Episode Two: The First Cut Is the Deepest You need boundaries between you and the rest

of the world. Other people are far too messy. Its all about lines. Drawing lines in the sand, and praying like hell, no one crosses them. Closing: At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries dont keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy. Thats how were made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Heres what I know: If youre willing to take the chance, the view from the other side is spectacular.

And, once in a while, if youre smart, the life you save could be your own. Episode Four: No Mans Land Opening: Intimacy is a four-syllable word for, Here are my heart and soul. Please grind them into hamburger and enjoy. Its both desired, and feared, difficult to live with and impossible to live without. Intimacy also comes attached to lifes three Rs: Relatives, Romance, and Roommate s. There are some things you cant escape, and other things, you just dont want to know Closing: I wish there were a rule book for intimacy. Some kind of a guide that could tell you when youve crossed the line. It would be nice if you could see it comin g. And I dont know how you fit it on a map You take it where you can get it, and keep it as long as you can. And as for rules Maybe there are none. Maybe the rules of intimacy are something you have to define for yourself. Episode Five: Shake Your Groove Thing Opening: Remember when you were a kid, and your biggest worry was, like, if youd get a bike for your birthday, or if youd get to eat cookies for breakfast? Being an adult? Totally overrated. I mean, seriously, dont be fooled by all the hot shoes, and the great sex, and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, it really does suck. Really, really sucks. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. Kind of makes bikes and cookies look really really good, doesnt it? The scariest part about responsibility? When you screw up, and let it slip right through your fingers Closing:

Responsibility it really does suck. Unfortunately, once you get past the age of braces and training bras, responsibility doesnt go away. It cant be avoided. Either someone makes us face it, or we suffer the consequences. And still, adulthood has its perks. I mean, the shoes, the sex, the no parents anywhere telling you what to do thats pretty damn good. Episode Six: If Tomorrow Never Comes Opening: A couple hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. Never leave that till tomorrow, he said, which you can do today. This is the man who discovered electricity. Youd think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I dont know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, Id say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision. Because, what if youre wrong? What if youre making a mistake you cant undo? Whatever it is were afraid of, one thing holds true that, by the time the pain of not doing a thing, gets worse than the fear of doing it, it can feel like wer e carrying around a giant tumor. Closing: The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We cant pretend we havent been told. Weve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to seize the day. Still, sometimes, we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep todays possibility under tomorrows rug, until we cant anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves, what Benjamin Franklin meant: That knowing, is better than wondering. That waking, is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying. Episode Seven: The Self-Destruct Button I mean, if lifes so hard already, why do we bring more trouble down on ourselves? Whats up with the need to hit the self-destruct button? Closing: Maybe we like the pain. Maybe were wired that way. Because without it, I dont know maybe we just wouldnt feel real. Whats that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop. Episode Eight: Save Me May 15, 2005 Opening:

You know how when you were a little kid, and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be. White dress, Prince Charming, whod carry you away to a castle on a hill. Youd lie in bed at night and close your eyes, and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close, you could taste them. But eventually, you grow up. One day you open your eyes, and the fairy tale disappears. Most people, turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely. Because almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day theyll open their eyes, and it will all come true. Closing: At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you dont really expect it. Its like, one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. The castle well, it may not be a castle. And, its not so important that its happy ever after. Just that its happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while people may even take your breath away. Episode Nine: Whos Zoomin Who? One thing is certain. Whatever it is were trying to hide, were never ready fo r that moment when the truth gets naked. Thats the problem with secrets. Like misery, they love company. They pile up and up until they take over everything. Until you dont have room for anything else. Until youre so full of secrets, you feel like youre going to burst. Closing: The thing people forget, is how good it can feel when you finally set secrets free. Whether good or bad, at least theyre out in the open, like it, or not. And once your secrets are out in the open, you dont have to hide behind them anymore. The problem with secrets is, even when you think youre in control youre not. Episode One: Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head Episode Two: Enough Is Enough (No More Tears) October 2, 2005 Opening: I have an aunt who, whenever she poured anything for you, would say: say when. My aunt would say, Say when, and of course, we never did. We dont say when because theres something about the possibility of more. More tequila. More love. More anything. More is better. Closing: Theres something to be said about a glass half full. About knowing when to say when. I think its a floating line. A barometer of need and desire. Its entirely up to the individual and depends on

whats being poured. Sometimes, all we want is a taste. Other times, theres no such thing as enough. The glass is bottomless. And all we want is more. Episode Three: Make Me Lose Control Closing: No one likes to lose control. Its a sign of weakness. Of not being up to the task. And still, there are times when it just gets away from you. No matter how hard you fight it, you fall. And its scary as hell. Except, if theres an upside to free falling, its the chance you give your friends to catch you. Episode Four: Deny, Deny, Deny We only see what we want to see, and believe what we want to believe. And it works. We lie to ourselves so much that, after a while, the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much, that we cant recognize the truth, right in front of our faces Closing: Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the ass. And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. We can only lie to ourselves for so long. We are tired. We are scared. Denying it doesnt change the truth. Sooner or later, we have to put aside our denial and face the world head-on, guns blazing. Denial. Its not just a river in Egypt. Its a freaking ocean. So how do you keep from drowning in it? Episode Five: Bring the Pain October 23, 2005 Opening: Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain. The normal pains we live with every day. Then theres the kind of pain we cant ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else. Makes the rest of the world fade away. Until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain. We anesthetize ride it out, embrace it, ignore it And for some of us, the best way to manage pain is to just push through it. Closing: Pain. You just have to ride it out. Hope it goes away on its own. Hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions. No easy answers. You just breathe deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time, pain can be managed. But sometimes, the pain gets you when you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesnt let up.

Pain. You just have to fight through. Because the truth is, you cant outrun it. And life always makes more. Episode Six: Into You Like a Train October 30, 2005 Opening: In general, people can be categorized in one of two ways: Those who love surprises, and those who dont My point is this: whoever said What you dont know cant hurt you? Was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world. Closing: there are so many things we have to know. We have to know we have what it takes. We have to know how to take care of each other. Eventually, we even have to figure out how to take care of ourselves. But as human beings, sometimes its better to stay in the dark. Because in the dark, there may be fear but theres also hope. Episode Seven: Something to Talk About November 6, 2005 Opening: Communication. Its the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words, and really start talking, the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or, how to ask for what we really need Closing: At the end of the day, there are some things you just cant help but talk about. Some things, we just dont want to hear. And some things we say because we cant be silent any longer. Some things are more than what you say. Theyre what you do. Some things you say because theres no other choice. Some things, you keep to yourself. And not too often, but every now and then some things simply speak for themselves. Episode Eight: Let It Be I told Mrs. Snyder that Juliet was an idiot. For starters, she falls for the one guy she knows she cant have. Then she blames fate for her own bad decision. Mrs. Snyder explained to me that when fate comes into play, choice sometimes goes out the window. At the ripe old age of 13, I was very clear, that love, like life, is about making choices. And fate has nothing to do with it. Everyone thinks its so romantic. Romeo and Juliet. True love. How sad. If Juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink a bottle of poison, and go to sleep in a mausoleum she deserved whatever she got. Closing: Maybe Romeo and Juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while. And then their time passed. If they could have known that beforehand, maybe it all would have been okay.

I told Mrs. Snyder that when I was grown up, Id take fate into my own hands. I wouldnt let some guy drag me down. Mrs. Snyder said Id be lucky if I ever had that kind of passion with someone. And that if I did, wed be together forever. Even now, I believe that for the most part, love is about choices. Its about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending, most of the time. And that sometimes, despite all your best choices, and all your best intentions, fate wins anyway. Episode Nine: Thanks for the Memories November 20, 2005 Opening: Gratitude. Appreciation. Giving thanks. No matter what words you use, it all means the same thing. Happy. Were supposed to be happy. Grateful for friends, family, happy to just be alive whether we like it or not. Closing: Maybe were not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe were thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe were thankful for the things well never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate. Episode Ten: Much Too Much November 27, 2005 you take as much of the good as you can get, because it doesnt come around nearly as often as it should. Cause good things arent always what they seem. Too much of anything, even love, is not always a good thing. Closing: How do you know how much is too much? Too much, too soon? Too much information? Too much fun? Too much love? Too much to ask? And when is it all just too much to bear? Episode 11: Owner of a Lonely Heart

Four hundred years ago, another well-known English guy had an opinion about being alone. John Donne. He thought we were never alone. Of course, it was fancier when he said it. No man is an island, entire unto himself. Boil down that island talk, and he just meant that all anyone needs is someone to step in and let us know were not alone. And whos to say that the someone cant have four legs? Someone to play with, or run around with or just hang out.

Episode 12: Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer Theres an old proverb that says you cant choose your family. You take what the fates hand you. And, like them or not, love them or not, understand them, or not you cope. Then theres the school of thought that says the family youre born into is simply a starting point. They feed you and clothe you and take care of you, until youre ready to go out into the world and find your tribe. Episode 13: Begin the Begin January 15, 2006 Opening: Fresh starts. Thanks to the calendar, they happen every year. Just set your watch to January. Our reward for surviving the holiday season, is a new year. Bringing on the great tradition of New Years resolutions. Put your past behind you, and start over. Its hard to resist the chance at a new beginning. A chance to put the problems of last year to bed. Closing: Who gets to determine when the old ends, and the new begins? Its not a day on a calendar, not a birthday, not a new year. Its an event. Big or small. Something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. Whats important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But its also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to. Episode 14: Tell Me Sweet Little Lies Lying is bad. Or so were told. Constantly, from birth. Honesty is the best policy. The truth shall set you free. I chopped down the cherry tree. Whatever. The fact is, lying is a necessity. We lie to ourselves because the truth the truth freaking hurts. Closing: No matter how hard we try to ignore it or deny it, eventually the lies fall away whether we like it, or not. But, heres the truth about the truth: It hurts. So we lie. Episode 15: Break on Through Crossing the line unauthorized, is not tolerated. In general, lines are there for a reason. For safety. For security. For clarity. If you choose to cross the line, you pretty much do so at your own risk. So why is it that the bigger the line, the greater the temptation to cross it?

Closing: We cant help ourselves. We see a line, we want to cross it. Maybe its the thrill of trading the familiar, for the unfamiliar. A sort of personal dare. only problem is once youve crossed, its almost impossible to go back. But, if you do manage to make it back across that line, you find safety in numbers. Episode 16: Its the End of the World February 5, 2006 Opening: Its a look, patients get in their eyes. Theres a scent. The smell of death. Some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is headed for you, you feel it coming. Whats the one thing youve always dreamed of doing before you die ? (Shower dream sequence) Okay Hello? Clearly not my dream. (George falls out of bed) See? I told you. Not my dream. Episode 17: As We Know It February 12, 2006 (Part II of the two-part bomb story line. No closing monologue in part I, and part IIs openin g monologue is nearly identical to part I) Opening: In hospitals, they say you know. You know when youre going to die. Some doctors say its a look patients get in their eyes. Some say theres a scent, the smell of death. Some think theres just some kind of sixth sense. When the great beyond is heading for you, you feel it coming. Whatever it is, its creepy. Because if you know what do you do about it? Forget about the fact that youre scared out of your mind. If you knew this was your last day on Earth, how would you want to spend it? Closing: If you knew this was your last day on Earth how would you want to spend it? Episode 18: Yesterday February 19, 2006 Opening: After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, heres what Ive decided: There s no such thing as a grown-up. We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears, and all those old wounds just grow up with us. And just when we think that life and circumstance have forced us to truly, once and for al l, become an adult your mother, says something like that. Or worse, something like that. We get bigger, we get taller, we get older. But, for the most part, were still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in.

Closing: Ive heard that its possible to grow up. Ive just never met anyone whos actually done it. Without parents to defy, we break the rules we make for ourselves. We throw tantrums when things dont go our way. We whisper secrets with our best friends in the dark. We look for comfort where we can find it. And we hope against all logic, against all experience. Like children, we never give up hope. Episode 19: What Have I Done to Deserve This? February 26, 2006 Opening: (Georges Monologue) Okay, so, sometimes even the best of us make rash decisions. Bad decisions. Decisions we pretty much know were going to regret the moment the minute especially the morning after. I mean, maybe not regret regret, because at least you know, we put ourselves out there But still, something inside us decides to do a crazy thing, a thing we know will probably turn around and bite us in the ass. Yet we do it anyway. What Im saying is we reap what we sow. What comes around, goes around. Its karma. And, any way you slice it karma sucks Like I was saying paybacks a bitch. Closing: One way or another, our karma will leave us to face ourselves. We can look our karma in the eye, or we can wait for it to sneak up on us from behind. One way or another, our karma will always find us. And the truth is, as surgeons, we have more chances than most to set the balance in our favor. But no matter how hard we try, we cant escape our karma. It follows us home. I guess we cant really complain about karma. Its not unfair, its not unexpected. It just evens the score. And even when were about to do something we know will tempt karma to bite us in the ass Well, it goes without saying we do it anyway. Episode 20: Band-Aid Covers the Bullet Hole March 12, 2006 Opening: As doctors, patients are always telling us how they would do our jobs. Just stitch me up, slap a Band-Aid on it, and send me home. Its easy to suggest a quick solution, when you dont know much about the problem, when you dont understand the underl ying cause, or just how deep the wound really is. The first step toward a real cure, is to know exactly what the disease is to begin with. But, thats not what people want to hear. Were supposed to forget the past that landed us here, ignore the future co mplications that might arise, and go for the quick fix

Closing: As doctors, as friends, as human beings, we all try to do the best we can. But the world is full of unexpected twists and turns. And just when youve gotten the lay of the land, the ground underneath you shifts, and knocks you off your feet. If youre lucky, you end up with nothing more than a flesh wound, something a Band -Aid will cover. But, some wounds are deeper than they first appear, and require more than just a quick fix. With some wounds, you have to rip off the Band-Aid, let them breathe, and give them time to heal. Episode 21: Superstition March 19, 2006 Opening: My college campus has a magic statue. Its a long-standing tradition for students to rub its nose for good luck. My freshman roommate really believed in the statues power, and insisted on visiting it to rub its nose before every exam. Studying might have been a better idea. She flunked out her sophomore year. But the fact is, we all have little superstitious things tha t we do. If its not believing in magic statues, its avoiding sidewalk cracks, or always putting our left shoe on first. Knock on wood. Step on a crack, break your mothers back The last thing we want to do, is offend the gods. Closing: Superstition lies in the space between what we can control and what we cant. Find a penny, pick it up, and all day long youll have good luck. No one wants to pass up a chance for good luck. but does saying it 33 times really help? Is anyone really listening? And, if no ones listening, why do we bother doing those strange things at all? We rely on superstitions because were smart enough to know we dont have all the answers. And, that life works in mysterious ways. Dont dis the juju from wherever it comes. Episode 22: The Name of the Game April 2, 2006 Opening: A good basketball game can have us all on the edge of our seats. Games are about the glory, the pain, and the play-by-play. And then, there are the more solitary games. The games we each play all by ourselves. The social games, the mind games, we use them to pass the time. To make life more interesting. To distract us, from whats really going on. There are those of us who love to play games. Any game. And, there are those of us who love to play a little too muc h. Closing: Life is not a spectator sport. Win, lose or draw, the game is in progress, whether we want it to be, or not. So, go ahead, argue with the refs, change the rules cheat a little, take a break and tend to your wounds. But play. Play. Play hard. Play fast. Play loose and free. Play as if theres no tomorrow.

Okay, so its not whether you win or lose its how you play the game. Right? Episode 23: Blues for Sister Someone April 30, 2006 Opening: The key to being a successful intern is what we give up. Sleep, friends, a normal life. We sacrifice it all for that one amazing moment. That moment when you can legally call yourself a surgeon. There are days that make the sacrifices seem worthwhile. And then t here are the days, where everything feels like a sacrifice. And then, there are the sacrifices that you cant even figure out why youre making. Closing: A wise man once said, You can have anything in life, if you will sacrifice everything else for it. What he meant is, nothing comes without a price. So, before you go into battle, you better decide how much youre willing to lose. Too often, going after what feels good, means letting go of what you know is right. And letting someone in, means abandoning the walls youve spent a lifetime building. Of course, the toughest sacrifices are the ones we dont see coming. When we dont have time to come up with a strategy, to pick a side, or to measure the potential loss. When that happens, when the battle chooses us, and not the other way around, thats when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear. Episode 24: Damage Case May 7, 2006 Opening: We all go through life like bulls in a china shop. A chip here, a crack there. Doing damage to ourselves. To other people. The problem is trying to figure out how to control the damage we have done. Or thats been done to us. Sometimes the damage catches us by surprise. Sometimes we think we can fix the damage. And sometimes, the damage is something we cant even see Closing: Were all damaged, it seems. Some of us, more than others. We carry the damage with us from childhood. Then, as grown-ups, we give as good as we get. Ultimately, we all do damage. And then we set about the business of fixing whatever we can. Episode 25: 17 Seconds May 14, 2006 Opening: In life we are taught that there are seven deadly sins. We all know the big ones: Gluttony, pride, lust. But the sin you dont hear much about is anger. Maybe its because we think angers not that dangerous. That we can control it. My point is, maybe we dont give anger enough credit. Maybe it can be a lot more dangerous than we think. After all, when it comes to destructive behavior it did make the top seven.

Closing: So, what makes anger different from the six other deadly sins? Its pretty simple, really. You give in to a sin like envy or pride, then you only hurt yourself. Try lust, or coveting, and youll only hurt yourself, and probably one or two others. But anger Anger is the worst. The mother of all sins. Not only can anger drag yo u over the edge, but when it does, you can take an awful lot of other people with you. Episode 26/27: Deterioration of the Fight or Flight Response/Losing My Religion May 15, 2006 Opening: (Voice overs by members of cast) (Meredith) Human beings need a lot of things to feel alive. (George) Family. (Cristina) Love. (Izzie) Sex. (Derek) But we only need one thing (Burke) To actually be alive. (Cristina) We need a beating heart. (Addison) When our heart is threatened (Alex) We respond in one of two ways. (George) We either run (Burke) Or (Izzie) We attack. (Richard) Theres a scientific term for this. (Alex) Fight (Addison) Or flight. (Bailey) Its instinct. (Meredith) We cant control it. (Izzie) Or can we? Episode One: Time Has Come Today September 21, 2006 Opening: In the O.R., time loses all meaning. In the midst of sutures, and saving lives, the clock ceases to matter. 15 minutes, 15 hours. Inside the O.R., the best surgeons make time fly Outside the O.R., however, time takes pleasure in kicking our asses. For even the strongest of us, it seems to play tricks. Slowing down. Hovering. Until it freezes leaving us stuck in a moment. Unable to move in one direction or the other. Closing: Time flies. Time waits for no man. Time heals all wounds. All any of us wants is more time Time to stand up Time to grow up Time to let go Episode Two: I Am a Tree September 28, 2006 Opening: At any given moment, the brain has 14 billion neurons firing at a speed of 450 miles per hour. We dont have control over most of them. When we get a chill, goosebumps, when we get excited,

adrenaline. The body naturally follows its impulses. Which I think is part of what makes it so hard for us to control ours. Of course, sometimes we have impulses we would rather not control That we later wish we had. Closing: The body is a slave to its impulses. But the thing that makes us human is what we can control. After the storm, after the rush, after the heat of the moment has passed. We can cool off, and clean up the messes weve made. We can try to let go of what was. And then again Episode Three: Sometimes a Fantasy October 5, 2006 Opening: Surgeons usually fantasize about wild, and improbable surgeries. Someone collapses in a restaurant, we slice them open with a butter knife, replace a valve with a hollowed-out stick of carrot. But every now and then, some other kind of fantasy slips in Most of our fantasies dissolve when we wake, banished to the back of our minds, but sometimes, were sure if we try hard enough, we can live the dream. Closing: The fantasy is simple. Pleasure is good. And twice as much pleasure is better That pain is bad, and no pain is better But the reality is different. The reality is that pain is there to tell us something. And theres only so much pleasure we can take without getting a stomach ache. And maybe thats okay. Maybe, some fantasies are only supposed to live in our dreams. Episode Four: What I Am October 12, 2006 Opening: At some point during surgical residency, most interns get a sense of who they are as doctors, and the kinds of surgeons theyre going to become. If you ask them, theyll tell you, theyre going to be general surgeons, orthopedic surgeons, neurosurgeons Distinctions that do more than define their areas of expertise. They help define who they are. Because outside the operating room, not only do most surgeons have no idea who they are, theyre afraid to find out. Closing: (Phone message Denny left the night he died for his parents, is this weeks closing monologue.) Dad, mom, its me. Im calling from Seattle Grace hospital, where the beautiful and talented and incredibly stubborn Dr. Isobel Stevens, shes just given me a brand new heart. And promised to marry me. I know weve had our differences, and Im sorry weve been out of touch. Believe it or not, I was trying to make everything better. I know youre angry. I hope youll forgive me.

Turns out, sometimes you have to do the wrong thing sometimes you have to make a big mistake, to figure out how to make things right. Mistakes are painful but theyre the only way to find out who you really are. I know who I am now. I know what I want. Ive got the love of my life, a new heart, and I want you guys to get on the next plane out here and meet my girl. Everythings gonna be different now. I promise. From here on out, nothings ever going to be the same. I love you. Bye. Episode Five: Oh, the Guilt October 19, 2006 Opening: First do no harm. As doctors, we pledge to live by this oath. But, harm happens and then guilt happens. And theres no oath for how to deal with that. Guilt never goes anywhere on its own. It brings its friends: Doubt and Insecurity. Closing: First, do no harm. Easier said than done. We can take all the oaths in the world, but the fact is most of us do harm all the time. Sometimes, even when were trying to help, we do more harm than good. And then the guilt rears its ugly head. What you do with that guilt, is up to you. Were left with a choice Either let the guilt throw you back into the behavior that got you into trouble in the first place, or learn from the guilt, and do your best to move on. Episode Six: Let the Angels Commit November 2, 2006 Opening: To make it, really make it as a surgeon, it takes major commitment. We have to be willing to pick up that scalpel and make a cut that may, or may not, do more damage than good. Its all about being committed. Because if were not, we have no business picking up that scalpel in the first place. Closing: There are time when even the best of us, have trouble with commitment. And, we may be surprised by the commitments were willing to let slip out of our grasp. Commitments are complicated. We may surprise ourselves by the commitments were willing to make. True commitment takes effort, and sacrifice. Which is why sometimes we have to learn the hard way. To choose our commitments very carefully. Episode Seven: Where the Boys Are November 9, 2006 Opening: As surgeons, were trained to look for disease. Sometimes the problems easily detected. Most of the time, you need to go step-by-step. First, probing the surface, looking for any sign of trouble. A mole, or a lesion or an unwelcome lump. Most of the time, we cant tell whats wrong with somebody by just looking at the. After all, they can look perfectly fine on the outside, while their insides tell us a whole other story.

Closing: Not all wounds are superficial. Most wounds run deeper than we can i magine. You cant see them with the naked eye. And then, there are the wounds that take us by surprise. The trick with any kind of wound or disease, is to dig down and find the real source of the injury. And once youve found it try like hell to heal that sucker. Episode Eight: Staring at the Sun November 16, 2006 Opening: Many people dont know that the human eye has a blind spot in its field of vision. Theres a part of the world that we are literally blind to. The problem is, sometimes our blind spots shield us from things that really shouldnt be ignored. Sometimes, our blind spots keep our lives bright and shiny. Closing: When it comes to our blind spots, maybe our brains arent compensating. Maybe theyre protecting us Episode Nine: From a Whisper to a Scream November 23, 2006 Opening: (Cristina) As doctors, we know everybodys secrets. Their medical histories, sexual histories, confidential information that is as essential to a surgeon as a 10-blade. And every bit as dangerous. We keep secrets. We have to. But not all secrets can be kept Closing: (Cristina) In some ways, betrayal is inevitable. When our bodies betray us, surgery is often the key to recovery. When we betray each other when we betray each other, the path to recovery is less clear. We do whatever it takes, to rebuild the trust that was lost. And then, there are some wounds, some betrayals, that are so deep, so profound, that theres no way to repair what was lost. And when that happens theres nothing left to do but wait. Episode Ten: Dont Stand So Close to Me November 30, 2006 Closing: At the end of the day, when it comes down to it, all we really want, is to be close to somebody. SO this thing where we all keep our distance and pretend not to care about each other its usually a load of bull. So we pick and choose who we want to remain close to. And once weve chosen those people we tend to stick close by no matter how much we hurt them. The people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping. And sure, sometimes close can be too close. But, sometimes that invasion of personal space it can be exactly what you need. Episode 11: Six Days: Part I January 11, 2007 None

Episode 12: Six Days: Part II January 18, 2007 None Episode 13: Great Expectations January 25, 2007 Opening: No one believes their life will turn out just kind of okay. We all think were going to be great. And from the day we decide to be surgeons, we are filled with expectation. Expectations of the trails we will blaze, the people we will help, the difference we will make. Great expectations of who we will be. Where we will go. And then we get there. Closing: We all think were going to be great. And we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations arent met. But, sometimes, our expectations sell us short. Sometimes, the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You gotta wonder why we cling to our expectations. Because the expected is just what keeps us steady standing still. The expected is just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives. Episode 14: Wishin and Hopin February 1, 2007 Opening: As surgeons, we live in a world of worst-case scenarios. We cut ourselves off from hoping for the best, because too many times, the best doesnt happen. But , every now and then, something extraordinary occurs. And suddenly best-case scenarios seem possible. And every now and then, something amazing happens. And against our better judgment we start to have hope. Closing: As doctors, were trained to give our patients just the facts. But what our patients really want to know is, will the pain ever go away? Will I feel better? Am I cured? What our patients really want to know is, is there hope? But, inevitably, there are times when you find yourself in the worst case scenario. When the patients body has betrayed them, and all the science we have to offer has failed them. When the worst-case scenario comes true, clinging to hope, is all weve got left. Episode 15: Walk on Water February 8, 2007 Opening: Disappearances happen in science. Diseases can suddenly fade away. Tumors go missing. We open someone up to discover the cancer is gone. Its unexplained, its rare, but it happens. We call it misdiagnosis, say we never saw it in the first place. Any explanation but the truth.

That life is full of vanishing acts. If something that we didnt know we had disappears, do we miss it? Episode 16: Drowning on Dry Land February 15, 2007 Opening: Like I said disappearances happen pains go phantom blood stops running an d people, people fade away. Theres more I have to say so much more. But Ive disappeared. Episode 17: Some Kind of Miracle February 22, 2007 Opening: There are medical miracles. Being worshipers of the altar of science, we dont like to believe miracles exist. But they do. Things happen. We cant explain them. We cant control them But they do happen. Miracles do happen in medicine. They happen every day. Just not always when we need them to happen Closing: At the end of a day like this, a day when so many prayers are answered, and so many arent We take our miracles where we find them. We reach across the gap, and sometimes, against all odds against all logic, we touch. Episode 18: Scars and Souvenirs March 15, 2007 Opening: People have scars in all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories, diagrams of all of their old wounds. Most of our old wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them, dont. Some wounds, we carry with us everywhere and though the cut is long gone, the pain still lingers. Closing: Whats worse? New wounds, which are so horribly painful, or old wounds, which should have healed years ago, and never did? Maybe our old wounds teach us something. They remin d us where weve been, and what weve overcome. They teach us lessons about what to avoid in the future. Thats what we like to think. But thats not the way it is, is it? Some things we just have to learn over and over and over again. Episode 19: My Favorite Mistake March 22, 2007 Opening: Surgeons always have a plan. Where to cut, where to clamp, where to stitch. But, even with the best plans, complications can arise. Things can go wrong. And suddenly, youre caught with your pants down. Closing:

The thing about plans is, they dont take into account the unexpected. So when were thrown a curve ball, whether its in the O.R., or in life we have to improvise. Of course, some of us are better at it, than others. Some of us just have to move on to plan B, and make the best of it. And sometimes what we want is exactly what we need. Episode 20: Time After Time April 19, 2007 Opening: A patients history is as important as their symptoms. Its what helps us decide if heartburn is a heart attack, if a headache is a tumor Sometimes, patients will try to re-write their own histories. Theyll claim they dont smoke, or forget to mention certain drugs, which, in surgery, can be the kiss of death. We can ignore it all we want but our history, eventually always com es back to haunt us. Closing: Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. At some point, we all have to choose. Do we fall back on what we know? Or, do we step forward, to something new? Its hard not to be haunted by our past. Our history is what shapes us, what guides us. Our history resurfaces. Time, after time, after time. So we have to remember. Sometimes, the most important history, is the history were making today. Episode 21: Desire April 26, 2007 Opening: As interns, we know what we want. To become surgeons. And well do anything to get there. Suffer through killer exams. Endure 100-hour weeks, Stand for hours on end in operating rooms, you name it, well do it. The tough part though, is, reconciling this huge thing we want to be surgeons, with everything else we want. Closing: Too often, the thing you want most, is the one thing you cant have. Desire leaves us heartbroken. It wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. But as tough as wanting something can be the people who suffer the most, are those who dont know what they want. Episode 22: The Other Side of This Life: Part I & II May 3, 2007 Opening: The dream is this: That well finally be happy when we reach our goals. Find the guy, finish our internship thats the dream. Then we get there and if were human, we immediately start dreaming of something else. Because if this is the dream then wed like to wake up. Now, please. Closing:

At some point, maybe we accept that the dream has become a nightmare. We tell ourselves the reality is better. We convince ourselves its better that we never dream at all. But the strongest of us, the most determined of us, we hold on to the dream. Or, we find ourselves faced with a fresh dream we never considered. We awake to find ourselves against all odds. feeling hopeful. And if were lucky we realize, in the face of everything, in the face of life the true dream is being able to dream, at all. Episode 24: Testing 1-2-3 May 10, 2007 Opening: A surgeons education never ends. Every patient, every symptom, every operation is a test. A chance for us to demonstrate how much we know and how much more we have to learn. Episode 25: Didnt We Almost Have It All? May 17, 2007 Opening: (Richard) Being chief is about responsibility. Every single surgical patient in the hospital is your patient, whether youre the one who cut them open or not. The scalpel stops with you. You need to be able to look at a family and tell them your team did everything they could to save someones child their husband their wife. You get caught up, taking care of other peoples families. And the responsibility it makes you you take care of otherpeoples families. And you sacrifice your own. Episode One: A Change Is Gonna Come September 27, 2007 Opening: In the practice of medicine, change is inevitable. New surgical techniques are created, procedures are updated, levels of expertise increase. Innovation is everything. Nothing remains the same for long. We either adapt to change or we get left behind. Closing: Change We dont like it, we fear it. But we cant stop it from coming. We either adapt to change, or we get left behind. It hurts to grow. Anybody who tells you it doesnt, is lying. But heres the truth: Sometimes, the more things change, the more they stay the same. And sometimes, oh, sometimes, change is good. Sometimes, change is everything. Episode Two: Love/Addiction October 4, 2007 Opening: In the hospital, we see addiction every day. Its shocking, how many ki nds of addiction exist. It would be too easy if it was just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life, at some point cross the line to obsessive. Compulsive. Out of control. Its the high were chasing. The high that makes everything else fade away. Closing: The thing about addiction is, it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever it is that was getting us high stops feeling good, and starts to hurt. Still, they say you dont kick the habit until you hit rock bottom. But how do you know when youre there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes, letting it go hurts even worse.

Episode Three: Let the Truth Sting October 11, 2007 Opening: Doctors give patients a number of things. We give them medicine, we give them advice, and most of the time, we give them our undivided attention. But by far, the hardest thing you can give the patience is the truth. The truth is hard. The truth is awkward, and very often the truth hurts. I mean, people say they want the truth. But do they really? Closing: The truth is painful. Deep down, nobody wants to hear it. Especially when it hits close to home. Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to really hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell the truth because we just cant help ourselves. And sometimes we tell them because we owe them at least that much. Episode Four: The Heart of the Matter October 18, 2007 Opening: In life, only one thing is certain, apart from death and taxes. No matter how hard you try, no matter how good your intentions, you are going to make mistakes. Youre going to hurt people. Youre going to get hurt. And if you ever want to recover, theres really only one thing you can say (Torres: I forgive you.) Closing: Forgive and forget. Thats what they say. Its good advice, but its not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled. Old wounds never heal. And the most we can hope for, is that one day well be lucky enough to forget. Episode Five: Haunt You Every Day October 25, 2007 Opening: Theres a reason surgeons learn to wield scalpels. We like to pretend were hard, cold sci entists. We like to pretend were fearless. But the truth is we become surgeons because somewhere, deep down, we think we can cut away that which haunts us. Weakness, frailty, death. Closing: It isnt just surgeons, the truth is, I dont know anyone who isnt haunted by something. Or someone. And whether we try to slice the pain away with a scalpel or shove it in the back of a closet, our efforts usually fail. So the only way we can clear out the cobwebs is to turn a new page. Or, put an old story to rest. Finally, finally to rest. Episode Six: Kung Fu Fighting November 1, 2007 Opening: Theres this thing about being a surgeon. Maybe its pride, or maybe its just about being tough, but a true surgeon never admits they need help unless absolutely necessary. Surgeons dont need to ask for help because theyre tougher than that. Surgeons are cowboys. Rough around the edges, hardcore. At least, thats what they want you to think. Closing:

Deep down, everyone wants to believe they can be hardcore. But being hardc ore isnt just about being tough. Its about acceptance. Sometimes you have to give yourself permission to not be hardcore for once. You dont have to be tough every minute of every day. Its okay to let down your guard. In fact, there are moments when there are moments when its the best thing you could possibly do. As long as you choose your moments wisely. Episode Seven: Physical Attraction Chemical Reaction November 8, 2007 Opening: Before we were doctors, we were med students, which meant we spent a lot of time studying chemistry. Organic chemistry. Biochemistry. We learned it all. But when youre talking about human chemistry, only one thing matters. Either youve got it, or you dont. Closing: Chemistry. Either youve got it, or you dont. Episode Eight: Forever Young November 15, 2007 Opening: There comes a point in your life when youre officially an adult. Suddenly, youre old enough to vote, drink, and engage in other adult activities. Suddenly, people expect you to be responsible. Serious. A grown-up. We get taller, we get older, but do we ever really grow up? Closing: In some ways we grow up. We have families, we get married divorced. But for the most part, we still have the same problems that we did when we were fifteen. No matter how much we grow taller, grow older, we are still forever stumbling. Forever wondering. Forever young. Episode Nine: Crash Into Me: Part 1 November 22, 2007 Opening: We go into medicine because we want to save lives. We go into medicine because we want to do good. We go into medicine for the rush, for the high, for the ride. But what we remember at the end of most days, are the losses. What we lay awake at night replaying is the pain we caused, or failed to cure. The lives we ruined, or failed to save. So the experience of practicing medicine rarely resembles the goal. The experience too often, is ass-backwards, and upside down. Episode Ten: Crash Into Me: Part 2 December 6, 2007 Opening: At the end of the day, the experience of practicing medicine bears little resemblance to the dream. We go into medicine because we want to save lives. We go into medicine because we want to do good. We go into medicine for the rush, for the high, for the ride. But what we remember at the end of most days, are the losses. What we lie awake at night replaying is the pain we caused. The ills we couldnt cure. The lives we ruined or failed to save. The end of the day, the reality is nothing like we hope. The reality is, at the end of the day, more often than not, turned inside out and upside down. Closing: Some days, the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, improbably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again.

Episode 11: Lay Your Hands on Me January 10, 2008 Opening: (Baily voice-over) In the beginning, God created the heaven and the Earth. At least, thats what they say. He created the birds of the air and the beasts of the field. And he looked at his creation and he saw that it was good. And then God created man, and its been downhill ever since. The story goes on to say that God created man in his own image, but theres not much proof of that. After all, God made the sun, the moon, and the stars. And all man makes is trouble. And when man finds himself in trouble, which is most of the time, he turns to something bigger than himself, to love, or fate, or religion to make sense of it all. But, for a surgeon, the only thing that makes any kind of sense, is medicine. Closing: (Baily voice-over) As doctors, we know more about the human body now than at any other point in our history. But the miracle of life itself, why people live and die, why they hurt or get hurt, is still a mystery. We want to know the reason, the secret, the answer at the back of the book. Because the thought of our being all alone down here is just too much for us to bear. But at the end of the day, the fact that we show up for each other, in spite of our differences, no matter what we believe, is reason enough to keep believing. Episode 12: Where the Wild Things Are April 24, 2008 Opening: We like to think that we are rational beings. Humane. Conscientious. Civilized. Thoughtful. But when things fall apart, even just a little, it becomes clear. Were no better than animals. We have opposable thumbs, we think, we walk erect, we speak, we dream. But deep down, were all still rooting around in the primordial ooze. Biting, clawing, scratching out an existance in the cold dark world like the rest of the tree toads and sloths. Closing: Theres a little animal in all of us. And maybe thats something to celebrate. Our animal instinct is what makes us seek comfort, warmth, a pack to run with. We may feel caged, we may feel trapped, but still, as humans, we can find ways to feel free. We are each others keepers. We are the guardians of our own humanity. And even though theres a beast inside all of us. What sets us apart from the animals is that we can think, feel, dream, and love. And against all odds, against all instinct, we evolve. Episode 13: Piece of My Heart May 1, 2008 Opening: Great surgeons arent made, theyre born. It takes gestation, incubation, sacrifice. A lot of sacrifice. But after all the blood and guts and gooey stuff is washed away, that surgeon you become? Totally worth it. Closing: Giving birth may be all intense and magical, and stuff, but the act itself? Its not exactly pleasant. But its also a beginning, of something incredible. Something new. Something unpredictable. Something true. Something worth loving. Something worth missing. Something that will change your life forever. Episode 14: The Becoming May 8, 2008 Opening:

Theres this person, in my head. She is brilliant. Capable. She can do chest tubes and craniotomies, she can run a code without freaking out. Shes a really good surgeon, maybe even a great surgeon. Shes me, only so much better. Meredith is speaking to her therapist: And Im afraid Ill never become this person in my head, because something keeps getting in my way. Closing: It was a good day. Maybe even a great day. I was a good doctor. Even when it was hard. I was the me in my head. There was a moment when I thought, I cant do this. I cant do this alone. But, I closed my eyes and imagined myself doing it. And I did. I blocked out the fear. And I did it. Meredith is speaking to her therapist: It was a really good day. Episode 15: Losing My Mind May 15, 2008 Opening: The problem with being a resident is you feel crazy all the time. You havent slept in years. You spend every day around people in massive crisis. You lose your ability to judge whats normal in yourself, or anyone else. And yet people are constantly asking you to tell them how t heyre doing. How the hell are you supposed to know? You dont even know how youre doing. Closing: Dont wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they dont. In the face of all we can lose in a day in an instant wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together. Episode 16: Freedom May 22, 2008 Opening: My mother used to say that for a surgeon, a day without death is a rare gift. Every day we face death. Every day we lose life. And every day, were hoping for a stay of execution. Were attached to death. Chained, like prisoners. Captives. Meredith Greys Season 5 Monologues 5.1 Episode One: Dream a Little Dream of Me September 25, 2008 Opening: We all remember the bedtime stories of our childhoods. The shoe fits Cinderella. The frog turns into a prince. Sleeping Beauty is awakened with a kiss. Once upon a time. And then they lived happily every after. Fairy tales. The stuff of dreams. The problem is, fairy tales dont come true. Its the other stories. The ones that begin with dark and stormy nights and end in the unspeakable. Its the nightmares that always seem to become reality. The person that invented the phrase Happily ever after, should have his ass kicked so hard.

Closing: Once upon a time. Happily ever after. The stories we tell are the stuff of dreams. Fairy tales dont come true. Reality is much stormier. Much murkier. Much scarier. Reality. Its so much more interesting than living happily ever after. Episode Two: Here Comes the Flood October 9, 2008 Opening: As surgeons, we are trained to fix whats broken. The breaking point is our startin g line at work. But in our lives, the breaking point is a sign of weakness. And well do everything we can to avoid it. Closing: Bones break. Organs burst. Flesh tears. We can sew the flesh. Repair the damage, ease the pain. But when life breaks down, when we break down, theres no science, no hard and fast rules. We just have to feel our way through. And to a surgeon, theres nothing worse, and theres nothing better. Episode Three: Brave New World October 16, 2008 Opening: In 6500 B.C., some guy looked at his sick friend and said, I have an idea. Why dont I drill a hole in your skull? Itll make you feel better. Thus, surgery was born. It takes a certain brand of crazy to come up with an idea like drilling into somebodys skull, but surgeons have always been a confident bunch. We usually know what were doing. And when we dont, we still act like we do. We walk boldly into undiscovered country, plant a flag, and start ordering people around. Its invigorating, and terrifying. Closing: We like to think were fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences. But the fact is, were always terrified. Maybe the terror is part of the attraction. Some people go to horror movies, we cut things open, dive into dark water. And at the end of the day, isnt that what youd rather hear about? If youve got one drink, and one friend, and forty -five minutes smooth rides make for boring stories. A little calamity, thats worth talking about. Episode Four: Theres No I in Team October 23, 2008 Opening: I am a rock, I am an island. Thats the mantra of pretty much every surgeon Ive ever met. We like to think were independent. Loners. Mavericks. That all we need to do our job is an OR, a scalpel and a willing body. But the truth is, not even the best of us can do it alone. Surgery, like life, is a team sport. And eventually, youve got to get off the bench and decide what team are you batting for? Closing: The thing about choosing teams in real life, its nothing like it used to be in gym class. Being first pick can be terrifying. And being chosen last isnt the worst thing in the world. So, we watch from the sidelines, clinging to our isolation. Because we know as soon as we let go of the bench, someone comes along and change the game completely. Episode Five: Life During Wartime October 30, 2008 Opening: For a surgeon, every patient is a battlefield. Theyre our terrain, where we advance, retre at, try to remove all the landmines. Just when you think you won the battle, made the world safe again along comes another landmine.

Closing: Some wars are never over. Some end in an uneasy truce. Some wars result in complete and total victory. Some wars end with a peace offering. And some wars end in hope. But all these wars are nothing compared to the most frightening war of all. The one you have yet to fight. Episode Six: Rise Up November 6, 2008 Opening: If youre a normal person, one of the few things you can count on in life is death. But, if youre a surgeon, even that comfort is taken away from you. Surgeons cheat death, we prolong it, we deny it. We stand and defiantly give death the finger. Closing: Were born, we live, we die. Sometimes not necessarily in that order. We put things to rest, only to have them rise up again. So if death is not the end, what can you count on anymore? Because you sure cant count on anything in life. Life is the most fragile, unstable, unpredictable thing there is. In fact, theres only one thing about life we can be sure of it aint over, till its over. Episode Seven: These Ties That Bind November 13, 2008 Opening: Its intense, what happens in the O.R. When lives are on the line and youre poking at brains like theyre Silly Putty. You form a bond with the surgeons right next to you. An unbreakable, indescribable bond. Its intimate, being tied together like that. Whether you like it or not, whether you like them or not, you become family. Closing: The ties that bind us are sometimes impossible to explain. They connect us, even after it seems like the ties should be broken. Some bonds defy distance, and time, and logic. Because some ties are simply meant to be. Episode Eight: In the Midnight Hour November 20, 2008 Opening: When youre little, night time is scary, because there are monsters hiding right under the bed. When you get older, the monsters are different. Self doubt loneliness regret. And though you may be older and wiser, you still find yourself scared of the dark. Closing: Sleep. Its the easiest thing to do. You just close your eyes. But for so many of us, sleep seems out of our grasp. We want it, but we dont know how to get it. But once we face our demons, face our fears, and turn to each other for help, night time isnt so scary, because we realize we arent all alone in the dark. Episode Nine: All by Myself December 4, 2008 Opening: My mother called it the greatest and most terrifying moment in her life. Standing at the head of the surgical table, knowing that the patients life depends on you and you alone. Its what we all dream about, because the first person that gets to fly solo in the O.R. kind of a badass. Closing:

We enter the world alone, and we leave it alone. And everything that happens in between, we owe it to ourselves to find a little company. We need help. We need support. Otherwise, were in it by ourselves. Strangers, cut off from each other, and we forget just how connected we all are. So instead, we choose love, we choose life, and for a moment, we feel just a little bit less alone. Episode Ten: Wish You Were Here January 8, 2009 Opening: We all get at least one good wish a year, over the candles on our birthday. Some of us throw in more, on eyelashes, fountains, lucky stars. And every now and then, one of those wishes comes true. So what then? Is it as good as wed hoped? Do we bask in the warm glow of our happiness or do we just notice weve got a long list of other wishes waiting to be wished. Closing: We dont wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that are ambitious, out of reach. We wish because we need help, and were scared, and we know we may be asking too much. We still wish though, because sometimes they come true. Episode 11: Sympathy for the Devil January 15, 2009 Opening: My mother used to say this about residency: It takes a year to learn how to cut. It takes a lifetime to learn not to. Of all of the tools on a surgical tray, sound judgment is the trickiest one to master, and without it, were all just toddlers running around with ten blades. Closing: Were human. We make mistakes. We mis-estimate. We call it wrong. But when a surgeon makes a bad judgment call, its not as simple. People get hurt. They bleed. So we struggle over every stitch, we agonize over every suture. Because the snap judgments, the ones that come to us quickly and easily, without hesitation theyre the ones that haunt us forever. Episode 12: Stairway to Heaven January 22, 2009 Opening: (Denny Duquette) I believe in heaven. I also believe in hell. Ive never seen either, but I believe they exist. They have to exist. Because without a heaven, without a hell, were all just headed for limbo. Closing: (Denny Duquette) Heaven. Hell. Limbo. No one really knows where were going or whats waiting for us when we get there. But the one thing we can say for sure, with absolute certainty is that there are moments that take us to another place. Moments of heaven on Earth. And maybe for now, thats all we need to know. Meredith Greys Season 5 Monologues 5.2 Episode 13: Beat Your Heart Out February 5, 2009 Opening: Any first year med student knows that an increased heart rate is a sign of trouble. A racing heart could indicate anything, from a panic disorder, to something much much more se rious. A heart that flutters, or one that skips a beat, could be a sign of a secret affliction or, it could indicate romance. Which is the biggest trouble of all.

Closing: It seems we have no control whatsoever over our own hearts. Conditions can change without warning. Romance can make the heart pound, just like panic can. And panic can make it stop cold in your chest. Its no wonder doctors spend so much time trying to keep the heart stable. To keep it slow, steady, regular. To stop the heart from pounding out of your chest from the dread of something terrible or the anticipation of something else entirely. Episode 14: Before and After February 12, 2009 Opening: Every patients story starts the same way. It starts with them being fine. It starts in the before. They cling to this moment, this memory of being fine, this before, as though talking about it may somehow bring it back. But what they dont realize is that the fact that theyre talking about it to us, their doctors, means theres no going back. By the time they see us, theyre already in the after. And while every patients story starts the same way, how the story ends, depends on us, on how well we diagnose and treat. We know the story hinges on us, and we all want to be the hero. Closing: None (Crossover episode with Private Practice Ex-Life, where the story continued.) Episode 15: An Honest Mistake February 19, 2009 Opening: Theres this thing that happens when people find out youre a doctor. They stop seeing you as a person, and begin to see you as something bigger than you are. They have to see us that way, as gods. Otherwise, were just like everyone else unsure, flawed, normal. So we act strong, we remain stoic. We hide the fact that were all too human. Closing: Patients see us as gods. Or, they see us as monsters. But the fact is, were just people. We screw up. We lose our way. Even the best of us have our off days. Still, we move forward. We dont rest on our laurels or celebrate the lives we saved in the past. Because theres always some other patient that needs our help. So, we force ourselves to keep trying, to keep learning in the hope that maybe, someday, well come just a little bit closer to the gods our patients need us to be. Episode 16: I Will Follow You Into the Dark March 12, 2009 Opening: Every surgeon I know has a shadow. A dark cloud of fear and doubt that follows even the best of us into the O.R. We pretend the shadow isnt there, hoping that if we save more lives, master harder techniques, run faster and farther, itll get tired and give up the chase. But, like they say you cant outrun your shadow. Closing: Every surgeon has a shadow, and the only way to get rid of a shadow is to turn off the lights, to stop running from the darkness, and face what you fear head on. Episode 17: Stand by Me March 19, 2009 Opening: Surgeons arent known for being warm and cuddly. Theyre arrogant, impatient, mean, as often as not. Youd think they wouldnt have friends, cause who could stand them? But surgeons are like a

bad cold nasty, but persistent. Surgeons: Nasty, aggressive, unstoppable. Just the kind of people you want on your side when youre really screwed. Closing: Practicing medicine doesnt lend itself well to the making of friends. Maybe because life and mortality are in our faces all the time. Maybe because in staring down death every day, were forced to know that life, every minute, is borrowed time. And each person we let ourselves care about is just one more loss, somewhere down the line. For this reason, I know some doctors who just dont bother making friends at all. But the rest of us, we make it our job to move that line, to push each loss, as far away as we can. Episode 18: Elevator Love Letter March 26, 2009 Opening: (Alex Karev) Surgeons are all messed up. Were butchers. Messed up, knife -happy butchers. We cut people up, we move on. Patients die on our watch, we move on. We cause trauma, we suffer trauma. We dont have time to worry about how all the blood and death and crap really makes us feel. Closing: (Alex Karev) Doesnt matter how tough we are. Trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, Trauma messes everybody up, but maybe thats the point: All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward, its what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up. Episode 19: Sweet Surrender April 23, 2009 Opening: Defeat isnt an option. Not for surgeons. We dont back away from the table till the last breaths long gone. Terminal is a challenge. Life threatening is what gets us out of bed in the morning. Were not easily intimidated. We dont flinch, we dont back down, and we certainly dont surrender. Not at work, anyway. Closing: To do our jobs we have to believe defeat is not an option. That no matter how sick our patients get, theres hope for them. But even when our hopes give way to reality and we finally have to surrender to the truth, it just means weve lost todays battle, not tomorrows war. Heres the thing about surrender: Once you do it, actually give in, you forget why you were even fighting in the first place. Episode 20: No Good at Saying Sorry (One More Chance) April 30, 2009 Opening: Remember when we were little, and wed accidentally bite a kid on the playground? Our teachers would go, Say youre sorry. and we would say it, but we wouldnt mean it. Because the stupid kid we bit totally deserved it. But, as we get older, making amends isnt so simple. After the playground days are over, you cant just say it, you have to mean it. O f course, when you become a doctor, sorry is not a happy word. It either means Youre dying and I cant help, or it means, This is really gonna hurt. Closing: As doctors, we cant undo our mistakes, and we rarely forgive ourselves for them. But its a hazard of the trade. But as human beings, we can always try to do better, to be better, to right a wrong, even when it feels irreversible. Of course, Im sorry doesnt always cut it. Maybe because we use it so many different ways. As a weapon, as an excuse. But when we are really sorry, when we use it right,

when we mean it, when our actions say what words never can when we get it right, Im sorry is perfect. When we get it right, Im sorry is redemption. Episode 21: What a Difference a Day Makes May 7, 2009 Opening: (Izzie) You never know the biggest day of your life is going to be the biggest. The days you think are going to be big ones, theyre never as big as you make them out to be in your head. Its the regular days. The ones that start out normal. Those are the days that end up being the biggest. And today was the wedding. It was beautiful. Perfect. Closing: (Izzie) You never know the biggest day of your life is the biggest day. Not until its happening. You dont recognize the biggest day of your life. Not until youre right in the middle of it. The day you commit to something or someone The day you get your heart broken. The day you meet your soul mate. The day you realize theres not enough time because you want to live forever. Those are the biggest days. The perfect days. (Reveal Denny standing by Izzies bed, and shes been talking to him.) Episode 22: Heres to the Future May 14, 2009 Opening: When something begins, you generally have no idea how its going to end. The house you were going to sell, becomes your home. The roommates you were forced to take in, become your family. And the one-night stand you were determined to forget, becomes the love of your life. Closing: We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future. As if figuring it out will somehow cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of of our deepest fears, and our wildest hopes. But one thing is certain: When it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it. Episode 23: Now or Never May 14, 2009 Opening: Doctors spend a lot of time focused on the future. Planning it. Working toward it. But at some point, you start to realize, your life is happening now, not after med school, not after residency, right now. This is it, its here. Blink, and youll miss it. Closing: Did you say it? I love you? I dont ever want to live without you. You changed my life did you say it? Make a plan. Set a goal. Work towards it. But every now and then, look around. Drink it in. Cause this is it. It might all be gone tomorrow.

Good Mourning [6.1]

Meredith: [voiceover] According to Elisabeth Kbler-Ross, when we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we cant imagine its true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead.

We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that weve done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance. Meredith: [voiceover] In medical school, we have a hundred lessons that teach us how to fight off death, and not one lesson on how to go on living. [edit]Goodbye

[6.2]

Meredith: [voiceover] The dictionary defines grief as keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret. As surgeons, as scientists, were taught to learn from and rely on books, on definitions, on definitives. But in life, strict definitions rarely apply. In life, grief can look like a lot of things that bear little resemblance to sharp sorrow. Lexie: [voiceover] Grief may be a thing we all have in common, but it looks different on everyone. Mark: It isnt just death we have to grieve. Its life. Its loss. Its change. Alex: And when we wonder why it has to suck so much sometimes, has to hurt so bad. The thing we gotta try to remember is that it can turn on a dime. Izzie: Thats how you stay alive. When it hurts so much you cant breathe, thats how you survive. Derek: By remembering that one day, somehow, impossibly, you wont feel this way. It wont hurt this much. Bailey: Grief comes in its own time for everyone, in its own way. Owen: So the best we can do, the best anyone can do, is try for honesty. Meredith: The really crappy thing, the very worst part of grief is that you cant control it. Arizona: The best we can do is try to let ourselves feel it when it comes. Callie: And let it go when we can. Meredith: The very worst part is that the minute you think youre past it, it starts all over again. Cristina: And always, every time, it takes your breath away. Meredith: There are five stages of grief. They look different on all of us, but there are always five. Alex: Denial. Derek: Anger. Bailey: Bargaining. Lexie: Depression. Chief: Acceptance.

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watchin' Me [6.3]

Meredith: [voiceover] Paranoia gives you an edge in the OR. Surgeons play out worst-case scenarios in their heads. Youre ready to close, you got the bleeder. You know it but theres that voice in your head asking. What if you didnt? What if the patient dies and you could

have prevented it? So you check your work one more time before you close. Paranoia is a surgeons best friend. Meredith: [voiceover] We're all susceptible to it, the dread and anxiety of not knowing what's coming. It's pointless in the end, because all the worrying and the making of plans for things that could or could not happen, it only makes things worse. So walk your dog or take a nap. Just whatever you do, stop worrying. Because the only cure for paranoia is to be here, just as you are. [edit]Tainted

Obligation [6.4]

Meredith: [voiceover] We begin life with few obligations. We pledge allegiance to the flag. We swear to return our library books. But as we get older we take vows, make promises, get burden by commitments, to do no harm, to tell the truth and nothing but, to love, to cherish till death do us part. So we just keep running up the tap till we owe everything to everybody and suddenlywhat the.

Meredith: [voiceover] The thing about being a surgeon, everybody wants a piece of you. We take one little oath, and suddenly were drowning in obligations. To our patients, to our colleagues, to medicine itself. So we do what any sane person would do. We run like hell from our promises, hoping theyll be forgotten. But sooner or later, they always catch up. And sometimes you find the obligation you dread the most isnt worth running from at all. [edit]Invasion

[6.5]

Meredith : [voiceover] When you get sick, it starts off with a single infection. One lone nasty intruder. Pretty soon the intruder duplicates. Becomes two. Then those two become four. And those four become eight. Then, before your body knows it, its under attack. Its an invasion. The question for a doctor is, once the invaders have landed, once theyve taken over your body, how the hell do you get rid of them? Meredith: [voiceover] What do you do when the infection hits you, when it takes over? Do you do what you're supposed to and take your medicine? Or do you learn to live with the thing and hope someday it goes away? Or do you just give up entirely and let it kill you? [edit]I

Saw What I Saw [6.6]

Meredith: [voiceover] In order to get a good diagnosis, doctors have to constantly change their perspective. We start by getting the patients point of view, though they often dont have a clue whats going on. So we look at the patient from every possible angle. We rule things out. We uncover new information, trying to get to whats actually wrong. Were asked for second opinions, hoping well see something others might have missed. For the patient,

a fresh perspective can mean the difference between living and dying. For the doctor, it can mean picking that youre picking a fight with everyone who got there before you. Meredith: [voiceover] When we're headed toward an outcome that's too horrible to face, that's when we go looking for a second opinion. And sometimes, the answer we get just confirms our worst fears. But sometimes, it can shed new light on the problem, make you see it in a whole new way. After all the opinions have been heard and every point of view has been considered, you finally find what you're after - the truth. But the truth isn't where it ends, that's just where you begin again with a whole new set of questions. [edit]Give

Peace A Chance [6.7]

Derek: [voiceover] Ask most surgeons why they became surgeons and they usually tell you the same thing. It was for the high, the rush, the thrill that comes from cutting someone open and saving their life. For me it was different, maybe it was because I grew up in a house with four sisters. No, definitely because I grew up in a house with four sisters because it was the quiet that drew me to surgery. The operating room is a quiet place. Peaceful. It has to be in order for us to stay alert, anticipate complications. When you stand in the OR, your patient open on the table, all the worlds noise, all the worry that it brings disappears. A calm settles over you, time passing without thought. For that moment, you feel completely at peace. Derek: [voiceover] Ask most surgeons why they became surgeons and they usually tell you the same thing. The high, the rush, the thrill of the cut. For me it was the quiet. Peace isnt a permanent state. It exists in moments. Fleeting. Gone before we knew it was there. We can experience it at any time, in a strangers act of kindness, a task that requires complete focus or simply the comfort of an old routine. Everyday we all experience these moments of peace. The trick is to know when theyre happening so that we can embrace them, live in them. And finally let them go. [edit]Invest

in Love [6.8]

Meredith: [voiceover] Its impossible to describe the panic that comes over you when youre a surgeon and your pager goes off in the middle of the night. Your heart starts to race. Your mind freezes. Your fingers go numb. Youre invested. Theres someones mom, someones dad, someones kid. And now its on you because that someones life is in your hands. Surgeons, were always investing in our patients. But when your patients a child, youre not just invested, youre responsible. Responsible for whether or not that child survives, has a future. And thats enough to terrify anyone.

Meredith: [voiceover] They say the bigger your investment, the bigger your return. But you have to be willing to take a chance. You have to understand, you might lose it all. But if you take that chance, if you invest wisely, the payoff might just surprise you. [edit]New

History [6.9]

Meredith: [voiceover] Doctors live in a world of constant progress and forward motion. Stand still for a second, and you'll be left behind. But as hard as we try to move forward, as tempting as it is to never look back, the past always comes back to bite us in the ass. And as history shows us again and again, those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.

Meredith: [voiceover] Sometimes the past is something you just can't let go of. And sometimes the past is something we'll do anything to forget. And sometimes we learn something new about the past that changes everything we know about the present. [edit]Holidaze

[6.10]

Meredith: [voiceover] The best gift I ever got was for Christmas when I was ten my very first suture kit. I used it until my fingers bled, and then I tried to use it to stitch up my fingers. It put me on the path to becoming a surgeon. My point is sometimes the best gifts come in really surprising packages. Meredith: [voiceover] Everyday we get to give the gift of life, it can be painful, it can be terrifying, but in the end its worth it. Every time. We all have the opportunity to give. Maybe the gifts are not as dramatic as what happens in the operating room, maybe the gift is to try and make a simple apology, maybe its to understand another persons point of view, maybe its to hold a secret for a friend. The joy supposedly is in the giving, so when the joy is gone, when the giving starts to feel more like a burden, thats when you stop. But if youre like most people I know, you give till it hurts, and then you give some more.

I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked [6.12]

Meredith: [voiceover] Number one rule of surgery is limit exposure. Keep your hands clean, your incisions small, and your wounds covered. Number two rule of surgery is when rule number one stops working, try something else. Because sometimes you can't limit exposure, sometimes the injury is so bad you have to cut, and cut big. Meredith: [voiceover] In surgery, the healing process begins with a cut, an incision, the tearing of flesh. We have to damage the healthy flesh in order to expose the unhealthy. It feels cruel and against common sense, but it works. You risk exposure for the sake of healing, and when it's over, once the incision has been closed, you wait. You wait and hope that your patient will heal. That you haven't in fact, just made everything worse.

State Of Love And Trust [6.13]

Derek: [voiceover] We ask a lot of our patients. We put them to sleep. Cut them open. Poke around in their brain and guts with sharp instruments. We ask for their blind trust. Irony is,

trust is hard for surgeons, because we're trained from day one that we can't trust anyone but ourselves. The only instincts you can count on are your own. The only skills you can count on are your own. Until one day, you leave the classroom and step into the O.R. You're surrounded by others, a team of others. A team that you have to rely on whether you trust them or not. Derek: [voiceover] Hi. I know it's been a long day, and you're all anxious to get home. But I feel like we got off on the wrong foot this morning. I don't expect to win your trust overnight. But I want each of you to know you have mine. Which is why I felt it was important to personally come in here and apologize. I am neither pro nor anti merger. From this point on, everyone has a clean slate. I am not focused on the past. I'm looking to the future to all the promise this hospital has to offer. I plan to honor Richard Webber and his legacy, not undo it, which is why I'm both humbled and honored to be your new Chief of Surgery. [edit]Valentine's

Day Massacre [6.14]

Meredith: [voiceover] The surgical scalpel is made of sterilized, carbonized stainless steel. This is a vast improvement over the first scalpel, which was pretty much a sharp stick. Medicine is constantly reinventing itself, that means surgeons have to keep reinventing themselves too. There's constant pressure to adapt to changes. It can be a painful process. But without it, you'll find yourself moving backwards instead of forwards.

Meredith: [voiceover] We have to keep reinventing ourselves almost every minute because the world can change in an instant, and there's no time for looking back. Sometimes the changes are forced on us, sometimes they happen by accident, and we make the most of them. We have to constantly come up with new ways to fix ourselves. So we change, we adapt, we create new versions of ourselves. We just need to be sure that this one is an improvement over the last. [edit]The

Time Warp [6.15]

Chief: [voiceover] Ive seen a lot of surgery residents come and go in my time and theyre all addicted to surgery. It comes before food, before sleep. It becomes the most important thing, the only thing. What they dont know is that living on that high can eat them alive. Some make it through they come out on the other side. They survive with their sanity intact. They become better doctors and stronger people. I didnt. I broke it. I didnt kill anybody and I give thanks for that every day. But I hurt people. Scared the hell out of myself. I am 45 days sober today. I am Richard and I am a grateful and recovering alcoholic.

Chief: [voiceover] : [While he's speaking to attendings, residents, interns nurses in the auditorium.] I solemnly pledge to consecrate my life to the service of humanity. I will give to my teachers the respect and gratitude that is their due. I will practice my profession with conscience and dignity. The health of my patients will be my number one consideration. I will respect the secrets that are confided in me, even after my patient has died. I will maintain by all the means in my power, the honor and the noble traditions of the medical profession. My colleagues will be my sisters and brothers. I will not permit considerations of age, disease or disability, creed, ethnic origin, gender, race, political affiliation, nationality, sexual orientation, social standing or any other fact to intervene between my duty and my patient. I will maintain the utmost respect for human life. I will not use my medical knowledge to violate human rights and civil liberties, even under threat. I make these promises solemnly, freely and upon my honor. (Based on the Physician's Oath of 1968) [edit]Perfect

Little Accident [6.16]

Meredith: [voiceover] Surgeons are detail-oriented. We like statistics and checklists and operating procedures. Our patients live because we enjoy following the steps but as much as we love to always rely on the numbers, the plan we also know that some of the greatest medical discoveries have happened by accident. Mold: Penicilin. Poisonous tree bark: a cure for Malaria, a little blue pill for high blood pressure, impotence be damned. Its hard for us to accept that its not always the hard work or attention to detail that will get us the answers we are looking for. Sometimes we just have to sit back, relax and wait for happy accident.

Meredith: [voiceover] No matter how many plans we make or steps we follow, we never know how our day is going to end up. Wed prefer to know, of course, what curveballs will be thrown our way. Its the accidents that always turn out to be the most interesting parts of our day, the people we never expected to show up, a turn of events we never would have chose for ourselves. All of a sudden you find yourself somewhere you never expected to be and its nice, or it takes some getting used to. Still, maybe youll find yourself apprec iating it somewhere down the line. So you go to sleep each night thinking about tomorrow, going over your plans, preparing for them, and hoping that whatever accidents come your way will be happy ones. [edit]Push

[6.17]

Meredith: [voiceover] Surgeons arent complacent people. We dont put our feet up. We dont sit still. Whatever the game is, we like to win. And once we win, we get a new game.

We push ourselves; residents, attending. It doesnt matter how much we achieve. If youre a climber theres always another mountain. Meredith: [voiceover] They take pictures of mountain climbers at the top of a mountain. Theyre smiling, ecstatic, triumphant. They dont take pictures along the way cos who wants to remember the rest of it. We push ourselves because we have to, not because we like it. The relentless climb, the pain and anguish of taking it to the next level. Nobody takes pictures of that. Nobody wants to remember. We just wanna remember the view from the top. The breathtaking moment at the edge of the world. Thats what keeps us climbing. And its worth the pain. Thats the crazy part. Its worth anything. [edit]Sympathy

for the Parents [6.19]

Meredith: [voiceover] Psychologists believe that every aspect of our lives, all our thought processes & behavior patterns, are the direct result of our relationship to our parents. That every relationship that we have is really just another version of that first relationship. It's just us trying over & over again to get it right. Meredith: [voiceover] It's the most important job in the world. You probably should need a license to do it, but then most of us wouldn't even pass the written exam. Some people are naturals. They were born to do it. Some have other gifts. But the good news is biology dictates you don't have to do it alone. You can waste your whole life wondering, but the only way to find out what kind of parent you'd be is to finally stop talking about it and just do it. [edit]Shiny

Happy People [6.22]

It's a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier healthier life. As children we are told to smile, be cheerful, and put on a happy face. As adults we are told to look on the bright side, to make lemonade, and see glasses as half full. Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part though. Your health can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. It's in these moments, when you just want to get real, drop the act, and be your true scared unhappy self. Ask most people what they want out of life and the answer is simple - to be happy. Maybe it's this expectation though of wanting to be happy that just keeps us from ever getting there. Maybe the more we try to will ourselves to states of bliss, the more confused we get to the point where we don't recognize ourselves. Instead we just keep smiling - trying to be the happy people we wish we were. Until it eventually hits us, it's been there all along. Not in our dreams or our hopes but in the known, the comfortable, the familiar.

Death And All His Friends [6.24]

The human life is made up of choices. Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. And then there are the choices that matter. Love or hate. To be a hero or to be a coward. To fight or to give in. To live. Or die. Live or die. Thats the important choice. And its not always in our hands Yes or no. In or out. Up or down. Live or die. Hero or coward. Fight or give in. Ill say it again to make sure you hear me. The human life is made up of choices. Live or die. Thats the most important choice. And its not always in our hands.