chapterthree

Construction
ConstructionofClearSentences
of Clear Sentences
andParagraphs

Overview
Role
Roleofadaptationinwritingclearly
of adaptation in writing clearly
Limitedsentencecontentandeconomicaluse
of words
ofwords
Rightemphasistocontent
Sentenceunityandclarity
Short,unifiedsentences,appropriatelyused
,
, pp p
y
topicsentences,movementshown

ClarityandShortSentences
Writingclearlygenerallyinvolveswriting
Writing
clearly generally involves writing
shortsentences.Butthereareexceptions.
Youcanwriteshortsentencesintwoways:
1
2

bylimitingcontent,
by using words economically
byusingwordseconomically.

Breakuplongsentences.
(Limiting Content)
(LimitingContent)
DONT
Many consumers have expressed dissatisfaction with the
relatively
l ti l hi
high
h prices
i
off th
the new JJapanese cars, b
butt thi
this h
has
not prevented large numbers of people from purchasing these
cars and pushing sales higher than many automotive experts
had forecast, thus firmly entrenching the Japanese cars in a
large segment of the automobile market.

Breakuplongsentences.
(Limiting Content)
(LimitingContent)
DO
Many consumers have expressed dissatisfaction with the
relatively high prices of the new Japanese cars
cars. However
However,
this has not prevented large numbers of people from
purchasing these cars and pushing sales higher than many
automotive experts had forecast. The Japanese cars have
thus become entrenched in a large segment of the
automobile market.

Breakuplongsentences.
(Limiting Content)
(LimitingContent)
DONT
The production planning department assigns to each
production
d ti order
d a number
b th
thatt is
i called
ll d a jjob-order
b d number,
b
which becomes the identifying means of reporting to the
accounting
g department
p
the direct costs relating
g to a
production order, and which can reveal additional information
about the job through code numbers or letters added to the
job-order
job
order number
number.

Breakuplongsentences.
(Limiting Content)
(LimitingContent)
DO
The production planning department assigns to each
production order a number that is called a job
job-order
order number
number.
This number becomes the identifying means of reporting to
the accounting department the direct costs relating to a
production order. Adding code numbers or letters to the joborder number reveals more information about the job.

Breakuplongsentences.
(Limiting Content)
(LimitingContent)
DONT
I should appreciate first obtaining clearance from your bureau,
s bseq ent to which
subsequent
hich I plan to send this preliminary
preliminar draft
through appropriate channels to Mr. Suarez of the Nevada
agency, asking him for information we need in order to discuss
the statistics for the entire year, and also inviting someone in
the agency to participate as joint author of the final article.

Breakuplongsentences.
(Limiting Content)
(LimitingContent)
DO
I should appreciate first obtaining clearance from your bureau.
Then I plan to send this preliminary draft through appropriate
channels to Mr. Suarez of the Nevada agency, asking him for
information we need in order to discuss the statistics for the
entire year. I plan also to invite someone in the agency to
participate as joint author of the final article.

WritingEconomically
(Eliminateclutteringphrases.)
(Eliminate cluttering phrases )

Regardlessofthefact thatsalesincreased,profitscontinueto
decline.
Eventhough salesincreased,profitscontinuetodecline.
Production will decrease next month due to the fact that we
Productionwilldecreasenextmonthduetothefactthat
we
mustretoolforthenextmodel.
Productionwilldecreasenextfallbecause wemustretoolfor
th
thenextmodel.
t
d l
Inveryfewinstances dothesalespeoplereceivebonusesover
theamount of$100.
Thesalespeopleseldom receivebonusesover $100.
Atalltimes thecashboxiskeptlocked.
Th
Thecashboxisalways
hb i l
l k d
locked.

WritingEconomically
(Eliminateclutteringphrases.)
(Eliminate cluttering phrases )

Atwhatevertime wereceiveaspecialorderitisimmediately
senttotheproductionplanningdepartment.
Whenever wereceiveaspecialorder,wesendittothe
production planning department.
productionplanningdepartment.

Contrarytoourexpectations,thenewlawwillallowthe
company to reduce its income taxes
companytoreduceitsincometaxes.
Unexpectedly,thenewlawwillletthecompanyreduceits
incometaxes.

Insomeinstances,weselldirectlytotheretailer.
Sometimes weselldirectlytotheretailer.
we sell directly to the retailer.

WritingEconomically
(Cutsurpluswords.)
(Cut surplus words )

Youareherebyinstructedtosendalldailyreportsdirectlyto
thisofficeaspromptlyaspossible.
Sendallreportstothisofficepromptly.
Yourattentionisdirectedtoparagraph3,whichsummarizes
thefindingsofthisstudy.
P
Paragraph3summarizesthefindingsofthisstudy.
h3
i
th fi di
f thi t d
Enclosedherewitharegeneralinstructionswhicharesentto
youforyourguidanceandinformation.
Theenclosedgeneralinstructionsareforyourguidanceand
information.

WritingEconomically
(Cutsurpluswords.)
(Cut surplus words )

OnthedateofMarch1,allreportsmustbereadyforthe
purposeofmailingthemtothehomeoffice.
AllreportsmustbereadytomailtothehomeofficebyMarch
1.

ItwillbeobservedthatallreportscomingfromourSt.Louis
headquarters are routed through the district sales managers
headquartersareroutedthroughthedistrictsalesmanagers.
ReportsfromourSt.Louisheadquartersareroutedthrough
thedistrictsalesmanagers.

Enclosedherewitharetwocopiesofthestatusreport.
Enclosed are two copies of the status report.
Enclosedaretwocopiesofthestatusreport.

WritingEconomically
(Rephrase
(Rephraseroundaboutconstructions.)
roundabout constructions )

Allthebooksareinreadinessfortheannualaudit.
Thebooksarereadyfortheannualaudit.

Thechargeofnegligencehasbeendeniedbyallfourofthe
officers.
Thefourofficersdeniedthenegligencecharge.

Itisourexpectationthatthisplanwillbesuccessful.
Weexpecttheplantosucceed.

Therehavebeenmanytimeswhenwesuspectedtheft.
Manytimeswesuspectedtheft.

Itisourconclusionthatproductionshouldstop.
Weconcludethatproductionshouldstop.

WritingEconomically
(Rephrase
(Rephraseroundaboutconstructions.)
roundabout constructions )

Weareinreceiptofyourreport.
Wereceivedyourreport.

Yourattentionisinvitedtothecontentsof
Your
attention is invited to the contents of
enclosedbrochures.
Pleaseseetheenclosedbrochures.

Wearenotinapositiontostopthetrend.
Wecannotstopthetrend.
e ca ot stop t e t e d

Pleasefindenclosedalistofapplicants.
A li t f
Alistofapplicantsisenclosed.
li t i
l d

WritingEconomically
(Remove
(Removeunnecessaryrepetition.)
unnecessary repetition )

Wehaveverifiedthechargestoyouraccountandfindthat
g
y
theaccountbalancesonourbooksagreewiththeaccount
balancesonyourbooks.
W h
Wehaveverifiedthechargestoyouraccountandfindthat
ifi d th h
t
t d fi d th t
ourrecordsagreewithyours.

Thischangewillenableustogetstartedsoonerthanifwe
waitforalaterdate.
Thi h
Thischangewillenableustogetstartedsooner.
ill
bl
d

Atthepresenttimetheresearchisalmostcomplete.
At
the present time the research is almost complete.
Theresearchisalmostcomplete.

WritingEconomically
(Removeunnecessaryrepetition.)
(Remove unnecessary repetition )

Youmustdoandperformthefollowingdutiesandfunctions.
Youmustperformthefollowingduties.

Whileauditingagoodauditorfollowstheaccepted
g g
p
proceduresforauditing.
Agoodauditorfollowsacceptedprocedures.

Themanagerrepeatedlykepttellingmeoverandoveragain.
Themanagerrepeatedlyremindedme.

Thissituationcallsforquickandexpeditiousaction.
Thissituationcallsforquickaction.

SentenceEmphasis
Write
Writesentencesthatgivetheircontents
sentences that give their contents
properemphasis.
Shortsentencesstandout(anitemstanding
Short sentences stand out (an item standing
alonegetsemphasis).
Longsentencesdeemphasizecontent(the
L
d
h i
(h
twoormoreitemsshareemphasis).

AllShortSentences
(Theeffectischoppy.)
(The effect is choppy )
The main building was inspected on October 1. Mr. George
Wills inspected the building. Mr.Wills is a vice president of
the company
company. He found that the building has 6
6,500
500 square
feet of floor space. He also found that it has 2,400 square
feet of storage space. The new store must have a minimum
of 6,000
6 000 square feet of floor space
space. It must have 2
2,000
000
square feet of storage space. Thus, the main building
exceeds the space requirements for the new store.
Therefore, Mr. Wills concluded that the main building is
adequate for the companys needs.

SomeSubordination
(but not logical)
(butnotlogical)
Mr. George Wills, who inspected the main building on
October 1, is a vice president of the company. His
inspection which supports the conclusion that the building
inspection,
is large enough for the proposed store, uncovered these
facts. The building has 6,500 square feet of floor space
and 2,400
2 400 square of feet of storage space
space, which is more
than the minimum requirements of 6,000 and 2,000
square feet, respectively, of floor and storage space.

GoodSubordination
(important points emphasized)
(importantpointsemphasized)
The main building is large enough for the new store. This
conclusion, reached by Vice President George Wills following
his October 1 inspection of the building
building, is based on these
facts: The buildings 6,500 square feet of floor space
exceeded the minimum requirements by 500 square feet.
Th 2
The
2,400
400 square ffeett off storage
t
spaced
d exceeded
d d th
the
minimum requirement by 400 square feet.

Includeonlyrelatedideasforsentence
unity.
unity

ThePassmanshredderwasthefirstmanufactured,andwe
,
havehadaTimmonssince1996.
ThePassmanshredderwasthefirstmanufactured.Wehave
h d Ti
hadaTimmonssince1996.
i
1996
Theweatherwasunusuallybadlastmonth,andsalesof
Drummondproductsincreased12percent.
p
p
Eventhoughtheweatherwasunusuallybadlastmonth,our
salesofDrummondproductsincreased12percent.
Wevalueyoursatisfaction,andwehavecarefullylookedinto
thehandlingofyourorder.
Because we value your satisfaction we carefully looked into
Becausewevalueyoursatisfaction,wecarefullylookedinto
thehandlingofyourorder.

Includeonlynecessarydetailfor
sentence unity
sentenceunity.
Bothhotelscanguaranteethe250roomswewillrequire,
althoughtheMarriottisnew(since2002)anditsroomsare
more modern and therefore more appealing, but the 69year
moremodernandthereforemoreappealing,butthe69
year
oldWestgateiswellpreservedandcomfortable.

Bothhotelscanguaranteethe250roomswewillrequire.The
Marriottisnew(since2002),anditsroomsaremodernand,
therefore,moreappealing.The69yearoldWestgate,
,
pp
g
y
g ,
however,iswellpreservedandcomfortable.

Includeonlynecessarydetailfor
sentence unity
sentenceunity.

IrentedofficesinMarinaTowers,adowntownofficebuilding,
,
g,
andthesuiterentsfor$3,000permonthforthreeexecutive
officeswhichopenintoasinglesupportofficewhichislarge
enough for two administrative assistants
enoughfortwoadministrativeassistants.

IrentedofficesinMarinaTowers,adowntownofficebuilding.
Theofficesuiteselectedrentedfor$3,000permonth.Ithas
threeexecutiveoffices,eachopeningintoasinglesupport
office which is large enough for two administrative assistants
office,whichislargeenoughfortwoadministrativeassistants.

Uselogicalconstructionfor
sentence unity
sentenceunity.

Weclearedthesite,andthenthefoundationwas
constructed.
Weclearedthesite,andthenweconstructedthe
foundation.
Becauseourinventorieshavedecreasedhasincreased
our back orders.
ourbackorders.
Ourdecreaseininventoriescausedanincreaseinback
orders.
HelpingpeopletohelpthemselvesishowIgotthejob
done.
I t th j b d
Igotthejobdonebyhelpingpeopletohelpthemselves.
b h l i
l t h l th
l

Uselogicalconstructionfor
sentence unity
sentenceunity.

BecauseIhaveadegreeininformationsystemsisthereasonI
g
y
amqualifiedforthejob.
Mydegreeininformationsystemsqualifiesmeforthejob.
Thefactthatsalesincreasedisbecauseweopenednew
territories.
Oursalesincreasedbecauseweopenednewterritories.

LackofUnityinaParagraph
This paragraph inserts information about personal
qualities into a paragraph about coursework.
At the university I studied all the basic accounting courses as
wellll as specialized
i li d courses iin ttaxation
ti and
d computer
t security.
it I
also took specialized coursework in the behavioral areas, with
emphasis on human relations. Realizing the value of human
relations in business, I also actively participated in
organizations such as Sigma Nu (social fraternity), Delta Sigma
Pi (p
(professional fraternity),
y), and University
y Sing.
g I selected my
y
elective coursework to round out my general business
education. Among my electives were courses in investments,
business report writing,
writing and business ethics
ethics. A glance at my
resume will show you the additional courses that round out my
training.

ContrastingPages:LongParagraphingversus
Short Paragraphing
ShortParagraphing

Heavy paragraphs make

the writing appear to be
dull and difficult.

Short paragraphs give

well-organized effect -invite the reader to read.

TopicSentencesin
Paragraph Construction
ParagraphConstruction
In constructing a chart line, you should plot the item to be
illustrated as a continuous line on a grid. On the grid, you
should plot time on the horizontal axis (X-axis).
(X axis). You should plot
the value of the series on the vertical axis (Y-axis). You should
include the scale values and time periods on the axis lines.
Y may also
You
l compare ttwo or more series
i on th
the same liline
chart. In such a comparison, you should clearly distinguish the
lines byy color or form ((dots,, dashes,, dots and dashes,, and the
like). You should clearly label them by a legend somewhere in
the chart. But the number of series that you may compare on
one chart is limited.
limited As a practical rule
rule, four or five series
should be a maximum.

Includeonlynecessaryinformation.
This paragraph
Thi
h tells
t ll more than
th the
th reader
d needs
d to
t know:
k
In reviewing the personnel history form you filled out last week,
I found an error that needs to be corrected. The section titled
work history has blank lines for three items of information. The
first is for dates employed. The second is for company name.
And the third is for type of work performed
performed. On your form you
wrote company name only, and it extended across all three
blanks. You did not indicate years employed or your duties.
This information is important. It is reviewed by your supervisors
every time you are considered for promotion or for a pay
increase. Therefore, it must be completed. I request that you
come by my office and complete this form at your earliest
convenience.

Includeonlynecessaryinformation.
Only this information is really necessary:
Please come by my office at your earliest convenience to correct
an error in the personnel form you filled out last week.

Giveparagraphsmovementwith
transitional
transitionalwordsandphrases.
words and phrases
This paragraph moves steadily forward to reach its goals.
We at Digex take care of all the needs of your online business.
First we supply the hardware and software necessary to get
First,
your site up and running. Next, we make certain you are online
24/7/365 with our world-class data centers and networks. In
addition, we provide the administration, monitoring, and
security that assures your site success.

Writing and thinking are inseparable.

Not only does thinking help us to
write, writing helps us to think.
--Richard
Richard Lederer

The Write Way