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MAY 2014

















Dear Ladies and Gentlemen: Good morning and welcome to all of you. It is a great pleasure
for me to greet you here today. First of all, let me introduce myself. I am Mr. Nor Azmi Bin
Mohamad Rejab, a founder of this Brainy Montessori since 23 years ago. I graduated from
Oxford University and majoring in Psychology. Today, I would like to share with all of you
some tips to be a good parent.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Every parent wishes to be the best parents in the world. But when the life turns into
reality, most of them fail to remain to be the best parents or at least good parents. You have to
understand that to be a good parent, you need to know how to make your children feel valued
and loved, while teaching them the difference between right and wrong. You have to be
consistent in your parenting style. If you ask your kids to follow certain rules, you should
apply the same rules. Do not be flexible according to your comfort. Because at the end of the
day, your children will see you as their mentor or idol in making any decision in their life.It
means that if you are good parents then your child will follow you and otherwise if you are
bad person, you can think by yourself what your child will be..
The most important characteristic to be a good parent isrespect. A good parent is
respectful to their child, even when disciplining. Children first learn respectful behaviours
from their parents and caregivers, so a child who is consistently treated respectfully by his or
her parent is more likely to develop a healthy self-respect and respect for others including
their parent. Parents should keep in mind that it is possible to be respectful and firm at the
same time. If you teach your children to respect your privacy, then give them the same in
return. For example, if you teach your child that your room is out of boundaries to them,
respect the same way with their room. Allow them to feel that once they enter their room they
can know that no one entering there except them. This will teach them to honour their own
space and to respect the privacy of others. If your child catches you snooping through his or
her things, then it may take him a long time to be able to truly trust you again. In the other
way, you have to enforce reasonable rules. Enforce rules that apply to every person leading a
happy and productive life not model rules of your ideal person. Its important to set rules
and guidelines that helps your child to develops and grows without being so strict which
makes your child feels like he cant take a step without doing something wrong. Ideally, your
child should love you more than he fears your rules. Dont assume that you can do anything

without looking into your children just because you are parent and they to obey your rules
Weve to try to gain their respect towards us with our love and cares.
Ladies and gentlemen,
The second characteristic to be agood parent is empathy. In this case, you have to
be a good listener. The children nowadays need you to be a good listener, a safe place to talk
things out, and for the parent to put themselves in the child's shoes, rather than jump in and fix
his problems for him. A parent who is willing to tune into their child's words, tone of voice,
and body language, will have a better chance of hearing what their child is really saying.
Empathic listening sets the stage for open communication and can go a long way in
strengthening the parent-child relationship. Children need the care and concern parents. Never
let them feel avoided or unwanted. Talk to them and always listen to them. Children like to
talk and they demand parents to be good listeners. Never obstruct the talks of children or
interfere. Let them express all their feelings to you and through this, you can understand what
they really want and how they feel about you. In this situation, I rather prefer reverse
psychology to solve our childrens problem. Because if you just hear and make your own
decision, youll make a gap between yourself and your children. You never try once to be a
Thirdly, isTrust. A good parent takes advantage of opportunities to allow their child
to make age-appropriate decisions, thereby, instilling a level of trust in the child's ability to do
so. For example, when your children filling the UPU (apply university form) form, you have
to give your child full trust in choosing course and university that they want to choose.
Because that is what they want to be. For your information, depend of my research and
experience, many university students that fail or dismissed by university are those who are
entering university without their own decision or in other words they've been forced to study
there by their parents and not by their own choose. Therefore, when they study there, they are
start making wrongdoings. Entrusting a child to make certain choices is a great way to
empower a child, and ultimately help a child to learn how to takeresponsibility. When parents
try to control too many things in a child's life, it sends the message, "I don't trust you to make
the right decisions, my way is better." Consequently, the more control parents uses, the less
cooperation they will get. In the other way of teaching aspect, weve to encourage
responsibility by giving them jobs or chores to do and as a reward for those jobs, give them
some kind of priviledge (money, extra play time and etc.). As punishment for not doing

these jobs, they have the corresponding privilege revoked. Even the youngest of children can
learn this concept of reward or consequence. As your child grows, give them more
responsibilities and more rewards or consequences for completing those responsibilities or
ignoring them.
The fourth characteristic in being a good parent is Leadership. If you want your
child to be well-behaved, then you should model the behavior and character you hope your
children will adopt and continue to live by the rules that you set. For example, if you smoke
behind your children, how could you forbid or prohibit them from smoking?. You have to
understand that a parent's main role in their child's life is to be a leader- someone the child can
model, and learn from, but most importantly, someone who will keep them healthy and safe.
Leadership in parenting requires being firm, when necessary, and a willingness to put rules in
place, even when those rules are not readily accepted by the child. Parents, who are leaders,
accept that there will be times when their child will not like them for putting certain limits in
place, but they enforce them anyhow, knowing that it's their job to do what's best for their
child.In the other way, you can be a positive role model. A positive role model demonstrates
and presents a healthy lifestyle that involves exercise, nature, art and self-expression. A
positive role model prepares food that nourishes the eyes, the mouth and the body. They are
wise in their words and actions. They strive to express their wants in a positive manner. They
have hindsight, now-sight and foresight. They are not afraid to say they made a mistake and
they are open to feedback on how they can do things better. They don't blame others, nor do
they portray themselves as a victim. They teach the concept of acceptance by using everything
for their upliftment, advancement and growth. They demonstrate the concept of patience by
being present enjoying what is going on in the moment no matter what. They consciously
present the concept of cause and effect so the child can learn through its experiences what is
effective, and what is not effective. Since they know they are more than just a mother or a
father, they take time to nurture and care for themselves so they can give from their overflow.
Being a positive role model for appropriate behavior is more effective than specific
disciplinary measures or training in raising your children, according to a 2010 article at Children learn through observation and often mimic the behavior of
their parents. When they watch their parents arguing and losing control, they feel less safe.
They might try to resolve conflicts by fighting and arguing, just like their parents do. But
parents who are able to work out their conflicts and disagreements through calm discussions
rather than heated arguments become healthy role models. Be those traits you hope to develop

in your child, such as kindness, compassion, honesty, respectfulness, tolerance, patience,

honesty and unconditional love.
Ladies and gentlemen,
A good parent need to be courage. The need for courage in parenting can show up
in different ways, such as taking an unpopular stand to instill values, rules, and limits, even if
it goes against what their child, or others may believe. At other times, courage may be needed
to let go and allow a child to make certain choices and experience the consequences of such
choices, so he can learn and grow. Courage is not reckless, nor is it the absence of fear; it's the
willingness to try, and do what needs to be done, despite having fears. In this aspect you
should to communicate your rules clearly. Children should be very familiar with the
consequences of their actions. If you give them a punishment, be sure they understand the
reason and the fault; if you cannot articulate the reason and how they are at fault the
punishment will not have the discouraging effects you desire. Make sure that you not only set
reasonable rules, but that you enforce them reasonably. Avoid overly harsh forms of
punishment, ridiculosuly stringent punishments for minor infractions, or anything that
involves physically hurting your child.
The sixth characteristic to be a good parents is Gratitude. Gratitude in parenting
helps a parent appreciate their child as they are. Gratitude says, "I like who you are and who
you are becoming." Gratitude helps you become aware of, and help build on a child's
strengths. A grateful parent focuses on and accepts the present moment, doesn't fret about past
mistakes, or worry about the future. Gratitude in parenting helps parents become more
approachable, and a positive influence in their child's life. Never criticize your childs
destructively. Always wear a smile when you talk to your childs. When you love your childs,
let it be unconditional. Maintain a mutual respect with your kids. Consider them as complete
human beings, not your assistants or immature beings. Though childs need your help always,
make them feel that they are capable of doing things even without your assistance. This will
make them confident enough. Besides, avoid comparing your children to others, especially
siblings. Each child is individual and unique. Celebrate their differences and instill in each
child the desire to pursue their interests and dreams. Failure to do so may give your child an
inferiority complex, an idea that they can never be good enough in your eyes. If you want to
help them improve their behavior, talk about meeting their goals on their own terms, instead
of telling them to act like their sister or neighbor. This will help them develop a sense of self

instead of having an inferiority complex. Comparing one child to another can also make one
child develop a rivalry with his or her sibling. You want to nurture a loving relationship
between your children, not a competitive one. Dont place unreasonable expectations on your
The next characteristic to be a good parent is Understanding. Probably one of the
hardest characteristics to develop in parenting, but the most needed, is the characteristic of
understanding. Many times it can be hard for parents to deal with a child's misbehaviors,
mostly because they don't understand them. One of the worst things a parent can do is take
their child's misbehaviors personally. As part of their growth and development, children are
going to misbehave and do things that go against the rules. Knowing this can help parents
anticipate and redirect a child toward more positive and acceptable behaviors, and avoid a lot
of unnecessary anger. Understanding can also lead to forgiveness. A good parent realizes that
his children are human, and that making mistakes is part of growing up. Spending money
recklessly, getting into minor car accidents, getting drunk and sick for the first time, even
dating questionable women are rites of passage, and a good parent recognizes this. However,
he makes it clear that repeated irresponsibility won't be tolerated. In the other way, you have
to gain the ability to manage their stress and temper, which leads to well-adjusted children,
according to Epstein. Children often handle stress by mirroring how their parents manage
emotions during stressful situations. Parents who come home and complain about their job,
boss, use foul language, argue or take out their frustration on their kids, set a poor example for
healthy stress management. If parents are unable to cope with stress, it also causes their kids
to feel anxious and less secure. But if your child watches how you're able to manage your
emotions even during heated circumstances, he'll follow your lead and learn how to handle
stress himself.
And last but not least, the characteristic of a good parent is Happiness. Happiness is
not given to a chosen few; it's available to those who choose to make it a part of their
everyday life. Many people wait for things, events, and other people to make them happy, but
this is a mistake. Choosing to be happy is a choice we can all make because it comes from
within. It's a reservoir that we can tap into whenever we choose. It's not designed to make
problems go away, although, sometimes it may. Happiness can help us rise above our
problems, and not just survive, but thrive, in spite of them. Plus, it just feels good to be happy.
Parents who practice happiness have a greater chance of influencing their child's perception of

happiness, and their attainment of it, as well. Most children are naturally happy and enjoy
being around happy parents. Expressing love and affection is very important in this character.
Many parents say that they love their kids more than any parents does, yet their kids complain
of less affectionate and less loved parents. Love and affection when not expressed is
worthless. You need to make your kids feel that you love your children. Telling it to kids or
expressions like a hug may accomplish this purpose. Give them gifts and be lavish in
highlighting the good works of our kids.
My dear ladies and gentlemen,
Before I ended my speech today, I have important advice to tell all of you about
managing our children. A teen that is on the brink of adulthood needs the support of a parent
more than ever. Do not think that just because they are almost 18 or 21 years old that you can
leave them to think for themselves. Do not intervene or interfere unnecessarily, however you
have to walk a fine line. I hope these will help us to be a good parent. Thank you.

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