1

00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:01,260

different, not different?
married-2
00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:05,000
it's the same. mostly.
3
00:00:05,060 --> 00:00:06,860
except i think i might
be getting carpal tunnel.
4
00:00:06,930 --> 00:00:08,800
my hand keeps
cramping up.
5
00:00:08,860 --> 00:00:10,660
i thought the whole point
of getting married was
6
00:00:10,730 --> 00:00:12,360
that you didn't have
to do that anymore.
7
00:00:12,430 --> 00:00:14,900
no, it's from writing
all the thank you notes.
8
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,900
mostly.
yeah.
9
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:18,700
you're writing
constantly.
10
00:00:18,760 --> 00:00:20,700
there's forms we
have to sign,
11
00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:21,730
our death folders,
12
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:22,830
thank you notes.
whoa, whoa.
13
00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:25,160

what are death folders?

14
00:00:25,230 --> 00:00:26,600
it's this thing they
recommend you do
15
00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,460
in case one spouse
dies unexpectedly.
16
00:00:28,530 --> 00:00:29,660
it's all
the information
17
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:30,800
your spouse might need
18
00:00:30,860 --> 00:00:32,500
all in one convenient
location.
19
00:00:32,560 --> 00:00:33,630
lily:
yeah.
20
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,600
account info,
important addresses,
21
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:37,260
a letter to the
other person.
22
00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:38,330
all that stuff.
23
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:39,500
i'll get the next round.
24
00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:42,500
thanks.
25
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:43,930
i am such a jerk.
26
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:45,130
yeah.

27
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,660
wait, why?
28
00:00:46,730 --> 00:00:48,660
i didn't know that i was
supposed to write a letter.
29
00:00:48,730 --> 00:00:50,030
all lily's gonna find
30
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:51,530
in that folder are a bunch
of bank statements
31
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,500
and a funny list of things to do
with my ashes.
32
00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:54,360
marshall brownies.
33
00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:55,500
number six.
yeah.
34
00:00:55,560 --> 00:00:57,830
oh, god, i am a bad husband.
35
00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:59,830
no, uh, no, i'll just write,
36
00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:01,860
i'll write lily a letter
tonight, everything'll be fine.
37
00:01:01,930 --> 00:01:03,000
that's right.
38
00:01:03,060 --> 00:01:04,760
unless...
39
00:01:04,830 --> 00:01:07,130
you die between
now and then.
ooh.

40
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:08,430
but...
41
00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:09,800
come on, that's never
gonna happen.
yes!
42
00:01:09,860 --> 00:01:11,300
if there's one thing
we can state
43
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:12,800
with absolute certainty
44
00:01:12,860 --> 00:01:15,300
it's that marshall eriksen
is not going to die
45
00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:16,360
before writing
that letter.
46
00:01:16,430 --> 00:01:17,900
barney:
no way at all.
47
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:20,700
in fact, i dare god
48
00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,700
to smite down this
perfectly healthy...
49
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:23,930
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
50
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,530
i get it.
51
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,200
okay, you guys know
i'm a little superstitious,
52
00:01:27,260 --> 00:01:28,800
and you guys are trying
to freak me out.

53
00:01:28,860 --> 00:01:30,230
well, guess what?
it didn't work.
54
00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:31,400
so, there.
55
00:01:41,530 --> 00:01:43,460
you guys are jerks!
56
00:01:45,030 --> 00:01:47,900
<font color="#ffff00">captioning sponsored by</font>
<font color="#ffff00">20th century fox television</font>
57
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,900
<font color="#ffff00">cbs </font>
58
00:01:50,960 --> 00:01:54,560
<font color="#ffff00">and volkswagen.</font>
59
00:01:54,630 --> 00:01:57,760
<font color="#ffff00">when you get into a volkswagen,</font>
<font color="#ffff00">it gets into you.</font>
60
00:01:57,830 --> 00:01:59,760
<i>ted:
kids, after robin
and i broke up,</i>
61
00:01:59,830 --> 00:02:01,230
<i>she needed some time away.</i>
62
00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:03,830
<i>away from her normal home,
her normal life,</i>
63
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:06,430
<i>and it turns out,
her normal self.</i>
64
00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:09,430
i was just so uptight
in new york, you know?
65
00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:12,430
i mean down here everybody

shares everything.
66
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:16,100
it's like we're all one big
shimmering ball
67
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:18,100
of positive energy.
68
00:02:18,160 --> 00:02:21,800
i wonder if anyone's ever
thought that before.
69
00:02:21,860 --> 00:02:22,960
here.
70
00:02:23,030 --> 00:02:24,700
eat.
71
00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:26,030
if we run out of fish,
72
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:27,760
i will catch more
with my hands.
73
00:02:27,830 --> 00:02:29,530
(drums playing)
74
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,200
a drum circle!
75
00:02:31,260 --> 00:02:32,300
they're different
every time.
76
00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:34,630
let's go watch!
77
00:02:34,700 --> 00:02:36,530
and here i am
at the drum circle.
78
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,000
whoa, are you topless?
79

00:02:38,060 --> 00:02:39,160

ted, check this out.
80
00:02:39,230 --> 00:02:40,660
seen 'em.
81
00:02:40,730 --> 00:02:42,460
wow, it seems
like a great trip.
82
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:43,760
oh, it was.
83
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,130
i feel like
the robin who left
84
00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,660
is not the same robin
who came back, you know.
85
00:02:48,730 --> 00:02:51,500
wow, there's a lot
of nude people in here.
86
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:53,630
you haven't changed,
scherbatsky.
87
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:55,800
you're a sophisticated,
scotch-swilling,
88
00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:57,730
cigar-smoking,
red-meat-eating,
89
00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,230
gun-toting new yorker.
90
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:00,800
just shoes
and a shirt.
91
00:03:00,860 --> 00:03:02,200
that's a look.
92

00:03:02,260 --> 00:03:04,200

what you are not is
a massage-giving,
93
00:03:04,260 --> 00:03:05,900
windsurfing,
bongo-playing,
94
00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,060
teetotaling, vegan,
peacenik, hippy
95
00:03:08,130 --> 00:03:09,900
like you soon to be
ex-boyfriend, gael.
96
00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:11,300
back me up here, ted.
97
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,900
i'm just happy
robin's happy.
98
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,300
thank you.
lily:
man,
99
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:16,630
this is like a
"where's waldo"
100
00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:18,100
of exposed genitalia.
101
00:03:18,160 --> 00:03:22,330
except that it's really
easy to find waldo.
102
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,430
i'm evolved...
103
00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:24,730
and i'm enjoying
living my life
104
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,360
a little bit closer

to the way gael

105
00:03:26,430 --> 00:03:28,360
and i did
in argentina.
please.
106
00:03:28,430 --> 00:03:31,530
vacation romances have
an expiration date.
107
00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,660
gael's got a "best if
banged by" sticker on him.
108
00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:35,900
once your romance
109
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,000
starts to stink,
you'll dump his ass
110
00:03:38,060 --> 00:03:39,660
down the drain
like sour milk
111
00:03:39,730 --> 00:03:41,660
and go back to being
"unevolved robin,"
112
00:03:41,730 --> 00:03:43,230
the one we actually like.
113
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:44,560
back me up here, ted.
114
00:03:44,630 --> 00:03:47,330
i'm just happy
robin's happy.
115
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,330
i'm telling you,
within three days...
116
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:50,560
ooh, here he comes.
switched to big words.

117
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:53,760
within a triad
of solar periods,
118
00:03:53,830 --> 00:03:55,400
you'll recognize your dearth
119
00:03:55,460 --> 00:03:57,330
of compatibility
with your paramour
120
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,530
and conclude your association.
121
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:00,760
my journey
was transformative.
122
00:04:00,830 --> 00:04:02,030
and i reassert
my commitment
123
00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:03,860
to both
the aforementioned paramour
124
00:04:03,930 --> 00:04:06,030
and the philosophies
he espouses.
125
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:07,360
what are we
talking of?
126
00:04:07,430 --> 00:04:09,060
baseball?
127
00:04:09,130 --> 00:04:12,230
this is all gonna return to
masticate you in the gluteals.
128
00:04:13,330 --> 00:04:15,100
support my hypothesis, ted.
129
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,600
i'm just jubilant my former
paramour's jubilant.

130
00:04:23,330 --> 00:04:25,360
to write the letter
131
00:04:25,430 --> 00:04:27,530
<i>he hoped lily would never have
to read.</i>
132
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:31,530
"my dearest,
sweetest, lily pad.
133
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,700
"let this letter
be a small beacon,
134
00:04:34,760 --> 00:04:38,530
"a tiny firefly
to help light your way
135
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:40,600
"through the years ahead.
136
00:04:42,030 --> 00:04:44,960
"my love for you persists
137
00:04:45,030 --> 00:04:47,000
"higher than
the himalayas.
138
00:04:47,060 --> 00:04:50,000
deeper than
a scottish loch."
139
00:04:50,060 --> 00:04:51,660
(sobbing)
140
00:04:51,730 --> 00:04:55,330
"if i died under suspicious
circumstances,
141
00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:57,160
"then beware.
142
00:04:57,230 --> 00:04:58,830
"trust no one.

143
00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:00,900
not even ted."
144
00:05:03,830 --> 00:05:06,760
"especially not ted."
145
00:05:06,830 --> 00:05:09,100
"know that i'll always
be there in your heart
146
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,100
"whenever you need me,
147
00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:14,100
"and that my love for you
will never die.
148
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,030
"love...
(sobbing)
149
00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,160
your marshmallow."
150
00:05:22,300 --> 00:05:24,300
(inhales sharply)
151
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,560
"m.
152
00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:44,230
"atm pin code:
5-4-5-9.
153
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:46,060
"teacher's pension
account:
154
00:05:46,130 --> 00:05:48,060
"a-3-9-3-2.
155
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:49,400
<i>"cancel vogue.</i>
156
00:05:49,460 --> 00:05:51,460
l."

157
00:05:52,860 --> 00:05:54,300
my windsurfing board...
158
00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:56,030
it had floated away.
159
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:57,700
and the shark...
160
00:05:57,760 --> 00:06:00,300
he was getting closer.
161
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,630
they say to escape
162
00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:03,130
you punch a shark
in the nose.
163
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,400
but i said,
164
00:06:04,460 --> 00:06:05,930
"brother shark,
165
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,600
we are both children
166
00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:09,660
from the same
earth mother."
167
00:06:09,730 --> 00:06:11,130
(sighs)
168
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,160
and that's all i remember
until the hospital.
169
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,230
that guy.
yeah.
170
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,230
that guy.

171
00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:19,730
look at how easy
he has it.
172
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,900
you and me, we have
to bend over backwards
173
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:25,230
to get a woman to, well,
bend over backwards.
174
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:27,260
but that guy...
175
00:06:27,330 --> 00:06:29,260
every woman in the bar
is hanging
176
00:06:29,330 --> 00:06:31,930
on his every slightly
mispronounced word.
177
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,760
and why?
178
00:06:33,830 --> 00:06:35,760
he's better
looking than us.
179
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,200
no.
180
00:06:37,260 --> 00:06:38,860
because he's from
out of town.
181
00:06:38,930 --> 00:06:40,100
mmm.
182
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,000
with and accent
and an innocent smile,
183
00:06:42,060 --> 00:06:44,000
you don't even

have to try.
yeah.
184
00:06:44,060 --> 00:06:45,300
plus automatic out,
185
00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:46,560
you're leaving in
a couple of days.
186
00:06:46,630 --> 00:06:49,230
god, i wish we
were tourists.
yeah.
187
00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:52,360
actually...
188
00:06:52,430 --> 00:06:54,900
you know where i've been
meaning to visit?
189
00:06:56,930 --> 00:06:58,800
(camera shutter clicking)
okay, okay, we're
from a small town
190
00:06:58,860 --> 00:06:59,900
in the south
of france.
191
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:01,930
our plane leaves
sunday morning.
192
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,530
(with southern accent):
uh, hey, uh, howdy, ladies.
193
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:05,560
hate to bother you.
194
00:07:05,630 --> 00:07:06,900
we seem to be
a little bit lost.
195
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,130
would you happen to know

which street
196
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:09,700
the statue
of liberty's on?
197
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,460
actually,
it's on its own island.
198
00:07:12,530 --> 00:07:14,260
oh!
oh, it's right...
199
00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:16,200
ah.
thank you very...
200
00:07:16,260 --> 00:07:19,760
uh, my name is, uh,
ignatius peabody nobel.
201
00:07:19,830 --> 00:07:22,700
from east westerton,
missouri.
202
00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,860
and this is
my friend, ted.
203
00:07:25,930 --> 00:07:27,260
hi, um, i'm colleen.
204
00:07:27,330 --> 00:07:28,430
hi, colleen.
this is lindsay.
205
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:29,900
hi, lindsay.
206
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,230
so, hey,
207
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:33,100
you-you-you ladies,
been awful nice to us.
208

00:07:33,160 --> 00:07:34,130

what do you say...
209
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:35,600
ah, never mind.
no...
210
00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:36,400
no, what is it?
211
00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:37,830
well...
212
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:39,230
it's just we're leaving
sunday morning.
213
00:07:39,300 --> 00:07:40,800
it sure would be nice to
have some real new yorkers
214
00:07:40,860 --> 00:07:42,230
show us around.
yeah.
215
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:45,560
well, we're busy
tonight, but...
216
00:07:45,630 --> 00:07:47,130
maybe tomorrow
afternoon?
217
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:48,230
after lunch?
218
00:07:48,300 --> 00:07:49,730
well, hotdog!
219
00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:50,900
should we...
220
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,030
you want to just
meet here
221
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,230

in front of mac...
maclaren's pub?
222
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:56,060
it's kind of a
lame bar, but sure.
223
00:07:56,130 --> 00:07:57,930
really? it doesn't
seem that lame to me.
224
00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:58,830
it's pretty lame.
225
00:07:58,900 --> 00:08:00,900
i think it's cool.
226
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,500
we'll see you
tomorrow.
barney:
all right.
227
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,300
i'm just saying it seems like
a kind of bar
228
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:05,660
a lot of cool people
would ng out at.
229
00:08:05,730 --> 00:08:06,700
okay, all right.
230
00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,200
so, gael, huh?
mmm.
231
00:08:08,260 --> 00:08:09,460
still going strong?
232
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:10,960
yeah, it's great.
233
00:08:11,030 --> 00:08:13,760
amazing, fantastic, awesome.
234

00:08:13,830 --> 00:08:14,860

ooh, that's one too many.
235
00:08:14,930 --> 00:08:15,930
what's going on?
236
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,800
well, now that i'm home,
237
00:08:17,860 --> 00:08:19,000
i'm finding myself
getting annoyed
238
00:08:19,060 --> 00:08:21,260
at things that i loved
on vacation.
239
00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:22,930
here, taste.
240
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,960
experience your food.
241
00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:27,930
oh.
242
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,930
so good.
243
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,660
here, taste.
244
00:08:31,730 --> 00:08:33,330
experience your food.
245
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:35,200
ooh, sofa,
ooh, sofa.
246
00:08:35,260 --> 00:08:36,630
sofa, sofa, oh.
247
00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:37,800
(grunts)
248
00:08:37,860 --> 00:08:39,830

ooh.
we're alone now.
249
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:41,860
i must have you.
250
00:08:42,900 --> 00:08:44,830
(laughs)
251
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,360
(moans)
252
00:08:46,430 --> 00:08:48,000
ooh.
i must have you.
253
00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:50,100
laptop, laptop, laptop!
254
00:08:50,160 --> 00:08:52,560
(sighs)
255
00:08:52,630 --> 00:08:53,830
and you know
what else?
256
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,560
i'm still finding sand
everywhere.
257
00:08:55,630 --> 00:08:57,660
i mean, we haven't been
to the beach since argentina.
258
00:08:57,730 --> 00:08:59,330
where is all coming from?
259
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,330
well, maybe you're just
going back
260
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,330
to the person you were
before the trip.
261
00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:04,560
but i don't want to.

262
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:06,560
i was so happy down there.
263
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:07,900
no, you know what?
264
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,230
i'm done complaining.
265
00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:10,860
i'm evolving.
266
00:09:10,930 --> 00:09:12,130
just gonna
267
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:14,200
go with the flow.
268
00:09:17,660 --> 00:09:19,130
wow.
269
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,930
gael, you're peeing
while i'm in the shower.
270
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,930
okay.
271
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:27,600
<i>okay, old robin would have been
like, dude, ocupado.</i>
272
00:09:27,660 --> 00:09:30,600
but now, you know what,
i'm cool with it.
273
00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:32,260
pee it up.
274
00:09:32,330 --> 00:09:33,960
in fact,
275
00:09:34,030 --> 00:09:36,200
when you're done, why don't you
come in here and join me?

276
00:09:36,260 --> 00:09:38,700
don't mind if i do, love.
277
00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,330
(screams)
278
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:42,860
gael, there's some weird du...
279
00:09:42,930 --> 00:09:44,200
hello.
hey!
280
00:09:44,260 --> 00:09:45,530
good news!
281
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,060
i made some new traveling
friends today,
282
00:09:47,130 --> 00:09:49,200
and they'll be staying with us,
how do you say...
283
00:09:49,260 --> 00:09:50,860
indefinitely!
284
00:09:50,930 --> 00:09:52,460
all:
g'day!
285
00:09:56,530 --> 00:09:58,460
bp
ooh, here.
286
00:09:58,530 --> 00:09:59,830
will you sign
this thank you note?
287
00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:03,700
wow.
288
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:04,700
both sides.
289

00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:06,130

you wrote on
290
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:09,500
both sides of a thank you note
to my third cousin
291
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,960
for a blender that you haven't
even taken out of the box.
292
00:10:12,030 --> 00:10:13,430
wow, that's...
293
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,100
it's a really nice blender.
well, if you love
294
00:10:15,160 --> 00:10:16,500
that blender so much,
why don't you just marry it.
295
00:10:17,500 --> 00:10:18,860
i can't.
i married you.
296
00:10:18,930 --> 00:10:20,500
that's how we go the blender.
297
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:22,460
what's wrong?
298
00:10:22,530 --> 00:10:24,000
nothing.
299
00:10:24,060 --> 00:10:25,230
nothing's wrong.
300
00:10:25,300 --> 00:10:26,560
what could be wrong?
301
00:10:26,630 --> 00:10:28,730
except that when you die
i'm gonna find out
302
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,830
that your parting words

to comfort me for all eternity

303
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:32,160
<i>were "cancel vogue."</i>
304
00:10:32,230 --> 00:10:34,430
how can you
open my letter?
305
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:35,730
that was not a letter.
306
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,160
it was barely even
a text message.
307
00:10:37,230 --> 00:10:38,730
next time you
write something
308
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,330
that short, at least have
the courtesy to make it rhyme.
309
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,600
marshall, wait.
310
00:10:43,660 --> 00:10:46,430
this was our first fight
as a married couple.
311
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:47,560
oh, baby.
312
00:10:47,630 --> 00:10:49,630
oh...
oh.
313
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:54,500
<i>kids, there are a thousand
amazing places you can find</i>
314
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:55,860
<i>only in new york city.</i>
315
00:10:55,930 --> 00:10:57,200
<i>instead of any of those,</i>

316
00:10:57,260 --> 00:10:59,430
<i>colleen and lindsay
took us here.</i>
317
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:01,200
<i>colleen:
this is our favorite restaurant</i>
318
00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:02,460
in the city.
319
00:11:02,530 --> 00:11:04,200
yes, i'm sure
this is the best
320
00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:08,460
of their 57 "spudtacular"
east coast locations.
321
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:10,960
i'm going to run
to the restroom.
322
00:11:11,030 --> 00:11:14,160
i'm gonna go, too.
(growls)
323
00:11:14,230 --> 00:11:17,560
(ted groans, barney laughs)
324
00:11:17,630 --> 00:11:18,930
this is the easiest date ever.
325
00:11:18,930 --> 00:11:20,360
you know
what i'm gonna try next?
326
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:21,760
a knock, knock joke.
327
00:11:21,830 --> 00:11:23,830
easiest?
somehow we have managed
328
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:26,900
to find the two lamest

new yorkers of all time.

329
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,730
ted, ted, ted.
dude,
i am looking at you.
330
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,060
what?
right.
331
00:11:30,130 --> 00:11:31,630
stay with me.
332
00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:35,060
we are on the cusp of moving
from out-of-towners
333
00:11:35,130 --> 00:11:36,730
to in-their-pantsers.
334
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,560
ay-o.
335
00:11:38,630 --> 00:11:39,560
all right,
ignatius,
336
00:11:39,630 --> 00:11:41,230
one more hour.
nice.
337
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:44,100
nice. hey, nice.
hey...
338
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,130
hey, our friends
invited us to a party.
339
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,600
you guys want
to come along?
knock, knock.
340
00:11:48,660 --> 00:11:49,960
who's there?
yes, we do.

341
00:11:50,030 --> 00:11:52,130
(all laughing)
342
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:54,130
(cheering on television)
quick announcement.
343
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,660
i am
344
00:11:55,730 --> 00:11:58,660
so glad that you're here,
fellow travelers.
345
00:11:58,730 --> 00:12:00,400
a couple rules-346
00:12:00,460 --> 00:12:01,900
not even rules.
347
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:06,130
let's call them guidelines
for harmonious living.
348
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,930
guideline
for harmonious living
349
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,960
number one-350
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:13,730
the kitchen sink is for dishes,
the toilet is for pee-pee.
351
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:14,960
g.f.h.l.
352
00:12:15,030 --> 00:12:16,400
number two-353
00:12:16,460 --> 00:12:19,030
marijuana is illegal
in the united states,
354

00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:21,200

even when baked
into a blueberry muffin
355
00:12:21,260 --> 00:12:24,000
that someone might mistakenly
eat for breakfast
356
00:12:24,060 --> 00:12:27,330
right before they leave for
their job as a tv newscaster.
357
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:28,530
"this just in:
358
00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:32,700
look at my hand,
how weird is my hand?"
359
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,660
is not an appropriate thing
to say on the air.
360
00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:37,100
and number three, i...
361
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:38,160
(all cheering)
362
00:12:40,930 --> 00:12:44,460
and number three is please keep
the noise to a minimum.
363
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:46,460
i have to take a nap.
364
00:12:46,530 --> 00:12:48,830
i'm still pretty baked.
365
00:12:51,260 --> 00:12:52,660
(gasps)
366
00:12:52,730 --> 00:12:56,330
everything's so bright,
even at night.
367
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,930

no wonder
the city never sleeps.
368
00:12:58,000 --> 00:12:59,000
(barney and women laughing)
369
00:12:59,060 --> 00:13:00,000
hey, if we're
going north,
370
00:13:00,060 --> 00:13:01,630
why did we cross over the fdr?
371
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:02,860
we should have taken the hudson.
372
00:13:02,930 --> 00:13:04,900
(scoffing):
now he knows
all the streets.
373
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:07,030
<i>someone's been watching
too many steinfeld reruns.</i>
374
00:13:07,100 --> 00:13:08,030
(women laughing)
375
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:09,260
(laughs sarcastically)
376
00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,660
where are we even going anyway?
377
00:13:10,730 --> 00:13:12,300
148th and
brook avenue.
378
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:15,760
a hundred-- in the south bronx
at this time of night?
379
00:13:15,830 --> 00:13:16,860
we're going to get killed.
380
00:13:16,930 --> 00:13:19,330
ted, i think

these local new yorkers

381
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:22,960
know more about the city
than we do, so relax.
382
00:13:23,030 --> 00:13:25,860
we're in very capable hands.
383
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,360
(siren wails)
384
00:13:27,430 --> 00:13:29,400
there were three of them,
at least two guns-385
00:13:29,460 --> 00:13:30,700
they took all
oumoney.
386
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:33,700
well, i only had
traveler's checks.
387
00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:36,960
hey, babe.
388
00:13:37,030 --> 00:13:39,560
i've been thinking
about our fight.
389
00:13:39,630 --> 00:13:40,830
yes?
390
00:13:40,900 --> 00:13:44,160
i'm really, really...
391
00:13:44,230 --> 00:13:46,900
surprised that you haven't
apologized to me yet.
392
00:13:48,160 --> 00:13:51,030
wow, you really want
to open this up again.
393
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,960
oh, i forgot,

you open everything up,

394
00:13:54,030 --> 00:13:55,830
even if you're not supposed to
until i'm dead.
395
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:57,830
you know that this
is important to me.
396
00:13:57,900 --> 00:13:59,330
why won't you just
write the letter?
397
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,400
because i can't bear the
thought of not being with you,
398
00:14:02,460 --> 00:14:05,700
not even for long enough
to write you a stupid letter.
399
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,260
really?
400
00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:09,000
yes, really.
401
00:14:09,060 --> 00:14:10,860
plus, i know
as soon as i write it,
402
00:14:10,930 --> 00:14:13,100
you're just going to open
it up and read it again.
403
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,900
lily, i won't,
i promise.
404
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,960
okay.
405
00:14:18,030 --> 00:14:20,030
i'll write you a letter
for my death folder.
406

00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:22,260

do you mind, um,
maybe slipping
407
00:14:22,330 --> 00:14:24,800
in a little bit of
dirty stuff, too?
408
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:27,330
i tell you what.
409
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:29,360
how about i make it
all dirty stuff
410
00:14:29,430 --> 00:14:32,130
and slip in
a little clean stuff?
411
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:33,500
you're the best.
412
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:37,200
and maybe a
couple polaroids?
413
00:14:38,560 --> 00:14:40,000
come on,
let's get out of here.
414
00:14:40,060 --> 00:14:41,560
this night's a disaster.
what?!
415
00:14:41,630 --> 00:14:44,560
this night couldn't
have gone any better.
416
00:14:44,630 --> 00:14:45,730
we just survived
a mugging.
417
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,100
you know what
that means.
418
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:48,200
"thank god we're alive" sex.

419
00:14:48,260 --> 00:14:50,200
"thank god we're
alive" sex.
420
00:14:50,260 --> 00:14:51,830
it's even better
421
00:14:51,900 --> 00:14:53,900
than "i can't believe you
just proposed to me" sex,
422
00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:55,830
which i've only had,
like, four or five times.
423
00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:58,430
ted, please, we
are so close.
424
00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:00,130
all right, i'm in.
425
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,260
i've never worked this hard
for anything in my life.
426
00:15:03,230 --> 00:15:04,160
whew!
427
00:15:04,230 --> 00:15:05,560
wow, i think
we all need
428
00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:08,160
to go back to our place
and recover.
429
00:15:08,230 --> 00:15:09,160
yeah.
430
00:15:09,230 --> 00:15:10,760
i just want
to celebrate
431
00:15:10,830 --> 00:15:12,400
the fact that

we survived.
432
00:15:12,460 --> 00:15:13,400
you know?
433
00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:14,560
mm-hmm.
434
00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:15,930
me, too.
435
00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:17,960
so where do
you live?
436
00:15:18,030 --> 00:15:19,560
what, west village?
close.
437
00:15:19,630 --> 00:15:21,430
west orange.
438
00:15:22,530 --> 00:15:25,300
west orange,
new jersey?
yeah.
439
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:28,330
you guys live in new jersey,
not new york?
440
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:29,760
theodore.
yep.
441
00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:31,760
new jersey?
teddy.
yeah, but don't worry,
442
00:15:31,830 --> 00:15:33,500
it's pretty much new york.
ted:
oh.
443
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:34,530
no.

444
00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,000
oh, no.
445
00:15:36,060 --> 00:15:38,800
oh, no.
new jersey is not
"pretty much new york."
446
00:15:38,860 --> 00:15:42,100
you are not
"pretty much new yorkers."
447
00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,100
and how would
you know?
because i live here.
448
00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,600
that's right,
i live here.
449
00:15:45,660 --> 00:15:47,000
yes, we're full of crap.
450
00:15:47,060 --> 00:15:48,860
yes, we pretended
to be from out of town
451
00:15:48,930 --> 00:15:50,530
so we could sleep with you
and leave in the morning.
452
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,300
but you know what's
even worse than that?
453
00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:55,260
saying you're a new yorker
when you're not.
454
00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:57,160
because this is the
greatest city in the world
455
00:15:57,230 --> 00:16:00,130
and you have to earn the right
to call yourself a new yorker.

456
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:01,800
so why don't
you girls crawl
457
00:16:01,860 --> 00:16:05,130
into the open sewer pipe
you call the holland tunnel
458
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:08,460
and flush yourselves back
to "pretty much new york"?
459
00:16:08,530 --> 00:16:09,460
because i
will do a lot
460
00:16:09,530 --> 00:16:11,160
to get laid,
461
00:16:11,230 --> 00:16:14,900
but i am not going
to new jersey!
462
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,960
(huffs)
463
00:16:17,030 --> 00:16:21,730
(in accent):
you're not from missouri?
464
00:16:23,060 --> 00:16:26,630
well, i will be
a monkey's unc...
465
00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:28,500
ew.
right.
466
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:30,600
can we get
a ride?
467
00:16:32,130 --> 00:16:34,060
hey, um, sir,
468
00:16:34,130 --> 00:16:35,830
can we get

a ride, too?
469
00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:38,130
newark, born and raised.
470
00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:44,330
(drumming)
471
00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:46,400
(sighs)
472
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,500
can you please keep it down?
473
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:53,930
(sighs)
474
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,000
what happened to you, man?
475
00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:58,960
you said you wouldn't
change, but look at you.
476
00:16:59,030 --> 00:17:02,930
no more tan,
no more beaded braids,
477
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,330
no more lush,
478
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:08,060
untamed forest
of leg and armpit hair.
479
00:17:08,130 --> 00:17:09,230
you're back
at work.
480
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:10,500
what gives?
481
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,500
well, i have
to have a job.
482

00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,000

"i have to have a job."
483
00:17:15,060 --> 00:17:17,360
god, that's so american.
484
00:17:17,430 --> 00:17:19,500
i'm canadian.
you know that.
485
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:23,560
what about the important things
like making your own jewelry
486
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:25,000
and lying
on the beach
487
00:17:25,060 --> 00:17:27,160
and thinking about peace?
488
00:17:27,230 --> 00:17:28,230
god, don't
you care
489
00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:31,660
about thinking about peace?
490
00:17:31,730 --> 00:17:33,530
wow.
491
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,060
i just realized something.
492
00:17:35,130 --> 00:17:36,800
that you've
lost your way.
493
00:17:36,860 --> 00:17:37,800
no,
494
00:17:37,860 --> 00:17:39,200
that you really suck.
495
00:17:39,260 --> 00:17:41,060
you're boring and me

496
00:17:41,130 --> 00:17:42,430
and you're getting sand
everywhere.
497
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,900
seriously, where is
all the sand coming from?
498
00:17:45,900 --> 00:17:47,100
you're not the real me.
499
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:49,530
all you are is me on vacation
500
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,500
trying to get away
from a break-up.
501
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:53,700
don't you remember argentina?
502
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:00,760
don't you want
to go back?
503
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,030
what are you doing?
504
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:03,100
shh...
505
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:09,000
let this happen.
506
00:18:13,030 --> 00:18:15,430
(robin gasps, drumming)
507
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,300
all right, everyone out.
508
00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:28,400
i said everyone out!
509
00:18:29,430 --> 00:18:32,230
(frustrated growl)

510
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,830
(drumming stops,
panicked shouting)
511
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,800
all right, we're leaving,
we're leaving, okay.
512
00:18:41,860 --> 00:18:44,060
michael moore was so right
about americans.
513
00:18:44,130 --> 00:18:46,430
i'm canadian!
514
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,900
robin,
515
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:52,500
you okay?
516
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,560
no, i'm not.
517
00:18:54,630 --> 00:18:57,160
listen, gael,
518
00:18:57,230 --> 00:18:58,730
i need to talk to you
about something.
519
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:00,760
<i>after they broke up,
robin went back to being robin.</i>
520
00:19:00,830 --> 00:19:02,000
(sighs)
521
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:03,960
welcome home, scherbatsky.
522
00:19:04,030 --> 00:19:05,900
oh, good to be back.
523
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:07,400
although it's weird.

524
00:19:07,460 --> 00:19:09,900
vacation robin popped into
my dream again last night.
525
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,660
listening.
526
00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:13,260
this time we went all the way.
527
00:19:13,330 --> 00:19:14,660
tell you
one thing.
528
00:19:14,730 --> 00:19:17,630
->1
529
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:27,130
ww?
okay, i'm done..
530
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,500
but i really don't want you
reading this unless...
531
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,900
you know, something happens.
532
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,500
can you swear to me
you won't open it?
533
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,330
totally. what does it say?
534
00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:38,800
marshall, i'm serious.
535
00:19:38,860 --> 00:19:40,560
okay.
536
00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:43,730
i promise i won't, i won't
open that until you're dead.
537

00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,160

(quietly):
okay.
538
00:19:45,230 --> 00:19:47,000
<i>and through 22 wonderful years
of marriage,</i>
539
00:19:47,060 --> 00:19:49,360
<i>marshall kept his promise</i>
540
00:19:49,430 --> 00:19:53,800
<i>until november 1 of last year
when, sadly...</i>
541
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:10,860
"busted! i knew
you'd read this.
542
00:20:10,930 --> 00:20:13,860
you suck, marshall,
you totally suck."
543
00:20:16,260 --> 00:20:18,230
that's it?
544
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,660
i suck?
545
00:20:20,730 --> 00:20:21,730
lily.
yes, you suck.
546
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,330
you said you wouldn't read it
547
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,000
and you did.
well, you didn't keep
your promise either.
548
00:20:25,060 --> 00:20:26,930
i don't see any dirty pictures
in here.
549
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,000
oh, fine,

550
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,260
i'll take the dirty pictures.
551
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,730
i don't want 'em now.
552
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:33,830
what is that supposed to mean?
553
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:34,830
what?!
554
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,060
nothing.
555
00:20:36,130 --> 00:20:37,060
nothing.
556
00:20:37,130 --> 00:20:38,100
you're beautiful.
557
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:39,400
i would love
the photos.
558
00:20:39,460 --> 00:20:57,160
have i told you how
beautiful you look?
559
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000

0
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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