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Photos contributed by Pharan Tanveer

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Editorial Board

Rana Musa Tahir

Editor-in-Chief

Zahra Rao

Senior Editor

Ayesha Khurshid
Senior Editor

Usman Ibrahim

Design & Illustration

PLUMS Executive Council

President: Hira Qureshi
Vice President: Natasha Barlas
General Secretary: Minahil Gillani
Treasurer: Ayesha Tahir
Patron: Bilal Tanweer

Note from the Editor

You know youre doing something right when youre able
to squeeze a magazine out of passed deadlines, Natashas
are you guys going to come out with a magazine when
Ive graduated? and the general LUMS communitys refusal to acknowledge the approaching birth of Luminaire.
I forgot the positive point I was trying to make here. But
jokes apart, we hope to make Luminaire an imperative
milestone. In this issue, we have struggled to combine
different aspects of LUMS life so the magazine contains
a flavor to everyones liking. From the customized crossword to reading about Enrollment day at LUMS, from the
advice column to honest opinions about societies, Luminaire contains a shot of LUMS, with creativity on the side.
Happy Reading!

Contents
Advice Column 7
Enrollment at LUMS
9
10 Problems Every Day
Scholar has to Deal With
10
The 7 Types of Students
13
LUMS Discussion Forum
15
The Troubles of an ACF Major
18
Diary of a Luminite
20
Mandatory Crossword
23
Eye of the (Aunt of the) Tiger
What the Societies really Do

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Advice Column
Dear Editors,
Being a girl in Pakistan has won me a lot
of attention, so you can imagine my surprise
when I encountered an instructor who discriminates against girls in class. Im speaking of an introductory core course. I put up
my hand for CP but she fails to recognize
me in the face of this blue eyed hunk of an
idiot. She has persistently marked the boys
higher in all In-Class-Activities. Dont ask
me how I know. I fear that if she keeps up
with this charade, I will end up with a B in
this course. Help?
Girl Power

am deeply in love with my O-week coach.

Whenever I see her, my heart beat speeds
up and I end up sweating like a pig. I want
to talk to her but the only words that escape
my lips are Salamalaikum. But she doesnt
even walaikumaslaam me! She just passes
by not making eye contact. My studies, my
social life, my sanity is at stake here. What
should I do?
Aashiq
Dear Aashiq,
First of all, relax. This is a dilemma every
other freshmen undergoes. I too caught the
cute-Oweek-Coach-fever. The only way
I was able to escape it was by interacting
with the girls in my batch. They are equally
confused about their place in the university
and will probably not blow you off as easily. Also, you need to un-friend her. Stop
with the obsessive stalking man, not cool.
Go out and have a real talk, with a girl who
replies back. Good luck!

Dear Girl Power,

Sexist as your ideas may be, I agree that
no one deserves to be discriminated against.
None the less, as we grow up, we are often
pushed into such difficult situations. Bosses
turn out to be jerks, friends become picky
and teachers become unfair. Your best shot
would be to go talk to the TA and ask him
(Im assuming the bias is carried forward
in TA picking as well) if this is typical of
------------------------------------the instructor, and if yes how dangerous is
it to be carrying around XY chromosomes. Dearest Editors,
Goodluck!
I have a very serious problem. My roommate stares at my while I sleep! Its really
------------------------------------freaking me out! I have this strange feeling
when I close my eyes and hes just staring at
Dear Edz,
me from the top of his laptop screen when
I am in deep trouble. I am a Freshman and I look at him. Is that unusual? Has anyone

else complained to you about this before? I

dont want to say anything because I have
to share a room with him till May. Please
help!
Sincerely,
Weirdly Stalked

deep homesickness. How about you call

your mom before every class and say Mom
as many times possible so you dont say it
during class and if you do, merge it with
words that sound like mom so its not that
obvious. MOMumumumum. Its weird but
so is calling your instructor Mom.
Cheers.

Dear Weirdly Stalked,

Are you kidding me? DO NOT say any- P.S. Dont make me your sister.
thing! You shouldnt be asking that. Thats
Socio 101. Instead try sending subtle hints
that his behavior is bothering you. Maybe
give him the stink eye next time you find
him staring. Since there isnt much time left
till May and Im assuming he wont be your
roommate next year, try to be cordial. Its
best if you let it go and hope that the problem checks out. * wink wink *
------------------------------------Dear Editors,
I dont know how to say this but I once
called my female instructor MOM! I called
her Mom! Who does that? And the worse
part is, I was about to do it again once! I
just put my head down after that and havent spoken in class ever since. I got zero CP
in that class. Im pretty sure Ill say it again
if I speak. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Mommy?
Dear Mommy?,
Creating a hypothetical family while away
from home can be the result of some very

Enrollment
at LUMS

catch up with them during lunch time in

PDC. Bingo!

And then comes the much awaited day; the

enrollment day. Since its on first come-first
serve basis, you must reserve a computer in
one of the Labs hours before. Soon, youll
see labs filling to capacity and then exceeding that capacity. Then, everyone will sit
in the corridors with a laptop in their lap,
logged in to Zambeel even though there is
still an hour to enrollment. It doesnt really matter if youre a freshman or a senior;
here couldnt be more panic, exciteeveryone fears this moment equally. This
ment, and irony than on The Enrollcould be the second longest hour of your
ment Day. Theres a strange kind of hassle as is on an event and a type of terror
seen around an exam. This festivities start
around one or two days before the JudgThis could be
ment Day. Roaming around in your own
the second lonbreeze of care-free world, when suddenly,
you are brought back to this world by a
gest hour of your life at
friend who stops you in front of PDC, askLums (first being in the
ing, Hey, which courses did you opt to take
this semester? Whoa! I completely forgot
8am class, obviously).
to check the course memo and Final Exam
schedule, screams your mind. The next few
hours are obviously spent in Lab 1, mak- life at Lums (first being in the 8am class,
ing a complete weekly schedule for the se- obviously). Grab your mouse and start
mester that hasnt even started yet. None- clicking that Process 2 of 3 Tab because its
theless, you better get your shopping cart just 5 minutes to enrollment and you never
brimming with all the random courses that know when your luck might work out to
you might not have heard of before. Done? get you enrolled in all the desired courses.
Hah, not yet. How would I know which instructor grades how, who gives a 5-minutes 8pm, clicking, panicking, hearing people
margin and who has unannounced quizzes? cheer and Oh, one red cross. Now what?
Friends, seniors and Oh, O-week coach! You must pick some other course quickly.
(hopefully he/she remembers me). They What about Evolution of Music in the
will surely know about these courses. Lets

Subcontinent? Its the only one that never clashes with anyones Finals and is always
open. And who knows, we might play instruments in this class. Meanwhile, you will
also find other not-so-lucky people, rushing towards Umer Brars office to save their
semesters. But you decide to take the first class of this course and if they dont intend on
playing any instruments, you will post it on discussion forum (like always) for any takers.
Hopefully, youll be able to find some swap for your class. Always keep Umer Brar as a
back-up plan, though.
During the Add/Drop period, you take various classes with different instructors just to be
sure about your semester. Meanwhile, if you didnt find your Music class as interesting as
its name seems, theres still that swapping over Discussion Forum option. God forbid if
your luck still doesnt play fair, you still have Umar Brar as a back-up plan.
Set all mishaps aside, the fuss is finally over. This is close to what most of the students go
through every 4 months; being ping-pong balls in the hands of luck and Zambeel. But
no matter how many times you managed or failed to get your courses, enrollment day still
keeps everyone in a full-blown panic till the very end. The outcomes of this very interesting day are then to be met in coming semester.

10
B

Problems Every
Day Scholar has
to Deal With

eing college students, I believe we all

will have come to the realization that
the widespread ideal college lifestyle is seldom the reality. All rules of life change as
one makes a transition from being an immature high school teen to a fairly independent adult. Adapting to the changes in
cultural, academic and social aspect that the
college life has to offer is crucial. However,
the experiences differ for every person. College life can be analyzed in manifold ways.
Being a day-scholar myself I can relate to
the experiences of this special kind of class.

10

Here is what I consider the 10 experiences

we day-scholars have gone through or will
soon enough undergo during our time in
college.

The Time Managing

The amount of unstructured time is
one of the major differences between high
school and college. In high school we were
constantly scheduled, with very few breaks.
In college our classes may be spaced out
during the day, with free time between each
class. Or they may be bunched up into a

few days, mornings, or afternoons leaving ing attained.

large periods of leisure time. The only
productive thing we can do during this
The Weekend Call Ups
time is to study. Our biggest regret is that
We already have to bear the traffic
we dont get to nap on a comfy bed in this headaches five days a week and when an
leisure time.
instructor breaks news of a quiz on a Staurday or Sunday we lose our mind like a dog
The Early Wake Up
with rabies. When we finally absorb the
A fairly large number of us live on the shock, we go on a rampage on how difficult
other side of the city. Unlike the boarders our life already is and how we have to sacwe have to wake up two hours prior to class. rifice and spend weekends in university too.
Moreover, if we miss our breakfast we have
to go through the first class of the day with
The Late Night Studying
a growling stomach. A two hour class is a
So much travelling exhausts us. If our
killer in this situation.
classes and tutorials end up late, we always

The Traffic Jams

Nothing is more infuriating than the
traffic jams we get stuck in, atleast once a
day. During these hours, some of us listen
FM89 to the breakfast show with Khalid
Malik and the rest drool and snore until the
drivers call declares we have reached our
destination. In addition to this, the anxiety
it creates is exponential with each second.
If we happen to be the so called theetas,
then we constantly worry about not being
able to get one of the front seats of class.

come home drained. During the five working days, we hold the reputation of being
short tempered in the family. After we get
home and try to open our books, we cant
open our eyes. Then we resort to caffeine.
But Alas! Only the strong ones make it
The Cancelled Class
through. The weaklings show the white flag
However rare, when a class gets can- wishing that somehow the struggle would
celled at the last minute and we cant im- stop.
provise fun plans, you should hear us rant
about how we came from miles and miles
The Absentee Of Late Night Parties
away in heavy traffic bearing the scorching
If majority of our friends are boarders,
heat of the sun or the chill of the fog or we miss all the late night gossip so were
the flooded road just to be notified that we always one step behind everybody in this
have to make the return journey with noth- regard. While they laugh on some joke we

11

missed the night before we pretend not to

act confused or look in the other direction
or force out a fake giggle. Its hard to turn
down a late night party and listen to our
mom demanding to head home right away.
Were basically trapped between the friends
and family circle.

The Misplacings
If our work involves a lot of our own
personal laptop usage, the struggle gets
very real. We simply fail to acknowledge
the presence of lockers. Carrying our laptops around all day long as we wander the
campus is a proof of our physical strength.
Moreover, unlike the hostelites, we carry all
our books for the day with us and have nowhere to put it once all the classes are over
so we are very prone to misplacing them
everywhere. Literally everywhere from restrooms to PDC to prayer rooms and IST.

time get used to PDC food. Eventually,

they start appreciating the food because
they have quite forgotten what home food
tastes like until they go home. Our condolences to you boarders, we know how hard
it is to get over our moms home-made
recipes. Whenever we take the first bite of
PDCs Chicken Manchurian or Daal, our
mind unintentionally starts comparing it to
home food. No matter how good it is we
The No-Rest Zone
always manage to say My mom makes it
We feel envious when we see boarders wayyy better than this. Having said that,
changing into their comfortable sweatpants we still enjoy the Friday Briyani and we sewhenever they feel like theyre done for the cretly admit that at home our moms will
day. When boarders oversleep, they can still never make biryani every week. :P
make it into class on time in their jammies
and change into jeans later. Unfortunately,
n one hand we feel proud to say that
we cannot avail this advantage. If we overwe live an independent life but on the
sleep and we do not have arrangements for other we still have to get home on time
such emergencies, either we sacrifice our and live a family-friends life together. No
attendance or we turn up in our bananas in matter how tough it is and no matter how
pajamas pants and be the item of mockery much it demands us to be on our feet 24/7
for the whole day.
we still live the best of both worlds and
boarders cant top that. B-)
The Food Critique
We respect the hostelites who, with

10
12

The 7

Types of Students

Its 7:55 a.m.

Its Monday.
Its your elitist minds definition of hell...

ou should be in bed, but instead, you

are grudgingly dragging yourself to
class. Meandering through the empty halls
of the Academic Block, you finally reach
the classroom.
First, you yawn.
Then, you sigh.
And finally, with an unanticipated amount
of effort, you turn the door knob and push
the door open.

These arent the average people who you

would generally interact with every day. Oh
no dear freshman, these students are a class
apart.

1. In the front row sits who we call the

over-enthusiastic student. Now be cognizant of the fact that this young gentleman is
not the traditional apple-polisher you have
seen in your school classes. Not only does
this individual flaunt his pseudo intellect
Youre a freshman at LUMS, and right now with intense pride, he considers himself
you think youve entered a normal room. to be the (unofficial) teachers favourite.
And you think itll be filled with normal, He participates in class passionately (read:
conventional individuals.
like someone who is desperate for full CP
marks) and you will often find him articuBut do not be fooled, oh naive freshman - lating in the most verbose and complex of
for you are about to be exposed to a brilliant ways. And basically putting the rest of the
assortment of personalities and characters. class to sleep.

13

2. Second on our list of enigmatic personalities are the much-loved (read: much-hated), the boisterous, the flamboyant...the
selfie queens. While majority of the student population comes to class to engage
in (light) studying, this fascinating group of
ladies comes to class for two purposes: to
socialize and to take pictures. Now, youre a
freshman - and a relatively intelligent one at
that - thus, you cant help but wonder why
these ladies need to come to class if all they
want to do is talk and Snapchat...they can
do that much more effortlessly at the Khoka. But no, its just more exciting for them
to take pictures in a confined space with the
TAs scrutinizing their every move. Maybe
they like the challenge. Maybe they like the
attention. Who knows?
3. Our third category of students on the list
are the misunderstood geniuses. Yes, yes
dear freshmen - majority of our humble
student population believes they fall perfectly under this category. These are the individuals for whom studies and grades have
never been the strongest point - yet, they
believe their creativity and intellect surpasses those of others (even the professors).
They believe they are the Bill Gates of our
generation: school failures today, wealthiest
men tomorrow. When the instructor cold
calls them, they struggle their way through
the answers but it doesnt concern them too
much because they have an exceedingly
prosperous (apparently) life ahead.

ditionally, the backbenchers of the class

are considered to be defiant because they
are believed to be poor and careless students. However, this stereotype is broken
at LUMS. These defiant backbenchers, who
seem to care little for studies are the reason
why the curve is so steep. Their laid-back
and carefree attitude earns them As and A
minuses while your dedication and consistent hard-work probably does not amount
to more than a B. Get used to this, young
freshman. This is how life works.
5. The I-couldnt-care-less-Senior is number five on the list. This gentlemen is in his
last year of university, and thus he believes
he belongs to the most privileged class of
the LUMS demographic. He arrives fashionably late to every class, appearing approximately thirty minutes after the class
has started. In one hand, he carries a styrofoam cup filled with chai and in the other,
a packet of gluco biscuits. The instructor
cares little for tardiness, but of course this
ever-responsible senior and the TA are best
friends - so the senior ends up with perfect
attendance for the semester, while you - innocent freshman - have a 60 percent in attendance because you were GENUINELY
ill for a week.

6. Number six on the list is the sleeping

beauty (or well, the sleeping ugly - lets face
it, a mop of unkempt hair, crust-filled eyes
and hardened drool is not very aesthetically
pleasing). It is an 8 a.m. class, and the in4. Next comes the laid-back A-grader. Tra- structor - with all due respect - is a great,

14

big bore. Our sleeping ugly spent all of last

night chilling at the khokha, smoking and
playing taash. Hes exhausted by now. He
can barely keep his eyes open. The poor guy
deserves to sleep. And so, he sleeps. Occasionally he snores. And of course, that is a
melodic delight for your ears.

reason you actually read those long posts

and endless comments in the first place.
Posts on LDF range from PDC menus to
encouraging people to call the CMs Secretary to close LUMS down. In a nutshell, you
will never be anything less than entertained
when youre on the page.

7. The last person on the list is the judgemental freshie. And thats you, dear reader.
Stop judging.
Happy studying.

LDF hit an all-time high when the LUMS

might be closed controversy started before
the exams were to officially begin. I was
part of those who thought the exams would
be delayed, as any sane person would be
too. LDF was my go to place when studying proved too much of a hassle for exams
that were looking less than probable. After

LUMS
DISCUSSION
FORUM

f there is one thing to turn to when

LUMS has yet again failed to meet your
expectations, its the LUMS Discussion
Forum. It was there when you had trouble
with your courses and it was there when
LUMS refused to close its doors till it actually did and it will be there time and time
again till the admin decides to cut you off,
of course. Extensive research (two hours
worth of scrolling through the page) has
shown that LDF is the biggest and most
sought after source of entertainment at
LUMS. You can never have too many or
too controversial arguments while trying
to study in the library, which is the only

Who would have

thought we would
have seen a post about a
certain spitting sniper?
When does that even
happen?
the break, I was once again sure that the
exams would be cancelled which resulted
from an eavesdropping session in one of
the labs and confidence that was instilled
in me by a handful of hopefuls on LDF. It
was after I gave two of my exams when it
finally dawned on me that I would have to
sit through more. I hope the rest of those
on LDF would have put the pieces together quicker than I did. This just shows how

15

LDF brainwashed me into thinking that it

was THE MOST ACCURATE source of information at LUMS. This is what LDF did
to me in a very short span of time and I
have never posted on the forum. Never. I
just go through it till someone starts talking
about courses.

Randomness goes a long way. In the

midst of serious conversations, there is
always this one post and/or comment that
attempts to make light of the conversation
at hand. This almost always proves unsuccessful. Nonetheless, your effort will not go
in vain and you shall be acknowledged by
the likes of those studying in the library.
Embrace the randomness in you.

Make light of people offering and/or

asking for help. Mould the serious requests to something hilarious, yet useless.
Your post will be appreciated more than the
serious ones. Trust me. Im a procrastinator
by heart. There are tons of us LUMS and we
shall be there when you post.

LDF earned its status as entertainer of the

century by competing with the likes of
Dhoombros and ZaidAliT. I say with utmost certainty that I prefer LDF to these
sources basically because I never know
what to expect when I open the page! Im
not even kidding. Who would have thought
we would have seen a post about a certain
spitting sniper? When does that even happen? Needless to say, we are mostly entertained at the expense of someone in dire
need of help such as a serious freshmen
asking for help and to be responded solely
Use famous TV shows and movies to
by jokes. After an analysis of the most liked
change a common post at a particular
posts on LDF, here are my top 5 tips to get a time such as those at the time of enrollplethora of likes:
ment. You shall be granted likes and comments of appreciation. Let your creativity

16

flow. Do not shy away from using quotes

that are begging to be used sarcastically.

All you freshmen out there cannot go

wrong with a post on LDF. Whether its
a post on why Zambeel shows some parts of
your schedule as pink to posts asking if you
should take WnC in your first year. If it still
isnt clear, please take it. Even if you dont
get as many likes as others, always remember that we looked at your post, laughed at
its naive-ness and went on with our day. I
will try to like more of your posts next time.
Consider all of your posts liked.

I hope my pearls of wisdom help you out;

especially all those who try too hard and
fail. Adios and heres to hoping you see a
Refrain from poetry that is likely to post by me on LDF. Have an awesome sebore us but try to channel your ridic- mester. Stay entertained always!
ulous side by making a poem of your own
by using all that LUMS has to offer. I cant
do justice to this so Im leaving it to the pictures.

17

The

Troubles of an ACF Major

f youre an ACF major, youve probably often heard the line you dont know what its
like to be in SSE- your courses are so easy! While it may be true that SSE students
have the worst workloads, our courses arent exactly a piece of cake. And that may be the
understatement of the century. We certainly get our fair share of madness and there are
several reasons for which ACF majors are worse off. Forgive me if I sound biased here but
Ill lay out a picture of what its like to be an ACF major and then you can be the judge.
Lets start with the compulsory attendance factor in all our courses. You have to make
it to every class or risk losing a certain percentage of your grade, a greater percentage if
youre unfortunate enough to miss a class with an unannounced quiz. Can a person not
want to miss a single class,
perhaps because he/she is
sick or has a severe headache or well, just because
he/she couldnt get up for
one class in an entire semester? We are, after all,
human beings, filled with a
million imperfections and
we would appreciate it if
we are pardoned once in a
while without having to go
through the trouble of filling out petitions.
Then theres the added pressure of class participation that contributes towards a significant portion of our grade. If youre the least bit shy and cant take the initiative to speak
up in class, be prepared to lose that part of your grade straight away, even if you are a top
scorer in your quizzes and exams. Every time a question is asked, you find yourself trying
to gather up the courage to answer and then feel a pang of disappointment when you fail
to do so. Then you look at your grade after the semester and realize you could have gotten
a better grade if you had spoken just once more in class. Oh, that dreadful feeling!
As if the agony isnt enough, we end up having quizzes almost every Friday evening. Out of
class, combined quizzes (for all sections of that course) that happen in the largest audito-

18

riums of LUMS and make us feel like were

having an exam. There you have it- Fridays
ruined. After dealing with all the horrendous classes throughout the week and those
infuriating Friday quizzes, we get to ruin
our weekends too, preparing for all the unannounced quizzes we might have during
the week. Yayy. Its another shock when
youre expected to practice CA and ACCA
level papers to prepare for quizzes and exams. You find yourself thinking along the
lines hey were just kids! These papers are
for older people! Why are they making us
do this now?! Whats worse is that those
courses also have the I-curse-whoeverthought-of-it rule of negative marking.
Then this year came along and certain people decided that ACF wasnt tough enough
and they needed to make it tougher. They
decided to change our program structure.
All of our 4 credit hour courses got reduced
to 3 credit hours and we ended up having
to take five to six courses to fulfill our minimum credit-hour requirement. Its another
heartbreak when you realize youre taking
the most difficult course of your semester
with a batch senior than yours and that
gives you the scare of your life. You walk
into the first class of your semester and see
five TAs from your previous courses on the
seats- who are obviously pretty smart- and
you realize youre doomed for an entire semester. You spend the whole semester complaining that they always pull the mean up
(which may not be entirely true but it gives
us someone to blame for our ever decreas-

ing marks).
Reducing all courses to 3 credit hours creates another problem. We have a course
thats meant to be taught in a session of 2
hours per class which is now reduced to 1
hour 15 minutes. The instructors complain
that thats too short a class to teach and we
end up having tutorials to compensate for
that. Oh thats fine- take away our free evenings too that we manage to get after dealing with the six courses that we have. Thats
not all- lets keep two tutorials for different
courses at the same time so we have to decide which course we want to save more
badly in order to make a choice on which
tutorial we want to attend.
Nonetheless, all of this only makes us cherish the scarce free time we have and has also
made us stronger and better prepared for
dealing with anything that comes our way. I
have come to terms with the fact that this is
all part of being in such a prestigious program and I wouldnt trade it for the world!
Good luck, fellow ACF majors! May the attendance, CP, quizzes and exams be ever in
your favor!

19

Diary

of a

Luminite

Kurriye ney teray brown rung dey

Munday patdeney saray meray town dey

oney Singhs a bloody genius. Saari

girls down ki hui hain saalay nay.
Down tou waisay main be ker leyta but I
need a different kinda girl. You know, the
knows-how-to-make-round-rotis and the
not-cussing-at-you-if-you-try-to-have-anargument-about-the-concept-of-liberalism-in-Pakistan kind. Bhai jab ye larkiyaan
behass kerna shuru hoti hain na, meri tou
phatt jati hai. But then again, sitting at the
khokha in LUMS, I see every walking body
carrying so much opinion and so little balls
to actually say that shit out.

Note: The opinions represented in this article are

exaggerated for humor. Apologies if they offend
anyone.

Why Im not a feminist talk. Private main

poochna better ho ga nae?
And then theres the infamous example of
Usman S. The man we ALL saw get shot
down. Hansi tou mujay be bohat aye thi
post perh k but by the time the comments
reached a gazillion and 2, I started feeling
bad for him. If a freshie fresh to the very
fresh environment of LUMS makes the
mistake of voicing one of his poorly worded, and very controversial Islamic opinions,
we could have argued with him with logic
and not sarcasm, yes?

I might be a maila, a sleaze ball, a borderline ball scratcher in public. I might have
Laikin phir baat be samjh ati hai. Feminism the broken English Meera prides herhe ley lo. I mean, I completely see how a society advocating womens right in Pakistans
more educated and privileged 100 acres of
land is a necessity, totes. But kasmay yaar,
thori dehshatt se lagti hai.
I saw a man get shot down once. Dont get
me wrong, I know the guy was an idiot;
picking up an offensive internet term and
blurting it out in a public talk with astounding confidence, the kind men usually gain
from their bhai ki shirt check ker type
conversations. But kyaaa gandi hui uski.
Farr-farr angrezi, heavy heavy accents and
knowledge be waadu. Impress tou main ho
hi gaya tha laikin I quietly put down my
raised hand in the face of the speaker at the

20

Jab bhai
aya tha na
LUMS, seedhi
souch thi, deen
be set tha aur
Quaid-e-Azam
be achay thay.

self over. I might have very orthodox Islamic views about

womens modesty. But the point Im trying to make here is,
Im not alone in this. Adha LUMS ye batain paet main dabaye beytha hai. Be it your socialization at familys hand
or your very ignorant and twisted concepts of feminism
itself, bohat boys hain jo closeted anti femists hain.
Shayad problem sirf ye hai k ye sub boys hain thoray
phattu aur jahan say information mill sakti hai wo
unapproachable.
Ya phir extending that very argument, shayad problem ye hai k LUMS is a very different place in practice
than it is in theory; opinion blurt out kernay say pehlay
he phatt jaye tou masla sirf ap main nae shayad environment main be hai.
Remember when the Humans of LUMS project was at its
peak? Us main tasveer anay ki tou khoahish he reh gaye waisay meri, laikin aik picture ka
quote tha jo ja k dill ko laga tha. The best thing about LUMS is its diversity and the worst
thing about LUMS is also its diversity. We all enter freshmen year doe eyed at all the chicks
were going to score; only to realize Arey chicks mailoon say thori baat kerti hain. We enter LUMS wearing embroidered shalwar kameez at Jummas and bright orange checkered
shirts at presentations; we leave LUMS looking much like your average Luminite, stripped
of our flavor, devoid of our individuality. Chalo keh lo ye grooming ho gaye boys ki,
much needed grooming. But exactly how much of this assimilation are we ready to chalk
under that term?
Jab bhai aya tha na LUMS, seedhi souch thi, deen be set tha aur Quaid-e-Azam be achay
thay. Phir pata laga dosroon k side of the argument bhi sunni chahiyay. Lo jee sunn leytay
hain, sannu ki, haina? Aur main kehta hoon, yun he ideas suntay suntay kab aik heirarchy
paida ho gaye, pata he nae laga. Kab burgeroon kay ideas public main advocate kerna
aasaan ho gaya aur khud ki ideas and sawaal background main chalay gaye. And i dont
just mean topics revolving around feminism when i say this. I mean i have had an entire
auditorium turn around to stare at me when I speak in favor of blasphemy laws, I mean
Ive had people give me looks when I speak of Islams point of view regarding homosexuals. Theek hai, enlightened baat kerni chahiyay but freedom of expression dono sides of
argument per extend hona chahiyay nae?

21

Sub jantay hain LUMS hai bus aik bubble. Shayad agar ye paradoxes hata dain is main say,
ye bubble thora zameen per ajaye. Waisay kerna mainay be kuch nae hai, baatoon k siwa.
Back to Honey Singh boys.
Mere town de, mere town de, mere town de ni billo
Mere town de...
Mere town de, mere town de...

22

Mandatory Crossword

Across
1. Yaar Rs. 100 say kamm main khana hai aj
3. Not the VC we want but the VC we need
5. Corporate slave market
7. source of LUMSs fragrance
8. Staple diet of hostelites
10. Ejaz bhai ki night version

Down
2. Winter is _______
4. LUMS sutta shop
6. Coolest society in LUMS
9. where the men strip (halfway) and flex
and grunt

Answers: 1. PDC, 2. Coming, 3. Sohail, 4. OKstore, 5. SDSB, 6. PLUMS, 7. Nala, 8. Maggie, 9. Gym, 10. Musa

23

E
ye
(Aunt of the)

of the

TIGER
Ugh. Such filth. I take a woeful look
around me. These despicable human beings will never learn any discipline. I bring
my paws up and lick them clean with my
tongue, allowing them to continue fearlessly through this heap of dirt. I am a graceful
creature, and such lack of courtesy angers
me. It feels violative of my very sense of being. It feels like a dart stuck in I smell
food! My nose: my one true alibi. I look
around to find my prey.
This place is massive. Its good for exercise,
but just look at all these humans, walking
around like they own the place. My ancestors have been here long before these inferior beings ever came along. Just look at
them, sitting at the benches like they own
the place. And they always move in packs
and herds, and seldom alone. Look at me.
I walk about independently, and these beings, much taller than I am, walk together. My friends tell me theyre scared of us.
Theyre scared well pounce at them and
take their food. What vile creatures indeed.
I follow them around. I watch them through
the bushes when they arent looking.
They intrigue me. They arouse my
curiosity. And you know what they

24

say about my species and curiosity. These

people. They walk about so indifferent and
ignorant, unaware of their surroundings.
I sometimes even crawl up right behind
them and they dont know. Until the shriek
sounds and they jump up. These people are
so loud. Polluting even the air waves. They
can leave nothing unmarked. And then they
criticise how I mark my territory. Hmph.
Year in and year out, it all happens the same
way. They come in with bright, sparkling,
hopeful eyes, overcome by the aura of this
place. Theyre so weak. They let it get to
them. They let it change them. It moulds
them into how they feel they ought to be
and they leave behind who they are and
who they were and who they thought they

would be. They claim to be such individuals, but are they really? I do often wonder. And I stand perplexed. Every year
they start off with bright colours of red
and green and blue, running all over the
place. And by the end of the year, they
all descend into grayscale monotony. This
place gets to them, it seems. They huddle
together in groups. Large groups. Larger
than our entire clowders. And then slowly, much like their optimism, these groups
tend to wither away. And unlike their optimism, the groups seem to resurrect all of a
sudden, just before they are about to leave
this place. These people have trouble letting
go or moving on, it seems. I see some of
them walking alone on the side, their ears
plugged with some type of seal, the wires
hanging out I wonder if they receive orders
on how to operate through those plugs.

This article has been written by Abeer Mustafa, a convert to the law major after having
spent his freshman year in SSE. The LUMS
Social Life and their feline interactions greatly
intrigue him to date, though he is actively part
of the same.

I hear talks of no judgment. What do I

care? I try to not judge them. After all, every single day, they set up my stage to showcase my talents on the ramps and down the
stairs, allowing me to saunter through the
smoke-screen, making my grand entry opposite their major food venue. I feel I must
retire now though. The smoke hasnt been
very good for my health. Its weighing me
down now.
I must go now. My food awaits me. I must
go ask the nice human in my finest British
accent for his food. I know I can win him
over with my charm. Here goes nothing.
Meow.

25

What the
Societies
really Do
spending 3 years in this society is how to
shit under the naked sky, on the top of a
The ancient order of the Nights Watch.
mountain. The only thing more important
These Watchers on the Wall wear black,
to them than the society itself is the black
go farther north than anyone else, and are
jacket the members wear. Apparently, one
sworn to protect one another. On the day of
of their favorite interview questions is,
the coronation of new Lord Commander
What does this black jacket mean to you?
of the Nights Watch, an event every man
Seriously?

LAS:

LEAF:

Some kind of environment related thing.

Dont know whether its a society or an
idea. Or a thought. Or a dream.

LUMUN:

Attend one LUMUN session and youll

come to know that these are the people
shaping the world. From the war on terrorism to the spread of Ebola, all the critical
in the seven kingdoms has waited for the issues that the world is facing come to their
entire year, the members of the Watch go tables. And if they dont take a decision
(however stupid and impractical it may be)
to the historic Castle McDonalds.
in 3 days, they world will fall apart.
At least thats what they like to think of
themselves. In all honesty, theyre just a
bunch of wannabe-tough boys and girls
whose only form identity comes from this
society. While the interview process is very
rigorous, the only real thing you learn after

26

Religious Society:

Either they dont want us to know what

they do or they dont do anything at all.
How many of you have ever heard of an
event/talk/session/thing organized by this
society? The only time you ever need to talk

to a member of LRA is when you want Quran Khwani in the Masjid for the death of
friends relative. I wish I could take a look
at the societys campusmail inbox. I am sure
the last email these guys sent was 7 years
ago, thanking the Dean for giving them the
status of a society.
WE HAVE AN ARTS SOCIETY???

One problem with Dramaline is that theres

this belief everyone has that Karachites
control the society. And even among the
Karachites, people tell stories about how
favoritism is very common. This belief is so
strong that I people actually leave the society for this reason. The other day I overheard someone giving statistics of how almost all the presidents of the society in the
past 10 years are from Karachi.

SLUMS:

PsiFi:

Arts Society:

Theyre good at what they do, they dont The main event of PsiFi is Spades. Or is it
think themselves above the rest and they the other way around?
certainly dont think their how their work
is affecting people world over.
Music Society:
Yes its true! They have a jam room!

LES:

Before I came to LUMS, I knew that the

LUMS Entrepreneurial Society organizes
YLES. Now that I am in LUMS, I know
that the LUMS Entrepreneurial Society
organizes YLES. After I leave LUMS, the
LUMS Entrepreneurial Society will keep
on organizing the YLES.

Dramaline:

Most members of Dramaline think that by

simply being members of this society, they
have become cooler than the rest. What
surprises me the most is that there is a general impression that Dramaline is one of
the top 5 societies at lums, despite the fact
the only good thing that comes out of this
society is the annual play. And dramaliners
cherish the three days of the play for the
rest of the year.

FemSoc:

When this society was founded, the initiative was lauded everyone. Their initial #We
NeedFeminism campaign was a huge success, not only in LUMS, but throughout
Pakistan. But soon, the only thing this
society started being known for was their
scornful words and stinging sarcasm on
social media forums. Yar dehaan se baat
kar, warna *insert name of society president* aa jaeygi, is something that I have
heard and read more than once. Their offensive behavior, according to most people,
was uncalled for. But this may be debatable
because sometimes the people do actually
write sexist comments freely on these forums. What is not debatable, however, is
that nobody knows what the society actually does. Most people think that the Executive Council of the Society gathers around

27

the computer screen, waits for someone to you need to know.

write something vaguely sexist, and then
destroys them using the their weapon of Alpha:
Once a month they book an auditorium
and play a movie. Once a year they have a
cricket match screening. And then theres
Splash. In the four years that I have spent
in LUMS, I have yet to meet a person who
has been to this event and still it is the
most awaited event of the year.

AIESEC:

The scope of this society extends beyond the

borders of Pakistan, let alone LUMS. Go to
one of their information sessions and youll
realize that AIESEC is the only thing that
has stopped the world from starting anothmass destruction, the LDF.
er World War. While it is doing so much
for world peace, its relevance to LUMS is
It is high time that the society starts doing lost on me.
real work like organizing events, initiating
campaigns and spreading awareness.
LUMS Daily Student:

Societies are supposed to have events. In

the case of LDS, an event (CARMA) has
Photography is an art. People spend a life- a society.
time learning this art and are still not good
at it. The members of PhotoLUMS, how- DRUMS:
ever, believe that buying a DSLR camera is This society has a lot of untapped potential.
all there is to photography. And to make it But only if its name is changed. Right now
worse, they take pictures of not the things, it feels like a cheap replacement for the
animals, or people around them, but of music society.
themselves. Go check the last 5 cover photos of their Facebook page and youll real- LCSS:
ize that people join this society to get good Blood Drive 2012.
DPs, not for the love of the art.
Blood Drive 2013.

Photographic Society:

Emergency Medical Services:

+92 42 111 115 867 (Ext. 1122). Thats all

28

Blood Drive 2014.

Blood Drive 2015.

Culture Society:

Everything in the world, however small,

has a role to play. The culture society also
plays its role. A few trips to Old Lahore, a
few to Multan and other historically significant cities, and one to some other country. Each and every year. Nothing different.
Nothing new.

LMA:

The venue for the LMA Awards is the

Crystal Hall of the Pearl Continental Hotel Lahore. Boys dressed in suits and girls
dressed in saris gather once every year to
celebrate, in grandeur, the success of a film
that they make in less than 2 weeks. They
even have a premier for that film.

IEEE:

I always thought it was another name for

SSE.

29

30