1

00:00:00,527 --> 00:00:02,610

<i>Kids, back to 2007,</i>
2
00:00:02,672 --> 00:00:06,108
<i>it seems like everyone belonged
to these silly things called gyms.</i>
3
00:00:06,298 --> 00:00:10,151
<i>The idea was you'd pay them lots of money
to run around and lift heavy things.</i>
4
00:00:10,418 --> 00:00:13,098
<i>Biggest rip-off in the world.
And yet people fell for it.</i>
5
00:00:13,186 --> 00:00:14,023
<i>Including me.</i>
6
00:00:14,238 --> 00:00:16,084
Oh, hum, forgot my wallet.
7
00:00:17,196 --> 00:00:18,777
<i>It started with one
of those moments</i>
8
00:00:18,802 --> 00:00:21,078
<i>when you realize you're not
as in shape as you want to be.</i>
9
00:00:24,455 --> 00:00:26,351
That's further than
it looks.
10
00:00:27,257 --> 00:00:29,080
Coupon's on my dresser.
11
00:00:29,475 --> 00:00:31,362
That's too far.
Forget it.
12
00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:33,739
Please don't judge me.
13
00:00:34,925 --> 00:00:37,287
I wound up shame-eating
the whole pizza.

14
00:00:37,659 --> 00:00:40,041
I woke up all greasy
and sweaty.
15
00:00:40,186 --> 00:00:43,152
My sheets looked like what they
wrap deli sandwiches in.
16
00:00:44,617 --> 00:00:46,033
Maybe I should join a gym.
17
00:00:46,065 --> 00:00:47,143
Do you go to a gym?
18
00:00:47,306 --> 00:00:50,133
Well, I go to Total Rip Fitness,
but I don't work out there.
19
00:00:50,215 --> 00:00:51,263
What do you do?
20
00:00:51,436 --> 00:00:52,930
I invest.
21
00:00:53,325 --> 00:00:55,142
There goes one
of my investments now.
22
00:00:55,237 --> 00:00:58,670
Cheryl, hard work's paying off.
Keep up the good work.
23
00:00:59,215 --> 00:01:02,763
So your investments...
are women?
24
00:01:03,045 --> 00:01:06,780
Women who, how shall
I put this delicately?
25
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:08,192
They fat.
26
00:01:09,067 --> 00:01:11,832
So, I come here,
give them lots of attention now.

27
00:01:12,087 --> 00:01:14,983
Then when they get hot,
who's the first guy they run to?
28
00:01:15,078 --> 00:01:17,803
The one who invested in them
when they weren't.
29
00:01:18,216 --> 00:01:21,931
Wow, I can't decide if I'm thoroughly
disgusted or really, really impressed.
30
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:25,023
Of course, not all
investments pay dividends.
31
00:01:25,088 --> 00:01:27,813
See the girl over there at the
vending machine, Tonya.
32
00:01:28,178 --> 00:01:30,992
She is one Kit Kat away
from junk bond status.
33
00:01:32,027 --> 00:01:33,223
Hey, Barney.
34
00:01:33,298 --> 00:01:37,000
Becky, elliptical machine's
really working for you. Nice stuff.
35
00:01:38,177 --> 00:01:41,383
That one's going to reward
shareholders soon.
36
00:01:41,607 --> 00:01:44,660
I foresee aggressive
growth in my future.
37
00:01:44,756 --> 00:01:45,792
What up?
38
00:01:47,268 --> 00:01:49,232
Wow, that makes me
want to join a gym.
39
00:01:49,288 --> 00:01:53,282

So I can get super strong and

punch you really hard in the face.
40
00:01:53,788 --> 00:01:55,603
Yes, we should all do it.
41
00:01:55,688 --> 00:01:57,982
Yeah, let's all punch
Barney in the face.
42
00:01:58,236 --> 00:02:01,510
No, I'm serious.
We should totally join a gym.
43
00:02:01,605 --> 00:02:03,620
Come on, we put on
the beer weight together,
44
00:02:03,686 --> 00:02:04,961
we might as well
take it off together.
45
00:02:05,045 --> 00:02:07,130
Or we could just
stop drinking beer.
46
00:02:08,327 --> 00:02:10,372
- No.
- I say we join a gym.
47
00:02:11,658 --> 00:02:12,603
Are you Marshall?
48
00:02:13,128 --> 00:02:15,333
Hi, I'm Trish. I'm the trainer
you signed up for.
49
00:02:15,417 --> 00:02:16,710
Oh, hi.
50
00:02:17,455 --> 00:02:19,122
Really great
to meet you, Trish.
51
00:02:19,518 --> 00:02:23,602
It's a pleasure. Marshall, can I talk
to you for a second?

52
00:02:27,757 --> 00:02:29,782
Yeah, sweetie, I think she is...
53
00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:32,562
may be just a little too hot
to be your trainer.
54
00:02:32,876 --> 00:02:33,833
I get it.
55
00:02:33,986 --> 00:02:36,723
I mean, I see what
you're worried about.
56
00:02:37,038 --> 00:02:39,850
But this is just about me
taking care of myself.
57
00:02:39,955 --> 00:02:41,793
You'll always be my sugar.
58
00:02:43,298 --> 00:02:46,121
So, Marshall, are you ready
to make a commitment to your body?
59
00:02:46,805 --> 00:02:48,983
Please, I'm all about
committing to my body.
60
00:02:49,035 --> 00:02:52,480
I'll drive to Vermont and have a commitment
ceremony to my body if you want.
61
00:02:52,568 --> 00:02:54,191
That was a weird thing to say.
62
00:02:54,856 --> 00:02:55,792
All right.
63
00:02:56,226 --> 00:02:57,262
Start with 100 push-ups.
64
00:02:57,308 --> 00:02:58,663
All right, cool.
How many do you want me to do?
65

00:02:58,747 --> 00:02:59,613

A hundred.
66
00:03:00,828 --> 00:03:03,222
Oh, I thought that was a figure
of speech, 100 push-ups, like,
67
00:03:03,366 --> 00:03:06,190
do a bazillion push-ups.
No one can do 100.
68
00:03:07,895 --> 00:03:09,611
- Do you smell that?
- No.
69
00:03:09,787 --> 00:03:11,752
It smells like there's
a little bitch in my gym.
70
00:03:12,688 --> 00:03:14,573
Are you being a little bitch
in my gym?
71
00:03:14,917 --> 00:03:15,691
No.
72
00:03:15,736 --> 00:03:17,761
Then get on the floor
and give me 100!
73
00:03:17,836 --> 00:03:19,922
You don't have to yell at me.
74
00:03:20,825 --> 00:03:22,051
I love it here.
75
00:03:22,117 --> 00:03:24,280
It's just normal women
who want to get in shape.
76
00:03:24,325 --> 00:03:29,250
I don't have to put on makeup,
do my hair, wear some trendy outfit.
77
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:32,762
Yeah, this place is great.
We're meeting our friend Robin here.

78
00:03:32,816 --> 00:03:34,360
I hope you don't hate her.
She's pretty hot.
79
00:03:34,438 --> 00:03:35,873
Shut up.
80
00:03:35,928 --> 00:03:37,300
Lily, tell him to shut up.
81
00:03:37,377 --> 00:03:40,280
I'm sorry, lesbian prison guard,
do we know each other?
82
00:03:41,367 --> 00:03:43,850
Ted, Lily, you'll never believe
what just happened.
83
00:03:44,178 --> 00:03:45,562
Oh, hey, dude, I'm Barney.
84
00:03:46,828 --> 00:03:48,920
So I was at the smoothie bar...
85
00:03:49,765 --> 00:03:51,123
What can I get you?
86
00:03:52,346 --> 00:03:54,061
Oh, my God, Rhonda?
87
00:03:55,387 --> 00:03:56,561
It's Barney.
88
00:03:56,865 --> 00:03:58,800
Barney Stinson from
Staten Island Boulevard.
89
00:03:59,147 --> 00:04:02,330
Hey, Barney Stinson from Staten
Island Boulevard. What can I get you?
90
00:04:03,767 --> 00:04:05,253
I can't believe
she didn't remember me.
91
00:04:05,305 --> 00:04:06,421

Why? Who is she?

92
00:04:06,505 --> 00:04:07,753
That's Rhonda.
93
00:04:09,467 --> 00:04:11,170
I lost my virginity to her.
94
00:04:13,065 --> 00:04:15,740
How I Met Your Mother 3x10
<i>- The Yips -</i>
95
00:04:28,515 --> 00:04:30,612
Baby, are you still sore?
96
00:04:30,725 --> 00:04:32,741
Trish made me do
70 push-ups,
97
00:04:32,808 --> 00:04:34,752
but she only gave me
credit for ten.
98
00:04:34,897 --> 00:04:37,050
Then she had me do
100 sit-ups
99
00:04:37,155 --> 00:04:40,350
and then she made me cry,
using only her words.
100
00:04:42,687 --> 00:04:44,870
It just doesn't add up.
102
00:04:45,295 --> 00:04:47,080
How could Rhonda
not remember me?
104
00:04:47,186 --> 00:04:49,091
Well, maybe it wasn't that good
for her. I mean,
106
00:04:49,136 --> 00:04:50,522
it was your first time.
107
00:04:50,667 --> 00:04:52,751
Ted, it's me.

108
00:04:52,937 --> 00:04:54,411
I rocked her world.
109
00:04:55,368 --> 00:04:57,343
You don't believe me?
Okay, story time.
110
00:04:57,437 --> 00:04:58,853
The year was 1998.
111
00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:01,823
<i>I'd been going out with Shannon
since freshman year of college.</i>
112
00:05:02,065 --> 00:05:03,810
<i>We were saving ourselves.</i>
113
00:05:03,995 --> 00:05:07,442
<i>So when we broke up there I was,
23 and still a virgin.</i>
114
00:05:07,757 --> 00:05:09,302
<i>I knew nothing about girls.</i>
115
00:05:09,488 --> 00:05:12,261
<i>So I went to the guy
who knew everything about girls</i>
116
00:05:12,338 --> 00:05:13,290
<i>my brother James.</i>
117
00:05:13,377 --> 00:05:15,820
Wait, your gay brother James?
118
00:05:15,868 --> 00:05:17,353
Yeah, this was before
he was gay.
119
00:05:27,628 --> 00:05:31,262
Barney...
Barney, you need to find a girl
120
00:05:31,377 --> 00:05:32,940
and have sex with her ASAP.
121

00:05:32,995 --> 00:05:34,872

That is what dudes
do after a breakup.
122
00:05:35,386 --> 00:05:37,573
I know. I want to, but...
123
00:05:37,615 --> 00:05:39,842
I guess I'm just scared.
124
00:05:39,928 --> 00:05:42,450
Of course you're scared.
It's gross.
125
00:05:42,536 --> 00:05:44,820
The thought of doing
that with a woman...
126
00:05:45,438 --> 00:05:47,661
But it's part of being a guy.
127
00:05:47,978 --> 00:05:49,363
Try thinking about baseball.
128
00:05:49,735 --> 00:05:53,511
Somehow I imagine those players
on the field and it's over a lot faster.
129
00:05:54,267 --> 00:05:57,823
But I don't know the first thing
about seducing a woman.
130
00:05:57,876 --> 00:06:01,690
What do you...? How do you...?
Where do you...?
131
00:06:01,725 --> 00:06:03,902
Stop. Don't overthink it.
132
00:06:03,995 --> 00:06:05,221
You don't want to get the yips.
133
00:06:05,355 --> 00:06:06,191
The yips?
134
00:06:06,237 --> 00:06:10,511
Yeah, when you overthink simple things

so much that you can't do them at all.

135
00:06:11,275 --> 00:06:12,411
The yips.
136
00:06:12,505 --> 00:06:14,361
Yeah, it happens to
athletes all the time.
137
00:06:14,427 --> 00:06:16,700
Like the second baseman
who suddenly can't throw to first
138
00:06:16,737 --> 00:06:19,862
or the figure skater who
does a perfect triple toe loop
139
00:06:19,907 --> 00:06:21,780
and then loses it
on the arabesque.
140
00:06:22,666 --> 00:06:25,132
I've actually really been getting into
figure skating lately.
141
00:06:26,817 --> 00:06:28,402
But, James...
142
00:06:28,627 --> 00:06:31,240
what woman's going
to have sex with me?
143
00:06:31,277 --> 00:06:33,860
It's not like
I'm a Backstreet Boy.
144
00:06:35,375 --> 00:06:36,502
The Man Maker.
145
00:06:37,170 --> 00:06:38,949
<i>Rhonda "Man Maker" French</i>
146
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:41,037
<i>was our mom's friend
from down the street.</i>
147
00:06:41,379 --> 00:06:43,593

- Got any kings?

- Go fish.
148
00:06:44,558 --> 00:06:47,370
So, Patty, know that
new paperboy?
149
00:06:47,706 --> 00:06:50,460
I let him throw one into my
hedges, if you know what I mean.
150
00:06:51,767 --> 00:06:54,220
Did you see that new guy
who cleans my pool?
151
00:06:54,756 --> 00:06:57,160
I let him snake my drain,
if you know what I mean.
152
00:06:59,087 --> 00:07:01,382
You know that Chinese food
delivery boy?
153
00:07:01,706 --> 00:07:03,062
I had sex with him.
154
00:07:03,758 --> 00:07:07,542
I don't have a funny way of saying it yet.
It just happened 20 minutes ago.
155
00:07:09,205 --> 00:07:10,630
Of course.
156
00:07:10,755 --> 00:07:11,872
The Man Maker.
157
00:07:12,196 --> 00:07:15,380
And it'll be easier too,
'cause she knows me so well.
158
00:07:15,908 --> 00:07:17,781
- Hi, Barry.
- Barney.
159
00:07:18,457 --> 00:07:21,473
Hi, Ms. French. I know we haven't seen
each other for a while,

160
00:07:21,496 --> 00:07:23,900
but if there was any chance...
Oh, boy.
161
00:07:27,965 --> 00:07:29,991
You just rocked my world.
162
00:07:30,466 --> 00:07:33,620
That was the best sex
I ever had.
163
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,992
<i>That was the night I was born.</i>
164
00:07:38,347 --> 00:07:42,381
I rose like a phoenix
from her mentholated bosom
165
00:07:42,606 --> 00:07:44,872
and strode into the world,
166
00:07:44,956 --> 00:07:47,891
Armani clad
and fully awesome.
167
00:07:49,415 --> 00:07:51,032
God, please let me stop!
168
00:07:51,146 --> 00:07:54,402
Yes, great, let's stop. Let's just
kick back and wait for the massive
169
00:07:54,555 --> 00:07:57,291
coronary you're going to have a couple
years from now when you're 40.
170
00:07:58,097 --> 00:07:59,470
I'm... I'm 29.
171
00:08:00,498 --> 00:08:02,112
50 more!
172
00:08:03,126 --> 00:08:04,270
<i>Hi, sweetie.</i>
173
00:08:04,395 --> 00:08:06,801

I got a trainer, too.

This is Max.
174
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:08,590
We're going to focus
on flexibility.
175
00:08:08,636 --> 00:08:10,623
Yeah, I'm gonna
stretch her out.
176
00:08:10,745 --> 00:08:12,962
Great... Wait, what?
177
00:08:13,047 --> 00:08:15,231
50 more, now!
178
00:08:32,188 --> 00:08:34,073
Okay, well, that's not cool.
179
00:08:35,688 --> 00:08:37,980
You know, Rhonda,
180
00:08:38,466 --> 00:08:41,310
running into you really got me
thinking about the old days.
181
00:08:41,377 --> 00:08:42,980
You were quite popular.
182
00:08:43,335 --> 00:08:45,231
I sure got around back then.
183
00:08:45,745 --> 00:08:50,303
And there was one young man who
stood out above the pack.
184
00:08:51,187 --> 00:08:54,390
Freddy Chibatoni.
That kid had a tongue like a gecko.
185
00:08:55,237 --> 00:08:58,561
No, no, I was thinking
about someone else.
186
00:08:58,705 --> 00:09:02,293
Chaz Alderman. Hips like a woman,

but he knew how to use them.

187
00:09:02,647 --> 00:09:04,161
What about me?!
188
00:09:04,558 --> 00:09:07,541
- You?
- Yes. We slept together.
189
00:09:07,596 --> 00:09:10,160
And you said I was the best
you ever had.
190
00:09:10,238 --> 00:09:11,252
Did I?
191
00:09:12,188 --> 00:09:14,443
Oh, right.
192
00:09:15,106 --> 00:09:16,020
About that...
193
00:09:16,588 --> 00:09:18,910
And tell him that
he's the best you ever had.
194
00:09:19,337 --> 00:09:20,981
Oh, I don't know.
195
00:09:21,356 --> 00:09:22,700
He's just a kid.
196
00:09:22,855 --> 00:09:26,032
No he isn't. He's 23 and he is
really hurting, Rhonda.
197
00:09:26,258 --> 00:09:27,121
Please.
198
00:09:28,045 --> 00:09:29,790
Maybe we could make a deal.
199
00:09:30,355 --> 00:09:31,210
What?
200
00:09:36,466 --> 00:09:38,130

No, girl, I got a girlfriend.

201
00:09:38,196 --> 00:09:40,841
Yeah, yeah, yeah, hers
is the only vagina for me.
202
00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:43,030
Oh... I love it.
203
00:09:43,268 --> 00:09:44,830
It... it isn't scary at all.
204
00:09:46,637 --> 00:09:49,620
Well, too bad. I guess your brother's
going to stay a virgin.
205
00:09:55,565 --> 00:09:56,380
Fine.
206
00:09:57,076 --> 00:09:59,571
Reggie Jackson, Reggie Jackson,
Reggie Jackson...
207
00:10:00,037 --> 00:10:01,802
But those compliments
you gave me.
208
00:10:03,575 --> 00:10:05,730
You just rocked my world.
209
00:10:05,785 --> 00:10:08,422
That was the best sex
I ever had.
210
00:10:10,915 --> 00:10:13,243
But you said
I rocked your world.
211
00:10:13,547 --> 00:10:15,930
All subsequent
worlds that I rocked
212
00:10:16,005 --> 00:10:18,600
were only so rocked because
of the confidence I earned
213
00:10:18,706 --> 00:10:21,023

from said first world rocking.

214
00:10:22,116 --> 00:10:23,511
Sorry, Barry.
215
00:10:24,406 --> 00:10:25,582
It's Barney.
216
00:10:29,878 --> 00:10:31,642
So I'm doing sit-ups
and she says,
217
00:10:31,727 --> 00:10:34,111
"All right, Marshall,
just one more set."
218
00:10:34,195 --> 00:10:36,901
So I summon all my strength
and I do that set,
219
00:10:37,026 --> 00:10:39,202
and then she says,
"Give me another set."
220
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,911
So I'm like, "Is this
the last set?"
221
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:43,720
And she says yes. So I do
that set and then she says,
222
00:10:43,798 --> 00:10:46,762
"Give me another set."
She lied to my face!
223
00:10:47,005 --> 00:10:48,493
Everything hurts.
224
00:10:49,135 --> 00:10:52,432
Baby, the whole point
of working out is to feel better.
225
00:10:52,538 --> 00:10:55,772
This trainer is making you miserable.
You have to call her and quit.
226

00:10:55,915 --> 00:10:58,280

I got to work through it.
I got to finish what I started.
227
00:10:58,587 --> 00:11:01,180
- If you're too scared, I can call her.
- Her number's on this card.
228
00:11:04,466 --> 00:11:06,123
Hi. Is this Trish?
229
00:11:06,437 --> 00:11:08,660
This is Marshall's wife.
Listen,
230
00:11:08,757 --> 00:11:11,231
we have a problem here
and it's you.
231
00:11:11,316 --> 00:11:13,682
I don't know
who the hell you think you are,
232
00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:17,111
but from now on, you don't
tell Marshall what to do.
233
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:20,701
You are an employee.
We tell you what to do.
234
00:11:20,778 --> 00:11:24,070
And I'm telling you
you're fired, bitch.
235
00:11:27,276 --> 00:11:31,222
Okay, bye. You better get down there,
baby. She's pretty pissed.
236
00:11:32,465 --> 00:11:35,121
Hey, buddy. Still bummed about
the whole Rhonda thing?
237
00:11:35,187 --> 00:11:39,650
No. Why would I let the approval
of one woman define who I am?
238
00:11:39,746 --> 00:11:42,102

- That's very mature of you, Barney.

- Let him finish.
239
00:11:42,146 --> 00:11:45,142
When I can let the approval
of a gaggle of supermodels
240
00:11:45,227 --> 00:11:47,820
define who I am. What? What?
241
00:11:47,895 --> 00:11:52,202
Three tickets to the after party of the
Victoria's Secret fashion show?
242
00:11:52,267 --> 00:11:53,930
Uh, kablammie!
243
00:11:53,996 --> 00:11:56,173
Lily, um, could I go?
244
00:11:56,265 --> 00:11:58,642
Go. You're too sore
to do anything anyway.
245
00:12:10,475 --> 00:12:15,213
Okay, this, boys,
is not a regular season game.
246
00:12:15,338 --> 00:12:17,842
This is the World Series.
247
00:12:17,877 --> 00:12:20,242
So remember,
we work together.
248
00:12:20,316 --> 00:12:24,040
We're a team. And if anyone
sees Heidi Klum... dibs.
249
00:12:26,166 --> 00:12:28,271
Target acquired.
Dig deep.
250
00:12:31,827 --> 00:12:35,473
- Hey, it's a nice party, huh?
- Yeah, it's great.
251

00:12:35,877 --> 00:12:37,851

Do you guys work
for the company?
252
00:12:37,948 --> 00:12:42,913
Yeah, it's called "I'm Gonna Get In
Your Panties, Incorporated."
253
00:12:43,535 --> 00:12:44,643
Gross!
254
00:12:47,268 --> 00:12:48,550
Dude!
255
00:12:49,016 --> 00:12:52,261
I don't know. That was terrible.
I am so sorry.
256
00:12:52,315 --> 00:12:53,570
Wait a minute. It's okay.
It's okay. It's fine.
257
00:12:53,617 --> 00:12:55,453
It's a numbers game. I'm cool.
258
00:12:56,058 --> 00:12:58,411
Model... model.
259
00:12:59,297 --> 00:13:00,242
Hi.
260
00:13:00,576 --> 00:13:01,771
I know, right?
261
00:13:02,788 --> 00:13:10,750
This party is legendWait for it...
262
00:13:10,845 --> 00:13:13,143
Uh, how long do we have
to wait for it?
263
00:13:15,518 --> 00:13:18,121
I think he's having a stroke.
264
00:13:20,366 --> 00:13:22,670
- What is the matter with me?

- I don't know.
265
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:25,521
Wait, wait, wait... you don't
think I have the yips, do ya?
266
00:13:25,566 --> 00:13:27,523
No, no, no, relax.
267
00:13:27,828 --> 00:13:30,492
There's Alessandra Ambrosio.
English is her second language.
268
00:13:30,535 --> 00:13:32,371
Even if you screw up,
you'll never know.
269
00:13:32,416 --> 00:13:33,311
Come on.
270
00:13:34,586 --> 00:13:37,103
- Hi.
- Hi.
271
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:40,260
Those are very nice honkers.
272
00:13:42,067 --> 00:13:43,242
Honkers?
273
00:13:43,518 --> 00:13:46,542
I don't know this word.
Do you want to go dance?
274
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:52,061
I'm talking about those things.
Ah-ooga! Ah-ooga!
275
00:13:53,965 --> 00:13:58,763
Oh, no, I can't have the yips. I can't
have the yips, not here. Not now.
276
00:13:58,807 --> 00:14:01,743
This is me.
It's Barney, Barney!
277
00:14:02,045 --> 00:14:03,141

Heidi Klum!
278
00:14:03,226 --> 00:14:06,713
This is perfect.
I can do this. I can do this.
279
00:14:08,116 --> 00:14:10,271
Thanks for coming.
Heidi Klum, I'm Barney.
280
00:14:10,897 --> 00:14:12,351
Hi, Barney.
Nice to meet you.
281
00:14:12,997 --> 00:14:15,322
Goobidy, goobidy,
goobidy, goobidy.
282
00:14:19,065 --> 00:14:21,632
- Is he okay?
- Uh, he has the yips.
283
00:14:21,678 --> 00:14:23,641
Hasn't been able
to hit on a woman all night.
284
00:14:23,735 --> 00:14:25,110
He has the yips?
285
00:14:25,216 --> 00:14:27,030
Ooh, that's bad.
286
00:14:27,875 --> 00:14:32,650
You know, in Germany, we call this #@%!.
Whoa, that is bad.
287
00:14:33,615 --> 00:14:37,243
I don't know what's happened to me.
I've, I've totally lost my confidence.
288
00:14:38,978 --> 00:14:41,692
Barney, maybe you have
to open up to somebody.
289
00:14:41,726 --> 00:14:44,033
Maybe you have to
open up to some...

290
00:14:44,725 --> 00:14:47,003
He just found out that the woman
he lost his virginity to
291
00:14:47,046 --> 00:14:48,880
only did it because
his brother bribed her.
292
00:14:50,156 --> 00:14:51,681
That's a rough one.
293
00:14:51,896 --> 00:14:58,261
I mean, the only thing I can think of
to get rid of #@%! is
294
00:14:59,165 --> 00:15:02,710
you have to go out there.
And you need to find that woman.
295
00:15:02,925 --> 00:15:05,572
And you need to earn it
with her for real.
296
00:15:05,796 --> 00:15:08,783
That is the only way
how you can find yourself.
297
00:15:11,317 --> 00:15:14,992
I see little hamburgers!
I love little hamburgers.
298
00:15:16,136 --> 00:15:17,071
Wiedersehen.
299
00:15:19,196 --> 00:15:21,603
I just made out
with Heidi Klum.
300
00:15:22,316 --> 00:15:23,131
What?
301
00:15:24,238 --> 00:15:27,130
Ted, just... okay?
302
00:15:30,405 --> 00:15:31,250
Come in.

303
00:15:32,948 --> 00:15:33,701
Hi, Rhonda.
304
00:15:34,388 --> 00:15:36,662
Hi, kiddo. Surprised
to see you here.
305
00:15:37,026 --> 00:15:41,882
So, hey, uh,
maybe how about sex?
306
00:15:42,497 --> 00:15:43,762
Let's sex.
307
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:46,570
What are you talking about?
I'm watching Wheel of Fortune.
308
00:15:46,835 --> 00:15:49,050
You can keep watching.
I'll face you toward the TV.
309
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,241
- That's a cute idea, kid.
- Great.
310
00:15:52,325 --> 00:15:55,693
No, I'm not having sex with you.
Sit down a minute.
311
00:15:55,826 --> 00:15:59,321
I'm not the Man Maker anymore.
You know what?
312
00:15:59,857 --> 00:16:01,661
About five years ago,
313
00:16:01,726 --> 00:16:04,933
I realized there was
an emptiness inside of me
314
00:16:05,027 --> 00:16:07,333
that no amount of
meaningless sex could fill.
315
00:16:07,426 --> 00:16:09,152
I needed something more.

316
00:16:09,347 --> 00:16:13,052
And that's when I
discovered Indian casinos.
317
00:16:16,597 --> 00:16:17,713
Hey, Barney,
318
00:16:17,968 --> 00:16:20,902
it's weird not seeing you
in a suit. What's going on?
319
00:16:21,115 --> 00:16:22,630
Uh, not much.
320
00:16:22,987 --> 00:16:27,342
My entire sexual history was built
on a rotting foundation of lies.
321
00:16:27,976 --> 00:16:31,853
My whole identity is lost
in a pit of menthol ashes.
322
00:16:32,798 --> 00:16:33,782
Work is good.
323
00:16:38,807 --> 00:16:40,830
I'm never going
back to that gym again.
324
00:16:42,338 --> 00:16:44,280
Today at work,
I had to have an intern
325
00:16:44,366 --> 00:16:47,000
rip up my bagel and put little
pieces in my mouth.
326
00:16:48,537 --> 00:16:50,761
Yeah, I'm done there, too.
That place is horrible.
327
00:16:51,168 --> 00:16:56,070
What about your big muscular trainer
who's so into stretching you out?
328
00:16:56,266 --> 00:17:00,922

Yeah, well, turns out that guy had no

affiliation with the gym whatsoever.
329
00:17:02,807 --> 00:17:04,851
Come on, guys, don't
give up on the gym.
330
00:17:04,956 --> 00:17:06,091
It's been great for us.
331
00:17:06,136 --> 00:17:09,360
Like today, Robin
and I had a really nice moment.
332
00:17:09,886 --> 00:17:14,430
Oh, God! Oh... Yahhh!
333
00:17:23,486 --> 00:17:26,581
Robin, hey,
I just wanted to...
334
00:17:26,756 --> 00:17:28,722
come over and thank you.
335
00:17:28,807 --> 00:17:30,061
Thank me for what?
336
00:17:30,135 --> 00:17:33,102
Well, you know how it's hard
for exes to be friends
337
00:17:33,146 --> 00:17:35,931
because there's this lingering
sexual tension between them?
338
00:17:37,277 --> 00:17:38,990
Gone. Thank you.
339
00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:43,500
You know, for all the crap
you've given me,
340
00:17:43,537 --> 00:17:45,233
I haven't seen you
work up a sweat there once.
341
00:17:45,415 --> 00:17:46,872

It's not true.

I was there today.
342
00:17:46,957 --> 00:17:48,322
Yeah, but didn't you leave early?
343
00:17:55,546 --> 00:17:58,072
Oh, great.
344
00:17:58,388 --> 00:18:01,150
Now I got to go home
and charge this.
345
00:18:02,508 --> 00:18:03,491
Wait a minute.
346
00:18:03,626 --> 00:18:05,592
You didn't work out
Tuesday either.
347
00:18:06,777 --> 00:18:08,541
Brought the wrong shorts.
348
00:18:10,266 --> 00:18:13,300
Yeah, and you totally
disappeared on Monday, too.
349
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,711
No, I was at the
gym the whole time.
350
00:18:17,957 --> 00:18:19,613
Ooh! Oh, I love this gym.
351
00:18:21,295 --> 00:18:24,792
Lily, help me bend down
these three fingers.
352
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:27,491
Actually, I have an idea.
353
00:18:27,877 --> 00:18:31,062
Do it! Come on!
Do it, you worthless piece of crap!
354
00:18:31,118 --> 00:18:33,353
Please! Please,

I just want to go home.

355
00:18:33,438 --> 00:18:35,081
Come on.
This is your last set!
356
00:18:36,266 --> 00:18:39,071
You said that last time!
357
00:18:42,026 --> 00:18:43,422
Gone.
358
00:18:52,797 --> 00:18:55,111
I saw your friend
Ted at the gym.
359
00:18:55,418 --> 00:18:58,640
After he puked and cleared
the line at the smoothie bar,
360
00:18:58,996 --> 00:19:02,323
he said you were
kinda having a tough time.
361
00:19:03,005 --> 00:19:06,973
Did you change your mind
about having love, making sex,
362
00:19:07,106 --> 00:19:09,643
penis vagina?
What is the matter with me?
363
00:19:09,728 --> 00:19:12,303
- Oh, honey...
- I just, I don't get it.
364
00:19:12,397 --> 00:19:15,262
You slept with so many guys.
You slept with my brother.
365
00:19:15,326 --> 00:19:19,751
We are practically the same person.
Was I really so bad?
366
00:19:20,837 --> 00:19:24,061
- Nobody's good the first time.
- But I was.

367
00:19:24,277 --> 00:19:27,112
At least I thought I was.
368
00:19:27,826 --> 00:19:31,700
Oh, Barney, you know...
sex isn't everything.
369
00:19:32,137 --> 00:19:34,851
When is the last time you had
a conversation with a woman
370
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:36,761
with no intention of
scoring with her?
371
00:19:40,128 --> 00:19:43,110
I sat next to former Secretary of State
Madeleine Albright
372
00:19:43,156 --> 00:19:44,700
at a benefit once.
373
00:19:44,897 --> 00:19:47,461
I certainly didn't intend
to hit that.
374
00:19:48,866 --> 00:19:50,290
Yeah, well,
375
00:19:50,617 --> 00:19:53,770
I tell you what. Sleeping with me
again isn't gonna solve anything.
376
00:19:55,087 --> 00:19:56,420
I don't know what else is.
377
00:19:59,367 --> 00:20:00,412
I think I know.
378
00:20:01,127 --> 00:20:03,173
Do you have any kings?
379
00:20:03,655 --> 00:20:05,061
No, go fish.
380
00:20:06,008 --> 00:20:09,173

See, Barney, isn't it nice

to just sit and
381
00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:12,080
have a evening with a woman,
no agenda?
382
00:20:12,535 --> 00:20:14,252
Just make nice conversation?
383
00:20:16,528 --> 00:20:17,222
No.
384
00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:19,150
Yeah, kinda sucks,
doesn't it?
385
00:20:19,926 --> 00:20:22,052
Oh, my God, Barney,
386
00:20:22,437 --> 00:20:25,170
you really did just
rock my world.
387
00:20:25,777 --> 00:20:28,000
That was amazing.
388
00:20:28,448 --> 00:20:31,582
- And I'm not lying.
- I know you're not lying, baby.
389
00:20:31,996 --> 00:20:33,941
And it was good for you?
390
00:20:34,365 --> 00:20:36,610
It was the best sex
I've ever had.
391
00:20:38,755 --> 00:20:40,230
Later.
392
00:20:43,547 --> 00:20:45,191
Daddy's back.
393
00:20:49,097 --> 00:20:51,701
- Hey, buddy, how's it going?
- Hey. Pretty good.

394
00:20:51,806 --> 00:20:54,500
Pretty good. Ooh!
I can move my legs now
395
00:20:54,567 --> 00:20:57,312
and I can lift
my arms this high.
396
00:20:58,986 --> 00:21:01,741
Yeah, you know, I feel
like I have more energy.
397
00:21:01,878 --> 00:21:05,422
Yeah, it was hard at first, but now
if I go a day without working out,
398
00:21:05,546 --> 00:21:06,700
I miss it.
399
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:07,990
I'm proud of us, guys.
400
00:21:08,075 --> 00:21:10,342
The first week is the hardest.
We're over the hump.
401
00:21:10,586 --> 00:21:13,101
Joining that gym was the best
decision we ever made.
402
00:21:13,367 --> 00:21:16,073
<i>And we never went back
to the gym again.</i>
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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