Contents

Gaston Powerball winner living his dream p. 6

October 1, 2009 VOLUME 5 Issue 3
Editor-In-Chief Todd Morehead
todd@columbiacitypaper.com

ARTS EDITOR Judit Trunkos

News.Politics.Commentary
jtrunkos@columbiacitypaper.com

colatheater.com
S.M. Baleem, Garrett Kellerhals
Letters to the reader dear Drinking in the morning 3 Design
regional briefs hijacking the short bus 3 Reseca Glasser
Statehouse report combating crime 4
Mr. Meaners knuckleheads 4 Music
editorial wilson’s beer hall moment 5 Shelby Sachs, Kingsley Waring
ted rall healthcare system sucks 8
feature the cayce mafia 9 Pg. 6 Publisher
Paul Blake

Arts.Entertainment.Etc
paul@columbiacitypaper.com

Account Executives
Brandy Doby, James Wallace
jonesin crosswords 4
Bacardi soundboard punk/indie/emo/ska/hardcore/metal/rock 6 Contributors
Vocal booth THE EMCEE INTERVIEW 10 S.M. Baleem, Andy Brack, Garrett Kellerhals, Ismail
savage love google santorum 14 Lagardien, WR Marshall, Will Moredock, Ted Rall,
Rock and Roll crosswords 15 Dan Savage, Kingsley Waring, Baynard Woods
Ask a Mexican GARFIELD: ¿GATO RACISTA? 15
arts southern ceramics 17 Columbia City Paper
Theater Panache and Undergrads at USC Longstreet Theatre 18 2965 North Main Street
19 Pg. 10 Columbia, SC 29201
colatheater.com the king and i 803.218.9455 (dial area code)

Advertisers in Columbia City Paper assume responsibility for the entire content of the advertisements. The first copy of Columbia City Paper is free. Additional copies
are $1 and two-bits each. Views expressed do not necessarily represent the opinions of Columbia City Paper or its publisher. (C) Columbia City Paper, LLC
 by Todd Morehead
GREENVILLE
Man carjacks group home van with
special-needs passenger still inside
An Easley man is in jail facing multiple
charges after he allegedly carjacked a van
belonging to a special-needs group home
with a mentally handicapped passenger on
board.
Reports state that John Forrest Ham, 47,
and Jennifer Ann Seymour were attempting
to steal a vehicle license plate from
Greenville Collision & Repair on Mauldin
Rd., when police arrived on the scene and
gave chase. Seymour fled on foot and Ham
reportedly made his way to the property
of the Greenville County Disabilities and
Special Needs Board nearby.
The van driver for the group home had
just dropped off a busload of residents at a
work project but had to return one resident to
the home because he forgot his lunch. Ham
allegedly forced the driver from the van,
hopped inside with the resident still on board
and sped away. Police reportedly discharged
their weapons at the fleeing van.
The chase ended on I-85 when the van
blew out a tire. Ham ditched the van but was
apprehended on foot.
Four arrested after flashing guns and
marijuana in homemade rap video
FOUNTAIN INN—Police have arrested
four men believed to be holding guns,
flashing cash and smoking what appears to
be marijuana in a Fountain Inn area park for
a homemade rap video posted on YouTube.
Three of the four men are charged with
unlawful possession of a machine gun,
sawed-off shotgun or rifle and one man was
charged with unlawfully carrying a pistol,
according to reports.
The video, entitled “In My Hood 44” –a
reference to Fountain Inn’s ZIP code 29644—
was recently removed from YouTube.
HILTON HEAD
Candle-lit wedding proposal leads to
accidental sea turtle massacre
According to the Hilton Head Island
Packet, a man placed around 150 waxed bags
with candles inside on the beach to make a hire someone to kill his former law partner, The Sun News reports that State Rep.
romantic wedding proposal to his girlfriend. Doug Thornton. Tracy Edge (R-North Myrtle Beach) has
Unaware of the “lights off” ordinance on Walker and Thornton have reportedly asked Gov. Mark Sanford to remove the
the beach to protect endangered loggerhead known each other since 1982 and the two embattled mayor of Atlantic Beach after she
turtles during hatching season, the man then shared a law office together until 2006. was charged with drunk driving.
whisked his new fiancée away and left the Thornton said he was stunned by the news. Mayor Retha Pierce has been arrested four
candles lit all night. According to media reports, an arrest times since late 2007, according to reports.
Around sixty hatchlings reportedly warrant states that Walker paid a man to kill She was arrested at Town Hall in January
emerged from a nearby nest later that night Thornton, with the remainder of the money following a dispute with staff members and
and couldn’t find the shore. The baby turtles to be paid after the hit was carried out. A was charged with resisting arrest in 2007
were reportedly lost in the dunes or circled judge set Walker’s bond at $100,000. during a traffic stop.
the candles until they were devoured by Pierce was released on bond following
crabs. Lawmaker asks Sanford to oust her most recent arrest and told reporters that
The following morning, a town natural Atlantic Beach mayor she is innocent.
resources officer issued a stern warning to
the couple, who said they weren’t aware of
the ordinance and were reportedly saddened
by the news.
MANNING
Baggy clothing ordinance abandoned
in Clarendon County
After a month of debate Clarendon
County Council has abandoned a measure
commonly known as the “Saggy Pants
Ordinance.”
The issue reportedly came before the
council after Rev. O’Donald Dingle, a
Baptist minister from Summerton, called
together county council members, sheriff’s
department officers, Summerton Town
Council and school district representatives to
discuss making it a civil offense for residents
to wear clothing the council deemed
revealing.
“I think an ordinance like this should be
a last resort,” Councilman W.J. Frierson told
the Sumter Item. “I agree that young men
and young women should wear pants where
they belong, but I disagree with the fact that
we should create a law to correct behavior
that should be taught in the home.”
A similar ordinance is already in place
in Jasper County and has so far withstood
judicial scrutiny.
MYRTLE BEACH
Lawyer accused of hiring a hit man to
kill another lawyer
Conway attorney, Irby Walker, 58, has
been arrested and charged with solicitation
of a felony after authorities say he tried to October 1, 2009 3

Beefing up anti-crime
measures for municipalities
Charleston Mayor Joseph P. Riley Jr. is
pushing a package of legislation that seeks to
give police more tools to keep bad guys off
the streets.
“We have some people who are arrested
and out on bail for 13 different offenses,”
Riley told the Rotary Club of Charleston
this week. He went on to highlight how a
person out on bail later was accused of killing
someone.
“For the safety of the community, you
shouldn’t get out on bond” if you’ve got a
history of violence, Riley said.
“We need more tools in the toolbox to
be able to deal with crime and gangs,” said
Reba Campbell of the Municipal Association
of South Carolina. “His proposals take a
proactive approach and we’ve been very
supportive of that.”
Riley has been pushing legislation that
will allow courts to deny bail to someone who
is arrested for a violent offense while already
out on bond for a different offense.
“The bill protects our communities by
allowing the court to deny bail if no conditions
can reasonably assure the safety of any person
or the community if the offender is released,”
according to a written explanation in the
mayor’s legislative crime packet.
Currently, judges can deny bond if they
think someone poses a threat to the community,
but in reality courts often don’t, according to
an explanation of S. 6, a bill currently in a
Senate subcommittee.
While the idea merits consideration, the
state needs to be cautious about “overfixing” a
problem for the whole state that may only be a
problem in Charleston, warned state Sen. Brad
Hutto, D-Orangeburg.
Another of Riley’s proposals passed the
Senate earlier this year, but may face more
difficulty in the House, Hutto said. The
bill, S. 191, would allow police to conduct
warrantless searches of people on probation
and parole in an effort to stem criminal
activity.
“It is well established that criminal
defendants who return to the same environment
as before are likely to repeat their criminal
4 October 1, 2009
activity,” according to a position paper on
the bill. “This bill is aimed at reducing
recidivism by attaching as a condition of
granting probation or parole that a criminal
defendant consent to warrantless searches of
his/her person or property by law enforcement
officers, and probation and parole officers.
“If criminal defendants know that they can
be searched day or night by law enforcement
officers, they are less likely to engage in
criminal activity.”
While such searches in California have
been found constitutional by the U.S. Supreme
Court, there are questions about the rights
of non-parolees or non-probationers who
might get caught up in a search. What if,
for example, police conducted a warrantless
search on someone’s home when a parolee
was inside? Wouldn’t that invade the owner’s
property in violation of the Constitution?
Wouldn’t such a law also tend to create an
environment for potential harassment, even
though the proposed law says the statute
couldn’t be used for harassment?
“It could be used abusively with some
police officers,” Columbia attorney Tom
Turnipseed admitted, adding that people on
parole or probation didn’t have their full rights
back when they were allowed to return to a
community.
Other features of Riley’s crime-fighting
package include stopping convicted criminals
of possessing handguns or assault weapons; a
new offense for possessing a gun while selling,
making or possessing drugs for distribution; a
mandatory minimum sentence for anyone
convicted of assault and battery with intent
to kill; and a truth-in-sentencing measure that
requires convicts to serve at least 85 percent
of sentences.
State legislators need to take appropriate
steps to ensure that communities are safe and
that police need to have to tools they need.
But lawmakers also need to ensure that safety
concerns are properly balanced with privacy
and constitutional issues. What may work for
California may not necessarily work for South
Carolina.
Mr. Meaner’s
CRIME WATCH
Subjects are innocent until proven guilty, this is not a court of law
Compiled by Michael Stafford
29201
Attention litterbugs! While on routine
patrol, an officer observed a subject throw
a plastic water bottle onto the ground and
arrested him. Think about that next time
you toss Abode out of your car window.
29203
A 63-year-old woman said her 46-year-old
daughter steals, so when she came over,
she hid her purse under her bed under a
pile of dirty clothes. After she cooked for
her daughter and the two ate, the daughter
left. The woman later noticed that her purse
was gone. Either that klepto has the nose of
a bloodhound or the woman has a serious
gremlin problem.
29203
An officer responded to a complaint of a
male and female having sex in a schoolyard.
The couple were nowhere to be found, but
the officer discovered used condoms and
wrappers on the ground. The whereabouts
of Gov. Sanford that night have so far not
been confirmed.
29204
A man came home, found his wife in
bed with another man and attacked the
interloper with a candlestick. The victim
said he didn’t wish to prosecute because
he’d “gotten himself into this position.”
29205
A man told police he was at the Laundromat
when four men who’d been hanging out
near the street began to bang on the door,
demanding to be let in. They tried to sell
him drugs and he refused to buy, then
followed him to his car and demanded his
change. The victim said he didn’t have any
and got in his car. One man jumped on the
hood of his car and another began pounding
on his window. ...Bums today, I tell ya!
29205
Someone broke into a woman’s BMW and
stole a Bible. We’re pretty sure that’s a sin.
29206
Two women shoplifted clothing, hiding it
in their purses and under a baby stroller
with an infant inside. When they left store,
police approached them and a chase ensued.
At some point, the woman determined the
clothes were more important than her baby
and pushed the stroller away, abandoning
the child as she fled.
29212
One overly thorough suspect cut a metal
security device on a display of diamond
jewelry while his accomplice got a shopping
cart. They put the display, valued at more
than $3000 in the cart, fled to the parking
lot and put the entire shopping cart into car
before fleeing the scene.
Letters to the Reader
Dear Drinking in the Morning with
Aaron and Grant,
Best. local. program. ever. Thanks
again for having our publisher on your
show to discuss his recent encounter with
Jesus. We intended to share some of our
favorite drink recipes with you guys, but
didn’t have time to stop by the Bass Pro
Shop for one of the ingredients. Since we
couldn’t mix you a round of Whitesnakes
in person, we decided to print the recipes
below for your benefit.
Merlin’s Misty Mountain
Ingredients:
1 oz. absinthe
1/2 sugar cube
2 oz. grape soda
1 jigger of Robitussin
1 half-pound block of food grade dry
ice
Directions:
Prepare the absinthe in the “bohemian”
style. To do so, place the 1/2 sugar cube
on a fleur-de-lis shaped absinthe spoon
and balance the spoon atop a large metal
chalice. Pour 1 oz. of absinthe over the
sugar cube and let it drain through the
spoon and into the chalice. Light the
saturated sugar cube on fire using a candle.
When the flame dies and the cube is fully
caramelized, drop it into the absinthe and
stir. Pour in the grape soda and jigger of
Robitussin. Drop in two eight-sided dice
from a recently played game of Dungeons
and Dragons and shake to stir. Add two
small shavings of dry ice. Serve when the
magical mist begins to rise from the drink.
(Don’t ingest the dry ice or dice if you can
help it.)
Discombobulated Sasquatch
Ingredients:
1 oz. pure moonshine
6 oz. mountain creek water
1 handful of wild berries
1 pinecone
1 spritz of deer scent (may substitute
with moose urine)
Directions:
Mix the moonshine and creek water in
a wooden bowl. (Note: You may also use
unpurified creek water, to make a “dirty”
‘Sasquatch. Some prefer the parasites,
others don’t. Try both ways to see which
works best for you.) Garnish with wild
berries and pinecone. Apply one spritz of
deer scent to the outer shell of the bowl to
imitate Bigfoot’s legendary stench. Wait
ten seconds, or until gagging subsides,
and serve.
The Whitesnake
Ingredients:
10 oz. white wine from Aldi (screw
cap)
1 shot silver tequila
1 handful of ice cubes
1 tab of trucker speed (may substitute
with No-Doz)
1 tube of pink bubble gum flavored
lipstick
Directions:
Pour wine and tequila into a red plastic
cup. Drop in trucker speed and ice. Stir.
Apply pink lipstick to rim to garnish.
Insert Def Leppard cassette into Camaro
tape deck, let stand 10 minutes while you
start a fight with Candy cause you saw
that bitch talking to Donny out front of the
minimart again, then serve.
Enjoy!
Columbia City Paper
Joe Wilson’s
beer hall moment
Editorial by Baynard Woods
One of the most popular placards at the
radical right rallies in Washington recently read:
“You Lie!” One woman carried a sign that read
“Joe My Hero. Joe Wilson, Our Truth Czar!”
Wilson’s own claim that he lost control of his
emotions seems to be part of what has made
him into a hero for this new emotionally based
conservatism that seeks chaos for its own sake.
South Carolina knows about losing control
of one’s emotion in Congress. In 1856 Preston
Brooks beat Charles Sumner, senator from
Massachussets, with a cane. Like Wilson,
Brooks became a hero to emotionally driven
pro-slavery partisans.
White House spokesman Robert Gibbs said
that Wilson’s comment had nothing to do with
Obama’s race. People are upset because it is
the anniversary of Lehman brothers collapsing,
Gibbs said. Gibbs did not point out that racial
tensions become heightened in times of
economic crisis. Gibbs, clearly, does not know
much about South Carolina.
We all know the story. It used to be called
the Southern Strategy after all. Be a racist, but
don’t dare let anyone call you a racist. Wilson
put it this way, when defending the Confederate
Flag. “That’s offensive to me that they would
take my heritage and make it into a Holocaust
era type description…Confederate heritage is
very honorable.”
“How dare you, sir?” one can almost hear
Wilson say as he pulls his cane out. And yet,
Wilson’s cronies think it is perfectly apt to
compare the sitting president—in a time of
war, giving “succor to the enemy” as the same
people used to say when Bush was criticized—
with Adolf Hitler.
Comparisons with Germany’s dictatorship
are almost always dubious. Our country has
never seen the kind of evil exercised by Hitler
once he took power. Nevertheless, there is
a real parallel at work here. This right-wing
protest movement that has developed looks
a lot like the National Socialists before they
got power, when they were a rag-tag band of
unemployed malcontents who’s only purpose
was to undermine the supposedly “socialist”
Weimar Republic. Joe Wilson said that his son
called his outburst a “tea party moment.” I
think it is rather a “beer hall moment” for the
demonstration this weekend and the rhetoric
that surround it look and sound much more
like the Beer Hall Putsch than the Boston Tea
Party.
The Democrats, too, are acting like those
Weimar officials who refused to stand up to the
nascent party of emotionally driven seekers of
disorder. When the Senate Finance committee
added language about “citizenship verification,”
Wilson was able to claim on Sunday morning
talk shows that he had not only been correct but
that he had been effective. His ejaculation had
changed the bill for the better.
Conservatism is naturally opposed to
revolution. It is skeptical and seeks to slow
the radical change that can accompany fierce
emotion. It comes from Edmund Burke and
the horror he felt at the excesses of the French
Revolution. The American Right has jettisoned
this spirit and transformed it. The Republicans
are Reactionary Revolutionaries. They take the
healthy skepticism of conservatism and turn
it into a cynical nihilism. They want nothing
but noise, violence, chaos. The writer Joan
Didion quoted Jim Morrison on the late sixties.
Morrison said that his band, the Doors, were
into “anything about revolt, disorder, chaos,
about activity that appears to have no meaning.”
The interest in chaos exploded in the Manson
murders and the terrorism of groups like the
Weather Underground.
The drive for disorder was a largely leftist
impulse at the time. Chaos would discredit
the establishment. The new nihilistic right has
taken up the mantle of Revolution with all of
the chaos it entails. This is the “emotion” that
overcame Joe Wilson. He feeds and is fed by it.
His ejaculation was like the first beer can that
the first Hell’s Angel threw out into the crowd
at the Rolling Stones’ Altamont concert. Its real
purpose was mayhem.
The Republicans flirted with this idea before.
In the last election they were so obsessed with
William Ayers that they forgot about Timothy
McVeigh. But Oklahoma City is the product
of the anti-government rhetoric of the 1990s.
He was as much a part of the Republican
Revolution as Newt Gingrich. Gingrich may
have begun it, but McVeigh ended it and
his spirit resides over the tea-bag protests as
much as Gen Beck’s. Timothy McVeigh is Joe
Wilson’s other half.
The next “beer hall moment” will follow the
same logic as Joe Wilson’s. But the next time it
will be bigger. The next guy will have to outdo
Joe, or Joe will have to outdo himself. He’s
shown them that escalation works. So, when it’s
fire next time, let’s remember that Joe Wilson
once basked in its glow.
The above text ran online two weeks ago. In
the meantime, three days after the Truth Czar
spoke, a school teacher and Boy Scout leader
named Bill Sparkman was brutally murdered in
Kentucky. He was working part-time, collecting
census information. A family was walking
through a cemetery when they found Sparkman.
They told the AP that he was hanging from a
tree. He was naked but for the socks on his feet
and the duct tape over his eyes and around his
wrists. He also had a rag stuffed in his mouth
and census-work badge taped to his neck. The
word “FED” was written on his chest.
It is likely that Bill Sparkman died as part
of the right-wing chaos machine. Helter Skelter.
The same day they found Sparkman’s body, it
was announced that Joe Wilson had raised one
million dollars.
Thanks Truth Czar for upholding such
inspiring moral standards.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
October 1, 2009 5
Oh So
An Editorial By Todd Morehead
Jonathan Vargas’ life, and perhaps the professional
wrestling world, changed on May 17, 2008 when he
walked into the Raceway on Charleston Hwy. in West
Columbia, bought a Powerball ticket and picked his six
numbers. The following day, the 19-year-old Gaston man
was $35 million richer.
“I heard voices telling me which numbers to pick,”
Vargas told WIS News 10 a few days later. “I know it
sounds strange, but I really heard a voice in the back of
my head.”
It was as if Jonathan Vargas was destined for
greatness.
A winning like that brought the usual local media
attention and then Vargas dropped off the local
radar. Recently, he reappeared in Tampa, FL with an
announcement: An avid wrestling fan, he was using
a portion of his winnings to bankroll a television show
based around female wrestling, sketch comedy and bikini
photo shoots.
Wrestlicious!
Gaston Power-
ball winner
living his dream
“Wrestlicious,” which Vargas once described as a
mixture of “Mad TV,” WWE and “Baywatch,” is set to
air sometime this fall, though producers are still shopping
it to networks. The show features over-the-top sexy
female characters –a vampire, a masked superhero, a drill
sergeant and scores of others—who participate in comedy
sketches between matches. The host is none other than the
legendary Jimmy “Mouth of the South” Hart and Vargas
has inserted himself into the show as a character named
J.V. Rich, the suave owner of the show/rapper who lives
in a mansion surrounded by hot women.
The former host of the 1980’s female wrestling cult
classic “G.L.O.W.,” Johnny Cafarella, is the Senior
Producer of “Wrestlicious.” Cafarella told City Paper, the
response to the show has been positive so far.
“The comedy sketch/wrestling format works,” he said.
“We have had an awesome response from people who
“I heard voices telling me
which numbers to pick”
hilarious comedy should tune in.”
At first glance, some may not recognize the magic of
“Wrestlicious.” To say it’s campy is an understatement.
But, an added dimension of the show’s charm lies in its
connection to Vargas; it is the culmination of a young
man’s dream in all its naked coolness. We, as viewers,
can think back to a time when we were younger and said,
“If I had millions of dollars, I’d live in a life-sized Castle
Grayskull or buy a submarine or start a bikini wrestling
show” and we actually meant it. With this show, we get
to see and participate in the dream of the everyman, still
in the purity of its youth, and with the capital to make it
tangible.
Some have called Jonathan Vargas a hero. But, he’s
just doing what any self-respecting young man would do
in his position. He’s living his dream and thankfully he’s
sharing it with the rest of us.

remember ‘G.L.O.W.,’ as well as kids

who were born after it debuted.”
Though the show is primarily
in a television studio format right
now, producers also plan to take
“Wrestlicious” exhibition events on
the road. It is still unclear how die-hard
wrestling fans will react to the show,
but Cafarella says he isn’t concerned
with that.
“‘Wrestlicious’ is not for die-hard
wrestling fans,” he said. “Its appeal is
much broader than that. Everybody in
pro wrestling loves Jimmy [Hart], so
anything he does has instant credibility
within that community. Of course,
the die-hard fans that take wrestling
as a serious thing will diss us. We
know that.  But anyone who wants to
see pretty ladies, great wrestling and
6 October 1, 2009
JONESIN’ CROSSWORDS
“Remember the Date”--we’ll make it three times as easy for you.
Across
1 “This is only a test” grp.
4 Mission that figured into “Pee-
wee’s Big Adventure”
9 “The Rime of the Ancient Mari-
ner” author’s monogram
12 Captain Hook’s helper
13 More urgent
14 Radiohead lead singer Yorke
16 Israeli statesman Abba
17 1996 Madonna musical
18 ___ Six (Louisiana group who
was the focus of 2007 rallies)
19 Commedia dell’___
20 Word after Pink or black
21 Punch-to-the-solar-plexus noises
22 Limestone, mostly
24 Panama, for one
26 Arctic, for one
27 Pacer maker
29 ___ a customer
30 Director Anderson
31 Electromagnetic physicist
Michael
34 Former San Francisco Giant
Robb
35 There’s no helping it
37 At no cost
40 “If Democrats Had Any Brains,
___ Be Republicans” (Ann Coulter
book)
41 Ingredient in many soaps
45 ___ Me (Requiem Mass move-
ment)
47 “You got that right”
49 Conjure up
50 Sudoku component
53 Sean of “The Goonies”
54 “You Will Be My ___ True
Love” (song from “Cold Moun-
tain”)
55 In a smooth way
58 “___ recherche du temps perdu”
(Proust work)
59 Event with an opening on 8/8/08,
since 8 is a lucky number
62 Joan’s TV home
63 Give a snotty look to
64 Rubber seals
65 Poultry farm
Down
1 Hug
2 With “The,” band with a remas-
tered box set of albums released
9/9/09 (the date referring to one of
their songs)
3 Dramatist who was adviser to
Nero
4 Not so klutzy
5 Multi-continent charity concert
held on 7/7/07
6 “Summertime” from “Porgy and
Bess,” e.g.
7 International standardized mea-
surement promotion that may get
more attention next year, since it’s
held on 10/10/10
8 Unwritten tests
9 He baptized Jesus
10 Horror movie remake officially
released on 6/6/06 (at 6:06:06 a.m.)
11 Prove wrong
12 Manatee, e.g.
15 Vintner Paul who would “sell no
wine before its time”
23 Poop
25 Movie with Robin Williams and
LL Cool J
28 The old ball and chain?
32 “The Thin Man” dog
33 Carmaker headquartered in
Bavaria
35 Onion relative
36 Bended pipes
37 Crappy motel
38 Where Tanguy may have got
tan?
39 To linguists, it’s African Ameri-
can Vernacular English
42 Rogers’ dance partner
43 It hooks up to an engine
44 Heather Locklear soap
46 Live (in)
48 They understand in simple terms
50 Structures on sitars
51 Prefix meaning “egg”
52 Like the band Manic Street
Preachers
56 Centimeter or candela, e.g.
57 “Flashdance” director Adrian
60 ___ and Daxter (video game
series)
61 Cause of a pocket stain, perhaps
©2009 Jonesin’ Crosswords (edi-
tor@jonesincrosswords.com)
For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-
900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute.
Must be 18+. Or to bill to
your credit card, call: 1-800-655-
6548. Reference puzzle #0433.
October 1, 2009 7
 Ted Rall
Why Are Insurers Blocking
H1N1 Treatment Prescriptions?
I got swine flu. Five days later, I
was at death’s door--because my evil
insurance company wouldn’t honor my
doctor’s prescription. Memo to future
revolutionaries: if you require a firing
squad for the executives of the Health
Insurance Plan (HIP) of New York, I’m
handy with a rifle.
I wasn’t worried at first. A
little sneezing, slightly achy joints. I
figured it was my usual bout of fall
allergies. There’s usually nothing to do
but suffer. But I felt worse each day:
achier, more congested, stiffer, headache, fevers.
The third night was bad. I went to bed under a
pile of comforters, chattering uncontrollably. Then
nightsweats. I checked my temperature: 103.7.
When your temperature looks like a classic rock
station, it’s time to see the doctor.
I’ve known my general practitioner for
decades. So I pay out-of-pocket to see him even
though he’s not on HIP’s list of plan-approved
doctors. Hey, what do you expect for $749.01 a
month?
My ordeal with the insurance company began
when I went to fill my prescription for Tamiflu,
an antiviral medication that is widely considered
the standard treatment for swine (and other types
of) flu.
“Your insurance isn’t going to cover this,” the
pharmacist said. “You would need a pre-approval
from your doctor.”
“But that’s a prescription,” I said, motioning
to the white slip of paper in her hand. For
younger readers, I come from a generation when
a doctor’s prescription was all you needed to get
a medication.
“It’s not going to work,” she said, slowing her
speech for emphasis. “This drug is for people who
have the flu.”
“Um...I have the flu.”
“You have the flu?” She looked shocked.
Because Tamiflu or another drug called
Relenza can significantly reduce flu symptoms
if taken less than 48 hours after the onset of
symptoms, people have been hoarding and taking
anti-viral drugs prophylactically--especially in New
York City. Given what was about to happen to me, I
admire the hoarders. Smart.
I called my doctor. No answer; left a message.
Waited. I called back. Got his assistant, who
patched me through. I explained the situation. “Put
her on,” my doctor said.
I offered my cellphone to the pharmacist. She
recoiled in horror. “You have the flu! I’m not using
your phone!” She believed I had the flu enough
to shriek like a wee girl. So why did she need to
confirm it with my doctor?
I asked my doctor to call the pharmacy. “Right
away,” he promised.
Wait. Wait. Wait more.
I called back. “Wait. Are you already at
the pharmacy?” he asked. “You want me to call
where?”
At this point I began to lose my mind.
An hour passed after my doctor and pharmacist
exchanged the required bureaucratic pleasantries.
She returned to the counter. “I’m sorry, Mr. Rall,”
she said, “but your doctor is going to have to call
HIP to get their advance approval. It will take him
quite a bit of time...it’s complicated, especially for
doctors.”
Especially for doctors?
Remember, this isn’t heroin. It’s Tamiflu. The
street value of this stuff isn’t that great, and it’s a
really, really bum trip. My brain may be baked from
a week of triple-digit fevers, but I want to know:
Why the hell would an insurer make it more
difficult to get the main drug prescribed to treat the
number-one most-talked-about disease in America,
one that’s a probable pandemic?
Shouldn’t HIP and other insurers be shoveling
these yellow and white capsules out the door, trying
to keep their own costs down by getting as many flu
8 October 1, 2009 victims to recover as quickly as possible?
What the hell is a “pre-approval”?
If a doctor prescribes a drug, why isn’t
that good enough for the health insurance
company?
Oh, and why doesn’t the federal
government make Tamiflu available free?
Hey, President Obama: What part of
“pandemic” do you not understand?
Another hour went by. My
pharmacist’s phone rang. She winked at
me. “Everything should be fine now,”
she said.
Everything was not fine.
I was getting sicker and sicker, just sitting
there. My head reeled; an invisible C-clamp
tightened behind each ear. I could barely breathe.
It felt as though there were shards of glass stuck in
my lungs. Every breath hurt. I barely had enough
energy to stand up and take a step. My fingers were
bluish-gray (an early sign that breakdown of the
cardio-pulmonary system is imminent.) I coughed
and caught a ball of phlegm in a napkin. It was
soaked in blood.
Four hours and 12 phone calls after I arrived
at the pharmacy, I went home empty-handed. HIP’s
approval still hadn’t appeared in the pharmacy’s
computer system.
When swine flu appeared in the U.S. this
spring, the government prompted hysteria, predicted
the deaths of as many as 90,000 Americans. Now
they’re going to the opposite extreme, downplaying
a genuine threat by trying to ignore it. They’re
no longer even tracking new cases. And Obama
Administration health officials are now selling an
official line--for most people, swine flu symptoms
are no worse than those of any other random flu--
that isn’t quite accurate.
For example, while it’s true that children
and the elderly are in high-risk categories for
swine flu, “40-year-olds are the group most at risk
of developing life-threatening complications from
H1N1,” according to Canadian researchers cited by
the Montreal Gazette. (Centralized data collection
is a big advantage of a national healthcare system.)
Another difference is that swine flu is much
more likely to cause viral pneumonia, the most
common life-threatening complication of flu. It is
not just another flu.
Lord knows, it’s not like any other flu I’ve
had. I spent that night coughing up blood and
downing aspirins to try to keep the fever down.
By way of comparison, I’ve been thrown down
two flights of stairs--and swine flu is worse. I had
pneumonia last year; it sucked hard, but it was a
joke next to this.
I went back to the pharmacy in the morning.
Still nothing. I called HIP. Unsurprisingly, their
voice recognition voicemail tree had some trouble
understanding my voice by this time. God forbid
they should hire someone in India to actually
answer the phone. Finally--success. Sort of.
“The pharmacy needs to enter the approval
code,” the HIP lady explained. She read me a long
number. I gave it to the pharmacist. She typed it
into her computer. “No. Still nothing,” she said.
She didn’t look surprised.
“Would you like me to call HIP?” the
pharmacist asked.
“I thought you’d never ask,” I replied.
Half an hour, an overnight and about two pints
of phlegmy blood later, I had my Tamiflu in hand.
“$87.12,” demanded the pharmacist.
I asked her how much it would have been out-
of-pocket, without insurance.
“$112,” she said.
Losing that night has diminished the
effectiveness of the drug. It took three days more
of feeling like death just to advance to the stage
of feeling like crap. Now I’m settling into a nice,
comfortable state of wretched.
I just read that a recent ABC News poll says
that 32 percent of Americans think the current
healthcare system is just peachy. Let’s hope they
don’t catch swine flu this winter.
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com
Inside the “Cayce Mafia”
By Judit Trunkos
There are many breakfast groups in South
Carolina, but the self-described “Cayce
Mafia” is unique in many ways. In 1988, “The
Godfather” (Dave Diamond) and his friends
started to get together on Friday mornings at
the Cayce Lizard’s Thicket to discuss current
events over breakfast. Now, over 20 years later
–and relocated to Brunches on Knox Abbott
Dr.—the group includes town councilmen,
university professors and other luminaries,
and has become sort of an unofficial think
tank, with grits on the side.
Mickey Garrison is a professional
photographer, who became part of the group
just like most people: simply by being within
earshot of the table and overhearing some of
the discussions.
“You cannot help but overhear the
conversations at that table,” Garrison says.
“That’s how I became part of the group,
and that was ten years ago. The discussions
are entertaining and definitely informative.
Someone raises a newspaper, points out an
article in it or just starts a conversation
on something like Smart Cars and then the
debates are on.”
At a recent Cayce Mafia breakfast, Edward
Cardwell, an amateur naturalist, raised the
issue of Cayce’s underappreciated wild life. “I
come to these breakfasts to talk to others who
appreciate nature as much as I do,” he said.
“In addition to all that, I also come here to
discuss ideas and politics. It is a forum where
you can talk about anything.”
“With time the group grew began to discuss
more local government issues, state politics,”
says Dave Diamond Jr., son of the original
Godfather. “Many of the current members are
involved in different commissions with the
City of Cayce.”
Today there are many visible elements
of the Cayce Mafia’s tradition: The original
Godfather’s picture is placed on the wall,
so he can be part of the ongoing meetings,
today attended by his son, Dave Diamond
Jr. Also, the place of honor is labeled as
the Godfather’s Chair. As the group invites
guests, mostly local and state politicians, the
chair placed at the head of the table serves as
a great honor for anyone invited to sit in it. If
a member of the Cayce Mafia passes away,
the remaining members cover the chair with
a black blanket. Another annual tradition: the
table throws in on a birthday present for their
longtime waitress, Theresa, every year.
“The open discussion of a variety of issues
is exactly what this country was founded
upon,” says member, Dr. Steve Isom, a Cayce
city councilman. “As [Thomas] Jefferson put it:
‘Information is the currency of democracy.’”
October 1, 2009 9
 The second annual Congaree Bluegrass Lineup:
Festival rolls into Cayce on October 3. This
year the festival features The Dillards, Bill 11:00 Opening Remarks
Wells and the Blueridge Mountain Grass, 11:15 Ann & Shelly Davis
Darlene and the Reflections, Sugarloaf 12:05 Easy Pickins
Mountain Boys, Easy Pickins and Ann & 12:55 Banjo Contest
Shelly Davis. 1:45 Sugarloaf Mountain Boys
2:40 Guitar Contest
The Dillards
3:30 Darlene & The Reflections
Rodney Dillard has been a bluegrass
4:20 THE DILLARDS
staple for 40 years and might be best
5:10 Band Scramble
recognized for playing with The Darlins
on the Andy Griffith Show. The Dillards
6:00 Bill Wells and the Blueridge
broke into the pop charts in 1971 with Mountain Grass
their hit “It’s About Time.” Rodney has 6:50 THE DILLARDS
played and toured with everyone from 8:00 Closing Remarks
Earl Scruggs and Ricky Skaggs to The
Byrds. The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, who IF YOU PLAN TO GO:
cites him as an influence, recently asked
him to be a part of their Will the Circle Be DATE: Saturday, October 3. Gates
Unbroken III album. open at 11:00 a.m.

Bill Wells and the Blueridge Mountain LOCATION: Granby Gardens

Grass Park off 12th Street in Cayce
Mr. Bill Wells is a Columbia bluegrass
legend and has done more for bluegrass PARKING: There are several areas
in the Midlands area, if not the entire for parking. Shuttles will be available
state, than almost anyone. Wells is best from more remote parking. Handicap
known for his seminal music store and parking will be provided as close to
bluegrass venue, Bill’s Music Shop
the performance area as possible. Most
and Pickin’ Parlor, on Meeting Street
areas are handicap accessible.
in West Columbia. Over the years, Mr.
Wells and the Blueridge Mountain Grass
have worked with legends such as Bill
Visit CongareeBluegrassFestival.
Monroe, Ralph Stanley, Lester Flatt and com for more information.
The Country Gentlemen.

10 October 1, 2009
FFRIDAY OCTOBER 2 SUNDAY OCTOBER 4 WEDNESDAY OCT. 7 Granthams Asylum Steel Nation
Mainline
Headliners Headliners New Brookland Tavern Utopia Maneater
Drivin’ N’ Cryin’ Kittie Tomorrow’s Bad Seeds The Blue Iguanas
Leslie Soil Picture Me Free TUESDAY OCT. 13
Arkaea SATURDAY OCT. 10 Headliners
Hunter Gatherer Straight line Stitch THURSDAY OCT. 8 Senses Fail
Andy Friedman Facedown Headliners A Skylit Drive
Into the Depths Headliners As Sick As Us Closure in Moscow
New Brookland Tavern The Airborne Toxic CD Release Party Fact
The Independents New Brookland Tavern Event Your Chance To Die
You Me & Us The Bereans The Henry Clay People Undefined New Brookland Tavern
The Disregardables Little Tybee Red Cortez The Predecessor Acoustic Open Mic
Catchers In The Rye Polar War Laid In Blood Night
New Brookland Tavern Justin Register
Utopia MONDAY OCT. 5 Funky Junk Band New Brookland Tavern Charlie Jackson
Concrete Jumpsuit One Way Out Non-Stop Hip-Hop Brightford
Headliners Sweet Tooth Live Presents: The TBA
SATURDAY OCT. 3 Silversun Pickups Villain Beat Street Beat Battle
Cage The Elephant Hosted by FatRat WEDNESDAY OCT. 14
Mac’s on Main An Horse Utopia Da Czar w/ Live
Natural Desire The Mason Jars Performances by New Brookland Tavern
TUESDAY OCT. 6 Piazo and Primo Starr Green Street
New Brookland Tavern FRIDAY OCTOBER 9 DJ Met
Shallow Palace New Brookland Tavern Utopia Alejandro
Twilight Armada MyChildren MyBride Mac’s on Main Drink Small
The Issues Impending Doom Natural Desire THURSDAY OCT. 15
The Overtones We Sail At Dawn SUNDAY OCT. 11
City Of Flames New Brookland Tavern New Brookland Tavern
Utopia The Void New Brookland Tavern Charles Band’s Full
Reggae Infinity Carolina Chupacabra Death Before Dishonor Moon
Defeat Reign Supreme Horror Road Show

City Paper Pick: Headliners

Monday October 5
Silversun Pickups
Cage The Elephant
An Horse
$28 ad./ $30 d.o.s.

Headliners and will be accompanied Although it is normal to record

With a highly successful new
album, an international tour, including
one of the top spots at this year’s
Lollapalooza, and over 7 million fans
on Myspace, indie-rock sensation
Silversun Pickups have never been
hotter. They will be making their
first appearance in South Carolina on
October 5 at Columbia’s very own
by Cage the Elephant and An Horse.
Silversun Pickups may be from
Los Angeles but they get most of their
musical influences from East Coast
and Midwestern bands like Velvet
Underground, Sonic Youth and The
Smashing Pumpkins. Despite forming
in 2004, they seemed to maintain a
low-key status until 2006 with the
release of the popular song, “Lazy
Eye,” off their first album, Carnavas.
Soon after the release of their first
full-length album, they played shows
with Wolfmother, OK Go, Snow
Patrol, and even Foo Fighters. With
the help of a heavy touring schedule
in places such as England, Germany,
and Australia, they are starting to
gain international recognition for
themselves.
a new album once a year for most
bands, Silversun Pickups took three
years to release their second, highly
awaited album, Swoon. With the
current smash hit “Panic Switch,”
which was their only number one hit
on the Billboard charts, and “There’s
No Secrets This Year,” Silversun
Pickups are sure to solidify their
place in the music scene for several
more years to come.
To find out more information
about the Headliner’s show, go to
HeadlinersColumbia.com and be sure
to check out their other future tour
dates in the Carolina’s which include
stops in Hilton Head, Myrtle Beach,
and Charlotte.
- Shelby Sachs
 =Q^[\MJb  /[RMJb  <J]^[MJb  <^WMJb  6XWMJb  =^N\MJb  @NMWN\MJb
$5/$8 7:30pm $8 8pm $5/$7 8:00pm $5/$8 7:30pm Free 7:30 pm $10ad/$12dos 6pm $5/$7 8pm
8,=8+.;

The
Independents
SHallOw
Daniel USeLeSS MyChildren
the PalaCe Trivia MyBride tomorrow’s
artichokes
Memes
You Me & us
the Disregard-
the issues Kyre H B :
oSted y
Hardy & dewayne impending Doom Bad Seeds
the Overtones the Bereaks Picture Me Free
Club awesome ables
8:30pm - 11:30 we Sail at Dawn
little tybee Drink Specials:
Ruby Blue and the Catchers in the City Of Flames
isnauts Polar war $1.50 PBR Cans
Rye $3.25 Fireball, and
$5.25 PB&J Shots

=Q^[\MJb ! /[RMJb " <J]^[MJb  <^WMJb  6XWMJb  =^N\MJb  @NMWN\MJb 

$5/$8 7pm $5/$8 8pm $5/$7 9pm $8/$10 6pm Free 7:30 pm $3/$5 6pm $5/$8 9pm
8,=8+.;

Non-Stop
Funky Junk the Void Hip-Hop Live USeLeSS Acoustic
deatH Before
diSHonor Trivia open Mic Green
Band Carolina
One way Out
Presents:
Chupacabra
the Beat Street Beat Reign Supreme H B :
oSted y
Hardy & dewayne w/ Justin Register,
Street
Battle Steel nation
Charlie Jackson, DJ Met
Sweet tooth Defeat Hosted by Mainline
Villain FatRat Da Czar Maneater Brightford, TBA alejandro
Granthams w/ Piazo and
asylum Primo Starr
=Q^[\MJb  /[RMJb  <J]^[MJb  <^WMJb ! 6XWMJb " =^N\MJb  /[RMJb 
$10 7pm $5/$8 8:30pm $5/$8 8pm $5/$8 7:30pm Free 7:30 pm $5/$8 7:30pm $10 8pm
8,=8+.;

Charles SrSly? recordS american USeLeSS YO MaMa’S

Band’s PreSentS: Dearanna aquarium Trivia BlaMeSHiFt BiG Fat
needeep emora
Full MOOn Sweet VanS Host to another Magnolia wildcats H B :
oSted y
Hardy & dewayne Sky tells all BOOtY BanD
Horror Death Becomes
even the Maiden
Deleveled
adam Glover
tBa
8:30pm - 11:30
Drink Specials:
$1.50 PBR Cans
Behold the Mes-
senger
Pinna
ROaD SHOw Junior astronomers $3.25 Fireball, and
DJ George Brazil Midnight
w BooBS! Murderama $5.25 PB&J Shots

6B,125-;.7
6B+;2-.
tHuRS OCt. 15 Yo MaMa’S
Oct. 7

impending Doom Charles Band’s Big FaT Strike

tomorrow’s
BooTY BaND anywhere
we Sail at Dawn Full MOOn
City Of Flames Bad Seeds
$10/$12 dos Picture Me Free Horror Pinna Polar Bear Club
tues. 6pm $5 adv. 8pm
ROaD SHOw Fri. $10 Ruiner
Oct. 6 $7 d.o.s. $10 7pm Oct 30 8pm $12 Defeater 7pm
8pm $5/$8

122 State St. W Columbia SC 29169

12 August 6, 2009 www.newbrooklandtavern.com 803.791.4413 The Little Mermaid, Photo by Lyon Hill
 By John Albrecht
Running sound at New Brookland
Tavern, I get to see a lot of bands. A lot of
bands. I’m talking everything from death
metal to hip-hop to jam rock to punk to
bluegrass. These bands all play songs,
needless to say, but more importantly they
all feel a need to talk to fill up the silence
between those songs. And you know what
else? Most of them say the exact same
things, regardless of the genre of music or
what region they’re from. So here is a not
very scientific analysis of the top eleven
phrases uttered by various band members
during a single month earlier this year.
11. “What’s up Columbia, we’re
[insert band name] from [insert town].”
Usually the first thing heard after I
turn down the set change music. A basic
introductory phrase that also says, “We
care enough to know what town we are
playing in”. Nice try, really, but this is
WEST Columbia, if you could not tell
from all the cigarette smoke.
10. “Hell yeah.”
Kind of a generic phrase that, on its
own, usually means, “We are having fun.”
However, this phrase, in a conversational
exchange between band members or the
band and the crowd, can also mean, “I
wholeheartedly agree with whatever it was
that you just said.”
9. “We have a few more / one
more.”
This is normally used to inform the
audience that although the song that was
just played rocked hard enough to be the
set closer, it is not, however. So do not
wander off to the bar or restroom just yet,
because more music is indeed imminent.
When a terrible band says this, it sounds a
little like a threat.
8. “Everyone tip your bartenders.”
A simple show of support for the
person responsible for getting the band
drunk enough to pull out that cover of
Crazy Train before the bass player has
finished learning it, or a pandering, kiss
ass attempt to get the bartender to serve
your underage girlfriend after the set. Take
your pick.
7. “Please buy some merch.”
“It totally helps us out and helps get us
to our next gig. Please buy a shirt you’ll
never wear and end up giving to goodwill
next year after you forget who we were.
We also have stickers.”
6. “Here’s a new one.”
When are bands going to learn? Their
fans do not want to hear new songs.
Everyone only wants to hear what they are
already familiar with. New things make
people uncomfortable. If it’s a band’s first
gig in town, they will usually add “...well,
I guess they’re all new to you guys.”
5. “Make some noise!”
When a band member says, “Make
some noise!” the correct response is to
yell, “Wooooo!” and raise your beer to the
sky, despite the ambiguous request for any
sort of sound at all. I prefer to make loud
farting sounds with my mouth.
4. Any request for a circle pit,
moshing, or violent hardcore dancing.
This is pretty much the only genre-
specific utterance on the list, mostly heard
at metal, punk, and hardcore shows –not so
much with jam rock or on acoustic singer
Less Rock, More continued on page 19
By Judit Trunkos
McMaster proudly presents its new
group contemporary ceramic exhibition
“Ceramics: Southeast.” The group show
includes the works of thirteen southern
artists including Alice Ballard, Russell Biles,
Jim Connell, Don Davis, Lauren Gallaspy,
Bruce Gholson, Samantha Henneke, Frank
Martin, Scott Meyer, Gay Smith, Paula
Smith, Mike Vatalaro, and Jerilyn Virden.
The show can be viewed from October 12
to November 19 at McMaster gallery on
Senate Street.
The group exhibition combines a
wide spectrum of southern ceramics from
traditional styles to non-traditional sculpture
forms and brings together the creative talent
of functional and non-functional ceramic
artists from Alabama, Georgia, North
Carolina, South Carolina and Tennessee.
The group of full-time artists and professors
illustrate the never-ending possibilities of
ceramic and clay sculptures.
South Carolina is represented by Alice
Ballard, Russell Biles, Jim Connell, Mike
Vatalaro and Paula Smith. Ballard creates
ceramic pods inspired by natural shapes
and forms, such as cones and flower
buds. Russell Biles’ figurative sculptures
are sometimes whimsical, sometimes
bizarre and often offer political and social
commentary. Jim Connell creates elegant
works, featuring masterful coloring and
symmetrical shapes. Paula Smith’s sculptures
portray the current role of women in society,
often borrowing ancient symbols and forms
from ancient civilizations. Mike Vatalaro
gets his inspiration from architecture and
transforms his ceramics into sculptures.
Don Davis (TN) combines figure with
function. Lauren Gallaspy’s (GA) non-
functional porcelain and mixed media
pieces explore the relationship between
sculpture and fantasy. Bruce Gholson and
Samantha Henneke (NC) are a couple that
founded Bulldog Pottery and are exhibiting
traditional functional works. Frank Martin’s
(TN) functional works focus on the magical
techniques of painting and coloring
ceramics and Scott Meyer (AL) combines
wood with clay. Gay Smith (NC) throws
and sculpts geometric porcelain forms and
Jerilyn Virden’s (NC) uses a signature bowl
in most of her sculptural pieces.
The group show opens on October 15 at
4 p.m. in Room 239 in McMaster College
with a panel discussion called “Facing the
Future” with Don Davis, Scott Meyer and
Gay Smith led by USC Professor Virginia
Scotchie. A reception will follow from 5
– 7 p.m. with the participating artists and
panelists. There will also be a ceramic
workshop with Gay Smith called “Throwing
with Porcelain” on Thursday, October
15 and Friday, October 16 from 10 a.m. to 3
p.m. in room 103 in McMaster. All are open
to the public.
SavageLove
You are known as an arbiter of all aspects
of sex and especially definitions, and we are
seeking your definitive opinion.
My wife and I were recently regaling each
other with anecdotes from our past, and she
easily had the most interesting story: It seems
that when she was a young woman in college,
a fellow student invited her over for lunch. It
turns out that he thought she was lunch. He
quickly had her clothes off and was kissing her,
although he was still dressed. Then he brought
out a vibrator. He applied the vibrator, she had
an orgasm, and then she called a halt to the
proceedings. They went back to school, and
that was the beginning and the end of their
relationship.
Did she have sex?
Now, I think any time you have an orgasm
you’ve had sex, and if someone else is present,
even if they’re clothed, you definitely had sex.
My wife’s view is that since he never got his
clothes off and she never saw his cock, she
really didn’t have sex. We would like your
opinion on this.
Definition Essential For Intensely Novel
Experience
Let’s say you and I met in a bar, DEFINE,
while the wife was out of town, and we hit it
off. And let’s say I took you home, stripped you
naked, made out with you, sucked your dick, ate
your ass, spanked you, tossed you in a sling, fist-
fucked you, and then—with my right arm buried
up to my elbow in your ass—slowly stroked you
with my left hand until you blew a massive load
all over your stomach, chest, and face.
Now let’s say I taped the whole thing and
e-mailed a copy to your wife. I think it’s highly
unlikely that your wife would turn to you after
watching the video—remember: I don’t get
naked, you never see my dick—put a hand on
your knee, and say, “Well, I’m glad you didn’t
have sex with Dan Savage.”
Your wife clearly regrets going to that guy’s
room; she regretted the moment she came,
just as you would probably regret going home
with me. These feelings prompt her to round
“Santorum dips toes in
was “Ewwww,” followed
this experience down to Not Sex, to minimize
it, to exclude it from her sexual history on a
technicality: He didn’t get naked, she didn’t
get fucked. Your wife can attempt to rationalize
away the sex she had in that dorm, DEFINE,
but she had sex with that guy—and that guy’s
vibrator—whether she wants to admit it or not.
I’m writing to you to let you know that a
huge fan and reader of your column has been
in a coma since September 5. He had a bad
motorcycle accident and has a severe brain
injury. His name is Jon Broom, and he’s my
boyfriend, the love of my life, and my best friend.
14 October 1, 2009
Sex advice column
by Dan Savage
Even though he still hasn’t woken up, I’ve been
reading your columns out loud to him so that he
never misses one. I know you’re a busy man, but
I thought I’d take a chance and ask if you could
pass on his Facebook support group at “Get
Well Jon” in one of your columns (www.tinyurl.
com/m3ngc3). I think it would be awesome for
him to look back and see your column when he
wakes up and is able to function again.
We appreciate your writings and support for
the people who ask for your advice. Here’s to
hope, faith, and community.
Penny Kim
Oh, Penny, I’m so sorry. Best wishes
for a full and speedy recovery. If you’re on
Facebook—and who isn’t?—please join Jon’s
support group.
I just had to share with you my first reaction
to reading this headline: “Santorum dips toes
in 2012 Iowa waters.” My first thought was
“Ewwww,” followed quickly by “Is that even
possible?” After all, santorum is something
that is dipped into, not something that can dip.
And then I remembered that before “santorum”
meant santorum it actually designated a person,
2012 Iowa waters.” My first thought
quickly by “Is that even possible?”
a senator. But it took me a few seconds.
Congratulations on a job well done. I
expect I am not the only one who had this
moment of cognitive dissonance upon reading
this headline.
A Faithful Reader
Ben Smith at Politico reported last Tuesday
that Republican former U.S. senator Rick
Santorum plans to run for president. Political
Wire linked to Smith’s post and added that
“Santorum has a serious Google problem.”
Truthdig linked to Political Wire’s post and
spelled out Santorum’s Google problem: “The
former senator’s rampant homophobia inspired
sex columnist Dan Savage to launch a campaign
to usurp the conservative’s name. The result: If
you type ‘Santorum’ into Google, you’ll find
that it refers not to a former senator, but ‘that
frothy mixture of lube and fecal matter that is
sometimes the byproduct of anal sex.’”
From uppercase Santorum to lowercase
santorum—in just three links.
And who deserves the credit? Not me.
The credit is yours, dear readers. It’s thanks
to you that SpreadingSantorum.com—a blog
that I haven’t updated since July of 2004—
remains the number-one hit on Google when
you search “Santorum.” It was a Savage Love
reader who first suggested that we usurp Rick
Santorum’s name, another Savage Love reader
who suggested the “frothy mixture” definition,
and Savage Love readers who chose the winning
definition in a free and fair election. Well done,
gang.
We can’t take credit for Santorum losing
his seat in the U.S. Senate to Bob Casey by
18 points. That was Rick’s doing. But we
helped to make him ridiculous—there were
so many headlines during his failed reelection
campaign with “froth” or “frothy” in them. And
for a politician, being an object of ridicule is a
problem, which is why SpreadingSantorum.com
and the “frothy mixture” definition of santorum
are going to be a problem for Santorum.
“Maybe it’s time to start updating Spreading
Santorum.com again,” writes Savage Love
reader P.B., “now that Rick is running for
president.”
I couldn’t agree more, P.B., but I’m a busy
guy. Back when I was writing for Spreading
Santorum.com, I had only the column on my
plate. Now I blog every day on Slog, I do a
podcast, I’ve got a bad case of talking headism,
and I’m working on another book. I don’t have
the time to give SpreadingSantorum.com the
attention it needs.
But maybe some Savage Love readers do?
If SpreadingSantorum.com is going to
remain Google’s top hit when you search
“santorum”—and it should—then the site needs
=>.<-*B<
Slice Night
$1.25
=1>;<-*B<
to come back to life. So I’m looking for a few 2 for 1
folks who want to torment Rick Santorum by
following every twist and turn of his sure- Medium 2 toppings
to-be-disastrous run for the White House on (Dine in Only!)
SpreadingSantorum.com. (I may dip in every
once in a while and post myself.) It would be
labor of love—read: a nonpaying gig—but
you’ll have the satisfaction of knowing that
you’re driving Rick Santorum and his supporters
absolutely batshit (batshittier?).
341 S. Woodrow St.
If you think you’re the right person for this (Corner of Woodrow and Rosewood)
gig—if you think you’re right for Spreading
Santorum.com—write me at mail@savagelove
803.252.6931
.net.
ROCK N’ ROLL ¡Ask a Mexican!
CROSSWORDS
“HER NAME IS PUZZLE”
GARFIELD: ¿GATO RACISTA?
Dear Mexican: In
Garfield strips in the
funny pages that appeared
of the first casualties. I’ve
been told by a Mexican
friend of mine that I should
Across 50. Most common word in band 80s vid earlier this year, Garfield be ashamed of this, but all
1. “Get a haircut, and get a real _” name 20. Missouri band that is wearing a sombrero and my life, I’ve been proud of
4. Where Stones pour their ‘Lov- 51. AC/DC (!) jam failed to ‘shake things up’ taking siestas. While cute it. What do you think?
ing’? orig. called ‘The Clap’ 22. Clapton (!)
8. Delay/Reverb’s cousin 52. Booker T’s band 26. “Hope I die before I get __” and all, isn’t that the sort of
12. Member of Katrina’s band 55. Bandmate? 28. What Barker, Ness, and Setzer thing we have been striving Descendant of a 1635
13. Band w/camaraderie 58. Donovan ‘Wear __ have lots of to stop? What was Jim Immigrant
14. Type of big time band or rock Love Like Heaven’ 29. ‘There She Goes’ 1 hits Davis thinking? Maybe he
16. Kid Rock anthem 60. ‘Fixing _ __’ 30. ___ Harper
17. Was VHS’ nemesis Beatles (2 wds) 31. ‘Send Me An Angel’ __ Life needs a refresher course in Dear Gabacho: What
18. CSNY- ___ Your Children 62. She’s a better judge 32. Dokken ‘__ The Fire’ not making pendejadas. do I know? I’m just an
19. What Turner or James did too than singer 33. The bus’ gets stronger as tour unassimilated Mexican
much of 64. ‘__ Suave’ goes on Odio Odie who still doesn’t get why
21. Hem’s ‘Half __’ Gerardo’s one hit 34. Liam Lynch ‘Get Up On The
23. Futureheads song off ‘News 66. Maiden __’ millions of Americans
And Tributes’ 67. Zep ‘Out On The __’ 35. ‘Magnet & Steel’ Walter __ Dear Wab: Garfield is By GUSTAVO ARELLANO continue to celebrate their
24. __ Claypool 68. What Lennon 36. Devil __ Down To Geogia still around? Have editors traitorous Confederate
25. Reggae’s Peter __ dropped 37. __ Bern finally exiled it to the viejitos comic-strip ancestors. Similarly, I don’t understand
27. What you hit when you’re 69. “Turn it up, I love 40. Fleetwood __
signed, then shelved? this __” 41. You’ll see an inflatable one at a page alongside Gasoline Alley and Mary why you’d be proud to have a slave owner
29. Overexposed Brit 70. __ Side Of The Moon Floyd show Worth? Or is it stuck among ghoulish in your family tree—you don’t see many
popster Allen 71. solo 43. Marley ‘Forever Loving __’ strips that’ll never die such as Peanuts and Mexicans boasting of the conquistador
30. Don’t want your album to be on 72. Leader of The Family Stone 44. Debbie Harry ‘Command and The Family Circus? I hadn’t read Garfield blood in their venas, after all. And that
sale in this “section” __’
31. “Her name is __ and she dances Down 45. Cali city Tesla formed in (abbr) in years until your prompt, and I gotta whole Alamo deal? Don’t get it. Maybe
on the sand” 1. Played ‘Ray’ 46. 60s teen idol Paul __ admit—I laughed at the sombrero. Cheap, it’s just a Texas thing, but what was that
34. Depeche Mode ‘Some Great 2. Touring rockers’ wives instru- 49. Grisman worked w/him unfulfilling laughs like only the fat cat can whole cosa about? Gabachos who came
___’ ments? 50. Aerosmith frontman
37. What has to be hit 3. ___ _ King 51. Gin and ___
provide, but rizas nonetheless. Garfield to Texas at the invitation of the Mexican
when hangin’ w/Fiddy? 4. Who Vedder sang to on ‘Some- 52. ‘Upright’ Gary puts salsa on the sombrero’s brim? ¡Jajaja! government promising to become
38. “My only friend, the __” day We’ll Go All The Way’ Numan song Garfield gives a mouse a sombrero because Mexicans, then reneging on their vow and
39. Rock of __ 5. Not a peaceful 53. Bruce’s __ Days he makes cheese quesadillas? Hee-hee! being surprised when their rulers tried to
40. Hoochie-coochie __ feeling? 54. Arc Angels ‘__ By Angels’
41. ___ Banton 6. Every musician wants it perfect 55. Barenaked Ladies ‘Old __’ And Garfield, if I remember correctly, does crush the resulting secession movement?
42. Only the biggest one’s at every 7. Mazzy ___ (abbr) nothing but eat and sleep, so to accuse him Sure, General Santa Anna was a tyrannical
show 8. Allman’s ‘__ A Peach’ 56. James’ biggest hit of taking siestas for anti-Mexican purposes pendejo, and there’s always something
43. __ Jett 9. Jack, Ginger, Eric 57. Be Bop a __ no es bueno. We Mexicans need to make to admire about last stands (see the
45. Buffett was a son of a son of 10. “Do you __ me, do 59. Groupie bartering tool (pun?)
one you care?” 61. The Mother __ peace with the sombrero, to realize that, Battle of Puebla), but the Texas War for
47. “Cause I’m __, I’m dynamite” 11. Talking Heads ‘__ 63. ‘Don’t __ My Why’ Joel outside the cornet associated with the Independence was the opening volley in
48. They had the ‘Look In A Lifetime’ 65. The Hall and Oates couple? Daughters of Charity and the Green Bay Manifest Destiny. Why, this whole Alamo
Of Love’ 12. Floyd movie Packer cheesehead, it’s the funniest hat episode and its resulting discontents
49. __ Of Four 15. Band w/famous half animated
around and that its use by gabachos doesn’t sounds just like the 1830s version of the
always signify Mexican-bashing (combine present-day Mexican invasion to me!
it with a mustache, and you have a diferente
story . . .). Eternal vigilance is the price CONGRATS TO: Astronauts Danny
of a conscious Mexican in this country, Olivas and José Hernández, for recently
Odie Hater, but don’t make Davis out to eating burritos in space, and especially
be another Joe Wilson. Oh, and final piece to Hernández, who spoke out in favor of
of advice? For your comic-strip needs, the amnesty for illegal immigrants. From the
Mexican recommends to his gentle readers deserts of Sonora to the Bering Sea to now
La Cucaracha and 9 Chickweed Lane. outer space, the Reconquista not only is
real, but it’s also truly cósmica. To quote
Dear Mexican: My great-great- those other famous illegal aliens, the
granduncle was Colonel William Barrett Borg: Resistance is futile, Know Nothings!
Travis, the one who commanded the defense (Mmm . . . Siete de Nueve . . .)
of American settlers at the Alamo and one

October 1, 2009 15

I
n a world now devoid of Michael
Jackson’s incredible shrinking olfactory
organ, how appropriate that USC
Longstreet Theatre should tackle one of the
more prominently misunderstood theatre
schnozes. Director Robert Richmond
(former Associate Artistic Director of the
Aquila Theatre Company and current USC
visiting theatre faculty member) compares
the King of Pop with the title character
of “Cyrano de Bergerac” in at least one
respect: “Their noses overshadow their
every decision.”
I have one minor emendation: Their
noses overshadow everyone’s judgment,
including most theatre patrons and
reviewers.
Richmond notes that every person has
his or her own ugly duckling feature, be
it a physical or psychological thorn in the
flesh. But the drive of Jacko and Cyrano
extends far beyond “the thing itself” at
the center of their visage. Both characters
are fully aware that the world ties fate to
obvious features. Just as Michael Jackson
knew he was a plastic surgery abortion
who invented the moonwalk and had an
16 October 1, 2009
incredible falsetto, so is Edmond Rostand’s
Cyrano aware that he is a nose connected to
a comically eloquent cavalier.
And so the problem with Rostand’s
masterpiece is that when the story runs out
of rhino repartee—that is, when audience
members and protagonist alike realize that
Roxanne would have loved (and still might
love!) Cyrano for who he is, protuberance
and all—the stage falls out from under
everyone, and the play is forced to “get thee
to a nunnery.”
This is similar to the narrative collapse
in Nabokov’s masterpiece “Lolita”
following the consummation between
Humbert Humbert and the eponymous
nymphette. But while the final third of
“Lolita” meanders grandiloquently, the
second act of “Cyrano” is redeemed in
overextended denouement. Here, Cyrano
is finally unmasked: He is a romantic
dreamer who (like the real Savinien de
Cyrano) invents tales of men on the moon
and likely could never find true joy in the
arms of a woman.
Reviewers are not supposed to pose
as literary critics, but I can’t resist the
opportunity to stray from the traditional
“Cyrano” review: “An apt attempt by
a Frenchman to mimic Shakespeare; a
Poetry
of the
Proboscis:
Panache and
Undergrads at USC
Longstreet Theatre
by s.m. baleem
play about a swashbuckler poet whose
elephantine nose prevents him from finding
love. Great sword-fighting. And the lady
who plays Roxanne is a beauty. Ha-ha-ha!”
Because the standard review ignores the
second act—which is a shame.
Every actor who has plastered on the
prosthetic hornbill knows that Cyrano’s
nose isn’t a hindrance. It’s a blessed
disguise and the romantic’s perfect excuse
to perpetuate a never-ending journey to find
Eros on the island of the day before.
Director Richmond gets this—as well
he should, crediting a college viewing
of “Cyrano de Bergerac” by the Royal
Shakespeare Company as a lifelong source
of professional theatre inspiration. He states
that the play “feels like a complete journey.”
What might seem a throwaway line actually
shows the director’s commitment to
understand Cyrano’s 100-Man Fight and
searing wit in the context of the play’s final,
autumnal scene.
Similarly, Royal Scottish Academy-
trained actor and fellow former Aquila
Associate Director, Anthony Cochrane,
who plays the title role (with the quiddity
of “panache”!), calls “Cyrano” his personal
“Hamlet.” Indeed! Cyrano the character
is at least as psychologically deep as the
Danish prince, which is a principle reason
that “Cyrano de Bergerac” remains one of
the most staged foreign language classics in
American theatre. Cyrano de Bergerac is
not the Fourth Musketeer. He is Hamlet’s
Gascony cousin.
PRODUCTION HIGHLIGHTS:
One couldn’t ask for anything more than
for all of this to play out on an academic
stage in-the-round as USC Theatre’s first
undergraduate main stage production in
13 years. Any professional thespians to
emerge from the current USC Theatre
undergrad cohort will likely look back on
this production as a crossroads moment. Not
only have they been blessed to be directed
and act alongside two remarkable former
Aquila talents, but director Richmond put
the production on a professional timeline,
pushing students to be ready for opening
night in four weeks. At every level, the cast
has been treated like professionals, and they
return the favor in full to the patron.
Richmond pulls out all of the stops—
at least the hydraulic ones—before the
play even starts. Audience members enter
Longstreet through the basement and
immediately encounter a cast of Tim Burton-
inspired, steampunk Parisians. Especially
charming is cast member William Shuler’s
(“Urinetown,” Workshop) accordion street
performance which inspired me to toss a
few imaginary francs at his feet.
Patrons wend their way to the hydraulic-
powered main stage and are lifted to the
theatre, which has been transformed into
a stylized, 17th-century Paris web guarded
by a steel girder spider homage to Gustav
Eiffel. (Even the Longstreet HVAC system
contributes to the ambience in a method
manner. This is my only real complaint;
the Longstreet air is about as comfortable
as a plongeur tenement in Orwell’s “Down
and Out in Paris and London.” Hopefully
USC can find some ARRA funds to throw
at the ventilation problem.)
Theatre lovers owe it to themselves
to see Cochrane in action as the title
character. Rarely does such a veteran talent
take a Columbia stage. And Cochrane
deserves additional accolades for playing
the dual role of stage educator. There are
many production moments where he could,
but chooses not to, act the undergraduate
troupers under Ragueneau’s table.
Senior Robert Bloom (“Elephant’s
Graveyard,” Trustus), who plays Roxanne’s
lover and short-stinted husband, Christian,
says it best: “Tony’s incredibly talented,
but on stage he brings you in. He made
me feel safe on stage. He’s been there for
everyone.”
Bloom is no slouch himself, holding
his own in the difficult role of Cyrano’s
less-than-eloquent wingman. Other
notable performances include Mary Tilden
(“Elephant’s Graveyard,” Trustus) as a
tittering, cream puff-addict Minder; Daniel
Bumgardner (“Mother Courage and Her
Children,” USC) as Ragueneau the Baker;
Adrienne Lee (“Mother Courage, USC)
as a role-reversing Comte De Guiche;
and Sydney Mitchell (“Rocky Horror,”
Trustus) as Roxanne. Also deserving of
accolades is USC Honors College cellist
Carley Peace, who cut my soul to the bone
with her Elgar refrains.
There is a long list of phenomenal
technical achievements, and I feel like
an Oscar recipient who knows he can’t
get through them all before the orchestra
begins. Valerie Pruett’s “nose of noses”
is a proper balance of Christmas tree
ornament and facial phallus, and her eye-
of-Osiris makeup concept for the Orange
Girls is exotic. Costume designer Lisa
Martin-Stuart (film “Ruby in Paradise”)
has simply outdone herself; I don’t know
which is better, the Starburst fruit-flavored
poet costumes or Roxanne’s second act
Indiana Jones incarnation.
Finally, director Richmond deserves
credit for his contemporary adaptation
of the play, which doubtless is the first
“Cyrano” to use the terms “wanker” and
“bionic.” I promised one patron I would
insert his personal regret that Richmond
did not use the 1923 Hooker translation,
used for nearly six decades as the exclusive
“Cyrano” text in American productions.
But I found Richmond’s adaptation fluid,
funny and anything but lost in translation.
It is hard to imagine any play could
top Workshop Theatre’s recent comic
masterpiece, “The Producers.” But USC
gives Max Bialystock a run for his money.
“Cyrano” wins the duel … by a nose. Bien
sûr.
CYRANO DE BERGERAC runs
September 25 through October 4 at USC
Longstreet Theatre. The curtain rises at
8 p.m. for all shows except for Saturday
performances, which take place at 7 p.m.
Also, there is a 3 p.m. matinee on October
4. Tickets are $10 for students; $14
for university faculty, staff and military
SuDoKu
personnel; and $16 for the general public.
Call 777.2551 for ticket information. To
learn more about USC theatre, visit http://
www.cas.sc.edu/thea/
T
he story behind “The King and I” is based upon the 1870 memoirs
of Anna Leonowens, “The English Governess at the Siamese Court.”
Although the accuracy of Leonowens’ account has sometimes been
called into question, the broad plotline places Anna amongst the numerous
children in the palace of King Mongkut of Siam.

By Garrett Kellerhals
Having ascended the throne in 1851 amidst the growing British and French acting, singing—heck, even the backgrounds transitions. As Town Theatre opens
colonization of Indochina, Mongkut was tasked with upholding traditional Buddhist its 91st season, “The King and I” stands out as an achievement in artistic detail and
structure and Siamese strength while simultaneously integrating and introducing his deserves much praise for its attention to stylizing a musical mainstay.
subjects to Western education and mannerisms. THE KING AND I runs September 18 through October 10 at Town Theatre. The
Such a balancing act was no simple challenge for Mongkut, and no less easy for his curtain rises at 8 p.m., except for Sunday matinees (Sept. 20, 27) at 3 p.m. Tickets
stage incarnation, but Rob Sprankle (“Peter Pan,” Town Theatre) exercises his talents range from $12-$18. Call 799.2510 for reservations. To learn more about Town
and experience as a father of young daughters (who appear in the cast) in his portrayal Theatre, visit www.towntheatre.com.
of the pompous and proud King. In an attempt to modernize his people, the King calls
for an instructor to further his children’s understanding of the world—especially the
impending foreign infiltration.
The harsh necessity and reality of education is embodied in one singular teacher,
Anna, who is charged with convincing the children at court of such tricky lessons as
“right is sometimes wrong.” Allison Manley (“Sweeney Todd,” Workshop Theatre)
delivers Anna’s bold ambitions and blunt demands while maintaining a sweet tutoring
voice.
The song “Getting To Know You” successfully delivers the audience into Siam and
the conflict at hand. It’s a musical number that’s as charming in its delivery as it is in
its idealism and continues to hold its own even in a musical world dominated by the
likes of “Rent,” “Billy Elliot” and “Avenue Q.”
Manley’s strength in song is complemented by Diane Gilbert’s (“The Sound of
Music,” Town Theatre) powerful operatic solos as Lady Thiang, the Bangkok Palace
headmaster who oversees the king’s myriad of children. Among them is an intrepid
youth and heir to the throne, Prince Chululongkorn. The role is double cast, but Hand
Middle School eighth grader and Town newcomer Eric Berg stood out on opening
night, packing a potent punch with a modicum of lines in defense of the Siamese
people and their struggle.
Accolades for this production deservedly stretch near and Far (East). As theatre
lovers well know, any Rodgers and Hammerstein show requires umpteen hours of
preparation and calls upon the entire talent pool of a community. Regionally renowned
costumer Janet Kile brings her best again, turning some 50-plus Midlands actors into
Thailand tourism brochure models.
Another great gift of the production is the play within a play as the King’s children
perform a ballet version of “Uncle Tom’s Cabin.” The cast kicks it up a notch during
this ten-minute performance due to the skilled choreography of Tracy Steele. In this
number and throughout the production, musical director Jeanine Cully Marsh and her
musicians ring out Rodgers’ score with an understated brilliance that keeps the pace
moving elegantly.
There’s a long list of reasons why classic musicals continue to be performed on
hundreds of stages and on the silver screen, but in this reviewer’s opinion, despite
its catchy music, “The King and I” only works if the production is fully authentic.
This requires incredible precision and attention to detail by the entire technical crew,
and the above-mentioned crew members, plus scenic and lighting designer Danny
Harrington and especially director Jamie Carr Harrington, are to be wholeheartedly
congratulated.
I’ve never seen an array of performers move through a singular space with as much
determination and enthusiasm, and, rest assured, audiences will be captivated by the
Allison Manley as Anna, and Rob Sprankle as the King in Town Theatre’s The King and I.
Photo by Jamie Carr Harrington
18 October 1, 2009 www.colatheater.com
Less Rock, More Talk from page 13
songwriter night. Sometimes bands just
assume that fans of heavier music are
a little slower and need to be reminded
what to do. The ubiquitous circle pit,
when called for, usually only lasts for
half a verse before it degenerates into
a bunch of pushing and spilled drinks.
Hardcore dancing, for those not familiar,
mostly consists of kicking, punching,
and flailing about to show support for
the band by injuring other people trying
to watch them play.
3. “It’s SOOOO hot up here.”
Five dudes in hoodies jumping around
in close proximity to each other, each
pounding on their respective instruments
underneath a mass of french fry lights.
Thank you for the temp check, Al Roker.
It’s really hot down here too. Keep us
updated on that, repeatedly. Throughout
the ENTIRE SET.
2. “Check out our MySpace
page.”
“Hey, if you liked seeing us live,
then you’ll love waiting five minutes for
our page to load, hearing some poorly
recorded demos, and checking out the
background graphics that make reading
our list of influences impossible. Then
add us as a friend so we can send you
multiple bulletins about what our singer
ate for lunch.”
1. “Give it up!”
This is our grand prize winner. These
three words were heard the most out of
23rd Chili
all the inane, trite phrases that came out
of band members’ mouths. Give it up for
this band, now give it up for that band,
now everyone give it up for yourselves
cook-off
for being the best crowd ever, give it
up for our drummer who managed to
learn all our songs yesterday despite
his natural lack of rhythm, it goes on
and on. Obviously they are requesting
applause of approval for whatever, but
the wording sounds like we are expected
to sacrifice something, maybe the way
some bands give up using their tuners
for Lent.
Honorable mention On Saturday, October 17th 2009 Group
Therapy will host their 23rd annual chili cook-off.
The annual charity event donates to a number of
Here are some more that I heard a
charities. Accordng to Group Therapy’s Web site
lot, that didn’t quite make it into the top this year’s charities are CAMP KEMO (a program
eleven: run by Palmetto Health), and The Hope Center of
Charleston.
“Here’s a cover song.”
“We’re gonna slow it down now.” TROPHIES WILL BE AWARDED FOR ALL
OF THESE CATEGORIES
“I can’t hear you!”
People’s Choice
“We’re on tour and we need a place Overall Best Chili 1st, 2nd, 3rd
to stay...” Best Vegetarian
Bar/Restaurant 1st, 2nd, 3rd
talkback@columbiacitypaper.com Best Edible Hot Chili
Overall Best Set-up
Best American Hero’s Chili (SC Fire House,
Police, US Armed Forces)
All proceeds from this event go directly to
charity.
visit http://www.grouptherapybar.com/
chili2009/ for more information and to register.
October 1, 2009 19
Photo courtesy of Historic
Columbia Foundation