About the Author

E. J. Lister enjoys writing stories that combine life

experience with fiction. She claims that marriage,
single parenthood, years of teaching and a dose of
supervised counselling at MIND have provided the
material. She likes to enter her poems and childrens
stories in literary competitions and rejoices that
retirement allows time for creative productivity.
E.J. is a natural performer, has written and acted in her
coming out play Imago; painted pictures which
promote positive images of women and exhibited them
in Stoke-on-Trent, London and Berlin. She is currently
a musician for the Black Dog Molly folk dance group
in Stoke-on-Trent.










T R A C Y M A N N E R S







E. J . L i st er


T R A C Y M A N N E R S



















Copyright E. J. Lister

The right of E. J. Lister to be identified as author of this work has
been asserted by her in accordance with section 77 and 78 of the
Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any
form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the
publishers.

Any person who commits any unauthorised act in relation to this
publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims
for damages.

A CIP catalogue record for this title is available from the British
Library.


ISBN 978 184963 742 8


www.austinmacauley.com

First Published (2014)
Austin Macauley Publishers Ltd.
25 Canada Square
Canary Wharf
London
E14 5LB







Printed and bound in Great Britain








Dedicated to my friend Shirley Williams






Acknowledgments


My grateful thanks, for help with this fourth book in
my series of lesbian romances, go to friends who have
allowed me to draw on their personal experience and to
others for information and encouragement:
Bernice Allman, Claire Stubbs, Derek Seymour, Ellie
and Ros Lister, Elsa and Kathryn, Freda Bateman, Gay
Hoban, Jane Goetzee, Kate and Sandy, Paul Hobbs,
Rita Johnson, Rod Shelton and Shirley Williams.





Chapter One



Josie gets into the car. Theres silence. Its an Im not
speaking to you silence. I concentrate on steering my Peugeot
pride and joy through the narrow opening at the rear of The
Angel pub. Im not in a Whats up duck? frame of mind. If
Josie wants to sulk, yet again, because Ive had a few words
with another woman she can get on with it.
My thoughts are very much taken up by the surprise
encounter with Dee Livesey. I havent seen her at the line
dancing class before. Line dancing is Josies hobby really and
Ive only been to the class a few times. I agreed to go because
she wanted me to share her enthusiasm but I prefer clinch-type
dancing. I like to feel a woman in my arms. When Josie said
they were short of volunteers for running the bar I offered to
help, since thats my line of work, and tonight it meant I had a
legit reason to follow Livesey when she left the dance floor. I
assumed she would head for the bar.
I wanted to get her on her own. I could do my grab her
tits routine like I used to do in prison. Come to think of it she
didnt seem shocked, not like the first time on the day she was
admitted to Stonebridge Womens Prison and ended up in the
same cell as me. I made her knees knock that day. She had to
sit down. The gang of us did everything we could that
afternoon to make her uncomfortable. I was showing off. I did
a lot of that in prison. It hid the fact that I was mortified by the
behaviour that put me behind bars.
I was devastated by what Id done, sent down for GBH,
and absolutely furious that my only loss of temper, ever,
should land me in prison with an eighteen month sentence! As
far as I saw it, my life was wrecked. Id hurt the members of

my family beyond repair. Things would never be the same for
them or me.
As soon as I was installed in my prison wing at
Stonebridge I realised that it was a sink or swim situation. I
made up my mind that I wasnt going to drown because of one
impetuous mistake. I had to find a way to survive.
I mingled with the prisoners and watched and listened. In
answer to Whatre you in for? I said, For putting my partner
in intensive care. The reply must have carried weight because
it made them tread cautiously when they were around me.
After Id introduced myself like that, safety seemed to lie
with a tough-guy stance. It hid my scared, jelly-like feelings.
Some of the crimes that had been committed by the women
prisoners were horrendous. I steered clear of the fights that
blew up in a second, usually over something that had been
said. I couldnt claim that I was better than any of them. Wed
all hurt someone in one way or another. The main difference
was that I hadnt killed anyone.
The truth is I went pretty wild, slipped into the
swearing, swaggering prison behaviour and made a convincing
job of it. For the first seven months in prison it was my self-
preservation act. To all appearances I couldnt care less about
what Id done. I was one of the girls, a Stonebridge Womens
Prison inmate. I wont deny that I enjoyed some aspects of not
caring. I strutted the freedom to be brash and sexy. There was
no one to stop me or suggest that Id gone off the rails. I
suppose we all lived for the moment, not daring to contemplate
the future.
The added information, that the partner Id injured was a
woman, let them know that I was gay. The prison sisterhood
welcomed me with open arms. Id always been into women
and was appreciated as a lesbian lover. I was free to play with
the women who were desperate for their men, as long as I kept
clear of any who had resident partners.
In those days I was good looking, not that my looks have
deteriorated too much. At fifty-two, I flatter myself that Ive
kept my figure, have very few grey hairs, and make sure that

my face (always with careful attention to the shape of my
eyebrows) and hair look good.
You could say I had my own little court in prison and for
those months ruled over it as the sex queen. My reputation
drew in the deputy governor. She was a dishy blonde, Elvira
Morgan, hot for sex. A few hidden clinches in a corridor or
store room, wherever there was privacy, and it was easy to
make use of the contact eyes turned the other way if the rules
needed bending until Dee Livesey was remanded in custody
and shut in the cell with me.
Everything went to pot when she arrived.
I flaunted my bad-girl image in front of Livesey. I could
tell that she was sort of fascinated with me that first afternoon,
from the way she took in my boobs and sexy pose. She didnt
struggle or yell when I felt her tits. The gang got a snigger at
her expense but I think I knew then that it was not the right
approach for her. I couldnt drop the bravado to please her or
Id have lost face with my harem. She started a dilemma for
me and I think I did the same for her.

Livesey said that she was innocent that she hadnt murdered
her mother-in-law but thats a popular line when youre
inside. No ones going to admit to murder. Anyway I didnt
care about that side of things, I fancied her and, when the girls
got the information out of her that her husband played away, I
thought she might appreciate some sex. I was so sure of my
attraction that I expected to win her over but she didnt
respond to my chatting her up when we were locked in
together that first night. She wasnt exactly stuck-up but she
wasnt friendly either. I knew it had to be a take-the-plunge job
and didnt waste any time getting into her bunk. As far as I
was concerned it was great to be shut in with a woman for a
whole night. There was no urgency to make love and get it
over with. I made a thorough job of fondling her breasts and
took my time kissing all the way down her lovely body to her
vagina.
(I have to use the word vagina. We said fanny, slit,
cunny and words like that in 1970 but in 1997 we pay

attention to what the writer Eve Ensler says in The Vagina
Monologues, that women have to claim their vaginas, treasure
and own them. Its part of her campaign to highlight how
many women are abused and raped by men.)
Livesey might not have wanted sex with a woman but it
took only a few minutes for her to discover that she liked it. I
felt responsible for giving her pleasure. Id made the first move
and mustnt disappoint her. From the way her body wrapped
itself round mine, the gasp that accompanied her orgasm and
the way she buried her face into the softness of my neck, I
assumed that Id succeeded. The memory stirs the familiar
twang of desire and I shift in my seat.
Who was that woman you were talking to? Josies
question breaks into my thoughts and I drag my memory out of
the bunk bed where I was pleasuring Livesey. Before I can
attempt an answer, Josies tight voice says, Was she one of
your women?
In a manner of speaking.
What dyou mean? Did you have it off with her?
Yes.
How long did you go out with her?
I didnt I couldnt go out with her.
Was she a one night stand?
Not exactly, more like a few nights, and it was a long time
ago.
But shes back on the scene.
Shes not back on my scene. I havent seen her for Itll
be twenty-seven years.
You looked pretty intimate.
We had one or two things to sort out. Hush for a minute
while I get us through these traffic lights.
I dont really want to talk. Other memories crowd in, like
the fact that Livesey never trusted me. Every night with her,
there was a didnt want sex but couldnt help responding to it
state of affairs. She resented my bullying approach and I was
mad at her for keeping me at a distance. It was easy-peasy to
suggest to cook that Livesey could do with losing a bit of
weight. I thought the ensuing small meals would make Livesey

hungry and she would ask me to relax the embargo on her
food, but she didnt. There was a battle of wits between us and
I wasnt winning. She made me less sure of myself.
Have you said youll see her again?
The jealousy is irritating, particularly when Im at a bad
place in my memories. I draw up outside Josies block of flats.
Josie
Are you coming in? she asks, her eyes pleading.
No, I wont come in tonight.
Will I see you tomorrow?
This relationship with Josie is not going anywhere. Her
fears are destructive. Im sorry, Josie, but I think that you and
I have had it. Im not the right person to make you happy. You
need to meet someone younger than me, someone you feel you
can trust.
But I love you! Tears threaten.
No, its not love Josie, its sex. You enjoy sex with me
because at my age I know what women like. But you cant
cope with the fact that my proficiency in bed, if you want to
call it that, has been acquired because Ive been in
relationships with other women. That will always be a
stumbling block for you. She sobs and I sit quietly. When
you meet someone that makes you happy, and you will
because youre a very attractive young woman, give me a
thumbs up when we meet. I raise her chin to get her to look at
me, take out a tissue and wipe her face. She manages a weak
smile. Its not the end of the world because an old rou like
me sends you off to pastures new. You deserve better than me;
but of course, I hope youve had fun. I grin.
You know I have. She grins too.
Okay. See you around.

I park my car, let myself into my smart, ground floor flat, drop
my keys and purse on the hall table then make for the kitchen
and take a chilled bottle of Becks from the fridge. The French
door slides easily and I slip outside onto my patio, beer in
hand. Its chilly but I can sit for a few minutes. The flowering

hyacinths perfume the night air. I breathe with relief and with
sadness.
Im not that much of an old rou. The predatory approach
stopped with Livesey, also the sexual abandonment, but there
are periods in my past where I behaved in a frightful manner.
Im ashamed of what happened next with Livesey.
Id more or less kept clear of gossipy-prison spitefulness
but I jumped at jealous Elvira Morgans suggestion that
Livesey needed taking down a peg. Bel, Rita and I planned to
trap her in a room at the prison and give her a scare. I dont
know what we thought wed say or do to her.
The trouble that erupted may have been started by
thoughtless Bel. She brought a knife to the encounter and
waved it in front of Liveseys face. Or, it could have been
Officer Morgan standing with her back against the door so that
Livesey had no way out of the room. Anyway, far from turning
rigid with fear, Livesey changed into a wild animal well not
wild, more like a trained assailant. It was as though shed
prepared herself for our ambush and knew exactly what to do.
I got a shock! I hadnt anticipated fighting. God knows
what I expected to happen, a war of words? My dad used to
say I would never need to use my fists because my tongue was
as sharp as a razors edge.
No words were said. Livesey lammed into us one after the
other. She drove her thumbs into Bels eyes and whacked Rita
across the face with her arm before Rita could get anywhere
near her. She turned to face me. That was when my resentment
flared. If it was a toss-up between her and me as to which one
of us had to go down, it wasnt going to be me. I picked up a
chair and hit her over the head. She lunged at me and ripped
my ear lobe. Rita, Bel and I ended up in an ambulance on our
way to hospital.
I was discharged from hospital later that day and when I
got back to Stonebridge I heard that Livesey was still in
hospital. I knew the blow with the chair had cut her head
because the last I saw of her there was a lot of blood on her
face and she was curled up on the floor. Elvira Morgan was
sacked and disappeared from Stonebridge.

Tonight is the first time Ive seen Livesey since 1970. Im
surprised that she was decent with me and I cant tell you how
glad I am. God, why do these memories make me want to cry?
Ill have to go inside.
I weep while Im closing the curtains and bury my head in
the folds of material. There I was tonight, confronted so
unexpectedly by the idiocy and ugliness in my past, and there
Livesey was, smiling and content to waive the incident, to
forgive me. Perhaps things went okay for her when she got out.
Six weeks after the fight, the news reached us in prison
that Liveseys case was dismissed. She hadnt committed
murder. I hope she gave the unfaithful husband the boot. She
had two kids, two young daughters.
Id like to have had kids or more to do with kids. One part
of life you can miss out on if youre a lesbian is having
children of your own, unless you get together with a woman
whos already a parent. I dont think Im the having babies
type but I do like being around little children.
The prison governor, Miss Pennyfields, The Penny we
called her, had been okay with me until the Livesey incident. I
dont know why she was so bothered about Dee Livesey she
was only one woman in a prison full of them! She let fly at me.
I dont think she was supposed to let her feelings show but she
did on that occasion.
And youd better take your sessions with Mr Adamson
more seriously, she stormed. I hear from him that youre
amused by the idea of having a counsellor. If you dont learn
to control your reactions in times of stress, or just plain keep
out of trouble, youll be spending the rest of your life in here.
She did introduce a little funny at that point because she said,
If that happens, Ill jolly well make sure youre shipped off to
another prison to be someone elses responsibility! But then
she was all serious again. Out! And make sure there are some
signs of improvement the next time youre in my office!
Another year was added on to my sentence.

That was when I was brought face to face with where I was at,
and it was in prison with a longer sentence, plus the promise

that more of the same behaviour would permanently jeopardise
my future. I could imagine Mam saying, What ever are you
thinking of, Tracy?! You know better than to behave like that!
And Dad saying, She must have taken leave of her senses!
Hed have been right. Id carried things too far, hadnt
stopped to consider my family while I was congratulating
myself on how clever I was to successfully manage a prison
sentence. The facts stared me in the face; I was virtually a
whore and now a bully. From that bad place it would need a
hell of a change of attitude if I was going to do what The
Penny said and keep out of trouble.
First and foremost, I had to change the idea that my crime
wasnt all that bad because I hadnt killed anyone. It was
brought home to me that Id been extremely lucky. When I lost
control of my temper with my girlfriend, I seized the first thing
to hand and it was a cast iron frying pan. The second time with
Livesey was not quite the same. Even though she attacked us,
and I leapt into defence mode, there was no need for me to hit
her with a chair. That was what frightened me. Id lashed out a
second time. I couldnt undo the harm but I must never help to
create a situation like that again.
If Id fought my girlfriend with my hands what would I
have done? Punched her, tried to strangle her? She wasnt a
small woman; at least Id have given her a chance to stop me.
Id probably have crumpled into tears if she had.
I was so hurt. Id never been as happy as I was in those
few months with her. All my hopes were pinned on our life
together. In the instant that I saw her male lover escaping, and
realised theyd been having sex in our home, the hopes died. I
hit her.
The lawyers and judge in charge of my case did listen to
my explanation. Perhaps they took into account that I had no
police record, no previous incidents of violence, and Id been a
diligent, successful employee until the girlfriend episode. I still
got eighteen months inside. I was seen as a woman who
needed correction before she was fit to be released to the
general public.