Why I Live Beyond the DisUnited States of Northamerica

he philosophical psychiatrist, R D Laing, was endowed with immense courage, vision

and vigour, and by reason of his unique skills made valuable contributions to
psychiatry and caused to come to be events which startled and disrupted long-
established analysts of the mind. Laing was a member of that mental health infantry squadron
carrying out a mission meant to clear the way for the main body of troops. His insights into
schiophrenia, the world!s most debilitating mental disease, will never be forgotten.
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Like many illustrious warriors favoured with superhuman eminence, Laing!s first #umps, off
the high board into the murky pools of the unconscious, neurosis and psychosis, were belly
flops. Heroic in nature, Laing did not return home from battle after his preliminary
overthrows. He climbed up far above the ground again, lunged, cut through gloomy waters,
and touched bottom where he scraped his skin and bruised his bones yet more. He went back
again and again and again and persevered, until his death, searching for something new in the
treatment of mental patients.
$rom page %&' to %&( in Self and Others, Laing!s masterpiece, he talks about a little boy of five
who runs to his mother holding a big fat worm in his hand, and says, )*ommy, look what a
big fat worm + have got., -he says, ).ou are filthy/away and clean yourself immediately.,
"he mother!s response to the boy is an e0ample of what Ruesch 1%2345 has called a )tangential
response., +n terms of the boy!s feeling, the mother!s response is at a tangent. -he does not
say, )6h, yes, what a lovely worm., -he does not say, )7hat a filthy worm/you mustn!t
touch worms like that8 throw it away., +n this response there is a failure to endorse what the
boy is doing. 9 state of transitory confusion, an0iety or guilt might be generated in him.
:ateson, ;ackson, Haley and 7eakland in their article, )"oward a "heory of -chiophrenia,,
Behavioural Science 1%23<5, discuss this condition and term it the )double-bind, pattern.
9ccording to the authors, the likelihood of such a configuration e0ists when these si0 elements
are present= two or more persons8 repeated e0perience of the state of affairs8 a primary
negative in#unction= )Do not do this. + will punish you if you do8, a secondary in#unction
conflicting with the first at a more abstract level, and like the first, enforced by punishment or
signals which threaten survival= a negative gesture, a tone of voice, a posture, etc8 a tertiary
negative in#unction prohibiting the victim from escaping from the field= false promises of
devotion, affection or love8 and, the absence of these constituents when the victim learns that
his or her universe is composed of, essentially, double-bind patterns.
"he victims, in this scenario, are caught in a mesh of contradiction between two conclusions
and they cannot decide how to act or react rationally. He or she cannot make a sane choice.
"he prey is deceived and, to survive, must mislead others to protect himself or herself. "hey
learn to re#ect what is genuine, and lay blame on what is unreal or real ridiculing as immature
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what might in fact be responsible. >ersons trapped in this double-bind pattern cannot
establish a sensation of genuineness with another human being.
hen + pranced home from ?ietnam in 9ugust %2<4, + began to en#oy one of the
most beautiful times of my life= + had made it home successfully--alive@ + was in
one piece and had not been seriously wounded or maimed@ + had read seventy-two
books in ?ietnam where + had not wasted one moment@ ?ietnam had not brought me to the
nightmares of mental instability, and if people want to say + am )cray, nonetheless, + tell
them + was the way + am long before my tour in -outheast 9sia@ Aood comes from :ad8 :ad
comes from Aood. >erhaps the most fortuitous souvenir/what + cherish the most/that +
hold from the horrible twelve months + passed in the Bentral Highlands with the -nowflake
Division near the Bambodian and Laotian borders 1>leiku, Contum and Dak "o5, and in the
Bhu Lai and *y Lai locales of the 9merical!s area of operations, is this= *y life had been
threatened so many times that when + came back to Dew .ork and set off to unwind so as to
become a normal person all over again, + was so e0ultant that the tension of combat had been
eliminated, + stayed in a secret state of euphoria for months. 9nd from that day, + have valued
my life the more/certainly much more because it had been put in #eopardy by elements
beyond the e0pectations of my own wishes.
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"here were a couple of )7elcome Home from the 7ar, gestures from relatives and friends,
and +!ll never forget the doorman at the Esse0 House who greeted me with a )7elcome home,
Lieutenant,, gave me my room number, saluted me, and pointed the way to where + found a
complimentary bottle of champagne and a bowl of fruit. 9fter a pair of weeks passed by, +
)escaped, to $lorida. + had to get out of Dew .ork and + followed my plan, formulated in
?ietnam, to do so. + did not really comprehend at that time why + had to break away from my
much-loved Dew .ork. + would understand later on.
+t did not take me long to gather that + had achieved the status of having a new unsavoury
reputation= ?ietnam ?eteran. +n fact, my relatives were the first to hint to me that my service
to my country was of dubious make-up. + was told, flat out= )"he 9rmy screwed you, you
should screw the 9rmy@, + was dumbfounded when it was suggested that + fake back pain, go
to a ?9 hospital, and obtain a lifelong disability check@ + think it was this mind-set which
instigated in me the predisposition to reflect at that time upon the level-headedness of the
Fnited -tates of 9merica/and quite seriously so. + had to know why my fellow countrymen
and women thought they deserved to have their cake and eat it, too@ 9nd + wanted to know
why + was being wedged into a double bind state of being.
6utside of closed social circles, ?ietnam was not a sub#ect habitually broached with ?ietnam
veterans, accordingly + had to rummage around the mass media and, in particular, political
#ournals and other outlets of enlightenment which replicated the thoughts of my confreres. +
speculated that, in the %2<&s and %2G&s, about si0ty percent of my fellows disapproved of
what + represented because + )killed babies,, and forty percent approved of me for doing so.
9n outlandish emotional rift.
"he fact of the matter is that + did not kill in ?ietnam. + state this unequivocally and to the
best of my knowledge. + soldiered as an artillery %%2H and even though defective pro#ectiles
and inaccurate maps frequently complicated, to an inordinate degree, our missions as +
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)humped, with the grunts on the battlefield, +, personally, cannot refer to an incident in which
+ was involved killing people with artillery or any other armament. + heard that one erratic
artillery shell had slayed nine 9merican soldiers because the $ire Direction 6fficer had
confused an )4, with a )H8, moreover, on my first day out to the field in close pro0imity to the
$ourth Division :ase Bamp, we were )attacked, by a volley of our own %33mm rounds which
set our company into such a state of terror and turmoil that, to my utter amaement, it caused
one grunt to fall to the ground/in the foetal position, his *-%< discarded/praying with
rosary beads wrapped through his fingers. What had I done to merit this lunacy?
"he folly did not terminate there for me. .ears later + would hear on BDD that during the
?ietnam )7ar, an almost G&I of Fnited -tates! military personnel were killed or maimed in
?ietnam by mines, and that 2&I of these armaments were F- military ordnance@ 9nd + can
believe it. 7henever + was transferred to a different artillery unit, + came into the red leg fold
asking= )7hat!s the dud rate hereJ, H&IJ (&IJ 3&IJ +t is certainly true that e0ceptional
meteorological )tricky situations, compromised the accuracy of our $DB calculations, yet no
one can deny that the haste/it makes waste/to #oin in on the economic boom 1remember
the %2<' recessionJ5 which e0emplified the ?ietnam )7ar,, caused pro#ectiles to be
manufactured with substandard worth. 7hen these rounds were converted into booby traps
by our clever enemy, the results could be sordid. 9s an artillery battalion liaison officer flying
with the infantry battalion B6 in his BKB Huey, we often swooped down to a grunt broken
into pieces by a booby trap, and then *ED+?9Bed him to the nearest field hospital where
maintenance crews hosed off the blood on the helicopter!s floor before we were able to return
for more.
"he *y Lai area was notorious for the percentage of booby traps it secreted. +magine. .ou
are marching with your buddy through rice paddies when, in a flash, you see him go flying
with members of his body slashed or gone astray. .ou can!t find a way to embrace a fond
affection for the ?ietnam people8 and, you have to be a finicky person not to want to seek out
a vendetta. Dineteen-year-olds cannot be depended upon to discriminate #udiciously especially
when under pressure. 1+ was a university graduate, with a degree in philosophy, and it was hard
enough for me to weigh up at times these niceties, but not even a ten-star general could have
ordered me to kill women and children and old folk/even in a ditch.5 + have no condolences
for Lieutenant Balley because all of us/arriving in-country/read and signed that we read the
Aeneva Bonvention and division memos instructing us how to treat prisoners of war and
?ietnamese nationals. "he Fnited -tates! government and the Fnited -tates 9rmy
commanded us to behave in one way 1B.9= Bover .our 9ss@5, and when we did not, they
turned their backs on what was dishonourable and not above-board making out of the
?ietnam conflict something that it unquestionably was not= a righteous initiative, one to be
satisfied about supporting. 9 double bind state of mindJ
$or the ?ietnam veteran this forked tonguing was remarkably crass when he or she returned
home to the Fnited -tates. "hey knew very well the shenanigans that had gone on in
?ietnam, and to be thought of as a loser in a war which 9mericans did not cheer on but made
profit of by benefiting from the business enveloping it, was truly more than a let-down. -ome
veterans could not bear the rebuff that awaited them and they blew away their minds and
bodies, or their schioid fellow citiens, in tragic acts of violence. "he history of the ?ietnam
veteran is well-documented, but + have never seen price estimates for the heart-rending
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damage he or she caused not only for themselves, but also for the victims of their post-war
violence/the divorces they were involved in, the crimes they were sent to prison for, the
alcohol and drug abuse their family members suffered with them, and so many other dynamics
which enter into the fiscal tabulation of this national calamity. 9nd make no mistake about it,
the ?ietnam veteran might be loaded down with diagnostic lingo and syndromes and other
descriptions of maladaptive behaviour, but no one will ever consider as being mentally
unbalanced those who sent him off to that insane police action that did the Fnited -tates of
9merica more harm than benefit.
7hen + left the Fnited -tates for good in %2G3, + knew it was on a catastrophic course. + had
not the words to say what + wanted to e0plain. + had to test my premonitions and had to
contrast them with the viewpoints of others who were not 9mericans. + grasped that the
Fnited -tates was ripped in two, although + never then imagined that it would continue to
cultivate a )split personality, which would advance it to continually enlarge the chasm that
polaried it further and further. "oday we have Red -tates and :lue -tates, and no one has
thought to mi0 red and blue together to get violet/the colour of wretchedness and
introversion. 9mericans are fighting to be happy and they are so desperate to be so they will
even laugh, with a knee-#erk, at the overworked #okes of a David Letterman.
"he Fnited -tates learned not much from ?ietnam e0cept how to make sure that the atrocious
errors, embarrassing for them, they committed there would not be duplicated in future
hostilities. "hat is why the F- 9rmy is a voluntary organiation today@ +t is more martial than
it ever was. +ts regime is wielded throughout the globe with fear and not the yearning to be
respected. 1"he 9mericans are a wonderful people/if they aren!t bombing you@5 "he .ankee
is not regarded even as a benevolent dictator, and he is truly hated when his barter 1LLL5 stops
circulating. +t does not flabbergast me one iota that Aore ?idal, or anyone else for that matter,
could conceive of a book entitled The Decline and Fall of the American m!ire. "he Fnited -tates
of 9merica is sliding down "he "ubes. Dorthamericans, out of despondency, have become
awful losers yet they persist in alleging that they are redoubtable winners. ;ust another double
bind stance/one they are very much accustomed to.
+ don!t want to be with a failure/especially one that does not have the courage to penetrate its
own limitations. 6ld Alory is hemmed in. 9s the years pass, it will draw more and more into
itself. "he Fnited -tates is in a pitiable state and has not the e0pertise to release itself from its
own desolation. + want to be happy8 + do not want to live with a nation pretending to be so. +
refuse to live in the DisFnited -tates of 9merica the more because it did not afford me the
chance to become a hero for it when + served it in ?ietnam. + feel that + was betrayed. How
could + ever stand up erect at a baseball or football game and sing with others )"he -tar-
-pangled :annerJ, + would have to wait outside. + can only wish the DisFnited -tates of
9merica a hearty )Aood Luck., +t!s going to need it. 9nd + ask the DisFnited -tates of
9merica only one thing= that the renunciation of my citienship, sitting on the desk of the
consulate general in $lorence, +taly since %22(, be approved by the Department of -tate
immediately.
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9uthored by 9nthony -t. ;ohn
www.scribd.comMthewordwarrior
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