AMP Power of Presence Notes

Posted on June 24, 2013

The Authentic Man Program is an organisation offering products to men who want to
improve their relating with women. They focus on inner game, as they feel good
outer game flows naturally from solid inner game. They were inspired by David
Deida (see his book Way of the Superior Man) and their work is also related to
such authors as Eckhart Tolle.These notes are about their first DVD set The Power
of Presence. It was given away for free (save S&H) up until recently, but can be
found on ThePlace as well. This set consist of 3 DVDs and a training manual, which
can be found here.
Quote:
Power of Presence DVD 1 What is Presence?
1 What Is Presence?
Garrison Cohen: Many teachers and schools claim to be able to teach men how to
have choice when it comes to women. These teachers and schools teach almost
exclusively outer game. Few understand or can even teach the inner experience.
Presence is about having an understanding of yourself, the woman, the world around
you, and the interaction thats taking place.
He introduces Travis Decker and Brian Bayer, pioneers who can create
distinctions of inner game such that men have access to an entirely new understanding
of themselves and whats truly possible with women.
Decker: Being able to naturally create a profound connection with a woman can be
taught. He takes it further: Any behaviour or experience can be taught if taught in
its basic components. Rehearsed behaviour wont give her that pop where shes
dropping everything to make sure she can see you again.
Decker: Being willing to take a look at the fundamentals of whats going on in those
flash moments where it just felt connected and turned on will have you start to have
phenomenal transformations in whats possible for you and your interactions.
2 Evolving Into Presence
Decker and Bayer talk about their transformations and the birth of A.M.P.
Decker was completely unsuccessful with women until he was 21. Having solid
connections with other men lead him to having a breakthrough where he suddenly

was very intimate with many amazing women, even though his outer game was below
all standards. The way I was relating to my life and to other people made a huge
difference to me.
Bayer thought he was doing alright in his relating with women until he met Decker,
who ripped open his concept of what was even possible in relating with women.
Observing Decker (who already gone through his breakthrough) in his interactions
with females frustrated Bayer with his own relating with women and made him decide
to get that part of his life handled.
Getting feedback and perspectives from women made the biggest contribution to the
man he is most inspired to be and was the inspiration behind the A.M.P.
The training manual suggests writing down a brief relationship history, noticing
recurring patterns or places where your relating with women falls short of where you
want it to be.
3 Inner Game vs. Outer Game
Decker: Inner game is when you access your internal experience (getting in there),
when you get clear on who youre being and in your relating with women.
Bayer makes an analogy when he compares the inner game/outer game relationship to
the Celtic tree of life there is an interplay between the two: both influence and form
each other.
Outer game (body language, storytelling, openers, kino) are the leaves on the tree:
they bring nourishment into the tree and they look good. Outer game is doing.
However: a tree doesnt grow from the leaves to the roots. Inner game (beliefs, values,
mindset, identity) are the roots of the tree. Inner game is being.
Bayer: Outer game has received most attention, leaving inner game mostly
undiscovered.
The leaves are simply an outward expression of the roots. Working from the top
down will feel like a lot of work: its not grounded in your natural expression. Above
all, that approach is likely to fail as a radiant woman will see right through to the
(sick) roots.
Decker warns the audience: You cannot replicate someone elses inner game breakthrough, and tells them there is no cookie-cutter mold for being authentic. Its
something you discover for yourself.
Decker and Bayer offer two suggestions for getting most value out of the course.
1)Bring yourself fully to it.
2)Dont wait for the good stuff; a breakthrough in your understanding can happen
any time.
4 Engage Your Physiology

Bayer: In order to retain the most info, you need to engage your physiology.
The exercise requires a partner. Bring all your awareness into you body and stand eyeto-eye with your partner. You hit the other as soon as he checks out or tries too hard
to be present. The actual content seems not to matter, as long as you bring awareness
into your body.
The manual elaborates: When we hit each other in a supportive way, the primal part
of our brain makes us become more aware of our bodies and environments. Women
can feel that warrior-like energy and are drawn to it since they feel instinctively safer
with men who are Present in their bodies.
Decker closes by saying: Let yourself be saturated by men who are proactive about
having the life they want.
5 The Moment You See It, You Have Choice Around It
Decker: Be prepared to learn something about yourself.
The moment you notice something around your way of being, you have choice
around it. Decker cites the poem the three greatest mysteries: A fish unto water, a
bird unto air, a man unto himself. For a fish, the greatest mystery is water: since its
swimming in it, its not aware of it.
A man is so immersed in his own experience, his own thoughts and behaviours that
hes not conscious of them. We just assume that the way the world exists for us is how
it is for everyone, and thats not true.
What you are not aware of (holding back, trying to prove yourself, defending
yourself) runs your life and kills attraction with women. The moment you become
aware of that is the moment you have choice around it.
Decker: Be clear for you: what is it that you want in your life? Know your
intention.
The manual suggests writing down what you wish to accomplish with the A.M.P. The
DVD shows 3 men sharing their own goals they hope A.M.P. will help them to
accomplish.
6 Inner Game Training Model: the Holarchy
Decker: Be prepared ready for those perspective shifts where you notice the world
looks green because youre wearing green shades. You have freedom over your beliefs
once you realize them and how they colour your world.
Decker introduces the holarchy 1, a system where each stage grows out from the one
before it. It consists of 5 levels: presence, appreciation, integrity, wholeness and play.
Every phase in the holarchy naturally flows from the previous one and is supported by
it.

Note Holarchy is not a term invented by the A.M.P. It was used before by A.
Koestler (who defined a holarchy as a hierarchy of holons, each holon being both
a part and the whole) and by D. Spangler (who contrasted a hierarchy where parts
are compared based on some attribute with a holarchy where every part is
evaluated based on its uniqueness and ability to engage with other parts in a way
which lets that uniqueness bear fruit).
Presence is an awareness of yourself, others and your interactions together in the
moment. Being in the now.
There are three stages to presence: being present to yourself, to her and to the
interaction youre having (see chapter 13).
Appreciation is fully embracing whatever youre present to. Being a yes.
For a woman, it means she feels appreciated. Youre not there to get something, but
you are connected, allowing her to trust you and surrender herself to you.
Integrity is living a life aligned with your values. Owning your desire.
Rhanda: Yes, everything is perfect how it is, including my desire to change it. So:
what am I gonna do about it? What am I committed to? What do I want?
Decker: You cannot skip appreciation and go straight to integrity. Women can feel it
when we are coming from fear, avoiding, controlling (where things are not
congruent).
Wholeness is feeling complete with who you are, without needing anything.
Suzuki Roshi: Yes, were all perfect as we are. And we could all use a little work.
Decker: A relationship is a terrible place to get something, yet a wonderful place to
co-create something.
Wholeness runs through the three foundations, as it flows naturally from Presence,
Appreciation and Integrity.
Play is contribution, spontaneity, growth for its own sake. Its the afterglow, and
thus not the main focus of the program.
Decker: This model works as a diagnostic, works to fully experience any situation.
Decker reminds us that this work is very personal; not what is done/said is important,
but the context its done/said in. He gives the example of two different guys saying
the same thing, but their saying it having a completely different meaning. When one
guy said fuck that, I know what Im doing, it was a breakthrough to him: he was
finally able to decide for himself and stop constantly accommodating others. When
another said it, his friends commented thats your same shit; youre so defensive you
cant accept someone elses experience of you.

7 The Power of Presence: What is It?

Kendra and Ami, two female A.M.P. coaches, are introduced.
The question is: what is presence and why is it relevant? Decker says: When women
talk in their poetic language about other men, they are in fact giving us the keys to
the kingdom, yet we men mostly ignore it.
Bayers asks Kendra and Ami what their experiences with Present men are.
To Kendra, Presence is the quality of being in a space with a man. It is the
awareness of what is so and she illustrates it: where I am, where he is, where other
people are, where the drinks are, which means that there is less that I have to take care
of. His attention is not all over the place, but his awareness has a foundation in
himself and is broad, encompassing the space around him, so I can offer myself to the
interaction fully.
The manual elaborates: women are vulnerable, both physically and emotionally, and
thats why they are appreciative of men who make them feel safe.
Decker: Someone who uses rehearsed lines/behaviors is more focused on their
delivery than on the subtleties of an interactions and that greatly diminishes his
Presence. Women strongly feel that.
The manual adds: women can also strongly feel it when you have an agenda. Its
normal to desire intimacy, but if youre not appreciating her and the interaction in the
moment, any attraction gets killed. Dont hide your intentions, but be open about them
so you may form a connection.
When you are Present, women feel free to relax and let go.
Ami gives two examples out of her own life. The first example is of a man who
approached her and wanted to meet her, but his mind was filled with his own
nervousness and he became fluttery. She felt grossed out and (at that moment) did
not want to do the work required to make him relax.
Her second example is about an interaction where a man was so Present with her, they
were sharing a truly intense moment without speaking full sentences or even knowing
each others names.
When youre not relaxed or having fun, consider you are not Present.
Bayers tells that his becoming Present lead him to become aware of tension in his
body, which was deterring potential attraction women might have felt for him. He
concludes: Women will respond when you learn to relax unconscious tension in your
body.
Bayer also reports that women would consistently tell him they first wanted to be
sexual with him the moment they became aware of him, since they knew he wouldnt
be selfish with them.

8 Presence Demo: Dan

Decker claims that, when women experience a mans Presence for the first time, they
are unconsciously imagining what itd be like making love to him (i.e. they assume
you will make her feel the same way in bed as when you interact normally). So
approaching with a lot of Presence would make a woman very turned on.
In other words: people note your first impression and assume you handle all other
areas of your life in a similar manner.
Dans intentions are to get better at connecting with the people at community events
he frequently attends. He volunteers to do an approach and get feedback on it.
Ami comments on Dans vibe (a vibe is the feeling others get when experiencing us)
she feel scared and asks Dan to step back. Kendra says Dan came towards them
very directly, very close and very fast. Him coming down to our level and moving
even closer was overpowering to the women. Ami contrasts the power of his
approach with how he slunk out of the chair while sitting in the audience
(incongruency). After his approach, he smiled, shifting his vibe once more, this time
into something warm and welcoming.
Kendra notes his eyes are the most distinct: they are very embodying and very intense
and directed (like a laser beam). That can be pleasant, but was unpleasant. When
Dan smiles, Ami notes that completely changes the vibe and makes him more
accessible (note that smiling worked for Dan in this context, yet may not for him or
someone else in another context).
Ami comments that Dans intensity felt like a cloak a social mask hindering her
from discovering what it is about Dan that makes him be so intense. That mask gets in
the way of authentic attraction.
Decker also points out the covert movement Dan makes when moving closer again.
It is a sort of cloak, making Ami unclear about her intentions (making her suspect him
of sinister motives, such as seeing her as an object).
Kendra points out the gap existing between desiring a woman and recognizing that
woman as a person. The two qualities exist within Dan and Kendra advises him to
learn to feel his desire and see that woman as another person at the same time.
Hindering Behaviour Trying too hard to make women comfortable puts them on
their guard. Which (sinister) intention could he have that needs me being
comfortable?
Decker says: Every intention (intentions are inherently positive) can be closed down
by our unconscious ways of going about it. He invites the audience to find out what
is driving these behaviours, which gives them new ways to bring themselves more
fully.
If you choose to change a behaviour that hinders you, it will feel uncomfortable at
first as youre going against the grain.

Lower Body Awareness Decker gives an exercise to get more awareness in your
lower body. Take a moment take a few full breaths crouch down and get some
awareness in your lower body; feel your legs and feet on the ground.
The manual recommends seriously considering the vibe youre giving off, how do
others experience you?
9 Presence Demo: David
David has a long term relationship but feels it doesnt have enough juice. Also, he
wants to be comfortable with feeling attracted to other women even though hes in a
relationship.
Ami: Presence isnt just something for first impressions; its the basis of a healthy
relationship: every time you interact, you meet her again and bring yourself fully
again. To me (the author) this is another way of saying: taking people for granted is
the best way of losing their involvement and affection.
After the approach, David asks the girls what their experience of him was (upon
Bayers insistance). Decker interrupts when they hesitate to answer and says: they
hesitate when they cant feel you genuinely caring for their experience.
Vulnerability David prepares to try again, yet Kendra cuts him short. She says that
when he smiled when Decker made his comments, it was a relaxed moment she
enjoyed. Then he straightened up, as if getting ready to perform/achieve.
Ami adds that he has a perfectionist stroke and that, when Decker told him he made a
mistake, he had a childlike component of I messed up where you felt accessible.
And we women thrive on those moments.
Bayer rewords it: it tells more of a man when he makes a mistake and how he handles
it than when hes doing it right all the time. Strength and vulnerability together has
women feel closer to you and trust you more (Dave handling his mistake with humour
made the girls trust go up).
Women feel cheated when we hide our rich and unique personalities in the vain
attempt to do it right. They love it when you feel real and accessible.
Ami finally shows David how his girlfriend might feel should he show up from work,
immediately doing his best to revitalise their relationship, she might be turned off
because its too much work. However, if he came home and messed up a bit, she
would go alright, Tiger wink because there she can feel she can access him.
Women will feel a shift in their bodies based on how a man is being.
Caring About Her Experience Decker takes David aside and asks him what their
experience of him was. David thinks he knows, but Decker says David did not get
what their experience was and gets him to genuinely say he had no idea what their
experience was (while engaging his body to express it). You have to actually care
about their experience. Thats the bitch of this.

Men can have difficulty in relating to a woman because of fear (of rejection), by
trying to get something, by trying to do it right or even because they dont get that a
woman is a different person with her own experiences.
Decker invites him to ask them a second time, this time with the curiosity of maybe
Ill be surprised, who knows. Kendra tells him to imagine being a kid, at the exact
moment of looking under a rock, eager to find whats under it. Without a doubt or
hesitance, only discovery and joy. And she tells him to have that state when
approaching a woman.
This time the girls comment he really wanted to know if he was doing it right and
appreciated his curiosity.
Decker closes by commenting how trying to do it right has a big cost, especially in
relationships.
10 Pod #1: Why We Cant Hide Our Feelings
An A.M.P. pod is basically an exercise in a small group of men, where one of the men
interacts with a woman and then gets feedback. If the man has an edge, they attempt
to break through it and attempt again. All of this is guided by an AMP facilitator.
Victor approaches Sandhya and Alexis. Sandhya mentions she felt him pretty quickly,
but stopped breathing because Victor did not, which made the two lose connection. A
great way to lose Presence is to stop breathing.
Alexis felt a deliberateness as Victor walked up, and nervousness, but the most
striking was sadness. Victor acknowledges that his experiences with women so far
have not been positive to him. Unfelt emotions will be felt in your Presence and kill
your attraction.
Alexis tells the guy that that sadness is in every woman and that he might ask himself
how he can be with a woman in that sadness when he is feeling this sadness rise up.
Victor rightfully asks whether that is a good idea, as he doesnt want his experiences
with women to be negative.
She replies that putting happy feelings on top of sadness wont open that space
between him and a woman; whatever one resists feeling gets in the way when dealing
with women. He has to accept and work with what is Present for him, so he can open
up the connection with a woman, yet avoid collapsing into it.
On-screen: What Emotions do you resist? Fear? Sadness? Anger? Happiness?
11 Pod #2: Accessing More of Your Power
Michael approaches Ami and Shelly. Ami notes the ease and comfort of Michaels
approach, but the rising nervousness just being with the girls. She wasnt surprised
when Michael then had the need to say hi, because of the tension. Even in silence,
youre communicating your comfort level with yourself.

Shelly claimed her desire was for him to have an animalistic sexual drive that she was
missing. Michael says he feels the beast, yet that hes containing it. Ami says it has
nothing to do with just fucking her, but that its an ability to bring it. Balancing the
sensitive receptive side and the side that brings itself fully brings out a strong
Presence. Suppressing attraction actually kills the trust in the women.
The facilitator allows Michael to retreat into a group of men and asks them to find that
power (how much access to it do you have?) what would you do if you had to save a
life and would do anything to save it? Or in a situation where it was kill or be killed?
The manual suggests doing that exercise yourself.
He approaches again and the women laugh with joy; they are more attracted to him.
Ami experiences a solidness, a thrust of your being.
12 Pod #3: Dealing with Body Armour
Scott does an approach on Ami and Alexis. Scott has a certain solidness and
masculinity about him, according to Alexis, but she was frustrated because he hardly
noticed her being there. Ami experienced his attention as very objectifying; she didnt
feel Scott was seeing her as a human.
The facilitator tells Scott this frustration is because the women dont know what his
intentions are, why hes there with them. Alexis says she wants to connect to his heart,
but his eyes give her a stare rather than a gaze, stopping her from connecting.
He takes a moment and approaches again. Alexis notices a smile rising from a sea of
heaviness and she appreciates his effort to be receptive (women appreciate the effort
of being receptive even with a heavy heart). Ami echoes these feelings, noticing how
he saw the women as a group and not just her.
Alexis advises that Scott be aware of the ways he protects his heart from the outer
world, so he doesnt close down the point of connection with women.
Quote:
Power of Presence DVD 2 Cultivating Presence
13 Positions of Presence
Decker repeats: you cannot replicate someone else and expect the same results;
expecting to do it right simply kills attraction. You just end up putting layer upon
layer of artificialities.
Presence is a function of your intention. It means not sleepwalking through life or
being checked out. It is waking up out of that to bring your attention fully to your own
life, experience and interactions. Its much like awakening from the Matrix.

There are three ways of relating to Presence: being present to yourself, to her and to
the interaction youre having.
Me are you grounded, aware of your body? Are you in your own body? Am I living
in the moment? Become aware of your body, every little spot. Are you aware of your
environment?
Close your eyes, imagine what it would feel like to be fully aware of every part of
your body at once. Awareness of your body creates a vortex where women are drawn
to you.
You Do you own your space? Are you aware of her and her experience? Does she
feel your Presence? What she is saying? What she is communicating? Are you just
waiting for your turn to speak?
Recall how you generally feel when interacting with women. Imagine looking at
yourself from her perspective. How do you experience yourself?
We There is a polarity between men and women, a dynamic interplay to be aware
of.
Suppose you were a third party, what do you notice about this interaction between
him and her?
14 1st Position: In Your Body
Decker gives the audience an exercise to become Present. Put your feet firmly on the
ground close your eyes take a deep breath allows your attention to go over your
entire body, noticing the sensations you werent aware off before, noticing places
where you feel tension and relaxing that. Places that feel numb or blank, Decker
advises you give extra attention to become aware of the sensations. He finally lets the
men open their eyes.
The manual elaborates on these numb parts. They are places where you feel or felt
pain and which were numbed by the subconscious as a safety measure, but which you
can now reclaim as a part of you (and women can feel that).
15 Presence Demo: Jason
Jason approaches Ami and Kendra and tries to experience the feelings he has when
hes with a woman hes interested in.
Kendras first impression is that he feels muffled. Jasons Presence ends about
halfway his chest, according to the women (like most men, Jason keeps most of his
Presence in his head). That means they cant feel a connection or resonance below
that part (this feeling is compared to dampened sound). His power feels unexpressed.
Women want to feel your Presence in your entire body. They are like tuning forks: if
you withhold emotions, they cant resonate with you.

Physical activity (including exercise, stretching and using your voice) is a great way
to get Present in your body. Decker invites another audience member to perform an
exercise on Jason, to open his chest area. Back-to-back, the man lifts Jason onto his
back, stretching his chest. Decker than asks Jason to roar and breathe. This gives him
a kind of fierce love, where before he had only a disempowered heart connection.
Jason asks how this impacts sex. I dont know a woman who doesnt sometimes just
wants to be fucked, Kendra says and that a woman will feel frustrated if he doesnt
have that capacity. Its a meeting of the heart (lover) and the animal (masculinity); if
the two arent together in a man, then he isnt someone to stick around with,
according to Ami.
16 Presence Demo: Rory
Rory frequently hears from women that his heart isnt open. Upon approaching the
women, Kendra notes she felt a lot of sadness near her throat. Rory acknowledges he
feels sadness in his body. Bayer comments these are stuck, unprocessed emotions and
those get in the way of connecting with women.
Having women feel great in their bodies when theyre around you involves feeling
great in your own body first! That is Presence.
Bayer goes on to talk about his on life. He would put a positive spin on everything
happening to him, but women would tell him they felt sadness in him. Once he
connected to it, he started crying, what he called a purging. Since, hes allowed
himself to connect with that sadness so he can feel the world around him and the
interactions taking place. So he cries regularly to keep that Presence sharp.
Holding your emotions back in this way is holding yourself back. If you push those
feelings down, women will not be able to feel you (as you yourself cant either) and
theyll feel frustrated about it and wont be able to trust you.
Owning your emotions without collapsing into them is powerful and sexy to
women.
Decker coaches Rory to feel his sadness. He explains it by saying life tends to wear
him down. Even when Decker points out he is suppressing his emotions by explaining
them, Rory still continues that habit. Like most men, he tries to explain his emotions
instead of feeling them. Its compulsive. Yet, while it is very confronting, owning your
feelings brings huge rewards with women.
Decker wants Rory to own his sadness. Yet Rory cant say I feel sad without turning
it into a joke. That joking is a social mask, allowing him to hide his deeper emotions
(posturing, trying to look good to others); try discovering how you mask your
emotions. So Decker asks Rory to be with the women, breathe, connect and express
his sadness. He collapses into it, communicating I feel sad, but its not like you
care.
On the third attempt, Ami comments she felt something move in her throat. Kendra
notes theres not a lot of distance between joking around, feeling nervous and being

fluttery and between dropping into his sadness and expressing it. In the end Rory
manages to get there, and the women light up.
17 Can You Be Too Present?
An audience member asks how you can feel sadness without taking over. Bayer once
more explains the difference between moving through your sadness and collapsing in
it.
You can fully feel your sadness and be open about it and still have women being
intrigued by you. But you can also be depressed and feel sorry for yourself, which is
unattractive and wussy.
Decker: The longer you dam it up, the more its gonna feel like it is going to take
you over. If you act as though youre not feeling it, you will get quirkier and more
faded away. The emotions can feel like a hassle, or something you have to deal with
in order to live life and thats where youre not owning it, and thus not being Present.
Another audience member asks how you can channel Presence and have it accomplish
the communication you want it to. Decker replies that presence is something you are,
not something you do or make. Trying to use Presence as a tool for creating attraction
will result in great crash n burn-stories its one part of the holarchy and wont
address anything by itself. Similarly, you are usually not aware of your Presence, but
becoming aware of it usually results in losing it.
18 2nd Position: You
Once you drop in and get connected to your own experience and sensations, theres
the you. Its the difference between being aware of yourself in the moment and
reigning it in and radiating it outward like a rock star walking up on stage.
Owning your space will lead to magnetic attraction with women.
Bayer recounts how women would veer out off their way to bump into Decker, even
though he was poorly dressed. He demonstrates how he would approach women and
stand next to them, waiting for them to finish their conversation so hed have an
opening to start talking to them. But they never did finish it, as they barely noticed
him and could easily ignore his Presence (which was skin-deep at best).
If women dont notice your approach, consider youre not owning your space.
Bayer discovered that if his Presence was broad enough to encapsulate them, they
would magically wrap up their conversation and turn to talk to him.
Cohen interrupts the video and recaps how to become Present. The first step is to
drop into your body and fully feel every sensation. Then you can expand your
awareness to the space around you and own it. Try to imagine touching all walls
and other objects that are in the space. People who regularly entertain thousands of
people at the same time massively own their space, think of live artists.

The manual goes into experiencing the world through someone elses eyes.
The elderly lady on the bus, for instance. To her, the world moves faster, objects have
become heavier and she feels tired quicker. People dress in all kinds of weird fashions
and societys morality simply isnt the same anymore; she may feel intimidated or
even frightened by all of it. Technology simply baffles her. Most of her close friends
and family members have passed away, but her grandchildren give her much joy. She
dont remember things so well anymore, parts of her body hurt. She simply looks
forward to relaxing in the safety of her home.
Or imagine the pretty girl at a party youre at. Ever since she started developing
breasts, boys and men have been looking at her, staring at her. It may flatter her, it
may annoy her. Often, men purposefully brush up to her or actively grab her intimate
parts. She prefers to be safely tucked away in her group of friends. Shes probably
very conscious about her body and fears she doesnt make the mark, so she spends a
lot of time trying to look as good or better than her peers. She may worry about gossip
and the talk behind her back. At the end of it all, she just hopes to find a good man
with whom she can be happy.
If you can see the world from his/her perspective, the subtle shift in your perspective
will have an effect on the interaction in a positive manner.
19 Owning Your Space
Remember, there is no 2nd position to worry about if youre not Present in your own
body.
Decker asks for 5 volunteers to do an exercise. The first part is them shutting down
and holding back so they can discovering in which ways they are not Present. Try this
yourself; close down by getting in your head, thinking of what you did the days before
etc. Discovering how you shut down will help you open up whenever it happens.
Then they expand their Presence to try and become aware of as much space as they
can. Feet on the ground, spine upright. Feeling the space behind you, above you,
below you. Decker: Your gaze will become wider and more spacious. Zoom out.
Finally, they approach the women on the couch and try to feel them, feel past them.
Kendra comments that the most important part if the exercise is closing down, so you
can feel in what ways you are bringing your space in and are disconnecting from the
world around you.
Decker brags about how, after his breakthrough, people starting connecting with him
and were drawn to him. As if magnetic. Thats the start of the 3rd position, the
dynamic.
20 Pod #1: Bringing More of Yourself
In this Pod, Amjad approaches Alexis and Sandhya. The latter points out Amjads
smile, which she felt was a social mask for his nervousness that distracted her from
connecting. Alexis points out his lack of owning his space. She also says that his

gentle smile made her think: guy wants me to feel safe, hes trying really hard, hell
never be more than a friend and hell not be able to keep my interest.
The facilitator comments that theres nothing Amjad needs to try to do, the women
simply want more of his Presence. He needs to bring more of himself.
Amjad goes through a small breathing exercise and tries again. Alexis comments she
felt a certain deliberateness and that she felt him sooner. Sandhya says she felt a
moment where he was truly enjoying the moment. Alexis feels his smile has changed;
no longer is he trying to make them feel comfortable.
21 Pod #2: Why We Cant Hide Our Emotions
Rory is the focus of this pod, and hell be trying to be Present to Sandhya and Shelly.
Sandhya comments she enjoyed Rorys humour and was opened by it at first, but he
then closed and Sandhya felt his sadness. She tells Rory that his sadness is an avenue
of connection, rather than something that has to be removed from his Presence.
Shelly experienced anger when Rory disconnected. She was frustrated that he didnt
offer himself when they were offering themselves. Women become angry, sad or
frustrated when a man takes his Presence away.
She then says, in response to a comment made by Rory, that even when a man is
simply standing somewhere in silence, he is communicating a lot. Who you are being
shows up in every aspect of your doing (see chapter 3, the tree of life).
Rory asks about this intuition of women. Sandhya responds that women will always
feel that in their gut, even if they cant express it in words. Frustrations in women
come up when a man is unwilling to be with whats so (for Rory, his sadness). Its an
elephant in the room, to women. Being real with what youre feeling will have
women trust you.
22 Pod #3: Getting from Our Head to Our Body
Chip, who had previous experience with the A.M.P, approaches Ami (who is by
herself). Ami noticed that Chip had a lot of Presence and as she felt that, she felt a
mounting curiosity. What is this guy offering? He is so Present and my body feels so
relaxed. It felt like more of just an exercise to both. When he arrived, though, Ami
fell back, where Chip lost some Presence and shut down a bit.
Women are like a mirror to your emotions. If shes acting a certain way, consider that
a reflection/response of/to your inner state.
The facilitator notes that, as soon as Chip stood still, things became more of a head
game as he was trying to stay in his body he needs to get out of his head and into his
body. He lets him do an exercise to get into his body. After breathing, Chip gets
shaken loose by another man. The lock their arms on each others shoulders and with
that tension, Chip breathes fast, not trying to control it. Can you imagine how intense
this exercise would be for warriors from movies such as Fight Club or 300?

Youre a fucking alpha male in the jungle. Survival-mode. Youre just you, no
apologies, the facilitator says.
Ami immediately felt the difference and loved his new-found curiosity and found
she could be herself. He brought desire, and that made her very giddy for a while.
23 Pod #4: Being Right With Your Desire
The final Pod of Disc 2 has Jason approaching Ami and Shelly. Shelly thought that
Jason wanted to get something sexual from them. She felt his sexuality, but didnt feel
his heart and, as Ami comments, made them feel a bit like objects (however, she
didnt mind it as much as expected and was actually a positive experience). She then
goes on to say that attraction is something whole, i.e. she felt his body, but the heart
connection was missing.
Then, in a moment where Jason says thank you with tears in his eyes, Shelly lights
up, stating she can finally feel his heart.
The facilitator says Jason is a receptive state, where hes actually letting the feedback
land instead of quickly reacting to what the feedback is causing inside of him. Jason
says to totally straight with you, I was speaking to stop me from crying anymore than
I was, and the women do say that in that moment of weeping, they felt most
connected and Jason felt most Present.
The womens desire was for Jason to be alright with his desire. Being right with your
desire, simply means fully feeling your sexual desire.
The facilitator later comments: This is a man who just got to an edge and just opened
up to the most vulnerable place with the women, but he didnt lose any of his
solidity.
Ami adds a final gem You will get the same feedback from many different women
and where you say its always the same, women are all like that, it could be I do this
repeatedly with women, I recreate the same scenario over and over.
Quote:
Power of Presence DVD 3 Magnetic Presence
24 3rd Position
When were fully Present in our own bodies and experience, we realize we have an
impact on the space around us and on the people around us. Thats when we get into
the 3rd position, the dynamic itself.
Presence in this context is all about polarity: the attraction between masculine (yang)
and feminine (yin). Decker reminds us, again, that being in your Ying is not
something you do, but something that comes to you naturally as you get Present.

He gives the example of being in a restaurant with your girlfriend where another
radiant, feminine woman is Present its difficult not to look; your Presence is
naturally attracted to her radiance.
On the flipside he gives the example of a female cop, very masculine and owning her
space, but dying to feel like a woman. She told Decker she would sometimes be very
attracted to the most masculine of criminals she was bringing in and would start
flirting, automatically. And she was ashamed of going into her feminine, feeling it was
unprofessional.
The more Present you are, the more a woman will feel polarized into her feminine.
Its an upward spiral, where Presence brings out and empowers radiance and vice
versa. One thing to remember is that you cant change the woman youre being with;
youll have to work with the femininity thats in front of you.
Cohen interrupts and reminds of a moment in chapter 7, where Ami was recounting an
encounter with a very Present man and she visibly got into her feminine, attracting the
Presence in the male audience members. If a woman is with a very Present man she
can trust the space between them to let go and let it go out of hand a bit.
Earlier that chapter, she was recounting the encounter with a very unpresent man
where she shrinks notably; the experience was visible unpleasant.
Sometimes, as Ami says, a man can feel overwhelmed by a womans radiance,
causing him to not acknowledge it and shut down his own Presence and The
polarization falls apart, causing Ami to take charge and become more masculine and
analytical (the state which she hates).
25 Presence Demo: Victor
Victor is going to connect to one of the women. She will randomly name colors and
Victors objective is to echo these colors back.
Victor engages in a meditation with Kendra, both becoming Present to their bodies
(go as far as feeling your toenails). They begin the exercise and pretty soon, they
say the colors at almost the exact same time, having Kendra feel theres a tangible
space thats just us, and Victor that were in tune.
By paying attention, you can learn to create a bubble of intimacy with anyone so it
seems as though the rest of the world fades away.
The next step, according to Decker, is to bring everything you have into that bubble,
including your turn-on. He tells Victor he is adoring but not fully claiming, and
suggests he plays with the textures, as though Kendra is offering something and hes
capturing it, drawing it out of her. Decker plays the game with Kendra, fully claiming
her, though not commanding her, with come here and begin.
Victor tries again, adapting the texture of his voice to his state and ultimately
connecting so deeply to Kendra she cant even say a color anymore. Even Ami is

cooing in the background. Women can be drawn to polarity even if theyre not the
center of it.
Decker repeats himself again, saying you have to keep the heart-sexuality connection
intact. And that mimicking Victor will have no good results; one must come from his
own being.
26 Depth vs. Breadth
Victor asks how you can apply the exercise of the previous chapter in real life. Decker
replies that he has actually gone out and played this game with women. He then
suggests Victor discover for himself how to apply it in real-life situations by noticing
the dynamic, where his Presence is drawn, and to practice dropping in when he feels
it.
He talks about short-attention span party girls whose attention is all over the place and
constantly shifting. Most guys dont seem to get in half a sentence before her attention
is elsewhere. Decker reframes the situation. Girls like that are used to having no
depth, though theyre desiring a very Present man. So instead, she spreads her
attention all over the place so, while she doesnt have deep connections, she at least
has many connections.
If she isnt getting depth from you, shell look for connections elsewhere.
Bryan adds that girls may ask you to stop being Present with them, all while
subcommunicating that they actually enjoy it. Kendra adds that the feminine has a lot
of flavors. In the beginning she may test you, but stay fully Present for her. Her state
will often change. The point is that the first flavor of femininity that comes out may
not be what you want, but sticking with it will bring out other flavors.
Ami notes that first state of testing is in fact not the state she enjoys the most or is the
most open and feminine. Men who can stay Present throughout her whole range of
emotions are highly desirable. Its a settled in, just being here fully kind of Presence
that invites her, says Decker. The manual elaborates, stating that, while we men
would like to have women be more logical, its their emotions that matter most and if
you can ride that wave of emotion, you allows a woman to blossom into full radiance.
Would you scold a cat for meowing? Likewise, women can get caught up in their
emotions, its what they are.
Kendra says that polarity can feel uncomfortable and that men willing to be with that
discomfort (actually enjoying it) allows a woman to be comfortable with it. She then
suggests looking at everything a woman does as if shes saying a color and to bring
yourself to that in the way shes saying a color.
27 Presence Demo: Paul
Paul comes up to try the exercise Victor tried.
Before he begins, Decker shares a personal story of polarity. He was talking about the
possibility that everyone was totally evil, and he had no idea what he would say next,

as though another part of his body was speaking. The desire he felt from deep down
his gut made his girlfriend radiate enormously, which in turn inspired Deckers
Presence and so on.
Decker perceives a constrained and managed niceness to Paul. He advises him to err
on the side of not giving a shit and still fully bringing himself. Im here, take it or
leave it. And to connect to that place where he doesnt have to do anything, where he
can choose Ami.
If you dont know what to do with your hands, thats a sign youre not Present. When
youre Present, your hands will naturally become engaged.
After the exercise, Ami perceive an ache, or a hollowness, in Pauls upper body. She
wants to connect, but Paul feels very disconnected to her. Paul felt a conflict, where
he had to feel something and at the same time act disinterested.
Paul keeps on evaluating, instead of simply feeling.
Men most often live in fear of rejection and in order to protect themselves (or their
egos) from that, they build layers in between who they are (roots) and how the show
up (leaves). The irony is that women want what were hiding from them, and get
frustrated or angry when we cant bring it fully.
At that point, Paul breaks down, allowing his natural expression to come through.
Now all he needs to do is learn to be with the sadness he just expressed without
collapsing into it.
28 Sex and Polarity
Decker closes for Paul by saying this requires a lot more work than memorizing a line
or buying flowers. Kendra comments that in many cases, where our energy blocks, it
costs more energy to keep it in than to let it flow. Yet because we have a fear to do so,
we sacrifice a lot of energy constraining our true selves from coming forth.
Ideally, Decker says, you will desire to be Present to your own experience because
you do care about yourself, regardless whether or not theres a woman. The degree to
which you do that, is the degree in which youll be showing up more and more in your
life. The dynamic that makes available is incredible and sex and flirting will never be
the same again.
Kendra remarks that a man whos so Present is beyond anything she had every
imagined and hes the kind of man shed give anything.
An audience member asks how to know if a woman is interested in a certain man
approaching her (when she smiles). Kendra simply replies: you will never really
know. She then says something to the effect of: I used to be so alone. It used to be
such a mystery to meet people. And then I discovered you just say hi. They may
reject you, or they may marry you. And that one chance is worth the effort.
29 Presence Killers

Trying to make something happen, trying to be Present to make her feel attracted to
you, is the number one Presence killer. Instead, just be Present.
There are two others ways guys kill their Presence.
Both involve dodgeing the intensity of the attraction or connection you feel. For
instance, when you see the woman of your dreams and all of a sudden you freeze up
or when youre in an intimate moment with your lover, you say something to divert it.
The men who take easiest to this are the men who did yoga or martial arts, because
they have cultivated the ability to be with a lot of sensation without freaking out or
collapsing.
Men deal with this intensity by distracting themselves (for instance, tapping their
foot, fidgeting, looking around, talking fast basically masturbating energy off since
they cant or wont hold it). Its always repetitive, unconscious and difficult to stop.
Women/people will feel what you dont want to feel, however.
Decker has the audience go through an exercise where they sit in an uncomfortable
position and then drum on their thighs. After a while, the discomfort seems to
disappear (even though its still there!)
More rare is contracting, getting tight and holding tension somewhere in your body.
Decker gives an exercise where you bring the two fists against each other and flex the
bicepses. After while, the feeling numbs out, but is taking away precious resources
(energy and creativity).
30 Pod # 1: Creating Relaxation and Depth With Openness
Sandhya comments that Benedicts gaze is very direct and piercing. It felt good on
one hand, but was almost too much. He responded quickly and was focused, but part
of hem (his playfulness, for instance) went away trying to get it right can create
tension and kill playfulness.
The facilitator tells Benedict that he seems like a very in-your-body kind of guy, but
during the exercise he was too much in his head. They go through an exercise similar
to Chips, where Benedict could tense all of his major muscles and breathe deeply,
bringing him into his body
Sandhya felt there was less thinking and more being and that he succeeded in
having some fun. In addition, there was relaxation and an openness to him. The
facilitator comments, You had a couple flash moments there where you realized Oh,
Im not actually staying connected. Thats what actually invited her, when you were
opening more to what was happening in your own body she felt more connected to
you.
31 Pod # 2: Creating the Bubble
Jason was immediately very Present with Shelly. The exercise goes smoothly, and
Shelly recommends he drops his chin. Jason is grateful for the advice, as he sees he
was looking down his nose (a bit defying or looking down) at her and that got in the

way of connecting. Now he knows that, it doesnt have to limit his interactions
anymore.
The second round was very playful and connected and very enjoyed by both. Whereas
Benedict was attached to doing it right, Jason had let go of that and simply enjoyed
the interaction.
32 Pod # 3: Trying to Force Presence
Shelly thought she had a sweet connection with Wolfe, but his energy was so low
that Shelly felt a fire rising in her belly and her desire was to be met in that. She felt
a lack around his solar plexus enjoyed that sweet tenderness. The facilitator felt a lot
of trying to get in right and felt that both were in a separate space, as opposed to
sharing a space.
Shelly commented that the exercise isnt as much about getting the color right, but
speaking at the same time and being connected. They go at it again, and the
atmosphere is more fun and relaxed.
Wolfe is a guy with good outer game, but without the ability to drop into a
connection, you can only be fulfilled to a certain degree.
33 Pod # 4: Maintaining the Connection When We Drop In Deep
Amjad connects quickly to Shelly and manages to say the right number almost
immediately. When he falters once, though, Shelly notices a disconnect happening.
Amjad says thats because he became aware of his Presence too aware of it, and that
made him lose it.
There is nothing in this world like Presence and therefore it has its own qualities. Just
like there is nothing in this world like water. Its qualities are so simple and so pure
that if you just add one other element to it, it is no longer really water. Just as if you
add another element to Presence it is no longer really Presence.
At the end of the second round, Shelly feels very connected and the facilitators
comments that that is a very good sign!
34 Final Thoughts
Decker: I just want to acknowledge that the work that men are doing around having
the kind of relating they want with women, for many of you, almost more than I even
expected, its not JUST about trying to get laid, its not JUST about an ego boost with
women. You all feel intuitively that theres something much deeper at stake here,
where women are just an opportunity for you to see a place where youre not being
fully yourself, where theres an opportunity for you to get more in touch with who you
really are. And bring that in a way that has more love in your life, more love in the life
of everyone you interact with. Stay tuned for Foundations of Inner Game 2: The
Power of Appreciation. Thank you.
THE END