Cognitive-Affective Bases of Behavior: Joshua Gonsher's Narrative and Subsequent

Analysis
I'm sitting in the administration's meeting room in the hallway of the main campus,
thinking about what I should include in my narrative. I see a large cargo van backing up
across the street from me, and I wonder what the driver is thinking whilst turning. There
isn't too much room in the back alley where the van is, but I believe drivers of such vans
have specific skills, one of which must be the maneuvering of large vans in small
corridors or cramped locations; else, they wouldn't get hired. However, there must have
been the very first driver of said vans who accidentally bumped into a building's corner
or ran over a garbage can or banged a fender against a concrete, yellow parking pole.
How else would drivers ever learn to pilot such a large ship?
This sounds eerily familiar to the situation I currently find myself in: I may make mistakes
whilst administering therapeutic services. I get anxious and worried that I won't know
what to do, but I then rationalize that I'm a student and that I've never had this
experience before, and I will eventually get better at it.
I want to drive across this great, large, expansive country of ours, not only because I
enjoy a long drive and the romance of the open plains calls and sings to me, but also
because I have overwhelming piles of work to do, and the escape will be quite literal. I
want to see the beat-intellectual workers of the ports, the homeless individuals living
their Zen Buddhism lives in the urban metropolises, the vast pitch-blackness of the
dustbowl farmlands at night. I want to speed along Wyoming freeways with nothing but
the limits of my gas tank to stop me or slow me down.
My house is freezing cold. The heat has been getting fixed and subsequently breaking
these past two weeks, and this entire day has been ice cold. We had guests over for
lunch, and they were freezing too, but no one complained because the food was warm,
the company was nice, and the drinks flowed easily. The kids were getting along very
well too, and everyone had a great time. Now, however, after the warmth of company
and good friends has worn off, I'm sitting in long johns and sweatpants and three layers
of long-sleeved shirts and socks and a hat and two blankets, but I'm still enjoying life.
Nothing can put out the fire I have for things I'm passionate about.
Speaking ofI sat next to a man in synagogue this afternoon, and we were discussing
psychology and therapy, what I'm passionate about, and he was lamenting those
clinicians who do not accept insurance. He, for all intents and purposes, decided that
those who do not want to deal with the scam that is insurance are doing a great
disservice to their clients. They are adding insult to injury since the clients are suffering
because of their psychic distress (my word) and only seek therapy to alleviate that pain.
Further, they only decide to see therapists in their network since they do not want to
incur too much debt, which adds to their pain. I began discussing how these individuals
might otherwise be able to pay for therapy, but he did not want to hear it. He nearly
accused me of suggesting they steal it or sell drugs to pay for it. He did not think that
therapy A) could acquire such drastic results in such a short amount of time that would
demand $300 $400 a session and B) should cost more than he could afford. I was
saddened by this since part of the tenets of our religious beliefs indicate that drastic, lifealtering change can happen in an instant. We believe that should an individual wish to
stop sinning or start observing biblical commandments with more devotion and intention,

one can in an instant. If we don't believe this, it is almost as though we were going
against our Creator and denying core elements of the religion.
I'm thankful that I'm going to conduct some empirical research (or whatever one can call
finding qualitative data) on the type of therapy my father-in-law practices, so the world
can finally call his approach or position an empirically based treatment, and this guy I
was sitting next to in synagogue can finally believe that his life doesn't need to be full of
pain and suffering and anguish.
The above personal, free-associated narrative speaks of several items of freedom but
with a sense of fear. The author of said narrative may be someone who is scared of not
having a parachute when he jumps out of the plane but who is too free to be cooped up
in the cockpit. This sounds like he is having misgivings about completing his second
practicum and beginning his third since he may feel unprepared to be on his own when
practicing therapy. Though he may feel confident in what he knows of therapy and what
he has learned outside of school, the new techniques and strategies that often run
counter to what he's studied previously feel stilted and scripted and often stifle his
creativity. This scares him since he feels he may not completely understand what will be
asked of him in terms of proving his knowledge and competence in certain realms.
Further, this author must have a great sense of autonomy and does not enjoy others
imposing on this. He is very steeped in religious philosophy, and when others of his own
ilk challenge that dogma by means of insufficient funds of knowledge, it frustrates and
saddens him.
Finally, the author has great faith in the future and whatever it bringsfinancially,
professionally, spiritually, romantically, etc. He knows that no matter what happens, he
will be able to weather whatever storms may come. He will also do so with a smile on his
face.