Disobeying Mother

“Alqamah (radi Allahu anhu) was a very pious person. He spent

his time in prayer and fasting. At the approach of death he was
unable to proclaim the Kalima Shahada, in spite of repeated
instruction by those present. Alqamah's wife sent a messenger
to Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) to inform him of
Alqamah's grave condition.

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) enquired whether the

parents of Alqamah were alive. He was informed that
Alqamah's mother was alive. Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa
sallam) asked the aged mother about Alqamah. She replied:
‘Alqamah is a very pious person. He passes his time in Salat
and Saum. He performs Tahajjud, but he always disobeys me
for the sake of his wife. I am, therefore, displeased with him.’

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: ‘It will be best for
him if you forgive him.’ However, she refused. Rasul Allah (sal
Allahu alaihi wa sallam) ordered Bilal (radi Allahu anhu) to
gather firewood. On hearing this order, Alqamah's mother
asked in consternation: ‘Will my child be burnt in the fire?’

Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: ‘Yes! Compared

to the punishment of Allah, our punishment is light. I take oath
by Allah that as long as you remain displeased with him,
neither his Salat nor his Sadaqah is accepted.’

The old lady said: ‘I make you and all people present witness
that I have forgiven Alqamah.’ Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa
sallam) addressing the gathering, said: ‘Go and see if the
Kalima is on the tongue of Alqamah or not.’

After returning from Alqamah the people informed him that he

was reciting the Kalima. Thus, he left this world with the
Kalima on his lips. After burying Alqamah, Rasul Allah (sal
Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: ‘The curse of Allah is on the one
who causes difficulty to his mother. The curse of the angels
and the curse of mankind be on him. Allah Ta'ala neither
accepts his Fardh nor his Nafl Ibadat as long as he does not
repent and obey his mother. He has to gain her pleasure as
best as he can. Allah's Pleasure depends on the mother's
pleasure and His Wrath is concealed in her wrath.’” [Ahmad]

This hadith is a sobre reminder for us to be respectful and

obedient to our parents and try to keep them happy with us. It
is not a small matter to upset them for the sake of our friends
or others who we value more. The only time that we are
allowed to give preference to others is in the matter of others’
Allah-given rights, since no obedience can supercede obedience
to Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) and His Messenger (sal Allahu
alaihi wa sallam).

Therefore, it is important to find out what the rights of our

children, spouses, relatives, friends, and other Muslims are, so
we know what Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) wants us to do in case
there is a clash between what different people want from us.
This is the only proper way to balance relationships as it seeks
Allah’s pleasure. Otherwise, mothers deserve our utmost
attention, respect and obedience.