By the way, think about it: Essence of the Essence is Essence, but
existence of the existence is nonsense. This is an example of how to use
logic (I am talking the science of logic, not my mamas logic) in order to
see what is true and what is not.
Revolve the thing around itself. Like the Sufis (when dancing). The true
thing, when it gets revolved, grows more, the fake dies.
You see what a mathematician can offer in this path?

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Chapter II
a Useful Technique

Vamana Dhauti
For Anahata and Visuddha Chakras
(at http://www.rainbowbody.net/Purity/Kriya.htm#vamana )

In ancient Persia, the great alchemist, philosopher, and physician,

Avicenna (Ibn Sina 980-1037 AD), wrote in his Canon of Medicine
Book One Section 1010, the following which was translated by O.
Cameron Gruner, M.D. in A Treatise on the Canon of Medicine of
Avicenna Incorporating a Translation of the First Book (1930)
Emesis clears heaviness of the head, clears the vision, and
removes nauseous dyspepsia. It benefits persons in whom bile
is apt to pass into the stomach and decompose the food. For, if
vomiting precedes the meal the latter will always enter the stomach
without being contaminated, and so the sense of loathing is
removed which proceeds from oiliness of food, as also the depraved
appetite -- namely, the longing for sharp, sour, or pungent things
Emesis is also beneficial for flabbiness of the body, and for ulcers
of the kidneys and bladder. It has a powerful effect in anesthetic
leprosy; in persons with an unhealthy color of skin; in gastric
epilepsy, jaundice, asthma, tremor and hemiplegia. It is also an
effective treatment in cases of impetginous skin diseases in which
there are ulcers covered with scabs Emesis is a great help for
persons whose temperament is primarily bilious, an are lean of
habit ... Hippocrates advised vomiting to be induced monthly and
for consecutive days. On the second day the difficulty of the first is
obviated and that which has entered the stomach is fully emptied.
Hippocrates claimed that health was conserved thereby. To exceed
this may be harmful. Emesis carried out in this way gets rid of
mucous and bile, and cleanses the stomach. For in the case of
the stomach there is no cleansing secretions like that of the small

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intestine, where the bile cleanses the mucous membranes as it

passes down the bowel.
Cautions: Not for hiatal hernia, high blood pressure, or ulcers. Do
not use cold water.
Technique: This is the cleansing of the esophagus and stomach by
quickly drinking approximately one quart of lightly salted lukewarm
water, performing nauli kriya (optional), then forcefully evacuating the
stomach utilizing uddiyana bandha after having taken a big inhalation
followed by a complete exhalation and external kumbhaka.
If the vomiting motion is not triggered naturally through this
process, use a finger to tickle the upper part of the throat as
far back as is necessary to induce vomiting. To be effective the
vomiting wave action should be very forceful moving from the
bottom of the stomach upward so that all the contents including
any old solid matter at the bottom of the stomach are pushed up
and out.
Dont worry if not all the liquid is evacuated.
Vamana dhauti, also called kunjal kriya, is best done at dawn or
first thing in the morning but after evacuating the bladder and
bowels. With a little practice the entire quart will come out in a
forceful stream in one or two waves taking with it any old mucous
or debris, but most of us will require a series of three or more
wavelike contractions to eliminate.
Vomiting is a natural and intelligent reflex toward bad food, water,
or foreign objects. It is a life supporting instinct that unfortunately
is repressed through modern societys anti-nature bias. Many of us
were punished as children when we did not control our instinctual
natural reflexes such as vomiting, evacuating, fully sneezing, etc
Thus in order to enhance the vital life supporting intelligence of the
body we must learn how to let go of our conditioning. The vomiting
reflex is a wavelike reverse peristalsis and is thus not meant to
be performed willfully, mechanically, or consciously. Simply try to
trigger it and surrender to the bodys inner wisdom allowing for this
cleansing to happen naturally.
Hints and Kinks: Use pure warm water and non-iodized pure salt
if available. The salt is not essential as this wash can be done
with plain warm water. Try to finish the entire process from the
beginning of drinking the salt water to the final series of evacuation
in less than three minutes. Let nature or instinct take care of the
evacuation as it cannot be done willfully except that we can set the
stage to allow for it to happen. Let the wave start from the bottom
(pit) of the belly. Just let it out. If there is undigested food left over
from last nights dinner, we gain information as to our digestion
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and food compatibilities. This may be acidic and taste and smell
badly but remember we are getting it out. Try to get the bottom
of the stomach emptied, but do not worry if not all the salt water
comes out of the mouth. It will come out the other end and serve as
a wash there if need be.
After good eating practices and good digestion have been
established, there will be nothing but water and slight mucous
evacuated in the morning. It is good to do jal neti after vamana
dhauti as this will wash away any stomach acids or fluids from the
nose and upper throat.
It is best done outside in nature standing on grass in a yoga setting
(its good for plants and crops and helps everyone to overcome any
social stigma). At home, it is helpful that the toilet bowl is clean
and pleasant or we can use a big wide pan, the point being that we
should not worry and hold back.
Take some deep breaths before you start in order to keep the mind
from worrying that you do not need to stop because of gasped
breath. The uddiyana bandha should be done with the pelvis
retroverted (posterior tilt), the abdomen curved in toward the
spine (concave), and the wave should travel first in and then move
upward while holding out the breath (complete exhale). Keep the
attitude cheerful and light hearted. Its often done in groups so
that we can laugh at what in most social settings is considered
unacceptable, gross, sick, or bad.
Beginners are often advised to do it daily, but after it is mastered
and there are no diseases of the lungs, udana, or prana, then once
a week or less often according to your own constitution and unique
circumstances. Do not eat anything for at least half an hour after
vamana and then make it light, easily digestible, and devoid of
spices or possible irritants. If stomach digestion is weakened by the
practice, discontinue it and see a yoga therapist. Some do not need
the energy that vamana provides. Traditionally vamana has been
highly recommended to those suffering from kapha disorders.
Benefits: In yoga therapy vamana is excellent for disorders
of udana, prana, samana, vyana, and apana. It cleanses and
stimulates the stomach, esophagus, lungs, chest, heart, throat,
nose, eyes, ears, and sinus. It balances the vayu (winds) in the
body especially the upward moving prana-vayu (the prana that
moves upwards). It alleviates depression, sloth, and heaviness. It is
a remedy for many kapha and tamasic imbalances Vamana dhauti
is one of the specific remedies in Ayurvedic medicine for stomach,
throat, asthma, and lung affliction (along with hrid dhauti). It is
counter-indicated in cases of hiatal hernia and ulcers.

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Let it be said that especially today with our unfortunate custom

of repressing instinct and natural function, the natural vomiting
instinct has also been repressed by early childhood memories
of disapproval (mess) from peers and parents. Social pressure
expected the adult to control and hold-in bad, excess, or
inappropriate food or poisons even if the body wanted to evacuate
it. This repression of our natural healthy instinct if carried on,
creates imbalance of natural function.
Another similar kriya is variously called Gaja karani, Bhaghi kriya,
or Vyagra Kriya (tiger kriya) which varies mainly in that it is done
immediately or within two hours after a specially prepared meal.
It is also sometimes called Kunjal Kriya. It is especially helpful
in removing excess mucous of the lungs and throat as well as
normalizing pitta (bile secretions). It will not be detailed here as it
can be too easily misunderstood as bulimic activity by outsiders
who do not understand its purpose and mechanism. It is an
intentional and ancient yogic healing practice. Over two thousand
years ago the most respected authority of traditional Ayurvedic
medicine, Charaka, wrote in the Charaka Samhita Siddhistana
Chapter 1 the following:
One is considered to have gone through emesis successfully who
expels the mucous, bile, and air in succession and who feels that
ones stomach, sides of the body, sense organs, and body channels
have been cleansed and that ones body has become light. If the
emesis goes wrong, then there occur eructions, wheals, and itching
in the body, imperfect cleansing of the stomach and body channels
and heaviness of the limbs. Thirst, stupor, fainting, provocation of
vata, loss of sleep, and loss of strength etc occur on cases of overaction of emesis.
In chapter two, Charaka continues: The following are the
conditions where emesis is contraindicated: persons affiliated with
pectoral lesions, those who are cachectic, very obese or extremely
emaciated, infants, the senile, debilitated, fatigued, thirsty, hungry,
exhausted by labor, load lifting, way faring, or those given to long
fasting, sexual excess, excess study, exercise and thinking, or
those who are emaciated, pregnant women, and delicate persons,
or those whose alimentary tract is contracted ... who suffer from
hemothermia of the upper region, or from incessant vomiting, or
from disorders of the upward flow of morbid vatas, or who take
too often evacuative or unctuous enemata, who are suffering from
cardiac disorders, misperistalsis, ... etc
After detailing his reasons for these cautions Charaka goes on to
say; Even in all these conditions, emesis is not prohibited if the
person is afflicted with acute or chronic poisoning, antagonistic

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diet, indigestion, and predigestion meal chyme morbidity, as these

conditions are very quick in their toxic effects on the body.
At first vamana dhauti is recommended daily until one learns to
sense the contents of ones stomach and how different foods impact
upon it. his is especially helpful on cases where depression of
downward flow of prana (apana) is dominant or when upward flow
of prana is to be augmented. Once these systems are regulated,
vamana may be practiced once weekly or monthly.

Does this have anything to do with your throwing up? For some
reason I have been sneezing a lot lately.
Best wishes

Good luck. I went through that sometime ago. After all that, my ability
to smell changed and I could smell different smells of my own. They
are different and come from the sternum, throat, head, shoulders, feet,
genitals, etc. The smells come from all over the body.
They are very strong and make me nicely dizzy. I absorb them, like drugs
I would say. They feed me, too. It may sounds strange, but when I smell
one of them I do not need food. Also, by utilizing the odors I know where
ideas are placed, how they work and affect the human entity. I even
avoid certain matters, people, etc., by smells that come from me.
There is no name for those. They are not there for anyone else. At the
beginning I thought they came from outside of myself and had people
(even partners) smell me and tell me what they experienced. They
couldnt smell anything even while I could.
I am telling you the deeper I am into Essence, the farther from the
world I am even though I am still here. We see. God help us.

Good luck with your new venture; even capitalists can have Essence,
though it is harder. By the way, did Jesus have a Guru?

I dont think so. But neither did Ramana Maharsi as well as a lot of
others. It happens. If you want to take it as the ultimate example, ok,
I accept it. But then if I copy one aspect of his journey, why not copy
other aspects too, i.e. that he stayed 40 days in the dessert. Does it
mean I have to abandon the world and be isolated in a dessert or cave?
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Plus, who knows what happened from the time he was 12 years old
in Solomons temple until his 30th year when he appeared again and
started teaching. I have read a book that collects and presents all proofs
available that Jesus traveled to Tibet.
These divine Beings used Essence to start. I (maybe, we) use Essence
to arrive. I feel there is more beyond Essence. I have real facts plus the
latest indications that Essence and its mixing with the world empowers
the human being, converts his system (nervous, especially) and
enforces a lifestyle that encourages his entry there, where the stream of
life, the love and the one happiness are permanent. I experienced those
things a few times when younger. I got indications of those again lately,
but I do not know and do not care where and when they will happen
once I see that I can overcome Essence, and every time I approach, it
burns my ego up.
You see when this conversion happens all changes are so real that I feel
lost, dead, detached and so on.
I have read things, I have heard things, and you guided me very well. I
do not panic, but still when I exercise a steady practice (by which I mean
a long, dedicated practice, changing dimensions until Essence feels real,
like the known life) the catastrophe, the collapse, comes within two
hours. Of course, now I know what to expect. Still it is there and so real
that even the fact that I expect it and I know its coming, doesnt help me.
By the way, did you hear they found Solomons thesaurus?

We may not have to copy anybodys aspect since it is our

responsibility to find truth and connection to Being in our own way
with our own soul. It is apparent that Jesus struggled for the 40 days,
etc., and he very well could have been highly influenced by Eastern
systems; for example, the entire Gospel of Thomas, which I read
partly recently, where he said, Know what is in front of your face ...
(Dart and Riegert, Seastone: Berkeley 2000)

Some of the seemingly esoteric sayings by Jesus (Patterson: The

Gospel of Thomas and Jesus) are very like what we see in the
Essence literature, Sufi, etc.
I am wondering if you are pushing at times for merging Essence
or strength Essence (Almaas, 2001) when you get to feeling dead,
detached, and so on? Merging Essence, according to Almaas, is a
sweetness, a golden nectar, an oneness, a feeling of full basic trust,
which is necessary to him to occur before we can feel safe enough to find
Strength, Will, and some of the other more active, action oriented virtues.
The fusion with mama is the hole in our soul we sometimes try to
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resist, especially if our mama did not relate to us the close connection or
was too needy to not be able to connect in a nurturing way. To touch the
hole is to feel the abandonment we have resisted feeling.
The place in the body is in the sternum area, below chest bones. Just
some thoughts.
By the way, is the Solomon question another rhetorical question? I
would have to decide whether to be a smartass or a serious believer
in your question. Perhaps if I can figure it out myself, you wont need
to answer this. By the way, what color was the car with the wings? Or
better, why would you ask your mama such a question?
Pardon me for being the smartass even with the last question, though
I believe you will understand, since these images, such as mama, etc,
are self representations of our ego, body, soul, or psyche anyway.

You say, We may not have to copy anybodys aspect, so I do not have
to answer or think, By the way, did Jesus have a Guru?
About the merging and strength, that is what I meant by There is
more beyond Essence.
When I wrote Essence ... empowers I meant the sweetness as per your
writing (what I was naming to you erotic, while meeting you).
When I wrote where the stream of life ... are permanent I meant the
more active, as per your writing.
Now, lets talk about another stage before this. This stage, for somebody
who has reached at least the merging stage, is possibly useless.
But for somebody like me, who gets attached with the world (money,
women, goals, frustration, etc.), when I remember to go back to the
esoteric world, I need a way, a method to wash off the attachments, to
calm the waves down, to turn around and go back.
Remember, when I am attached in the world, the esoteric world looks
dreamy, but when I am connected with the esoteric world this earth
world looks dreamy. So there is a space to cover and a quality in the
mind that converts one to the other.
You see, all the spiritual teachers (Almaas, etc.), they actually say,
there is something else out there and they describe it. What I say is
everyone can think better and by using this and rational questions, I
try to pull them inwards. I do not describe the destination. I describe
the path. Stage by Stage. This is why I have written to you my emails
regarding the theory of PAS and this is why I am trying to get a simple
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answer to those strange questions. This is what makes me good in

these conversations as you say. You are not a smartass.
If a smartass was like you, everybody would be in Essence by now.
You just taught me again what I am doing wrong while I am trying to
pull people (at least rationally) into the esoteric path.
I think everybody (maybe you, too) would be interested to know
how to tune into Essence anytime he wants to. You get up in the
morning sleepy. How do you connect right there, with Essence? Are
you waiting for it to come to you? You pray? You just remember?
You first remember and then act? What? All these are questions that
seekers face everyday and Almaas and the others never answered.
The point is not only what is back there, the point is how I reach
there and then how I stay with that after I got drunk or after I got
lost by having excellent sex with my wife? Or, if you want, when I
face an accident, or when I feel fear, or even more when the moment
of death comes. Do you understand how I am working toward that?
In a few words, there is a secure way or method that can convince
anyone and take his mind easily into Essence without even knowing
what it is and how important it is. So I am still talking to you about
stages before reaching Essence even though I am, personally, working
in Essence. My personal work is different from what I am talking
about here to you. This is why I would ask my mama such questions.
Actually, when the first opportunity arose, I asked her and other people
around me. I asked people and they had no clue what I was talking
about. But those who did answer me, all gave me the same answer.
My purpose is to one day make this all clear and show that all those
esoteric achievements are not strange, are not non-scientific, are not
for special people, are not hidden, they do not require special rooms or
robes, they do not need to be performed in churches or by gods, they
do not need special meditation or diet. They are available to anyone,
to the average person interested in learning, like a seminar for skating,
easy to approach, starting rationally and presented here on earth like
everything else. Good morning.

I do not know that you are doing wrong; how did I teach you that?
By indicating that it was to me more than just the rational? If
spaciousness as the ground in the mind is involved, I can buy that. If
repressions in the body by self-identity are involved I can also buy
that. Do you try to trap people to your way? How do you do that?
There are probably many people who would like to find Essence, but
have, as you say, no clue.
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When we feel like a loser we are basing our perceptions on selfrepresentations from the past, and we all feel that way at times due to
the losses we have tried to adapt to with our personalities, which is
just not enough. Letting go of the defenses is scary, though, and should
sometimes be done when we feel relatively safe, I think.
When the anxiety comes, it may be the hole we all experience without
our identity. Just some thoughts.

What I am trying to say is that there is an easy way, a rational way to

get people to look to the other direction, to experience Essence. I am
positive, I have discovered that way. It is amazing to me every day,
every time I use it, how easy it is, how obvious it is. It is amazing to
me that it is in front of us all the time. It is amazing to me that it can be
explained by words. It is amazing to me that it can be said by only one
word which actually everybody uses all the time when talking about
God, or Essence, or meditation, etc.
It is there all the time. Actually the entire world is built (is structured)
in order to teach us this simple word and its meaning, so we can
practice and connect with Essence anytime we want. It is amazing to
me that it is so simple, though it took me 30 years to get to it. It starts
by using logic and common sense. That is in spite of all traditions that
want us to abandon things, to be ready, to sacrifice, to pray, to live
specially, to feed according to their rules, to be under their discipline,
etc. It is more simple than all that. All this amazes me every time and
anytime I get connected.
I didnt say you taught me that. I am saying though that this step comes
before any achievement of Essence.
For example, if I leave out rhetorical questions and traps in logic (which
I did in order to present the way), how would I talk to a common
laborer about it?
If I wanted to have a straight talk with you Richard, I would ask you:
not what, not how, but where is Essence? What would you answer?

My first impression to answer where Essence is, in space. Or

spaciousness, or not in thoughts or beliefs. But if we push it, where is
space? Is it real or in the spaciousness of the mind? Or body? Or non
mind or non body?

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Gospel of Thomas (Dart and Riegert, Seastone: Berkeley 2000):

I am the light that is above everything; I am all; all came forth from
me and all has returned to me. Split the wood and I am there. Lift
up the stone and you will find me there.

Also:
When you bring forth what is in you, what you have will save you.
That which you do not have in you will kill you if you do not know
it within you.

Sotiris, maybe Essence is in us if we only knew it. This is probably

not the right answer. Hopefully, anyway; who wants to be right?
Richard

Richard!!!!
Thats excellent!!! Thats amazing!!! Once again you confirmed to me
what I see. Once again that Gospel of Thomas is the thesaurus.
What you said This is probably not the right answer, yes, Richard,
this is the right answer!!! Yes, YES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let me put it this way: I asked you a simple question where. You tried
to answer. In this answer, you used only one word the most. The only
word you used most, actually 6 times, is the word in and/or within.
Also you never used any kind of word with the meaning out or
outside.
So where is Essence? In.
Beware, do not add any other word. Do not add in space, do not
add in us, do not add in spaciousness. Do not add anything. Just
stay with that In. Let me take you there with some logic: If Essence is
everywhere, then where are we? In Essence, right? So, if in fact you live
in Essence, what is your daily, common, regular feeling? That you are
in, right?
Ill continue after I clarify this by the following note. The note is
that this (where) is the immediate response when you announce to
somebody something new, exciting, big or strange. For example, if I
tell you they found the Solomons thesaurus the regular response is
really? Where? If I tell you they made a car with wings that can fly
the regular response is really? Who? with the meaning of where. If
I tell you they found how to reach to the Sun, you will respond really?
How?
But you ask me how because in this case the place is already said, I
said the Sun. Almost 100% of the first response is not when, or what
is it? but the first response is where?
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So, generally speaking, in very simple words, when you bring up

something big, the immediate response is where. So, if you say to
somebody you can find Essence, or even better in his words they
found God, the immediate response is where?
Remember now, in all you have read or heard, what the immediate
answer to this where is in or inside, right? Remember that God is
inside you, or look inside your heart, or look inside yourself. Never
ever has anyone said anything about out or outside. Never, even
when their practice was with things, stuff or objects. Right?
This is the biggest discovery. Now, let me continue.
Amazingly, you wrote from Thomas When you bring forth what is in
you, what you have will save you.
Question: What is inside you?
A little help: What is inside you that is not outside you?
More help: What is inside you that is not outside you, so you are called
to bring it forth?
Be aware, lets play a bit, I am not going to give an answer to that question.
I shall happily confirm if you answer it, like I did here today when you
came up with this In, but I cannot answer it. It is a wise, very simple,
but very empty question. The answer is in the question itself. It is a very
empty answer and so, so, so simple. Of course it is there all the time.
The technique that is taking so long to explain is exactly this: to bring
it forth. I used to tell you to bring it out, outside, applied and grounded
in the world, remember? But this guy, Thomas said it so precisely and
so clearly that it caused me to lose sleep for one more night.
Its so amazing, what you come up with, every time I bother you with
any kind of question. This time you hit the target, more than ever
before. You see I practice a lot, but I do not have time to read all these
books that you recommended so wisely. I bought them, but still havent
read any of them. It is amazing to me though that you already have the
information, right in the heart of the heart of what we are talking about
here, every time.
You see, Thomas, doesnt say bring it outside, he says bring it forth.
Thats so perfectly stated, because it is fact that when you bring what
is inside forth, then what was forth (that used to be outside) is not
outside anymore.

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Let me put it in my own poor words: Once you bring the inside outside,
then the outside becomes inside. But now it is, from now on, both
outside and inside!
I do not understand why this Gospel is hidden from us all. Even if it is
not a Gospel, what is wrong with this world; where we read all about Zen
and Tao, yet Thomas and his Gospel offers to the all people the inwards
techniques. These techniques lead nowhere else, but directly to Essence.
I insist that these are not Holy words, or religious doctrine or anything
else. These are techniques. Remember when I asked you what would
you do to connect when you are drunk? or after excellent sex where
you got lost? or when somebody attacks and rapes you?
I was talking about that ... what you have will save you. You could
never come up with such a precise excellently said answer. I am just
lucky. I am lucky.
I write a lot because I get excited when I see once again that these
techniques I have been led to are there, written by somebody, I do not
know and long ago. Amazing. Thanks to you!!
I came to you lost, panicked from that opening, full of fear that I may
do the wrong thing, and you confirmed to me this excellent thing.
Confirmation: No one has ever spoke about the outside. However,
everyone spoke about the inside. Look what you sent me today from
Thomas: That which you do not have in you will kill you if you do not
know it within you.
So, using logic, lets turn it around ... if you have something on the
outside, it will kill you unless if you know it within you. Excellent
Thomas!!!!!!!
Now a second question: Why does he say within you and he doesnt
say in you? Why doesnt he say if you do not know it in you or why
doesnt he say if you do not know it inside you? What does within
mean?
I am not going to answer that question either because this answer is the
second side of the same coin. The first is the answer to the above first
question. Ill happily confirm it for you though, if you find it.
You see, even writing these things to you this is a kind of meditation. It
was a hand from God to meet you.
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I have the impression that these writings will begin a change in this
world in the future. No, do not think that I am crazy ..., but do I have
to remind you that the Renaissance started from the correspondence
between Marsilio Ficino and Cosimo de Medici duke of Florence?
Richard, do you get it? Michelangelo, Boticelli, Leonardo, the entire
Renaissance started from an exchange of letters!!
After all, what do you think? Am I ever going to get married? (ha-ha)

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Chapter III
Man & Woman

This is only a partial reply in conversations with Sam, the new

Renaissance guide to Essence. I am usually absurd, as you can see
from this response, being my smartass self again, or not self?
I think if you get married you will know the within in another
dimension. The Essence to Essence connection is to me a legitimate
aspect of Essence itself. Somehow, the trust of mutual interdependence
can strengthen or enhance the experience of Essence, in the realm of
Personal Essence, which is an interesting idea of Almaas The Pearl
Beyond Price. The task here is to become a man of the spirit and a
man of the world at the same time. What an opportunity!
I wonder how Jesus, as depicted by Thomas, had a chance to do this.
Some traditions say he married Mary Magdalene The Woman with
the Alabaster Jar by somebody named Starhawk or something like
that is a scholarly work on this idea. Even the gospel itself elevates
Mary above Peter, which is very interesting; the feminine side of
God! Or in a sense the demythologizing of gender as significant.
Interestingly, the feminist theologians keep pressing the point of the
within-ness of things, or the inner life; the yin, not the yang; the loving
god, not the war god. But loving does not mean weak; it can mean
strength, if Essence is present in the aspect of Strength and Will.
Partial reply; will resume later.
Have a good Sabbath. Keep it holy (Essence?).
Richard

It was a joke, anyway. It meant, with all I said what woman can put up
with all this? Inside, outside, forth, save? Come on now!!! Who?
Still, its a joke. Actually, I think I am doing very well in that direction, too.
Have a good Essence to Essence connection. I am going to, also, later.

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A good woman will put up with it if you dont break it to her too
quickly; give her time. I have had 40 years, almost, with the same
woman; a little at a time. For instance, she lets me read Thomas to her
when she is in the mood.
Richard

Right, right ... but you started after you got married. She first met you
as a regular man (just me, now being the smartass). In fact, as I said,
I am working very well on that with someone (I mean the feminine
Essence) already.
Well, lets dont give too much attention to it.
I am afraid we are going to lose the meaningful aspect of the inside
coming forth to the outside which by then becomes within so all came
forth from me and all has returned to me.
You see, this is how I have met women so far. Disturbing and changing
the direction from the real matter to themselves, to their existence. That
of course is another opportunity to bring the inside forth where love is
living. Thanks to them.
Well, I read it (Thomas Gospel) here: http://www.misericordia.edu/
users/davies/thomas/Trans.htm so fast that I finished it in about 15
minutes.
The parts you quoted show slight differences (see articles #70 and
#77), but they mean the same.
Its impressive that:
#14 Jesus said to them, If you fast, you will bring sin upon
yourselves, and if you pray, you will be condemned, and if you give
to charity, you will harm your spirits.

The interesting thing about women is that they are what we want to
merge with, to have the symbiotic relationship with, as a way to try to
capture Essence. We want to be one, and so do they, but it is an illusion.
We are one, but we are not; does this oneness lead to the oneness with
Essence or does it just distract us to thinking that it is more than it is?
The goddess energy is very powerful because we try to fill the genital
hole (Almaas, in The Void 2003) that our personality protects. When
we allow ourselves to be as one, sexually or intimately, we get a slight
proximity to the experience of Essence. So the task is to sort out the
whole thing; that whom you worship can destroy you, or vice versa.
I think that came from Rollo Mays Love and Will.
But it is wonderful and human to love a woman and the Essence to
Essence connection can happen if one establishes a personality first
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and does not use the relationship to regress back to symbiosis. One
must have an ego before one can lose it.
Enough psychology Essence talk.
It is curious that Jesus, if this is Jesus, is not be for fasting, etc. I
believe he was seeing that all of that was just a way to avoid the In,
especially when everyone was so obsessed with their sins. Maybe
some rituals can reinforce dualism rather than the oneness or nondual aspect of the In connection.
Wolinsky (The Way of the Human, 1999) :
We created sin to explain why we feel so empty and disconnected.
There must be a reason, so it is because we are bad.
However, if we have a daddy or mommy (God) who will forgive us,
then we can merge again and feel connected.

Then we wont have to go through the discomfort to find Essence (my

addition).
I hope I do not go to hell for talking like this! So much for the fall.

Well, I somehow agree. I may go to hell too. So, allow me to establish

a companionship so I do not feel alone there. Thats my only hope that
hell can be collapsed. Unity with at least one more.
So, lets continue.
Women are not exactly men. They are very close, but they are not.
Women are created, like when you create a business empire. Men are
made, like mold when you keep water inside a jar.
Creation has its representatives within the human community, so
they can be taken care of. Even the hidden beasts in a jungle have
their representatives within the human community. Look at faces and
you will understand. There are people out there that represent dogs,
flowers, trees, wild animals, sea beings, birds, rocks, hills. Look at
what sort of animal a person loves, takes care of, intends to kill, study
for or dedicates him to save and you will understand. Even people are
sleeping with animals, having sex.
Even by studying and thinking of them, those beings are been taken
care of.
Women are the ones who bodily represent part of the creation. I do
not say how big part of the creation, I do not say which part, but they
represent a set of creation, a home, an established and created part of
the universe. Each woman represents something different. This excuses
the saying that each woman is different, this excuses the saying you
can never know a woman, or even each woman is a whole different
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story. All of them are true. They change exactly as the created world
changes. They know the created world without ever studying it.
I strongly support the saying that women are smarter than men exactly
because of that. Men know nothing about the world and its creation.
This is why women can bring another soul into this world and grow it
within her warmth. The world belongs to them.
I always kept this understanding with my former wife.
I was the one to go out and establish our security, i.e. the tutoring
institute (permits, building, purchases, advertisements, etc.) just
because it was all about fighting and building something from nothing,
then I gave it to her to warm it and nurture it, i.e. way of teaching,
talking with parents, schedules, payrolls, taxes and all. It worked this
way because the business needed somebody who felt what was wrong
and what was right. I gave it to her completely and absolutely. She
managed all our finances, too.
I always gathered ideas and information about new enterprises, but
never came to a final decision without asking a woman, whoever was
closer to me at the time. When I had nobody, I called my mama. In
her uneducated ignorance or their uninformed ignorance, she and the
women I asked, always gave me that one word that enlightened me, led
me to the solution.
The men come from the sky, the women from the earth.
The world belongs to the women and if they ever dare to claim it, you
lose. Remember any case? I am sure you do.
The amazing point is that since one achieves a stage in connection with
Essence, there he will find a woman. When you finally, after efforts and
practice, are able to bring that In forth, there you will find a woman,
who approaches you with admiration, promises you all, relaxes you,
convinces you that life is not only this ... and life is not only the
other ... etc., and suddenly, if you are connected strong enough, you
see that even just talking with her, no matter what, you lost it, you lost
the connection.
There you go again, you start all over, being distracted from having all
this mess, blaming her even if you dont say it with words, where you
find yourself working harder. Then you find another stage, another
connection, stronger and deeper than before, thereon blessing her and
thanking for her presence that now helped you so much.
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I never remember achieving any of the stages without the push from
the distraction coming from a woman. I remember though, achieving
stages whereby no woman was present, me being in heaven of
connection and living thereon as a happy prince. But, after a while? !!!
The woman was there.
Make no mistake. I never compare those two. As I poorly always say,
they are like the spoon and the fork: both concern food, but you never
can eat meat with the spoon and you never can eat soup with the fork.
Actually, you never dare to compare those two. Its silly. You just use
the one you need at the time and eat. None of those is superior or lower
to the other, right?
Also, make no mistake. Thomas wrote:
#114 Jesus said For every female who makes herself male will
enter the kingdom of Heaven.
And although we should understand that this should be combined with
what He says in #22,
#22 Jesus said to them, when you make male and female into a
single one, so that the male will not be male nor the female be female,
then you will enter [the kingdom], we still should make a note that

He mentioned this exclusively for the women at the end in #114.

Here in #22, he doesn't say, the male to become female and the opposite.
He says, the male not to be male and the female not to be female.
Then in #114 he says, the female needs to become male.
So, as explanation, for the man the path is to be not male and for the
female the path is to become male and then not male.
And dont make another mistake either. Nothing is wrong today.
By lowering one human being (lowering, meaning forget who I am,
forget how to go back, disconnection with Essence, etc.) we have
mixings, by having mixings (and of course through a lot of relationships)
lower beings get benefited and come closer to awareness, just by being
influenced from upper beings with whom they get exposed.
Meanwhile the upper beings get lost and fall lower, and the lower
beings get more awakened and raise up.

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Do you think it is wrong that the female will use her beauty to entice
the male? Sex, porno, class, money all are all tools used for the big goal:
Mixing which saves!! The more you get mixed the more you offer.
So I agree, as you wrote: When we allow ourselves to be as one,
sexually, or intimately, we get a slight proximity to the experience of
Essence. But you never heard this from a woman, just as a writer, right?
2:15 a.m. and I go to sleep. Continue tomorrow. No reply required yet,
because a picture is not fully drawn yet.

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Chapter IV
the struggle to Logically Find the In

I, too, appreciate our dialogues; it makes me think; I have been

dealing with this for years in groups and got more into this with the
Wolinsky books and practices in the group. Then things opened up
with you with the Essence, which is a movement, I think, beyond the
full dismanting of everything, although this may lead to the same
place (place?) (where?).

Dismanting? You may mean dismantling.

Well, true. It is not only dismantling though. All these questions and
rational phrases about In are real and consist of one simple reality,
one simple practice. The unbelievable part of it is that finally there is a
rational approach, once we all know that logic is not what it is; we all
know that real experience is what it is.
But, believe me; this is why I am so excited after all. This is why
I said, that these dialogues may consist of the new renaissance, of
the way to Essence. Because, for the first time, even for myself after
30 years since I first showed interest at 16, after 27 years since I
first started my practice at age 19, after all the readings, practices,
sharing, experiences, hearings, visits, etc., I see how close to the real
connection the rational approach is to answer.
If you find the answer to those questions about In, then it is easy to
fill in the gap between the rational answer and the real experience of
Essence. This rational answer is very close to the actual connection and
I will disclose that soon. But first, I need the rational answer.
Of course you dont have to do anything and we can continue dialogues
as it is now, however it happens, whenever it happens, it doesnt matter
to me. But if a seeker like you breaks through this, then everybody will.
In a few words, I am not trying to teach anybody or to pretend that I
have found something. Many people have found something, you too. I
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am trying though to verify that there is a very easy way to connect with
Essence that fits to everybody.
From anywhere you want to start from; I can take you to the In with
the proper questions of the rational approach.
After all, even the person that will stay with the rational approach,
and go no farther toward the connection, will understand way better
all those sayings or writings in the Christian tradition and will have
broken greatly the fearful net of the religion.

Yes, dismantling.
I have a question. If a seeker like me could break through this, how
could everybody? Many are not seekers and their background or
present capacity to experience may require at least some preparation.
The traditional formulas for salvation, for example, in the Protestant
churches, is admitting you are a sinner, confess your sins, and believe
in Jesus. That is it in a nutshell.
So many people believe that; you should go to my country estate!
The people there seem to be perfectly (questionable) happy with being
asleep, and are not really seekers.
Even the seeker may have a different mindset, or so many different
personalities. Would your approach be interesting to one who hungers
after righteousness or one who likes to check his net worth every day
since he is attached to the world of things?
I want you to know that I am not questioning anything about what
you are proposing. Just being my true to form skeptical self. I
have been a seeker; attended two theology schools for two years -Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary (when it was very liberal)
and Cander School of Theology at Emory, which was basically liberal
(versus fundamental). I minored in philosophy in college. This is to
explain my careful scrutiny of any system, approach, etc. I may or
may not be the one to give you feedback, but I will be honest based on
my own search and familiarity with the various approaches. I do not
know the answers; Im just quite interested in truth.
I am quite interested in this Essence thing, however, it is something
that I have evolved to through my search; everything from being a
fundamentalist (at a young age) to a complete skeptic.
This is not to be taken personally at all, just to let you know you
are dealing with a phobic, sometimes counterphobic recovering six
on the enneagram (the loyal skeptic). Also, do not assume I believe
everything I say. I know you know that.
We will write when we choose; lets leave it open that way. These
conversations are fun.
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At the beginning, the earth was flat!!! Then somebody thought,

Then, why does the boat disappear at the end of the horizon?
At the moment, there was only one who broke through by simply
observing a thing that everybody knew to be true!!! Today everybody
knows that the earth is round.
Those days, the rest of the people (who, as you write), seem(ED) to
be perfectly (questionable) happy with being asleep, and (WERE) are
not really seekers, believed the earth was flat. True.
Today, the rest of the people (who, we would write) They seem to be
perfectly (questionable) happy with being asleep, and are not really
seekers, believe the opposite, that the earth is round, in spite of what
seekers
they believed before.
People remain under the same conditions but their understanding has
changed! So, it looks like it doesnt matter if the people are asleep or awake.
Looks like Essence can be closer even though people can still be asleep.
Here we should ask the question, Who brings the Essence closer even
to sleeping people?
So, what I mean is, if the right person breaks through, then everybody
can break through. If the right person proves it with a simple approach,
then we can make the rest of the people change their minds and
continue to sleep, but sleep better, more restful.
If I may, Id use this analogy, imagine the entire mankind as one human
being, as one human body, then all the people are the cells and the
societies are the parts and organs. In this one big body, some cells
(meaning people) are in the brain. Some are in the heart. Some are in
the stomach and so on. Let the rest of the people sleep, except the ones
that are in the brain (or in the heart!). But the entire body needs to
pursue living as one entity, otherwise it will go schizophrenic. Right?
You see, you are the right person because you know a lot of different
systems so no one can accuse you of accepting my process blindly;
you are a scientist with experience in all these schools and majors and
PhDs, so no one will accuse you of being non-scientific. In addition,
you doubt everything, you are skeptical, so nobody can accuse you as
being a fundamentalist.
Also, you can easily cross-examine it all (like my careful scrutiny of
any system, my way to approach, etc. I will be honest based on my own
search and familiarity with the various approaches) so there is no doubt
for items being mistakenly presented.
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Of course We will write when we choose.

choose No doubt about it. You
have to do nothing, or to prove none. We do that because These
conversations are fun.
fun Thats for sure. If my participation doesnt
interest you, you quit. Thats for sure. Maybe, in the future, your
participation will convert to contribution. Who knows?
The matter of the fact is the rational part of the approach is not
Essence. It is only an undeniable way to reach up to the door, and a
secure way to tell you how to open that door, once you reach it. It can
tell you why to reach the door and the technique to break through. Of
course, then you have to abandon the logic and do the action, apply
that technique to open that door.
But the gap between the logic that led you there and the real action to
break through is smaller than the gap between the theory of how to
drive a car and the real action to drive the car.
This is the only way to break the religious systems and present a
scientific way of approaching your inner self.
Remember. The earth was flat and that was a religiously established
belief. Remember, Inquisition!!! Today it is not and I think, if not the
society, at least the people are better off without it.
This is exactly the same. Religion has to get back to its pew. To guide
and assist people (whoever chooses that) to emotionally find their way
back. Then scientists and pragmatists will have a way to go back to
Essence as well.
Like Almaas did.
Right now, the situation is weird. Believers blindly believe they will
go to Heaven if they just light up a candle every Sunday and kill in
the name of their belief on the weekdays; pragmatists believe only
the laboratory and think that the answer is somewhere between
reproduction by clone and depression from upcoming death, because
they believe there is no Essence, anywhere. Meanwhile, big disasters
like Tsunami that kills 30,000 innocent children seem to prove the
truth of their beliefs. Good morning.

Can the cognitive act be the same as Being in self-realization? Can they
both happen at the same time? Who is the right person to break through?
A PhD is just like a pig that gets another curl in his tail.

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My friend, I know this one thing. I met you as a teacher and I feel you
are like a father to me.
In my experience and according to my ideas it doesnt matter who
knows, which of us breaks through and who does what. I am still
humbled in your presence, and I know, without the confidence you
presented to me, I would have realized nothing. I would have rejected
Essence as something evil. Because I was hurt.
Do not forget, when I (we) face Essence, we are still that ego, that
personality. I could easily have used any substitutes, drugs, alcohol,
whatever, to stay in balance or at least to survive (or to feel that I survive).
I have never done drugs before, but you never know in a moment of crisis.
But NO! I met you. You not only had the right information, you also had it
in a balanced, concise, scientific way. You led me correctly, even though it
now looks like I am the one who is the leader.
Now, I am trying to explain to you how you pushed me into, what is there.
If you ever feel tired, thats fine I will respect that. Just tell me.
Ohhh, by the way!!! I want to apologize again for my poor way of
expressing things in English. Your morning email today was in my
thoughts all day, as something didnt match. So, almost all day I was
chewing it over again and again. Finally, I realized that the part But if
a seeker like you breaks through this, then everybody would can mean
to you that you are the dumbest person on earth and if you realize it,
then everybody can do it ha!!
I am almost falling apart from laughing about it. I apologize and Im
sorry if you took it that way. I hope though that after todays response,
it is clear to you that my meaning was that there is always a pioneer
and then the rest will follow. Only one is brave enough to be first. So
if you do it, then everybody can follow, everybody will be able to do it.
Sorry if I presented something different than this.
Now, about A PhD is just like a pig that gets another curl in his tail.
Trust me that there is a stage where you know how many other people
are into Essence and who is close or not. It is a given gift. If I am not
careful keeping the connection, if I start enjoying this happiness too
much, will lose it. I already did for a short time.
It took me a few weeks to get back with my feet underneath me. So I
cannot say much about this happiness and/or its capabilities. I have to
kind of forget it and leave it alone. But trust me, the PhDs I mentioned
have to do with the sleeping cells of the body (the other people), not
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with you. You never appear to take it that seriously about your PhDs.
Maybe you should, though (Ha, Ha!!!).
Anyway, I would and I wish.
Now, about Can they both happen at the same time? The simple
answer is NO.
There is where your free will gets tested: To decide to do the jump, from
in front of the door where the logic leads you to behind the door where
Essence is experienced. Now, make no mistake: a youngster like me, a
wild cowboy like me, may spend a long time there, being amazed by the
simplicity of it, by how rational the esoteric is and how obviously but
hidden it is. YES, I still have the impression that they both are or can
be at the same time, but remembering how I got there, I would say that
they are at the same time, but cannot happen at the same time. Can you
understand the difference, can you understand what I am saying?
I need to sleep, so good morning, my friend, and dont forget:
1st : What is inside you?
A little help: What is inside you that is not outside you?
More help: What is inside you that is not outside you, so you are called
to bring it forth?
2nd : Why does he say, within you and he doesnt say in you or
inside you?

Partial reply:
Within is non-duality, or oneness; the others imply subject-object. If
it was in you, or inside you, it would be something else that is not
you. Now, most Christian viewpoints would say that it is something
else, like JESUS, HOLY SPIRIT, OR THE FATHER. And maybe it is:
WE DO NOT BECOME GOD, we become not god or nothing
within, and experience presence, or Essence. Maybe. Only some
ideas, a partial reply.
Good evening; keep warm and safe.

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The second half of your answer is absolutely right. WE DO NOT

BECOME GOD, we become not god or nothing within, and
experience presence, or Essence. Excellently said, once again.
The first half is not. You see, the real facts are different. But I think I
can put it into rational words. When the outside comes or becomes
inside, then again there is oneness. He doesnt have to name it within.
Lets say after a lot of efforts and years, you finally achieve to see
the outside, inside. There is oneness. But, NO. He (Thomas or Jesus
through Thomas) doesnt say inside or in, says within. Anyway, I tried
to make it clearer, but my clear answer is NO, it is not what you said
and comes from what I see in reality.
By the way, the translator has done excellent work too, no?? Think
somebody who may not have had the experience and could convey it
so precisely, could translate it from one language to the other!!! How
about that?
One part of what you wrote is very close: If it was in you or inside you
it would be something else that is not you. Thats good. That helps a
lot. But please allow me to rephrase it a bit. It may help. If it was in
you or inside you it would be something else that is not (it) itself.
Stay still: What is inside you? What is inside you that is not outside
you, so you are called to bring it forth?

A simple reply would be Essence, or true nature, or pure Being. Yes,

the translator did a great job; I did not see it until I looked more
closely with your focus. I will think about the question some more.
I remember reading T. S. Eliot, the poet, who wrote The Four Quartets;
this is in Burnt Norton (Eliot, 1943, p. 15):
At the still point of the turning world, there the dance is. Neither
from nor toward, neither flesh or fleshless, at the still point there
the dance is. Talk to you later.

Two corrections, if I may:

... NO it is not what you said and comes from what I see in reality.
... But please allow me to rephrase it a bit. It may help ...
Yes, I surely know Neither from, nor toward.
And I am not sure I want to know, because I am still scared, but I see
it coming, flesh or fleshless. This is what came in last week and as
Thomas did with Jesus, I got suspicious; not accepting (trusting) yet.
Thanks again. We will talk.

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Chapter V
the Biographies

(and, of course, the man and the woman)

Is what is brought forth presence? Remember transubstantiation -the actual substance as presence; the substantial embodiment (notice
body). Essence, is it not, part of the mind, self, ego, and body? All
encompassing? Include all in soul, perhaps (Ficino influenced Thomas
Moore in Care of the Soul and Soul Mates (Jungian, and more
symbolic than reality, but close).
But does presence include spaciousness and expansiveness, and
can the body or flesh be included? Perhaps living in the present, or
presence, includes being able to be with our selves, including our
body, which at this point in time, according to Wolinsky (Quantum
Consciousness, 1993), is just energy in the form of matter.
T.S. Eliot also said in regard to flesh or fleshless, and do not call it
fixity.
That may mean that it is not too good to be attached to outcomes, but
that outcomes are okay to think about, even in Essence, depending on
how seriously or fixated we become with them.
We may have to have our fixations before we can lose them, however;
for example, be narcissistic before we can lose narcissism; have a self
before we cannot need a self; experiencing merging before separation,
etc. A lot of this is based on self-psychology, or object relations/
psychoanalysis ideas.
I realize these dynamics are dealing with structures of the personality,
and not phenomenology per se, but maybe the two can complement
each other. How alone have you had to be in dealing with this? Did
you have teachers as personal mentors before? Maybe you told me
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you did; I cannot remember. I have been in groups and have had
support in my spiritual journey, etc., but I have done a lot on my own.
What I think I am saying is that I think I can have a normal life and
be in Essence at the same time; but it means I do not have to accept
most ego driven ambitious frames of reference. Being a man of the
spirit and a man of the world is a challenge. I realize I still have not
answered your question about within.
Good evening.

For every answer you bring up for the question, What is inside you
that is not outside you, so you are called to bring it forth? I will always
reply to you with one or all of the followings: a) How do you know
that? (i.e. how do you know that presence is what is brought forth?)
b) If so, why is that only inside you, so you are called to bring it forth?
(i.e. why only presence is inside you, so you are called to bring it forth?)
c) How do you know that this is not also outside you? Because if it is
also outside of you, you do not have to bring it forth. (i.e. how do you
know that presence is not outside you?)
These three questions will make sure that what you think/see/experience/
know is the real truth. The answer has nothing to do with our thoughts.
It is a real fact.
Yes, I admit now, after experiencing it that there is a rational approach.
But it is so simple, that I can easily say, we have been taken for a ride.
I can easily call it a deception from God. Yes, there is a rational
approach, which if it ever occurs (if somebody understands) it can
be fairly labeled as enlightenment, even though it is only a rational
approach. I mean, even the rational approach of it is so strong and
so close to the real experience of it that it can very, very, very, fairly
be called enlightenment itself, even though it is not. Yes, there is a
rational approach that (as I said) is less distant from the real experience
than it is the class for driving from the actual driving.
I, myself, did not approach Essence in the rational way. This entire rational
firework I present here is real, but came to me after I met you, after
you relaxed me, after you calmed me down, after you reinstalled some
confidence back in me, when I was thrown into the connection and had
no clue what was going on. I will reveal this: I was working with that for
years, but never thought about it seriously. I was working with it, with the
purpose to achieve something else, a greater idea, a greater achievement.
I never saw it as the achievement itself. It was in front of me all the time.
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It is true what I was hearing or reading all these years: Abandon all ideas
and thoughts you have about it and you are just there.
I still feel like a fool that I never thought about it like that, never noticed. It
is so simple that I feel stupid because I never thought of it in this fashion.
I mean it!!!
Whenever I connect with Essence, its simpleness is such a beauty,
its emptiness is so self-sufficient, its presence makes me laugh (yes, I
laugh every time I connect with it), its being is so natural, the logic (as
we know it) is less logical than itself (yes, it is the most rational thing
you can ever think and experience).
When in Essence, I am thinking where were you for so long? Then the
image of me that comes to mind is stupid. I am telling you the truth
and only the truth. I am talking to you so sincerely because I think you
are the only one capable of bringing it here onto earth as Prometheus.
It is so sweet. It bothers nobody and nothing. While connected you can
still be with your body, with your business, with your thoughts, etc.
The moment you connect with it, there is no ego. You cannot stay there
long. But a 2 minute connection will keep its presence with you all day
long. About a 20 minute connection will keep its presence with you for
about 3-4 days.
When not connected with it (i.e. after the two minutes period) the ego
is back there and the Essence is not there at the same intensity, but its
presence stays with you so strongly that you do not need to make a
special effort to reconnect, just to turn your attention to it and it feels
so sweet, it feels so human, it feels so pure that I have, (even with the
ego), the feeling I am a child of the universe or a child of the whole. It
is true that when coming back from that dunking, the feeling is that of
a child, younger, purer, without worries, that you belong to somebody
else who cares about you. It is true that when coming back you feel the
personal ambitions coming on board again, but ego itself wants to go
back, wants to go back even if that means it is disappearing, it wants to
go back and experience its disappearing.
It is scary. No doubt about it. But this is the situation, when out of the
connection. And I go ahead slowly and very carefully. It reminds me
of when I go to swim in summer and I am afraid of the cold water. So I
first try it with my one big toe.
I understand that all this is just a stage or I need more practice or ... or ...
The only thing I am doing here is recording what is going on now.
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By the way, I was thinking about this some time ago: after my experience
I do not much understand personal Essence or what you have said
about Essence to Essence connection; but, since I found water to drink
anyway I do not much care about the details of where it came from.
You asked me, How alone have you had to be in dealing with this? Did
you have teachers as personal mentors before? Ohh, yes!!
Not many. Three teachers on my path.
The first one Nikos (Nick) Maryoris, was describing in a willow of words
his experiences of feelings. He was good, impressive; he could take you
into the feelings by words alone. He was typing all his feeling experiences
in simple papers and would sell them for about $4 each, back in 1977.
I stayed there 2 months. Meetings were held in a little classroom and I
learned that there are techniques in mind (mantra) to knock the door. I
stopped going and when I felt missing him and went back, he was dead.
The second one, Dimitris Kakalydis, (in this case his son was Nick),
was talking about the Ultimate Ego, the other Self, Zen, etc. He had
cancer and was given 2 months to live. They took him home, to die
there and not waste money at the hospital, once he was done. He
tried his last hope: Himself, his mind. He lived another 15 years after
that, I think. I studied with him 6 months.
Meetings were held at his house and I learned to trust my mind
because it is as real as the body is. When I felt missing him and went
back, he was dead.
The third was Nikos (Nick) Kazanas, who had a system and an institute.
The institute was a branch of an international chain of which he was a
disciple. He came from the London branch, which was established from
the India mother one. This institute has a few (I think three) branches
here, in the States.
New York, San Francisco and one is in Albany, Georgia. It was there
I first realized that Christianism has a nice tradition of practicing the
truth. Even though they come from India, they practice Christianism
but also they unite different traditions in seeking the path.
Religion, philosophy, poetry, literature, art can all be ones way to
seek truth. There I got trained in Sanskrit, meditating, art painting,
economics, in the importance of physical work to the seekers life, in
experiencing a few times what is oneness, in experiencing the fear in
the mind when connecting.
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But, within 2 years I started ignoring their system and establishing my

own because I didnt know where they would lead me, since by that
time I had heard, from newspapers and trials, how dangerous it was
to follow all those gurus, that hidden influences were their goal,
that sexual abuse may have occurred, that they may lead you to
psychopathic behavior and so on and on and on.
I decided to stay with them because I realized nothing was wrong with
that institute, but I also started analyzing each idea and each practice.
There I started using logic and thinking about how all people in the
past got through the door. And what I needed to do in order to walk
through the door myself. So, my confidence grew up under the warmth
and crossexamination of that environment. I stayed there 4 years total.
I joined the army for the mandatory service and came back for another
year or so. At one time I got in a big argument with the teacher, questioning
why I am staying with them, since I wanted to follow my own
perspectives. I left, never to return and I know that teacher is still alive.
Of course I found many other contacts where I became more enriched
into the path than I did with those three fixed teachers. For example,
I visited the Krishna institute once. They were dancing, singing, you
know how. I was watching. One of those monks was really admirable.
My eyes were on him all the time, I do not know why.
After a moment he left the room, leaving the rest of the monks to continue
the show. After no more than 5 minutes I suddenly had a very strong
itching at the back lower part of my spine. It was so strong that I jumped
up and stayed standing up (before, I was sitting on floor on the last row).
I started scratching my back while watching the show.
Soon I was sweating.
At one point, it was like thorns were scratching my spine.
I remember clearly, that I felt as if somebody was behind me, making
fun of me, scratching me with a rose and its thorns. So, I turned around
and what did I see: the monk who had left the room was a few meters
behind me, sitting on the floor, looking at my back and singing in a
low voice the Hare Krishna song. I was so surprised, so amazed that I
walked out of the room. I didnt leave, but left from his view.
I have a lot of such stories, all funny and interesting ones. But as you
say: I have done a lot on my own.
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I used logic and nothing else. Then I let each stage of the logical
practice lead me to the next stage. I always used the practice in my
daily life on the street, through the body and confirmed with logic.
I did not visit institutes or teachers after 1989. I didnt even read books
after 1989. I just started reading some books here and there again after
I met you. I am planning a trip to the Holy Mountain named Mount
Athos soon.
You may have never heard of it, I do not know. If you wish, you may
learn about it at http://www.monachos.net/monasticism/athos/
You say, What I think I am saying is that I think I can have a normal
life and be in Essence at the same time.
I totally agree.

Thank you for your sharing your recording of what is happening to

you. And also for sharing your experience about teachers. It is funny;
I have never seen myself as one who could be in this role, as any kind
of Prometheus, or anything else. I do know that I have had profound
experiences in dealing with my clients, which has shaken me to my
very foundation, pushing me toward some kind of reality I have been
fearful of, perhaps.
I have always been a teacher in Sunday school (Baptist Church)
(wow); not now. They always asked me to teach things that were
different or out of the mainstream of tradition. I have preached, at
age 20, a major sermon in church, and some others as well.
I spoke the main sermon at the memorial service (1999) of a young 28
year old woman who killed herself; I am a good friend of her mother,
and she came to me to ask me, not the minister, to deliver the sermon,
which I did in front of many teachers, students, Baptist preachers,
women, you name it, at Agnes Scott College.
It was nontraditional but was accepted well by this entire
diverse group.
Interestingly, one of the themes was that one could go back to the
Garden of Eden and go through the gates; on each side of the gate are
two guardians, desire and fear. How appropriate! The idea was that
if God ran Adam and Eve out of the Garden, they could go back In, if

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they could get past the gate. Inside were Buddha, Christ, etc, enjoying
something (was it Essence?) Ha-ha.
Maybe we have been taken for a ride; I wonder if the deception has
opened up in Thomas? Or other places as well; with Sotiris?
Remember that Prometheus was bound and tied to a rock; I may be
too old to take that risk?
Interestingly, I went to therapy, went to a 12-step recovery program (8
yrs.), and have been in a spirituality group for the past 8 years. I have
never had a spiritual teacher whom I listened to except a preacher
or two, and a philosophy professor I had in college. I seemed to
know more than most except the philosophy professor. I appreciate
your depth of ability to communicate on this level. Knowing and
experience, I am aware, is not the same thing.
I have in the past ten years wanted to publish a book of poetry. A lot
of the poems point to Essence, now that I look at them. I have not been
brave enough to try to do this. I have over 60 poems.
One I wrote (the first, in 1992):
Truth, Beauty, and Goodness
I know who she is-An old mans hope
A young womans dream
Shes Beauty
I know who He is -An old mans dream
A young womans hope
Hes Goodness
I may know who they are-Beauty and Goodness
became friends.
A Reality was created
named Truth.
They all found bliss ever after-as much as mortals could!
end

A connection to Greek virtues, after all, from way back. An example,

as well, as how women carry Essence. Is your rational approach yin
or yang; Jesus, in Thomas, said women had to become men; I wonder
what that meant?
Take care.
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Thank you for enriching our friendship. To me, it is a privilege that you,
with such achievements, still want to talk with me. I never saw myself
as important, doing all these things. I mostly started walking the path
without realizing why. It was a nice feeling at the beginning. It looked
cool. Then I couldnt go back, couldnt stop. Many times I wished I could,
many times I wished to be as the others, back asleep, a regular person.
But when you experience some awareness, or some different feelings, or
some new views, you cannot forget, you cannot go back.
The experience is always there to itch your back and leave you with
no peace, always reminding you to go ahead. Then, and because of all
this, because of the time spent on this, because the dedication to this
path through life, life started being too hard.
No career was established, no masters degree that I could use, no
special professional experience, you name it.
So because life was becoming hard already, in order to survive and (if
you wish) to succeed to some degree, I had to use what I knew. What
did I really know? Only esoteric practices. Kind of like practicing
magic, using the practices I knew for getting practical results, a better
life, some business, etc.
Somehow, I was forced to follow certain paths, certain practices, (not
from a person but from situations). I couldnt go back and I used them
to survive. So, here I am with a bachelors degree in Math, certificates
in financing, in exports, in computer stuff and so on, being champion
kickboxer, navy seal and owning a construction business away from home.
You put them together, I cannot!!!
I deeply and honestly admire people like you that balance all aspects
in life. You know ... profession, family, enough money for a convenient
life, plus a spiritual life, some order and history in seeking the truth,
recognition as intellectuals, etc.
You mention, I wonder if the deception has opened up in Thomas?
I think it is on #13 of http://www.misericordia.edu/users/davies/
thomas/Trans.htm

Jesus shared with him three words, for which later Thomas was asked
but never revealed. Yes, I think he knew better than the rest of the
students. Dont forget, Thomas was the only one, who when Jesus came
back from the resurrection wanted to confirm it was Him, by looking
for the prints of the nails in his hands, right? So, doubt my friend,
doubt all and everything you can (Ha, ha, ha).
I think it is time for this Thomas Gospel to take its position among the
international literatures, for what it is worth. I think it has been ignored
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and discriminated against even though after all (after you presented it
to me) I see it as a piece of gold.
Remember that Prometheus was bound and tied to a rock.
rock Yes,
because he brought and gave the fire to the people. Plus, was that a
vulture that was eating from his flesh while he was tied on the rock?
Pretty painful, huh? (Ha, ha). Well, you can be a bit smarter than he
was, you can write it all and excellently, leave it and have it published
after your death (you see I didnt say after you die!!!).
Believe me, I know very well what the punishment is for bringing truth
to people. Anytime I tried, I suffered a great deal. But also, I think we
are already smarter. If you wish, let me put it this way: Somebody else
experiences, somebody else knows, somebody else writes, somebody
else publishes, so ... what the heck, we have already confused the
vultures, right? (Haaaaaahaha).
You write, I have in the past ten years wanted to publish a book of
poetry.
Me, too: I have in the past ten years wanted to publish a book of The
Revolving Logic, or How The Logic Destroys Itself with the subtitle,
How The Logic Eats Its Flesh.
You remember I told you, in order to see what is true and what is not,
revolve the thing around itself. Like the Sufis (when dancing). The true
thing, when it is revolved grows more, the fake dies? If you do that
with the logic, logic dies. Logic is a fake thing.
Uhaaaaah!!! my friend (are we?), and good morning.
Too much eaten flesh today.

Poem from Rumi, Sufi poet, 13th century

Only Breath
Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu,
Buddhist, Sufi, or Zen. Not any religion
or cultural system. I am not from the East
or the West, not out of the ocean or up
from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not
composed of elements at all, I do not exist,
am not an entity in this world or the next,
did not descend from Adam or Eve or any
origin story. My place is placeless, a trace
of the traceless. Neither body nor soul.
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I belong to the Beloved, have seen the two

worlds as one and that one call to and know,
first, last, outer, inner, only that
breath breathing human being.
(The Essential Rumi by Coleman Barks, 1995, p. 32)

Good evening.

I sent this to myself. It was meant for you.

Its interesting that I have been in areas of study and work that have
made it easier to combine my work with the readings and searching
for spiritual things.
You may not know, but at one time I studied engineering; graduated
from Southern Technical Institute; I also worked as a peace officer, a
probation officer with the juvenile court, which was mostly a social
worker, but did involve police duties at times.
I admire your accomplishments in kickboxing and Navy seal activity.
I studied martial arts for a while in my late 50s, but hurt my back
and dropped out (Choi Kwang Do). The discipline necessary for these
accomplishments is admirable.
As a mathematician, you could be in great demand, especially as a
teacher. The public schools (as well as private) here are looking for good
math teachers, especially men. Who knows, depending on your interest.
Did you know that there is a guy named Braden who has written books
on The God Code, a mathematical explanation for spiritual reality?
Somewhat interesting, but probably over my head. So much for logic, huh?
Good morning, have a good day.
By the way, do shaved heads ( and tattoos) foretell the emergence of
a new spiritual awakening of youngsters? Many have given up the
traditional formulas.
Id rather have a pony tail and ride a Harley! ha

It looks like we have a break from the beautiful simpleness and its selfsufficient emptiness!!! Good!!

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Let me grab the chance then, and finish my 2:15 and I go to sleep.
Continue tomorrow. No reply required yet, because picture is not drawn
yet. email of January 25, when I replied to your women report.
To finish up with that, Id like to add a few things. Historically, all
societies accepted that the man is made for out there, the hunter, and
the woman tended in here, inside the home. It was like this in many
ancient societies (applied strictly too, in Athens, Greece) and still is
in many countries (I experienced that while I was young). The way I
understand this is, the man is to open the hard path and the woman to
warm up and grow up what the man achieves outside the home.
If nobody opens the path there is nothing to live for. If nobody
warms up what is accomplished, then it will die before it even grows
up. This is the same for children. We have an expression in Greece
(if I can say it correctly in English) the man begets, the woman
delivers. By this meaning yes, the man is the hunter and the woman
is the housekeeper; BUT in everything, home is everything that has
been accomplished by a man, not only the house!!!. For example,
with your business!!! Establish the business and have your woman
grow it. House!!!! Build it up and let your wife make it into a home
as she wants. Children!!! Make them and let her raise them up.
Besides the help, cooperation, mutual involvement, etc., this idea needs
to be clear and agreed between them before they start to interact in life.
By this I mean, when the women go out to accomplish careers and
they wanted to be (fool-ishly) independent, (maybe in the name of silly
feminism), good! let them do it. What does the man do then? If he is a
fool too, he is going to fight back and life becomes miserable. If he knows
some stuff (like Essence) he is going to take advantage of it and go one
step further, he is going to be again a hunter, this time to open the path to
the esoteric world, to Essence. He has help now, he now has the woman
providing at home too, so he can spend time in the internal where the
woman cannot. But, you see, nobody educates people correctly today
because mixing up roles helps the improvement of beings.
It was like this before. In history, the man was out there first, every
time. Then the woman, after many years and many changes. Then the
man went to the next step, politics. He had to fight to open some doors.
But he is a fool if he stays to possess and show off. She knows better
what it is that he accomplished. She knows already, even while he
is fighting out there. She just doesnt have the strength to take on the
fight, to open the hard path and, as Plato said, the courage in the soul.
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Plato said that the only difference between a man and a woman is at
the braveness of the soul.
The second half of your January 24, 2005, email was about if this is
Jesus, to not be for fasting and We created sin to explain why we feel
so empty and disconnected.
Well, I cannot believe that any of the wise and enlightened has ever
been against a good life. I see statues of Gods and Goddesses.
I see how Buddha is presented, I see their word, I heard what famous
monks said after they were enlightened, I know even Socrates had
to have a good symposium before any speech or conversation. He
actually was asked about it and said you need to have your stomach
asleep before you use the speech (logos). Myself, I never worried about
what they said. I always did what I felt I should do. It was always food
first, believe me. Plus good drink, good sex and all things that make up
the good life. No outrageous things.
I never got flat out drunk, was never exhausted from sex but I always
enjoyed the good qualities of each of those items. I never regretted
experiencing their pleasures.
Sometimes I have regretted tactics I used to accomplish business, but
never the pleasures of the flesh. It looks like now, it helped.
Besides, I think that all those people with all their disciplines about
flesh are lost. This is a big thing to say once history is full of dedicated
people punishing a third of their entity (the body), but I think I am now
entitled to say that.
I have been there. I lived four years eating no blood food, another three
years having no sex back in my 20s, etc. But you know what? My mind
was there to keep the discipline not to improve in this path. So I quit.
On the other hand, being a follower of my own feelings and reading
and satisfying my appetite, I changed things because I felt so inclined.
When after meditation I didnt feel like smoking, I then quit, easily.
Same for cigar, coffee, hot dogs. (Ha-ha). Not yet for sex. We will see.
Essence is a very beautiful feminine.
So this answers the last part of your letter about sins. All those who
created these ideas on sin interpreted what they were taught, but never
experienced, feared but never thought, felt but never observed, believed
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but never doubted. Lost time, lost souls, good for the (mixed up) soup,
caught in the net because they got trapped with the banana. (???)
Do you know how they catch live monkeys? They open a little narrow
hole in the ground and drop in a banana. The monkey reaches in for
the banana, but then their fist becomes bigger. So the monkey cannot
leave, but doesnt want to leave the banana either. It starts screaming
and jumping up and down with its fist in the hole and still holding the
banana strongly. The hunter, who meanwhile takes a nap a bit farther,
wakes up, by hearing the screaming and throws the net over the monkey.
At some point you mentioned something about For every female who
makes herself male will enter the kingdom of Heaven. Well, I think it
has to do with this strong ability of the womans nature to know the
present. They are born with that in order to be able to raise up new
humans; this is mother nature. This is why I said they know the world
without even studying it. Now, this ability, this power to be present, is
like a very sharp knife; you can cut bread, you can cut your hand too.
Imagine a woman seeing (in action) that she is more mature than her
male (and she is!) but cannot understand why he looks more stable,
more happy (in his silliness, if you wish). They try to explain it as
society has developed that and all this feministic nonsense, but truly
they do not know. The answer is the man comes from the sky, the
woman from the earth. Simple as that.
Remember, it is exactly because of this ability that they cannot see
behind the scene, they cannot see where God fits in all that.
They see the world absolutely and precisely; they see it all when
we are building something, but they cannot see the power in being
nothing. So the first matter is that they cannot see behind the scene,
although they are Masters of the scene, which drives them crazy,
depressed. They never are happy with anything because they are
always thinking about something else!
However, because they know strongly, by their intuition, they cannot
accept instructions, guidance from someone else. It is not about ego
and stuff. It is about trust. How can they trust learning from something
or someone (the male or the world) that they view being in charge of?
Do you understand my point?
Now, here is the deal. When the man tries in the path, he achieves
something when he overcomes the worlds movement which some call
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it the emotions in charge of the movements, meaning that usually the

emotions are under the influence of our environmental movements, so
they are never calmed. Some others call it to absorb the senses inside,
away from the outside. Some others refer to it to avoid passion.
In any event, when the man gains one step up toward the Essence and
uses that, practically, in the world, the result is that there is a piece of the
world or a view of the world that he overcomes, he manages, he is above it.
I do not want to give the wrong impression with all these overcome,
above, managing, etc., but the reality is that one step deeper in
spirit makes the distractions from the world weaker. A stronger spirit
creates a weaker world.
Think now, how can a woman with such a strong position of being in
charge of the world, abandon this and get into the spirit where she has to
trust that the nothing is stronger than the world, at least at the beginning?
She strongly understands the world, it is her baby, her child. and now
she is called to ignore this (!!!!) and trust something that she cannot see
(the beautiful simpleness and its self-sufficient emptiness) in order to
connect with Essence (what is this? ha).
This is why, in all traditions, woman was always kept out of the temple.
Anyway ... mistakes from both genders were made.
This is why it is said that in order to enter the kingdom of God, they
need to obey a man which is symbolized with the long hair.
So the woman, by obeying the authority (man, world) she puts her
power on a narrow track, focused like the blood in a vein. She does
this not because the man is wiser or more superior. It is like, when
somebody respectfully has to listen to a judge and spend 20 years in
prison, even though DNA 20 years later proves him innocent. It doesnt
mean the judge is always right, but you got to listen to him, right?
What is natural for the man is a hell for the woman. What is natural for
the woman is ignored by the man.
In the long run, just a few thoughts. Just Greek perspective. Picture
completed! (am I sure???) ha-ha.

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Chapter VI
reference to Ego
(and, of course the man and the woman)

Maybe the sin is the way it is set up. If we lose Essence, which we
do, perhaps as children, then we have fallen from our unity with
Being, or Essence. It is not that we have been morally wrong, but
that we have lost the connection and have become individuals. But
we have to become individuals, existence before we can lose it to
Essence. We must have an ego before we can let it go, since that is
what blocks Essence.
This applies to men and women, I think. They are just as estranged as
we are, just more in tune with emotions usually.
Essence is a form of Platonic idealism, isnt it? As opposed to realism?
Someone said that all mathematics is based on a philosophy of
idealism idea-ism.
The dark night of the soul may be when we are getting closer to an
aspect of our personality that may need healing, but which Essence
can heal. Maybe we overeat and oversex as a way to avoid the pain
of feeling self deficient, which often we have to do (lose personality
defenses), before we can bring forth (your words) the Essence.
Just ideas, maybe Greek, maybe German idealism, maybe ontological
theology (i.e. Paul Tillich), maybe early Jesus. Good evening.

If we lose Essence, which we do, perhaps as children, then we have

fallen from our unity with Being or Essence. It is not that we have
been morally wrong ...

Well my friend, (by the way, I am very glad to hear back from you) Ill try
to make it simple. Sometimes simplicity also depends on the receiver, not
only on the transmitter. Simplicity also includes concise, short writing,
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of which I am not famous for at all, because (as per the Greek expression)
I write too much because I do not have the time to make it short. So, be
prepared, this is going to be another long one. Plus, from my experience,
when writing is short, it may take centuries to discover its meaning, a
matter that we do not want to apply between us.
When my ex and my daughter were here visiting in August 2002 (so
shed spend sometime with her father, of course at my expense! ... ha),
one night we went out to eat at a Greek diner. While we were on the
highway, suddenly my daughter, from the rear seat says: Ohhh!!! It
looks like the cars are moving backwards. Her mama immediately said:
Dont be silly, how can the cars go backwards? Her father then said:
Manto (her name) you are right. What you saw now you will learn at
school. Its called Theory of Relativity and Einstein was the first to
talk about it. It says that when you observe on the outside while you
are standing inside then you see the objects going backwards. But if
you observe on the inside while you are standing outside then you see
us moving forwards. In both cases, the result is the same: we will reach
the Greek diner no matter whether it comes to us because the things
move backwards or we go there because we move forwards.
Then I instructed her how to do the same with the trees (on the edge
of the road); to see them as non-moving while we then go forward or to
see us as non-moving while the trees then go backwards. I urged her to
also do the same with the other cars; to see, at that moment, that we do
not move (even though we were) while the other cars go backwards and
to observe again that the other cars seem to not move while we then
move forwards. I am sure you know what I am talking about; it is all in
your experience of observation anyway.
So my dear friend remember: when you observe the outside while you
are standing inside then you see the objects going backwards, but if you
observe inside while you are standing outside then you see yourself
moving forward. This is why, maybe, we all say the world goes
downhill getting worse even though we all know science, information
and activity is getting better or, if you wish, as the Orthodox Christians
say (maybe the rest of the world, too), humble yourself if you want to
go higher in the kingdom of God.
I told you, my goal is to try to close the gap between Science and
Theology. Would you bet on me?
Sometimes it is not only the relativity of movement. It is also the nature
of the senses. I was, as you very well know, this last weekend at the
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Highlands with my girlfriend for (as per your words) more Essence ... ha.
Well, we found an area guide and so visited some falls. Very impressive
and surely Essence was more present there. But check out this. Next time
you visit a waterfall, remember that you can observe it two ways.
One is how we normally see things, as my dear girlfriend of 46 did,
watching the water falling continuously.
The other way is to nail your eyes at the top of the waterfall, where the
water begins its fall; pick a good size piece of water and watch it falling
all the way down, without losing sight of it.
Do not watch all the water falling down. Just stay (as possible as it can
be) with a specifically isolated part of the water. Do this for 4-5 times.
Your eyes pick a piece of water, your eyes follow it down as it falls , your
eyes go up again and pick another section of water and follow it down,
and continue for 4-5-6 times. After you do this waterfall watch 4-5 times,
stop and nail your eyes on the mountain, on the rocks next to the water,
where there is no water. Let me know what you see. It is amazing.
I urged her to look at the water fall like this. Of course, the very first
reaction (before she even tried) was I see nothing, what do you see?
Then I said something else, and she tried it again on her own and in
a minute came back telling me how surprised she was, how can that
happen, then why do the people not see things like this and of
course then how did you (Sam) dared to think and see like this?
And as I have asked you the question already, will I ever get married?
once the way I live surprises people or at least makes them wonder
whats going on with him here?
Maybe the solution is to never talk, to practice silence!
We will see.
I do not know if you have made the connection between the fallen
from our Unity and the sin is the way it is set up with Relativity
or Waterfalls. You should. It looks like the Theory of Relativity and
Esotericism have a lot in common. And do not repeat to me that you are
not good in Math and Physics because I am here with you and we do
not yet clearly know who is who.
The matter of the fact is that an ambitious Prometheus who is willing
to close the gap between Science and Theology needs to know Physics
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and Theology, so later there will be no difference between the defiance

of the deification of the Physics and the disposal of the demystification
of the Theology.
Truly, I do not understand why, We must have an ego before we can
let it go, since that is what blocks Essence. I have been working on
that for a long time now, since I left your place. It requires a lot of focus
which I am still trying to give it while going through my daily errands.
My first idea is this. Having ego before let it go is not exactly
necessary. While going back to Essence, the first thought coming up
is (in oneness) if I wont be an individual, who I am going to be? I
understand that this view comes from a long-long period of living as
an individual and might seem or feel superficial to try to resolve things
under this old point of view.
But then, it doesnt matter (I am pretending to be the devils advocate) if
I am connected to Essence. What matters is that while I am connected to
Essence (so individuality fades out), and paint your house, who (an ego?)
is going to argue and claim the money owned when (hypothetically) you
do not pay me, while I am still connected to Essence!!! In other words,
how am I going to get a material life without ego?
You see at this point, individuality coming from unity is analogous to
individuality of your two hands. You never have thought that these
hands are two different, individually, separated parts; you see them
as a united set, because they are and work absolutely in complete
accordance!!! In this case you are the Unity, the father!!! Your hands are
the potential fallen individuals.
Lets say they still live in the Unity, in Heaven (under your watch and
order, as Adam and Eve) until you wonder and decide to see how it would
feel if you concentrate and forget your entire whole being, then enter into
one hand; just being curious how the other hand looks from there.
It is a good experiment and easy to do.
Then a strange experience happens; if you persist, if you try hard at this
and if you do not pay attention to the many upcoming headaches (ha
), you can see that the one hand where you place your concentration
on takes the feeling and the presence of what you were before, of what
you really are. It feels like the individual hand is you, even though it
still remains a hand.

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The feeling is, the hand is too big and strong!!! To my idea, this is
the ego! It is like a shadow of an idea, that wasnt there before, but is
created when you push to enter in that specific smaller space and see
how things look from there, when you play a little innocent game. At
least this is how it begins.
I do not know if you can do a few minutes of this practice, but I did.
Actually, it is a valuable and easy practice and I think this is how we
can explain all those affects from magic, black or white, whatsoever!!!
All these people try to shrink into a smaller part of the world (in
a specific image on their mind) where the same power, which is
compressed now, can have more affect.
This is the Law of Boyle-Marriotte in Physics (again???) PV=nRT.
If you do this little experiment, moving your attention back and forth
for awhile, it will show you the mechanism from which we move
from the one-unity (your one normal daily sense of your bodily self)
which includes any created, differentiated, separate parts, to a nonknown entity, where each powerful separation creates a scary shadow
by mixing the I am with the created, differentiated, separate parts
which I definitely would call ego.
There is something else there, too. I see that before you force your
attention into the one hand there is one unity and accordance of operation,
even though there are still two hands; why is this? Because the two hands
are completely dedicated to and constitute a part of, one body and are
never believed to be separated, because it would look like a monstrosity.
I think this is why all traditions agree that in order to get back to Unity
you have to have an absolute dedication. That dedication will bring
you back to entire, complete one.
When you force your concentration to be in one hand, you have to forget
the one body, otherwise you will never truly feel the one hand. This
process must be performed in complete awareness and willingness.
If all this sounds confusing, it is, because it is not clear to me yet. Of
course I no longer practice experiments like this.
It feels silly to waste time trying to prove what ego is and is not, since I
am already burning up.
When I got your email I did practice for a while and really got into that
ego thing having already a little bit of real experience. You see, what
I practice now is to see who Sam is while I am connected in Essence.
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Many times, while working on that question, it turns to, What is the
creation while in Essence? and What are all these things around me
when I am connected in Essence?
There is a very sharp edge where created things meet Essence and
it looks like that point is the beginning of a new organization, a new
united body (if I can say it) which we all are part of and where there is
no doubt or question who is Sam or why you do not pay me when I
finished painting your house.
It is such a strong, new, point that I cannot even stay to watch.
I just touch it a bit, for 1/100 of a second, and then I come back, tired
and unable of doing more efforts for the week. It is a very exciting
process, and it makes me happy to be in this process, but it also drives
me crazy, because these are real wonders that do not let me sleep.
Now, let me talk about Mrs. girlfriend and celebrating the upcoming
Valentines nonsense. While relaxing from all this effort, I can use
overreacting and oversex as a way to avoid the pain of feeling selfdeficient, which I have to do when I do not bring forth the Essence
(YOUR WORDS)!!
I cannot say anything about any hole in the personality because I
never experienced such an approach while practicing. I am trying to be
honest with you, no matter what. So I will always tell you things that I
have seen with my own eyes, even if they make me look silly or lost.
I hope this weekend, you wont turn after decades in Psychology and
years in Theology to Physics, so enjoy your own Valentines Day. Talk to
you later.
Thanks for inspiring my separate being. Over-studying!!!
Another drug to avoid the self-deficiency.

My friend, I am enjoying the Valentine weekend; today, actually, is the

40th anniversary of the first date with my wife. How time flies (what
is time?)
I do see, in some ways, the connection of esoteric with physics, or
religion with physics, when we think of the oneness of things, which is,
in my understanding, a tenet of quantum theory or quantum physics.
I have studied this some, was drawn to books about it , but did not
understand it very well, though I am continuing to understand it more.
String theory, etc., fascinates me, and these ideas must be what make up
reality, though not fully observable to our linear, limited consciousness.

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The Quantum Psychology stuff from Wolinsky is very close to what

you are talking about, I think. He uses Einsteins formula: E=MC as
a basis of his idea. Energy is Mass and Mass is Energy; emotions are
only energy experienced as mass, so emotions can be converted back
to energy (Wolinsky, Quantum Consciousness, 1993).
The esoteric perhaps is related to this In that the oneness of mass and
energy make up the oneness of Essence. Following this all the way
back, you find Essence, or theologians, Ground of Being.
Enough philosophy for today. I get tired too, at times, thinking about
all this. It is good to have you in a dialogue since I do not get this
input from anyone else. Interestingly, I asked my sweetheart (wife)
what she thought Essence was and she said: The very being of
being. Not bad, huh?
By the way, there were warrior priestesses during Homers time
(Amazons). They hunted and the men stayed home with the children.
Documented by archeology!
Have fun.

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Chapter VII
the Definition of God

So it looks like those women made themselves males, so again, For

every female who makes herself male will enter the kingdom of
Heaven!!!
Again, as per the Greek expression the only good year was last year.
Looks like they knew that the world belonged to them and the men
should serve them. Actually, I think this is the truth. On the other
hand, I never remember any man trying to be like a woman, but yes,
I know of a few examples (like Amazons) where women were acting
like men (at least as we have defined that role). It looks like there is a
certain way of action that connects with the esoteric world: hunting out
there but not staying home, no matter who does that!!!
Yes, I am getting tired from all these theories, too. So I adopt only those
theories that I can see in reality, with my own eyes, like the Relativity
while driving.
This is what happens in Science, too!!! You see the atom theory,
three Keplers laws for planets, penicillin, etc., were never proven.
They were formed, written and then accepted because they could be
applied with success.
But other theories, like the later one, that gravity is not a pulling force
but it is a pushing force still remains a tiring theory (it makes me
tired) since the apple continues to fall under the apple tree, no matter
if it is caused pushing or pulling. This is how I screen theories from
theories. I mean there are theories that can be applied in action with
results and there are theories that are still words and words and words
of explanations. I avoid the second ones as I avoid hell.
What I mean by application is this: did you know that the third Kepler
law is 4Qa/T = GM, where T is the rotation period of a planet and
G is its gravity, which in this equation is inversely proportional to
each other.
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That, in simple words, means that when the time of rotation is

increased then the gravity is decreased and when the time of rotation is
decreased then the gravity is increased, ok?
Now they have proven that the rotation period T of the earth is always
going down (rotation happens in less time) because it occurs faster;
faster in speed means the rotation happens in less time, right? And
the reason for the faster rotation is that the earth is losing mass-weight
through the ages. That means that the speed of the earth was much
slower (taking more time to rotate) in the past, which means that in
those days the gravity was much smaller (inversed of the time), which
leads to the conclusion that all objects could be larger or giant.
Smaller gravity means that objects can grow larger!! Did you ever hear
about giant animals (i.e. dinosaurs), giant people that may have built
pyramids all over the world, Titans, war of the giants etc? Yes, you did!!
Similarly, as the earth lost massweight, its revolution has changed.
Possibly todays normal year could have been much longer in the past,
for example a year could have equaled a century in those days; a year,
the time of revolution, could have been much, much longer; that means
that the seasons could have been longer also in those days.
So a question to you; did you ever hear of the Ice Age (a really long
winter, huh?) or the everlasting spring the so called Paradise (also a
really long spring, huh?), or Noahs Flood (too long of a rainy season),
huh? I am sure you did. I do not understand why people make this so
difficult all the time; why they want aliens to do the job, huh? ha-ha!!!
It was very nice talking to you on the phone, after so long. Of course, as
with every open-hearted person, when we meet we always laugh a lot.
It is a good refreshment, huh?
It appears to me that Essence is a very wise thing!! I told you I am trying
to see how all past issues exist in Essence, once I found myself in it.
I connect, observe, get out and come back, usually tired, and try to form
what I see and learn into words.
Dont think that it takes too long to do this. It may take a long time
though to reconnect, because I know it requires a lot of concentration
and energy. I feel tired but happy when I do though.
I have never shared with you anything that is just my idea or my
thought. I only tell you things that I see as real, in reality. There is a gap
of course. The gap is that when I am connected with Essence, I just live
with that, no thinking, no feeling.
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When I leave and return to life, the thinking begins and that is then
when I start forming into words what I experienced. When I am
connected, even though no one else can realize anything different
about me, and even though I still do what I do, i.e. running on the
treadmill, there is only silence and I live with it.
I think I am very lucky to have this blessing of connecting, of knowing
what it is, away from descriptions, thoughts, words, readings,
thinking and all. But, I also do not know what I would do without
this mathematician background that gave me the skills of logic and
rational thinking. How would I express ideas like the below one, if
I didnt have the educational background? It allows me to see the
Essence as an art; an art of expression.
Be aware that I write to you not only what our dialogue brings up but
also what I see that is new. You are the only one I share it with, once I
know that at least you will never laugh at this. What is new?
I think Ive got a very good definition of what is God!!!!!
Why do I say that? Hmmm, after what happened today, I am sure this
definition is the best one.
You remember you sent me this:
Split the wood and I am there. Lift up the stone and you will find
me there.
These are good rational approaches to the definition of What is
God? But they are descriptive, with images, not in the Essence of the
question, not in the Essence of its nature.
Some others in the past have said things like God is love, but do you
really know what love is? I do not.
Also, God is where hate (actually everything) comes from, too!! Right?
Or God is light, but also God is dark, too!! Right? God also exists
where dark is, yes or no? Or God is warmness, but God is also the
cold, too!! Right? Holy & evil, warm & cold, light & dark all comes from
God, right? Do you see where all these descriptions miss something?
Now check out this: God is what fills in the absence of his presence.
Well talk later.

Your statement: God is what fills in the absence of his presence is

very, very interesting. I just opened a book I had read for years but am
now just beginning to understand, I think. It is The Courage to Be
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by Paul Tillich; a series of lectures given in the early 50s. Here is the
last sentence of the book:
The courage to be is rooted in the God who appears when God
has disappeared in the anxiety of doubt (Tilllich, The Courage To
Be, p.190).

Tillich dealt with Being (Essence) as major. There seems to be some

correlation to what you are saying, from probably one of the most
revered protestant theologians of our time. This guy was Lutheran,
but his systematic theology and philosophy/psychology appears to be
very Platonic at times, a German idealist. I never understood it, but
in some way I did. I dont think most theologians understood, perhaps
because of a limited view of physics or the quantum world. Now you
are coming at it from another viewpoint: If I offer thoughts to you,
you also offer thoughts to me, or better said, the connecting without
the thoughts. I think it is more of an art of expression. You see, my
problem has been sticking with the thoughts, logic, but limited logic.
The no thought is just as logical as the thought, as well as the not
I is as logical as the I. Tell that to a fundamentalist! Or even an
existentialist! Okay for a mathematician?
I am headed to my country estate tomorrow where I had better keep
my mouth shut! They already think I am crazy there, but love me
anyway. I will forward you a picture of me in my Essence Mustang at
my country estate. Ha. We will talk more.

You are writing emails very late, too. I am surprised, you sent me an
email at 12:00 midnight!!!! It looks like you are very busy, or its getting
so much more interesting to you that you stay up late. Ha-ha !!!
Now, about the definition. I thought you would not pay attention
to it. I felt it sounded silly. I thought you wouldnt like it, because
(scientifically) you can never define something using itself in the
definition. When you define something you have to use any other word
but the defined one, otherwise the definition is not accurate.
Well, I really do not care once this is what I saw. I prefer to keep the
truth of what I saw rather than to accept the truth based upon the
rules that scientists have made up. They can change them, and they do
change them all the time.
But, also, if you look at this definition carefully, it is not unscientific.
God is what fills in the absence of his presence.

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Because if God is there then he is present, so it is not God anymore

(because God is what fills in the absence). So, the definition doesnt use
God to define him.
If God is not there, then God is what fills in the absence. So the
definition in this case, defines God as something that doesnt preexist.
Thats it about the logic of the definition.
Now, real comments on the definition.
If God is everywhere (as the books and traditions claim) then God
is also where He is not (just because by definition, He has to be
everywhere, even where He is not). This is why I always said, (even
years ago, when I didnt know anything about all this) that when
an atheist believes that there is no God then this truth of his, this
principal of his, is his God.
If someone keeps or believes a principal in his life, even the one that
opposes Gods existence, then thats his God. Because you need only
to keep or to be aware of one practice, or one principal, in order to get
united and open the door, to cross over to the other bank of the river.
So, if someone wants to say there is no God, he actually says there is no
standard to believe in, no matter what your God is.
Then he has to keep changing his principal all the time, keep nothing
standard, doubting it all anytime. And once he does this, he keeps
enforcing this ONE practice: changing all the time, keep nothing
standard, doubting it all anytime.
So again he does one thing. He is trapped. There is no existence that can
live with no standards, just because of the nature of the creator!!!!!!!!!!!!
This existence is trapped. So one of the strongest truths (because truth
is what never changes, right?) is this: There is never, no standard!!!!!
(there is another one as you very well know: what is born, will die). I
do not know if I phrased it well, but here is your role, correct it. I am sure
you understand exactly what I am saying, and can phrase it better.
Also, if God is love and loves everything and everybody, then you
should believe that he fills in when creations (like man) disconnect
from his presence.
After, we name as God what we remember was there when we were
connected. After the disconnection we are able to live happy, close to
(or in) his presence.

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If God is a giving God and if, this is the main practice to connect with
God, if one of the most common practices worldwide in all different
traditions is the giving, phrased as to love your neighbor as yourself
in Christianism (care about your neighbor, not about yourself), phrased
as to relieve the pain in Buddhism (take care of your neighbor,
not yourself), phrased as to break the body of the thoughts in Zen
(pay attention to that outside of yourself, not to that inside yourself),
phrased as to punish and destroy your ego in Islam (force to humble
yourself, never your neighbor), if giving outside of yourself is the
common practice behind all traditions, then God is the Absolute giving
entity that brings forth what is inside.
This is why in later teachings he is called the Absolute and not
God, since the name God has been connected with human beings
characteristics and we are used to behaving like he is one of us,
asking Him help me to win the lottery, or why do you punish
me God?, or thank you God, you saved my son, or God save me
from this illness and all this crappy pleading and begging that,
unfortunately, is more widespread in the US than in Europe. If so,
then he absolutely gives it all, so when you approach Him, when you
approach his entity, you find nothing.
When you reach God, there is no God. Can you imagine God, the
absolute love, the absolute giving, to keep something for Himself, so
you can find something there? This is why nobody can ever describe
Him, this is why whoever has found Him, even Jesus, when asked
what is God, they remained silent.
This is what makes this definition great, I think. If God is the absolute
giving entity, then when you reach God you find nothing there. There is
no God when you reach God. There is God, when you are not there, no
matter how far or how close.
This, also, explains why the more you approach God the more difficult
you find it to approach, because the more you approach, the closer you
get to this giving force, the greater the resistance to approach because
the direction of this force is to the outer world, to the opposite direction
than the one you follow to get there, and the difficulty in reaching the
Source becomes greater.
Does this make sense?
All comments and explanations of logic that are given are formed from
remembering what I saw. But I think they are accurate enough.
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But you pal ... you look great in the Mustang tradition, dont you? And I
think a little overweighed, huh? Mustang tradition!!!!
Have a nice weekend at your country estate, away from the giving force,
closer to helping in taking. Ha, ha-ha!!

Hello, my friend.
I have worked my ass off since I have been back from the Essence
country. Too many people looking for their ego so they can lose it. I
guess you have to have it before you can lose it. Right? I agree that all
the looking for God is in vain since any grasping is still narcissistically
(whew) driven. Many are unwilling to just let themselves experience
the spaciousness available when God disappears. So, there is nothing
to reach, unless remembering who we are as Essence is that; Maybe
though, it is the opposite. Beliefs always change since they may be energy
transformed to mass; but if mass is transformed to energy all is oneness.
This God is what fills in the absence of his presence is on the right
track, in my opinion. It is almost like the God who appears when he
disappears in the anxiety of doubt (the need for basic trust). I think
what we are talking about is non-duality. The truth for physics and
maybe psychology as well? I am still looking at how the personality
relates to this, especially in looking at narcissism and ego psychology.
Our perceptions, drives, desires, needs, etc., can be rather primitive
and I think these need to be dealt with as an aspect of essential
identity. Just some thoughts. That way we dont have to kill ego, just
transform the narcissism; we dont have to be not of the world, but of
and not of the world.
Take care.

It happened I am online. I read your email and while I was in the

middle of it started laughing just like when we met last time and talked.
I had the motive to call you just to laugh with you. Then I calmed
down, remembering our imposed restriction.
It looks like you worked your ass off in observance of the Essence and
what we have noticed previously. I see from your writing you are very
close, but you still dance around the issue. Very sharp those remarks
just sent. I will study them later today.
You found me though in the middle of something. Ill be back. I am
preparing simple, one page writings for my daughter. I am printing
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them in on colored paper (so she will be attracted to them), laminating

them (so they dont get damaged) and framing them (so they cannot be
thrown easily into the trash-basket). Then I will mail these to her.
Right now I am doing the triptych Dimension-Twisting-Insinuation to
prove to her that Dimension is about Space where we learn the Truth,
Twisting is about Time where we learn the Beauty and Insinuation is
about Unity where we learn the Goodness.
When I finish Ill be back.
Wish me good luck and pray that she wont get lost ... ha.
Briefly though, maybe in order to lose it (the ego) you should give it
to somebody else. Your profession and your hard work such as in the
last week may help with this idea. You see, the Physicists say that the
total energy in the Universe always remains the same. It changes shape,
but its total always remains the same. By this I mean, when one ego is
gone another one has to be empowered. This is how some wise seekers
explain the downward fall in a spiral way of nowadays world. They
say its because a lot more souls get through the door to Essence more
easier today than decades ago. Actually, they say its harder today to
pass through the door, but more people are able to do it.
Further back in our past and up to some decades ago it was easier to
reach the door, but only a few people could get through it. Just some
thoughts.
On the other hand I am in agreement with you about keeping
personality and dealing with it as an aspect of essential identity; not
that I believe in that, but because I always admire brave seekers who
act against any current system, the rebels. I think that it just makes it
easier than following the traditional path. I admire any new version
since I have experienced that staying still with your choices leads
from Paradise through Hell to Heaven (a beautiful mind). Again, from
Paradise to Heaven, but through Hell. In other words, the trip is from
Paradise to Heaven without doubts.
However, my practice so far leads me to the conclusion that ego dies
at some point in order for my being to become a harmonic part of
one body without questioning, fear and doubts. This is what I have
seen, practically, though I am scared to trust the process. I just started
practicing again today, after almost a month!!! Think about it, think!!!
It is not accidental that you also contacted me again today. I am scared
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my friend and I just fool around drinking from the nectar of my latest
findings, wasting the given gifts and remembering how blessed I
have been. By this meaning, yes all and any of my grasping are still
narcissistically driven. Once again so wisely said. By you!
We shall talk later.

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Chapter VIII
Experiencing the Path
You are not required to drive yourself, necessarily, to connect with
Essence. Almaas says: Achieving a measure of freedom from this
incessant ego activity is not easy; it requires a deep surrender.

This letting-go requires several factors. One is learning that not knowing
what to do in order to be is not a deficiency; for being is not a matter of
doing anything. When there is nothing to do, then not knowing what to
do is an objective situation and not an indication of a personal failing.
When this happens, then the feeling of I cannot do anything;
I do not know what to do, which is the hole of the Diamond
Will, transforms into the solidity of essential support, with the

understanding that Being is the support for being.

The surrender also requires deep and unquestioned trust in truth
and in reality in general. It requires an unusual faith or basic trust
that if one suspends the activity, then everything will be okay, that
everything will be taken care of.
For most people this basic trust was eroded because of early parental
treatment that failed to give the child the implicit confidence that
she would be taken care of without having to manipulate for her
environment to provide what she needed ... fundamental distrust is
one of the deepest motivations for the compulsive activity.
Because the self believes that she can trust only her own activity,
she is certain that it would be foolish and dangerous to cease this
activity. Therefore, the prospect of the cessation of this activity
tends to produce a tremendous amount of terror.
(The Point of Existence, p. 342-343).

So, the terror is a part of the process at times. This is why support
is helpful in doing this. That is why it is good that we talk, since the
journey is very, very difficult, in my opinion, without some support
and validation. Remember the dark night of the soul stuff.
I think the openness of the ego to the Essence is actually the
healing, or the transformation of narcissism (See Almaas book:
The Point of Existence).
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In doing that, it is full of fear since the self representations and

attachments we hold onto as a part of narcissism are slowly
dissolved, or metabolized, as some would say. Then what is left?
Perhaps attachment is mass and nonattachment is energy.
Thoughts are mass and no thought is energy (e=mc)
Sometimes when I get the anxiety or fear, I just become curious about
it, doing nothing. Sometimes it transforms into spaciousness, without
resistance or reenactment of the fear (some of Wolinskys ideas, not
especially original).
It is rather uncomfortable to do this at times, however, as you
surely know.
Anyway, my friend, it is an interesting journey;
And the sharing is good.

Ill reply later in full, but in short, it is very strange that the terror is
there and you name it (once again) very well. I do not yet understand,
though. You see for a month now I did nothing (as I told you) just
because on the one hand I was lazy, but also on the other hand, I was
enjoying the happiness and knowledge that came from connecting all
those previous months.
My mind works sharper and with more joy. Plus my lifestyle has
completely changed, financially, projectively, socially, etc. To tell
you the truth, I think I am dreaming. Things that I was dreaming or
thinking about once upon a time, now come true. Unbelievable !!!
Anyway, because of this entire atmosphere is why I am relaxing,
enjoying and (yes) doing silly things too. All this time, I have no
worries, no doubts, no troubles at all. Neither do I worry about new
things possessed that everyone would commonly worry about losing
them, once I am enjoying them and they are easy to get attached to.
So, yesterday I decided enough is enough, lets do some work. I started
easily, without pressure or any push to connect back with Essence. It is
adorable, yes. It is happiness, yes. It is a fulfilling understanding, yes.
But then the solar plexus starts choking, the heart starts knocking (too
much), the breath comes short, I lose the image of who I am; then while
connecting, I have to watch and help all of the above, especially the
heart and the breath.
Then, even though there is a lot of light and something very prosperous
is around me, everything looks limited and dark, even though there is
a power and energy that suffuses my entity (not only the body). I am
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ready and want to sleep happily forever, my thoughts are gone (to the
degree that I am looking for them and all the time, I am wondering
where were they before?), but my head is ready to explode from
fullness ... Well, I can go on and on and on in details as I see them; but
the only solution to that so far, is to accept that this is how it is. Then I
could say, I feel more relaxed like coming home.
Why do I write all these specific details? Because it is very strange; in
opposition to what you say!! I do not see, nor realize any subconscious
items or operations that come with that. I cannot see anything that has
any roots in the past, or in relation with my mama or my childhood. I
cannot see any hole from my past that causes me to distrust the new
environment which may cause me to feel anxiety.
I am me, I am not panicking or anything like that; I am relaxed and
accept that I can be flexible. I want to go inwards. It is a very loving
and warm sense, but I still feel the tremor of the plexus, the shortening
of breath and the increased pumping of the heart.
It looks like the incoming energy is not in accordance with the existing
status. I swear though, in spite of what you say, there is no fear, no
resistance, no doubts, no thoughts, believe me. Only the situation with
my body makes me back out and take it easy.
Because of all that, right now, I am doing it mostly to study it, observe it
and resolve it rather than to live with it and make it part of my life.

Tarthang Tulku said Within the luminous vitality of such a

knowing existence would be transformed into appearance as.
(Tarthang Tulku, Time, Space and Knowledge, 1987, p. 409)

Was would be as and is would be as; Essence would be

transformed into absence. Negation would be present within all
appearance, as the heart of appearance.
Is this close?
I have to go to work; chop wood and carry water, ha.

Id say a big yes; its close. This is what it is. Actually, if you (ever)
ask me how I see all this stuff, I cannot tell you if it is with the eyes or
the mind.
I can think about it afterwards and tell you, but at the time it is
happening, there is no thought or wondering (and of course no answer)
as to how I experience it.
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This negation is true and this expression, appearance as, is very

true. But all this (very well said) is formed like this after you come out,
back here. At the real moment you do not wonder and you cannot say
anything about it, because thats not an issue.
But all this (in your email and my answer to you) concerns the nature
of the Essence. I want to go back to the bodily affects though.
I was saying that while starting to connect and during connection, in
my physical body, there is a tremor In the solar plexus, pumping up
(too much) of my heart, shortening of the breath, and I have described
all that to you already. Plus, together with all those affects on my body,
there is peace, no thoughts, light that is nowhere, loving joy, soft and
erotic sense.
Sometimes I hardly keep myself from jumping up with gladness, from
screaming with happiness, from singing loudly. I do this sometimes
only with people that I know so the others wont think Im crazy. If
you ever saw the movie (video cassette) Jean de Florette and Manon
of the Springs (get an idea of it at http://gary.appenzeller.net/
Movies1960s1970s1980s.html and go to the year 1987). There you
will see the nephew Ugolin jumping from happiness (thinking that
Manon loves him) and swinging with his hands over the branch of
a tree. That jumping is me (ha, ha!!!) Its so funny and so real, that
jumping!!! Ill never forget it.
Excellent French movie, two cassettes, Yves Montant & Gerard
Depardieu are the main actors, a gorgeous picture of the
Mediterranean mountains and village, springs, farming and so on,
with Id say the subject being covering the truth. You tell me!!! More
natural than scientific.
It keeps you up for 4 hrs (two plus two) and the apex of its interest is
during the last five minutes.
Just excellent!! It takes you up all time, to its top at the last five
minutes, and then lets you freefall to nowhere because it has ended.
Every time Ive seen this movie, at the end I have the same sense:
Feeling as Ego, Understanding as Essence. I do not get it, how some
people (like movie makers) come to such creation sometimes. I admire
them, the way they put things together. Like the other one, The Silent
Flute (David Carradine, visit it at http://www.Learmedia.ca/
product_info.php/products_id/518.

I am sorry, but did we ever talk about movies? Is this appropriate? Is

this appropriate to talk about movies while living in a movie? ha-ha.

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I recognize the experience you so well describe: peace, no thought,

bodily responses, spaciousness, joy, non-conceptual. I can
experience that at times.
Since I have let go with basic trust and been open for something in the
void, only then have I been able to experience this.
So, have I created the movie and become an actor, or gone beyond
movie to the Essence of movie? Ha. Scientific or belief, or both? Or
neither? Only a front and not a back?
Reality is in the eyes (and solar plexus) of the beholder. Or is it
idealism, not realism? (You know my tendency to try to categorize
things! And I am not even a German, I dont think.)
Thanks for sharing.

Hello, my friend. How are you? Hope you are well.

I am doing well, thank you. How about you?

How does it happen that you email me always (and only) on the days
that I do connect with Essence? Only then!!!
Are you looking for it? So who ever connects in it, is that where you get
in touch with him because he contacts you through it?
Is this how you work?

Maybe it is how Essence works. I think I was connecting with it

yesterday, since you ask. I was focused on the aspect of basic trust;
very hard for me to develop, but in process.
I think about writing a book about how to Develop Basic Trust since it
is my most challenging task, or is it a task? Opposite of a task, maybe.
One does best with what one needs the most.
Have a good day. I may go and buy a guitar today to help me connect
to Essence.
Rumi (Sufi poet):
Today, like every other day, we wake up empty
and frightened. Dont open the door to the study
and begin reading. Take down a musical instrument.
Let the beauty we love be what we do.
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground.
(Rumi, A Great Wagon, Barks et al, 1997, p. 35-36)

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I remember waking up empty and frightened for about three years. Just
like that, no reason. Just wake up with those feelings. After all that has
happened recently, this is gone.
I did nothing to bring it on, no reason for it to be there.
I did nothing to get rid of it and it was gone as it came, by itself.
So may be Rumi is talking about a stage. I do not know. Rumi was a
famous seeker and big poet-philosopher. I cannot think of him talking
about such a primary level.
So, who knows, this situation may come back.
We see. We talk.

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Chapter IX
the Synthesis

Hello,
What do you think of this statement?
Being is presence whose Essence is spaciousness. (Almaas, The
Void, 2003, p.156).

Your dialogical (not diabolical) friend.

Richard

Well ..., my friend, I cannot object to it, because its true. But, I am not
going to adopt it since it is only one stage. Actually the first one.
What I mean is that in each stage I went through in all these years
..., each time a new stage was coming into my awareness, the first
experience is the spaciousness. Yes, there is the being; yes, there is a
silent peace; yes, there is a feeling I am; yes, I relaxed there.
However, I never wanted to stay just with that. As I have already told
you, there is something inside me that always makes me think and
jump to the other side.
I mean, when I get into this spaciousness, I enjoy it for a while, ignore
earthly errands for awhile, and live that fulfillment for awhile. But
sometime fairly soon, I start screwing it by thinking, Ok, got it. Now
how can I make my living with this? How can I have sex while I am
with this, how can I make money while I am with this, how can I
drink without losing this, how can I think about what Richard tells me
without losing this at the same time?
It is a process where I am trying to be connected with the spaciousness
while I am doing the sin (in other word, the duties) on earth!!!! It is a
process where I am trying to download that feeling of being in the body
while I am using the body regularly in the daily life, without changing
the common way of living.
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On the other hand, while I am doing this download, many (and much
better) of things happen to me. I am enjoying life so much. A lot of good
luck happens and all that earthly gain, and I really do not know what is
worth more to me? That spaciousness or its download on earth? When
downloading it on earth through the body and daily business, its a
heaven. Then I do not want to die, whereby I didnt care before. There,
in the middle of this earthly heaven (and I mean it, believe me!!),
I start screwing this situation by thinking Okay, got into too much
materialism. How about more spirituality now, how about remembering
the being, how about more Essence?
Then I go back to practice and start all over, of course from the stage I
was at until the new one comes forward. This is the story of my whole
life. Back and forth. From one side to the other.
What I am trying to say is that I never stayed with just a spiritual stage,
even the best and the most fulfilling or full-feeling one. I am trying to
use it through daily bodily actions, and that is when I lose it, meaning
it doesnt stay exactly the same because of this effort.
Next thing I know, I do not stay with the earthly life even the most
heavenly one. I am trying to connect with the Essence while I enjoy the
earthly heaven. It is then that I lose that stage, meaning it doesnt stay
exactly the same because of this effort.
This is how I climb up. And, I am very satisfied with this process
because each time, especially after this blast that happened after
30 years of efforts (lately, and you are aware of it), the spaciousness
became steadier and more Me. Easier to use it on earth. More here,
more now and unchangeable.
Also, I see that this is the right thing to occur. After so many times
of switching from one situation to the other, I have the impression
that I am and can stay the same in both situations. That means, in
the Essence I am a kind of a certain indefinite energy, then on earth
I am a kind of uncertain definite body. It looks like there is a game
between the energy form and the body physical form. Lately, I have
the impression that we have to play between those two until we are
capable of living in both situations and managing both at the same. My
idea after all these observations is that we change bodies (born first, die
later, reborn again) until we get that final body through which we can
manage both situations, the Essence one and the earthly one.
You see, I described to you already the physical symptoms in my body
(vomiting from solar plexus, pinching on joints, itching on the low
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spine area, tachycardia, etc.) that happens so many times it makes me

think that I am really sick. I have been to doctors and I am going to
more. They can find nothing wrong.
However, these symptoms are so many and so strong that often I am
scared. The vomiting makes me think that Ive got stomach cancer or so
(my father died from that), the pinching on the joints makes me think
that Ive got lymphoma or lymphatic cancer (my brother died from
that), the itching down the spine makes me think that Ive got colon
cancer (because they say that may happen after 46 and I am that age)
and the tachycardia makes me think that Ive got high blood pressure or
something else from the shooting which you well know about.
Then I read all this nonsense about cancers and the doctors find
nothing, so then I watch it more carefully and see that the pain and
symptoms happen after meditation, and I understand that because the
body gets forced and filled with Essence energy, it reacts and changes.
You see, I do not have all these symptoms if I do not meditate.
Meditation stopped? Symptoms are gone!!! Ha.
So after all these stories, I am trying to tell you that I am convinced that
it is not only about spaciousness (if you do not use it with the body) and
it is not only about good life (if you do not connect with the Essence).
So, yes you are right, Being is that presence of spaciousness, but to
me you said just the half of it.
Tell me, for example, what happens when you connect with that
spaciousness while you try to understand what one of your patients
is telling you and you try to respond back to her!!! If you loose the
connection with the spaciousness because you have to listen to her,
then spaciousness is gone!! Not that one second you are connected with
the spaciousness and then the next second you reply to the patient. No,
No!!! I am saying, that at the same time you are connected with that
Essence as God you are responding to your patient as a man.
To me, that is the key point!! What happens there!!! Either you lose the
Essence connection or you lose the words from your patient. Whatever
you lose has the same meaning. The point is that you are not capable of
joining both together at the same time.
That is the practice!! This is the ultimate thing to achieve. This is why
it never ends!!

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I understand and I will never diminish the value of finding and

defining things internally, because no one teaches those. I was
impressed, too, when I saw that God is what fills in the absence of his
presence. But I think we always have to come back, here on earth. I
am so positive about this coming back on earth process, because I know
the reason: I think all these internal discoveries mean nothing without
being brought forward and downloaded to a practical use on earth. And
when you have a huge, ultimate discovery, one like this Definition of
God then you need to come multiple times until you finally be able to
download it in reality!
Remember this definition about God, that I wrote to you some time ago?
It didnt happen when I was connected (I usually call it lost)
where there was just Essence, just being with the being, no matter of
spaciousness, neither questioning it, but on the way back to my body
and exactly at the moment of the disconnection with the Essence.
While getting disconnected I called that Essence God even though at
the time I was there, there was no word for that.
Well ..., although I am aware and sure of what happened, it doesnt make
much sense to me since I cannot reconnect and use it down here; I am
like what does it matter what God is? And I never referred to it again.
You see, my experience is that if you try to land this presence of
spaciousness while you drive, you lose it. You feel that you have to go
to the right side of the road, drive slow so you can focus and connect
while driving. Then a lot of thoughts are coming forward (like you
do not want to hurt anybody, do not do it now, it is dangerous, your
attention is not on driving etc).
The truth of the matter is that there are always situations and conditions
here on earth that matter to you and do not let you be in that state of being.
When though, after hard practice, finally both occur at the same
moment (and it will happen), you find that you are sitting more inside
yourself, while driving, for instance, that the outside conditions do not
matter as much as before and you do not let them disturb you (so you
stay connected with the spaciousness) just because you bring forward,
as a shield, what is inside you.
This is the only way to get both situations at the same time and this is
the only way to achieve it.
I was glad to see (thanks to you) that this was written about by Thomas.

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People, monks, seekers just do not make note of the nature of this
achievement, just because they get happy with the achievement itself.
And then they try to keep it and reproduce it by using techniques like
fasting, not sleeping, abstinence, natural life, yoga, prayers, humbleness,
whatever. Thereby they create a system. And then they get busy trying to
convince other people of the truth of their word and spread the system
around. But the key is simple and has nothing to do with the system: to
bring forward what is inside you. So the key is inside you.
So the question remains:
What is inside you that is not outside you, so you are called to bring it
forth?
As I have told you, the answer is one word, a very simple one, a very
easy one and it is existing in the question.
But also, remember: Thomas: That which you do not have in you
will kill you if you do not know it within you.

The answer is given in this statement, too. Glad to hear from you.

Very well said. I am aware of the dilemma. I think of the spaciousness

as inner openness, from the phenomenological standpoint. That is,
whatever is, is; whatever happens, happens; with no expectation of
what it may be. That may be the key; if we are without our beliefs,
thoughts and mainly expectations, then Essence can happen, when
and if it happens.
An old saying: If you dont have expectations you may be surprised.
I am not sure, but sometimes meditation may attach us to an outcome
just as much as material things could; somebody called it spiritual
materialism.
However, having inner openness does drop our defenses, and
sometimes body experiences such as you describe could occur due to
opening up and loosening the defenses, including dread and fear of
dying, anxiety, etc.
We will talk more; I am going to Essence country today. Thanks for
your thoughts. Thomas may be right in regard to psychosomatic illness.

Oh, yeah!!! True. Whatever happens, happens. And yes, true,

meditation may attach us to an outcome. However, this trick (to try to
live the sin with Essence when I am forgotten in sense and vice-versa
to connect to Essence when I am forgotten in the sin) never lets me get
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attached to either one, material sin or spiritual outcome. It is a safety

net, itself. Works well.
As I call sin any materialistic involvement without meaning something
bad, so I call meditation any attempt to connect back to Essence (even a
little by memory), not only what the others do for hours with closed eyes.
This closed eyes thing is surely nonsense. Close the eyes from what????
Millions of people already have their eyes closed anyway ha-ha.
I do not think Thomas said it in regard to psychosomatic illness, only.
Otherwise, he would have said it differently. I have the impression
that those people wrote precisely and exactly what they wanted to
say. No more, no less. I do not want to go into details, but I do see that
anything that is not within you may kill you. This is why today we see
this confusing world. It is not because the people are worse or more
sinful, or because they forgot God or whatever. This is why killing and
accidents and all this aggression happens today. Just because people
forget and depart from that within.
I think people remember God more now than ever, especially after all
these catastrophes. I think millions and millions of people, worldwide,
drive their feet to church, every day. The more they force themselves
to go to church and execute their religious duties, the more tragedies
happens in world. The more people attend to the church, the less
goodness in the world. Of course it is not the churchs fault. It is that
the people think thats it, I did what I was supposed to do and then
they sleep daily without that within.
Thomas said it very clear That which you do not have in you will
kill you if you do not know it within you. It doesnt mean anything
(or at least not only) about psychosomatic or so. I know it very well. It
means exactly what it says if you do not KNOW it within (not in) you,
it will kill you. Simple as that. I admire Thomas and the translator of
this so much that I think they said it even better than Jesus would. It is
so precisely said, so exact ... It is amazing how they can express these
things so precisely. Amazing to me. I can imagine people know a lot
deeper things. But the ability to express it in words!!!! And transfer the
exact meaning!!!! Amazing.
The meaning is for everything. If you do not know something within
you, it will kill you. It doesnt matter if you go to church, if you are a
monk, if you are pure with no sins, if you always do the right thing, if
you protect yourself by any means, it doesnt matter what you do ... if
you do not know it within you, it will kill you.
This is why I wrote to you in the previous email, This is the only way ...
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I am not trying to be radical or to claim the absolute truth. No. I get this
confidence because of what I have learned, and I met it (thanks to you)
in somebody elses words (more precisely) written centuries ago from
Thomas, whoever he is!!!
Of course this will kill you doesnt say when. So it is easy to assume
that it is potential. But it is true and real. It will happen and it happens.
This is why you see people carrying all this protection around, living
with safety rules, new laws, police everywhere, court cases for anything
and everything, restrictions and all this crap. Even though people are
more aware of all this through TV and media, even though people know
it very well, even though people become more and more religious, even
though people get more protection with cameras and weapons, it will
become worse just because they care less to know it within themselves. It
doesnt matter if they will pray and be sleepless for decades. This is how
you can explain all these innocent killings of school students, little girls
molested and killed, 30,000 children in a tsunami, church killings, etc.
This is how you can answer all these other questions, God, why? Why
all these innocent souls? Why me? When on the other hand a lot of
criminals get away. Because, the key is not who is honest or moral and
who is not, the key is who knows within and who does not. Of course if
you know it within, you are more likely to be honest and moral, but it
is not the other way around. Being moral and honest doesnt mean you
know it within you. Think about it.
I hope you find this message after you come back from Essence country,
so I wont destroy your beautiful weekend with all this kill theory.
By the way, I hope all this conversation will help gas prices to drop
since the title of this chapter is Gas Update. (Ha, ha!!)
Do you see it?

Yes, the within is what I like to think of when I say inner openness.
I agree; Thomas probably was not referring to actual illnesses, just my
interpolation, since the inaccessibility to the within is often where
so many problems in life are. The falling asleep to the within is the
key to the uselessness of most religion. Who said God needed to be
worshipped anyway?
And I do mean God as nonconceptual reality.
Yes, I get involved in the material world, with money, things, which is
kind of weird lately.
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I think all the attachment has to do with some idea of freedom,

independence, experiencing the good life, happiness, pleasure, etc.
If I just observe it though, it seems rather like living in some kind of
dream, a temporary one at best. At times it is painful and at times it is
fun. I dont know whether it is sin or not. Sometimes Essence can be
experienced at the same time; just sometimes.
A recent book The Cube and the Cathedral discusses how Europe
is practically fully secular; the cathedrals are empty, especially in
France. Explanation is living the good life as the summum bonum.
So, maybe there is an awakening to the antithesis (Hegel) which is
non-godly, which may swing back to nonconceptual realm (synthesis)
without having to put up with severe belief systems. The times may be
ready for Essence?
Rumi:
Stay together, friends, dont scatter and sleep.
Our friendship is made by being awake.
The waterwheel accepts water and turns it away weeping.
That way it stays in the garden.

Have a good day.

A few comments first, then the challenging question.

You sharply said: Who said God needed to be worshipped anyway?
Wow!! You expressed my feelings exactly. I always thought it would be
necessary to know how to express my thoughts and way of thinking
in the country where I live ... like now, in the USA. Your way of doing
this, your precision, makes me feel that I do not know how yet. No hard
feelings (Ha, ha).
Weird or pleasure, dream or real, temporary or forever, painful or fun it
dont matter. All this duality is to make us hate both sides and make us
turn back to our real job. I think this job, our job down here on earth, is
the synthesis.
Every being has a role. We, as human beings, have the role to put
together, to make a synthesis of what looks dual. This is very hard
work. But this is what only a human being is determined to do and
nobody else can do. But in our ignorance, we learn to take only one
side of the dual. This is what we are taught to do.
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For example, people think that it matters more if one prays than
deceives; the one side of this duality! Ordinarily (meaning if praying
by the ordinary way) it does not. Except only, and this is out of the
ordinary boundaries, when you do not deceive you allow me the time
and the chance to learn and improve.
Otherwise they are the same. If you pray and you do not allow me the
time and the chance to learn and improve (and this is what happens
ordinarily) then there is no difference between praying and deceiving.
Still, even then, they look opposite, opposing each other. Right there,
if one wants to get out of this loop between those two, one needs to
practice the synthesis, to practice both, together, at the same time.
Einstein proved that since you have Space then bend occurs. He proved
that since a straight line finds itself in the Space there the straight line
bends. He proved that whatever appears straight is because you do not
see the whole picture, you see only one little part of it which, because
it is very little, looks straight.
But its not; it is arched, it is a little piece of a big curved line. This
arching is the nature of Time. He proved that the cause of bending on
things in Space is Time. Although he spoke about all this mathematically,
I think he is also right from another point of view, from the philological
analysis, of the same word in Greek. You see, because of bends we have
shapes and because of all different shapes we have Beauty.
The Greek word for shapes (Schema) means the shape, a diagrammatic
representation (http://www.answers.com/schema), but it also means
the unremitting Time.
In other words, you may now understand that, in the universe, there is
an operation that causes things to bend and not stay straight. This is the
effect of Time operation (Einstein) on every simple thing. We generally
think that bending is not good and we try to keep straightness. But it is
because of this that we have all these shapes and therefore Beauty.
Now, bending leads to all different kind of changes, and of course to the
opposite, too. Once we have bending, it is just a matter of Time as to
when we will see the arrival of the opposite. For example, if everybody
starts going to church and sincerely prays, it is a matter of time when
a crook will appear in that church society to start his own business,
something opposite than praying. Or, if a couple starts a life together
and everything is so cute at the beginning, it is only matter of time
when they will start arguing or so.

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It is a matter of time because this is the nature of Time. To bend, to shape

something different; to reach the opposite and continue shaping and
spreading the difference all over; which is Beauty. Some traditions call it
the wheel of Time, but it is not exactly a circle or a wheel. Anyway.
The truth of the matter is that whatever you do, even if you and the rest
of the people are aware of all the rules and laws, even if all agree and
they want to face it, even if everyone tries to keep something straight, IT
WILL BEND, no matter what; because it is taking place in Time. A great
example is all these fallouts lately in the church, etc. They think it is
only in the Catholic Church!!! It is not. It is the same in every church. A
lot of the same happened lately in Greece, in the Orthodox Church.
After all this, I hope you are not lost yet. I hope you do get that weird
or pleasant, dream or real, temporary or forever, painful or fun, it
doesnt matter. I know you know it.
I write them though, you will see my reason below.
But we humans are destined to close the chasm between the opposites
whenever the opposite finally occurs. After all, this trip from the
original (through and with Time) needs a bridge. It is already too long;
I do not want to explain here-now about the bridge. But it looks like
this is what we are called to do, to work on both opposites and make
a synthesis of them inside us. If we try to keep things straight, we will
fail. If we try to resist the opposite (i.e. the bad), we will fail. If we try
to spread the good, we will fail. If we taste the pleasure, we will taste
the weird. If we taste the weird, we will taste the pleasure. If we taste
the dream, we will taste the real. If we taste the real, we will taste the
dream. And so on. And vice-versa.
But, if we try to create the synthesis, then a new creation is coming up,
then we are little creators and this is how we become little gods, this is
how we participate in Gods plan (as they say).
We are the uterus for all new ideas first, then creators with those
ideas; our creations will be good only if created from a synthesis of
two opposites; opposites that usually bother us, bother, as we say my
peace, my life.
Same with sin or not sin. I have the impression (??? ha-ha) that God is
the creator and created it all. Simple as that. So He created sin, too. The
weird, too. The pain, too. Why do the people want him to represent
only the good?
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Because they are scared that the bad would kill them. So they try for the
good only. They try to isolate the bad. But then the bad gets born in their
own house, their own children or grandchildren kill them. It is not how
many. It is the idea that gets started and gets spread. It gets spread in the
schools, in the church too. From their own children, huh? Hell, huh?
But they should stop whining. They should start not rejecting either of
the two sides. They should start making the synthesis of both inside
them, in their own business, and what comes into their life. Each one
faces a dilemma every second and chooses one side. The easy one, the
pleasant one, the profitable one, whatever.
It is very interesting to make a synthesis of both sides.
Krishna in Bhagavad-Gita teaches Arjuna this. Arjuna, the fighter didnt
want to kill his opponents who were his cousins, his bow teacher
and relatives who lost the kingdom in a backgammon game and they
refused to give it up. Krishna taught him that he should kill and also be
not a killer.
I know that this first starts in the mind (what doesnt?), I know that this
is not an easy effort just because it is sharp, I know that this is not for
the many, because they would rather sleep than to think deeper, I know
this is not something that should be spread to help.
But who cares to help whom?
You see, if only a few do it, it is enough for the whole earth. Let the rest,
rest. But the truth of the matter is this is why people are created, this
is how they are like God, this is what they are skilled at and called to
do, this is how they are equipped to perform. Think about it. Plus, the
energy that gets released from the opposites synthesis is what makes
the individuals life happy, lightful. It is like the light of a lightness that
comes out when clouds of the opposite electric load come in touch.
Nothing else.
Also, this contains compassion but not stupidness, this contains
understanding but not permissiveness, this contains humbleness but
not prideful use of it. This is what I meant in my previous email, where
I talked about the sin in this world and the Essence download, both at
the same time. To tell you the truth, this is how I also find the practical
moderation when I am wondering about it. Everything else is just
historical words from the past.

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I saved the good stuff for the end. Once again you amazed me with that
which may swing back realm (synthesis) without having to put up
with severe belief systems. Yes, my friend, thats the new wave.
And of course, the next great observation: The times may be ready for
Essence? Yes, my friend, YES!!
Do you remember some time ago, I had emailed to you: I am telling you
the truth and only the truth. I am talking to you so sincerely because I think
you are the only one capable of bringing it down on earth as Prometheus?
Well, this is also what I meant where, a bit above, I wrote, I know you
know it. I write to you though because I have my reason, you will see below.
I am collecting these emails and I wish some time (maybe a couple of
decades down the road) to publish them, exactly as they are, without
changing anything, if meanwhile you do not to want to publish your
own book about this.
You may also remember, I had emailed to you: I have the impression
that these writings will consist of the change in this world in the future.
No, do not think that I am crazy ... (kidding), but do I have to remind you
that the Renaissance started from the correspondence between Marsilio
Ficino and Cosimo de Medici duke of Florence? Richard, do you get it?
Michelangelo, Boticelli, Leonardo, the entire Renaissance started from
the exchange of letters!!
I hope you understand now, that when I write some things it is not
because I want to teach you something, NO. But I find you very rich,
stimulating my mind and pointing me in the right direction and order
to put things on paper and I may publish them later. This is why I write
so much, whenever you challenge me, even with one word.
I think we are doing a great thing. It doesnt mean we are the wisest or
we know it all. NO, NO.
We are just starting it. Somebody else may say it better.
If you recall, you told me: Remember that Prometheus was bound
and tied to a rock; I may be too old to take that risk? and I answered
I think we are smarter already. If you wish, let me put it this way:
somebody else experiences, somebody else knows, somebody else writes,
somebody else publishes, so ... what the heck, we have already confused
the vultures, right? (Haaaaaahaha), meaning that we have split the work
already (you question, I answer, another possibly will publish and so on)
so there is confusion, who will be punished for bringing more light into
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the world. To tell you the truth, this is how I saw (as punishment) that
stupid shooting that happened to me, anyway.
Now two questions: What is that summum bonum? and
What is that nonconceptual? (realm)
Now the (last) challenging question: You say at the very beginning,
Yes, the within is what I like to think of when I say inner openness .
Question: Where is this inner openness placed when it occurs?
Where do you see that? Do not rush!!! In this case there is a big
difference between In, outside and within. So, forget how you phrase it.
Just describe to me the place, the environment where it occurs.
Its funny. Its 4:10 am and I see on TV there is a window showing in
unremitting time the chimney from the Vatican, doing nothing. They
wait for the smoke signal of the newly elected Pope, but they show just
a chimney at the top of the roof!!!! I am falling apart from laughing, I
am falling my friend, I am falling. Heeeelp!!!

Is your question a koan?

Is within the place where the line curves (space within time)?
(Einstein) Where beauty appears? No wonder we like the schema of a
beautiful woman; here time stands still and merging Essence appears.
Where we lose ourselves (but a trick) ha.
However, Almaas thinks that the genital hole is where space starts,
when we get past our defensiveness, grandiosity, identity, or self
representations and do not resist the spaciousness, the first step
toward bringing forth Essence. I wish I could be more precise.
T.S. Eliot:
Its impossible to say just what I mean
Also: in my beginning is my ending and in my ending is my
beginning (Burnt Norton)
Also: At the still point of the turning world, neither from nor toward,
neither flesh nor fleshless, at the still point there the dance is

There is a lot more for us to discuss. Good evening.

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Chapter X
the ever primary Wonder: Where?

I got rid of the gas subject. Or should I have kept it? The gas is not
dual as is most thinking, as we are discussing. Humans have carbon
burning properties as well.
By the way, summum bonum in Latin is highest good. I spelled
nonconceptual wrong. It means, as you know, beyond language, or
in your terminology within language, the quantum world we cannot
easily apprehend with our five senses. Any time we get a concept, the
Essence is lost. God is what fills in the absence of his presence.
The within; where is it located? The ultimate question perhaps. It
is not outside us, nor in us, nor around us, above us, below us, but
within us. What a mystery. If I tried to answer your question as to
what is within maybe it would be another concept, or wouldnt it?
By the way, Thomas supposedly was recording the actual sayings
of Jesus. Who knows? What does it matter? It would give more
credibility to the idea that Jesus was one of the messengers, if not
the best, who brought forth Essence. And since the book was the
earliest, compared to the four gospels, it is quite interesting. This was
before the church got started.
As soon as the church got started, people began arguing over what
the truth was. Very interesting, not very enlightening or bringing
forth Essence.
I was sitting in the office today with a 40 year old man who was
suffering with an anxiety disorder. His hands would not stop shaking.
I tried to experience the nondual experience by just letting things be
as they were; I found myself coming out with paradoxical statements,
such as when he said he had a poor memory, I said that he was just
experiencing the space between the thoughts, which is what he needed
to do anyway, since all he did was think. Oh, well, some therapist.
Sam, you have very deep, powerful understandings about the spiritual
world. I, too, like the dialogue, since it helps me to think and share the
issues I have struggled with for years. And incidentally, the very idea
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that God or Jesus, or Heaven were out there, somewhere blocked the
whole quest. However, it seems that without this exposure that I would
not have looked at the other side, as you say, the antithesis. So do you
have to have a belief before you wont need one? Just like do you have
to have an ego or personality before you dont need one?
Is your bridge somehow related to these questions?
What is within you is your cellular function, which has to do with
body or body image, not just self-image or self representations (object
relations theory). So it seems to be more than thought, or space.
I know I havent answered the question; just some thoughts. I dont need
to take it too seriously, anyway (Ha). But then I always run the risk that
I will be cynical or avoidant if I dont take it seriously enough!
I will consider some more.
Take care.

Well, no it wasnt a koan. It was a real question. I practice what you

share with me, so I can compare where you stand and try to get you to
the answer with the most appropriate question I can think of.
Its easy to answer this question, but the simplicity of it makes it
difficult to approach. I already told you that the answer (in action) is
contained in the question; it is already part of the question.
About God-Heaven blocking the quest and all that ... look. My idea
is that when you are a baby knowing nothing about who you are,
questioning nothing, realizing nothing, just living each moment as it
comes to you, worrying about nothing, not even if you get killed ...
in this situation you need parents, right? You need a superior being
outside you that you can trust and by whom you will continue doing
your baby things, you will continue worrying about nothing, you will
continue being silly until you grow up.
When you grow up, though, you dont need them anymore. You may
respect them (they helped you to grow), you may disrespect them
(because you feel strongly that their ideas are silly), you may feel equal
with them, you may be wiser than them, right? You will never forget
though that they are there and they gave you the chance to grow up.
Plus, they will always love you.
Well, my friend ... we are babies in this path (of discovering our self).
And this idea bothers us right now (about God blocking the quest)
because we are at the teen age now, in which we know it all and we

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know better and our parent (our Father) annoy us all the time even with
just His presence.
Ha, ha. I think I got it right. I think it is a good analogy.
Now, in order to catch the answer to (only if you want) the where
question, you have a nice way to do it. Play.
Play like a kid. Which means, just do it and watch where you are. Then
abandon it, intentionally. Then bring it back. Then abandon it, again
back and forth, all the time. This play will lead you to locate it because
at some point you will get angry (like the kids do) to locate it quicker.
Its like the hide and seek game that the kids play. One hides, the other
looks for him.
When you go back to find it and bring it forth, it wont be easy because,
meanwhile, you are not at the same spiritual stage, once things from
this earth made you more lost, more attached (maybe less but in
any case you are at a different stage). So, once you are not at the same
position, you cannot find it, with the same ease.
This will frustrate you and make you look at it not as playing anymore,
but with more dedication, attention and focus. So, the next time you
find it, you will locate it more easily and you will try to make sure that
you know the process better, for the next time. This is how it works.
All this, the within-its location-and the way to approach, are specific.
They are more specific than the car you drive. They look as indefinite,
they look like a dream world, but I know you know it is not. Everything
is specific. They are not specific only when you think about them. They
also become specific when you use the body to download them.
It is not a mystery. Actually, I have written to you that this world is
structured, the space is used and all life is built in such a way as to
teach us how to learn to get there. It is as easy as walking through a
door from one space to the other, from outside to inside a building!!!
It is the same answer for the bridge too. All that we talk about here
has a one-word answer. It is the common answer to the question
where is God?
Do not give me any sophisticated answers that come after many years
of searching, or special studies or deep experiences. All those are real,
but work around it, closer or farther.
Just ask, what is the simple answer that anybody (a housekeeper,
a worker who digs ditches all day long, a homeless person under a
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bridge) would give you, to the question where is God, or where to

look for God, or maybe in a better way where can I look for my real
self, where go I start to look to know ME.
Vice-Versa. Make up a picture in your mind! Lets say one of those
people (a housekeeper, a worker who digs ditches all day long, a
homeless person under a bridge) recognizes that he is a loser and wants
to save himself (wants to save his soul), and meets by accident a priest
and asks the priest a quick question, where do I look for God?
What the priest (representing the formal answers) who didnt expect a
question in the middle of the road would answer to a homeless (who is
not a scholar) quickly (because the priest is busy and needs to run)?
One word. We will talk.

It would be simple to me to say within for the priests answer. The

word where could lead to everywhere. It all implies a place, or a
point, but here I go again being too sophisticated.
I agree that all of the ways that people say are confusing and not very
credible as I think more about it. Pray, ask for forgiveness, give your
heart to Jesus, repent, go to church, do good works, believe in God, etc.
I think I know the answer but I cannot put it into words. So I am
stumped. I will think more about it. Well talk. What do you mean by,
God blocking the quest?

About your last question, I may have misunderstood what you wrote:
And incidentally, the very idea that God or Jesus, or Heaven were out
there, somewhere blocked the whole quest.
About the answer, do not think more, youve almost got it. You said
within. But ... come on now, Richard, you never answer to a third
world worker ditch-digger with the sophisticated within, right? You
said it simpler, you said inside, right?
He asks you where do you look for God? and you simply say
inside you.
If he asks how you may say ask for forgiveness, or pray, or give
your heart to Jesus, or repent, or go to church, or do good works,
or believe in God as you say. All these are how.
But, Where? The answer is always in you, isnt it?

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This is the most usual, quick and immediate answer, right? What you
hear all the time in such a question, is look inside you, or look deep
in your heart, or God is inside us.
I have written to you again that no one has ever said outside.
Even when somebody says that God is in the creations outside of
us, even then what they mean is inside them. For example, when
somebody says that God is in the entire universe, he means in there.
When they say God is in the ocean, they mean in there. When they
say God is in the stones, they mean in there.
Yes, the stones, the ocean, the universe are outside us, but they mean
that God is in them, right?
Even when they say God is under the stones, they mean under while
the stone is on the ground, so again the meaning is in that zero space
between the stone and the ground, in there, right? It loses its meaning
if you imagine that you lift the stone to find God under there (even
though He is there after lifting it, too).
Nobody ever meant that you can find God anywhere outside. It is not
accidental that the idea of outside never existed in the spiritual world.
On the other hand, the idea of inside is spread all over the spiritual
world through the centuries.
Everybody is talking about that In, where God is located.
Stay with that. There is no more analysis needed to that. More
Questions, yes!! Analysis? I doubt it.
Now, if you think more about it, you lose it.
You can ask and think and analyze it only if you find this In; the
location of it, its location ...
Before then, all words are just thoughts, imagination, theories.
Its easy.

Good. If you worship God, though, do you lose the inside, since you
are paying homage to something that is dual, or in a sense, outside;
this makes God an Other rather than a Unity within. Do you see the
distinction or am I being too analytical again? Or if the Pope, for
example, is the purveyor of the message of God, doesnt this teach the
people to look outside themselves for the answers in a dualistic way?
And when people say Ive turned it over to God they act like it has
nothing to do with their inside but something out there.
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If when God disappears in the anxiety of doubt, God appears

(Tillich), this is in line with what you say; for doubt is a mental state
inside oneself, as well as trust. So doubt is faith, in the sense
that I am opening up (inner openness) to whatever is, and if so, then
Essence has a chance to occur, as much as if I were closing my eyes
and looking for enlightenment. I am getting into how, I know not just
where; however, do they not relate?
I must go to work and listen to personal Essences that are lost.
Have a good day.

Well ..., you are right. And allow me to express it even better: God
becomes an Other outside not a Unity within.
But, Richard, get over it. Why does that matter to you? As you well say,
it is an Other. Like all the others. Why do you stick with that specific
one and you do not face it like the rest of those Others? It looks as if it
is not another Other for you. It should.
This is what I meant by, do not analyze it more. But, also, this is what I
meant by, you would ask more. I would expect questions about how to
locate that In, not more analysis like God is another Other.
I should have stopped here, trying to urge you to not forget this simple
exhortation (find the In before we go further).
Find it in reality, in action.
However, I am fidgety to make some more comments.
This where question is almost the first question coming in any big
event or deep wonder. This is what I was trying to extract from
you when (some time ago) I was throwing to you all these strange
statements like they found Solomons thesaurus or they made a car
that can fly. The first question that comes when you hear something
surprising is really? where? isnt it?
Then comes all the rest, like who, how.
I tried to use extraordinary circumstances (Solomons thesaurus, a car
that flies) because when something is too surprising (outrageous) then
the person forgets for a second the formal attitude of mind, so then
the first thing that comes out is authentic. So, I was trying to prove,
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through you, to you, that the first, pure authentic question that comes
when you do not screen things is the question where.
Therefore, and similarly, the first way to face Essence, the first point
of view about God, is the view of where, where is He located.
Everything else is how or when and comes later.
My effort, in those days, was to prove to you that for something really
interesting-surprising-big-informal, the first wish is to define its
location, to answer the question where; and it failed. Because we
were already talking inner and your mind didnt react automatically,
but responded under control, ha. But it has worked with every
unsuspicious person that I have asked strange-strong-interesting
questions; questions where the common logic stops for a second. Their
first reaction is, really? where?
My intention is to make clear what comes first to the mind. I think this
is necessary; it helps to clarify after all this Babel that exists out there.
There is a lot of information, lots of systems, lots of ways of thinking
out there, and everybody is confused. Some believe it is as I explain it,
but when we proceed further in the conversation, they go immediately
back to their previous way of thinking and try to convince me that I
should gladly accept their idea, to tell me it is not where that pops
first on the mind, it just happened and so on.
Where to start first is very important. To go back and simplify where
to start is the first work for a neophyte. Lets imagine that you teach
somebody; that somebody who is ready to seek and find, comes to you
and asks for your help, asks you to teach, to instruct, him. Where do
you start first? What do you suggest first?
Pray? He says why?
Good work? He has done that, and anyway nobody is perfect.
Humble? Well ..., why that and not no lies first, for example?
And so on. And so on. Therefore, what is the first thing to start from
or with?
Imagine, you find God and want to share this, you want to teach this
(I do not think so, but lets say so) then you talk like Archimedes, you
run out there excited and you say Eureka, you say Eureka God!!!
The peddler at the corner looks at you surprised, he thinks that
maybe hes gotten lucky after so many years at this corner just making
a miserable living, runs behind you and anxiously asks you ... what
does he ask you?

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How you did it?... I do not think so.

When you did it? No!!!
He asks you where? Where is He? Where did you find Him?
Play this game a bit with simple daily stuff and you will see.
This first question about where goes back, very far back, to the
creation.
I was told that Abel, in ancient Hebrew, means Time and Cain, in
ancient Hebrew, means Space.
I have only confirmed, that in modern Hebrew, Abel means breath and
weakness and Cain means possession. Even these meanings are close
to the ones I was taught, from the operation point of view. Because,
you get a breath, at a moment, in Time, and you make possession of
objects, in Space. On the other hand Space is not the critical factor to
breath and Time is not the critical factor to possession. So probably the
ancient explanation of the names, Abel and Cain, is correct.
They were the two brothers created by Adam & Eve. Cain was a farmer,
Abel was a shepherd. The Space and the Time, the two brothers.
Cain is the Space and needs the space to plow, Abel is the Time and
needs the time to graze the cattle.
Cain killed Abel. Space killed Time. They say it, not exactly killed,
like Space batten on Time. Since then Time is never enough, is
extinguished. This is why we never have time, we say I do not have
time. This is why everything grows in Space, we never have a problem
with space, and we always find solutions with space even when we think
we do not have enough, like in a filthy small house or in a jail. But at the
same time, we have a problem with time, time is never enough.
Do you understand this aspect? The point I am making is that the reason
we always think, but not worry, in means of space and not in means
of time has historical basis and would be an interesting psychological
research, We even worry when we are going to die, but never where. We
think we possess and control space, but we think we never possess and
control time. Maybe because Time is dead, is not out there. We always
worry about time, never about space. It is go, go, go, we do not have
time. It is never go, go, go, go we do not have space.
Maybe we are looking for the lost brother, with remorse. Its interesting, huh?
Anyway, it is easier to answer where. It comes as the first question.
When this question is asked about God there is an answer. Your answer
was close enough and it is inside me. Locate this In. Make it real
before you proceed. This is urgent, the first priority. Take care.
PS: We even say lets kill some time. We never say lets kill some space.
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Thanks for the exhortation. I am not sure you understood what I was
trying to say, however. When I said worship I did not mean that I
believed that an Other is real, but it is just what people do, to make
a point to you that it is not that obvious to the ditch digger that the
inside is where God is. I think most people think of God as what the
church tells them mostly, that he is in Heaven, etc.
You are very right in this respect, though, which touches my personal
quest. I do tend to dance around the thoughts, ideas, etc., and do
not spend as much time with the experience. That is my skeptical,
sometimes cynical, outlook.
It is also my exposure to the systems which I keep trying to fit or
unfit, perhaps, myself, or something into. It is the way I have learned
to survive in the world; perhaps it is a control issue (to always know
so I wont be surprised). Funny, though, I like surprises.
I will consider the real, in action, as you suggest; it is interesting
that when I do that sometimes I just see colors; and beautiful
kaleidoscopic images behind my eyes.
If you are fidgety, go ahead and make comments. I believe I get it
but do not experience it that much.
Thanks again for the dialogue and your great insights. (No, I am not
blowing smoke ... get it?)

Ohh, No!!! I understood exactly what you said. I know that you do
not believe another Other as real. Otherwise you wouldnt fight the
stupidness of it. I got your point how come and all these millions of
people believe what they hear from the church? I know you are talking
about the system, actually you said, how the heck did we reach this
point, who and how did that? because it is so obvious to you that we
(as mankind) replaced the pagan idolatry with pagan customs.
Be sure, I got that point.
I just wanted, for one time, to be sharply antithetical, not only to
express new idea waves and to have someone recognize them, but we
want these ideas to be spread and understood some time, back in the
future. This is not enough. Somebody has to open the path. Somebody
has to enforce action. The first enforcer does almost 50% of the work.
You are so close. Of course, you do it only when, and if, you are
interested. Not because I exhort, or so. I do my part.
However, you are a revolutionary, a fighter of the (any) system which
is the nature of this practice. Plus, you have the best theoretical
background of any person Ive ever met, clean, sharp, with the right
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information. You know a lot, but you do not confuse the people. You
agree with them and you lead them to a better understanding with just
an informational interjection or a question at the end. You are the best
candidate to enforce these new ideas. Without your (anybodys but yet
ones) actual practice, these ideas cannot and will not be understood,
ever. But only if you want this role. You have to see it on your own. Yes,
we all may be ambitious, me the most.
But still, if there are no personal actual results, then all this aspect will just
constitute one more confusing system. Soap bubbles! Nothing! Just new
good radical ideas ready to have a half hour show on TV or elsewhere.
Results are important; personal results through the normal senses.
If you see colors behind the eyes, just make a note of it. Then open the
eyes. Do not reject it. Just change your environment. Do you close your
eyes? Why? Even if you have the eyes open, you would see hidden
images in front of the eyes, out there in the atmosphere. You can easily
see things like the atoms as they are described in chemistry, dancing
in front there, drawing straight line orbits; then the orbits change to
another angle going again in a straight line orbit, exactly as they are
described in the books. It is an amazing, beautiful thing to watch. And
you can watch it for long time, in front of your opened eyes, while you
still see the rest of the world.
But ... but, all this is nothing. It is like you see the rainbow at a special
moment, while you cannot see it another moment. If you see something
behind or in front of your eyes, it is because you approach experience
with sight, you try to actually see and you put a pressured focus on the
sense of the sight. When you observe that and after you enjoy it a bit
(which is always a must; first enjoy!!) then go back and relax. There are
4 more senses to approach experience. Use any one of the other 4. You
still can see with the touch. I mean, when we say see in the spiritual
world, we do not always mean by sight, we mean by any of the other
4 senses. And still i.e. when you see by touch it is not only touch
through the flesh. It may be feeling through the flesh. When you feel
the (not blowing) air on your face, thats a feeling through the touch
sense, right? Anyway.
The most important of those senses is the sense of hearing. Suppose
there is an order of importance of those 5 senses according to which
one is closer to the minds way of understanding. This order is: hearing,
touch, sight, smell and taste. Sight is third in importance. First is the
hearing, then the touch. Last is the taste.

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Hearing is the closest to understanding. By hearing you can hear, see

and understand together. It is one of the ultimate practices to hear the
silence even through daily errands and business, in all traditions.
At one time, back in 1987, there was a guy named George who had used
a lot of heroin, for more than a decade. He asked me a lot of questions
and was trying to get rid of his addiction. He couldnt for years. He was
thinking a lot of things; he was a nice smooth personality with a bright
sharp brain, but was also an entity broken into pieces.
I told him that there are other ways to have the same experience he had
through drugs. I told him that drugs hit and stimulate the exact edges
where the nervous fibers touch and connect on the spine. It is where they
react the most and create all these experiences. Different drugs act in
different ways, but all act on the same spots. The drug gets attached there
like static electricity, like polyester clothes when you take them out of the
dryer, if you havent used the fabric softener to control the static cling.
Because of this electrostatic nature of this matter, the nervous fiber gets
damaged, rotten. This damage is irreversible; once it happens it stays
there forever. The experience also will never be the same again because
the fibers are not the same anymore.
The experience is available only when the drug first touches the edge
of the fiber. This is why the experience needs to be repeated. Damage
can never be treated on those edges. All the work people do in recovery
institutes is to clean up the users bodies or parts of it like the blood, but
never on those edges. They have no way to approach them and repair
the damage. Even one time using drugs is enough to affect and cause
permanent changes. There is no return path to the original status. I told
him there is more to the drug use and how it works, but I also explained
to him that there are much easier ways to stimulate the edges of the
nervous fibers. And I taught him how to hear, where exactly to hear.
You see my friend, and this is what I taught him, the point of this
is that we do things sleeping in this life. Nobody has enough ego to
demand specific results. And all culture, life, education, and religion
has one purpose. Less ego!!! Food, habits, politics, you name it, all are
directed to one point: Less ego!!!
So we finally do things without any specific sharp point, without any
demand or focus.
This is how it is with everything, because nobody has enough ego. I will
expand now with the sense of hearing. So we hear, but nothing specific.
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Just indefinite hearing. Even when we hear under pressure, or under

instructions, or something very interesting, we do not demand possession
of it, because of the lack of enough ego. We feel great that we are with
others, hearing a nice opera, but we do not have enough ego to specify its
hearing and possess it for me! So I told him, how to hear specifically.
Actually I instructed him, WHERE to hear, so hearing would be specific.
Well ..., the guy got it, right there because he wanted results (to save
his ass), but also because it was specified, to do it at a certain point by
a certain way. There was no chance to escape, except if he wanted to
continue talking or thinking over and over; as most of the people do.
George got it right there. I remember, he opened his eyes surprised, he
inhaled one good puff at his cigarette, he straightened up his spine,
he smiled and told me these words, this is exactly what I experience
with heroin.
To tell you the truth, I guess I was more surprised than him. Because I
never knew what the heroin experience was like. But I knew how and
where the 5 senses work to stimulate your life and make you happy, even
how to use any of the 5 senses and have results just as after having sex.
I told him to be careful and not use it too much, because his nervous
system is weakened by drugs. He never used drugs again. He
established his own business, he went back with his son and his
wife Melita, he had a regular life until he died two years later in a car
accident. Who knows?
He might have tried to do it while driving. Another car, coming from
the other direction, went through 4 lanes, through the middle grass
island and hit him head on. It was 3:00 pm with no other cars on the
road. No drinking was involved. Nobody ever explained how that
happened. Both drivers died.
I feel very happy to have survived almost the same thing, the shooting.
In other words when people try and get access to some practical truth
they get hit; somehow, somewhere; it is a good reason that all techniques
and practices are hidden, and people live longer lately (well ..., also more
stupidly). Do not get frustrated with them. There is a good reason for this.
The key point, my friend, is to switch from one sense to the other, relax
from using your sight and divert to hearing, or any other sense, so you
do not get tired and find joy while you do this hard and concentrated
work. Divert from seeing to feeling on flesh or hearing on the ears
flesh. It is as simple as that.

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You are right. The actual practice is necessary. So, why do you think
new radical ideas only end up with a half hour show on TV? Is it
because there are no new ideas? Only a footnote to Plato?
How do you get people to pay attention and practice? There is so
much out there to stimulate and get ones attention, or in there with
thoughts to get ones attention.
I like your ideas about space and time. We dont say I dont have
space very interesting. Doesnt it all have to do with energy anyway?
Enough of the analysis, huh? I will go back to the attention.
Take care.

Why the ideas end up like this? Because they are not alive. They are
not alive because they do not live in (again?) a body. And they do not
live in a body because no one put them in practice, in action. No one
put them in action for several reasons.
Somebody feels superior with just the first catch on those ideas. Lost in
the first risen happiness like the new-date couple or the kid with his
first day toy. Lost in feelings stimulation-satisfaction. No practice!!
Usually, such a person changes something in his image, maybe he starts
wearing a strange hat, or he starts smoking a pipe, or he even starts talking
very low, or smoother, like a highly sophisticated intelligent person.
Another gets amazed at how well the new idea fits with what he
knows from the past and how well this new idea explains what he was
wondering, before. Lost in minds stimulation-satisfaction. No practice!!
Usually, this guy talks a lot; he cannot even take jokes without turning
them into serious discussions, he asks leading questions of others, or
even tries to attract a potential date by expressing his new solid theory
and talking for hours.
Another gets fascinated comparing what he just understood with what
is still out there, whereby he feels smarter, and gets the impression
that other people are stupid or at least asleep. Though, by having his
beloved people, he cares for, between those stupid others, he gets
angry, he wants to change them, forcing himself into action, by writing
or preaching, even killing, and so on. Lost in the bodys stimulationsatisfaction. No practice!!
My friend, as I said, nobody has enough ego to mind his business.
Nobody cares to possess and succeed in more, no matter what happens
to the others. As you said, we need ego before we lose it.
I could add that we need too much ego before we lose it. The tree will
always grow up to its highest level before it dies.

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Ideas are strong, full of energy. They force people to act. They were
created before ego and they are more powerful than ego. Ego never
wants to die. It prefers to be a slave to an idea, prefers to serve the idea
rather than to die. This is why you see all these millions of people
serving whoever they serve. If you let the idea come through, it will
change your whole entity. If you let the idea come through, the ego
has to give up its space. People do not give up the ego and its space
easily, therefore the idea has to die at least partially, and then gradually.
This is why ideas end up as a half hour TV shows, or so, and then
die. People do not have a strong ego, therefore they resist letting it be
altered and so they serve an idea rather than give the idea a body to get
through and become an entity in reality.
It is like the old Zen story: The neophyte asked the master: what do I
do to improve myself in Zen? The master took the tea-pot and started
pouring tea in his cup which was full of tea already. He continued
pouring while ignoring the neophyte. The neophyte at a point dared
to say, What are you doing, master? You waste the tea!!! The master
said: This is what you do when you try to learn more before you empty
yourself from the old ideas.
Ideas are strong, they force people to act, they are more powerful than
ego. Ego never wants to die, because this is me, this is who I am. It
prefers to be a slave to an idea, prefers to serve the idea rather than to
die. This is why you see all these millions of people serving whoever
they serve. If you let the idea come through, it will change your whole
entity. This happens almost exactly like when a pregnant woman
welcomes in her body the new entity, the embryo. She vomits, she feels
insecure because she is losing a bit of herself making up space for the
newcomer. She may get depressed feeling that loss of herself, she may
get aggravated with simple things, she may interpret things completely
different than before, she may lose sleep and so on.
The same happens when an embryo-idea comes into and through
the body to be born. I know, I am having all those symptoms as well,
as I have already told you. But the worst happening is, that in the
real moments of all this, there is no advice or knowledge to prevent
depression or distraction. Even if you know all that, the shake is very
strong!! Because simply at that moment, when ego begins to die (even
partially) you do not feel I die partially (...ha), you feel just I die once
for many years, since from 2 years old, we have felt that we are that ego.

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So even though I may be saying these things to you, in fact I am in

hell when I get in that real moment. The only good thing is that after
awhile, you become more experienced to that process, so you become
patient and every time this happen you wait until it is through. Still,
while you patiently feel the hell of getting through this downloading
the idea in the body, you never know the outcome. There is always
doubt, a shake. So besides being patient, at some point you are forced
to trust. There is no other way to do it.
By the way, all this will go well only if the first time it comes, you pass
through without getting confused. The first time is the hardest. I was
fortunate enough to meet you that first time.
I was fortunate to meet you, and you knew a lot and in good order. I
think though that systems, churches, and beliefs, and all this support
helps a lot when the shake from losing the ego comes. All these
network systems gives you good support and good hope when the
shake comes. At least in words, since nothing has any meaning at
those moments. You die!! Do you get it? Anyway, I am still petrified
just thinking that it will (for sure) come again, but (believe me) I worry
when it doesnt come for awhile, because after going through this I
die hell from losing the ego, ohhh!!!! A hell of a life comes, a complete
peace, internal happiness, equanimity.
Now, how does an idea get born through the body? How do we become
pregnant with an embryo-idea? It gets born by YOUR practice. Just
thinking and accepting, like we all usually do, means nothing more than
just complying with it. Thats nothing because the next moment you
comply with something else, sometimes with the opposite. But if you
practice the idea, then it comes through the body and then becomes alive.
Make no mistake!! Practice means to try this idea while you do your daily
errands (its hard!) Use the idea at the same moment you run your daily
business. Not one second the idea and the next second the business. No,
No, No!!! You have to try to have them both at the same moment.
Of course, I am not dreaming. It is hard. Almost never achievable. But
this is the right thing to do.
This is why in all traditions it is necessary to learn first not to look for
results.
And all this effort where there are no results is the best way to be
humbled.

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Not the other way around, that NONSENSE that they teach in the
churches, be humbled, be humbled, you are not humbled!! What
crap! People are suffering and punishing themselves to be humbled
so they may earn the kingdom of God. Thats stupid!! Nobody will
ever pass through the door by playing humble, or by trying hard to be
humbled, ever. The only achievement with this is a life of hell.
Plus, this is what human beings are determined to do. To connect the
two worlds together. If somebody lives only in the spiritual sphere, we
say he is flying, he is lost, he is not a pragmatist and thats true. If
somebody lives in the material sphere he is too earthly, no spiritual life
at all. Only the human being has the ability to connect the two worlds
together and this is our role. It is not to own things from earth, since we
die anyway. It is not to learn the spiritual world because we came from
there anyway. We are here just as a bridge, to connect those two worlds
together, through what comes to him everyday and, of course, each one
in its different aspects.
In addition, this is the only way to distinguish bad ideas from good ideas
and secure the peoples life from evil. Let the people be free to learn and
know this powerful way to put the ideas into action and make these
ideas alive in the world. Let people put the idea into their body, give
birth to them and pass them into the world and then you will see which
ones are the good and which ones are the bad. I laugh when I see people
possessed by the devil as they say, or psychologically broken, or divided
apart or so. You see, these are the results of people who worked hard
all their lives to download, through the body, ideas that they thought
would be just ideas and never would affect the body or the mind. In
their ignorance, they didnt know that ideas can be downloaded into the
body. However, when an angered madness occurred about something or
another person (getting offended always creates an unforgettable issue
and the matter goes on and on), they tried hard and kept the idea all the
time in their mind while they were doing daily errands and so... bingo!!!
It got into their body and there we go, see the results!!! They got results
and affected the other people they were mad at. Such knowledge, the
explanation that when you keep something in mind while you do daily
errands will make the idea become action, if spread around would save a
lot of minds from getting distracted, divided and scattered.
Downloading the idea into the body, takes about two years to come out
in action through the body. You see the first results in your body in
about 9 months. But then it takes another 1 and 1/4 years for the idea to
become speakable, to see it living. Same as with the baby.
Nine months to see it within a body, two years to see it become speakable.
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You do not need to talk to anybody about it, you do not need to preach,
you do not need to write, you do need to enforce, you do not need to
convince, you do not need to fear the ideas as getting downloaded. You
also do not need to fast, you do not need to avoid, you do not need to
restrain, you do not need to apply continence, neither to restrict nor to
prohibit as many people do while they try to download the idea they
practice on. But you need to enforce!
Just do the job of downloading and you will see the results in
approximately two years. How do you think things happen? Just by
accident? Somebody worked for that. How do you think all these
amazing bright changes happened? Like the wall in East Germany, the
fall of the communist block, even the amazing dark periods, like Hitler,
like Terrorists, etc. How do you think all these things happened? By
accident? I assure you, NO way!!!
I already told you a few things that happened in my own field when
I was seeing you those days. I am almost sure you do not remember
those and it is better so. But I have had big events and changes that
happened from my own work. I do not know and do not care when it
will happen or how because I am busy seeking the esoteric. But many,
many abusive things, intriguing changes, strong alterations, happen
every day out there with which I am getting somehow involved. Just a
practice like this (the practice of downloading) for awhile is enough to
see the system changing in a couple of years, later. I do not know who
will be the carrier to do that, I do not know how it will happen, I do
not even keep track of it. I just have to visit the place, download the
idea, leave it alone, do the rest of my work and sometime 2 years down
the road I will see unbelievable big changes on what I have worked
at; at which point I admire God and His power more than what I did
before, because that was a small particle of dust in the whole system,
some time ago, and now I am already busy working with something
different within; that makes the change that happened, yes, fascinating
but meaningless. The deeper you get into the Essence the sharper, the
stronger the results are.
All these people like Plato, Socrates and so on left an everlasting
mark in history because they took action first. Then they just said a
little part of it because they were somehow asked.
This is how I see it. And we go on.
About your reference I like your ideas about space and time. We dont
say, I dont have space very interesting. Doesnt it all have to do with
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energy anyway? My friend, let me tell you some real stuff. I hope they
wont take you away from practice back to analysis.
Well, as you well understood: we live in the area where we have plenty
of space and we almost always have no time.
But there is another area where we have plenty of time and we almost
have no space. We go there when we die. There we have no space
because we are united. But there is no worry about time at all. I think
you can recall that (and anybody can) from moments when you have
had an internal experience. There is no worry about time at all, but also
if you recall, there is no space even though we are somewhere.
This is the internal area, the internal world. This is why you had the
problem of identifying that In and you were writing to me, It is not
outside us, nor in us, nor around us, above us, below us, but within us.
I challenge you to imagine how you would live in a world where
you never worried about time and there is not enough space. If you
can clearly imagine such a picture, you will see you are close to the
experiences you had by practicing Essence or any internal process.
Now, this is the other side of it, the other duality. Read carefully.
Here, we live in the space with not enough time. When here we become
individuals (thats a must), we seek time to build up our lives in the space.
Actually, we try to make our lives better or more convenient which, if
you have noticed, means to have more time for myself, which we think
we are going to achieve by having a bit more money. This process builds
up and because of that, sometime we die just because we do it, we try
hard in all our life and wish to build up time!! The scientists even say
today that the friction from ups and downs in life (efforts, stress, strong
feelings, etc.) is what wears out the cells and leads to death, not the
aging. So the lack of (lets say) equanimity leads to death. The fact of the
matter is that this kind of life, to seek time and build our life on having
more time for myself in the space, leads to the death naturally.
In other words, seeking the missing time, building up more time in
space, is what leads us to leave here and to be born in the other world
where the wish of time comes true.
My friend, I now disclose to you that the same happens in that other
world. When there, we become individuals, we seek space to build
our life in the time. At the beginning it is a very happy united life with
no worries, exactly like it happens here when the baby is born and
exactly, as you remember from your experiences, living with no worries
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of time or anything else. But sometimes the self-awareness starts and

we become individuals. This is where we start seeking space to build
our lives in the time. We then try to build more space in the time, to
expand. That process builds up and wears out the equanimity which
leads to death and leads us to be born again here, in this world where
the wish of space comes true.
There are a lot more details to that. This is how you can explain all
these experiences revealed by people who were interviewed by doctors
when they came back from a comatose or vegetative state and described
how they met their own people, who were waiting and welcomed them,
who accompanied them and so on. On the other hand as it gets worse
here with the space, so it gets worse there with the time.
Here is where the biggest mistake happened, it is the biggest step down
that ever occurred on earth with the encompassing and then parceling
of the land which has a simple result: when you are born, there is
no free space for you to step on and live in because the land already
belongs to somebody else. At the moment you are born, you owe money
to somebody for the space you already occupy just because you dared
to be born and step on the earth. This is where the insecurity starts.
Analogically, the same happens in the other world with the time. But this
is not as bad as it sounds. It becomes so because of the mixing of the two
worlds. You see, the whole universe moves on its own and stirs up things
and peoples lives and it is getting worse before it will get better.
I am sure now more than ever that Einstein knew all that, at some
point. He has stated that he would continue his research from where he
was going after his death. He also, in his later years, was talking to his
parrot, telling him his last discoveries. You see, the guy knew that if he
downloads the idea and spreads its sound into space (no matter if it is
to people with understanding or to the parrot with no understanding),
he would find it later in time. He did one of the smartest things you can
do, if you do not want to lose the progress youve made in life.
Well ..., you got me moving again into that thing where Theology
and Science are one. I feel blessed that I have this mathematician
background, which I got when I disobeyed my fathers force to become
a doctor which (they say) caused him so much frustration that it led
to his stomach cancer and then to be transferred to the time area (in
others words, he died). I wont go into further details now because I do
not want to sound crazy and I do not want you to forget the practice of
locating the In.
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But the truth of the matter is that this is one of the biggest dualities,
time and space. We keep walking from one to the other. When we live
in the one, we miss the other. When we miss that other, we try to build
it up and satisfy what we miss.
We live in the space? We try to build up time in this space. By the
time weve done that, we are born in the time. We live in the time? We
try to build up space in the time. By the time weve got it, we are born
in the space.
Cain (space) lived here and killed Abel (time).
Likewise, Abel lives there and has killed Cain.
We are responsible for the mixing of the two worlds. We mix them up by
living in each one and trying hard to build up what is missing in the other.
We do it like the bees. Hard work forever.
But remember ... there is something else far from this duality, outside
of it. You have the chance to get it in either world. Here, right now, or
there, later. But by only one practice:
Never accept any side. And never dump any side. Combine both
together through your body.
Get your entity used to never avoiding, but always to engaging the
synthesis. It will be there for you even when you lose it, just because
you got used to it.
By the way, what do you know about the book,
Many lives, MANY MASTERS by Brian L. Weiss, MD? http://www.
google.com/search?hl=en&q=Many+masters,+book+of+Brian+weiss
&spell=1
I thought we were the only ones to create the dual, the therapist and
the teacher (which you phrased and formed like this). But this book
gives me the impression that, once again, we run behind, is that true?
Tell me.

Your challenge to imagine how you would live in a world where you
never worry about time and there is no space, do you mean by not
enough space Unity? If you do, I think I see what you are saying.
It is an interesting thing for me to see many people my age and
younger, many friends, who have retired and supposedly have
enough time, finally. The final reward! I yearn for it a lot myself.
But what would I want the time for? To rest, for at least a year. Ha.
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Then what? To travel? Then what? Maybe to find space? But why cant
I put them together in the here and now? Your point is well taken;
how can a person who lives in the every day life get the two (is it
two?) worlds together? They are not two worlds, yes? I think you are
right about the practice versus the ego involved ideas. What would
dialogue be like if two people were practicing Essence at the same
time? Essence to Essence? Maybe that is why, as you said, the Sufis do
the dances, whirling dervishes, then fall limp and cry and everything
else at the end of the dance (no women allowed ).
Trying to lose the ego to move to a different possibility. Would that be
an example of living in a world where you never worry about time and
there is not enough space?
I scanned the review of the book you mentioned. I have not read
it though I have known some therapists who have dealt with past
lives, although I have never believed in it. Maybe you will change my
mind. What do you mean we are behind? I told you that everything
has already been thought anyway, but as you say, not practiced.
Again, I am very impressed with the vast knowledge you have from
experience of the In; You know, in a way, I think a lot of people have
some of this but they are afraid to express it because it would sound
too strange to the current culture, which is extremely shallow and
driven by events and stimulations.
Who is the teacher and who is the therapist?
Remember Sheldon Kopps book: When You Meet the Buddha on the
Road, Kill Him. Or Thomas Altizers book in the 60s called: God is
Dead. Are you familiar?
We talk more.

Right, I agree with you, thats correct!!

I thought you knew, because you said it.
Your question though sounds like I should know, because you said it. Is
that possible? If yes, is that effective?
I am taking a break, playing with your labyrinths, ha-ha.
Hmmm!!!

Forgive me if I seem like a smartass when I throw things like there

is nothing new to you. These people who are popular, like Deepak
Chopra and the guy on PBS who talks about the power of intention
and Don Miguel Ruiz, who wrote The Four Agreements (Mexican
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Toltec Master), etc., etc., seems that they make an impact on people,
but you are right, it seems to be popular for awhile and then
something new comes along a little better, or a little different, such as
Wolinsky, Quantum Psychology, etc.
The closest I see to what you and I are talking about is the practice set
up by A.J. Almaas, who runs the Ridhwan Institute. The teachers have
years of training, and interestingly, they are ordained ministers, their
purpose is to teach enlightenment by experiencing Essence.
They use depth psychology and combine with practice sessions
where people are taught to lose ego and experience the body as a way
to find Essence. It is mostly experimental. He calls it the Diamond
Approach. These people meet weekly for a long time to work together
on practicing Essence. His most interesting book is The Pearl Beyond
Price which has to do with personal Essence. (man of the spirit and
man of the world).
Otherwise, mostly what I see is small groups, which I am in, and
have been for several years, where we study, meditate, and try to
practice. We call it a spirituality group. A couple of the members
practice with a Peruvian shaman, which seems to be close to what we
are talking about; they get into healing areas and utilize old shamanic
approaches. Some medical doctors are now doing this as well.
Anyway, maybe the search does not have to be a search, just a
practice. Thanks for tolerating the wrestling; as I bring up things
to you do not think I am attacking or disagreeing with you. I am
just putting in all the stuff that relates, I hope, to give us both a
better understanding of how to bring fire without being eaten by the
vultures. Remember Gilgamesh and Enkidu? The old Mesopotamian
myth where one was of nature and the other was of the city. They
wrestled with each other to find the synthesis.

Right, thats it!!!

But you do not need to heal anything. You may do it just because some
people ask you to. But it cannot be the main stream method of a teaching.
Heal what? The pain? What pain, where? Because the energy that
comes when you are connected with Essence heals everything itself
and you need to arrange nothing. The energy spreads all over and heals
weak spots or areas, even mental ones.
The only thing required is to be there.
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And in any case, before you reach there, while the Essence downloads
in the body and pushes out old stuff, going through everything and
everywhere, you feel that replacement, you feel that big change. Your
intestines hurt (this is always where it first starts), the top of the
stomach ties up hard, like when women have a period, you vomit, feel
itching, pinching and everything I have described to you already.
Plus headaches. Many times you feel a stream of pain going from the
top of the head down to the right part of the head which is like a bug
walking there; many times I tried to grab such a bug, but there was
nothing there while that walking pain continued.
Well ..., heal what? I could say that if doing all these practices makes
the people physically feel better then the practices do nothing. Then
they would be just one of those systems for making the body feel good,
like good health by eating healthy food and all that makes people think,
earth can be a heaven by reducing their pain.
Yes, I would strongly support and favor that if at any point, by
doing practices, you feel no bodily distractions, then you are doing
nothing else but trying to live your life with no bodily harm. Thats
not Essence. Thats I do not like to have physical pain, and lets do
something about it. And then a few years or decades down the road
you lose your pet (your body) that you have taken such good care of,
by death. Its thrown into the trash can!! ... haa. To my belief, thats not
Essence. No way!

It is good to take a break sometimes. I agree that it (Essence) involves

pain because it opens up experience, dissolves defensiveness of the
ego, i.e. personality. It is amazing; I was thinking the same thing about
healing as you said. It is insignificant if we are in Essence, whereby
the healing may be incidental, or not incidental.
By the way, Almaas talks a lot about the discomfort when
experiencing Essence. Right now my pain is in the first and second
chakra; (low back pain). Interesting.
Also, I just came across an old book I taught years ago called: Lost
Christianity by Jacob Needleman. He interviewed several monks, etc.
He approached what we talk about; the book was written in 1980 and
he draws from an ancient resource, 14th century, called The Cloud of
Unknowing written by a Benedictine monk. Just more context.
I am being there. Take care.
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I always run to the doctors first, even though I am convinced that all
this comes from entering Essence.
But, I run to the doctor because, as the Greek expression goes, the
devil has a lot of legs, meaning I may be in peace, spoiled that all this
pain comes from Essence (what a blessing!!!) and then one day I may
find that I had a terrible treatable disease, though it is too late by then.
I recognize this low back pain. Actually, my vomiting comes from there!!!
Can you imagine that? The source, the starting point of the vomiting is
from the low back, not from the stomach, can you imagine? I know (from
books) that this is the chakra of the motion, the chakra that connects with
the motion of the body, one more proof that the body gets all the heat.
However, two years ago when I first got health insurance I had a general
physical check up. They didnt find anything; all by the book they told
me. I knew though that many things are hidden and I persisted, asking
the doctors to check in more detail. So they sent me for ultra sound
exams. There too, they found nothing. I persisted; they were surprised.
Because of my insistence I was scheduled for a gastroendoscopy where
bingo, they found some little stuff, not a cancer, but treatable within
14 days. I am telling you this story to point out that the bacterium they
found doesnt hurt your stomach at all, or your intestines. It hurts your
shoulders, your lower back area, maybe behind the knees, etc. In other
words, it affects your bones and feels like arthritis.
I had all these symptoms, but I never paid attention because I thought
it was normal to have these pains since I have been a Navy Seal, a
construction worker, and a kickboxer and all these activities are hard
on the body. Even the doctors had given me this explanation and that I
should not worry. But I persisted and now its gone after only 14 days
on antibiotics. Gone, because I was persistent with the doctors. Lets
go deeper, lets go further.
Now, after that I do not trust any conclusions. Pain in the back? I run to
doctor. Even for the vomiting I have been through an MRI. They found
nothing, but still even though I know a lot of it comes from this Essence
download, I do not let myself sleep quietly.
A pain in the back can be a chakra, can easily be something else. A
headache can easily be Essence, can easily be a tumor. You never know.
For now, right?

You dont have to reply to this.

True, some people when they get caught up in spiritual quests leave
doctors behind. You are smart to get things checked out.

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Last night I could not sleep; worried most of the night about things
just when I was more conscious of connecting to the within of Essence.
Did I strongly utilize my defenses, such as worry, since Essence
was downloading or just a fluke? You do not have to answer. I am
just observing.
No energy today.
Is it okay to talk to you about personal experiences; are you
comfortable with it? After all, I have been the therapist, or have our
roles changed at this time? Take care.

My friend, want me or not, you excite me and motivate me to answer. I

didnt know you have already gotten into that!!!!!!!!!!!
I am glad to hear that. Welcome to the club.
Its not a fluke. I mean, sorry I didnt tell you before during all these
emails, but it is a remarkable point that you do not need to know the In,
you do not need to succeed in that, you do not need to do it for years
like other practices or traditions, you do not need to persist, you do not
need to define it, you do not need to have more than seconds to do that.
Since you turn your attention to that by anyway!!!! ... bingo!! There you
go, it works for you.
Does it sound like Gods characteristic? Does it sound like, ask and you
will be given? Does it sound like unlimited giving? Does it sound
like its available for everybody, at anytime?
It is everywhere and doesnt need space, because we are there already.
We are In somewhere.
It is all the time and it never ends. Show me one thing that isnt in
somewhere.
Its true, no energy today.
Let me put it in my own words: No Vital Energy, today.
Well ..., you know it, already. I do not need to tell you more about vital
energy. Do you wish to be a spiritual entity? I have had the impression,
since I was little, that angels, God, yogi, teachers and so on, had no
vital energy, or it was lost on the way.
It looks like you have learned to live on your own. Not depending on
vital things (body, food, water, sex ... ohhhh, excuse me!).
Just be patient. Replacement is on the way. I was thinking the other day
that all these spiritual entities that use their body as a tool, that transfer
their body (is that true?), that resurrect their body (this is confirmed,
right?), that walk on water (well ..., too far?), etc., that they may have
lost a lot of sleep in order to BE and use their body like we do with our
shirts. What do you think? ... haa
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Good luck. The trip started. I hear the whirr. Nausea is on the way.
Hold on strongly to the bar (wife, money, good food, you name it,
earthly things). Haaaa haaa ha!!!
By the way, take a look at this, just for a refreshment:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7423298
Sorry, but I am still smiling. Too long, huh?

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Chapter XI
what is it to Be in the In

You are right in a previous message. When the discomfort comes, the
tendency is to look for ideas that will bring comfort, such as, you say,
the church crap. Looking for father, mother, Jesus, God, or whomever, to
comfort. This must be the way it works. But, perhaps, most stop with this
and do not go through the dark night of the soul, and then when Essence
is In, all of the others, such as rituals, beliefs, etc., are not needed.
Quite an interesting phenomenon. Perhaps when we get back into ego
we need religion!
What do you think?
Or when we feel weak, such as me yesterday, maybe pray. But I didnt
pray. What would I pray for? I just trusted, as you say. It is a basic
trust that, okay, I am open to whatever it is. Then it seems to be there,
and even if its not there, it is okay.
When you say, ask and you will be given? Given what? What you
think you want, or is it Essence?
I think the latter, though that has nothing to do with what we think we
want or need. Right? And who is this we anyway?
Thanks for the encouragement. Same to you.

When you ask, you ask the idea, the idea-l of it. You ask gladly, excited
to meet it. But when the idea comes hmm
It is like me, when I ask to meet a woman to get married!!! I am trying to
meet a woman while everything is ideal in my mind. But when she comes,
there I go with the reality in plain view. Haaa, ha. Interesting, huh?
Well, the picture and idea you have for the In is different from its
energy. The form is always different from its energy. The energy is
different than its mass. Visit the site I sent you about Einstein. E=mc.
There you see that a tiny amount of mass can be converted into a huge
amount of energy. The mass and the energy. The form and the energy.
The picture, the image and the energy. They are all different.
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You ask to understand and find the In. You think you will be better off
knowing it better. But it burns you up!!!
You ask for a better understanding, a better approach, you think you
(your personality, ego) will be richer or more balanced by knowing it.
There you go.
The truth of the matter is you ask for In, you get In. You ask, it is given. It
doesnt happen like this with other things, at least not so quickly, not that
fast. In every other case there is a timeframe of 2 years between the idea
and the action connected with the idea. Between Idea and Body, there is
a 2-year trip. But with In there is an immediacy, a directness. Why?
Because In is the door. Locate the In.

The In burns you up .... excited to meet it. But when the idea comes
hmm (your words)
Thomas: Whoever is near me is near fire ...
Let whoever seeks not cease from his seeking until he finds. When
he finds, he will be troubled ...
I have cast fire on the world, and look, I am guarding it until it blazes.
Thomas said to them: If I tell you one of the words he spoke to me,
you will pick up stones and throw them at me. And fire will come
from the stones and burn you up.
In spite of what I say to you, you do not know who I am. You have
become like the Jews; They love the tree but hate the fruit; they
love the fruit, but hate the tree.

downloading Essence in the body

Thomas:
If the flesh exists because of the spirit, it is a miracle; but if spirit
exists because of the body, it is a miracle of miracles. I marvel at
how such great wealth established itself amid this poverty.

Does any of this relate to Einstein?

I am still seeking the In, not resisting being troubled.
Rest if you wish; take a break; sorry if I am so interested. It can burn
you up or cool you off, or neither. So, Prometheus was not the only
one to bring fire to the people?
Neither he nor Jesus tricked the vultures, or did they?
Good evening.

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Excellent point!!! ... but if spirit exists because of the body, it is a

miracle of miracles. I still have a lot to tell you. But I am waiting,
holding my horses. I am walking carefully (I think). It is true that
the spirit exists because of the body. I cannot say more now, until I
download it. But I am so confident of this, so convinced that I (almost)
know that all these made spirits, even Jesus, are next to us with their
bodies. Not that it is needed, but because of it. Again, the entire process
is to establish the right body for the spirit. Back and forth, again and
again, with fasting or abstinence, with continence or sleeplessness,
with behavior or rituals, the goal is to establish the right body for the
spirit. Thats all when downloading.
But the followers get attached to the results, because the seekers found
this connection with the body. However, it doesnt work the other way
around, so the followers just suffer in the end. Imagine, for example,
if I, having experienced vomiting when I download, going out and
preaching, try to vomit if you want to connect with Essence!!! That is
just stupid, huh? It doesnt work the other way around.
Excellent point from Thomas!!! ... but, if spirit exists because of
the body, it is a miracle of miracles. This is why all those traditions
have existed, since the time of Pyramids era up through today with
the last Popes death, try to keep the body, to preserve it. They even
accompanied the bodies with all the necessities, food, clothes,
whatever. But, it doesnt work this way, the other way around.
What words Jesus told him? There were three sayings. Thomas didnt
reveal them when he went back to the other disciples. You will know
them when you get In there. There will be no doubt when you get there.
Not resisting being in trouble may turn to accepting trouble as part
of this process making it a normal situation. This is how all these
disciplines and disciplined traditions found space to grow up, no
matter if they were right or wrong. It is the same reason why all these
seekers still suffer for centuries now. And this is why the rest of them
try to enforce their beliefs using violence.
What I do is try to avoid the trouble. Spread the energy and its force
around. Accept the trouble as a necessary part of the download, of
the return path. Though, I try to live well and just do the job like an
ambitious professional executive who has goals. I work hard, but after
hours, I enjoy life just as hard.
It is like when you are wounded you have to go through pain (the
surgery) in order to get better. When you have a wound on the flesh
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and it begins to heal, it starts itching, feeling painful and you want
to scratch it and blame your damn luck, why do you have to go
through all that, etc.
However, its all part of the healing process. Or like when you use a
piece of glass to gather light, magnify it to one powerful point and start
a fire; its useful. When the fire ignites it spreads to the woodpile. But
if you were to turn the glass on yourself, it doesnt spread and it burns
your flesh deeper.
Forgive me. I am not trying to teach you, since I do not know exactly
what you do. I just grab the chance to express different views of the In
while emailing. It doesnt mean that you do something wrong, right now.
Anyway, to spread the energy means to get involved in the world
(actually more). That brings attachments and so when I see that I am
lost I abandon things and go back to the practice. Back and forth until
I learn to live with this energy. Its coming! It is a marvelous balance
when it comes to the point of living with it. Did I ever use the word
balance before?
I think not. Forgive me. I am not trying to confuse you and open
another aspect.
Try to locate the In. You still do not know what is within. And you
wont know before locating the In.
In is different than within.
Locate the In. Its easy, even by logic. It burns you up. But its easy. It
is so easy that when you get there you will feel stupid that you didnt
get it for so long. It is so simple that you will first excuse and then
understand why nobody else gets it, but then you understand why the
vast majority will never get it also.
It is so obvious that you feel blessed to be there. It is so easy and
assessable in front of you that you feel it is Gods grace given to you
and since for so many years you didnt get it, youd never have gotten it
without this grace. Actually, in there the idol of God falls apart, but still
you feel that youd never have found it alone, this is where the grace fits.
Since you have selected all those sentences above to explain Essence
downloading them from Thomas, I will do the same and will gather
together what has been written in here, in these emails about the In.
They may help.

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1.
You quote: (Thomas) When you bring forth what is in you, what you
have will save you ... Sotiris, maybe Essence is in us if we only knew it.
This is probably not the right answer.
I replied: yes Richard, this is the right answer! Yes, YES!! Let me put it
this way: I asked you a simple question, where? You tried to answer. In
this answer, there is only one word that you used the most. The one word
you used most often, actually 6 times, is the word In and/or within.
Also, you never used any word with the meaning out or outside. So
where is Essence? In.
2.
You quote: (Thomas) That which you do not have in you will kill you
if you do not know it within you
you.
I replied: why does he say within you and he doesnt say in you? Why
doesnt he say, if you do not know it in you or why doesnt he say, if you
do not know it inside you? What does it mean within?
3.
I asked you:
1ST: What is inside you? A little help: What is inside
you that is not outside you?
2ND: Why does he say within you and he doesnt say
in you or inside you?
4.
You quote: Tarthang Tulku said Within the luminous vitality of such a
knowing existence ...
5.
Read this like you never have read it before. Again, you: That which
you do not have in you will kill you if you do not know it within you.
I replied: I do see that anything that is not within you may kill you.
6.
I also said: The meaning is for everything. If you do not know something
within you, it will kill you. ... no matter if you are pure with no sins, no
matter if you always do the right thing, no matter if you protect yourself
by any means, no matter what you do ... if you do not know it within you,
it will kill you.

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7.
You said: Yes, the within is what I like to think of when I say inner
openness
(Comment: So you can locate it!!! just dont get happy with the inner
openness when it comes. Be an ambitious professional executive who
has goals and minds nothing else, just his narrow goal, numbers and
results that are pre-determined).
8.
You said: The within; where is it located? This is the ultimate
question perhaps. It is not outside us, nor in us, nor around us, above
us, below us, but within us. What a mystery.
(Comment: You have located it here. Just mean what you say. Do not
just use words. Mean what you say. Listen to each one word when you
read them. One word at a time, like a big drop in the absolute silence. If
you do not know what I mean, ask).
9.
I also said: All this, the within its location and the way to approach
it, are specific. They are more specific than the car you drive.
10.
I also said: So, generally speaking, in very simple words, when you bring
up something big, the immediate response is where. So, if you say to
somebody you can find Essence, ... the immediate response is where?
Remember now, in all you have read, or talked about or heard,
the immediate answer to this where? is the In or inside, right?
Remember that God is inside you, or look inside your heart, or look
inside yourself. Never ever has anybody said anything about out or
outside. Right?
11.
I also said: You see this guy Thomas doesnt say to bring it outside, he
says to bring it forth. Thats so excellently said, because it is a matter of
fact that when you bring what is inside forth, then that forth (that used to
be outside) is not outside anymore.
(Comment: When you bring what is inside outside, since it is still your
inside then it can never be outside, so it is brought forth. Excellent
Thomas!)

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12.
I also said: It meant, ... what woman can put up with all this? Inside,
outside, forth, save? Come on now!!! Who?
13.
I also said: You see, this is how I have met women (so far). Disturbing
and changing the direction from the real matter to their existence. Which
of course is another (forced) opportunity to bring the inside forth where
love is living. Thanks to them.
14.
You said: If it was in you or inside you it would be something else that
is not you.
I replied: That helps a lot. But allow me to please to rephrase it a bit.
It may help you to understand better. If it was in you or inside you, it
would be something else that is not (it) itself.
15.
I also said: For every answer you bring up for the question, What is
inside you that is not outside you, so you are called to bring it forth? I
will always reply to you with one or all of the followings:
a. How do you know that?
b. If so, why it is only inside you, so you are called to bring it forth?
c. How do you know that this is not also outside you? Because if it is also
outside you, you do not have to bring it forth.
These three questions will make sure that what you think/see/experience/
know is real. The answer has nothing to do with thoughts. It is a real fact.
(Comment: for ANY answer, how do you assure ME that what you see
(as an answer) is inside you? (And not outside too?). There is only one
answer to that, no matter if you answer by logic or by real experience. It
is secure in itself, no one can trick you on that).
16.
I also said: ... then God is the Absolute giving entity that brings forth
what is inside (this is why in later teachings he is also called the
Absolute and not God ... )
17.
I also said: But the key is to bring forward what is inside you. So the key
is inside you.

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18.
I also said: It is not a mystery. It is as easy as walking through a door
from one space to the other, from outside to inside a building!!!
19.
I also said: Nobody ever meant that you can find God anywhere outside.
It is not accidental that the idea of outside never existed in the spiritual
world. On the other hand, the idea of inside is spread all over the
spiritual world throughout the centuries.
What is inside you that is not outside you?
You do not bother me. These emails, this intellectual work is my break,
thanks to you.
Plus, I think the people that get the vultures on their flesh, I mean
punished, are those that are affected by doing what I do and what I
proposed to you to do: they stay in society and they fight to the end
to download.
However, there are a lot of other people, very much connected, who
chose to live away from society. These people never get involved with
vultures. There is a good reference to those in the book Autobiography
of a Yogi (Original 1946 Edition), by Paramhansa Yogananda.
http://www.crystalclarity.com/yogananda/contents.asp

These people are in love with Essence, they do not care about people
and society, since everything is a dream in Gods sleep.
Still there is a solution for those who stay in the world and affect
society. The solution is to look alike, and not be singled out.
You look alike when you get into the sin like the others. Not outrageous
things, just like the others. You remember I told you, Hold the bar
strongly. (wife, money, good food, you name it, earthly things). Thats it.
Still there is a big question mark there.
For example, lately I cannot drink a single drink. Not that I am hurting,
or so. No. I just do not like it at all, when a few months ago I didnt
hesitate at all. I cannot drink coffee either. How can I look like the
others when they offer me a beer and I say no?
Another example is, I vomit the most when I eat meat. If I have to
stop eating meat, how can I look similar? But generally speaking, I
have been able to get along without big troubles by getting a little bit
into the sin so far.
It makes the anchor heavy and helps it to stay still.
At the bottom. Scary.
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Maybe your body is telling you what you need and dont need, not what
you want and dont want. However, if you need nothing, then do you stop
eating? No! The body needs fuel for energy for downloading Essence.
I had a lawyer friend who saw me one day in church in a three-piece
suit. He said, You look mighty establishment today. I said, I only
look that way so I wont have to be that way. Man of the spirit and
man of the world at same time.
It is okay for you to teach me; after all, dialogue is us teaching each
other, maybe.
I am going to Essence country today. Have a good weekend.

We decided not to go to Essence country.

Thanks for the summary; very helpful.
First of all, what we are talking about in the within is nonconceptual, meaning there are no concepts that touch this reality.
Secondly, there is an implication that it has to do with real substance
substantiality, palpable, warm, cold, real substance.
Next, it must be nondual. Within means (maybe) that there is no
separateness whatsoever, since all reality is one. So since there is no
self-other involved, there is only whatever is there, perhaps no self; as
empty, no self occurs, then fullness appears, as you say, God appears
when the idol is gone. So losing the ego is not losing anything since
the oneness was already there before the ego developed. As Thomas
commentators said, back to Eden instead of forward to Apocalyptic.
In is different since it implies something coming in, or something
separate. Inside is different since it implies still that there is a
difference between inside and outside.
Around is different since it also implies duality. On and on.
It is all one anyway, but the body, flesh, is a necessary aspect to
download it since it is the ground for it to happen, at least in the form
of mass and not pure energy.
So, back to E=mc? In the dimension of being human, mass is
manifesting, but is no different from energy.
Just hallucinating, perhaps, but I see how the step from In to within
is necessary since in the western mind the non-conceptual reality of
within cannot be understood without some intermediary experience
of duality (in). The word within would not be necessary if we did not
need to think spatially, perhaps if we did not still, 90 percent of the
time, think Newtonian instead of Einsteinian.
Whew! I just had to say it, right or wrong (or is there such duality?)
More precise, at least. I realize that I am not speaking of experience,
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but a way to try to describe what happens, if it is possible to

approximate that. Some of that would be necessary to get the point
across, even if the vultures knew it.

First of all ... touch the reality. Absolutely wrong, 100% wrong.
The In is non-conceptual. This is why the within is more important.
You can meet and know everything in In, but ... (Thomas) if you do
not know it WITHIN ... it will kill you.

Secondly, (up to) ... real substance. Correct.

Next, it must be nondual. Correct.
But, here is the difficult point that kicks all electrons (people)
away from the nucleus of the atom (Essence), while they fly around
gravitating to it. They have been repulsed while gravitating to the
nucleus. This is exactly the point. It must be nondual you say. So
remember that because of non-duality, there is separation exactly where
there is oneness. The separation is included in the oneness, right?
Otherwise it wouldnt be oneness. Nondual, right?
In is different since it implies something coming in, or something
separate. Wrong. Nothing comes in. Everything is already in. What is
it to be in In? The answer is only two words the... ? ... I gave you the
one word. Find the other even by logic.
Inside is different since it implies that there is a difference between
inside and outside. Correct.
Around is different since it also implies duality. Forget the around.
Ha, ha. 60% correct. Three out of five. You have passed the middle line.
I told you, you are getting close. You actually do not need the 100%,
because you need to reach the 74.074%. After that Ill leave you alone.
What is left is to swallow it and have good appetite. You are close!!!

Two poems I wrote

First one: 10 years ago:

Slow Down Adam
You were quiet and still
when gods surgery formed a woman from your rib
you lived in innocence in the earthly
Eden garden with God as your father.

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Then our mind played tricks on you.

The garden bored you -- as if God and woman
were not enough.
Then you got initiated by a snake.
You have been running ahead of yourself
ever since looking for your soul
how can the cells of your body *******
keep up with the ruminations of your mind?
You rush toward fulfillment,
seeking knowledge everywhere.
seizing her before she gets away -- fearful of your fear.
If you slow down your fear you will die! try it.
your soul may like it.
why worry about a resurrection?
your soul will be found when you learn to trust your body.
take the risk or you will never know.
Excerpt from another poem: 8 years ago
At the Mall
The old man has a funny stride
a shuffling stride -a look in his eyes of question.
has he lived his life
or survived strife
in his eyes is only a suggestion.
is he seeking truth
or does he need the proof
that his soul is okay
for the judgment day?
the nucleus of the cell
knows whether hes well
if he talked of heaven or
talked of hell
perhaps he would eventually tell.
Etc. etc.

Notice: cells of the body

Notice: nucleus of the cell
Is this what is in In? Is the download cellular? Electrons fly around
the nucleus. Here there is separation where there is oneness.

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A book written called Sacred Geometry indicates that there is no

zero point, everything begins with one. (Interestingly, same viewpoint
as Thomas.) I see how ONE could contain the oneness and the
separateness.
Just thoughts; you ask good questions.
e -----

You wrote:
Notice: cells of the body
Notice: nucleus of the cell
Is this what is in In? Is the download cellular?
The answer is the same for a scientist and a shepherd, right? For a PhD
professor and a ditch-digger, right?
So the answer shouldnt be the nucleus or the cells because at least half
of the above-mentioned people do not know about them.
The only help that an educated person gets is that if he abandons all
he knows (explanations, theories, cells-nucleus, whatever), he can find
the answer even by logic. This is the only difference between being
educated and uneducated.
I repeat: the educated can find the answer by logic, under some
conditions. The uneducated will never find the answer by logic. The
uneducated will find the answer only experientially.
Now, it is difficult for an educated person to find the answer by
logic. It is more feasible for an uneducated person to find the answer
experientially than an educated person to find the answer by logic.
Also, it is more possible for an uneducated person to find the
answer experientially than an educated person to find the answer
experientially. But, the only possibility of someone to finding the
answer by logic is to be educated!!!
Look at this!!!!!! You stimulate my mind. I keep the connection and by
knowing it, I can answer all the different views you present. That is an
excellent opportunity to present the internal. I love it. It takes two to
tango, right?
I told my girlfriend when she asked me how my life is going; that when
I dont see her, suppose I should go home and run to all possible ways
of communication (voice mail, email, whatever) like a normal man
would do, to see if I have any message from my sweet heart, whom I
supposedly should have missed.
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But (I continued), Nooooo, I dont run to see if I have any message

from my sweet heart, but I run to see if I have any email from Richard.
First thing. And then no matter what I have to do, or what time is it, I
sit down without even changing clothes or eating and write right back.
She was shocked (I am still laughing, am I rude or what?) and then she
(realizing that this is my life) said (without meaning it at all): thats
ok, thats good!! Poor girl!! I offered her the rest of my ribs to leave me
alone; she didnt take the offer. She says: I want to learn. Ha-ha!!!
What does she want to learn? To learn what? If you do not know
already (what are you looking for), how can you learn it?
If you do not know already now, how can you learn it?
Or better, if you dont already know now, how can you know later?
Right, Richard? But the nature of this rational question proves that we
do not learn anything new, we just present what we already know later.
So the point is (again) chronical, not territorial. Time, not Space. Or
better, if you know now and you learn it later, what do you do? You just
bring it forth (his reverence Thomas)!!!!
Did he mean by this, that we too already know it?
The question remains, what is in the In? Counting there is oneness,
what is in the In?
From the summary I emailed to you, there is one more item missing,
the 20th!
Page 12 of all our emails, email of Jan 23, 2005:
The answer is in the same the question. It is a very empty answer and
so, so, so simple. Of course it is there all the time.
I am going to change clothes now, ... ha. And please, correct my English
anytime you see something. Please.

In is in In, which is within. Logic? Probably not right.

If not logic, then by what some people believe as emotional
dependency, based probably on a simple belief that Jesus loves me.
In many ways requires a letting go and maybe basic trust.
Step 2 in the Alcoholics Anonymous program is: Came to believe that
a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

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Step 3 is: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to
the care of God as we understood Him. A program (12 steps) for
recovering Alcoholics and their families. Good experience, but not
quite Essence. But workable for many to a point. Far enough for some.
You told me to hold onto my wife, etc. etc. I will tell you the same.
For balance, it is good. Essence wont get mad at you if you have a
significant woman in your life. Ha. My wife usually knows what I am
saying without having to study it like I do! Ha! For example, a few
weeks ago I asked her what she thought Essence was. She said, The
very being of Being. Pretty astute, huh? Women often dont have to
work as hard as we do to connect. Your woman can learn; you have
to decide whether you can have the Essence life and the Personal
Essence life at the same time. Big question?
I sometimes get a taste of both, even at the same time!
You could get attached to the dialogue and miss something else. I
like the dialogue, too, but I dont want to get too excited about it.
When I get too excited, I get too far off balance. Do you feel that
way? Dialogue is a way to keep the balance, although the ideas and
possibilities are very exciting.
Yes, maybe Thomas did imply that we already know it: to bring it
forth it must be there.
I am still practicing, but may not have the other right answer to
make 74.074 percent yet.
What do you think of the balance? I know you mentioned it before.

BUDDY, YOU GOT IT.

YOUR EXCELLENCY GOT IT BY LOGIC !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Listen to me. For now forget everything else. Stay with that.
You said, In is in In.
So, make no mistake. What is in the In is in. Only this.
Now go back and refresh the three questions.
Question: What is inside you? the In, right?
A little help: What is inside you that is not outside you? the In, right?
More help: What is inside you that is not outside you, so you are called
to bring it forth? the In, right?
I got to run. YOU GOT IT. Ill be back.
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Meanwhile think or practice: How you bring the In forth, and what is it
that becomes within?
BRAVO! I have goosebumps, my friend. Ill be back.

Goosebumps! Me, too!

Thanks, EXCELLENT TEACHER!
What am I getting into? Not necessarily a pun.

OK. I am back. Ive changed my clothes, this time. Ha.

Pun? what do you mean? Anyway. Look!!
Do not rush it now. Play with that, mentally. Do not try for real results.
They are on the way already. Just first satisfy the tired (body of the) mind.
The food for the mind is the impressions. This is why they say I am going
on vacation for a change, for refreshment. Did you know that I have never
had a vacation in my life? I mean never. How the heck do I feed my mind?
Maybe I feed it with canned food. Well see, down the road.
Now, play. Play with this in. Get this rational view of In and go
over the thoughts, feelings, koans, knowledge, information, poems,
explanations, theories that you have ever had coming into your space
and see if it explains it, if it has a place, if it resolves big questions,
etc. Just play. We have a lot to do before we go back to the burning
practice.
Well ..., I know, you will do what you have to do, anyway. I just offer
my point of view.
Though, go back to the source, often. Remember:
1. What is inside you? The In, right? Why? Because for anything else I can
say the opposite. If you say God is inside me I can say, No, look around
you, God is outside you. If you say myself is inside me I can say, No,
your real self is an image of God, so look outside-around you and so on.
But there is only one unquestioned answer to this question, even by logic.
The In is in. Do not get disappointed yet, there is a little more to go. We
need to locate it in reality, we need the actual sight of it. But this is easy to
get, since you already know the answer, I can tell you that.
However, to get the first answer is hard, isnt it? Although, (as we have
been taught) everybody can get it. The only term to get is what? Get rid
of all theories and thoughts, get rid of the common way of thinking,
right? Do you see this? Do you see why a simple shepherd can get it
more easily? An educated man will take the In as presumed and will try
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to see what (else = another separation) is in there, when the question is

asked. But a ditch-digger cannot think of other electrons or the nucleus,
so the best possibility of getting the In in plain view is by him!!!
Now, do you see what I mean by play, go over what you already know
with the in? Go over what we have spoken, go over what you already
know and see if it explains it all. Maybe not. Not a problem!!! But do it.
This is your adjustment to this, all will be reviewed in this way.
2. What is inside you that is not outside you? I already referred to that.
The In right? For anything else I can say the opposite, I can create theories.
According to Hermes the Trismegistus as inside so outside, as above so
below (or something like that with my Greek English). So whatever you
tell me is in, I can tell you, it is outside or vice-versa. But one thing is for
sure, in the In, and thats the only thing we will never argue when we find
it: Only the In is in, only the In is not outside. Dont you agree?
3. What is inside you that is not outside you, so you are called to bring
it forth? The In, right? How do you bring it forth? Hmm, there we go.
Wait a minute (or a few more months ... ) We will go there.
I know you found it by logic. I know you played between serious
searching and pun. But you help to do the work that anyone would do
when reading all this. They will have doubts. They will think that it
is a mind game, word philosophy. Well ..., thats ok. People have and
had doubts anyway, through all the centuries. The people hear all the
time, Believe in me!!! Do not do that and you will find the other or
abandon that to save the other or suspend this to feel that or offer
this to know that. The people are tired.
You perform a completely new version. You use logic. So while the
people will still get tired with this, at least they will not be your
enemies, they will not try to fight back, they will not release the
vultures, they will not put you on the cross, why? Because, you may
have led them by questioning, but it is they who found the answer. BY
LOGIC. You didnt enforce anything.
For example, now, after you found this by logic, you can easily say, Sam,
this is horse shit!! Let me go back to my team where I was doing that or
the other. Sam ... !!! ok what is this in, now? where is that? You know
what Sam, this is obviously another theory. Actually more difficult than
the others. Logic here, logic there, in and out. That may be true, but only
for a few people with a math background like you, Sam.
Thats true. It may need a mathematician to open the path.
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But Richard, you will never forget this simple discovery just because
you found it by logic. I didnt find it for you. I didnt tell you, trust this
prayer. I didnt tell you, do this for years and wait, God will decide
when to let you in. You found it.
And you cannot forget it because you used logic, it is not alien. You
found it, it is yours. Now do whatever you want; throw it away, use it,
wonder about it. Whatever.
But the fabulous point is that this is where Science (logic) can meet
Theology (esotericism). Read this. This is the actual conversation
through the centuries, formed to fit this finding:
Seeker: I want to find God. Where is God?
Master: God is inside you.
Seeker: How can I find God?
Master: Look inside you (usually all traditions stop here).
(Now, because of us)
Seeker: Where to look inside me?
Master: Look on what is in the inside of you. What is in the inside?
Seeker (maybe after years and after what we went through already):
The In is inside.
Master: So, God is in that In. Now if I take you to the place where God
is, just stay there and you are with Him. Grow in Him
Well, Richard, the last part has to do with locating it. We will go there.
Its the easiest part. Right now we are still with the logic, trying to get
through that. Not for God. For the logic.
So far, traditions have given you practices, a way to live, and say its in
Gods hands to let you find more. You just repeat these things all your
life and you do not know where you go, what may come, when. A vast
majority of the people reject these practices because practices require
trust and presupposition. They are only for a few people, the seekers.
The vast majority of the people, the rest of them, go back to the earthly
things and die without any degree of connection because they have no
proof that what they would get into would lead them somewhere.
But, if you lead them with their logic into the space where Essence is
located, then you set them free.
Somebody will proceed inner, somebody will come back, somebody will
be talking, somebody will be in and out. But nobody will forget that the
inner space has been proven by his logic, so (conclusion) something
else is out there. Today there are people who still think that the feelings,
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or the thoughts, are results of chemical reactions in a part of the body

(brain, nervous system, whatever) and everything is gone after death.
They do not care. Lack of principles, lack of explanations, lack of goals,
lack of direction. Why? Because nobody wants mentors. They need to
experience on their own. So, when you prove by logic, that there is a
space where the internal lives, then you connect Science with Theology.
So, some people like you, or from other parts of science, will form it. And
then people will know it in their daily lives, just as they know that there
are black holes in the universe; meaning they never saw the black holes,
but since science proved and explained it, and accepted it, there we go,
its true. Then it stays in their heads even when they sleep.
The same with Essence. If the science can prove where it is and how
anybody can access it, first by logic, then by practice, which again
the logic will suggest, no matter how many actually get into that, then
the entire thing will become a daily routine. That makes the world
absolutely different, doesnt it? New principles, new solutions, new
laws, other understandings of religion, others for church. What did you
say? I am dreaming? Ha-ha.
We will see next how this actually affects the entire life when put in
action. How this affects the body, personality, chemicals and life. For
now though we will deal with just logic. I know, right now you use
logic. This is the right thing to do. I see, for example, you say In is
in In, which is within. You think that there is a smaller In, in the
bigger In. We will see later about it. Its not like that because In is just
in. There are not many In. Within is not there, because there is only
one in. Inner yes, maybe. But not another In in the first In. Thats
imagination which is ok for now. Action will correct it. You see (lets
start a small step) within is with-In. It means something (object) is with
the In, doesnt it?
Continue to practice (if you want). You are there. Its only
prefabricated thoughts to be dumped. Yesterday, Sunday, you worked
too much on that. I told this to my friend; she is an old friend. She has
been in love with my spirit since she met me. Like all the women in
my life, she went through a lot from me; things like Get out, Leave
me alone, Stop that, Just do what I tell you or get out of here,
etc., just because when I focus on something I have to finish with it
without interruption. She sees me vomiting and (while I am vomiting)
she wants me to answer if I am ok. What the heck? Leave me alone,
let me finish my sh ... and then we talk. How can I explain to you,
right now, whats going on? Or I am meditating, trying to download,
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she says, you do not talk to me, are you mad at me? What are you
thinking? Again, what on earth ... ?
Leave me alone to get through and then we talk.
Anyway, even though she has been kicked out many times, she has
always come back. Meanwhile she usually had figured out why I kicked
her out; she knew it without me ever having said anything. Amazing!!!
Thats been going on for three years now. Many, many times.
I do not feel like explaining things to anybody. I never said to anyone
come here or stay with me or let me teach you or any such
request. I usually say do your stuff, well meet later. But NOOOOOO,
they want to be with me. Well ..., welcome, but in here there are some
rules. The first one is you never ask me right away anything about
what is occurring. You make a note, you ask me whenever I talk to
you later. She has been through all that. This doesnt make me proud
(it actually sounds rude). However, she admits that through all this
training I have saved her life and gave her hope and interest in her
miserable life. Its true, she has changed a lot and has a very lovely life.
Well, all this introduction is to tell you that I admire how deeply she
knows me. She sees through what I do and explains it very precisely.
And she is amazingly right, even though she doesnt know much about
all the Essence stuff. But I finally trust her judgment (a woman with
judgment!!!) to the point that I tell her all my secrets. Last year, I called
her about almost anything. I usually laugh at people when they talk
all nonsense. Not for her now. I am surprised at how centered and
wise she has become in the last year. I usually do not respect others
opinions, except for hers. For she has made an amazing effort to be with
me, to understand all this new world and I respect her for that. I told
her that I feel she is a true friend, the only one among all these people.
She knows me better than my mama.
While all the above is true, this Sunday I was stifling, I was confused,
drowning, mad, had no control of my feelings, felt nervous, lost in my
mind without thoughts, stupefied, staggered etc. She called (you see!! I
told you). This is what happened:
Me (answering the phone): what?
She: How are you?
Me: What do you want? Why do you bother me?
She: I want to see you.
Me: Ok, come over.
(She came. Started talking).
Me: Who asked you to talk? Did I ask you anything?
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She: I am sorry.
(Pause). Later.
She: Can I talk?
Me: Huh? What do you want again?
She: I want you to get it out. Whats happening?
Me: You know whats happening. It is the same as all the times. Its
from meditation. I am feeling fidgety and nervous.
She: Are you meditating now?
Me: No, I do not and I did not all day long, because I wanted to have a
nice Easter (was the Greek Easter this last Sunday). Its not from me. I
just screwed myself up.
She: What do you mean? Its from whom? What did you do?
Me: Well, its from Richard. He is working too much today on
something we have spoken about and I am getting even worse than
when I do it on my own. I have been like this since around 10:00 am.
Its now 4:00 pm. And it still goes on.
She: Really? How does that happen?
Me: Well, when you instruct people in meditation and the person goes
in action with that, you feel all their results, no matter what.
She: Really? And why is that?
Me: Well, the space where that happens is same for anybody. When I
am there and he comes in, its like he pushes me to pack in the corner,
so he can fit in, too.
She: And what do you feel?
Me: Very happy, great cosmic realization, deep understanding of
myself, self-sufficiency, but also staggered, drowning, mad and anxious.
I am worrying too that I am not going to sleep again tonight with all this
fulfilling great energy and anxiety though.
She: What are you going to do?
Me: Nothing. I cannot control it. I didnt think about it when I was
talking to him.
She: How do you know it is him?
Me: I see him doing it.
She: What do you see?
Me: Right now, do I do any actions that tell you I am in a mess?
She: No.
Me: Though, can you tell I am in a mess?
She: Yes.
Me: Well, it is the same way I see him. And I do not even ask to do that.
It just comes in, whether I want it or not.
She: How you are going to face it?
Me: Well, if you just shut up, maybe something better will happen.
(Ruuuuuuuuude!!! That was the end of the conversation. Later she left).
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Well, it looks like you stopped late like 9:30 pm. I slept well. Better
than other nights, when I try by myself.

Neils Bohr, physicist: There is no deep reality.

This means everything is the same substance ... everything just is. Is
there any where to be left, anyone to be left, anywhere to go? There
is no such thing as distance from one object or person to another.
Then, is there no separate individual self to perceive? If not, then
there would be no cause, effect, or locality, or someone or something
in charge of what happens.
No cause, no effect: the means and the ends are the same.
Wolinsky:
There never has been, nor will there be, an individual experience
of quantum consciousness or enlightenment. Since that could only
exist if there were a SEPARATE you to declare that it existed. No
you --- no INDIVIDUAL enlightenment.
A famous Hindu teacher, Ramana Maharishi, was on his deathbed
when one of his disciples said: Please dont go. He replied: Where
can I go? Where is there that is different from here?

You suggested that I think of things I have learned, etc., to relate to

what we are doing. All of the above is that. As you said: Hermes: as
above so below.
The basis for naturopathic medicine. I see why you dont like
medicine. Ha.
You mentioned Sunday. I was thinking about the question (before
I logically solved it) at times, but also went to a 60 year reunion of
my home church where I grew up and saw old friends, etc. I sat in
the trunk of my car with my best friend from childhood and we took
turns picking my guitar and singing old country songs.
I think you are right. When you play, get some space from it, it then
appears when you least expect it. So, a good weekend with doing less
work than usual, just hanging out, was what helped me to get it.
Letting go and allowing has always been a key to connecting.
So I will play, keep open, look at other things I know, and ask more
questions than ever. I see people daily suffering from all kinds of
anxiety and I wonder where do I start with them? They are all mostly
very disillusioned about God and the usual religion. I know where to
start, but they are so wounded -- as you say, how would the ordinary
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person be able to do this? These are not simple people, but may have
college degrees, etc. A little too much knowledge, or not enough.
Be nice to your friend (as if I could tell you what to do). You do not
have to fight so hard for someone to understand you. People are more
open sometimes than we realize, although I just contradicted myself.
See previous paragraph.
I have to go back to work now.
Peace (or no peace), my friend.
The In is not outside, since there is no outside or inside. The In just is
in, or just is ... and the lines mean no predicate; if a predicate, there
would have to be a subject. Right? The next step?

Next step will come later.

First, get bored with the new finding, get to the point where you do not
value it anymore. Get to the point where you go back to your normal
life, where this finding is just another nothing.
Get to the point where this finding (as you perfectly formed it) will be
another set of non-worth words.
Just do not forget your finding. Once in a while try to understand how that
can be real, what does it mean in reality. Like it, dislike it, doubt it, forget
it, go back. Play with it. Let it come in without any effort to download. Let
it come in and be there like other daily things, without realization.
Just do it like a fool.
I am not teaching you. I am still anxious on my own. What looks like
instruction is actually a request, please, take it easy with me; in
other words, help me; not to help me with needs, but help me with
my struggling;
I actually think thats the only way to help anyone and nobody could ever
help anyone otherwise (from sins or to save others or...). To save whom?
Those that they were seeing in oneness, in no separation? They just did
what they had to do in order to stay connected and away from trouble.
Anyway, my point is the more we realize the Essence, the more trouble
we suffer and the less trouble we see outside and the more wisdom we
see around.

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So any and all of my instructions I give to others are advice about

what to do so I can be in balance (less troubled), so I can survive
better. It sounds selfish, but it is not.
It is like driving with your son in his first attempts at driving. You tell
him what to do (yes to teach him), but your first consideration is for
you (and him) to survive. You do not really care about what he learns
or when he will be done with learning. You feel take it easy, we can
spend as much time as necessary and as many lessons as needed. Your
first consideration every time you drive with him is keep away from
trouble, then anything else is icing on the cake.
It is the same here.
When people ask me questions, it is how I face things now, what I do
at this moment, that I interpret and give as an answer related to what is
asked of me. As in the Bible, the poor who gained Gods kingdom were
getting fed leftovers from the tables of the rich.
No matter how it is, the fact is that I have not practiced for weeks now,
but since you found this answer, I have lost sleep.
I havent gotten to sleep since then (and the day before) earlier than 6:00
am. My sleep, in all these days has been between 6:00 am and 9:30 am.
A friend of mine ( ... haaa, I mean you), in one of his last emails told me,
Do know that I have not abandoned you if you need a therapist ... ... ha.
I was thinking of accepting the invitation, but I was afraid of hearing
formal quotes like there is a subconscious process that is happening
since the one year anniversary of the shooting is coming up and you
(Sam) feel (subconsciously reproducing the facts) that it may happen
again, this is why you (Sam) lose sleep;
That, my friend, I never believed, because if I accept one subconscious
operation then I have to accept more and then I will have to back out
on my beliefs and have brain surgery at a church; there I should accept
a physically suffering sorehead priest, who repeats for years, It is all
the others fault!!! It is not my fault!!!! I am innocent myself, because
I serve God!!! It is evil and it is all the devils fault!!! I do not have to
learn myself, I am dedicated though to fighting the devil!!! I never acted
on sexual impulse, the devil did!!! I never wished for money, the evil
rich did!!! You, (sexual) women stay away from here and you (rich)
men donate all your money!!!
Haaaaaaaaa ha-ha; then after this spiritual surgery on my brain I would
be trained to be a ghost so I can learn after my death, since nothing will
happen in this life time.
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Of course, here I grab the chance to present psychological complexes

that already proceed as Karma.
Good luck to both of one. (Well inspired, huh?)

I dont have much time this morning. Will talk more later.
But, it is not your fault. It just happened; things just happen, and
maybe we can get more aware of the is-ness of things when they do
happen. They are random, in my opinion, and when we try to make
some kind of meaning out of them, or say it is God or Karma or
whatever, then we put ourselves in a special or grandiose center
of the world. They just happen. No cause, no effect, cause is the effect;
effect is the cause. Why ask why? Just ask what is In, or better, just
be more interested in In, regardless of what happens. And you can
rest in Essence as well as suffer; remember Thomas: you will find
repose. Devil, God, who cares? We only want all these things because
we think we are supposed to (material). Its good to have it, so why
not? Sacrifice is important, too, but you have to take care of yourself
to sacrifice yourself; that way it is a choice, not a compulsion.
Your body may be responding to the shooting (body includes emotions).
If so, this is natural; trust Essence to help you with it. You and I can
talk it over if you wish, but I will not try to give you answers unless you
need to find some. I will just be there, which I am now.
Take care.

No, no, my friend.

If you accept unconscious, subconscious, or whatever, you may have
a better connection to Essence than ever. I.e., in the theory of Almaas,
the ego or self or self image is a way to defend oneself against the
basic feelings we all have of deficient emptiness. When the hole in
the soul is opened, by lowering defenses, then more Essence can occur,
pleasure and pain; merging Essence, strength Essence, courage, loving
kindness, personal Essence, etc., etc. It is scary sometimes, though,
because we feel out of control; just, as you say, go back to your normal
life. To not always focus on it is a way to not push it too hard.
It is, as you know, sometimes best to do this with someone else -- a
guide, fellow searcher, friend, or whoever, not necessarily in my
opinion a priest or therapist, or whatever. Sometimes therapy is helpful
to get the ego stronger so you wont need it so much. I know this sounds
paradoxical. My idea is you have to have an ego to lose one.
Anyway, I believe you are quite compassionate when you are helping
someone to find Essence; you are a born healer, probably, or as some
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would say, a wisdom master. That is what Jesus was in Thomas; not a
King but a wisdom master. Later he became a King, etc. in the 4 gospels
(I think). I am not trying to flatter you, just acknowledge your gifts. Titles
are uncomfortable for me and they may be for you. When you talk about
being anxious on your own, I understand that I think. It is like being a
part of creation, bringing forth what is in other people, which is what
I feel as a therapist. I have to watch myself to not get too attached to
the process, though I have many times. I could not be neutral yesterday
when I saw a 30 year old woman who has cancer, expressing her anger
toward God, everything, etc. How could I not suffer with her?
Hope you are doing okay. I hope these dialogues are okay for you. Tell
me if they are not. When I was sitting with the girl, I knew something
was inside me that I trusted and it felt real warm and REAL.

If you accept unconscious ... you may have a better connection to

Essence; how do you realize the better connection?
When the hole in the soul is opened, how do you realize it is open?
It is scary sometimes, though, because we feel out of control; how do
you realize you feel out of control?
That anger is the cancer. What is cancer? In a few words, is an out-ofcontrol proliferation of the same cell, right? In other words, the same
cell reproduces itself without control. Think about it.
Unity is when itself is united, so it is everywhere. Cancer is when
itself is reproduced, so it is everywhere. You tell me the difference.
Obviously, there is a huge difference and I do not mean that Unity is
cancer ... ha. However, there is little difference in expressing both, but a
huge one in explaining what the difference is between them.
I guess I imply that the lack of Unity is the nature of cancer. You may have
observed that for any aspect, its other side the bad side its sickness is in
very close relation with its good side, it is of the same nature.
I do not know if I express this correctly. For example, whats the
difference between staying in the water and drowning in the water? Or
whats the difference between cutting the lettuce with a knife and cutting
you finger with the knife? Or whats the difference between running and
giving your ankle a bad wrench? Or (even better) whats the difference
between love and hate? Isnt it the same energy twisted around?
Arent these the same facts twisted around?

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I think cancer has its roots in a very sensitive function of the ego,
the same one that can lead you to unity. This is why its physically
untreatable, generally speaking. This is why, I think that they will never
find a physical treatment. Prevention yes, but not a physical treatment.
When my father had the stomach cancer (very painful, huh?) I
gave him a technique. I told him what to do with the mind. It was
a technique with a nuclear nature, since cells have the same nature
(nuclear), and supposedly sickness of cells happens because that
nuclear nature has been defected.
My father was a fighter in life after being a soldier in the army, disabled
from civil war, but a very hard person, owning a newsstand at a corner
in the city given to him by the government and having no relationship
of any kind with any techniques. Actually, he never believed in the
existence of God. Doctors gave him 6 months to live. That was it. At
that point, I convinced him to do the technique by saying you have
nothing to lose. Well, he did it. My mother told me that he was doing
very well and even the doctors were surprised, they couldnt detect
anymore cancer and didnt know what happened.
At that point, my father (it appears to me) couldnt accept that the mind
has the power to do things, because then he would have to reject his
entire previous life, and review all the values and principles he lived
with and he should find another way of living his life based on the
mind. Plus, then it looks that spirituality should be accepted as reality,
which means he might have to attend to spiritual processes (and who
knows, maybe a church), which is silly, thats not for me. So even
though he had the results, he said, Its not from the technique. It just
happened like that and he quit doing it.
Another 6 months and he was gone.
Now, do not believe I can treat cancer. I do not want to be tried. I am
better off in my ignorance.
Of course these dialogues are ok with me. Dont even ask again. No
question about it. They are my main activity these days. And I am glad
for that.

That is what I like about the dialogue. You ask me questions that
make me go deep and ponder and mostly EXPERIENCE. The key, but
one I leave behind much of the time due to my thinking.

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I am pushed for time today; we are going to my country estate today,

be back late Monday. However, I am thinking and have for a long time
about what you are saying about cancer and illness. Here I go again,
but there is an excellent book which I studied several years ago in my
spirituality group. It is called Vibrational Medicine by Gerber.
It is close to what you are talking about. The fine difference between
love and hate or cutting your finger or lettuce has to do with
homeopathic medicine; as above, as below.
A certain amount of a poison, for example, will counteract the effect
of a larger amount of poison, or at least a different amount (I think; I
will have to research this more).
Like giving snake venom serum to counteract a snakebite. See, you
open up all these avenues of awareness when you ask such questions,
or give ideas.
I will not forget the questions... If you accept unconscious..., etc. I
will address later, but such good questions! I could ask: How do you
know that the In is in and how do you know that it can open you up
to Essence? In philosophy, as you may know, the science of how do
you know something is called epistemology.
Logic, or experience, or both? Maybe both and more.
By the way, if you do not mind, what was the thought that you gave
your father?
I tell my wife about our dialogues and she loves it. Wow! I have
trained her well!!! Haaaaaaaaaaa; really the other way around. As
above, so below.
Have a good weekend, my friend.

YOU ASK: I could ask: How do you know that the In is in and how
do you know that it can open you up to Essence? In philosophy, as
you may know, the science of how do you know something is called
epistemology.
Yes, this is what we want to do: epistemology, scientificology. http://
www.mindspring.com/~buta/Articles/Religions.html#Scientificology
haa, right? No more belief systems.
How do I know? Or how do you know? Well, the answer to both is, by
experience. We havent gone there yet.
The good thing so far is that we know it by logic.

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You (anyone) can say there are more things in In. Ok, I do not care. For
sure though, in In is only in, right? (By logic) if in the In is not only in,
what kind of in that would it be? Lets take an example. You walk into a
big church with those big heavy-stone walls and the tall ceilings, with
all those big statues and architectural arches, where the wide place of
seats for people is only a small and short part of the huge building. By
the time you enter that heavy, big, old door, you feel you are in. You are
contained in that, you are a content. But, if the In was not in there, how
would you feel that in, and therefore that you are in there? So in In
there is in. So in In is the In and this is why you can feel it.
How does that open up to Essence? Again, if I am in that church and
you come in, is there any possibility that you do not find me? If I do not
tell you where I am, you may never find me. But if I tell you, I am in
there and you come in there, you shall find me, right? So you do not
have much to do, just walk in there and you meet me.
It looks like the path (to walk in there) and the aim (to find me) are
the same. This is in all traditions especially in Zen. They say the truth
is the path to the truth. Or the Christians say just do the Kyrie, Iesou
Eleyson me ... , breathe with that, live your life with that and you are
there, you meet God.
Think about it. If Essence lives somewhere, then fulfills that where
because there is oneness, right? So Subject and Space are one; otherwise
there wouldnt be oneness; where Essence is there wouldnt be oneness.
Therefore, where Essence is and Essence are one. So if you just
approach by the spatial way of thinking (which is how you were born
here, remember Time-Space?) then you are there.
On the other hand, the realization of the In defines your existence
when there is nothing else to define your existence.
For example, if you didnt have any material limitations (like the
borders of your body), if you didnt have any other separation (like meyou), if you were kind of a spirit nature, how you would define and feel
your existence? If you are a plain I am, if you are a plain spirit, if you
are united with everything, how can you feel that you exist and define
that existence?
I do not know if you get this point by logic, but you should wait. The
sense of the In can lead you from the I am this body to the plain I
am (with the less possible trouble).
We will see.

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What is after the I am? The not I, I? Is that actually where

oneness is, where space and time come together? Experientially and
logically? Got to go. As you say, we will see.

Richard, do not resist your wife ... ha. Be nice to your wife (as if I could
tell you what to do).
Remember, your email:
My wife usually knows what I am saying without having to study it
like I do! Ha! For example, a few weeks ago I asked her what she thought
Essence was. She said, The very being of Being. Pretty astute, huh?
So not I is a being, too. She said, The very being of Being. But
still being, too, correct? Now, who would tell that this is a Being? A
personality outside from there; or the not-being itself with awareness of
itself in there? Think.
You chose what is there, not I: being of the Being, or not being of the
Being. What I choose is that when you come out of there and talk to
people OR when you leave from there, coming out here while talking
to God OR when you are there talking to your not-being, one thing
for sure happens, you talk, you refer, you describe a being. You may
describe the being of the being. Or you may describe the being of the
not-being. But, for sure, there is a being. Therefore, a being exists.
If there is the not-being, then the not-being exists.
So something exists. Maybe you are right, the not-being exists. Isnt that
a being, then? Otherwise, how you can talk about it?
You see, I told you earlier about the technique of revolving logic.
Remember,
I had written to you:
By the way, think about it: Essence of the Essence is Essence, but existence
of the existence is nonsense. This is an example of how to use logic (I am
talking about the science of logic, not my mamas logic) in order to see
what is true and what is not. Revolve the thing around itself. Like the Sufis
(when dancing). The true thing, when revolved, grows more, the fake dies.
You see what a mathematician can offer in this path?
This is what I wrote to you. How does it apply here? Look!! Being of
the being, is what? Being, right? Now, being of not-being is what? Being
again, right? Sufi-logy.
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Again, this is the zero and the nothing. Zero is something. And the
nothing is something. Otherwise you cannot even refer to it.
Do you remember that I told you, when I was in my twenties I was
trying to prove that the set of all sets (Math, Theory of Sets) is the
empty set. This would lead to the epistemological (???English, English
... ha) conclusion that the Set of All is the empty one. Now, the empty
set is not the set that has as an element the zero, because then that
set has one element, the zero. But the empty set is the one that has no
elements at all. I was trying in those days to prove mathematically the
existence of an omnipresent presence.
Now, if I could prove the existence of an omnipresent being, then I
would not care how you named it, God, Mother Nature, Essence, Being,
Very Being of the Being, Not Being or whatever. I do not care who he is,
what it is, where it is or how it operates. If I could prove mathematically
the existence of an omnipresent being, then Id call an atheist to name it
and Id name him (the atheist or anyone) its God Father. In order to prove
that though, I needed to prove first that the elements in a set are not just
elements, but they are dynamic elements and each one has an impact
on the other. That of course leads to the obvious conclusion that 6+1 is
dynamically different than 5+2 although both equal 7. Even though I
had proceeded very well, I stopped.
I had reached the point where I was able to draw geometrically the
enneagram. Because, as you may know, the enneagram is the only
shape that is not possible to be drawn geometrically. When we say
that a shape is a geometric shape we mean that it can be drawn
geometrically, which means you can define its borders and points
and you can draw it by using only two instruments: the ruler and the
compass. This is the definition of a geometrical shape.
Now, an enneagram cannot be drawn by those just two instruments simply
because there is no way to divide a circle into 9 equal sections. No way. In
other words, so to speak, the number 9 is a dynamic number and we can
philosophically claim that this number cannot be at the same point on the
circle all the time, it cannot be standard-fixed at a certain point and so it
cannot be drawn, haa. We can philosophically claim that it moves.
If you try to divide the ONE in seven you take a cycle. 1:7 gives the
number 142857 repeated for ever. No end!!! 1:7 equals 0.142857
142857 142857 ...

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But, Richard, if you put those numbers (that come from 1:7) on the
circle and you draw a line following the order of those numbers, then
Richard you have the enneagram!!! right? So, Richard, if you have
one(ness) and you divide it by 7 you create the enneagram. The number
that never ends (1:7), exactly because it never ends, defines the repeat
all way around on those lines, a cycle in the circle, an esoteric circle
in the circle. So the enneagram shows a flow, a developing, creation,
right? Always around, never ending. Now, look at the main circle. The
circle is the zero, right?
So the one cannot be divided by 7 and the circle cannot be divided by 9.
But also, the 1 (oneness) divided by 7 creates the 9 whose (nine)
nature is 0.
Do you see that?
Through all this and more, I was going crazy. Believe it or not, I was
watching my (survived at Navy Seal) mind and didnt like where it was
going. I stopped and I started working construction to get grounded again.
This is how I started being contractor. This is how we met here, my
friend, because I started working, gave up my studies, and I had to have
money, so here I am in the metropolis of the capitalist system, having
succeeded financially, but still having failed educationally, hereby
finding you Richard to fill that need perfectly.
Years later, I saw that movie A Beautiful Mind where it was shown
that somebody else had taken over and proved the existence of
Dynamics in Math. It was John Nash and I was glad to see that my
instincts (that I may loosen it) were confirmed because he went crazy,
even though he was honored and appreciated with the Nobel Prize for
his work. You see what a download can do if it isnt happening in the
body? John Nash!!! Craziness!!
Now his work is applied in military, biological and corporate fields, but
never to Theology through the theory of Sets. I contacted him lately
trying to crank him up to this direction, to have him do this work since
he is the Master of Dynamic. I have a good indication that he never
replied, which means later there will be a big interest in this direction
... ha, meaning what is rejected at the first place it may prove to be big
later. I am glad he didnt see the Essence of it. It will be booming later.
After all, how does that existing non-being have awareness? Assume
that at a point there is a non-being, where there are no flesh-borders,
there no you-me separations, is there only I am. A just I am. Not I
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am this, not I am that. I am is just not-being anything, being aware

of am with no I.
In this status, how is the am aware of its being? By the In.
Think about it. As you are here, as you exist, whatever you think you
are, can you define the In?
Think, what is In? A being or a not-being? Okay, we can say a being by
the meaning that we are already able to talk about it. But what is this
being? Can you imagine it? Can you talk about it? Can you dream about
it? Can you make sense of it? Can you describe it? Can you feel it? All
answers are simply, No. You know it, though. So, its a not-being, too.
Let me ask you this, also. Is there any way that science can ever define the
In? They may define what awareness is by the chemistry in the brain, they
may define thoughts, they may define emotions; all this appears logical.
But, how can anyone ever define the In? Is this a thought? No. Is this an
emotion? No. Finally, is this the not-being?
In another aspect, if God is omnipresent, if Essence is oneness, is
there any possibility that there is a space or a moment that God,
Essence, is not there?
So, if Essence is everywhere, then there is the Essence. How do you
know that you are there (everywhere)?
Lets think: How do you know that you are at your office? By knowing
you are In there, right (and of course by pointing out familiar objects
around you).
How do you know that you are in your bedroom? By knowing that you are
In there, right (and of course by pointing out familiar objects around you).
How do you know that you are in the church? By knowing you are In
there, right (and of course by pointing out familiar objects around you)?
So, how do you know that you are where the Essence is (when there are
no objects to point out)? By knowing that you are In there, right?
If you really follow closely each word of what is written here, slowly,
with understanding of each single word, then you wont be confused
and you may form the right question that leads to the practice and to
the real awareness of the In.
If you still doubt it, then imagine how a blind man knows that he
is somewhere. Forget the question, How would you define your
existence, when there is nothing else to define your existence? And
think, practically, how a blind man defines his existence? Or how do
you know you exist when you sleep?
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My girlfriend is out again. Back and forth. When I understood that

women are the guards of God on earth, she left. Ill change again and
believe that women like chocolate, sleep and sex, trying to see if she
will come back!. playING, plAYING, PLAYING!!! Gooood!!!!! (I do not
mean good, I mean God)

I am thinking about all of what you said. I am real busy this week; got
in late last night. Will talk to you later. Soon as I have some time.

Do not worry, my friend. No rush. Im having a good time myself these days.
You know, Im sleeping better, no deep thoughts. Easy. We are there
anyway.

Thanks; you are right.

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Chapter XII
Faith, Beliefs & Results

Hello, my friend. Hope you are doing well. Just thinking about you;
its almost a year now since we met.
Thanks for all your insights and understandings about Essence.
If In is in In, then what? Where do space and time come together? A
friend of mine just discovered a recent book called Inner Christianity.
It quotes Thomas some and Gurdjieff. I plan to check it out.
You are welcome to come by the office sometime if you wish; maybe
we could touch base and process how things have evolved over
the past year. It looks as if our relationship has always been one of
teacher-teacher, or student-student, rather than therapist-patient.
I think you were seeking something beyond the usual therapy
situation when you came, and I have felt like more of a partner
in dialogue in spiritual matters than a traditional shrink in our
relationship. Tell me if I am seeing this differently than you.
I know that traditionally the therapist-patient relationship is very
limited and I suppose I could have been strict in enforcing the
boundaries.
However, it seems that you and I both were in some kind of world
of ideas, etc. immediately, which seemed to transcend the usual
situation. I guess I got so excited that there was someone I could
discuss these matters with, I could not resist.
I fear sometimes that I may have not done the right thing in becoming
a dialogue participant, since I did change the usual boundaries. I
hope I have not failed you in some way by doing so. You certainly
have not lost me if you ever need me for therapist purposes; be
assured of that.
Anyway, we are in interesting territory, continuing to trick the
vultures, and hopefully please the gods.

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Hello, there. Nice to hear from you, nice day.

Inner Christianity? Excellent book. Not too much to offer though,
other than to verify that Christianity, too, as other traditions, includes
sophisticated ways to approach the reality besides the ones that blindly
lead the people by the nose. I think it is too sophisticated as a book for
common people; watch out for all the confusing references to OxygenHydrogen atoms, etc.
Ouspensky was for Gurdjieff his best writer and follower. Look at those
links in the website: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=Inner+C
hristianity%2C+Ouspensky&btnG=Google+Search
Well ..., about our relationship. The quotes about it included in our
dialogues so far, are as follows:
... I came to you lost, panicked from that opening, full of fear that
I may do the wrong thing, and you still confirmed to me that is the
excellent thing.
... I met you. Not only did you have the right information, you also
had it in balance, in a clear scientific way. You led me correctly, even
though it looks like I am the one who experienced it.
Now, I am trying to tell you where you pushed me into, what is there.
If you ever feel tired, thats fine I will respect that. Just tell me.
... Plus, you have the best theoretical background of any person Ive
ever met, clean, sharp, with the right information. You know a lot, but
you do not confuse the people. You agree with them and you lead them
to a better understanding just with an informational item of information
or a question at the end.
My friend, all of those are correct. I may have been practicing all the time
as a fanatic and a dedicated seeker to discover the real matters. But when
it opened to me I became too scared, and I do not know where I would be
by now if I hadnt met you. I will never know. I was scared to death.
As I have told you, although I was practicing for years, I didnt know
the other side of the inner approach. I never thought that Id meet any
negative feelings or distraction by being on the inner path. I had the
idea that all this does only good. This is what I was taught. And this is
true. The final outcome is always only good, but in my mind the quote
inner approach does only good was interpreted to inner approach
will make me feel only good. You see the difference? The personality
was once again there to possess things. Does only good was possessed
to feels good, which is not true, because does good means ego gets
burnt up so it doesnt feel good. I now know that it almost never feels
good, but always does good. Interesting, huh?
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From all names you ever gave our relationship, I liked the one of
therapist-teacher. After all, I know you may not feel like a therapist
as you have already mentioned, and I am telling you I do not feel as a
teacher. Of course it started by you being my therapist, this is how I
first met and visited you. And of course there came a point where you
started asking me interesting questions, which I answered, and so I
became a kind of a teacher.
However, we both very well know that we do not feel like that, and we
know very well that we exchange important ideas necessary to realize
the truth.
This is like my daughter behaves, sitting in front of the mirror
exchanging views with her reflection in the mirror, like she doesnt
believe what she sees in the mirror, like she is thinking, look where I
reduced myself, look how I ended up!!! In this body. Lets survive now,
lets be proud of it. Ha, ha, ha, huh?
I like the name therapist-teacher; it has a strange twisting of importance
and a sophisticated literary expression. Not about me and you, but
about contentment with or relationship. Each role is seen as something
important, but if you think about it, you do not know what is more
important, what the world needs, a therapist or a teacher?
It also implies that teachers need therapists to straighten them up and that
therapists need teachers, like everyone else. The world needs teachers as
it always has, but the new twist is that the teachers should be assisted by
therapists. I am serious. I believe that deeply after meeting you.
As I have already mentioned, I believe that these dialogues will change
the mainstream of views in this world. I do not know when and how,
but they will. One important thing, besides religion-belief systemstraditions-science, and so on, that needs to be reviewed is the ideas
about teachers and instructors, and leaders of all kinds. The typical
idea had is the one of a pyramid, the teacher, of sorts, leads and needs
to be obeyed, and the rest of the followers and/or seekers are under his
umbrella or care.
At the same time all traditions refer to the idea that the more of a
teacher one becomes, the more humbled one should be. Which is true
... but, once all and every idea has its expression grounded in an earthly
form (figure), which the Greek god Morpheus indicates, then how is
that point (the humbled teacher) formed so far? How was a teacher ever
humbled before? How do we ensure that?
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There as been no way, so far. And seekers that are not sure who is a real
teacher and who is not may find down the road that they (seekers) have
lost so many years while achieving nothing but following a predator
instead of a teacher, or they may have even gotten hurt.
But our relationship, and especially the name you gave this relationship,
shows the right path. Teachers should be under therapists watch. Not
under another teachers watch but under a therapists watch. It doesnt
matter if the therapist is more or less wise than the teacher, or who
knows better or more. It is exactly like the traits of Yin and Yang.
The correct form is not one of the pyramid. Instead, it should be the
revolving one, a circle the Yin-Yang or an exchange with interaction.
Therapist-Teacher, so well said by you, once again, but there is more to it.
I will always respect your naming our relationship as therapist-patient,
even though we are not following these roles any longer. Actually, I had
said this from the very beginning while we were meeting. I cannot be
attached to any emotional relationship, not even ours. Any emotional
attachment takes the energy away from the In. So when I feel it, I just
take myself away from the attachment, and bring the emotion-energy
back to the In.
For example, I may have thought, I would like to be with that woman, or I
may have thought I strongly want to see Richard. When such an emotion
starts, it eliminates the pure connection with the In; right there I just
walk away. So, even though I have thought many times we should meet,
I respect your professional ruling as an inner discipline. It looks like the
empowering of the inner comes by empowering the individual, too.
It happened the same way with my daughter. My intention was to bring
a soul to earth, down here, that would connect with the inner path
and continue what I do on this path. If I tell you the entire story, you
will either laugh or be amazed. The point is she came as I had planned
for her to come. I believe it is a miracle, one we never spoke about.
Anyway, again (like it happens with you now), the person that I have
a strong inner connection with, and you understand what I am talking
about, the person with whom I can have the relationship of teachertherapist, is somehow missing; I cannot see her, I cannot see you. It
happens I cannot be close to any such a person.
That distance may empower these relationships; it looks like it does
so far. I do not know what will happen to it in the future. But the
relationship I have with you (teacher-therapist), is similar to the one
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I had with my daughter. Actually, because of her, I can say that the
teacher-therapist can more precisely be renamed to teacher-instructor.
And yes, she instructed me all the time, by her actions, never having
given me orders. It is amazing. But more amazing is, that in both
relationships (you-me and Manto-me), I cannot meet the people
involved because of the restrictions her mama has in her case, and the
professional restrictions in your case. Isnt this interesting?
I am not complaining. Actually, by knowing that this has to happen like
this, I never call my daughter; I follow the rules and know that one day it
will be a blast. Everybody else is worrying and wondering about it though.
So, do not worry. The relationship of therapist-patient is still there and
strictly enforced by you. Indeed, imagine how this would be if we met
in person again. My belief is that when we meet again, Ill meet you as
a therapist. I cannot see you as my brother (in this path), FOR SURE I
cannot see you as my student (NO WAY!!!) and I cannot see you as my
friend (to have a beer and chat or so). So what else is there? The respect
as a therapist!!! I am telling you my exact truth for you. This is why,
even though a fair number of times you have encouraged me to meet
you somehow, I didnt; not because I do not want to meet you Richard,
but because I do not feel I need a therapist now, ha.
And this is why I never email to you, except and only as a response
to when you email me. Because I do not see that we could have a
dialogue, in spite of the name we gave to it. If we were having a
dialogue, Id ask you things, too, like you ask me. Or Id email you some
time. On the other hand, if I felt like a teacher, Id email you to leave
a hint, or motivate you to practice more or to see another deeper view.
But I never did and I never will. I will only answer your emails.
Because I still see our relationship exactly as it started.
I am a seeker, who was seeking no matter what, and still continues to
seek, no matter what. It doesnt matter if I lost my dad and my brother, it
doesnt matter if I miss my daughter, if I miss my Richard or my mama.
It doesnt matter if I miss being a dad, or a Greek, or a teacher. It doesnt
matter if I never again talk to my daughter, to Richard or go back home
ever again. No matter what, I keep seeking.
On the other hand, you are a therapist who just asked some questions.
When that happened, being interested and polite, I answered those
questions. I didnt start teaching, right? I didnt start preaching, right?
You accidentally or therapeutically asked, and I answered, right? If
you hadnt asked I wouldnt talk, right? Its the same now. You are the
therapist, you still accidentally or therapeutically ask. I answer.
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So, I will never contact you, if you do not contact me first, respecting your
professional boundaries of not a contact with client outside therapy and
letting your heart decide on the necessity of any further contact. Because I
didnt make or enforce this rule, so I do not know its range and limits.
Please, make a note of that.
You are still the therapist. If you forget that, you need to go to a
therapist (ha, ha), back to one of your fellows therapists who will
straighten you up. Since I am that crazy, and I feel like I will change
the world, you have to come in the In with me (your client), as this is
what you do with any client), to understand what I am doing and assist
me I, as therapist, so I do not harm the world. For if I ever publish these
things, some people will follow blindly or resist thoroughly.
There are always people out there who are looking to be led, to be
dominated. And there are people out there who will take ideas from
here and will resist applying them, but will strongly object to them, for
they know it all without ever having any real experience of them. What
a pity for both!!! So as a therapist, with the purpose to help, you should
already take the same road and know what this is all about. This is
what you do and you do it perfectly.
I am telling you the truth, as I see it, and only the truth. So help me, God.

Again, you nailed it. It is a concept that has very interesting

implications, this teacher-therapist idea, whether we need a new
name for it or not.
I think that Almaas probably gets closer to this idea than any of the
other writers I know. However, the teachers in his Ridhwan Institute
are ordained ministers and require 8 years training to be leaders
of the experiential groups which combine Essence training with
psychodynamic-psychotherapy principles and experiences. It is very
experiential, and is a student-teacher (perhaps therapist) relationship.
But the students are not teachers and the teachers are not therapists,
at least in the concept of the approach (Diamond Approach). Makes
you wonder!!!!
I have always disagreed with the pyramid approach in anything.
That is why I could not sell anyway!!! Ha-ha. (multi-level selling
pyramids). The nature of reality, according to Newton and pre-Newton
somehow still exists in our culture, because people do want someone to
tell them what to do! The difference in a belief system and realization?
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I feel relieved in a way as to how you see our relationship. And

I think the In can be distorted with too much personal stuff. For
example, the spirituality group I am in is mostly women. They do
things socially together; I do not. It seems diluted when they do that
and somehow the effectiveness of what is going on is compromised
when the personal gets in the way, as you say , of the In.
Interesting to me how Rumi and his friend Shams were. Whirling
dervishes, but too friendly? Or Jesus and his disciples. Was he
really always the teacher; were some of them therapists? Ha-ha. Just
thoughts. And did they idealize him and make him a God because
they avoided Essence? They did ask a lot of questions, but you wonder
if all the dialogue (for lack of a better word) was recorded? I have
used the word dialogue to refer to Platos Dialogues. However, it
wasnt a therapist-teacher connection, was it, i.e., The Republic.?
I now understand better than ever the way we related and I see how I
was a therapist; thanks for reminding me of that.
Zen Dude
(one of my poems): (not exactly dialogue): (dismantling belief
systems):
You have to believe it for it to happen, Dude.
Oh, no, Dude, you have to not believe it for it to happen.
I thought you had to be clear about your intentions, Dude.
What difference does it make except to give you more focus, Dude?
Do you think Im distractible, or something, Dude?
No, Dude, youre just believing and not questioning.
I dont understand, Dude.
Good, Dude. Thats the point.
Its that knowledge that gets you into trouble.
But Ive got to know something and be somebody, Dude.
Sure, you do. Go ahead and believe, know, and do so
you wont need that later.
When you accomplish that, maybe we can talk again.
Gosh, Dude, I believe; help my unbelief.
Im trying , Dude.
HH copyright 10/21/03

I have not yet touched this: If In is in In, then what? Where do space
and time come together?
The way you ask, actually combining those together, shows me that you
still practice. Here and there.
If I can ask, what are you practicing on?
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I am not sure what I am practicing on; I know that ever since I have
thought, from way back, to Wolinsky, about the space between the
thoughts, I have been intrigued. I have set up times that I practice
that, even by creating two opposite thoughts such as: I am calm, I
am anxious, or I am happy, or I am unhappy, etc. Then I expand the
space between the thoughts and often experience spaciousness, an
emptiness, which seems like a void.
Because I know that I am neither thought, I become more of an
observer. Perhaps at that time, I dissolve by not becoming attached to
either thought or any outcomes. Hopefully that is an inner openness
where I feel a great deal of hope at the time. Maybe psychologically it
is a feeling of basic trust, no beliefs, just basic trust. Different things
can happen. I try not to feel good or feel bad or use my ego to
decide how I want to feel. Sometimes I may feel very anxious or
peaceful, or empty, or happy, or whatever. It does not seem to matter,
but it does seem like there is some connection that is In, to use our
language, that is substantial, pure, nondual, and sometimes scary.
I had lost my beliefs a long time ago and was living in the empty
space a lot when you came to see me. I thought that would be all there
was for me, a skeptic. Then before you came I started studying the
enneagram, and Essence writings. Very interesting how your arrival
coincided with my interest area. I got to where I could dismantle
anything, any belief, etc. (The Zen Dude poem, for example). But there
was nothing, a painful emptiness at times. I believed everything was
random and that ideas of sin were invented due to the loneliness of
separateness we all feel as children by the time we are 3 or 4 years
old. So we make up a reason why we feel empty and estranged. We
call it sin and then try to get our mama or daddy back by getting
forgiveness from God for the rest of our lives.
I could not accept that (God help me if I am wrong), but that is the
way it was. I bought the Gospel of Thomas and commentaries before
you came, which has been very interesting in our talks as a pre-four
Gospel understanding of Jesus, which helped to keep me interested
in Christianity.
Now, when you talk about math, physics, logic, etc., I get a little
skeptical since I cannot quite get how it relates to the experience, but
somehow see how it could. I know we are not using science to prove
God; we dont have to, as so many have tried. But it would be nice if
there could be a very practical way that would fit for most people,
sophisticated or not.

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You used the word empower. Most people do not feel empowered,
I think, because they see everything outside and try to get it
to come inside, but get frustrated and often give up or become
fundamentalists and legalists. But if the In is In, there is no need to be
discouraged -- beyond personality or ego, as you say burn up.
So, what do I practice? I actually use the word In sometimes to help
me to get more focused on the experience. It is either a mind game
or something real; I tend to think it is the latter. Also, I do not do it for
a long time, perhaps a few minutes. It seems to be enough. Weird? I
know I am rambling, but it is hard to explain.
By the way, I practice psychology. Thats what they call it. Maybe
practicing connection with Essence is not so different, or practicing
life. You practice downloading Essence, I practice the best I can
as well. If we are always practicing, there is no end goal, is there?
Such as heaven, hell, etc. If we worked toward that, maybe we
would be holding onto ego and as you say, try to possess something,
which again becomes narcissistic. Reward and punishment; operant
learning; operating from fear, not from trust??
Take care.

I see. Very interesting. Very interesting and such a simple approach.

As I have written to you before, Id try anything out of curiosity (i.e.
Wolinsky, whoever). But always the question remains: How do I know
that what he (or anyone) says is the right thing? That guy may still be
doing research and, 37 years down the road, he may announce Now I
know, I was wrong. Then what do you do?
Besides, there are always a few basic factors that should exist in any
seekers brain. One factor is that we are looking for the One, right? If
the One is in existence out there, then that is the One of all entities
which means we are looking for unity, right? So all this nonsense
about spaces between, expansion of the other, extension of that and
emptiness of another do not lead anywhere. One means unity. Unity
means synthesis. Not analysis.
At the beginning, I am not looking for an exact definition (as I do not
yet know anything). You shouldnt be looking for a precise description
of what you do not yet know. But yes, you are the one who decides, you
are the one who is going to walk the path, so put aside everyone else
and get your luggage ready to go. In other words, you (or anyone) dont
have to follow anybody elses delivered non-confirmed results, you do
not have to believe anything youve been previously told, and you do
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not need to feel that somebody else knows better than you. You do need
to prepare your own luggage and start your journey.
Your own luggage should have a few essentials.
One is the given above; what are you looking for? The answer to that,
your essential, is Unity. Do you know what all this nonsense about
expansions, betweens, both sides and generalities of any kind, does?
They give space to any kind of system, to allow them to survive with
your own energy, your own blood! Vampires!!! They live with your
own energy in your own space that you create in favor of them!!! No
matter who, what, when or analysis like that, they are always there to
use you for their own survival.
Unity is synthesis. By logic. It is not analysis. It is not expansion. Its
nothing else but synthesis. And if you do not see you getting being
closer or in, or whatever with the rest of creations, then you are on
the wrong path. It is simple as that. Happiness, knowledge, love,
calmness, all this is public nonsense. They come, they go. How about
achievements? Remember, in the movie A Beautiful Mind, what the
professor said in his initiation speech when John Nash first went to
Princeton? Applicable achievements, remember?
Why is it that when you experience emptiness, you feel that this may
be the right path? Because a Tao said it or a Zen? Or because you
feel happier? Who said that happiness is included in enlightenment?
Somebody, okay. How do YOU know? How about when you do not feel
that? What happens then?
So first, clear up what are you looking for by using logic. Why use
logic? Because you need to have answers for the moment, when your
distracting thoughts and when your friends like me who run to help
you, will start asking you fearful questions. You wont have answers if
you do not use logic.
So this is the second essential in your luggage; the tool you use to
approach your journey. Logic.
This need appears immediately after you are clear on your aim, on your
purpose of the journey because the first objection that comes to mind
after you decide that you are looking for Unity, is Ohhh, really? You
want Unity? Who are you to ignore all previous teachers? Who are you
to define spiritual things? Do you think definitions fit in spirituality?
Definition has to do with logic!! Do you think that logic fits in the
spiritual world? If yes, then why has nobody succeeded using it so far?
And, why has everyone before declared that only faith is necessary, but
no one has ever said that logic is necessary?
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Even if you believe that faith is necessary, you still have to answer
to this. In a few words, no matter how you answer, positively or
negatively, you use your earthly brain, logic. You use it ANYWAY. So do
not get trapped here.
What I am trying to explain here is not exactly what I wrote previously
and neither is it what I have experienced in reality. Forget about me. I am
only clarifying how your brain (which you start from and use anyway,
want to or not) works anyway. So, what I write is not about what I think,
but it is about how the brain works regardless. It raises questions.
And if you do not see that your brain works like that, freely discard all
this nonsense here. Start something else, use whatever works for you.
You may know how your heart works. I do not. And if you do, start
from there. The process is the same though, because you are going to
start from something you know already, which means you start from
something that already constitutes earthly results, right?
So, essentials in your luggage. 1st: What am I looking for?
2nd: What am I going to use to get there?
All this sounds very simple. But do not forget it, write it down and read
it every day. If you do not forget it, then you will have established your
own little system to screen all incoming thoughts. It is that simple.
Then the first crystal of confidence will be working for you. You save
time and energy, since now you do not have to try to experience what
each one impressive savior tells you; you reject most of them, actually
all of them, because no one explains to you how he got there. All of
them tell you what they saw there, but not how they got there. They
give you the fish to feed you, but they do not teach you how to fish.
Thats to be expected as nobody reaches Essence based solely on his own
path. When you get in there you realize that you are just as damned as
you can possibly be and it is because of a Grace that you are there. They
(whoever got in there) just drink from the source, they get drunk, they
feel happy, then they feel like giving some to the people, so they come
back to reality and they say things about their journey, but they always
realize that nothing came from their own efforts (they feel stupid like I do
too) and so they say nothing of the specific way to get there.
But ... this is a big BUT. If you do not try with all your energy, if you
are not desperate to see results, if you do not knock on the door hard, if
you do not yell open it, OPEN IT, that Grace will never come.

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It is so clearly shown in the movie Forest Gump, when Forest and his
half-legged lieutenant were fishing for shrimp when that hurricane came,
while everybody else was safe at the dock. The lieutenant was desperate,
because they were trying to find shrimp for so long, but were finding
only trash from the bottom of the ocean (very good analogy, huh!!)
Having to face the hurricane which most likely will destroy their boat, in
the middle of the storm, at the top of the mast, he started fighting God,
yelling at him You b... take me now, You @&% I am staying here to die,
You @&% are not God if you give me this s..., You @&%...You @&% ...
he was yelling from the top of the mast in the middle of that storm.
Next thing they know, the storm has destroyed all the boats tied at the
dock, but they survived because they didnt tie up their boat and, as the
only boat left, they became millionaires.
I have told you my story. I felt the same way. I have said exactly the
same thing. I remember looking to the sky and talking aloud alone,
to provoke him: What the heck am I doing wrong? Why do You not
look to me at all? I have been trying for 30 years!!! Goddamn it, Youre
going to let me die without seeing anything?? Why do You not let me
see something, a little bit? How many sins have I committed that you
let me suffer like this? I know people out there that kill children, that
torture people for fun, why am I the worst? Give me something, I do not
care if I have to die, give me something.
It was that Friday, as I described to you, when I was thinking all this
and then it all happened in a second. This is how I found Essence and
why I met you.
So clear out things within yourself and follow nothing and nobody, can
you? Whatever you know already is just advice given from remarkable
people. It is like when your mama tells you, Do not touch the stove,
youre going to burn your hand, it doesnt mean she or you are firefighters.
Its just a little advice about how fire works.
This is why I led you with my questions through logic to conclude
where is Essence. You may still do not know what it is. But you found
the location on your own. In. You got this answer. I just confirmed it,
like you did the same for me when I needed it confirmed.
Together, we went to the In based on Unity (One) and using logic (how).
We have already gone through all of the mentioned steps above. I am just
clarifying them now. And it looks to me like it is the only thing so far that
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is, in some order, inside you, even though the answer is still unknown,
you have seen no results yet. I know. But now you have to get mad
with yourself. You have to see that In. Not because I say it but because
you found it. If you do not feel so, if you do not see that it is your little
achievement, if you feel I did it for you, then go back and redo the
process in your mind until you personally find it again, using logic.
Begin again with the principal question, then go out and try to see it
while you drive, while you eat, while you talk, while you put gas in
your car. If you do not feel that you have gotten the first step, your
conclusion through logic (which will secure for you earthly results
and not empty indefinable spaces because it is a logical achievement)
then go back and do it all over again until in your mind there is no
doubt that you possess it so well that you can give a lecture, a seminar
about it like I do here. Do you know how many times, thinking that
I am a failure in life with no career, not a specialist in something, I
thought, okay, I am not that, I am not the other, but I am a seeker, I
know techniques, this is my profession in order to feel valuable? Many
times, for years. Many, Many, Many times, there is no number. Every
day, because the comparison with others who are more successful is
out there, every moment.
But, if you feel that you rationally possess all the answers about what
you are looking for, what to use to get it, and how you got into the In,
and all that is set soundly in your mind (as well as you know your
profession, your name), then you can start to practice.
Practice: Get in the In.
If you do not know what In is, which I think is what happens to you,
then go out there and experiment. I think this is your real problem. You
do not know what In means.
I am sure 100% you do not know what is the In. Forget now inner
worlds, and traditions, and God, and internal cultivation, and Essence,
and what Sam says and all this crap. All this is crap. I am talking
reality, here, every day reality. You think what is the In, but you really
do not know. I know you use this word and idea every day. But I
know you are fooling yourself thinking that you know but you are just
dreaming that you know.
Get out there and prove to yourself that you know what is the In. Prove
to yourself that you know what In means. AGAIN: FORGET SPIRITUAL
AND OTHER THINGS FOR A FEW DAYS. Just for now, prove to
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yourself that you know precisely and you absolutely can define what is
the In in your life. Prove it to yourself, in front of your eyes, what is the
idea that you use every day, the idea that sounds on the word In. Not
the image that you think it has to do with Essence and Internal seeking.
How to get the actual idea of In (because I am sure you do not know
what it is? (no doubt in my mind!!!)?
How do you, in reality, define the In? Ohhh, thats easy!!! I already
told you.
Walk in a big church with those big heavy-stone walls and the tall
ceilings, with all those big statues and architectural arches, where the
wide place of seats for people is only a small and short part of the huge
building. By the time you enter that heavy, big, old door you feel you
are in. You are contained in that, you are content. Then walk outside
and watch what you leave behind, what you lose, what it is that feels
different and what makes you feel that you are outside.
Obviously, at the moment you walk outside of the church you left
behind the In. So if you walk back in the church, you will now
understand better what it is that you call In. Then walk outside and
youre going to lose it, again. By that time, you will realize that you
really do not know what In is, because you depend on buildings and
objects to know it. You expect them to indicate to you the real In. You
cannot recall it when you want to. You may remember the idea of it,
but it is not with you when you want it.
It is not with you, but it is with the buildings. Thats the proof that
you do not know it. So go back and forth until you can recall it in your
mind even when you are not in the church. Then, and only then, will
you possess it. When you possess it, you will know it. Any doubts? Do
not fool around with explanations of why. There is no why, lets say, or
if. The simple matter is that you do not know what In is. Experiment
first and then we will talk about the rest of it.
If you do not know what is this, how can I tell you about it? You simply
do not know, will not understand. Now do not fool around. Do not do
it only in the church. You may go there first to get the strong, pure idea
of In, as clear as it is there. But In is in every building and you can
practice it anywhere you want.
You are in the car, you feel In. You get out of the car, you lost it. Go
back in the car and redo it.
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You are in the house, you feel In. You go out of the house to the yard,
you lose it. Go back in the house and redo it even if your wife looks at
you like you are crazy.
Go to the cinema, watch the movie, get lost in there. After, you feel
you were in there too long and you want to go outside for fresh air. You
walk outside, you lose the In. Go back like you forgot to go to the toilet
and redo it.
You are in a restaurant, you feel In. Stop eating and go outside. You go
out of the restaurant, you lose it. Go back into the restaurant and walk
back and forth, until you empower your real knowledge about In, even
if your friend looks at you like you are crazy.
This is the practice that leads to applicable achievements. This is how
they saw Jesus resurrected. Applicable, right? Not dreaming!!
All the rest is crap.
First, do not believe me. Then, good luck.

A lot to think about. Will keep you posted. What is the difference
between synthesis and analysis? Doing it and not talking about it or
explaining it?
If you do not try with all your energy ... maybe that is the key for me,
since I have not done that.
Jesus said: He who hungers and thirsts after righteousness shall
be filled. Interesting and even Biblical.

Thanks for more clarity in the area of the logic. You know, many
books have been written about faith and reason, but I dont think
that is what you are talking about. True, we use logic anyway, even if
it is fallacious. A lot to digest.
Take care.

If analysis helps you to achieve your answer to, what I am looking

for, then use it. Questions like this have no actual meaning. These
kinds of questions are useful only to keep people without aim in the
fold. Because if you have answered the primary question, if you have
an aim, then a question like whats the difference ... doesnt fit. A
question like does that help me to ..., does fit. A question like whats
the difference ... indicates that the person who questions is studying
academically. Statistics, differences, etc. The person with aim doesnt
study differences, but uses one tool to get the job done.

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But, no doubt, if your answer to the primary question is Unity and

then you see that analysis helps that, then bingo!!!! Do it.
However, do not forget: we work for Publishable, Applicable Results.
Its not if you feel that analysis helps Unity or what you remember
after you analyze with closed eyes. It is if you can apply analysis to
bring Unity when you suddenly hear a storm breaking outside, so
strong that within two seconds a tree falls a few inches from the wall
of your house, while you were watching TV in quite calmness and at
peace with your surroundings.
This is applicable. Publishable ... do not worry about this yet. This is
what we are trying to do here. (Ha, ha), good, huh?

Good analogy, as usual. Good!

The tree falling clicked with me. Yes, the aim is the key as well as
other things. Some people may call it intentionality. However, the
usual idea is that you intend something you want, such as money,
peace, etc., but no, no, no, no!
If you aim for or intend Oneness or Unity, that is enough!!!!
To hell with the rest; it doesnt matter. So, if the questions are related
to the aim, as to what am I looking for, and if the aim is Unity, the
question is answered as to What.
There is nothing else to ask. The What is Unity. What is in the In is
Unity. Maybe wrong?
Weird, because I had at one time worked on intentions a lot, but
thought it was silly after awhile, to have expectations or intentions for
money, peace, good health, etc. It was missing the one pearl beyond
price, and all of that pales in significance to the Oneness or Unity.
Then I dropped all intentions; my intention was to have no intention
and that did not work either (no publishable applicable results) Ha.
I love the idea of taking the trip on your own, without leaders or
beliefs to go on, just the aim. Maybe going into the church is a way
to see the difference between the In and not In; maybe making love
or not making love is the In or not In. Maybe driving in a car or out
of the car is the In or not In. I went into a greenhouse today and that
was In and the outside was not In. Just practicing with your weird
instructions. Ha-ha.
So, what do you think? (analyze or synthesize?)

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Intention or not, aim or not, there is no difference. The aim of all these
- weird instructions - is to encourage the on-your-own effort. To explain
that nothing is far away, non-approachable from us. To explain that
nothing is so special that only remarkable people can approach or deal
with it. To encourage anyone who is willing to go further in this, to do
it; to explain that anyone can start with the In, as anyone can start with
the rest of the desired aims in their life. Start with aim, experiment, use
logic, experience failure, again experiment, again logic, observe until it
clicks inside you and talks to you with publishable applicable results.
Weird instructions? Ok, maybe so. But again, if you do not see that
this system (aim, in, in buildings, out of buildings, etc.,) came from
logic from within you, you will waste your time. In such a case, you
will have thoughts, resisting and objecting, that will challenge and will
provoke your logic to answer. It doesnt matter what I have said. Since
you shall stop (like me) at red lights, we both use approximately the
same mind system, the same type of logic.
So all previous conversations were based on this logic to help
accelerate your progress, not because I was instructing you. But,
if you dont see that all this progress came from your own efforts
and belongs to you, if you do not see that you achieved that and you
possess it, you will have questions, wonders, etc., that will provoke
your logic all over again. Which is not bad at all, it will help you to do
exactly what I encourage you to do anyway, but I am saying that you
will have to repeat things until you feel that all this is yours.
Thats the key point. Only, then you will need no leaders or beliefs to
go on. Right now, I am a leader. The moment will come when you will
feel that the entire process we talk about here, comes from your own
source, not from me.
At that moment you will realize that I said nothing meaningful, nothing
new, nothing special, nothing on my own. I said something so common
that its yours too. It is in your system anyway.
You have to lose the admiration for all of it. As long as you admire it or
see it as something new, it will be objectively away from you, separated,
never approachable.
When you see it as part of your own system, it will give you fruits,
benefits. This is why you (and everyone in this path) have bothering,
annoying thoughts, resistance, (which is called evil). To get to know it on
your own. The evil will force you to get to know it on your own, whether
you want it or not. As long as you admire it and you believe it, the evil will
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be there to bother you until you destroy your admiration, your belief, your
god and get it on your own. So do it now, before it will grow that much. Go
all out and decide on your own why this, why the other and so on.
Somehow you like what we talk about here, very much. Because it
contains logic. It gives you the sense of an everyday thing, something
close to you, promising a lot, approachable. Why is there logic? Because
I built it with logic.
But you use logic, approximately the same logic, anyway. So begin
all over again, on your own. You will see, we do not have to discover
anything special, all of it is there. We just have to penetrate and walk
through existing clouds of thoughts, emotions, ideas, prejudices, etc.
Thats all. To clear up and clean up the mess. Thats all. This is why
logic plays a big role.
You say, I went into a greenhouse today and that was In and the
outside was not In ...
I say, Continue, go back and forth until you can recall it in your mind even
when you are not in the church. Then, and only then, will you possess it.
You say, So, what do you think? (analyze or synthesize?) ...
Well, people suffer from the duality. They play between the two, even
when they know that it is all about dualism. I know only three ways to
avoid the duality.
One is the Sufi way: revolve each one around itself. One of the two gets
spun out, rejected. In this way, you get rid of one of the two, right away.
The second is to mix the two together. Not synthesis and analysis
together, like most of the just thinking, never practicing people do.
Thats nonsense. Instead, synthesize the analysis when it happens,
and analyze the synthesis when it happens. This enforces action and
eliminates thoughts. Very helpful. But, isnt it synthesis (the mixing) in
the end?
The third is to look back, even though there is the danger of becoming
a pillar of salt, like Lots wife. For example, lets take your example, aim
or not aim? In that, as you said, when you have the intention, the aim
to have no aim, right there you have the aim: the non-aim. Even then
you have an aim.
So having an aim is the right thing. You cannot avoid it. This is a
dangerous way to eliminate the one between the duality, especially for
people who are somehow destructive in their lives, people that do not
have a strong basis of logic, beliefs, etc. (=Sodom?). Because that way
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(looking back) leaves you in a sudden emptiness, which may make your
system worse and will make it shake, with cracks, forever.

So, admiration, which is close to worship, is a way to avoid finding

your own path, and creating deities to worship (towers of Babel?),
or other gods, could be creating a place for evil to occur? So, an
invitation for dualism.
Synthesis, from a Hegelian point of view, and yours, seemingly, is the
end result, or the cleaning up the mess that the dualism caused in
the first place.
What I am saying may seem frivolous to you, but I need to do this to
place into my logic system what you are talking about.
The Native Americans talk to the wind and see spirits in animals,
etc. Is this dualism, too? They say all is one and talk about oneness
of things and do drumming, smudging, and other rituals to cleanse
evil or negative energy. Primitive, maybe, but dualism? Since there is
a belief in GOOD and BAD spirits? So, then what is evil? What fills
in the gaps when one has beliefs or gods? Belief systems may create
dualism? Or evil?
You hit a key issue every time you respond lately. This time it is the
admiration issue. Yes, I could admire what you are saying and miss
the whole point, or admire what I am saying and miss the whole
point, THAT POINT BEING to decide on my own and find my
system, publishable applicable to anyone who decides or aims to
be a seeker. At first it seems narcissistic to only trust what you find
yourself, but yet it is not; it is the risk of ultimate concern and could
dissolve ego since the aim is Unity, not separateness.
What does this mean in this context: By grace are ye saved through
faith, not of yourselves, not of works lest any man boast?
I just need to get my thoughts out in regard to what you are saying,
to help me become clearer. Even when I said weird instructions,
though being playful, I see how I could make this yours instead of
mine and resist or admire, or whatever, you and your ideas. Very
interesting. As Jesus said, the disciples are just children. Maybe that
was okay without logic, or was it? I doubt that you are talking about
child stuff; perhaps children need dualism (after they are 3 years old)
in order to survive their dualistic parents.

You said it very well, so far. Yes, thats exactly the evil. And where you
placed it, its absolutely clear and correct.
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Make no mistake. Since we have this body, it is going to be the last gap
to be closed, and of course were going to face it all the time, until the
end (which is remarked by its-evil end). Jesus did in the desert, Buddha
did for seven years, Krishna told Arjuna how to avoid it.
We do not know what happened to two, just because they faced it
with synthesis and they tried for applicable results: Prophet Elias who
tried for the Antichrist and left for the mountains, and Confucius who
tried for (the other Antichrist, ha-ha) Government and too left for the
mountains and another country, but not as a fugitive.
Well, some traditions (heretics ... ha) like Native Indians, went a bit
further and since they reached the end and closed all gaps, then they
continued with Life, which is a way of keeping in touch (there is a
certain point to do that OUTSIDE us, but still within), which includes
love and (another stage and level of) a sexual way. I do not mean sex
as we know it, but it is kind of a sexual interaction where something
erects from the bottom of the body to the top of the head.
That needs a ceremony, so to speak, and that ceremony can be just
a dinner, or a dance, or talk to the winds, or some positions that are
forced on to the body to be held exactly because of that erection (you
may have seen those on Tantric statues) and so on. In each case, since
the two of the dualism are synthesized, both exist. So yes, the evil is
there and needs to be put aside.
But it is like playing a role and the evil has its own role, which is just
to obey, easily and completely under control. This is where the energy
comes from, anyway.
It happens when the gap is closed and then what we were fighting
before, now becomes the means. Its like the evil serves you as the
winner of the fight, even though you havent yet met God. I spoke to
you about this in a previous email. This is where the In leads. The only
difference with the In is that while fighting still occurs, it is play, too.
Almost all traditions have that next stage except Christianity. I think,
this is why they expect Him to come back a second time, to resurrect.
Second coming of Jesussecond appearance?
I should not talk about things that I do not practice. I sound like those
people that I criticize.
But I have to tell you, this last email of yours is a very clear one, no
confusing cloudy thoughts. Thats good.
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Looks like you understood that worship, all this work, starts from each
one of us every day, in our home. This is how the system survives. You
understand it. Your last email contains a little bit of happiness that
comes from some kind of enlightenment.
And ..., yes lately, I hit a key issue every time I respond.
I want to wriggle it a bit, highlight the need of practice, the need of
applicable results.

The Second Coming of Jesus is right in English. I think you meant

Tantric when you said Tantric statues. I am familiar with the idea of
the Tantric sex as getting in touch with the energy, but did not place it
in the arena of good and evil.
You may think my analysis is a waste of time, I know, but to me if I
can place what we speak about in some kind of context of thought or
perspective, I can practice it better.
I know you said practice and I am doing, but neither this approach
nor any system could necessarily be accepted on blind faith; so,
as you said, it is logical, but what is logic? There are different kinds
of logic. Aristotelian, Whitehead, Einsteinian, etc.? So you have
to have some faith in a method for it to work? Right? Dont think I
am criticizing the approach, and I know it is natural for the mind
to already be logical. So, if I believe that practice is the way, that
synthesis is the way, then I have faith in logic as a starting point,
and believe that belief is not the way, and admiration and worship
are not the way. Also, if I think that Oneness or Unity is the aim,
which is a belief as well, though I do not arrive at enlightenment or
realization by beliefs. I hate it that my skeptical mind is so analytical;
you landed at the office of the ultimate skeptic, or the reverse,
the ultimate gullible! Ha. Actually I am a 6 on the Enneagram,
which is the loyal skeptic. However, the shadow side (to fill in the
gap) is the faithful gullible follower. Or the phobic, or reverse, the
counterphobic. I keep answering my own question.
Carl Jung discussed evil a lot; he diverged from Freud. He had a
student named Sabrina Spelrein whom he probably had an affair
with; he used mythological, possibly Tantric sexual images to portray
their relationship. Tristan and Isolde, etc., etc.; here, likely sex was
the way to close the gap. It does all go back to unity the more I write
about it, or think about it, or practice with it. He talked a lot about
the tension of the opposites.

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That is where I have mostly sat all my life. In between the tension,
in the place of ambiguity, in the neutral zone, but without aim,
since there was no clarity of what to aim for. That what in the In
now seems more necessary, but I have to seek it and find it. I never
knocked on the door very hard, and analyzed myself out of it sooner
or later. I do not want to keep doing that.
Look at our culture; everything is sexualized or mega-Church
fundamentalized. Clean mind, clean body, take your pick! Either way,
the seeking is for the gap to be filled, when the filling is, as Jesus said
in Thomas: right in front of your face. He kept talking about the two
becoming one. Profound!! (But not admirable, just a solution that may
have applicable results.)
You do not have to answer this analysis for things you do not practice.
The teacher-therapist relationship may necessarily involve the
analysis and the synthesis, with the aim of applicable results.
One more question: Is realization or enlightenment personal or
impersonal? Christianity posits a personal God, Saviour, etc., which
is what makes it so appealing (family style). Is this the reason for no
next stage (except heaven or hell) and a need for a second coming?
The incompleteness of a good god who is the opposite of a bad god
(devil). If the bad god was a part of the good god, then maybe the gap
is filled and yin and yang happen. As you say, that is where the energy
comes from, anyway, in the play, in the tension (thesis, antithesis,
synthesis) NOW, not later.
Good day. I must go to work.

Everything and all is personal.

Its just that there is a trap somewhere in the path. That is the In. It
works like this. Lets say you have people of white magic (they do only
good) and people of black magic (they do only bad). There I come in
the middle and disclose a way to make any activity more powerful,
which is the In. So, lets say I disclose the In as the most efficient way
to empower any activity. And, of course, the first reaction is you are
dangerous, people will use this to efficiently apply the bad, and people
will use it for black magic!!! Yes, but there is a trap: if they use it
theyre going to get burnt up, their personality will get burnt up and
gradually will be dissolved.
So, no bad application will occur.
Everything is personal, because you will get burnt up and you will die
anyway. Trust me.

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Today I went (as every day) to the gym. I practiced the In while I was
lying in a bed in the nap room, for a while. I woke up after 19 minutes
terrified. I was there, but I was nowhere. My body and all my things
were there like every other day, but I was not. I did not know who I was
and where I was. I was walking using the stuff around me, but I didnt
know all these things, I couldnt recognize what the chairs were, what
the lockers were. I couldnt remember what all the objects around me
were. No connection at all. I didnt know all the stuff around me. Can
you imagine? No thoughts working at all. No peace, no non-peace. Just
being. But (I am laughing hard now because I see myself like a terrified
little kid). At that moment I felt: Where I am? How can I live like this?
And I remember I feared that I was dead already (even though I was
there, awake and walking).
For a second I stumbled and fell a bit backwards, losing my senses, and
I remember for a second I lost sight of the world. By that time, I found
myself back, and here I am as before, my friend. But for how long? This
is why I can write to you now. Because of that fear.
So continue and do not blame me. I am scared. I do not know if Ill
exist or where at the next moment. I feel I am very brave to go through
all that unknown stuff without any trust, faith or belief. Bruce Lee was
doing such things and died young. We will see.
But, between all this, I still want to get married. Do you think I am
trying to close the hole with a marriage or so? You said it well that some
people try with sex, parents, career and so on. But with a marriage?
What is there?

Everything is personal, because you will get burnt up and you will die
anyway. Trust me.
I do trust you. You are brave to go through the unknown stuff with no
belief, faith, or trust. What about trust, though? Trust is not a belief, is
not faith. It is a natural opening up to whatever is unfolding at the time,
and I wonder if it is not a key element in going into the In. Losing the
defensiveness of the ego to die as you did today must involve trust
that there is an In to go to, whether derived by logic or through the
heart. Paul Tillich called faith ultimate concern; I would say that trust
is ultimate concern, in your thinking, the aim, the synthesis. The
ultimate concern, which you have, has no content, but a willingness to
go on the trip, to go on the path that no one has trod, because we have
to do it in the way we know to be truly risky business!
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But, as you say, we die anyway. One way or another we die anyway.
Our cells are programmed to die; we are programmed to die. But, for
now, we live in the body and that is the way it is. The difficulty is to
be a man of the world and a man of the spirit at the same time. Is it
possible? I do not know. Jesus talks about marriage a lot; about the
bridegroom, etc. The Da Vinci Code says he married Mary Magdalene
and they had a child. Who knows?
I dont care whether he did or not. I kind of hope he did. If he did,
did he do it to close the hole? I dont know. He talked a lot of the two
being one (Gnostic); that everything was one until it became two.
Marriage may make the two one. Who knows? A way to fill the gap?
Yin and Yang in motion, maybe whirl out the evil and not be lonely at
the same time?
Maybe to not be lonely can prepare us better to be lonely, since we die
alone.
I wish I had more time. I will respond more later. Is the fear you
experienced the same as when you were shot? Take it easy, I suggest,
for the next few days, to get more balance and grounding. In and out,
in and out. Not In all the time; it will burn you up! What are you
saving for marriage? Ha-ha. Dont burn it all up yet. Seriously, I know
you dont know whether you will be here the next moment; neither do
I. I do know that the path we are on is worth it.
And you are my friend.
It is still a professional relationship, as well. Profession to profession.
Stay together friends,
Dont scatter and sleep
our friendship is made by being awake
the waterwheel accepts water and
turns and gives it away weeping
that way it stays in the garden.
Rumi
Tillich: The courage to be is rooted in the God who appears when
God disappears in the anxiety of doubt. This may be close to the

second level by a Christian theologian; the paradox of unbelief

becoming a more fundamental trust.
When I knock on the door hard this may be what is happening -getting rid of belief to have Oneness. Just analysis, but very close to
synthesis.
Take care, friend.

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If you are saying that the fear at the gym was like after I was shot, no it
wasnt like that. The fear I experienced last night included no anxiety.
If you are talking about the moment of the shooting, I never said I had
fear at that moment. Actually, I faced him and his gun face to face, then
drove in the opposite direction of the traffic through on-coming cars
to avoid a second shot, hid at a smart place so emergency personnel
could find me easily, and tried not to sleep knowing, from the army
experience, that would lead to a sweet death. I was joking with the
nurses and I do not remember any kind of fear at that moment.
I do not see any trust either. To trust what? Or whom? To trust, I-we
need a situation that I-we are not that, but we trust it, right? Anyway,
no matter what is the right thing to do or how its supposed to be, I see
no trust in either. And I am disappointed myself, realizing that it has
been long-long time since I have seen any God or any Superior Entity
to put my faith in. Instead I find a kind of emptiness, but it feels good,
happy. A lot of people cannot understand how come I laugh all the time
so purely. They ask me all the time. Even my mama.
You mentioned belief, faith and trust. Usually Belief refers to a system.
And usually Faith refers to God. But what is Trust? What do you think?
I think, trust is the belief in the faith, when faith is put nowhere. Since
I have no belief and no faith, how can I have trust?

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Chapter XIII
Trust & Aim

What do you mean trust is the belief in the faith, when faith is put
nowhere?

If you trust something or somebody, then that something or somebody

is objective, and so you approach the situation with faith and belief.
If you trust the coming unknown, then this trust is based on your in-themoment-being which you believe will help as it always happened in the
past when you were a loyal of faith. So you put your trust on what has
been experienced in the past with faith, but currently that faith is put
nowhere, it is accepted as it is and you excuse yourself as a seeker.
So what is trust, in this case? The belief in the faith, when faith is put
nowhere ... when faith faces the lack of objective.
Am I wrong in this understanding?

Today I practiced with the In. I knocked on the door saying I want
In, I want in the In. The hunger after the In--what is that? It seems
that I had some kind of trust that there was an In that I could find if I
sought it hard enough. If I did not have some aim, as you say, or some
intention to seek the In, I wouldnt even try. What motivates me to
try, unless I have some trust that what I try will work? That does not
mean trust in a belief system or faith in God, but trust that what I am
doing is worthwhile and that I would devote my energy to seek and
find; how could I do that without ultimate concern that pushes me to
that place of hungering after the In?
That is as close as I can get to answer what is trust; also, the
idea that there is no separateness between entities implies that
the oneness is already there and I do not go outside to find a God
or anything else. So the trust is not in an entity, but a process, a
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phenomenon, an organism realizing itself. No, not faith, just not

interference with what is already there. Maybe that is trust, maybe
not. Dissolving the ego or defenses is scary and risky; is that trust?
Actually the trust, to me, is the opposite of belief or faith, since it
is your own way, packing your own bags, finding out for yourself,
doubting all the time. Instead of your faith will make you whole,
your doubt will make you whole... doubting Thomas.
Buddhism says there is nothing there but the void, I think. We say
with Essence there is more; they cease striving; we strive to find it,
to seek it. They sit in Zen and love the nothing; what do we do
differently, if anything? They throw away logic; we use logic, although
they use logic to throw away logic. Do they sit in the analysis or nonanalysis and we sit in synthesis? Have a good day.

... but trust that what I am doing is worthwhile, ... to devote my

energy ... equals belief.
... how could I do that without ultimate concern that pushes me to
equals faith.
... I do not go outside to find a God or anything else ... equals faith
aims nowhere, just to you.
This is all I said.
I see, you first get the idea of In and then when you walk outside, you get
the idea of outside, and then you return back to In and then again to the
outside. Does this practice help understand the In? NO. It doesnt help
much. By doing this, you are understanding each concept individually.
To truly understand the idea of In try to see what it is that you lose
when you walk outside.
In other words, you connect with the idea of In, and then you try to
keep it with you as you walk outside. Even though you try to keep the
In with you, you lose it. Observe what it is that you lost. Once you
understand it, go back and try to correct the process, try again to keep
the In with you while you walk outside. Observe and Discover your
way, what is necessary for you, to keep the In with you, no matter
where you are. This is the practice. Then, and only then, will you know
it. Then we can talk further. So, finish up!!!

Okay, it is more clear.

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No, I do not think so !!!

No I dont think so! ...

Why? Because I am still too theological or admiring or
emotional? Or skeptical? Or analytical? Or illogical?
You probably wont answer since all this is analysis, ideas, idealism
and not simple practice.
Whatever is happening, I seem to be poor in spirit; necessary?

Haaaaaaaaa haaaa haa. I got you again. I got you!!!

I think you do not know this side of me. You do not know this weird
sense of humor of mine.
You said okay, it is more clear and I responded No, I do no think so
because I do not think that you understood what you did again, how
precisely you expressed those last ideas with your natural knowledge
and your clear way of putting labyrinthine things in order.
Look what you did:
My belief is to devote my energy (in) what I am doing
Faith is (the) ultimate concern
Faith to myself (is when I) do not go outside
Now tell me, except for the last definition which I can accept that only
you and I can understand right now, ... tell me have you ever seen or
heard more precise definitions other than those? You even said it better
than Webster.
Go to http://www.answers.com/ and look the definition of faith.
They say:
< faith n.
1. Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a
person, idea, or thing.
2. Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material
evidence.>

Now compare all this academic nonsense with yours the ultimate
concern and you tell me if you knew what you had just stated.
I do challenge you, TELL ME.
In the same website, type belief and what you get is:
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< belief n.
1. The mental act, condition, or habit of placing trust or
confidence in another: My belief in you is as strong as ever.
2. Mental acceptance of and conviction in the truth, actuality,
or validity of something: His explanation of what happened
defies belief.
3. Something believed or accepted as true, especially a
particular tenet or a body of tenets accepted by a group of
persons.>

Now compare all this academic nonsense with yours to devote my

energy in what I am doing and you tell me if you knew what you were
saying so simply. I do again challenge you, TELL ME.
So was my response, I do not think so right, YES or NO?
You made me laugh so much though, so much today with your
waterfall of doubts. I really laughed hard.
I devoted my energy to that!!! Was that a belief in you? Haaaa ha-ha!!!!!!!

Ha. You got me! I dont know what I am doing! If I did I would not be
ultimately concerned! I am devoting my energy to it, but I dont know
what it is!
Crazy, huh?

There is a joke about what funny cultural things would characterize

you as Greek. Some of those are:
You Know Youre Greek When ...
1) Youre 54", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you
still cry when your mother yells at you.
2) Your uncle owns a restaurant, has $300,000 in the bank, but still
drives a 76 Monte Carlo.
3) You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but
drive a $45,000 Camaro.
4) Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are
all blood relatives.
5) Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-laws brother-in-law.
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6) At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.

7) All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
8) A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned
you the title of professor among your aunts.
9) You netted more than $50,000 on your baptism.
10) At some point in your life you waited tables.
11) You are an adult and are forced to be with your family at
12-midnight on New Years Eve.
12) Upon meeting another Greek, one of your first questions is, what
church do you go to?
13) You must name your children after your parents, grandparents, or
in-laws.
14) Upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what village theyre
from.
15) When you were younger and going on car trips you always had to
sit on someones lap in the front or back seat.
16) Someone in your family owns or works in any type of restaurant.
17) You eat vanilla fondant with a spoon from the jar.
18) At Weddings the card is determined on the amount of food, the
type of band, if the couple is Greek and whether you are convinced the
marriage will last.
19) You were the first one to get cable on your block, but the last to
have it legally.
20) You dread kissing everyone at family gatherings, because you wind
up smelling like armpits at the end of the night.
21) Youve been embarrassed by Mom or Dad in stores, because they
expect the Greek discount and ask to waive the tax if they pay in cash.

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Maybe Im turning Greek. I bought a Zorbas the Greek record at

the flea market in my country estate and had all my wifes country
cousins dancing to it on Mothers day. And I only paid 33 cents for it.
These are Platonic cousins, not kissing cousins!
Have a good weekend. I am going to Essence country.
By the way, Ultimate Concern is not original to me (Paul Tillich,
German Christian existentialist theologian). But I think I finally
understand it because I practice it.
Your weird sense of humor is part of your gift to trick the vultures!

You must be kidding me!!! I realize you have broken a lot of boundaries
already, like here, your little friend. You bought Zorbas? And you had
them dancing? I am laughing so hard man, that my friend heard me
from outside (coming here). So we started talking about you and I gave
her some of your stuff to read whereupon she said, in a quiet voice, He
is the most compassionate person I ever heard. How does she know
you? Did you meet her at the In?
I think youre right. I can trick the vultures. I got this impression when I
escaped death from the shooting. I think, I told you that the bullet passed
1/8 of an inch in front of my heart, went through the little empty space that
is between the sternum and the front of the lungs and exited on the other
side without touching my ribs, organs or lungs. Just from skin to skin.
I am thinking it must be the only straight line that can be drawn in the
body where a bullet can pass through without causing any damage and,
even though the vultures were prepared to have the most weird dinner
upon me, I escaped because either God tried to show that he has (and still
does) drawn everything perfectly or Einstein showed he loves me because
of my studies on his Space-Time-Orbit researches. May be both ...
You know what I am thinking? I have to trick all three of them: God,
Einstein & Vultures. What do you think? Think before you answer,
because I may ask you to help me.
Ha-ha, we deploy good stuff here ...
Deploy? What? Are we fighting something? Wrong, wrong expression ...
I am sorry.
On 5/23/05 I wrote to you: ... But if you didnt see that all this progress
came from your own efforts and belongs to you, if you do not see that you
achieved that and you possess it, you will have questions, wonders, etc.
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that will provoke your logic all over again. Which is not bad at all, but I am
saying that you will have to repeat things until you feel that all this is yours.
And in the same part, further down: ... So do it now, before it will grow
that much. Go all over and decide on your own why this, why the other
and so on.
Good luck and more dancing.

You sound like a mystic ... God tried to show me he has ...
Einstein showed he loves me ... I see that you are beyond the logic
and in the practice when you talk this way.
I liked Zorba way before I met you. I saw Anthony Quinn play him
at the Fox Theatre in Atlanta years ago. LIFE, maybe the In is in the
dance. Interestingly, as you speak of Greek, my house in my country
estate is around the corner from Jasmine Hill Gardens, which is a
replica of Heras temple and has various statues of Greek gods and
goddesses all around the gardens; very beautiful. They come and visit
me a lot on the hill. They help with the vultures, too.
T.S. Eliot:
At the still point of the turning world,
there the dance is.
neither from nor toward,
neither flesh nor fleshless,
at the still point there the dance is.
(Burnt Norton)

Regarding your response to my talk about faith, ultimate concern,

etc., I have read Tillichs book several times called THE DYNAMICS
OF FAITH (Paul Tillich), a book I studied when I was minoring in
philosophy in college (60s). The paper I wrote, which I lost, was
called: Faith and Reason in the Theology of Paul Tillich. I am
amazed that with this work we are doing I have found a way to
experience ultimate concern more than ever. It is a significant key
in the body of knowledge in the spiritual world, especially in the
Christian area. Hardly anyone understood what he was saying. I have
read commentaries on his works and they have never talked about
this in the context of the In; perhaps as you say, we may be moving
toward practical application, synthesis of all that analysis.
I dont think he ever quite did it, though he was probably one of, if
not the best of theological thinkers in the world. You see, I come at it
from a different background from you, but that is good. Together the

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ideas seem to mix and synthesize. Very interesting ... It would be an

interesting project to make that practicable and applicable.
Your friend must be seeking the In too?

I was careful. I didnt say me, did I? I didnt say show(ed) me,
neither for God nor for Einstein. Its written only as loves me because
love without me in that sentence doesnt make any sense, plus
without the showed me, how do I know? I was careful, just because I
knew that it was coming. I didnt avoid it, though.
Myself, I do not care how it sounds, once Ive told you everything
is personal. I have no fears about it. You cant download anything
without ego. Even better, there is no achievement without ego. If it was
different, Jesus wouldnt resurrect with the body (to show what?), but
he would be gone as a spirit (goodbye, see you later). He wouldnt
even lift the whip in the temple. Moreover, he wouldnt even isolate
himself for 40 days in the desert.
I have never paid attention to what the others think, just because
nobody can help me to achieve. I have to do it on my own. Each and
every thing. Besides, I am busy doing it, so I have no ambitions to teach
or have a humbled image.
But, I tried to be careful so as not to provoke you. I didnt avoid it.
Sorry.
Even with writing this here, that I am willing to publish, I want to shake
their lives and make them think. There is nothing to achieve by thinking
and especially nothing to achieve about this In. We are In anyway.
Why shake their lives without giving them any answers? Because the
wonder without any specific exit is the best way to loose sleep and
keep going awake. Whenever a question is answered, there comes the
fog of sleep.
My friend must be seeking the In, too? Not at all. No way. I gave her
some stuff of yours to read just to impress her, to show that I am doing
something big, something she doesnt understand so she will leave
me alone. I gave her stuff of yours to read like poems you emailed,
thoughts about Christianity, synthesis-analysis and so on. She never
even read the word In, anywhere. Nor any instructions on the practice.
I do this only with you without sharing it elsewhere because you
showed interest. When you stop asking, it will stop right there. She
read your stuff, she said the good word about you and then she tried
to convince me that I have to change my life, sell my house, find
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something more sophisticated and decorate it better. Why? Because as

you may understand, she doesnt feel good here. She has never lived in
a space or had a life without decoration. Ha, Ha, Ha. But because she
wants to come here more often, she tries to make the space livable for
her, not for me. However, I was never asked if I feel good in here. Get it?

I do get it about the feel good. The In may not be distracted

though in a decorated environment. There is a book called The
Power of Place; very interesting. Something about energy forces, etc.
I doubt if Jesus cared!
Yes, the key may be in keeping the ego as an incarnation; always
what makes Christianity different from the more eastern ideas. The In
may be the bridge for the gap between east and west? Resurrection is
not the same as contemplating a lotus blossom!!! The stone be rolled
away! (rolling stones) haaaa.
No belief system,
No loss of ego, but where the work is done
Body as a part of In
Faith as ultimate concern
Grounding in everyday life, personal history
Hunger for righteousness, not Zenned out
in the void (or avoid) Haaaaaa.
Use of logic to compliment spiritual, not oppose it. Etc.
Have a good weekend. I am going where there is no computer. Talk to
you next week.

OK, scientologist !!! You put a good summary together. Smart to do it.
No belief system
No loss of ego, but where the work is done
Body as a part of In
Faith as ultimate concern
Grounding in everyday life, personal history
Hunger for righteousness, not Zenned out
in the void (or avoid) Haaaaaa.
Use of logic to compliment spiritual, not oppose it. Etc.
Id like to participate in that, I liked it. So here we go:
No belief system, but faith as ultimate concern.
No loss of ego, but drive it to get burnt up.
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No body ignorance, but get the Body as a part of In.

No analysis by thinking, but synthesis by downloading and Grounding
in everyday life of personal experience.
No Zenned out in the void (or avoid) Haaaaaa, but Hunger for
righteousness and applicable results.
No opposition to logic, but Use of logic to compliment spiritual.
No etc., thats it.

Good. Arent we theologians?

Bye for now - = - to my country estate I go, body and all.

Soul receives from soul that knowledge, therefore not by book nor
from tongue.
If knowledge of mysteries comes after emptiness of mind, that is
illumination of heart.
(Mathnawi III, 1284-1288, Say I am You, Coleman Barks Maypop,
1994).

Subject: LIFE EXPLAINED BY A GREEK TO A HARVARD MBA

A boat docked in a tiny Greek village. An American tourist
complimented the Greek fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked
how long it took him to catch them.
Not very long, answered the Greek.
But then, why didnt you stay out longer and catch more? asked the
American.
The Greek explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his
needs and those of his family.
The American asked, But what do you do with the rest of your time?
I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with
my wife. In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, dance a
little, play the bouzouki, and sing a few songs. I have a full life.
The American interrupted, I have an MBA from Harvard and I can
help you.
You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra
fish you catch. With the revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the
extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and
a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead
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of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the
processing
plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this
little village and move to Athens, Los Angeles or even New York City!
From there you can direct your huge enterprise.
How long would that take? asked the Greek.
Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years, replied the American.
And after that? Afterwards?
Thats when it gets really interesting, answered the American, laughing.
When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and
make millions!
Millions? Really? And after that?
After that youll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast,
sleep late, play with your grandchildren, catch a few fish, take a siesta
with your wife, and spend your evenings singing, dancing and playing
the bouzouki with your friends.

Ha-ha Very good! Why get on the wheel in the first place?
I am still practicing (and reading critique of Paul Tillichs theology),
which is interestingly close to what we talk about; will discuss later.
Busy week.
Take care.

... emptiness of mind ...

Interesting that you quote Rumi; Coleman Barks is an expert on Rumi
and did most of the translations. He is a professor at U of GA. I went
to a seminar one time where he read and discussed Rumi poetry. He
wears sandals and has a long beard and looks like a hippie!
Is emptiness of mind necessary for connecting to the In? Or does it
have to be sought or aimed for, as you previously mentioned? There
seems to be more WILL involved with the Sam approach, than sitting
for emptiness to occur.
The synthesis and practical application seems to be more of a desire
or hunger or active seeking for the In, the Unity, the One, than a
passive sitting in Zen. Did I miss it or is this what you are saying?
This distinction, if it is true, makes it different from the Buddhist or
Almaas or Hindu or prayer, or whatever approach, since the task is
not to lose desire, but use your body, and will, and soul, and mind, and
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reason to CLAIM or reclaim the unity that was lost, perhaps transform
desire itself. Or is the emptiness necessary for it to be filled?
Ego loses its power as god, but motivates us to find god, who
or which is not separate from us to start with, with the idea of nondualism? Without the ego we would not be conscious, or aware of our
separateness, or illusion of separateness. Maybe it depends on what
we use the ego for. This can be done in time and space, with what
we know with our boundaries, as you say, body, the vehicle so to
speak of the download of the vibrancy, energy, vibration, Essence,
vibrating strings, God, Jesus, true nature, essential self, realization,
enlightenment, In, within, etc. I think we are making it more clear
with our last summary. Or am I clouding it up with these questions?
I also see that the starting point can be logic; same as reason? But is the
logic or reason a priori (or assumed) as a starting point. A reality or
a tautology? Real or explanation by its own definition? I guess I need
to talk about the logic part a little more; you explained the In and I
deduced it, but now I dont know how I did it. I may not need to know,
but to bring it forth to the people, it would help. Some people I have
talked to seem to get some idea of what the In is, but there is some point
where I cannot say anything more about it. Only like a tease.
But, if I say have an aim, synthesize about what you want to aim
for, call it ultimate concern, which may mean going after the oneness
or hungering and thirsting after righteousness, or what-ever terms,
it seems to be clear; however, the idea of non-duality is so foreign to
many that it becomes difficult to elaborate. I assume your answer
will be practice (to avoid you getting me HAAAA).
These days I seem to be more sure and clear that there is an In; a
unity or potential unity. This is experience, not just thinking.
Take care.

My response follows your comments and/or questions in the same

order, as always.
The In is empty itself. Yes, everything lives in there, but it is empty
itself. We cannot see that at the beginning, because when it starts
burning up the ego we get scared. Lately I have been in this emptiness
a lot, actually once yesterday. Its so scary that I do not know how to

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accept it, how to get used to it or what to do afterwards. There, I want

somebody to tell me about trust (ha,ha) ...
Again, I am at the point where I need instructions, somebody who
has flown over the canyon and reached the other side across. Believe
me, it feels like that. As you well know when I previously pushed by
synthesizing and downloading through the body in applicable results,
I reached a point without return; by then I was so focused, ready for
anything, that I buckled up and I said, I am going through even if I
die. It was at this time I was shot, which opened up this new world
that we are talking about here. I interpret this as I was asking for help
and it came in the best way. Now I am at the same point and I am
scared to push, thinking that if I do push, I may have worse incidents.
But I am finding myself, so often in emptiness, as well as scared.
Emptiness in mind!! Imagine ..., no thoughts, no ego, plain being. At
this point, I observe there is no need for breathing either. It is exactly
then (no need for breathing) when the big concern first comes, how am
I going to live like that? and next, where am I? because I do not see
where there is me, like I know me to be; and still more: How am
I going to make it in life if I feel like that? By that time my breathing
comes back, the heart is going crazy and I am back to regularity. The
point, though, is that there is nothing outside the body or somewhere
else. Everything is the same, just a different being.
Since I told you my latest worries and observations, lets go back to
the emptiness ... when the In starts burning up the ego, there are two
feelings both at the same time.
One is that you feel lucky, blessed, fortunate for having a way
(connection with the In) to burn your ego while you walk in the Essence;
that you have a way that secures virtues like humbling, elimination of
the personality and so on; things that other seekers, monks, etc., spend
years and years, techniques, prayers, disciplines, etc., to achieve and/or
overcome, only because their way is not authenticated. Tradition is not
always good, except if you follow it by doubting it all the time, which by
then, due to this challenge, is not tradition anymore.
The second feeling is a big fear, a scary feeling that I die since that ego
that gets burnt up is what I know to be me. We do not know (or we do
not remember) our existence without ego. I am smart, I am successful,
I am beautiful, I am this, I am the other -- its all about ego. So when the
time comes for ego to get out of the way, we feel that we die. To tell you the
truth, when I reach that space I smile and I back out every time.
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That is except for twice, last November when I thought this is not
life to be in the middle and back out all the time, this is not life to
be scared all the time, I have to know. It was those two times when I
pushed, I didnt care if I died and I finally went through.
My friend, I will tell you in a few words, there is a gorgeous world behind
those fears. I told you already, it is since then that I know what beauty is,
I know what it is to love, I know what this world is about, I know what a
woman is and stuff that others still talk about. I tell you this: we think that
life here is wonderful and family is a nice thing and beloved people or
great memories are what matters and that we may die happy with those.
All this is nonsense; believe me after what I saw last November, we live
in a big hell here. What you see around us, like unhappiness, ignorance,
misery, crime and so on, is real. We just know nothing about happiness
even when we deeply study the Bible or pray for all our life. Here is like
a big pot full of mess. But now that I know what is behind this and I have
tasted it in reality (not in ideas in my head), I never pushed to go back.
Interesting, huh? Looks like I have not decided to do it yet; actually, I am
not courageous enough to do it. I am scared every time and I avoid going
through this burning of the ego. I am always thinking, enough for today,
next time. To go through that again is frightening, it is real, it is painful, it
is crazy, it is distracting. Just forget it.
What is behind this burning is worth it, even to die for, but who
decides to do that? This is where I see that other souls are ready for
it. It looks like I am not ready. And this is a very good explanation
why people, and even sincere seekers back out and they prefer to just
talk b.s. or write books and play the big shot. You see, I am at the same
point now; this is why I, too, am talking about publishing a book. But
to tell you the truth, when I was there, there was no worries about what
the rest of the people will do or how many books they may need, ha. It
is true though, my friend, that practicing in the In just leads you there
into this emptiness where you do not miss anything from this world.
But, yes, there is emptiness. But also there is the heart.
To summarize it, Id say the first is to synthesize and download, then to
accept and live in the In, then to learn how to live in the emptiness as a
regular one of the others without being recognizable and then the last
step is when the heart opens and its stream bonds everything together
in one. This is how I experienced this path, even though I backed out,
trying to write emails that may lift up my courage, hoping to lift my
spirits later, too. This is what Rumi talks about.
What happens with the traditional methods is that the wise seekers
who reached the end stage never revealed the way to get there, never
revealed the actual technique. They just spoke about the final outcome,
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that is the emptiness of mind, or love in the heart, or unity in the

world, or peace in the soul, and so on. So the people that try to follow
read these words and think that this is the way. Wrong. For example,
they saw Buddha sit in the lotus position and everybody today sits in
that position so they can do yoga. Or they go in the church, they close
their eyes, they repeat words and they think thats it, theyll get closer
to God. Or the monks go to the desert to find God, because Jesus spent
forty days there fighting evil, or whatever.
Why? Why do people do that? Because they saw those men, those
wise seekers do these things. But when Buddha was sitting in such a
position, it was because that was the best position to control all the
energy that comes through the body when the ego is burnt up and
the nerves on the spine start shaking all over. Maybe Jesus went to
the desert so people would not see things. I am guessing from my
own experience, like the vomiting that comes with that burning. For
example, I am thinking how can I go to see my mama in Greece, since
I sometimes vomit? I would have to stay in a hotel, haaa ha-ha. Think
about it, I may visit my mama, but I cannot stay in the same house. I
have to stay in a hotel because when I walk a little bit in the In I vomit
and then how can I explain this to my poor mama why I am staying in
the hotel and not in the house where I was born, funny, huh?
Now, if all this, about the In, goes public and people find it interesting
and start practicing, dont you think that there will be people out there
who will visit their mama, but will stay in a hotel thinking that maybe
they will find the In this way? You do not think so, but I am telling you
there will be. This is what happened through the centuries with all this
religious nonsense, big churches, gold dresses, big hats and everything
else we see in the religious system. So to finish this up, you cannot
reach emptiness by avoiding action. People try to do that and they think
they are modern enlightened once they do Zen. This is just b.s.
Emptiness comes by synthesizing the opposites. This is the role of the
human being. Not to avoid the bad nor to run for the good, not to avoid
the misery nor to run for the pleasant, but to synthesize both in their
body and live in the happiness that this synthesis produces. As you
said, people think that through a passive sitting in Zen, they will reach
Unity. Ha-ha, yeah right!! Did you see anybody achieve this so far? Ill
give you as much history as you want to look through, beginning with
Confucius, or even earlier, since even he didnt practice emptiness.
Emptiness comes as a synthesis of two opposites. This is what the
nuclear science is all about. As per Hermes the Trismegistus, as above
so below, as inside so outside, right?
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There is no emptiness, itself, to achieve. By emptying you just fool

around. Empty from what? And you put the emptied things, thoughts,
feelings whatever, where? In the basket? To burn them, I understand!!!
To bond them together so each one eliminates the other, so to speak, I
understand. Do you remember the set of all sets in math? In all these
cases, you do the work, you find the reaction, you get the results too,
which is called emptiness. But since you do not put the two together,
since you do not download the negative and the positive in your body,
how would you achieve emptiness?
Its exactly what happens with the clouds; when the clouds full of
negative electrons meet with one that is full of positive protons we
have lightening. This is what the human being is called to do, to bring
together the negative and the positive, which creates light. Whoever
says find light or emptiness by x or y, is just a lazy ego trying to make
a living by teaching sophisticated horseshit, which is understandable. I
wished to be like that once, to make a living by selling seaweed as silk
ribbons (Greek expression, Ha-ha-ha).
Now, about the use of ego ... No, you do not cloud up anything there.
You just bring up good thoughts to feed the vultures so we can walk in
the In carefree.
The truth as I said, is that we live in the Space with not enough Time.
We always say, I do not have Time, but we never say, I do not have
Space even when we really do not have it. We do not care, we do not
worry about Space. Why? Because Cain killed Abel, Space killed Time,
and since then we have been looking for the lost brother. The ego has
this role to fulfill: to live in the Space, trying to find Time. Actually
all our life (the pursuit of career, money, family, retirement, etc.) is all
about having a better life, which the final key point is to have more
time for myself, or to do things for me which is finally to spend time
working for me, not for others. Everything is paid based on time, not on
space; i.e. a worker will get wages for his time, not for mileage covered
in 8 hours of work. Or an officer will get wages for his time, not for how
much space he uses, and so on.
As Time passes, as the sand or water goes through the clepsydra, and
it fills up the lower vessel, we are ready to go and live where what we
tried so hard to find and wished for more of all or life. Time is now
plentiful. The clepsydra turns upside down. Thats the point of death.
With death we are just transferred to that area where Time is abundant.
There we live in the Time with not enough Space. We do not care for
we do not worry about Time. Ego still exists there. This is where Hell
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and Paradise fits into religion. This is where it fits. There is no Hell
and Paradise without ego. Soul cannot be punished, ego can. In this
area of Time, ego has this role: to live in Time, trying to find Space.
Time is plenty, looks like it never ends and appears that beings are
immortal. Space is not plenty, looks like no-distance, looks like Unity.
This is what is meant in the scriptures when they say, the other life is
for-ever and we meet all our dead loved ones. This is how we meet
our relatives and beloved. As Space fills up, as the sand or water goes
through the clepsydra and when it fills up the lower vessel, we are
ready to go and live where Space (that we try hard to find and wish for
more and more of all our life) is plenty. Back on earth.
This is back here, to the same earth. Those two worlds are connected.
Time and Space are connected. Einstein proved this by the paradox
of the twins: assuming the one twin is an astronaut and at 25 years
old, he travels at the speed of light in space for a year, coming back he
will find his twin brother 85 years old while he is just 26!!! These two
worlds are connected; Time can be converted to Space, and vice-versa.
This will continue forever and forwhere (meaning forever=time-wise
and forwhere=space-wise, ha-ha good, huh?) until we get the synthesis
of the two and get out of the wheel as most traditions advise. Did
you ever remember/reading or/hearing of any wise person worrying
about time? Did any picture of a teacher or their biography refer to any
worry or concern about time in their lifetime? Of course not!!! But,
remember that in the Time world there is unity, in the Space world
there is separation and, generally speaking, in the one world there is
the opposite of what was in the other world.
So you may now understand better that (well said by Ram Dass)
We are spirits having a human experience, not humans having a
spiritual experience.

I am very happy that you practice. I usually do not use the word
happy, I think it doesnt make sense, since we have to walk forward
anyway despite or feelings. But in rare moments like this, I have to
speak the truth.
Here we go. I am very happy that you practice, and it looks like you
are doing it the right way. This comment that I need to talk about the
logic part a little more; you explained the In and I deduced, it but now I
dont know how I did it is ABSOLUTELY right and the best indication
that you are working on that on this in the right way. Why do I say
that? Because when you do it right, even only the logic part of it, you
cannot remember what you did. You cannot follow the same route,
again. It cannot be mechanical.
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Every time you go through, you have to do it all over, like its the first
time. Thats an indication that in is always new, it cannot be a tradition,
it cannot be reproduced, it cannot be practiced by memory like other
ways of approaching Essence. You have to understand it every time
you want to do it, because it is the blossom of understanding. Do you
remember the practice to understand how I understand? Do you
remember that we use understanding all the time, that we understand
all the time but we do not know how we do it? If you try to understand
how you understand, you get in the In, want to or not (with a shot in
the stern, too, ha-ha-ha). So, when you do not know how you did it, it
is because you try to remember what you did, but it doesnt work like
that, you cannot approach it like this. This is also a good security key,
because it requires you to do it yourself.
Most important (haaa ha-ha), when you get out of that environment,
you do not remember, you do not know how you did it, as you very
well said!!! This is an indication that even when you think you do it,
actually it is given. You know that you try, but you just try. You do not
do. Try means you get ready, but you do not do it. Which means it is
there. This is the truest proof that it exists. This is the idea of Holy
Grace. It is true; we do not achieve anything since it already exists. We
just try, we just ask, we just knock on the door and it is given.
Plus, this is an indication that when you get into In, it is another
dimension, another way of performance which you approach by a
different path. This is why it is hard to remember it when you come
back. Of course, as you may have noticed already, all this back and forth
is not outside the body or somewhere else, everything is here - inside.
But do not worry, Ill be back and go over all this logic part with you
again, soon. I just have to do it myself again before I can tell you. I
know you are talking about the logic of it. But it still needs to be done,
in action, as I said before. This is what I do all the time: I have to do
what I tell you to do; because its logic and its actual self are still almost
the same.
As I explained to you, the (use of) logic is the stage before the door;
just one step before the door, just reaching to the door. The In itself is
just one step past the door, just In-side.
So do not think that because you still refer to logic, there is still much
to do to reach the In. No, you are right there and it is like the other side
of the same coin. This is the beauty of this practice with the In. It is the
only system that can take you to the door with logic. Ive never heard
of any other system that takes you so close by using logic or by using
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the western way of thinking. All the other systems, require you to
abandon things, lifestyle, material stuff and so on. You know that.
Your best comment ever, is this: These days I seem to be more sure
and clear that there is an In; a unity or potential unity. This confirms
100% that you are doing the right thing and you are getting there.
The way you express it confirms that you are practicing and you are
getting there. Continue like this. The way you express it shows that
nothing major has happened. This work is not like a firework. It is just
the realization of something existing, which is exactly I am more sure
that there is an In. Thats humbling itself, you do not have to punish
yourself to be humbled. The way itself and the achievement itself place
you where there is nothing to be proud of. Happy? Yes. Proud of what?
It is there, you just turn yourself In, thats all!!!
EYGE (Greek for bravo, congrats). If you want, tell me a bit more.
Do you carry the In outside? Do you carry it more now than when you
started? Do not tell me yes, if you cannot tell me how you do it. You
have to specify how you carry it (the In), when it isnt forced on you
by similar impressions!!! You have to specify what you do to carry the
In, not only where it is forced on you (like in a big building), but also
where it isnt forced on you (like outside of a building).
And yes, you got me there, so since you practice, I am not going to be
whining (ha-ha-ha).
But, please keep my vultures satisfied!!!! Haaaaaaa ha-ha

About the vomiting: Almaas: Many students who are well on their
way in the process of inner transformation and are working on
metabolism, report tensions and various other sensations in the
area of the spleen and pancreas. The spleen has the function
of eliminating dead white blood corpuscles, which are part of
the immune system and have the function of defending the
body. The process of metabolism has the analogous function of
eliminating no longer needed defensive ego identifications. We can
see a connection between these two levels of function; this sort
of connection has been reported by many researchers studying
psychosomatic phenomena.
Spiritual practice is primarily the cultivation of presence,
understanding, awareness, and surrender. These are the capacities
needed for the later stages of psychic metabolism. Awareness and
understanding are needed for the purification of ego identification.
Presence and surrender are needed for the process of absorption
itself. One learns to be open, vulnerable and present to ones
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experience, in order to allow effective metabolism. This means that

one learns to be in direct contact with ones experience, which in
turn requires the presence of the Personal Essence, which is the
aspect that can make such direct contact without defensiveness.
Thus, when one is realized as the Personal Essence, metabolism
becomes a natural, spontaneously occurring process. Effective
metabolism leads to the realization of the Personal Essence, and
the Personal Essence, in its turn, makes metabolism a natural
process of living. The life of the Personal Essence is a continuing,
ever expanding process of integration and individuation.
Intention: Ego can intend, and can act according to intention.
However, because of the presence of un-metabolized experience,
egos intention is separate from natural forces. The intention of the
ego is a sign of its separateness from the realm of Being; otherwise
there is a splitting from Being and an incorrect action will result.
So instead of intention, one experiences a spontaneous flow of
intelligent and purposeful action, realizing that Being flows through
one, as one, and it is the flow that determines ones life, action,
interests, creativity, and so on.
These quotes are from The Pearl Beyond Price.

I am not sure what they have to do with the vomiting or physical

experiences you are talking about. You did say that the teacher/
therapist combination is best and that makes sense. I think he
(Almaas) is talking about metabolism as a psychological-physicalspiritual process which goes on in realization and connecting to the
In. Many students have experienced the dying, loss of grounding,
loss of orientation; maybe the necessity for someone else to be around
to help them stay grounded while they are in this state. These seem to
be perfectly natural events (body disruptions) in the work.
However, since it is scary, why not have a teacher/therapist as a
partner in the process? That is how you and I seem to be working
this out. I think that was probably the case with Rumi and Shams of
Tabriz (the whirling dervish).
So, as you express your experiences as do I, maybe we help each
other in the process; it is tough to do alone. Right? But not a need for
a guru, authority, savior, belief system, telling me what I should do,
vice versa, etc. Just being a partner in discovery, perhaps, or a coconspirator to trick the vultures. Ha.
I am headed to Florida tomorrow to visit my son. I will be gone for
a week. Thanks for your thoughtful reply to my questions and your
encouragement. Maybe it is okay if you do not push so hard at
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times; maybe it takes time to metabolize what is going on until the

next level; go have a life a little bit and act as you belong!!! This
idea of Personal Essence is interesting; meaning you can be a man of
the spirit and a man of the world. Wow -- how is that possible?
Or is it?
We will talk some more. I will work on DIGESTING what you wrote
me last metabolizing!!!!????

Personal Essence has the characteristic of self-realization. This

realization uses the body. It is realized at the top of the head, but is felt
at the bottom of the spine. It uses the body as the main image of what I
am. It is a fulfillment in the body without questions or worries. There is
no emptiness in Personal Essence. With Personal Essence one feels as a
child. In Personal Essence one is a human being. It also can be reached
by healthy sex. Yes, it may be received from another person or may be
attended to with another person. In any case, it creates the sense of
happiness. It is more approachable by women. They love it.
Though, the Essence itself has the characteristic of the unity. There
is no self-realization. It is just one being and no other being. Just an
awareness of unity. There is no bodily realization. It is presented in
emptiness. There is no sense of being a human being. Just a spirit
without characteristics.
They are different. One is close to Personal Essence when one does not
sleep. One is close to the Essence in the deep sleep. They are different.
The Personal Essence cannot exist without motion and is based exactly
there, at the chakra of the motion, the lower back. Personal Essence
actually comes when the excitement settles down, when the motion
settles in absolute peace.
You see, the whole problem with the human being is the mixing and
confusion between the three powers of intelligence, sentiment and
motion. Each one of those gets in the way of the other. For instance,
when motion overtakes sentiment you have excitement. When
sentiment overtakes intelligence you have crime. When sentiment
overtakes motion you have torture or abuse. When intelligence
overtakes sentiment you have psychotics, people who see things that
do not exist. And so on.
Essence applies when all three powers are in absolute harmony, thats
the end of being ignorant. Personal Essence happens just when the
motion is released from the tyranny of the sentiment.

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Here we talk about Essence. I do not pay attention to the rest.

I am concerned with how to survive and be aware after death, not how
to live well here.
Essence is for practical philosophers. Personal Essence is for people of
natural living and environmentalists.

I decided to wait until tomorrow to go to FL.

Essence is for practical philosophers.
Are you saying that somehow Essence gets diluted in all these human
functions: sentiment (is this feelings?), intelligence (thinking?) and
motion (acting?)? What about intuiting and perceiving? Ha, just a play
of Jungian aspects of human psychology b.s.? I think I know what
you mean. For example, did Jesus or Buddha or whoever worry a lot
about personal Essence? Being happy (maybe realized) in the world?
If you are more concerned about awareness after death than living
a good life, I see it. Is this an otherworldly viewpoint which some
fundamental Christians have, going to heaven? I think I know the
answer == it is not that, but what is it? The more I contemplate it, I
tend to agree we are here in this form for such a short time (here I
go -- time). Are we here for a short space? Ha
People always talk about living a good life, etc. Of course, one could
say that is better than living a bad life; right?
But Jesus said: Whosoever saves his life shall lose it and whosoever
loses his life for my sake finds it. For my sake is the key; I doubt
if he meant for him, but perhaps for his example of his seeking and
connecting with the In or Essence (not personal Essence?), right?
If this is so, then when we are In we do not care about these other
things, or do we? That is a point for me now. I do care about what
happens to people I love; I do want to relieve people of suffering if
I can, I want to treat people compassionately, etc. I can do that and
still seek Essence, maybe more so. However, these new religious
attachments, such as The Purpose Driven Life keep on the focus
of what your calling is in life, etc, which is important. I wonder,
however, if this service and doing it because I love the Lord is the
motive behind the In or pure Being, or Essence, or an avoiding side
show? These very movements (interesting, I said motion), ha, may
distract from the seek and ye shall find, and make us feel good and
that we are going to heaven, etc., leading a good life. But is that
really it? I doubt it.

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But can I love my wife even more in some ways if I am In, rather than
out? In a different way? A deeper way? Is this Personal Essence?
Yes, it does matter, all these things, but maybe relatively these human
functions are not the pearl beyond price, but Essence is.
I would like to know more about the opposites. I think that Jung talked
about this a lot: the tension of the opposites; Tillich used the term
dialectical theology, indicating there was some kind of synthesis
going on all the time. Sure, that makes sense; not just the Good
(Platonic), but the whole thing. Without the play between the two
polarities (as you say, atoms with neutrons, electrons, etc.) would there
even be life? I have lived between the opposites most of my life, never
synthesizing; but thanks to you I see how I may be able to do that now.
It is rather cool to think that you are downloading whatever is, not
what you want to perceive it to be; same here. I see how it cannot be
the same every time since it is always new, phenomenological, also
dispels any notion of randomness or predestination. It is neither if
things continue to unfold moment by moment! Yes, my friend, that is
the trust you wish you had. Haaaaaaa. Or do I help your unbelief?
This is your trust!!! If you believed, you would expect what you
believe; if not, you are more prepared for the In. What do you think?
Have a good week.

You can say sentiment is feelings, intelligence thinking and motion

acting, but that narrows them so badly, that of course, then you cannot
explain intuiting and perceiving. I do not even know that much English
in order to better express those three, but intuiting belongs to the
sentiment and perceiving to intelligence sectors. Another example
would be instinct; where does instinct belong? According to this order,
it belongs to motion (acting). I hope you understand that I am talking
about big powers out there that go beyond the body.
I do not care about this otherworldly viewpoint which some
fundamental Christians have, going to heaven. I never thought about
heaven in my entire life, even when I was a kid. Actually, I never had
any image of a hell with fires and so on. But, yes, I am curious where
all this realization work will go when the body is gone, or which way
I could better realize things without the body. Of course I understand
that at that point, work and achievements may have no meaning since
all of it is present, just there. But to me this is still a way to approach
the matter, yet not with an applicable result.
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Why? Because if it was applicable already, I should be able to realize

that world, or as you want to name it, heaven, from here AND this
world from there. Teachers and Seekers connect these worlds together;
Jesus went down to the dead world, lived there, and resurrected back to
the upper, so to speak.
I know for sure, that if I dont realize that world while living here with
this body, I wont realize this world from there, either. And of course,
Ill suffer the fear and the pain of the transformation in going there.
Either way there is fear and pain. Until I get them synthesized together.
Of course, I agree that living a good life is better than living a bad life;
the point is not what you live, the point is what you desire to live,
where your focus is. If the focus is not on a good life, then you do not
care what comes and goes. Do you care whether you know Chinese or
not? No, because its not important. This is why I encouraged you at the
beginning to clear up what do you want, what is important for you.
And here is how the logic starts, in reference to this need, so go through
the logic part once again. What do you want? Why do you do that (to
seek)? You do it long enough to express why you do that, what do you
want (remember? publishable!). So start from this point all over, and go
through the logic part again.
Well ..., the part about I do care about what happens to people I love;
I do want to relieve people of suffering if I can, I want to treat people
compassionately, etc.; allow me please to still keep big doubts. I do
not doubt that you feel this way, no doubt at all. It is your choice and
your business, anyway. But, generally speaking, love is never aimed at
objects. Love is not a feeling of compassion. Love is a holy stream and,
when it is true, cannot be narrowed down to some, but not the rest.
Love is unconditional.
I have felt love twice so far in my entire life. It was a stream running
through my body, spread around with no specific aim. It held for about
20 minutes each time. It never creates any damage and never gets
accused. Compassion is different: you see a hungry dog, you give him a
little piece of meat and then you find out that you get sued because you
shouldnt feel compassion since its owner has spent $11,000 on the dog
for medicine and treatment (I heard this exact story!!!!!). Or you teach
your child about God, but then you get sued because you didnt teach
him about Zoroaster, once you discriminate against other religions. Or
you see an adult abusing a kid, you approach feeling compassion for
the poor kid, you softly touch the adults shoulder saying softly, Why
do you do that? and the next thing you know, you are in handcuffs
because you touched and scared the adult.
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Even though its hard to change todays modern way of thinking, I am

trying to tell you that compassion will cause you a lot of harm; love never
will. Love is not what we know today. Usually, I follow this rule: when I
do not clearly know what an issue is and how to deal with it, I imagine
what the majority of the people would do about it, how the mainstream
of the modern world would face it, then I define what the opposite of it is
and I follow that. I am on the right track 95-98% of the time.
So, according to this rule, love and compassion are big questions. Lets
say its not clear in my mind whether I should be compassionate or
not. How should I act? Well ..., according to this rule, I think, what
would most people do? Compassion ... good. Then the right way is
Not Compassion. This is what I do and in the most cases, I see down
the road that I am right. Because what does the crowd know? Nothing
profound, right? Its a crowd!!!
And how does the crowd react to things? From the motivation of the
survival instinct, right? ... to cover up the insecurity. Since instinct is at
the bottom of the scale and spirituality at the top, it looks like I should
follow the opposite. And this is what I usually do.
Besides, did you ever see a teacher taking care of beings through
compassion or non-suffering acts? I see that the followers doing this,
but not the teachers. I am always curious why nobody EVER talks
about the incident where Jesus lifted the whip in the temple. Nobody
ever talks about it. Where is the compassion or the love? Why do they
do not talk about it? Because it was one incident?
Soo? The Resurrection was only one incident, too. Bringing Lazarus
from death was one incident, too. Converting water to wine was one
incident, too. Soo??
Anyway, since I felt that stream of love for a limited time, I laugh when
I see all this nonsense about rendering love and compassion. If we
know what love is, then why is the world in such dire straits, huh? Do
you feel that there is love around us, or do you feel that it is getting
worse out there?
Even though people and organizations spend a lot of time and money
for care, compassion and love.
Then, if one has this trait of compassion and love, why limit it to the
people that he cares about, but not to the strangers too? If we expand it to
the strangers, then charities are a good thing. Are they? Do you see where
I am going? Remember what Thomas and Jesus said about charities.
Which if you carefully observe around you ... you see? They were right.
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The sharpest point of love and compassion, if you watch carefully, is

feeling sorry. You feel sorry when your wife hurts and you want to help
her, you do not feel love at that point, but you assume that the feeling
of being sorry comes from love which may be behind the scene.
If you love someone it doesnt matter if they hurt, it matters if the hurt
is justified.
If your child cries because he wants to watch TV, and you let him do it,
its because you feel his pain, not because you love him.
Its because you want to eliminate the pain in you, not the pain in the
childs heart.
What does love and compassion have to do with all this zero
tolerance, political correctness and all these fake, made up
things? Love is natural, right? What does love have to do with legal
arrangements and political forces?
Plus when you love your wife, this is an attachment, isnt it?
What does it have to do with (1st Corinthians, chapter 13, verses 4-7)
The love is patient, it is benevolent, it is not jealous, it does not
vaunt itself, it does not puff itself up, it is not indecorous, it does not
seek-after the-thing of itself, it is not sharpened, it does not calculate
the bad-thing, it does not joy on the unrighteousness, but it joystogether with the truth, it protectively-covers all-things, it believes
all-things, it hopes all-things, it patiently-endures all-things.?

Purpose driven life is not anything major. Its like when you drive;
you have to know where you are going. Its not anything big because
you do it every day, it takes no thought, its a routine, it is there because
of its nature. You do it and then you forget it.
Still, you will make changes to it while you drive, but you do not forget
your aim. No big deal, just realization of its nature. You do not just drive
around with no aim thinking that one day you may pass by the actual
destination, right? Nor because you want to empower trust, right? On the
other hand, when you are driven and you clear up your aim, then trust
builds up and spreads around. Then, someone can trust you too, right?
Now, when you drive around with the aim of reaching your destination,
you do not know what you will face. You do not control the incidents
that may occur along the way. You stay alert and so when something
happens you face it by first accepting it. This is the download, because
by the time you accept it (whatever comes against your will!), you do
not reject your own will at all, you still wish to continue headed to
your destination. So at that time you accept both incidents, you accept,
within yourself, both, the instantly coming external incident and the
pre-existing, inside your system, will to reach your destination.
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This is synthesis, which is a download. It has nothing to do with trust.

Though, you never forget your aim and actually the aim is what will
give you the ability and the criteria to make choices of how to face the
incident and the timing to download the synthesis of it and its internal
challenge. Do you understand where aim is necessary and where
download applies?
It is not that you trust somebody out there. It is that you have already
established a system and you face what unfolds moment by moment
without knowing if you will be alive the next moment, or if you will
reach your destination. You believe so, maybe you want to name it you
trust so, but many people do not reach their destination, right?
I mean that I do not see where trust fits. I really do not. I think all this
is Almaas and those guys excuses so we again die in ignorance, until
the next chance is given by grace.
Truly, do you know any chapter from Jesus (Bible, Thomas, Gospels,
whatever) that talks, even a little, about trust? I do not, but I am not a
current reader either.

As usual, you make it more and more clearer. I did not say I
believed all the stuff I wrote; just trying to put what you are saying
in context of what usual beliefs are.
This is all rather different; I do think it is in the tradition of Thomas
and underlying truths in the New Testament; much of the NT however,
was too much belief; or at least people take the belief and leave out
the aim to seek. Jesus said few will find or seek, didnt he? Maybe
many are not interested; however, as you say, the love and charity is
not working to change anything. I think people are more open to seek
now than ever, but do not know how.
So, practically applicable may be the key.
Headed to the Indian River in FL today. I will practice in a new place;
will let you know how I carry In, if I can. Im signing off for awhile.
No computer in FL.

You are right.

Jesus said that, knowing that people would behave as I do now. Even
though I know where the honey is located and I have tasted it, I am
scared to go back because of the bees.
Have a good trip. We will talk.
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Chapter XIV
Effects, Affects & Death

Neat pictures.
Back from FL and my country estate. How did I carry the In? I fished
in the Indian River from a dock almost every day. I watched the
current of the river, and the boats and the dolphins passing through.
Very beautiful connection with nature; It was interesting though, that
I had a hard time going In. It seems that the natural environment,
though every moment I was appreciative and grateful, was so
overwhelming that I could not go In. It was more out than In.
I started thinking about Jesus saying blessed are the poor in spirit,
for such is the kingdom ... I did not feel so poor in spirit on the dock.
I wanted the In, but maybe not enough.
Then I kept thinking about you saying it is better to teach someone
to fish than to give them fish. I think this is from Jesus, too. I kept
working on the fishing, trying to see what would work best for certain
fish, etc., and this just stayed with me for some reason. And I also
thought that seeking the In is like learning to fish, doing what works
for you, not what you think someone else, or a leader or teacher does.
You listen to the teacher, but if you try to do it the teachers way, the
point is missed. The good teacher helps you discover it yourself. But
again, you have to know what you want and have an aim. Zen
has an aim; somehow paradoxically, I think when you say have an
aim it is not the same as most, since most ideas of aim have a
predetermined desired outcome (feeling good, etc.), but yours is just to
connect with the In and take whatever comes. Right?
I saw a client today, a 50ish man, a PhD professor, who is taking
Tantric Buddha training. He said you could be enlightened in this
lifetime and not have to come back over and over if you go the Tantric
way. Somehow, I was not impressed. He is paying a lot of money to
a teacher to tell him this stuff. Is that the way it works; did people
pay Jesus to show them the way, or Buddha to show the way? If
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you published something, what if the books sold and you or I made
money? Would that trick the vultures enough? Or miss the point?
Maybe the poor in spirit is another way to experience ultimate
concern (our definition of faith).
We were saddened this week after hearing that a friends 29 year old
son was killed in a car wreck. Our boys grew up with him. He never
found himself and his life was so short. I doubt that he worked on the
In, or if he did he had limited ways. Is the In appropriate for someone
that young? Perhaps so. Maybe not. Will he have another chance?
Take care, my friend.

One of the richest writings of yours. I am amazed. All of what you

emailed me today is very rich, very practical. I do not think you missed
the point of In. You may have missed the In as an applicable result. But
you didnt miss the point.
This is what all seekers do; this is the way we live, even when a
fabulous event happens. Even when it is opened to you and will
permanently be with you, even then life will take you up to stages
where you never have been before to amazing things.
It happens to me everyday. Life, as an evil (a term given by the
systematic religion), will give you everything and will take you
everywhere, where you will be amazed by images, impressions,
feelings, success. By things that you never had before and may never
imagine having. By things that will make you feel gorgeous, fabulous.
That is when you will lose the In connection.
This is where you will try not to pay attention to those flowers on the
path and you will detach yourself from those things, trying to empower
the In against them, while everybody will be clapping at you for your
success. At the same time they will be amazed at how you are not
distracted by all the worldly events, you being desperate to connect
with the In, whereby (because this detachment of yours is trying to
stabilize the In) all the rest of the people (seeing this detachment) will
name you wise in wisdom ... ha-ha-ha ... good, huh?
In your case it happened with mother nature. The image of the nature
was fabulous. You couldnt download the In. This is because between
your image about nature and your image about your presence, there is a
big difference.

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If you noticed, when you do the practice in town, where you live your
routine every day, it is easier to download the In because all entities,
around you, are familiar, daily routine things. These are stuff that you
see so often every day at the point that you can easily operate around
them, with them, without paying too much attention to these things. It
is like you are ignoring them, but still counting on them.
How does this affect your relationship with them? The effect is that you
feel a little superior to them, to the point that they do not disturb you
anymore, so you can focus even though they are around you.
Lets say that if you come to Atlanta for the first time, you cannot focus,
everything is new. But, if you have lived here for 30 years everything is
so familiar that it doesnt disturb you and you can focus.
This is why it is written that a master never leaves the place he was
born. This is why Ive never had a vacation in my life, never felt the
need. Truly, did you know that?
When you are in a familiar environment, you feel like you contain that
environment. When the environment is not familiar, it looks like you
are an item in that environment, it contains you.
Well, this happens easily when you travel, especially to the country.
Next to mother nature you feel the nature is huge and contains you;
you cannot imagine yourself more powerful than mother nature all
around you, you feel it is absolutely normal that you are another item
there, you forget your own aim, you become and adjust (mentally first)
into the environment as one part of it.
But, if you had a powerful aim, if you could not forget your aim, you
would ignore the environment around you because your aim would
be first in your sight. Not that this is the wisest thing to do (to ignore
your environment) but it would start like this, just because of your
zealousness to your aim.
Make no mistake and do not become a zealot just because you have this
impression, or conclusion now, because you will become one of those
zealots that they kill for good, Ha, ha-ha, ha. The point is, fight it when
you see it, and only then. Thats all.
I know that I havent helped you much, yet. I just grabbed the chance
to present the idea behind the act. To help you, I have to remind and
remind you that when you are in town you do not admire things,
since they are familiar, all about the same routine. But when you go
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out in the country, you (and everybody else) will admire things. This
admiration is the key point where you deliver yourself without any
resistance. You get lost right there. Remember what I told you?
Forget the discovery of the In, just live with that discovery for a while,
do not try it, do not push it, get used to it like nothing big happened, as
it is a normal, daily, boring thing ... do you remember?
Its the same when you change your environment. You never try to
practice right away. You live there for at least two weeks until you start
your practice; live there for two weeks just eating, sleeping, fishing and
in no way should you pray or practice. Every tradition has this advice.
On the Holy Mountain in Greece, when the neophyte is ready to isolate
himself in the desert, the first advice is you go and do not pray until
the new moon.
I have read biographies of hermits that disobeyed this first rule and
they describe a lot of horrible things.
Anyway, the point is to first get used to the things in your daily routine
so that by the time you download the In, these things around you do
not resist, since they have become part of your entity.
If they do not become a part of your mentality and self, then you are
not doing what works for you, as you very well said at a point in your
email.
When you admire the nature around you, you place it in the place of a
teacher.
When you feel that nature is stronger than you, you place it in the place
of a teacher.
When you feel contained in the nature around you, you place it in the
place of a teacher.
If you do not admire nature, you will be fool.
If you do not feel that nature is stronger than you, you may die.
If you do not feel that you are contained, you will be crazy.
If you try to diminish nature in any way (have no-admiration, abuse it
as a stronger entity, do not get its messages and so on), you do black
magic, so to speak.
So, if you bend without resistance you will lose your connection with
the In.
If you ignore it, trying to follow your practice you will be ignorant.
If you act against it because it bothers your practice, you will be doing
black magic, ending up crazy. What should you do?

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AIM. Go inside the house, get the In, come outside while watching the
outside, while you let that outside fool you, while you let that outside
impress you. Observe what you lose when you lose the In.
Do you see the advantage of the routine, which everybody fights? Yes?
Good!!! So do you see the use of living in the boring routine and being
empowered?
... I think when you say have an aim, it is not the same as most, since
most ideas of aim have a predetermined desired outcome (feeling
good, etc.), but yours is just to connect with the In and take whatever
comes. Right? ...
Absolutely right, my friend. You see how nature refreshed your keen
mind? Yes, good!!!
So do you see the advantage of leaving behind the boring routine and
getting refreshed?
Ha, Ha, Ha. Well ..., tell your friend that if he is on the right path of
Tantra, he should know by now that we (the ones left back here, when
he dies) are the ones who will tell if he comes back or not.
We are going to see his body. And we will know, there are only three
possibilities that can take place, after he is dead:
1. If his body becomes inflexible and dissolves as food for the worms, then
he will come back anyway, no matter how many Tantras he paid for, and
he will start all over as if he never learned anything from the same pain
and the same ignorance and beliefs. He will be named laic, or secular.
2. If his body stays flexible and unchanged from all those aromatic
smells, then he will come back, born to the same Tantra, to continue
from there. He will be named a saint.
3. But, if his body can be found nowhere because he took it with him,
then no, he will never come back.
The one that doesnt come back has the obligation to take all trash
with him on his way out. Tell him it is called resurrection. Tell him that
in any case, everyone will die. The key is who will die and at the same
moment will take his body with him. No trash left behind.
If any trash (body, so called body of obligations) left behind, then the
body stays here, until he comes back and continues or starts all over.

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Some traditions keep the bodies of their chiefs. Surprisingly, I

discovered recently that Catholics keep the Popes bodies.
Tell your friend, that no matter Tantra or no Tantra, if he leaves trash
back here, he has to come back and clean it up.
If though, Tantra or no Tantra, he can prove that he can face death with
life, if he can prove that by the time he gets lost being full of fear at the
moment of death, which many people usually fall into a coma state
so they wont have to face it, he can overcome the superiority of death
and download it (the death) into his body, then he can do anything he
wants; exactly as I advised you to do with mother nature, above.
Usually, as Jesus taught us, they take it with them and say goodbye.
Thats the key point, and well all be glad to cheer him up if he can do
it through Tantra.
Now, about money ... from giving the freely given ... I know well
that when one pays money to be taught, then this person does not
get attached to the master since they face the master as being more
institutional than religious or more intellectual than emotional, so they
keep all emotions to themselves, etc.
The effect is that the master doesnt have to deal with anyone
elses personal karma, which is exactly a way to avoid the vultures.
Otherwise, the cross, the poison, the bullet or the sword (Archimedes)
would waits at the corner. Its not bad at all to make money.
It also helps to separate the sheep from the goats.
There are a lot of stupid people out there that want to be in such an
environment, just to show off to others that they do something differently
than most, so they feel that they are worth something, feel superior.
Id charge somebody like this ten times more than somebody Id like to be
with and help. Id charge somebody who is sharp and sincere $1 just to
keep the rule, somebody who tries but does not get it regularly (lets say
in todays numbers, $40 per hour), but Id charge a stupid person $300
per hour. Working to find the money to pay me would help him the most.
Do not worry about the 29 year old dead friend. Nobody lives without
experiencing In. It happens everyday, when we go to sleep.
People that do not get In, cannot sleep. If they cannot get In enough, they
cannot sleep well. And doesnt matter if they clear it up with logic. People
who clear it up with logic, sleep less but are refreshed just the same.
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It works anyway. It worked for you in FL anyway. I see it and I am glad.

Anyway, again you are very helpful and informative. The shamans /
native Americans, etc. do drumming and rattles to go to the shamanic
state of consciousness versus the ordinary state of consciousness,
so they can go on shamanic journeys which may involve healing,
etc. These are quite elaborate rituals which they perform in nature
to connect, I suppose, to the In. The Sufis do the whirling, etc. Your
approach is much less dramatic, but can give practical results.
And it may be much more adopted by people in general, since a
skeptic like I can take the logic and come up with something that
opens the door. I see how the nature contains us and we need that
sometimes, but some loss of the In occurs when we are absorbed in
our surroundings, like the river. But this is good too, to ground us, to
keep us from being crazy.
And you are clever to take what is boring and let it open up to the In,
when mostly we try to fill it up with something else like food, sex,
excitement, etc.
I am still absorbing what you wrote last time; I am especially
interested in how you relate the In to sleep; like, is sleep a
preparation for dying?
I do remember you saying you never take a vacation; would you get
too far away from the In or could you carry it with you?
People who are saved think they will have a resurrection if they
believe in Jesus. Isnt there more to it than that? How did salvation
take the place of realization; what about sanctification? Here I go
with systematic theology again; necessary? I am clearer that it is not
necessary. What do you think?
Today I was able to experience the In some, in more familiar
surroundings. Very interesting.

You are right ... there are always some rituals to overcome Mother
Nature. I can tell you I have mine. There are always images from
Mother Nature to remind you that you are still small, contained and
weak and that you need to adjust and obey her rules.
It is exactly the same with the physical mother. Only, when breaking
these walls you could walk inner. If one still lives under the image that his
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mother wants him to, under the image of the son who should be under
the umbrella, under the image of the being that doesnt know as much as
me (the mother), under the image, you will always be my son no matter
how much stronger or more educated or more aware he is, then there are
no big possibilities that this son will some day stand on his own feet.
We all know that, and even when we see the difference between what
the mama believes and what we see we are, we let her believe so,
showing understanding and respect, right? It works the same way
with the Mother Nature. It is true that you will always be the son of
your mother, but it doesnt bother you to stand on your feet and think
differently than her, even though you try not to hurt her feelings with
that, sometimes it is unavoidable. It is the same here, with Mother
Nature. You need some rituals to overcome her (the Mother Nature),
otherwise (you are afraid) she may punish you. Interesting, huh?
You do not know how to survive in a forest, the mountains are huge,
the trees can hide something that you do not know, the water is more
powerful than you ... all these images do not let your mind stand on its
own and connect with the In, the fear of danger is always there.
Like when you are a kid, you see all these huge figures (the other
people), they read your thoughts while you do not know how they
think, you are weak next to them, they may hide something that you do
not realize or understand, the fear of an unknown, surprising, danger is
always there, right?
Yes, it is ... clever to take what is boring and let it open up to the In,
when mostly we try to fill it up with something else like food, sex,
excitement, etc. Still, I have my own filling up rituals!!! Ha-ha. Rituals
... nice. I never thought before that replacements and substitutes could
be seen as a ritual process. Well, I am pretty impressed myself that I do
not need sex or excitement to fill in or make my life interesting and still
stay happy with daily things. It feels good to feel such a freedom. It is
a freedom. Still, though, I have an issue with food. That remains the
same and has never changed. Others have the sex as an undisputable,
fill in, ritual, and cannot overcome this one. To me it looks like I cannot
overcome food. Maybe it is a real organic issue, since I never get fat.
It is also impressive, I have stayed all these years in about the same
environment, in Greece and here, and never felt under any pressure
or bored; never felt the need or desire to go on vacation. Though I
remember always having that holy feeling when traveling and seeing
different places, always that worshipful feeling was there, but I also
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never stayed anywhere more than 4 days. The fourth day was always
the packing up day even if the plan was to stay longer ... ha-ha-ha .
The thing that impresses me is that I was always satisfied with that,
even when the others were wondering or were fidgety about it.
It is not if I get too far away from the In or could I carry it with me.
There is no such attitude. Since you know and stabilize the In, you stop
thinking like that. Because, of course you try to connect and you make
it happen easier and easier. But then you observe other things. As I told
you some time ago, when you do not care that much about yourself,
when the connection with the In is either a work of downloading (as
an obligation of the only one to do it in a certain environment) or a
need of a connection (necessary like your shower or your refreshments)
then you see around you surprising changes, big events that you do not
expect. After so much time of doing it, I have the impression that God
doesnt get involved in any of the matters of this world. None at all.
It is a certain level of seekers, people who try spiritually, that do things
and change things around by doing some kind of techniques, not with
the purpose of having those results, but with the purpose of their own
spiritual need.
To make it more clear, it looks like there is no way to make change
happen without the presence of somebody who tries something in the
spiritual direction with a keen observation. A human eye is always
needed to observe before something happens. At that moment, the
seeker exercises his own needs, not caring for any other results, but
the energy that is released because of his effort is directed toward some
changes or other needs around that environment.
In other words, it appears that the seeker (who is the rich in this case)
has his dinner (sits with the spiritual items that feed his needs), but
the rest of the world gets fed with the leftovers. I do not know if you
understand my point, nobody ever told me such things, I am telling you
my observations through the years of searching.
Nothing happens if there is no human eye to observe it. I was not
there, but I am confident that even the tsunami didnt happen without
someone who was connected spiritually.
For example, at the same time you were in FL last week, I was in
California. Id planned to visit a friend for a purpose that fell through.
When I arrived there many things were different and the purpose of
the trip couldnt be achieved. Then I thought, Okay, Sotiraki (my
canoodling name), you are not here for just this purpose, just take it
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easy and accept that something brought you here to work in California,
something needs to be done here.
Well, actually I didnt and still dont know what needs to be done in
California. I do not even care.
What I know is this, I love this country even though it pisses me off in
the ways that cause me to suffer (like speeding), I love and fully comply
with the dominant way of foreign affairs, I gather information about the
free market system, the taxing system and all that is necessary to argue
through with socialist Europeans and Greeks who by the way hate me
because I fully comply with the war traits and so on.
Besides I know, by thinking about this country and combining
information from all my experience, that its most sensitive part that
actually declines faster economically and needs the most help, is
California.
In a few words I am active in a lot of ways with the civic affairs, but I
am not in a position to point out in detail what is necessary to be done
nor how to apply that.
By the way, I am planning to get into politics, since I was invited and took
the oath and now you are not talking to the Greek anymore, but you are
talking to an American, proud to be American. Ha, ha, I said to everybody
that my name is not Sam or Sotiris anymore, I told them my name is now
Sam the American or Uncle Sam. Ha-ha. We had good time that day!!!
Anyway, back to California, my point is that I know it is the most
messed up part of the United States, I am concerned about it, but never
thought to do something about it nor what to do.
So, by the time I found myself taking this trip for nothing, I thought,
Ok, you came here to work. So shut your brain up (ha, ha) and work.
I even called my friend and told her this funny story. I told her to watch
for the next two years, note what is going to happen, since I started
working spiritually and I know that brings changes, as I referred to
above. You know, its kind of a game, since I do not do these changes
with anything specifically in mind nor do I have any idea of what
should be done to correct a situation that I see wrong, but I know the
energy from such work is used for it. Ritual, huh?
Ha-ha, my friend, its really interesting, really interesting. Now let me ask
you, how can I be bored with such a life and ask for a vacation? Ha, ha-ha.

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Anyway, at that moment in California, I started working with the In,

of course. It is interesting that at the beginning, it was easy to start
because I was carrying it with me, on the airplane.
Actually, I always ask for a window seat in the plane, so I can see down
and bring up the fear of the plane going down while I face it with the
In, just to overcome mother nature in another fearful aspect.
So as you understand, I was working with the In all the way on the
flight. But when I been there for about seven to eight hours, after
landing, I started losing it, even though I didnt forget it. I stayed
carefully with it, even when doing all my other activities. But no, the
new environment got me.
I lost connection completely and all these new images, clay tile roofs,
hills and mountains, water, Spanish people everywhere, nice dry
nature and all that got me. Not that I was especially impressed with
all that. Greece is exactly like California, actually. But I observed how
all the new images took over the connection with the In, even though
I was trying hard to stay connected, even while not paying attention to
the outside. Amazing!!! I calmed myself down. I made it clear to myself
that it doesnt matter how much you achieve, it matters to just try
harder, or stop whining, and just do it.
Ha-ha, it sounds like I was the general, and I was the soldier too, right?
Well ..., my friend, you are really my friend, since I tell you all these
secrets. I cannot say these things to anybody, neither to a girlfriend nor
to friends. You must be something different than a friend, as I confess
things like this. Anyway. I was saying ... well ..., when I got back into
the practice and connected with the In, we had the first earthquake. It
was the second day.
Always remember the number two. I already told you two weeks in a
new environment and now I am telling of two days of consistent effort
to connect back.
Two days to get back, two weeks to build your territory, two months
to check upon new people, two years to understand a relationship, its
always two.
So by the second night I got connected back, it took me almost all
night, around 3:00 am. In the morning I woke up around 6:30, got up
at 7:00. By 8:00 we had the first earthquake. I am laughing so hard, I
cannot believe what I am telling you. I felt the shake, I thought, I am
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dizzy from meditation, then I looked at the ceiling and I saw the light
fixture shaking; I almost fell down from laughing. I couldnt believe all
these coincidences.
Do you see what God is watching from up there, with all of us down
here? We have an earthquake, and while some people go crazy, some
others fall apart from laughing. Do you get the picture?
Now, I left that day in a rush ... ha-ha ... I am kidding ... I left because it
was planned like this, but since then the earthquakes have continued.
That first one while I was there, was 5.6, then they had four more at
7.0, 5.3 and I do not know the last one, but the three of them happened
within 20 miles of where I was. The first one happened 20 miles east,
the third one 20 miles west and the fourth one 20 miles northwest.
Now, I am watching with my friend and I am disappointed that the
shakes happened in the earth, although I was expecting them in politics.
I am assuming there are a lot of ways to shake peoples brain and have
them think deeply, out of the routine, earthly ways. Surely, when they
do not do it on their own encouraged by the State affairs, then Mother
Nature takes over. Ha-ha-ha. Anyway, I do not want to say more about
it, although there are more details.
The point of all this byri-byri (Greek expression for talk-talk-talk) is that
at some point, you move past concern that if you get too far away from
the In or if you could, you would carry it with you, and instead you
connect with it because you need to and that changes environments,
situations and systems around you. It is a very interesting point of view
and, finally, this world seems to matter a lot despite the attitude of other
systems that teach abandonment this world for the good of another one.
You see, this is not the only example I have. There are a lot, a lot more,
everyday. If you are aware, you cannot ignore them even if you want to.
Another strong but also sensitive example is the one with the court
system in Atlanta. One observation was about the dominant lust for
power, another was the cult nature of the operating people, the other
was the decoration of dependence with those overweight people with
their fake long nails, and generally speaking all these images that make
you wonder about the effectiveness.
Well, thoughts came accordingly and practice was obtained and finally
the test came two months later to affirm, on one hand, again that the
number two is the number of maturity needed until an event comes
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forward, on the other hand, the energy of the In practice readjusting

things to the better.
Surely, the readjustment is painful, but what is not painful in this world?
I can tell you a lot of real stories even about the one time earthquake
that happened, two years ago in Atlanta, where earthquakes are not
predicted to happen.
Well, I really do not care about such happenings. I do not plan and
cannot plan them. My attention is not what to do or how. My attention
is to stabilize the connection with In and to stay with that through the
moment of the death. But, meanwhile, I cannot ignore observations that
come as a result of the star war between the connection of the In and
the world of images that interfere with that connection.
I do not want you to get excited by this information, but only want you
to be well informed of another aspect of the In.
In any case of salvation, of realization, or of sanctification (ha, ha), each
one will be downloaded in the body. Follow any trait you want and say
anything you want!!! When the moment comes for one to enjoy any one of
those happenings or all of them together, he shall realize it in reality, not in
words, right? If someone tells me that I am sanctified already, well ...
I may enjoy fame, money, respect, whatever, for awhile but even if
anyone on the planet thinks so about me, my own brain will still look
for a proof of that, right? So I will still continue to seek.
Ha-ha, its a trap, huh?

Congratulations, Uncle Sam!! Welcome to your citizenship. You did

it the right way! You are an asset to this country; where have all the
keen minds gone?
The In is pretty powerful, with all those earthquakes!! Haa Haa
A human eye to observe before something happens. This sounds like
the observer is a part of the reality always. Is that what you mean?
Quantum physics, or Einsteinian physics says that, I believe.
When you practice the In are you saying you are more sensitive to the
reality around you, such as the incompetent sheriffs dept. employees?
Somehow, I think that when we are that connected, whether it is In
and out, we see more, or at least perceive situations while paying
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attention to more variables than if we are dead, unconscious,

driven, impulsive, pleasure driven, etc. Ruiz has a term, the second
attention, which is interesting. It is when we lose our innocence
and begin to see things as they really are, analogous to connecting
to Essence, to experience whatever is, not what we pray for it to
be. Maybe the healing comes when we do this, without the goal of
healing, but the goal of connecting.
Hunger and thirst after righteousness or ultimate concern or being
poor in spirit to be open to grace, as you say, Holy Grace. Healing
and curing is not the same thing.
Also, the tension between the good and bad, yin and yang, dark and
light, the tension of opposites, is in the In; how could it not be? Thomas
(by the way, these are supposedly the words of Jesus, not Thomas):
seek and you shall find and when you find you will be troubled.

I am still a little unsure of what is bringing forth what is within; if

not it will kill you.
How close to your ideas are the Gnostic traditions? They do not
believe in a Saviour, but a wisdom teacher; they do not believe in a
loving God who reaches out to the people and a Saviour who saves
them by trust and belief. But somehow you do say things like Holy
Grace; what is the difference?
You know me, always asking questions.
I was very tired yesterday, probably with prostate infection. I know
a little about dying; it was almost like I was practicing for it. It felt
peaceful and scary at times, but it did feel like when I was poor in
spirit and health that I was able to connect some to the In. What is
this In? Or does it matter what it is called?
Again, welcome to this crazy country. And happy Fathers Day. Its
funny, it seemed like any other day, but some of these holidays have a
lot of expectation, dont they? Take care, my friend.

I am not saying exactly, that by practicing the In one becomes more

sensitive to the reality around. No.
I am saying, though, that the energy goes where your thought goes.
Before I was sensitive, too. Many people are frustrated with things they
see around them. But their thoughts and/or feelings are not effective. By
entering the In, they become so.
But also, one who enters the In doesnt really care about certain results,
its not for personal achievements. Something is just not right, and stirs
you up, yes, from a personal point of view. Then the thought or your wish
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about it becomes reality. It doesnt mean that you wish the right thing, no.
But results are granted to you, who is in the In. It is as simple as that.
You are correct when you say ... Maybe the healing comes when we
do this, without the goal of healing, but with the goal of connecting.
Hunger and thirst after righteousness, or ultimate concern or being
poor in spirit to be open to grace, as you say, Holy Grace. Healing and
curing is not the same thing ... absolutely right, and well said.
I do not know much about Gnostics. If it is as you describe it, then I
agree ... my ideas are partially Gnostic, since I do believe in the Saviour
idea, by the meaning we all still struggle, ha. I see Holy Grace, yes; but
Savior not yet. I talk only from what I see; I do not really know what is
written out there.
I know the basics of main traditions, but not the details of each ones
heretics or different paths.
Now, I refer to Holy Grace, because I never achieved what I was
planning to or thinking of, not even what I was seeing at the moment.
All this planning-thinking-seeing helped me to be prepared and get a
grip of the general direction I was heading to, but the final achievement
came in an unexpected moment, in an unimaginable combination of all
the ways I had previously tried with additional elements that I never
had thought of, in a surprising wisdom of contentment that made me
always remember it and be in awe for the rest of my life.
So, I am saying that this entire unexpected outcome, coming
independently of any planning, was the result of Holy Grace.
When a change came, it was clear that I didnt plan or expect or ever
think about the specific outcome. It was similar to what I was trying to
achieve but so much more was given at the exact moment that it was
clear I was a small part but I was happy with the change, I was deeply
surprised, while at the same time the outcome was teaching me how to
accomplish the next steps and it opened for me a much bigger space of
understanding.
It is obvious there is a bigger entity out there, and either all this effort is
set up like this or somebody is watching each moment and every little
step. Nothing goes wasted, even a little thought, even a little feeling in a
dream. I can say this with certainty. I believe more now that nothing is
wasted, not even a little thought that you do not even remember having
an hour later that there is God out there, because I see it every time in
every step of the way.

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... Seek and you shall find and when you find you will be
troubled. My friend, I am in trouble. Believe me, anytime I get In, it is

a nightmare. I do not want to. But when I come back to normal, what a
blessing, what happiness. Happiness out of nothing. Happiness that is
not connected with anything of this world, not attached to any persons,
objects, wishes, none. Just being is a happiness. Also, there no worries
about success, aims or needs.
Everything is covered, everything comes without even asking for it.
But when Im in the In? It is a fight to be, it is a big effort to exist, it is a
war to keep a balance, it is the hardest time to even remember that you
are a human being, it is a nightmare to keep aware of the logic. Just a
complete void, with no attachment to anything as we know it.
A few seconds in there, are enough to give you a good shock and you
come back to live in happiness for weeks even a couple of months.
Trust me. You do not want that.
I know I owe you three answers. About the logic that led to In, about
the sleep in regards of the In and/or death, and about the bringing
forth what is within; if not it will kill you. But I am waiting for you to
be ready and crank me up.
Meanwhile, I told you to exercise the In now, without bringing it with
you from a given impression. Just bring it as if you are outside.
Can you do that? How do you do it? Maybe it is not accurate or strong,
but do it while being outside, no connections asked.
This is the purpose of the exercise you do, anyway, right?
Let me know.
I do not think that your prostate experience is connected with death. I
mean it is real-it is there, but since you exercise the In you will experience
a lot of this dying feeling even when you wake up, or just with a little
cough. I have the same thing all the time, even without any pain.
There is no treatment for it. Just continue with trust aimed nowhere,
at nothing, be brave that you have no other choice and you will see
miracles. That feeling comes because the energy goes always to the
need, to where it is needed most. I even felt hot energy healing in
my right middle finger where I had a surgery, 7 years ago. Can you
imagine? I was watching that and laughing.
It works like that. It heals areas that you are not aware of or think
about, just because they need to be healed. Meanwhile, you feel like
you are dying. The time will come, when just the energy in your body
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will give you the image of the mortal, every moment being present,
reminding you so much that. This is going to surprise you once you
may never have thought about it so often or so deeply before ... when
you find you will be troubled ...
How would you expect this situation to be? Dont you see that you are
in trouble already? Dont you see that there is a difference between your
fantasy about the trouble and the reality about the trouble that is
already there? You are in trouble already, just trying to get in the In.
You have already made steps. Yet, you didnt complete enough of the
cycle needed to realize it clearly. But you are close.
Just tell me, Can you just bring the In while you are outside without
any reminder from impressions?

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what the In Is?

If you get In you can feel bad with the download. Then you feel good
later. Is feeling bad necessary before you can feel good? Does feeling
bad mean that ego is getting destroyed and not bolstered (built up)?
You said that you previously thought that the In should be all good.
That is where you saw me and we talked about how it could feel bad
as well as good.
Why do you say trust me. You do not want that. Why would I not
want that? And if I would not want it why would I do it?
I like what you said, exercise the now, without to bring it with you
from a given impression This is a KEY since I would not get
caught in belief if every moment was a new experience; I could not
hold on to a belief or ideology that would make me unconscious
again. Getting me out of the vicious circle of claiming something
because I wanted to and I wanted to get a result. The holding on
could negate the connection. I keep answering my own questions.
But then, you talk about the achievement. What is this achievement?
its not for personal achievements ... If it is not personal, what is it?
Worship? Ha-ha; maybe a bad word, but is getting in the In or losing
ego any different from praise or worship?
I think it is the difference between building an ego and losing one.
The Buddhist guy has to build his up before he can go any further in
Buddhism since there is no functional ego there to lose. So he has to
slow down with his enlightenment. Ha. So psychotherapists work on
building the ego so someone can finally lose it? Ha-ha. Am I a high
paid priest or a low paid psychologist? Not graduated yet to a wisdom
master!! I will do it in my old age. I will be a holy man, such as the
Hindus and get off the wheel. Or on it. Excuse my weird humor.
The feel dying and the trust to nowhere ... you have given me a
lot of very rich things to consider. The trust to nowhere is the ultimate
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concern, I think. How is that different from the leap of faith? i.e.,
Kierkegaard. Different because there is no content? No system? No
mythological anchor (i.e. Jesus Christ, Buddha, etc.)?
Faith in nothing is faith in something, deeper than any I could think
of, since faith itself gets lost in being. How about that?
The image of the mortal is there in me more than ever.
I used to shudder and feel tremendous anxiety every time I thought
about death; laying awake at night worrying about it, and I still do
some, but somehow it feels like it is more a part of me, and you will be
troubled, huh? With more consciousness about death or being mortal,
it is more troubling, to face up to it, to face it head on; the download of
death and life at the same damn time!! I love it and I hate it!! But, who
is this I to say? Maybe the main point? It is whatever it is, this being.
I also see in your writing a brave idea. This too has been one of my
weaknesses; not very brave.
I did study martial arts a few years ago (Choi Quang Do) and it
helped. One time someone asked why I was doing it and I said:
to deal with fear. Fear is the basis of the 6 personality on the
Enneagram. Very interesting that I would meet someone like you who
talks about brave, and you have been a warrior, kick boxer, etc., but
also a spiritual warrior.
Funny that I got connected to a warrior, brave man, when some of
my issues have been related to fear. Sometimes avoiding fear, but
sometimes taking more chances than I should.
Phobic versus counterphobic.
At any rate, you keep my interest as a seeker. Again, it is a pleasure
to have these dialogues with you. The vultures could call the book:
Dialogue between Uncle Sam and Doctor Dont Know. Haaaaaaaa.
Or more seriously, just Dialogue. Have there been any since Platos?
No, no I am not getting better. In the enneagram the order goes from #4
to #2. I went to #6. How does that comes, as better? No way. I broke
the order. Ha, ha, ha. Again acting out of the box ...
With the last part of your email you drew a big smile to my lips. A
big one, seriously. Its very funny and serious at the same time, title
Uncle Sam & Doctor Know (not Do Not Know). We have this dialogue
because you do know. You may not know that you know, but I am
chatting with you expecting, with hunger, every time, for you to tell
me, because I know that you know.
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Socrates, said also, One thing I know, that I do not know. So beware.
Anyway, awards are always given from outside third people. So
between me and you, I say you know and that supersedes that you say,
Doctor Do Not Know. I smiled with that. I laughed out loud again when
you said, Have there been any since Platos? Very well said, even
though there have been. It was between Marsilio Ficino and Cosimo de
Medici king of Florence which is considered as the commencement of
the Renaissance.
... trust me. You do not want that. ... We will see when it will be with
and you all the time and you have the choice to do it or not. Until then
you can say anything you want. Besides, it was said off the cuff, so to
speak. I am doing that once in a while when I am getting frustrated
with this world, ha-ha-ha.
exercise the now, without bringing it with you from a given
impression ... ha-ha, you surprise me again ... ha-ha-ha, its so funny.
My friend, I didnt say exercise the now ..., I said ... exercise the In
now ... but once again, in line and in order with the seeker Doctor
Know, you said what I was hiding from you. You revealed the hidden
again, as you did when you found the answer, In, with logic; you
revealed the technique of how to connect with the In, without carrying
it from impressions. This is the key point. Exercise the now. It is exactly
what you need to do, if you want to get in the In, anytime anywhere.
I thought it would take at least a year before Id get you to this point,
but you ... surprised me. It happened exactly the meeting of the Time
(now) with the Space (in). You can never have a clue of a Space
(any space, any room) if you do not define it with the sense of in.
It is impossible, if you do not connect it (the space) to a feeling of
confinement. There is no Space if you do not define its boundaries
(even not clear, even approximately).
You can never have a clue of a Time, (any time, any when) if you do not
define it with the sense of now. Never, ever, if you do not connect it to a
feeling of the present. Even when you talk about the past or future.
I used to hear this all the time, even years ago, in the institute I was
well taught. I used to hear all the time in here, right now for any and
all practices we were doing. I never understood that persistence, and
never exercised it as it was taught. Now I know what it is.
Well ..., Doctor Know, I do not think you know that you knew it, once
again. Actually I was thinking of how to express it to you and when. I
was even thinking to call you and set up an appointment, just to meet
you again, after so long, and try to help your practice. But again, since
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you already expressed it here, you missed the meeting and you did it
very well on your own.
Besides I have a little problem, when talking face to face about
techniques, created from statistics. Ahhhh!!! Those statistics.
Well ..., the statistics in my life say that to whom I ever taught
techniques, he/she left the country. I taught Alec, age 23, in Greece.
Within two years he left Greece and went to Cyprus for the rest of his
life. I taught Spyros, age 27. Within two years he left Greece for England,
and never returned. I taught Eleftheria, 25, independently; she left with
Spyros for England. I taught Viviana, 22; she left for Italy, she came back
to Greece after I left for America (which she never knew, ever). I taught
George, age 30, the guy who was into drugs, as I told you. He left forever,
he died. And many more. Then I came here to the United States. A guy
named Paraschos, age 32, in Raleigh, begged me to teach him a few
things. I denied and told him why, gave him all these statistics. He was
persistent for a long time. He found another solution.
He offered me money, not as payment but as a balance of action; he
thought, in this way he would avoid the vultures. I told him it is
not going to work. He brought the money. I told him to open a joint
account with my name included and deposit the money, not much. It
didnt work, he also left forever to Greece. He cannot return to the US
although he was here legally.
Everybody left in or about 2 years. So, when I started this dialogue with
you, since techniques are included, I thought it was a very excellent
coincidence that we couldnt meet due to your professional rules. It is
very good; otherwise I think you would leave this country too. None of
these people ever had reasons to leave Greece before meeting me.
Actually they didnt have the money either and they had established jobs
in Greece, already. No studies, no marriage, nothing that would cause
them to leave Greece. But they just left without saying anything. It is
weird but it is true. And they were the only ones I taught techniques to.
None of my other friends left, only the ones that were taught.
So I was wondering how to handle the potential meeting with you,
since we have started this dialogue. But now, it is not necessary. You
said it, you do not need me.
You found it again, on your own. Do you see now, how the In,
works? You just need to exercise it authentically, outside without the
use of memory or past impressions. You said it very well, This is a

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KEY, since I would not get caught in belief if every moment was a
new experience.
Right, my friend ... you are right !!!!
Dont you have the feeling that this dialogue is like a dance? Like the
tango? Uncle Sam and Doctor Know dance ... ha-ha-ha. I say one thing,
you complete it; you say another thing, I respond. It goes very well.
Also, I think I know, but I do not. Also, you think you do not know, but
you do. Is this a live show or what?
So, once again we have avoided the vultures ... no meeting. You stay in
America ... HHHHHHaaaaaaaaha-ha
Exercise the now ... haaaaaaaaa haaaaa ha I cannot believe it. As it
happened today, this is how the In will work always. This is how you
learn to trust the nothing. You will never have the feeling that you have
achieved something.
Also, you will never have the feeling that you ended somewhere, since
you cannot tell me or think, where does the In end? In is just in, just
an idea. But so real, huh? Can you tell me what In is? No, there is no
definition. Can you find another idea that is so obvious and real to
you, but indescribable? You can describe freedom, respect, morality or
others to me, but tell me, which one is so obvious every day, but also so
indefinite and so indubitable?
We can talk all our lives about freedom, or respect, or morality, but how
long we can talk about the In and in what aspect can we doubt it?
You know what In is, you have it everyday somewhere, right? And why
do you get in the In? Because the enlightenment is internal, God is
inside you. So, if you place yourself inside there, you will meet what is
in there ... God, Essence.
Now, what is inside? What is inside there, that there is no doubt about
it, no matter even if God objects to that? What is the answer to that
question that will move the earth under anybodys feet? The In.
You can tell me that all the world is inside, I can tell you no, the world
is outside ... you can tell me that God is inside, I can tell you no, God
is outside... but, if you tell me that the In is inside, how can I tell you
that the In is outside? Now, by approaching God by space, do you need
a belief for God? No, He is there. Do you need to specify God? No, He is
in, so he is everywhere in the In.

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Do you need to define God? No, since He is the In, by being there.
How can God, the essence of unity, be somewhere (in that In) and be
detached from that space and its position? No, so God is that In!!
Are there limits in the In? Since In is inside, where are the boundaries?
Nowhere. Itself, is the boundary of any space; if you feel in somewhere,
you do not worry where it ends, you just feel in there no questions
needed to define it, right? For example, if you feel warm in a room, you
feel just warm in that room, you do not need to touch the walls to feel
the boundaries of that warmth, right?
When I said achievement, I meant the sense of being connected with,
in spite of the time that you spend trying to connect while being
disturbed by images or feelings from the world, like from mother
nature, remember?
This is the key, to connect with the In, straight away without recalling
any previous moments: exercise the now. HA-HA-HA
Damn ... Ill be damned ... I STILL cannot believe it. So many great
things happen and I do not know what to do, stay here in happiness or
go back into the mess with the practice?
What you said today is another gorgeous proof of how things work with
the In. It is a little miracle. This is what I call Holy Grace, the blessing
of reaching points that you do not expect while you work on the same
points and yet you dont acknowledge them. I was working on how to
pass this understanding onto you. I was planning, with no path in mind.
You were wondering what is this within, how to connect with the In,
in innocence without belief ... you do this by exercising the now. I
am shedding tears from happiness. I was working on answering that;
you were working on answering that. It came as something similar to
what I was thinking, similar to what you were thinking, but even more
than what either of us could explain, expressed precisely, exactly in a
moment that we didnt expect, out of nowhere. This is what I call Holy
Grace. Do not destroy my theory, otherwise you will have to come up
with a better model than the this one ... ha-ha-ha-HA-HA.
Yes, you are right, about ... that ego is getting destroyed and not
bolstered (built up)? You said that you previously thought that the In
should be all good. That is where you saw me and we talked about how
it could feel bad as well as good all true.
I know this every time I start to connect, I am apprehensive, I do not
want to go in there, I have a reaction to avoid it. But I am aware of my
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reaction, and you are right. This is about the ego. It is proved when you
enter In. It is scary because, with the ego, I have observed lately that
you lose known images. It appears logical once this is what ego is all
about, images, memories, possessions, etc. Getting In every time deeper,
you gradually lose all known things. Scary. Fortunately, for now, it
only happens in there. So, be happy when you come back ... ha-ha-ha.
Security exits still, right?
My friend, with the In you will practice and learn how to be you, where
there is no you, just a being. The only thing I can say now is that this is
the death. We are scared because we do not know how to exist without
our body, and once we feel the body will disappear, we think we wont
exist, or even better, how the heck are we going to exist without that?,
and sometimes am I going to lose all these great things around me and
never see them again?
Ill tell you one thing; if you do not get used to living with the In, if you
do not make it part of your daily life, this fear will grow more when you
practice and are connected with the In, than when you do not.
I told you, you do not want that; better to deny this effort entirely. Do
not destroy my theory, do not ... ha-ha-ha.
My friend, I have exactly the same thoughts and feelings as you
describe about death. So do not worry, and feel a part of the team. Its
not about age. It is about maturity in Essence. This is what our lives are
all about. The more you get into the death aspect, the more youre going
to live because the others need you to do the work that they avoid. Who
says that? The Essence.
Especially, if I sleep with the In ... oooooHHHHH!!! Even in my dreams I
die. No pictures, no images of myself dead. No, No! Just a real feeling of
the last moment. I feel exactly as I say it; the last moment and its fear.
I wake up in the morning, not in the night. I wake up very calm,
without anxiety. With this real sense of being. But, also to the same
degree, a real sense of death.
I met you and became brave. Since then, I provoke death like
Lieutenant Dan at the top of the shrimp boat in the middle of the storm,
in Forest Gump. I have the same feeling. At times I get angry with God,
I mean it.
But please understand this. It is two worlds. You see death because you
get out of its (deaths) world. How can you see the death, if you are in
it (the death world)? It is like you want to see your own eyes and you
just cannot! You see death because you step out of it gradually; you are
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distant from it, across from it. Look around you ... Look ... Look ... does
anybody else see the death? Maybe some people, but generally, do you
see anybody experiencing anxiety or fear because of death? I mean in
regular day to day circumstances, not in a war zone of course. Do you?
No, why? Because they are into this death world, they do not face
death, they live in that. They go to funerals and they do not see the
death even there! ... Amazing! The next moment they are back to being
the same person!!! The observer is missing, because he is dipping into
the honey, ha-ha-ha.
But you are not at a funeral and you see the death ... why? Because you
are getting out of its way, you are getting away from death, like in the
space across from it and you observe it, dont you?
Sorry, the answers I owe you are four, not three: About the logic that
led to In, about the sleep in connection with the In and/or death, about
the bringing forth what is within; if not it will kill you and about
what technique I gave to my father while he was suffering from cancer.
Just ... playing a bit. But I think today I answered one, didnt I? So we
are back to three. Which one of the four did I answer already? Ha-ha-ha

I was going to Greece anyway. HAAAAA. Maybe; we have friends

who own a restaurant in Cyprus; well, not Greece, but not too far?
One day, maybe, I will go dance on the beach like Zorba; I doubt if
you would want to dance with me; they may think we are whirling
dervishes and surely the vultures or monks will get us then!! But
the dance of our dialogue is amazing. If I go to Greece, or leave this
country, dont take it personally! I will be back!!
You know, lots of times a patient of mine (client) will just leave;
not geographically necessarily, but just leave. Leaving me with no
reason. Just leave. It always makes me wonder what I did or didnt
do. Who knows?
Your students were all under 35. Carl Jung said that people could
not do much spiritually until they are 35 years old. I do not know
whether I agree with that or not.
Something you do not know-- I preached a sermon in a Baptist church
when I was 21 years old; a few others as well. Thought of the ministry
at one time, but I could not fit into the mold. Sound familiar? Ha. It
was good; it is the way I got into philosophy, psychology and theology.
Otherwise I would have been an engineer, with a technical degree
from Southern Tech. That was okay, but wasnt for me.
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This is one of your best writings ever. How did I know that leaving out
In was significant? I see now. You asked which question of the four
you answered. It is hard to tell for sure, but it could be two questions.
Either bringing forth what is within you or it will kill you ... or the
logic behind the In. Some help on both, I think.
First, the bringing forth. Like you say, as you see the death that others
do not see, you are bringing forth that side of the whole story, the death
side of life and the life side of life as you connect to Essence. How can
you connect with one without the other? It will kill you if you dont,
since no connection means death inexperienced, or an unconscious
part of self that ego defends due to fear, etc. Psychologically, Jung would
say facing your shadow. But facing it before facing it, is facing it so it
wont kill you since you are already dead, so to speak. The death will
happen physically anyway, but I wonder if this is the message behind
Jesus in Thomas when He says: These sayings will help you overcome
death, or something like that; I will have to look it up to be sure.
Getting out of this world to see death is the key. As you said, this is the
death. And in this space now you can observe it.
The In and out? The back and forth? Is this what you meant when you
say that I would not want to stay in it all the time? Do you mean in
the In all the time?
Next, the In logic. If time and space need to be experienced together to
experience Essence, then there needs to be a space (place) and (time),
which is now. So, exercise the now is absolutely important with its
presence as In is a location for the connection to occur. So exercise
the In now is it. To see them separately in respect to time and place
(the now and the In) clicks for me. Very, very good; I do not know
what I did again!! But you knew; you know when I dont know and I
may know when you dont know (the dance). I also wonder if some
of this logic with time and space is very Einsteinian and fits quite
well into the 95% quantum world we cannot usually see. If so Uncle
Sam, is this present approach to Essence (the In) workable for the
new world we live in? could the spiritual world be congruent with the
physical world? If your theory is workable, that would be so, and I
believe (excuse the belief) it is working in me as an early practitioner.
The receptiveness to this would vary with different people. You do
remember that I told you I had been sitting in the void for a long
time before I met you. I had dismantled everything in regard to belief
systems and had no replacement. At least at that stage of things.

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But Sam, there are a lot of people like me, if they are honest and are
not afraid of the vultures. Im not excited. I cannot get too excited.
Now I know you are laughing. I am excited. But the way I usually
do is get excited about one thing and then go to the next; that is my
skepticism. But I am a seeker; no seeker could spoil your theory (as
you worry about, ha) ... But that, too, is a key. I am a willing seeker
and so are you; I know lots of others like that. I need to slow down
though. Back to practice and sleep (question 3).
Thanks for the excellent insight; it is like a dance.
I wrote a poem about death 10 years ago, saying (partially):
our cells are bathed with footwash care
that dance of life that goes nowhere
stops at that still point somewhere
death you are the answer there
without you we would never share.
Good evening, my friend.

I answered the logic part behind the In. That part was blended on
purpose, so it would pass the vultures of objection, when they appear
as a replacement of logic. That part was:
... where does the In end? In is just in, just an idea. But so real, huh? Can
you tell me what In is? No, there is no definition. Can you find another
idea that is so obvious and real to you, but indescribable? You can say
freedom, respect, morality or others, but tell me, which one is so obvious
everyday in front of you, but also so indefinite and so indubitable? We can
talk all our lives about freedom, or respect, or morality, but how long we
can talk about the In and in what aspect we can doubt it?
You know what In is, you have it everyday somewhere, right? And why
do you get in the In? Because the enlightenment is internal, God is
inside you. So, if you place yourself inside there, you will meet what is
in there ... God, Essence.
Now, for sure, what is inside? What is inside there, that there is no doubt
about it, no matter even if God objects to that? What is the answer to that
that will move the earth under anybodys feet? The In.
You can tell me that all the world is inside, I can tell you no, the world
is outside ... you can tell me that God is inside, I can tell you no, God is
outside ... but, if you tell me that the In is inside, how can I tell you that
the In is outside? Now, by approaching God by space, do you need a
belief for God? No, He is there.
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Do you need to specify God? No, He is In, so he is everywhere in the In.

Do you need to define God? No, since He is the In, by being there. How
can God, the essence of unity, be somewhere (in that In) and be detached
from that space and its position? No, so God is that in!!
Are there limits in the In? Since In is inside there, where are the
boundaries? Nowhere. Itself, is the boundary of any space; ...
If I were to rewrite it, I would start in the middle: And why do you get
in the In? this is where the logic part starts. And then after the end
itself, is the boundary of any space, Id go to the beginning. So, if I
had written it as an independent piece, Id have written it like this:
And why do you get in the In? Because the enlightenment is internal,
God is inside you. So if you place yourself inside there, you will meet
what is in there ... God, Essence.
Now, for sure, what is inside? What is inside there that there is no doubt
about it? Not even God would object to such an answer? What is the
answer to that question that will move the earth under anybodys feet? The
In. You can tell me that all the world is inside, I can tell you no, the world
is not inside there ... you can tell me that God is inside, I can tell you no,
God is not inside there ... but if you tell me that the In is inside, how can I
tell you that the In is outside, since the same word means it is inside?
Now, by approaching a God by space, do you need to believe in God?
No, He is there. Do you need to specify God? No, He is In, so He is
everywhere in the In. Do you need to define a God? No, since He is the
In, by being there.
How can a God, the essence of unity, be somewhere (in that In) and be
detached from that space and its position? Are there limits to the In? Since
In is in there, where are the boundaries? Nowhere. Itself, is the boundary of
any space. Where does In end? In is just in, just an idea. But so real, huh?
Can you tell me what In is? No, there is no definition. Can you find
another idea that is so obvious and real to you, but indescribable? You
can say freedom, respect, morality or others, but tell me, which one
is so obvious, everyday in front of you, but also so indefinite and so
indubitable? We can talk all our lives about freedom, respect, or morality,
but how long can we talk about In and in what aspect we can doubt it?
You know what In is, you have it everyday somewhere, right?
I agree with Carl Jung that people cannot not do much spiritually until
they are 35 years old. Generally speaking, that is true.

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Jesus in Thomas, first quote, says: Whoever discovers the

interpretation of these sayings will not taste death.

By the way, quote 19 says: if you become my disciples and pay

attention to my sayings, these stones will serve you. For there are five
trees in Paradise for you; they do not change, summer or winter, and
their leaves do not fall. Whoever knows them will not taste death.
Five trees ??? Five?
By the way, quote 21 says: Mary said to Jesus, What are your
disciples like? Mary asking questions??? Who is this Mary? Ha-haha. I am done with my By the way part.
Yeah, I mean you do not want to be in the In all the time. You may want
to. I do not. It is worth it to be, but I have to learn how to live with it.
But its so hard to do that. It is so simple, but so incomprehensible.
So warm, but so inhospitable. Ha-ha-ha, like me. At least, this is what
everybody accuses me of ... ha-ha.
Yes, this approach to Essence is workable for the new world we live in.
Where is Essence? Where do you think Essence was before or where
did you try to approach it before? Simply where? Inside you, right?
But if Essence is unity, this is where Essence is, where there is unity.
Essence cannot be apart from its place, simply because there is unity.
So the Place of Truth and Truth are the same. So, theoretically, if you
could place yourself where Essence is then you will be united with it.
If you place yourself there, you will be united before you even know it.
Where is the truth placed? In. Where is the place of the Truth? In. What
is the truth? In.
Now,
1. Because, when you place yourself there, in Essences place, unity
with Essence occurring ... there are no definitions; you do not need them
once Essence is present. You never asked for definitions of anything in
your life, when that something was present, because you do not need
definitions when you experience the real thing. Can you define In?
2. Because, when you place yourself there, in Essences place, unity with
Essence occurring ... you cannot see it, because you are getting united.
You never saw anything in your life when you were into that something.
For example, you cannot see your house when are in that; you cannot see
your character when you are in it, this is why you go to a psychologist.
You can see things only when you are distant. Can you see In?
3. Because, when you place yourself there, in Essences place, unity
with Essence occurring ... you feel the unity. How? By losing what so
far was known to you and gaining what so far you knew only through
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ideas, books or sayings. What was outside so far becomes inside and
what was inside so far gets pushed outside. Can you feel In?
4. Because, when you place yourself there, in Essences place, unity
with Essence occurring ... you do not control the unity. It happens
automatically, immediately, because this is what happens in there, this is
the nature of that place. You do not start that, it is there already. This is
the only indication that you are at the right place. Can you control In?
5. Because, when you place yourself there, in Essences place, unity
with Essence occurring ... whether you want it to or not, you have to
make space, just push the ego a little bit to the edge. But you are this
ego, you do not want to do that. But once you place yourself in there,
unity starts right away. So ego starts getting pushed out right away,
against your will. This is the only proof that you are at the right place.
Can you accept being replaced by In?
You asked me, could the spiritual world be congruent with the
physical world? Congruent means coinciding when superimposed.
But it also means leaving the same remainder when divided by a third
factor. Ha-ha-haaaaaaaa ha-ha. Which one do you mean? Ha-ha, are
you playing games with me? Do you know so much more that I never
thought? What is this again? What are you trying to tell me again? Huh?

Wow! Very well said! It is more and more clear from a logical standpoint.
Thank you; so precise, so succinct, simple but very profound.
The reason I ask the questions like could the spiritual world be
congruent with the physical world is my tendency to try to place
what we are doing into some category of thought, or tradition,
or epistemology, or theology, or philosophy system. Perhaps it is
irritating to you; I do not mean it to be a game. But it may not be
a useful dance for us; truly, it would be mostly speculation and
rationale and dealing with things like faith and reason, etc.
However, I see that I am gradually not needing to do that as much; it
has always been my problem in a way. In one way it is good for me
to place any thought, or idea, or belief into some kind of system and
compare it with other systems, etc. But the key difference in what you
are talking about with the In is that if the In is experienced without
impressions, then what is the use of all of that; maybe it does seem
like a game ...
Also, I always check myself against the usual traditions -- not just the
fundamentalism, but middle or liberal interpretations of the spiritual
world as well. This is probably the scholar (Ha) or scientist (Ha) part
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of Dr. Dont Know. But Dr. Know is different ... actually, none of that
other seems to matter that much.
You wonder why I quote Thomas, etc. It is the same thing. It is to use
my tendency to be an apologist. I think you know what this is. It
is simply someone who defends the faith, so to speak, using logic,
reason, etc. You see, that has always been the way I have been, maybe
to avoid believing anything, or claiming anything to be true, that is,
unless it was solid theology.
But, so far this approach has not worked, mainly because I have not
practiced anything; I have just tried out things for awhile and when I
found a flaw, I would try something else.
So, believe me, I am not playing games with you; I am mostly testing
myself. Do you see?
One of my very cynical friends said the ideas I have are just another
attempt to start another religion. But anything you tell him, he resists.
He is a seeker, but I think he seeks with his eyes closed. It is so ironic.
He actually is blind. I never thought of what I just said!!! Maybe he
could feel it though, whether he sees it or not! Ha.
Truly, any approach can be questioned. This is nothing new. The
vultures of objection can find holes in any approach if they want to.
For example, Wolinsky debunks everything. He even dismantles
the seeker archetype and says it is a fabrication or a myth, just
perceived by those who want it to be that way. So, my questions are
not related to what I think, so much as to how the approach could get
through the vultures without their destroying it.
Maybe no defense is necessary. Realistically, if we have to try hard to
convince people of anything, then they may not want it in the first place.
As you said, what is your aim? That is the key. Right? If ones aim is to
find flaws or dismantle, that is what they will do. Its a free country. Ha
(like the democrats and the republicans? Ha, a poor excuse, huh?)
I hope you see what I am trying to tell you again.
The content of what I said is mainly related to how many seekers
split up the spiritual and the material world so much; the material is
bad and the spiritual is good. You know, an issue down through all
traditions. I believe the approach you and I are talking about does not
really do this so much. The ego is not bad, just misguided at times.
Money is not evil, depending on how we believe and trust in money,
etc., BUT we dont use God to get money!!!!!! That is BS.
The other aspect of the congruence is coinciding when
superimposed sounds almost like realism, that the spirit or real
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world can be superimposed on the unreal world if we can just find a

way to connect to it (maybe a bit like Essence or Realization).
This is not an answer, just more speculation. It may not be relevant
at all. The more I think about it, the more tiring it is to try to
generalize an experience to some kind of a reality that can be
grasped with thoughts or systems. They all seem dead anyway. Here I
go again, around the circle. Haaaaaa
Sorry; this is more of a battle with myself, not with you.
Take care. I am grateful for the good things I am reading from your
last writing.

Simply and quickly: You never irritate me and you never play games.
You have to flow your way. I admire your way and I need you for that.
Every day it becomes more obvious than ever before.
I play games by switching around sense of guilt just to keep the mind
keen, by wondering what I did wrong? This reconsideration, this
chewing an idea over is the key to refresh the existing, so it will never
be the same and it will never be a system.
You know I used to be a painter. We watch the paint. When it gets a
few days old, the Essence of the paint settles down at the bottom of the
can and the entire (entity of) paint gets a skin over top. Before that skin
becomes hard, we always stir the paint for a while until that early skin
at the top gets absorbed with the main paint and the Essence that sits at
the bottom comes up to the top again. So by stirring the entire paint we
take the hard skin to the bottom and the soft Essence paint to the top.
Stirring it up!!! Ill be back ...

... It is more and more clear from a logical standpoint. Thank you; so
precise, so succinct, simple but very profound. ...
Do you see what I was telling you for so long? I will remind you again,
that when you really find it and practice it in front of you, every day, so
it is obvious like the sunlight, you will feel stupid (like I do) every time
you connect with it, because it is so obvious what it is, so profound
that you will feel you wasted all your life looking for it while it was so
simple, in front of you all the time, all your life. But the revelation of
it will keep you happy, even though you are feeling damned. The best
way to be connected and humbled.

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Its funny. I thought Id drop you a few quick lines before writing
my main email, as I was feeling the great heat from your email, the
excitement.
So I did it twice. I sent you two quick emails, where I felt the heat.
Then I continued reading your email to understand what your main
point was, getting ready to start writing my main email to you.
When I finished reading, I realized there was nothing else to add.
Funny. The partial was the whole.
By the way, you refer too much to the game playing and questioning
part. I wrote that part starting with Ha-ha to tell you that I am messing
with you. The game is intentional. So far you express things not
intentionally realized, just because you are naturally connected with
the In environment. This is the nature of these things. So again, the
idea of the game was for you to chew over and reconsider how did he
get that impression? What did I do wrong?, whereby you forget the
idea of congruence as revealed in the first place and to go over it again,
like nothing happened before.
Lately, there is an intellectual stimulation. It will be worse (ha, ha)
since you push too hard. If I knew that talking to somebody about
it (In), would push me that much, even when I do not work at it, Id
think twice before doing it. Now, I am in the middle of the dancing
floor and cannot back out, I have to dance, whether I want to or not.
So, I decided to break all resistance and go through, since you do not
let me sleep as I want to, you do not let me take my time and control
it like I used to. So, we dance in In, and that brings a lot of energy
around, which between us is expressed through intellect once the only
instrument we use is the writing. Done.

I know, my friend. Feel stupid is much like becoming as a child

(Thomas). Right? Not as we usually think of a child. No, no, no, but
without impressions. Wonderful -- that is it; again, reiterating the
KEY of all of it.
Ruiz (the fourth agreement): Never make assumptions. Yesss.
So how can stupidity be wisdom? Haaaaaaaaaa
I love it!!!!!! Someone said that the highest archetype is the fool.
Great!

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T.S. Eliot:
No I am not Prince Hamlet
nor was meant to be
an attendant lord, one who would do
to swell a progress, start a scene or two.
Attend the prince, no doubt an easy tool
deferential, glad to be of use.
Politic, cautious, and meticulous
full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse.
At times indeed, almost ridiculous;
Almost, at times, the fool.
(Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock)

But how can one be a fool with logic? Again, that is it, a logical fool. All
of Jesus parables were foolish, right? So feeling stupid is very logical.
Yes, it becomes so obvious that only the pure in heart without
impressions could see it. Notice the different meaning (not morally
pure but) pure without impressions!!
Signed, Dr. Know.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Ha-ha. You are not going to let me sleep tonight.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Ha-ha. Doctor Know.
I love it. Ha-ha-ha.

I forgot, it will never be a system. How refreshing!!! Another KEY.

I am ready to let you sleep awhile. Unless you want to stay awake, Ha.
How different it is; the teacher and the therapist; not the master and
the neophyte Ha.
But, my friend, if you can do it with me, you can do it with anybody
(too much ego?), Ha.
But somehow you knew that I was ready to hear it. How did you
know that (not to keep you from sleeping)?
Why is it harder to control it? I think I know. When the blind friend
rebuffed what I said, I felt I had lost him; that he was not responsive.
It was kind of sad. I am not trying to rebuff your ideas when I ask the
questions. It just engages me more. Remember, it is a struggle with me.
Thank you for allowing that. All in all, with both of us, we may do better
with the vultures, even in our push at times. What do you think?
Otherwise, would we get bored? Or get rest? (Im messing with you.) Ha.
I want to sleep with Essence. I did a little last night.
Dr. Know.
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If I am connected, still having not burnt the personality completely

up (of course!), and you come In too, you stir things up. You want to
fit. So my personality gets frustrated. The thin balance I am handling,
thinking that I (my ego) can survive (ha, ha), gets moving, gets lost,
right? At least my personality feels it, but I am not complaining. This
is the bad news. The good news is I do not have to work too much, to
connect. In a few words, somebody is pushing also.
This is frustrating, but easier. I am still studying it.
Of course, I can disappear.
So, tell me, Can you just bring the In as you are outside, without any
reminder from impressions? How do you do with that? It doesnt
matter how successful it is, just tell me how you do with this practice.
This is the next step. It is richer than all previous steps. The thing, so
far, is still in its infancy.

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Chapter XVI
how the In Affects Life, Man & Woman!

What do you mean by of course, I can disappear?

You asked, Can you just bring the In as you are outside, without any
reminder from impressions? How do you do that? ...
I have been thinking about that all day. Reassessing how I am trying
to connect to the In. Today, for example, I was in a store with my wife.
I started worrying about spending too much money. Usually I start
thinking about all kinds of worries about money, work, etc. But I did
not stay with the thoughts, though the feelings were still there.
Then I just let myself focus on the feelings and thought about the key
to the entry of Essence, the In. I just let myself experience whatever I
experienced and felt a lot of emotion inside. I do not know whether
you would call it download or not, but it was intense ... I kept
thinking I wanted to connect to the In; then everything seemed to be
okay, but in a bittersweet way. I looked at my wife, and all around me,
and seemed to have inside myself a lot of compassion for her, a very
humbling experience, fullness, with sadness and all kinds of emotions
with it. Not just good, but bad, too, or should I say, painful as well
as sweet. Great love, great loss at the same time. Like I was seeing
something with different eyes, almost like I was seeing something
deeper or experiencing something deeper than I ever do usually. I
could look at her, but it was not just her. It was if I was seeing her
differently somehow. Very deep appreciation, but also knowing that
it was all temporary (facing the death?).
The shift came about by my aim to connect to the In. This seemed to
come first. I tried to not have any impression as to what the In would be.
And I think I was able to do that. I did not know what was coming, so
I let myself be open to it, whatever it would be. If I had been praying
or looking for an outcome I would have not been able to do it. It was a
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relief to not have to sit in the void, though I did seem to have to find the
space where the In was located in the now. The difference in the
past was that I did not key in on the In as the door; this focus seemed
to give me what I needed to do it. Before, I had no focus. Amazing! I am
much more aware from experience that there is no need to present an
intention or goal because then the impression would be there and
block the process. I do not even think it was any kind of meditating that I
did. This never got me anywhere; as you say, no practical result.
I definitely was not sitting in Zen and I did it in just a few minutes.
Maybe it was Holy Grace from Essence helping me. I do not know, but
it felt real.
It seemed more sobering than anything. It was like I was looking at my
surroundings from a different perspective than usual. I felt the death
and the life of it all, I think; I dont know a better way to describe it. But
it seemed very real and authentic, with no games, just pure reality.
It seems that when I was at the river fishing, as I told you, I could not
do this; I was too absorbed in my surroundings. But in a department
store it was easier. A familiar, instimulate, environment. I think some
of the ego (personality) was being burned up, or at least put aside. I
lost the worry.
Then, I just came back outside (inside the store) and went on with
the business at the store, came home, enjoyed British TV, and now
am writing you.
This may be just an illusion, all of this. I do not know yet for sure. It
seems very real, but maybe it is just because I want it to be. I do not
know. I will tell you one thing. I have never gotten this close before to
whatever this Essence is, or unity, or whatever it is called. Maybe my
mind is playing tricks. Maybe not.
It is better than what I had, though, which was mostly doubt, void,
nothing. Being and non-Being is better than nothing.
I am explaining the best I can. I think I may keep a diary of some of
these experiences.
Thanks for the good question.

of course, I can disappear means, that even though I tell you that
you push me and stir up my control (what does stir up my control
mean?), do not worry. If I wanted my peace I could disappear. So,

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yes I am reporting the events, do not worry though if I give you the
impression that you distract me. In a few words, distract me. Ha-ha-ha.
Ill be back.

I am trapped. I went too far in and got entangled with vultures ...
passport, new business, new car and so on. Suddenly all together, all
together. Ill be free this weekend. I think I can defeat the vultures!!!!!
They are all around me. The worst of it is that it feels good ... ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha. Now you know what its like to be a capitalist American!

I am taking off next week; going to Essence, my country estate; I may
leave tomorrow or over the weekend. Will keep you posted; at least
you did not disappear. Peace could be boring, anyway. I am still
practicing and reading over some of the logic as well. I am better
with the vultures, too!! Jung calls it trickster energy.
Take care.

Lets get back to the dialogue. I am done with all vultures ... sold
my car, bought a new one, bought a used truck for the construction
businesses, heavy business arrangements, tags, taxes, the annual
physical exams and so on, all finished. I have missed our dialogues. I
read your last email everyday, but had no time to respond. The spirit
was there, not the body ... ha-ha-ha.
You said a lot in your email in response to, Can you just bring the In as
you are outside, without any reminder from impressions? How do you do
that ...?
First of all ... I just let myself focus on my feelings and thoughts about
the key to the entry of Essence, the In. I just let myself experience
whatever I experienced and felt a lot of emotion inside... is a very
mature attitude. It helps to get the steam out, steam that comes from
thoughts and worries. This is what women do all the time. And since
emotions are felt in the body, not the thoughts though, it connects
you with your body. This is why you have the sense of downloading.
It is not exactly that though. It is like a light start to it. But this is how
women live all the time.
The first part of being caught up in thoughts and worries is how the
men live all the time. The second part of focusing on emotions and
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letting the experience come, whatever that is, is how women live all the
time. You have the skill to live in both because you are a seeker. Think
how simple this is and how much understanding it brings you, but also
think of how many males spend their lives without even knowing and
never having understood what the women experience. Also, think how
many women live like that and never understand how men operate.
You know though how easy it is, and I am sure you knew this long ago,
and you have done this many times before.
Doing that is a bit painful, though. Because it traps you in emotions and
you cannot get out except with an esoteric technique like the In.
When you are trapped in thoughts though, it is easier to get out and
focus on the emotions. But when you are stuck in the emotions, there is
no salvation. Poor women!!!! They are more mature than men, because
they are more aware of their bodies because they live with emotions,
but they are trapped all their lives. Men are more foolish since their
thoughts are not grounded in the body, but are more free.
But there is a very sharp simple technique to get out of both situations,
for both male or female. It is this, when you are trapped in any
thoughts or emotions (and you see it ..., if you do not see it, do not
bother, go for a beer ... ha-ha) just open your sight and sense to the
environment around you and feel the other people, around you, are like
you, and then immediately feel that all people around you feel the same
way as you do. This team-sense will make all thoughts and feelings
disappear, since they are momentary and fake - anyway. Remember
this technique!!!! ... it will help a lot because the more you enter the In,
the more frequent and stronger they will come.
I suffered from this great love, great loss at the same time feeling all
my life. You describe it so precisely. It is exactly like what happens,
you get detached from what you have been attached to all your life, just
because you start working on the inner self. You love it because you
have loved it all your life, but you feel sad at the same time because
you realize that you are away from that which you have loved all your
life ... you get away from those you love because you go inside without
your wife following with you.
I suffered from that. I spoke to my ex about it, but of course she never
could understand, either the experience nor my explanations. She
would appear to have a listening understanding, but her eyes were
always showing what the heck have I gotten into and didnt realize it?
He is not okay ... The intensity began building when my explanations
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made her realize that I am in a sphere where she cannot go, that she was
not familiar with, which of course increased ... what was that? ... the
female insecurity!!!! ... of not being in control of where things may go.
At one point she asked to understand and I gave her instructions, but it
came out worse since one has to be desperate or sadly given up (like you
in your void period), before one gets In. Besides, it was my forcing her
with instructions to get her In, since the plane was taking off already,
whereby the feelings of a sad love became stronger because of my
practicing every moment. Good trap, huh? ... ha-ha-ha.
Now know, your wife gets your compassion and your feelings. Do not
worry ... she gets it all without even looking at you. But she thinks that
this is the right thing to do. Women, because they are trapped in the
no exit emotions of the body, are sad all the time from when they were
little, around 14-16 years old. As I have said before, they become sad
when they wake up in life, and they see that they are the strong part of
life and (at the same time) that men are fools, that none of them knows
what is going on whatsoever; women realize that they are more mature
and there is no hope for a good life once men are lost.
So she is aware of your emotions, but because she is used to being in
sad love, she thinks this is the right thing to do, she thinks at last, he
woke up ... ha. The problem and arguments come later, when you get
through this period, you stand forthright, you get tired from practicing
in and out all the time so you decide to go inner and make one steady
step no matter what. By that time you will pass all these mixed feelings
and you just become a brave man ready to give. You do not care that
much for anything, because In is what matters more, but at the same
time that releases a lot of energy and true feelings.
Then you will feel a true love for her. You will feel a true love for her
as a true mate and friend in life, even when you are not with her. You
will miss her in the middle of the day even when you are just a few
miles away and you know that you will see her in a couple of hours.
It is then, when you see a cold and ignorant mate that you never
experienced before, that you go back and you run to her, to hang and
kiss her, saying all these sweet words,. You will be surprised and it will
turn you down. It will destroy all your focus on your practice.
It will happen every time you overcome an obstacle in your practice.
Every single time. Every single time, no matter what mechanisms your
clever mind will find to face it, no matter how many solutions you will
find, no matter how many ways you will change your methods, even if
you become the best lover or a clown to entertain her. It wont matter,
you will face a cold distracting shoulder. Because once again, she feels
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you move away from her. You are away because you moved inner since
you overcame the obstacles. She feels you move away, she feels that
you do not care about her anymore; she feels that you do not like her
and you may be looking for other women. She will remember every
simple negative thought she ever had before and never expressed. She
feels now is my time, you id..., youre going to hear it.
And so on ... ha-ha-ha ...
It is very interesting. Very. This is why, in all traditions, it has been
encouraged that if you want to improve inner, stay away from women
or women are never allowed in the temple or ... whatever rule has been
made about women.
Your feeling of a great sad love is true and remarkable for a certain
period. Good luck and get rid of it soon ... ha -ha ... you have a lot more
to go through ... I am smiling a lot.
The facing the death question is true, too. When we were younger,
the loss of something lovely or loving was just a loss with too many
tears, or even anger, and involved big decisions, and changes in life.
The more mature we get, the more of the true story we see. It is true
that every detachment is a death of something. This is the actual simple
definition of the death, thanks to you once again; you disclosed it
without even realizing it, didnt you? Death is just a detachment. There
is no death. You said it ... its true; you felt as if in death, but it was just
a detaching, right? Nobody disappeared from the earth, right?
This experience aims to teach us how to love without attachment. As
a stream of energy, not as an objective pleasant feeling. It is like when
you hit a concrete sidewalk with the wheels of your vehicle; the wheels
get kicked away as a result; like when you walk on somebody; both of
you get kicked away; like in an accident where both cars get smashed
and kicked away. This is what happens when two beings get together
with attachments; they get smashed and kicked away, youve seen this
happens in many, many couples in love, right? As inside so outside,
Hermes ... they call it love, but it is not. This kind of love leads to
death with a mathematical accuracy. The other kind of love leads to the
eternal life, right? So, the feeling of death will be there more and more
all the time, even with simple events.
You may have the sense of death even when drinking a glass of water
and you hold your breath while drinking. It goes that far. But remember
the one little critical technique: Turn your attention to the environment
around you, feel that the others are like you (human beings, right?) and
immediately remember that they have the same feelings, at least from
time to time.
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All this is nonsense for a zealot. I just responded to offer a little help,
because these feelings are there all the time. The main thing is to bring
the In as you are outside, without any reminder from impressions. You
did very well. But there are impressions already not noticeable now. Ill
make them clear in my next email. For now Ill take a break.
Have fun and a happy 4th of July. I never liked the British anyway, even
when I was Greek. I wonder why?
My friend advised me to go drink and celebrate the 4th of July since I
have now been an American for two weeks. Why?
Ha-ha-ha-ha. Talk to you.

Thanks for the excellent feedback! Interesting viewpoint about

women (Venus and Mars?).
This stuff has the making of a book itself; all this men and women
stuff. I do see a lot of it every day.
Is that why men have to work so hard to be spiritual? Ha! Remember, in
Thomas, Mary was a favorite!!! Ha! Look at the Da Vinci Code book!!!
I want to say a lot of things; your writing, wherever it comes from,
is profound at times; again, our dance; me the psychologist and
you the teacher; there is a lot of input I can have to what you say.
For example, can a man and a woman be In, and will it enhance or
destroy their relationship? If one is In and the other is not, does that
necessarily, as you infer, eventually destroy the relationship? Wow;
we have a lot of vultures to trick.
Enjoy your Highlander and welcome to the vulture country. Happy
4th; you can have a beer for Uncle Sam. Just dont have a woman
around!! Ha!
Back to the In. I am headed to my country estate and will be back
about Monday week (11th). I will practice, and as you say, we see, or
as I would say, we will see.

I am resending all my emails with lots of references, plus I am

correcting some of the words in my first email.
-----------Quote----------- Look in http://www.elon.edu/sullivan/
femplato.htm
For all of the leaps Plato seems to have made in the direction of
feminism, many of his writings suggest otherwise. A big part of
Platos works is the distinction between soul and body, the body
being seen as inferior and as a hindrance to the ambitions of the
soul. In the Apology he urges philosophers to abandon the needs of
the body as much as possible to allow for growth of the soul and a
promising afterlife, (Bar On p. 8). In the realm of Pythagoras ideas
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men are seen as the opposite of women, the men being of a spiritual
nature and the women of a material nature. Indeed women are seen,
especially in the areas of reproduction and child-rearing, as having
more of a connection and dependence of a bodily nature. Men, in
this method of thought would be seen as being more connected to
the soul and things of a spiritual nature. Plato embraced this idea,
as did many of his contemporaries. Plato went so far as to say that
men and women have different types of souls and a female body may
not necessarily contain a female soul. He went on to explain that a
soldier who is more concerned with protecting his body than fighting
has a more body-centered soul and will return to life as a woman.
Conversely, a woman who displays skills of a philosophical nature
and cares not for things of the body will re-enter life as a man, (Bar
On, p. 17). The notion that life in a female body is punishment for
cowardice is a hard one to swallow and begins to break down Platos
heroism as a pioneer for feminists.
It begins to seem as though Plato is saying that the ultimate goal
for any person is manliness, but it is possible for a soul in a female
body to achieve it. He also says that the soul being in a male body
does not automatically infer the desired quality of soul. It appears
that Plato is using the terms man and woman in such a manner
that no longer concerns the gender of the body. He suggests that
female refers to someone who is connected to the world on a
bodily level, and male is someone who has risen above to a higher
philosophical level, (Bar On, p. 17). In Essence, anyone can be
either female or male, depending on his or her nature.
It is a shame for students of Plato that he used these terms in a
way that could be so misinterpreted.
Platos pupil Aristotle was far less sympathetic to women. He
described women has having lack of reason to determine the Good,
and therefore obligated to be obedient to achieve virtue, (Bar On,
p. 145). He described women as being the physical opposite to
the spiritual male. He claimed that women were merely passive
receptacles who bore and nurtured the life created by the semen
supplied by the spiritual male, (Gould, p. 125). He shared Platos
notion that women are the opposite of men and connected to the
body, but not his belief that there was potential for growth beyond
that state. He described women as children who never grew up.
(Sealey, p. 151).

---------Quote--------- Look also in http://www.elon.edu/sullivan/

femplato.htm
Perhaps Platos greatest expression of his attitudes towards women
is in his Symposium. Like many of his works, it is a dramatic
account of a meeting of philosophers in which women are excluded
for the express purpose of keeping the subject matter at a serious
level, (Bar On, p. 83). Although Diotima is not present, her
thoughts are spoken by Socrates. In what is essentially her speech,
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she explains the nature of love, beauty and immortality through

metaphors of the female body. She explained that immortality was
gained through creation and conceiving of beauty. Women, she
explains, can create through the body by conceiving and nurturing
children, whereas men must make creations of the mind through
art and poetry. Although it has been argued that women are
therefore excluded from creations of the mind, there is nothing in
Diotimas argument that one form of creativity excludes another,
(Bar On, p. 85). Her speech centers around change and cycles. She
refers to life and death not as a beginning or end, but as part of
an eternal whole. Her speech seems to take on almost an Eastern
sense in that there is no Bad or Good, only opposites that pull
at each other to create harmony. Platos obvious admiration of
Diotima as a philosopher is a credit to his title of the first feminist
philosopher, (Bar On, p. 3). While his views and expressions may
be less than todays feminist standards, he must be acknowledged
as an advocate for women in a time when this was not a popular
subject. Perhaps his speaking through Socrates is a testament to
just how controversial the subject was at the time.

You can find all these in http://www.elon.edu/sullivan/femplato.htm

I know only two women that connected In. One is mentioned in
Bhagavad-Gita who is dead. The other was in the mother branch
in London, of the institute I was instructed at some point, as I have
written to you, who is still alive.
Both have suffered a lot and it is true (and interesting) that they became
man before they connected to the In.
The woman in Bhagavad-Gita is written about as follows. She isolated
herself in the woods and it took her 21 years to become a man, both
spiritually and physically; she never forgot her hatred for what the
people had done to her; this is why she left for the woods and tried to
find peace by connecting In.
Still, she never forgot and took revenge. In Bhagavad-Gita the human
pathos goes together with enlightenment, anyway.
The other woman, the modern one, do not know if she became physically
a man, people who saw her didnt tell me much. I know though her
behavior was exactly as a man and even though she was called Mrs. you
couldnt distinguish her as a woman if someone didnt tell you.
So, if you are talking pragmatically about a woman getting In and since all
historical examples above comply fully with the quote in Thomas Gospel,
I do not see a lot of chances. If you are talking hypothetically, then all
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above examples show that she should convert to a man, whereby it is not
anymore a relationship of a man and a woman being in. I could tell you
many more details, but since they will lead to sex, Id like to leave it alone
for now. The truth of the matter is it looks almost impossible for a woman
to connect in. She has to suffer the conversion of her nature, even though
she may not change physically. But far easier, she can walk in with the
husband or the man, if she is in full awareness and choice, obeys him at
all times, no matter if he makes wrong decisions.
Thats the only way it is written, thats the only way I have seen it,
too. Its not accidental that even Plato, who has never said anything
against women, once wrote that the only difference between a man
and a woman is the courageousness in the soul. Maybe this is a hell
of a difference. But this is a heck of a difference, but this is the only
reference from Plato.
Now, the historical Xantippe (as I know it in Greek, it should be written
as Xanthippe) was the wife of Socrates, and her reputation is as the
shrew who would lure Socrates away from his philosophic endeavor,
insanely jealous of his friends and colleagues, as Phaedo says. So that
answers somehow that when a man connects in and a woman does not,
then the relationship most likely will be shaken, except if you are at a
Socrates level. Ha-ha-ha. No hope, huh? But anyway, the point is, yes,
in such a case the relationship can still work with big differences and
a lot of philosophical patience from the man. Though, I think it is not
accidental that Socrates got married, too.
I think it is a very important disclosure, in the following part, out of the
entire article:
In the realm of Pythagoras ideas men are seen as the opposite of
women, the men being of a spiritual nature and the women of a
material nature

And then:
Plato went so far as to say that men and women have different
types of souls and a female body may not necessarily contain
a female soul. He went on to explain that a soldier who is more
concerned with protecting his body than fighting has a more bodycentered soul and will return to life as a woman. Conversely, a
woman who displays skills of a philosophical nature and cares not
for things of the body will re-enter life as a man, (Bar On, p. 17).

Though, I think that the most important thing is the part about reentering life. The reincarnation is everywhere.
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What the heck are we, the Christians, doing my friend?

Plato states that ten thousand years must elapse before the soul of
each one can return to the place from whence she came. Only the
soul of the philosopher or of the lover can get back to its original
state in less time (three thousand years).

You see, my friend, again the lover? We talk.

You do not have to think to connect with the In. Just look in front of
you. Not specifically at one or a few things. Just look at the view in
front of your face. It means, do not worry what is behind or left and
right that you do not see.
This is the most important technique. It doesnt sound like a technique
but it is. It sounds profound, it sounds familiar, something that you
may subconsciously do all the time. But it is a technique, which you
will never do, if you do not consciously decide to do it. It is easy to
remember or imagine AFTERWARDS that you did something like that,
but it is different to clearly decide and do it at a certain moment.
If you remember, about 5 months ago, I was emailing you about the
logical system, how I started the process. At the third step, that system
leads to this conclusion: observe what is in front of you. That is just
an initial step, but it leads to very secure and logical conclusions that
will help a lot in the practice. Those conclusions secure the way out
through thoughts and emotions which otherwise would take too much
time to get through or which you may never get through in this life.
Now, when you have looked in front of you and seen the entire view,
then go to the next step: just see the things in. It doesnt matter where
in. It doesnt matter what contains those things. The point is to just see
everything in. In order to do that, you need to know what In is. You think
you know, but you dont; otherwise it would be easy to do it. So, if the idea
of the In is not clear in your mind, the idea of In, go inside somewhere, for
example in a building, and observe what makes you feel in.
This is why I told you at a point, four months ago, that the entire
world is built in order to teach us the Essence. I meant that anywhere,
anytime you are able to learn what In is, even if you are blind, by going
in and coming out of any building. Its so simple.
So, if you want to make this more clear just walk in a big spacious
building, like those old high churches and get it. Walk in there and
observe what it is that makes you feel in. Then, sit down, close your
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eyes and just observe for awhile; what is it that makes you feel in?
You see why the people meditate with closed eyes? They do not know
why, but now you know why. When you know more about the In, on
the outside, Ill tell you more details and you will see how all known
practices that the traditions use point to the In, even though pupils
do not know at all why they do what they do. They do it only because
someone with authority told them to do so.
With these experiments with the buildings when I say in I mean in the
building. Not the Essence. Get the idea from the material world. This
is the way to learn the simple idea of In, which otherwise we think is
obvious and known.
All this refers back to your experience in the supermarket, for the
period of time before you made it your aim. And I already referred to
those emotions and thoughts. Make a note. It always starts like this,
with emotions. If it is not about your wife (loving her sadly), it will be
about your personal life (feeling strong but failed, or feeling enlightened
but dying). This is the first stage ... emotions.
The second step is what you described as my aim to connect. This
focus that seemed to give me what I needed to do it, is the second
step and this is what I usually call decide it clearly.
Do you remember recently, I was telling you only when you decide to
approach it by logic will you go through your thoughts and emotions.
Otherwise you would fail.
As you noticed, that aim gave you the strength to reject any impression
because they block the process:
to go for the true experience,
to let yourself open to whatever it would be,
to feel the relief to not have to sit in the void,
to understand that it is not meditation, or as I say it better, all
this excitement about meditation is a global nonsense,
to see that you do not need to sit in Zen,
to see that you can achieve it in just a few minutes
also, you learned something, you noticed how next time to
approach the In, to key in on the In as the door.
But do not forget, be scientific. Keep notes or remember what you have to
do for the next time. You see, what you saw right there, to key in on the
In as the door, this is something that you saw right there, alive, in your
awareness. Next time you have to remember to first reach that point, and
then continue from there. This is what I meant when I said this method
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is secure to walk alone and you do not need a teacher. Because every
time you do it, it shows you what you need to correct, and how to do it.
This is what I have done all these years. Just practice and the practice
will show you your next step. Your next step is not my next step!!! Your
next step is nobody elses next step. It has to do with what you see and
who you are. This is where our personality and the way we grew up
plays a big role. This is what you were telling me before and it is true.
This is another point I learned from you. Until you explained to me
about the personality, I never paid any attention to my personality, like
it was something to be thrown out as a piece of trash, sooner or later.
So far, we are clear about these points:
first, face the emotions the
peak of which is the death one.
secondly, buckle up and focus
on the aim, the peak of which is the sign of the next step. Are we clear?
the third and final stage you
described is what we do all the time here while writing. Descriptions
of what we see in there, in the In, in Essence. Yes, it is more sobering;
yes, you look at your surroundings from a different perspective; yes,
it seems very real and authentic, but still you feel that you do not say
it all when you describe it even though you try; yes, you understand
that your surroundings absorb a lot of you and this is why most monks
become hermits (am I ever going to get married? ... ha-ha); yes, it is a
familiar and instimulate environment that helps your practice, which
is why the wisest people avoid travel, and if they travel they remain
fasting the entire time (and they say that traveling and changing places
leads to deeper sleep, not to awareness. The opposite of what people
believe, huh? I told you, if you do not know the answer to something,
take what the people usually do, then find the opposite of it and thats
it!!! You are about 95% in the right direction).
And yes, you see that you come closer to Essence than ever; yes, you
have the feeling that you do not know it because you really do not
know it--you just got there for the first time; yes, when you come back
to normal you are not sure what you experienced and you have the
feeling that it may have been an illusion, which means that those are
two different worlds and one looks fake when next to the other.
But I am sure you will go back because the sense of the real and
authentic that you mentioned is there, and you never forget it even
when you are being lazy or taken away by your attachments.

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Thanks for the feedback. And I was pleasantly surprised by your

phone call.
The country estate house is close to the hurricane area, so we left last
night to come back to Atlanta.
First of all, about the phone call. I am getting pretty tired of working.
Ha. I would like to find out more about the business ventures you
were mentioning; it may be useful to investigate, since my sons are
thinking about getting property.
You asked about my being involved in your will regarding esoteric
writings, etc. Did you mean that you wanted to name me to take care
of that one aspect of your property or were you talking about all
your assets?
Before I get back to the In, I am amused about Plato and Pythagoras ...
Did you know Pythagoras was perhaps the first mentioned vegetarian
in literature? Read Ovid who wrote about him. Today, when the
religions are becoming more feminine, with ideas about Mary
Magdalene as an apostle, etc., is Plato out of date? Ha.
I have thought a lot about women being able to be In; and I dont
know. I know this is a divergence from what we are doing, but the
vultures could get pretty upset if they did not think women could be
included in the approach we are talking about.
For example, Almaas has a lot of women students who seem to
connect with Essence. I am not asking for a reply, just considering
the universality of what we are talking about. If women cant get In,
people could be turned off to it. Also, since you say women are more
into their bodies, and I agree, approaching the In is emotional and in
the body, why not?
Back to the In. As always your response was very helpful and
understanding. Just practice and the practice will show you your next
step. This is very freeing and encouraging. So true, I think. I had a
pretty rough week this week (on vacation). Very low energy and despair
when I had so looked forward to it. My youngest son visited and I felt
that sad love I discussed before, when I normally am very happy and
excited to see him. It was strange, bittersweet mostly. Like I was skirting
around the In but was not really aiming to get In a lot of the time. It
was like something was pulling me toward it (likely my emotions and
thoughts); death was very conscious in me most of the week.
When you mentioned the business ventures, I visualized the
freedom I could feel if I did not have to work; I could have more
time to devote to In, writing, etc. Then I felt sad that I had to go back

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to work. I vacillate between wanting to work and not wanting to

work; I think I am just tired.
Too much personal from the therapist? Do not think I am trying
to seek help from you as are a therapist, but I am just trying to
describe these personal things as they seem to relate to the In. I do
think the personal is very important, as you said, the personality is
an important aspect of dealing with Essence.
I can see how the monks go away from the world, since they have
more time to pay attention to the spiritual; yet, it is a challenge even
more to be able to live in the world and in the spirit world at the same
time. I like that challenge!!! I know you do too, since you are trying to
do the same thing: Maybe you have to be braver to do that.
Especially if you get married. Ha-ha.
I did aim for the In one evening as I went to bed. I felt more
troubled; not really any relief. Perhaps that is the key to some of this;
usually meditators seek relief of some kind, some sign, or something
to feel good. It did not happen. Now that I think about it, it may
be because I tried to approach it with impressions. Maybe I just
answered my own question.
This seeker quest may be taking a lot of my energy; I am wondering if
that is it? But when I try to distract from it, it is hard to do. Weird? It
seems that the emotions keep pulling me back.
Anyway, you mentioned: aim gave you the strength to reject any
impressions. Well said. But do I have to have some strength to
have aim? When I am poor in spirit, as in the Beatitudes of Jesus,
will aim give me strength? Ha, my personality again. I see; it is my
strength aspect that needs work, as I have always known, since the
major issue for my personality (6) on the enneagram is in the area of
strength and will. Partly answering my own question.
This is work in progress.
Take care, my friend. I do not mean to overwhelm you.

I see ... while you see the things around you in In, trying to connect
with In, you still stay attached to these physical things because this
is how you (we) live. When, after a good try, like in the store, you get
connected in In, you see and feel that this is more important than any
physical surroundings.

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You will see that In becomes more important than anything else only
when you get it in any degree of reality, even with just a simple sense.
Ill be back.

About my will, I meant for everything and all.

My direct point is that I may be gone tomorrow. I do not want to give
that responsibility to anyone from Greece, first of all because nobody
has accepted my traits yet, but they also hate me (I mean it) because
I love America and became citizen. Nobody ever has given me a good
word for this.
Then I think you deserve to have more than you already have. If I
wouldnt be glad for a seeker to live better, then whom I should be glad
for? I also met you at the most important stage in my life at 46 (middle
age syndromes), shot (outrageous, huh?), blocked and choked for two
years at the same meditation stage (which you cleared up), looking for at
least 5 years for somebody (to exchange a few words about the internal),
alone with no friends (whom would you talk to?), you became my first
friend I could talk to (after 9 years in the States) and so on. I felt like I
was out in nowhere, in the middle of the desert, ready to die. True story.
The only reason that I finally asked you is due to the respect I have for you.
So, my friend, think about this. The only thing I have to do is to write
down details and instructions. Do not misunderstand me. I do not feel
there is anything wrong with me and actually I had my latest detailed
physical two weeks ago.
Excellent results in all, like blood, heart-calcium, blood pressure and so on.
I run every day 4-5 miles in 40 minutes, what do you expect? But
starting with the spiritual things, I think I should take care of it all, just
in case (you never know) something happens. These things are a bit
scary and dangerous anyway, especially for someone who has been in
the frontier for first time. Thats all about my will.
Now, I do not think that Plato is out of date. If you read the link I gave
you, at a point it says:
---------Quote--------- Look also in http://www.elon.edu/sullivan/
femplato.htm
Plato could not ignore the influence of all this background, yet he
seems to have broken the boundaries of the time in regards to his
treatment of women. Plato believed that the possession of virtue
is a consequence of knowledge of the Good, (Gould, p. 125). In the
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Republic Plato makes the assumptions that different people have

different natures and it is in every persons best interest to do what
his or her nature best suits them to do, (Bar On, p. 4). He also
makes the point that certain attributes are irrelevant to the nature
the person must follow. Plato, speaking through Socrates, makes
the analogy that if a man with as full a head of hair is known to be
a good cobbler, it does not necessarily follow that a bald man is not
suited to the same profession (Bar On, p. 5). He is again making
the distinction between mind, or soul, and body. His claim is that
the body is irrelevant to the nature of a person to be proficient
in a profession, and thus concludes that a woman could be a
philosopher as well as a man.

Though further down it says:

---------Quote--------- Look also in http://www.elon.edu/sullivan/
femplato.htm
For all of the leaps Plato seems to have made in the direction of
feminism, many of his writings suggest otherwise. A big part of
Platos works is the distinction between soul and body, the body
being seen as inferior and as a hindrance to the ambitions of the
soul. In the Apology he urges philosophers to abandon the needs
of the body as much as possible to allow for growth of the soul and
a promising afterlife (Bar On, p. 8). In the realm of Pythagoras
ideas men are seen as the opposite of women, the men being of
a spiritual nature and the women of a material nature. Indeed
women are seen, especially in the areas of reproduction and childrearing, as having more of a connection and dependence of a bodily
nature. Men, in this method of thought would be seen as being
more connected to the soul and things of a spiritual nature. Plato
embraced this idea as did many of his contemporaries.
Plato went so far as to say that men and women have different
types of souls and a female body may not necessarily contain
a female soul. He went on to explain that a soldier who is more
concerned with protecting his body than fighting has a more bodycentered soul and will return to life as a woman.

But also:
---------Quote--------- Look also in http://www.elon.edu/sullivan/
femplato.htm
Before Socrates and his friends began their final discussion before
his execution, Plato writes, Socrates excused a woman from the room
for bursting into an emotional display. Phaedo, Platos narrator,
described this as typically female. When his execution was carried
out at the end of the Phaedo, Socrates shamed the men around him
for weeping aloud saying this was the reason he sent the women
away. Why was this gender stereotype included in Platos work?

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So it looks like the potentials are there, but still there is a dispute due
to the different source that man and woman come from.
You bring up an interesting point ... If women cant get In, people
could be turned off to it. Also, since you say women are more into their
bodies, and I agree, approaching the In is emotional and in the body,
why not? ...
My friend, Ive told you, women are not people, the way we know
it. I do not want to go too far with it, I have already given you some
good hints about it. But generally speaking, equality is a damn thing.
Nothing is equal and nothing is the same. Now, I understand it is a big
deal to say these words today, where the darkness has been supported
with a net of laws. Also, notice that I do not mean the women are a
substitute or lower or anything like that. I do not mean that they are
ultimate beings nor are they superior either. I can tell you here, that
these comparisons are stupid, as stupid as it is to ask what is superior,
the fork or the spoon. Huh? Do you understand the point? The question
is stupid, and the validness of each depends on the circumstances.
Surely, though, you cannot have both at the same place and at the
same time. But in spite of this, this is what people try to do today, this
is what happens today. For example, you cannot eat the soup with a
spoon and then try to do the same with a fork in order to prove they are
equal. Thats stupid, makes no sense. Similarly, if men are to be in In,
women are not. Simple as that. After that is the fight with the emotions,
while you swallow the idea ... ha-ha.
And nothing is wrong with women being attached to the body. And
nothing is wrong with approaching the In through the body, but that we
are attached to the body more than anything else. You never feel that you
are your emotions; you feel they are part of your organization. You never
feel you are your thoughts, you feel they are part of your organization.
But you-me and everybody feels we are this body, this is why there is
fear of death. So, whoever is attached more to the body can see less of
the truth.
That doesnt mean it is impossible, just much, much, much harder. There
is the final and biggest fight, between the self and the body, between the
real and the shadow, between what I am and what I think I am.
Nobody ever said the women cannot do it. There are rules though. The
obedience is one. For instance, blood is vital and very important for the
body and the human organization. So while blood is good, is vital, and
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is excellent for life, that doesnt mean we should fill all organization
with it. You do not let the blood flow freely throughout the entire
body; that would mean death. But what you do is to let the blood flow
through the discipline and limitation that is called veins. You let the
blood flow through the restriction which is named veins. If you do
not let the blood flow by its rules, you die; simple as that. Only if you
push the blood through the narrow, very narrow, strictly shrunken and
controlled path of the veins, only then is blood useful.
Same thing applies with everything else in life. Same theory applies
with how women could get in the In. People today are lost. Instead of
learning what the rules are in each game, they simply think this is
good and then they try to repeat that good in all situations, freely,
under no control, just because it is good. Like the children, when they
like chocolate, they ask for more, cry for more, scream for more. Silly
!!!!!!!!!! Just silly, huh?
So there is no denying that women can get in the In. But there are rules,
which are not followed just because of the equality nonsense. It is good
to let women try (and I absolutely agree). But let the women to take
over everything just for the sake of proving the equality? Thats silly.
Equality nonsense applies just because of the non-equality nonsense,
do you understand the loop?
Well, the price is paid and continues to be paid in every aspect that
equality has been applied.
Rules are simple: The man obeys God, the woman obeys man. Man
obeys God because he can understand what God is. Woman obeys man
because she can easily realize what man is, although man doesnt know
what man is. Obeying doesnt mean blind execution of orders.
Obedience in traffic is driving in your lane, otherwise you will get killed;
people do not complain about it and they do not ask for equality in this
matter, which in this case would mean to drive in the other lanes, and
the reason is because others are there. They do not demand equality
because they see they will get killed otherwise. But in the world of the
ideas they demand equality because they do not see that they will get
killed, that energy will disappear, and cleverness will be lost.
Obedience, is when you enter your home through the door, otherwise
you will get hurt or killed; people do not complain about it asking for
equality, which in this case would be to enter through the window or
through the walls.

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They do not demand equality because they see they will get killed
otherwise. But in the world of the ideas they demand equality because
they do not see that they will get killed, that energy will disappear, and
cleverness will be lost.
Obedience, is when you wear warmer clothes in the middle of the
winter, otherwise you will get sick or die; people do not complain about
it asking for equality, which in this case would be to wear summer
clothes in the middle of the winter. They do not demand equality
because they see they will get killed otherwise. But in the world of the
ideas they demand equality because they do not see that they will get
killed, that energy will disappear, and cleverness will be lost.
Now, do not be confused if you see some remarkable beings, like Almaas,
getting into all this promotion with women. No matter how much in or
connected somebody is, the female will always be there as the cause of
distraction, which shakes down to the pity of negotiations or acceptance.
Acceptance of the outer ... ignorance of the inner. Well said or not? In
the process of the personality burning, the one thing before the last that
gets burnt up is the woman and the last is your personality.
Women and attraction will be there all the time, even for a monk, until
right before the final end. I just got into one female vulture like this and
as I have told you at an earlier point I have to go through until it gets
me to the next step inner. That is because so far my limited deepness
cannot get this next step, so I got this female vulture that punishes me
and pushes me forward until I get so frustrated that again I will abandon
everything, thereby devoting myself back to the In, to the gloriousness of
the recognition, so defined by you Richard ... haaaaa ha-ha.
Thats the role of the woman, to torture us, to push us forward, to express
her insecurity and tell us go, go, move forward ..., to make us lose our
achievements and move us forward. This happens all the time, right up
to the final end, by the various methods women use (bitching, beauty,
sexualizing, confusing, etc.) So they are not that evil, are they? ... ha-ha.
Ill be back with your In references.

I am going out of town. Ill be back Weds. I am considering your

request. Ill get back. Have a good weekend.

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Im back.
Maybe it would be good if we could either talk issues of business
ventures and your will over the phone or in person. Maybe we could
get together for lunch one day, meet at my office, or whatever you
would feel okay with.
Would this change our relationship too much, to meet in person, or could
we continue as we are, as teacher to teacher? Maybe we could pull it off.
I would not want the will or personal relationship to interfere with our
work and I dont think it would have to. What do you think?
I dont know about discussing this on the phone, but if you want to go
that way I will.
As you may know, the therapist ethics discourage dual
relationships, which means having another type of relationship as
well as a therapist-patient relationship. However, if you and I are
clear that I am no longer your therapist and wouldnt ever be again
(I dont think I ever was. Ha - just a sort of spiritual guide?. Ha), then
we could be okay. This is not to say that I could not have therapist
input in what we are discussing. Do you see the difference, and are
you okay with it?

I see the difference ... absolutely.

I think we tried for 9 months as therapist-patient and it didnt work ...
ha-ha. And I think you will never be my therapist once it didnt occur
14 months after the shooting. Actually, it never started. I do not think
your profession is to cure meditators or to complete meditation stages.
Yes, your profession would be to cure anxiety of all kinds, but not to
lead in meditation, dont you agree? Of course, you can start it now. But
I do not think that any meditator can be named patient. Anyway.
Ill take you for a sushi lunch, if you like it. Or Ill take you and your
lovely wife to dinner at LaStrada restaurant. You are mine, until I tell
you when you can pay, okay? Schedule it for this Saturday night, if you
want. Dinner, all three of us. Or however you tell me.
Well, once you see it (our relationship) like that and once you proposed
this change between us, Ill be more than happy to adjust. That was
my idea a long time ago, but as I said I was not going to be the one who
would tell you what to do in your territory.
I am very happy to hear that. I totally agree. And I totally understand
that you should continue being the therapist to the teacher. Thats
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different and it has been established, mentored and practiced by you,

although through the open-minded approach of two. I like that, I need
that, I use that, I am looking forward to that and it should be there all
the time, even during our business ventures or other material meetings.
I also agree about not discussing these things by phone. Isnt the best
option.
The only thing I am worrying about is how we are going to control all
this laughter that happens when we meet ... ha-ha ..., but you are the
therapist ... it is your field to take care of it ... Ill do it, you will cure it
... ha-ha good deal.
You know my number. Call me anytime.
I look forward to this Saturday or so.
Ha ... ha-ha ... One more big, big, big change between the rest of the
recent ones. In changes it all.
In changes it. God help me !!!!! I do not even know enough to know
that I do not know. Haaaa ha-ha.

Better said than I did. The therapist dealing with the anxiety of
meditation, etc. Very good!
I will be out of town again this weekend. My wife starts back teaching
on Monday. One last fling!
How about Tuesday (July 26) for lunch at about 1:15 at the Violet
Restaurant on Clairmont Rd. (across from Sams) Ha!
I will be working, but can get there pretty quickly from my office. Or
wherever you suggest that is close.
I will tell my wife about your kind invitation; maybe we can try
another time for all three. Look forward to hearing from you.

Done ... Deal.

You mean, close to Clairmont & Hwy 85, right?
Okay. Tuesday, 26th at 1:15. See you.
Meanwhile I continue the answer I owe you, on the In.

I have read about monks sitting in small rooms or cloisters. Is this

how they are helped to go in In?
When Jesus was born there was no room in the Inn. Interesting? Just
being a smart ass!
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Smart or not, its true story.

I am waiting for you to get it on the outside, then you will see that
everything you know is about in.

Is the view in front of your face related to going on the outside?

It seems that I have been trying to go In a lot, but most of the time I
do, I go to sleep (usually at night in bed). My oldest son visited this
past week and I felt the sad love with him present, just the same as
with my younger son the week before.
I did feel connected to the outside when I was in the pea patch in
the country estate picking peas. I was sweating, it was hot, it felt as
if I was one with the outside; kneeling on the earth, seeing the blue
sky, the green grass and trees; very connected. Very expansive; cows
in the field, everything feeling connected. For awhile I felt relief, lost
the sad love, but felt some In at the same time.
I am not sure what you are suggesting when you say the entire world
is built to teach us Essence.
If I decide to do the looking at the view in front of my face, is this all
you are suggesting for now? If I see it as In do you mean that whatever
is outside becomes inside? If so, you may be making the connection
of contemplation or meditation with living out your life in the world
at the same time. In other words, you dont have to go to a quiet place
necessarily or sit with eyes closed, but the grace could come at any
time you decide to do it. True?

I will meet you on the outside (of the restaurant) and we can go
inside; but if it is too hot outside, I will meet you inside.
Believe me, I am trying (to get it on the outside). See you tomorrow.

Good to see you today. I am thinking about our discussion. I have no

time next Tues. How about lunch again at 1:15 somewhere close to
the office, in two weeks , Tuesday, August 16? I have to be back at the
office at 3:15, at the latest. Violet, or wherever, if the area is okay with
you. Take care, my friend.
Meanwhile, what about outside to understand In?

Yes, sir ... our meeting today was great. First of all, 1 and 1/2 hours later I
was able to connect back to In, as well as I could a couple of months ago.
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As I told you at the meeting, for three weeks, I couldnt get even close at
all ... well, it was there, but it was mixed with all the affairs of this world.
I have to admit though, I didnt forget how and I was trying very hard
for a long time. But I couldnt even get close to the glory for a couple of
months now. I know it was all this materialistic heaven ... new truck,
new SUV, new business, improvements to the house for the first time
since I bought it, more investments, new businesses and all this heaven
that never happened before like this. I know it was all that, but I was
okay when all this started. The big change came when, in the midst of all
that, I met that young girl with a lot of promise and potential. You see,
my heart flew over, but I kept doing the In practice ... of course.
And, my friend, you can imagine what happened, cant you? She loved
what she saw, connection was excellent and dreamy, and flow was
smooth ... that took a lot of my attention. Though my practice was there
all the time, actually more. The quality of it was not like before, I was
divided. But the strength and the quantity more than before. Well ...,
the girl, within 7 days after I met her, got accepted for a MBA program
in another State, a major that she had applied for two years ago and, of
course, she didnt hope for a response anymore.
Well, ... ha-ha, the response came to her after two years (again two?)
right after we met. Of course, she was happy and flew away ... and I am
asking you now, no matter if you are a fan of Indians with the rituals or
Shamans with animism or you believe in fate, isnt that an arrangement
from inside, yes or no? Ha-ha, it looks like she met the In and got
spun out. It was amazing how that happened, and she was in doubt
for a few days about what to do; to follow the dream (of the University
acceptance) that became real from the past efforts building for the
future desires or to follow the reality (of staying with me) that requires
efforts in the future but it builds based on the desires of the past? She
chose the first, but meanwhile, I admit, I couldnt connect back like
before. I told you my friend, when the achievement is there, the woman
will appear, will stir everything up and she will leave. Then you have
to find your way back to normal and the new stage that comes with all
this withdrawal and reconnection, thanks to her.
But this reconnection with the In happened today after I met you. I am
thankful and it shows me that first of all you are into In, then that this
is the solution when a female stirs it up (to meet the mate in the In),
and last that you once again worked as a therapist. You see, practicing
the In, things happen, you do not have to worry much. I just practiced
it a few times while we met and that was enough to adjust the entire
unit ... ha-ha-ha. Good.
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Of course we need to meet again. Ill be glad to meet you at the same
place, when you want. We need to go through details, one step at
a time. But also, I prefer all esoteric references to be through this
dialogue. Its not so strict that we cannot talk while we meet, no ... no,
but I do not want to go too deeply when we meet, for now. Lets mostly
arrange the materialistic issues when we meet.
About the In, you noted very well in your last email, If I see it as In, do
you mean that whatever is outside becomes inside? If so, you may be
making the connection of contemplation or meditation with living out
your life in the world at the same time. In other words, you dont have
to go to a quiet place necessarily or sit with eyes closed, but the grace
could come at any time you decide to do it. True? ...
Yes, it is absolutely true. But if you have a real experience of it, you will
know its name. This outside that becomes inside and by which you live
your life in the world at the same time, it is absolutely true, and very
well expressed by you. But the real experience of it, gives you its name
... that stage has a name.
Of course I am expecting you to find it. Meanwhile you need to know
that the answer to your question ... Is the view in front of your face
related to going on the outside?... is yes, it is related.
Also the answer to your other question ... If I decide to do the looking
at the view in front of my face, is this all you are suggesting for now?
... is yes, I am suggesting this for now. But let me explain. This will not
lead you to the In. This is just a good start if you want to get there. It is
a good start forever, for all of your life, for every day. Ill send you the
entire system that leads to that In and explains why that is. But it is just a
technique, which I think is very, very, very useful for you. Because I have
noticed that, in all cases (the wife in the supermarket, the one son and
then the other son), you experienced the same emotion, that sad love.
This comes as a result of having seen them already from a distance. It is
not that you see them away from you, like strangers ... no ... no. It is this
different view of the world that comes to your entity, which comes more
and more every time when you try harder to get into the In.
Every time you try harder to get into the In, you decide to abandon
things from this world.
At that moment you do not pay much attention to this little decision
because you are practicing as a zealot at that time. Then, when you are
done with your practice, what have you actually done?????

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You have abandoned things from this world, you have dived into
the In and so when you come back all this sense follows and stays
with you for a few days or more. So, even though you may not be
practicing anymore, you still see things from this point of view, which
is actually the abandoning. So you see the people you love from the
view of abandoning them, you feel a potential missing. Of course,
this abandoning has also the taste of the death. This is what death is,
abandoning what is known. But remember that all this is not the true
story. It is true as long as the In stays away in its world and doesnt get
downloaded into this world through your body. When you live two
lives for awhile, here and there, you will always have this problem.
So, when you practice this the view in front of your face, you actually
abandon your feelings by turning your attention to the environment
around you, where there are no feelings but only images, impressions.
This is a key start. There is another good reason, but for now, once
you realize the world in front of you, then you invoke the In. You
see all things that are in your view, you see all of them In. This is
a tremendous focus. It is not anything strong or deep ... it is just a
very sharp point of view. It is very, very sharp. It needs a very thin
dedication, very keen mind to see it. Still you can use the experience
that you have from the buildings, in and out, inside and outside.
This is the answer to your last question ...I am not sure what you are
suggesting when you say the entire world is built to teach us Essence
... this is what I mean. All the spaces around us are part of the in-out
relationship. All the entities around us are part of the in-out relationship.
All our life is spent in and out of somewhere. In and out all the time. So
learning this relation, in and out, is simple, it is there all the time. But
we spend all our life doing a lot of other things without ever learning
what In is. It is so simple. I challenge you and anybody, to forget all about
esoteric, forget all about internal, forget all about theology, and forget all
about seeking. Just tell me, as a regular common person, is the In there
all the time? Yes, right? Is the In born or does it ever dies? No, right? Does
the In change? No, right? I do not say it is the only one, but it is one that
is not born, does not die, and is there all the time forever. So it looks like
we know what the truth is, dont we? ... ha-ha. Now, I still continue to
challenge you or anybody to tell me, who thinks they dont know what the
In is? Again, forget about anything internal ... just think ... is there anybody
who thinks that they dont know what In is? I think not. Everybody knows
what In is, what In means. But also ask anybody to define it. Nobody can.
Ask anybody to practice it. Nobody can. Ask anybody to stay with that
more than one minute or a few seconds. Nobody can. Why?
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Ha ha-ha. You see? All these are characteristics of the truth, arent they?
Now, I still say it is not the truth, once the In defines space only. But I
say that In is the place where the truth is. And once the truth is unity
then its space and the truth itself are one. So if you get placed there (in
the In), you get united with the truth. This is where the revolution of
this presentation is, compared to all the others. It is the first time that
the truth can be defined somehow.
Before, one would ask the master and the master would stay silent or
talk with parables. Now, the truth is spoken. It is the In. And let them
find out that they do not know what they think they know. Let them
find out that they do not know enough to know that they do not know.
It is scientific once it locates the truth, or the beginning of the truth,
without asking you to believe in anything unknown to you. It defines the
truth, while no other system has before; it defines truth as closer than ever.
It directs you to the truth from where you stand every day. You do not have
to change any traits, job, way of dressing, way of life, beliefs, diet, ideas,
systems, wishes, passions, thoughts, emotions, feelings, nothing.
Also, it fits all existing traditions since all traditions tell you to look
inside yourself or look inside your heart or God is inside you and
anyway, all of them are talking about the inside and none about the
outside, the so called esoteric world, internal life and so on.
Now go back and clear up how you understand the In.
Go into buildings, in rooms, in cars, anywhere, and observe what it is
that makes you understand the in. Observe what it is practically exactly
... no theories. Maybe it is the ceiling that gives you the impression of
the In. Maybe it is the walls that surround the space that gives you the
impression of the In. Maybe it is your head that creates that impression
of the In, maybe it was taught to you. Maybe ... maybe. Find out.
Once you find it in a simple set of words go outside and practice it.
It may work, it may not. Try again by going back in the building. You
are in a building every moment. You are in a space every moment. If
you sleep, lets say 8 hours a day, you have another 57,600 seconds to
practice the In. If you do it once per minute, you can practice it 960
times a day. Haaaa ha-ha. Think about it!!!!
Make a note that you cannot sleep if you do not let your mind go In. If
your mind stays outside, you cannot sleep and the next day you are tired.
Now, if you do not get it, observe why you do not. But do not tell me
that I brain wash you, or I push you, or I force you to do it, because
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it was you who said I know what the In is, I know what In means,
right? Well, the more you practice, the more you will see that you do
not know it and this is another characteristic of the truth.
Again back to you. Use the front of your face view to locate the
environment. When you locate it, invoke the In. See all the things in.
Then let the things alone and jump into the pure In. Live with that.
Do not get stuck with the things.
Jump into the In even when you have a little idea of it.
This last sentence above says it all.
It doesnt matter how you understand the In. Just do what you
understand now, even if it is not exact. Just do something and this will
lead you further.
But tell me, tell me, tell me specific things. What do you do? What
makes you think that you are in a building, when you are in there?
Then do it outside and tell me what you did and at what point you
missed the In, because now you realize the outside?
Just tell me things. It will help you to tell them and write them down.
You have a very keen mind. Once again I admired that keen mind
today, when we met, at the point when you said it was very fascinating
to you that the aim leads you, but also the aim is not impressions. You
even said it better, but it looks like you are sifting all these aspects
very well and you define/express things in an amazing way. A way that
helps me a lot, much more I think than other people. So do not take it
personally, if you go slow and through each one step at a time. I do not
think you do this work for yourself.
Yes, you are the one who has the aim, but you do not choose your steps.
So take it easy and enjoy it. It is a very beautiful path.
When I started, some 30 years ago, in my youths spontaneity, I
promised that I would go through each one step as a scientist and
would never take things for granted. I said to myself that I shall never
care to reach a certain end point, but I will do it with the aim to
disclose each one step of the path and how the entire system works.
Young ideologist, to learn the secrets instead of being famous.
To find the name of the rose instead of enjoying the rose.

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I just saw that movie (the name of the rose) in front of me today and
bought it. I have seen it four times within a month, some 15 years ago.
Ha-ha-ha
I want to see what the In wants to remind me of now. Ha-ha.

It was a good meeting, indeed. I agree, to not deal with esoteric things
in person. That In itself is interesting to me. Maybe the letters keep
the right balance .
About the girl ... are you saying that women are a definite distraction
to the inner life? I know that is the viewpoint of many disciplines,
but does that mean that they are not a bringer of the vision of unity
that we seek with Essence sometimes, or do we continuously as
men mistake one unity for the other. Maybe the In and women are
competing, or we are competing inside ourselves in regard to our
aim. Ha. In Greek mythology woman did not come from man in
the division of the unity; men split from men and women split from
women. The west versus the east.
Anyway, again you write so well and so precisely about the process
and techniques.
I think you are right; I do not know what In is. If I knew what it was,
it may lose its truth. So, we will never know what it is and all we can
do is find it.
Anything we know loses its truth; like when you get to know a woman
she becomes human, not an image.
That is a point. If the woman becomes human such as in a marriage,
and doesnt leave, then she may not disrupt the practice of the In. As
long as we dont go seeking other women when we get frustrated with
trying to find the In. Haaaa.
I am looking over what you wrote and will keep you informed of my
experiences. I sat in my office in Douglasville today, looking at the
ceiling and walls and just accepted that I was In. That was about it.
I will write more later; have to go now. Take care and thanks for the
very keen synthesis system with the aim of practical results for
anyone who is interested.

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is the In an Impression?

No, the women are not a distraction. They just stir things up. As I said
when I see something unrighteous, I apply the practice and wait for
awhile, then after a term (usually 2 months or 2 years) I see changes
coming up (remember, California, Atlanta, etc.) So with women.
As I just do the practice and I know that some big changes will come
up as a result of the energy because of the practice, so the women do.
They just observe (usually the man); by just observing, they stir things
up and then have the man run, run, running to find out how his life
changed and what happened so suddenly.
First of all it doesnt happen with every woman. But it always comes
from a woman. You see, this last matter taught me that the In doesnt
apply only to things such as solid bodies, but also to the operation of
things. It is an aspect that was forgotten in the middle of the heaven of
this great discovery of the In.
All this time I never thought about it. I was connecting and practicing
with it as it first came to me.
But after I met her (I saw her only two times and we spoke another
three or four on the phone) and because of the so called stirring of
energy or whatever happened, now I am at the point where I can see
better, I was forced to see that one can get connected with In through
operations, not only solid bodies - images. Operation is for example
talking, thinking, moving, any interaction. It sounds rational for this to
be like this, for how else could it be?
But when you just practice, you do not think of all details in this world,
you think of details of that In !!!
Of course many times I thought, how can a blind man connect with
the In, since he doesnt have the privilege of the view of what I am

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describing to you, so how does he connect? Well, my friend, the answer

came through her, believe it or not.
Ha-ha ... it reminds me of something similar, when I was talking with
women and was asked if I believed in love at first sight, I used to say
no, because if it was really then a blind person could not be in love. The
same applies here. With all my points of view I wrote about In, its not
easy to answer how a blind man can be connected with the In. Now, of
course, I know the answer. No, actually, I am still working on that. I was
forced to do that, for my personal needs and questions after I met her.
I am sure when I get through that, and apply the new stage, another one
will come and push forward.
I will let you know, ha-ha.
Well, about your other point ... If the woman becomes human such as
in a marriage, and doesnt leave, then she may not disrupt the practice
of the In ... this is true, but still the application through such a woman
remains in this world, remains in your body.
That brings up a very good living, a very balanced life. Especially, if
they are satisfied and feel you through sex. All goods return back to
you. She feels you, she thinks about you, all balance comes back to
you. But the fine point is, that even experiencing this excellent feeling,
all the developed energy still applies to this world only, it empowers
your earthly body.
Yes, it is one step up, but still in this world. It empowers the sense of
living in the body, it makes you relax on ephemerals vigilance (if I
express it right). Well, thats not that bad, but the truth of the matter is
that one day you will feel and know that this body is going to die, then
what are you going to do next?
My point is, while practicing the In, you first understand the In applied
through the presence of your surroundings, then experience the In
as a pure and solid entity itself. I mean you use your surroundings to
download the In but once you get it you abandon the surroundings and
you try to stay with just the In, no impressions allowed ... ha-ha. You
will synthesize the spirit with the material matter, you will download the
spirit in this world, but first learn and know that the spirit itself exists.
The woman will distract you from learning that. Anytime you jump
into the spirit itself, she will be there to bring you back, never missing
one occasion. Try it, you tell me. Her presence is always attached to the
material, to the matter. But if you know the spirit itself, then the woman
is the best entity to help you download the spirit in the material matter.
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So its a choice of level, stage and turn.

Now let me go back to the practice. You know what I am practicing now?
To get ready to get married. Ha. How? Hmmmm ... my friend listen.
I observed that if I exercise the In through day-to-day operations, and
if I succeed in empowering the In through operations, and because a
woman just operates (stirs things up), then and only then I will be able
to apply the In completely while with a woman, which means only
then I am able to live with one without problems or troubles in my
practice. It is a good project, a good aim. Ill keep you posted ... haha, but maybe it is another trap of the personality to make me exercise
more and get inner into the In no matter of the material outcome.
Well see. But do you understand that the personality doesnt get
burned in the end? This is why I describe to you personal matters in
detail. The personalitys beliefs, thoughts, images, ideas and all these
get burned up, not the personality itself!!! Do you see that, through
what I told you today? This was included in the latest package that was
delivered with the views on operations.
And the worst thing is that it looks like the personality will walk
through all this hell of losing, of dying, of burning, of anything, just
so that one day you will turn around and accept a straight connection,
pleasant and operational into the In. Ha-ha ... and I was wondering ... in
case I become a holy man or so, how could I enjoy money, sex, smells,
tastes, touching, etc.?
Here we go ... ha-ha.
Maybe personality doesnt die. Ill tell you what happens ... ha-ha.
I just practiced that today. It looks like a gorgeous way of living.
But I see the exit of the tunnel very far away. God help me. Please,
Richard!!!!

I will write more later. Have to go to work. More tomorrow.

There is a Greek community in my country estate State. The tourist
attraction called Jasmine Hill Gardens closed down, but opens some
weekends during the year. It is a replica of Heras temple, with Greek
statues all over and gardens. The Greek community from Atlanta
during the 1996 Olympics had a gathering there. I think maybe the
torch was carried through there. It is just around the corner from my
country estate house. Interesting? When I spend most of my time there,
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upon retirement and selling the Atlanta house, I will be able to be more
involved with the neighborhood, etc. Not yet. But, who knows? There
are some good WASP girls too, but a long way from esoteric.
My wife grew up there, went to protestant church, went to private
church college (as did I in Tenn.), grew up fundamentalist; now is in
the void and open to possibilities. Said I destroyed her system. Haaaa,
but she liked it. I like the idea of the stirring. I agree. Remember Ovid
who wrote about the girl (Daphne)?
Will write more later. Tuesday, 1:15, Violet, August 9, for lunch?
What do you mean: but I see the exit of the tunnel very far away?

You do not have to look for anyone. Do not try to help me. What desires
I have and what I pass through while practicing is my preparation
work, not yours. I name it preparation work because the results of such
work never come when you look for them. Every time something comes
as an achievement, it comes from unexpected areas by unexpected
ways. All our efforts prior to that are just a preparation process, to make
us ready to receive and live with that achievement. The exit of the
tunnel too far away means that this aspect (by means of operation)
looks too big to me. I just feel like a little baby in a big world in this.
This is how it feels for now.
Yeah, August 9th at 1:15. Are you sure it is 9th or is it 16th? You
mentioned 16th before.

About space and truth: these seems to be the key to the In.
Time is left out; is time left out because it is perceived as a linear,
or chronological event, and is our brain designed to try to interpret
reality by impressions of events? We then mistake the impressions
for the truth, but it is lost because at that point we define something
indefinable (maybe Einsteinian).
How do we know that In is not an impression? To know that In is not
an impression we make it an idea; we use the idea to go beyond the
idea and the idea is only as you say, a technique to open the door,
no more than that. When any of this becomes (including In) truth, it
is lost, but truth cannot be defined if it sits in space and not in time,
perhaps. However, aim has a dimension of will or intentionality; to
seek and find. But, if In is already there, aim is just a preparation, not
a willfulness, just an attitude. So is truth an experience, a reality, an
entity, or a marker for a grace connection with Essence?
So, was the resurrection in time or just space-truth realm?

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Excuse my logic if it is unsound. All logic is based on a thesis

(Aristotle) (that is, Aristotelian logic, not Whitehead), so is this the
thesis? (space-truth as ultimate reality), but then there is the body; ah,
matter and mass; how does that fit In? Somewhere in the download?
Not like Buddha (only emptiness)?
Sorry if I am weird. Just one of those nights.
You do not have to answer all of this; my mind, however, goes all over
the place since I cannot leave stones unturned; I do not think I will do
this much longer, but I keep thinking about the vultures. But as you
say, you dont need to do this unless you have an aim to do it. And you
have already explained to me that this could not be given to anyone
unless they asked for it. It becomes more and more clear.

Too many questions, too many challenges ... I am trying ... ha-ha ... I am
trying ... Be patient ... ha-ha.
... How do we know that In is not an impression? ... Well, describe it. If
it is an impression, describe it. Shape it and spit it, talk about it. Come
on, can you? You think you have an impression about it, you think you
know it, but if I ask you, it is gone. So, the impression you think you
have lives in the dark.
You have the impression that you have that impression. Another key
aspect is that you do not know how nor when you got that impression.
Nobody taught you that. You got it on your own or you came with that
... ha-ha ... as a package. You were downloaded here, and In was your
parachute.
Time is never left out. I know it is not clear yet, how Time is related
to Space. But with the example I gave you with the twins, at the site
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7423298 you can figure out that less
Time passes when Speed increases in Space. The faster the speed, the
less Time applies. It is not only that the with more Speed, the less Time
you need to cover a distance in the Space ... which is logical and true,
but also it is true that the more Speed, the less Time you need to cover
a distance in Time. In such a way, Time applies less and also affects
less. You see, one Twin travels for a year at the speed of light (too much
speed, high speed) while the other remains on earth; the astronaut twin
comes back one year older and finds his brother 60 years older. Do you
understand? You see, the faster you do things the younger you remain,
or the more you delay aging.
I followed this theory all my life.

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I do things fast and I have seen this delay on aging all the time. I can
tell you about a lot of different and keen applications of it ... a lot and
charismatic applications. However, in other words, the more distance
you cover faster in the Space, the more you eliminate the Time. Which
comes in compliance with one of Carl Marxs principals, that it is the
increase of the quantity that brings the change in the quality (and do
not start now with Marxism, haaaaa ... ha-ha ... of course you can start
anything you want).
Even when I used to employ workers, I used to tell them work fast,
speed up!!! I do not say that so you will produce more for me. I say that
because you will do the job better with greater quality and you will be
younger. If you get tired, I do not mind, take a longer break. Spend the
same amount of time for a project as youd work normally. But when
you work, work fast.
Yes, my friend, I used to tell them this and it was also written into the
work policy. Of course they never did. But my point is I knew this
concept and I have observed it. Not only that ... I understood many
years ago this nonsense, about slowing down. At work, in traffic,
everywhere in our life, we are told to slow down, in the name of safety.
This is the biggest nonsense. In military actions the faster you perform
the safer you will be. When people need to be effective, they get trained
and speed up, they never slow down. Why shouldnt this apply in
normal life? Why are we told that it is safer to go slower and not faster?
Why dont they allow people to be better trained, (at their expense, for
example, if they want to drive) faster? Whats the difference between
US and Germany where they have lanes where you can speed as much
you want? The answer to that is simple.
They, the government and corporations, know what they are doing,
they have the studies, they know facts from the research and they
direct and dominate the people behavior!!!! Which way? The way
that makes them more of a fool, more stupid, less intelligent so the
consumers, can be controlled easier. Its all about money. Going
slower, your brain sleeps. A sleeping brain brings aging and less
reaction. Actually they say that this is the cause of Alzheimers which
is increasing. Slower also means more accidents, more cars for sale,
higher insurance charges!!!!
They say it is for safety, but where did we see the benefits in lower
numbers of accidents? They have less accidents in Europe where
they go faster. Maybe a few states, like NC, have shown a slight
improvement in car accidents, thats a small change compared to the
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effort that has been put into the efforts to slow down. Also look for
other numbers, such as consumption: drinking, drug addiction, etc.,
look at the whole picture and you will understand the effect.
My point is when you repress the peoples desires, the energy of
that repressed desire will find another outlet. Where do you want
that energy to go? It wont disappear, it will go somewhere. It goes
somewhere and this is what government wants. Instead of enforcing
better training that will allow you go faster, they allow a 15 minute
driving test and make us go slow, slow and slower.
I spent a lot of time here on driving issues because it is a good
opportunity to say something about this stupid law that drives people
to be more stupid. Look around you when you drive ... just watch the
driver of the car that slows down the traffic. Its easy to find one, it
happens every day. Look at that face and tell me what you see, a bright
smart person or a stupid piece of human shape? Usually it is the latter.
To a degree, it is the same when it comes to comparing slower to faster.
I feel very lucky that I have observed things like this; it is a direct result
of connecting to In.
By getting into In, do not expect to find the heaven or Nirvana, expect
to first adjust your world by having a keener mind. You see, the world
is ran or ruled so everybody lives with the standards of the lowest level
of human being, so they, the low ones, can have a chance. Ha-ha this
is purposeful so because in a way, I, whoever, the smart, can control
the people, the market and my assets better. It could be the other way
around, the world would be ruled so that everybody lives with the
standards of the highest level human beings, in which case the lower
level human beings would again have a chance, an opportunity to learn
first and then improve on how they live.
The difference between the two is this; in the first case scenario (where
everybody lives with the low standards) everybody can have pleasure
right away. In the second case scenario (where everybody lives with the
high standards) everybody is obligated to get training and education.
Do you understand the difference?
Back to my point that faster works against aging; thats a gift for only a
few. The fact is that Speed in Space eliminates Time. So it is one thing
whether you connect in In, it is another thing whether you do things
fast, even this, to connecting with the In.

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The touch point is that when you connect with the In, you still have
things to do. Still the tree can break and fall in the yard with a thump.
If you get scared or startled by the noise you may lose the connection
with the In, or you may not.
It will depend on your practice prior to that and how you have learned
to overcome the emotions that come from impressions of the material
world and still stay connected to In. There is either a response or a
reaction. I think I have sent you the article about being responsive and
being reactive. I attach it here again:
What is the difference between reacting and responding? When we
react we are coming from a programmed egotistical place. We are
either reacting aggressively or passively. Oh, Im not good enough
OR Hey, does everybody see how cool I am. Reactive.
When we are responding, when you say, Hey, you did a great job.
And I say, Thank you. What was great about it? I am responding,
Im doing it on purpose. Response is on purpose. Reactive is our
ego. So nothing is wrong with that because we all have ego. We
have a lot of ego and we all are reactive. When we shut down that
reactive nature, we become more clear because when we are doing
things on purpose, we are choosing who we are going to be with.
We are choosing who we are going to surround ourselves with.
We are choosing the path we are going to take. Are you going to
react or respond? Your son, when he was younger, hes poking you
saying, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy ... If you say, What, what
do you want? You are reacting. Youd never choose to do that.
You put your arm around him and say, You wait until Im done
talking with your Mother. That is a response that is what youre
choosing. So the same thing is true with making money or in any
of our relationships. The biggest element though of course, is our
relationship with our self and are we reactive with our self? Get to
see your own reactivity or your responsiveness. Because reactivity
is weak, it is disempowering. Its not bad -- its human. But proactivity, taking the bull by the horns is empowering. Just look at
yourself and what you have created, very much at core, if you did
it because, Ill show them, it is reactive. If you did it because I
can, I need to do it, its my destiny to fulfill; Ive got a talent I need
to put it to good use. I choose to be successful, that is where the
power is. (Jim Rohn, http://coaching.jimrohn.com)

So if you lose connection with the In when the tree falls you react
to that matter, through the emotions of (i.e.) fear that comes from
the material matter. But if you are in control, you respond to that by
looking at the yard while you still remain connected to In. Reaction
means you cannot overcome the matter, you become part of it.
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Response means you remain who you are and you just face another
matter in life. It is simple in theory but hard to live.
However, in both situations there is a choice and an action; ONE: stay
still, or TWO: follow the matter. How fast you do any of those in the
Space while the situation occurs, is where you work with the Time,
tend to eliminate it or tend to let it grow. You work with the Time all
the time ... ha-ha. It is your choice.
At some point, you will overcome Time totally. This is the moment of
unity, where there is no longer distractions from material matters. This is
the moment when your connection with In will never be distracted from
material matters from this point forward. At this point, your emotions no
longer overtake the mind and so you can remain connected. What has
been happening up to this point is that impressions from our emotions
overtake the entire entity and we forget who, what, where and when we
are. Everything is lost, even only for a second.
This is why in traditions the emotions are symbolized as horses that
need to be controlled from the driver (mind) of the carriage (body),
which means it is the body (carriage) that travels and can travel well
only when the mind (driver) controls the emotions (horses). You can
never just let the horses go where they want.
Thats another proof that the tip I gave you some time ago is true. That
tip was if you want to make a correct quick decision on something,
just look around you at what most of the people do and choose to do the
exact opposite of that. In doing so you will be right approximately 98%
of the time. For example, ask yourself, what do the people usually
do? Express emotions, live with emotions, emotions are life and so
on, right? ha-ha ... you see now why, even though everybody does the
right thing, we will go to hell together, as a team ... ha-ha.
I hope that after all this you understand that I can talk to you about
Space and Truth, or whatever else, but I cannot really talk to you about
Time; above all else, understand that the Time aspect is a personal one
that comes with your practice. Ououfff, done ... ha-ha.
By the way ..., the brain is not only designed to interpret reality by
impressions of events ... this is what the part of the brain we typically
use does. This spiritual effort affects the chemical balance of the brain.
This balance of chemicals is changed by the type and amount of
practice one does. Thus the practice changes ideas, ideas affect
emotions, emotions affect hormones and chemicals through the thin
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vibrating edges of the neurological system. I have solid strong evidence

of this, actually scary experiences of this affect.
I know that somebody can have experiences of the In and what we are
talking about here, even more, by just meddling in the chemicals of the
brain. I am sure one day scientists will understand this, if they havent
already.
If its not the free will that will lead us there, it would be the curiosity,
the force, the reproduction and all other such nonsense.
My point here is that all spiritual development and growth should be
achieved by individuals, not by government or corporations that will
then use it to control individuals, like everything else in life. But this
is neither my part nor my business. There will always be stupid or
irresponsible people, always. These people are the stools of the body
that is called mankind.
So, they are necessary!!
I do not think In is an idea. Do you think, for example, that In is similar
to freedom or morality? These are ideas which you can describe by
materialistic events, examples, explanations, models and so on. That is,
morality is the quality of being in accord with standards of right or
good conduct or freedom is the capacity to exercise choice (www.
answers.com). But I think that In is not an idea, this is why it cannot

be described. It is an axiom, as we say in math.

In math you can define a line is the shape between two points or
surface is the shape between two lines and so on, but point is
indefinable. It is an axiom that there is at least one point, we must
accept that, but no one can ever define the point. If you look for the
definition at www.answers.com of the point you will find:
1. A sharp or tapered end: the point of a knife; the point of the
antenna.
2. A mark formed by or as if by a sharp end.
3. A mark or dot used in printing or writing for punctuation,
especially a period.

What do all these definitions tell you about point? Nothing in essence.
They cannot define the point alone, but only as what is next of the
sharp end of an existing material body. The point is never material, it is
the entity next to that sharp edge. Correct?

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They cannot define it as an independent entity. But it exists as an

independent entity, doesnt it? If not, how are we able to talk about it?
So, you know very well that point itself exists and it is the reproduction
of the point in lots of different ways that shapes the other bodies, not
the other way around as those definitions imply.
Same happens with the In. If you look for the definition of the In you
will find, (www.answers.com):
1. Within the limits, bounds, or area of: (was hit in the face;
born in the spring; a chair in the garden.)
2. From the outside to a point within; into: (threw the letter in
the wastebasket.)
3. To or at a situation or condition of: (was split in two; in
debt; a woman in love.)

What do all these definitions tell you about the In? They tell you that
In is the within or into, which means what? Nothing. Am I right? My
point is that although the real ideas are not visible and are difficult
to describe, a deep study will give you a very good beginning. For
example, the definition Freedom is the capacity to exercise choice
doesnt say it all, but is a very keen, simple and basic beginning,
understandable by everyone, right?
Now get this (as given above from www.answers.com): In is from the
outside to a point within and then get this: Point is a mark formed
by, or as if by, a sharp end. Ha-ha-ha, do you understand? My theory
is, ideas are not visible but can be described well enough by a keen
mind and some good terminology, and the In or the point are visible,
though not describable.
Ideas are not visible, they are meanings, but are describable. In or Point
are visible, but not describable.
Ha-ha-ha, I am just thinking how your mind is by now, after reading all
this and I am cracking from laughter ... ha-ha-ha.
Now get ready, because I have just begun. Buckle up!!! Okay?
You, clearly said that ... and the idea (meaning the In) is only, as you
say, a technique to open the door, no more than that ... you are correct!
The In, as we know it is the tapered end, is the door that leads into the
Essence. It is unchangeable, it is unfading, it is there all the time, it is
not made, it is not born, it doesnt die, but it can be located ... ha-ha
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... right? So, it is the truth with the shape of Space, if you wish. Now,
since we are talking about Space, I can say this is the point of the
internal life, the point of the internal Space. More clearly stated,
In is the tapered end of the Space.
This is the first available definition of point (see above), applied to
the concept of Space. Thats just the beginning, it goes deeper and
becomes that
In is an Essence mark formed by, or as if by, a sharp end.
Now both are esoteric definitions and both are true. But I like the first
one more, because it is a scientific one but also more true since it opens
the mind to more understanding about Space, not about In.
And once again you are right, aim is the preparation, it is an attitude, it
is why I said a bit ago: buckle up.
Now, if you do not see where all this can be of practical help to get to
the In on the outside, if you think that I am just a fan of theories (which
obviously you always stimulate), let me use that first esoteric scientific
definition of In to show you, how from the theories and definitions,
how from an objective place in the mind we can approach the practical
technique.
Buckle up, again. I do support that In is the tapered end of Essence. I do
say that this is the most outer point of Essence. Yes, the In is the outer
point of Essence. So, I claim that this is the entry point to Essence. So
lets do proceed.
Look in the Space in front of you for an independent point. Do not
look at the very edge of a material body of an object, look for a point
that doesnt depend on another object. Simply, concentrate your
sight somewhere in the empty Space in front of you and (if you wish)
imagine the point. Do not try to identify a certain point in the air. Just,
indefinitely, in front of you visualize the point. Then without losing
that point, listen to where you are. Then tell me, are you In?
Follow the instructions exactly. First visualize, and then listen.
Tell me are you In?
When yes, describe it. Look at this and try to specify things,
characteristics. Repeat it later. Amazing, huh? Get to work, I want
details, descriptions, downloads ... haaaaaaa ha-ha. Of course do it
outside and tell me if you are In, now more than ever before?
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And (ouououfffff, too much today) your last challenge ... So is truth
an experience, a reality, an entity, or a marker for a grace connection
with Essence? ... Well, obviously after all this analysis here, looks like
truth is the entity of that marker for a grace connection with Essence.
OOOuuuuufff, too much analysis for one simple synthesis ... too much!!!
ha-ha ... Now, I am going back to play with numbers and investments.
Besides all this, do you see that I am back again? Good and inspired?
It took me awhile ... still I had to reject from my entity the female
influence. Tradition, my friend, tradition and safety ... ha-ha.

I am headed to the country estate today; be back Monday.

Have a good weekend with In.

Too much Hera, huh? ... Lucky you!!!

I am replying to this old email as you see.

You said: Now, when you drive around with the aim to reach your
destination you do not know what you will face. You do not control the
incidents that may occur. So when something happens you are In alert
and you face it by first accepting it.
This is the download, because by the time you accept that (which comes
against your will) you do not reject your own will either. So by that time
you accept two things, the instantly coming external incident and the
established existing internal (your) system.
This is at the same time synthesis, which is a download. It has nothing
to do with trust. Though, you never forget your aim and actually the
aim is what will give you the moderate to face the incident and the
timing to download the synthesis of it and its internal challenge. Do you
understand where aim is necessary and where download applies?
This is what you are telling me now; right? Very clever. By having the
aim of In you do not need to find In inside necessarily; just to do as
Jesus said in Thomas: Know what is in front of your face ... I sat
today with a developmentally delayed man and observed as keenly
as I could the situation. I had In in mind, but just let myself accept
the incident and at the same time focused on the internal system,
though not yet well established.
Haa. The session seemed different; I saw him in a different way, more
as a soul, or whatever, than as a immature handicapped man who
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bored me to death. As I did this he seemed different, too. I am not trying

to be dramatic or concluding anything; just reporting what I did and
experienced. Sort of like your recent awareness of operations.
In therapy circles, psychologically this is called experimental
therapy or phenomenology as a viewpoint. But the aim is never
mentioned in these viewpoints and disciplines. And there is little
result except maybe Essence to Essence (personal Essence).
I can meet on the 9th, almost positive. I will tell you by the 2nd if that
is not too late (after I check with some patients).
There is more, but I dont have time now. For example, the inner
and the outer; and something about what is In you will kill you and
something about bringing forth. I will continue later.
I will not look for women for you, but if one appears I will be looking
with an aim Haaaaaaaaaa. What aim? In or a girl friend for Sam? Or
both? Take care.

You make me re-read what I wrote. Sounds good. You know ... when
after a while you read your own ideas and you do not have to correct
the expression, its good, balanced.
Let me clear up something here. In eliminates the thoughts. This is my
recent discovery, after the female impact. You cannot get In, if you do
not eliminate the thoughts and the images or impressions. You can still
have ideas, but not thoughts.
Now, if you try to stop the thoughts, it gets worse. So, only the practice
of the In, itself, pushes the thoughts away and the more you succeed
with that, the more inner you get. Its a loop. It is amazing how it
works. I am very happy that I am lucky enough to have known this In. I
think it is the most amazing and practical thing that was ever expressed
for the esoteric approach. Right on target.
When thoughts are gone, things look different, like the handicapped
man. I will tell you though that the way we are used to thinking is
exactly the opposite, the other way around. When you get out of house
your brain expands towards the outside, it doesnt shrink inward.
You think the sky is open and unlimited and there is indefinite space
between things and persons.
We are not used to seeing the sky as closing in towards us, nor the
space between shrinking towards inner. In other words we see things
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open, expanding, not closing and shrinking. How that comes, why and
when I do not know. The point is that it is easy to get the idea of the In
or the In itself, but it is difficult to live with that.
Try, try more. I assure you, when there is aim, there are results and
nothing is indefinite in this way.
I see, you are still struggling between In inside and In outside. The
truth of the matter is that as long you fight with the outside you will
never get the In, once by fight you give it an attention (unwilling). Just
empower the In, however you can and want, and then walk outside
where you reproduce the idea of the In as you learned it before. It is a
war, but we learn as the children do, first by imitation.
So if the girl appears, try with the In. If I am In then she will meet Sam.
If I am not In we both lose ... ha-ha.

I wrote you a reply but lost it. I cannot retrieve it. Oh, well. It was
good, too. I will try again later; have to go to work.

I have a little time; I will try again.

Yes, facing the emotions is the key (and the thoughts). Some forms of
therapy do this (Gestalt, for example). Some people get obsessed with
thoughts, as a way to deal with anxiety; the prominent type of modern
therapy is cognitive therapy, where you help people to think
differently about things. This works for some to strengthen the ego; but
then what? As I said before, maybe the ego needs to be strengthened
before it can be pushed over for connection to In or Essence.
Yes, when thoughts are gone things look different. It is interesting
that in the group I have gone to we practiced a lot of the Wolinsky
exercises from Quantum Psychology.
Quantum Exercise #25:
Step 1: First allow yourself to choose a feeling you are experiencing.
Step 2: Intentionally observe the feeling.
Step 3: Notice the size and shape of the feeling. (spatial?)
Step 4: Fuse with the feeling and experience inside the shape.
Notice how you experience the shape. How is it different than
observing the emotion?
Step 5: Step out of it and notice how your experience changes.
Step 6: See the part-(icle) or thought-form as energy.

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Step 7: Realize that it is just a bubble or part-(icle) you created

through the act of labeling the energy.
Step 8: See it as energy and allow the part-(icle) to do whatever it
does.

This is an example of how I ended up in the void. What was the aim
here? Perhaps to deal with the quantum idea that everything is one,
with no distances or spaces but unity (E=MC). Continuing to change
the mass (thought) into energy was his entire approach. But I ended up
with the void and with the ability to dismantle everything, including
thoughts, feelings, etc. BUT, where was the aim? No aim to go to the In.
Right? Similar to your idea of expanding and contracting, I think, with
a unity concept, but without an aim. Without an aim, empty is the goal.
Here, seemingly, is a big difference between a tradition of Jesus
(especially Thomas) and more Eastern (Buddha). Say the aim, from
tradition is to seek and find; not the case in Buddhism === which
says just sit in Zen. But emotions play a role. How could one have an
aim without a passion or a desire to connect with the spirit world,
or In, or one with God or whatever.
This is why I say that the aim is the key. More proactive, more deliberate,
more precise, as if the spiritual world should not be that way. Why not?
Are not anxious as much reality as belief systems? Haaaaa
Your email cleared up; I was trying too hard for outside without In.
Thanks.

Very good, excellent. I see, you digest all the details very well. The aim
is the key. True. An aim that doesnt stick you with anything, an aim
that is known everyday, an aim that burns up all the debris by itself.
I am glad you have already formed the theory of it, scientifically. It
helps me a lot, too. Do not feel its hard to get it, because then you push
it too far from you.
Remember, I got in the In, after I met you. That was the tragedy I went
through and you helped me to stand on my feet, like its not a big deal,
its the other side of the same moon. So do not forget that what we are
developing now, is the stage I got In after 30 years of my day to day efforts.
You were invited and you accepted to go through things that you
may have needed years and years to get through on your own. There
is an easier path which takes longer to reach this point and know
exactly why, what and when to do. And this is understand how
you understand. This is how the whole thing started, this is how it
happened and this is why we are where we are.
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All these different options that I present from time to time like the
point in the space, understand how you understand, etc., they
lead to the same point which is to connect with the In. They are just
different sides of the same thing, to make you understand how to get
into In, how to surround it if you wish. You can use them for a change,
you can use them to relax by practicing something different, you can
use them as play or to see different definitions of the same thing.
I am saying all this so you do not get confused and think that there
are already too many techniques. Do not get full because you may
throw up. They are the same thing, use them occasionally. You do not
have to understand each one completely, just know that they all lead to
connecting with the In.
Trying to Understand How You Understand is the spine of this path.
This will ground you here and now, because you have to observe
how you understand while you do it, while you are finding your
understanding. It is the spine, because you have to observe your mind
(how you understand) at the same time you do things and actions
(while you understand). You cannot understand if you only watch your
actions (youve got to go deeper). You can understand only when you
watch your mind at the same time it is busy with the action.
How can you watch your mind with your mind while it is busy with
action? Impossible! Because it is busy. Try, try more. You will never
succeed on that, but it will bring you inner (so you can watch).
That brings you In. You have to let it work with actions and empower
another part of it (the inner) that will observe it. Understand?

I guess I hadnt fully realized that a turning point for you to get to the In
was the perspective from our meeting. Were you in the In before that?
Your email makes it clearer how the aim burns up the debris; well
said. By the way, I spelled axiom wrong last e-mail.
Got to go; take care, my friend.

Well, our meeting was the turning point, not the perspective of it. I
came to meet you because of the In. Everybody else, including you, had
thought differently, that I met you because I had been shot. But I was
persistent, and you also admitted to that after you gave me that test and
a couple of sessions. The In came to me, out of nowhere, as a complete
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fulfillment of what I had been doing for many, many years. When it
came I was terrified. I didnt know where I was going, what it was, I
had never heard of it before, never read anything, never had an idea or
indication of such a thing. I was completely distracted and detached.
I understood what happened about two months later and after you
cooled me down by informing me that there is a dark side of the moon
in meditation, its not always a shiny side. Well, believe it or no, that was
such an amazing stage for me equal to the real experience of the In. The
In came as a given gift, your information was a given present. A gift is
not knowing who built it, a present is knowing who built it.
It may sound stupid but until I met you I never, never, had any idea
that prayer or meditation or any kind of practical seeking would have
any sort of bad result or feeling to the human being. Never! can you
imagine?
I can even say, I am still angry about it. I am still angry with all those
remarkable people I met in my life, who for so long, for many years
never mentioned this dark side, not even a hint. Damn the stupid
correctness, the political correctness.
With so many disciples around, the smart teachers, never ever
mention anything concerning this scary truth. They always teach
with good manners, good words, nice promises, smiles and all
this crap. So, I had to try for 30 years on my own to get this truth.
Fortunately I found it through you. This is why I appreciate the fact
that I met you so much. I appreciate that fact even more than our
friendship. Actually, our friendship is built on this fact.
The fact that I met you counts in my life as much as the first, very first,
realization that there is an esoteric world that is the source of all that
we see down here.
It was on the great Saturday, the night or resurrection before Pascha and
we were getting ready to go to church; I was about 10 or 11, my parents
were getting dressed while I was playing on a metal spiral exterior
stairwell and tried to jump down three stairs to the bottom stair. I
hit the top of my head on the metal corner of one of the stairs which
opened my scalp like a rose.
My parents, scared, took me to the hospital, while I bleeding like hell
was so happy and I was laughing at them inside me. Why? Because
that hit brought me an understanding of what was going on internally.
That open scalp also opened my mind. I suddenly could admire the
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stars in the sky, could realize and understand sounds, I was happy just
being me, I could easily understand the other people, I could easily
understand my parents actions while for so long I feared them. I felt, in
reality, a big opening in my entity that brought an amazing happiness,
unknown to me until then.
I will always remember that first experience and the way it came. The
second one was when I met you. In the first one I was self balanced.
In the second one I found the balance through your information.
Information that I doubt I would have ever found anywhere since I had
stopped reading at all for 15 years. I was doing only my practice.
Your information presented so well, opened to me a new, amazing
world that I had never thought about before. I had the same feeling I
experienced with that first forced opening as a kid. It was still there. It
is connected with your presence like our life with the mama. It is still
an unexplained wonder how you knew exactly what I needed and with
such good timing. I mean it is rare for information to be useful, because
usually it brings more confusion than quietness.
One has to be a magician or therapist ... ha-ha ... to know how to
help with information only. At least this is my perception. Usually
information, even surprisingly good information, leads to confusing
or hairy situations, it creates more thoughts or fear. In the best case,
information would satisfy just the brain, not to bring quietness to the
soul. Very, very rare that information helps the entity. It happened to
me through you, 100%, meaning that all the information you presented
to me was absorbed as if I was a sponge, all of it, 100%. I do not recall
that you said anything that wasnt used or wasnt useful.
I can meet on 9th at 1:15 at Violet restaurant, in Violet, under the shed
of Violet ... ha-ha. It became the flower of Athens; followers of Napoleon,
who promised to return from Elba with violets in the spring, used the
blossom as a badge; and in the United States a violet is the floral emblem
of three states (New Jersey, Rhode Island, and Wisconsin).
Good enough.

I think I know how you can watch your mind while it is busy with
action; the observer with aim. With no aim you would only be an
observer and not part of the action; to be an observer and part of the
action; what else could you ask for? Jesus mentioned if you know
everything and do not know yourself, you know nothing.
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I will continue; I have not forgotten your question, only partially and
incompletely dealt with.

Precise. Excellent!!!!!!!!!

Yes, you are inspired, in very good form!! I thought my questions

were inspiring you, but apparently not. It was the distancing from the
female relationship. Haaaa.
Your concept of working or moving faster is interesting. It is funny.
Old people tend to slow down (I am old and feel like slowing down,
from a physical standpoint, but not from an intellectual or spiritual
standpoint). I seem to be speeding up, in fact, in seeking. However, I
know if I were not a seeker that I would stagnate, start worrying about
everything, like I see a lot of older people doing. Actually, usually when
I am off, I work outside, cut grass, cut trees, etc.; very physical work.
As far as the speeders go, on I 20 (SW Atlanta) the fools that are
passing me have IQs of no more than two digits and are untrained,
untaught, stupid, and dangerous. So fast moving requires training,
not stupidity. Maybe there is a difference in moving fast with aim and
moving fast without aim. Ha. Or moving fast with brains and moving
fast without brains.
Anyway, back to In. You gave me very good information. I think I see
what I usually have trouble with; I have always looked at life with
impressions, as do most people, with ideas (even Forest Gumps box
of chocolates) Ha. In dealing with space, however, I have not done too
well. I did okay in math, physics, etc., but not my best subjects. My best
subjects were in the world of ideas, philosophy, literature, etc. I do not
think I have ever approached spirituality with ideas of space location,
or points. Maybe metaphorically, but not scientifically or literally.
Also, I have never been good in spatial things, in terms of aptitude.
The spatial problems on some tests are difficult for me, so I have
probably compensated by perhaps overdeveloping the analysis
rather than experiencing or contemplating the space, or the nonconceptual. The key is maybe the non-conceptual. It seems that In is
non-conceptual since it cannot be defined in the usual way. Space is
may be the same; point the same.
Now, when you talked about the buckling up, I remember that in the
store with my wife I did look in front of me, not especially focused on
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any tangible point, but maybe a point of some type. Then the emotions
came, sad love, facing death, feeling some unity. Your description of
looking at an independent point reminds me of what I studied in
hypnosis training. We were taught to focus on a spot on the ceiling
with both eyes for awhile, then close our eyes if we wanted to, then
the suggestions of the trance would be given, such as you are
feeling more relaxed, etc.
The aim is probably to go In and disassociate from thoughts, worries,
ideas, etc., by following the suggestions. Maybe looking for the space.
So, essentially, the process is a disassociation from usual thinking to
get to the unconscious, etc., but of course it was limited and nothing
was said about the In or the aim to seek unity; the aim, I suppose, was
to improve psychological function as the ultimate result.
Also, a lot of imagery was used, such as visualizing yourself riding on
a cloud, etc. I didnt like this, I think, because it was too much void
without clear aim (and practical results).
Your article on reacting versus responding is good. I try to teach that to
clients every day, but it is hard. They usually react and resist or react
and reenact whatever belief or parental control they are dealing with.
People are afraid to choose, right? They are afraid of the
responsibility, since they have been taught to stay in the family
trance. Someone said hypnosis was not to put people into trances,
but to get them out of them.
I agree.
Maybe the ultimate de-trance is the In. Seeing reality for what it is!!!!
So I will be practicing what you suggested. There may be more than
one way; for example, this weekend at my country estate I was trying
to plug up the 220 volt clothes dryer and got shocked. I was burning
in my forearms and decided to lie down for awhile to recover. I
was facing death a little and tried to go In. It seemed to happen;
however, I do not recommend this as the way to go In. By going out,
dying!! Not yet anyway.
The shock could have placed me into a zone of loss of usual defenses
(ego) and it happened. However, in the past I probably would have
gotten frightened, worried, etc. But I wasnt.

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What was weird was that I thought of how Thomas Merton (trappist
monk) got killed. He got shocked while changing a light bulb and died
in l969 at a fairly young age. He is the one I copied for you the pages
from Contemplative Prayer where he talked about the dark night
of the soul, where you saw that In was not always feeling good.
This for me was no near death experience, but how I responded was
interesting. Shock therapy to find the In. Another book? Haaaa.
I have been laughing about your funny response to my last challenge
... the definition of truth. You do not sound like Plato, or do you?
I am about ready to play with numbers and investments, not health
insurance companies.

Now of course you are picking on me, but how did I get inspired by the
female since it was a relief to get rid of her influence?
Just for the record, I am glad I kicked her out from my territory,
although it has nothing to do with her. Meaning, although I am
disappointed to lose the relationship, I was so distracted by it all that
it still took me a month to completely get back to In. I was glad to
recall all those traditional instructions to stay away from the female,
and I was glad to be one of those preaching to keep away from the evil
female, I still feel vulnerable to it but I wont (yet?) blame the female
nature. Is it that I am still modern or still resistant to the traditional
system, resulting in a wasted payback? We see seeking even in this
area. Right? Haaa ha.
Whats the first digit of those IQs? Is it the zero? Haaaa ha-ha. If so that
makes the actual digits, only one, doesnt it? But of course the aim is
the brain. Through the brain, to the brain.
You are correct about the hypnosis on visualization, such as floating
on clouds One of those instructors was my first teacher too. Out of
the three I met, he was the first. And I think it is silly to instruct
people to use pictures or images or imaginative forms just to make
them feel that they are somewhere or to feel good or to achieve
something that is not real. There are instructors talking about clouds
and stars, lakes with swans, valleys with birds ... what the heck? I do
not understand how so many people follow such instructions; what
is in their mind? Do they not see that they are just dreaming of things
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that are not here? They escape and go where, to the nonexistent? The
hypnosis method uses the focus of one point to take you to that sleep
I was talking to you about when I first met you.
When you get into the In, you get into deep, uncontrolled sleep. It is an
empty world where you sleep so deep and so well, amazingly. It is a space
where you can hear everything from this world, it is not like the regular
sleep, it is just emptiness. So I am assuming that a nice, quiet, soft voice
can still affect your mind and make you see what they tell you to. I do not
understand that concept either, except for therapeutic or healing purposes,
which as I told you I am fortunate to get while in there, anyway.
Well, the article wasnt mine. It was sent to me from a (girl)friend
who was amazed that I had been a Navy Seal in the Greek Army and
thought that my all life achievements are based on this. So she sent me
this article to prove to me that Navy Seals are different. That article is
published from Jim Rohn International Coaching Program at http://
coaching.jimrohn.com. He is a former USA (not Greek, haaaa) Navy
Seal and uses those traits to make people stronger.
About the electroshock ... haaa ha. Be careful, my friend. There is
nothing to worry about, as I see. But as I told you, practice, but you
need to manage the force. I cannot tell you how to manage that aspect.
Your shock was my gunshot, was Mertons shock too. The vultures are
there and each seeker will pay the dues. There is no way to escape.
You push to get In, you will go through the experience of the physical
death, want it or not, period. I am more positive about that than that the In
exists, ha-ha. I am trying to make it clear to you. The only negotiated point
would be the degree of this experience depending on how much you push,
and where you stand. It doesnt depend though on who you are.
I say nothing to worry though, because I have noticed that since you
work with the In there is no harm. Unexplained yet how, but one gets
through that and all remain in balance. My story is amazing too.
But people who get In by using techniques using impressions, like
God is this or God is the other, or any kind of images, they get burned
up. Merton is one example, Bruce Lee is another, accidents of such
kind have to do with images and impressions. For example, it is an
image that silence of the mouth will bring silence in mind. I do not
understand these ways. And yet, so many, millions, have been disciples
of such instructions, so many through centuries, amazing!!! Accidents
should never be deadly to seekers, ever. Accidents do happen, yes, it is
the physical change that comes from inner changes. And all downloads
to the body are forced because they are force, as per their nature. But
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death from such accidents, should never happen. Moses is a good

example of this. I am glad you passed your initiative test so well ...
haaaa ha. I am really glad. Ive been thinking for some time now, how
something has to shake you up, away from the many years of theories.
That was funny ... sorry you may not feel so ... but ... its true, Shock
therapy to find the In.

Okay, Violet, the flower of Athens, 1:15. I think you must be a

romantic. You probably do know how to talk to the women and charm
them with flowers of Athens, etc. Watch out!!! They may not know
what they are getting In to.
Get it? Of course you do.
It is so interesting to see how all of this happened. I had never read
the Merton book when I saw it in the bookcase. The woman, ha-ha, in
my office owned it.
I looked in it and found what you needed as if it were some kind
of gift from somewhere, not a present. Good distinction. It was just
timing. Timing is everything. Ha, back to time, huh? Maybe I am
seeing a little how it fits with space and truth.
Last night I think I went in. I was lying in bed trying to go to sleep,
looking over at my wife. We were talking about our sons, whose
birthdays (3 years apart) are today and tomorrow. All of this emotion
came. Joy and sadness at the same time. I felt it in my whole body,
with the sad love as before. I aimed for the In; I wanted it; I sought it.
It was beautiful.
My heart beat faster, my whole body felt full; I wanted to sing a crazy
song, You Belong to Me, but a version that was made up when I was
an adolescent that was rather funny and gross. I couldnt believe it.
Maybe it was a manic episode. Haaaaa. If this is an illusion, Ill take
it. Best one I have ever had.
But how could it be an illusion if it is not thought, belief, idea,
concept, etc? Can one have an illusion about a point, in, space,
markers, axioms? Or are these the makeup of ultimate reality or
Essence? Now I am sounding Platonic.
Haaa. I love the statement about numbers and health insurance
... I am still laughing. Also about hypnosis. It was just my take on
it. I never could get into it. Sweet teachers who deny the darkness
(moon) are full of crap, as you say. The aim requires guts. You may
need some testosterone to get into In. Right? By the way, women have
testosterone, too, just not as much ... Right?
Take care.
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Yeah, all these sound In-symptoms. Yes, they are. There is one more,
accurate enough to confirm the In-connector. Haaa.
Your head.
When you are In, you cannot get rid of the image of your head. It comes
stronger than ever. Actually, that image is a female one. By that I mean
you feel your hair and you have the image that it is long. Very strange
feeling and image. I feel my head is full and happy, isnt that strange? A
happy head? I never felt my head specifically and never happy!!!!!
Happy head? What does it mean, happy head? Though it is coming to
me like this.
And this about feeling the hair. I do not feel the inside of the head, I
feel the scalp and especially where the hair touches the scalp. Isnt that
strange? Just on the skin. Just on the hair!!!!
And then that feeling of the hair, it is a sense of fulfillment on the
hair. I still do not understand this thing. Fulfillment on the hair? What
feeling on the hair is this? When the attention goes there (just because
of that feeling) the image is that the hairs are long. It is like I feel those
extended more around the head, longer, thicker and heavier.
Do you think that this can explain why the women have to have long
hair and why the wise teachers or seekers were always with long hair?
Or because of the lack of barbers? ha-ha.
Haaaaa, do you think I should have longer hair? ... haaaaaaaa ha-ha ...
funny, huh? Do you think I should leave my hair longer and expect the
people to know that I am In? Haaaaa ha-ha funny stuff!!!
For now, Ill be glad if this empowers my hair and stops the process of
losing them, haaaa. Id be more happy if, because of the In, the lost hair
came back, wouldnt I?
Who was between the ultimate trio (Freud, Yung and Adler) in
psychology that did that experiment with the cat in the chamber he
created and the cat went nuts with its hair sticking out like nails? And,
I think its Yung, he used to have his hair sticking out so he could
receive the energy from the universe. Are we okay, or what? Haaaa ha.

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the In as Psychological Treatment

What do you think of that? More of the In?

Second Annual Energy Psychology Series
Dear Colleagues,
You may be aware of the increasing curiosity, excitement and
controversy about energy psychology in our clinical community.
If you have not been hearing it discussed by colleagues, you may
have read Steven Wells rigorously researched article in the Journal
of Clinical Psychology in September 2003 or the recent discussion
of energy psychology by David Feinstein in the January/February
2005 issue of The Psychotherapy Networker.
We would like to introduce you to this exciting new approach,
a set of therapeutic techniques so powerful that they make our
more traditional forms of psychotherapy seem like the Dark
Ages. We believe that these techniques will ultimately become
part of the standard of care. They do not replace good, standard
psychotherapy, but add another whole dimension to it. These
techniques intervene at such a deep level that we are completely
eradicating such problems as the following, sometimes in as little
as a single session:

simple phobias

panic attacks

anxiety resulting from single-incident or multiple trauma

rage in response to a remembered incident

inappropriate guilt in survivors of abuse

Insight is not enough to shift many kinds of problems. The emotions

often do not change significantly even when the patient can clearly
see that the trauma was not her fault or that the mouse wont hurt
her. These new techniques, on the other hand, are often surprisingly
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successful at diminishing or even eliminating emotions that were

overwhelming just moments before. Once the emotional fog is
cleared, in fact, we often find that the insight occurs spontaneously.
Another aspect of these techniques is that they process the
emotion with less pain than we usually see. The patient sometimes
experiences discomfort during the process, but it is shorter and
less intense than we have typically seen with the more traditional
approaches. Because of this, we find that there is a much lower
probability that patients will become re-traumatized as they work
on healing the original traumas.
Each of the presenters has specialized training and extensive
clinical experience in the treatment of trauma, as well as in the
training of other clinicians. We used to teach more traditional
approaches to treatment, including hypnosis, on a national level,
but we have found that energy psychology techniques work better.
We have been teaching these techniques in the U.S., the U.K.,
Europe and Canada over the past five years. Now we are offering
a workshop in Georgia in August and again in September. Please
see the flyer below for dates and times. The two-part introductory
workshop will cover both the science behind these new techniques
and a basic application of them. CE credits have been applied
for through GPA. There will also be an intermediate workshop in
November, teaching more advanced methods, which will require the
afternoon session of the introductory workshop as a prerequisite.
Warmest regards,
Pati Beaudoin, Ed.D.
Lynn Mary Karjala, Ph.D.

Well, the statement ... The emotions often do not change

significantly even when the patient can clearly see that the trauma
was not her fault or that the mouse wont hurt her. These new
techniques, on the other hand, are often surprisingly successful at
diminishing or even eliminating emotions that were overwhelming
just moments before. Once the emotional fog is cleared, in fact, we
often find that the insight occurs spontaneously ...
is a very true one.
Now, this part ... Another aspect of these techniques is that they
process the emotion with less pain than we usually see. The patient
sometimes experiences discomfort during the process, but it is
shorter and less intense than we have typically seen with the more
traditional approaches. Because of this, we find that there is a
much lower probability that patients will become re-traumatized as
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they work on healing the original traumas ..., sounds like they have

narrowed the observations and/or therapy to emotions.

My first comment is that emotions need to be treated only when they
overtake the entity or person. But, as I pointed out before, there are two
more considerations to take into account: you named those thinking
and acting (you named the emotions as feelings). What happens when
thinking overtakes emotions, how do you treat that?
My second comment is that one should give a try to these techniques given
in this seminar, because they will empower my In-presentation later. If
only because they talk about emotion-fog and how to try to eliminate it.
My third comment is that this therapy, also aims to making people feel
good and/or hurt less during treatment.
So the people leave still unable to face the next life-session (haaa) because
they still havent learned that pain is their friend, even if they actually
feel better current due to that treatment. The key point is not the pain
(Buddhism), it is the fear of the pain (I could call it Karras-ism, haaaaaaa
that was me, since nobody has established any system to face fear yet).
My fourth comment is that they are trying to treat the emotionfog without ever wondering what that is and why it occurs? Why
is emotion-fog there, to fog up the insight? Why does that apply to
everybody, where does this come from, whats the cause behind it? And
then why must you treat it?
Why do we not let it be as is? Why should people feel better? Why can
we not accept the pain and accept the fear of the pain?
If they had a few or any answers on that, treatment would be easier and
more effective.
Again it sounds like a good approach, but not for me. My idea of
solutions and treatments, generally speaking, is that when you have
a thorn in your foot, you take another thorn, tending to take out the
first one and then you throw both away. Simple, right? OR when
the criminal uses a gun, you take another gun, tending to block
the criminal off and then you put aside both, right? OR you cannot
convince me that you will stop a speeder by not doing what he is doing,
which is to speed; the officer has to break the law too, by speeding
to reach him, right? So in action, it appears that the solution will
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always follow the parallel of the original accuracy. In other words, the
treatment has to be of the same nature of the infraction!
By the way, this kind of approach could apply to terrorists. If they
behead one, we behead ten or all of them. War would be extinct by
now. Now if they hide behind civilian clothes and you show up with
your troops in their uniform, how smart should one be to understand
that you are actually telling them, hey guy, we are here, shoot us. But
if the troops go off the base in civilian clothes, if they kill the same way,
if they do not care about civil rights, what do you think; would the war
still be going on? Which solution better supports civil rights?
These are just some thoughts about the theory that the solution is
effective when it is of the same nature of the infraction. Well see.

Every time you respond you open up many worlds of possibility. I

have been re-reading some of your other emails, especially July 30,
5:20 pm. About the In as an axiom and not an idea.
First of all, the last reply about the workshop. You have keen insight
about the limits of any psychotherapy, since none of these approaches
names anything beyond the ego. To relieve symptoms is a wonderful
thing, but for what? To adjust better to denying death? I am being
a little radical here, but in a way we are propagating the grand
illusion, that we should deserve to live and that we should resist
pain and fear at all costs. I think the approach probably gets to the
matter of facing fear and to some degree facing pain from trauma. It
seems that in my most difficult cases this is what I end up doing.
But let me tell you -- when I stay in the emotional cauldron with
patients and we go over and over the emotions, reactions, etc., there
becomes a time, if successful, that the patient becomes more clear in
thinking and has more aim (ha) and acts. Usually the action is from,
to use your language, a synthesis of all of that thinking and feeling
(after some analysis ... ha). It is also interesting that when there is the
emotional fog etc., the person, when asked what his aim is says he
does not know.
This is disintegration of the ego, which has to be built back, usually
by reestablishing or establishing for the first time some kind of aim.
You see where I am going with this, dont you?
Lately, the aims are harder to come by. Work to get money; so what?
Buy a new car, so what? Party; so what? Be happy, so what? This is
a time of much discontent and fear as well. Nothing new, I am sure,
but the aims seem to be more open to the spiritual realm than I have
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ever seen. But how to bridge the gap? They all try belief systems, but
they lose their effectiveness, even if they pray. They are not working
as you are, in teaching the mind as it relates to Essence; they are not
practicing anything really. They say, I pray or I meditate, and I
ask what happens. It helps a little. I get a little more able to cope with
the day. Or I am too upset to pray or meditate, etc.
So as a therapist, maybe I prepare them for being more open to
Essence. Perhaps. Or prepare them more to avoid Essence. Perhaps.
And as you say, it depends on what they want. Maybe I should
ask: Do you want me to prepare you to deny death or face death?
Haaaaa, I am getting a little crazy now!!!
I am still digesting or downloading all of your good writing,
especially the one mentioned above.
I have two chronic older women patients I have seen for years and they
are complicated medical - psychological - traumatic cases. They are
both getting off of their stick lately, maybe because I have pushed very
hard to go In when I have been seeing them. Somehow I come across
more direct, inspiring, empowering, or something. I have noticed. So
it is getting easier for me to go to the outside to get to the In and keep
the In while outside and connected with the person, environment,
and at the same time observe to try to understand what is going on.
When I do this my body feels different. Like everything is connected,
moving faster-- physical, emotional, reason, focus, more true nature.
These women are moving from analysis to synthesis and seem to be
more confident, but interestingly they both are openly talking about
spiritual matters, as their choice, moving from fundamentalism to more
realization, enlightenment... from prayer to practice. However, any
time this happens, this transition, the vultures always appear. Someone
says to them, you are crazy, that doctor is not helping you ... what is
wrong with you, you act differently, etc. But it is at the same time they
are improving. You are right. The trouble comes when you are open to
the spiritual world ... probably always.
But, it is also interesting that since I have been practicing In, my
practice has fallen. Do they know I am losing this world? Maybe you
are right; people leave you when you get too real (realized?). Not to
say that I am, but it is still interesting, or maybe at this point just an
impression. Or maybe a summer slump. I do not seem to care and
that somewhat bothers me.
I know I am rambling a bit. Back to your last email. How do you know
that long hair symbolizes holiness? Bikers wear long hair, prissy men
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wear long hair, women wear long hair, drug heads wear long hair, macho
men wear long hair, gurus wear long hair, homeless wear long hair, teen
age idiots wear long hair. So are you willing to take the risk that if you
grow long hair others impression of you would be certain? A Navy
Seal with long hair ... haaa. Why not? Why not add some violets, too?
It is Jung, not Yung. Freud had a beard, maybe Jung, too. Jung also got
caught up in the female energy and it nearly killed him, at least made
him a sad old man because he used the feminine to find the spirit,
and I do not think he ever found Essence because he paid too much
attention to the unconscious with analysis rather than actions with
synthesis. He got stuck with the archetypes, and sat in the void too
long. How do you like that?

I am glad I am capable of talking with you about these aspects. I am

glad we can exchange ideas.
The gap in both cases, patient and therapist, will grow more. The gap
will grow more because there is no aim on cars, money or what you
do describe. The juice out of them is an aim, yes. But these things
themselves are not. For example, grapes are not the aim. The juice of
the grapes is the aim, to make wine.
The juice from matter is either life, happiness or spiritual realization.
When the break in between the gap occurs the axioms are gone.
Nobody taught us life, happiness or spiritual realization. We came with
those axioms, so to speak.

I am glad, too, my friend, that we can discuss these aspects. I am

not sure what you are saying: The juice from matter is either life,
happiness or spiritual realization.
Do you mean all three are not congruent? What do you mean: when
the gap occurs the axioms are gone? The gap in what? Between these
three? Also, what does this mean: Nobody taught as life, happiness or
spiritual realization We came with those axioms.

That email was sent accidentally. Do not pay attention to it. Haaa. Try
this one instead.
I am glad I am capable of talking with you about these aspects. I am
glad we can exchange ideas.
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The gap in both cases, patient and therapist, will grow more. The gap
will grow more because there is no aim on cars, money or what you
do describe. The juice out of them is an aim, yes. But these things
themselves are not. For example, grapes are not the aim. The juice of
the grapes is the aim, to make wine.
The juice from material matters is either life, happiness or spiritual
realization.
When the breaking between occurs, when the gap is there, the axioms
are gone. Nobody taught us life, happiness or spiritual realization. We
came with those axioms, so to speak.
The question remains, how we should face the matter (car, money, sex,
whatever) so to avoid the gap? Because it is the seriousness that widens the
gap. The more seriously we face those, the more fear comes of losing them,
since we do not control them. So, if the patient faces them seriously, the
gap will grow. Same happens with the therapist. If he faces those seriously,
the gap will grow too. The one comes with the problem, the other tries to
resolve the problem. But both contribute to the same infraction.
The question remains, how we should face those matters, so to give them
a meaning of aim. Simply, as a child does. Do those in play, to act with
them as in play. The actual existence of those matters is to teach us, to
show us the way to Essence. How can we best learn? Through play, be
silly with these earthly matters. I am glad I am silly, even though my
mama disagrees, my ex divorced me and my daughter wonders. Three
women, three different options on the same attitude, ha-ha.
Can somebody smile and play when he gets up at 5:00 am to get ready
in the heavy dark to go to work in the fumes and the dark of a mine?
Yes, he can. I have done it. The picture is not that great but one can
laugh with it, every day for many years. He can play with his filthy
environment every day, for many years. If he doesnt, it is only because
he cares about his image to others or his family.
Can somebody smile and play with the matter that no woman wants to
deal with him, that there is loneliness there? Yes, he can. I do it. I look at
myself (the picture of such living), I smile, and I admit nobody wants
you, then I laugh even more many times. Maybe that looks crazy to an
outside eye. But I am in play with the situation and observe it in some
balance, it is better than running after women like crazy, I think.
Play is the attitude that will let you learn by observing the situation, will
keep you in touch by play, will let the things unfold on their own, will let
you free because you do not push anything that much and so on.

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I never saw a system teaching or advising such an attitude or

approach to life.
First of all, if a therapist starts applying such a method, the session
will become much more pleasant and the patient will be there all the
time, actually early, being glad to participate in such a fun endeavor.
I do not mean for you to offend any patient. I mean, at the beginning,
the therapist would inform the patient of the need for play, for laughter,
for being a bit silly with things, to explain why seriousness never led
anywhere, why pathos shrinks the personality, why being attached
shrinks the spirit down to zero and so on.
If with this fishing, the therapist sees the patient is positive to such a
presentation, then they should go ahead and approach the patients
confessions with this fun attitude. So when the patient says that he
has a sexual break down at the sight of a naked woman (example, I do
not know what they really say) then a question would be, i.e. did you
ever see that as funny, even though it is real? whereby the therapist
starts taking the patient to the funnier view of it. It may take a long time
to take him there, but if this is not therapy (long time to lead somebody
there) then what is it?
The goal would be to make him to smile or laugh with and about his
disadvantages. This was the definition of comedy given in the Name of
the Rose by Umberto Eco. Suppose that definition means that comedy
is the art of seeing deficiencies, disadvantages, disabilities, cruelties
and so on as funny. By this, laughter is a way of connecting to Essence,
this is what Umberto Eco says. This is may be stretching it too far,
but it is true. That definition of comedy was given by Aristotle in his
fifth book, Comedy. It was hidden so that only abbots could access
it. This was taught to high level disciples of some schools in ancient
Greece. Suppose that this was the meaning of Dionysius Teachings
and Eleusinian Mysteries. To laugh in the view of the cripple. Nasty
Greeks!!!! (From the movie Analyze this...) ha-ha.
This is why those teachings were hidden. This is why these teachings
are the only ones named Mysteries, while the rest of them are in plain
view. They still are hidden. This is why those teachings were burned
up in the fire at the Library of Alexandria City in Egypt. The Umberto
Eco movie was referring exactly to this fact.
Think about it. If you give this freedom to people, not to suffer but to
laugh at the suffering, to laugh at the fear and the pain, how the world
would be? First of all, all these millions of Buddhists will be eliminated,
falling apart as flies do from a bug spray, haaaa, since pain wouldnt be a
big enough deal to keep a whole religious system just to cure it.
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Then wars will be eliminated. Of course all this confusion and concern
about Compassion and Emotions will be gone. Then the system and
the complex that is based on seriousness, and passion, and pathos, and
compassion, and help, and treatments, and cures will be gone, because
people will be much happier and acceptance will be the medicine.
The end result being the economy will be shaken.
How am I going to make my living then? How will my investments
grow then? Forget it, leave it as is. I am having a good life now, leave it
as is. Let the people discover this after I die, haaaa ha.
Besides, if I say all these truths now, I am sure, I am positive, they shall
kill me, they shall. They should!!!!! haaaaa ha.

Your statement, solution is effective when the same nature of the

infraction, sounds like naturopathic medicine. Is this true for
Essence, as well? If the ego is defending due to past traumas and the
ego begins to dissolve with Essence, then the pain and fear that goes
with the loss of the defenses is experienced. So the new pain from
loss of ego is the same nature as the initial infraction, or trauma
which led to developing the defensiveness of the ego in the first place
(enough analysis?).

What I am saying is that the treatment to cure that new pain should
be the same nature as the initial infraction, not that the reacting new
pain is the same nature as the initial infraction.
However, what you may imply is that the new pain, as a reaction, is,
itself, the treatment to the initial infraction and maybe (you question?)
is of the same nature as the initial infraction. It is genius to think like
this, but in this case we should be happy by having the pain. Are we?
Do we smile when pain comes?
So did you agree with me in advance with my new email about the
Name of the Rose definition of comedy OR was it meant once again
for the teacher and the therapist make the same suggestion and meet
accidentally at the same point of view?
Whats going on here? Are we exchanging ideas or dancing figures? Its
getting out of control. Should we laugh, or be serious and figure out
a treatment to lead us back to seriousness? How can we make a book
with such silly, not serious, things?

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By the way, today, with your very first in the early morning email, we
have our 200th page of the book. Yes sir, 200 pages. Do you want an as
is print?

I am still laughing ... Buddhists ... falling apart ... haaaaa. I usually
say to clients at the right time: The great poet Epectitus says: Joy is
a serious matter. They look at me like I am crazy. One day I will
give you copies of my poems. They are sort of ironic, surprising, and
funny, with many, many paradoxes. I have one called: Profound and
Profane and show that they are the same.
I will try to remember to bring it when we have lunch, not to bore you.
The point is that most things are funny if you believe them, since there
is always an opposite to the original premise if you can see it. Whatever
you resist will persist ... Your attitude reminds me of The Fisher King
(Robin Carls) seeking the holy grail ... veryyyy funny, but very spiritual
at the same time. You are right ... the problem is never the problem. So,
if I try to solve the problem I create another problem. Someone said
that the solution is always the problem. More true every day.
If you think nobody wants you, you are in your ego, remember?
Reacting, not responding. So if you are responding in the In it doesnt
matter whether anybody wants you or not, right? If they say they want
you and you are not impressed, then what do you do? Respond or
react? Or teach? Then when you teach they leave. Right?
So, like you say, dont try to change it too much. Just go In, play, act,
be yourself, and see what happens. The needy ones will leave.
The independent ones will be possibilities, the new age ones will
drive you crazy with their impressions, the religious ones will enrage
you, unless you respond, not react, the simple ones will be fine for a
week, then bore you, then if you find one, though, that you dont take
too seriously, and she doesnt take you too seriously, and if she can
play with you, and when she tells you to wash the baseboards before
she gets home and you learn not to react, you may could still be In
and be connected with a woman at the same time.
Maybe still be lonely, but not as lonely. Marriage: someone to share
likenesses with ... thats pretty much it ... all the houses, money , etc.
necessary for existence on this level, but not sufficient.
Yes, we have to make a living. We create illusions of need, mostly
want. How would capitalism survive otherwise?

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So if you are responding in the In it doesnt matter whether anybody

wants you or not, right? TRUE - If they say they want you and you are
not impressed, then what do you do? Respond or react? Or teach? Then
when you teach they leave. Right? VERY TRUE. Haaaaaaaa ha.

I think the new pain is the old pain ... one and the same. The
wound to get over, or perhaps to rejoice about. Through your wound
is your gift.
Maybe we are getting too silly, seriously silly. We are accidentally
meeting at the same point at times (times?).
Forgive me. Haaaaaa
This could go on forever; we must be more precise!!! What do you
think; I know no one would want to read 200 pages without editing. An
as is print would be very interesting to look at. Like, where (notice a
spatial word) are we? I will quit now; I am having too much fun.
I must go and do more important things, such as wash the
baseboard. As you may can tell, I am not at work today; just at home
pondering numbers. No more out of control or whirling dervish
activity!! Enough for today!!
Bye. I promise I wont respond any more until tomorrow, or after, if
you are okay with that.
I am not keeping you from responding. As always, it is your choice, as
you tell me. Haaaaa

Okay. I am printing 200 pages. I will be busy with it until I meet you.
I have my name day on Sat 6th. We, Orthodoxes, celebrate more name
days than birthdays, since our names are given after saints names.
And in case you never knew it, my name means savior. So on Saturday
we celebrate the savior characteristic of Jesus and thats my name.
Ill try to have 200 pages printed on Tuesday as a present for my name day.
This way we may save some people out there, haaaaa.

Happy name day. No, I did not think about the meaning of your name.
Could I buy your lunch for a present for your name day?

Ok ... You could, I do not know if you will ... (kidding).

I will be not eating from now until then ... haaaa ha

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WILL is the aspect I am finding more in In.

You may need two lunches with not eating from now until then. Ha

Dionysius of the myth or Dionysius the Areopagite? I think you mean

the myth since the idea behind Dionysian ritual is to free oneself from
cares through ecstasy.
Three parts to the ritual:
1 Oreibasia - mountain dancing, dress in animal skins in the woods
with masks, drink a lot of wine, dance a lot, helps change your
mental state.
2 Sparagmos (tearing apart) - animal is torn apart as Dionysius was.
3 Omophagia (consuming raw) - flesh was eaten so blood would
splatter the ground and with the heart pumping in order that they
become enthusedgod some within, therefore, they have the power
of the god.
From: http://plaza.ufl.edu

We will order our food cooked Tuesday!!!

Funny, I, in seeking, looked up the Areopagite, too, a neoplatonist.

Very close to your ideas, but with differences. A lot of theology, but
the idea of unity or oneness is a key. He apparently was a disciple of
Paul. I think I know where Paul Tillich, the modern theologian, got his
viewpoints. Negative theology, or maybe Sam theology. God fills in
the absence of his presence (I dont know the exact words, but close).
You may want to look at various sites for him on the internet
(Dionysus the Areopagite).
So, are you of the mind of both of the Dionysius boys? Ecstasy with
oneness? Haaaaa, bloody philosophy!!

I couldnt open your link. Maybe a digit wrong or so. I couldnt. But look
into http://www.geocities.com/bethann_99577/Soc/Comedy.htm
there you will read: ...
Dionysus leads the maenads to the mountain for their oreibasia
and sparagmos, so too Dionysus-Iacchus leads the procession
from Athens to the shrine at Eleusis. Halfway to Eleusis, of course,
the gephuristai made insults at the passing participants, which
corresponds to the insults made by members of the procession at
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the Lenaia on wagons, and to the abusive insults made by (this

time) men on the procession during the Anthesteria.
Arrival from or travel to the outside, a path that can be trod in
both directions bringing the traveler into contact with various forms
of otherness (savagery, death, etc.), insults and mockery received
along the way--these comprise the principal patterns that R. will
discover in Aristophanes (p. 111).

Then look at: http://ccat.sas.upenn.edu/bmcr/1997/97.11.10.

html where you can read, The really interesting question is the
relationship between the kind of humor found in early red-figure
Dionysian vase-painting and that found in early satyr-play.
Carpenter seems to be satisfied with the observation (p. 28) that,
in early red-figure, one can first detect wit, parody, and a subtle
sense of mockery.

Also at: http://home.earthlink.net/~delia5/pagan/dio/grcc-tpdnyscult-1-with-references.htm where you can find, There was a

Dionysian procession, with people riding in carts and engaging in
ribald mockery of those they passed on the road, as well as the
usual items of basket-bearers, sacrificial animals and the carrying
of ritual implements (Parke, 109).
There is much more detailed information.
It is not about Dionysius the Areopagite. The name Dionysius, in Greece, is
like the name Brad here. Not as popular as George, but still around a lot.
No, I am not into ecstasy of any kind, yet. I am into the absolute
control, still. Although I think freedom, from the formal and proper,
is necessary once in awhile to free the process. This is what the
Dionysian Mysteries were all about. The participants were free for the
period of the festival to do anything without punishment. Even the
women. Those who would object would be punished. But lets not go
there. Its too dangerous for the formal society today.

In the rites of Eleusis, the Lesser Mysteries, it signified the condition

of the unpurified soul invested with an earthly body, enveloped in a
material and physical nature. Candidates were bound never to reveal
the secrets to the profane.
If man does not rise above ignorance here, man goes at death into
eternity to wander forever, making the same mistakes. Those who
make no endeavor to improve themselves pass at death into Hades.
Lying in rows they sleep through eternity as they slept in life. The
living is ruled by the dead...
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All of these mysteries seem to be trying to liberate the soul from the body.
Sounds like the In is to download the soul into the body. Am I off base?
I know you think this is out of control; however, when you send me
allusions to schools of knowledge, etc., my curiosity overwhelms me.
By the way, Ficino is considered an adherent to ideas from Dionysius
the Areopagite.
You will never get the pages downloaded if I keep writing! If I did not
work sometimes we may have 2000 pages. If you write I will answer
tomorrow. Too much ... I know.

Those mysteries specifically were not to liberate the soul from the body.
The point with those mysteries was that the body has to be cleared
so the process of the download of the soul in the body can continue in
better stage.
Lets say you cook. The pot is the body, the food is your internal
practice. At the end of a cooking process you have to clean the pot,
you cannot cook again without doing so. Actually you can, but what
would the food be like?
OR, lets say your house is the body, your life in the house is your
internal life. Once in awhile you have to clean the house. You cannot
just continue your daily life in there without ever cleaning that house,
even though it is not the most important part.
The Body gets filled up with debris. After every and all processes there
is debris. Like after you eat (stools), like after you work (debris), like
after you cook (trash), like after you write (paper trash), like after you
undressed (dirty clothes), etc. The debris that gathers after internal
practice, stays in the body. How do you get rid of it? I wont answer this
question here. But it has to be done. If you do not do that, you are all
screwed up, so to speak.
But why do we go there now? We are going too deeply, too fast, much
too fast. Lets have some lunch ... haaaa ha.

Yes, too fast. But one thing helps in my practice -- not cleaning the
house would be perhaps holding onto old impressions? or beliefs? to
block the download?
See, it is not too deeply, too fast, in a way.
Lets have some lunch. See you Tues. Happy name day.

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So you agree with the cleaning, right?

A loaded question? depending on what it means. Haa

We used smudging in a group I went to.

I went back and checked it. It wasnt the 5th Book of Aristotle, it was the
2nd book of Poetics that is lost. And it is still lost. It was burned in the
fire at Alexandria Library. They say that Mark Antony was supposed to
have given Cleopatra over 200,000 scrolls for the Library long after Julius
Caesar is accused of burning it and that many of those scrolls have ended
up in Vatican Library, among them is Aristotles 2nd Book of Poetics.
The exact way the description of comedy was written is, we shall now
discuss the way comedy stimulates our delight in the ridiculous
by using vulgar persons and taking pleasure from their defects ...

which supposedly has been hidden for centuries, because it was there
that laughter kills fear and without fear there can be no faith.
The point is that Catholics, later, and even Orthodoxes, with the
first Ecumenical Synod on 325 AD at Nicaea, decided to withdraw
from public some information in order to lead the society in certain
directions. One of those was about laughter. So it would make sense
that some books were hidden. Especially that book, because the
Aristotle book clearly states that we can laugh about anything, even
God. And the thought was that laughing at God would create chaos in
society. But the simple truth is the vast majority of the people wouldnt
care, they will keep the faith to God, and the religions will rule society
no matter what. Access to all these secret books would be for the
seekers, like us. We do not bother society, we do not care at all. At least
I do not. Even in the case that we publish these ideas, the only thing
that will happen will be a little bit of wonderment, a little bit of new
thoughts, a little bit of shaking, a lot of dispute and then all will revert
back to normal forgotten and spat out. The only ones these ideas would
make sense is to seekers, to some societies like the I AM society (do you
know them?), and so on, right?
Make a note that even though ... at 14, Eco joined the Catholic youth
organization, and by 22 was a national leader, a good militant, he
resigned in 1954 during protests against the strongly conservative
Pope Pius XII that led to the youth organizations collapse. The
crisis triggered his abandonment of Catholicism in favor of a lay
religiosity. Religion has nothing to do with God, he explains. Its a
fundamental attitude of human beings, who ask about the origins
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of life and what happens after death. For many the answer is a
personal god. In my opinion its religion that produces God, not the
other way round.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2002/oct/12/fiction.academicexperts

They say that he is still one of the very few to have access to the
Vatican Library.
Make a note that:
Unholy War: An Interview with David Kertzer, http://
europeanhistory.about.com/library/weekly/aa012502c.htm
R. Wilde: Access to the Vaticans previously secret archives was a
key factor in producing this book. The more romantic reader might
imagine something like the hidden library in Umberto Ecos The
Name of the Rose, but what were the facilities you were working in
actually like?
D. Kertzer: My book was made possible by the access I was given
to a number of different Vatican archives. Most dramatic was the
archive of the central office of the Inquisition, or Holy Office, which
was only first opened to researchers in early 1998. This archive is
lodged in the Palace of the Holy Office, in the Vatican, the same
building from which the Inquisitors conducted their business
beginning in the sixteenth century. To gain access to it, I had to
petition Cardinal Ratzinger, who is head of the Congregation of
the Doctrine of the Faith, the Vatican body that succeeded the
Holy Office of the Inquisition. Because there were only facilities
for 12 scholars physically to work there, and because hundreds
of scholars sought access, I felt privileged to be given permission.
Handling the documents prepared in the hands of cardinal
Inquisitors was an exciting experience.
And some of the documents I discovered--such as a long letter
written in the early 1840s by Prince Metternich to Pope Gregory
XVI, and the Popes lengthy response--gave me a thrill that would
be hard to match.

Also make a note that:

http://www.jbf.dial.pipex.com/art_tech_ec_files/vatican.htm
(Originally written for Wired US in 1997, this article was never
published; a heavily edited version was eventually printed in the
Daily Telegraphs Connected section, 04.98)
... One of the most valuable text archives on the planet, the
Vatican library houses 150,000 ancient manuscripts and 1,500,000
printed books, 8,000 of which are incunabula, or books printed
before 1500. This place has its own museum of 19,000 objects; it
also has a coin collection of 330,000 coins. It has 100,000 prints
and drawings. It has documents from virtually every civilization
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that ever produced written records. It contains the oldest extant

Bible manuscript, written in AD350 in Constantinople, and some
of the earliest surviving examples of copies of works by Aristotle,
Dante, Euclid, Homer, Virgil and Ptolomy. Its printed books
include two copies of the Gutenberg bible and Patinas De honesta
voluptate, Europes first printed cookbook, acquired in 1475.
Poetry, music, art, medicine, history, science, law, literature,
geography -- the library has it all.
But most important are the manuscripts -- all of them are unique
in themselves and therefore unique to the library. When I arrived
on the scene, IBM and the Vatican Library had just completed a
pilot project exploring the feasibility of scanning these and making
them available online ...

Also, read that:

In the Hand of Dante
Nick Tosches
Little, Brown and Company
MS Reader eBook,
September 2002
From the Publisher -- Deep in the lowest reaches of the Vatican
library, a secret chamber is opened for the first time in centuries.
Inside it is an object of inestimable value: the manuscript of The
Divine Comedy, written in Dantes own hand. The priest who finds
this treasure spirits it away to his home in Sicily, where it comes
into the grasp of more worldly parties.
And so in New York a few weeks later, a sometimes writer,
sometime thief named Nick Tosches gets a phone call from a friend.
Theres an item he wants him to look at, a manuscript that needs
authentication. Tosches recognizes the pages for what they are
-- and embarks on the most harrowing adventure of his life. As
this story unfolds, so too does a parallel tale: the odyssey, seven
hundred years ago, of Dante himself, a man trying to weave out of
the grossness of his own humanity a poem that contains the sum
of the worlds wisdom and the very breath of the divine. It is every
bit as deadly a struggle as that among the individuals fighting to
possess his manuscript centuries later.
You can find it at http://depp-infinitum-nihil.blogspot.com/

Well, something is there isnt it? The more I laugh every day, the more
my mama becomes depressed. So, since the scale has to always be in
balance, and since millions and millions do not laugh, who are those
that hide their laughter so much? Haaaa ha ... we are!!!!

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Laughter kills fear and with fear there can be no faith.

This is very interesting. Is this idea here of faith the exoteric idea,
such as belief systems, or realization/enlightenment (the esoteric)? I
think the former (belief system).
Then, can one have enlightenment, realization, Essence without
fear? If laughter kills fear, and faith cannot happen, then is the aim
to connect to Essence more of a choice than a reaction to fear? As the
navy seal would say, a response? Not a reaction? So laughter and
humor can be present with enlightenment.
Maybe there is a faith level, which most traditional believers have, and
cannot or do not go beyond, such as you say, dictated by the Council of
Nicaea. Here, the believer says, God help me, becomes desperate, hits
bottom, and clings to the hope. When his crisis is over, what does he do
then? Have another crisis and start all over again, or what?
I noticed myself today; back in a store with my wife. I started having
the negative feelings about finances and freedom again; I did not pray. I
pushed to go In and kept focusing on spots in front of me and had the aim
of connecting to Essence. I had a headache, wasnt feeling well, but still
tried. At a point the worry stopped, the negative feelings stopped. I lost
the impression. I stopped having impressions. It was like it was okay
and I lost the anxiety. Before, I would have obsessed or worried until I
found some distance from it. This time I just faced it, fully, went through
it, aimed for In, worked on observing inside and outside at the same
time. Traditionally, I would have prayed, back when I prayed; lately,
before In, I would have just sat fearful in the void. This time, I aimed for
In and got through it; felt very humble, but strong at the same time.
This is how it happened. You wanted me to give you examples of how
things happened. Nothing spectacular, but as a result more will to
deal with my issues on the personal Essence level, mainly, financial
and the way I spend time. This is not faith as you say, but more than
faith somehow... a realization of what is already there, the unity, the
non-conceptual, the absence that is full with the ultimate concern,
the seek and you shall find no matter if you do find trouble. The
trouble may come later. Ha ha ... who knows? I know that trouble is
the catalyst, or contrast is the catalyst, to get more clarity, BUT ONLY
IF YOU HAVE AN AIM. Not money, but In.
Jesus: Seek you first the kingdom of God ... But not spiritual
materialism (TD Jakes this weekend on how religion can help you
get rich) You see, the going In was not specifically to deal with the
issue, but just to go In. Whatever happens, happens. Not a prayer
for freedom or financial independence ... No. Just a desire to go In.
The other may or may not come. This is not the aim. This way the
attachment to outcomes gets removed.
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Take care; thanks again for the good references. There is a lot
that went wrong with the canonization and decisions from the
Catholic church. The Protestants have been reacting ever since (not
responding). Whatever you resist persists ... haaaaaa. They have
turned out the same way, especially the fundamentals. And the
liberals are just protesting against the fundamentalists. Haaaa. It is
funny, as Aristotle says.
By the way, I noticed your email subject: In Within. Significant?

I thought you knew all these ideas about being mocking, satirical,
taunting and all that. Suppose you can laugh only when the heart is
clear and/or thoughts are put aside. This is one of the most dangerous
teaching. The discipline in this teaching is to control the earthly
sections while the energy blows you up. Most dangerous! There is
no focus and all intention is to a good life. There are many ways
to do that, from drinking to comedy. Aristophanes, Dante wrote on
that. When Essence is downloaded you may not be able laugh while
observing the great happiness that fulfills your entity, but all people
around you may fall apart from laughter. They just laugh, just looking
at each other. I am telling you what Ive experienced in reality, no what
Ive heard or have read.
The laugh-stage happens because of the effort or practice. The
personality burning up stage. When a degree of unity comes there is
nothing else but laughter, happiness, singing and dance. This occurs
even to a lesser degree in the unity pre-stages. It looks like a silly
behavior to those who dont understand. There is a big difference
between such a person and the rest of the people. The difference is
there all the time. I always wondered if anybody would ever take me
seriously, because I laugh all the time about everything. I worried about
this until I was 45. Nobody would take me seriously.
Besides my work, the rest of the time I always playing, always laughing,
singing silly things just to sing. Many times I would behave like this
at work too. Fortunately, things changed, thank God, I do not depend
upon other people to make my living now, so I am not worrying about
that as much lately. And, yes, it is about the exoteric idea of faith.
Of course ... what are you talking about? Of course, Essence is a choice,
not a reaction to fear. Its an every day choice for a lifetime.

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Even Buddha chose that every day for seven years, as per his words.
Seven years, every day from the earthly world, through all stages, to
the top where he was seeing every day all the philosophers, and saints,
and teachers waiting. These were his descriptions, not someone elses.
Reaction to fear creates religion. People that need other people together
to share the fear and break the loneliness. Essence never needs anybody
else and never sees anybody in need. Because everybody is In, they are
nowhere else. Everybody and everything is In, remember? If not, it will
kill you. Ha-ha.
Yes, thank you for sharing what happens to you in In. This is what
mostly I need, practical cases, real examples, descriptions of occasions
as you engage.
Let me comment on this good experience, please allow me. I noticed
you didnt have any sad feelings this time. Good, very good. I noticed
also, that points help better than the non-conceptual In. That is
helpful, You also name the wish as aim. The aim is always a material
experience in front of your face.
Remember that, In front of your face. Anything else is a goal. Aim is
different than the goal. Aim is the In.
Goal is the connection with Essence.
You cannot have as your aim the connection with Essence. You had the
wish to connect with Essence. I am not playing with words, I am trying
to clarify this a bit, so, if possible, to empower the observer.
You had the wish, because you have the experience of connecting
from previous efforts. So at the moment, you didnt follow the path of
connecting In all over, you just tried through the memory to reproduce
the connection. This is why you say ... worked on observing inside and
outside at the same time. There is no inside and outside at the same
time. When it is real, it has a name, you would name it differently. Even
if it was real, but you could not name it, it is nothing yet.
There is such a situation when the memory brings the impression of
connection from inside, but really the attachment is to the outside,
so the image is that you work on both, inside and outside. In truth,
as the memory comes from inside the impression of the connection,
the attachment on the outside brings up its own impression, which
in such a case is the one of the seeker. I am sure somewhere in
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this experience you may recall a picture of your body, tall, upright,
thoughtful, observing the space, silent or so. This is the seeker.
This is why your body was a bit more tied than before you started to
practice. When you connect with the In, the surroundings work like
before (chop wood and carry water), they are just In. The unity between
them changes, not the objects.
You were just glad and happy that you got through. What was that
through? For years, you skipped all this, the tyranny of sadness that
was there every time you tried to somehow get away from earthly
attachments. It is clear now, you are done with it. Plus, you were glad
and happy to see that when you need to, you can switch the situation
and aim to In. You are happy that aim works in your life now.
This is an excellent stage, a very good stage. The fact that after only two
times the sadness occurred (this time with the wife at the store, the other
with your son at your country estate, maybe a few more) you already
were able to face it and skip it, looks like you are ready, and you go fast.
It wouldnt be like this if you had no experience of the In already. Only
the In environment can burn up things that fast. Of course, there is no
question that prayer and your void are past, are history.
I am glad to hear of your observation this time. But go ahead and
focus on In. Just observe the surroundings in In. Describe to me the
In. Connected or not, describe to me what In is or what is not In. It is
not a strange concept to you. You know what In is. Relax and try to
remember what In is, as anyone can understand it.
Just look at the other people in front of you and see what they
understand as In. Ask some of them. It will help to hear what they
think In is.
I never told you to look for something divine or esoteric. Just clear up
in your mind what you do know about In, in your reality. Observe what
In is to you.
Do not make it difficult just because we talk about all this here. It is the
same In, as everybody knows it. What does everybody know? Just look
around you.
Look at their faces. Look at the other people, one at a time.

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Look at your wife and wonder what does she understand as In? Then
compare your idea about In with hers. If what you know about she
cannot know, if you think that what you know is not in her experience,
then throw it away, abandon it.
The In is the simple in as you have known it for 60 or more years now.
Just make a note of it and apply it even when you are outside, as you
are inside somewhere. It is not a brain trick not a brain washing, once
all things are in somewhere. It would be a brain-wash if you knew why
you think things are outside, if you knew that things are outside of
what, and if you knew when you got the impression that some things
are outside (but from where?). Until then get the In, realize the In. And
still if you think that getting the In on the outside, is not normal ... okay
do not do it. Then get the In when you are inside somewhere, when
you are sure that things are inside anyway. Haaa ha.
You need to be simple like your neighbor or your son. They know the
In as it is because they dont study it. You do not know it because you
do, your knowledge gets in the way. Ask help from them. They can be
perfect teachers for you. The In that you, the seeker, seek, they know
already. You do not believe me, do you? Ask them, go ahead!!!!
Enjoy your aim, understanding as much as you can. The time will come
that you will lose it. Get rid of it on your own, because if it happens
from the In practice, it will be painful. Haa ha-ha. Pain, your friend ...
ha-ha-ha.

If you had to worry about money, could you still be silly?

Maybe if the In is practiced enough that would not be a big deal. Such
as my experience yesterday. Not silly yet, but as you say, not sad.
I think you are right. Reaction to fear creates religion, especially
belief systems. The hitting bottom, say, in 12 step programs, may be
a temporary loss of ego to function, and then an utter dependence on
a higher power, and then it starts, I wonder, to rebuild the ego with
faith, since you are in need.
Perhaps, though, based on a perception that we cannot aim for the In,
which is already there; that we have to find it somewhere outside and
find a way to find a reason that we feel so bad, such as being a sinner,
needing forgiveness, for mama or daddy to make it all right again, but
never challenging the false core belief in the first place, such as I am
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unlovable or nobody cares or I am worthless or whatever we learn

to believe about ourselves by the time we are three years old. A very
serious business; but from a practical standpoint, not a serious problem.
Just an attachment to personality or people or places or things. Right?
I know I am trying sometimes to jump to the esoteric or divine, and
give it a name. You suggest a name and say it has a name. I am not
there yet, unless it is no name, or just within.
Anyway, I asked my wife what was In to her. She said, referring to
our talks she and I had yesterday about the difference in faith and
realization, I want to deal with reality today, and I dont want to talk
about all that. Great, huh? I love it.
Just simple reality; I am so glad I have a balanced, earthly woman.
She will talk about it only when she decides to. Haaaaaa.

I said it ... Besides work, the rest of the time I am always playing,
always laughing, singing silly things just to sing. Many times at work too
... haaaa.
In is earthly, too. If you are in your house and you tell me I am not in, I
am outside, then I am assuming you are ready for the hospital.
In is earthly, too. Do not look for it somewhere else. It is with you all
the time. You are in somewhere, in the room, in the car, in that idea,
somewhere. Get this right, understand this concept. I have never told
you that In is something different, somewhere else, divine or esoteric.
You are looking for the In, inside you.
No, ... It is just the In you know already when your wife asks you
where are you? and you say I am in the kitchen. Period.

I thought you knew all these ideas about mocking ... Yes, satire,
Greek chorus, etc. Attention to good life. But I never saw it as a
discipline, though humor in therapy is probably the most healing
thing. I like the thought of satire as a discipline.
Back to my practice. I see a distinction. The seeking is for the In , not
the Essence. If Essence is sought, there is an impression, right? If In
is sought, it is the place where, the space, whatever, that Essence can
be realized or met. So the In, as you have said, is the axiom, or door,
where God fills in his absence. Maybe. So the difference in an aim
and a goal in this case is very important. Goal attaches to outcome;

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aim is open for anything. I still do not know the simple answer of In. I
am too much yet caught up in analysis.
Talk to you later.

All Greek mythology and philosophy was about ways to the In, to
Essence, all those activities or movements such as Dance, Sing, Logic,
Tragedy, Comedy, Epos, Stoics and more. Its amazing just to put the list
together and then you have all the ways possible to get back to In.
Those nasty Greeks!!!! Haaaa ha

Ha-ha. Jesus in Thomas: The kingdom is movement and repose.

Nasty Platonist? You forgot Repose (rest). My, my, Sam, you didnt say
pray; didnt Socrates pray? I am In a room right now. That is where I
am. (I?).
Location, location, location ...

Well ..., immediately when I sent this email, I noticed that I forgot some
other important activities, like math, physics, rhetoric and all.
But pray? No, my mind never went there. Why?

Because, why the need to pray, if it is already there? At that point the
dualism gets created, opposite to the unity.
You will not have to answer about the Holy Spirit. There I go being
theological again. I am only thinking about the answer to the skeptics
who cannot leave behind their theology. I dont have to be an apologist,
I know, but it seems to be my nature; hopefully I will recover from it.
What if I said I am In in the kitchen?
Good about the earthly. It is so good for it to be earthly.
How else could we access it?
Native Americans know that. Greek virtues know that: Truth, Beauty,
Goodness. Good music knows that; art knows that; Harley Davidson
knows that, convertibles know that, etc. The key is that they could be
distractions, which they usually are, but what if they are openings to
the spiritual life?
How do you think women stir up the spiritual, but by beauty? All
kinds of natural ways to lead to Essence. How did we miss it? Because
the beauty, for example, becomes a thing in itself. The dysfunctional
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woman who carries the goddess energy becomes the goddess.

Trouble for sure. She potentially stirs the path to Essence. Many
other things do this as well, but we seem to stop with them. Here I
go again; BECAUSE THERE IS NO AIM. So if you are In when you
meet a woman you will not worship her as a goddess; you will keep
your senses (logical mind), and only then can you decide or choose
whether she is the one. How does that sound? Haaa
I see how simple it could be. If it is with me all the time (In), how
simple, but how profound. Education and ideas, as you said earlier,
may hinder rather than help. Psychologically, perhaps a retraining
away from words or impressions to a world which cannot be
defined this way, or especially lived that way. Yes, work is dreaded
when the impression of work is negative. With no impression, it is just
work--chop wood, carry water--so here, the axioms such as In, Point,
etc., are not definable, and definitions or systems get lost from it (In).
If we have the aim for In, this potential fulfillment or seeking for the
kingdom changes the perception of all of these earthly things over time.
I think that is possible, maybe this is what you have learned, and me
to some extent.
But the loop is that the earthly things are all a part of the download,
not separate from it. Can we live in both worlds?
Is the Holy Spirit what Jesus gave as the symbol of the ever present In?

You are so good. Just good!!!!

On a dating online site was the following question. Read this question
and my answer. I copy it here as the original, I didnt change anything:
The question: name 5 people you would invite to a dream cocktail
party (that is historical figures, actors, politicians, etc., whom you do
not already know personally).
My answer: Socrates the Greek philosopher, Thomas the Apostle, Harry
Truman the president, Tom Hanks the actor and Richard my friend.
Ha ha-ha ... at the end I skipped the restriction whom you do not
already know personally. Nasty Greeks!!!!! Haaaaaaaaaaa ha-ha

Very good. You are not to know a therapist personally anyway.

Haaaaaaaaaa. So you could swing it. Nasty Americans!!!!!!

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Or, you broke the rule of that question. But rules are made to break,
and you should be respected for that. Hopefully. Did you agree to that
rule anyway? Only 80% of the way. Pretty good, not bad. 80 is a B in
school. You cannot let her think you are perfect, so you have to break
some restrictions, or she will make you a god, like you could make
her a goddess.
Haaaaaaa. Keep on trying ...

Well, a little later after this answer, I was denied with a kind good bye
haaa ha.
I think it happened because that Harry Truman thing was interpreted
as the representative of the atomic bomb, which if they did they got it
right, so I immediately got the response I was not compatible.
I was ready to say the same thing earlier when I got that silly question
about 5 historical people for cocktails! What is that? Vampire
cocktail? ha-ha. Anyway, then I thought about you, that if you were
near you would advise me, try to the end, do not be aggressive, you
never know, so here we go, the next step was their turn.
But maybe they interpreted wrong the Thomas invitation, thinking
Who is this guy? Was any Apostle named Thomas? I do not know.
It was funny anyway, as those sites are. You try to meet somebody to
possibly have a family and she asks you whom Id invite for a vampire
cocktail party Mpppprrrrrrrrrrrr!! Haa.
Well, I received this email.
NAIROBI (AFP)
A baby hippopotamus that survived the tsunami waves on the
Kenyan coast has formed a strong bond with a giant male centuryold tortoise, in an animal facility in the port city of Mombassa,
officials said.
The hippopotamus, nicknamed Owen and weighing about 300
kilograms (650 pounds), was swept down Sabaki River into the
Indian Ocean, then forced back to shore when tsunami waves
struck the Kenyan coast on December 26, before wildlife rangers
rescued him.
It is incredible. A-less-than-a-year-old hippo has adopted a male
tortoise, about a century old, and the tortoise seems to be very
happy with being a mother, ecologist Paula Kahumbu, who is in
charge of Lafarge Park, told AFP.
After it was swept and lost its mother, the hippo was traumatized.
It had to look for something to be a surrogate mother. Fortunately,
it landed on the tortoise and established a strong bond. They swim,
eat and sleep together, the ecologist added.

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The hippo follows the tortoise exactly the way it follows its mother.
If somebody approaches the tortoise, the hippo becomes aggressive,
as if protecting its biological mother, Kahumbu added.
The hippo is a young baby, he was left at a very tender age and
by nature, hippos are social animals that like to stay with their
mothers for four years, he explained.
What an amazing story! Yet, still people dont give animals the
credit thats due them for their feelings.
I hope you enjoyed this story and these pictures!

Then I answered back the following ha-ha.

The problem is not that still people dont give animals credit. Do
not worry about that. The problem is that the people like to behave as
animals, like the animals do, and do not give credit to the people that
interpret facts, like that, to a pretty emotional story like this one.
Thats the problem, that they describe animals with motives and
emotions that should be attributed to the people who interpreted facts,
like it happened with this one.
As always, since Adam and Eve, the credit goes to the fruit, not on the
reator. I am bored, I am gone. Good luck to you.

Wrong or right? Good though, huh?

Ha . Very good. Anthropomorphism applies to animals as well as to

God. We create things in our own image. I doubt if the animals have
the capacity to engage in such speculation. I have to admit, though, the
beauty of two different animals connecting with each other reminds me
of the oneness of things (creator?) (or just plain quantum physics?).
Like you and me , for example. The nasty Greek and the nasty
American - more compatible than one would imagine. == what a
mix!! Now, if the Muslims could connect with the Christians and the
Jews could connect to the Palestinians and the Kurds could connect
with the Shiites, etc., we could make a better story. However, without
war, how could we keep our beliefs? Haaaaaaaa

Exactly, this is what I was trying to say the beauty of two different
animals connecting with each other reminds us that anthropomorphic
applies to animals, ha-ha.
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With the vampire cocktail, you scared them off because they are
possibly liberals. When you mentioned Truman they balked. Although
Tom Hanks is probably a liberal. Just as well, you dont need to date or
marry a liberal. But you do need a liberal thinker when it comes to the
spiritual life. So, a politically conservative woman who is sitting in the
spiritual void is your best bet. Haaaaaa. Try that for a starting line ...
Thank God I am married to a conservative who defies political
correctness. It is possible. She says I have ruined her; she had all
these beliefs at first, though too smart to retain them, but she still
blames me. With a twinkle in her eye. Haaaa. Dont give up your
aim, or is it a goal? Haaaaa.
Difficult to find, I admit, but possible. Good hunting. See you at lunch.

Mprrrrrrrrr!! In our writings we now we have the word vampire ... mprrrrr!!
I know, I know ... you are right, no liberals ... I know, thats the
problem. Though, it still remains a goal. See you at lunch.

I just had a chance to look at the printed work. It is a good job! I

am so happy that you have things in writing now, and am glad to
be a part of the dialogue. There is a lot there. I see, for example, my
progression from an idea person or a theoretical person to a more
practical, practicing person. I also see how perhaps my ideas
stimulated and enhanced your opportunity to become more clear in
explaining the spiritual practice. A nice combination. A very good
start. Thanks again for all the work to put it together. Teacher and
therapist; not a bad concept!

Yeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!
From a theoretical person to the practicing person. You see, this is the
amazing part with you. No matter who you were, no matter what your
past is, no matter what your obstacles are, you always concentrate to
the right spot, you see the right thing, you have a keen insight and
express it all so precisely.
What can I say? Surely, not a bad concept at all.
I just put together our dialogue as it comes in. I do not change anything.
Not even mistakes in writing. I just compile the emails together. Next
time I will make it look better. But I think it is beautiful as is. Size,
Concept, Look, Style, simple. I think so anyway.

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Good to see you again today. I have some things to digest. Thank
you for more teaching; you cleared up a lot. Now I need to play and
practice and see where things go.
It is so interesting that your experiences can be discussed and that
in doing so the way to Essence can become more and more clear.
You are right. In many ways it is so simple, right in front of our face,
but when it comes to practicing it, it is a different thing. Probably
not many do, but I see more people wanting to do it. The simplicity,
however, is profound. For example, the issue of the figure and the
ground (gestalt), or the point and the movie screen. Or the mind as the
body. Or the concept of In being accomplished by the boundaries and
the accessing of the environment. And more.

It looks as if something good happened today. Your expression ... play

and practice ... shows that. You see, from our simple discussions I can
understand where you stand. These words show that a much better
approach occurred today. This is why I started talking, against our ruling.
That also clarifies and bolds the difference between writing and talking.
This is the real improvement. To understand how simple this is, how
obvious it is, in front of our face, these are the real results. Simplicity.
Simplicity, leads In.
more people wanting to do it ... ? What do you mean? Have you
spoken to people? are they doing it? Thats excellent if you did! Id
be curious to hear what they say. Tell me about some of them, if I
understood correctly.
Yeah, all those partial techniques, are very, very interesting. These are the
flowers. These techniques can be, themselves, an independent, fabulous
direction, part of the In direction. They can compose a research with
scientific applications in sections like psychology, brain science, etc., but
still remain the flowers of this path, crutches for the seeker.
I think it would be very interesting if somebody would study them
separately.
As to all the references and descriptions about In. I made the last one,
at some point, to help you understand it, remember?
You see, all these things help, help a lot.

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more people wanting to do it ... This is my impression from

listening to people whenever the issues of spirituality or religion are
discussed. There is a lot of doubt, avoidance, vague ideas, mostly
homemade attempts to connect to Essence. Mostly the thought is of
prayer or going to church which many see little purpose. Or on the
other hand, searchers (not seekers) look for all kinds of approaches to
find a spiritual journey. New age, etc.
I am speaking of what I see as a need, or at least it seems to be. I
hesitate to speak much about the In with people at this point, and
if I do talk of spiritual things, I keep using referents such as close
to God, finding connection to Essence, then I say or whatever
your definition is. So I vaguely talk about it some, but have never
approached anyone with whether they wanted to do it. I am not
prepared at this point to teach them, anyway.
I am going to start back to my spirituality group next week. I have
thought of what it would be like if I shared our dialogue book with
them. These are people whom I trust with my life, as I would you, and
they could critique or at least give feedback about it. I would never
do this without your approval, and am presently not wanting to even
ask, since I may not want to myself. I have just thought about it. These
are all women at present. At least for now, it may be better for me, as
I practice, to share some of this slowly with them. They have studied
with shamans, etc., and have a good spiritual sensitivity.
Should I try this with women? Haaaaaaaaaa. Tell me if I had better
not. I do not want to suffer the vultures!!!!!!!!!!!!! Will I get too stirred
or distracted??
I will take it easy. Believe me. No rush to discuss this with anyone. I
need to know more about it first, or I may make it an idea again. You
know how I do, which could be a complement to our dialogue, but
could be mere analysis again.
Yes, the book is beautiful ... a lot of good stuff, I imagine, for the most
part original. Not a footnote to Plato; he never did this, did he????
Jesus gave lots of hints, but never showed how too much. Right?
I do understand about the teaching. My wife can hardly stand the
system now. It is getting worse.
Take care; enjoy your accomplishment. I am.

On second thought, the whole idea of letting someone else critique

what we have written would put it back into ideas, not practice.
Please disregard my enthusiasm; I will calm it down and be practical
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here. One step at a time; and timing may be very important, as you
found out with me, as I was ready to learn.
So dont worry (not that you would); I will not get too much into
admiration. Food for the vultures!!
By the way, Prometheus did get away, according to some versions. He
was punished by Zeus for bringing fire to the people and making man
think that he could be happy. But Prometheus left out the bad. So it
was put in a box and put into trust with his brother. He let Pandora
keep it, I think. Then one day the brother or somebody opened the box
and you know the rest. All the bad things came out and with the good
things everything became balanced again. Nasty Greeks!!!!
I want to discuss the inside and outside more; must do other things
now. For one, practice. Thanks again for the clarifications.

No, do not think like this. First of all you should never ask my
permission for anything. The things I disclosure to you, are done
because I trust you that you understand. You see, these things are
protected themselves. They do not need my ruling or protection. Who
is ready and willing to try and get it, no matter what, should. Let me
tell you a real example.
My friend asked me a few days ago whats going on. She has known
me for a long time and she understands that something has changed
(about me or between us), she cannot describe it. Also, she used to
feel close to me, not anymore. So she thought that it is because I take
off into the In, which she doesnt know, as I have never told her. But
she describes it as you take off, inner in meditation, I lose you, you
become distant, she said.
So, at one point she complained that I never introduced her to
meditation, so she asked me, straight out, to teach her how to meditate.
I said she had to forget that, since there is no meditation. She asked me
then how do people find God or the real Self and I said exactly as you
find a solution when something is wrong in the balance sheet in your
business; you first start from what you see is wrong, you go back, using
logic, combine things together, crosscheck numbers from different
activities, confirm things by going to the real facts and sales receipts
until you find what is wrong.
Then you are happy, you feel relief and, by finding what is wrong, you
know what to do to correct it.

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You do the same with God, you see something that is wrong in your
life, you start going back, using logic, combine things, crosscheck
different experiences, confirm by facts until you find what is wrong.
Then you know what to do to correct it.
If you call the logistics meditation, then you can call meditation what
you do to find God. If you call the logistics just the right process, then
you can call seeking God, the right process, too.
My point is that it is something we do every day, and it is not
something special.
You do it everyday, and how much you concentrate on that depends
on how much it is interesting to you, period. Archimedes was killed by
saying to the invading Sicily Roman soldier, in Syracuse do not agitate
my circles; he didnt have enough time to explain what circles he
meant, the ones drawn on the sand to resolve the math problem or the
ones in his mind.
This is what I told her. She asked me, I see many things wrong, it is not
one, how can I concentrate on one, once, then my mind goes to the other.
I said, then get all of them together, at once; do not get involved with each
one at a time. Well, then she asked where I do start, from where?
You see, Richard, she asked where? She didnt and she cannot ask
when, or how, she asked where? So I said where are the problems?
We went through some midwifery (term per Socrates, his method to
lead the mind, correct in English?) questions like the problems are in
my mind - then why you do not have them when you have sex, or they
are in my memory - then why you do have them 30 years down the road
and so on, until finally we determined that the problems are where she
is, they are with her and they get lit up by impressions from outside.
So, I told her if you want to face all of them together, you have to face
all of the impressions that come from outside together, right? She
agreed, and then I asked her where the impressions come from? She
said (the already mentioned response) from outside. Then I remarked
that from each one thing from the outside comes an impression, so
from all things together come all the impressions together, right? She
agreed and so I told her then watch all the things together.
Her theoretical mind started immediately, what do you mean, what
should I watch? Watch all the things together at once. How can I watch
all the things at once, I do not see all of them? Well what you do not see
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doesnt distract you with impressions nor with problems (again, hhuhh).
So what I should watch? Watch all the things that are in front of you
together (again, hhuhh). What things? The objects that are in your sight
(again, hhuhh). You mean what I see in front of me? Yes, what you see
in front of you (again, hhuhh). Only those? Yes, only those. She left.
Two days later she came over again and asked me why there is no
excitement between us like before. I said there is with Richard though!!!
She said I know it, but why not with me? I said because he absorbs
everything as a sponge, you do not. She said how does that bring
refresh, and I said because he has new observations and he refreshes
his interest but you get bored because nothing excites you anymore.
She said, yes, but you tell him techniques you do not tell me, and
I said, I just told you one of the basic ones that I started with like 25
years ago, but you did nothing. She said, How do you know that I did
nothing? I laughed and just asked her, What did I give you, and she
said, You told me how can I find my position in the world. I almost
screamed, What? And there the conversation ended once she realized
by that What? that the wolf came up front ready to tear up the quarry.
By the way, did I ever tell you that my nickname, actually given by
different people, is wolf?
Do you get it my friend? I told her the best technique ever given, the
best way to get In, the way that I practiced for 30 years, the way that,
thanks to you, I realized how Essence is once it was taught by Jesus for
years and written by Thomas, and she is telling me that I told her how
to find her position in the world, which, of course, is understandable
that this is what is in her mind and she may visit psychologists for this.
It is also understandable that she cannot realize what gold I just gave
her, but what is not understandable is, since I told her, just look at
what is in front of you, why is it she remembers it as something to
help me find my position in the world? Huh? You tell me.
Well, this entire story was given on purpose to show you that those
who do not get it, they never will. And those who are thirsty for it, will
absorb it right there as a wolf, with no chances for failure. Like you do,
even though you have so many years of theoretical education and a
variety of school attendances. I would imagine the opposite, but reality
shows me what I just said is the truth.

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My point, after all this, is that I will never worry about spreading the
word. The word is rational; the word is known and is so simple that
only those who will try hard will get it. Simple is profound (Richard).
Also, I will never tell you what to do with the word. It is yours. I may
guide part of it, but whatever I tell you is given to you, once it was I
who told you that.
But then it becomes your possession. I will never tell you what to do
with that. You have it because you are worthy of having it, you have
it because you gained it, you have it because you found it (I never
revealed anything that you didnt find, like i.e. now the outside In), so
by all and any means it is yours. The fact that I got shot in order to be
pushed to it doesnt mean that everybody needs to get shot, right? The
fact that I tried for 30 years with the same nature before its completion
was revealed to me, doesnt mean that everybody has to go through the
same for another 30 years.
Understand this. Your knowledge IS YOUR ASSET and you can
do whatever you want with that. But whatever you discover, exists
already. Do not ever connect the discovery of whatever you know or its
ownership with me.
Discoveries are only bring what previously exists into light, correct?
Lets dont make the same mistake as the rest of the mankind has done,
by attributing the discovery of the existing finding with the stupid
person, that couldnt see it, but suddenly does, and presents it as it
something new. Thereby, this person appears as a king of intelligence
dominating the rest of the people.
Noooooo, not again the same mistakes.
Of course we talk and I give my opinion. Whatever I told you, about
women-teaching-etc. is my idea. It doesnt mean I manage or own the In
or its revelation, or its ways to be approached or anything else. You are
very wise and you already know how much I respect your keen mind.
You can see things much better than me, you already have a very good
educational background and you are so well informed in these things
that it is very rare for you to make mistakes.
So go ahead. This is my idea, once again feel free to do what you want
to do.
But even though this is my idea, talk. You do not have to say it all, you
can start by asking questions or spreading wonderment. But talk. You
should talk. First of all, if you go back to Chapter III you will see what I
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think about women. Even now, about all this, I talked to my friend. She
never understood what I was talking about and I never used the word
In, on purpose. But I have read to her a lot of our emails, except when it
comes to the word In, I just say that or in there or in that.
If you do not say it, to a woman, you will never understand it, ha-ha. If
you say it, to the woman, you will find new dimensions, it doesnt matter
whether she understands or not. Do not worry about it. Its like when you
use the funnel to poor the oil. Do not worry about the funnel, ok?
When I read today that you have a circle where there are only women,
I almost screamed lucky you! Use the opportunity that is given to
you. And do not tell me that they are 7, are they? You have an excellent
chance. Use it, talk to them. I wished Id have an opportunity like this.
Do not worry about teaching. Just talk or spread questions. You are
good at that, you know how to do it. You even know how to leave a hint
in the atmosphere by not finishing the sentence. I am very impressed
and glad you have such a circle, I didnt know it.
Thats all I have to say about it. I hope I am clear. Maybe your circle
will bring up doubts for what you think you know. Try it your way.
I am dreaming of a book. Maybe its not correct, nothing comes as we
think.

They are not seven, but presently four. There was one man but he had
a problem with his schedule, and dropped out.
Now, you see why I say that the ego, and so do you, that the ego is so
important. Your friend is dealing with this now. I told you that you
need an ego before you can lose it.
Most people I see with problems have a weakness in the ego at the
time, which basically, in this perspective, is an inability to cope with
various issues, whether they are past traumas or present stressors.
Here I use ego as a function idea. (Maybe even you, just for a short,
very short time.) So, what is my job? Remember that I reassured you,
even though it was in the spiritual world; but in the human world,
you were also reassured, to go on to more spiritual seeking. Right? So,
your friend responded from her ego; she wanted to know her place
in the world. This is first. She probably responded as most people
would, in my experience, even men, not just women.
So, my job is to help them to find a grounding, a focus, an action to
find their place in the world. This physical world; chop wood and
carry water world.
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That sometimes takes very little time; sometimes it takes years,

depending on how damaged they are. And all people are damaged,
no matter who it is. The original wound is the loss of Essence (to be
spiritual) or the loss of innocence with the development of belief
systems (to be psychological), false core beliefs which are always
wrong, as they view themselves psychologically. I am unlovable,
I do not exist, I can never please anybody, etc., etc. So part of
the therapists job is to help them examine, to use your terminology,
logically to see that the beliefs are all crap, just opinions, just
instilled from their parents or wherever they came from. When they
get over a lot of this, then they are more ready for the spiritual. Think
I am crazy with these ideas? Maybe by now you do.
But, lets go on. So you build an ego so it can be as you say, pushed
over, dissolved, or whatever, as one becomes a seeker. But without
one it is just useless at times. This is the belief level if anything. The
poor slob who becomes dependent on his preacher or somebody else
telling him what to believe is the one without the ego, as I mean it,
the ability to cope in the world. So he becomes the herd and never
scientifically asks the questions. I am not knocking that; it is just
not the level or the way that people with scientific minds operate.
Blind faith, etc. Read my rather puzzling poem: Two Ways (both
approaches) and a safety net ... haaa.
Now, with your friend, you are expecting too much, too fast, I think. (I
may be wrong, just my take for now). She is open; she is in the void.
She is searching, maybe not seeking, haaaaa (my difference). But a
searcher can become a seeker. They just have to get ready. How to do
that? Haaaaa. Another book!!!!!!!!!!
It is interesting that Almaas screens his students closely. They are
no more sophisticated than your friend seems to be, however. She
could learn, in my opinion. But what happened, I think, is that her
ego defenses came into play since she expected herself to use the
teaching to strengthen her ego rather than to move it over. Certainly,
I have discovered that your approach CAN strengthen the ego. This
is also an interesting difference, I think, with some of the traditions,
such as Buddhism.
The void seems to weaken the ego. Right? So the logic from your
approach has the potential for strengthening the ego, if applied in a
timely manner. Jung and others talk about synchronicity. This means, as
I am sure you know, that timing is everything. What about your coming
into my office. Right timing, huh? We were both ready for the dialogue.
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Your friend is ready for something. Try to understand where she

is. A good rule of thumb is that if you push somebody too fast, they
either resist, or blindly follow you. We have to go back and find
them where they are and bring them forward. So, here is another
book. Developmental psychology is an issue. How old is a person
emotionally? This probably dependent on their present mental state.
If someone is feeling like a 2 year old and you treat them like a 30
year old, guess what happens. They crash. They resist or reenact;
they do the opposite or do what you say; either one is reaction, not
response. This is powerful, too.
Another factor is that your friend is attached to you. I was not. I
learned faster because I did not have that issue. I can see how I have
to go real slow with my wife, who feels secure with me, and by the
way we will be married 40 years the 15th of August!!!!!!
I like your ideas about how to approach with the women. Try this
with your friend. Haaaaaaaaaa, I am messing with you! You taught
me too much Tuesday. Haaaaaaa
Got to go to work. Hope this stuff is not too far off base for our dialogue.

I do not think you are crazy with those ideas. Not only because I respect
you, but I just never thought so. I agree with your position about ego and
psychology. It is true that I learned this from you in those days. It is true
that I never paid attention to ego, to psychology and all these nice modern
treatments, of which my grandfather who steps into 100 years on 9/9 never
needed and never thought about, although he has acted like he knew!
You remember, I learned from you that meditation really doesnt make
you feel good at all. Actually if you feel good after meditating, then it is
more likely you didnt meditate, haa. Then I learned from you that ego
needs a treatment (to be dried out) before it is ready to get thirsty for
an inner entry. And then I learned from you that psychology can be the
scientific way to get one back to Essence and can be the one system to
replace all theological or traditional systems that lead back to God, if
one needs a system.
I am aware of those three new teachings by you.
What I am saying, though, it is not that I do not care about those, it is
not my business to do that. Its like you are telling me that I have to
feed a baby with milk so it may be capable one day of getting back in
Essence. Why do I have to do that? Let his mama do it.
Do you understand me?
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I do not care what my friend and all my friends need. It is not my job, it
is not my business.
I agree it is your business, I agree that psychology is needed, I agree with
this more than ever, even though before I met you I was facing all these
modern methods ironically, it is a true story. I still face psychology a
little ironically when it comes to the point of treating people about their
dreams or their dogs or their cats or their flowers, such problems, but
generally speaking I see now what a major role psychology can have not
only to prepare, but also to lead people back to Essence. I see the pearl
now where I was just seeing the bottom, before. It is not my job, though;
yes, it is your job instead. By the way, I am thinking seriously of getting
back to some more education, and getting into Psychology.
My other point is that I told her (or whoever in the past and the future)
a technique. Damn people! Just listen closely to the words and get
something out of it. I didnt expect her to remember the technique
exactly. But two days later, tell me something, tell me something good,
tell me that you remember I said something about the things around
you, or the things in front of you, or that I said something about ignoring
the things that you do not see, or that problems get stirred up from
impressions, or that impressions come from objects around us. Tell me,
show me that you remember something, and then I will help you again
with the rest. But when I ask you what did I give you, and you tell me
I asked you how are you doing?, then its like you want to drink water
but the glass slipped through your hands, haaaa ... it happens.
So I do not need to use my ideas about women with my friend.
Besides, you are right, she is attached and so she has to go. You see, it
is true she is attached, but this is not an attachment that came because
of some attempts in a spiritual direction, but it is the other way around;
she is trying to crack up a spiritual attempt just to stay with me because
she is already attached, which makes the glass to slip through her
hands all the time ... with the danger of hurting herself sometime soon.
So it is better let her loose. Loose for good. Loose for good?
Good day.

I do see that you were just offering some words to her, very good ones,
ones I am pondering myself as they relate to problems, not just
Essence. Every time I reply and you reply, something potentially very
helpful occurs. Yes, she is attached and this is her main aim, to be in a
relationship with you. So, she has a different priority.

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I like your language about ego to be dried out before ready to get thirsty
for an inner entry ... I love it. You already know a lot of psychology.
The placing of the problems in front of you, though you were talking
about In, I think, is an approach similar to a book called: Focusing
by Gendlin. Much of what you do, as we saw Tuesday, with the Gestalt
theory, with figure and ground, etc., are psychological viewpoints
from different schools of psychology, and of course philosophy, since
psychology comes from philosophy anyway. Read Carl James, one of
the first psychologists. He was a philosopher. Haaaaa. He actually
dealt with spirituality.
However, you are gifted in bridging the gap of the how to from the
psychological to the spiritual, with clarity and precision I have not
seen. And I honor and appreciate you for your accomplishments
and willingness to practice, not just analyze. You know you got my
attention, for what it is worth.
You would be a great student of psychology; you would cut through
the nonsense (irony) and with your quick mind could make a great
contribution there. I am not kidding.
You know, Almaas became a psychologist to operate his Ridhwan
Institute. Not that I agree with all his stuff.
Your task perhaps, with a woman is to be able to live in both of the
worlds without losing one for the other. Talk about a challenge for In.
So, you access what is around you and in front of you inside. Then
you do it, outside with the In.
Then you go home with your wife and stay under the same roof with
her. You go In and she says, will you please take out the garbage. Do
you lose the In or just make taking out the garbage a movie or a point
and chop your wood and carry your water? If she becomes emotional
and needy, how do you handle it? If she is not needy in the first place
it is no problem. Emotional, for sure, as you say, but do her emotions
have the power to take you away from your aim; some would, maybe
some wouldnt.
I suggest you play. If a woman is in love with you what does that
mean? Attached? Likes you and wants to spend time with you? Has
her own life and shares it with you? You have your own life and share
it with her. But two separate people. Able to be in the same room with
each other and be alone at the same time? Ahhhhhh.
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Close to the In. I am playing, you know, but it is a play. It is like a

Greek play. It is a dance, and it is not so serious that she could take
away your practice. This is the challenge.
As you tell me. Do you want it or not? What is your aim? What is realistic
for you in a relationship? Some couples agree that they do not overlap
their lives very much. Some overlap a lot. Some married people dont
even live together. They like a lot of solitude and time apart.
I am just saying that there are hundreds of ways for marriages to
work.
Why am I talking about marriage? Am I trying to help you when you
havent even asked.? Not good for a therapist or for a teacher, perhaps.
Take care. I do understand what you are saying. It is a choice to
decide if you want to feed baby food. My woman is tough as hell,
though, and she doesnt need it. After all, she has put up with me for
all these years!!!! It is important to know, though, that marriage is a
safe haven, though a fragile bond. The safety makes it possible to
sometimes keep more grounded and balanced and less restless, which
could, not would, but could enhance, not detract from the seeking
first the kingdom of God.
Just my opinion. If we do not always agree, that is fine, too, since that
is the magic and power in the dialogue.

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the In Revealed to people

Oh, Sam. I started reading the dialogue from the first page. It is so
interesting to go back and see what you were trying to tell me very
early in our dialogue ... within the first few pages. I was fumbling
around with trying to give you smart answers, etc., showing how
one educated would miss the boat most of the time. It is so hilarious;
the PhD fumbling around with simple questions. That is just it, as you
say, the simplicity is overwhelming; it is not esoteric (hidden), but as
you say, right in front of your face, as does Jesus in Thomas.
I think you are on to something. It is actually pretty good reading, even
unedited. And I like the format; the dialogue. Definitely a way to see
different sides, and deal with lots of issues in context (partly my job).
Then, also, the therapist=teacher model. I havent seen it anywhere,
have you? Yes, the seeker may need a psychologist for a consultant and
the two together come up with a practical applicable synthesis.
It is good to see it in full, in perspective, what we have done, mostly
you. I am very grateful you helped me get out of the void. Thank you.
Your friend.

I like this email of yours above. But this reply of mine is for both of us.
I agree that to be dried out before being ready to get thirsty for an inner
entry is a very good description.
Remember, I always tell you what I see, not what I think. I also tell
you the gestalt, the point and all. But do not forget, I have done all
these things for all these years. I never read anything, never practiced
some others theories for 15 years. All you see now, all that I know as
information at moments, is what I have read at ages 16 to 24. I did read a
bit more until I was 29, but it wasnt that absorbing, as in the first years.
After 29, I neither read a book, nor bought one. I started buying books
again when I met you. I thought they were very interesting. Sorry, I
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havent read them yet; they are locked in a box. What amazes me is
how you know all these elements, you have all this knowledge! You are
capable of keeping all this information in order and concise, and you
can offer it in a good combination when it is needed.
I am serious in this compliment. Ive met a lot of people. Usually, people
that know a lot, like you, are lost somewhere. They are missing something.
But you have an excellent balance!! Thats amazing, you need to be aware
of it. I wouldnt pay attention to you if I hadnt seen that balance.
All people have needs and usually they bother me with nonsensical
questions.
So, I avoid most people. Not you, though. I feel I owe something to God
and you by having met you. I trust your judgment more than mine,
especially in material matters.
Believe me, if you want. I think I do not know much of the material
world. I never paid attention really, only to what was necessary to
live, to survive, so I can continue my practice. I see with you, that this
world is worth more. With your presence and your words, you give me
what I always need to appreciate this world more and more. So, please,
feel free to talk to me about anything you desire. I will never tell you
anything just because I want to talk.
Whatever I tell you has a purpose. Like the story with my friend. I
presented the story for your good, not for hers or just to hear myself
talk. I do not care about her, because she doesnt care about her. You
see, if she cared about her she would be enlightened (haaa) by now,
just by being next to me for four years while I do my practice all the
time, do you understand?
So when I tell you something, it has a purpose. Same, when I stir you
with my questions on marriage, the purpose is to make you talk to me.
I cannot ask you straight out, first of all, because it never happened like
this between us. Then secondly, I cannot ask advices from a therapist
without paying, or it is not balanced. Then thirdly, it is the rule
between us, you know, it started with meeting or not meeting; Kind of
be or not to be? (haaaa).
Anyway, I am thankful when you talk to me about anything and I depend
on it. Do not see me as a teacher, I do not know this world. I just started
now, at my 46, feeling that I appreciate this world and now I see the
leaves, the green, the people, the sky, the water, the house, the simple
things. Believe me. When my brother died, I thought Who was that guy?
I didnt live near him, I didnt know him and now he is gone forever.
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Before, I was focused and never cared about anything. Actually this is
my only wonder, that if it took me so much of this earthly life to find
what was in front of my face all the time, then what the heck am I
expecting from the other common people.
From a seeker like you, it is different. But, what do I expect from the
other people? This is why I somehow use our dialogues to make it simple
in understanding. Then if somebody wants to get inner through this,
he will do so. For the rest of the people, it doesnt matter, because if it
is a simple theory out there, understandable but not practicable, thats
enough. It is enough to change the route of their thinking, nothing more.
Like the example that the earth is a sphere. What difference does
it make to the vast majority of the people if the earth is a sphere or
flat? Well ..., none really, but the fact of the matter is that because
people discovered it and some specific people (the scientists) use
this information and they can prove it by flying outside the earths
orbit, that makes the vast majority of the blind people free from their
prejudices, free from the theological tyranny, and so on.
Thats all.
This is my purpose with this dialogue. To free someone, one more time a
bit more, once again, from the theological tyranny that is still out there.
To push a little more away from the theological control. A bit, not much.
Do not expect the people to learn and get to know Essence closer. No, a
few will do so but the rest will just feel freer.
They will feel more free because they will understand a new system,
which clarifies that God can be approached by space, a space that they
already know, but never took seriously. They will understand that the
other world exists and can be approached here-now, by just getting In.
They will understand that personality is to be used to understand God;
and just as you do not go to the church with bedclothes on, so you
cannot go with this personality In to meet God.
They will understand they need to do nothing in order to get their
personality harmonized. The In will take care of it.
Practicing the In will become gradually simpler and there will be the
movement away from dependencies. They will be able to practice it
while working, while driving; no churches are needed. Church would
help get you In, but only if the church endorses peace so you can
realize the In, as you do when you go back to your sweet home country
estate, ha-ha.
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I would say, you have an obligation, to make this dialogue into a book.
I mean you speak the language, you know the language, you know all
theories to be referred to and can support them in order to complete
it. You know the terms, you know your practice, and you know it all
because you are a man of the world and a man of the spirit, too. What
man of the world am I, since I do not speak English? Huh? Do not try to
avoid your role, by telling me you know and you are and all this.
I know what I know, I know what I can do. Just be there, where your
nature is, if you want, of course ... ha-ha.
Thanks for your input on marriage and all these aspects. But still
you did not clarify one point. Actually, I never asked about that point
clearly because, as I said, I didnt want to ask you straight out without
paying you. I didnt want to use the client role just because I know the
therapist, without appointment if you wish. But, once you see it as an
aspect of a worldly man who tries to be a man of the spirit and a man of
the world, Ill take the opportunity.
So, my question is, what do you do when you walk in the house and
you just lose it all, without the woman having done anything? You see,
my question is not only when she orders you to carry the garbage;
thats fine. We have to do something anyway. This or the other, the
garbage or something else.
Me, I accept that the house is her kingdom and she should be obeyed.
Not only that though, I go further. Any house, even the house of any
business, is her kingdom, too. Any house is her kingdom and she
should be obeyed. However, she doesnt need to do anything to distract
you. Nothing, just be herself. You walk in the house. She hears the door
opening. She thinks innocently, Ok, good, he is here. But by that time
you lost it all, haaaaaa.
I am not kidding. Its not her fault. It is the nature of how things work.
It is that simple.
It is not about superiority, or who is right and who is not. It doesnt matter.
If you wish, I will resolve this war between man and a woman easily.
Lets say the woman is not that capable of doing things. Lets take an
example.
You are the boss, you are the millionaire who owns a pharmaceutical
company. Who are you and what can you do without your chemist?
Nothing. Maybe you have no problem because you can find any
chemist anytime. But what can you do without a chemist? Nothing.
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You can do nothing without your secretary, either. So even if you do not
want me to accept the equal role between man and woman, even if you
want me to be old fashioned saying that women are less capable, thats
okay, but truthfully what you can do without them? Nothing. So thats
my point, even if I say they are equal or less capable, the result is the
same. We cannot do much without them, and I am aware of it.
The point is this natural thing. When you are close to her, you lose the
connection. Dont you lose the connection now? If not, you will lose it
down the road. Because her presence is earthly, her work is earthly, there
is nothing else in her mind than earthly matters. Besides, she thinks
this, the lost connection, the problems of the world, etc., is justified and
expects you to find the solution and you are damned if you dont, even
if you love her with all your heart. She expects you to find solutions to
everything, the first being providing for her and the family.
When that is resolved, she expects you to find solution to being a
man; which means being charming, romantic, helpful and all. When
this is resolved, she will still be distracting you because (as she says)
something else is missing; and she is right, she wants you to be
spiritual too, but she doesnt know how to express it. Even though she
is not informed about it, she feels that something is missing.
Meanwhile, you may try to resolve all above, but because she doesnt
see earthly results she distracts you, she pushes you even when she is
silent, even when she is sleeping. She does this with the attitude, my
friend, the attitude.
She will never be quiet, never understanding, just always push, push,
push, go, go, go.
To tell you the truth, I know what you mean about fumbling around
with trying to give you smart answers. Even though I never saw them
as smart (once you never intended to), I was laughing all the time.
I knew you didnt get what I was saying in those days. But once they
were the best and most keen answers I had ever heard in my life, plus
they were rich in information, I continued with you.
However, make no mistake. The book is also yours. I knew all this stuff,
all this knowledge, but I didnt have any book or writing. Why? Why is
it there now? Because of you. The book is also yours and you should
take it seriously. Read it, correct it, speak it, form it, go for it.
You have work to do. It is as simple as that.

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Yes, we have made an excellent combination: teacher-therapist. I am

glad you see now how important the ideas that come out of this book
are. I told you, and it will be true, that they will change the way of
thinking in all the sections of life. Not because I am dreaming so. But
because I know how the common people think and I know how to
connect those two worlds. I know there is more in this venture that
you havent noticed. There are many important techniques in this
venture, techniques that are worth a lot. Even though you havent
noticed them yet, all of them are written here. But they are written in a
natural, simple way, and somehow it is that simplicity that hides these
techniques from most of the people; only those who read each word
carefully will understand them.
On purpose. With aim.
It is amazing though, that you can see the difference in your
understanding now. That you can now see things that you couldnt
before. You notice and understand deeper and more specific ideas.
Techniques and real knowledge. If this difference in understanding
happened to you, in one who already knows so much, then for other
people, it will be the book for the rest of their life.
Note: this difference in understanding comes from practicing the In.
This is how you see results until you get the real In. Do not expect any
fireworks for there are none. I know you understand that but I must say
it just for the records.

About your brother, I didnt live near him , what is that?

what is ... go with the bedclothes to the church ?
... if the church endorses peace so you can realize the In
If it did, what would it do? Play music? Read the Bible? preach
sermons? Have silence?
Bars are more spiritual than churches sometimes. The women are
there to stir up the connection to In. Or vice versa. Right? Maybe thats
why people like to go to bars, or to concerts, or to any exciting event.
Excitement could be a distraction, which it usually is, but also to stir
up Essence, which it usually is not. Right? So it stirs up the impulses,
the id, the other side of the ego. Church may stir up the other side, the
superego. Which one stirs up Essence more? Am I being foolish?
Does guilt or passion stir up the Essence more? What a foolish person
I am to say such heretical things!
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You see, no one has the cure for impulsive disorders, such as alcoholism,
sex addiction, gambling addiction, drug addiction, etc. What if these
people are being stirred to get the high that they could get from In?
I know you have said this about the drug addict you helped. Why
should I go there? If Essence is in the body and the emotions are
in the body (James-Lange theory of emotion), then what is the
connection for curing or healing? Crazy me; heres another book,
though they have been written. Not body download though; just
faith and prayer and all of that.
Enough of my wildness. I must go to my sweet country estate to cool
off, drink sweet tea, sweat, and to celebrate with my lovely wife our
In and out of Essence years together.
Have a good weekend.

About my brother means, I meant I didnt live with him enough, I didnt
enjoy him enough, I didnt know his life, the details or his traits, good
or bad, or his passions, even though he was my brother. There were no
hard or bad feelings.
I just was so focused on the internal affairs that, at the end, I realized I
knew him as much as I knew the neighbor. I do not regret what I did. I am
only reporting what I did. If I had to choose again, Id choose the same.
Bedclothes? I just looked it up, it is pajamas. I meant, you do not go
with pajamas to church, right?
Church may stir up the other side, the superego ... Am I being
foolish? ... well, you are not being foolish, but be careful! be careful
the vultures are close! ... ha-ha.
Make a note that vultures were sent from Zeus, not from the people, but
from his own people, from the insiders.
Haa ... I am trying to be nice ...
I meant that in the case of spreading the idea of In, it doesnt bother if
the churches still remain out there, like with the rest of life, like the
theaters, bars, whatever, still remain out there. Since theological tyranny
will be shaken, churches can be used as a room to exercise the In. Like a
museum, like a cafe shop, like anything else. But churches, then, can be
used exclusively for that. Not for learning about In or not for worshipping
another God. But as an easier location or method to realize the In. This is
what happens in churches already anyway. The In lives there, it is present.
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Churches are impressive and I encourage you to start your practice

in one because the way they are built, helps access the In. Haaa, I am
trying to be nice ... I am trying to be nice.
Because even if I avoid the vultures, I wont abandon you if they get
you. So, I am trying to be nice ... I am trying to be nice ... haaa ha-ha.
By the way, do you think that in spreading the idea of In, people will
start building old fashioned, high ceiling, impressive buildings again
where the sense of In would be present?
Do you think that somehow it will change the thinking in architecture and
in art, too? Do you think that they will pay more attention to the space
(room) instead of the present direction in which they shrink the space
looking for time? Will it bring a more calmness, less stress, thoughtful
response to Space, a deepness in thinking, or a new renaissance?
You see ... right now we abuse the space looking for time, like a baby does
when he suckles his mothers breast for more milk than he can handle.
Remember, In is a reality that everybody knows. Nobody will doubt it,
if you ask anyone, Do you know what in means? Nobody can say no.
From that point on, once asked, the person is in a trap. He has to
specify it, he has to prove it to you or to himself. If you show him that
he doesnt know, he will lose sleep as he considers this simple loss and
struggles to regain what he should understand.
There will, of course, be a difference between people, those who will
get nervous about it and will start a passionate practice to get it, or
those who will say later. But nobody will forget it and this is what
counts. Even just referring to it, even just talking about it, the work,
more or less, will be started. And since the In is the space where unity
happens, they cannot back out. There is no way. In is the best trap.
Everybody knows it, even those we identify as crazy. Though, nobody
can control it, except through unity. It looks like the dog that trying to
bite a kids soccer ball. The ball is too big to fit in its mouth, too spherical
to be handled from a corner, so the dog goes crazy and cannot be quiet,
until he gets it. This is how the people will be with the In question.
By playing, they will be turned to where unity is located with no end
until Unity is accomplished.
Many will die without achievement, but they will try anyway and will
have no idea what happened for 80 or so years.

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Back to your observation; you got it right ... better to be out there in life
where at last a woman will stir you up towards Essence than to be in
a church where you will be forced to build the superego. Well, said ...
now watch your back ... ha-ha.

A good email and I am grateful for the balance you see in me. You
know, I never ever promoted myself as anything special, such as a
specialist. If I had, such as a sex therapist, written a book, such
as my colleagues, I am sure I would have been more successful in
money and recognition.
I have always kept a low profile; I know some of the reasons, but it is
just what I did. I do not know whether it is humility or weak in spirit
or bashfulness or low self esteem or what; probably some of all.
So, promoting myself has never been comfortable. Even if we
published a book, I would even consider a pseudonym or something,
since I would not want to be in the spotlight (not that I would be.
It may be ignored). I have never done accomplishments to get
noticed. And in doing so, maybe I have not contributed to the body
of knowledge, or betterment of society, or what. When I have helped
people financially or with my time, nobody knows about it.
If I had a lot of money I would set up a foundation for filling in the
gaps, for people who do not fit into government or other programs,
but who had an aim to take responsibility for themselves. They
would lose my money as soon as they quit trying to get responsible.
I dont know what it is, this reluctance, fully, but I think that some
of it is a belief that I would not say anything that would make any
difference to anybody anyway. Such as my poetry. I have hesitated
for years to get it published. Why? Maybe fearful that I would be
criticized, etc., and it would not be good enough.
This talk is still in line with living in this world and the other world.
It is not a need for help at all; I know you understand this. However,
it is a way to think about the way that you and I would be most
comfortable with bringing forth what we have been doing. I say it
is yours, too. To me that is the beauty of it. Not mine only; what we
have done, although I know there is a lot more to come, could have
not occurred without the dialogue, the exchange, and really not as
an authoritative relationship, but as equals, which in itself validates
the oneness of things, that we are the same, and only egos make
distinctions in regard to prestige, esteem, rightness or wrongness, etc.

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We are two seekers on a journey, co-seekers, trying to put into words,

the best way we can, the things we are experiencing and, hopefully,
taking it to the people to do with In (I meant to say it but I wrote
in) in whatever way they chose.
Why did I write in ... haaaaa ... to do with in whatever they
choose. Freudian slip? Then, too, I am no more therapist than you
are teacher. These are just good images since they defy the usual
pedantic, impression based writings. And by the way, I let my wife
read a little of your writings, I think about the downtown experience
with the fat deputy. She laughed and laughed and loved the way you
expressed yourself.
And she is an English teacher by training (Masters Degree, Emory). So
your English is not your problem in this regard.
Yes, the difference in understanding comes from practicing the In. No
doubt about it. See, I have no doubt ... a big one for me. My doubt did
make me whole, not my faith. Haaaaa.
You know in the New Testament that the doubting Thomas may be
the same Thomas we read from. You probably know this.
So, my friend I go to Essence country today ... my sweet country
estate ... good!!
I was born in Atlanta; my wife is from there, my country estate is there.
I have always felt more connected there; does Essence feel more
comfortable in some places than others? I have not went to the churches
there in a long time. I go out to my gazebo and look at butterflies,
butterfly bushes, humming birds, trees, grass, sky, flowers, and feel
the humidity (free sweat lodge ... haaa). I will see the sky in a different
perspective this time. Ponder In outside. I kneel before a cow instead of
an altar. I park my truck under the sky, not a parking deck. I see the big
sky, not the polluted Atlanta skyline. I can see the stars, not city lights.
Have a good weekend. I am leaving today, will be back Monday.
Take care.

Like the prophet Jonah (Ionas in Greek), he didnt have disciples for
all his life and he was whining to God. When he was 60 years old, he
got two cities, the most disciples any prophet ever had. So as him,
you never wrote a book, but now you will write the biggest and most
influential one.
Note: without promotion, ha.
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I agree, I would not want to be in the spotlight either. This is why

I am trying to get you to publish it. The reaction will be huge. All
of the existing systems will be against you. You will be called for
explanations, interviews, criticism, questioning and all.
They will make up things to prove you wrong. You are the only one
who can face English effectively and you are the only one who knows
what others have said so you can explain the In better.
But, also you are candid and moral. They cannot find anything in your
actions to use against you that contradicts your sayings in theory and
make you look hypocritical.
But, they can find a lot against me. I can tell you verbally, a lot ... I
mean with no end. They will stick me on the wall and they will hit me
until I die, even continuing after that. So, if we put aside dislikes about
spotlights, its easy to see that the only one who couldnt be nailed to
the cross is you. But it is your choice, anyway.
I understand why one would hesitate to publish his own work. Because
he knows his own work so well that he also knows the weak parts of
it. But he also believes that others will think and will know the same.
Its not true, this is socialism at work. It is not that difficult to publish
somebody elses work. You can always say it is not mine, the author
wishes to be anonymous and asked me to talk about it, to put it in
clearer more concise English because of my better understanding of our
culture or so. You see, we are two authors, one covers the other. You
know better how to proceed.
My statement ... I presented the story for your good ..., doesnt have
the meaning of my offering help at all. It has the meaning that you
stated ... I am very grateful you helped me get out of the void. Thank
you. ... or the other one ... words to her, very good ones, ones I am
pondering myself as they relate to problems, not just Essence.
I will, however, persist that even though I understand where you come
from when talking about equals, I wouldnt use that word. This word
is a red flag to me since nothing is equal, not even 5+1 with 4+2.
Nothing is equal, but this is, as you said, another book. However, I
strongly and very much disagree with your ... but as equals, which in
itself validates the oneness of things ... where I, yes again, understand
where you come from, but I strongly reject it (would you allow me,
please?) and offer in its place ... but as unequals, which in itself
validates the oneness of things. May be the following will help.
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Socialism is not a political attitude, nor a mental one, and is hiding

everywhere, even in the In process. It is a spiritual attitude.
Socialism is a dream of the mind, a very sweet cloudy sense that
everything is equal, so all is and will be right. It is an application of
security that puts to sleep the awareness of the mind, whereby everything
will be led mechanically to the easy route. And that route itself is outer
not inner. The easy routes always lead to outer, to complete distortion
of the truth. More precisely, socialism is the only cause of being ignorant
of love and the only reason to replace love with compassion. Thats
socialism. The cause of missing love and the reason for replacing love.
It is the imitation that comes with the initial creation. Socialism is easy
to recognize. Just look for the word equal or equality. I understand
that many times, two are not that different, sometimes two parties play,
you may say, an equal role. A keen eye will see that in all cases there is
no equality. Where you want to express the character of two as equal,
because there is not much difference between them, just look carefully.
You will see instead that the comparison has no meaning, that there
really is no comparison to be made.
I have said the same for the so suffering subject man vs. woman. Any
comparison between them is just stupid. Because (again) they are so
different, as different as the spoon and the fork. Both are related to
consumption of food but their nature forces the roles they perform. You
cannot eat soup with the fork and you cannot eat meat with the spoon.
It is the same with everything that appears equal. If you ignore the
physical limitations or rules of the spoon and fork you will continue, of
course, to persist with the theory of equality between the two.
But, if you remember the spoon and fork when you see equality, you
will realize that the intention even to compare, has no basis, at all.
Simply, equality is the dreamy impression that we apply where
comparison has no meaning and no basis to exist between things.
Things are never equal.
Loss of the keenness in the mind, together with the loss of the Essence,
doesnt let the mind see more clearly that there can be no comparison,
things are self-evident and axiomatically absolute, and because of the
already existing stream of socialistic attitude in our mind, there we
name their relationship equality. Just too lazy to see more profoundly
the real relationship between the two.

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Equality is the easy way of stating a relationship between two where

there is lack of comparison. Equality is the lack of comparison. There is
no comparison to be made, so the easy solution is to name it equal.
But where there is no comparison to be made, there is the axiomatic
absolute and should be given special attention, there is the entry to In. The
end of the comparison is not the start of the equality, it is the entry to In.
My point here is that not everything is dual. Although it appears so, it
is not. It appears so only while the sense of Essence is lost. When the
sense of Essence returns, we gradually can see that the comparison
between the two has no meaning, it shouldnt be there, the two are one
in an axiomatic absolute.
It is so silly, this comparison and war between the two, so silly! It is as
if you want to establish a dual between the point and the line, to say
that point and line in geometry are opposites. It is just silly.
Same can be said about the comparison of man and woman; they are
not the dual, they are axiomatic absolutes where everything and all
starts from, like in geometry; everything starts from the point.
The loss of Essence creates science. Science is not only laboratory
work, is also the effort from Democritus to explain the material with the
atoms. Science is and starts with the use of the logic. But it is the loss
of the Essence that leads to making Science.
Let me explain. Lets say you have a perfectly working car. Its working
well, you have nothing to worry about. This is the Essence situation. At
a point, the car starts having problems and Essence is lost. For example,
the alternator doesnt work that well. What you have to do is to open
the hood, take a little hammer or a big screwdriver, hit the alternator
at the top and go back to start the engine. The engine will start this
time, but you have to do this every time you want to start it up. If your
son tries to start the engine, he cannot. He needs to have this special
knowledge that right now only you have.
He will try to start the motor up, but with no results. Only if you tell
him the special knowledge can he succeed. This is science. The special
knowledge that you have for a specific aspect that somebody else doesnt
have, which is there just because the Essence is lost in the first place.

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Once science gets involved, the rest of it becomes known. Needs

are there, trade is there, negotiations are there, valuations are there,
comparison is there, everything has a number and a price, whereby it
now becomes flat. Its so simple. This is the exact way it has always
worked and will be forever. Only the one who goes back to Essence can
see this loop and understand all this. Science is there to make things
easier, comparable, not that Science defines them. The entire situation
is a tool, to be used, to make things easier in our material world, not
that they truly are like that.
We act about science just as a little girl that believes that the dolls are her
true children. But how long will she believe? Do you see where we stand
as humanity, by the same dimension of what is more to be known and left
to be achieved? We stand exactly where the little girl stands with her dolls.
We believe the entire system (the dolls) as real. Comparison is there, we
do not think deeper, everything has a number and a price, all becomes
flat, equality seems obvious. Thus, I will always resist the use of the
word equal to any of its applications and its expressions.
We are doing very well ... as you may have already understood, we now
have defined the evil in the In. As the systematic churches fight the
terrible Satan, the aim was created as the only cause of our failures, so
we now created our own Satan, the Satan of the In which listens to the
name equality. Very good, very good!!!!
By the same token, there is no co-seeker. If I see you as a co-seeker,
then I wont see you in In. You will only be surrounding the In on the
outside, again, there is no such subject, at least when you practice. And
I do not care of course, whats happening out of practice, a lot happens
and we all suffer. There is no need for a detailed report. I only state
what I see while practicing. There is no equality, no co-anything, no
co-seeker, no co-passion, no co-operation. It is that simple. Whoever is
your friend will distract you. Whoever is your relative will distract you.
One cannot connect to In, because he has beloved ones that he cannot
see in In; he has to see them as equal otherwise the love (by this I mean
socialistic compassion) will be lost.
Compassion ... ! The biggest attachment that will always keep people
attached to people, away from Essence. Essence is not only about
people as they preach out there. Essence has to do with rocks, too, with
worms and with roaches too. Who else thinks that way? Nobody. So
what do the other people do? They just adjust their teachings and their
real being on earth to their benefit, so to sleep well (another security).
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You see, tomorrow your critics will say, You do not start with the
people, you are another pagan, you want to start with the rocks and the
roaches! ha.
The more serious will tell you, Jesus said, love your neighbor as
yourself, but you, Mr. Richard, you want to tell us another theory,
another discovery. But all that you finally give us, Mr. Richard, is
another heresy. We like your contributions in thinking, Mr. Richard, but
Jesus was clearly, Love your neighbor as yourself .
Yeah right they think this is what Jesus said. But once we all know
people are sleep far away from truth, how do they know that this is
what Jesus said? Lets see, there are two explanations of it.
One explanation of Love your neighbor as yourself is love neighbor
as much as you love yourself which of course has one meaning, but
still the people feel compassion for others and they think in so doing,
they love the others. The damn mistake here is that they still live only
the first half of this saying, they just love (if you want me to accept that
compassion is love, I will for now) the others without loving the others
as they love themselves, just because they have never loved themselves
and they do not know what myself is. Tell me how much do you love
yourself? What is I love myself? We think we love ourselves because
we cannot imagine hating ourselves. But who really loves himself?
Did you ever really love yourself? Thats nonsense, nobody ever did.
You cannot love something that you are and you stuck with. You can
love something that is outside you, right? But can you tell me, if ever,
you saw somebody ever love himself? I have the instinct of keeping
myself alive, yes, but is this love myself? Who felt the feeling of love
for himself, besides Narcissus, whose wasnt exactly love, it was Eros.
Even he had to see himself across, on top of the water at the lake.
But still, I will skip that as it is not love (it is compassion), I will skip
that nobody can love himself and I will skip the other big aspect, too,
wondering if we know who we are, I will skip that people do not know
themselves. I will say, though, that people do not love the others as
they love themselves, they just love the others, they just apply half of
what Jesus said. Again, the easy socialistic way, no deep consideration
for what was intended. We take it easy, so we can go back to sleep.
People should know first how much they love themselves and then
love the others that much. Not just love the others, but without any
measurement, indefinitely, stupidly.

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All this was the explanation of one, which applies to the meaning,
love the others as much as you love yourself.
The second meaning of Love your neighbor as yourself is Love
your neighbor as if he is you. It tells you what to do with him (love)
and also how (as if he is you). It tells you actually, do not just love the
other (because that empowers separation), it tells to you love yourself
in the other!!!
And this is an excellent practice, my friend, you can do it now. You
can look at the person next to you, anyone, even objects as it is you.
Do it now as an experiment and tell me. You can see the table in front
of you like it is you. You can see your wife, like she is you. Be careful,
it is very strong, you may feel the bottom of your spine shaking like
an earthquake, you may lose your sight momentarily, you may have a
strong break at the top of your head, you had better sit down when you
do this specific practice.
Do not hold me responsible, usually I do not want to tell you these
things, but sometimes I get mad with the darkness around.
So now, do you understand love your neighbor as yourself? The main
meaning of it is on the word yourself, not on the word love. The
meaning of unity has been withdrawn. I may be wrong here because I
do not use the English version.
But the Greek version has these two meanings and nobody in 2000 years
has ever thought to use or preach the second meaning, they just go blindly
to such a degree that I am thinking, Whats wrong with this world? There
is so much damn blindness! They prefer to use the first explanation in
which they do not know who myself is and how I love myself instead
of using the second explanation which actually says, See your neighbor
as he is you, and then love what you see by doing so.
This saying, about love, is the same as the ancient Greek one that says,
All things in moderation.
Well, it happened that I found this English version that is so stupidly
translated that it cannot be more senseless.
The Greek version says, and I will try to translate it word for word): All
moderation excellent.

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Now you could explain this as every moderation is good (this is

currently the most typical usual explanation in Greece), you can
also explain it as, All, moderation excellent which means the best
moderation is the ALL or the whole as you justify if you want to have
the best moderated decision.
I do not know if I am making this clear, but the English version is the by
far and away most lost, the farthest from any hints of the original one.
But to me, the first Greek definition makes no sense, once we all know
that every moderation is good, so why mention that. Still no one in
Greece ever uses the second definition. Why?
Because if you say that the ALL (the whole), is the best moderation,
then you talk as if the ALL exists as an independent entity, to which
you have to refer if you want to apply the excellent moderation.
But no, we cannot teach the people that the ALL exists as an
independent entity, on its own (which would be equal to God), because
then how are we to force them under the tyranny of our authenticated
interpretations of the books? How? There is no way.
So lets take the comma out of the phrase (it was ALL, moderation
excellent), and explain it as every moderation is excellent! Yeah,
right tell me something I do not know.
The same, my friend, with love your neighbor as yourself. I do not
know why I went that far today, but obviously there is an energy supply
behind it.
By the way, you mentioned butterflies, butterfly bushes, humming
birds, trees, grass, sky, flowers etc.
I would encourage you (if you want and if you practice while working)
that the next time try to do one only thing as you work. Do not change
activities. I do not mean for the rest of your life of course haaa, I mean
for one time or a few times, choose to do one thing for a long time.
For example, if you dig the soil, just dig all day long. If you get tired?
Dig. If you get sweaty? Dig. If you get bored? Dig. If you want to stop?
Dig. If you want a break? Take a breath right there and dig. If you want
to change activity? Dig. If you have other important things to do? Dig.
Dig all day long. Have your water to drink, have something little to eat,
have breaks, but dig. Trying doing one thing all day long. If you can,
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if you want to see what happens. It may drive you crazy, it may shake
your brain, you may feel extremely anxious, its possible you may cry,
too. Cry and Dig. Dig. Haa.
If you are cleaning up around the house, do the same. If you paint, do
the same. Do not change activities. Well see something new.

You really got wound up. Just two words, equal and co-seeker did
all this?
You know, you are right; absolutely right. Just damn brave enough to
say it. I am still absorbing all you said. I am tired; just got home.
I noticed all the entities; hummingbirds, etc., and tried to practice
the In at the same time. I saw them differently than usual, with little
attachment, less wonder, less connection. It was just that way.
I see the idea of digging all day, etc. It is the focus; it is the singlemindedness you are talking about. It sounds like Gurdjieff (spelling).
It is also the push, the ordeal, to break away the distraction, for a
more clear aim for the In. I cut the grass on a riding mower and tried
some of the In outside as we talked about Tuesday. Not much yet, but
an approach I am paying a lot of attention to and trying to practice. It
seemed that I could go In when I consolidated the figure-ground in
front of my face. And I could stay In better without feeling the pull
of the outside. Like the outside and in with little difference. I know it
will take time, but I am trying.
Here again you are opening up all these ideas. What is this Christian
love anyway? Its funny that Jesus in Thomas said nothing about that.
Did he? This was the earliest tradition of the Jesus movement. I will
watch my back ... haaaaa.
Will talk more later; have to go to bed. Take care.

You got it all, man you got it all. The digging, especially, you got it.
And I am glad I see you practicing with more enthusiasm, more
seriously. It looks like you think that this is what your main job is now.
Good, excellent, fabulous.
Yes, this is how it feels at a good stage of the In realization, as you say
it ... stay In better without feeling the pull of the outside, like the
outside and In with little difference ... describe it more when you
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have time. Id like to see where exactly you stand so I can reveal some
of the happenings there.
Ok. Go to bed. There you do not have to watch your back, do you? Haa

No, just my front ... haaaaaaa.

Thomas: #25: Love your brother like your soul: guard him like the
apple of your eye.
Thomas # 6, Jesus said: Do not lie and do not do what you hate ...

No allusions to love except the #25; interesting, huh? ... only hate
otherwise. See ... you may be right after Thomas. Hate is in the
gap with love, the other side, the yin and yang, the tension of the
opposites, the whirling axiom of truth, the non-Being - Being point.
T.S. Eliot, the still point of the turning world. A paradox. How
can a turning world be still? How could God be what fills with His
absence? How could the courage to be is rooted in the God who
appears when the God of anxiety and doubt disappears?

You: If God is all giving, nothing is there in the In since he does not hold
anything back for himself (paraphrased). Enough theology ( Sam,
this is in a realm of theology called negative theology ... seriously, but
they NEVER, NEVER, NEVER talked about In or any way to DO it!).
Like your soul close to the interpretation #2 that you gave? Not as
yourself, but like your soul. Very interesting ... today is my 40th
anniversary. My wife just called on her way to school. We talked
about our love. I quoted her Thomas. I said sister not brother, or
wife. Like your soul. Good.
Yes, it feels like it is more of a choice to be my main job or focus. I
was having some trouble visualizing the sky as covering me, so to
speak, as a container for being In.
It got easier, but then I thought that I would lose the vastness of the sky
and nature, that I would lose something. (Which I will when I die, right?)
It became less fabulous, less overwhelming, compared to when I
was swept up in the environment when I was fishing in the river in
Florida. Of course, my yard was a familiar place as I was cutting the
grass. Easier place to practice than the unfamiliar river. I also kept
thinking about oneness as I was trying to be In while I was cutting
grass. It was a little too much.
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It is hard not to get some theological or psychological analysis as I

was practicing.
I realized how it is my nature, and most people, to always have the
ideas to take the energy. Ideas, thoughts ... matter that takes up energy.
The insecurity of not having impressions is a large factor in this.
But I see: the download in the body is a movement to space, not time,
but being grounded in time, personal history, including the ego, since
it is in the body, but at the same time accessing the axioms of space,
where, at the same time, grounding in space, may be joining them
(time and space).
So ideas or beliefs begin to disappear in the void of the In, the door of
entry, only if there is an aim, a hunger and thirst after righteousness,
a seek and you shall find and when you find you will be troubled
suspension of impressions, each time having its own uniqueness, and
attained not by ones merit but by, as you say, holy grace.
BUT, if there is too much admiration, then what? We make a religion
again. We start all that worship, theological beliefs, systems, priests,
ambitions, etc. ... ideas ... ideologies. I can say that I felt gratitude, but
I do not think that is the same thing as worship.
Take care, my friend. I am waiting to hear from a repair person. I
have a house in the mountains and may have to go up and meet them
today, to repair a well water pump. I will see how In could happen in
a beautiful forest environment.
There is a big rock by the creek there. I sometimes sit on it. It is
called a healing rock by the Native Americans. It has a hollowed
out place where they burned sage, and the shamans used the water
from the creek to do healing I will go there and see about In. I
read book one of our dialogue and started book two while at my
country estate. So much there; so much I missed that you were trying
to tell me. But I think a very natural way that the play between ideas
and practice moves to synthesis, as long as ideas are subordinate to
practice. Not exactly Plato; a lot more phenomenological, I think.
You scare me; how could I bring all that knowledge forth? You would
be the mystery person in the dialogue; if you do not want to be named,
you would not have to. I am not too sure I want to be named either.
We will talk further.

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Wow ... thats a remarkable anniversary, huh? 40 years!!! ... and I havent
even started yet!!!!! Happy one and happiness on the rest, too. Huge!!
Well ..., you stirred up my interest. Today we have to go back and search
who says the truth and who makes up things. I found all 5 Gospels at
http://www.utoronto.ca/religion/synopsis/meta-5g.htm and
searched in all 5 gospels for love your neighbor ... Here are the results:
MATTHEW
19.19 Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your
neighbor as yourself.
22.39 And a second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as
yourself.
MARK
12.31 The second is this, You shall love your neighbor as yourself
There is no other commandment greater than these.
LUKE

No references to this at all.

Only a reference to Love your enemies as also in the first two.
JOHN

No references to this at all.

Actually, in the entire gospel there is no Love your at all.
And he is called the Evangelist of Love. Interesting!
THOMAS
25) Jesus said, Love your brother like your soul, guard him like
the pupil of your eye.

So I saw only love enemies, brother, neighbor. I didnt see anything

about wives ... haaa. You can still do it, though, since they cannot refer
to each and every being, right? ... haaa.
Happy anniversary, my friend! Thats an impressive one. Once its the
woman who keeps and holds the house (of love) up, say my wishes to
her, too.
Have a nice day.

Well, describing it more ... I was more visualizing it and thinking

about the concept. Noticing that the sky was like a room I was in, so I
visualized myself as being inside though I was in the outside.

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The shield you mentioned was a visualization, like there was

protection, a kind of bubble, so to speak, to empower me to be In and
a part of what was around me at the same time. So it felt like I was in
In, but in In while in (meaning the environment).
I kept thinking about the figure and the ground. I tried to see the trees
and sky as one dimensional, like a movie, but only in front of my face.
I could not get that from looking sideways or above or behind. Just in
front. I thought of all of it as unity, though I was not connected to the
outside, but the inside, the unity that I was aiming for or seeking.
The special rock I mentioned in the mountains. It was not as special
to me as usual. I do not know why. I will talk more later; bedtime.

Yes ... very good. If you get the In through impressions, like room,
bubble, shield, or even the more idealistic protection, then do it. Of
course, these are impressions to get you In, to produce the In where it is
difficult due to the mechanical way of thinking, thinking with no aim,
thinking without thinking, through all these years, a whole life long.
Actually, by building the In, you fight years and years of habits that you
never knew existed or remember how you built them, as for example,
how you came to think that you are outside (outside of what? What is
this feeling of being outside?), not inside somewhere.
To tell you the truth, this comes the moment you come out of your
mamas body, when you first face the light-the figures-and the ground.
Thats it. Until then, the In takes care of you. And the first view that a
baby has is the one dimensional level.
It doesnt realize distance and space yet. It sees everything on a
canvas, on one level. At that moment (of the birth) you are invited to
fight for it (the In) and remember it. But the curiosity and the beauty
of this world is stronger and builds up; each and every time you wake
up, you get fed by those. It is called Maya in Sanskrit. Also it is called
Mayia in Greek. Magic in English. No big differences, huh?
By the way, tell me again (I am not familiar with) that Gestalt thing.
Because it never is two factors (figures-ground) that can bring any
results. Its always three. So in this case and according to what I know
from practice, it would be light-figures-ground. You say in your last
email that ... I tried to see the trees and sky as one dimensional, like

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a movie, but only in front of my face. I could not get that from looking
sideways or above or behind. Just in front.
You are right. And this is the right thing to start with; just with what is in
front of your face. Though, there is a difficulty there, a big one: The three
dimensions. One good way to overcome that difficulty is to start doing it
with a corner piece of ground, at a corner behind the scene. The corners
define the three dimensional space. Look at a painting and notice how
you see the corners of a room there (on a level) and try to remember it.
I am sure you have seen painted or photographed corners on a picture,
right? Take that image, as you see the corner there, and use it in real
world, with the real corner in your real room. But also, there is another,
sharper way, not necessarily easier, by which you see on a level the
figure-the ground-and (add) the light that is on the figure and the ground.
If you see only figure-ground you will be trapped in the fight between
space-level. If you add the light, it will make it easier to stay for awhile
on the level of space. Also the light will make you notice and bond (or
unite) the surroundings, the sideways and the above and behind. As
long as you forget the light, you will fight between the three and the
two dimensional space. If you add the light, you get In, and you get
united. And unity is realization and bonding (at least in this case).
Here, Ill go back to the part before I started this, to the part By the
way, tell me again ... where I was talking about the moment of birth.
You are lucky, even in your 60s to understand it clearly (really, I do not
know how old are you, and sorry if I messed it up, haaa) and know how
to go back. The remembering of it (the In) doesnt come easily. It is like
when you try to remember a person or a location from the past, lets
say 20 years ago, or when police ask you to remember a scene that you
witnessed; what do you do in all these cases?
You start with what you remember a bit more clearly and then you try
to fit the rest of the pieces in slowly, by building them first and then by
visualizing the entire scene so to see if they fit the reality, right? This is
what you are doing now, with the In.
I am trying to answer, in advance, to all the evil logical argument,
the brainwash doubts, What are you doing? Are you trying to build
something that doesnt exist?
If it didnt exist, youd see it right away, you do not have to build up
bubbles or shields or rooms! No matter who expresses this strong
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argument, no matter if it is you or the vultures (fantasies) that the

system would set free later, the answer is that this is not a brainwash,
it is a challenging effort to go back and remember the In. And to
whoever will persist with the brainwashing view, your reply to him
would be so, so, so, so simple: Sir, do you know what is in, inside, yes
or no? He will tell you yes, otherwise you call him a liar or say that
he is making up illusions that make no sense.
So, by questioning the brainwash doubt, by the time he (your brain
inside you or your debater outside you) somehow breaks down, ready
to admit that, Yes, I think I know it; for sure I used the idea of inside in
my life, by that time, you ask him to please teach me, explain to me,
it is hard for me to get it, describe it, please, for me.
Thats it, case lost (for him).
There are no words to describe it as an existing independent entity,
they have to use limits, walls, ceilings, sounds and all, but not
the In itself, because this (the In) exists only inside itself, not outside.
Haa, good huh? They cannot describe it because it is inside itself, not
outside. It is not objectively observed because in such a case would be
one occasion that you are outside the In!! Impossible to ever happen!!
So it is true and alive!!!
For instance, we can argue all our lives whether this world (plants,
beings, entities, rocks, life, science, ideas, whatever) is inside or outside,
or under Gods watch or evils watch, to be ignored or to be taken care of.
We can talk and prove with facts and science and theology, and whatever
you wish, that it is this or the other point of view.
And this happens because it is your free will where you will see them,
inside you or outside you, so it depends on where each one sees the
creation, inside him or outside him. But the In cannot be seen outside
because then you have to be outside of it. So there is no description
of it; however, nobody can deny that it exists once nobody can live
without it. This exact point proves that it is absolute, axiom, true (once
it is there in accordance with its nature ... in) and alive (once it is with
us all the time, do not tell me that you are not in your car when you
drive it, right?).
But you cannot talk about In because it is in, not observable from the
outside. Haaa. Once it remains in, it is alive, exists. Once it is in, once
it exists in full accordance with its nature, it is true. Thats it. Period
and dash. Haa.
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Here is an announcement. Your friend is taking off. Haaa. I now know

how In can lead to the heart. It is amazing. I am drunk from happiness.
I know how it can open the heart. I am so happy to see this stage in my
life. I do not know how to behave. I broke all my own expectations.
Yeeees, In leads to the heart. Love is there and so easy to be approached. I
am happy to lose my regular life, I am happy I can sleep In without sleep,
I am happy to feel this love from my skin into the bones, I am happy to
be in this crazy way of life, I care much less about what is going to be, or
how, and I am getting to the point that I am abusing myself to stay here,
as I was before. I am ecstatic just to share with you the gift of trust.
You see, I was wondering if the practice of the In is safe, according to
the existing traditions. I was wondering how, sometimes, I can talk
to Richard with so much confidence once I do not know it all. I was
wondering about trusting so much in just a partial realization, which
was obviously there by both logic and realization, but not knowing
if that would lead to the heart and be confirmed by the existing
traditions, since through them (the existing traditions) many others
arrived here before, right?
Yes, it leads there. Streeeeeeaaaaaaam! stream of love energy, felt in the
heart. Opening with control. Still I am scared to make the jump. But
also, the I do not care feeling is stronger, too. Blessed blessing. Period
and dash. Haaa.

What is all this trust? What do you trust? And does the love include
both sides? It may be possible for the existing traditions to confirm
this, but I doubt if they would lose the first way. See my poem on
Two Ways, who knows?
I think you are trusting what you are doing since you know it is
leading to the heart; maybe you are trusting Essence?
If you are, the trust came from the practice, not from the faith or
belief. You definitely are an existentialist.
Haaaaa, did you know that?
Existentialist is one who bases his understanding on his own
experiences, no one elses. Haaaa. You?

Light is assumed in the Gestalt theory of figure and ground. It is

interesting that in Wolinskys Quantum Psychology he talks about the
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figure, so to speak, not in those words, being mass and the ground, so
to speak, being energy. His idea was that they are just different forms
of each other and can shift from one to the other.
He also uses the formula E=mc to explain some of this. Isnt it
interesting that c is the speed of light? I am talking out of my field now,
concerning the physics, but not concerning the Gestalt theory; I studied it
at one time; had a supervisor who was a Gestalt therapist at GA State.
Interesting? It was almost like primal scream. Haaaa . Another subject.
What do you mean: Still I am scared to make the jump , what
jump? I am glad you are feeling so much happiness and blessing.
Regarding the memory of the In -- since it cannot be remembered, it
must be experienced over and over again, anew, without impressions,
or it would be an idea or a belief or a faith object. I drove to the
mountains yesterday with a good friend, a simple man, who just lost
a beloved one. He preached to me all the way up there about being
saved going to hell, and literal interpretation of the Bible. I kept
asking him where God was. He agreed that God was inside and
everywhere, but every time I would get to that point (of In) he would
get lost in another belief or idea.
I talked about the here and now and how one could access the
spiritual world moment by moment and I did not care whether I went
to heaven or hell or what. This disturbed him a lot. I finally had
to reassure him that I was saved when I was 12 years old and had
joined a church (Baptist). He got relief then.
So he had a hard time losing impressions enough to be In at that time.
I think he may could be trained to appreciate that, but I dont know.
I doubt if he will ask any more about it. We just agreed to disagree
about some things, such as literal interpretation of the Bible.
Anyway, I keep writing heresy. I am fearful of the vultures unless we
do a lot of editing.
Haaaaaa.
Is this how you see it? That since the In cannot be explained
(neither can God), it always has to be approached in a fresh manner.
The difference between faith (meaning belief systems) and daily
realization is the non-conceptual In, the door to the non-conceptual
God, who fills in the absence of his presence? Correct? Or to use the
traditional language (Paul Tillich): The courage to be is rooted in the
God who appears when God disappears in anxiety and doubt or aim
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being ultimate concern, which is for him faith. So, see, we are
not too far from the liberal tradition path, but the big difference is the
ways to do it, not just the ideas about it.
Tillich and others did not talk about this, as you say; they just used
the word faith mostly, and I think he was scared to go too far out
of line with the common viewpoints since he was a paid professor of
theology and could not become too much of a heretic; he would lose his
credibility and maybe his job. He suffered personally a lot, however.
His biography shows that he was consumed by sexual desire with
various women. Though married, he always had to have a new girl
friend (read the book PAULUS by Rollo May); maybe they stirred
him, but he let them be goddesses, not just beauty leading to Essence.
They distracted the In? How about that?
I do see the difference between the seeing, in the perceptual field,
gradually; but, again, based on an aim to seek the pearl beyond price.
Take care.

Have you ever walked in the water, at the beach, while the water is
muddy? Yes, you have. So, because you cannot see clearly, you walk
slowly and you try to feel where you step by feeling with the feet, right?
So what do you do? You walk very slowly, you do not step with all your
weight and you first touch with your toes, not with the foot. You stay
on the standing foot, you touch the next step with your toes, if you
touch something sharp you pull back and you change the place where
you step, you again feel the bottom somewhere elsewhere, you finally
feel that the bottom is smooth, you then let more weight step on the
new place and so on.
But what is your first detection, before even the smoothness of the
bottom? It is the deepness, how deep the bottom goes. Why? Because
you have experienced that sometimes the bottom changes and gets
deep, too steeply.
And you do not want that, because in such a case, you lose your
balance and you are forced to swim, the so called swim in deep
waters, right?
But, if everything goes okay and you walk deep enough up to where the
water covers the height of your sternum, where your heart is located,
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then you relax, you do not worry that much, thats enough for you, you
stay in that area and you enjoy, right?
Thats the trust I am talking about. Actually, exactly.
Both sides? I do not understand what you mean, but statistically and
from my experience when I hear the word, both, I know this is a
socialistic point of view again, so my first answer would be, Who
cares about the other side?, but still let me take it easy and be polite by
asking, What do you mean, both sides? Haa.
Then, for sure existentialist, yes sir!!!
I understand that c is the light involved. But what does this E=mc
have to do with the projection of the three dimension space to two
dimension space? How does that apply and fit with seeing from three
dimension room to like a movie on a level, the same set of surroundings?
Jump? Well, at a point there is a choice, you live with that all the time,
or you live as before (mainly) and you still make smaller steps inner.
It is still a bit scary to live with that all the time, I do not know what
kind of life that would be. First of all, it looks like one wouldnt have
the same kind of feelings nor thoughts, not interests nor choices. It
comprises a kind of dedication, not that much cosmic variety. It feels
better to still stay with the cosmic side, even though death lurks.
Well, by the time somebody agrees that God is inside, immediately
without letting him even take a breath, throw the question, Why then
do you not use the In to meet him? Why dont you go In to unite with
God? Looks like you do not know what In is, do you?
There you do not let him go back to conversations about In and God
and why in and why there and all that. You stay and persist if he knows
what In is! This is what I did with you, too.
You show him, you make it obvious that even though he thinks that
he knows what In is, he cannot use it now, he cannot describe it now. I
mean, at that moment you jump from the discussion about God, death
and all to the persistent questioning if he knows what In is ...
You talk like, ohh yeah? you know? ohhh ... ok, what is In? Never go
back to theological discussion, go around to In.
For example, You are in the car now, right?, he will say yes, then you
say can you describe this in to me, here and now, once you are into that
now? If you cannot, it means you do not know it even though you use it all
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the time, and you continue, because if you can, and once we agree that
God is everywhere and in, it means God is here now, so if you can locate
that In, you will meet God right here. So (you continue), my friend, can
you locate the In here in the car, once you are in the car, now? Haaa.
You see the point is always that when we talk, we talk in the cosmos
of ideas. We use ideas and images to talk about things. Even when we
talk about God, we have an image about Him, somebody has the image
of a face with a beard, somebody else has a wind spread all over spirit,
somebody else as an eye, and so on. But we never have the chance to
download those images on earth, because we just talk too much, too
fast, about so many other aspects.
Plus, for all ideas and/or images, there is another work to be done in
order to download them on earth. For example, if you talk about how
to swim, you still need time to get in the water and do it, because the
image of swimming in the idea-world is separated from the actual
swimming in the water.
If you talk about a new car you need time and tools and materials to
build it and prove the truth of your word, plus the image of that car in
the idea-world and the actual car are separated.
If you are talking about money, you need some process to be done and
prove the truth of your idea, plus the idea of the final number you have
in your mind is separated from the number on paper.
If you are talking about freedom or honesty, you need time to prove those
by actions made in a period of time, plus the idea you have in mind is
separated from the actual freedom that comes from specific actions.
But ... but the In is the only one that you can talk about right now as
an idea, that you can prove right now, not later, because you are in
somewhere. In is the only idea that exists here right now and it doesnt
require time to be downloaded from the idea world to the material
world, like the other ideas.
Even when you are outside, you are in the nature, right? You are never
outside somewhere. But, even if you find somebody who persists that
we are outside, then take him in a building or in your car and tell him
to see those contained things outside, once it is true that when he is
in his car the entire system (steering wheel, dashboard, fabric, seats,
windows, all surroundings) is outside him, as he means the outside.
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Or when he is in the building the entire system (chairs, fixtures, etc.) is

outside him, as he means the outside. He means, outside his body. So
when he is in his car, still all those things are outside, then what is this
that he feels inside and he defines as in my car?
The point here is that he still has to do the synthesis of in-out and (I have
done this too) the results are the same. When he is inside the building,
things are outside him, but he feels in. Well, I am saying he can still do
the same when he is outside; things are outside him and he can still feel
in. So, either way, by using the In or the out, the destination is the same.
So back to the In, the In is the only idea that applies right here, right
now, anytime and anywhere. You do not need time to make it happen
on earth by actions.
So, it is the only one that, while you just talk about it and you have an
image of it and you face it as you face every other ideal aspect, you can
jump to the actual grounded view of it. You can jump from the In in
your mind to the In in your car, immediately. You can jump from the
theoretical In in your idea to the In in your office, right there.
You talk with somebody about the In where maybe God is located
and you tell him that this In is in the room, right here, right now.
This jump, from locating God and In in your mind to locating at least
the In in the room, is always escorted with a feeling of surprise that
something is not right, but also there is no explanation for the feeling
of this is not right.
Because this not right feeling comes from losing the comfort found
in the ideas-world where everything can easily be explained, where
everybody easily can find answers, and talk and talk and talk about the
In, by facing the cosmic-world where you are called to prove that it is
grounded while you get disturbed from all existing impressions and
images around.
This is where you need to nail each and every debater. You let him
talk, talk, talk, about In and then, once he is in In right there, where
the discussion takes place, you say, describe to me the In, once you
are in here now. It is almost impossible because he looks around, but
at the same time two things happen: he loses the comfort he had in the
idea-world, and he gets disturbed from material images while he pays
attention to what surrounds him with your question.

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In is like a coin. Its one side is the entry to the cosmic world. Its other
side is the entry to the divine world. The same coin. 1/16 of width in
difference, the width of the coin!
As you said very well ... the big difference is the number of ways to
do it, not just the ideas about it ... period and dash.
This is excellent, let me repeat it for its beauty ... The difference
between faith and daily realization is the non-conceptual In, the door to
the non-conceptual God, who fills in the absence of his presence.
Or (Paul Tillich): The courage to be is rooted in the God who appears when
God disappears in anxiety and doubt or aim being ultimate concern.
Clear as crystal.

Both sides ... I meant when you talked about love in the past you
said it is the other side of hate; you know, the opposites. That is all I
meant. Face both sides to find the synthesis.
Yes, I know I should not mess with physics with a mathematician. I
thought light may relate, but speed of light ... I was just speculating.
You are good. You catch me when I do that. That is good; it refines
what we are doing.
This two dimension from three dimension is very interesting
psychologically. I see how it works, I think. I see how it applies to
personal problems just as much as it could apply to finding Essence.
As you say, this natural world teaches us how if we would be aware.
This approach is well founded in psychology (Gestalt, hypnosis,
focusing technique, etc.) But none of these apply it to the In. The:
1/16th of width in difference
I think I see the trust. A good analogy, the water. Like being there (a
designation of WHERE) (hows that for a spatial interpretation). But
there, in the body, present, grounded, with ego (reality tester), with
aim, not ideas, and all is okay. Take care. Back to work ...

Well ..., you did good, knowing or not, it doesnt matter. Every entity
can be measured in Physics. This is a rule in Physics and the first work
they, physicists, do is to define what they are looking for, as an entity,
and then how they can measure that aspect of it.
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Usually entities act in three ways: their existence (mass, weight), with
their movement (speed), and with their effect, of any kind (force).
Everything else is a combination of those three ways of acting.
So the equation, F = m a, is the most important and fundamental
one; it says it all, once F (= force) equals mass (m) multiplied by its
acceleration (a) (which is the change of the speed per time unit). Good
luck ... haaa.
According to this equation, light, yes can affect an event like the
transformation from three dimension realization to the two dimension
realization. It can affect by speed, it can affect by catalyzing, it can
affect by its weight too (yes, the light has weight).
In a few words, speed counts and the equation E=mc shows exactly
how the light can affect this transformation. If, for example, the two
dimension realization is the energy (E), and the three dimension
realization is the mass (m), once it means the material world where we
stand, then the transformation from the one to the other could perfectly
be explained with this equation, no matter if you realize it, once it
happens that fast (speed of light, the c), right?
I do not want to get you there. I just want to tell you that I didnt deny
the effect, I just asked if you know more details, if the system that you
already know (Gestalt) refers to the light, too, as a third factor, or only
to the two factors (figure-ground). Trying to confirm my observations
(in which I observe the third factor) with the existing traditional
system, which I know you do not like (existing systems), it grates
on your nerves, right? ... haa ha-ha. I am cracking up with laughter
imagining you ... haaa.

Look up http://gestalttheory.net/archive/toccafondi.html
Very interesting that gestalt theory comes from physics.
When you ask if light is included, I assumed that any perceptual
(especially visual) function would include light.
But, how it fits with Gestalt, in the physics understanding of light, I do
not precisely know. Just inferring.
So, here again you have whetted my appetite to explore more of the
world of knowledge.
While you are laughing are you imagining me as two or three
dimensional? Haaaaaa.

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Not that, but I know you enjoy so much the freshness of our system,
that you get nervous when I refer back to the existing systems,
especially the theological. Haa.
Particularly, when I want to use the existing systems to confirm our
new one, ours, right?

I thought I was the one wanting to use the existing systems to confirm
our new one.
For example, as you may know, Almaas uses object relations theory
and psychoanalysis as methods or approaches to get to Essence.
Your system is not that at all. Much more precise, much more clear, less
wordy, but relates definitely to psychological functions to help access
the spiritual. It is related to some extent to Gestalt theory, hypnosis
principles, visual perception, focusing, and perhaps other approaches
to accomplish the aim of connecting to oneness. These systems are
not theological per se, although when I refer to Tillich, his is.
No, I do not get nervous about referring to existing systems. I am just,
as you know, interested in putting our approach, mostly yours, into
a context of sound existing knowledge, which to me makes it more
credible for the skeptics and vultures. Haaaa. So we wont have to say:
All you have to do is have faith... like all the other systems? Haaaaa.
I keep having other impressions. Haaa
The In system utilizes many areas of knowledge; math, physics,
philosophy, psychology, theology.
However, the key is that, I think, it synthesizes by practice practical
applicable results, moving away from ideas, but at times by utilizing
ideas or concepts to explain the non-conceptual. The practice or the
experiential precedes the explanation; however, the explanation can
assist the process of proceeding with the practice.
Such as our dialogue. Got to go to work. Have a good day.

And I am enjoying the freshness of our system.

I think I am able to go In so much more easily; without the sadness,
since I was trying to go In at first by losing my grounding in this world,
almost like separating the two worlds inside myself. But now, having
one foot in one and one in the other is not as painful to go into initially.

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I do not know about the next time or the future, but it is getting more
like an every-day awareness which I did not have before.
Thanks for the continued guidance. The corner look is helpful.
Three to two dimensions. I am trying to digest that!!

Exactly, yeeeeessss!!!!
This is what I mean personality burning, a thing as you describe
as the sadness disappearing. When you first get In, it comes up, you
think its real, you think it is big. Sadness is right there. If you do not
pay much attention and you continue your practice it goes away. After
awhile you see it is not there.
By this I mean that I never paid attention to personality issues, not that
they were not there. Of course they play a big role, they identify how
one gets there, by which way, through which door.
You see, I got in through all those ideas of failure (loser, alone in the
States, not caring about my mama, no money to survive, may get sick
and die alone, all these insecurities as you recall).
But you got in through this sadness. Looks like I had concerns
about my personal success, you have concerns about loving your
beloved ones. Different personalities; one wolf, the other civilized
compassionate. Haaa. Big difference, no question about it.
But the main point is, both are gone. The more you get In, the more
personal your fears will become. And this is the amazing thing with the
In. There is no other system, understandable by everyone, which brings
up personality issues and works on those. If you do not have those, it
means you enjoy where you are, but no inner process occurs.
Good, good, you made my day.

The wolf and civilized compassionate. What a combination!

Enkidu and Gilgamesh? In either case, of what we got through, we both
became poor in spirit at first, and were seeking, and hungering and
thirsting after righteousness, had ultimate concern. We were ready
for our egos to move over, at a right time and space.
You said at one time the In wasnt a system. I know you mean not a
systematic religion system; but is it a system, or an approach, or a
way or a path to find Essence?

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Maybe a process to find Essence. An experiential process with logic

(mind ) and desire (soul), a plan of realization?
I see how the desire and the logic go together. The desire with aim and
the use of the mind, logic; a combination I have not seen yet.
Better get off; the lightening is happening outside. I do not want to be
shocked again into the In. Haaaa

Well, I feel like we are the father and the godfather of it.
So you name our conception. For sure it is a conception of the nonconceptual.
As you may have already noticed there is no father and mother. There
is father and godfather.
Another combination out of the systematic. All brand new, haaa.

Is father and godfather politically correct? Haaa. You are leaving

the girls out? I have been reading the book, down to page 160. It is
good reading. Your contribution is the biggest part of it. I, perhaps, am
just asking the questions, hopefully the right questions. The main
job of a psychologist, anyway!!!!
Not the answers, just the right questions. The un-grand inquisitor
[(in case you do not know a play on the Grand Inquisitor
(Dostoyevsky)].
This dialogue is more than discussion of a conception. It is a story
in itself; your story, my story, for what that is worth. Two people
sharing their story around a focus; maybe it is close to the Ficino
letters. One difference I see. Ficino expressed a lot of personal feelings,
etc., in his friendship, attachments, so to speak. You and I have kept
this discussion with boundaries, which seem to be very important,
somehow, in this whole process of teaching realization. I sometimes
wonder how close Jesus and his disciples were. They did have a bond,
but could he keep enough distance to be a teacher. Seems so in Thomas.
One of the biggest issues in therapy and in some of the teacher-student
relationships is the attachment; it seems to be important at stages for
things to work. The key is for the personality to develop and gradually
become free from the attachment. If not, the therapy probably does
not work very well. The patient, or student becomes too admiring of
the teacher or therapist, and they get stuck with mama-daddy issues.
So, you see why I say you need an ego before you can dry it out or
burn it up.
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The therapy or teaching first helps to develop the ego with some so
they then can lose it. Some of the problems with teachers or masters
are that they assume there is an ego to start with; so their students
fail because they worship the teacher and do not find the way he is
trying to teach. I think this is what happened to the Jesus movement;
the development of churches evolved into worshipping Jesus as the
Messiah, instead of letting his teachings give them Essence. Here I am
being a heretic again, but maybe not.
This combination of you and me, however, sort of breaks the tradition.
A teacher-therapist relationship; the teacher teaching with the
psychologist questioning with professional questions while practicing
the teaching at the same time. And the teacher practicing the teaching
and in doing so discovers more and more about the path as he teaches
and learns, as he stays in dialogue with the therapist. Interesting, huh?
Now, it is easier for me to practice. I have been able to sit in the room
with a client, for example, and visualize the two dimensional aspect
in the dialogue, and be able to be In and in the room with them at the
same time. When walking outside I look at nature and surroundings
in front of my face and can do the same thing -- maintain the In as I
am outside. It seems more natural now. Like you say, a way to live.
I am so happy at times about this. So much better than the void of
nonexistence. I am not sitting there waiting for the I to change to not
I, or the space between the thoughts to expand, or spaciousness, or
all that crap. I have an aim, but the aim gives me access to all of the
space I need to go where the In is. And as you say, there is God; there
is Essence; there is unity. Already there. Always has been there.
Holy Grace!!
Now, what is this about it will kill you if you do not know it
within you?
Take care, not quite lone wolf.

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Practical approaches to In

You question? ... I answer? Yeah ... right. Remember, there is the million
dollar question, but there is no one cent answer. I mean, there are
questions worth a lot, but the answer will never satisfy the question to its
fullest extent. The question opens a whole new world, the answer always
closes an old world down. And never in a completed satisfaction.
So you tell me what is worth more, the question or the answer? The egg
or the chicken? Haaa.
Once again you exposed it very well, and the last statement is so true ...
I think this is what happened to the Jesus movement; the development
of churches evolved into worshipping Jesus as the Messiah, instead of
letting his teachings give them Essence
Exactly. What a mess!!!
The people that did that, people that knew, they should all go to hell.
The hell that they built. There is no excuse, for making things up like
this, for polishing up the darkness with light and then giving it to people
for free. Anyway, let me stop here, its too early to start like this today.
It is exactly as you describe it ... I am so happy at times about this
... This is what comes when you achieve the In. You do not need any
confirmation from anybody, it talks to you itself. Remember that all the
rest, like two-three dimensions, etc., are techniques to get you closer to
In, to help one surround the In. The actual practice is to connect to the
In anytime, anywhere, simply without techniques, once the In is there all
the time. So the more you practice, the more naturally you connect to it.
And the more you will realize and you will say, ... It seems more natural
now, a way to live. Meanwhile, you will have bodily adjustments. Last
week I could run 4.5 miles in 40 min. and not even sweat. Yesterday I

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couldnt even finish. I did it, I always push to keep the schedule, never
gave up, but I almost died right there, anxiety, breath complications, etc.
In addition, Ive got some weird pimples, burning areas, eating is very
difficult and so on. But your guide in such a situation is the happiness
you feel underneath your skin and you let the body adjust. Of course,
you should check with doctors at anytime, do not just trust anything in
this world today.
The body will adjust perfectly though. But get ready, what has been
good so far for your body, is not going to be tomorrow. The soft drink
I learned from you was an excellent replacement of all drinks, now I
cannot stand it, I cannot have anything in cans.
Also, alcohol drinking has been reduced to a couple of drinks per
month. A lot of water, the only one thing that has increased, haaa. I
cannot eat processed food, either. My meat intake has been reduced; it
causes dry heaves. I found out last week that bread doesnt do me any
good either. I asked why and discovered, it has a lot of preservatives.
Looks like canned food and preservatives bother me a lot lately. I vomit,
I cannot even sleep. I have sensitivities that were not there before.
Strong ones, that I never imagined Id ever have. As a wolf, I never had
any problem with any kind of food, like most of the people do.
Now I almost spend most of my time each day trying to figure out how
to survive, what to eat, where to find food. Everything is sealed, canned
and filled with preservatives.
Besides alone, I do not know how to cook. Haaa. I think my next step in
In is to learn how to cook, what do you think? Or to get married ... haa.
These issues will become bigger and more sensitive when you start
teaching or even showing to people some of it. You will feel that what
everybody practices, it will push you further In, want it or not, you
will be connected to In no matter if you practice it or not, and all these
problems will be increased. So be careful when you talk.
It is amazing to me that you are already there, going through all theoretical
and impractical directions. Amazing!! You see, it is one thing if I know
whats going on with myself, but its another glorious thing to see that the
same thing is confirmed from outside by someone else. Do not start with
this outside yet. I am coming to it. My point here is that real knowledge
comes when the two, inside and outside, meet. Take those meanings, the
inside and outside, as we all know them from before, for now.
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So lets say I tell you that you get in the In when you use sight, but you
see the objects on the cornea of your eye, not just indefinitely as you
see the objects out there where they are placed at the time. For instance,
you see the tree in front of you. Usually you see this tree out there.
Everybody does so. We are attached to the objects, from the time we
are born and see this miracle, the creation. We forget that, yes, it is one
thing that the beautiful tree is out there, at a distance in front of me,
but it is me, though, who is seeing the tree with my eye. It takes two to
tango, we forget this, haaa. And I see the tree on my eye, with my eye.
We get excited that we see the tree, but we do not get excited that it is
my eye that sees the tree. So, lets say I make you aware of this simple
thing and tell you to see the tree on the cornea of your eye, no special
anatomy here, just at the exterior top of the cornea of your eye.
You now see the same tree as before, but you also are aware of yourself,
not lost in impressions.
You now also have the sense of getting In, in the In.
You will have the same results when you hear the sounds on the skin
inside your ear (and actually better because you can feel that while
you cannot feel the sight), you will have the same results when you
taste the food on the skin of your tongue (and actually better because
you can feel that also but not the sight), you will have the same results
when you feel the touch on the skin of your hands (and actually better
because you can feel that also but not the sight) and you will have
the same results when you smell on the skin inside of your nose (and
again, actually better because you can feel that also, but not the sight).
You will have the same results every time you specify the point of the
action.
I repeat it. YOU WILL HAVE THE SAME RESULTS EVERY TIME YOU
SPECIFY THE POINT WHERE THE ACTION OCCURS. You wont lose
any of the regular results of those five senses, you will just not forget
who experiences them, you will just specify where this operation (of
each sense every time it occurs) occurs, which is exactly where the gate
to the In is. Thats all. It will take you In.
It also helps you to see the two dimension world better. Because, it
eliminates the distance once you add one more factor, the creator, the
owner. The mistake we all make every day is that we see the things out
there, while the truth is that we see the things in here.
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You see, you do not hear the singing of the bird on the bird, you hear
the signing of the bird in your ear. You do not see the tree in the yard;
you see the tree in your eye. It is not the sense that travels out there; it
is the impression that stimulates the sense in your body.
The impressions are out there, but they get realized in me. It is not
my sense that travels out there detecting objects, it is the objects that
stimulate my sense in my body. So all impressions happen in me, not
out there. If you achieve this by getting the objective of the senses on
the specific organ of each sense,
- you immediately eliminate the idea of space, which at first doesnt
leave anymore space for space,
- eliminates the space, but gathers time at the point of the moment,
here and now
- helps to see the two dimensional world much easier,
- eliminates the space that thoughts need to be developed, so
thoughts are being shrunk,
- impressions are getting attached to your body and they cannot fly
free out there,
- you control impressions better, they do not stab your stomach
anymore, you enjoy them, they do not dominate you.
That can go too far. This is the best result of this see what is in front of
your face. You see, it doesnt say in front of you or yourself (although
I said this before, a few times). It says in front of your face!!! Which
means you see what is in the front view of yours, but you have to see it
in front of your face, on the skin of your face. Do that, too.
You will see that where you thought you knew something already about
it, now you feel the amazing new big discovery, that you knew almost
nothing before, that how much deeper you can go with the same words.
When you understand something, you can do the same thing.
Understand that YOU understand it, that this happens in your head.
I do not feel good to say more. There is much more into that than I
intended. I feel I overdid it already.
But again, lets say I make you aware of this big secret with the senses.
It is a big secret and brings happiness even to earthly people who do
not care about the In. As long I reveal to you this knowledge, you are
not that excited about it anymore, you are still wondering what this is.

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It is, though, a piece of knowledge, a good one, one worth millions,

a very practical one, that will save lives since it treats illnesses and
brings health. Now, you will feel great only when you practice it and
you will see the results.
Only then, it becomes your own knowledge. But, if you give the In
practice to your wife, for example, and one day she comes back and
tells you, listen Richard, I think I hear the sounds as before, but also
on the skin inside my ear, then you will jump surprised in happiness
and you will kiss her, right? Not only because she achieved what you
know to be true, but also because she confirms on her own what so far
you knew inside your brain to be so.
This is what I mean that what is inside you (you know it) meets with
the same coming from outside you (your wifes observation which
confirms what you know already).
There is the happiness.
Sometimes it first comes from outside you, like today I give you
this piece of knowledge. You take it but it feels only half there, as if
something is missing. If you practice it and you realize on your own
whats going on, again you jump with joy because you achieved, in
action, what you had learned to be so.
In this case, the inside (what you practiced) meets the same that you
knew from outside (what I told you).
In both cases, the meeting of the two directions happens at a certain
point. It happens on a chakra, which is a hidden one and never gets
stimulated, but from real knowledge. Usually it remains inactive, and
becomes puny from inactivity. It actually is the source of death. It is the
way we live and actually sit, breathe and eat that kills this chakra.
It never gets stimulated except if you work with the In or a few times,
occasionally, when the two directions of knowledge meet. The other
chakras get stimulated often and several times a day.
That one never, except as I said above.
This is the only one to verify if you do a true practice, if your path is a
true one or you just wasting all your life with traditions and methods
and all the crap that lead nowhere.

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Looks like youre very, very sharp. I see you do not forget some things at
all, as I hoped.
You have been torpedoing me since yesterday with #1, #2 and #3
out of the 4 questions. I thought you had forgotten those and hoped
we were ready to close the book here, whereby Id leave you alone to
practice the In the rest of your life, once I see you got in it and have no
need for more words, anymore.
Lets give it a bit of extension!!!
I am telling you I will make a plaque and hang over my desk with this
latest statement of yours. This is your graduation paper, believe me.
... When walking outside I look at nature and surroundings in front of
my face and can maintain the In as I am outside. It seems more natural
now. Like you say, a way to live. I am so happy at times about this.
So much better than the void of nonexistence. I am not sitting there
waiting for the I to change to not I, or the space between the thoughts
to expand, or spaciousness, or all that crap. I have an aim but the aim
gives me access to all of the space I need to go where the In is. And as
you say, there is God; there is Essence; there is unity. Already there.
Always has been there. Holy Grace!! ...
I will make a plaque of it, to remember you. So well said!!!!
Okay. Now, you do all that and it is so precise and well done. As I made
a note today, with the five senses, do the same with the In. While you
see the In, while you are outside and connected to In, feel your body
and be aware it is you who does that.
You usually watch the In, you watch the other surroundings In, you
observe all this new environment, you get happy, but you forget your
body. Be aware of your body.
Do not lose anything, do not lose what you see, just make sure that
you do not just swim in an indefinite view or space, be specific with
certainty that it is you who does that, who observes. Here, at this point,
is the million dollar question:
Where do you see the surroundings?

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While you see it all and still remain aware of your own body, where are
the surroundings? Practice and specify, describe it.

You seem to be answering the question of if you do not know it

within you it will kill you ...

You have given me much more to consider and practice. Thanks.

When you speak of the chakra, the hidden one, I wonder if your
symptoms related to the preservatives, etc., are somehow involved with
that. More sensitivity, more your body telling you something about
what goes into your body? A key to disease prevention? Way out again?
No, I do not want to torpedo you. These questions may not be
relevant, but you seem to be answering one of them in your last email.
Believe me, you have given me plenty to deal with without all those
answers.
Take care, the mathematician-physicist, uncivilized wolf professor.
From the philosopher-psychologist civilized compassionate professor.
A good yin-yang, tension of the opposites to make the synthesis!!! Ha

Have you tried Rainbow Grocery on Claremont and N Decatur Rd or

Whole Foods at LaVista and Briarcliff? Good unpreserved food. For
example, try Ezekiel Bread at Rainbow.
I swear to you. My energy level as been very low today; I have had low
back pain for the past 4 or 5 months, I am not too interested in food as I
was, never caring much what I eat (this is very unusual for me).
I want to sleep all the time. What is this? You know I am a skeptic. I
do not intentionally connect this with anything; typically I would say
this is random just like everything else, especially when I was in
the void. But now, I wonder if it relates to the practice. Who knows???
Where is that hidden chakra? Too many questions, I know.
Dont answer.

Take it easy ... haaa

I want to go bed, but nooooo, I am studying your very interesting and
enthusiastic emails, ready to answer.
Get some rest, watch something pleasant or silly and go bed. Use
anything, no pills of course, to sleep.
You will find emails tomorrow.
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I had time only for a partial response. This is a most profoundly

interesting thing that you talk about. I have never heard it expressed
exactly this way, in terms of the perceiver with the perceived. By the
way, what is the cornea of the eye? The outer edge?
It sends chills up my spine (which chakra? Ha) to read the
connectedness to the outside as an aspect of the In. You seem to be
practically applying quantum physics concepts, as I understand them,
that the perceiver and the perceived are basically one. Wow! The nonduality goes further.
Impressions are getting attached on your body and they cannot fly free out
there Do you mean that the visual, and other senses are united in
the experience with the environment, so the need for conceptualization,
ideas, beliefs, is unnecessary with that kind of connection?
Remember, most theology is the world of ideas, as is philosophy.
This is not the world of realization, however, seemingly. Theology
is the world of attachments, concepts, ideas, ideologies, systems,
knowledge, symbols, myths, which in themselves separate the
perceiver from the perceived. Once something is defined it is often
placed out there, somewhere, flying out there, away from us. We try
so hard to explain the reasons for events or experiences that we lose
them in the explanation and the experiences get lost.
The theologians say that the symbols and myths point to reality, but
they may have to separate the perceiver from the perceived to do it
(mainly with thought).
However, science has made great progress, but many scientists cannot
separate their perception from the perceived. The distancing from
the observations is necessary for science, however, to come up with
practical applications, such as inventions to harness the natural
world, to bring fire to the people.
The implications for health--it treats illnesses and brings health--has
me really, really thinking. Prometheus brought fire and good things
to the people, but the bad things were placed in Pandoras box. When
they were released, Zeus became happy again. So, I think you may be
saying that here is both, the bad and the good in synthesis, this getting
into the In by the outside it is me seeing the tree, though, it is my
eye... where nothing is foreign to me to keep that special chakra
asleep; that sleeping chakra, if awakened, by connecting with the In,
may release Pandoras box; as above, so below.

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Tell me if I am too far off here. I am just excited about the thing I have
always tried to do == to connect spiritual concepts with the real
world, to say it simply. I have been such a skeptic, and looking for
scientific bases for things. And here you are putting this right in front
of my face with physics, math, and perceptual/phenomenological
psychology/philosophy.
Amazing for you to do this!! I have not come close to experiencing
it, but I am considering your question: While you see it all and still
remain aware of your body, where are the surroundings?
I like to think that they are in the In since all is in. But not
experientially yet. I do not need to answer the question, and as you
say so well: but the answer will never satisfy the question.
Why? Because the answer is separate from the question and how could
there be separateness if everything is one? Every question I answer is a
concept, but if I am trying to deal with the non-conceptual, the answers
are only limited and should not be taken too seriously, perhaps.
One cent versus a million dollars, so well put. I will have to check
myself; I am admiring this too much right now. I know, it is just the
nature of things. Haaa.
You can learn to cook. I do all the cooking in my house now, since my
wife works and my schedule is better. I cook from scratch, not much
canned stuff. Fresh vegetables, fruits, etc. Both of my boys can cook.
So what do they need a wife for? Not to cook; what else? Haaaaaaa
Dont get married, just to get a cook. You can hire one cheaper.
Haaaaaaa

One sentence added at the end ...

I remember some twenty years ago in the institute I was at in Athens
Greece, somebody at a point mentioned that the chakras were 9, not
7. And I had an idea what those 7 are. Since the one that vibrates,
now for sometime, is not mentioned among those 7, I called it hidden.
Earlier today, when it presented its operation I watched its affect on
me. After your first reply today, early this afternoon, I checked at
http://www.crystalinks.com/chakras.html and found that this one
is still not mentioned. I, now of course, know which one is the eighth
one, but also I know which is the ninth too; it is a divine one, when
the divine Essence is accepted.
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For now, the one that concerns the synthesis, the work that we do with
the In, lets call it the 8th, is the important one.
Of course, I do not think it is important to point it out now, but I think it
is more important if we let it come up itself and bother us like hell, like it
does with me now ... haa. You wont miss it, believe me, it will bother you
all the time, on the body vibrating like the flag on the wind ... haaa ha.
I am jumping here to the last email you sent me, to tell you that I have
fought the low back pain for more than two years now. When the body
gets adjusted to the new environment and its energy, which all come from
getting inner and downloading, the chakra that concerns the body (and
its adjustments) gets stimulated all the time, actually from all the changes
come from there. This is the low back one, above the base or root chakra.
This is going to hurt all the time, for at least two (again two?) years. What
you need to do is to relax it, to exercise it, to massage it and correct it.
Relax it, means accept that most of the time it is going to hurt and
release the tension that the pain brings up; accept the pain and release
the tension; this is the first step. Actually you can, at times, turn your
attention there and you will feel relief; use the keen mind that is now
developed through the In, to release the tension. It is easy, just do not
leave the pain in the dark; take initiative against it as you do with other
things; thats work too. If you do not let the tree grow up, it will never
die. If you want the pain to die, let it grow up and complete its circle.
Exercise it, means find a few movements that bother that point, do not
let it feel like it is greater than you. Bother it.
When you burn your skin, you heal it by taking another little flame and
go over the burned skin. I think you know this, to fight fire with fire.
When you spill the whole can of paint on the floor, you do not want to
clean it; you leave it there and you just keep it wet; you drop a big cloth
sheet to trap the paint over the top, which you keep wet all the time;
you gradually reduce the wetness of the cloth; when at last, after three
days you take it up, all paint is stuck on the cloth; not one spot as big
as the head of a needle is left on the floor; this works with any kind of
floor. Fight water with water.
So it is the same as these two examples ... fight pain with pain.
Massage it, using someone elses hands to release the muscles from
tying up due to the pain and stop any possible infection.
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Correct it, means go to chiropractor to adjust the bones, which for sure
have been displaced due to your movements to avoid the pain.
I did all those. I am fine now. I know all about therapy, it is not
necessary; until you get the power in spirit and can use it, use the help
of science, as a substitute. I am fine now, free from pain. This is just
excellent sense.
However, do not get the wrong impression. All this work of downloading
on the body will bring pain and bothering from that point on, all the
time. You need to take care of it, pay attention to it as you do the In, now.
It has to be a daily caring, one more beyond the others. Take it seriously.
As every day you bathe or get dressed, you have to do that too.
Most of the seekers followed several body exercises; do you think
because they wanted to be fit? Noooo. They had to. To adjust their body
while they adjust their mind. We must do the same. Even though I have
been fine for over six months now I still take care of that point every
day. I spend about 30 minutes to adjust my body with exercises before I
even start running for another 40 minutes.
Also, when I run, I run from that point; the root chakra; you know ...
you can run based on your feet, you can run based on the sternum,
you can run based on your stomach, you can run from a lot of different
spots, thats another book ... haaa.
The worst effort is to run from that point which actually is the center of
the movement. It drives me crazy, even though I do not have a special
problem with the running itself.
I was always an athlete, but since I started running based on that point,
some two years ago, its been a daily hell, I am telling you.
Its more a psychological training every day, its a bodily pressure
every day, I do not remember one day that I wanted to do it, I do not
remember one day that I enjoyed running, except the few times it
started spinning crazily bringing up a stream of energy and a good
payback. Anyway, my point is that yes all the things bothering you, at
the back, are from entering the In and you have to deal with them. You
really need to work consistently on those.
Do not think it is something that you should ignore that it will go away
on its own? After a period of time, it will turn around and instead of
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resisting, it will help you, it will give you (itself) the happiness that
characterizes life and activity.
The sleep all the time you ask me about is also a safe indication of the
Ins impact. Sleep! haaa.
Do you want me to tell you how many times and for how long I have
pulled the car over in a parking lot, with the engine running just for air
conditioning, doors locked for safety, using a towel folded as a pillow,
thinking, okay, enjoy a good sleep and forget all obligations, and slept,
for one and half hours sometimes? Many times, my friend.
DO NOT close the windows all way up, never. Leave them a bit open at
the top, like 1/8 of an inch. But sleep.
Force your practice when you get up, take your revenge then, but when
sleep comes, go sleep. I even have slept in the toilet room in houses. I
do not care what they think, or even if they laugh. I just go sleep.
I have slept outside your office in the car, when I was meeting you, many
times. I have even (I mean it) slept in the car until the red light turns
green, thinking that the car behind will honk and wake me up, because
the urge was so strong that I couldnt keep my eyes open until I could
find a parking lot down the road. You havent faced it yet ... haaaa.
When it comes it is a storm, you think that nothing in life is worth more
than sleep. Haaaa ha-ha. Its funny, but it is the most powerful affect.
Many times you will wake up refreshed, rested and get ready to go to
work; but when you get out of the house, immediately your eyes will
close, even if it is only 10 minutes after your last sleep. Nobody will
understand you, but all this comes from the In practice. It will go away
gradually. After all this sleep mess, you will be able to watch your own
mind as a part of yourself, as you can watch your hands, and you will
admire its clean and delightful condition.
Now, about your cornea question, yes the cornea is the outer edge. The
outer of the inner which is you ... ha. No more outer though, it will kill
you, ha-ha.
Well, okay ... the perceiver and the perceived are basically one,... but
you have to tell me in this case where are the surroundings?
And do not forget words, like when you wrote, The non-duality goes
further you shouldnt stop here, you should add practically. NonIN

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duality should be tangible, like when Thomas wanted to feel, tangibly,

the prints of the nails on Jesus hands, right?
Yeah ... you got this right when you wrote after the non-duality ...
Impressions are getting attached on your body and they cannot fly
free out there . Its true that the nature of impressions is to find
a body and get attached to it, but this conceptualization is a form of
downloading, otherwise downloading escapes the body.
An example of this point is that when you see a speeder on the road
passing you, you get scared because the impression is out there, a few
yards away from your car, and as we previously said, what is not within
you it will kill you; somehow we all know this rule and we get scared that
this is our time, that it will probably happen now haaa, do I scare you?
But, if you realize that it is you who sees the impression on your eye,
if you realize that the speeder you see, you see him and his action on
your eye (which by the way is true, isnt it?), if, without losing the
fact, you note that this happens on your eye, then you control the
impression, because there is no space, it is on your eye.
You see, the emotion or thought about that danger is occurring in the
space between you and the speeder. You react to it because you allow
space between the two. But, if you see the things in reality, as they are,
if you see that the impression is on your eye, there is no space for any
emotion or thought to get developed.
By that time, the speeder responds. You see, we were talking before about
reaction and response, but we didnt make clear that the reaction will come
from you, the response will come from the outside when you take it In.
This is how a shot, mine for instance, may change orbit, or you may see
that crazy speeder, who otherwise wouldnt care who the heck you are,
will turn around, look at you and immediately slow down, no explanation
given; though such matters are usually called miracles ... haa.
You do understand though that this is a very sharp technique. It can
replace the philosophical In with the actual In which is just the other
side of a coin.
The difference between the philosophical In, in your mind, and the
actual In, in reality, is the difference between the two sides of a coin,
only the width of a coin, a 1/16 of an inch; they are such different sides,
like the difference between life and death, which happened in my case
when I was shot. You must realize that this 1/16 of an inch saved my
bodys life, the difference between entering my heart and only grazing it.
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So be careful, I told you once and I repeat it even now, I feel I shouldnt
say all this yet, it may be too much.
This is the one technique I gave to the guy who was doing heroin and he
stopped (heroin) right there admitting that it was the same as doing heroin.
But ... I am telling you he died, he was so enthusiastic that he became
attached to it like a life-jacket. I wont say more because I do not like to
play the big shot and pretend that I know it all or to advise people
what to do.
You are on your own, but my experience is that you shouldnt be pure,
you should be foxy, and I mean it.
I was never pure, I was foxy. Street smart. If people that know me
learn one day what I am doing mainly in my life, they will go ballistic,
nobody will believe it. So, do things in a safe and familiar place, alone
at first, for long time.
You do not control the environment yet, you do not know for what
stupid and silly reason the shot may come to find you. Well, I know
though, the shot can follow only one orbit that doesnt touch ribs-heartlugs-ribs, just skin to skin, but when you realize that, you start shaking
and you do not want to experience it again, you will prefer to slow
down the practice ... ha ...
Do you want me to give you a real example? ... ha-ha.
Well, to tell you the truth ... you drive me crazy ... haa but in the good way.
You forced me today to open up and say things that I was not going to.
Now you start this discussion again about the Prometheus. Yes, I know
we are only talking, but at the same time I know, this one day will be a
book. I am trying to finish it somewhere ... haaa, it is already 255 pages.
Now you start this with Prometheus, wonder what to tell you, where to
finish? Ha-ha, ... its okay.
Listen, Prometheus was one of the four sons of the titan Iapetus. His
father and two of the sons started a revolt against the Gods, between
them and his brother Atlas.
Prometheus and his brother Epimetheus sided with the Gods. The Gods
won and this is why Atlas was punished by carrying the earth on his
shoulders. At a point Zeus had a headache and Prometheus took a rock
and hit Zeus on the head to treat the headache and this is how Athena
was born.
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Once, Prometheus and his brother Epimetheus made some clay figures
into which Athena breathed life and created the Man. Zeus got angry
for this creation and prohibited all Gods and everybody from teaching
Man civilization and ordered that they never be given fire.
Athena taught Prometheus civilization with the intent that he give it to
Man and showed him a back door to Olympus where he could steal the
fire. He stole the fire and gave it to Man.
But he didnt get punished for that.
Zeus was angry that Prometheus broke his rule and decided to send
him a trap. He gathered all good gifts from Gods and created Pandora
and her box, but inside the box he put all the horrors of the world and
sent Pandora and the box as a special personal gift to Prometheus.
Foxy Prometheus (I am telling you!!!) realized what was going on and
didnt open the box, but gave it to his brother Epimetheus as gift. He
opened it and the rest of the story is known. But now Zeus was angry
for the refusal of his personal gift and put Prometheus on the rock with
the chain and ordered a great eagle to go every day and eat his liver. But
the liver would grow back every night and each day the eagle returned
to eat the liver.
However, Prometheus knew the prophesy of Zeuss doom. And Zeus
wanted to know this prophesy about his doom, but Prometheus
wouldnt tell.
Prometheuss mother, Asia, went to Zeus and exchanged the
information for his release. Zeus ordered that he would be free, but
always with a chain on his foot and a small rock at the end. This is why
even today people carry chains or rings with stones or gems to honor
Prometheus for his actions which he took on their behalf. Time for me
to get one ... haaa.
So if you wake up the chakra you have to accept the gift that will come
with it, Pandora and her box, but you shouldnt open it, ... haaa nor
give it to your brother ... haa. This is like the apple in paradise, do not
touch. Did you touch it, Adam? Yes, I did. Then go and work the rest
of your life, until I tell you when Ill come to take you back ... haaa.
Your admiration and your excitement is obvious, so much that Id say
we need a break. Break for you to enjoy it, break for me to digest what
is happening with you.

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Now I have a surprise for you, so you will be in peace during this break
I propose ... haaa. Have we implicated Chemistry yet? No, huh?
Well ..., its time to implicate Chemistry, my friend ... haaa, ha-ha.
Do not get crazy, stay cool. Now while we are touching on more
applicable results, it is the time for Chemistry.
The realization, of the perceived on the sensors (sense organs) of the
perceiver, is a huge and very impressive technique. It is very beautiful. It
can open anything you want. If you open that box you will see a lot. You
can even see the molecules as they were described from Boyle, Marriotte,
Charles, Gay-Lussac, and Avogadro in 19th century. I am telling you that
Democritus experienced what he wrote, it wasnt just a conclusion of his.
You can see the molecules in front of your face, light little molecules,
moving exactly as described in straight short orbits, changing all the
time in all different directions, but still remaining in straight line orbits
well known in Chemistry as Brownian motion.
This is attributed to the (non-chemist) botanist Robert Brown who first
noticed this motion on pollen which when suspended in the water
performed a chaotic dance. He understood that pollens dance was not
biological but physical, but thought it was caused from pollens vitality,
not from the waters molecules.
Boltzmann later explained it with molecules movements, and when
Einstein came up with his quantitative study, Boltzmann felt depressed
about the failure of his theory and committed suicide. However, a few
years later, Einsteins input helped to prove and empower Boltzmanns
theory experimentally, not invent a different theory as Boltzmann
understood it.
Why did I said all that? Well ..., to give you a sense of the new field you
are opening with your questions and how sharp and dangerous it is, if
I can and you wish. I know now why I failed so far to find a wife ... the
ring and the gem ...
I am going to get a ring with a gem and go hunting all over ... all over
again ... haaa.

Here, when I ask questions, everything opens up to something else.

Amazing! You are right; it is time for a break.
Where is the appropriate ending for the book?
There are probably other books.
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Do you think the appropriate ending for this one is when I deal
with the last emails, with the senses; when I can practice with your
guidance. Would that be an appropriate ending for Book One?
Chemistry ... Oh, Oh, Oh ... now we have gone from physics and math
and philosophy to chemistry. Another world to consider. They are
using chemistry to treat cancers, diseases. Interesting.
Very good advice you are giving about slowing down. Yesss ...
Who is the professor? Haaaa.

I think the appropriate ending of this book would be with the answer to
your question, What will kill you if you do not know it within you?
However, finding the answer will depend upon your practice.
My friend, I, too, started, reading the entire book all over, trying to
correct some of my English, as I know it better now ... haa.
I am at page 20 now.
The most amazing thing to me is the vomiting part which can be found
in Chapter 2. What is said there is so amazing to me, that I decided
to mark it and send you this email with this specific subject. I have
attached here only the part that I recognize as working on me, only the
part that I, myself, do almost every day.
That information was sent, a while back, from my friend. The poor
woman felt sorry for my suffering from vomiting, she thought I suffered,
she heard about it, all the time. It is very distracting to hear somebody
ouaou and ouaou and ouaou vomiting, I know. So she sent it to me,
in hopes that I could find some help, but I didnt read it all, only a few
parts here and there. My objection to reading continues ... haa.
This is one more example of how I usually do the opposite of what the vast
majority of the people do today, the people read a lot, right? (dont they?)
So, now I went over and read it word for word. It is amazing to me, how
those (ancient) people knew all that and how I came to do this process
for over fifteen years. It doesnt hurt me at all, it just drives me crazy
that I have to do this every day, actually once every night. It began
after I got married, so long ago, and continued all these years; I do not
remember how I accepted it as a daily routine. Of course, there is the
immediate relief of feeling better, but still, no one in the western world
would do that, so how do I come to embrace such a technique? As you
know, I have been to doctors and nobody can find anything wrong.
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Today by reading that part again, I feel relief, I feel that once again I
am doing the right thing, with no remembrance having been led to it.
Maybe I was a yogi in my last reincarnation, haaa. Plato said that a soul
comes back in about 10,000 years. So, do you think I was involved in
seeking the truth, maybe as yogi, 10,000 years ago? What on earth?
Anyway, here is this part, as I have isolated only what relates exactly to
what I have been doing, almost every day, for over fifteen years now. Of
course the whole thing is in Chapter 2, with more details and techniques.
But here is exactly what happens to me.
Hippocrates advised vomiting to be induced monthly and for
consecutive days.
Hippocrates claimed that health was conserved thereby. To exceed
this may be harmful. Emesis carried out in this way gets rid of
mucous and bile, and cleanses the stomach.
For in the case of the stomach there is no cleansing secretions like
that of the small intestine, where the bile cleanses the mucous
membranes as it passes down the bowel.
To be effective the vomiting wave action should be very forceful
moving from the bottom of the stomach upward so that all the
contents including any old solid matter at the bottom of the
stomach are pushed up and out.
Vamana dhauti, also called kunjal kriya, is best done at dawn or first
thing in the morning but after evacuating the bladder and bowels.
Vomiting is a natural and intelligent reflex toward bad food, water,
or foreign objects. It is a life supporting instinct that unfortunately
is repressed through modern societys anti-nature bias. Many of us
were punished as children when we did not control our instinctual
natural reflexes such as vomiting, evacuating, fully sneezing, etc.
Thus in order to enhance the vital life supporting intelligence of the
body we must learn how to let go of our conditioning. The vomiting
reflex is a wavelike reverse peristalsis and is thus not meant to be
performed willfully, mechanically, or consciously.
Simply try to trigger it and surrender to the bodys inner wisdom
allowing for this cleanse to happen naturally.
Hints and Kinks: Let nature or instinct take care of the evacuation as
it can not be done willfully except that we can set the stage to allow
for it to happen. Let the wave start from the bottom (pit) of the belly.
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Just let it out. If there is undigested food left over from last
nights dinner, we gain information as to our digestion and food
compatibilities. This may be acidic and taste and smell badly but
remember we are getting it out.
Try to get the bottom of the stomach emptied.
It is best done outside in nature (its good for plants and crops and
helps everyone to overcome any social stigma). At home, it is helpful
that the toilet bowl is clean and pleasant or we can use a big wide
pan, the point being that we should not worry and hold back.
Take some deep breaths before you start in order to keep the mind
from worrying that you do not need to stop because of gasped breath.
The uddiyana bandha should be done with the pelvis retroverted
(posterior tilt), the abdomen curved in toward the spine (concave),
and the wave should travel first in and then move upward while
holding out the breath (complete exhale).
Keep the attitude cheerful and light hearted. Its often done in
groups so that we can laugh at what in most social settings is
considered unacceptable, gross, sick, or bad.
Beginners are often advised to do it daily, but after it is mastered
and there are no diseases of the lungs, udana, or prana, then once
a week or less often according to your own constitution and unique
circumstances.
Do not eat anything for at least half an hour after and then make it
light, easily digestible, and devoid of spices or possible irritants.
Benefits: It cleanses and stimulates the stomach, esophagus, lungs,
chest, heart, throat, nose, eyes, ears, and sinus.
It alleviates depression, sloth, and heaviness.
Let it be said that especially today with our unfortunate custom
of repressing instinct and natural function, the natural vomiting
instinct has also been repressed by early childhood memories
of disapproval (mess) from peers and parents. Social pressure
expected the adult to control and hold-in bad, excess, or
inappropriate food or poisons even if the body wanted to evacuate
it. This repression of our natural healthy instinct if carried on,
creates imbalance of natural function.
Another similar kriya is variously called Gaja karani, Bhaghi kriya,
or Vyagra Kriya (tiger kriya) which varies mainly in that it is done
immediately or within two hours after a specially prepared meal.

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It is also sometimes called Kunjal Kriya also.

It is especially helpful in removing excess mucous of the lungs
and throat as well as normalizing pitta (bile secretions). It will not
be detailed here as it can be too easily misunderstood as bulimic
activity by outsiders who do not understand its purpose and
mechanism. It is an intentional and ancient yogic healing practice.
One is considered to have gone through emesis successfully who
expels the mucous, bile, and air in succession and who feels that
ones stomach, sides of the body, sense organs, and body channels
have been cleansed and that ones body has become light.
If the emesis goes wrong, then there occur eruptions, wheals, and
itching in the body, imperfect cleansing of the stomach and body
channels and heaviness of the limbs. Thirst, stupor, fainting,
provocation of vata, loss of sleep, and loss of strength etc. occur on
cases of over-action of emesis.
In chapter two, Charaka continues: The following are the
conditions where emesis is contraindicated: persons affiliated with
pectoral lesions, those who are cachectic, very obese or extremely
emaciated, infants, the senile, debilitated, fatigued, thirsty, hungry,
exhausted by labor, load lifting, way faring, or those given to long
fasting, sexual excess, excess study, exercise and thinking, or
those who are emaciated, pregnant women, and delicate persons,
or those whose alimentary tract is contracted... who suffer from
hemothermia of the upper region, or from incessant vomiting, or
from disorders of the upward flow of morbid vatas, or who take
too often evacuative or unctuous enemata, who are suffering from
cardiac disorders, misperistalsis, ... etc.
At first vamana (vomiting) dhauti is recommended daily until one
learns to sense the contents of ones stomach and how different
foods impact upon it. Once these systems are regulated, vamana
may be practiced once weekly or monthly.

Any comments? haa.

The second impressive thing I read, is the formation of the three
questions. We have done some good work my friend, huh?
Question (first): What is inside you?
A little help: What is inside you that is not outside you?
More help: What is inside you that is not outside you, so you are called
to bring it forth?
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Do you understand now that, whether you know the In or not, the
answer to What is inside you that is not outside you? the only safe
and for sure answer is the In?
Simple, huh? What is inside you that is not outside you? The inside,
huh? Who can doubt that? But who can think that, too?
And if you wish, this is a rational answer, you do not need to be a
seeker to answer that.
But, I was trying to guide you to the fact that the answer is in the
question ... ha-ha, ho-ho.

My friend, I am so excited to read this book from the beginning. I just

had a vomit which released a little back pain and that reminded me
of something I forgot to tell you on the previous email. The vomiting,
which is non-material, has to be pushed from the bottom of the
stomach, the very bottom part. It is written in todays email where I
isolated the part that occurs on me.
Now, when you push to vomit, the physical push, the muscular one,
starts from the lowest point of the back, where the chakra of motion is
located, where we were talking about.
When the vomiting starts, the stream of it releases all tension on that
point. I am saying that this is another technique to release the pain of
the lower back, it is another way to take care of it. It just happened to
me, once again, and reminded me that I didnt tell you that.
Of course, as you may have already read in my last email about
vomiting ... unfortunate custom of repressing instinct and natural
function, the natural vomiting instinct has also been repressed by early
childhood memories of disapproval (mess) from peers and parents.
Social pressure expected the adult to control and hold-in bad, excess,
or inappropriate food or poisons even if the body wanted to evacuate
it. This repression of our natural healthy instinct. if carried on, creates
imbalance of natural function.
So you have to overcome this unfortunate custom of repressing. I
got so excited today reading this stuff that I didnt care as before. My
other friend was here to edit the book and correct my English in it, and
heard me. She was surprised, but she just said did you finish with
what you were doing?
I said, Yes, like everybody ... haaa. That was it.
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I hadnt read this when it was first sent to me, because you know me,
reading about yoga and all that to me is just wasting time. However, this
one helped. Looks like I didnt need Yoga instructions for 30 years, but I
may need it now ... haaa. Things maybe are getting better. We will see.

I told my wife that my back was better yesterday.

She asked why.
I said I am focusing on the 8th chakra that is vibrating with the Essence.
She said, Well, maybe you need to do that every day.
big deal, huh, for these women? Yours said did you finish with what
you were doing?
Haaaa, no big deal for these women. Just every day life.

A few spelling corrections and I have to go... run, run, run, (Forest
Gump!!! Haaa.)
You seeeee? I was trying to tell you, to women everything is earth. Their
mind is so earthly that even if you are connected to In, without them
saying anything, just looking at you, you lose the connection, seeing
things only from the material point of view. Because, besides their way
of living, they have the power, too. Not bad, not good, again. They just
cannot see the mystery. They cannot connect with the invisible.
However, I understand your point: you admire that every day life
grounding.
I do, too, many times. But, it is not only that; we do admire them
because we (men, seekers) many times get tired from this other world.
The invisible and unknown of the internal, shakes our confidence.
Women, on the other hand, look more confident, more strong, most of
the time, because everything is obvious, simple, as it appears, no
questions asked, do you understand?
Well, I wouldnt agree with this attitude, however admirable how they
can live like this?
We all know the older women get, the more depressed they get, or at
least they often live in this freezing silence that leads straight to the
grave. We all know the older they get, the uglier they become, despite
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that for man, the older he gets, the more beautiful he becomes. The
menopause is the beginning point of this period in their life.
My beloved friend and intellectual mentor of this book, Christy, wrote
once, Men and women, as they approach the second half of their life,
loose the focus of the primary source of self they found in the first
half. Women, going through menopause, no longer are the creators
of life, the mother of their children, and men no longer are the
providers, the empire builders. Each must find a way to continue
or they loose their life vitality. Women often get depressed, living in a
frozen silence that leads straight to the grave, they lose the life force
that made them beautiful and vivacious. Men, without something to
conquer, to build, feel a failure, in the world and in their marriage.
They often look to other women to satisfy this need to conquer, to feel
the stallion within them. This is when the search for enlightenment,
for the connection to In becomes so important and also so easy. If the
women can shift from being the mother of their family to the mother
of creation, in its entirety, and men can recognize the need to conquer
the unknown, their spiritual self, rather than conquer reality, they
can maintain the life force, the vitality that brings them joy. The man
may search for the In as an answer to a scientific question or as a
means to conquer and understand the unknown as the woman may
search for the opportunity to still provide service to others. If, by luck
they can do this together, the life they share will be beyond anything
they ever imagined before.

I reckon.
My friend, read! The body of mind has twelve central organs,
represented by the twelve gods, in the Greek Mythology.
The first, the basic one is Hermes, the runner, the message deliverer,
the source of thoughts. As like the first planet from the Sun, Hermes.
That runs all the time, runs, runs, runs here and there, as the molecules
I told you about.
The second organ is like the second planet from Sun, Venus. This
second one is atrophied in women, exactly as the penis become the
clitoris. Similarly, women have this second organ too, but it never grew
up in the body of the mind.
This is why Venus has been the focal point for women as in the
statement women come from Venus. This is where all the difference
comes from, this is the source of all this fighting and separation in this
life between men and women.

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I do not know enough English to tell you more, but the simple fact is
that they cannot see the mystery. I will attach here what Einstein has
written about it.
The fairest thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the
fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and
true science. He who knows it not and can no longer wonder, no
longer feel amazement, is as good as dead, a snuffed-out candle.
It was the experience of mystery--even if mixed with fear--that
engendered religion. A knowledge of the existence of something we
cannot penetrate, of the manifestations of the profoundest reason
and the most radiant beauty, which are only accessible to our
reason in their most elementary forms--it is this knowledge and
this emotion that constitute the truly religious attitude; in this
sense, and in this alone, I am a deeply religious man. [The World
as I See It]
The most beautiful and most profound religious emotion that we
can experience is the sensation of the mystical. And this mysticality
is the power of all true science. If there is any such concept as a
God, it is a subtle spirit, not an image of a man that so many have
fixed in their minds. In Essence, my religion consists of a humble
admiration for this illimitable superior spirit that reveals itself in
the slight details that we are able to perceive with our frail and
feeble minds. [Interview with Peter Bucky]
It is very difficult to elucidate this [cosmic religious] feeling
to anyone who is entirely without it, especially as there is no
anthropomorphic conception of God corresponding to it. The
individual feels the futility of human desires and aims, and the
sublimity and marvelous order which reveal themselves both in
nature and in the world of thought. Individual existence impresses
him as a sort of prison and he wants to experience the universe as
a single significant whole.
The religious geniuses of all ages have been distinguished by
this kind of religious feeling, which knows no dogma and no God
conceived in mans image; so that there can be no church whose
central teachings are based on it.
[New York Times Magazine, November 9, 1930].
Enough for me the mystery of the eternity of life, and the inkling of
the marvelous structure of reality, together with the single-hearted
endeavor to comprehend a portion, be it never so tiny, of the reason
that manifests itself in nature. [The World as I See It.]

Now read it again and imagine, while you read it, that he is talking
about the man and the woman. Not that he did so, but if you do so you
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will understand, more precisely than ever, the difference I am talking

about, between man and woman.
Good luck, haaa.

Be careful. The women libbers will get you and the politically correct
police will get you.
The men get depressed too when they get older, and this would be
another book.
Do they give up on the spiritual life and seek other women, sports
cars, motorcycles, whatever, to fill the hole?
Now, seriously.
I have been thinking. Do we want this book to really break through to
many people? Are we bold enough to think that the In (which is yours
with my questions) and all that goes with it is worth presenting to the
masses? At this time? Are they ready? The men and the women? If the
answer is yes, then we need to have a format that will get attention.
My psychological mind has been at work (dangerous!!). For example,
if we want it to be tradition focused (Christian), we could relate what
we are doing to the Gospel of Thomas, for example.
You have come up with these things without even knowing Thomas.
As you know, though, Thomas did not show any ways to do any
of this. It seems so obvious (certainly open to interpretation; I have
read commentaries on it by theologians) (a guy named Patterson, for
example, member of the Jesus Seminar, who studies Thomas).
They believe, there is a correlation. If we are not too far off the
beaten path it could be logical, practical for anyone who is a seeker.
And there are plenty of them (not overt, but covert) in the church and
of course out-side of the church.
If we called it something like: More than a Savior - -The Practice of
the In or something like that, then we could tie it to the traditions,
but to the EARLIEST tradition of the Jesus movement. We could show
connections to other traditions if we wished, depending on how
scholarly we wanted to be. We could show Jesus the wise esoteric
master, at times, with parenthetical comments, such as I and you have
already done in our dialogue.

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This would make it big, I think. Tying it into the natural, every day,
life of people of faith who want to go to another level. OR, appeal to
those who have no faith, or no interest in the spiritual, because they
see all the crap out there that has no relevance to them.
I am just thinking out loud. Am I crazy? I sound like a fool, dont I?
Remember that my enthusiasm is humbly based on knowing that it is
the holy grace that does all this, not ourselves. See, you used this term
Holy Grace; a perfect phrase for the traditionalists to love. They call it
Amazing Grace. The Baptists sing it all the time ...
Who knows, the Buddhists may get interested!!!! Ha, and the Hare
Krishna (I hope not). Haaaaa They would have to like their bodies,
though. Ha.
You got me into this, though, with my permission, of course. Haaa ...
I could not resist talking about those things even from the start.
A spiritual dialogue from the very beginning, with the teacher and
psychologist questions and answers. So now you have to deal with
what you created here, with my permission, of course. No, you didnt
do it. It was us. I ask, you answer. You never answer unless I ask. You
show great respect.
There are boundaries to keep it balanced, no guru-student shit. No
master-student shit. Two people of any kind could do this with the
right understanding. Am I right? A dialogue may be the best medium
for the message. Or a reader may be able to do it on his own. I dont
know the answer to that yet. But it may be possible. I took the risk to
change our relationship, though I dont think it ever changed.
The vultures may not see it that way, but I think I am willing to take
the risk. So why not go for it? I went from reluctant to interested.
Or, maybe we could start an institute or go into churches, Haaa, to
consult. I am really crazy now, huh?
I am pretty damn creative at times, and so are you for sure. Just
thinking ... You may have to let people know who you are. By the way,
if the title is savior, then it already has your name in it. Right, Sotiris?
Dont think I am set on any title or any approach, just thinking out
loud. I know you understand. If we did this, it would take more time
to put it together though, and I am still working. I would do my best,
however, to work on a format of presentation with your help.

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I cut grass again today. Just observed. Take care. I hope you enjoyed
the forest. Dont think I am jumping ahead. I am still humbly
practicing. I just know you want to get this out and bring it forth.

Really quickly, I am closing a contract for a big job, no time to answer

those serious questions, on how we would publish the book. Ill be
back on this tonight later. For now, I do not see any problem or format.
We find an editor, who knows it all.
Back at Easter I spoke with a Greek (woman) to translate in English
some more stuff I have in Greek. When she realized the content, she
never got back with me. She thought I was crazy, but what does that
have to do with translating? I know from my part, how Greeks will
react to the book when it will be published. It doesnt matter.
Just edit it, title it in In, put it on the shop shelves and leave it there.
If the editor says that it wont sell, then we make copies for 100 books,
for example, bind them at a printing shop, we find a few bookstores
and leave them there. It will speak for itself.
I do not see the publication as an event. Just another funny crazy thing that
we will laugh at, down the road, as we laugh when we talk and meet.
We will laugh if it goes well for how crazy it will lead the people, or if it
doesnt go well, for how damned we are. This is how I see it.
Laugh lightly, not heavily, just as this dialogue started and continued.
What do you think, is it me who is the crazy one?

No, it is not you who is crazy. A low profile is fine for me.
That suits me fine. Less work, really.
I like the lightness, the more I think about it. I was getting too serious,
perhaps.
Good. I feel a little relief. This would be a good start. Do we need
authors names even?
Take care.

The publisher will tell us if we can avoid it; they know the laws.

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They may need at least one of us to report his real name, so to drive
him to the jail, anyway ... haa. And remember in the jail will go who is
outer, so to be forced inner ... haaaa. I am messing with you.
I am trying to tell you that the publisher knows it all, market, laws,
practice, and all. He will tell us before we proceed in action. It is a good
idea to find somebody and talk, no matter when we decide to do it. One
appointment will clear things up.
The editor knows how to shape it, the publisher knows how to promote
it. Just find the right ones that would get crazy on their own while
reading it.
You also need to find out how to protect this asset from being stolen,
before giving it to anybody; patent? lawyer? do not know. Just let me
know about money, anytime.
Author names? Ohh yeah I am Mr. Sam Wolf, who are you?
There are 211 people with the last name of Wolf in GA and there are 97
people with the full name of Sam Wolf in the States, no Sam Wolf in
GA though. So I will be the 212th Wolf in GA, the 98th Sam Wolf in the
States and 1st and only one Sam Wolf in GA. I think that would work,
wouldnt it?
Haaaa. Take care.

Thomas:
77 I am the light that is above everything; I am all; all came forth
from me and all has returned to me. Split the wood and I am there.
Lift up the stone and you will find me there.
70 When you bring forth what is in you, what you have will save
you. That which you do not have in you will kill you if you do not
know it within you.
29 If the flesh exists because of the spirit, it is a miracle; but if the
spirit exists because of the body it is a miracle of miracles. I marvel
at how such great wealth established itself amid this poverty.
83 The images are manifest to the man, but the light in them
is hidden in the image of the fathers light. He will be revealed
himself, but his image is hidden by the light.

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87 Wretched is the body that is dependent on a body and wretched

is the soul that is dependent on them both.

Just some Thomas quotes to relate what you have said in your emails
lately.
I could go into each one and correlate it with what you have said.
Not time, now, and maybe not necessary. Just looking at the amazing
similarity.
However, he has no guidance as to practical applicable results. Right?
Gospel of Sam? Heresy. Watch out!!

Re: chemistry:
There is a book called The Healing Powers of Water by a man named
Emoto; he takes pictures of water crystals from all over the world.
The picture of the water crystal is beautiful if a child says to it I love
you, before it is frozen.
The water crystal is hideous, ugly , if a child says to it I hate you.
Just the words make the water show up differently with a camera.
Chemistry perhaps.

I felt the same way when I read the dialogue. I told you how excited I
was to go over it again.
I am trying to think of the best format to do it. I think the dialogue is a
good way to do it. Like the letters of Ficino. Or the dialogues of Plato.
I think it may be good to have some kind of introduction and maybe a
fair amount of editing, but I am not sure. Who do we want it to appeal
to? Do we want it to just be what it is with no context or framework,
or aim as we present it, or do we need to specify, maybe narrate the
progression of the dialogue, including our backgrounds, etc.; would
that best get our point across?
Really, do we want it to sell? I sometimes think I do. How about you?
Also, why not include your name? Or do you want to be anonymous?
Maybe I could be anonymous, too, and we could have a pseudonym.
Nobody would know who we are. Do we want that? Would it lose
credibility that way? I am just thinking out loud.
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Nobody knows who wrote the Gospel of Thomas. Haaaaaaa. The

Gospel of Sam!! Uncle Sam and Doctor Know. Haa
Today I cut grass all day with a trimmer; rain had made a lot of the
yard quite a challenge. Outside. I just did that, nothing else. Singleminded, with lots of breaks of course. Just slowing down, but paying
attention. Doing one thing to develop the focus. Thats all.
My back is fine right now. The pain comes and goes, but I am seeing it
in a different perspective than just the medical. Or old age. Haa
I havent ever really tried to vomit. Psychologists try to open up
repressed people. Maybe I should try it with my patients. Haaa. I
would surely attract the vultures!!!!
Vomit therapy to release repressed emotions!! I am messing with you now.
I wonder if the surround is also the In; I wonder if it will kill you if you
do not know it within you is anything that is not in the In with you.
Have a good evening.

I know most people get depressed, not only women.

Though, I was not talking about the sickness that needs pills and doctors.
I was talking about the lighter stage, where they fall because they see
no light at the end of the tunnel. I was talking about that daily attitude
where they remain deadly silent even when you approach to please
them, where the husband walks in the house and they say from the
other room ohh, you are here!!! or say nothing, where they just do not
play or joke anymore, where you talk to them and they do not turn their
head to you, just continue watching TV with that expressionless look,
where they do things by forcing themselves, not really participating,
but also once in awhile they may yell that it is all your fault because
you do not take actions to help.
Anyway, I am talking about that situation in which if you want to help
and ask a female candid, Why that? there is no answer; where if you
ask the man in a similar situation, the answer would be I feel like a
failure or I feel that I cannot perform anymore and so on, specified a
bit differently, not indefinite darkness.

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Not that he doesnt see darkness, he just find the chance to react onto
you, fight you back, and, by doing this, forget his depression, while the
woman will stick in her depression trying for answers on her own.
And that, usually, never comes.
Another email today (too many, haaa).
... Two people of any kind could do this with the right understanding.
Am I right? A dialogue may be the best medium for the message. Or a
reader may could do it on his own ... Very keen and correct!!!
Thats the simplicity of it, everybody could do this on his own.
This is why I didnt want to change our dialogue at all and so I just
gathered the emails together. And I do not want to take out the daily
things either, like about Greeks, about my friend, about my martial
status, about your country estate, about your grass, about your wife and
these simple things so people can understand that we are one of them,
nothing special, so they can do it, too.
Just logic, just practice, just a bit of reading and thats it, everybody can
be there, no matter how profoundly they understand or to what extent
they practice.
Just ordinary people who make a little turn towards inner, thats all.
Further down, everything and all play in the game ... institute, churches
... all. You are a consultant, this is your profession anyway. You can use
this trait of yours to be the authority. People will need to know who
says all that anyway.
Good points of yours, not impossible though. Just stay open. They will
tell you what they need; they will tell you how they want to drink the
tea, with little sugar, with much sugar, with milk, a bit cold, a bit hot, do
not worry. You do not have to decide that, they will do it anyway ... haa.
Another email today.
... Just some Thomas quotes to relate what you have said in your
emails lately. I could go into each one and correlate it with what you
have said. Not time, now, and maybe not necessary. Just looking at
the amazing similarity. However, he has no guidance as to practical,
applicable results. Right? Gospel of Sam? Heresy. Watch out!! ...
Haaa, I am trying to watch out ... haaaa, I am telling you help me to
hide, but you ... I do not know ... haaa, I am messing with you.
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Yeah, you see how important this world is? ... but if the spirit exists
because of the body, it is a miracle of miracles ... and then ...
wretched is the soul that is dependent on them both.

Well, how can the spirit exist because of something like the body
upon which the spirit shouldnt depend on and which both should be
rejected from soul, otherwise it would be wretched? ... haaa, my friend,
we are in a big mess, I am telling you, there you want more!! Haaa.
Thomas has No Guidance to Practice!!!
The best Look at what is in front of your face!!! What more is there?
You think it is good that we talk too much, huh? You think so, huh? Mmm ...
Another email today ...
The True Power of Water? Masaru Emoto? Good point, Ill buy it for my
daughter.
That proves that intelligence is everywhere, not only in mankind. And
this can be explained by the In, if you live with that and understand
how you can operate with your mind while connected with In. I mean
thoughts, understanding, notions, etc. do not work the same way. There
is an immediacy based on the non-space life, at the moment. Here, now.
That kind of intelligence applies in all entities and can be proved like
in the book.
I never thought about if our book would sell. I wondered if it would
shake things up strongly, yes. I wondered if it would create anxiety,
yes. I never wondered if it would sell. I also know, it will be taken by
profoundly thinking scientists and seekers and they will make it much
better by applying these ideas in science and philosophy.
As you say about the Gospel of Thomas, it will surely never be lost
and will be available for those who will seek candidly. Not that it is
something special, but because of the refreshment of old techniques
that it contains and the knowledge of how to bring them into plain
view and practical fit.
You see, those techniques were strong enough to survive throughout
the centuries. The fact that we bring them up by logic means that they
are very practical in the heart of the life. We brought them without
knowing that they existed out there. This is what will save this book
forever, for those who will seek candidly.

IN

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In other words, if you wish, I do not think that the immortal Thomas
allow his writings to be lost and anonymously found sometime in the
future one more time ... haa. This is his last chance for them to be
brought up and take the place they deserve ... haaa, right?
You see the difference between life and death, as we know it, is very
little, 1/16 of an inch!!!! If you think that you will live after your body
dies, then death has no meaning, it converts to, I do not know how it
is going to be like when you first go into those Halloween tunnels of
horror. You do not know how this is going to be, but you know that
you will still be alive.
It is the same with death.
Do you believe that you will stop existing after death?
Do you think that you will dissolve and all this beauty with the book,
the In, the front of the face, etc., will be lost? This is the point.
Usually we waste intelligence by thinking what is the other life, if it
exists, is God there and so on. But this is not the point, the point is, do
you think that you will stop existing yourself?
Now how that connects with your question about our book, we will see.
Maybe I am trying to tell you that Thomas will take care of it ... haaa.
I am saying though, do not worry how much of it will be out there. It
is the first time that In gets expressed, too. Though it has been there all
the time throughout the centuries, in ALL, traditions. I will prove it to
you when you get to the within stage.
So, in front of the face at the point of the sense organ and so on ... all
these practices were there all the time, nobody ever reached Essence
without those.
It has simply never been written as such; nobody was able to express
the way to reach there so simply because everybody has suffered
throughout systematic traditions.
The terminology and methods they used into the older traditions and
systems was the only one available at the time of reaching to Essence,
so nobody expressed it in a simpler way. It is probably true, we may not
have either, if the preceding seekers hadnt reached there; we may not
also if the speech was not adequately free.
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The simplicity of it will allow it to spread everywhere.

Like the discovery of atoms or quantum (the plural of quanta, not the
singular of quantum. You know, in English there is quanta of which
the plural is quantum, and there is quantum of which the singular is
quanta, ok? Ha-ha).
Of course before atoms and quanta, science existed to a lesser degree,
experiments and results were being done from different practices, but
the discovery of atoms and quantum spread all over just because the
nature of their existence was behind every other being.
It is the same with the In. No matter what tradition, no matter what
technique, no matter what system you may consider, In is behind all
of those. It is not one more system, it is not another explanation. It is
behind everything else, in the same relation as the atom has with all
other materials.
I love it, Uncle Sam and Doctor Know. We are going to have big fun,
my friend, big fun!
Just cutting grass or doing just one thing, is not as simple as it looks or
as people think.
I remember some from Gurdjieff, but the point here is to lead you to
anxiety and desperation that comes from the lack of any kind of exit. It
is not to do just one thing, we do not go backwards on techniques and
practices. We do not try to change things, the In takes care of it all.
But what I say here is that the desperation comes when you think of an
escape, I am tired, I have to stop, or It is enough, enough is enough,
or It is boring, lets enjoy now the rest of the day, or I am old, I
should be more careful or time to take care of the body, it is okay
to drink a glass of water and on and on, and you do not give, to this
thought of escape, an exit.
You do not take the choice of changing the activity, you do not make
this decision, you stay in this non-exit situation that brings angeranxiety-shock-desperation, you do not even make a grimace on your
face, all the while you have all this storm raging inside you as you
continue trimming or digging, this is where your only solution is to
connect In; there is where your only choice is the choice that nobody
else can make for you, to connect with In; there the connection to
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download will be so damn strong, want it or not, and, AND without

losing the sense of your body, because you are tied in your body
because you are so angry, so pissed off. Huh?
I do not know if you would want to try doing at this time what I describe
below, I wouldnt suggest except for curiosity, but I am telling you that
once I worked at fixing clay roof tiles with mud and all, dressed up in
dark blue ironed pants, white ironed shirt, illustrated leather sole shoes
and I didnt allow even a drop of mad or dust on my clothes or shoes,
except for my sweating; working on the top of the roof with those shoes
and dressed up, working on my toes, touching the tools and materials
only with the edges of my fingers; I worked careful not to step with all
my foot, or step on the surrounding materials or resting on my back or
even walking; just jumping from spot to spot, working.
Of course, in such a situation, you do not want to splash anything or to
get the tools dirty. The practice was excellent to the fullest extent. Some
26 years ago!!! Your crazy friend ... Sam. Nice memories, haaa.
The point here is not only to work without taking a break at the same
task, but also under such conditions that the task takes all your attention.
Further down ... I wonder if the surround is also the in; I wonder if it
will kill you if you do not know it within you is anything that is not
in the In with you ...
Try, try. When you pass the first excitement of connecting with the In,
you may be able to recall that the point is who you are and where you
fit in all this; probably not. Who cares about the In and all, right? Who
the heck cares about In, God, Essence, how, what, why and all this
bother. Do you care? Who really cares? Look around you ... who cares
about the In?
Its like when you smile and be nice, or carry flowers and be polite, in
other words, act like a gentleman ... why? to get the female, correct? It
is the same here.
You like the In because it gives you a better sense of realization,
therefore, a good hope to see who you are, right? If it gives you another
view of God, then you have to worship Him in another way. You are
tired of it, you do not want another God. Fill Gods absence to be Him.
Reject what you see, if you want to see.

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So where are you in the In? Who are you in the In?
You exercise the In with the purpose to get tired of it, to reject it, to lose
the excitement, to download it and get rid of it. What remains? You
have to get rid of it from occupying your mind, without losing it.
If the spirit exists because of the body, it is a miracle of miracles
(you got the In because of your body ... but) wretched is the soul that
is dependent on them both.

Where are you?

Haaa. ha.

One time I tried to see about publishing a book of poetry.

There were two or three ways.
One, you have to get an agent. This is not a publisher. Publishing
companies will not talk to you unless you have an agent. The agents
cost money and they would want a cut. The publisher would also
want a cut. This would be the full service; It may be helpful, as you
say, to talk to one.
Second way: Publish your own book through a small publishing
company, no agent, not much editorial help. You pay for the books
yourself and sell them yourself at first. Say, 500 or so. Take them to
book stores (I have a friend who owns a store in Douglasville). If they
get popular, then sometimes a publisher will be very interested and
you can go bigger if it takes.
I have a friend in my group whose husband does this sort of thing. He
does not do the publishing himself, but arranges and works out all
the issues. For example he published, at his own expense, a book of
poetry by an unknown man whom he took an interest in.
Of course we would have to pay him, or someone like him, but this
would be an option. Also, we could list with Amazon.com, etc.
Third way: Have an email book. There are internet publishers
who help you from the very beginning to get a book on the internet.
There are ways to market, such as web sites, etc. I have a resource
I just read about and can find it if we want to go that route. Here, if
somebody wants the book, they download it and pay for it online.
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What I am saying is that the big publishers may or may not be interested.
Maybe they are, such as Shambhala Press. They print a lot of esoteric
books, etc. (the ones who printed all of Almaas books, for example).

I think you should try the publisher first. I can go and talk, too.
I would register it first, patent it.
Then Id take a copy, go to Shambhala or somebody who knows esoteric
subjects, and say, Listen, this book is going to be famous one day.
If you want to have your part in it, you have to help now, haa, or
something like that, so we can get really good help.
Still, it depends on the cost, I do not know what amounts you are
talking about. I may be able to handle that (what monies needed) easily.
We need some figures first. What do you think?
Sorry, I meant agent, not publisher first.

I did try a publisher (only one) a few years ago. They were Pocket
Books, I think. They said I had to have an agent before they would
talk to me.
Maybe you can go straight to some; I havent tried this. Yeah, why not
try Shambhala, etc.
We will try that route first; but I tell you, they will go crazy; unless we
find somebody familiar with the esoteric.
Haaaa

I wonder if you are describing your own experience when you talk
about you talk to them and they do not turn their head to you ...
sounds like that female, whoever she is, had shut down emotionally
with anger and bitterness for some reason.
Yes, I think they do need everyday connection; dont we? Haaa.
That is the task; living in both worlds. Ahhhhhhh I think it is
possible. Maybe.
Okay. I sent my last email before I saw this.
By the way, I start back with my group tomorrow. I have thought of
giving our dialogue a pilot test with these women.
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What do you think about us printing up a few copies (I can get them
to pay, probably), or I can help you with the expense, leaving out any
business stuff, I am not sure about the female stuff. They are definitely
liberated women.
One has a doctorate in Spirituality from Columbia Seminary.
All are therapists (interesting?). She is a volunteer minister in the
Presbyterian Church. She studies with a Peruvian shaman.
One is the director of an internationally known counseling center. She
has studied for years with Peruvian shamans. A Methodist, sort of.
One works as a social worker at an oncologists office, dealing with
dying people and their families. She is Jewish.
One is a private practice social worker who is very familiar with the
Kabbalah and loves it. She is also Jewish.
They all love feminist theology The Woman with the Alabaster Jar,
etc., but are open to all possibilities. We have been studying Essence (a
la Almaas, at my suggestion, by the way) ... it is getting a little boring.
Is this a crazy idea? Like I said, I trust all of them; the only problem,
the female stuff in the dialogue will probably turn them off, but I can
handle that if you want to leave it in there. I know what they will
tell me. Haaaa. They may think I associate with male chauvinists.
Haaaaa. I will just tell them I met the new Plato. Haaaa.

I have felt sort of weak, with low energy today. I had to go to bed for
an hour and I felt such a deep sleep, different from usual. My body
would not move. I kept trying to get up, but I wanted to sink back
into the bed; here in the afternoon, after doing some outside work this
morning and running errands.
I did not want to get up, like I was stuck in some sleep world where I
wanted to stay.
I was with my friend again today. I felt detached from him, though
I enjoyed listening to him play my guitar. It was a good connection,
but not exactly like the usual. He did not seem as separate from me as
usual. And I didnt get hooked into his problems (he complains a lot)
like usual. In fact, he complained much less. Just there, less intense, I
suppose, is the best way to describe it.
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Like I was there, but wasnt there. Where was I? Who was I? I do not
know, and cared less than usual.
But, when I want, I seem to be able to experience my body more fully.
When I dont focus on In is when I feel so detached, rather vulnerable.
I have always felt vulnerable, though. A lot of fear. It is less, but it
feels fragile at times, not such great defenses (psychological defenses).
I know I am rambling. Will try to be more precise when I can.
Take care. I have to work the next 3 days and may not be able to
respond too much. I will start (you, too) seeking an agent.
I think I will call Shambhala soon.
We are not ready yet are we?

What does an agent do? How much would that cost? I have no idea. I am
getting into that slightly, day by day. I see agents for insurance, agents for
stock market, agents for lending, agents for shipping, agents for traveling,
agents for dating, agents now for publishing ... ! What is going on?
Should I start to be an agent who will be finding agents? ... haaa
Well, lets gather the information, lets find an agent. I think though,
first is the editor. I heard they are all over the academic places, they
help students with editing their paper work. Possibly, we should try the
academic area, for publishing too.
About my own experience with women, haaaa, to tell you the
truth, what I have written in this book is completely from my own
experience, isnt it? Haaaaa ha.
Maybe some of those experiences are understood and shared, like the
In with you, but what I do write is from my own experience. And, of
course, I am expecting that a lot of people wont understand this, the In,
who will say that this is my (our) own experience, or my own world, or
even my own fantasy.
But at least with the In there is the logic; they cannot deny that they
do not know what In is, and with the right questions it will be obvious
they cannot refer to it, at all.
Similarly, with the women; of course, it is my own experience. I have
observed them. Do not forget I have been in an institute where they
were students. Of course I have dating experience, but I have also been
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in a family where all of them -- mama, ex, sister in law, ex-mother in

law, aunts, even, I remember, my grandmother -- the older they got, the
more nervous they became without a specific reason.
On the other hand, I have observed the men. My father was disabled
during the civil war; after the civil war, working hard in the newsstand
at the corner of the road; the newsstand was made from metal so it
was cold in winter, hot in summer and no bathroom all day long; but
I remember him, not ever complaining even in his bed ready to die.
He was always playful, a soldier until the end. I didnt see in my entire
family a woman with an attitude similar to that.
Another example, my grandfather; he will be 100 years old on 9/9/2005,
farmer of the old days, and he still asks where to invest money, he
still raises his voice about politics, he danced traditional dances at my
cousins wedding last April, he still eats like 2 people, and every day he
chokes from food in his throat because he eats like somebody will take
his food from the plate, haa. He talks in conversations and you can hear
the rhymes at the end of the words like reciting a poem.
These are examples! I cannot check the entire world though.
However, nobody knows fully, right? You do not know fully either, nor
me. But we try, we hope, we practice, right? And on one hand, we do not
know what the next step is, but on the other, even when we feel anxiety,
worries etc., we do not blame anybody, we do not put the anxiety
onto somebody elses shoulders, we try patiently. The faith. We know
somebody will take care of it or of us. The Holy Grace. Thats for sure.
Make a note I talk from my point of view, a seekers point of view, as I
am used to such a process. My beloved friend, and intellectual mentor
of this book, Christy, noted that The Holy Grace will take care of us,
or your woman! I see the Holy Spirit/Grace as the maternal side of
the God Within US, the caretaker, the nurturer. Maybe we worry
because we know no one will take care of us but Holy Grace!.

Correct! That could be a worry for a normal person, but that could be
motivation for a seeker. So do not ever forget here that I contribute only
my experience as a seeker, and actually only as a seeker of the In, not
other ways.
It is enough if we try honestly the more the better, and be aware that it is
nobody elses fault. So my original point, on the different mood between
men and women, is actually the subject of Job and his wife, Sitidos.
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He had faith; she blamed him. He could see farther, she couldnt. Same
exactly with Socrates and his wife Xanthippe. Thats all!!
Now, do not misunderstand me. You do not have to agree with what
I am saying, but I have to say what I am saying, haa, right? I mean in
this case of your team, you kindly present them as liberated, but I think
they are not liberated, they are liberals.
Actually, they are worse than the liberals in politics because, with their
liberalism, they have invaded the spiritual field. This is unbelievable to
my ears!! I didnt know that hell has invaded spirituality so heavily!!!
ha-ha, I am kidding.
And feel this spiritual hell, it is so close to us (or me if you wish), not
accidentally I think.
Besides kidding, I question strongly here, what does it mean, doctorate
in Spirituality, you cracked me up tonight ... is a Doctorate in
Spirituality out there? I can hardly contain myself, I am laughing,
you cannot imagine ... you made my evening tonight!! I understand
doctorate in Theology, but in spirituality? What is this? Spirituality is
a personal practice that connects one with God through a private and
hidden process. Therefore, how can you obtain a doctorate, teaching or
been taught what?
I understand advices, instructions, but doctorate? like taking tests and
getting A or B on what?
You are telling me one Doctor in Spirituality, one female minister and
two social workers. May be this team tries hard and with good intent,
no doubts; they may have the sense of a serious team and feel they do a
valid work, but how is this possible such a team to achieve something
if the elements of this team are a joke.
A doctor in Spirituality, a female minister and two social workers!!
Wow, I never thought that would be such a scheme out there
somewhere; I never thought that a combination of fakeness would ever
try to achieve spiritual benefits. Its a laugh.
And make no mistake I do not discriminate here, once I do not know
them personally. But think, how is this possible, on one hand, with
your every day profession to contribute into the fakeness and lie,
such as the political correctness is, and the other hand to expect
enlightenment? Except if they do it as a hobby. That, yes, I reckon.
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I know I am being silly, I should be civilized. But, thank God, that

Holy Grace who gave me the good fortune to be in this country so I
can say anything I want, plus He gave me the fortune to be financially
independent (at least for now, right?) so I can say anything I want, and
lastly, He gave me the good fortune to be so confidently aggressive that
I can say anything I want. So, I have to act according to my nature and
the triple fortune given me, not against those, dont you agree?
I mean, many people, that I never paid attention to, have amazed me
in the past; yes, they had an impact on me and I have changed my way
of thinking a lot. Once again, this may be so with those women that I
do not know yet. But that doesnt make any difference on how todays
world works. I am telling you, this team, what a beauty. Spiritual one.
What a beauty!!!
Well, I very well know that all differences are to stick me in this world
and make me work more. The challenge is there and I am not denying
it, no matter what I PERSONALLY think.
Yes, besides what my personality thinks, I agree you should take the
book there and do, with it, as you wish, as you think better, in plain
view and absolute liberty. Do whatever you want, do not think of me at
the rear scene. Do not even ask me.
Not that I do not want to participate, but since you posses it, it is yours.
It is not mine. What is mine is here with me, it is not there with you.
What is there with you is yours only.
And do not distract me again by returning to all this socialistic ... haa,
things that are mine, but are yours, too or they belong to both and
so on. Forget this reply by me. Just do it as if I never told you anything,
you got it all on your own, this is the truth. You have chosen to live
with all these socialistic acquired characteristics like compassion,
sharing, distributing, volunteering, offering and whatever else I forget,
forgive me, however, it doesnt mean that the book is mine.
You got it on your own, no explanations required. Period.
So, my opinion is that you should offer the book to your colleagues in
full. You do it, you choose how, you choose what, you decide when,
100% on your own. Ill be glad to print anything you want if you do not
have it in the form I do. No expenses need be reimbursed, because Ill
be glad to see it being spread around. Especially to the team that you
are thankful and pleased to be with, it doesnt matter what I believe
about them, it is not personal, it is a criticism of how things work today
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and how the damn society operates, thats all. It is not against anyone.
The poor women, maybe they are thirsty to learn and never found
anything right to do, do you know what I mean?
Maybe I am the one who is wrong. Personalities, diversity. It doesnt
matter. In mythology, Zeus made the worst decisions and brought
a mess upon Olympus, ha-ha. In Bhagavad-Gita, the Kings lost the
kingdom in a game of dice and finally fought against relatives and
teachers in Kurukshetra. So, if in the scriptures, the people in charge
made such big mistakes, do not worry what I think, or what your
colleagues will think about me.
Personalities count only on how we approach the divine as you very
well said, not as personalities themselves. I do not care what I think
about them, and I do not care what they think about me. Yes, my
opinion is that they are a team of fools if after so many years in seeking,
the doctor still thinks that there is a doctorate in spirituality, the
volunteer minister thinks that there can be any meaning in volunteer
work and a woman minister, and the social workers think they have a
profession that offers to society work worth getting paid for.
Especially, if after practicing the In (if ever), they still continue to
believe this crap in, I should commit suicide like Boltzmann did, as
having presented the theory of failure, the In. Haaa, ha good, huh?
Just keep me informed, if you want. I would like to know how some
people out of our loop think about it. Let me know what you want me
to do. Print? How many copies? Up to what page? When? And so on.
As you very well said it, you should read it all to them or let them read it
all. And you handle the explanations. Let them read or hear even what I
am saying here today about them. At one point or when you decide.
It is true, if they want to read it, they should read it all. This is my
opinion, they can even say no to all, or yes to all. Do not start screening
what they should know or read. It should be all or nothing. This is my
idea and I am persistently repeating it because I want, from now on, to
make clear my attitude in regards of the same questions with the public,
when the book Is finally edited and published. The thing is not to avoid
the fight or the contradiction and support this sociopathic pacifism.
Thats crap.

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Things go through war and war is the father of all things (Heraclitus),
my favorite one. He was before Socrates and I think everybody else was
influenced by him. So allow me this little reference.
According to Heraclitus, there was no permanent reality except the
reality of change; permanence was an illusion of the senses. He
taught that all things carried with them their opposites, that death
was potential in life, that being and not-being were part of every
wholetherefore, the only possible real state was the transitional one
of becoming. He believed fire to be the underlying substance of the
universe and all other elements transformations of it. He identified life
and reason with fire and believed that no man had a soul of his own,
that each shared in a universal soul-fire. Great!!! He is named the
father of war. He said:

. Everything flows, nothing stands still.

You are at war yourself. You cannot proceed if you do not get through the
changes. The final changes are in the body. Again, the body will suffer all
changes. The body shall adjust to the new environment in Essence.
There you see what is happening in In. This will go forever. It will go
until the body becomes divine in full accordance with Essence. It is a
tool to be used and you will be done, not when you will be united with
Essence, but when your body will be fully adjusted with Essence. Even
when you are united, you will still suffer, actually you will suffer the
most then, to get the body adjusted.
Like when you navigate with the boat. No matter if you know all about
opening a boat, no matter if you are the best captain, no matter what
experience you have, the only thing that matters is if the propeller is in
accordance with the boat. The tail, the last item. Your body is the outer
point, the propeller.
All the work will reflect on that.

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You will be sick, you will be fainting, you will have no energy, you will
be hot in the middle of the winter, you will be swollen, you will be
freezing in the summer, you will be vomiting, you will have twitches in
your legs, you will be suffering from itching, you will be choking from
a dried throat, you will be breathless, you will fall asleep without even
knowing it, you will be drooling from the mouth, you will be losing
control of the stools.
I am not kidding and I didnt list anything that hasnt happened to me
already. In five words, one per each Gospel, You Will Be At War.
All your observations are welcome. Be precise. Meanwhile, by getting
through all this mess, you will feel happier, younger and healthier.
Stronger, too, physically.
You Are At War. Anytime, you could quit, but can you? haaaa.

My friend, I just finished reading the last book. Impressive.

Actually, as a whole, I see very little to edit, to protect us from the
vultures. Excuse my waterfall of doubt and fear.

I thought the women would crack you up!!!

They may want to meet you if they read our dialogue. Could you
handle it? Haaaa. This is cracking me up!! What would you do with
four spiritual women? Haaaa. This is too much. The laughing is
helping my 8th chakra. Haa.
They pray for peace every day. And here you talk about war.
Hilarious ... so funny ... how can you pray for a terrorist? Haaaa. To
Allah or to Essence? Haaa. I am cracking up!! You should go and get
your PhD in spirituality. Go for it ... haaaaa. Do you think Shambhala
would publish the stuff about Black Mecca? Haaaa.
Heaven help us ... we are going to be arrested by the politically correct
police ... Shambhala is probably bound to be politically correct. All
publishers probably are ... how are we going to get away with this? You
see, I know how to edit myself in a way. I could make it look good.
My wife is an English major with a masters from Emory. She could
edit it, though she has no free time now.
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Editing is no big deal; getting it to read like something a publisher

would publish is the big deal. They may tell us to change this, that,
or whatever. Im telling you. Likely it would have to have all that
political correctness before they would publish it.
I am still laughing. You are just pointing out how people really are.
Deep inside they have a lot of opinions that do not fit with, as you
say, the socialist mentality. The civilization is just a veneer, especially
when the darkness is hidden with it.
In fact, if we published it like it is, if any of my friends or family
read it they will hate me, or more importantly, they would let their
emotions block them from seeing the main point of the dialogues; the
In. Or my profession would.
It is true; we probably do not think the same way about some things,
though we agree on a lot politically, etc. Does that really matter? No,
but people with their own perspectives, though maybe narrow, would
probably pick one little thing that offended them and write off the
rest as non-credible. Do you see?
My point is: If you want to avoid the vultures you have to be careful.
You cannot give them all of it without them dismissing the good part
(the In). This is my lesson to you ... submitted respectfully ... this is the
foxy part of me ... should you or I let our private beliefs about things
that are so controversial mix into the main aim, to get across the In?
There you have my opinion. However, as I said, I can handle it with the
group since I know them ... but I dont know if I can handle the world.
Dont you see, I have not been doing this long. In fact your last 3
emails are so rich that I am still absorbing them. It is a lot to deal
with, and thinking about all that controversy adds to it. So, you are
dealing with me and my limits, arent you? I like this war, though,
with us. It is amazing. Now I think I see how the students and the
gurus have trouble. The students are so admiring of the guru that they
wont go to war with him. But you and me, we can go to war with each
other and come up with a synthesis that is better than what we started
with. I hope you take this respectfully, but just illustrating to you that
Heraclitus is at work with us, as well as with the real world. Haaaaa.
Understand that I see your reasoning in all or any of the controversial
parts, and they make a lot of sense. That is what is so amazing about
it. This culture that we live in here is no culture at all. Just a bunch of
idiots going around trying to be correct, loving, etc. It is disgusting
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to see all of the stupidity. All of this lack of responsibility, victim

mentality, naivete, entitlement, is sickening. (Maybe we could sneak
some of the controversy in. Haaaa). You see , I agree with you a lot.
Now, I have not forgotten your questions in the past 3 emails. And I
was enjoying the In. ha Now, where do I go from here?
Do I have to lose it? Or my self?

Since they are women (1), since they are thoughtful women (2), since
they are liberals like the society is (3) and since this is a pilot test
(4), I still think they should hear it all, even these last parts, too. After
that, we shall see. I do not mind either way. I trust your judgment more
than mine, believe me. I think though, the important thing is not to
spread the word about the In, it is to shake the system up. You see, I
do not care about the music when I go to a music festival, I go for the
sensation of it, for the brouhaha, for the spirit of it.
And the spirit here, I think, is to shake the existing system, not to
establish another one. Once, I think the existing system is like a coin,
which has two sides, the spiritual one with the systematic church and
the social one with the political correct daily life, separated from each
other only by 1/16 of an inch, I think, both should be shaken.
But I am counting on you to find the right way to do it, I am counting
on you to find the synthesis of my perspective and yours.
My friend is here today and she heard all about our venture; you know
the female advisor that I use. She said I am wrong and she sides with
you. She was trying to support her argument by telling me Sam, you
are the artist and the artist can never sell his art. You should leave it to
Richard, he is right. But I jumped on her saying, I am not the artist, I
am the art and I get abused from artists. She cracked up with laughter.
End of story.
I think you will find the synthesis of your foxy way (its true) and my
war way, too.
I think, really, we shouldnt change anything. First of all, I do not mind
how successful the book will be or how many people will get the In.
Secondly, you should look at organizations that are complying with our
points of views, i.e., conservative ones. I do not think that Shambhala
is our only solution. Get somebody that wants to see the conservative
spirituality hit the doors of the society and other organizations. Email
and ask them to help you with publishing conservative materials.
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Do not worry about your body adjustments. I forgot to tell you that the
end of the story is when you adjust your body to the point it can be
resurrected. And of course we can still learn after its death, we do not
need to come back here. But we come anyway, to get the body adjusted
until that point. So do not worry about timing, if you do not finish now,
you will come back until you finally get your body adjusted. The work
continues not until you get united with Essence, but until you get your
body completely and fully transformed in Essence, transformed from
earthly and material to divine and spiritual.
You can be united in Essence and enlightened in a really short time.
You will still come back to get that new body transformed in the same
nature as your real self is. This is why you have seen all divine entities
and teachers coming back.
And, yes, Id meet your group, anytime, if your question was serious.
For sure Id especially meet them if your question wasnt serious. Haaa

Now I have at least 4 emails from you that I have not practiced or
taken time to think about much. The last one about body adjustments.
I do see this from practice that the body is adjusting to the practice,
for sure. That is all I know for now. At least I think that that is an
explanation that surely makes the pain and obstacles worthwhile,
instead of meaningless, as before. This comes from the practice of the
In. That is getting more clear.
How do you know all this outcome stuff, though? It sounds like
theology, or belief systems. I am not doubting that it could be true.
Believe me, I hope it is. But how do you know? Epistemology again.
Is this what you believe? If so, why not believe in going to heaven or
something like that? Coming back and getting the body transformed
is just as much a belief as going to heaven to be with God where the
streets are paved with gold, etc. Am I missing something? I really tend
to go the way you are talking; it fits more with science, math, physics,
I think. More believable.
In a way I would like to know what happens when we die, but it is all
speculation. What divine entities and teachers have come back?
Dali Lama? Buddhist reincarnations?
Sorry, my cynical self is emerging. Dont take it personally; I know
you dont and that is what I like about the dialogue. And it is an
interesting dialogue. I could see people looking at this one and saying,
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wow, look at this back and forth question and doubt and answers
and no answers. What is the truth? What is the right way to approach
things? What should I believe or not believe, etc. etc. We are throwing
it out there for sure. I love it. I think you are saying if you practice
you see things you could not see if you did not practice. Right?

Thank you for your confidence. The idea of finding the synthesis of the
foxy way and war way is a good idea. The warrior and the magician.
Ha ... let alone the king and lover (four Jungian archetypes).
If you are the art, and the result of In is finished art, then you have
become non-conceptual yourself. Which is just a natural occurrence.
Indefinable. One projects onto the art whatever is in his mind, or
heart or body. Right? I do understand your viewpoint. But can art
have an opinion if it is non-conceptual? Haaa. Or does art have an
opinion about politics, women, etc.?
Think of what happened to Jesus when he shook the system up. They
made a religion out of it, a systematic church and social movement.
So do you want to shake them up and run the risk that you would
start a new religion or do you just want to gently give them something
that they cannot refute -- your overwhelming logic and simplicity ?
Just messing with you. Back to work.
Either way you would meet them. Haaaa. Three of them are not
married. Haaaaaaaa. Do spiritual women have as much trouble with
men as spiritual men have with women? Haaa. This is fun!!
Who knows, the question could be serious. This weeks meeting was
cancelled. Id say let me talk about it first with them and then see how
interested they may be in the dialogue.
Then we will copy the dialogue if they choose to look at it. Who
knows, maybe they would want to meet you. You would have to be
smudged at the door. Haaaa (purified and protected).

Ive never seen spiritual women in my life. Ive seen spiritual men, not
women yet. Of course, they are in that field too, like in every other field
these later years. Well, my daughter of 10 years old will vote in a short
while for the school board, but it doesnt make her a politically aware
person, nor a real voter either. It is a training activity, not a real one, right?
I see spiritual women like that, yes.

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I am not that interested in meeting people to promote the In. Only

if you asked me to would I do it. I cannot just run around because I
should promote the idea.
I care if I will be aware of it by the time of my death (or scared as hell).
I care if I will be aware by the time of the next birth, so in both cases I
wont forget the In.
I care if in my next reincarnation I will be able to bring up the In and
all the beauty of it and so on.
I care if this beautiful thing will happen again, as it has happened now in
this life, or if I will be a silly being lost in material pathos. I may sound
silly, but everybody is attached to something, and I am attached to that.
This vomiting habit that I have had for some 15 years now, woke me up
wondering how such things work and how some things are transferable
to the next reincarnation, so I am working on that now.
So, if I come to a meeting, it is because I will have your request, I will
know you are there, that I am doing it for you. If they ask me to meet
with them, but you are not there, I am not coming. You see, things do
not work as they appear to. I have taught before.
I am not going to do it if I do not know that somebody who is really
interested, is there. I need to know that somebody who understands
and is really interested is going to be present. And this is you. I do not
know anybody else so far.
So if I come, yes, I may answer some questions or talk about it in
general, but I will come for you and I will talk through you. I am trying
to make sure that it is not about anybody else, it is about you and I trust
you absolutely.
If they find it beneficial, it is because of you, not because of me.
About art, it was a joke to avoid my friends correct comment, once
she doesnt know that my effort is always on both parts of the dual
by synthesis. But still, I referred earlier that politics is the art of the
feasible. That should remind you, since I know you know it, of a
different perspective of what art is. I told you, in a few words, what
most of the people do or support today, I do just the opposite and I am
about 98% in the right direction. It is the same with art.
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98% of the people do or believe in something. If you do the opposite

you will be 98% in the right direction. Isnt it amazing? Haa.
We can establish our own publishing house. Be sure, I think I can do it.
In the army, whenever we needed permission to exit from the base and
go have fun, it was better to know the lieutenant who was in charge
than to know the general.
It is the same here. We need to know the distributor, the guy who
has the contacts to put the book on the shelves, not the general (the
publisher). Excuse me, but I do not know much, only lately did I start
asking a few questions around and really not that much in details.
But conservative TV channels do not need to know the whole aspect.
If they read only the parts of the book that are against socialistic
and sociopathic points, they will help you to proceed. They are not
publishers on their own, I know that. But, if they get a nice copy and
call you for a live interview, then it is easier to find a publisher.
We should make the publisher come to us, asking; not the other way
around. There are a lot of ways around this, you just have to think like
a hungry wolf in the winter; you have to eat, no matter what. Thats our
attitude for now.
Ill get more involved a bit later. Right now I have to schedule a trip to
England, a trip to Greece and work for my guys for all these months.
I am not too worried for now, because I have to go another two steps
with you before this stage (book) is over.
The last 4 emails are actually one aspect. Still, I have to go over another
two steps and it looks like it is going to be another 300 pages before we
reach that point ... ha. We are already 280, haa ha, my friend.
Marx: the change on the quantity brings the upgrade on the quality,
haaa. Did we include any communist philosophy in here yet, so we can
please some liberal publishing houses? I easily can do that , as I used
to be in the Communist Youth Party for some years as a propaganda
leader, enlightening people, an instructor. I had studied his theory and I
was the only one on the frontage. I am cracking up again, it reminds me
of some days in the past!!!
Well it happened, I believed in communism and was thinking that it
was the purest ideology that ever happened on earth!!! So, at some
point I discovered that if the Marxs spiral development theory was
true, it would lead to the permanent collapse of communism and
forever reinstate capitalism.
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I went (thats wrong if you are in a communist party), to the leaders,

supposedly they were the wise guys who knew it all, and told them
my discovery, happy that I was somewhat of a genius to find out this
hidden spot.
I remember that blonde guy with the blonde mustache, he told me
brother, you are right, but stay here with us to find the solution. I
was so pure, I would still be with them today, but somehow I managed
to wonder why he answered so fast, I had the impression that he
didnt even understand what I told them. It was 1978 or so. I had even
calculated, with math, the timing of the rounds of the spiral growth for
the communist system (I am not kidding) and had concluded that if I
was correct, the communist system would collapse within 10-12 years.
Ohhh my friend, I was so angry with myself, I was so frustrated, that
once again I thought I was the stupidest thing in this world, when in
1989, 11 years later, communism collapsed, the wall was ripped down
and I thought if I had written this somewhere, i.e. in a magazine, just
to be officially filed and proved, how famous Id be by now and how
much sense that would make.
I still remember, how stupid I felt about myself, for weeks, thinking
why was I so innocent in those days, huh?
You see, I knew I was right, I just left the party and I told them goodbye.
I was proud of myself to have made this discovery and kept it in the
drawer, just feeling good. Thats all. Is that stupid or what? This is
why I now want to publish this book, not that it is going to make sense
now, but to secure things for some 10 years down the road. Its a family
characteristic anyway. My father used to say things regarding economics,
politics, family and so on that would be proved correct some 7-10 years
down the road!!! Its a family thing ... haaaa. He died, I took over ... haaaa.
But anyway, I was glad to see that again (as per Heraclitus) all things
carried with them their opposites, so Marxs ideology was including its
funeral as well. I am very happy with the rough path I have followed in
my life, no verifications needed. Wolf!!!
So here, we are at page 280, (note to the reader: fonts, design have
changed this number), and I hope the quantity will bring the quality
upgrade, but at the same time I am trying to find where the funeral
item is in our book ... haaaa.
I know that you are trying to digest the last four emails. It is too much
there. I am telling you the last four are a whole life in themselves. You
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were asking too much, I think you are a very keen and candid seeker,
you are a true one. I wrote so much even though I felt myself distracted
by doing this and I told you that.
Today was the first day to sleep well, to find some balance, since I
wrote all that. I remember, I was writing those things and was losing
my concentration and body awareness by persisting to do something
that I didnt really want to do. Anyway, go over it very slowly. There are
important, really sharp points there. We will go back in the coming weeks,
with your observations, just attach the part you are working on, each time.
Well, Jesus shook the system and became the system because people
knew who did it. Him. Why is Thomas not even known? Think.
Nobody knows who wrote the Thomas Gospel, right? Why did
Buddhism become a system? Because they know the person. Why is
Socrates a system vs. Heraclitus? Because Socrates spoke about the
one God, Heraclitus said the only permanent thing is the change ...
haaa. Maybe also, because Heraclitus is the war father.
Listen, get it right. In is behind all existing systems. It doesnt affect any
established system. Anybody can continue with what they do already.
Is one shamanist? He can do the same thing, In. Is one Christian? He
can do the same thing, In. Is one satanist? He can do the same thing,
In. In is the quantum view behind all systems. When you personally
experience precisely the next step, which is the In outside, Ill show
you what I mean. The In is behind all traditions and allows them to
exist, like it happened with the quantum theory by Einstein.
If one is atheist he can still be atheist, just knowing that when he rejects
God, where is this rejected God located? in the In!!!! If one is pagan
he can still be pagan, just knowing that the river he sees is in his eye,
not out there in 2 yards distance!!! If one is pantheist, he can still be
pantheist, just knowing that, once all things are out there, then his wife
is outside of him, even when he thinks she is in the house!!! Thats all!!!
It is so easy. In is only expressed by word, only approached by logic, the
only location of everybodys belief. So In is the smallest unit (= atom, by
Einstein) that consists of any spirit (material, by Einstein). End of story.
So where do you see the system? They can even reject it. I am cracking
up laughing again ... They will still live in somewhere, in a room!!!
They will still think in their mind!!! They will still be in a hospital ...
haaaa!!! They will still end up in a grave ... brrr!!! All their life will still
be In. Let them reject it.
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Once you and I will express it, nobody will ever sleep in peace, because
they live in In and somebody (us) pointed this out. Do you understand? I
just want to be unknown and observe the seething it will bring, I still just
want to drink my beer and watch a silly adventure on TV, being unknown
among them and watch the boiling. Thats all!! Is this too much?
You are correct about doubting or questioning how do I get some out
of experience quotes of mine. Let me tell you. Always when expressing
stuff in word, there are some expressions that are not accurate; they
are there to just decorate the writing or talking. This is how you should
explain my points of view, like reincarnation and all.
It may not sound accurate, but it also doesnt hurt your practice. Its
like, although you know that what you see in the cinema is fake, you
still go to see a movie and you come out happy that once again the
good guy defeated the bad guy; it doesnt hurt your life, right?
But then again, real observations, like the adjustment of the body after
each and every practice leads one to some conclusions.
For example, you are used to inhaling air to get oxygen for keeping
yourself alive.
It is a habit, automatically occurring, right? But if you learn that CO2 is
the cause of death, and if you learn that this is what you exhale while
breathing, then you may be a bit smarter and CONCLUDE that when
you run and you need more air, it is not only how much more you can
inhale (so as to get more oxygen), but is also a smart idea if you push
out (the most you can) the CO2.
Of course, youve been sleeping all your life and never thought about
it, never concluded that before. But when you dive underwater (here
you go your Navy Seal friend finally, haa), once, from the valve in your
mouth comes only a certain quantity of air is available, you need to
find a solution. Many divers quit with breathing problems, many!!! It
is not the breathing problems, it is not the anxiety that comes with it.
All this is normal, even the anxiety, because you feel the insufficiency
of the inhaling through the valve air. The point is to conclude. To push
the CO2 out so as to get out even the smallest quantity of it, so then you
do not feel tired or that you need more air.
In a few words, if you breath normally, you will fail. But, if you get in
the middle of your (normally known as autonomic) breathing and you
purposely push to inhale and you purposely push to exhale, as if you
are dying now, like you do not have enough air, push (with a groan) to
inhale, push (with a groan) to exhale, then you survive. Nobody tells
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you that, because they do not want to scare you. You have to find that
conclusion on your own.
It is the same with swimming. If you breath normally, you will never
make it. But, if you breathe with a groan you never get tired.
In other words, if you wait to see things you will never get it. But, if
you use a little bit of information and then analogically conclude, then
you get it right, here-now.
It is the same here with spirituality. For example, lets refer to my
statements about the importance of the body. When I see that I have
united with a specific range of the In, and the only time that stays with
me is after my body has passed all the hell I described before, and after
my body gets adjusted with the In only then does the In becomes me,
what do you want me to assume? That the body, this temporary tool, is
very important, right?
Now, if by the time you have this experience, it also happened that a
friend of yours to email you ... If the spirit exists because of the body it
is a miracle of miracles ... what do you understand right there?
As you now know the In, do you understand better Jesus saying my
Fathers kingdom is here on earth? If yes, what do you understand
about it? Did you see it? No. But you still feel even better, that Jesus
was right to say it, once In is here on earth, and this earth is built in
only one way: to teach us the In, right?
As you now understand the practice, look at what is in front of your
face, do you understand that the view, wherever you are right now,
that this view in front of your face, is the entry to In? Yes, you do; and
you do practice it, if not today, tomorrow. And you feel that is the right
thing to do. But if I ask you, did you see the air in front of your face?
you are going to tell me No; then exactly right there is where your
practice collapses, even while you feel you are doing great. Because you
didnt see the air in front of your face, even though it is there. But, how
do you know the air is there? You feel it. Did you feel it in that moment
of the practice? No. Why? Because you didnt see the view in front of
your face. But (you still insist) I saw the view!! Yes, but you didnt
see it in front of your face, you saw it outside of your face, at front !!!
Haaaa. It is different to see the view in front of your face and different
to see the view outside of your face at the front, right? So, what do you
think now, how do I know this to be true?

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And one last point, is the one we still live with, in the dark, in Greece.
In Greek we have a Jesus saying which is like Have faith and do not
seek. Well that do not, that denial part, in Greek is the word
which sounds exactly like me and means do not.
Now there is another word which is spelled and also sounds
exactly like me, but this one means me. So in Greek you can say,
Have faith and (do not) seek, OR you can say, Have faith and
(me) seek.
Now, I will stop my dialogue with you here, and I will not want to talk
to you again, if I ask you which option (from the above two) has been
enforced, has prevailed and all people believe as correct throughout the
centuries, and you give me the wrong answer!!! So all those years, in
my youth, I did believe the prevailing one, the wrong one.
I never met the correct one, I never heard anything, I never thought
about it. At a point and after decades of practice, the correct one
popped into my mind.
I have never come across it anywhere, not even on the Internet, even
though I looked for it. Nobody has confirmed it that what I thought is
correct.
But when a priest, friend of mine, asked me, Why do you never come
to the church? and I answered him, Because, generally speaking, you
all lie to people all the time. He then asked me, How do I lie? and I
said, Not intentionally, but because of the formality; for example, you
tell them that Jesus said, Have faith and do not seek, instead of telling
them that Jesus said, Have faith and me seek.
He left with his head down, no questions asked!! He should have asked
me at least, What do you mean? Right? Do you think he knew it
already? Haaaa. You, my friend, you excite me with your questions and
doubts ... haaaaa.
I think I gave you many examples and options, enough to cover your
question, how do I know these things. Although, such questions
should never be asked once you have one good choice to practice
things yourself (which means never believing what I say) and you have
an even better choice to reject not only what I say but also me too, to
the fullest extent ... haaaa.
I also hope that you understand these answers are not given for you
because I know you, but for those that I do not know, whoever they are,
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even as I know they are surely coming to eat my liver that will re-grow
every night. Okay?
You asked, Now, where do I go from here? Do I have to lose it? Or
myself?. My answer was given. Again:
So where are you in the In? Who are you in the In?
You have to get rid of the In, in your mind, without losing it.
If the spirit exists because of the body it is a miracle of miracles (that
you got in the In because of your body; and add now: do not lose it ... and
also add: but) wretched is the soul that is dependent on them both.
Where are you?
In a few words, you gave me the answers (as per Heraclitus again). You
came to question me with your answers. In the same email in which you
asked me these questions, you attached your answers. You told me (from
Thomas) it is a miracle of miracles if the spirit exists because of the body.
So what does that tell you? Do not forget your body, right? Because it is
best if the In exists because of your body, right? If you are only seeing the
In, then you are attached to it, then you are a wretched soul.
You also told me that wretched is the soul that is dependent on them both,
which means you cannot be attached to the In, nor to your body, right?
Use the senses of the body. Do not forget your body. I told you very,
very early, about the downloading and the driving example, if you
recall. Get back to your body even when you face God in all his glory.
Everything, even the In, even God, wants you to download Him, in
your body. If you wont, you will be seeing Him outside of you (even a
few inches in front of you) and it will kill you.
Learn to do that even at the moment of death. This is why we practice
all our life, to do it that moment that we will be scared to hell.
Do not ask me again, how do I know that, if I have done that. You know
I have.

So, you are saying that for sure you do not want the book to show
who did it. If I am the recipient of the knowledge of the In, and if
the book shows how it is there with and for everyone, then you do
not want the credit. Right? The In is behind all existing systems and,
I agree, should not be promoted. It should be available for people
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to do whatever they will with it. I think, though, if people really got
interested it could become another system. How could I avoid that
if my name was on it? Should we just publish it anonymously? Use
neither name, or would one name give it more credibility?
Perhaps it is too early to answer that. I agree. There is a lot to do,
to practice; I was getting concerned that I was pushing too fast,
becoming too obsessed about this, though you know I have been
excited being out of the void, thanks to our dialogues. I trust that
things will unfold if we stay with the In.
Whether you are in England or Greece they will unfold.
For you and for me.
I could answer all your questions in this email, like it is a training
activity, not a real one for women. I really dont know; all I have said
before is that I would not want the In to be lost in reactions to politics
or correctness, which is what unfortunately our culture is doing all
the time now with stupid ideologies. I think we can bring it forth.
By the way, I dont think I could date a therapist, or social worker, or
whatever either. I have never participated with psychologists much
because I do not like most of them!! In that respect I have been sort of
a lone wolf.
However this ends up, you know that I am eternally grateful to you
for your beautiful mind and sharing it with me. Not socialist; just
practical applicable results and gratitude for our meeting.
I will practice and consider the questions.
When do you go to England, etc.?

I will still persist, I do not know about using our names and all. An
agent, or publisher, or a house, or a friend will tell us. Somebody
needs to read it first, I think. Usually they send some copies to a few
big shot persons. We may need to do the same thing. What you do
with the group, we will do with the big society group. A few people
should read it first. But before, we may need the patent or copyright
registration. Ill tell you when I find some time.
England? End of September.
Greece? After I come back, may be on Christmas. I may be able to get
with the publishing earlier, though, maybe next week or so.

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I see the good sources you have found. I have been real busy and will
be going out of town Fri. through Sun.
I wish I had the time to put into this and I will when I get time; you
do what you can. It is possible that we have enough in what you have
printed to give them some idea of the content and whether they would
be interested, even without any editing.
Go for it and I will do what I can, and lets keep each other posted. If
you want me to talk on the phone or anything like that let me know.
Or send them a doctor letter or whatever.
Haaaa, PhD letter?
Whatever we need to do.

The have faith and seek or do not seek is interesting. You open up
so many things when you write. I grew up believing once saved,
always saved.
This meant that when you professed faith that you had salvation.
Then you went to church to grow in the Lord, to do His will
or whatever. I went to a Sunday School class as an adult for years
though and we went farther. We were seekers in a sense; not like you
and me now, but we tried to go beyond the not seeking.
The class which was in a Baptist Church was called the Pilgrims
and still is. Only a few came; we were the mavericks, the lone wolves,
the weird ones ... it was good, but we never got into realization as the
seeking. Just occasionally studying the mystics, devotional life, etc. No
aim to it much. It was better than no seeking at all, I tell you.
But I never got out of the void, as you know.
This distinction, the different ways is in my poem, Two Ways.
This is a key, very important key to what we are doing. Practice not
faith, but faith from practice. Not credo ut intelligam (I believe in
order to understand) Augustine; not intelligam ut credo (Aquinas).
Understand in order to believe, but (Sotiris) Practice in order to
believe. Right? Or seek, practice, seek ye first the kingdom of God
and all other things will be added unto you....
Got to go now. Work tomorrow. I know it will unfold. I am just
enjoying the In. Thats all I can do now, though I am rereading your
last emails. Take care, my friend.
Interestingly, this morning I felt a great sadness when I read your last
email. I am not sure why. It was not a defeated depressed sadness, just
a loss, bittersweet sadness. Here I go again with the emotions. I will
observe it more.

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I believe in order to understand, Augustine.

Understand in order to believe, Aquinas.
I Understand how I understand, Sam- Richard, ha-ha.

Sam, I hope you and I are clear. You say you trust me absolutely. You
have to trust me to edit the book; no way will I put my name on it
or even cooperate with it if we leave obviously controversial issues
related to culture, gender, establishment, etc. I really dont want to be
involved without my name. Of course you can do what you wish with
it, but unedited, just leave me out.
I agree with you about most of it; dont get me wrong. But I know how
people are. You have to trust the psychologist in me. They will not see
the In for all the other. I know you dont care; I dont care either whether
they see it. Not the point. The point is that my interest is in the In, not in
any other agenda, such as shaking them up, etc. If you have an ax to
grind I will not be a part of it. I know the culture is crazy. But that is a
separate book, maybe several books. What is your aim? Haaa
You ask me that. My aim is clear. I think that your ideas and our
dialogue in discussing the In is a wonderful approach to deeper level
realization that could apply, as you say, to any system. If we could get
it across well, that In itself is tremendously controversial. I am telling
you. It is NOT conservative. It could shake a lot of people up!! Just the
In!!! The fundamentalists would probably go crazy unless the wording
would be something they could not refute. If we tag on a lot of stuff, like
women different, etc., they would love it. They believe that anyway.
Women arent supposed to be ministers, etc. My credibility would be
gone. People would laugh at me. This is another book; I am telling you.
So, bottom line. I will not be any part of anything outside of taking
what we have and presenting it in the best manner; I have some good
ideas about that. An editor would not really know what to edit. They
do not know enough about what we are doing. It is up to us to agree
on what we will present. I am not sure that we do. Thats it.
(We cannot talk about communist parties, etc. No big deal to me, but
red flags to even conservatives.)
I am saying all of this respectfully. But if you insist on doing all the
politics and women stuff in the book I do not want to be a part of it.
However, not that we have to avoid the issues completely; they just
have to be set up as more of something for someone to think about,

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not rebel against. Sorry, but my reputation is all I have. I do care

about it. This is a primary point.
I am a common man with a family, who is older, who sees something
for the first time in his life, who is just as you say a compassionate
civilized being, who is willing to learn the In. Amazing in itself and
applicable to anybody in many ways. Not some esoteric monk sitting
in an ashram eating bean sprouts and chanting ... See? Haaaaa.
We may be on the same page. I just wanted again to make it clear. I do
not want to rush into publishing, although I know what I am saying
will take more time. I am willing to put the time into it, with your
feedback, all the way; I just am somewhat limited since I work, go out
of town, etc. If I really focus, though, who knows what I can turn out?
Is our aim clear? Yeah, maybe some big shot could read it like it is or
my group. I know how they will react, though they will not kill me. Ha.
They, as liberal minded as they are, and believe me they are, would
resist the woman stuff so much that they would only be thinking about
that since their emotions, as you so much would say, would get in their
way of seeing the fundamental truth of the book. Thats it. Period.
So they would remember the woman stuff, and resist the main point.
Even they. I could not even find a man who would not resist it. I am
telling you. Would the men in Greece handle it better; how about the
priests in the church? Haaaa
I am not operating from fear, but from Heraclitus inspiration. Thanks
to you. Haaaa. I am overcoming fear with the Innnnnnnn. Good! Haa.

I always, when talking to you about the book, said I think ... and also
it is yours, do whatever you want ...
Statements like this still remain, which means I will still be stubborn,
you will still be civilized. It means, you do whatever you want, I wont
resist or bother you, or go against you. You are the one to be obeyed in
this matter. Like the wife in the matter of family and marriage, haaaaa.
But I will still keep my goal alive, as stubborn, I will work to find my
way around, I will work to find the synthesis of both, I will see how
and when I will shake them up, haaa.
Come on now, this society shook me up for 30 years and you want me
to forget!!! Haaa. How can I do that? Just think I have lived only 48 so
far and the 30 were a torture.
Again, 48:30 = 1.6 wwoooww ... and I was ready to add some simple
math about the number 1,618 (the number of analogy) and the number
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28,8 (the number of transition to another level of life), thinking to prove

to you why the 10,000 souls that Plato says come back, is actually 8,294
years. Haa, haa.

What society shook you up? Greece? Maybe I do not fully get what
your goal is. I am not asking you to forget anything, my friend.
It was good to speak to you; excuse my excitement. What did they do
to you? What is the synthesis of both?
Regarding the editing; do you have a CD with the book on it so I could
hopefully download it onto my computer to do the editing, at least get a
start? Please keep a copy of the original. It is the best. Haaaa
We will get Plato In, I promise. I do not want to thwart your original
aim; If I am, I will drop it and not interfere with your shaking them
up. Just tell me. I know you obey, ha, but if you resent it or if we are
not moving the way you want, let me know. I will need your support
and you will need mine if we present this, because believe me, it is
controversial in itself.
One at a time for me.
I missed on first impression that you wanted to shake somebody up;
I thought you just wanted to develop the In with me. I must have
missed the point.
The woman today is in the void. Only at 39 years old. Open to all
possibilities but smart enough and well read enough to absorb it as
you described to me. Very anxious to read it. Almost begged me. I know.
You are not interested whether they do or dont. But dont you see there
is so much more possibility for people if we can bring it forth.

Lets say that as you have some indications that something is wrong
with your body, when your body feels weak until it gets adjusted, so it
happens with the other body, the societys one. A lot of troubles will
occur until to get it is adjusted, haa. I do not mean it is somebody elses
fault, no way. Just talking funny, though seriously, that it made me
suffer, now it is my turn, haa.
You do not know that at one time I had only one sandwich to eat for a
week, in the snow, like a wolf, and I was eating only a little bite a day
just to keep up the taste and pass through the week, which of course I
didnt know it was going to last for a week, do you? It wasnt the only
one, but as we say in Greek, nice end, all becomes nice (or so).

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Well, lets make it simple. I thought after the call today, lets make it
simple. We are two, you will handle most of the books birth out there.
So I am thinking, lets be normal, use our real names there, and if I feel
I should go into hiding, I will, haaaa. Because I am planning to come
back with the social views of it, and I can see after talking with you,
that if people have first accepted the In, it would be easier for them to
rethink their social views.
I am saying that, because I was the one to collect all those emails as a
book. I knew where we were going with it since the beginning. I think
it was very early, at the end of chapter two, when I emailed to you
that this will consist of the next renaissance. Which means, yes, I was
planning so. It wasnt about developing the In, once the In was there.
Even when I reached into In, In was there and made me feel stupid;
I told you that. Of course the point wasnt the book and still is not. If
tomorrow we think that we wont publish the book, then we wont, but
we will still continue our dialogue. But once we became two, I knew
we were going to have a child together, haa.
Do not be surprised with my planning, it is in my blood. Actually, I am
not really planning, but I study numbers, schemes and possibilities just
for the records, you never know what will come up.
For example, you may be surprised if I tell you that it took me 11,111
days to get in the In, since I first started by wondering what the internal
world consisted of; on the day I remember that I had the very, very, very
first wonder in my mind, when listening to an advertisement on the
radio about a bookstore with old books, while I was playing with my
brother at the front door of my house (I ran to the store immediately).
I know you already doubt how I can be so precise with such a number,
but I will continue. I told you I was crazy about numbers since a very
early age. It took me 10,036 days to get to the In since I first started my
first practice.
Now make a note that that first book, I read, was about hypnosis and
also my first practice was about hypnosis too, not that I wanted so, but
it happened so. You still do not believe any of those and you do not
have to. Let me proceed and do not get deaf, haaa.
Do you know that the first email of this dialogue started on Jan 2, 2005?
You may. Do you know that you first got the In by logic on May 2, 2005?
You may not. But the difference between the two dates is 121 days
exactly. Now this 121 = 11x11 or 11. Of course all this acquires
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another meaning if you know what the numbers mean, if you know, for
example, what 11 means. But the point for now is that I got it in 10,036
days and you got it in 121. The analogy between the two numbers is:
10,036 (my time) = 121 (your time) x 2.88 x 28.8.
Now think about it. I may have the In, but you proved that this is
approachable, easily reached, by anyone. Do you admire me? I crack up
with laughter. Numbers talk. I got it in 10,000 days, you got it in 121.
Do you understand or you do not want to?
Haaaa ha. I told you, I am doing my own studies, you are doing
your own. Everybody has a hobby, right? I have this. Why? Well, my
inspirator, Einstein, was preaching that there is one law behind the
whole universe and he was trying to prove this fact. He died and never
succeeded in proving that. Nobody so far has either.
But on the other hand, all the rest of the scientists proved that there is
not one law behind everything, there is a probability that takes place.
Einstein believed that quantum physics was incomplete and he was
sure that one day he could find an explanation to explain the apparent
indeterminacy and so would prove that the universe is governed
by laws. His biggest fight, and finally failure, in his life, was his
attachment to the grandeur of reason incarnate. He was opposed to
Bohrs interpretation of quantum physics, according to which (Bohr
says) that matter is fundamentally indeterminate, and our knowledge of
it limited to probabilities.
Well, my friend, what I know is that if Bohr is right, then this
probability is the law (remember Heraclitus?) and so I have to try (and
who knows may succeed) to form such a law. What Bohr says proves
Einstein right, but nobody can prove Einsteins right with math. Thats
the problem. It is a challenge to me. It is a goal that makes me spend
nights and nights, with no family or friends around, and most of all
happy, alone ... haaaa.
You see, I know it is an alive In that bears the probability, but still it has
to have an expression, especially in math, right? So if I, who knows the
In, and if I, who knows some math cannot build the bridge between the
two, who am I expecting to do it? I know the reason behind it, nobody else
ever expressed it in plain regular logic and language, only me. It is the In.
Besides, I am familiar with math. If I do not do it, who is going to do it?

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For example, what relationship is between you and me? None. Natha. It
looks so and Bohr is right, we met as per a probability law, so to speak
by accident (probability) through an accident (another probability), but
still under this non-probable law: my need for your profession.
I came from 5,500 miles away, I suffered to stay, I went through a lot
you know, so I met you under a simple non-probable probability: my
need for your profession.
Now you explain to me, how can all these probabilities get in order and
in line; where I was refusing to teach anybody for such a long time, you
started a dialogue wishing me a happy new year or so, and we continued
under the probability that I may meet you again as my need for your
profession, then we continued under the non-probability of meeting
you again, we continued exploring through emails, which were building
a book, to find out that you got the In within 11 days, in analogy of the
2.88 x 28.8 to my time, which equals 2.88 x 10? Tell me how?
No big deal if you dont tell me, but I think our meeting was a good
cause to find out how the time of two probable men is coming out
non-probable, ha-ha. Or (if you wish) how the operation of a probable
universe comes out non-probable (is it? this is the seeking). It was just
a good cause to find out that maybe miracles are not miracles or that
nothing permanent than the temporary and so on. Too far?
I can accept the probability of the creation of the universe in the first
place, I am not worrying about it. But then, after that there is one law or
one system of laws.
Like between you and I, our existence (probable, therefore, not
mathematically ruled), but our time to get In (mathematically ruled), huh?
I mean, the beginning of a matter, like this between us, is always
something unexplainable, this is why we have axioms; but the
development of it comes under rules, math. Is this what Socrates was
talking about with the one God and three Fates? Probable, ha-ha.
I know, and I am telling you now, (make a note of it) that the point is not
to help people. The help is done. And the proof is done. You may not
think so, but for me it is done. Help and proof are done through you.
It is not balanced by helping people; I didnt help you. You asked me, I
answered. Thats all. I didnt help you. The fact that you were ready for
it, you were thirsty for it, doesnt mean I helped you. Not many will be
ready and this is why I am saying, help doesnt mean much.
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First of all you help somebody who is outside of something. For

example, you help somebody who sinks in the water because he is
outside (from land, in the water), and you give him a hand.
Or, you help somebody who doesnt know math, because he is outside
the area of the math. You are inside, he is outside, you help him to get
inside. The difference is there.
If you think the same way with the people about In, then you see them
outside and you have to help them to get inside the In. All this time
you do not see them inside, so you do not practice. By trying to help
you cause trouble for yourself.
If you see them inside, then you enjoy and you see no need for In to be
known or practiced, except by yourself. You see a need for yourself about
it, yes. Exactly, because this is where the ignorance is in the first place.
But once you found it, if you see the others are not in there, then you
do not see the In. So you get screwed up.
Little parentheses to show you my perspective, again you do what you
have to do. If you have helped people, then they will create a system.
Screwed. If you establish a system with that, if you get it down to
the earth with directives to economics, to politics, to relationships,
then you just express in action and reality what you have achieved.
Meaning, you first see the In and then you express what you see with it.
Simple. You do not help anything, you just roll the rock of the change,
the Heraclitus flow, the nothing more permanent than the temporary,
one more time. But you do it with enjoyment, with pleasure, with good
life, good memories and so on.
Sorry to download another seminar of ideas here. I just started this
email today to tell you that okay, we will use my real name since I am
coming with politics, economics, relations, language and math.
One reason is that I may need the support of the In book for future
editions, and secondly, I may need to distinguish from you those ideas
that are personal but true. You see, with the practice, for so many years
and especially now with the In, I see a lot of different things around.
Example, and I am even ready to talk about, this silly catastrophe that
comes from the Jewish tradition, the circumcision. Can you believe that
I can prove that this practice that is so silently spread all over the States
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kills the entire society in this country, makes the people unhappy for
the rest of their lives and this is why nobody on earth likes Americans,
without anyone ever being able to explain why, even though everything
and each one thing in this country is at least greater than any other
country on earth?
And why they do that? Just to have obedience. Thats all. Disciples!!
Like the sultans with the janissaries. Indeed, exactly. Well, it will go too
far when it starts, haaa.
But always remember. You do what you say, I agree with you anyway.
Nothing is objected, it is all a clarification to the other Sam- Richard
half, thats all.
Now,
1. What was that sadness you felt while reading that late email and
where did you feel it? What do you think that was about and why it
happened when you read that email?
2. Most important, you say you do the In outside? How? What do
you do? How do you see the In, outside? What is the In, outside?
Description, please?
Two questions, if I can ask!!!
P.S. (the 1st one, right?): I am falling apart thinking of your surprise
when in the morning you read this email ... I am falling apart laughing
my friend, but what can I do? It is your fault, anyway ... haaa.
I attached the whole book including this last email of mine. Pages 296.
Huh? (note to the reader: fonts and design have changed this number).

Thank you, my friend. I received it ... the book. I am sure you are
laughing. I am, too. You are ambitious. Great.
I do see your point about helping. It is very, very, very interesting.
Another book or 2.88 or 28.8 books!!! ha. You know, you are touching
the key to all the screwed up crap out there. People going around
trying to (help) ... the mentality of a society that is always helping.
Helping what? A helping hand, maybe. But you are right.
Once you help with the In you have lost it. I see it. Preaching
the gospel to all creatures ... why did they say that in the New
Testament? Was it already perverted by then? We should write a book
on helping. Haaa or Not helping. Haa. I knew it was time for me
to go out of business. I do not help; I just change trances; I just ask

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questions; ones that are solvable, not ones that are unsolvable, which
they come in with.
That is all I do, really, in a nice way.
What if you say: If you want the In, really want it, maybe I can teach
you to acknowledge it. If you dont you will have to just seek help
all your life.
And have faith all your life, staying dependent and stuck in the
ego ...
Yeah, the probability thing. Before I met you I thought that everything
was random. I wrote a poem called Random and gave it to a friends
wife and family. Her husband died suddenly of a heart attack at age
64; good friends. It was a strange poem, but they loved it.
It was heresy to some extent, but they liked it for some reason. It dealt
with Essence and randomness at the same time. Before I ever met you.
I said it may (the death) ... help us find our Essence place ... Nothing
about faith or God or anything ... haaaaa. I was getting ready for you.
Haaa. And these people were fundamental Baptists. Now, maybe it is
random, maybe probable, maybe improbable. Certainly our meeting
was improbable.
So, you want your name in it and the whole thing? Such as you seeing
me first, about whether you were traumatized from the shooting
and how our dialogue started that very day, that very day, about the
spiritual world, Never a patient, in many ways; just teacher-therapist
all the way. I never helped you, did I? I just showed you something
that you were ready to see, pulled it off the shelf from a library which
did not belong to me and a book which I had never read (Merton). Just
turned to the right page and then we took off. Improbable, yes. Then
I kept asking you questions, improbable, too, and look where we are
now. In In.
Answer question 1: What was the sadness and where did you feel it ... ?
I felt it in my whole body, a heaviness, mostly in my torso, actually
mostly where I feel the In when I feel it in my body; it then spread
seemingly over my whole body, in my legs, arms, head. I think it
started in my chest and went from there. I think it was triggered
by you saying something about how you would remember me; I
realized the temporary nature of life (physical), as you just said, from
Heraclitus: nothing more permanent than the temporary. It was a
feeling of loss, separation, triggering a longing for a wish that this
existence could last forever.
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Probably it was some of that sad love again that I talked about before.
It was likely related to attachment issues, with family, with our
friendship, etc. Then here you come up with the permanency of the
temporary. A deeper reality?
Question 2: What is the In outside, etc.?
I can walk out the door. I look in front of my face. I see the trees, my
car, surroundings, but I look forward only. I use the two dimensional
exercise and try to see things in front of me as two dimensional.
Figure and ground become one, in a sense.
Then I aim to go In. I seek the In in my body. The focus is on the In
inside at the same time I am seeing the outside as two dimensional.
It then seems that the outside is not so separate from the inside, so it
seems that the In is in the inside and in the outside at the same time.
It seems like more oneness. The sky, the trees, etc., are in the In with
me not I with them. It is as if the outside is a part of me, rather than
me being a part of the outside. If the tree falls, I wonder how I would
experience it. I think it would be different; before it would trigger
fear; for example, we had huge pine trees that would blow in a storm
at one time; I had them cut down because they threatened the house. I
dont know now how I would either respond or react.
Then driving sometimes, I see other people in cars differently, only if I
am In. When not seeking In, they scare me; when in In they dont.
I wish I had time to write more. Going to my country estate today, will
be back Monday.
I was thinking that I could just start the book with the real story, how
we met, etc. The ethics board may come after me and you would have
to sign a release of confidentiality if we did so. Haaa. I dont know
yet; I would take the chance, but no way would I do it without your
informed consent. Seriously.
Would we be more accessible to the vultures? No problem if we could
grow a new liver every night.
Have a good weekend. By the way, I can work the women thing in
to show a point. If women can stir men, can men stir women? into
the spiritual world? Haaaaa If so, maybe we can find the solution to
addiction. Love addiction ... haaaaaaaa. No kidding; women become
goddesses through their sexuality; men buy into it and thats all
it takes. Especially if each are trying to help... Now you will be
laughing again. I am, for sure.
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Try the In without crutches. It is okay to use the two dimensions and
anything you want, for as long as you want. But know that you have to get
it straight with no help, with an absolute understanding and connection
with it. Without this capability I cannot explain anything more.
Use any way you like, to help you understand what it is and how to
connect with it anytime. It doesnt matter if you connect to its full
extent, thats impossible anyway.
Even if the In is a bit dreamy, not clear yet, its okay.
That will protect you from burning up right away and becoming
anxious. But the connection, the capability to connect with it has to
be clear, anywhere, anytime. The capability is your choice, but its
clearance and absoluteness is its choice, not yours. It depends on
you to increase your capability, but it depends on Holy Grace to help
you see it clearly, as it is. You will see what I am saying when you are
capable of connecting straight with the In, without mediators like the
two dimensions or other techniques.
When you use the two dimensions technique, the connection starts
with the eyes, but continues with the ears. The hearing helps you
to step in. When you do it straight, without crutches, you will use a
chakra. You will not able to use anything else.
So, FORCE IT!!!! Haaaa.
I think the only thing that stirred your sadness up would be the part
that I wrote ...Now, I will stop any dialogue with you here and I do
not want to talk to you again if I ask you which option (from the above
two) has been enforced ... and/or the next paragraph that says ...such
questions should never be asked, once you have one good choice, to
practice things yourself ...
The first one is rhetoric, meaning it is obvious which one option
between the two has been enforced. It means it is so obvious that the
wrong answer, the dark option, has been enforced that if you miss it,
I will be wondering what have I been doing with this gentleman for so
long? ... haaa.
The second one is to show you once again that, since the beginning, I
have been writing to you, yes, but with the sense that we will write a
book. So many answers like this one targets people so that they will be
wondering how the heck does he know these things? Well the answer
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is, you do not ask such questions, you practice and you either see
through or you (have the choice) to say, Goodbye, you (Mr. Sam Wolf)
are an idiot. Fine. I am saying there, I hope you understand that these
answers are not given for you once I know you, but for those that I do
not know who they are, but I know they are surely coming.
So even though to stir up the sadness was a good thing, and I would
gladly repeat it (what a barbarous thing, huh?), the meaning behind it
wasnt that way, anyway. I didnt find any other part referring to any
remember you, as you say.

No, the sadness was not related to the dark options. I think it was
another email where you said something about remembering me, or
it may have been when you said I had graduated and you would hang
the statement I made over your desk. (I think it had to do with losing
the friendship, by death or whatever. Although I know that will be the
case at some point, at least the death). I cant find it now (the e-mail).
Anyway, I have been thinking a lot about the book, how to start it, etc.
I think I need to play and relax a little while; I hope you are not in a
rush for me to edit. I feel pressure on myself and I need to take it off.
Then I could do a better job. I have to curb my excitement and slow
down a little now. I have looked at 30 more pages past page 200.
I do think I can go In without the techniques now. I just seem to be
able to do it; sometimes it is easier than other times. It is hard to
do sometimes when talking to other people but I think I can do it
sometimes even in that situation. I agree; it is harder to do sometimes
when I am with my lovely wife; I get attached. Is that okay? Haa.
I do know that my lower back has been giving me a tough time. What
about this next step being a chakra? Dont answer if I am going too
fast with my questions. I get myself into trouble sometimes with my
questions. Haaa
Also, I wonder what traditions think of the body as necessary for the
downloading of Essence?

Ohhh!!! Maybe you are talking about this part ...I am not that much
interested in meeting people to promote the In. Only if you asked me to
would I do it ... I care if I will be aware of it by the time of my death (or
scared as hell), I care if I will be aware by the time of the next birth, so in
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both cases I wont forget the In. I care if in my next reincarnation I will
be able to bring up the In and all the beauty of it and so on. I care if this
beautiful thing will happen again, as it happened now in this life, or if I
will be a silly being lost in material pathos ...
Which of course, you got it right ... haaa.
You cannot do anything with that chakra, even if I tell you.
It starts working on its own, just because the In downloads the energy
into your body. You cannot stimulate it. The practice will do it.
Actually, to tell you the truth, it will start vibrating and you will also
understand much more about the In, when you talk to other people
about it. So just start talking to the women in the group. However, as I
said, I think the talking shouldnt be done to help. The talking should
happen to straighten up things that they say, but you, through the In,
will see those things differently.
I mean the group will refer to something that you see is not accurate or
not working like this through your experience with the In.
I think, we shouldnt introduce the In as we know better, or we
have a more accurate view, or we know something really strong, nor
we can help you. It is not about help. It is about being closer to the
truth. By doing this, for them, you only help yourself to come closer.
By facing the friction out there, by noticing the outer views, you bring
yourself inner. So, all discussions should be like this.
And I am sure, there are a lot of chances to do that, in any step, once
people dream even when they practice; they do not see real things. So
again, take a chance and start talking, but from real experiences, not just to
present something exciting or something new. You need to start though.
This friction, with other views, will make you understand better.
Plus when the people start trying with that, when they start working
with that, you will feel the chakra vibrating. It depends on how foxy
you will be to make them to feel curiosity and start practicing it.
Thats the point. To make them understand that In is the reality that they
know, but also the reality that they ignore and do not really know, even
though it is the gate to the internal and the place where Essence lives.
If they start working with that, you may lose sleep, you may start
vomiting, you may have to change the way you feed yourself, but also
you will live in a heaven of energy, you will see chakras going crazy,
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especially the upper ones, plus the 8th will start bothering you and
pinching even in sleep.
So you better find ways to spread the word, ha-ha.
So, describe to me, how do you do the In without techniques, what do
you do? Put it in some words, if you can.

What do I do without techniques to go In?

Well, first I get clear and decide that is what I want to do.
I may even say to myself, though not a technique, maybe, is I want
to go in. Or, I may say seek and you shall find, I am open to the
absence of Gods presence, or I am hungering and thirsting after
righteousness if I do verbalize. Or, sometimes I do not verbalize
anything internally.
I just have the aim. Then I focus visually that the In place (where) starts
in the middle of my chest, where my heart area is, where God is.
I scan what is in front of my face, kind of naturally now, and I
suppose I do sometimes think that my eyes are what is seeing, not
what I am seeing as the reality, or my skin is sensing what is outside,
not what is outside is outside. Or my ears are hearing the sounds, not
the sounds as outside, or my nose is smelling the smells, not that the
odors are separate. So the intrusions that usually occur without the In
cease to impress me.
At that point I often feel something happening that is pretty hard to
describe. I feel what seems like more energy in my entire body.
I feel empowered, and my anxiety, which I often feel before I decide to
go In, seems to subside. There is a fullness in my entire body, especially
in my chest, next in the solar plexus, and next in the lower back.
Sometimes the pain in my lower back subsides.

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