1

00:00:00,556 --> 00:00:03,437

<i>It was a quiet November
afternoon in 2007.</i>
2
00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:07,031
<i>I was working from home,
because, you know, no distractions.</i>
3
00:00:07,059 --> 00:00:09,474
- This is incredible! I have big news.
- Oh, my God! I can't believe it!
4
00:00:09,531 --> 00:00:10,996
- I have big news.
- Oh, my God!
5
00:00:11,027 --> 00:00:12,933
Okay, my thing's pretty huge.
But fine, you can go first.
6
00:00:12,954 --> 00:00:14,749
Okay, I just found out...
7
00:00:14,768 --> 00:00:16,834
I found a porno starring Ted Mosby!
8
00:00:17,993 --> 00:00:19,279
What are you...
what are talking about?
9
00:00:19,309 --> 00:00:23,260
I'm talking about
Welcome to the Sex Plane,
10
00:00:23,298 --> 00:00:27,020
and look who plays
the navigator, Ted Mosby.
11
00:00:28,774 --> 00:00:30,540
It's the same exact spelling
as my name.
12
00:00:30,598 --> 00:00:33,835
Okay, you know, cute coincidence,
Barney. Whatever.
13
00:00:34,277 --> 00:00:35,915

I just got off the phone

with the NR...
14
00:00:35,939 --> 00:00:39,153
Oh, my God, this totally explains
the thing at my doctor's the other day.
15
00:00:39,856 --> 00:00:40,940
Open wide.
16
00:00:41,078 --> 00:00:44,791
I guess you're more used to saying that
than hearing it, huh, Ted Mosby?
17
00:00:47,536 --> 00:00:48,950
Who is this guy?
18
00:00:49,165 --> 00:00:50,962
And why's my doctor
watching porn?
19
00:00:51,165 --> 00:00:53,731
All right, let's meet
your new doppelganger.
20
00:00:53,765 --> 00:00:56,140
Or should I say doppelbanger?
21
00:00:56,368 --> 00:01:00,080
Guys, guys, guys! Can I tell you
my news? It's pretty...
22
00:01:00,115 --> 00:01:01,593
This is really
bizarre.
23
00:01:01,617 --> 00:01:02,891
The only other famous Mosby I know was
24
00:01:02,925 --> 00:01:05,001
a Confederate general
during the Civil War.
25
00:01:05,045 --> 00:01:06,252
Probably not the same guy.
26
00:01:06,295 --> 00:01:08,033

I got the job

at the NRDC!
27
00:01:08,098 --> 00:01:10,030
You got the job!
Oh!
28
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<i>The NRDC, or National
Resources Defense Council,</i>
29
00:01:13,656 --> 00:01:15,801
<i>fought to preserve
America's clean water,</i>
30
00:01:15,856 --> 00:01:18,020
<i>fresh air and pristine wilderness.</i>
31
00:01:18,165 --> 00:01:19,633
<i>It was Marshall's dream job.</i>
32
00:01:19,745 --> 00:01:21,561
- Congrats, buddy!
- Thanks.
33
00:01:21,617 --> 00:01:23,371
It's kind of weird hugging
with porn on.
34
00:01:23,428 --> 00:01:24,541
It really is.
35
00:01:24,778 --> 00:01:26,472
Oh!
Hey, hey-o!
36
00:01:26,536 --> 00:01:28,023
New guy entering the cockpit.
37
00:01:28,068 --> 00:01:30,350
Could it be the navigator,
Ted Mosby?
38
00:01:30,425 --> 00:01:33,411
Uh... no. No, navigators have three
stripes on their hats.
39

00:01:33,435 --> 00:01:35,831

Captains have four.
That guy's a captain.
40
00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:39,181
Yeah, and I'm sure
complete accuracy in all those details
41
00:01:39,208 --> 00:01:41,621
was very important
to the directors...
42
00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:44,633
"Dirt and Skank,
The Raunch Brothers."
43
00:01:47,668 --> 00:01:50,231
Baby, I have some
exciting news!
44
00:01:50,268 --> 00:01:53,870
I hope it's not that you just
won some sort of race here.
45
00:01:54,386 --> 00:01:55,621
I got the job
at the NRDC!
46
00:01:55,657 --> 00:01:58,213
And I found a porno
starring Ted Mosby!
47
00:01:58,248 --> 00:02:00,182
Oh my God,
that's amazing!
48
00:02:00,226 --> 00:02:01,251
I know, right?
49
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:04,361
- Oh, congratulations, Marshall!
- Congratulations to us all!
50
00:02:04,437 --> 00:02:06,002
Oh, let's go
celebrate!
51
00:02:06,046 --> 00:02:09,602

The fact that I found a porno starring

a guy named Ted Mosby... let's do it!
52
00:02:10,505 --> 00:02:11,690
Oh, is that him?
53
00:02:11,787 --> 00:02:14,401
'Cause that Ted Mosby
really knows what he's doing.
54
00:02:14,487 --> 00:02:15,690
No, that's not him.
55
00:02:16,388 --> 00:02:19,333
What do you mean, "that" Ted Mosby
really knows what he's doing.
56
00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:21,783
Oh, no.
No, I meant,
57
00:02:21,848 --> 00:02:24,390
that Ted Mosby,
he really knows what he's doing.
58
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Like all Ted Mosbys.
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Wow, NRDC!
Way to go, Marshall.
60
00:02:30,138 --> 00:02:32,960
But you're still gonna go to your job
interview today, right, baby?
61
00:02:33,038 --> 00:02:36,621
<i>Marshall had an interview at a firm
called Nicholson, Hewitt and West.</i>
62
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<i>They represented, well, pretty much
everybody Marshall was going to sue</i>
63
00:02:39,796 --> 00:02:41,701
<i>once he started at the NRDC.</i>
64

00:02:41,775 --> 00:02:44,770

I'm not doing that interview.
Those people are evil.
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Marshall, your dad went through
a lot of trouble to set this up.
66
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You can't just pull out
at the last second.
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Apparently you can.
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00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:55,162
Ted, Ted, Ted, guy in the hat!
Three stripes!
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Ladies and gentlemen, I give you
Ted Mosby, porn star.
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- Oh.
- Wow.
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- Oh!
- Oh.
72
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I know what kind of plane this is.
It's a "Boing."
73
00:03:04,958 --> 00:03:07,883
See. This is way better
than Marshall's internship.
74
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It's a real job.
75
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Who is this guy?
76
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Are we related?

77
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Do, do I look like him?
78
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It's hard to tell.
Go, go like this.
79
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- Oh, yeah, a little bit.
- Yeah.
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- More around the eyes.
- Oh, I do see that.
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Traduction : Unfold, Flovap, MiniBen
Synchro : MiniBen
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Relecture : Flovap
Transcript : Raceman
83
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<i>How I Met Your Mother
3x06 - Homewrecker</i>
84
00:03:33,958 --> 00:03:36,481
<i>par la " Have You Met Team"
pour www.forom.com</i>
85
00:03:38,758 --> 00:03:42,330
And here's your water,
in case you're dehydrated, Ted Mosby.
86
00:03:43,218 --> 00:03:45,811
Very funny, Wendy.
Now we know you watch porn.
87
00:03:46,955 --> 00:03:49,010
This Ted Mosby must
be getting kind of famous.
88
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You're not wrong.
89
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According to the Web site,

of the far superior Ted Mosby...
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he's been in the business three months,
and he's made 125 movies.
91
00:03:58,575 --> 00:04:01,943
Wow.
That's 42 movies a month.
92
00:04:01,985 --> 00:04:04,311
Who is he, Jude Law?
93
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:07,632
Right? He makes a lot
of movies.
94
00:04:08,036 --> 00:04:11,390
I mean, not so much lately,
but maybe, like,
95
00:04:11,545 --> 00:04:14,490
two years ago, you couldn't go to
a movie without...
96
00:04:16,017 --> 00:04:17,121
Oh, hey, look, check it out.
97
00:04:17,197 --> 00:04:20,142
Ted Mosby did an interview
in Adult Video Weekly.
98
00:04:20,217 --> 00:04:22,712
Adult Video Weekly?
99
00:04:23,057 --> 00:04:23,941
Oh, no.
100
00:04:27,128 --> 00:04:29,352
- Hello?
- Hi, I'm looking for Ted Mosby.
101
00:04:29,396 --> 00:04:31,072
It's Leonard Ross from AVW.
102
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Oh, my God!
AVW?
103
00:04:33,488 --> 00:04:35,562
It's Architecture Vision Weekly!
104
00:04:36,986 --> 00:04:39,722
Wow, I've been reading
your magazine since I was a little kid.
105
00:04:39,786 --> 00:04:41,331
Well, that's a bummer.
106
00:04:41,435 --> 00:04:44,051
Anyway, I'm calling to interview
you about your latest project.
107
00:04:44,437 --> 00:04:45,942
Well, I don't want to say
it's my project.
108
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I mean, I'll be working with
at least three partners.
109
00:04:48,067 --> 00:04:49,993
Oh! Group scene.
Always fun.
110
00:04:50,307 --> 00:04:52,443
Yeah, yeah, I'm really looking
forward to it.
111
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I mean, I know they're gonna ride me
pretty hard but they're great guys.
112
00:04:56,655 --> 00:04:59,773
Guys?
Whoa, there's a scoop.
113
00:05:01,045 --> 00:05:03,430
That interview went on
for 20 more minutes.
114
00:05:03,788 --> 00:05:05,871
"This project was
so demanding,

115
00:05:05,937 --> 00:05:09,600
"I can't tell you how many nights
I spent bent over a table."
116
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Oh, hey, baby,
how'd the interview go?
117
00:05:13,745 --> 00:05:15,471
Um, interesting.
118
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There I am in the office
of Jefferson Coatsworth,
119
00:05:18,427 --> 00:05:20,253
and I figure I'm not gonna
take this job anyway,
120
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I might as well give this old bastard
a piece of my mind.
121
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Jefferson Coatsworth
wasn't what I expected.
122
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Marshall,
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00:05:28,556 --> 00:05:29,572
Jeff Coatsworth.
124
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Hello.
125
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Dude, I am so, so psyched
that you're here.
126
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Can I beer ya?
127
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<i>Marshall was thrown.</i>

128
00:05:38,248 --> 00:05:39,721
<i>This guy seemed nice.</i>
129
00:05:39,816 --> 00:05:40,750
<i>Of course, he wasn't.</i>
130
00:05:41,065 --> 00:05:41,712
- Sous-titre non traduit 131
00:05:42,727 --> 00:05:44,151
Go-go to hell!
132
00:05:44,327 --> 00:05:45,431
I'd do it again!
133
00:05:45,685 --> 00:05:47,931
I'm innocent.
I'm innocent.
134
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:49,872
Marshall,
135
00:05:50,328 --> 00:05:53,452
why do you want to work
at Nicholson, Hewitt & West?
136
00:05:53,508 --> 00:05:55,961
Right, um, okay, Jeff, I've actually
given this a lot of thought...
137
00:05:56,008 --> 00:05:58,002
I'm sorry. Stop.
138
00:05:58,108 --> 00:05:59,763
I can't do this
with a straight face.
139
00:06:00,548 --> 00:06:02,340
You don't want
to work here.
140
00:06:02,408 --> 00:06:05,310
You're only here 'cause your dad
went to high school with Joe Hewitt.
141
00:06:05,467 --> 00:06:09,533

Fact is, you just got

a sweet job at the NRDC.
142
00:06:09,908 --> 00:06:11,201
And it's awome.
143
00:06:11,808 --> 00:06:13,910
Man, I could
have gone the non-profit route.
144
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I didn't.
145
00:06:15,248 --> 00:06:17,995
And it eats me up inside
every day.
146
00:06:18,167 --> 00:06:19,695
I hate myself.
147
00:06:21,419 --> 00:06:23,061
I hate myself.
148
00:06:24,245 --> 00:06:25,833
Oh, he's good.
149
00:06:26,028 --> 00:06:27,951
Classic seduction technique.
150
00:06:28,246 --> 00:06:30,601
- What do you mean?
- Oh, I use it all the time.
151
00:06:30,696 --> 00:06:33,731
First I buy her,
and by her I mean you, a drink.
152
00:06:33,937 --> 00:06:35,801
Now, I'm the guy
who gets her what she wants.
153
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:39,242
Then I pretend to care about whatever
idiotic thing she cares about.
154
00:06:39,286 --> 00:06:41,583
For you, that would be

the environment.
155
00:06:41,987 --> 00:06:44,131
Now, I'm the great
guy who shares her interests.
156
00:06:44,177 --> 00:06:46,641
And before you know it,
you're naked in my apartment
157
00:06:46,685 --> 00:06:49,843
shouting, "Oh, oh,
Bar-r-r-ne-e-ey!"
158
00:06:50,006 --> 00:06:51,901
And by you,
I mean her.
159
00:06:52,448 --> 00:06:54,551
He is not trying
to seduce me.
160
00:06:54,617 --> 00:06:56,152
He didn't even
offer me the job.
161
00:06:56,205 --> 00:06:58,330
That comes later.
At dinner.
162
00:06:58,416 --> 00:07:00,732
He did invite you to dinner,
didn't he?
163
00:07:01,728 --> 00:07:05,650
Let me buy you dinner, tomorrow night,
as a thank you ?
164
00:07:05,807 --> 00:07:08,102
Okay? You'll tell me all
about the NRDC,
165
00:07:08,167 --> 00:07:10,710
and we'll charge it all to
one of my evil clients.
166
00:07:11,036 --> 00:07:13,071
- I, you know, I don't know...

- Marshall,
167
00:07:14,216 --> 00:07:15,880
you know what
Kobe beef is?
168
00:07:17,358 --> 00:07:19,672
The most expensive beef
in the world.
169
00:07:20,208 --> 00:07:23,661
The place I'm taking
you has Kobe lobster.
170
00:07:23,966 --> 00:07:27,550
That is lobster fed
with Kobe beef.
171
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:32,012
Oh, my God, he's
trying to seduce me.
172
00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:33,852
So are you gonna go
to dinner with him?
173
00:07:33,935 --> 00:07:37,870
No. No way.
I promised myself to the NRDC.
174
00:07:38,107 --> 00:07:39,403
I'm not that kind
of lawyer.
175
00:07:39,467 --> 00:07:42,021
Oh, you should go. I mean,
you're not gonna take the job,
176
00:07:42,077 --> 00:07:44,503
but you might as well get
a great meal out of the deal.
177
00:07:44,717 --> 00:07:45,832
Don't wait up.
178
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,312
Guys, guys, guys,
check this out.

179
00:07:48,366 --> 00:07:52,030
Ted Mosby porn star's bio
says his hometown is your hometown.
180
00:07:52,075 --> 00:07:53,231
Shaker Heights, Ohio.
181
00:07:53,335 --> 00:07:54,101
<i>What?</i>
182
00:07:54,225 --> 00:07:57,071
Okay, this is getting creepy.
Who, who is this guy?
183
00:07:57,146 --> 00:07:58,141
I gotta find him.
184
00:07:58,236 --> 00:08:01,080
Well, it's yourlucky day. He's gonna be
signing autographs tomorrow night
185
00:08:01,157 --> 00:08:04,243
in Manhattan at something called
the Adult Video Expo.
186
00:08:04,366 --> 00:08:08,142
Wait. Are you telling me that they
actually have conventions for porn?
187
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:10,690
Affirmative.
Or to put it another way...
188
00:08:10,947 --> 00:08:13,113
God bless America.
189
00:08:16,197 --> 00:08:18,520
You can really taste the beef
in that lobster.
190
00:08:18,597 --> 00:08:19,541
Right.
191
00:08:20,588 --> 00:08:21,403
Listen,

192
00:08:22,077 --> 00:08:25,493
I know we're only here to screw over my
client, who quite frankly deserves it...
193
00:08:26,586 --> 00:08:30,472
but I gotta be able to tell the guys
upstairs I gave you the spiel, okay?
194
00:08:30,546 --> 00:08:31,652
So, first up,
195
00:08:32,215 --> 00:08:34,321
- starting salary.
- Okay.
196
00:08:35,026 --> 00:08:36,160
Here we go.
197
00:08:36,206 --> 00:08:40,201
This is the big number that's supposed
to impress me and... Wow.
198
00:08:40,505 --> 00:08:43,321
That is a... Big number.
199
00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:45,972
There's also a signing bonus,
200
00:08:46,106 --> 00:08:49,282
use of a company car,
expense account, blah blah blah.
201
00:08:49,326 --> 00:08:52,883
Hey, by the way, turn around
and wave to Patrick Swayze. Hey.
202
00:08:55,857 --> 00:08:58,392
I'm going to, uh,
try to remain cool.
203
00:08:58,456 --> 00:09:00,581
But you know Patrick Swayze?!
204
00:09:00,636 --> 00:09:01,731
He's a client.
205

00:09:01,787 --> 00:09:04,533

Who do you think bought us
this wine. Crazy Swayze.
206
00:09:04,736 --> 00:09:05,930
Cheers, buddy.
207
00:09:07,435 --> 00:09:10,442
Okay. No. Jeff, this is all
very impressive,
208
00:09:10,517 --> 00:09:13,140
- but I just don't think that...
- Listen, I know, I know.
209
00:09:13,278 --> 00:09:16,523
You're not gonna be tempted by
big numbers and fancy perks.
210
00:09:16,648 --> 00:09:18,403
You're gonna
do the noble thing,
211
00:09:18,487 --> 00:09:21,011
take the low-paying job
at the NRDC,
212
00:09:21,058 --> 00:09:22,753
live off your family money.
213
00:09:22,988 --> 00:09:24,152
Family money?
214
00:09:24,546 --> 00:09:26,261
You do have family money,
don't you?
215
00:09:26,318 --> 00:09:28,210
No, um, not that I know of.
216
00:09:28,288 --> 00:09:32,580
I do have an uncle who owns a,
a pretty successful bait shop.
217
00:09:33,646 --> 00:09:37,393
NRDC.
No family money.

218
00:09:38,516 --> 00:09:41,442
Oh. So you don't plan on
having kids?
219
00:09:41,636 --> 00:09:43,742
Actually, I,
I want to have four kids.
220
00:09:44,608 --> 00:09:45,703
Well...
221
00:09:46,735 --> 00:09:48,913
New York public schools make
a lot of parents nervous,
222
00:09:48,975 --> 00:09:51,142
but the kids who walk out,
223
00:09:51,208 --> 00:09:52,840
walk out proud.
224
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,842
<i>It was turning into
a tough decision.</i>
225
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:57,902
<i>Now, kids, when I'm facing
a tough decision</i>
226
00:09:57,948 --> 00:09:59,752
<i>I like to get out
the old yellow legal pad</i>
227
00:09:59,808 --> 00:10:01,510
<i>make a list of pros and cons.</i>
228
00:10:01,565 --> 00:10:03,003
<i>Marshall new all the cons,</i>
229
00:10:03,087 --> 00:10:04,862
<i>but there was one thing
he didn't know,</i>
230
00:10:04,928 --> 00:10:06,941
<i>a big item in the pros column.</i>
231

00:10:07,098 --> 00:10:09,252

- Lily, you're a kindergarten teacher.
- Yeah.
232
00:10:09,648 --> 00:10:12,521
<i>'Cause Robin was about to ask
Lily the one question...</i>
233
00:10:12,627 --> 00:10:15,483
An-And you make a kindergarten
teacher's salary, right?
234
00:10:15,645 --> 00:10:16,383
Yeah.
235
00:10:16,447 --> 00:10:18,391
<i>...that Lily had been dreading
for years.</i>
236
00:10:18,457 --> 00:10:20,953
How do you afford all
of these expensive clothes?
237
00:10:21,648 --> 00:10:23,773
I shop the sales.
238
00:10:23,918 --> 00:10:26,253
They were in the closet
when we moved in.
239
00:10:26,917 --> 00:10:29,313
I steal.
I'm a criminal.
240
00:10:29,458 --> 00:10:32,172
I once shot a man
just to watch him die.
241
00:10:33,127 --> 00:10:35,360
- Lily?
- Okay.
242
00:10:35,935 --> 00:10:38,331
<i>That's when Lily showed Robin
her box of shame.</i>
243
00:10:40,725 --> 00:10:42,531
Lily, this is nuts.

244
00:10:42,666 --> 00:10:44,981
- How many credit cards do you have?
- I don't know.
245
00:10:45,047 --> 00:10:48,062
- How much do you owe?
- I don't know!
246
00:10:51,258 --> 00:10:54,953
Wow. I can't believe this many
people love porn this much,
247
00:10:55,596 --> 00:10:58,661
including that guy who works
in human resources at my firm. Hi.
248
00:10:58,738 --> 00:11:02,612
Let's just wave at each other awkwardly.
That'll make it better.
249
00:11:03,738 --> 00:11:06,722
Dude, come on, let's just find
Bizarro me and get out of here.
250
00:11:07,017 --> 00:11:08,872
Oh,
oh, I get it.
251
00:11:08,996 --> 00:11:12,931
Ted Mosby, non-porn star, thinks
this is all crude and disgusting.
252
00:11:12,988 --> 00:11:16,632
You know who else was considered
crude and disgusting? Shakespeare.
253
00:11:16,925 --> 00:11:21,391
But his themes, love, lust, forbidden
desire, were universal,
254
00:11:21,435 --> 00:11:24,203
which is why his work has
stood the test of time.
255
00:11:24,265 --> 00:11:25,703
And so will
all this.

256
00:11:26,066 --> 00:11:27,931
400 years from now,
257
00:11:28,008 --> 00:11:31,100
some high school drama class
will be doing a plucky,
258
00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:35,080
spirited production
of Beef Party VII.
259
00:11:36,058 --> 00:11:38,782
Oh, my God, Lily,
that is a lot of debt.
260
00:11:38,846 --> 00:11:41,231
How did you get yourself
into this situation?
261
00:11:41,297 --> 00:11:42,901
I don't know what it is.
262
00:11:42,966 --> 00:11:45,210
When I feel down
about something, I shop.
263
00:11:47,246 --> 00:11:48,322
Ma'am, is everything okay?
264
00:11:48,385 --> 00:11:51,110
No, I just had a huge fight
with my mother.
265
00:11:51,186 --> 00:11:52,882
She doesn't understand me
at all.
266
00:11:54,976 --> 00:11:58,652
I swore that teaching would be a way
to support my painting career,
267
00:11:58,707 --> 00:12:00,740
but I never paint anymore.
268
00:12:02,498 --> 00:12:05,242
I just got

a huge credit card bill.

269
00:12:06,456 --> 00:12:08,523
- Does Marshall know?
- No.
270
00:12:08,617 --> 00:12:11,492
But you guys are the couple
who tell each other everything.
271
00:12:11,625 --> 00:12:14,451
And for God's sakes, Lily,
you text him while he's on the can.
272
00:12:15,256 --> 00:12:17,240
Well, I just want him
to know I'm rooting for him.
273
00:12:18,368 --> 00:12:20,822
Wait, okay, this
all makes sense.
274
00:12:20,915 --> 00:12:22,061
So when you said...
275
00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:24,802
But you're still going to go to your
job interview today, right, baby?
276
00:12:24,825 --> 00:12:25,520
<i>And then...</i>
277
00:12:25,546 --> 00:12:28,273
Oh, you should go. I mean, you're not
gonna to take the job,
278
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:30,590
but you might as well get
a great meal out of the deal.
279
00:12:30,638 --> 00:12:33,860
<i>You were pushing him into taking that
high-paying corporate job.</i>
280
00:12:33,948 --> 00:12:37,623
I know. It's terrible that I was
trying to get him to do that.

281
00:12:37,655 --> 00:12:39,582
Terrible? He has to take it.
282
00:12:39,655 --> 00:12:42,082
I mean, how else are you going
to pay off all that debt?
283
00:12:42,475 --> 00:12:45,762
Lily, you have to tell him about this
before he turns down that job.
284
00:12:46,407 --> 00:12:49,212
You're right.
I feel awful.
285
00:12:50,848 --> 00:12:52,971
- You know, there's a sale...
- We're not going shopping.
286
00:12:59,887 --> 00:13:01,842
There he is.
Come on, let's go.
287
00:13:02,587 --> 00:13:04,862
Why do I get so nervous
around celebrities?
288
00:13:05,898 --> 00:13:09,790
Hi, Ted Mosby.
I'm Ted Mosby.
289
00:13:10,105 --> 00:13:12,362
- Ted Mosby, it's you.
- Have we met?
290
00:13:12,438 --> 00:13:15,133
Mr. Mosby, it is an
honor to meet you, sir.
291
00:13:15,176 --> 00:13:17,303
Starney Binson.
Barney Stinson.
292
00:13:17,358 --> 00:13:18,053
Damn it.
293
00:13:18,425 --> 00:13:19,730

We have met.
294
00:13:19,817 --> 00:13:21,553
My real name is Steve Biel.
295
00:13:22,025 --> 00:13:23,502
When I was in fourth grade,
you were in ninth,
296
00:13:23,548 --> 00:13:25,403
and, and one day
I was out behind the school
297
00:13:25,447 --> 00:13:28,250
and a bunch of seventh graders
were just beating the crap out of me.
298
00:13:28,465 --> 00:13:30,223
Oh, yeah, I remember.
That was you?
299
00:13:30,275 --> 00:13:30,990
Yeah,
300
00:13:31,045 --> 00:13:32,422
but you pulled them off me.
301
00:13:32,558 --> 00:13:34,982
You told them to go pick
on someone their own size.
302
00:13:35,895 --> 00:13:39,393
I vowed right then that
when I made something of myself,
303
00:13:39,527 --> 00:13:41,370
I would honor you somehow.
304
00:13:41,578 --> 00:13:44,111
So you took my name
and starred in...
305
00:13:44,278 --> 00:13:46,043
Welcome To The Sex Truck?
306
00:13:46,886 --> 00:13:47,842
Yeah.

307
00:13:50,095 --> 00:13:52,383
Yeah, listen, Ted,
you got to stop using my name.
308
00:13:52,428 --> 00:13:54,973
I, I'm trying to make a career
as an architect.
309
00:13:55,287 --> 00:13:56,390
Architect, huh?
310
00:13:56,747 --> 00:13:59,271
You mean like a sex architect?
311
00:13:59,697 --> 00:14:00,423
What?
312
00:14:00,487 --> 00:14:04,013
Yeah, you know, you're on to something.
That would make a great title of a film.
313
00:14:04,045 --> 00:14:06,863
Ted Mosby,
Sex Architect.
314
00:14:07,416 --> 00:14:11,732
You know, I'm actually looking for a new
project to shoot next Friday afternoon.
315
00:14:12,507 --> 00:14:15,903
Yeah, listen, isn't, isn't there some
other way you could honor me?
316
00:14:16,107 --> 00:14:17,612
With all due respect.
317
00:14:17,755 --> 00:14:19,553
Wait, you're not mad, are you?
318
00:14:20,298 --> 00:14:21,841
Oh, man, I knew it.
319
00:14:22,397 --> 00:14:25,151
My father said,
"Just plant a tree in Israel."

320
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:26,960
I'm such an idiot.
321
00:14:27,277 --> 00:14:29,320
I guess I thought
you'd be psyched.
322
00:14:31,185 --> 00:14:32,050
I am.
323
00:14:32,665 --> 00:14:35,170
I am; it's just
I feel a little guilty because
324
00:14:35,328 --> 00:14:37,313
I'm not the one who saved
you that day.
325
00:14:37,527 --> 00:14:40,461
The guy who actually
saved you was...
326
00:14:40,557 --> 00:14:42,343
named...
327
00:14:43,685 --> 00:14:46,062
Lance Hardwood.
328
00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:48,533
Lance Hardwood, yeah.
329
00:14:49,028 --> 00:14:49,833
Really?
330
00:14:51,285 --> 00:14:52,922
You know, you might not know this,
but,
331
00:14:52,985 --> 00:14:55,480
in my business,
that's kind of a killer name.
332
00:14:56,957 --> 00:14:58,960
Yeah, I guess,
I guess it is.
333

00:14:59,077 --> 00:15:00,371

I can see the poster now.
334
00:15:00,666 --> 00:15:03,170
Lance Hardwood, Sex Architect.
335
00:15:03,258 --> 00:15:05,093
Starring...
Ted Mosby.
336
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,782
I love it.
337
00:15:08,818 --> 00:15:10,972
<i>Marshall and Jeff stayed
pretty late at the restaurant.</i>
338
00:15:11,266 --> 00:15:13,951
<i>They stayed so late that Marshall
crashed on Jeff's couch,</i>
339
00:15:14,057 --> 00:15:14,890
<i>and the next day,</i>
340
00:15:14,926 --> 00:15:19,052
<i>Marshall took part in a Sunday morning
tradition as old as the city itself:</i>
341
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:20,821
<i>the Walk of Shame,</i>
342
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:24,222
<i>the long journey home after doing
something you regret the night before.</i>
343
00:15:24,815 --> 00:15:26,180
I'll take the job.
344
00:15:26,476 --> 00:15:27,613
That's awesome!
345
00:15:27,655 --> 00:15:29,232
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
346
00:15:29,675 --> 00:15:31,182
Great time last night.

347
00:15:31,615 --> 00:15:32,821
I'll call you later.
348
00:15:33,607 --> 00:15:35,101
He's not going
to call you.
349
00:15:38,996 --> 00:15:39,992
- Hey.
- Hey.
350
00:15:40,425 --> 00:15:42,113
Did you get my message?
I just...
351
00:15:42,167 --> 00:15:44,043
- I crashed uptown.
- Yeah, yeah. Listen,
352
00:15:44,126 --> 00:15:47,022
I have, uh,
something to tell you.
353
00:15:47,135 --> 00:15:49,543
Uh, I have something
I need to tell you also.
354
00:15:49,776 --> 00:15:51,542
Mine's pretty huge.
355
00:15:52,047 --> 00:15:53,202
You go first.
356
00:15:53,537 --> 00:15:54,592
Well...
357
00:15:54,948 --> 00:15:56,112
I took the job.
358
00:15:56,895 --> 00:15:59,590
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
I was drunk,
359
00:15:59,677 --> 00:16:03,971
and it was a haze of cigars
and scotch and Swayze,

360
00:16:04,125 --> 00:16:05,741
and they offered
me, like,
361
00:16:06,045 --> 00:16:08,913
like, like, like,
a lot of money.
362
00:16:09,276 --> 00:16:10,800
Oh, Marshall.
363
00:16:12,078 --> 00:16:14,293
How much money?
364
00:16:17,408 --> 00:16:18,163
Here.
365
00:16:20,038 --> 00:16:22,903
Whee!
366
00:16:23,456 --> 00:16:25,111
Yeah!
367
00:16:26,506 --> 00:16:28,493
It's completely despicable.
I know,
368
00:16:28,606 --> 00:16:33,752
I know, I sold out for a huge pile
of disgusting money,
369
00:16:34,267 --> 00:16:38,733
disgusting money that could
help our future family
370
00:16:38,777 --> 00:16:42,050
have some financial security
and could help pay for law school.
371
00:16:42,226 --> 00:16:43,422
Law school.
372
00:16:43,878 --> 00:16:46,193
Law school that I went to
to help protect the environment,

373
00:16:46,225 --> 00:16:48,373
not help destroy it.
And for what?
374
00:16:48,416 --> 00:16:51,063
For, for... a lot of money.
375
00:16:56,135 --> 00:16:57,940
Okay,
you've got to stop screaming.
376
00:16:58,165 --> 00:17:00,733
Listen, Marshall, you know what I like
to do in situations like this?
377
00:17:00,767 --> 00:17:04,601
Ted, if you say make a list of pros
and cons, I'm going to smack you.
378
00:17:04,808 --> 00:17:06,271
I wasn't going to say that.
379
00:17:06,306 --> 00:17:10,801
Okay, two beers, and Ted, here's that
yellow legal pad you asked for.
380
00:17:10,907 --> 00:17:13,233
Yellow legal pad?
I ordered fries.
381
00:17:13,288 --> 00:17:16,101
Maybe you should use this
to write down people's orders.
382
00:17:18,928 --> 00:17:21,340
Guys, I, I don't know what to do.
383
00:17:21,468 --> 00:17:25,290
Take the money. Money is good,
money is happiness.
384
00:17:25,806 --> 00:17:29,723
If I work there, I'll be representing
the most evil corporations in the world.
385
00:17:29,886 --> 00:17:31,922
Kind of sounds

like a pro and con list to me.

386
00:17:32,828 --> 00:17:35,892
Lily, you have to tell him.
You can help him make this decision.
387
00:17:36,038 --> 00:17:38,293
Oh, I think he's doing fine
on his own.
388
00:17:43,597 --> 00:17:44,893
All right.
389
00:17:48,918 --> 00:17:49,952
Marshall,
390
00:17:51,385 --> 00:17:54,601
I have something to say, and it's gonna
help you make your decision.
391
00:17:54,675 --> 00:17:58,013
Oh, of course, you know
my heart better than I do.
392
00:17:58,085 --> 00:18:02,802
You know what's best for me and for us.
Please, please tell me what to do.
393
00:18:07,738 --> 00:18:10,600
I think you should take
the job at the NRDC.
394
00:18:10,887 --> 00:18:13,663
Of course I should,
of course I should.
395
00:18:14,036 --> 00:18:17,591
Guys, I'm going to save
the planet Earth.
396
00:18:17,635 --> 00:18:19,521
I got to go call Jeff.
397
00:18:23,668 --> 00:18:24,951
What is the
matter with you?
398

00:18:24,996 --> 00:18:28,901

I can't ask him to make himself
miserable because of a mistake I made.
399
00:18:29,125 --> 00:18:31,370
It's my problem;
I'll figure it out.
400
00:18:31,946 --> 00:18:33,371
That's really sweet.
401
00:18:34,275 --> 00:18:36,630
- Are those new earrings?
- What are you, my mom?
402
00:18:37,988 --> 00:18:41,711
- Jeff, hey, um, it's Marshall.
- Hey, Marshall.
403
00:18:42,525 --> 00:18:44,331
I have something
that I need to tell you.
404
00:18:44,397 --> 00:18:46,992
I feel really weird
about doing this over the phone.
405
00:18:47,088 --> 00:18:47,882
<i>Then don't.</i>
406
00:18:50,378 --> 00:18:51,531
Before you say
anything,
407
00:18:51,568 --> 00:18:54,323
come take a ride
in this awesome limo with me.
408
00:18:55,046 --> 00:18:56,321
Where are we going?
409
00:18:56,575 --> 00:18:57,980
Tuckahoe Funland.
410
00:18:58,915 --> 00:19:02,160
I'm sorry. It sounded like you said
Tuckahoe Funland,

411
00:19:02,198 --> 00:19:04,283
the magic factory
where dreams are made.
412
00:19:04,925 --> 00:19:05,810
Get in.
413
00:19:11,347 --> 00:19:15,190
- Man, I-I love this place.
- Me, too, buddy.
414
00:19:16,397 --> 00:19:17,761
So what did you
want to tell me?
415
00:19:19,796 --> 00:19:21,101
I can't work for you.
416
00:19:21,685 --> 00:19:22,663
I know, dude.
417
00:19:23,016 --> 00:19:24,092
It's fine.
418
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:27,270
Marshall Eriksen wants to
preserve the environment,
419
00:19:27,365 --> 00:19:30,401
so that our children can enjoy it
as we have. I get it.
420
00:19:31,547 --> 00:19:33,520
Good. Thank you.
421
00:19:34,408 --> 00:19:38,250
I look down... and see children
enjoying this place.
422
00:19:39,205 --> 00:19:41,651
Yeah, because somebody fought
to preserve it.
423
00:19:41,746 --> 00:19:44,523
If they ever shut this place
down, it would be a tragedy.

424
00:19:45,245 --> 00:19:48,270
Well, the good news is,
that'll never happen.
425
00:19:48,928 --> 00:19:50,071
You won't let it.
426
00:19:51,077 --> 00:19:52,693
Because when you work for us,
427
00:19:52,748 --> 00:19:54,270
your only client...
428
00:19:54,545 --> 00:19:56,130
will be this place...
429
00:19:56,536 --> 00:19:58,370
Tuckahoe Funland.
430
00:20:02,207 --> 00:20:03,753
I'm taking the job.
431
00:20:03,805 --> 00:20:04,722
- Hey!
- All right.
432
00:20:04,767 --> 00:20:05,563
And the best part is
433
00:20:05,607 --> 00:20:07,941
I'm not even going to be representing
some sort of evil corporation.
434
00:20:07,978 --> 00:20:09,610
I will be representing
435
00:20:09,995 --> 00:20:11,252
Tuckahoe Funland,
436
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,000
the least evil place
in the world.
437
00:20:13,428 --> 00:20:14,563
<i>Or so Marshall thought.</i>

438
00:20:15,146 --> 00:20:16,331
FUNLAND SAFETY SCANDAL
439
00:20:16,717 --> 00:20:17,961
3 DIE AT FUNLAND
440
00:20:18,138 --> 00:20:20,071
E.COLI OUTBREAK TRACED TO
FUNLAND CORNDOGS
441
00:20:20,697 --> 00:20:22,301
Great news,
great news.
442
00:20:26,618 --> 00:20:28,133
Oh, I'd better check on him.
443
00:20:29,137 --> 00:20:29,272
G
444
00:20:29,275 --> 00:20:29,413
Go
445
00:20:29,418 --> 00:20:29,550
Goo
446
00:20:29,555 --> 00:20:29,683
Good
447
00:20:29,685 --> 00:20:29,821
Good l
448
00:20:29,826 --> 00:20:29,961
Good lu
449
00:20:29,965 --> 00:20:30,093
Good luc
450
00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:30,233
Good luck
451
00:20:30,238 --> 00:20:30,370
Good luck i
452
00:20:30,375 --> 00:20:30,503

Good luck in
453
00:20:30,516 --> 00:20:30,640
Good luck in t
454
00:20:30,645 --> 00:20:30,783
Good luck in th
455
00:20:30,788 --> 00:20:30,921
Good luck in the
456
00:20:30,928 --> 00:20:31,050
Good luck in ther
457
00:20:31,056 --> 00:20:31,192
Good luck in there
458
00:20:31,197 --> 00:20:31,330
Good luck in there b
459
00:20:31,338 --> 00:20:31,460
Good luck in there ba
460
00:20:31,467 --> 00:20:31,603
Good luck in there bab
461
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:31,740
Good luck in there baby
462
00:20:31,745 --> 00:20:31,873
Good luck in there baby.
463
00:20:31,888 --> 00:20:32,010
Good luck in there baby.
I
464
00:20:32,017 --> 00:20:32,153
Good luck in there baby.
I b
465
00:20:32,155 --> 00:20:32,290
Good luck in there baby.
I be
466
00:20:32,296 --> 00:20:32,420
Good luck in there baby.

I bel
467
00:20:32,426 --> 00:20:32,560
Good luck in there baby.
I beli
468
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:32,701
Good luck in there baby.
I belie
469
00:20:32,706 --> 00:20:32,831
Good luck in there baby.
I believ
470
00:20:32,838 --> 00:20:32,973
Good luck in there baby.
I believe
471
00:20:32,975 --> 00:20:33,113
Good luck in there baby.
I believe i
472
00:20:33,118 --> 00:20:33,243
Good luck in there baby.
I believe in
473
00:20:33,258 --> 00:20:33,383
Good luck in there baby.
I believe in y
474
00:20:33,386 --> 00:20:33,523
Good luck in there baby.
I believe in yo
475
00:20:33,526 --> 00:20:33,663
Good luck in there baby.
I believe in you
476
00:20:33,668 --> 00:20:34,772
Good luck in there baby.
I believe in you.
477
00:20:39,808 --> 00:20:40,593
Got it,
478
00:20:40,708 --> 00:20:44,461
Lance Hardwood, Sex Architect
starring Ted Mosby.

479
00:20:44,516 --> 00:20:45,872
Terrific.
480
00:20:45,926 --> 00:20:47,920
You'll notice I'm
in the credits.
481
00:20:47,967 --> 00:20:49,473
I did some location scouting.
482
00:20:57,435 --> 00:21:00,891
<i>Here are the plans for the new
International Sex Building.</i>
483
00:21:01,508 --> 00:21:04,862
Wow... that really looks
like our apartment.
484
00:21:04,967 --> 00:21:05,770
It is.
485
00:21:05,825 --> 00:21:07,870
Oh, I should return these.
486
00:21:08,765 --> 00:21:12,330
<i>Oh, Sex Architect,
you've done it again.</i>
487
00:21:12,697 --> 00:21:15,061
<i>Let's go celebrate
on the couch.</i>
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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