Mohamed ALGhoraiyr Professor Sharon Doetsch-Kidder December 16, 2013 Academic-Language-Analysis Word Count #1472 Jazz as an Extended Metaphor

for Social Computing In any academic writing there should be a target idea to be shared, not only current information, but also it could be in the past. Aiming a goal that when you put words in a particular order it states a connection that strengthens a specific meaning. In digital humanities writing, there is a discipline that introduces the idea or a concept to demonstrate cognitive values of human experience, dealing with the question of human values. Digital humanities are consider a part of humanities where it deals with humanities studies, and share it online to let others look at it and read. The goal from humanities is to define the human experiences including in philosophy or history or even musical instruments. Though, its different from scientific writing, where scientists give us a question, and we should find a specific answer or solution. However, theoretical writing is based on our own perspective of a certain topic. Unfortunately, the author delivered his article clearly with a verity of linguistic patterns, which may develop the articles performance. His structure of the text was well organized, and shared multiple methods and value of an academic writing. Also, the neutral reporting verb was not quite it, where he should have included the other types as well. A language analysis of an article by Aaron McLeran named Jazz as an Extended Metaphor for Social Computing (2009), the article considers the way that people understand the characteristics of computers in the contemporary world as a tool for social communication. Moreover, the author realizes that the need of new metaphor for social computing is essential. In addition, he represents many

background traditions of jazz and social computing that are strongly effective in order to give some history of jazz and social computing. As a result, McLeran left his article with some question that makes the readers to continue thinking of the problem. The author is a graduate student of the University of Californias Transliteracies Project, and of a social computing research group. McLerans article intends to specifically define the extended metaphor of jazz, and compare it to social computing. The issue that the author expresses is that the new metaphors for social computing are needed (p.1/4). According to the article jazz is like social computing social computing, leaving old patterns and metaphors can be linked to thoughts, which makes jazz seem like the most powerful metaphor. McLeran has delivered his thoughts clearly to explain that the goal from this writing is to search for interesting metaphorical between jazz and social computing. Although, it has pointed out that there a comparison arises among ideas, and thought that are questionable. The author set this article with an interesting strategy of linguistic by making a clever mixing between formal and uncommon writing. These mathematical symbols for example if A is a metaphor for B and B is a metaphor for C, is not A a metaphor for C? (p.1/4) was clear to identify that he has a mixing clever with unformed writing. Moreover, resulting from the strategy of his writing that the text structure is well organized, so that the order was clear to say where he delivered his intro, body and conclusion. McLeran gives many examples when explaining his point due to the fact that the author wants the article to be more precise. The methods that the author has given in his academic piece were taken seriously. Indeed, it was completely finished; leaving that the article has accomplished mixing all the methods in the article with different categories. Although, he was ensure that the article was set with different

insights. In other words, his article was objective, which takes multiple different perspectives. Additionally, the author sets this article to introduce many facts about jazz and social computing with impersonal opinions, which he imposes self-interest. For example, the phrase Ill finish the article with a series of questions (p.4/4) makes it a direct reference to the writer himself. The author uses many features that are valuable to illustrate the authors point. Having digital project to be collaborative in terms of making the article more active. In depth, it is widely opened to everyone, and accessible for readers to be involved by replying or leaving a comment at the end. Also, the authors creativity is sense to be more openly than any other scholarly writers, which made his article shared to anybody by looking it up online. However, the punctuation was clearly organized well in terms of commas and other punctuations bases. On the other hand, the structural was fair enough that the subtitles or heading was phrasing whats inside the paragraph, but not logically order for academic writing, which he didnt include the logical structure of giving the introduction, body and conclusion in the headings. Moreover, writing a research articles requires elements that the author should be aware of. Humanities writers have a hard time adjusting their thesis and presenting their text with full conception of perfection. In this article, the author had used highlevel of academic words that are not smoothly going through the flow, but its hard for students to understand the exact meaning of the text, which has a less amount of readers. For example, Metaphors economically map the cognitive associations and common experiences of one domain directly onto another, thereby possibly providing new and important insights. (p.1/4). As its a scholarly writing, obviously it is delivered for academic audience, which its confusing for an everyday reader.

However, if one breaks down the meaning of each word, the main idea becomes understandable. In addition, using many reporting verbs that each one of them has slightly different terms, and often a subtle shade of meaning. Using the correct verb relies on what the authors own interpretation of the subject, and how strongly he feels about the topic. Through this article, McLeran uses neutral verbs more than any other type of verbs that makes his academic writing less convincing to read because if the writer involves many strong reporting verbs that would be more accurate and more convincing to believe. For example, The goal is to point out there are some fertile questions and ideas which arise when making the metaphorical comparison. (p.2/4). Thats all because of having less effectively in doing many researches that loses the ability to increase the quality of this text. McLeran has spread out his article with many simple and complex sentences. The compression of the complex sentences makes them difficult to comprehend. There are many independent clauses that the author stresses on for example, the performers create a piece which no individual performer or composer could have created alone. (p.2/4). Although, a perfect academic writer should include a variety of sentences types in order to raise the effectiveness in any paper piece because the author is trying to convince an audience that he or she should use a more precise sentence structure to make a stronger argument. Likewise, punctuation is not satisfied, as it should be. For that reason, the author has not orderly his own work very effectively. This leaves the paper with an informal ending. In humanities writing, the structure that includes introduction, body and conclusion is necessary and should be clearly visible to make the paper more formal. The headings have logically paraphrased whats inside the paragraph. However, the

author ends his writing with spreading many questions What would be the metaphorical equivalent in social computing for the jazz soloist? (p.4/4) in order to not stop this discipline to end, so that let the readers to continue thinking about the problem, and promoting what the readers think the answer might be. These questions raise the impression that the readers are feeling about it. In conclusion, this article introduced what social computing is, and what was the need of a new metaphor, which is jazz. Humanities is actually introduces the idea or concept to demonstrate dealing with question of human values. The goal from humanities is to express the human experiences including in philosophy or history or even musical instruments. McLeran writes some traditions of how people react to emphasize which pattern are mostly needed. Moreover, it is bad how the writer expand his thoughts in complex way, which deliberates the readers mind on how this context goes. As a result, the structural and linguistic writing is over all great, but should have more focus in. letting that pervasion in terms of verbs, sentences types reflects to the tone of the passage to be not impressive as the reader wanted to be. Also, giving the chance for reader to react upon the question that the author has raised.

Reference: McLeran, A. (2009). Jazz as an extended metaphor for social computing. Retrieved from http://transliteracies.english.ucsb.edu/post/research-project/researchclearinghouse-individual/research-reports/jazz-as-an-extended-metaphor-forsocial-computing

Students Name: ___Mohammed______________________________________________ Date: _12/8/2013______________________ Evaluation System 1 = Emerging 2 = Developing/Beginning to show criteria 3 = Shows criteria with some consistency 4 = Capable/usually consistent (Passing) 5 = Experienced/effective 6 = Experienced/effective/consistent 7 = Exceptional/thought-provoking/original Criteria a. Introduction is logically arranged and contains the article title, the publication, the authors name and credibility information, and the articles main/central idea Draft 1 Prof. Doetsch-Kidder 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Final Draft Student 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

ENGH 121/ ALA Section: __AC5__________

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b. The thesis statement makes a claim about the effects of the 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 linguistic and structural features of the article in relation to the epistemology, value, or methods of the discipline No thesis I have written my thesis, which I would be greatly happy if you liked it. c. Multiple accurate examples are used to substantiate claim. d. All examples are explained and thoroughly analyzed. e. All terms and concepts are correctly used and clearly defined when necessary. f. Each paragraph introduces and develops one main idea 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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g. Ideas flow logically and smoothly; uses appropriate and varied transitions. h. Conclusion restates thesis in a different way i. Tone is neutral and objective throughout j. Word choice is appropriate, academic, nuanced, and varied k. Varies sentence structure l. Reporting verbs make it clear where ideas come from and accurately reflect original authors tone and purpose

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m. Clauses are correctly formed with correct/appropriate word choice (including prepositions and articles), word form (including verb tense and form), and word order. n. Sentences are correctly formed with no fragments or runons o. Spelling, punctuation (including commas for introductory phrases and non-essential elements), and capitalization are correct p. Complete, accurate, and correctly formatted in-text citations and reference list OVERALL: Language issues prevent comprehension of this paper. Paper also fails to meet minimum length requirement. I did my best and I wish at the end of the semester I will have a higher grade.

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1 2 3 4 5 6 7 C-

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 B+

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