Está en la página 1de 5

- ALLE HAGEL DANI -

A Short Story by James Jenner



Prologue
There are dark prophecies, ones of which should never have fallen upon mortal ear. It is
said, throughout many of these forecasts of the future, there is a Chosen One, a girl of
pure Aryan blood; the perfect German child. Born on the same day as our almighty
Fuhrer, she is the reincarnation of his very soul and spirit Shell lead this country to
greatness once more. Her name is Danielle.

However, something went wrong during her birth. Though she may look like the poster
child for the Aryan race - that is all plain to see - Danielle was born with a curse. She is
what thatd call in the west, a Hipster.

Her rise to power is a controversial one, being a Nazi and a Hipster in this day and age
isnt without its struggles. But, Danielle persevered, and here we are, 10 years later
Under the rule of the Doc Marten Nazi flag

Chapter 1: Im So Meta, You Wouldnt Believe
Oh, you want a fight, bitch?, Danielle was not in the best of moods today.
Yeah, lets go, right now! replied James, in a monotonous, yet loud voice.
Being a Meta-Communist, James was naturally opposed to Danis ideals, being a hipster
is just plain wrong in his eyes.
Im so meta you wouldnt believe the shit Ive done. He was very proud of being meta;
it was his solace and his bane.
Danielle countered, What the hell is meta anyway, huh?!
Well, its Umm You know--
NO, I DONT KNOW! shouted Dani.

The negotiation room fell silent. James took his leave, in an embarrassed rage, taking his
squire with him - Charles Gillhamovicz.

Both Brianna and Isobelle - Danis generals - looked at each other awkwardly. She was
clearly in no mood to play games, not even Snakes and Ladders.
I still didnt get an answer out of him What is meta? One of you must know. Danielle
had calmed somewhat.
Brianna replied, Its not even a thing, really. Why were you even negotiating with him
in the first place?
To which Dani exclaimed, He wants to ban all vinyls!
All three girls gasped, and fainted.

Meanwhile, back at Meta HQ, the most meta of places in South East England, James was
going through his head, thinking.
Is there really any point? I mean, I know Hipsters are a plague, but taking away their
vinyls will make them rampage! One voice had said.
Did you just seriously say that to me? Another voice replied.
Yes. The first voice was being quite serious today, which is odd because usually he likes
pointing out innuendos wherever he sees them.
You need to stop doing painkillers, youre being numb today. Get it? Nu--
Yeah I get it. All Im saying is that why not make allies with the Hipsters? Theyre
proving to be quite the problem, and its not like we can get rid of them. This was the
most sensible plan the first voice had ever dreamt up.
You have a point. The second voice yielded.

Being tired of his inner monologue, James got off of the toilet and flushed. He could
barely feel his legs at this point.

Chapter 2: That awkward moment when the character realises
he is in a story.
It was obvious to everybody that James had a drug problem, and it wasnt a cool one like
you see on TV or in movies. He abused pills of all kinds, performed a Whitney Houston
- by that I mean snorted cocaine from the inside of a pen - on a daily basis, and did a
couple of shots of heroine to round off the week.

But worst of all, something so disgusting and abnormal that even he was ashamed of; he
had an addiction to The Killers.

It was affecting his work life (he worked at some deadbeat DVD rental place), the
relationships with the few remaining friends he had, and even his sanity. Who could
blame him? I wouldnt want to work at Blockbusters
So it was no surprise to anyone when he turned up dead in a ditch one morning, naked,
and with a pair of headphones blaring out Mr Brightside duct taped to his rotting head.
It had been a week since his confrontation with Dani, so it was safe to say hed overdosed
shortly after that.

His body had been found by none other than Alfie Magic Goat Parsons, whod become
homeless after his Drop Dead obsession had gotten the better of him.

Alfie buried James body bedside the road where the ditch had been, to a poor quality -
some of his limbs were still poking out. But Alfie didnt care, all he wanted to do was
skate down to the abandoned school and get high. He knew this was a mediocre story
dreamt up by some adolescent neckbeard who was bored.

The writer didnt like this, not one bit.

Alfie should have cared just a little bit, because he contracted a severe case of Ebola from
the corpse, and he too turned up dead a few weeks later.

Serves him right.

Chapter 3: Everybody is Dying!
Isobelle backhanded Danielle across the face.
Come to your senses, Dani, its insane! Isobelle commanded. Brianna nodded in
agreement.

As you may have caught onto from the chapter title, everybody had indeed been dying,
the Ebola got em. Danielle was worried, and being a Nazi - into all that occult shit and
what not - she wanted to resurrect these people. Isobelle and Brianna were against the
idea from the mere jokingly mention of it. They were afraid of how having zombies would
be a cliche and would then therefore cramp their Hipster style.

Danielle was having none of it.

Were all gonna die anyway, so just let it happen, Brianna hadnt been the same since
she discovered LSD.
Yeah, Briannas right Dani, trying to raise the dead is stupid. Like youd know how to do
that anyway Youre a middle-class white girl from South East England, something is
bound to go wrong or not work in the first place. Izzy had always been the voice of
reason, especially since shed started taking Ketamine.
I guess I guess youre right. Dani didnt sound too happy about giving in, but give in
she did.

Danielle and the girls made up, accepted the fact that theyd die soon, and pulled out
their meth pipes.

All three died after an intense hour of smoking and snorting.

Epilogue
Dani awoke to the sound of beeping. At first she thought it was her alarm, so she put her
arm out to reach to the nightstand. Alas, her arm fell right down. Her senses started to
come back to her slowly Everything smelt clean... The walls of her room were whiter
than shed remembered.

Then she noticed the hose down her throat.

She quickly and violently pulled the breathing tube out of her airway, the life support
machine started to beep intensely now.

Her vision was starting to become clearer She saw shapes all around her bed Looking
roughly like people.

Then it hit her. She realised where she was; the hospital. Danielle was in a coma for the
past two weeks She had been involved in a car accident, Dani unfortunately was
intoxicated behind the wheel.

She was lucky to be alive.

The shapes Dani saw became clear images, a haze of emotion fell upon her suddenly. All
of her friends were waiting beside the hospital bed. Brianna, Isobelle, Phoebe, Alfie,
Alex And even Me and Tom were there (hed forgotten to bring flowers).
Everybody stood there, silently, as Danielle had arisen from her slumber. She could
barely contain her emotions.

However, we could do that for her.

I ask if I could fluff up her pillow, she accepts. What she doesnt expect is me... Quicker
than she could think, I start to smother her. She wriggled and struggled, muffled
screams came from beneath the pillow Then they stopped. We all stood around the
bed, said our goodbyes, and left.

The End.

AND THE MORAL OF THAT STORY KIDS IS TO NEVER EVER DRINK AND DRIVE,
BECAUSE THEN YOUR FRIENDS WILL KILL YOU.


Note from the Author:
Sorry.