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How to Be a Good Parent

Edited by Wpendy, Elizabeth Douglas, Krystle C., Hannah and 119 others
Three Parts:Loving Your ChildBeing a Good DisciplinarianHelping Your Child Build
Character
Being a parent can be one of the most rewarding and fulfilling experiences of your life, but
that doesn't mean it's easy. No matter what age your child or children are, your work is never
done. To be a good parent, you need to know how to make your children feel valued and
loved, while teaching them the difference between right and wrong. At the end of the day, the
most important thing is to create a nurturing environment where your children feel like they
can thrive and develop into confident, independent, and caring adults. If you want to know
how to be a good parent, see Step 1 to be on your way.
Part 1 of 3: Loving Your Child
1. 1
Give your child love and affection. Sometimes the best thing you can give your
child is love and affection. A warm touch or a caring hug can let your child know how
much you really care about him or her. Don't ever overlook how important a physical
connection is when it comes to your child. Here are some ways to show love and
affection:
o A gentle cuddle, a little encouragement, appreciation, approval or even a smile
can go a long way to boost the confidence and well-being of your children.
o Tell them you love them every day, no matter how angry at them you may be.
o Give lots of hugs and some kisses. Make your children comfortable with love
and affection from birth.
o Love them unconditionally; don't force them to be who you think they should
be in order to earn your love. Let them know that you will always love them
no matter what.
2. 2
Praise your children. Praising your children is an important part of being a good
parent. You want your kids to feel proud of their accomplishments and good about
themselves. If you don't give them the confidence they need to be out in the world on
their own, then they won't feel empowered to be independent or adventurous. When
they do something good, let them know that you've noticed and that you're very proud
of them.
o Make a habit of praising your children at least three times as much as you give
them negative feedback. Though it's important to tell your children when
they're doing something wrong, it's also important to help them build a
positive sense of self.
o If they are too young to fully understand, praise them with treats, applause,
and lots of love. Encouraging them for doing everything from using the potty
to getting good grades can help them lead a happy and successful life.
3. 3
Avoid comparing your children to others, especially siblings. Each child is
individual and unique. Celebrate their differences and instill in each child the desire to
pursue their interests and dreams. Failure to do so may give your child an inferiority
complex, an idea that they can never be good enough in your eyes. If you want to help
them improve their behavior, talk about meeting their goals on their own terms,
instead of telling them to act like their sister or neighbor. This will help them develop
a sense of self instead of having an inferiority complex.
o Comparing one child to another can also make one child develop a rivalry
with his or her sibling. You want to nurture a loving relationship between your
children, not a competitive one.
o Avoid favoritism. Surveys have shown that most parents have favorites, but
most children believe that they are the favorite. If your children are quarreling,
don't choose sides, but be fair and neutral.
4. 4
Listen to your children. It's important that your communication with your children
goes both ways. You shouldn't just be there to enforce rules, but to listen to your
children when they are having a problem. You have to be able to express interest in
your children and involve yourself in their life. You should create an atmosphere in
which your children can come to you with a problem, however large or small.
o You can even set aside a time to talk to your children every day. This can be
before bedtime, at breakfast, or during a walk after school. Treat this time as
sacred and avoid checking your phone or getting distracted.
o If your child says he has to tell you something, make sure you take this
seriously and drop everything you're doing, or set up a time to talk when you
can really listen.
5. 5
Make time for your children. Be careful not to stifle or smother them, however.
There's a big difference between protecting someone and imprisoning them within
your too unyielding demands. You want them to feel like your time together is sacred
and special without making them feel like they are forced to spend time with you.
o Spend time with each child individually. Try to divide your time equally if you
have more than one child.
o Listen and respect your child and respect what they want to do with their life.
o Set aside a day to go to a park, theme parks, museum or library depending on
their interests.
o Attend school functions. Do homework with them. Visit their teacher at open
house to get a sense of how they are doing in school.
6. 6
Be there for the milestones. You may have a hectic work schedule, but you should
do everything you can to be there for the important moments in your children's lives,
from their ballet recitals to their high school graduation. Remember that children
grow fast and that they'll be on their own before you know it. Your boss may or may
not remember that you missed that meeting, but your child will most certainly
remember that you didn't attend the play they were in. Though you don't have to drop
everything for your children, you should at least try to be there for the milestones.
o If you were too busy to be there for your child's first day of school or another
important milestone, you are liable to regret it for the rest of your life. And
you don't want your child to think of his high school graduation as the time
when his mom or dad couldn't show up.
Part 2 of 3: Being a Good Disciplinarian
1. 1
Enforce reasonable rules. Enforce rules that apply to every person leading a happy
and productive life not model rules of your ideal person. It's important to set rules
and guidelines that help your child develop and grow without being so strict that your
child feels like he can't take a step without doing something wrong. Ideally, your child
should love you more than he fears your rules.
o Communicate your rules clearly. Children should be very familiar with the
consequences of their actions. If you give them a punishment, be sure they
understand the reason and the fault; if you cannot articulate the reason and
how they are at fault the punishment will not have the discouraging effects
you desire.
o Make sure that you not only set reasonable rules, but that you enforce them
reasonably. Avoid overly harsh forms of punishment, ridiculously stringent
punishments for minor infractions, or anything that involves physically hurting
your child.
2. 2
Control your temper as much as you can. It's important to try to be as calm and
reasonable as you can when you explain your rules or carry them out. You want your
children to take you seriously, not fear you or think of you as unstable. Obviously,
this can be quite a challenge, especially when your children are acting out or just
driving you up the wall, but if you feel yourself getting ready to raise your voice, take
a break and excuse yourself before you finish talking to your children.
o We all lose our tempers and feel out of control, sometimes. If you do or say
something you regret, you should apologize to your children, letting them
know that you've made a mistake. If you act like the behavior is normal, then
they will try to mimic it.
3. 3
Be consistent. It's important to enforce the same rules all the time, and to resist your
child's attempts to manipulate you into making exceptions. If you let your child do
something he or she is not supposed to do just because he or she is throwing a
tantrum, then this shows that your rules are breakable. If you find yourself saying,
"Okay, but only just this once..." more than once, then you have to work on
maintaining more consistent rules for your children.
o If your child feels like your rules are breakable, he'll have no incentive to stick
to them.
4. 4
Be a united front with your spouse. If you have a spouse, then it's important that
your children think of you as a united front as two people who will both say "yes"
or "no" to the same things. If your kids think that their mother will always say yes and
their father will say no, then they'll think that one parent is "better" or more easily
manipulatable than the other. They should see you and your spouse as a unit so there's
order in your high school, and so you don't find yourself in a difficult situation
because you and your spouse don't agree on certain things when it comes to raising
the kids.
o This doesn't mean that you and your house have to agree 100% about
everything having to do with the kids. But it does mean that you should work
together to solve problems that involve the children, instead of being pitted
against each other.
o You shouldn't argue with your spouse in front of the children. If they are
sleeping, argue quietly. Children may feel insecure and fearful when they hear
parents bickering. In addition, children will learn to argue with each other the
same way they hear their parents argue with each other. Show them that when
people disagree, they can discuss their differences peacefully.
5. 5
Provide order for your children. Your kids should feel like there's a sense of order
and a logic to things in their household and in their family life. This can help them
feel safe and at peace and to live a happy life both in and outside of their home. Here
are some ways that you can provide order for your children:
o Set boundaries such as bedtimes and curfews, so they learn that they have
limitations. By doing so, they actually get a sense of being loved and cared
about by their parents. They might rebel at those boundaries, but inwardly
enjoy knowing that concerned parents guide and love them.
o Encourage responsibility by giving them jobs or "chores" to do and as a
reward for those jobs give them some kind of privilege (money, extended
curfew, extra play time, etc.). As "punishment" for not doing these jobs, they
have the corresponding privilege revoked. Even the youngest of children can
learn this concept of reward or consequence. As your child grows, give them
more responsibilities and more rewards or consequences for completing those
responsibilities or ignoring them.
o Teach them what is right and wrong. If you are religious, take them to the
religious institute that you follow. If you are an atheist or an agnostic, teach
them your moral stance on things. In either case, don't be hypocritical or be
prepared for your child to point out that you are not "practicing what you
preach".
6. 6
Criticize your child's behavior, not your child. It's important to criticize your
children's actions, instead of your actual child. You want your child to learn that he or
she can accomplish whatever he or she wants through his or her behavior, instead of
being stuck being one kind of person. Let him or her feel like he has the agency to
improve his behavior.
o When your child acts out in a harmful and spiteful manner, tell him or her that
such behavior is unacceptable and suggest alternatives. Avoid statements such
as: "You're bad." Instead, say something like, "It was very wrong to be mean
to your little sister." Explain why the behavior was bad.
o Be assertive yet kind when pointing out what they have done wrong. Be stern
and serious, but not cross or mean, when you tell them what you expect.
o Avoid public humiliation. If they misbehave in public, take them aside, and
scold them privately.
Part 3 of 3: Helping Your Child Build Character
1. 1
Teach your children to be independent. Teach your children that it is okay for them
to be different, and they do not have to follow the crowd. Teach them right from
wrong when they are young, and they will (more often than not) be able to make their
own decisions, instead of listening to or following others. Remember that your child
is not an extension of yourself. Your child is an individual under your care, not a
chance for you to relive your life through them.
o When your children get old enough to make decisions for themselves, you
should encourage them to choose which extra-curricular activities they want to
do or what friends they want to play with. Unless you think an activity is very
dangerous, or a playmate is a very bad influence, you should let your children
figure things out for themselves.
o A child may have an opposite disposition, ie: introverted when you are
extroverted, for instance, and will not be able to fit into the pattern and style
that you choose, and will make his or her own decisions instead.
o They need to learn that their own actions have consequences (good and bad).
By doing so, it helps them to become good decision makers and problem
solvers so that they are prepared for independence and adulthood.
o Don't routinely do things for your children that they can learn to do for
themselves. While getting them a glass of water before bed is a nice way to
make them get to sleep faster, don't do it so often that they come to expect it.
2. 2
Be a good role model. If you want your child to be well-behaved, then you should
model the behavior and character you hope your children will adopt and continue to
live by the rules that you set. Show them by example in addition to verbal
explanations. Children have a tendency to become what they see and hear unless they
make a conscious and concerted effort to break the mold. You don't have to be a
perfect person, but you should strive to do as you want your children to do, so you
don't look hypocritical if you tell your children to be polite to others when they find
you getting in a heated argument in the supermarket.
o It's perfectly okay to make mistakes, but you should apologize or let your
child know that the behavior is not good. You can say something like,
"Mommy didn't mean to yell at you. She was just very upset." This is better
than ignoring that you made a mistake, because that will show the child that he
or she should model this behavior.
o Want to teach kids about charity? Get involved and take your kids with you to
a soup kitchen or homeless shelter and help serve up meals. Explain to them
why you do acts of charity so they understand why they should.
o Teach kids about chores by setting a schedule and having them help you out.
Don't tell your child to do something, but ask for their help. The earlier they
learn to help you, the longer they will be willing to.
o If you want your son or daughter to learn to share, set a good example and
share your things with them.
3. 3
Respect your child's privacy. Respect their privacy as you would want them to
respect yours; for example, if you teach your child that your room is out of boundaries
to them, respect the same with their room. Allow them to feel that once they enter
their room they can know that no one will look through their drawers, or read their
diary. This will teach them to honor their own space and to respect the privacy of
others.
o If your child catches you snooping through his or her things, then it may take
him a long time to be able to truly trust you again.
4. 4
Encourage your children to have a healthy lifestyle. It's important to make sure
that your children eat healthy food as much as they can, that they get plenty of
exercise, and that they get enough rest every night. You should encourage positive
and healthy behavior without harping on it too much or making it seem like you're
forcing your children to eat or act a certain way. Let them come to these conclusions
on their own while helping them see the meaning and importance of a healthy life.
o One way to encourage them to exercise is to get them to play a sport early on
in life, so they find a passion that is also healthy.
o If you start over-explaining to the child that something is unhealthy or that
they shouldn't get it, they may take it the wrong way and feel like you are
insulting them. Once this happens, they will no longer want to go out to eat
with you, and they will feel bad eating around you, which could make them
want to sneak and hide junk food from you.
o When trying to enforce healthy eating habits, start it at a younger age. Giving
rewards of candy to children may create a bad habit, because once they get
older, some may feel they should reward themselves which can lead to
obesity. While they are young, start them out with healthier snacks. Instead of
chips, try goldfish (crackers), grapes, etc.
o The eating habits they learn as they are younger are the ones they continue to
have. Also, never make your child finish their plate, if they say they are not
hungry. This can continue throughout their lives, causing them to finish no
matter what portions are on their plate.
5. 5
Emphasize moderation and responsibility when it comes to alcohol consumption.
You can start talking about this even when children are young. Explain that they will
have to wait until they are old enough to enjoy a drink with friends, and talk about the
importance of designated drivers. Failure to discuss these issues early sometimes
contributes to sneaking and dangerous experimentation, if they don't understand.
o Once your friends get to an age where they and their friends start drinking
alcohol, encourage them to talk about it with you. You don't want them to fear
your reaction and to end up doing something regrettable, like driving drunk
because they're too scared to ask for a ride.
6. 6
Allow your kids to experience life for themselves. Don't make decisions for them
all the time; they must learn how to live with the consequences from the choices they
make. After all, they will have to learn to think for themselves sometime. It's best they
start when you are there to help minimize the negative consequences and accentuate
the positive ones.
o They need to learn that their own actions have consequences (good and bad).
By doing so, it helps them to become good decision makers and problem
solvers so that they are prepared for independence and adulthood.
7. 7
Let your children make their own mistakes. Life is a great teacher. Don't be too
quick to rescue your child from the results of their own actions if the consequences
are not overly severe. For example, cutting themselves (in a minor way) may hurt, but
it's better than leaving them unaware of why sharp objects should be avoided. Know
that you can't protect your children forever, and they're better off learning life's
lessons sooner than later. Though it can be hard to stand back and watch your child
make a mistake, this will benefit both you and your child in the long run.
o You shouldn't say "I told you so" when your child learns a life lesson on his
own. Instead, let your child draw his own conclusions about what happened.
8.8
Give up your vices. Gambling, alcohol and drugs can jeopardize your child's
financial security. Smoking, for example, almost always introduces health hazards to
your child's environment. Second-hand smoke has been linked to several respiratory
ailments in children. It could also contribute to the early death of a parent. Alcohol
and drugs might also introduce health hazards or violence to your child's environment.
o Of course, if you enjoy having some wine or a few beers now and again, that's
perfectly fine, as long as you model healthy consumption of alcohol and
responsible behavior while you do it.
8. 9
Don't place unreasonable expectations on your child. There's a difference between
wanting your child to be a responsible, mature individual and forcing your child to be
perfect or to live up to your idea of what perfect should be. You shouldn't push your
child to get perfect grades or to be the best player on his soccer team; instead,
encourage good study habits and good sportsmanship, and let your child put in the
effort that he is capable of.
o If you act like you only expect the best, your child will feel like he or she may
never measure up, and may even rebel in the process.
o You don't want to be the person that your child is afraid of because he feels
like he will never measure up. You want to be a cheerleader for your child, not
a drill sergeant.
9. 10
Know that a parent's work is never done. Though you may think you have already
molded and raised your child into the person he or she will become by the time your
child dons his or her graduation cap, this is far from true. Your parenting will have a
life-long effect on your child and you should always give your child the love and
affection he needs, even if you're hundreds of miles away. While you won't always be
a constant daily presence in your child's life, you should always let your children
know that you care about them and that you'll be there for them, no matter what.
o Your children will still turn to you for advice, and will still be affected by
what you say no matter what age they are. As the years go on, you can not
only improve your parenting techniques, but you can start to think about how
to be a good grandparent!
Tips
Reflect on your own childhood frequently. Identify mistakes your parents made, and
make an effort to avoid passing them on to the next several generations. Every
generation of parents/children gets to make a whole set of new successes and/or
mistakes.
Listen to what your child has to say.
Don't live your life through them. Let them make their own choices and live their life
how they want to.
A teen who is on the brink of adulthood needs the support of a parent more than ever.
Do not think that just because they are almost 18 or 21 years old that you can leave
them to figure it all out on their own. Do not intervene/interfere unnecessarily,
however. You have to walk a fine line.
Improve your child's social skills.
Don't belittle their choice in friends. Furthermore, try to maintain your own
friendships.
If you're trying to quit a habit yourself, look into groups that can help you overcome
it. Always get support, and have someone you can talk to when you begin to get a
craving for your habit. Remember that you're not only helping yourself, but you're
helping your child as well.
Address your needs to be loved, but value your children's needs over others. Do not
abandon your children for your love interests. Make your child a priority when you
are dating, and do not put your child in danger by introducing someone new into the
household that you do not know well. Children need to feel safe, secure and loved. If
you are suddenly leaving them out and not addressing their needs in order to tend to a
new boyfriend or girlfriend, your children will grow to feel insecure and abandoned.
Love is needed by everyone, but not at the expense of your child's emotional health.
This also applies to older children.
Encourage introspection by sharing with your children your own self-evaluations.
Do not share your own past misbehavior with your children because they will
compare themselves to you and thus, expect less from themselves. "So! You were like
that too".
Warnings
Do not strictly follow the parental behavioral stereotypes of your culture, race, ethnic
group, family, or other defining factor. Please do not believe that there is only one
way to raise a child.
Do not be afraid to be a parent. Do your best, be their friend, but never let them forget
you are their parent, not a collaborator.
Never over-indulge a child. It can lead to stubborn and irresponsible behavior.
Parenting does not stop when a child grows up. Being a good parent remains a life-
long role. But remember that once they become adults, the decisions they make in life
are ultimately theirs with their consequences.

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