1he best way to get what you want |n a re|at|onsh|p |s to ASk ICk I1,

and the best way to avo|d gett|ng what you don't want |s to say NC.

Why |s |t these th|ngs are so hard to do |n the m|dst of our most |mportant re|at|onsh|ps?

1he dlfflculLles ln communlcaLlng Lhese slmple Lhlngs ofLen sLem from our fears of belng
re[ecLed or dlsmlssed as lnslgnlflcanL. When speaklng up for ourselves, for whaL we Lruly
wanL and for how we'd llke Lo be LreaLed, ls Lhe greaLesL rlsk we can Lake ln a relaLlonshlp,
as we'll always sLand Lo be refused or unaccepLed - and whlch ls can ofLen be palnful!

We may noL glve lL much LhoughL buL all of us experlence many dlfferenL klnds of
relaLlonshlps LhaL add valuable supporL Lo our llves every day.

LeL's conslder Lhe lmporLance of relaLlonshlps ln our llves.

We may have a speclal someone, a spouse, husband or wlfe, Lhe person who knows us besL
of all or someone wlLh whom we share our dally sLrlfe's, successes and sLuff. We wlll regard
LhaL person as our ally, our soul maLe or even llfe companlon.

We may have frlends wlLh whom we share coffee, a few drlnks, Lhe weekly game or who we
can complaln Lo abouL our mosL lnLlmaLe problems Lo geL advlce or feedback.

lamlly members are ofLen Lhe people who remlnd us abouL whaL's lmporLanL ln our llves.
Cur chlldren (even lf we haven'L had Lhem yeL) can be Lhe reason we work as hard as we do,
LhaL can glve us Lhe moLlvaLlon behlnd our deLermlnaLlon Lo overcome Lhe hurdles,
challenges and sLruggles ln our careers and professlonal llves. Cur parenLs and slbllngs are
ofLen Lhe people wlLh whom we grew up, Lhey knew Lhe young us and ofLen we wanL Lo
make Lhem proud.

1hen Lhere are our colleagues aL work, co-workers or bosses. Many of us can spend mosL of
our Llme wlLh work colleagues. 1hey can be Lhe people who offer us supporL Lhrough our
dally sLruggles, who recognlze our skllls, accompllshmenLs, efforLs and ofLen who lL ls LhaL
we Lruly are.

8uL whaL happens lf Lhose relaLlonshlps go wrong? WhaL happens lf we sLarL Lo feel lrrlLable,
unvalued, lnslgnlflcanL and unappreclaLed?

We may feel LhaL Lhere aren'L enough hours ln Lhe day Lo accommodaLe everyLhlng we feel
we musL do Lo please everybody who places Lhe ofLen-unllmlLed demands on us. lf we feel
lnslgnlflcanL or unvalued ln Lhe conLexL of our relaLlonshlps, sLress can gradually accumulaLe
unLll lL beglns Lo spread LhroughouL every aspecL of our llves.

SLress can cause dlsLurbed sleep paLLerns, a lack of enLhuslasm for people and Lhe Lhlngs
LhaL were once lmporLanL Lo us. Cver Llme we may lose our sense of humor, become
aggresslve, lnLoleranL and maybe lnLroverLed. Cradually Lhose lmporLanL relaLlonshlps can
be damaged by our negaLlve behavlor.

Lvery relaLlonshlp we enLer lnLo, or have ever enLered lnLo LhroughouL wlll place (or wlll
have placed) demands on us, whlch Lhere ls noLhlng we can do abouL. 1here ls Lhough
however, unllmlLed ways by whlch Lo respond Lo Lhese demands!
lf you're noL comforLable wlLh a requesL, whlch someone else places upon you, Lhen you
comply wlLh lL ln splLe of your preferences, you sLand aL rlsk of resenLlng Lhls oLher person
(or even yourself) for conformlng Lo a seL of sLandards LhaL dldn'L maLch your personal
values ln Lhe flrsL place.

lf you're noL geLLlng whaL you wanL ln a relaLlonshlp, or lf you're glvlng ln Lo whaL you don't
want Lo be glvlng lnLo ln a relaLlonshlp, you are noL belng your Lrue auLhenLlc self!

lf you haven'L yeL found Lhls ldeal relaLlonshlp yeL, do you even know whaL lL ls LhaL you're
looklng for ln Lhls person? lf Lhls were Lhe case, how would you know Lo recognlze Lhls
person when you flnd Lhem?

lor many of us our relaLlonshlps are a ma[or, lmporLanL and lnLegral parL of our llves.

Cur famllles, frlends, colleagues and maybe even nelghbors form Lhe cornersLones of our
relaLlonal supporL neLwork (well Lhey should do anyway!). 1hey provlde healLhy emoLlonal
lnLeracLlon as well as Lhe opporLunlLy Lo share our deepesL worrles, Lo help each oLher ouL,
and have fun or even [usL slmply relax!

lL ls my hope LhaL LhroughouL Lhls programme you wlll pause and conslder Lhe ways ln whlch
you can look afLer your relaLlonshlps more effecLlvely, ln ways LhaL won'L [usL beneflL you
dlrecLly, buL ln ways LhaL wlll beneflL all people concerned - even Lhose people you may noL
have even meL yeL!

ln Lhls brlef lnLroducLlon Lo Lhe ulLlmaLe 8elaLlonshlp 8ulldlng rogramme, leLs conslder
some ways ln whlch we can Lake care of our relaLlonshlps ln a way LhaL could boLh enhance
and lmprove Lhe quallLy of our llves:

8e generous. Are you slow or even reLlcenL Lo offer pralse or show enLhuslasm for anoLher's
successes and LalenLs? 1he mosL valuable commodlLy you can glve Lo anoLher human belng
ls Llme, and Llme ls Lhe mosL slgnlflcanL Lhlng you could ever glve Lo someone.

8e qu|ck to apo|og|ze. Acknowledglng when we've made a mlsLake and belng qulck Lo
apologlze can defuse a Lense slLuaLlon and enable lL Lo be moved on from. A senslLlve
apology demonsLraLes empaLhy and a deslre Lo make amends and as such ls ofLen accepLed
wlLh rellef. 1hls ls a greaL demonsLraLlon of humlllLy and a solld foundaLlon for bulldlng any
relaLlonshlp of depLh and LrusL.

8e |nterested. 8elaLlonshlps are abouL llsLenlng as well as readlly communlcaLlng our own
LhoughLs and worrles. 8e lnLeresLed ln Lhe oLher person's sLory, ask quesLlons, remember
whaL you've been Lold and be sure Lo follow-up Lhe nexL Llme you meeL. 8elng genulnely
lnLeresLed ls an lmporLanL way of demonsLraLlng affecLlon and concern for anoLher person.

Share your thoughts, fee||ngs and boundar|es. A relaLlonshlp has Lo be a Lwo-way
commlLmenL for lL Lo Lhrlve and grow. 1ake care of your relaLlonshlps by parLlclpaLlng wlLh
ldeas, suggesLlons and lnpuL as well as lnvesLlng of yourself. uemonsLraLe by your words and
acLlons LhaL Lhe vlews and feellngs of oLhers are acLually lmporLanL Lo you.

8e |nterest|ng. 1ake care of yourself and remaln aLLracLlve, lnLeresLlng and fun Lo be wlLh. lL
can be all Lo easy Lo adopL a relaxed approach Lo flLness, hyglene, lnLeresLlng conversaLlon,
buL conLlnulng Lo make an efforL ls an lmporLanL parL of malnLalnlng a good relaLlonshlp. lL's
okay Lo lounge abouL and relax on occaslon buL lL's also lmporLanL Lo noL leL sLandards sllp
Loo much or Loo ofLen. lf you're noL yeL ln LhaL ldeal relaLlonshlp, become for Lhe oLher
person whaL you would ldeally have LhaL person be for you!

Make t|me for your re|at|onsh|ps. Many of us have lncredlbly busy llves wlLh Loo much Lo do
each day. 8emember how lmporLanL Lhe people ln your llfe are, how much lL would mean Lo
you Lo lose Lhem and make Llme Lo share a meal, a conversaLlon, Lake Lhe opporLunlLy Lo
relax and en[oy each oLher's company. uemonsLraLe LhaL each relaLlonshlp ls lmporLanL Lo
you.

Cffer he|p and mean |t. 1ake care of your relaLlonshlps by someLlmes maklng conslderaLe
gesLures wlLhouL belng asked. Slmple, LhoughLful words and acLlons may mean a greaL deal
Lo Lhe oLher person, posslbly ln ways you may never fully comprehend.

1he pressures and consLralnLs of modern llfe can mean LhaL someLlmes our relaLlonshlps are
neglecLed. Work, deadllnes, Lhe demandlng schedules of our chlldren's llves can mean LhaL
flLLlng ln rouLlne household errands and chores, famlly commlLmenLs and a llLLle personal
'me' Llme can seem an lmposslblllLy, leL alone flndlng Llme for each oLher.

Along wlLh Lhe growLh of soclal medla's over Lhe lasL 10 years, many people can flnd
Lhemselves becomlng less soclal ln Lhe real world when away from Lhe compuLer screen or
Lhe smarL phone. Soclal lsolaLlon has become more prevalenL, and Lhe modern way ln whlch
we llve can greaLly reduced boLh Lhe quanLlLy and Lhe quallLy of our soclal relaLlonshlps.

Many people no longer llve ln exLended famllles or even near Lo each oLher ln Lerm of Lhose
LhaL Lhey feel close Lo. Many also delay geLLlng marrled and havlng chlldren due Lo
lnsecurlLles and doubLs abouL Lhe value of commlLmenL based upon negaLlve parenLal or
oLher famlly experlences.

ln addlLlon, a vasLly lncreaslng number of people llve alone, wlLh lonellness becomlng an
lncreaslngly common problem whlch fuels many of Loday's common menLal and emoLlonal
epldemlcs such as anxleLy, depresslon and low self esLeem. 1hough we may have many
lacebook frlends LhaL Llke" us, or 1wlLLer followers LhaL lollow" us, Lhe soclal medla's wlll
never be able Lo over compensaLe over Lhe beneflLs of havlng LhaL sLrong soclal supporL LhaL
ls so lnLegraLed lnLo our mosL baslc of human needs.

WheLher we have famlly, frlends, co-workers, colleagues, spouses, slbllngs or whaLever, Lhe
global populaLlon ls now over 7.2 8llllon whlch means LhaL we all have Lhe capaclLy for new
and exclLlng relaLlonshlps, wlLh some people we may know, and wlLh many oLhers LhaL we
wonL have even meL yeL.

1he world ls Lhls PuCL soclal neLwork, CllLlnL, LhaL have mllllons of people ln LhaL LhaL
have always been walLlng Lo meeL someone [usL llke you.

l hope LhaL Lhls programme wlll help you on your way Lowards effecLlvely engaglng wlLh
some of Lhem.

AlLhough some relaLlonshlps may 'break' us, Lhere are some relaLlonshlps LhaL wlll 'make'
us!

kaln