John Updike

WIFE-WOOING
Oh my love. Yes. Here we sit, on warm broad foorboards, before a re, the
!hildren between "s, in a !res!ent, eatin#. $he #irl and I share one half-%int of
Fren!h-fried %otatoes& yo" and the boy share another& and in the !entre, sharin#
nothin#, ma'in# sim%le refe!tions within himself li'e a (ewel, the baby, mo"nted
in an Easybaby, s"!'s at his bottle with frownin# mastery, his selsh,
!ontem%lative eyes stealin# #litter from the !enter of the fames. )nd yo". Yo".
Yo" allow yo"r s'irt, the same bla!' s'irt in whi!h this mornin# yo" with woman*s
soft bravery mo"nted a bi!y!le and sallied forth to %lay hymns in di+!"lt 'eys on
the ,"nday s!hool*s old %iano - yo" allow this bla!' s'irt to slide o- yo"r raised
'nees down yo"r thi#hs, slide up yo"r thi#hs in yo"r body*s absol"te #eo#ra%hy,
so the %arallel whiteness of their "ndersides is e.%osed to the re*s warmth and
to my si#ht. Oh. $here is a line of /oy!e, i try to re!over it from the le#endary,
im%erfe!tly e.%lored #rottoes of Ullyses0 a #arter sna%%ed, to %lease 1la2es
1oylan, in a dee% 3"blin den. What4 ,ma!'warm. $hat was the !r"!ial word.
,ma!'ed sma!'warm on her sma!'able warm woman*s thi#h. ,omethin# li'e
that. ) s%lendid man, to feel that. ,ma!'warm woman*s. ,%lendid also to feel the
!"rio"s and %otent, ine.%li!able and irref"tably ma#i!al life lan#"a#e leads within
itself. What so"l too' tho"#ht and 'new that addin# 5wo5 to man wo"ld ma'e a
woman4 $he di-eren!e e.a!tly. $he wide w, the re!e%tive o. Womb. In o"r
!res!ent the !hildren for all their si2e seem to !ome o"t of yo" towards me, wet
n#ers and eyes, tinted bron2e. $hree !hildren, ve %ersons, seven years. ,even
years sin!e I wed wide warm woman, white-thi#hed. Wooed and wed. Wife. )
'nife of a word that for all its nal bite did not end the wooin#. $o my
wonderment.
We eat meat, meat I wrested warm from the raw hands of the hamb"r#er #irl in
the dinner a mile away, a fero!io"s %la!e, sli!' with sava#ery, wild with !hrome&
yo"n# %redators snarlin# dirty (o'es mena!ed me, old men rea!hed for me with
!o-ee-warmed %aws& I wielded my wallet and won my way ba!'. $he fat brown
ba# of b"ns was warm beside me in the !old !ar& the smaller ba# holdin# the two
tiny !artons of Fren!h-fries emitted an even more "r#ent heat. 1a!' thro"#h the
bla!' winter air to the re, the intimate !ave, where halloos and h"rrahs #reeted
me, the deer, mo"th a#a%e and its !otton throat #"shin#, stret!hed dead a!ross
my sho"lders. )nd now yo", beside the white O of the %late "%on whi!h the
!hildren dis!arded with s6"eals of dis#"st the rin#s of transl"!ent onion that
!ame s6"ee2ed in the hamb"r#ers - yo" %"sh yo"r toes an in!h !loser to the
bla2e, and the ashy white of the inside of yo"r dee% thi#h is la2ily laid bare, and
the eternally elasti! #arter sna%s sma!'warm a#ainst my hidden heart.
Who wo"ld have tho"#ht, wide wife, ba!' there in the white tremble of the
!eremony 7in the !orner of my eye I held, des%ite the distra!tin# hail of omino"s
vows, the vibration of the !l"ster of ste%hanotis !l"t!hed a#ainst yo"r wrist8, that
seven years wo"ld brin# "s no distan!e, thro"#h all those warm beds, to the
same tremblin# %oint, of be#innin#4 $he !ells !han#e every seven years, and
down in the atom, a%%arently, there is a stran#e dis!ontin"ity& as if God wills the
"niverse anew every instant. 7)h God, dear God, tall friend of my !hildhood, I will
never for#et yo", tho"#h they say dreadf"l thin#s. $hey say rose windows in
!athedrals are va#inal symbols.8 Yo"r le#s, e.%osed as f"lly as by a bathin# s"it,
yearn dee%er into the amber wash of heat. Well0 be#in. ) #reen (et of fame s%its
o"t sideways from a %o!'et of resin in a lo#, !ryin#, and the oran#e shadows on
the !eilin# sway with fresh life. 1e#in.
59emember, on o"r honeymoon, how the to% of the 'erosene heater made a
#reat bi# rose window on the !eilin#45
5:nn.5 Yo"r !hin #oes to yo"r 'nees, yo"r shins draw in, all is retra!ted. Not
m"!h to remember, %erha%s, for yo"& blood badly s%illed, !l"msiness of all sorts.
5It was !old for /"ne.5
5;ommy, what was !old4 What did yo" say45 the #irl as's, en"n!iatin#
an#rily, determined not to let lan#"a#e sli% on her ton#"e and t"mble her so that
we la"#h.
5) ho"se where 3addy and I stayed one time.5
5I don*t li'e dat,5 the boy says, and throws a half b"n %ainted with !hartre"se
m"stard on to the foor.
Yo" %i!' it "% with bea"tif"l sombre m"sin# as', 5Isn*t that f"nny4 3id any of
the others have m"stard on them45
5I hate dat,5 the boy insists& he is two. <an#"a#e is to him thi!' va#"e handles
swirlin# by& he #rabs what he !an.
5Here. He !an have mine. Give me his.5 I %ass my hamb"r#er over, yo" ta'e it,
he ta'es it from yo", tehre is nowhere a ri%%le of #ratit"de. $here is no more
%raise of my heroism in fet!hin# ,"nday s"%%er, savin# yo"r labo"r. ="nnin#, yo"
sense, and sense that I sense yo"r 'nowled#e, that I had ho%ed to hoard yo"r
ener#y towards a more e!stati! s%endin#. We sense everythin# between "s,
every ri%%le, e.istent and non-e.istent& it is tirin#. =o"rtin# a wife ta'es tenfold
the stren#th of winnin# an i#norant #irl. $he re shifts, shatterin# fra#ments of
news%a%er that !arry in li#hter #rey the #host of the in' of their messa#e. Yo"
h"ddle yo"r le#s and brin# the s'irt ba!' over them. With a si22lin# noise li'e the
si#hs of the e.ha"sted lo#s, the baby s"!'s the last from his bottle, dro%s it to
the foor with its distastef"l hoa. of va!ant va!ant s"ds, and be#ins to !ry. His
e#otist*s mo"th o%ens& the deli!ate membrane of his satisfa!tion tears. Yo" %i!'
him "% and stand. Yo" love the baby more than me.
Who wo"ld have tho"#ht, blood on!e s%illed , that no barrier wo"ld be bro'en,
that yo" wo"ld be ea!h time healed into a vir#in a#ain4 $all, fair, obs!"re,
remote, and !o"rteo"s.
We %"t the !hildren to bed, one by one, in reverse order of birth. I am %atient,
%aternal, #ood. Yet yo" 'now. We wat!h the %a%er ba#s and !artons i#nite on the
breathin# %illow of embers& read, wat!h television, eat !ra!'ers, it does not
matter. Eleven !omes. For a tin#lin# moment yo" stand on the bedroom r"# in
yo"r "nder%ants, "ntan#lin# yo"r ni#htie& oh, fat white sweet fat fatness. In bed
yo" read. )bo"t 9i!hard Ni.on. He fas!inates yo"& yo" hate him. Yo" 'now how
he defeated /orry :oorhis, martyred ;rs 3o"#las, how he %layed %o'er in the
Navy des%ite bein# a >"a'er, every endish tri!', every low ada%tation. Oh my
<ord. <et*s let the %oor man #o to bed. We*re none of "s %erfe!t. 5Hey let*s t"rn
o"t the li#ht.5
5Wait. He*s ("st abo"t to #et Hiss !onvi!ted. It*s very stran#e. It says he a!ted
honorably.5
5I*m s"re he did.5 I rea!h for the swit!h.
5No. Wait. /"st till I nish this !ha%ter. I*m s"re there*ll be somethin# as the
end.5
5Honey, Hiss was #"ilty. We*re all #"ilty. =on!eived in !on!"%is!en!e, we die
"nre%entant.5 On!e my ornate words wooed yo".
I lie a#ainst yo"r lmy !onve. ba!'. Yo" read sideways, a slee%y tri!'. I see
the %a#e thro"#h the frin#e of yo"r hair, shar% and white as a wed#e of !rystal.
,"ddenly it sli%s. $he boo' has sli%%ed from yo"r hand. Yo" are aslee%. Oh
!"nnin# tri!', !"nnin#. In the dar'ness I !onsider. ="nnin#. $he headli#hts of !ars
a!!identally slide fannin# slits of li#ht aro"nd o"r walls and !eilin#. $he #reat rose
window was %ro(e!ted "%ward thro"#h the %etal-sha%ed %erforations in the to% of
the bla!' 'erosene stove, whi!h we stood in the !enter of the foor. )s the fame
on the !ir!"lar wi!' fi!'ered, the wide soft star if interlo!'ed %en"mbra moved
and waved as if it were %rinted on a sil' !loth bein# #ently t"##ed or slowly
blown. Its !olor soft bl"rred blood. We %ay dear in blood for o"r %ea!ef"l homes.
In the mornin#, to my relief, yo" are "#ly. ;onday*s wan brea'fast li#ht
blea!hes yo" blot!hily, drains the #oodness from yo"r thi!'ness, ma'es the
bathrobe a lim% stained t"be fa%%in# dis!onsolately, e.%osin# sallow
d?!olleta#e. $he s'in between yo"r breasts a sad yellow. I feast with the !o-ee
on yo"r drabness. Every wrin'le and si!'ly tint a relief and a reven#e. $he
!hildren yammer. $he toaster sti!'s. ,even years have worn this woman.
$he man, he arrows o- to wor', (o"stin# for ri#ht-of-way, veerin# on the thin
hard ed#e of the le#al s%eed limit. O"t of domesti! m"ddle, softness, %allor,
fa!!idity0 into the !ity. ,tone is his %rivin!e. $he winnin# !oin. $he manoe"vrin#
of abstra!tions. ;a'in# heartless thin#s r"n. Oh the inanimate, adamant (oys of
(ob@
I ret"rn with my head enmeshed in a ma!hine. ) te!hni!ality it wo"ld ta'e
wee's to e.%lain to yo" sna#s my brain & I ddle with %hrases and n"mbers all
the blind evenin#. Yo" serve me s"%%er as a waitress - as less than a waitress, for
I have 'nown yo". $he !hildren to"!h me timidly, as they wo"ld a stee% #irder
bolted into a framewor' whose hei#ht they don*t "nderstand. $hey drift into slee%
se!"rely. We s"rvive their %assin# in !alm %arallelity. ;y tho"#hts rewor' in
!hroni! ri#ht an#les the same sna##in# !ir!"its on the same %rofessional #rid. Yo"
r"stle the boo' abo"t ni.on& vanish "%stairs into the %l"mbin#& the batht"b %i%es
!ry. In my head I seem to have fo"nd the st"!' swit!h at last0 I %"sh at it& it (ams&
I %"sh& it is (ammed. I #row di22y, !h"rnin# with !i#arettes, I !ir!le the room
aimlessly.
,o I am ta'en by s"r%rise at a t"rnin# when at the meanin#f"l ho"r of ten
yoo" !ome with a 'iss of tooth%aste to me moist and #irlish and 6"i!'& the
momento"s moral of this story bein#, )n e.%e!ted #ift is not worth #ivin#.