keywords: mindfulness exercises and meditation

Meditation is a tricky subject for most people.

Even people who know what it is or what it is supposed to be have trouble perfor
ming it.
There is an innate restlessness in our being, preventing us from being able to r
emain focused for long periods of time.
This is made even harder by the activity of the mind. If you've some familiarity
with spiritual practices or meditation, you will no doubt have heard others des
cribe their own meditation experiences.
You may hear things like "I tried to meditate, but my mind just kept running wil
d", or on the flip-side of the coin, people will regale you with tales of the ve
ry productive meditative session they had and how they experienced a state of ex
panded mind, capable of encompassing so much more than usual, with great insight
or creative spirit.
So what does it mean to meditate, and what does mindfulness have to do with it?
Wikipedia describes mindfulness as: "the intentional, accepting and non-judgment
al focus of one's attention on the emotions, thoughts and sensations occurring i
n the present moment".
Many of us are aware that a great number of the spiritual traditions of history
have placed particular focus on the emptying of one's mind.
This is because of identification. We define our identity by that which we perce
ive ourselves to be. For some this may be external, such as one's job (I am a pr
ogrammer), one's sexual orientation (I'm gay/hetero/bi/cis/etc.), nationality, e
thnicity, passions and so on and so forth.
We have an infinite capacity for identification with anything at all, but an ext
remely limited capacity for non-identification.
We perceive a threat when told to separate ourselves from the objects of our att
ention, and for many the very idea that there may be something unfavorable assoc
iated to this behavior can be seen as insulting, or at least odd.
This is further complicated by our extreme identification with anything internal
. We were born in our bodies and we (usually) have no recollection prior to our
early childhood. We thus define ourselves by our senses, thoughts, desires and b
eliefs.
They're inside us and thus they must be ours, right?
It usually takes quite a bit of time, usually into adulthood, for us to have eno
ugh life experience to begin questioning ourselves.
"Why do I believe what I believe?"
"Why do I feel what I feel?"
"Why do I think what I think?".
These questiones are usually a result of experiences we perceive as negative enc
ouraging us to adapt to the situation, to find answers, to better ourselves. It'
s a response to the gradual realization that, whether our thoughts, beliefs and
feelings are ours or not (and rarely does anyone even consider the possibility t
hat they may not be), there is a trend for self-damaging or self-destructive beh
avior inherent to almost human being.
This behavior may be manifested and observed in toxic habits such as drug addict
ion, in toxic relationships we keep finding ourselves in, or even simply in the
observance of toxic patterns of thought or beliefs that become so obvious we can
't ignore them, but which we seem to be unable to control or even see until we h
ave to pick up the pieces of their consequences.
Almost always, this occurs when we can't stand it any longer, and rarely is it t
he result of intentional and sustained discipline.
So what can we do in this situation?
We start with mindfulness. As often as we are able (and in the beginning, this i
sn't often at all) we will strive to direct attention inwards instead of outward
s. We sit still. We relax. We observe.
We consciously assume the role of an unbiased observer for as long as we are cap
able of remembering ourselves. We notice the body itching with restlessness. We
notice involuntary twitches of muscles, the need to scratch our head, the need t

o fidget. If we are able, we do not react to these impulses, no matter how uncom
fortable they may become.
We notice thoughts vying for our attention. Telling us what a waste of time this
is and how stupid we're being. Telling us we have to check an e-mail, or to cal
l a friend, or to play a videogame. We notice an abundant cornucopia of internal
distractions screaming at us for any piece of our attention, anything to preven
t us from simply sitting still and observing.
We notice ourselves being dragged into memories of the past, or dreams of the fu
ture.
There is nothing you can do to fight this. There are no techniques, no exercises
.
If you are drawn outside of the observer state, the practice is no longer intent
ional. You become again what you've always been. A powerless figment of attentio
n dragged along by impulses you have no say in and no power over.
It is simply willpower. You have it or you don't.
But you can cultivate it. But your mind will fight you. You will forget to medit
ate. You will remember to meditate but will suddenly think "this is not the righ
t place" or "this is not the right time" or "I'm not in the mood right now".
And once you realize how hard it is, you will either give up, or you will become
frustrated. And that frustration will drive you to try again. And again. And ag
ain. Until you refuse to hear 'your' mind say that now is not the time, or the p
lace, or the mood.
Until you do sit still.
Until you do remain attentive.
Until you refuse to let yourself get dragged into distraction and forgetfulness.
Until you do not react to the discomfort, or the thoughts, or the unpleasant emo
tion, or the excuses your mind keeps repeating, because you just want to prove t
o yourself that you can do it, that you are not simply an unwilling slave in you
r own body.
Until you see all your thoughts and you acknowledge them but are not distracted
by them. They are there, and then they are not.
Until you experience all your emotions, even and especially those you had not be
en able to see before, and you acknowledge and accept them but do not feed the f
lame further.
Until the mind stops.
And then, and only then, there is meditation.