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NOT QUITE DEAD

CHARACTERS:
KATO
IMAN (Katos wife)
SHASA (Katos sister)
MORGUE DRIVER
MORGUE OWNER
MORGUE EMPLOYEE
POLICE OFFICER

ACT I AT KATOS HOME


(Kato, his wife, and his sister are in the dining room)
IMAN: (to Kato) How was work?.
KATO: It was terrible!. I feel so stressed out!.
SHASA: You should try to work less. Oh, I hate your boss. She makes you
work long hours. Shes a witch!. Why dont you quit, and look for another
job?.
IMAN: He cant!. We have to pay our monthly mortgage payments, or we
may lose our home.
SHASA: Oh, sorry, I didnt know. (looks at Kato) Whats wrong with you?. Are
you feeling alright?.
IMAN: Kato, you look pale!.
KATO: (stands up) Im tired. Im going to bed. I dont want to eat
anything. (to Iman) Give me a pill, please, I have a terrible headache.
IMAN: Sure, dear.
(She stands up, takes a bottle of medicine from the cabinet, and gives a pill
to Kato. Kato takes the pill, then he falls to the floor)
IMAN: Kato!. Kato!.
(Shasa stands up and kneels down beside Kato)
SHASA: Oh, my God!.
(Iman slaps Kato)
IMAN: Kato!. This is not funny!.
(She slaps him once again. Shasa checks his pulse, and listens to his
heartbeat)
SHASA: Iman I think hes dead.

IMAN: Dead?. No!. Wake up, my dear!. (slaps Kato and tries to open his
eyes) Open your eyes!. Remember the house payments!. You cant do this
to me!.
SHASA: Hes not breathing. He is completely dead!.
IMAN: So, he cant be partially dead, right?.
SHASA: No,he is totally dead. (she spells the word) D-E-A-D dead.
IMAN: (crying) Kato, what am I going to do without you?.
(Shasa stands)
SHASA: Ill call the morgue.
IMAN: No, call the doctor!.
SHASA: What for?. The doctor will not bring him to life. He is in heaven now.
IMAN: Oh, Kato!. I will always love you.
(Shasa picks up the phone, dials a number, and talks in a low voice)
IMAN: What did they say?.
SHASA: Theyll be here in five minutes.
IMAN: (to Kato crying) You will never wear your favorite shirt again. You will
never have another birthday cake. You will not play baseball anymore. You
will never drive your car. You will never
SHASA: Stop it!.
(The door bell rings)
SHASA: Ill open the door. (she goes to the door, opens it, and two men
enter)
MORGUE EMPLOYER: Is this 423 Mandela St.?.
SHASA: Yes, it is.
MORGUE EMPLOYEE: Were from the morgue. We came to collect a body.

SHASA: Please, come in and follow me.


(The Driver and the Morgue Employee follow Shasa to the dining room. They
kneel down beside Kato)
MORGUE DRIVER: First, I have to examine him (he checks his pulse, and
looks for a heartbeat). Theres nothing.
(Iman and Shasa cry louder)
MORGUE EMPLOYEE: Were sorry ladies, but we have to take him to the
morgue. (He covers Kato with a white sheet, then he and the Morgue Driver
put him on a stretcher and leave. Iman and Shasa hug and cry)

ACT II AT THE MORGUE


(Kato is lying on a stretcher in a refrigerated room. There are other two
more bodies lying on stretchers. In another room, The Morgue Employer is
typing on his computer, and the Morgue Driver is reading the newspaper.
Kato opens his eyes)
KATO: Brrrrits so cold in here. Iman, please turn off the air
conditioner. (He waits for a few minutes)Iman, didnt you hear
me?. (silence) Fine, Ill do it myself. (He stands and walks in the room) Its
so dark in here, I cant see anything. Ill turn on the lights. (He tries to reach
the light switch but he cant find it)Mmmm, wheres the switch? (He looks
around in the dark touching objects that seem strange to him. He touches a
foot from one of the bodies) What is this?. It seems like a foot, a cold foot,
but its not Imans . This is a mans foot!. Where am I?. (He starts to
yell) Iman!. Iman!.
(Morgue Employer stops typing)
MORGUE EMPLOYER: Did you hear something?.
MORGUE DRIVER: (Reading the newspaper) No.
(Kato keeps yelling, and tries to open the door)
KATO: Help!. Help!. Please, somebody help me!.
(Morgue Driver stands)
MORGUE DRIVER: You were rightI heard something.
MORGUE EMPLOYER: Shhhhquiet.
(Kato keeps yelling)
KATO: (pounding on the door) Help!. Get me out of here!
MORGUE DRIVER: My God, I think its a ghost!.
(Morgue Owner enters)
MORGUE OWNER: Whats all that noise!?.
MORGUE DRIVER: It wasnt us chief. The noise is coming from over there.

MORGUE OWNER: It can be!.


(Kato keeps yelling and pounding on the door)
MORGUE DRIVER: I told you. Its a ghost!.
MORGUE EMPLOYER: This place is haunted. Im getting out of here.
(starts to leave)
MORGUE DRIVER: Me too!.
(starts to leave)
MORGUE OWNER: Hey, hey, hey wait!.
MORGUE EMPLOYER: Im telling you, theres no way Im staying here.
MORGUE DRIVER: Me neither!.
MORGUE OWNER: Come on, dont be scared!. Ill call the police!.
MORGUE DRIVER: The police?. What for?. You should called the
Ghostbusters!.
MORGUE EMPLOYER: Hes right.
MORGUE OWNER: Thats nonsense!. Ill call the police. (He picks up the
phone, dials a number, talks in a low voice, then he hangs up the
phone) Theyll be here in less than a minute.
MORGUE EMPLOYER: The noise stopped.
MORGUE OWNER: Lets sit, and calm down. (They sit. Minutes later the door
opens. Iman and Shasa enter) Who are you?.
MORGUE EMPLOYER: They are the relatives of the deceased man we
brought about an hour ago.
MORGUE DRIVER: We are waiting for the cops to arrive.
IMAN: Why?. What happened?.
MORGUE OWNER: Nothing, dont worry.

MORGUE EMPLOYER: Theres a ghost in the back room.


SHASA: A ghost?.
MORGUE OWNER: Dont listen to him. What can I do for you?.

IMAN: We are here to fill out the forms to take my husbands body to the
funeral home.
MORGUE OWNER: Oh yes, please sit down.
(The door opens. The Police Officer enters)
POLICE OFFICER: Whats the emergency?.
MORGUE EMPLOYER: Theres a ghost in the other room.
POLICE OFFICER: Ha, ha, ha, there are no ghosts, gentlemen!.
MORGUE OWNER: I think we have one in the refrigerated room.
POLICE OFFICER: Lets go take a look. (he takes out his gun)
MORGUE OWNER: Im glad you have your firearm, just in case something
wants to fight with us.
POLICE OFFICER: You want me to shoot a ghost?.
MORGUE OWNER: Well, it might work.
(Police Officer heads to the Refrigerated Room. He is followed by Morgue
Owner, Morgue Driver, Morgue Employer, Iman, and Shasa. Kato keeps
kicking and pounding on the door)
MORGUE EMPLOYER: See. We told you!.
(Police Officer opens the door. They see Kato standing near the door)
POLICE OFFICER: Is this your ghost?.
IMAN: (hugging him) Oh Kato, Im so happy that youre alive!.
KATO: How on earth did I get here?.

SHASA: Oh, brother youre lucky they put you in the refrigerator not an
incinerator.
POLICE OFFICER: Who is this man?.
IMAN: Hes my husband. And hes alive!.
MORGUE OWNER: I cant believe it!.
SHASA: (to Morgue Driver) You said he was dead. Im going to sue you!.
IMAN: (to Shasa) You said he was deadfirst!.
MORGUE OWNER: (to Police Officer) Thank you officer for coming. We dont
need you anymore.
POLICE OFFICER: Next time you think its a ghost dont call the policecall
the Ghostbusters their vacum cleaners work a lot better than guns. Ha,ha,
ha, ha.
(Police Officer leaves)
IMAN: Come on, dear. As soon as we get home Ill make you a hot cup of tea.
KATO: Yes, its been a crazy day!.
MORGUE OWNER: Please, forgive us Mr. Kato.
KATO: Never mind. Im not quite dead yet!.
(Iman, Kato, and Shasa leave)
MORGUE OWNER: Uffff.Hes a fortunate man. Its a good thing he didnt
wake up in the middle of the autopsy.
THE END

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