Autobiography of Madame Guyon

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PART ONE

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CHAPTER 1 There were omissions of importance in the former narration of my life. I willingly comply with your esire! in gi"ing you a more circumstantial relation# though the la$or seems rather painful! as I cannot use much stu y or reflection. %y earnest wish is to paint in true colors the goo ness of &o to me! an the epth of my own ingratitu e'($ut it is impossi$le! as num$erless little circumstances ha"e escape my memory. )ou are also unwilling I shoul gi"e you a minute account of my sins. I shall! howe"er! try to lea"e out as few faults as possi$le. I epen on you to estroy it! when your soul hath rawn those spiritual a "antages which &o inten e ! an for which purpose I am willing to sacrifice all things. I am fully persua e of His esigns towar you! as well for the sanctification of others! as for your own sanctification. *et me assure you! this is not attaine ! sa"e through pain! weariness an la$or# an it will $e reache $y a path that will won erfully isappoint your e+pectations. Ne"ertheless! if you are fully con"ince that it is on the nothing in man that &o esta$lishes his greatest wor,s!'(you will $e in part guar e against isappointment or surprise. He estroys that he might $uil # for when He is a$out to rear His sacre temple in us! He first totally ra-es that "ain an pompous e ifice! which human art an power ha erecte ! an from its horri$le ruins a new structure is forme ! $y His power only. Oh! that you coul comprehen the epth of this mystery! an learn the secrets of the con uct of &o ! re"eale to $a$es! $ut hi from the wise an great of this worl ! who thin, themsel"es the *or .s counselor.s! an capa$le of in"estigating His proce ures! an suppose they ha"e attaine that i"ine wis om hi en from the eyes of all who li"e in self! an are en"elope in their own wor,s. /ho $y a li"ely genius an ele"ate faculties mount up to Hea"en! an thin, to comprehen the height an epth an length an $rea th of &o . This i"ine wis om is un,nown! e"en to those who pass in the worl for persons of e+traor inary illumination an ,nowle ge. To whom then is she ,nown! an who can tell us any ti ings concerning her0 1estruction an eath assure us! that they ha"e hear with their ears of her fame an renown. It is! then! in ying to all things! an in $eing truly lost to them! passing forwar into &o ! an e+isting only in Him! that we attain to some ,nowle ge of the true wis om. Oh! how little are her ways ,nown! an her ealings with her most chosen ser"ants. 2carce o we isco"er anything thereof! $ut surprise at the issimilitu e $etwi+t the truth we thus isco"er an our former i eas of it! we cry out with 2t. Paul! 3Oh! the epth of the ,nowle ge an wis om of &o 4 how unsearcha$le are his 5u gments! an his ways past fin ing out.6 The *or 5u geth not of things as men o! who call goo e"il an e"il goo ! an account that as righteousness which is a$omina$le in His sight! an which accor ing to the prophet He regar s as filthy rags. He will enter into strict 5u gment with these self7righteous! an they shall! li,e the Pharisees! $e rather su$5ects of His wrath! than o$5ects of His lo"e! or inheritors of His rewar s. 1oth not Christ Himself assure us! that 3e+cept our righteousness e+cee that of the

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scri$es an pharisees we shall in no case enter into the ,ing om of hea"en.6 An which of us e"en approaches them in righteousness# or! if we li"e in the practice of "irtues! though much inferior to theirs! are we not tenfol more ostentatious0 /ho is not please to $ehol himself righteous in his own eyes! an in the eyes of others0 or! who is it ou$ts that such righteousness is sufficient to please &o 0 )et! we see the in ignation of our *or manifeste against such. He who was the perfect pattern of ten erness an mee,ness! such as flowe from the epth of the heart! an not that affecte mee,ness! which un er the form of a o"e! hi es the haw,.s heart. He appears se"ere only to these self7righteous people! an He pu$licly ishonore them. In what strange colors oes He represent them! while He $ehol s the poor sinner with mercy! compassion an lo"e! an eclares that for them only He was come! that it was the sic, who nee e the physician# an that He came only to sa"e the lost sheep of the house of Israel. O thou 2ource of *o"e4 Thou ost in ee seem so 5ealous of the sal"ation Thou hast purchase ! that Thou ost prefer the sinner to the righteous4 The poor sinner $ehol s himself "ile an wretche ! is in a manner constraine to etest himself# an fin ing his state so horri$le! casts himself in his esperation into the arms of his 2a"iour! an plunges into the healing fountain! an comes forth 3white as wool.6 Then confoun e at the re"iew of his isor ere state! an o"erflowing with lo"e for Him! who ha"ing alone the power! ha also the compassion to sa"e him'(the e+cess of his lo"e is proportione to the enormity of his crimes! an the fullness of his gratitu e to the e+tent of the e$t remitte . The self7righteous! relying on the many goo wor,s he imagines he has performe ! seems to hol sal"ation in his own han ! an consi ers Hea"en as a 5ust rewar of his merits. In the $itterness of his -eal he e+claims against all sinners! an represents the gates of mercy as $arre against them! an Hea"en as a place to which they ha"e no claim. /hat nee ha"e such self7righteous persons of a 2a"iour0 they are alrea y $ur ene with the loa of their own merits. Oh! how long they $ear the flattering loa ! while sinners i"este of e"erything! fly rapi ly on the wings of faith an lo"e into their 2a"iour.s arms! who freely $estows on them that which he has so freely promise 4 How full of self7lo"e are the self7righteous! an how "oi of the lo"e of &o 4 They esteem an a mire themsel"es in their wor,s of righteousness! which they suppose to $e a fountain of happiness. These wor,s are no sooner e+pose to the 2un of Righteousness! than they isco"er all to $e so full of impurity an $aseness! that it frets them to the heart. %eanwhile the poor sinner! %ag alene! is par one $ecause she lo"es much! an her faith an lo"e are accepte as righteousness. The inspire Paul! who so well un erstoo these great truths an so fully in"estigate them! assures us that 3the faith of A$raham was impute to him for righteousness.6 This is truly $eautiful for it is certain that all of that holy patriarch.s actions were strictly righteous# yet! not seeing them as such! an $eing e"oi of the lo"e of them! an i"este of selfishness! his faith was foun e on the coming Christ. He hope in Him e"en against hope itself! an this was impute to him for righteousness! =Rom. <>1?! ::!@ a pure! simple an genuine righteousness! wrought $y Christ! an not a righteousness wrought $y himself! an regar e as of himself. )ou may imagine this a igression wi e of the su$5ect! $ut it lea s insensi$ly to it. It shows that &o accomplishes His wor, either in con"erte sinners! whose past iniAuities ser"e as a counterpoise to their ele"ation! or in persons whose self7righteousness He estroys! $y totally o"erthrowing the prou $uil ing they ha reare on a san y foun ation! instea of the Roc,'( Christ. The esta$lishment of all these en s! which He propose in coming into the worl ! is effecte $y the apparent o"erthrow of that "ery structure which in reality He woul erect. By means which seem to estroy His Church! He esta$lishes it. How strangely oes He foun the new ispensation an gi"e it His sanction4 The legislator Himself is con emne $y the learne an

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great! as a malefactor! an ies an ignominious eath. Oh! that we fully un erstoo how "ery opposite our self7righteousness is to the esigns of &o '(it woul $e a su$5ect for en less humiliation! an we shoul ha"e an utter istrust in that which at present constitutes the whole of our epen ence.

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Crom a 5ust lo"e of His supreme power! an a righteous 5ealousy of man,in ! who attri$ute to each other the gifts He Himself $estows upon them! it please Him to ta,e one of the most unworthy of the creation! to ma,e ,nown the fact that His graces are the effects of His will! not the fruits of our merits. It is the property of His wis om to estroy what is prou ly $uilt! an to $uil what is estroye # to ma,e use of wea, things to confoun the mighty an to employ in His ser"ice such as appear "ile an contempti$le. This He oes in a manner so astonishing! as to ren er them the o$5ects of the scorn an contempt of the worl . It is not to raw pu$lic appro$ation upon them! that He ma,es them instrumental in the sal"ation of others# $ut to ren er them the o$5ects of their isli,e an the su$5ects of their insults# as you will see in this life you ha"e en5oine upon me to write.

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CHAPTER : I was $orn on April 1?! 1D<?. %y parents! particularly my father! was e+tremely pious# $ut to him it was a manner here itary. %any of his forefathers were saints.

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%y mother! in the eighth month! was acci entally frightene ! which cause an a$ortion. It is generally imagine that a chil $orn in that month cannot sur"i"e. In ee ! I was so e+cessi"ely ill! imme iately after my $irth! that all a$out me espaire of my life! an were apprehensi"e I shoul ie without $aptism. Percei"ing some signs of "itality! they ran to acAuaint my father! who imme iately $rought a priest# $ut on entering the cham$er they were tol those symptoms which ha raise their hopes were only e+piring struggles! an all was o"er. I ha no sooner shown signs of life again! than I again relapse ! an remaine so long in an uncertain state! that it was some time $efore they coul fin a proper opportunity to $apti-e me. I continue "ery unhealthy until I was two an a half years ol ! when they sent me to the con"ent of the Ersulines! where I remaine a few months. On my return! my mother neglecte to pay ue attention to my e ucation. 2he was not fon of aughters an a$an one me wholly to the care of ser"ants. In ee ! I shoul ha"e suffere se"erely from their inattention to me ha not an all7watchful Pro"i ence $een my protector> for through my li"eliness! I met with "arious acci ents. I freAuently fell into a eep "ault that hel our firewoo # howe"er! I always escape unhurt. The 1utchess of %ont$ason came to the con"ent of the Bene ictines! when I was a$out four years ol . 2he ha a great frien ship for my father! an o$taine his permission that I shoul go to the same con"ent. 2he too, peculiar elight in my sporti"eness an certain sweetness in my e+ternal eportment. I $ecame her constant companion. I was guilty of freAuent an angerous irregularities in this house! an committe serious faults. I ha goo e+amples $efore me! an $eing naturally well incline ! I followe them! when there were none to turn me asi e. I lo"e to hear &o spo,en of! to $e at church! an to $e resse in a religious gar$. I was tol of terrors of Hell which I imagine was inten e to intimi ate me as I was e+cee ingly li"ely! an full of a little petulant "i"acity which they calle wit. The

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succee ing night I reame of Hell! an though I was so young! time has ne"er $een a$le to efface the frightful i eas impresse upon my imagination. All appeare horri$le ar,ness! where souls were punishe ! an my place among them was pointe out. At this I wept $itterly! an crie ! 3Oh! my &o ! if Thou wilt ha"e mercy upon me! an spare me yet a little longer! I will ne"er more offen Thee.6 An thou i st! O *or ! in mercy hear,en unto my cry! an pour upon me strength an courage to ser"e thee! in an uncommon manner for one of my age. I wante to go pri"ately to confession! $ut $eing little! the mistress of the $oar ers carrie me to the priest! an staye with me while I was hear . 2he was much astonishe when I mentione that I ha suggestions against the faith! an the confessor $egan to laugh! an inAuire what they were. I tol him that till then I ha ou$te there was such a place as Hell! an suppose my mistress ha spo,en of it merely to ma,e me goo ! $ut now my ou$ts were all remo"e . After confession my heart glowe with a ,in of fer"or! an at one time I felt a esire to suffer martyr om. The goo girls of the house! to amuse themsel"es! an to see how far this growing fer"or woul carry me! esire me to prepare for martyr om. I foun great fer"ency an elight in prayer! an was persua e that this ar or! which was as new as it was pleasing! was a proof of &o .s lo"e. This inspire me with such courage an resolution! that I earnestly $esought them to procee ! that I might there$y enter into His sacre presence. But was there not latent hypocrisy here0 1i I not imagine that it was possi$le they woul not ,ill me! an that I woul ha"e the merit of martyr om without suffering it0 In ee ! it appeare there was something of this nature in it. Being place ,neeling on a cloth sprea for the purpose! an seeing $ehin me a large swor lifte up which they ha prepare to try how far my ar or woul carry me I crie ! 3Hol 4 it is not right I shoul ie without first o$taining my father.s permission.6 I was Auic,ly up$rai e with ha"ing sai this that I might escape! an that I was no longer a martyr. I continue long isconsolate! an woul recei"e no comfort# something inwar ly repro"e me! for not ha"ing em$race that opportunity of going to Hea"en! when it reste altogether on my own choice. At my solicitation! an on account of my falling so freAuently sic,! I was at length ta,en home. On my return! my mother ha"ing a mai in whom she place confi ence! left me again to the care of ser"ants. It is a great fault! of which mothers are guilty! when un er prete+t of e+ternal e"otions! or other engagements! they suffer their aughters to $e a$sent from them. I for$ear not con emning that un5ust partiality with which parents treat some of their chil ren. It is freAuently pro ucti"e of i"isions in families! an e"en the ruin of some. Impartiality! $y uniting chil ren.s hearts together! lays the foun ation of lasting harmony an unanimity. I woul I were a$le to con"ince parents! an all who ha"e the care of youth! of the great attention they reAuire! an how angerous it is to let them $e for any length of time from un er their eye! or to suffer them to $e without some ,in of employment. This negligence is the ruin of multitu es of girls.

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How greatly it is to $e lamente ! that mothers who are incline to piety! shoul per"ert e"en the means of sal"ation to their estruction'(commit the greatest irregularities while apparently pursuing that which shoul pro uce the most regular an circumspect con uct.

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Thus! $ecause they e+perience certain gains in prayer! they woul $e all ay long at church# meanwhile their chil ren are running to estruction. /e glorify &o most when we pre"ent what may offen Him. /hat must $e the nature of that sacrifice which is the occasion of sin4 &o shoul $e ser"e in His own way. *et the e"otion of mothers $e regulate so as to pre"ent their aughters from straying. Treat them as sisters! not as sla"es. Appear please with their little amusements. The chil ren will elight then in the presence of their mothers! instea of a"oi ing it. If they fin so much happiness with them! they will not ream of see,ing it elsewhere. %others freAuently eny their chil ren any li$erties. *i,e $ir s constantly confine

to a cage! they no sooner fin means of escape than off they go! ne"er to return. In or er to ren er them tame an ocile when young! they shoul $e permitte sometimes to ta,e wing! $ut as their flight is wea,! an closely watche ! it is easy to reta,e them when they escape. *ittle flight gi"es them the ha$it of naturally returning to their cage which $ecomes an agreea$le confinement. I $elie"e young girls shoul $e treate in a manner something similar to this. %others shoul in ulge them in an innocent li$erty! $ut shoul ne"er lose sight of them. To guar the ten er min s of chil ren from what is wrong! much care shoul $e ta,en to employ them in agreea$le an useful matters. They shoul not $e loa e with foo they cannot relish. %il, suite to $a$ies shoul $e a ministere to them not strong meat which may so isgust them! that when they arri"e at an age when it woul $e proper nourishment! they will not so much as taste it. E"ery ay they shoul $e o$lige to rea a little in some goo $oo,! spen some time in prayer! which must $e suite rather to stir the affections! than for me itation. Oh! were this metho of e ucation pursue ! how spee ily woul many irregularities cease4 These aughters $ecoming mothers! woul e ucate their chil ren as they themsel"es ha $een e ucate . Parents shoul also a"oi showing the smallest partiality in the treatment of their chil ren. It $egets a secret 5ealousy an hatre among them! which freAuently augments with time! an e"en continues until eath. How often o we see some chil ren the i ols of the house! $eha"ing li,e a$solute tyrants! treating their $rothers an sisters as so many sla"es accor ing to the e+ample of father an mother. An it happens many times! that the fa"orite pro"es a scourge to the parents while the poor espise an hate one $ecomes their consolation an support. %y mother was "ery efecti"e in the e ucation of her chil ren. 2he suffere me whole ays from her presence in company with the ser"ants! whose con"ersation an e+ample were particularly hurtful to one of my isposition. %y mother.s heart seeme wholly centere in my $rother. I was scarcely e"er fa"ore with the smallest instance of her ten erness or affection. I therefore "oluntarily a$sente myself from her. It is true! my $rother was more amia$le than I $ut the e+cess of her fon ness for him! ma e her $lin e"en to my outwar goo Aualities. It ser"e only to isco"er my faults! which woul ha"e $een trifling ha proper care $een ta,en of me.

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CHAPTER ; %y father who lo"e me ten erly an seeing how little my e ucation was atten e to sent me to a con"ent of the Ersulines. I was near se"en years ol . In this house were two half sisters of mine! the one $y my father! the other $y my mother. %y father place me un er his aughter.s care! a person of the great capacity an most e+alte piety! e+cellently Aualifie for the instruction of youth. This was a singular ispensation of &o .s pro"i ence an lo"e towar me! an pro"e the first means of my sal"ation. 2he lo"e me ten erly! an her affection ma e her isco"er in me many amia$le Aualities! which the *or ha implante in me. 2he en ea"ore to impro"e these goo Aualities! an I $elie"e that ha I continue in such careful han s! I shoul ha"e acAuire as many "irtuous ha$its as I afterwar contracte e"il ones. This goo sister employe her time in instructing me in piety an in such $ranches of learning as were suita$le to my age an capacity. 2he ha goo talents an impro"e them well. 2he was freAuent in prayer an her faith was as great as that of most persons. 2he enie herself e"ery other pleasure to $e with me an to instruct me. 2uch was her affection for me that it ma e her fin more pleasure with me than anywhere else.

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If I ma e her agreea$le answers! though more from chance than from 5u gment! she thought herself well pai for all her la$or. En er her care I soon $ecame mistress of most stu ies suita$le for me. %any grown persons of ran, coul not ha"e answere the Auestions.

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As my father often sent for me! esiring to see me at home! I foun at one time the Fueen of Englan there. I was near eight years of age. %y father tol the Fueen.s confessor that if he wante a little amusement he might entertain himself with me. He trie me with se"eral "ery ifficult Auestions! to which I returne such pertinent answers that he carrie me to the Fueen! an sai ! 3)our ma5esty must ha"e some i"ersion with this chil .6 2he also trie me an was so well please with my li"ely answers! an my manners! that she eman e me of my father with no small importunity. 2he assure him that she woul ta,e particular care of me! esigning me for mai of honor to the princess. %y father resiste . 1ou$tless it was &o who cause this refusal! an there$y turne off the stro,e which might ha"e pro$a$ly intercepte my sal"ation. Being so wea,! how coul I ha"e withstoo the temptations an istractions of a court0 I went $ac, to the Ersulines where my goo sister continue her affection. But as she was not the mistress of the $oar ers! an I was o$lige sometimes to go along with them! I contracte $a ha$its. I $ecame a icte to lying! pee"ishness an in e"otion! passing whole ays without thin,ing on &o # though He watche continually o"er me! as the seAuel will manifest. I i not remain long un er the power of such ha$its $ecause my sister.s care reco"ere me. I lo"e much to hear of &o ! was not weary of church! lo"e to pray! ha ten erness for the poor! an a natural isli,e for persons whose octrine was 5u ge unsoun . &o has always continue to me this grace! in my greatest infi elities. There was at the en of the gar en connecte with this con"ent! a little chapel e icate to the chil Gesus. To this I $etoo, myself for e"otion an ! for some time! carrying my $rea,fast thither e"ery morning! I hi it all $ehin this image. I was so much a chil ! that I thought I ma e a consi era$le sacrifice in epri"ing myself of it. 1elicate in my choice of foo ! I wishe to mortify myself! $ut foun self7lo"e still too pre"alent! to su$mit to such mortification. /hen they were cleaning out this chapel! they foun $ehin the image what I ha left there an presently guesse that it was I. They ha seen me e"ery ay going thither. I $elie"e that &o ! who lets nothing pass without a recompense! soon rewar e me with interest for this little infantine e"otion. I continue some time with my sister! where I retaine the lo"e an fear of &o . %y life was easy# I was e ucate agreea$ly with her. I impro"e much while I ha my health! $ut "ery often I was sic,! an sei-e with mala ies as su en as they were uncommon. In the e"ening well# in the morning swelle an full of $luish mar,s! symptoms of a fe"er which soon followe . At nine years! I was ta,en with so "iolent a hemorrhage that they thought I was going to ie. I was ren ere e+cee ingly wea,. A little $efore this se"ere attac,! my other sister $ecame 5ealous! wanting to ha"e me in turn. Though she le a goo life! yet she ha not a talent for the e ucation of chil ren. At first she caresse me! $ut all her caresses ma e no impression upon my heart. %y other sister i more with a loo,! than she with either caresses or threatenings. As she saw that I lo"e her not so well! she change to rigorous treatment. 2he woul not allow me to spea, to my other sister. /hen she ,new I ha spo,en to her! she ha me whippe ! or $eat me herself. I coul no longer hol out against se"ere usage! an therefore reAuite with apparent ingratitu e all the fa"ors of my paternal sister! going no more to see her. But this i not hin er her from gi"ing me mar,s of her usual goo ness! in the se"ere mala y 5ust mentione . 2he ,in ly construe my ingratitu e to $e rather owing to my fear of chastisement! than to a $a heart. In ee ! I $elie"e

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this was the only instance in which fear of chastisement operate so powerfully upon me. Crom that time I suffere more in occasioning pain to One I lo"e ! than in suffering myself at their han .

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Thou ,nowest! O my Belo"e ! that it was not the rea of Thy chastisements that sun, so eep! either into my un erstan ing or my heart# it was the sorrow for offen ing Thee which e"er constitute the whole of my istress# which was so great. I imagine if there were neither Hea"en nor Hell! I shoul always ha"e retaine the same fear of ispleasing Thee. Thou ,nowest that after my faults! when! in forgi"ing mercy! Thou wert please to "isit my soul! Thy caresses were a thousan 7fol more insupporta$le than Thy ro . %y father $eing informe of all that passe ! too, me home again. I was nearly ten years of age. I staye only a little while at home. A nun of the or er of 2t. 1ominic! of a great family! one of my father.s intimate frien s! solicite him to place me in her con"ent. 2he was the prioress an promise she woul ta,e care of me an ma,e me lo ge in her room. This la y ha concei"e a great affection for me. 2he was so ta,en up with her community! in its many trou$lesome e"ents that she was not at li$erty to ta,e much care of me. I ha the chic,enpo+! which ma e me ,eep to my $e three wee,s! in which I ha "ery $a care! though my father an mother thought I was un er e+cellent care. The la ies of the house ha such a rea of the smallpo+! as they imagine mine to $e! that they woul not come near me. I passe almost all the time without seeing any$o y. A lay7sister who only $rought me my allowance of iet at the set hours imme iately went off again. I pro"i entially foun a Bi$le an ha"ing $oth a fon ness for rea ing an a happy memory! I spent whole ays in rea ing it from morning to night. I learne entirely the historical part. )et I was really "ery unhappy in this house. The other $oar ers! $eing large girls! istresse me with grie"ous persecutions. I was so much neglecte ! as to foo ! that I $ecame Auite emaciate .

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CHAPTER < After a$out eight months my father too, me home. %y mother ,ept me more with her! $eginning to ha"e a higher regar for me than $efore. 2he still preferre my $rother# e"ery one spo,e of it. E"en when I was sic, an there was anything I li,e ! he aman e it. It was ta,en from me! an gi"en to him! an he was in perfectly goo health. One ay he ma e me mount the top of the coach# then threw me own. By the fall I was "ery much $ruise . At other times he $eat me. But whate"er he i ! howe"er wrong! it was win,e at! or the most fa"ora$le construction was put upon it. This soure my temper. I ha little isposition to o goo ! saying! 3I was ne"er the $etter for it.6 It was not then for Thee alone! O &o ! that I i goo # since I cease to o it! when it met not with such a reception from others as I wante . Ha I ,nown how to ma,e a right use of this thy crucifying con uct! I shoul ha"e ma e a goo progress. Car from turning me out of the way! it woul ha"e ma e me turn more wholly to Thee.

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I loo,e with 5ealous eyes on my $rother! seeing the ifference $etween him an me. /hate"er he i was consi ere well# $ut if there were $lame! it fell on me. %y stepsisters $y the mother! gaine her goo will $y caressing him an persecuting me. True! I was $a . I relapse into my former faults of lying an pee"ishness. /ith all these faults I was "ery ten er an charita$le to the poor. I praye to &o assi uously! lo"e to hear any one spea, of Him an to rea goo $oo,s.

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I ou$t not that you will $e ama-e at such a series of inconsistencies# $ut what succee s will surprise you yet more! when you see this manner of acting gain groun with my years. As my reason ripene ! it was so far from correcting this irrational con uct. 2in grew more powerful in me.

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O my &o ! thy grace seeme to $e re ou$le in proportion to the increase of my ingratitu e4 It was with me as with a city $esiege ! Thou i st surroun my heart! an I only stu ie how to efen myself against thy attac,s. I raise fortifications a$out the wretche place! a ing e"ery ay to the num$er of my iniAuities to pre"ent Thee ta,ing it. /hen there was an appearance of Thy $ecoming "ictorious o"er this ungrateful heart! I raise a counter7$attery! an threw up ramparts to ,eep off thy goo ness! an to hin er the course of thy grace. None other coul ha"e conAuere than Thyself. I cannot $ear to hear it sai ! 3/e are not free to resist grace.6 I ha"e ha too long an fatal an e+perience of my li$erty. I close up the a"enues of my heart! that I might not so much as hear that secret "oice of &o ! which was calling me to Himself. I ha"e in ee ! from ten erest youth! passe through a series of grie"ances! either $y mala ies or $y persecutions. The girl to whose care my mother left me! in arranging my hair use to $eat me! an i not ma,e me turn it e+cept with rage an $lows. E"erything seeme to punish me! $ut this instea of ma,ing me turn unto Thee! O my &o ! only ser"e to afflict an em$itter my min .

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%y father ,new nothing of all this# his lo"e to me was such that he woul not ha"e suffere it. I lo"e him "ery much! $ut at the same time I feare him! so that I tol him nothing of it. %y mother was often teasing him with complaints of me! to which he ma e no other reply than! 3There are twel"e hours in the ay# she.ll grow wiser.6 This rigorous procee ing was not the worst for my soul! though it soure my temper! which was otherwise mil an easy. But what cause my greatest hurt was! that I chose to $e among those who caresse me! in or er to corrupt an spoil me. %y father! seeing I was now grown tall! place me in *ent among the Ersulines! to recei"e my first communion at Easter! at which time I was to complete my ele"enth year. An here my most ear sister! un er whose inspection my father place me! re ou$le her cares! to cause me to ma,e the $est preparation possi$le for this act of e"otion. I thought now of gi"ing myself to &o in goo earnest. I often felt a com$at $etween my goo inclinations an my $a ha$its. I e"en i some penances. As I was almost always with my sister! an as the $oar ers in her class! which was the first! were "ery reasona$le an ci"il! I $ecame such also! while among them. It ha $een cruel to e ucate me $a ly# for my "ery nature was strongly ispose to goo ness. Easily won with mil ness! I i with pleasure whate"er my goo sister esire . At length Easter arri"e # I recei"e the communion with much 5oy an e"otion. In this house I stai until /hitsunti e. But as my other sister was mistress of the secon class! she eman e that in her wee, I shoul $e with her in that class. Her manners! so opposite to the other.s! ma e me rela+ my former piety. I felt no more that new an elightful ar or which ha sei-e my heart at my first communion. Alas4 it hel $ut a short time. %y faults an failings were soon reiterate an rew me from the care an uties of religion. As I now grew "ery tall for my age! an more to my mother.s li,ing than $efore! she too, care to ec, an ress me! to ma,e me see company! an to ta,e me a$roa . 2he too, an inor inate pri e in that $eauty with which &o ha forme me! to $less an praise Him. Howe"er it was per"erte $y me into a source of pri e an "anity. 2e"eral suitors came to me# $ut as I was not

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yet twel"e years my father woul not listen to any proposals. I lo"e rea ing an shut myself up alone e"ery ay to rea without interruption.

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/hat pro"e effectual to gain me entirely to &o ! at least for a time! was that a nephew of my father.s passe $y our home on a mission to Cochin China. I happene at that time to $e ta,ing a wal, with my companions! which I sel om i . At my return he was gone. They ga"e me an account of his sanctity! an the things he ha sai . I was so touche that I was o"ercome with sorrow. I crie all the rest of the ay an night. Early in the morning I went in great istress to see, my confessor. I sai to him! 3/hat4 my father! am I the only person in our family to $e lost0 Alas# help me in my sal"ation.6 He was greatly surprise to see me so much afflicte ! an comforte me in the $est manner he coul ! not thin,ing me so $a as I was. In my $ac,sli ings I was ocile! punctual in o$e ience! careful to confess often. 2ince I went to him my life was more regular. Oh! thou &o of lo"e! how often hast Thou ,noc,e at the oor of my heart4 How often terrifie me with appearances of su en eath4 All these only ma e a transient impression. I presently returne again to my infi elities. This time thou i st ta,e an Auite carrie off my heart. Alas! what grief I now sustaine for ha"ing isplease Thee4 what regrets! what e+clamations! what so$$ings4 /ho woul ha"e thought! to see me! $ut that my con"ersion woul ha"e laste as long as my life0 /hy i st thou not! O my &o ! utterly ta,e this heart to thyself! when I ga"e it to Thee so fully. Or! if Thou i st ta,e it then! oh! why i st Thou let it re"olt again0 Thou wast surely strong enough to hol it! $ut Thou woul st perhaps! in lea"ing me to myself! isplay thy mercy that the epth of my iniAuity might ser"e as a trophy to thy goo ness. I imme iately applie myself to e"ery part of my uty. I ma e a general confession with great compunction of heart. I fran,ly confesse all that I ,new with many tears. I $ecame so change that I was scarcely ,nown. I woul not for e"er so much ha"e ma e the least "oluntary slip. They foun not any matter for a$solution when I confesse . I isco"ere the "ery smallest faults an &o i me the fa"or to ena$le me to conAuer myself in many things. There were left only some remains of passion! which ga"e me some trou$le to conAuer. But as soon as I ha $y means thereof! gi"en any ispleasure! e"en to the omestics! I $egge their par on! in or er to su$ ue my wrath an pri e# for wrath is the aughter of pri e. A person truly hum$le permits not anything to put him in a rage. As it is pri e which ies the last in the soul! so it is passion which is last estroye in the outwar con uct. A soul thoroughly ea to itself! fin s nothing of rage left. There are persons who! $eing "ery much fille with grace an with peace! at their entrance of the resigne path of light an lo"e! thin, they are come thus far. But they are greatly mista,en! in this "iew of their state. This they will rea ily isco"er! if they are heartily willing to e+amine two things. Cirst! if their nature is li"ely! warm an "iolent! =I spea, not of stupi tempers@ they will fin ! from time to time! that they ma,e slips! in which trou$le an emotion ha"e some share. E"en then they are useful to hum$le an annihilate them. =But when annihilation is perfecte all passion is gone'(it is incompati$le with this state.@ They will fin that there often arises in them certain motions of anger! $ut the sweetness of grace hol s them $ac,. They woul easily transgress! if in any wise they ga"e way to these motions. There are persons who thin, themsel"es "ery mil $ecause nothing thwarts them. It is not of such that I am spea,ing. %il ness which has ne"er $een put to the proof! is often only counterfeit. Those persons who! when unmoleste ! appear to $e saints are no sooner e+ercise $y "e+ing occurrences than there starts up in them a strange num$er of faults. They ha thought them ea which only lay ormant $ecause nothing awa,ene them.

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I followe my religious e+ercises. I shut myself up all ay to rea an pray. I ga"e all I ha to the poor ta,ing e"en linen to their houses. I taught them the catechism an when my parents ine out I ma e them eat with me an ser"e them with great respect. I rea the wor,s of 2t. Crancis e 2ales an the life of %a am e Chantal. There I first learne what mental prayer was! an I $esought my confessor to teach me that ,in of prayer. As he i not! I use my own en ea"ors to practice it! though without success! as I then thought! $ecause I coul not e+ercise the imagination! I persua e myself! that that prayer coul not $e ma e without forming to one.s self certain i eas an reasoning much. This ifficulty ga"e me no small trou$le! for a long time. I was "ery assi uous an praye earnestly to &o to gi"e me the gift of prayer. All that I saw in the life of %. e Chantal charme me. I was so much a chil ! that I thought I ought to o e"erything I saw in it. All the "ows she ha ma e I ma e also. One ay as I was rea ing that she ha put the name of Gesus on her heart! to follow the counsel! 32et me as a seal upon thy heart.6 Cor this purpose she ha ta,en a hot iron! whereupon the holy name was engra"en. I was "ery much afflicte that I coul not o the same. I eci e to write that sacre an a ora$le name! in large characters! on paper! then with ri$$ons an a nee le I fastene it to my s,in in four places. In that position it continue a long time. After this! I turne all my thoughts to $ecome a nun. Because the lo"e which I ha for 2t. Crancis e 2ales i not permit me to thin, of any other community than the one of which he was the foun er! I freAuently went to $eg the nuns there to recei"e me into their con"ent. Often I stole out of my father.s house to go an repeate ly solicit my a mission there. Though it was what they eagerly esire ! e"en as a temporal a "antage! yet they ne"er are let me enter! as they "ery much feare my father! to whose fon ness for me they were no strangers. There was at that house a niece of my father.s! to whom I am un er great o$ligations. Cortune ha not $een "ery fa"ora$le to her father. It ha re uce her in some measure to epen on mine! to whom she ma e ,nown my esire. Although he woul not for anything in the worl ha"e hin ere a right "ocation! yet he coul not hear of my esign without she ing tears. As he happene at this time to $e a$roa ! my cousin went to my confessor! to esire him to for$i my going to the "isitation. He are not! howe"er! o it plainly! for fear of rawing on himself the resentment of that community. I still wante to $e a nun! an importune my mother e+cessi"ely to ta,e me to that house. 2he woul not o it! for fear of grie"ing my father! who was a$sent.

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CHAPTER 8 No sooner was my father returne home! than he $ecame "iolently ill. %y mother was at the same time in ispose in another part of the house. I was all alone with him! rea y to ren er him e"ery ,in of ser"ice I was capa$le of! an to gi"e him all the utiful mar,s of a most sincere affection. I o not ou$t $ut my assi uity was "ery agreea$le to him. I performe the most menial offices unpercei"e $y him ta,ing the time for it when the ser"ants were not at han # as well to mortify myself as to pay ue honor to what Gesus Christ sai ! that He came not to $e ministere to! $ut to minister. /hen father ma e me rea to him! I rea with such heartfelt e"otion that he was surprise . I remem$ere the instruction my sister ha gi"en me! an the e5aculatory prayers an praises I ha learne . 2he ha taught me to praise Thee! O my &o ! in all Thy wor,s. All that I saw calle upon me to ren er Thee homage. If it raine ! I wishe e"ery rop to $e change into lo"e an praises. %y heart was nourishe insensi$ly with Thy lo"e# an my spirit was incessantly engrosse with the remem$rance of Thee. I seeme to 5oin an parta,e in all the goo that was one in the worl !

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an coul ha"e wishe to ha"e the unite hearts of all men to lo"e Thee. This ha$it roote itself so strongly in me! that I retaine it throughout my greatest wan erings.

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%y cousin helpe not a little! to support me in these goo sentiments# I was often with her! an lo"e her! as she too, great care of me! an treate me with much gentleness. Her fortune $eing eAual neither to her $irth nor her "irtue! she i with charity an affection what her con ition o$lige her to o. %y mother grew 5ealous! fearing I shoul lo"e my cousin too well an herself too little. 2he who ha left me in my young years to the care of her mai s! an since that to my own! only reAuiring if I was in the house. Trou$ling herself no further! now reAuire me always to stay with her! an ne"er suffere me to $e with my cousin $ut with great reluctance. %y cousin fell ill. %y mother too, that occasion to sen her home! which was a "ery se"ere stro,e to my heart! as well as to that grace which $egan to awn in me. %y mother was a "ery "irtuous woman. 2he was one of the most charita$le women of her age. 2he not only ga"e the surplus! $ut e"en the necessities of the house. Ne"er were the nee y neglecte . Ne"er any wretche one came to her without succor. 2he furnishe poor mechanics wherewith to carry on their wor,! an nee y tra esmen wherewith to supply their shops. Crom her! I thin,! I inherite my charity an lo"e for the poor. &o fa"ore me with the $lessing of $eing her successor in that holy e+ercise. There was not one in the town! or its en"irons! who i not praise her for this "irtue. 2he sometimes ga"e to the last penny in the house! though she ha a large family to maintain! an yet she i not fail in her faith. %y mother.s only care a$out me ha $een all along to ha"e me in the house! which in ee is one material point for a girl. This ha$it of $eing so constantly ,ept within! pro"e of great ser"ice after my marriage. It woul ha"e $een $etter ha she ,ept me more in her own apartment! with an agreea$le free om an inAuire oftener what part of the house I was in. After my cousin left me! &o grante me the grace to forgi"e in5uries with such rea iness! that my confessor was surprise . He ,new that some young la ies ha ! out of en"y! tra uce me an that I spo,e well of them as occasion offere . I was sei-e with an ague! which laste four months! in which I suffere much. 1uring that time! I was ena$le to suffer with much resignation an patience. In this frame of min an manner of life I perse"ere ! so long as I continue the practice of mental prayer. *ater we went to pass some ays in the country. %y father too, along with us one of his relations! a "ery accomplishe young gentleman. He ha a great esire to marry me# $ut my father! resol"e not to gi"e me to any near ,insman on account of the ifficulty o$taining ispensations! put him off! without alleging any false or fri"olous reasons for it. As this young gentleman was "ery e"out! an e"ery ay sai the office of the Hirgin! I sai it with him. To ha"e time for it! I left off prayer which was to me the first inlet of e"ils. )et! I ,ept up for a long time some share of the spirit of piety# for I went to see, out the little shepher esses! to instruct them in their religious uties. This spirit gra ually ecaye ! not $eing nourishe $y prayer. I $ecame col towar &o . All my ol faults re"i"e to which I a e an e+cessi"e "anity. The lo"e I $egan to ha"e for myself e+tinguishe what remaine in me of the lo"e of &o . I i not wholly lea"e off mental prayer! without as,ing my confessor.s lea"e. I tol him I thought it $etter to say the office of the Hirgin e"ery ay than to practice prayer# I ha not time for $oth. I saw not that this was a stratagem of the enemy to raw me from &o ! to entangle me in the snares he ha lai for me. I ha time sufficient for $oth! as I ha no other occupation than what I prescri$e to myself. %y confessor was easy in the matter. Not $eing a man of prayer he ga"e his consent to my great hurt.

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Oh! my &o ! if the "alue of prayer were $ut ,nown! the great a "antage which accrues to the soul from con"ersing with Thee! an what conseAuence it is of to sal"ation! e"eryone woul $e assi uous in it. It is a stronghol into which the enemy cannot enter. He may attac, it! $esiege it! ma,e a noise a$out its walls# $ut while we are faithful an hol our station! he cannot hurt us. It is ali,e reAuisite to ictate to chil ren the necessity of prayer as of their sal"ation. Alas4 unhappily! it is thought sufficient to tell them that there is a Hea"en an a Hell# that they must en ea"or to a"oi the latter an attain the former# yet they are not taught the shortest an easiest way of arri"ing at it. The only way to Hea"en is prayer# a prayer of the heart! which e"ery one is capa$le of! an not of reasonings which are the fruits of stu y! or e+ercise of the imagination! which! in filling the min with wan ering o$5ects! rarely settle it# instea of warming the heart with lo"e to &o ! they lea"e it col an languishing. *et the poor come! let the ignorant an carnal come# let the chil ren without reason or ,nowle ge come! let the ull or har hearts which can retain nothing come to the practice of prayer an they shall $ecome wise. O ye great! wise an rich! Ha"e ye not a heart capa$le of lo"ing what is proper for you an of hating what is estructi"e0 *o"e the so"ereign goo ! hate all e"il! an ye will $e truly wise. /hen ye lo"e anyone! is it $ecause ye ,now the reasons of lo"e an its efinitions0 No! certainly. )e lo"e $ecause your heart is forme to lo"e what it fin s amia$le. 2urely you cannot $ut ,now that there is nought lo"ely in the uni"erse $ut &o . Inow ye not that He has create you! that He has ie for you0 But if these reasons are not sufficient! which of you has not some necessity! some trou$le! or some misfortune0 /hich of you oes not ,now how to tell his mala y! an $eg relief0 Come! then! to this Countain of all goo ! without complaining to wea, an impotent creatures! who cannot help you# come to prayer# lay $efore &o your trou$les! $eg His grace'(an a$o"e all! that you may lo"e Him. None can e+empt himself from lo"ing# for none can li"e without a heart! nor the heart without lo"e. /hy shoul any amuse themsel"es! in see,ing reasons for lo"ing *o"e itself0 *et us lo"e without reasoning a$out it! an we shall fin oursel"es fille with lo"e! $efore the others ha"e learne the reasons which in uce to it. %a,e trial of this lo"e! an you will $e wiser in it than the most s,illful philosophers. In lo"e! as in e"erything else! e+perience instructs $etter than reasoning. Come then! rin, at this fountain of li"ing waters! instea of the $ro,en cisterns of the creature! which far from allaying your thirst! only ten continually to augment it. 1i ye once rin, at this fountain! ye woul not see, elsewhere for anything to Auench your thirst# for while ye still continue to raw from this source! ye woul thirst no longer after the worl . But if ye Auit it! alas4 the enemy has the ascen ant. He will gi"e you of his poisone raughts! which may ha"e an apparent sweetness! $ut will assure ly ro$ you of life. I forsoo, the fountain of li"ing water when I left off prayer. I $ecame as a "ineyar e+pose to pillage! he ges torn own with li$erty to all the passengers to ra"age it. I $egan to see, in the creature what I ha foun in &o . He left me to myself! $ecause I first left him. It was His will $y permitting me to sin, into the horri$le pit! to ma,e me feel the necessity I was in of approaching Him in prayer. Thou hast sai ! that Thou wilt estroy those a ulterous souls who epart from Thee. Alas4 it is their eparture alone which causes their estruction! since! in eparting from Thee! O 2un of Righteousness! they enter into the regions of ar,ness an the col ness of eath! from which they woul ne"er rise! if Thou i st not re"isit them. If Thou i st not $y thy i"ine light! illuminate their ar,ness! an $y thy enli"ening warmth! melt their icy hearts! an restore them to life! they woul ne"er rise. I fell then into the greatest of all misfortunes. I wan ere yet farther an farther from Thee! O my &o ! an thou i st gra ually retire from a heart which ha Auitte Thee. )et such is thy

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goo ness! that it seeme as if Thou ha st left me with regret# an when this heart was esirous to return again unto Thee! with what spee i st Thou come to meet it. This proof of Thy lo"e an mercy! shall $e to me an e"erlasting testimony of thy goo ness an of my own ingratitu e.

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I $ecame still more passionate than I ha e"er $een! as age ga"e more force to nature. I was freAuently guilty of lying. I felt my heart corrupt an "ain. The spar, of i"ine grace was almost e+tinguishe in me! an I fell into a state of in ifference an in e"otion! though I still carefully ,ept up outsi e appearances. The ha$it I ha acAuire of $eha"ing at church ma e me appear $etter than I was. Hanity! which ha $een e+clu e to my heart now resume its seat. I $egan to pass a great part of my time $efore a loo,ing glass. I foun so much pleasure in "iewing myself! that I thought others were in the right who practice the same. Instea of ma,ing use of this e+terior! which &o ha gi"en me! that I might lo"e Him the more! it $ecame to me only the means of a "ain complacency. All seeme to me to loo, $eautiful in my person! $ut I saw not that it co"ere a pollute soul. This ren ere me so inwar ly "ain! that I ou$t whether any e"er e+cee e me therein. There was an affecte mo esty in my outwar eportment that woul ha"e ecei"e the worl . The high esteem I ha for myself ma e me fin faults in e"eryone else of my own se+. I ha no eyes $ut to see my own goo Aualities! an to isco"er the efects of others. I hi my own faults from myself! or if I remar,e any! yet to me they appeare little in comparison of others. I e+cuse ! an e"en figure them to myself as perfections. E"ery i ea I ha of others an of myself was false. I lo"e rea ing to such e+cess! particularly romances! that I spent whole ays an nights at them. 2ometimes the ay $ro,e while I continue to rea ! insomuch! that for a length of time I almost lost the ha$it of sleeping. I was e"er eager to get to the en of the $oo,! in hopes of fin ing something to satisfy a certain cra"ing which I foun within me. %y thirst for rea ing was only increase the more I rea . Boo,s are strange in"entions to estroy youth. If they cause no other hurt than the loss of precious time! is not that too much0 I was not restraine ! $ut rather encourage to rea them un er this fallacious prete+t! that they taught one to spea, well. %eanwhile! through thy a$un ant mercy! O my &o ! Thou camest to see, me from time to time! Thou i st in ee ,noc, at the oor of my heart. I was often penetrate with the most li"ely sorrow an she a$un ance of tears. I was afflicte to fin my state so ifferent from what it was when I en5oye Thy sacre presence# $ut my tears were fruitless an my grief in "ain. I coul not of myself get out of this wretche state. I wishe some han as charita$le as powerful woul e+tricate me# as for myself I ha no power. If I ha ha any frien ! who woul ha"e e+amine the cause of this e"il! an ma e me ha"e recourse again to prayer! which was the only means of relief! all woul ha"e $een well. I was =li,e the prophet@ in a eep a$yss of mire! which I coul not get out off. I met with repriman s for $eing in it! $ut none were ,in enough to reach out to free me. An when I trie "ain efforts to get out! I only sun, the eeper! an each fruitless attempt only ma e me see my own impotence! an ren ere me more afflicte . Oh! how much compassion has this sa e+perience gi"en me for sinners. It has taught me why so few of them emerge from the misera$le state into which they ha"e fallen. 2uch as see it only cry out against their isor ers! an frighten them with threats of future punishment4 These cries an threats at first ma,e some impression! an they use some wea, efforts after li$erty! $ut! after ha"ing e+perience their insufficiency! they gra ually a$ate in their esign! an lose their courage for trying any more. All that man can say to them afterwar is $ut lost la$or! though one preach to them incessantly. /hen any for relief run to confess! the only true reme y for them is prayer# to present themsel"es $efore &o as criminals! $eg strength of Him to rise out of this state. Then woul they soon $e change ! an $rought out of the mire an clay. But the e"il has falsely persua e the octors an the wise men of the age! that! in or er to pray! it is necessary

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first to $e perfectly con"erte . Hence people are issua e from it! an hence there is rarely any con"ersion that is ura$le. The e"il is outrageous only against prayer! an those that e+ercise it# $ecause he ,nows it is the true means of ta,ing his prey from him. He lets us un ergo all the austerities we will. He neither persecutes those that en5oy them nor those that practice them. But no sooner oes one enter into a spiritual life! a life of prayer! $ut they must prepare for strange crosses. All manner of persecutions an contempts in this worl are reser"e for that life. %isera$le as the con ition was to which I was re uce $y my infi elities! an the little help I ha from my confessor! I i not fail to say my "ocal prayers e"ery ay! to confess pretty often! an to parta,e of the communion almost e"ery fortnight. 2ometimes I went to church to weep! an to pray to the Blesse Hirgin to o$tain my con"ersion. I lo"e to hear anyone spea, of &o ! an woul ne"er tire of the con"ersation. /hen my father spo,e of Him! I was transporte with 5oy# an when he an my mother went on any pilgrimage! an were to set off early in the morning! I either i not go to $e the night $efore! or hire the girls to awa,e me early. %y father.s con"ersation at such times was always of i"ine matters! which affor e me the highest elight! an I preferre that su$5ect to any other. I also lo"e the poor! an was charita$le! e"en while I was so "ery faulty. How strange may this seem to some! an how har to reconcile things so "ery opposite.

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CHAPTER D

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Afterwar we came to Paris where my "anity increase . No course was spare to ma,e me appear to a "antage. I was forwar enough to show myself an e+pose my pri e! in ma,ing a para e of this "ain $eauty. I wante to $e lo"e of e"eryone an to lo"e none. 2e"eral apparently a "antageous offers of marriage were ma e for me# $ut &o unwilling to ha"e me lost i not permit matters to succee . %y father still foun ifficulties! which my all7wise Creator raise for my sal"ation. Ha I marrie any of these persons! I shoul ha"e $een much e+pose ! an my "anity woul ha"e ha means to e+ten itself. There was one person who ha as,e for me in marriage for se"eral years. %y father! for family reasons! ha always refuse him. His manners were opposite to my "anity. A fear lest I shoul lea"e my country! together with the affluent circumstances of this gentleman! in uce my father! in spite of $oth his own an my mother.s reluctance! to promise me to him. This was one without consulting me. They ma e me sign the marriage articles without letting me ,now what they were. I was well please with the thoughts of marriage! flattering myself with a hope of $eing there$y set at full li$erty! an eli"ere from the ill7treatment of my mother which I rew upon myself. &o or ere it far otherwise. The con ition which I foun myself in afterwar ! frustrate my hopes. Pleasing as marriage was to my thoughts! I was all the time! after my $eing promise ! an e"en long after my marriage! in e+treme confusion! which arose from two causes. Cirst! my natural mo esty! which I i not lose. I ha much reser"e towar men. The other! my "anity. Though the hus$an pro"i e was a more a "antageous match than I merite ! yet I i not thin, him such. The figure which the others ma e! who ha offere to me $efore! was "astly more engaging. Their ran, woul ha"e place me in "iew. /hate"er i not flatter my "anity! was to me insupporta$le. )et this "ery "anity was! I thin,! of some a "antage# it hin ere me from falling into such things as cause the ruin of families. I woul not o anything which in the eye of the worl ! might ren er me culpa$le. As I was mo est at church an ha not $een use to go a$roa without my mother! as the reputation of our house was great! I passe for "irtuous.

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I i not see my spouse elect =at Paris@ till two or three ays $efore our marriage. I cause masses to $e sai all the time after my $eing contracte ! to ,now the will of &o . I wishe to o it in this affair at least.

Oh! my &o ! how great was thy goo ness! to $ear with me at this time! an to allow me to pray to Thee with as much $ol ness! as if I ha $een one of thy frien s! I who ha re$elle against Thee as thy greatest enemy. The 5oy of our nuptials was uni"ersal through our "illage. Ami this general re5oicing! there appeare none sa $ut myself. I coul neither laugh as others i ! nor e"en eat# so much was I epresse . I ,new not the cause. It was a foretaste which &o ga"e me of what was to $efall me. The remem$rance of the esire I ha of $eing a nun! came pouring in. All who came to compliment me! the ay after! coul not for$ear rallying me. I wept $itterly. I answere ! 3Alas4 I ha esire so much to $e a nun# why then am I now marrie 0 By what fatality has such a re"olution $efallen me0 No sooner was I at the house of my new spouse! than I percei"e that it woul $e for me a house of mourning. I was o$lige to change my con uct. Their manner of li"ing was "ery ifferent from that in my father.s house. %y mother7in7law! who ha long $een a wi ow! regar e nothing else $ut economy. At my father.s house they li"e in a no$le manner an great elegance. /hat my hus$an an mother7in7law calle pri e! an I calle politeness! was o$ser"e there. I was "ery much surprise at this change! an so much the more! as my "anity wishe to increase! rather than to $e iminishe . At the time of my marriage I was a little past fifteen years of age. %y surprise increase greatly! when I saw I must lose what I ha acAuire with so much application. At my father.s house we were o$lige to $eha"e in a genteel way! an to spea, with propriety. All that I sai was applau e . Here they ne"er hear,ene to me! $ut to contra ict an fin fault. If I spo,e well! they sai it was to gi"e them a lesson. If any Auestions were starte at my father.s! he encourage me to spea, freely. Here! if I spo,e my sentiments! they sai it was to enter into a ispute. They put me to silence in an a$rupt an shameful manner! an scol e me from morning till night. I shoul ha"e some ifficulty to gi"e you an account! which cannot $e one without woun ing charity! if you ha not for$i en me to omit any one. I reAuest you not to loo, at things on the si e of the creature! which woul ma,e these persons appear worse than they were. %y mother7 in7law ha "irtue! my hus$an ha religion! an not any "ice. It is reAuisite to loo, at e"erything on the si e of &o . He permitte these things only for my sal"ation! an $ecause He woul not ha"e me lost. I ha $esi e so much pri e! that ha I recei"e any other treatment! I shoul ha"e continue therein! an shoul not! perhaps! ha"e turne to &o as I was in uce to o! $y the oppression of a multitu e of crosses. %y mother7in7law concei"e such a esire to oppose me in e"erything! that! in or er to "e+ me! she ma e me perform the most humiliating offices. Her isposition was so e+traor inary! ha"ing ne"er surmounte it in her youth! that she coul har ly li"e with any$o y. 2aying none than "ocal prayers! she i not see this fault# or seeing it! an not rawing from the forces of prayer! she coul not get the $etter of it. It was a pity! for she ha $oth sense an merit. I was ma e the "ictim of her humors. All her occupation was to thwart me an she inspire the li,e sentiments in her son. They woul ma,e persons my inferiors ta,e place a$o"e me. %y mother! who ha a high sense of honor! coul not en ure that. /hen she hear it from others =for I tol her nothing@ she chi e me thin,ing I i it $ecause I i not ,now how to ,eep my ran, an ha no spirit. I are not tell her how it was# $ut I was almost rea y to ie with the agonies of grief

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an continual "e+ation. /hat aggra"ate all was the remem$rance of the persons who ha propose for me! the ifference of their ispositions an manners! the lo"e they ha for me! with their agreea$leness an politeness. All this ma e my $ur en intolera$le. %y mother7in7law up$rai e me in regar to my family! an spo,e to me incessantly to the isa "antage of my father an mother. I ne"er went to see them! $ut I ha some $itter speeches to $ear on my return. %y mother complaine that I i not come often enough to see her. 2he sai I i not lo"e her! that I was alienate from my family $y $eing too much attache to my hus$an .

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/hat augmente my crosses was that my mother relate to my mother7in7law the pains I ha cost her from infancy. They then reproache me! saying! I was a changeling! an an e"il spirit. %y hus$an o$lige me to stay all ay long in my mother7in7law.s room! without any li$erty of retiring into my own apartment. 2he spo,e isa "antageously of me! to lessen the affection an esteem which some ha entertaine for me. 2he galle me with the grossest affronts $efore the finest company. This i not ha"e the effect she wante # the more patiently they saw me $ear it! the higher esteem they ha for me. 2he foun the secret of e+tinguishing my "i"acity! an ren ering me stupi . 2ome of my former acAuaintances har ly ,new me. Those who ha not seen me $efore sai ! 3Is this the person fame for such a$un ance of wit0 2he can.t say two wor s. 2he is a fine picture.6 I was not yet si+teen years ol . I was so much intimi ate ! that I are not go out without my mother7in7law! an in her presence I coul not spea,. I ,new not what I sai # so much fear ha I. To complete my affliction! they presente me with a waiting7mai who was e"erything with them. 2he ,ept me in sight li,e a go"erness. Cor the most part I $ore with patience these e"ils which I ha no way to a"oi . But sometimes I let some hasty answer escape me! a source of grie"ous crosses to me. /hen I went out! the footmen ha or ers to gi"e an account of e"erything I i . It was then I $egan to eat the $rea of sorrows! an to mingle tears with my rin,. At the ta$le they always i something which co"ere me with confusion. I coul not for$ear tears. I ha no one to confi e in who might share my affliction! an assist me to $ear it. /hen I woul impart some hint of it to my mother! I rew upon myself new crosses. I resol"e to ha"e no confi ant. It was not from any natural cruelty that my hus$an treate me thus# he lo"e me passionately! $ut he was warm an hasty! an my mother7in7law continually irritate him a$out me. It was in a con ition so eplora$le! O my &o ! that I $egan to percei"e the nee I ha of Thy assistance. Cor this situation was perilous for me. I met with none $ut a mirers a$roa ! those that flattere me to my hurt. It were to $e feare lest at such a ten er age! ami all the strange omestic crosses I ha to $ear! I might $e rawn away. But Thou! $y Thy goo ness an lo"e! ga"e it Auite another turn. By these re ou$le stro,es Thou i st raw me to Thyself! an $y Thy crosses effecte what Thy caresses coul not effect. Nay! Thou ma est use of my natural pri e! to ,eep me within the limits of my uty. I ,new that a woman of honor ought ne"er to gi"e suspicion to her hus$an . I was so "ery circumspect that I often carrie it to e+cess! so far as to refuse my han to such as in politeness offere me theirs. There happene to me an a "enture which! $y carrying my pru ence too far! might ha"e ruine me! for things were ta,en contrary to their intent. %y hus$an was sensi$le $oth of my innocence an of the falsehoo of the insinuations of my mother7in7law. 2uch weighty crosses ma e me return to &o . I $egan to eplore the sins of my youth. 2ince my marriage I ha not committe any "oluntarily. )et I still ha some sentiments of "anity remaining! which I i not wish. Howe"er! my trou$les now counter7$alance them. %oreo"er! many of them appeare my 5ust essert accor ing to the little light I then ha . I was not

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illuminate to penetrate the essence of my "anity# I fi+e my thoughts only on its appearance. I trie to amen my life $y penance! an $y a general confession! the most e+act that I e"er yet ha ma e. I lai asi e the rea ing of romances! for which I lately ha such a fon ness. Though some time $efore my marriage that ha $een ampene $y rea ing the &ospel! I was so much affecte therewith! an isco"ere truth therein! that put me out of patience with all the other $oo,s. No"els appeare then to me only full of lies an eceit. I now put away e"en in ifferent $oo,s! to ha"e none $ut such as were profita$le. I resume the practice of prayer! an en ea"ore to offen &o no more. I felt His lo"e gra ually reco"ering the ascen ant in my heart! an $anishing e"ery other. )et I ha still an intolera$le "anity an self7complacency! which has $een my most grie"ous an o$stinate sin. %y crosses re ou$le . /hat ren ere them more painful was! that my mother7in7law! not content with the $itterest speeches which she uttere against me! $oth in pu$lic an pri"ate! woul $rea, out in anger a$out the smallest trifles! an scarcely $e pacifie for a fortnight. I use a part of my time in $ewailing myself when I coul $e alone# an my grief $ecame e"ery ay more $itter. 2ometimes I coul not contain myself! when the girls! my omestics! who owe me su$mission! treate me ill. I i what I coul to su$ ue my temper which has cost me not a little. 2uch stunning $lows so impaire the "i"acity of my nature! that I $ecame li,e a lam$ that is shorn. I praye to our *or to assist me! an He was my refuge. As my age iffere from theirs =for my hus$an was twenty7two years ol er than I@ I saw well that there was no pro$a$ility of changing their ispositions! which were fortifie with years. I foun that whate"er I sai was offensi"e! not e+cepting those things which others woul ha"e $een please with. One ay! weighe own with grief an in espair! a$out si+ months after I was marrie ! $eing alone! I was tempte e"en to cut out my tongue so I might no longer irritate those who sei-e e"ery wor I uttere with rage an resentment.

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But Thou! O &o ! i st stop me short an showe me my folly. I praye continually! an wishe e"en to $ecome um$! so simple an ignorant was I. Though I ha"e ha my share of crosses! I ne"er foun any so ifficult to support as that of perpetual contrariety without rela+ation of oing all one can to please! without succee ing! $ut still offen ing $y the "ery means esigne to o$lige. Being ,ept with such persons! in a most se"ere confinement! from morning till night! without e"er aring to Auit them is most ifficult. I ha"e foun that great crosses o"erwhelm! an stifle all anger. 2uch a continual contrariety irritates an stirs up sourness in the heart. It has such strange effect! that it reAuires the utmost efforts of self7 restraint! not to $rea, out into "e+ation an rage. %y con ition in marriage was rather that of a sla"e than of a free person. I percei"e ! four months after my marriage! that my hus$an was gouty. This mala y cause many crosses within an without. He ha the gout twice the first year! si+ wee,s each time. He was so much plague with it! that he came no more out of his room! nor out of his $e . He was in $e usually for se"eral months. I carefully atten e him although so "ery young. I i not fail to e+ert myself to the utmost in the performance of my uty. Alas4 all this i not gain me frien ship. I ha not the consolation to ,now whether what I i was agreea$le. I enie myself all the most innocent i"ersions to continue with my hus$an . I i whate"er I thought woul please him. 2ometimes he Auietly suffere me! an then I esteeme myself "ery happy. At other times I seeme insupporta$le to him. %y particular frien s sai ! 3I was of a fine age in ee to $e a nurse to an in"ali ! an that it was a shameful thing that I i not set more "alue on my talents.6 I answere ! 32ince I ha"e a hus$an ! I ought to share his painful as well as his pleasing

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circumstances.6 Besi es this! my mother! instea of pitying me! repriman e me sharply for my assi uity to my hus$an .

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But! O my &o ! how ifferent were Thy thoughts from theirs!'(how ifferent that which was without! from what passe within4 %y hus$an ha that foi$le! that when anyone sai anything to him against me! he flew into a rage at once. It was the con uct of pro"i ence o"er me# for he was a man of reason an lo"e me much. /hen I was sic,! he was inconsola$le. I $elie"e! ha it not $een for my mother7in7law! an the girl I ha"e spo,en of! I shoul ha"e $een "ery happy with him. %ost men ha"e their moo s an emotions! an it is the uty of a reasona$le woman to $ear them peacea$ly! without irritating them more $y cross replies. These things Thou hast or ere ! O my &o ! in such a manner! $y Thy goo ness! that I ha"e since seen it was necessary! to ma,e me ie to my "ain an haughty nature. I shoul not ha"e ha power to estroy it myself! if thou ha st not accomplishe it $y an all7wise economy of thy pro"i ence. I praye for patience with great earnestness# ne"ertheless! some sallies of my natural li"eliness escape me! an "anAuishe the resolutions I ha ta,en of $eing silent. This was ou$tless permitte ! that my self7lo"e might not $e nourishe $y my patience. E"en a moment.s slip cause me months of humiliation! reproach an sorrow! an pro"e the occasion of new crosses.

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1uring the first year I was still "ain. I sometimes lie to e+cuse myself to my hus$an an mother7in7law. I stoo strangely in awe of them. 2ometimes I fell into a temper! their con uct appeare so "ery unreasona$le! an especially their countenancing the most pro"o,ing treatment of the girl who ser"e me. As to my mother7in7law! her age an ran, ren ere her con uct more tolera$le. But Thou! O my &o ! opene my eyes to see things in a "ery ifferent light. I foun in Thee reasons for suffering! which I ha ne"er foun in the creature. I afterwar saw clearly an reflecte with 5oy! that this con uct! as unreasona$le as it seeme ! an as mortifying as it was! was Auite necessary for me. Ha I $een applau e here as I was at my father.s! I shoul ha"e grown intolera$ly prou . I ha a fault common to most of our se+'(I coul not hear a $eautiful woman praise ! without fin ing fault! to lessen the goo which was sai of her. This fault continue long! an was the fruit of gross an malignant pri e. E+tra"agantly e+tolling anyone procee s from a li,e source. Gust $efore the $irth of my first chil ! they were in uce to ta,e great care of me. %y crosses were somewhat mitigate . In ee ! I was so ill that it was enough to e+cite the compassion of the most in ifferent. They ha so great a esire of ha"ing chil ren to inherit their fortunes! that they were continually afrai lest I shoul any way hurt myself. )et! when the time of my eli"ery rew near! this care an ten erness of me a$ate . Once! as my mother7in7law ha treate me in a "ery grating manner! I ha the malice to feign a cholic! to gi"e them some alarm# $ut as I saw this little artifice ga"e them too much pain! I tol them I was $etter. No creature coul $e more hea"ily la en with sic,ness than I was. Besi e continual hea"ings! I ha so strange a istaste! e+cept for some fruit! that I coul not $ear the sight of foo . I ha continual swoonings an "iolent pains. After my eli"ery I continue wea, a long time. There was in ee sufficient to e+ercise patience! an I was ena$le to offer up my sufferings to our *or . I too, a fe"er! which ren ere me so wea,! that after se"eral wee,s I coul scarcely $ear to $e mo"e or to ha"e my $e ma e. /hen I $egan to reco"er! an a$scess fell upon my $reast! which was force to $e lai

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open in two places! which ga"e me great pain. )et all the mala ies seeme to me only a sha ow of trou$les! in comparison with those I suffere in the family which aily increase . In ee ! life was so wearisome to me! that those mala ies which were thought mortal i not frighten me.

The e"ent impro"e my appearance! an conseAuently ser"e to increase my "anity. I was gla to call forth e+pressions of regar . I went to the pu$lic promena es =though $ut sel om@ an when in the streets! I pulle off my mas, out of "anity. I rew off my glo"es to show my han s. Coul there $e greater folly0 After falling into these wea,nesses! I use to weep $itterly at home. )et! when occasion offere ! I fell into them again. %y hus$an lost consi era$ly. This cost me strange crosses! not that I care for the losses! $ut I seeme to $e the $utt of all the ill7humors of the family. /ith what pleasure i I sacrifice temporal $lessings. How often I felt willing to ha"e $egge my $rea ! if &o ha so or ere it. But my mother7in7law was inconsola$le. 2he $i me pray to &o for these things. To me that was wholly impossi$le. O my earest *or ! ne"er coul I pray to Thee a$out the worl ! or the things thereof# nor sully my sacre a resses to Thy ma5esty with the irt of the earth. No# I rather wish to renounce it all! an e"erything $esi e whatsoe"er! for the sa,e of Thy lo"e! an the en5oyment of Thy presence in that ,ing om which is not of this worl . I wholly sacrifice myself to Thee! e"en earnestly $egging Thee rather to re uce our family to $eggary! than suffer it to offen thee. In my own min I e+cuse my mother7in7law! saying to myself! 3If I ha ta,en the pains to scrape an sa"e! I woul not $e so in ifferent at seeing so much lost. I en5oy what cost me nothing! an reap what I ha"e not sowe .6 )et all these thoughts coul not ma,e me sensi$le to our losses. I e"en forme agreea$le i eas of our going to the hospital. No state appeare to me so poor an misera$le! which I shoul not ha"e thought easy! in comparison with the continual omestic persecutions I un erwent. %y father who lo"e me ten erly! an whom I honore $eyon e+pression! ,new nothing of it. &o so permitte it that I shoul ha"e him also isplease with me for some time. %y mother was continually telling him that I was an ungrateful creature! showing no regar for them! $ut all for my hus$an .s family. Appearances were against me. I i not go to see them as often as I shoul . They ,new not the capti"ity I was in# what I was o$lige to $ear in efen ing them. These complaints of my mother! an a tri"ial affair that fell out! lessene a little my father.s fon regar for me# $ut it i not last long. %y mother7in7law reproache me! saying! 3No afflictions $efell them till I came into the house. All misfortunes came with me.6 On the other han my mother wante me to e+claim against my hus$an which I coul ne"er su$mit to o. /e continue to meet with loss after loss! the ,ing retrenching a consi era$le share of our re"enues! $esi es great sums of money! which we lost $y *.Hotel e Hille. I coul ha"e no rest or peace! in such great afflictions. I ha no mortal to console me! or to a "ise me. %y sister! who ha e ucate me! ha eparte this life. 2he ie two months $efore my marriage. I ha no other for a confi ant. I eclare! that I fin much repugnance in saying so many things of my mother7in7law. I ha"e no ou$t that my own in iscretion! my caprice! an the occasional sallies of a warm temper! rew many of the crosses upon me. Although I ha what the worl calls patience! yet I ha neither a relish nor lo"e for the cross. Their con uct towar me! which appeare so unreasona$le! shoul not $e loo,e upon with worl ly eyes. /e shoul loo, higher an then we shall see that it was irecte $y Pro"i ence for my eternal a "antage.

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I now resse my hair in the most mo est manner! ne"er painte ! an to su$ ue the "anity which still ha possession of me! I rarely loo,e in the glass. %y rea ing was confine to $oo,s of e"otion! such as Thomas 0 Iempis! an the wor,s of 2t. Crancis e 2ales. I rea these alou for the impro"ement of the ser"ants! while the mai was ressing my hair. I suffere myself to $e resse 5ust as she please ! which free me from a great eal of trou$le. It too, away the occasions wherein my "anity use to $e e+ercise . I ,new not how things were# $ut they always li,e me! an thought all well in point of ress. If on some particular ays I wante to appear $etter! it pro"e worse. The more in ifferent I was a$out ress the $etter I appeare . How often ha"e I gone to church! not so much to worship &o as to $e seen. Other women! 5ealous of me! affirme that I painte # they tol my confessor! who chi e me for it! though I assure him I was innocent. I often spo,e in my own praise! an sought to raise myself $y epreciating others. )et these faults gra ually ecease # for I was "ery sorry afterwar for ha"ing committe them. I often e+amine myself "ery strictly! writing own my faults from wee, to wee,! an from month to month! to see how much I was impro"e or reforme . Alas4 this la$or! though fatiguing! was of $ut little ser"ice! $ecause I truste in my own efforts. I wishe in ee to $e reforme ! $ut my goo esires were wea, an langui . At one time my hus$an .s a$sence was so long! an in the meantime my crosses an "e+ations at home so great! that I etermine to go to him. %y mother7in7law strongly oppose it. This once my father interfering! an insisting on it! she let me go. On my arri"al I foun he ha almost ie . Through "e+ation an fretting he was "ery much change . He coul not finish his affairs! ha"ing no li$erty in atten ing to them! ,eeping himself conceale at the Hotel e *ongue"ille! where %a ame e *ongue"ille was e+tremely ,in to me. I came pu$licly! an he was in great fear lest I shoul ma,e him ,nown. In a rage he $i me return home. *o"e an my long a$sence from him surmounting e"ery other reason! he soon relente an suffere me to stay with him. He ,ept me eight ays without letting me stir out of his sight. Cearing the effects of such a close confinement on my constitution! he esire me to go an ta,e a wal, in the gar en. There I met %a ame e *ongue"ille! who testifie great 5oy on seeing me. I cannot e+press all the ,in ness I met with in this house. All the omestics ser"e me with emulation! an applau e me on account of my appearance! an e+terior eportment. )et I was much on my guar against too much attention. I ne"er entere into iscourse with any man when alone. I a mitte none into my coach! not e"en my relations! unless my hus$an were in it. There was not any rule of iscretion which I i not uly o$ser"e! to a"oi gi"ing suspicion to my hus$an ! or su$5ect of calumny to others. E"eryone stu ie there how to contri$ute to i"ert or o$lige me. Outwar ly e"erything appeare agreea$le. Chagrin ha so o"ercome an ruffle my hus$an that I ha continually something to $ear. 2ometimes he threatene to throw the supper out of the win ows. I sai ! he woul then o me an in5ury! as I ha a ,een appetite. I ma e him laugh an I laughe with him. Before that! melancholy pre"aile o"er all my en ea"ors! an o"er the lo"e he ha for me. &o $oth arme me with patience an ga"e me the grace to return him no answer. The e"il! who attempte to raw me into some offence! was force to retire in confusion! through the signal assistance of that grace. I lo"e my &o an was unwilling to isplease Him! an I was inwar ly grie"e on account of that "anity! which still I foun myself una$le to era icate. Inwar istresses! together with oppressi"e crosses! which I ha aily to encounter! at length threw me into sic,ness. As I was unwilling to incommo e the Hotel e *ongue"ille I ha myself mo"e to another house. The isease pro"e "iolent an te ious! insomuch that the physicians espaire of my life. The priest! a pious man! seeme fully satisfie with the state of my min . He sai ! 3I shoul ie li,e a saint.6 But my sins were too present an too painful to my heart to ha"e such presumption. At mi night they a ministere the sacrament to me as they hourly e+pecte my eparture. It was a scene of general istress in the family an among all who ,new me. There were none in ifferent

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to my eath $ut myself. I $ehel it without fear! an was insensi$le to its approach. It was far otherwise with my hus$an . He was inconsola$le when he saw there was no hope. I no sooner $egan to reco"er! than notwithstan ing all his lo"e! his usual fretfulness returne . I reco"ere almost miraculously an to me this isor er pro"e a great $lessing. Besi e a "ery great patience un er "iolent pains! it ser"e to instruct me much in my "iew of the emptiness of all worl ly things. It etache me from myself an ga"e me new courage to suffer $etter than I ha one. The lo"e of &o gathere strength in my heart! with a esire to please an $e faithful to Him in my con ition. I reape se"eral other a "antages from it which I nee not relate! I ha yet si+ months to rag along with a slow fe"er. It was thought that it woul terminate in eath. Thy time! O my &o ! ha not yet arri"e for ta,ing me to Thyself. Thy esigns o"er me were wi ely ifferent from the e+pectations of those a$out me# it $eing Thy etermination to ma,e me $oth the o$5ect of Thy mercy an the "ictim of Thy 5ustice.

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After long languishing! at length I regaine my former health. A$out this time my ear mother eparte this life in great tranAuillity of min . Besi e her other goo Aualities! she ha $een particularly charita$le to the poor. This "irtue! so accepta$le to &o ! He was graciously please to commence rewar ing e"en in this life. Though she was $ut twenty7four hours sic,! she was ma e perfectly easy a$out e"erything that was near an ear to her in this worl . I now applie myself to my uties! ne"er failing to practice that of prayer twice a ay. I watche o"er myself! to su$ ue my spirit continually. I went to "isit the poor in their houses! assisting them in their istresses. I i =accor ing to my un erstan ing@ all the goo I ,new. Thou! O my &o ! increase $oth my lo"e an my patience! in proportion to my sufferings. I regrette not the temporal a "antages with which my mother istinguishe my $rother a$o"e me. )et they fell on me a$out that! as a$out e"erything else. I also ha for some time a se"ere ague. I i not in ee ser"e Thee yet with that fer"or which Thou i st gi"e me soon after. Cor I woul still ha"e $een gla to reconcile Thy lo"e with the lo"e of myself an of the creature. Enhappily I always foun some who lo"e me! an whom I coul not for$ear wishing to please. It was not that I lo"e them! $ut it was for the lo"e that I $ore to myself. A la y! an e+ile! came to my father.s house. He offere her an apartment which she accepte ! an she staye a long time. 2he was one of true piety an inwar e"otion. 2he ha a great esteem for me! $ecause I esire to lo"e &o . 2he remar,e that I ha the "irtues of an acti"e an $ustling life# $ut I ha not yet attaine the simplicity of prayer which she e+perience . 2ometimes she roppe a wor to me on that su$5ect. As my time ha not yet come! I i not un erstan her. Her e+ample instructe me more than her wor s. I o$ser"e on her countenance something which mar,e a great en5oyment of the presence of &o . By the e+ertion of stu ie reflection an thoughts I trie to attain it $ut to little purpose. I wante to ha"e! $y my own efforts! what I coul not acAuire e+cept $y ceasing from all efforts. %y father.s nephew! of whom I ha"e ma e mention $efore! was returne from Cochin China! to ta,e o"er some priests from Europe. I was e+cee ingly gla to see him! an remem$ere what goo he ha one me. The la y mentione was no less re5oice than I. They un erstoo each other imme iately an con"erse in a spiritual language. The "irtue of this e+cellent relation charme me. I a mire his continual prayer without $eing a$le to comprehen it. I en ea"ore to me itate! an to thin, on &o without intermission! to utter prayers an e5aculations. I coul

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not acAuire! $y all my toil! what &o at length ga"e me Himself! an which is e+perience only in simplicity. %y cousin i all he coul to attach me more strongly to &o . He concei"e great affection for me. The purity he o$ser"e in me from the corruptions of the age! the a$horrence of sin at a time of life when others are $eginning to relish the pleasures of it! =I was not yet eighteen@! ga"e him a great ten erness for me. I complaine to him of my faults ingenuously. These I saw clearly. He cheere an e+horte me to support myself! an to perse"ere in my goo en ea"ors. He woul fain ha"e intro uce me into a more simple manner of prayer! $ut I was not yet rea y for it. I $elie"e his prayers were more effectual than his wor s. No sooner was he gone out of my father.s house! than thou! O 1i"ine *o"e! manifeste thy fa"or. The esire I ha to please Thee! the tears I she ! the manifol pains I un erwent! the la$ors I sustaine ! an the little fruit I reape from them! mo"e Thee with compassion. This was the state of my soul when Thy goo ness! surpassing all my "ileness an infi elities! an a$oun ing in proportion to my wretche ness! grante me in a moment! what all my own efforts coul ne"er procure. Behol ing me rowing with la$orious toil! the $reath of Thy i"ine operations turne in my fa"or! an carrie me full sail o"er this sea of affliction. I ha often spo,en to my confessor a$out the great an+iety it ga"e me to fin I coul not me itate! nor e+ert my imagination in or er to pray. 2u$5ects of prayer which were too e+tensi"e were useless to me. Those which were short an pithy suite me $etter. At length! &o permitte a "ery religious person! of the or er of 2t. Crancis! to pass $y my father.s welling. He ha inten e going another way that was shorter! $ut a secret power change his esign. He saw there was something for him to o! an imagine that &o ha calle him for the con"ersion of a man of some istinction in that country. His la$ors there pro"e fruitless. It was the conAuest of my soul which was esigne . As soon as he arri"e he came to see my father who re5oice at his coming. At this time I was a$out to $e eli"ere of my secon son! an my father was angerously ill! e+pecte to ie. Cor some time they conceale his sic,ness from me. An in iscreet person a$ruptly tol me. Instantly I arose! wea, as I was! an went to see him. A angerous illness came upon me. %y father was reco"ere ! $ut not entirely! enough to gi"e me new mar,s of his affection. I tol him of the strong esire I ha to lo"e &o ! an my great sorrow at not $eing a$le to o it fully. He thought he coul not gi"e me a more soli in ication of his lo"e than in procuring me an acAuaintance with this worthy man. He tol me what he ,new of him! an urge me to go an see him. At first I ma e a ifficulty of oing it! $eing intent on o$ser"ing the rules of the strictest pru ence. Howe"er! my father.s repeate reAuests ha with me the weight of a positi"e comman . I thought I coul not o that amiss! which I only i in o$e ience to him. I too, a ,inswoman with me. At first he seeme a little confuse # for he was reser"e towar women. Being newly come out of a fi"e years. solitu e! he was surprise that I was the first to a ress him. He spo,e not a wor for some time. I ,new not to what attri$ute his silence. I i not hesitate to spea, to him! an to tell him a few wor s! my ifficulties a$out prayer. Presently he replie ! 3It is! ma ame! $ecause you see, without what you ha"e within. Accustom yourself to see, &o in your heart! an you will there fin Him.6 Ha"ing sai these wor s! he left me. They were to me li,e the stro,e of a art! which penetrate through my heart. I felt a "ery eep woun ! a woun so elightful that I esire not to $e cure . These wor s $rought into my heart what I ha $een see,ing so many years. Rather they isco"ere to me what was there! an which I ha not en5oye for want of ,nowing it.

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O my *or ! Thou wast in my heart! an eman e only a simple turning of my min inwar ! to ma,e me percei"e Thy presence. Oh! Infinite &oo ness4 how was I running hither an thither to

see, Thee! my life was a $ur en to me! although my happiness was within myself. I was poor in riches! an rea y to perish with hunger! near a ta$le plentifully sprea ! an a continual feast. O Beauty! ancient an new# why ha"e I ,nown Thee so late0 Alas4 I sought Thee where Thou wert not! an i not see, Thee where thou wert. It was for want of un erstan ing these wor s of Thy &ospel! 3The ,ing om of &o cometh not with o$ser"ation . . . The ,ing om of &o is within you.6 This I now e+perience . Thou $ecamest my Iing! an my heart Thy ,ing om! wherein Thou i st reign supreme! an performe all Thy sacre will. I tol this man! that I i not ,now what he ha one to me! that my heart was Auite change ! that &o was there. He ha gi"en me an e+perience of His presence in my soul# not $y thought or any application of min ! $ut as a thing really possesse after the sweetest manner. I e+perience these wor s in the Canticles =2ong of 2olomon@> 3Thy name is as precious ointment poure forth# therefore o the "irgins lo"e thee.6 I felt in my soul an unction which! as a salutary $alsam! heale in a moment all my woun s. I slept not that whole night! $ecause Thy lo"e! O my &o ! flowe in me li,e a elicious oil! an $urne as a fire which was going to e"our all that was left of self. I was su enly so altere that I was har ly to $e ,nown either $y myself or others. I foun no longer those trou$lesome faults or reluctances. They isappeare ! $eing consume li,e chaff in a great fire.

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I now $ecame esirous that the instrument hereof might $ecome my irector! prefera$le to any other. This goo father coul not rea ily resol"e to charge himself with my con uct although he saw so surprising a change effecte $y the han of &o . 2e"eral reasons in uce him to e+cuse himself. Cirst! my person! then my youth! for I was only nineteen years. *astly! a promise he ha ma e to &o ! from a istrust of himself! ne"er to ta,e upon himself the irection of any of our se+! unless &o ! $y some particular pro"i ence! shoul charge him therewith. Howe"er! upon my earnest an repeate reAuest to him to $ecome my irector! he sai he woul pray to &o an esire that I shoul o so. As he was at prayer! it was sai to him! 3Cear not that charge# she is my spouse.6 /hen I hear this! it affecte me greatly. 3/hat =sai I to myself@ a frightful monster of iniAuity! who has one so much to offen my &o ! in a$using His fa"ors! an reAuiting them with ingratitu e! now to $e eclare his spouse46 After this he consente to my reAuest. Nothing was more easy to me than prayer. Hours passe away li,e moments! while I coul har ly o anything else $ut pray. The fer"ency of my lo"e allowe me no intermission. It was a prayer of re5oicing an possessing! e"oi of all $usy imaginations an force reflections# it was a prayer of the will! an not of the hea . The taste of &o was so great! so pure! un$len e an uninterrupte ! that it rew an a$sor$e the power of my soul into a profoun recollection without act or iscourse. I ha now no sight $ut of Gesus Christ alone. All else was e+clu e ! in or er to lo"e with the greater e+tent! without any selfish moti"es or reasons for lo"ing. The will! a$sor$e the two others! the memory an un erstan ing into itself! an concentrate them in *o"e#(not $ut that they still su$siste ! $ut their operations were in a manner impercepti$le an passi"e. They were no longer stoppe or retar e $y the multiplicity! $ut collecte an unite in one. 2o the rising of the sun oes not e+tinguish the stars! $ut o"erpowers an a$sor$s them in the luster of his incompara$le glory.

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CHAPTER K

2uch was the prayer that was gi"en me at once! far a$o"e ecstasies! transports or "isions. All these gifts are less pure! an more su$5ect to illusion or eceits from the enemy.

Hisions are in the inferior powers of the soul! an cannot pro uce true union. The soul must not well or rely upon them! or $e retar e $y them# they are $ut fa"ors an gifts. The &i"er alone must $e our o$5ect an aim. It is of such that Paul spea,s! 32atan transforms himself into an angel of light!6 II Cor. 11>1?# which is generally the case with such as are fon of "isions! an lay a stress on them# $ecause they are apt to con"ey a "anity to the soul! or at least hin er it from hum$ly atten ing to &o only. Ecstacies arise from a sensi$le relish. They may $e terme a ,in of spiritual sensuality! wherein the soul letting itself go too far! $y reason of the sweetness it fin s in them! falls impercepti$ly into ecay. The crafty enemy presents such sort of interior ele"ations an raptures for $aits to entrap the soul! to fill it with "anity an self7lo"e! to fi+ its esteem an attention on the gifts of &o ! an to hin er it from following Gesus Christ in the way of renunciation an of eath to all things. An as to istinct interior wor s! they too are su$5ect to illusion# the enemy can form an counterfeit them. Or if they come from a goo angel =for &o Himself ne"er spea,s thus@ we may mista,e an misapprehen them. They are spo,en in a i"ine manner! $ut we construe them in a human an carnal manner. But the imme iate wor of &o has neither tone nor articulation. It is mute! silent! an unuttera$le. It is Gesus Christ Himself! the real an essential /or who in the center of the soul that is ispose for recei"ing Him! ne"er one moment ceases from His li"ing! fruitful! an i"ine operation. Oh! thou /or ma e flesh! whose silence is ine+pressi$le eloAuence! Thou canst ne"er $e misapprehen e or mista,en. Thou $ecomest the life of our life! an the soul of our soul. How infinitely is thy language ele"ate a$o"e all the utterances of human an finite articulation. Thy a ora$le power! all efficacious in the soul that has recei"e it! communicates itself through them to others. As a i"ine see it $ecomes fruitful to eternal life. The re"elations of things to come are also "ery angerous. The 1e"il can counterfeit them! as he i formerly in the heathen temples! where he uttere oracles. CreAuently they raise false i eas! "ain hopes! an fri"olous e+pectations. They ta,e up the min with future e"ents! hin er it from ying to self! an pre"ent it following Gesus Christ in His po"erty! a$negation! an eath.

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/i ely ifferent is the re"elation of Gesus Christ! ma e to the soul when the eternal /or is communicate . =&al 1>1D.@ It ma,es us new creatures! create anew in Him. This re"elation is what the 1e"il cannot counterfeit. Crom hence procee s the only safe transport of ecstasy! which is operate $y na,e faith alone! an ying e"en to the gifts of &o . As long as the soul continues resting in gifts! it oes not fully renounce itself. Ne"er passing into &o the soul loses the real en5oyment of the &i"er! $y attachments to the gifts. This is truly an unuttera$le loss. *est I shoul let my min go after these gifts! an steal myself from thy lo"e! O my &o ! Thou wast please to fi+ me in a continual a herence to Thyself alone. 2ouls thus irecte get the shortest way. They are to e+pect great sufferings! especially if they are mighty in faith! in mortification an ea ness to all $ut &o . A pure an isintereste lo"e! an intenseness of min for the a "ancement of thy interest alone. These are the ispositions Thou i st implant in

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me! an e"en a fer"ent esire of suffering for Thee. The cross! which I ha hitherto $orne only with resignation! was $ecome my elight! an the special o$5ect of my re5oicing.

8
CHAPTER 19 I wrote an account of my won erful change! in point of happiness! to that goo father who ha $een ma e the instrument of it. It fille him $oth with 5oy an astonishment.

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O my &o ! what penances i the lo"e of suffering in uce me to un ergo4 I was impelle to epri"e myself of the most innocent in ulgences. All that coul gratify my taste was enie an I too, e"erything that coul mortify an isgust it. %y appetite! which ha $een e+tremely elicate! was so far conAuere that I coul scarcely prefer one thing to another.

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I resse loathsome sores an woun s! an ga"e reme ies to the sic,. /hen I first engage in this sort of employment! it was with the greatest ifficulty I was a$le to $ear it. As soon as my a"ersion cease ! an I coul stan the most offensi"e things! other channels of employment were opene to me. Cor I i nothing of myself! $ut left myself to $e wholly go"erne $y my 2o"ereign. /hen that goo father as,e me how I lo"e &o ! I answere ! 3Car more than the most passionate lo"er his $elo"e # an that e"en this comparison was ina eAuate! since the lo"e of the creature ne"er can attain to this! either in strength or in epth.6 This lo"e of &o occupie my heart so constantly an so strongly! that I coul thin, of nothing else. In ee ! I 5u ge nothing else worthy of my thoughts. The goo father mentione was an e+cellent preacher. He was esire to preach in the parish to which I $elonge . /hen I came! I was so strongly a$sor$e in &o ! that I coul neither open my eyes! nor hear anything he sai . I foun that Thy /or ! O my &o ! ma e its own impression on my heart! an there ha its effect! without the me iation of wor s or any attention to them. An I ha"e foun it so e"er since! $ut after a ifferent manner! accor ing to the ifferent egrees an states I ha"e passe through. 2o eeply was I settle in the inwar spirit of prayer! that I coul scarce any more pronounce the "ocal prayers. This immersion in &o a$sor$e all things therein. Although I ten erly lo"e certain saints! as 2t. Peter! 2t. Paul! 2t. %ary %ag alene! 2t. Teresa! yet I coul not form to myself images of them! nor in"o,e any of them out of &o . A few wee,s after I ha recei"e that interior woun of the heart! which ha $egun my change! the feast of the Blesse Hirgin was hel ! in the con"ent in which was that goo father my irector. I went in the morning to get the in ulgences an was much surprise when I came there an foun that I coul not attempt it# though I staye a$o"e fi"e hours in the church. I was penetrate with so li"ely a art of pure lo"e! that I coul not resol"e to a$ri ge $y in ulgences! the pain ue to my sins. 3O my *o"e!6 I crie ! 3I am willing to suffer for Thee. I fin no other pleasure $ut in suffering for Thee. In ulgences may $e goo for those who ,now not the "alue of sufferings! who choose not that thy i"ine 5ustice shoul $e satisfie # who! ha"ing mercenary souls! are not so much afrai of ispleasing Thee! as of the pains anne+e to sin.6 )et! fearing I might $e mista,en! an commit a fault in not getting the in ulgences! for I ha ne"er hear of anyone $eing in such a way $efore! I returne again to try to get them! $ut in "ain. Not ,nowing

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what to o! I resigne myself to our *or . /hen I returne home! I wrote to the goo father that he ha ma e what I ha written a part of his sermon! reciting it "er$atim as I ha written it.

I now Auitte all company! $a e farewell fore"er to all plays an i"ersions! ancing! unprofita$le wal,s an parties of pleasure. Cor two years I ha left off ressing my hair. It $ecame me! an my hus$an appro"e it. %y only pleasure now was to steal some moments to $e alone with Thee! O thou who art my only *o"e4 All other pleasure was a pain to me. I lost not Thy presence! which was gi"en me $y a continual infusion! not as I ha imagine ! $y the efforts of the hea ! or $y force of thought in me itating on &o ! $ut in the will! where I taste with unuttera$le sweetness the en5oyment of the $elo"e o$5ect. In a happy e+perience I ,new that that the soul was create to en5oy its &o . The union of the will su$5ects the soul to &o ! conforms it to all His pleasure! causes self7will gra ually to ie. *astly in rawing with it the other powers! $y means of the charity with which it is fille . It causes them gra ually to $e reunite in the Center! an lost there as to their own nature an operations. This loss is calle the annihilation of the powers. Although in themsel"es they still su$sist! yet they seem annihilate to us! in proportion as charity fills an inflames# it $ecomes so strong! as $y egrees to surmount all the acti"ities of the will of man! su$5ecting it to that of &o . /hen the soul is ocile! an lea"es itself to $e purifie ! an emptie of all that which it has of its own! opposite to the will of &o ! it fin s itself $y little an little! etache from e"ery emotion of its own! an place in a holy in ifference! wishing nothing $ut what &o oes an wills. This ne"er can $e effecte $y the acti"ity of our own will! e"en though it were employe in continual acts of resignation. These though "ery "irtuous! are so far one.s own actions an cause the will to su$sist in a multiplicity! in a ,in of separate istinction or issimilitu e from &o . /hen the will of the creature entirely su$mits to that of the Creator! suffering freely an "oluntarily an yiel ing only a concurrence to the i"ine will =which is its a$solute su$mission@ suffering itself to $e totally surmounte an estroye ! $y the operations of lo"e# this a$sor$s the will into self! consummates it in that of &o ! an purifies it from all narrowness! issimilitu e! an selfishness. The case is the same with the other two powers. By means of charity! the two other theological "irtues! faith an hope! are intro uce . Caith so strongly sei-es on the un erstan ing! as to ma,e it ecline all reasonings! all particular illuminations an illustrations! howe"er su$lime. This sufficiently emonstrates how far "isions! re"elations an ecstasies! iffer from this! an hin er the soul from $eing lost in &o . Although $y them it appears lost in Him for some transient moments! yet it is not a true loss! since the soul which is entirely lost in &o no more fin s itself again. Caith then ma,es the soul lose e"ery istinct light! in or er to place it in its own pure light. The memory! too! fin s all its little acti"ities surmounte $y egrees! an a$sor$e in hope. Cinally the powers are all concentrate an lost in pure lo"e. It engulfs them into itself $y means of their so"ereign! the /ill. The will is the so"ereign of the powers an charity is the Aueen of the "irtues! an unites them all in herself. This reunion thus ma e! is calle the central union or unity. By means of the will an lo"e! all are reunite in the center of the soul in &o who is our ultimate en . Accor ing to 2t. Gohn! 3He who welleth in lo"e! welleth in &o ! for &o is lo"e.6

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This union of my will to Thine! O my &o ! an this ineffa$le presence was so sweet an powerful! that I was compelle to yiel to its elightful power! power which was strict an se"ere to my minutest faults.

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CHAPTER 11

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%y senses =as I ha"e escri$e @ were continually mortifie ! an un er perpetual restraint. To conAuer them totally! it is necessary to eny them the smallest rela+ation! until the "ictory is complete . /e see those who content themsel"es practicing great outwar austerities! yet $y in ulging their senses in what is calle innocent an necessary! they remain fore"er unsu$ ue . Austerities! howe"er se"ere! will not conAuer the senses. To estroy their power! the most effectual means is! in general! to eny them firmly what will please! an to perse"ere in this! until they are re uce to $e without esire or repugnance. If we attempt! uring the warfare! to grant them any rela+ation! we act li,e those! who! un er prete+t of strengthening a man! who was con emne to $e star"e to eath! shoul gi"e him from time to time a little nourishment. It in ee woul prolong his torments! an postpone his eath. It is 5ust the same with the eath of the senses! the powers! the un erstan ing! an self7will. If we o not era icate e"ery remains of self su$sisting in these! we support them in a ying life to the en . This state an its termination are clearly set forth $y Paul. He spea,s of $earing a$out in the $o y the ying of the *or Gesus. =II Cor. <>19.@. But! lest we shoul rest here! he fully istinguishes this from the state of $eing ea an ha"ing our life hi with Christ in &o . It is only $y a total eath to self we can $e lost in &o . He who is thus ea has no further nee of mortification. The "ery en of mortification is accomplishe in him! an all is $ecome new. It is an unhappy error in those goo souls! who ha"e arri"e at a conAuest of the $o ily senses! through this unremitte an continual mortification! that they shoul still continue attache to the e+ercise of it. They shoul rather rop their attention thereto! an remain in in ifference! accepting with eAuality the goo as the $a ! the sweet as the $itter! an $en their whole attention to a la$or of greater importance# namely! the mortification of the min an self7will. They shoul $egin $y ropping all the acti"ity of self! which can ne"er $e one without the most profoun prayer# no more than the eath of the senses can $e perfecte without profoun recollection 5oine to mortification. In ee ! recollection is the chief means where$y we attain to a conAuest of the senses. It etaches an separates us from them! an sweetly saps the "ery cause from whence they eri"e their influence o"er us. The more Thou i st augment my lo"e! an my patience! O my *or ! the less respite ha I from the most oppressi"e crosses# $ut lo"e ren ere them easy to $ear. O ye poor souls! who e+haust yoursel"es with nee less "e+ation! if you woul $ut see, &o in your hearts! there woul $e a spee y en to all your trou$les. The increase of crosses woul proportionately increase your elight. *o"e! at the $eginning! athirst for mortification impelle me to see, an in"ent "arious ,in s. It is surprising! that as soon as the $itterness of any new mo e of mortification was e+hauste ! another ,in was pointe to me! an I was inwar ly le to pursue it. 1i"ine lo"e so enlightene my heart! an so scrutini-e into its secret springs! that the smallest efects $ecame e+pose . If I was a$out to spea,! something wrong was instantly pointe to me! an I was compelle to silence. If I ,ept silence! faults were presently isco"ere '(in e"ery action there was something

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efecti"e'(in my mortifications! my penances! my alms7gi"ing! my retirement! I was faulty. /hen I wal,e ! I o$ser"e there was something wrong# if I spo,e any way in my own fa"or! I saw pri e. If I sai within myself! alas! I will spea, no more! here was self. If I was cheerful an open! I was con emne . Pure lo"e always foun matter for reproof in me! an was 5ealous that nothing shoul escape unnotice . It was not that I was particularly attenti"e o"er myself! for it was e"en with constraint that I coul loo, at all at myself. %y attention towar &o ! $y an attachment of my will to His! was without intermission. I waite continually upon Him! an He watche incessantly o"er me! an He so le me $y His pro"i ence! that I forgot all things. I ,new not how to communicate what I felt to anyone. I was so lost to myself! that I coul scarcely go a$out self7e+amination. /hen I attempte it all i eas of myself imme iately isappeare . I foun myself occupie with my one o$5ect without istinction of i eas. I was a$sor$e in peace ine+pressi$le# I saw $y the eye of faith that it was &o that thus wholly possesse me# $ut I i not reason at all a$out it. It must not! howe"er! $e suppose that i"ine lo"e suffere my faults to go unpunishe . O *or 4 with what rigor! ost Thou punish the most faithful! the most lo"ing an $elo"e of Thy chil ren. I mean not e+ternally! for this woul $e ina eAuate to the smallest fault! in a soul that &o is a$out to purify ra ically. The punishments it can inflict on itself! are rather gratifications an refreshments than otherwise. In ee ! the manner in which He corrects His chosen! must $e felt! or it is impossi$le to concei"e how rea ful it is. In my attempt to e+plain it! I shall $e unintelligi$le! e+cept to e+perience souls. It is an internal $urning! a secret fire sent from &o to purge away the fault! gi"ing e+treme pain! until this purification is complete. It is li,e a islocate 5oint! which is in incessant torment! until the $one is replace . This pain is so se"ere! that the soul woul o anything to satisfy &o for the fault! an woul rather $e torn in pieces than en ure the torment. 2ometimes the soul flies to others! an opens her state that she may fin consolation. There$y she frustrates &o .s esigns towar her. It is of the utmost conseAuence to ,now what use to ma,e of the istress. The whole of one.s spiritual a "ancement epen s on it. /e shoul at these seasons of internal anguish! o$scurity an mourning! co7operate with &o ! en ure this consuming torture in its utmost e+tent =while it continues@ without attempting to lessen or increase it. Bear it passi"ely! nor see, to satisfy &o $y anything we can o of oursel"es. To continue passi"e at such a time is e+tremely ifficult! an reAuires great firmness an courage. I ,new some who ne"er a "ance farther in the spiritual process $ecause they grew impatient! an sought means of consolation.

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The treatment of my hus$an an mother7in7law! howe"er rigorous an insulting! I now $ore silently. I ma e no replies an this was not so ifficult for me! $ecause the greatness of my interior occupation! an what passe within! ren ere me insensi$le to all the rest. There were times when I was left to myself. Then I coul not refrain from tears. I i the lowest offices for them to hum$le myself. All this i not win their fa"or. /hen they were in a rage! although I coul not fin that I ha gi"en them any occasion! yet I i not fail to $eg their par on! e"en from the girl of whom I ha"e spo,en. I ha a goo eal of pain to surmount myself! as to the last. 2he $ecame the more insolent for it# reproaching me with things which ought to ha"e ma e her $lush an ha"e co"ere her with shame. As she saw that I contra icte an resiste her no more in anything! she procee e to treat me worse. An when I as,e her par on she triumphe ! saying! 3I ,new "ery well I was in the right.6 Her arrogance rose to the height that I woul not ha"e treate the meanest sla"e.

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One ay! as she was ressing me! she pulle me roughly! an spo,e to me insolently. I sai ! 3It is not my account that I am willing to answer you! for you gi"e me no pain! $ut lest you shoul act thus $efore persons to whom it woul gi"e offence. %oreo"er! as I am your mistress! &o is assure ly offen e with you.6 2he left me that moment! an ran li,e a ma woman to meet my hus$an telling him she woul stay no longer! I treate her so ill! that I hate her for the care she too, of him in his continual in ispositions! wanting her not to o any ser"ice for him. %y hus$an was "ery hasty! so he too, fire at these wor s. I finishe ressing alone. 2ince she ha left me I are not call another girl# she woul not suffer another girl to come near me. I saw my hus$an coming li,e a lion! he was ne"er in such a rage as this. I thought he was going to stri,e me# I awaite the $low with tranAuillity# he threatene with his uplifte crutch# I thought he was going to ,noc, me own. Hol ing myself closely unite to &o ! I $ehel it without pain. He i not stri,e me for he ha presence of min enough to see what in ignity it woul $e. In his rage he threw it at me. It fell near me! $ut it i not touch me. He then ischarge himself in language as if I ha $een a street $eggar! or the most infamous of creatures. I ,ept profoun silence! $eing recollecte in the *or . The girl in the meantime came in. At the sight of her his rage re ou$le . I ,ept near to &o ! as a "ictim ispose to suffer whate"er He woul permit. %y hus$an or ere me to $eg her par on! which I rea ily i ! an there$y appease him. I went into my closet! where I no sooner was! than my i"ine 1irector impelle me to ma,e this girl a present! to recompense her for the cross which she ha cause me. 2he was a little astonishe ! $ut her heart was too har to $e gaine . I often acte thus $ecause she freAuently ga"e me opportunities. 2he ha a singular e+terity in atten ing the sic,. %y hus$an ! ailing almost continually! woul suffer no other person to a minister to him. He ha a "ery great regar for her. 2he was artful# in his presence she affecte an e+traor inary respect for me. /hen he was not present! if I sai a wor to her! though with the greatest mil ness an if she hear him coming! she crie out with all her might that she was unhappy. 2he acte li,e one istresse so that! without informing himself of the truth! he was irritate against me! as was also my mother7in7law. The "iolence I i to my prou an hasty nature was so great! that I coul hol out no longer. I was Auite spent with it. It seeme sometimes as if I was inwar ly rent! an I ha"e often fallen sic, with the struggle. 2he i not for$ear e+claiming against me! e"en $efore persons of istinction! who came to see me. If I was silent! she too, offence at that yet more! an sai that I espise her. 2he crie me own! an ma e complaints to e"ery$o y. All this re oun e to my honor an her own isgrace. %y reputation was so well esta$lishe ! on account of my e+terior mo esty! my e"otion! an the great acts of charity which I i ! that nothing coul sha,e it. 2ometimes she ran out into the street! crying out against me. At one time she e+claime ! 3Am not I "ery unhappy to ha"e such a mistress06 People gathere a$out her to ,now what I ha one to her# an not ,nowing what to say! she answere that I ha not spo,en to her all the ay. They returne ! laughing! an sai ! 32he has one you no great harm then.6 I am surprise at the $lin ness of confessors! an at their permitting their penitents to conceal so much of the truth from them. The confessor of this girl ma e her pass for a saint. This he sai in my hearing. I answere nothing# for lo"e woul not permit me to spea, of my trou$les. I shoul consecrate them all to &o $y a profoun silence. %y hus$an was out of humor with my e"otion. 3/hat!6 sai he! 3you lo"e &o so much! that you lo"e me no longer.6 2o little i he comprehen that the true con5ugal lo"e is that which the *or Himself forms in the heart that lo"es Him.

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Oh! Thou who art pure an holy! Thou i st imprint in me from the first such a lo"e of chastity! that there was nothing in the worl which I woul not ha"e un ergone to possess an preser"e it.

I en ea"ore to $e agreea$le to my hus$an in anything! an to please him in e"erything he coul reAuire of me. &o ga"e me such a purity of soul at that time! that I ha not so much as a $a thought. 2ometimes my hus$an sai to me! 3One sees plainly that you ne"er lose the presence of &o .6 The worl ! seeing I Auit it! persecute an turne me into ri icule. I was its entertainment! an the su$5ect of its fa$les. It coul not $ear that a woman! scarce twenty years of age! shoul thus ma,e war against it! an o"ercome. %y mother7in7law too, part with the worl ! an $lame me for not oing many things that in her heart she woul ha"e $een highly offen e ha I one them. I was as one lost! an alone# so little communion ha I with the creature! farther than necessity reAuire . I seeme to e+perience literally those wor s of Paul! 3I li"e yet! no more I! $ut Christ li"eth in me.6 His operations were so powerful! so sweet! an so secret! all together! that I coul not e+press them. /e went into the country on some $usiness. Oh4 what unuttera$le communications i I there e+perience in retirement4 I was insatia$le for prayer. I arose at four o.cloc, in the morning to pray. I went "ery far to the church! which was so situate ! that the coach coul not come to it. There was a steep hill to go own an another to ascen . All that cost me nothing# I ha such a longing esire to meet with my &o ! as my only goo ! who on His part was graciously forwar to gi"e Himself to His poor creature! an for it to o e"en "isi$le miracles. 2uch as saw me lea a life so "ery ifferent from the women of the worl sai I was a fool. They attri$ute it to stupi ity. 2ometimes they sai ! 3/hat can all this mean0 2ome people thin, this la y has parts! $ut nothing of them appears.6 If I went into company! often I coul not spea,# so much was I engage within! so inwar with the *or ! as not to atten to anything else. If any near me spo,e! I hear nothing. I generally too, one with me! that this might not appear. I too, some wor,! to hi e un er that appearance the real employ of my heart. /hen I was alone! the wor, roppe out of my han . I wante to persua e a relation of my hus$an .s to practice prayer. 2he thought me a fool! for epri"ing myself of all the amusements of the age. But the *or opene her eyes! to ma,e her espise them. I coul ha"e wishe to teach all the worl to lo"e &o # an thought it epen e only on them to feel what I felt. The *or ma e use of my thin,ing to gain many souls to Himself. The goo father I ha"e spo,en of! who was the instrument of my con"ersion! ma e me acAuainte with &ene"ie"e &ranger! prioress of the Bene ictines! one of the greatest ser"ants of &o of her time. 2he pro"e of "ery great ser"ice to me. %y confessor! who ha tol e"eryone that I was a saint $efore! when so full of miseries! an so far from the con ition to which the *or in His mercy ha now $rought me! seeing I place a confi ence in the father of whom I ha"e spo,en! an that I steere in a roa which was un,nown to him! eclare openly against me. The mon,s of his or er persecute me much. They e"en preache pu$licly against me! as a person un er a elusion. %y hus$an an mother7in7law! who till now ha $een in ifferent a$out this confessor! then 5oine him an or ere me to lea"e off prayer! an the e+ercise of piety# that I coul not o. There was carrie on a con"ersation within me! "ery ifferent from that which passe without. I i what I coul to hin er it from appearing! $ut coul not. The presence of so great a %aster manifeste itself! e"en on my countenance. That paine my hus$an ! he sometimes tol me. I i what I coul to hin er it from $eing notice ! $ut was not a$le completely to hi e it. I was so much inwar ly occupie that I ,new not what I ate. I ma e as if I ate some ,in s of meat! though I i not ta,e any. This eep inwar attention suffere me scarcely to hear or see

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anything. I still continue to use many se"ere mortifications an austerities. They i not in the least iminish the freshness of my countenance.

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I ha often grie"ous fits of sic,ness an no consolation in life! e+cept in the practice of prayer! an in seeing %other &ranger. How ear i these cost me! especially the former4 Is this esteeming the cross as I ought0'(shoul I not rather say that prayer to me was recompense with the cross! an the cross with prayer. Insepara$le gifts unite in my heart an life4 /hen your eternal light arose in my soul! how perfectly it reconcile me an ma e you the o$5ect of my lo"e4 Crom the moment I recei"e Thee I ha"e ne"er $een free from the cross! nor it seems without prayer'(though for a long time I thought myself epri"e thereof! which e+cee ingly augmente my afflictions. %y confessor at first e+erte his efforts to hin er me from practicing prayer! an from seeing %other &ranger. He "iolently stirre up my hus$an an mother7in7law to hin er me from praying. The metho they too, was to watch me from morning until night. I are not go out from my mother7in7law.s room! or from my hus$an .s $e si e. 2ometimes I carrie my wor, to the win ow! un er a pretense of seeing $etter! in or er to relie"e myself with some moment.s repose. They came to watch me "ery closely! to see if I i not pray instea of wor,ing. /hen my hus$an an mother7in7law playe car s! if I i turn towar the fire! they watche to see if I continue my wor, or shut my eyes. If they o$ser"e I close them! they woul $e in a fury against me for se"eral hours. /hat is most strange! when my hus$an went out! ha"ing some ays of health! he woul not allow me to pray in his a$sence. He mar,e my wor,! an sometimes! after he was 5ust gone out! returning imme iately! if he foun me in prayer he woul $e in a rage. In "ain I sai ! 32urely! sir! what matters it what I o when you are a$sent! if I $e assi uous in atten ing you when you are present06 That woul not satisfy him# he insiste that I shoul no more pray in his a$sence than in his presence. I $elie"e there is har ly a torment eAual to that of $eing ar ently rawn to retirement! an not ha"ing it in one.s power to $e retire .

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O my &o ! the war they raise they were stri"ing to pre"ent silence. The more they la$ore to Thyself. The flame of Thy e+tinguish it. to hin er me from lo"ing Thee i $ut augment my lo"e. /hile my a resses to Thee! thou rewest me into an ine+pressi$le to separate me from Thee! the more closely i st Thou unite me lo"e was ,in le ! an ,ept up $y e"erything that was one to

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Often through compliance I playe at piAuet with my hus$an . At such times I was e"en more interiorly attracte than if I ha $een at church. I was scarce a$le to contain the fire which $urne in my soul! which ha all the fer"or of what men call lo"e! $ut nothing of its impetuosity. The more ar ent! the more peacea$le it was. This fire gaine strength from e"erything that was one to suppress it. An the spirit of prayer was nourishe an increase from their contri"ances an en ea"ors to isallow me any time for practicing it. I lo"e without consi ering a moti"e or reason for lo"ing. Nothing passe in my hea ! $ut much in the innermost recesses of my soul. I thought not a$out any recompense! gift! or fa"or! which He coul $estow or I recei"e. The /ell7$elo"e was Himself the only o$5ect which attracte my heart. I coul not contemplate His attri$utes. I ,new nothing else! $ut to lo"e an to suffer. Ignorance more truly learne than any science of the octors! since it taught me so well Gesus Christ crucifie an $rought me to $e in lo"e with His holy cross. I coul then ha"e wishe to ie! in or er to $e insepara$ly unite to Him who so powerfully attracte my heart. As all this passe in the will! the imagination an the un erstan ing $eing a$sor$e in it! I ,new not what to say! ha"ing ne"er rea or hear of such a state as I e+perience . I rea e elusion an feare that all was not right! for $efore this I ha ,nown nothing of the operations of &o in souls. I

ha only rea 2t. Crancis e 2ales! Thomas 0 Iempis! The 2piritual Com$at! an the Holy 2criptures. I was Auite a stranger to those spiritual $oo,s wherein such states are escri$e .

Then all those amusements an pleasures that are pri-e an esteeme appeare to me ull an insipi . I won ere how it coul $e that I ha e"er en5oye them. An in ee since that time! I coul ne"er fin any satisfaction or en5oyment out of &o . I ha"e sometimes $een unfaithful enough to fin it. I was not astonishe that martyrs ga"e their li"es for Gesus Christ. I thought them happy! an sighe after their pri"ilege of suffering for Him. I so esteeme the cross that my greatest trou$le was the want of suffering as much as my heart thirste for. This respect an esteem for the cross continually increase . Afterwar I lost the sensi$le relish an en5oyment! yet the lo"e an esteem no more left me than the cross itself. In ee ! it has e"er $een my faithful companion! changing an augmenting! in proportion to the changes an ispositions of my inwar state. O $lesse cross! thou hast ne"er Auitte me! since I surren ere myself to my i"ine! crucifie %aster. I still hope that thou wilt ne"er a$an on me. 2o eager was I for the cross! that I en ea"ore to ma,e myself feel the utmost rigor of e"ery mortification. This only ser"e to awa,en my esire for suffering! an to show me that it is &o alone that can prepare an sen crosses suita$le to a soul that thirsts for a following of His sufferings! an a conformity to His eath. The more my state of prayer augmente ! my esire of suffering grew stronger! as the full weight of hea"y crosses from e"ery si e came thun ering upon me. The peculiar property of this prayer of the heart is to gi"e a strong faith. %ine was without limits! as was also my resignation to &o ! an my confi ence in Him'(my lo"e of His will! an of the or er of His pro"i ence o"er me. I was "ery timorous $efore! $ut now feare nothing. It is in such a case that one feels the efficacy of these wor s! 3%y yo,e is easy! an my $ur en is light6 =%att. 11>;9@.

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CHAPTER 1; I ha a secret esire gi"en me from that time to $e wholly e"ote to the isposal of my &o ! let that $e what it woul . I sai ! 3/hat coul st Thou eman of me! that I woul not willingly offer Thee0 Oh! spare me not.6 The cross an humiliations were represente to my min in the most frightful colors! $ut this eterre me not. I yiel e myself up as willing an in ee our *or seeme to accept of my sacrifice! for His i"ine pro"i ence furnishe me incessantly with occasions an opportunities for putting it to the test. I ha ifficulty to say "ocal prayers I ha $een use to repeat. As soon as I opene my lips to pronounce them! the lo"e of &o sei-e me strongly. I was swallowe up in a profoun silence an an ine+pressi$le peace. I ma e fresh attempts $ut still in "ain. I $egan again an again! $ut coul not go on. I ha ne"er $efore hear of such a state! I ,new not what to o. %y ina$ility increase $ecause my lo"e to the *or was growing more strong! more "iolent an more o"erpowering. There was ma e in me! without the soun of wor s! a continual prayer. It seeme to me to $e the prayer of our *or Gesus Christ Himself# a prayer of the /or ! which is ma e $y the 2pirit. Accor ing to 2t. Paul it 3as,eth for us that which is goo ! perfect! an conforma$le to the will of &o 6 =Rom. ?>:D7:J@. %y omestic crosses continue . I was pre"ente from seeing or e"en writing to %rs. &ranger. %y "ery going to i"ine ser"ice or the sacrament! were a source of woeful offences. The only

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amusement I ha left me! was the "isiting an atten ing the sic, poor! an performing the lowest offices for them.

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%y prayer7time $egan to $e e+cee ingly istressing. I compelle myself to continue at it! though epri"e of all comfort an consolation. /hen I was not employe therein! I felt an ar ent esire an longing for it. I suffere ine+pressi$le anguish in my min ! an en ea"ore with the se"erest inflictions of corporeal austerities to mitigate an i"ert it'($ut in "ain. I foun no more that enli"ening "igor which ha hitherto carrie me on with great swiftness. I seeme to myself to $e li,e those young $ri es! who fin a great eal of ifficulty to lay asi e their self7 lo"e! an to follow their hus$an s to the war. I relapse into a "ain complacency an fon ness for myself. %y propensity to pri e an "anity! which seeme Auite ea ! while I was so fille with lo"e of &o ! now showe itself again! an ga"e me se"ere e+ercise. This ma e me lament the e+terior $eauty of my person! an pray to &o incessantly! that he woul remo"e from me that o$stacle! an ma,e me ugly. I coul e"en ha"e wishe to $e eaf! $lin an um$! that nothing might i"ert me from my lo"e of &o . I set out on a 5ourney! which we ha then to ma,e! an I appeare more than e"er li,e those lamps which emit a glimmering flash! when they are 5ust on the point of e+tinguishing. Alas4 how many snares were lai in my way4 I met them at e"ery step. I e"en committe infi elities through unwatchfulness. O my *or ! with what rigor i st Thou punish them4 A useless glance was chec,e as a sin. How many tears i those ina "ertent faults cost me! through a wea, compliance! an e"en against my will4 Thou ,nowest that Thy rigor! e+ercise after my slips! was not the moti"e of those tears which I she . /ith what pleasure woul I ha"e suffere the most rigorous se"erity to ha"e $een cure of my infi elity. To what se"ere chastisement i I not con emn myself4 2ometimes Thou i st treat me li,e a father who pities the chil ! an caresses it after its in"oluntary faults. How often i st Thou ma,e me sensi$le of Thy lo"e towar me! notwithstan ing my $lemishes4 It was the sweetness of this lo"e after my falls which cause my greatest pain# for the more the amia$leness of Thy lo"e was e+ten e to me! the more inconsola$le I was for ha"ing eparte e"er so little from Thee. /hen I ha let some ina "ertence escape me! I foun Thee rea y to recei"e me. I ha"e often crie out! 3O my *or 4 is it possi$le thou canst $e so gracious to such an offen er! an so in ulgent to my faults# so propitious to one who has wan ere astray from Thee! $y "ain complaisances! an an unworthy fon ness for fri"olous o$5ects0 )et no sooner o I return! than I fin Thee waiting! with open arms rea y to recei"e me. O sinner! sinner4 hast thou any reason to complain of &o 0 If there yet remains in thee any 5ustice! confess the truth! an a mit that it is owing to thyself if thou goest wrong# that in eparting from Him thou iso$eyest His call. /hen thou returnest! He is rea y to recei"e thee# an if thou returnest not! He ma,es use of the most engaging moti"es to win thee. )et thou turnest a eaf ear to His "oice# thou wilt not hear Him. Thou sayest He spea,s not to thee! though He calls lou ly. It is therefore only $ecause thou aily re$ellest! an art growing aily more an more eaf to the "oice. /hen I was in Paris! an the clergy saw me so young! they appeare astonishe . Those to whom I opene my state tol me! that I coul ne"er enough than, &o for the graces conferre on me# that if I ,new them I shoul $e ama-e at them# an that if I were not faithful! I shoul $e the most ungrateful of all creatures. 2ome eclare that they ne"er ,new any woman whom &o hel so closely! an in so great a purity of conscience.

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I $elie"e what ren ere it so was the continual care Thou ha st o"er me! O my &o ! ma,ing me feel Thy presence! e"en as Thou hast promise it to us in Thy &ospel!'(6if a man lo"e me! my Cather will lo"e him! an we will come unto him! an ma,e our a$o e with him6 =Gohn 1<>:;@. The continual e+perience of Thy presence in me was what preser"e me. I $ecame eeply assure of what the prophet ha sai ! 3E+cept the *or ,eep the city! the watchman wa,eth $ut in "ain6 =Ps. 1:J>1@. Thou! O my *o"e! wert my faithful ,eeper! who i st efen my heart against all sorts of enemies! pre"enting the least faults! or correcting them when "i"acity ha occasione their $eing committe . But alas4 when Thou i st cease to watch for me! or left me to myself! how wea, was I! an how easily i my enemies pre"ail o"er me4 *et others ascri$e their "ictory to their own fi elity. As for me! I shall ne"er attri$ute them to anything else than thy paternal care. I ha"e too often e+perience ! to my cost! what I shoul $e without Thee! to presume in the least on any cares of my own. It is to Thee! an to Thee only! that I owe e"erything! O my 1eli"erer# an my $eing in e$te to Thee for it gi"es me infinite 5oy. /hile in Paris! I rela+e an i many things which I shoul not. I ,new the e+treme fon ness which some ha for me! an suffere them to e+press it without chec,ing it as I ought. I fell into other faults too! as ha"ing my nec, a little too $are! though not near so much as others ha . I plainly saw I was too remiss# an that was my torment. I sought all a$out for Him who ha secretly inflame my heart. But! alas4 har ly any$o y ,new Him. I crie ! 3Oh! Thou $est $elo"e of my soul! ha st Thou $een near me these isasters ha not $efallen me.6 /hen I say that I spo,e thus to Him! it is $ut to e+plain myself. In reality! it all passe almost in silence! for I coul not spea,. %y heart ha a language which was carrie on without the soun of wor s! un erstoo of Him! as He un erstan s the language of the /or ! which spea,s incessantly in the innermost recesses of the soul. Oh! sacre language4 E+perience only gi"es the comprehension of it4 *et not any thin, it a $arren language! an effect of the mere imagination. Car ifferent'(it is the silent e+pression of the /or in the soul. As He ne"er ceases to spea,! so He ne"er ceases to operate. If people once came to ,now the operations of the *or ! in souls wholly resigne to His gui ing! it woul fill them with re"erential a miration an awe. I saw that the purity of my state was li,e to $e sullie $y too great a commerce with the creatures! so I ma e haste to finish what etaine me in Paris! in or er to return to the country. 3Tis true! O my *or ! I felt that Thou ha st gi"en me strength enough to a"oi the occasions of e"il'($ut when I ha so far yiel e as to get into them! I foun I coul not resist the "ain complaisances! an a num$er of other foi$les which they ensnare me into.6 The pain which I felt after my faults was ine+pressi$le. It was not an anguish that arose from any istinct i ea or conception! from any particular moti"e or affection'($ut a ,in of e"ouring fire which cease not! till the fault was consume an the soul purifie . It was a $anishment of my soul from the presence of its Belo"e . I coul ha"e no access to Him! neither coul I ha"e any rest out of Him. I ,new not what to o. I was li,e the o"e out of the ar,! which fin ing no rest for the soul of her foot! was constraine to return to the ar,# $ut! fin ing the win ow shut! coul only fly a$out. In the meantime! through an infi elity which will e"er ren er me culpa$le! I stro"e to fin some satisfaction without! $ut coul not. This ser"e to con"ince me of my folly an of the "anity of those pleasures which are calle innocent. /hen I was pre"aile on to taste them! I felt a strong repulse which! 5oine with my remorse for the transgression! change the i"ersion into torment. 3Oh! my Cather!6 sai I! 3this is not Thee# an nothing else! $esi e Thee! can gi"e soli pleasure.6 One ay! as much through unfaithfulness as complaisance! I went to ta,e a wal, at some of the pu$lic par,s! rather from e+cess of "anity to show myself than to ta,e the pleasure of the place. Oh! my *or 4 how i st Thou ma,e me sensi$le of this fault0 But far from punishing me in letting me parta,e of the amusement! Thou i st it in hol ing me so close to Thyself! that I coul gi"e no attention to anything $ut my fault an Thy ispleasure. After this I was in"ite

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with some other la ies to an entertainment at 2t. Clou . Through "anity an wea, compliance! I yiel e an went. The affair was magnificent# they! though wise in the eye of the worl ! coul relish it. I was fille with $itterness. I coul eat nothing! I coul en5oy nothing. Oh! what tears4 Cor $eyon three months my Belo"e with rew His fa"oring presence! an I coul see nothing $ut an angry &o . I was on this occasion! an in another 5ourney which I too, with my hus$an into Touraine! li,e those animals estine for slaughter. On certain ays people a orn them with greens an flowers! an $ring in pomp into the city $efore they ,ill them. This wea, $eauty! on the e"e of ecline! shone forth with new $rightness! in or er to $ecome the sooner e+tinct. I was shortly after afflicte with the smallpo+. One ay as I wal,e to church! followe $y a footman I was met $y a poor man. I went to gi"e him alms# he than,e me $ut refuse them an then spo,e to me in a won erful manner of &o an of i"ine things. He isplaye to me my whole heart! my lo"e to &o ! my charity! my too great fon ness for my $eauty an all my faults# he tol me it was not enough to a"oi Hell! $ut that the *or reAuire of me the utmost purity an height of perfection. %y heart assente to his reproofs. I hear him with silence an respect! his wor s penetrate my "ery soul. /hen I arri"e at the church I fainte away. I ha"e ne"er seen the man since.

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%y hus$an en5oying some intermission of his almost continual ailments! ha a min to go to Orleans! an then into Touraine. In this 5ourney my "anity ma e its last $la-e. I recei"e a$un ance of "isits an applauses. But how clearly i I see the folly of men who are so ta,en with "ain $eauty4 I isli,e the isposition! yet not that which cause it! though I sometimes ar ently esire to $e eli"ere from it. The continual com$at of nature an grace cost me no small affliction. Nature was please with pu$lic applause# grace ma e me rea it. /hat augmente the temptation was that they esteeme in me "irtue! 5oine with youth an $eauty. They i not ,now that all the "irtue is only in &o ! an His protection! an all the wea,ness in myself. I went in search of confessors! to accuse myself of my failing! an to $ewail my $ac,sli ings. They were utterly insensi$le of my pain. They esteeme what &o con emne . They treate as a "irtue what to me appeare etesta$le in His sight. Car from measuring my faults $y His graces! they only consi ere what I was! in comparison of what I might ha"e $een. Hence! instea of $laming me! they only flattere my pri e. They 5ustifie me in what incurre His re$u,e! or only treate as a slight fault what in me was highly ispleasing to Him! from whom I ha recei"e such signal mercies. The heinousness of sins is not to $e measure singly $y their nature! $ut also $y the state of the person who commits them. The least unfaithfulness in a spouse is more in5urious to her hus$an ! than far greater ones in his omestics. I tol them all the trou$le I ha $een un er for not ha"ing entirely co"ere my nec,. It was co"ere much more than was co"ere $y other women of my age. They assure me that I was "ery mo estly resse . As my hus$an li,e my ress there coul $e nothing amiss in it. %y inwar 1irector taught me Auite the contrary. I ha not courage enough to follow Him! an to ress myself ifferently from others! at my age. %y "anity furnishe me with pretenses seemingly 5ust for following fashions. If pastors ,new what hurt they o in humoring female "anity! they woul $e more se"ere against it4 Ha I foun $ut one person honest enough to eal plainly with me! I shoul not ha"e gone on. But my "anity!

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si ing with the eclare opinion of all others! in uce me to thin, them right! an my own scruples mere fancy.

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/e met with acci ents in this 5ourney! sufficient to ha"e terrifie anyone. Though corrupt nature pre"aile so far as I ha"e 5ust mentione ! yet my resignation to &o was so strong! that I passe fearless! e"en where there was apparently no possi$ility of escape. At one time we got into a narrow pass! an i not percei"e! until we were too far a "ance to raw $ac,! that the roa was un ermine $y the ri"er *oire! which ran $eneath! an the $an,s ha fallen in# so that in some places the footmen were o$lige to support one si e of the carriage. All those aroun me were terrifie to the highest egree! yet &o ,ept me perfectly tranAuil. I secretly re5oice at the prospect of losing my life $y a singular stro,e of His pro"i ence. On my return! I went to see %rs. &ranger! to whom I relate how it ha $een with me while a$roa . 2he strengthene an encourage me to pursue my first esign. 2he a "ise me to co"er my nec,! which I ha"e one e"er since notwithstan ing the singularity of it. The *or ! who ha so long eferre the chastisement merite $y such a series of infi elities! now $egan to punish me for the a$use of his grace. 2ometimes I wishe to retire to a con"ent! an thought it lawful. I foun wherein I was wea,! an that my faults were always of the same nature. I wishe to hi e myself in some ca"e! or to $e confine in a reary prison! rather than en5oy a li$erty $y which I suffere so much. 1i"ine lo"e gently rew me inwar ! an "anity ragge me outwar . %y heart was rent asun er $y the contest! as I neither ga"e myself wholly up to the one nor the other. I $esought my &o to epri"e me of power to isplease Him! an crie ! 3Art thou not strong enough wholly to era icate this un5ust uplicity out of my heart06 Cor my "anity $ro,e forth when occasions offere # yet I Auic,ly returne to &o . He! instea of repulsing or up$rai ing me! often recei"e me with open arms! an ga"e me fresh testimonials of His lo"e. They fille me with the most painful reflections on my offense. Though this wretche "anity was still so pre"alent! yet my lo"e to &o was such! that after my wan erings! I woul rather ha"e chosen His ro than His caresses. His interests were more ear to me than my own! an I wishe He woul ha"e one Himself 5ustice upon me. %y heart was full of grief an of lo"e. I was stung to the Auic, for offen ing Him! who showere His grace so profusely upon me. That those who ,now not &o shoul offen Him $y sin is not to $e won ere at! $ut that a heart which lo"e Him more than itself an so fully e+perience His lo"e! shoul $e se uce $y propensities which it etests! is a cruel martyr om. /hen I felt most strongly Thy presence! an Thy lo"e! O *or ! sai I! how won erfully Thou $estowest Thy fa"ors on such a wretche creature! who reAuites Thee only with ingratitu e. Cor if anyone rea s this life with attention! he will see on &o .s part! nothing $ut goo ness! mercy! an lo"e# on my part! nothing $ut wea,ness! sin an infi elity. I ha"e nothing to glory in $ut my infirmities an my unworthiness! since! in that e"erlasting marriage7union thou hast ma e with me! I $rought with me nothing $ut wea,ness! sin an misery. How I re5oice to owe all to Thee! an that Thou fa"orest my heart with a sight of the treasures an $oun less riches of Thy grace an lo"e4 Thou hast ealt $y me! as if a magnificent ,ing shoul marry a poor sla"e! forget her sla"ery! gi"e her all the ornaments which may ren er her pleasing in his eyes! an freely par on her all the faults an ill Aualities which her ignorance an $a e ucation ha gi"en her. This Thou hast ma e my case. %y po"erty is $ecome my riches! an in the e+tremity of my wea,ness I ha"e foun my strength. Oh! if any ,new! with what confusion the in ulgent fa"ors of &o co"er the soul after its faults4 2uch a soul woul wish with all its power to satisfy the i"ine 5ustice. I ma e "erses an little songs to $ewail myself. I e+ercise austerities! $ut they i not satisfy my heart. They were li,e those rops of water which only ser"e to ma,e the fire

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hotter. /hen I ta,e a "iew of &o ! an myself! I am o$lige to cry out! 3Oh! a mira$le con uct of *o"e towar an ungrateful wretch4 Oh! horri$le ingratitu e towar such unparallele goo ness.6 A great part of my life is only a mi+ture of such things as might $e enough to sin, me to the gra"e $etween grief an lo"e.

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CHAPTER 18

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On my arri"al at home I foun my hus$an ta,en with the gout! an his other complaints. %y little aughter ill! an li,e to ie of the smallpo+# my el est son! too! too, it# an it was of so malignant a type! that it ren ere him as isfigure ! as $efore he was $eautiful. As soon as I percei"e the smallpo+ was in the house! I ha no ou$t $ut I shoul ta,e it. %rs. &ranger a "ise me to lea"e if I coul . %y father offere to ta,e me home! with my secon son! whom I ten erly lo"e . %y mother7in7law woul not suffer it. 2he persua e my hus$an it was useless! an sent for a physician! who secon e her in it! saying! 3I shoul as rea ily ta,e it at a istance as here! if I were ispose to ta,e it.6 I may say! she pro"e at that time a secon Gephtha! an that she sacrifice us $oth! though innocently. Ha she ,nown what followe ! I ou$t not $ut she woul ha"e acte otherwise. All the town stirre in this affair. E"eryone $egge her to sen me out of the house! an crie out that it was cruel to e+pose me thus. They set upon me! too! imagining I was unwilling to go. I ha not tol that she was so a"erse to it. I ha at that time no other isposition than to sacrifice myself to i"ine Pro"i ence. Though I might ha"e remo"e ! notwithstan ing my mother7in7law.s resistance! yet I woul not without her consent# $ecause it loo,e to me as if her resistance was an or er of Hea"en. I continue in this spirit of sacrifice to &o ! waiting from moment to moment in an entire resignation! for whate"er He shoul $e please to or ain. I cannot e+press what nature suffere . I was li,e one who sees $oth certain eath an an easy reme y! without $eing a$le to a"oi the former! or try the latter. I ha no less apprehension for my younger son than for myself. %y mother7in7law so e+cessi"ely ote on the el est! that the rest of us were in ifferent to her. )et I am assure ! if she ha ,nown the younger woul ha"e ie of the smallpo+! she woul not ha"e acte as she i . &o ma,es use of creatures! an their natural inclinations to accomplish His esigns. /hen I see in the creatures a con uct which appears unreasona$le an mortifying! I mount higher! an loo, upon them as instruments $oth of the mercy an 5ustice of &o . His 5ustice is full of mercy. I tol my hus$an that my stomach was sic,! an that I was ta,ing the smallpo+. He sai it was only imagination. I let %rs. &ranger ,now the situation I was in. As she ha a ten er heart! she was affecte $y the treatment I met with! an encourage me to offer myself up to the *or . At length! nature fin ing there was no resource! consente to the sacrifice which my spirit ha alrea y ma e. The isor er gaine groun apace. I was sei-e with a great shi"ering! an pain $oth in my hea an stomach. They woul not yet $elie"e that I was sic,. In a few hours it went so far! that they thought my life in anger. I was also ta,en with an inflammation on my lungs! an the reme ies for the one isor er were contrary to the other. %y mother7in7law.s fa"orite physician was not in town! nor the resi ent surgeon. Another surgeon sai that I must $e $le # $ut my mother7in7law woul not suffer it at that time. I was on the point of eath for the want of proper assistance. %y hus$an ! not $eing a$le to see me! left me entirely to his mother. 2he woul not allow any physician $ut her own to prescri$e for me! an yet i not sen for him! though he was within a ay.s 5ourney. In this e+tremity I opene not my mouth. I loo,e for life or eath from the han of &o ! without testifying the least uneasiness. The peace I en5oye within! on account of that perfect resignation! in which &o ,ept me $y His grace! was so great! that it ma e me forget myself! in the mi st of oppressi"e isor ers.

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The *or .s protection was in ee won erful. How oft ha"e I $een re uce to e+tremity! yet He ne"er faile to succor! when things appeare most esperate. It please Him so to or er it! that the s,illful surgeon! who ha atten e me $efore! passing $y our house! inAuire after me. They tol him I was e+tremely ill. He alighte imme iately! an came in to see me. Ne"er was a man more surprise ! when he saw the con ition I was in. The smallpo+! which coul not come out! ha fallen on my nose with such force! that it was Auite $lac,. He thought there ha $een gangrene an that it was going to fall off. %y eyes were li,e two coals# $ut I was not alarme . At that time I coul ha"e ma e a sacrifice of all things! an was please that &o shoul a"enge Himself on that face! which ha $etraye me into so many infi elities. He also was so affrighte that he went into my mother7in7law.s room an tol her! that it was most shameful to let me ie in that manner! for want of $lee ing. 2he still oppose it "iolently so that in short she tol him flatly that she woul not suffer it! until the physician returne . He flew into such a rage at seeing me thus left without sen ing for the physician that he repro"e my mother7in7law in the se"erest manner. But it was all in "ain. He came up again presently an sai ! 3If you choose! I will $lee you! an sa"e your life.6 I hel out my arm to him# an though it was e+tremely swelle ! he $le me in an instant. %y mother7in7law was in a "iolent passion. The smallpo+ came out imme iately. He or ere that they shoul ha"e me $le again in the e"ening! $ut she woul not suffer it. Cear of ispleasing my mother7in7law! an a total resignation of myself into the han s of &o ! I i not retain him. I am more particular to show how a "antageous it is to resign one.s self to &o without reser"e. Though in appearance He lea"es us for a time to pro"e an e+ercise our faith! yet He ne"er fails us! when our nee of Him is the more pressing. One may say with the 2cripture! 3It is &o who $ringeth own to the gates of eath! an raiseth up again.6 The $lac,ness an swelling of my nose went away an I $elie"e! ha they continue to $lee me! I ha $een pretty easy. Cor want of that I grew worse again. The mala y fell into my eyes! an inflame them with such se"ere pain! that I thought I shoul lose them $oth. I ha "iolent pains for three wee,s uring which time I got little sleep. I coul not shut my eyes! they were so full of the smallpo+! nor open them $y reason of the pain. %y throat! palate! an gums were li,ewise so fille with the poc,! that I coul not swallow $roth! or ta,e nourishment without suffering e+tremely. %y whole $o y loo,e leprous. All that saw me sai that they ha ne"er seen such a shoc,ing spectacle. But as to my soul! it was ,ept in a contentment not to $e e+presse . The hopes of its li$erty! $y the loss of that $eauty! which ha so freAuently $rought me un er $on age! ren ere me so satisfie ! an so unite to &o ! that I woul not ha"e change my con ition for that of the most happy prince in the worl . E"eryone thought I woul $e inconsola$le. 2e"eral e+presse their sympathy in my sa con ition! as they 5u ge it. I lay still in the secret fruition of a 5oy unspea,a$le! in this total epri"ation of what ha $een a snare to my pri e! an to the passions of men. I praise &o in profoun silence. None e"er hear any complaints from me! either of my pains or the loss I sustaine . The only thing that I sai was! that I re5oice at! an was e+cee ingly than,ful for the interior li$erty I gaine there$y# an they construe this as a great crime. %y confessor! who ha $een issatisfie with me $efore! came to see me He as,e me if I was not sorry for ha"ing the smallpo+# an he now ta+e me with pri e for my answer. %y youngest little $oy too, the istemper the same ay with myself! an ie for want of care. This $low in ee struc, me to the heart! $ut yet! rawing strength from my wea,ness! I offere him up! an sai to &o as Go$ i ! 3Thou ga"est him to me! an thou ta,est him from me# $lesse $e thy holy name.6 The spirit of sacrifice possesse me so strongly! that! though I lo"e this chil ten erly! I ne"er she a tear at hearing of his eath. The ay he was $urie ! the octor

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sent to tell me he ha not place a tom$stone upon his gra"e! $ecause my little girl coul not sur"i"e him two ays. %y el est son was not yet out of anger! so that I saw myself strippe of all my chil ren at once! my hus$an in ispose ! an myself e+tremely so. The *or i not ta,e my little girl then. He prolonge her life some years.

8
At last my mother7in7law.s physician arri"e ! at a time wherein he coul $e of $ut little ser"ice to me. /hen he saw the strange inflammation in my eyes! he $le me se"eral times# $ut it was too late. An those $lee ings which woul ha"e $een so proper at first! i nothing $ut wea,en me now. They coul not e"en $lee me in the con ition I was in $ut with the greatest ifficulty. %y arms were so swelle that the surgeon was o$lige to push in the lance to a great epth. %oreo"er! the $lee ing $eing out of season ha li,e to ha"e cause my eath. This! I confess! woul ha"e $een "ery agreea$le to me. I loo,e upon eath as the greatest $lessing for me. )et I saw well I ha nothing to hope in that si e# an that! instea of meeting with so esira$le an e"ent! I must prepare myself to support the trials of life. After my el est son was $etter! he got up an came into my room. I was surprise at the e+traor inary change I saw in him. His face! lately so fair an $eautiful! was $ecome li,e a coarse spot of earth! all full of furrows. That ga"e me the curiosity to "iew myself. I felt shoc,e ! for I saw that &o ha or ere the sacrifice in all its reality.

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2ome things fell out $y the contrariety of my mother7in7law that cause me se"ere crosses. They put the finishing stro,e to my son.s face. Howe"er! my heart was firm in &o ! an strengthene itself $y the num$er an greatness of my sufferings. I was as a "ictim incessantly offere upon the altar! to Him who first sacrifice Himself for lo"e. 3/hat shall I ren er to the *or ! for all his $enefits towar me0 I will ta,e the cup of sal"ation! an call upon the name of the *or .6 These wor s! I can truly say! O my &o ! ha"e $een the elight of my heart! an ha"e ha their effect on me! through my whole life# for I ha"e $een continually heape with thy $lessings an thy cross. %y principal attraction! $esi es that of suffering for Thee! has $een to yiel myself up without resistance! interiorly an e+teriorly! to all Thy i"ine isposals. These gifts which I was fa"ore with from the $eginning! ha"e continue an increase until now. Thou hast Thyself gui e my continual crosses! an le me through paths impenetra$le to all $ut thee. They sent me pomatums to reco"er my comple+ion an to fill up the hollows of the smallpo+. I ha seen won erful effects from it upon others! an therefore at first ha a min to try them. But! 5ealous of &o .s wor,! I woul not suffer it. There was a "oice in my heart which sai ! 3If I woul ha"e ha thee fair! I woul ha"e left thee as thou wert.6 I was therefore o$lige to lay asi e e"ery reme y! an to go into the air! which ma e the pitting worse# to e+pose myself in the street when the re ness of the smallpo+ was at the worst! in or er to ma,e my humiliation triumph! where I ha e+alte my pri e. %y hus$an ,ept to his $e almost all that time! an ma e goo use of his in isposition. Only as he now lost that! which $efore ga"e him so much pleasure in "iewing me! he grew much more suscepti$le to impressions which any ga"e him against me. In conseAuence of this! the persons who spo,e to him to my isa "antage! fin ing themsel"es now $etter hear,ene to! spo,e more $ol ly an more freAuently. There was only Thou! O my &o ! who change not for me. Thou i st re ou$le my interior graces! in proportion as Thou i st augment my e+terior crosses.

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CHAPTER 1D

%y mai $ecame e"ery ay more haughty. 2eeing that her scol ings an outcries i not now torment me! she thought! if she coul hin er me from going to the communion! she woul gi"e me the greatest of all "e+ations.

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2he was not mista,en! O i"ine 2pouse of pure souls! since the only satisfaction of my life was to recei"e an to honor Thee. I ga"e e"erything! of the finest I ha ! to furnish the churches with ornaments! an contri$ute to the utmost e+tent of my a$ilities to ma,e them ha"e sil"er plates an chalices.

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3Oh! my *o"e!6 I crie ! 3let me $e thy "ictim4 2pare nothing to annihilate me.6 I felt an ine+pressi$le longing to $e more re uce ! an to $ecome! as it were! nothing.

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This girl then ,new my affection for the holy sacrament! where! when I coul ha"e li$erty for it! I passe se"eral hours on my ,nees. 2he too, it in her hea to watch me aily. /hen she isco"ere me going! she ran to tell my mother7in7law an my hus$an . They nee e no more to chagrin them. Their in"ecti"es laste the whole ay. If a wor escape me in my own 5ustification! it was enough to ma,e them say that I was guilty of sacrilege! an to raise an outcry against all e"otion. If I ma e them no answer at all! they still heightene their in ignation! an sai the most grating things they coul e"ise. If I fell sic,! which often happene ! they too, occasion to come to Auarrel with me at my $e ! saying! my communion an prayers were what ma e me sic,. They spo,e as if there ha $een nothing else coul ma,e me ill! $ut my e"otion to Thee! O my Belo"e 4 2he tol me one ay that she was going to write to my irector to get him to stop me from going to the communion. /hen I ma e no answer! she crie out as lou as she coul ! that I treate her ill an espise her. /hen I went to prayers! =though I ha ta,en care to arrange e"erything a$out the house@ she ran to tell my hus$an that I was going an ha left nothing in or er. /hen I returne home his rage fell on me in all its "iolence. They woul hear none of my reasons! $ut sai ! 3they were all a pac, of lies.6 %y mother7in7law persua e my hus$an that I let e"erything go to wrec,. If she i not ta,e the care of things he woul $e ruine . He $elie"e it! an I $ore all with patience! en ea"oring! as well as I coul ! to o my uty. /hat ga"e most trou$le was the not ,nowing what course to ta,e# for when I or ere anything without her! she complaine that I showe her no respect! that I i things of my own hea an that they were one always the worse for it. Then she woul or er them contrary. If I consulte her to ,now what! or how she woul ha"e anything to $e one! she sai that I compelle her to ha"e the care an trou$le of e"erything. I ha scarcely any rest $ut what I foun in the lo"e of Thy will! O my &o ! an su$mission to Thy or ers! howe"er rigorous they might $e. They incessantly watche my wor s an actions! to fin occasion against me. They chi e me all the ay long! continually repeating! an harping o"er an o"er the same things! e"en $efore the ser"ants. How often ha"e I ma e my meals on my tears! which were interprete as the most criminal in the worl 4 They sai ! I woul $e amne # as if the tears woul open Hell for me! which surely they were more li,ely to e+tinguish. If I recite anything I ha hear ! they woul ren er me accounta$le for the truth of it. If I ,ept silence! they ta+e me with contempt an per"erseness# if I ,new anything without telling it! that was a crime# if I tol it! then they sai I ha forge it. 2ometimes they tormente me for se"eral ays successi"ely! without gi"ing me any rela+ation. The girls sai ! 3I ought to feign sic,ness! to get a little rest.6 I ma e no reply. The lo"e of &o so closely possesse me! that it woul not allow me to see, relief $y a single wor ! or e"en $y a loo,. 2ometimes I sai in myself! 3Oh! that I ha $ut any one who coul ta,e notice of me! or to whom I might un$ur en myself!'(what a relief it woul $e to me46 But it was not grante me.

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)et! if I happene to $e for some ays free from the e+terior cross! it was a most sensi$le istress to me! an in ee a punishment more ifficult to $ear than the se"erest trials. I then comprehen e what 2t. Teresa says! 3*et me suffer or ie.6 Cor this a$sence of the cross was so grie"ous to me! that I languishe with esire for its return. But no sooner was this earnest longing grante ! an the $lesse cross returne again! than strange as it may seem! it appeare so weighty an $ur ensome! as to $e almost insupporta$le. Though I lo"e my father e+tremely! an he lo"e me ten erly! yet I ne"er spo,e to him of my sufferings. One of my relations! who lo"e me "ery much! percei"e the little mo eration they use towar me. They spo,e "ery roughly to me $efore him. He was highly isplease ! an tol my father of it! a ing! that I woul pass for a fool. 2oon after I went to see my father! who! contrary to his custom! sharply repriman e me! 3for suffering them to treat me in such a manner! without saying anything in my own efence.6 I answere ! 3If they ,new what my hus$an sai to me! that was confusion enough for me! without my $ringing any more of it on myself $y replies# that if they i not notice it! I ought not to cause it to $e o$ser"e ! nor e+pose my hus$an .s wea,ness# that remaining silent stoppe all isputes! whereas I might cause them to $e continue an increase $y my replies.6 %y father answere that I i well! an that I shoul continue to act as &o shoul inspire me. An after that! he ne"er spo,e to me of it any more. They were e"er tal,ing to me against my father! against my relations! an all such as I esteeme most. I felt this more ,eenly than all they coul say against myself. I coul not for$ear efen ing them! an therein I i wrong# as whate"er I sai ser"e only to pro"o,e them. If any complaine of my father or relations! they were always in the right. If any! whom they ha isli,e $efore! spo,e against them! they were presently appro"e of. If any showe frien ship to me! such were not welcome. A relation whom I greatly lo"e for her piety! coming to see me! they openly $i her $egone. They treate her in such a manner as o$lige her to go! which ga"e me no small uneasiness. /hen any person of istinction came! they woul spea, against me# e"en to those who ,new me not! which surprise them. But when they saw me they pitie me. It mattere not what they sai against me! lo"e woul not allow me to 5ustify myself. I spo,e not to my hus$an of what either my mother7in7law or the girl i to me! e+cept the first year! when I was not sufficiently touche with the power of &o to suffer. %y mother7in7law an my hus$an often Auarrelle . Then I was in fa"or! an to me they ma e their mutual complaints. I ne"er tol the one what the other ha sai . An though it might ha"e $een of ser"ice to me! humanly spea,ing! to ta,e a "antage of such opportunities! I ne"er ma e use of them to complain of either. Nay! on the contrary! I i not rest till I ha reconcile them. I spo,e many o$liging things of the one to the other! which ma e them frien s again. I ,new $y freAuent e+perience that I shoul pay ear for their reunion. 2carcely were they reconcile when they 5oine together against me. I was so eeply engage within! as often to forget things without! yet not anything which was of conseAuence. %y hus$an was hasty! an inattention freAuently irritate him. I wal,e into the gar en! without o$ser"ing anything. /hen my hus$an ! who coul not go thither! as,e me a$out it! I ,new not what to say! at which he was angry. I went thither on purpose to notice e"erything! in or er to tell him an yet when there i not thin, of loo,ing. I went ten times one ay! to see an $ring him an account an yet forgot it. But when I i remem$er to loo,! I was much please . )et it happene I was then as,e nothing a$out them. All my crosses to me woul ha"e seeme little! if I might ha"e ha li$erty to pray! an to $e alone! to in ulge the interior attraction which I felt. But I was o$lige to continue in their

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presence! with such a su$5ection as is scarcely concei"a$le. %y hus$an loo,e at his watch! if at any time I ha li$erty allowe me for prayer! to see if I staye more than half an hour. If I e+cee e ! he grew "ery uneasy. 2ometimes I sai ! 3&rant me one hour to i"ert an employ myself as I ha"e a min .6 Though he woul ha"e grante it to me for other i"ersions! yet for prayer he woul not. I confess that ine+perience cause me much trou$le. I ha"e often there$y gi"en occasion for what they ma e me suffer. Cor ought I not to ha"e loo,e on my capti"ity as an effect of the will of my &o ! to content myself an to ma,e it my only esire an prayer0 But I often fell $ac, again into the an+iety of wishing to get time for prayer! which was not agreea$le to my hus$an . Those faults were more freAuent in the $eginning. Afterwar I praye to &o in His own retreat! in the temple of my heart! an I went out no more.

CHAPTER 1J

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/e went into the country where I committe many faults. I thought I might o it then $ecause my hus$an i"erte himself with $uil ing. If I staye from him he was issatisfie . That sometimes happene as he was continually tal,ing with the wor,men. I set myself in a corner! an there ha my wor, with me! $ut coul scarcely o anything $y reason of the force of the attraction which ma e the wor, fall out of my han s. I passe whole hours this way! without $eing a$le either to open my eyes or ,now what passe # $ut I ha nothing to wish for! nor yet to $e afrai of. E"erywhere I foun my proper center! $ecause e"erywhere I foun &o . %y heart coul then esire nothing $ut what it ha . This isposition e+tinguishe all its esires# an I sometimes sai to myself! 3/hat wantest thou0 /hat fearest thou06 I was surprise to fin upon trial that I ha nothing to fear. E"ery place I was in was my proper place. As I ha generally no time allowe me for prayer $ut with ifficulty! an woul not $e suffere to rise till se"en o.cloc,! I stole up at four! an ,neeling in my $e ! I wishe not to offen my hus$an an stro"e to $e punctual an assi uous in e"erything. But this soon affecte my health an in5ure my eyes! which were still wea,. It was $ut eight months since I ha the smallpo+. This loss of rest $rought a hea"y trial upon me. E"en my sleeping hours were much $ro,en! $y the fear of not wa,ing in time. I insensi$ly roppe asleep at my prayers. In the half hour that I got after inner! though I felt Auite wa,eful! the rowsiness o"erpowere me. I en ea"ore to reme y this $y the se"erest $o ily inflictions! $ut in "ain. As we ha not yet $uilt the chapel! an were far from any church! I coul not go to prayers or sacrament without the permission of my hus$an . He was "ery reluctant to permit me! e+cept on 2un ays an holi ays. I coul not go out in the coach! so that I was o$lige to ma,e use of some stratagems! an to get ser"ice performe "ery early in the morning! to which! fee$le as I was! I ma e an effort to creep on foot. It was a Auarter of a league istant. Really &o wrought won ers for me. &enerally! in the mornings when I went to prayers! my hus$an i not awa,e until after I was returne . Often! as I was going out! the weather was so clou y! that the girl I too, with me tol me that I coul not go# or if I i ! I shoul $e soa,e with the rain. I answere her with my usual confi ence! 3&o will assist us.6 I generally reache the chapel without $eing wet. /hile there the rain fell e+cessi"ely. /hen I returne it cease . /hen I got home it $egan again with fresh "iolence. 1uring se"eral years that I ha"e acte this way! I ha"e ne"er $een ecei"e in my confi ence. /hen I was in town! an coul fin no$o y! I was surpri-e that there came to me priests to as, me if I was willing to recei"e the communion! an that if I was they woul gi"e it to me. I ha no min to refuse the opportunity which Thou thyself offere me# for I ha no ou$t of its $eing Thee who inspire them to propose it. Before I ha contri"e to get i"ine ser"ice at the chapel I ha"e mentione ! I ha"e often su enly awo,e with a strong

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impulse to go to prayers. %y mai woul say! 3But! ma am! you are going to tire yourself in "ain. There will $e no ser"ice.6 Cor that chapel was not yet regularly ser"e . I went full of faith an at my arri"al ha"e foun them 5ust rea y to $egin. If I coul particularly enumerate the remar,a$le pro"i ences which were hereupon gi"en in my fa"or there woul $e enough to fill whole "olumes. /hen I wante to hear from! or write to %other &ranger! I often felt a strong propensity to go to the oor! there to fin a messenger with a letter from her. This is only a small instance of these ,in of continual pro"i ences. 2he was the only person I coul $e free to open my heart to! when I coul get to see her! which was with the greatest ifficulty. It was through pro"i ential assistance# $ecause prohi$ite $y my confessor an hus$an . I place an e+treme confi ence in %other &ranger. I conceale nothing from her either of sins or pains. I i not now practice any austerities $ut those she was willing to allow me. %y interior ispositions I was scarcely a$le to tell $ecause I ,new not how to e+plain myself! $eing "ery ignorant of those matters! ha"ing ne"er rea or hear of them. One ay when they thought I was going to see my father! I ran off to %other &ranger. It was isco"ere ! an cost me crosses. Their rage against me was so e+cessi"e! that it woul seem incre i$le. E"en my writing to her was e+tremely ifficult. I ha the utmost a$horrence of a lie! so I for$a e the footman to tell any. /hen they were met they were as,e whither they were going! an if they ha any letters. %y mother7in7law set herself in a little passage! through which those who went out must necessarily pass. 2he as,e them whither they were going an what they carrie . 2ometimes going on foot to the Bene ictines! I cause shoes to $e carrie ! that they might not percei"e $y the irty ones that I ha $een far. I are not go alone# those who atten e me ha or ers to tell of e"ery place I went. If they were isco"ere to fail! they were either correcte or ischarge . %y hus$an an mother7in7law were always in"eighing against that goo woman! though in reality they esteeme her. I sometimes ma e my own complaint an she replie ! 3How shoul you content them! when I ha"e $een oing all in my power for twenty years to satisfy them without success06 Cor as my mother7in7law ha two aughters un er her care! she was always fin ing something to say against e"erything she i in regar to them. But the most sensi$le cross to me now was the re"olting of my own son against me. They inspire him with so great a contempt for me! that I coul not $ear to see him without e+treme affliction. /hen I was in my room with some of my frien s! they sent him to listen to what we sai . As he saw this please them! he in"ente a hun re things to tell them. If I caught him in a lie! as I freAuently i ! he woul up$rai me! saying! 3%y gran mother says you ha"e $een a greater liar than I.6 I answere ! 3Therefore I ,now the eformity of that "ice! an how har a thing it is to get the $etter of it# an for this reason! I woul not ha"e you suffer the li,e.6 He spo,e to me things "ery offensi"e. Because he saw the awe I stoo in of his gran mother an his father! if in their a$sence I foun fault with him for anything! he insultingly up$rai e me. He sai that now I wante to $e set up o"er him $ecause they were not there. All this they appro"e of. One ay he went to see my father an rashly $egan tal,ing against me to him! as he was use to oing to his gran mother. But there it i not meet with the same recompense. It affecte my father to tears. Cather came to our house to esire he might $e correcte for it. They promise it shoul $e one! an yet they ne"er i it. I was grie"ously afrai of the conseAuences of so $a an e ucation. I tol %other &ranger of it! who sai that since I coul not reme y it! I must suffer an lea"e e"erything to &o . This chil woul $e my cross. Another great cross was the ifficulty I ha in atten ing my hus$an . I ,new he was isplease when I was not with him# yet when I was with him! he ne"er e+presse any pleasure. On the

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contrary! he only re5ecte with scorn whate"er office I performe . He was so ifficult with me a$out e"erything! that I sometimes trem$le when I approache him. I coul o nothing to his li,ing# an when I i not atten him he was angry. He ha ta,en such a isli,e to soups! that he coul not $ear the sight of them. Those that offere them ha a rough reception. Neither his mother nor any of the omestics woul carry them to him. There was none $ut I who i not refuse that office. I $rought them an let his anger pass# then I trie in some agreea$le manner to pre"ail on him to ta,e them. I sai to him! 3I ha rather $e repriman e se"eral times a ay! than let you suffer $y not $ringing you what is proper.6 2ometimes he too,# at other times he pushe them $ac,. /hen he was in a goo humor an I was carrying something agreea$le to him! then my mother7 in7law woul snatch it out of my han s. 2he woul carry it herself. As he thought I was not so careful an stu ious to please him he woul fly in a rage against me an e+press great than,fulness to his mother. I use all my s,ill an en ea"ors to gain my mother7in7law.s fa"or $y my presents! my ser"ices# $ut coul not succee . 3How $itter an grie"ous! O my &o ! woul such a life $e were it not for Thee4 Thou hast sweetene an reconcile it to me.6 I ha a few short inter"als from this se"ere an mortifying life. These ser"e only to ma,e the re"erses more ,een an $itter.

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CHAPTER 1?

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A$out eight or nine months after my reco"ery from the smallpo+! Cather *aCom$e! passing $y our house! $rought me a letter from Cather e la %otte! recommen ing him to my esteem! an e+pressing the highest frien ship for him. I hesitate $ecause I was "ery loath to ma,e new acAuaintances. The fear of offen ing my $rother pre"aile . After a short con"ersation we $oth esire a farther opportunity. I thought that he either lo"e &o ! of was ispose to lo"e Him! an I wishe e"ery$o y to lo"e Him. &o ha alrea y ma e use of me for the con"ersion of three of his or er. The strong esire he ha of seeing me again in uce him to come to our country house a$out half a league from the town. A little inci ent which happene opene a way for me to spea, to him. As he was in iscourse with my hus$an ! who relishe his company! he was ta,en ill an retire into the gar en. %y hus$an $a e me go an see what was the matter. He tol me he ha notice in my countenance a eep inwar ness an presence of &o ! which ha gi"en him a strong esire of seeing me again. &o then assiste me to open to him the interior path of the soul! an con"eye so much grace to him through this poor channel that he went away change into Auite another man. I preser"e an esteem for him# for it appeare to me that he woul $e e"ote to &o # $ut little i I then forsee! that I shoul e"er $e le to the place where he was to resi e. %y isposition at this time was a continual prayer! without ,nowing it to $e such. The presence of &o was so plentifully gi"en that it seeme to $e more in me than my "ery self. The sensi$ility thereof was so powerful! so penetrating! it seeme to me irresisti$le. *o"e too, from me all li$erty of my own. At other times I was so ry! I felt nothing $ut the pain of a$sence! which was the ,eener to me! as the i"ine presence ha $efore $een so sensi$le. In these alternati"es I forgot all my trou$les an pains. It appeare to me as if I ha ne"er e+perience any. In its a$sence! it seeme as if it woul ne"er return again. I still thought it was through some fault of mine it was with rawn! an that ren ere me inconsola$le. Ha I ,nown it ha $een a state through which it was necessary to pass! I shoul not ha"e $een trou$le . %y strong lo"e to the will of &o woul ha"e ren ere e"erything easy to me. The property of this prayer was to gi"e a great lo"e to the or er of &o ! with so su$lime an perfect a reliance on Him! as

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to fear nothing! whether anger! thun ers! spirits! or eath. It gi"es a great a$straction from one.s self! our own interests an reputation! with an utter isregar to e"erything of the ,in '( all $eing swallowe up in the esteem of the will of &o .

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At home! I was accuse of e"erything that was ill one! spoile or $ro,en. At first I tol the truth! an sai it was not I. They persiste ! an accuse me of lying. I then ma e no reply. Besi es! they tol all their tales to such as came to the house. But when I was afterwar alone with the same persons! I ne"er un ecei"e them. I often hear such things sai of me! $efore my frien s! as were enough to ma,e them entertain a $a opinion. %y heart ,ept its ha$itation in the tacit consciousness of my own innocence! not concerning myself whether they thought well or ill of me# e+clu ing all the worl ! all opinions or censures! out of my "iew! I min e nothing else $ut the frien ship of &o . If through infi elity I happene at any time to 5ustify myself! I always faile ! an rew upon myself new crosses! $oth within an without. But notwithstan ing all this! I was so enamore with it! that the greatest cross of all woul ha"e $een to $e without any. /hen the cross was ta,en from me for any short space! it seeme to me that it was $ecause of the $a use I ma e of it# that my unfaithfulness epri"e me of so great an a "antage. I ne"er ,new its "alue $etter than its loss. I crie punish me any way! $ut ta,e not the cross from me. This amia$le cross returne to me with so much the more weight! as my esire was more "ehement. I coul not reconcile two things! they appeare to me so "ery opposite. 1@ To esire the cross with so much ar or. :@ To support it with so much ifficulty an pain.

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&o ,nows well! in the a mira$le economy he o$ser"es! how to ren er the crosses more weighty! conforma$le to the a$ility of the creature to $ear them. Here$y my soul $egan to $e more resigne ! to comprehen that the state of a$sence! an of wanting what I longe for! was in its turn more profita$le than that of always a$oun ing. This latter nourishe self7lo"e. If &o i not act thus! the soul woul ne"er ie to itself. That principle of self7lo"e is so crafty an angerous! that it clea"es to e"erything. /hat ga"e me most uneasiness! in this time of ar,ness an cruifi+ion! $oth within an without was an inconcei"a$le rea iness to $e Auic, an hasty. /hen any answer a little too li"ely escape me! =which ser"e not a little to hum$le me!@ they sai 3I was fallen into a mortal sin.6 A con uct no less rigorous than this was Auite necessary for me. I was so prou ! passionate! an of a humor naturally thwarting! wanting always to carry matters my own way! thin,ing my own reasons $etter than those of others. Ha st thou! O my &o ! spare the stro,es of thy hammer! I shoul ne"er ha"e $een forme to Thy will! to $e an instrument for Thy use# for I was ri iculously "ain. Applause ren ere me intolera$le. I praise my frien s to e+cess! an $lame others without reason. But! the more criminal I ha"e $een! the more I am in e$te to Thee! an the less of any goo can I attri$ute to myself. How $lin are men who attri$ute to others the holiness that &o gi"es them4 I $elie"e! my &o ! that thou hast ha chil ren! who un er thy grace! owe much to their own fi elity. As for me! I owe all to Thee# I glory to confess it# I cannot ac,nowle ge it too much. In acts of charity I was "ery assi uous. 2o great was my ten erness for the poor! that I wishe to ha"e supplie all their wants. I coul not see their necessity without reproaching myself for the plenty I en5oye . I epri"e myself of all I coul to help them. The "ery $est at my ta$le was istri$ute . There were few of the poor where I li"e ! who i not parta,e of my li$erality. It seeme as if Thou ha st ma e me thy only almoner there! for $eing refuse $y others! they came to me. I crie ! 3it is Thy su$stance# I am only the stewar . I ought to istri$ute it

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accor ing to Thy will.6 I foun means to relie"e them without letting myself $e ,nown! $ecause I ha one who ispense my alms pri"ately. /hen there were families who were ashame to ta,e it in this way! I sent it to them as if I owe them a e$t. I clothe such as were na,e ! an cause young girls to $e taught how to earn their li"elihoo ! especially those who were han some# to the en that $eing employe ! an ha"ing whereon to li"e! they might not $e un er a temptation to throw themsel"es away. &o ma e use of me to reclaim se"eral from their isor erly li"es. I went to "isit the sic,! to comfort them! to ma,e their $e s. I ma e ointments! resse their woun s! $urie their ea . I pri"ately furnishe tra esmen an mechanics wherewith to ,eep up their shops. %y heart was much opene towar my fellow creatures in istress. Cew in ee coul carry charity much farther than our *or ena$le me to o! accor ing to my state! $oth while marrie an since. To purify me the more from the mi+ture I might ma,e of His gifts with my own self7lo"e! He ga"e me interior pro$ations! which were "ery hea"y. I $egan to e+perience an insupporta$le weight! in that "ery piety which ha formerly $een so easy an elightful to me# not that I i not lo"e it e+tremely! $ut I foun myself efecti"e in that no$le practice of it. The more I lo"e it! the more I la$ore to acAuire what I saw faile in. But! alas4 I seeme continually to $e o"ercome $y that which was the contrary to it. %y heart! in ee ! was etache from all sensual pleasures. Cor these se"eral years past! it has seeme to me that my min is so etache an a$sent from the $o y! that I o things as if I i them not. If I eat! or refresh myself! it is one with such an a$sence! or separation! as I won er at! with an entire mortification of the ,eenness of sensation in all the natural functions.

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CHAPTER 1K To resume my history! the smallpo+ ha so much hurt one of my eyes! that it was feare I woul lose it. The glan at the corner of my eye was in5ure . An imposthume arose from time to time $etween the nose an the eye! which ga"e me great pain till it was lance . It swelle all my hea to that egree that I coul not $ear e"en a pillow. The least noise was agony to me! though sometimes they ma e a great commotion in my cham$er. )et this was a precious time to me! for two reasons. Cirst! $ecause I was left in $e alone! where I ha a sweet retreat without interruption# the other! $ecause it answere the esire I ha for suffering!'(which esire was so great! that all the austerities of the $o y woul ha"e $een $ut as a rop of water to Auench so great a fire. In ee the se"erities an rigors which I then e+ercise were e+treme! $ut they i not appease this appetite for the cross. It is Thou alone! O Crucifie 2a"iour! who canst ma,e the cross truly effectual for the eath of self. *et others $less themsel"es in their ease or gaiety! gran eur or pleasures! poor temporary hea"ens# for me! my esires were all turne another way! e"en to the silent path of suffering for Christ! an to $e unite to Him! through the mortification of all that was of nature in me! that my senses! appetites an will! $eing ea to these! might wholly li"e in Him. I o$taine lea"e to go to Paris for the cure of my eye# an yet it was much more through the esire I ha to see %onsieur Bertot! a man of profoun e+perience! whom %other &ranger ha lately assigne to me for my irector. I went to ta,e lea"e of my father! who em$race me with peculiar ten erness! little thin,ing then that it woul $e our last a ieu. Paris was a place now no longer to $e rea e as in times past. The throngs only ser"e to raw me into a eep recollection! an the noise of the streets augmente my inwar prayer. I saw %onsieur Bertot! who i not pro"e of that ser"ice to me! which he woul ha"e $een if I ha then the power to e+plain myself. Though I wishe earnestly to hi e nothing from him! yet &o

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hel me so closely to Him! that I coul scarcely tell anything at all. As soon as I spo,e to him! e"erything "anishe from my min ! so that I coul remem$er nothing $ut some few faults. As I saw him "ery sel om! an nothing staye in my recollection! an as I rea of nothing any way resem$ling my case! I ,new not how to e+plain myself. Besi es! I esire to ma,e nothing ,nown! $ut the e"il which was in me. Therefore %onsieur Bertot ,new me not! e"en till his eath. This was of great utility to me! $y ta,ing away e"ery support! an ma,ing me truly ie to myself. I went to pass the ten ays! from the Ascension to /hitsunti e! at an a$$ey four leagues from Paris! the a$$ess of which ha a particular frien ship for me. Here my union with &o seeme to $e eeper an more continue ! $ecoming always simple! at the same time more close an intimate. One ay I awo,e su enly at four o.cloc, in the morning! with a strong impression on my min that my father was ea . At the same time my soul was in a "ery great contentment! yet my lo"e for him affecte it with sorrow! an my $o y with wea,ness. En er the stro,es an aily trou$les which $efell me! my will was so su$ser"ient to Thine! O my &o ! that it appeare a$solutely unite to it. There seeme ! in ee ! to $e no will left in me $ut Thine only. %y own isappeare ! an no esires! ten encies or inclinations were left! $ut to the one sole o$5ect of whate"er was most pleasing to Thee! $e it what it woul . If I ha a will! it was in union with thine! as two well tune lutes in concert. That which is not touche ren ers the same soun as that which is touche # it is $ut one an the same soun ! one pure harmony. It is this union of the will which esta$lishes in perfect peace. )et! though my own will was lost I ha"e foun since! in the strange states I ha"e $een o$lige to pass through! how much it ha yet to cost me to ha"e it totally lost. How many souls are there which thin, their own wills Auite lost! while they are yet "ery far from it4 They woul fin they still su$sist! if they met with se"ere trials. /ho is there who oes not wish something for himself! either of interest! wealth! honor! pleasure! con"eniency an li$erty. He who thin,s his min loose from all these o$5ects! $ecause he possesses them! woul soon percei"e his attachment to them! were he strippe of those he possesse . If there are foun in a whole age three persons so ea to e"erything! as to $e utterly resigne to pro"i ence without any e+ception! they may well pass for pro igies of grace. In the afternoon as I was with the a$$ess! I tol her I ha strong presentiments of my father.s eath. In ee I coul har ly spea,! I was so affecte within. Presently one came to tell her that she was wante in the parlor. It was a messenger come in haste! with an account from my hus$an that my father was ill. An as I afterwar foun ! he suffere only twel"e hours. He was therefore $y this time ea . The a$$ess returning! sai ! 3Here is a letter from your hus$an ! who writes that your father is ta,en "iolently ill.6 I sai to her! 3He is ea ! I cannot ha"e a ou$t a$out it.6 I sent away to Paris imme iately! to hire a coach! to go the sooner# mine waite for me at the mi way. I went off at nine o.cloc, at night. They sai I 3was going to estroy myself.6 I ha no acAuaintance with me as I ha sent away my mai to Paris! to put e"erything in or er there. Being in a religious house! I ha no min to ,eep a footman with me. The a$$ess tol me! that 3since I thought my father was ea ! it woul $e rashness in me to e+pose myself! an run the ris, of my life in that manner. Coaches coul har ly pass the way I was going! it $eing no $eaten roa .6 I answere ! 3It was my in ispensa$le uty to go to assist my father! an that I ought not! on a $are apprehension! to e+empt myself from it.6 I then went alone! a$an one to Pro"i ence! with people un,nown. %y wea,ness was so great! that I coul har ly ,eep my seat in the coach. I was often force to alight! on account of angerous places in the roa .

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In this way I was o$lige ! a$out mi night! to cross a forest! notorious for mur ers an ro$$eries. The most intrepi rea e it# $ut my resignation left me scarce any room to thin, at all a$out it. /hat fears an uneasiness oes a resigne soul spare itself4 All alone I arri"e within fi"e leagues of my own ha$itation! where I foun my confessor who ha oppose me! with one of my relations! waiting for me. The sweet consolation I ha en5oye ! when alone! was now interrupte . %y confessor! ignorant of my state! restraine me entirely. %y grief was of such a nature that I coul not she a tear. An I was ashame to hear a thing which I ,new $ut too well! without gi"ing any e+terior mar, of grief. The inwar an profoun peace I en5oye awne on my countenance. The state I was in i not permit me to spea,! or to o such things as are usually e+pecte from persons of piety. I coul o nothing $ut lo"e an $e silent. I foun on my arri"al at home! that my father was alrea y $urie $ecause of the e+cessi"e heat. It was ten o.cloc, at night. All wore the ha$it of mourning. I ha tra"ele thirty leagues in a ay an a night. As I was "ery wea,! not ha"ing ta,en any nourishment! I was instantly put to $e .

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A$out two o.cloc, in the morning my hus$an got up! an ha"ing gone out of my cham$er! he returne presently! crying out with all his might! 3%y aughter is ea 46 2he was my only aughter! as early $elo"e as truly lo"ely. 2he ha so many graces $oth of $o y an min conferre on her! that one must ha"e $een insensi$le not to ha"e lo"e her. 2he ha an e+traor inary share of lo"e to &o . Often was she foun in corners at prayer. As soon as she percei"e me at prayer! she came an 5oine . If she isco"ere that I ha $een without her! she woul weep $itterly an cry! 3Ah! mamma! you pray $ut I on.t.6 /hen we were alone an she saw my eyes close she woul whisper! 3Are you asleep06 Then she woul cry out! 3Ah no! you are praying to our ear Gesus.6 1ropping on her ,nees $efore me she woul $egin to pray too. 2he was se"eral times whippe $y her gran mother! $ecause she sai ! she woul ne"er ha"e any other hus$an $ut our *or . 2he coul ne"er ma,e her say otherwise. 2he was innocent an mo est as a little angel# "ery utiful an en earing! an withal "ery $eautiful. Her father ote on her! to me she was "ery ear! much more for the Aualities of her min than those of her $eautiful person. I loo,e upon her as my only consolation on earth. 2he ha as much affection for me! as her $rother ha a"ersion an contempt. 2he ie of an unseasona$le $lee ing. But what shall I say0 2he ie $y the han s of Him who was please ! for wise reasons of His own! to strip me of all. There now remaine to me only the son of my sorrow. He fell ill to the point of eath! $ut was restore at the prayer of %other &ranger who was now my only consolation after &o . I no more wept for my chil than for my father. I coul only say! 3Thou! O *or ! ga"e her to me# it pleases Thee to ta,e her $ac, again! for she was Thine.6 As for my father! his "irtue was so generally ,nown! that I must rather $e silent! than enter upon the su$5ect. His reliance on &o ! his faith an patience were won erful. Both ie in Guly! 1DJ:. Henceforth crosses were not spare me! an though I ha a$un ance of them hitherto! yet they were only the sha ows of those which I ha"e $een since o$lige to pass through. In this spiritual marriage I claime for my owry only crosses! scourges! persecutions! ignominies! lowliness! an nothingness of self! which in &o .s great goo ness! an for wise en s! as I ha"e seen! has $een please to grant an confer upon me. One ay! $eing in great istress on account of the re ou$ling of outwar an inwar crosses! I went into my closet to gi"e "ent to my grief. %. Bertot was $rought into my min ! with this wish! 3Oh! that he was sensi$le of what I suffer46 Though he wrote $ut "ery sel om! an with great ifficulty! yet he wrote me a letter ate the same ay a$out the cross. It was the finest an most consolatory he e"er wrote me on that su$5ect. 2ometimes my spirit was so oppresse with continual crosses! which scarcely ga"e me any rela+ation! that when alone my eyes turne e"ery way! to see if they coul fin anything to gi"e relief. A wor ! a sigh! a trifle! or to ,now that

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anyone too, part in my grief! woul ha"e $een some comfort. That was not grante me! not e"en to loo, towar Hea"en! or to ma,e any complaint. *o"e hel me then so closely! that it woul ha"e this misera$le nature to perish! without gi"ing it any support or nourishment.

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Oh! my earest *or 4 Thou yet ga"est my soul a "ictorious support! which ma e it triumph o"er all the wea,nesses of nature! an sei-e Thy ,nife to sacrifice it without sparing. An yet this nature so per"erse! an full of artifices to sa"e its life! at last too, the course of nourishing itself on its own espair! on its fi elity un er such hea"y an continual oppression. It sought to conceal the "alue it attri$ute thereto. But thy eyes were too penetrating not to etect the su$tilty. /herefore! thou! O my 2hepher ! change Thy con uct towar it. Thou sometimes comforte it with thy croo, an Thy staff# that is to say! $y Thy con uct as lo"ing as crucifying# $ut it was only to re uce it to the last e+tremity! as I shall show hereafter.

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CHAPTER :9 A la y of ran, whom I sometimes "isite ! too, a particular li,ing to me! $ecause =as she was please to say@ my person an manners were agreea$le. 2he sai that she o$ser"e in me something e+traor inary an uncommon. I $elie"e it was the inwar attraction of my soul that appeare on my "ery countenance. One ay a gentleman of fashion sai to my hus$an .s aunt! 3I saw the la y your niece# an it is "ery e"i ent that she li"es in the presence of &o .6 I was surprise at this! as I little thought such an one as he coul ,now what it was to ha"e &o thus present. This la y of ran, $egan to $e touche with the sense of &o . /anting once to ta,e me to the play! I refuse to go# =I ne"er went to plays@ ma,ing use of the prete+t of my hus$an .s continual in ispositions. 2he presse me e+cee ingly! an sai ! 3I shoul not $e pre"ente $y his sic,ness from ta,ing some amusement an I was not of an age to $e confine with the sic, li,e a nurse.6 I tol her my reasons. 2he then percei"e that it was more from a principle of piety! than the in ispositions of my hus$an . Insisting to ,now my sentiment of plays! I tol her! I entirely isappro"e of them! an especially for a Christian woman. An as she was far more a "ance in years than I was! what I then sai ma e such an impression on her min ! she ne"er went again. Once with her an another la y! who was fon of tal,ing an who ha rea 3the fathers!6 they spo,e much of &o . This la y spo,e learne ly of Him. I sai scarcely anything! $eing inwar ly rawn to silence! an trou$le at this con"ersation a$out &o . %y acAuaintance came ne+t ay to see me. The *or ha so touche her heart! she coul hol out no longer. I attri$ute this to something the other la y ha sai ! $ut she sai to me! 3)our silence ha something in it which penetrate to the $ottom of my soul. I coul not relish what the other sai .6 /e spo,e to one another with open hearts. It was then that &o left in eli$le impressions of His grace on her soul! an she continue so athirst for Him! that she coul scarcely en ure to con"erse on any other su$5ect. That she might $ecome wholly His! He epri"e her of a most affectionate hus$an . He "isite her with such se"ere crosses! an at the same time poure His grace so a$un antly into her heart! that He soon $ecame the sole master thereof. After the eath of her hus$an ! an the loss of most of her fortune! she went to resi e four leagues from our house! on a small estate! which was left. 2he o$taine my hus$an .s consent to my going to spen a wee, with her! to console her. &o ga"e her $y my means all she wante . 2he ha a great share of un erstan ing! $ut was surprise at my e+pressing things to her so far a$o"e my natural capacity. I shoul ha"e $een surprise at it myself. It was &o who ga"e me the gift for her sa,e! iffusing a floo of grace into her soul! without regar ing the unworthiness of the channel of which He was please to ma,e use. 2ince

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that time her soul has $een the temple of the Holy &host! an our hearts ha"e $een in issolu$ly unite .

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%y hus$an an I too, a little 5ourney together! in which $oth my resignation an humility were e+ercise ! yet without ifficulty or constraint! so powerful was the influence of i"ine grace. /e ha all li,e to ha"e perishe in a ri"er. The rest of the company in esperate fright threw themsel"es out of the coach! which sun, in the mo"ing san . I continue so much inwar ly occupie ! that I i not once thin, of the anger. &o eli"ere me from it without my thought of a"oi ing it. I was Auite content to $e rowne ! ha He permitte it. It may $e sai ! 3I was rash.6 I $elie"e I was so# yet I rather chose to perish! trusting in &o ! than ma,e my escape in a epen ence on myself. /hat say I0 /e o not perish! $ut for want of trusting Him. %y pleasure is to $e in e$te to Him for e"erything. This ren ers me content in my miseries! which I woul rather en ure all my life long! in a state of resignation to Him! than put an en to them! in a epen ence on myself. Howe"er! I woul not a "ise others to act thus! unless they were in the same isposition which I was in. As my hus$an .s mala ies aily increase ! he resol"e to go to 2t. Reine. He appeare "ery esirous of ha"ing none $ut me with him! an tol me one ay! 3If they ne"er spo,e to me against you! I shoul $e more easy! an you more happy.6 In this 5ourney I committe many faults of self7lo"e an self7see,ing. I was $ecome li,e a poor tra"eler that ha lost his way in the night an coul fin no way! path! or trac,. %y hus$an ! in his return from 2t. Reine! passe $y 2t. E m. Ha"ing now no chil ren $ut my first$orn son! who was often at the gates of eath! he wishe e+cee ingly for heirs! an praye for them earnestly. &o grante his esire! an ga"e me a secon son. As I was se"eral wee,s without any one aring to spea, to me! on account of my great wea,ness! it was a time of retreat an of silence. I trie to in emnify myself for the loss of time I ha sustaine in the others! to pray to Thee! O my &o ! an to continue alone with Thee. I may say that &o too, a new possession of me! an left me not. It was a time of continual 5oy without interruption. As I ha e+perience many inwar ifficulties an wea,nesses it was a new life. It seeme as if I was alrea y in the fruition of $eatitu e. How ear i this happy time cost me! since it was only a preparati"e to a total pri"ation of comfort for se"eral years! without any support! or hope of return4 It $egan with the eath of %rs. &ranger! who ha $een my only consolation un er &o . Before my return from 2t. Reine I hear she was ea . /hen I recei"e this news! I confess it was the most afflicting stro,e I ha e"er felt. I thought that ha I $een with her at her eath I might ha"e spo,en to her an recei"e her last instructions. &o has so or ere it that I was epri"e of her assistance in almost all my losses! in or er to ren er the stro,es more painful. 2ome months in ee $efore her eath! it was shown to me! that though I coul not see her $ut with ifficulty! an suffering for it! yet she was still some support to me. The *or let me ,now that it woul $e profita$le for me to $e epri"e of her. But at the time she ie I i not thin, so. It was in that trying season when my paths were all $loc,e up! she was ta,en from me. 2he who might ha"e gui e me in my lonesome an ifficult roa ! $oun e as it were with precipices! an entangle with $riars an thorns. A ora$le con uct of my &o 4 there must $e no gui e for the person whom Thou art lea ing into the regions of ar,ness an eath! no con uctor for the man whom thou art etermine to estroy! =that is! to cause to ie totally to himself@. After ha"ing sa"e me with much mercy! after ha"ing le me $y the han in rugge paths! it seems Thou wast $ent on my estruction. %ay it not $e sai that Thou ost not sa"e $ut to estroy! nor go to see, the lost sheep! $ut to cause it to $e yet more lost# that Thou art please in $uil ing what is emolishe ! an in emolishing what is $uilt. Thou woul st o"erturn the temple $uilt $y human en ea"ors! with so much care an in ustry! in or er as it were miraculously to erect a i"ine structure! a house not

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$uilt with han s! eternal in the Hea"ens. 2ecrets of the incomprehensi$le wis om of &o ! un,nown to any $esi es Himself4 %an! sprung up only of a few ays! wants to penetrate! an to set $oun s to it. /ho is it that hath ,nown the min of the *or ! or who hath $een His counselor0 Is it a wis om only to $e ,nown through eath to e"erything! an through the entire loss of all self0 %y $rother now openly showe his hatre for me. He marrie at Orleans an my hus$an ha the complaisance to go to his marriage. He was in a poor state of health! the roa s $a ! an so co"ere o"er with snow! that we ha li,e to ha"e $een o"erturne twel"e or fifteen times. )et far from appearing o$lige $y his politeness! my $rother Auarrele with him more than e"er! an without reason. I was the $utt of $oth their resentments. /hile I was at Orleans! meeting with one whom at that time I thought highly of! I was too forwar an free in spea,ing to him of spiritual things! thin,ing I was oing well! $ut ha a remorse for it afterwar s. How often we mista,e nature for grace4 One must $e ea to self! when such forwar ness comes from &o only. %y $rother treate me with the utmost contempt. )et! my min was so fully rawn inwar ! that although we ha much more anger on the roa than when going! I ha no thought a$out myself! $ut all a$out my hus$an . 2eeing the coach o"erturning! I sai ! 3Cear not! it is on my si e that it falls# it will not hurt you.6 I $elie"e! ha all perishe ! I shoul not ha"e $een mo"e . %y peace was so profoun that nothing coul sha,e it. If these times continue ! we shoul $e too strong. They now $egan to come $ut sel om an were followe with long an wearisome pri"ations. 2ince that time my $rother has change for the $etter! an has turne on the si e of &o ! $ut he has ne"er turne to me. It has $een $y particular permission of &o ! an the con uct of His pro"i ence o"er my soul! that has cause him an other religious persons! who ha"e persecute me! to thin, they were ren ering glory to &o ! an oing acts of 5ustice therein. In ee ! it is 5ust that all creatures shoul $e treacherous to me! an eclare against me! who ha"e too many times $een treacherous to &o ! an si e with His enemy. After this there was a "ery perple+ing affair. To me it cause great crosses! an seeme esigne for nothing else. A certain person concei"e so much malice against my hus$an ! that he was etermine to ruin him if possi$le. He foun no other way to attempt it! $ut $y entering into a pri"ate engagement with my $rother. He o$taine a power to eman ! in the name of the ,ing.s $rother! two hun re thousan li"res! which he preten e that my $rother an I owe him. %y $rother signe the processes! upon an assurance gi"en him that he shoul not pay anything. I thin, his youth engage him in what he i not un erstan . This affair so chagrine my hus$an ! that I ha"e reason to $elie"e it shortene his ays. He was so angry with me =although I was innocent@! that he coul not spea, to me e+cept in a fury. He woul gi"e me no light into the affair! an I i not ,now in what it consiste . In the height of his rage! he sai he woul not me le with it! $ut gi"e me my portion! an let me li"e as I coul . On the other si e! my $rother woul not mo"e in it! nor suffer anything to $e one. The ay of the trial! after prayer! I felt myself strongly presse to go to the 5u ges. I was won erfully assiste e"en so as to isco"er an unra"el all the turns an artifices of this affair! without ,nowing how I coul ha"e $een a$le to o it. The first 5u ge was so surprise to see the affair so ifferent from what he ha thought it $efore! that he himself e+horte me to go to the other 5u ges! an especially to the inten ant! who was 5ust then going to court. He was Auite misinforme a$out the matter. &o ena$le me to manifest the truth in so clear a light! an ga"e such power to my wor s! that the inten ant than,e me for ha"ing so seasona$ly come to un ecei"e! an set him right. Ha I not one this! he assure me the cause ha $een lost. As they saw the falsehoo of e"ery point! they woul ha"e con emne the plaintiff to pay the costs! if he ha not $een so great a prince! who lent his name to the scheme. To sa"e the honor of the prince they or ere us to pay him fifty crowns. Here$y the two hun re thousan li"res were re uce to only one hun re an fifty. %y

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hus$an was e+cee ingly please at what I ha one. %y $rother appeare as outrageous against me! as if I ha cause him some great loss. Thus mo erately an at once en e an affair! which ha at first appeare so "ery weighty an alarming.

8
CHAPTER :1

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A$out this time I fell into a state of total pri"ation which laste nearly se"en years. I seeme to myself cast own li,e Ne$ucha ne--ar! to li"e among $easts# a eplora$le state! yet of the greatest a "antage to me! $y the use which i"ine wis om ma e of it. This state of emptiness! ar,ness! an impotency! went far $eyon any trials I ha e"er yet met. I ha"e since e+perience ! that the prayer of the heart when it appears most ry an $arren! ne"ertheless is not ineffectual nor offere in "ain. &o gi"es what is $est for us! though not what we most relish or wish for. /ere people $ut con"ince of this truth! they woul $e far from complaining all their li"es. By causing us eath He woul procure us life# for all our happiness! spiritual! temporal an eternal! consists in resigning oursel"es to &o ! lea"ing it to Him to o in us an with us as He pleases! an with so much the more su$mission# as things please us less. By this pure epen ence on His 2pirit! e"erything is gi"en us a mira$ly. Our "ery wea,nesses! in His han ! pro"e a source of humiliation. If the soul were faithful to lea"e itself in the han of &o ! sustaining all His operations whether gratifying or mortifying! suffering itself to $e con ucte ! from moment to moment! $y His han ! an annihilate $y the stro,es of His Pro"i ence! without complaining! or esiring anything $ut what it has# it woul soon arri"e at the e+perience of the eternal truth! though it might not at once ,now the ways an metho s $y which &o con ucte it there. People want to irect &o instea of resigning themsel"es to $e irecte $y Him. They want to show Him a way! instea of passi"ely following that wherein He lea s them. Hence many souls! calle to en5oy &o Himself! an not $arely His gifts! spen all their li"es in running after little consolations! an fee ing on them'(resting there only! ma,ing all their happiness to consist therein. If my chains an my imprisonment in any way afflict you! I pray that they may ser"e to engage you to see, nothing $ut &o for Himself alone! an ne"er to esire to possess Him $ut $y the eath of your whole sel"es! ne"er to see, to $e something in the ways of the 2pirit! $ut choose to enter into the most profoun nothingness. I ha an internal strife! which continually rac,e me'(two powers which appeare eAually strong seeme eAually to struggle for the mastery within me. On the one han ! a esire of pleasing Thee! O my &o ! a fear of offen ing! an a continual ten ency of all my powers to Thee'(on the other si e! the "iew of all my inwar corruptions! the epra"ity of my heart! an the continual stirring an rising of self. /hat torrents of tears! what esolations ha"e these cost me0 3Is it possi$le!6 I crie ! 3that I ha"e recei"e so many graces an fa"ors from &o only to lose them#'(that I ha"e lo"e Him with so much ar or! $ut to $e eternally epri"e of Him# that His $enefits ha"e only pro uce ingratitu e# His fi elity $een repai with infi elity# that my heart has $een emptie of all creatures! an create o$5ects! an fille with His $lesse presence an lo"e! in or er now to $e wholly "oi of i"ine power! an only fille with wan erings an create o$5ects46 I coul now no longer pray as formerly. Hea"en seeme shut to me! an I thought 5ustly. I coul get no consolation or ma,e any complaint# nor ha I any creature on earth to apply to. I foun myself $anishe from all $eings without fin ing a support of refuge in anything. I coul no

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more practice any "irtue with facility. 3Alas46 sai I! 3is it possi$le that this heart! formerly all on fire! shoul now $ecome li,e ice46 I often thought all creatures com$ine against me. *a en with a weight of past sins! an a multitu e of new ones! I coul not thin, &o woul e"er par on me! $ut loo,e on myself as a "ictim esigne for Hell. I woul ha"e $een gla to o penances! to ma,e use of prayers! pilgrimages! an "ows. But still! whate"er I trie for a reme y seeme only to increase the mala y. I may say that tears were my rin,! an sorrow my foo . I felt in myself such a pain as I ne"er coul $ring any to comprehen ! $ut such as ha"e e+perience it. I ha within myself an e+ecutioner who torture me without respite. E"en when I went to church! I was not easy there. To sermons I coul gi"e no attention# they were now of no ser"ice or refreshment to me. I scarcely concei"e or un erstoo anything in them! or a$out them.

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CHAPTER :: As my hus$an rew near his en ! his istempers ha no intermission. No sooner was he reco"ere from one when he fell into another. He $ore great pains with much patience offering them to &o an ma,ing a goo use of them. )et his anger towar me increase ! $ecause reports an stories of me were multiplie to him! an those a$out him i nothing $ut "e+ him. He was the more suscepti$le of such impressions! as his pains ga"e him a stronger $ent to "e+ation. At this time! the mai ! who use to torment me sometimes too, pity on me. 2he came to see me as soon as I was gone into my closet! an sai ! 3Come to my master that your mother7 in7law may not spea, any more to him against you.6 I preten e to $e ignorant of it all $ut he coul not conceal his ispleasure! nor e"en suffer me near him. %y mother7in7law at the same time ,ept no $oun s. All that came to the house were witnesses of the continual scol ings! which I was force to $ear! an which I $ore with much patience! notwithstan ing my $eing in the con ition I ha"e mentione . %y hus$an ha"ing! sometime $efore his eath! finishe the $uil ing of the chapel in the country! where we spent a part of the summer! I ha the con"eniency of hearing prayers e"ery ay! an of the communion. Not aring to o it openly e"ery ay! the priest pri"ately a mitte me to the communion. They solemni-e the e ication of this little chapel. I felt myself all on a su en inwar ly sei-e ! which continue more than fi"e hours! all the time of the ceremony! when our *or ma e a new consecration of me to Himself. I then seeme to myself a temple consecrate to Him! $oth for time an for eternity. I sai within myself! =spea,ing $oth of the one an the other@ 3%ay this temple ne"er $e profane # may the praises of &o $e sung therein fore"er46 It seeme to me at that time as if my prayer was grante . But soon all this was ta,en from me! an not so much as any remem$rance left to console me. /hen I was at this country house! which was only a little place of retreat $efore the chapel was $uilt! I retire for prayer to woo s an ca"erns. How many times! here! has &o preser"e me from angerous an "enomous $easts4 2ometimes! unawares! I ,neele upon serpents! which were there in great plenty# they fle away without oing me any harm. Once I happene to $e alone in a little woo wherein was a ma $ull# $ut he $etoo, himself to flight. If I coul recount all the pro"i ences of &o in my fa"or! it woul appear won erful. They were in ee so freAuent an continual! that I coul not $ut $e astonishe at them. &o e"erlastingly gi"es to such as ha"e nothing to repay Him. If there appears in the creature any fi elity or patience! it is He alone who gi"es it. If He ceases for an instant to support! if He seems to lea"e me to myself! I cease to $e strong! an fin myself wea,er than any other creature. If my miseries show what I am! His fa"ors show what He is! an the e+treme necessity I am un er of e"er epen ing on Him.

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After twel"e years an four months of marriage! crosses as great as possi$le! e+cept po"erty which I ne"er ,new! though I ha much esire it! &o rew me out of that state to gi"e me still stronger crosses of such a nature as I ha ne"er met with $efore. Cor if you gi"e attention! sir! to the life which you ha"e or ere me to write! you will remar, that my crosses ha"e $een increasing till the present time! one remo"e to gi"e place to another to succee it! still hea"ier than the former. Ami the trou$les impose upon me! when they sai ! I 3was in a mortal sin!6 I ha no$o y in the worl to spea, to. I coul ha"e wishe to ha"e ha some$o y for a witness of my con uct# $ut I ha none. I ha no support! no confessor! no irector! no frien ! no counsellor. I ha lost all. An after &o ha ta,en from me one after another! He with rew also Himself. I remaine without any creature# an to complete my istress! I seeme to $e left without &o ! who alone coul support me in such a eeply istressing state. %y hus$an .s illness grew e"ery ay more o$stinate. He apprehen e the approach of eath! an e"en wishe for it! so oppressi"e was languishing life. To his other ills was great isli,e to e"ery sort of nourishment# he i not ta,e anything necessary to sustain life. I alone ha the courage to get him to ta,e what little he i . The octor a "ise him to go to the country. There for a few ays at first he seeme to $e $etter! when he was su enly ta,en with a complication of iseases. His patience increase his pain. I saw plainly he coul not li"e long. It was a great trou$le to me! that my mother7in7law ,ept me from him as much as she coul . 2he infuse into his min such a ispleasure against me! that I was afrai lest he shoul ie in it. I too, a little inter"al of time when she happene not to $e with him! an rawing near his $e ! I ,neele own an sai to him! 3That if I ha e"er one any thing that isplease him I $egge his par on! assuring him it ha not $een "oluntary.6 He appeare "ery much affecte . As he ha 5ust come out of a soun sleep! he sai to me! 3It is I who $eg your par on! I i not eser"e you.6 After that time he was not only please to see me! $ut ga"e me a "ice what I shoul o after his eath# not to epen on the people on whom now I epen e . He was for eight ays "ery resigne an patient. I sent to Paris for the most s,illful surgeon# $ut when he arri"e my hus$an was ea . No mortal coul ie in a more Christian isposition! or with more courage than he i ! after ha"ing recei"e the sacrament in a manner truly e ifying. I was not present when he e+pire ! for out of ten erness he ma e me retire. He was a$o"e twenty hours unconscious an in the agonies of his eath. It was in the morning of Guly :1! 1DJD! that he ie . Ne+t ay I entere into my closet! in which was the image of my i"ine spouse! the *or Gesus Christ. I renewe my marriage7contract! an a e thereto a "ow of chastity! with a promise to ma,e it perpetual! if %. Bertot my irector! woul permit me. After that I was fille with great 5oy! which was new to me! as for a long time past I ha $een plunge in the eepest $itterness As soon as I hear that my hus$an ha e+pire ! 3Oh! my &o !6 I crie ! 3thou hast $ro,en my $on s! an I will offer thee a sacrifice of praise.6 After that I remaine in a eep silence! $oth e+terior an interior! Auite ry an without any support. I coul neither weep nor spea,. %y mother7in7law sai "ery fine things! an was "ery much commen e for it $y e"eryone. They were offen e at my silence! which they attri$ute to want of resignation. A friar tol me! that e"eryone a mire the fine acts which my mother7in7law i # $ut as for me! they hear me say nothing# that I must sacrifice my loss to &o . But I coul not say one single wor ! let me stri"e as I woul . I was in ee "ery much e+hauste . Although I was $ut recently eli"ere of my aughter! yet I atten e an sat up with my hus$an four an twenty nights $efore his eath. I was more than a year after in reco"ering from fatigue! 5oine to my great wea,ness an pain $oth of $o y an of min . The great epression! or ryness an stupi ity which I was in! was such that I coul not

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say a wor a$out &o . It $ore me own in such a manner that I coul har ly spea,. Howe"er! I entere for some moments into the a miration of thy goo ness! O my &o . I saw well that my crosses woul not fail! since my mother7in7law ha sur"i"e my hus$an . Also I was still tie ! in ha"ing two chil ren gi"en me in so short a time $efore my hus$an .s eath! which e"i ently appeare the effect of i"ine wis om# for ha I only my el est son! I woul ha"e put him in a college# an ha"e gone myself into the con"ent of the Bene ictines! an so frustrate all the esigns of &o upon me. I was willing to show the esteem I ha for my hus$an ! in causing the most magnificent funeral to $e ma e for him at my own e+pense. I pai off the legacies he ha left. %y mother7in7law "iolently oppose e"erything I coul o for securing my own interests. I ha no$o y to apply to for a "ice or help# for my $rother woul not gi"e me the least assistance. I was ignorant of $usiness affairs# $ut &o ! in epen ent of my natural un erstan ings! always ma e me fit for e"erything that please Him! an supplie me with such a perfect intelligence that I succee e . I omitte not the least minutia! an was surprise that in these matters I shoul ,now without e"er ha"ing learne . I igeste all my papers! an regulate all my affairs! without assistance from any one. %y hus$an ha a$un ance of writings eposite in his han s. I too, an e+act in"entory of them! an sent them se"erally to their owners! which! without i"ine assistance! woul ha"e $een "ery ifficult for me# $ecause! my hus$an ha"ing $een a long time sic,! e"erything was in the greatest confusion. This gaine me the reputation of $eing a s,illful woman. There was one matter of great importance. A num$er of persons! who ha $een conten ing at law for se"eral years! applie to my hus$an to settle their affairs. Though it was not properly the $usiness of a gentleman! yet they applie to him! $ecause he ha $oth un erstan ing an pru ence# an as he ha a lo"e for se"eral of them! he consente . There were twenty actions one upon another! an in all twenty7two persons concerne ! who coul not get any en put to their ifferences! $y reason of new inci ents continually falling out. %y hus$an charge himself with getting lawyers to e+amine their papers! $ut ie $efore he coul ma,e any proce ure therein. After his eath I sent for them to gi"e them their papers# $ut they woul not recei"e them! $egging of me that I woul accommo ate them! an pre"ent their ruin. It appeare to me as ri iculous! as impossi$le! to un erta,e an affair of so great conseAuence! an which woul reAuire so long a iscussion. Ne"ertheless! relying on the strength an wis om of &o ! I consente . I shut myself up a$out thirty ays for all these affairs! without e"er going out! $ut to mass an to my meals. The ar$itration $eing at length prepare ! they all signe it without seeing it. They were all so well satisfie therewith! that they coul not for$ear pu$lishing it e"erywhere. It was &o alone who i those things# for after they were settle I ,new nothing a$out them# an if I now hear any tal, of such things! to me it soun s li,e Ara$ic.

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Being now a wi ow my crosses! which one woul ha"e thought shoul ha"e a$ate ! only increase . That tur$ulent omestic I ha"e often mentione ! instea of growing mil er! now that she epen e on me $ecame more furious than e"er. In our house she ha amasse a goo fortune! an I settle on her! $esi es! an annuity for the remain er of her life! for the ser"ices she ha one my hus$an . 2he swelle with "anity an haughtiness. Ha"ing $een use to sit up so much with an in"ali ! she ha ta,en to rin, wine! to ,eep up her spirits. This ha now passe into a ha$it. As she grew age an wea,! a "ery little of it affecte her. I trie to hi e this fault! $ut it grew so that it coul not $e conceale . I spo,e of it to her confessor! in or er that he might try! softly an artfully to reclaim her from it# $ut instea of profiting $y her irector.s

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a "ice! she was outrageous against me. %y mother7in7law! who coul har ly $ear the fault of intemperance! an ha often spo,en to me a$out it! now 5oine in reproaching me an "in icating her. This strange creature! when any company came! woul cry out with all her might! that I ha ishonore her! thrown her into espair! an woul $e the cause of her amnation! as I was ta,ing the rea y course to my own. )et &o ga"e me an un$oun e patience. I answere only with mil ness an charity all her passionate in"ecti"es! gi"ing her $esi es e"ery possi$le mar, of my affection. If any other mai came to wait on me! she woul ri"e her $ac, in a rage! crying out! that I hate her on account of the affection with which she ha ser"e my hus$an . /hen she ha not a min to come! I was o$lige to ser"e myself# an when she i come! it was to chi e me an ma,e a noise. /hen I was "ery unwell! as was often the case! this girl woul appear to $e in espair. Crom hence I thought it was from Thee! O *or ! that all this came upon me. /ithout thy permission! she was scarcely capa$le of such unaccounta$le con uct. 2he seeme not sensi$le of any faults! $ut always to thin, herself in the right. All those whom Thou hast ma e use of to cause me to suffer! thought they were ren ering ser"ice to Thee in so oing. Before my hus$an .s eath! I went to Paris on purpose to see %onsieur Bertot! who ha $een of "ery little ser"ice to me as a irector. Not ,nowing my state! an I $eing incapa$le of telling him of it! he grew weary of the charge. At length he ga"e it up! an wrote to me to ta,e another irector. I ma e no ou$t $ut &o ha re"eale to him my wic,e state# an this esertion of me seeme a most certain mar, of my repro$ation. This was uring the life of my hus$an . But now my renewe solicitations! an his sympathy with me on my hus$an .s eath! pre"aile on him to resume my irection! which to me still pro"e of "ery little ser"ice. I went again to Paris to see him. /hile there! I "isite him twel"e or fifteen times! without $eing a$le to tell him anything of my con ition. I tol him! in ee ! that I wante some ecclesiastic to e ucate my son! to ri him of his $a ha$its! an of the wrong impressions he ha concei"e against me. He foun one for me! of whom he ha recei"e "ery goo recommen ations. I went to ma,e a retreat with %. Bertot an %a ame e C. All that time he spo,e to me not a Auarter of an hour at most. As he saw that I sai nothing to him! for in ee I ,new not what to say! as I ha not spo,en to him of the fa"ors which &o ha conferre on me =not from a esire to conceal them! $ut $ecause the *or i not permit me to o it! as He ha o"er me only the esigns of eath@ he therefore spo,e to such as he loo,e upon to $e more a "ance in grace. He let me alone as one for whom there was nothing to $e one. 2o well i &o hi e from him the situation of my soul! in or er to ma,e me suffer! that he wante to refer me! thin,ing that I ha not the spirit of prayer! an that %rs. &ranger was mista,en when she tol him I ha . I i what I coul to o$ey him! $ut it was entirely impossi$le. On this account I was isplease with myself! $ecause I $elie"e %. Bertot rather than my e+perience. Through this whole retreat my inclination! which I iscerne only $y my resistance to it! was to rest in silence an na,e ness of thought. In the settling of my min therein I feare I was iso$eying the or ers of my irector. This ma e me thin, that I ha fallen from grace. I ,ept myself in a state of nothingness! content with my poor low egree of prayer! without en"ying the higher egree of others! of which I 5u ge myself unworthy. I woul ha"e! howe"er! esire much to o the will of &o ! an to please Him! $ut espaire altogether of e"er attaining that esira$le en . There was in the place where I li"e ! an ha $een for some years! one whose octrine was suspecte . He possesse a ignity in the church! which always o$lige me to ha"e a eference for him. As he un erstoo how a"erse I was to all who were suspecte of unsoun ness in the faith! an ,nowing that I ha some cre it in the place! he use his utmost efforts to engage me in his sentiments. I answere him with so much clearness an energy! that he ha not a wor to reply. This increase his esire to win me in or er to o it! to contract a frien ship for me. He continue to importune me for two years an a half. As he was "ery polite! an of an o$liging

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temper! an ha a goo share of learning! I i not mistrust him. I e"en concei"e a hope of his con"ersion! in which I foun myself mista,en. I then cease going near him. He came to inAuire why he coul see me no more. At that time he was so agreea$le to my sic, hus$an ! in his assi uities a$out him! that I coul not a"oi him though I thought the shortest an $est way for me woul $e $rea, off all acAuaintance with him! which I i after the eath of my hus$an . %. Bertot woul not permit me to o it $efore. /hen he now saw that he coul not renew it! he an his party raise up strong persecutions against me. These gentlemen ha at that time a metho among them! $y which they soon ,new who were of their party! an who were opposite. They sent to one another circular letters! $y means of which! in a "ery little time! they crie me own on e"ery si e! after a "ery strange manner. )et this ga"e me little trou$le. I was gla of my new li$erty! inten ing ne"er again to enter into an intimacy with anyone! which woul gi"e me so much ifficulty to $rea,. This ina$ility I was now in! of oing those e+terior acts of charity I ha one $efore! ser"e this person with a prete+t to pu$lish that it was owing to him I ha formerly one them. /illing to ascri$e to himself the merit of what &o alone! $y His grace! ha ma e me o! he went so far as to preach against me pu$licly! as one who ha $een a $right pattern to the town! $ut was now $ecome a scan al to it. 2e"eral times he preache "ery offensi"e things. Though I was present at those sermons! an they were enough to weigh me own with confusion! for they offen e all that hear them! I coul not $e trou$le . I carrie in myself my own con emnation $eyon utterance. I thought I merite a$un antly worse than all he coul say of me! an that! if all men ,new me! they woul trample me un er their feet. %y reputation then was $laste $y the in ustry of this ecclesiastic. He cause all such as passe for persons of piety to eclare against me. I thought he an they were in the right an therefore Auietly $ore it all. Confuse li,e a criminal that ares not lift up his eyes! I loo,e upon the "irtue of others with respect. I saw no fault in others an no "irtue in myself. /hen any happene to praise me! it was li,e a hea"y $low struc, at me! an I sai in myself! 3They little ,now my miseries! an from what state I ha"e fallen.6 /hen any $lame me! I agree to it! as right an 5ust. Nature wante sometimes to get out of such an a$5ect con ition! $ut coul not fin any way. If I trie to ma,e an outwar appearance of righteousness! $y the practice of some goo thing! my heart in secret re$u,e me as guilty of hypocrisy! in wanting to appear what I was not# an &o i not permit that to succee . Oh! how e+cellent are the crosses of Pro"i ence4 All other crosses are of no "alue. I was often "ery ill an in anger of eath! an ,new not how to prepare myself for it. 2e"eral persons of piety! who ha $een acAuainte with me! wrote to me a$out those things which the gentleman sprea a$out me. I i not offer to 5ustify myself! although I ,new myself innocent of the things whereof they accuse me. One ay $eing in the greatest esolation an istress! I opene the New Testament on these wor s! 3%y grace is sufficient for thee! for my strength is ma e perfect in wea,ness.6 That for a little time ga"e me some relief.

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The lor too, from me all the sensi$ility which I ha for the creatures! or things create ! e"en in an instant! as one ta,es off a ro$e. After that time I ha none for any whatsoe"er. Though He ha one me that fa"or! for which I can ne"er $e sufficiently grateful! I was! howe"er! neither more contente nor less confuse $y it. %y &o seeme to $e so estrange an isplease with me! that there remaine nothing $ut the grief of ha"ing lost His $lesse presence through my fault. The loss of my reputation e"ery ay increasing! $ecame sensi$le to my heart! though I was not allowe to 5ustify or $ewail myself.

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As I $ecame always more impotent for e"ery ,in of e+terior wor,s! as I coul not go to see the poor! nor stay at church! nor practice prayer# as I $ecame col er towar &o ! in proportion as I was more sensi$le of my wrong steps! all this estroye me the more $oth in my own eyes an in those of others. There were some "ery consi era$le gentlemen who ma e proposals for me! an e"en such persons as accor ing to the rules of fashion ought not to thin, of me. They presente themsel"es uring the "ery epth of my outwar an inwar esolation. At first it appeare to me a means of rawing me out of the istress I was in. But it seeme to me then notwithstan ing my pains of $o y an min ! that if a ,ing ha presente himself to me! I woul ha"e refuse him with pleasure! to show thee! O my &o ! that with all my miseries I was resol"e to $e thine alone. If Thou woul st not accept of me! I shoul at least ha"e the consolation of ha"ing $een faithful to Thee to the utmost of my power. Cor as to my inwar state! I ne"er mentione it to any$o y. I ne"er spo,e thereof! nor of the suitors! though my mother7in7law woul say that if I i not marry! it was $ecause none woul ha"e me. It was sufficient for me that Thou! O my &o ! ,newest that I sacrifice them to Thee! =without saying a wor to any$o y@ especially one whose high $irth an amia$le e+terior Aualities might ha"e tempte $oth my "anity an inclination. Oh! coul I $ut ha"e hope ! to $ecome agreea$le to Thee! such a hope woul ha"e $een li,e a change from Hell to Hea"en. 2o far was I from presuming to hope for it! that I feare this sea of affliction might also $e followe $y e"erlasting misery! in the loss of Thee. I are not e"en esire to en5oy Thee'(I only esire not to offen Thee. I was for fi"e or si+ wee,s at the last e+tremity. I coul not ta,e any nourishment. A spoonful of $roth ma e me faint. %y "oice was so gone! that when they put their ears close to my mouth! they coul scarcely istinguish my wor s. I coul not see any hope of sal"ation! yet was not unwilling to ie. I $ore a strong impression that the longer I li"e the more I woul sin. Of the two! I thought I woul rather choose Hell than sin. All the goo ! which &o ma e me o! now seeme to me e"il or full of faults. All my prayers! penances! alms an charities! seeme to rise up against me! an heighten my con emnation. I thought there appeare on the si e of &o ! on my own! an from all creatures! one general con emnation! my conscience was a witness against me! which I coul not appease. /hat may appear strange! the sins of my youth i not then gi"e me any pain at all. They i not rise up in 5u gment against me! $ut there appeare one uni"ersal testimony against all the goo I ha one! an all the sentiments of e"il I ha entertaine . If I went to confessors! I coul tell them nothing of my con ition. If I coul ha"e tol them! they woul ha"e not un erstoo me. They woul ha"e regar e as eminent "irtues! what! O my &o ! thy eyes all pure an chaste re5ecte as infi elity. It was then that I felt the truth of what Thou hast sai ! that Thou 5u gest our righteousness. Oh! how pure art thou4 /ho can comprehen it0 It was then that I turne my eyes on e"ery si e! to see what way succor might come to me# $ut my succor coul come no way $ut from Him who ma e Hea"en an earth. As I saw there was no safety for me! or spiritual health in myself! I entere into a secret complacency in seeing no goo in myself whereon to rest! or presume for sal"ation. The nearer my estruction appeare ! the more I foun in &o Himself! wherewith to augment my trust an confi ence! notwithstan ing He seeme so 5ustly irritate against me. It seeme to me that I ha in Gesus Christ all that was wanting in myself. Oh! ye stout an righteous men4 O$ser"e as much as ye please of e+cellence in what ye ha"e one to the glory of &o . As for me! I only glory in my infirmities! since they ha"e merite for me such a 2a"iour4 All my trou$les! 5oine to the loss of my reputation! which yet was not so great as I apprehen e ! =it $eing only among a party@ ren ere me so una$le to eat! that it seeme won erful how I li"e . In four ays I i not eat as much as woul ma,e one "ery mo erate repast. I was o$lige to ,eep my $e through mere wea,ness! my $o y $eing no longer a$le to

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support the $ur en lai upon it. If I ha thought! ,nown! or hear tell! that there ha e"er $een such a state as mine! it woul ha"e e+cee ingly relie"e me. %y "ery pain appeare to me to $e sin. 2piritual $oo,s! when I trie to rea them! all contri$ute only to augment it. I saw in myself none of those states which they set own. I i not so much as comprehen them. An when they treate the pains of certain states! I was "ery far from attri$uting any of them to myself. I sai to myself! 3These persons feel the pains of i"ine operations# $ut as to me! I sin! an feel nothing $ut my own wic,e state.6 I coul ha"e wishe to separate the sin from the confusion of sin! an pro"i e I ha not offen e &o ! all woul ha"e $een easy to me. A slight s,etch of my last miseries! which I am gla to let you ,now! $ecause in their $eginning I omitte many infi elities! ha"ing ha too much of an earnest attachment! "ain complaisance! unprofita$le an te ious con"ersations! though self7lo"e an nature ma e a sort of necessity for them# $ut towar the latter part I coul not ha"e $orne a speech too human! nor the least thing of the ,in .

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CHAPTER :8

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The first religious person that &o ma e use of to raw me to Himself! to whom =accor ing to his esire@ I ha written from time to time! wrote to me in the epth of my istress! esiring me to write to him no more! signifying his isappro$ation of what came from me! an that I isplease &o greatly. A father! a Gesuit! who ha esteeme me much! wrote to me in li,e manner. No ou$t! it was $y Thy permission! they thus contri$ute to complete my esolation. I than,e them for their charity! an commen e myself to their prayers. It was then so in ifferent to me to $e ecrie of e"ery$o y! e"en of the greatest saints! that it a e $ut little to my pain. The pain of ispleasing &o ! an the strong propensity I felt in myself to all sorts of faults! cause me most li"ely an sensi$le pain. I ha $een accustome from the $eginning to ryness an pri"ation. I e"en preferre it to the state of a$oun ing! $ecause I ,new that I must see, &o a$o"e all. I ha e"en at the first $eginnings! an instinct of my inmost soul to pass o"er e"ery manner of thing whatsoe"er! an to lea"e the gifts to run after the &i"er. But at this time my spirit an senses were in such a manner struc,! $y Thy permission! O my *or ! who wert please to estroy me without mercy! that the farther I went! the more e"erything appeare to me a sin# e"en crosses appeare to me no more crosses $ut real faults. I thought I rew them all on myself $y my impru ent wor s an actions. I was li,e those! who! loo,ing through a colore glass! $ehol e"erything of the same color with which it is staine . Ha I $een a$le to perform any e+terior acts as formerly! or penances for my e"il! it woul ha"e relie"e me. I was for$i en to o the latter! $esi es I grew so timorous! an felt in myself such a wea,ness! as ma e it appear impossi$le for me to o them. I loo,e on them with horror! I foun myself now so wea, an incapa$le of anything of the ,in . I omit many things! $oth of pro"i ences of the *or in my fa"or! an of rugge paths through which I was o$lige to pass. But as I ha"e only one general "iew! I lea"e them in the ,nowle ge of the *or only. Afterwar ! $eing forsa,en of my irector! the col ness towar me which I remar,e in the persons con ucte $y him! ga"e me no more trou$le! nor in ee the estrangement of all the creatures! on account of my inwar humiliation. %y $rother also 5oine with those who e+claime against me! e"en though he ha ne"er seen them $efore. I $elie"e it was the *or who con ucte things in this way! for my $rother has worth! an un ou$te ly thought he i well in acting thus.

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I was o$lige to go a$out some $usiness to a town where some near relations of my mother7in7 law li"e . How i I fin things change there4 /hen I was there $efore! they entertaine me in a most elegant an o$liging manner! regaling me from house to house with emulation. Now they treate me with the utmost contempt! saying! they i it to re"enge what I ma e their relation suffer. As I saw the thing went so far! an that notwithstan ing all my care an en ea"ors to please her! I ha not $een a$le to succee ! I resol"e to come to an e+planation with her. I tol her that there was a current report that I treate her ill! though I ma e it my stu y to gi"e her e"ery mar, of my esteem. If the report were true! I esire her to allow me to remo"e from her# for that I woul not choose to stay to gi"e her pain! $ut only with a Auite contrary "iew. 2he answere "ery col ly! 3I might o what I woul # for she ha not spo,en a$out it! $ut was resol"e to li"e apart from me.6 This was fairly gi"ing me my ischarge! an I thought of ta,ing my measures pri"ately to retire. As I ha not! since my wi owhoo ! ma e any "isits $ut such as were of pure necessity! or charity! there were foun too many iscontente spirits! who ma e a party with her against me. The *or reAuire of me an in"iola$le secrecy of all my pains! $oth e+terior an interior. There is nothing which ma,es nature ie so much! as to fin neither support nor consolation. In short I saw myself o$lige to go out! in the mi le of winter! with my chil ren an my aughters. nurse. At that time there was no house empty in the town! so the Bene ictines offere me an apartment in theirs. I was now in a great strait# on one si e fearing lest I was shunning the cross! on the other si e thin,ing it unreasona$le to impose my stay on one to whom it was only painful. Besi es what I ha"e relate of her $eha"ior! which still continue ! when I went into the country to ta,e a little repose she complaine that I left her alone. If I esire her to come thither she woul not. If I sai ! 3I are not as, her to come! for fear of incommo ing her $y changing her $e !6 2he replie ! 3It was only an e+cuse! $ecause I woul not ha"e her go# an that I only went to $e away from her.6 /hen I hear that she was isplease at my $eing in the country! I returne to the town. Then she coul not $ear to spea, to me! or to see me. I accoste her without appearing to notice how she recei"e it. Instea of ma,ing me any answer! she turne her hea another way. I often sent her my coach! esiring her to come an spen a ay in the country. 2he sent it $ac, empty! without any answer. If I passe some ays there without sen ing it! she complaine alou . In short! all I i to please her soure her! &o so permitting it. 2he ha in the main a goo heart! $ut was trou$le with an uneasy temper> An I o not fail to thin, myself un er much o$ligation to her. Being with her on Christmas ay! I sai to her with much affection> 3%y mother! on this ay was the Iing of peace $orn! to $ring it to us# I $eg peace of you in His name.6 I thin, that touche her! though she woul not let it appear. The ecclesiastic! whom I ha met with at home! far from strengthening an comforting me! i nothing $ut wea,en an afflict me! telling me that I ought not to suffer certain things. I ha not cre it enough to ischarge any omestic! howe"er efecti"e or culpa$le. As soon as any of them were warne to go away! she si e with them! an all her frien s interfere . As I was rea y to go off! one of my mother7in7law.s frien s! a man of worth! who ha always an esteem for me! without aring to show it! ha"ing hear it! was much afrai lest I shoul lea"e the town# for the remo"al of my alms! he thought! woul $e a loss to the country. He resol"e to spea, to my mother7in7law in the softest manner he coul for he ,new her. After he ha spo,en to her! she sai ! that she woul not put me away! $ut if I went! she woul not hin er me. After this he came to see me! an esire me to go an ma,e an e+cuse to her! in or er to content her. I tol him! I shoul $e willing to ma,e a hun re ! although 3I i not ,now a$out what# that I i it continually a$out e"erything! which ma e her uneasy. But that was not now the matter! for I ma,e no complaint of her! $ut thought it not proper for me to continue with her! to gi"e her pain# that it was $ut 5ust that I shoul contri$ute to her ease.6 Howe"er! he went with me into her room. Then I tol her! that I $egge her par on! if e"er I ha isplease her in anything! that it ha ne"er $een my intention to o it# that I

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esire her! $efore this gentleman! who was her frien ! to tell me wherein I ha gi"en her any offense. Here &o permitte # she ma e a eclaration of the truth in his presence. 2he sai ! 32he was not a person to suffer herself to $e offen e # that she ha no other complaint against me $ut that I i not lo"e her! an that I wishe her ea .6 I answere her that these thoughts were far from my heart! so far from it! that I shoul $e gla ! $y my $est care an atten ance on her! to prolong her ays# that my affection was real! $ut that she ne"er woul $e persua e to $elie"e it! whate"er testimonies I coul gi"e! so long as she hear,ene to people who spo,e to her against me# that she ha with her a mai ! who! far from showing me any respect! treate me ill! so far as to push me when she wante to pass $y. 2he ha one it at church! ma,ing me gi"e way to her with as much "iolence as contempt! se"eral times! also! in my room grating me with her wor s> that I ha ne"er complaine of it! $ecause such a temper might one ay gi"e her trou$le.6 2he too, the girl.s part. Ne"ertheless we em$race an it was left so. 2oon after! when I was in the country! this mai ! ha"ing me no more to "ent her chagrins on $eha"e in such a manner to my mother7in7law that she coul not $ear it. 2he imme iately put her out of oors. I must say here on my mother7in7law.s $ehalf! that she ha $oth sense an "irtue! an e+cept certain faults! which persons who o not practice prayer are lia$le to! she ha goo Aualities. Perhaps I cause crosses to her without inten ing it! an she to me without ,nowing it. I hope what I write will not $e seen $y any who may $e offen e with it! or who may not $e in a con ition to see these matters in &o . That gentleman who ha use me so ill! for $rea,ing off my acAuaintance with him! among his penitents ha one who! for affairs which $efell her hus$an ! was o$lige to Auit the country. He himself was accuse of the same things which he ha so li$erally an un5ustly accuse me! an e"en things much worse! an with more noise an outcry. Though I well ,new all this! &o grante me the fa"or ne"er to ma,e his ownfall the su$5ect of my iscourse. On the contrary! when any spo,e to me of it! I pitie him! an sai what I coul in mitigation of his case. An &o go"erne my heart so well! that it ne"er offere to go into any "ain 5oy at seeing him o"erta,en! an oppresse ! with those ,in of e"ils which he ha $een so assi uous in en ea"oring to $ring upon me. Though I ,new that my mother7in7law was informe of it all! I ne"er spo,e to her a$out it! or a$out the sa confusions he ha cause in a certain family.

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CHAPTER :D

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One ay uring my hus$an .s lifetime! la en with sorrow! not ,nowing what to o! I wishe to spea, to a person of istinction! an merit! who came often into the country. I wrote to reAuest an opportunity with him! for that I wante his instruction an a "ice. But soon after I felt remorse for it# this "oice spo,e in my heart! 3/hat!'( ost thou see, for ease! an to sha,e off my yo,e06 Hereupon I instantly sent a note again to esire him to e+cuse me! a ing that what I ha written was only from self7lo"e! not necessity# that as he ,new what it was to $e faithful to &o ! I hope he woul not isappro"e my acting with this Christian simplicity. )et he resente it! which surprise me much! as I ha concei"e a high i ea of his "irtue. Hirtues he ha ! $ut such as are full of the life an acti"ities of nature! an unacAuainte with the paths of mortification an eath. Thou! O my &o ! hast $een my con uctor e"en in these paths! as with a miration I ha"e isco"ere since they are past. Blesse $e Thy name fore"er. I am o$lige to $ear this testimony to Thy goo ness.

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Before I continue my narration! I must a one remar,! which the *or ga"e me to ma,e upon the way $y which He! in His goo ness! was please to con uct me# which is! that this o$scure

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path is the surest to mortify the soul! as it lea"es it not any prop to lean upon for support. Though it has no application to any particular state of Gesus Christ# yet! at its coming out! it fin s itself clothe with all His ispositions. The impure an selfish soul! is here$y purifie ! as gol in the furnace. Cull of its own 5u gment an its own will $efore! $ut now o$eys li,e a chil an fin s no other will in itself. Before! it woul ha"e conteste for a trifle# now it yiel s at once! not with reluctance an pain $y way of practicing "irtue! $ut as it were naturally. Its own "ices are "anishe . This creature so "ain $efore now lo"es nothing $ut po"erty! littleness an humiliation. Before! it preferre itself a$o"e e"ery$o y# now e"ery$o y a$o"e itself! ha"ing a $oun less charity for its neigh$or! to $ear with his faults an wea,nesses! in or er to win him $y lo"e! which $efore it coul not o $ut with "ery great constraint. The rage of the wolf is change to the mee,ness of the lam$. 1uring all the time of my e+periencing my miseries an my eep trials! I went after no fine sights or recreations. I wante to see an ,now nothing $ut Gesus Christ. %y closet was my only i"ersion. E"en when the Aueen was near me! whom I ha ne"er seen! an whom I ha esire enough to see# I ha only to open my eyes! an loo, out to see her# yet i not o it. I ha $een fon of hearing others sing# yet I was once four ays with one who passe for the finest "oice in the worl ! without e"er esiring her to sing# which surprise her! $ecause she was not ignorant that! ,nowing her name! I must ,now the charming e+cellence of her "oice. Howe"er! I committe some infi elities! in inAuiring what others sai of me $y way of $lame. I met with one who tol me e"erything. Though I showe nothing of it! it ser"e only to mortify me. I saw I was yet too much ali"e to self. I shall ne"er $e a$le to e+press the num$er of my miseries. They are so "astly surmounte $y the fa"ors of &o ! an so swallowe up in these that I can see them no more. One of the things which ga"e me most pain in the se"en years I ha"e spo,en of! especially the last fi"e! was so strange a folly of my imagination that it ga"e me no rest. %y senses $ore it company. I coul no more shut my eyes at church. Thus ha"ing all the gates an a"enues open! I was li,e a "ineyar e+pose ! $ecause the he ges which the father of the family ha plante were torn away. I saw e"ery one that came an went! an e"erything that passe in the church. Cor the same force! which ha rawn me inwar to recollection! seeme to push me outwar to issipation. *a en with miseries! weighe own with oppressions! an crushe un er continual crosses! I thought of nothing $ut en ing my ays thus. There remaine in me not the least hope of e"er emerging. Notwithstan ing! I thought I ha lost grace fore"er! an the sal"ation which it merits for us! I longe at least to o what I coul for &o ! though I feare I shoul ne"er lo"e Him. 2eeing the happy state from whence I ha fallen! I wishe in gratitu e to ser"e Him! though I loo,e on myself as a "ictim oome to estruction. 2ometimes the "iew of that happy perio cause secret esires to spring up in my heart! of reco"ering it again. I was instantly re5ecte an thrown $ac, into the epth of the a$yss# I 5u ge myself to $e in a state which was ue to unfaithful souls. I seeme ! my &o ! as if I was fore"er cast off from Thy regar ! an from that of all creatures. By egrees my state cease to $e painful. I $ecame e"en insensi$le to it! an my insensi$ility seeme li,e the final har ening of my repro$ation. %y col ness appeare to me a mortal col ness. It was truly so! O my &o ! since I thus ie to self! in or er to li"e wholly in Thee! an in thy precious lo"e. To resume my history! a ser"ant of mine wante to $ecome a Barna$ite. I wrote a$out it to Cather e la %othe. He answere me! that I must a ress Cather *a Com$e! who was then the superior of the Barna$ites of Tonon. That o$lige me to write to him. I ha always preser"e secret respect an esteem for him! as one un er grace. I was gla of this opportunity of recommen ing myself to his prayers. I wrote to him a$out my fall from the grace of &o ! that I ha reAuite His fa"ors with the $lac,est ingratitu e# that I was misera$le! an a su$5ect worthy

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of compassion# an far from ha"ing a "ance towar &o ! I was $ecome entirely alienate from Him. He answere in such a manner! as if he ha ,nown! $y a supernatural light! the frightful escription I ha gi"en of myself.

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In the mi st of my miseries! &ene"a came into my min ! a singular manner! which cause me many fears. 3/hat!6 sai I! 3to complete my repro$ation! shall I go to such an e+cess of impiety! as to Auit the faith through apostasy0 =The inha$itants of &ene"a $eing generally Protestant Cal"inists.@ Am I then a$out Auitting that church! for which I woul gi"e a thousan li"es0 Or! shall I e"er epart from that faith which I woul e"en wish to seal with my $loo 06 I ha such a istrust of myself! that I are hope for nothing! $ut ha a thousan reasons for fear. Ne"ertheless the letter which I ha recei"e from Cather *a Com$e! in which he wrote me an account of his present isposition! somewhat similar to mine! ha such an effect! as to restore peace an calmness to my min . I felt myself inwar ly unite to him! as to a person of great fi elity to the grace of &o . Afterwar a woman appeare to me in a ream to $e come own from Hea"en! to tell me that &o eman e me at &ene"a. A$out eight or ten ays $efore %ag alene.s ay! 1D?9! it came into my min to write to Cather *a Com$e! an to reAuest him! if he recei"e my letter $efore that ay! to pray particularly for me. It was so or ere ! contrary e"en to my e+pectations! that he recei"e my letter on 2t. %ag alene.s e"e! an when praying for me the ne+t ay! it was sai to him! thrice o"er! with much power! 3)e shall $oth well in one an the same place.6 He was "ery much surprise ! as he ne"er ha recei"e interior wor s $efore. I $elie"e! O my &o ! that that has $een much more "erifie ! $oth in our inwar sense an e+perience! an in the same crucifying e"ents which ha"e $efallen us! pretty much ali,e# an in Thyself! who art our welling! than in any temporal a$o e.

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On that happy %ag alene.s ay my soul was perfectly eli"ere from all its pains. I ha alrea y $egun since the receipt of the first letter from Cather *a Com$e! to reco"er a new life. It was then only li,e that of a ea person raise ! though not yet un$oun from gra"e clothes. On this ay I was! as it were! in perfect life! an set wholly at li$erty. I foun myself as much raise a$o"e nature! as $efore I ha $een epresse un er its $ur en. I was ine+pressi$ly o"er5oye to fin Him! whom I thought I ha lost fore"er! returne to me again with unspea,a$le magnificence an purity. It was then! O &o ! that I foun again in Thee with new a "antages! in an ineffa$le manner! all I ha $een epri"e of# the peace I now possesse was all holy! hea"enly an ine+pressi$le. All I ha en5oye $efore was only a peace! a gift of &o ! $ut now I recei"e an possesse the &o of peace. )et the remem$rance of my past miseries still $rought a fear upon me! lest nature shoul fin means to ta,e to itself any part therein. As soon as it wante to see or taste anything! the 2pirit e"er watchful crosse an repelle it. I was far from ele"ating myself! or attri$uting to myself anything of this new state. %y e+perience ma e me sensi$le of what I was. I hope I shoul en5oy this happy state for some time! $ut little i I thin, my happiness so great an immuta$le as it was. If one may 5u ge of a goo $y the trou$le which prece es it! I lea"e mine to $e 5u ge of $y the sorrows I ha un ergone $efore my attaining it. The apostle Paul tells us! that 3the sufferings of this life are not to $e compare with the glory that is prepare for us.6 How true is that of this life4 One ay of this happiness was worth more than years of suffering. It was in ee ! at that time well worth all I ha un ergone! though it was then only awning. An alacrity for oing goo was restore to me! greater than e"er. It seeme to me all Auite free an natural to me. At the $eginning! this li$erty was less e+tensi"e# $ut as I

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a "ance it grew greater. I ha occasion to see %on. Bertot for a few moments! an tol him! I thought my state much change . He! seemingly attenti"e to something else! answere ! 3No.6 I $elie"e him# $ecause grace taught me to prefer the 5u gment of others! an rather $elie"e them than my own opinions or e+perience. This i not gi"e me any ,in of trou$le. E"ery state seeme eAually in ifferent if I only ha the fa"or of &o . I felt a ,in of $eatitu e e"ery ay increasing in me. I i all sorts of goo ! without selfishness or preme itation. /hene"er a self7 reflecti"e thought was presente to my min ! it was instantly re5ecte ! an as it were a curtain in the soul rawn $efore it. %y imagination was ,ept so fi+e ! that I ha now "ery little trou$le on that. I won ere at the clearness of my min an the purity of my whole heart. I recei"e a letter from Cather *a Com$e! wherein he wrote that &o ha isco"ere to him that he ha great esigns in regar to me. 3*et them $e!6 then sai I to myself! 3either of 5ustice or mercy! all is eAual to me.6 I still ha &ene"a eeply at heart# $ut sai nothing of it to any$o y! waiting for &o to ma,e ,nown to me His all powerful will an fearing lest any stratagem of the 1e"il shoul $e conceale therein! that might ten to raw me out of my proper place! or steal me out of my con ition. The more I saw my own misery! incapacity an nothingness! the plainer it appeare that they ren ere me fitter for the esigns of &o ! whate"er they might $e. 3Oh! my *or !6 sai I! 3ta,e the wea, an the wretche to o thy wor,s! that Thou mayest ha"e all the glory an that man may attri$ute nothing of them to himself. If Thou shoul st ta,e a person of eminence an great talents! one might attri$ute to him something# $ut if Thou ta,est me! it will $e manifest that thou alone art the Author of whate"er goo shall $e one.6 I continue Auiet in my spirit! lea"ing the whole affair to &o ! $eing satisfie ! if He shoul reAuire anything of me! that He woul furnish me with the means of performing it. I hel myself in rea iness with a full resolution to e+ecute His or ers! whene"er he shoul ma,e them ,nown! though it were to the laying own of my life. I was release from all crosses. I resume my care of the sic,! an ressing of woun s! an &o ga"e me to cure the most esperate. /hen surgeons coul o no more! it was then that &o ma e me cure them. Oh! the 5oy that accompanie me e"erywhere! fin ing still Him who ha unite me to Himself! in His own immensity an $oun less "astitu e4 Oh! how truly i I e+perience what He sai in the &ospel! $y the four e"angelists! an $y one of them twice o"er! 3/hosoe"er will lose his life for my sa,e shall fin it# an whosoe"er will sa"e his life shall lose it.6 /hen I ha lost all create supports! an e"en i"ine ones! I then foun myself happily compelle to fall into the pure i"ine! an to fall into it through all those "ery things which seeme to remo"e me further from it. In losing all the gifts! with all their supports! I foun the &i"er. In losing the sense an perception of Thee in myself'(I foun Thee! O my &o ! to lose Thee no more in Thyself! in Thy own immuta$ility. Oh! poor creatures! who pass all your time in fee ing upon the gifts of &o ! an thin, therein to $e the most fa"ore an happy. How I pity you if you stop here! short of the true rest! an cease to go forwar to &o Himself! through the loss of those cherishe gifts which you now elight in4 How many pass all their li"es in this way! an thin, highly of themsel"es4 There are others who! $eing calle of &o to ie to themsel"es! yet pass all their time in a ying life! in inwar agonies! without e"er entering into &o through eath an a total loss of self! $ecause they are always willing to retain something un er plausi$le prete+ts! an so ne"er lose themsel"es to the whole e+tent of the esigns of &o . They ne"er en5oy &o in all His fullness# which is a loss that cannot $e perfectly ,nown in this life. Oh! my *or ! what happiness i I not largely taste in my solitu e! an with my little family! where nothing interrupte my tranAuillity4 As I was in the country! the slen er age of my chil ren i not reAuire my application too much! they $eing in goo han s! I retire a great part of the ay into a woo . I passe as many ays of happiness as I ha ha months of sorrow.

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Thou! O my &o ! ealt $y me as $y thy ser"ant Go$! ren ering me ou$le for all thou ha st ta,en! an eli"ering me from all my crosses. Thou ga"est me a mar"elous facility to satisfy e"eryone. /hat was surprising now was that my mother7in7law! who ha e"er $een complaining of me! without my oing anything more than usual to please her! eclare that none coul $e $etter satisfie with me than she was. 2uch as $efore ha crie me own the most! now testifie their sorrow for it an $ecame full of my praises. %y reputation was esta$lishe with much more a "antage! in proportion as it ha appeare to $e lost. I remaine in an entire peace! as well without as within. It seeme to me that my soul was $ecome li,e New Gerusalem! spo,en of in the Apocalypse! prepare as a $ri e for her hus$an an where there is no more sorrow! or sighing. I ha a perfect in ifference to e"erything that is here! a union so great with the will of &o ! that my own will seeme entirely lost. %y soul coul not incline itself on one si e or the other! since another will ha ta,en the place of its own! $ut only nourishe itself with the aily pro"i ences of &o . It now foun a will all i"ine! yet was so natural an easy that it foun itself infinitely more free than e"er it ha $een in its own. These ispositions ha"e still su$siste ! an still grown stronger! an more perfect e"en to this hour. I coul neither esire one thing nor another! $ut was content with whate"er fell. If any in the house as,e me! 3/ill you ha"e this! or that06 then I was surprise to fin that there was nothing left in me which coul esire or choose. I was as if e"erything! of smaller matters! Auite isappeare ! a higher power ha"ing ta,en up an fille all their place. I e"en percei"e no more that soul which He ha formerly con ucte $y His croo, an His staff! $ecause now He alone appeare to me! my soul ha"ing gi"en up its place to Him. It seeme to me! as if it was wholly an altogether passe into its &o ! to ma,e $ut one an the same thing with Him# e"en as a little rop of water! cast into the sea! recei"es the Aualities of the sea. Oh! union of unity! eman e of &o $y Gesus Christ for men an merite $y him4 How strong is this in a soul that is $ecome lost in its &o 4 After the consummation of this i"ine unity! the soul remains hi with Christ in &o . This happy loss is not li,e those transient ones which ecstacy operates! which are rather an a$sorption than union $ecause the soul afterwar s fin s itself again with all its own ispositions. Here she feels that prayer fulfille '(Gohn 1J>:1> 3That they all may $e one as thou Cather art in me! an I in thee# that they also may $e one in us.6

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I was o$lige to go to Paris a$out some $usiness. Ha"ing entere into a church! that was "ery ar,! I went up to the first confessor I foun ! whom I i not ,now! nor ha"e e"er seen since. I ma e a simple an short confession# $ut to the confessor himself I sai not a wor . He surprise me saying! 3I ,now not who you are whether mai ! wife or wi ow# $ut I feel a strong inwar motion to e+hort you to o what the *or has ma e ,nown to you! that he reAuires of you. I ha"e nothing else to say.6 I answere him! 3Cather! I am a wi ow who ha"e little chil ren. /hat else coul &o reAuire of me! $ut to ta,e ue care of them in their e ucation06 He replie ! 3I ,now nothing a$out this. )ou ,now if &o manifests to you that He reAuires something of you# there is nothing in the worl which ought to hin er you from oing His will. One may ha"e to lea"e one.s chil ren to o that.6 This surprise me much. Howe"er! I tol him nothing of what I felt a$out &ene"a. I ispose myself su$missi"ely to Auit e"erything! if the *or reAuire it of me. I i not loo, upon it as a goo I aspire to! or a "irtue I hope to acAuire! or as anything e+traor inary! or as an act that woul merit some return on &o .s part# $ut only ga"e myself up to $e le in the way of my uty! whate"er it might $e! feeling no istinction $etween my own will an the will of &o in me.

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In this isposition! I li"e with my family in the greatest tranAuillity! until one of my frien s ha a great esire to go on a mission to 2iam. He li"e twenty leagues from my house. As he was rea y to ma,e a "ow to this purpose! he foun himself stoppe ! with an impulse to come an spea, to me. He came imme iately! an as he ha some reluctance to eclare his min to me! he went to rea prayers in my chapel! hoping &o woul $e satisfie with his ma,ing the "ow. As he was performing i"ine ser"ice in my hearing! he was stoppe again. He left the chapel to come an spea, to me. He then tol me his intention. Though I ha no thought of saying anything positi"e to him! I felt an impression in my soul to relate to him my case! an the i ea I ha for a long time past for &ene"a. I tol him a ream I ha ! which appeare to me supernatural. /hen I ha one! I felt a strong impulse to say to him! 3)ou must go to 2iam# an you must also ser"e me in this affair. It is for that en &o has sent you hither# I esire you to gi"e me your a "ice.6 After three ays! ha"ing consi ere the matter! an consulte the *or in it! he tol me that he $elie"e I was to go thither# $ut to $e the $etter assure of it! it woul $e nee ful to see the Bishop of &ene"a. If he appro"e of my esign! it woul $e a sign that it was from the *or # if not! I must rop it. I agree with his sentiment. He then offere to go to Annecy! to spea, to the Bishop! an to $ring me a faithful account. As he was a "ance in years! we were eli$erating in what way he coul ta,e so long a 5ourney! when there came two tra"elers! who tol us the Bishop was at Paris. This I loo,e on as an e+traor inary pro"i ence. He a "ise me to write to Cather *a Com$e! an recommen the affair to his prayers! as he was in that country. He then spo,e to the Bishop at Paris. I! ha"ing occasion to go thither! spo,e to him also. I tol him! that 3my esign was to go into the country! to employ there my su$stance! to erect an esta$lishment for all such as shoul $e willing truly to ser"e &o ! an to gi"e themsel"es unto him without reser"e# an that many of the ser"ants of the *or ha encourage me thereto.6 The $ishop appro"e of the esign. He sai ! 3there were New Catholics going to esta$lish themsel"es at &e+! near &ene"a! an that it was pro"i ential thing. I answere him! 3that I ha no "ocation for &e+! $ut for &ene"a.6 He sai ! 3I might go from hence to that city.6 I thought this was a way which i"ine Pro"i ence ha opene ! for my ta,ing this 5ourney with the less ifficulty. As I yet ,new nothing positi"e of what the *or woul acAuire at my han ! I was not willing to oppose anything. 3/ho ,nows!6 sai I! 3$ut the will of the *or is only that I shoul contri$ute to this esta$lishment06

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I went to see the prioress of the New Catholics at Paris. 2he seeme much re5oice ! an assure me she woul gla ly 5oin me. As she is a great ser"ant of &o ! this confirme me. /hen I coul reflect a little! which was $ut sel om! I thought &o woul ma,e choice of her for her "irtue! an me for my worl ly su$stance. /hen I ina "ertently loo,e at myself! I coul not thin, &o woul ma,e use of me# $ut when I saw the things in &o ! then I percei"e that the more I was nothing! the fitter I was for His esigns. As I saw nothing in myself e+traor inary! an loo,e on myself as $eing in the lowest stage of perfection! an imagine that an e+traor inary egree of inspiration was necessary for e+traor inary esigns! this ma e me hesitate! an fear eception. It was not that I was in fear of anything! as to my perfection an sal"ation which I ha referre to &o # $ut I was afrai of not oing His will $y $eing too ar ent an hasty in oing it. I went to consult Cather Clau e %artin. At that time he ga"e me no ecisi"e answer! eman ing time to pray a$out it# saying he woul write to me what shoul appear to him to $e the will of &o concerning me. I foun it har to get to spea, to %. Bertot! $oth on account of his $eing ifficult of access! an of my ,nowing how he con emne things e+traor inary! or out of the common roa . Being my irector! I su$mitte ! against my own "iews or 5u gment! to what he sai ! laying own all my

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own e+periences when uty reAuire me to $elie"e an o$ey. I thought! howe"er! than in an affair of this importance! I ought to a ress myself to him! an prefer his sense of the matter to that of e"ery one $esi e. Persua e ! he woul infalli$ly tell me the will of &o . I went to him then! an he tol me that my esign was of &o ! an that he ha ha a sense gi"en him of &o for some time past! that he reAuire something of me. I therefore returne home to set e"erything in or er. I lo"e my chil ern much! ha"ing great satisfaction in $eing with them! $ut resigne all to &o to follow His will. On my return from Paris! I left myself in the han s of &o ! resol"e not to ta,e any step! either to ma,e the thing succee or to hin er it! either to a "ance or retar it! $ut singly to mo"e as He shoul $e please to irect me. I ha mysterious reams! which porten e nothing $ut crosses! persecutions an afflictions. %y heart su$mitte to whate"er it shoul please &o to or ain. I ha one which was "ery significant. Being employe in some necessary wor,! I saw near me a little animal which appeare to $e ea . This animal I too, to $e the en"y of some persons! which seeme to ha"e $een ea for some time. I too, it up! an as I saw it stro"e har to $ite me! an that it magnifie to the eye! I cast it away. I foun thereupon that it fille my fingers with sharp7pointe pric,les li,e nee les. I came to one of my acAuaintance to get him to ta,e them out# $ut he pushe them eeper in! an left me so! till a charita$le priest of great merit! =whose countenance is still present with me! though I ha"e not yet seen him! $ut $elie"e I shall $efore I ie@ too, this animal up with a pair of pincers. As soon as he hel it fast! those sharp pric,les fell off! of themsel"es. I foun that I easily entere into a place! which $efore ha seeme inaccessi$le. An although the mire was up to my gir le! in my way to a eserte church! I went o"er it without getting any irt. It will $e easy to see in the seAuel what this signifie . 1ou$tless you will won er that I! who ma,es so little account of things e+traor inary! relate reams. I o it for two reasons# first out of fi elity! ha"ing promise to omit nothing of what shoul come to my min # secon ly! $ecause it is the metho &o ma,es use of to communicate Himself to faithful souls! to gi"e them foreto,ens of things to come! which concern them. Thus mysterious reams are foun in many places of the holy 2criptures. They ha"e singular properties! as'( 1. To lea"e a certainty that they are mysterious! an will ha"e their effect in their season.

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:. To $e har ly e"er efface out of the memory! though one forgets all others. ;. To re ou$le the certainty of their truth e"ery time one thin,s of them.

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<. They generally lea"e a certain unction! a i"ine sense or sa"or at one.s wa,ing. I recei"e letters from sun ry religious persons! some of whom li"e far from me! an from one another! relating to my going forth in the ser"ice of &o ! an some of them to &ene"a in particular! in such a manner as surprise me. One of them intimate that I must there $ear the cross an $e persecute # an another of them that I shoul $e eyes to the $lin ! feet to the lame! an arms to the maime . The ecclesiastic! or chaplain! of our house was much afrai lest I was un er a elusion. /hat at that time greatly confirme me was Cather Clau e %artin! whom I mentione a$o"e! wrote to me that! after many prayers! the *or ha gi"en him to ,now that He reAuire me at &ene"a! an to ma,e a free sacrifice of e"erything to Him. I answere him! 3that perhaps the *or reAuire of me nothing more than a sum of money to assist in foun ing an institution which was

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going to $e esta$lishe there.6 He replie ! that the *or ha ma e him ,now that He wante not my worl ly su$stance $ut myself. At the "ery same time with this letter I recei"e one from Cather *a Com$e! who wrote to me that the *or ha gi"en him a certainty! as he ha one to se"eral of his goo an faithful ser"ants an han mai s! that he wante me at &ene"a. The writers of these two letters li"e a$o"e a hun re an fifty leagues from each other# yet $oth wrote the same thing. I coul not $ut $e somewhat surprise to recei"e at the same time two letters e+actly ali,e! from two persons li"ing so far istant from each other. As soon as I $ecame fully con"ince of its $eing the will of the *or ! an saw nothing on earth capa$le of etaining me! my senses ha some pain a$out lea"ing my chil ren. An upon reflecting thereon a ou$t sei-e my min . O my *or 4 Ha I reste on myself! or on the creatures! I woul ha"e re"olte # 3leane on a $ro,en ree ! which woul ha"e pierce my han .6 But relying on Thee alone! what nee e I to fear0 I resol"e then to go! regar less of the censures of such as un erstan not what it is to $e a ser"ant of the *or ! an to recei"e an o$ey His or ers. I firmly $elie"e that He! $y His Pro"i ence! woul furnish the means necessary for the e ucation of my chil ren. I put e"erything $y egrees in or er! the *or alone $eing my gui e.

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CHAPTER :K /hile pro"i ence on the one han ! appointe my forsa,ing all things! it seeme on the other to ma,e my chains the stronger! an my separation the more $lamea$le. None coul recei"e stronger mar,s of affection from one.s own mother than those which I recei"e at this time from my mother7in7law. E"en the least sic,ness which $efell me ma e her "ery uneasy. 2he sai ! 3she ha "eneration for my "irtue.6 I $elie"e what contri$ute not a little to this change was! that she ha hear that three persons ha offere suit to me! an that I ha refuse them! although their fortune an Auality were Auite superior to mine. 2he remem$ere how she ha up$rai e me on this hea ! an I answere her not a wor ! where$y she might un erstan that it epen e on myself to marry to a "antage. 2he $egan to fear lest such rigorous treatment! as hers ha $een towar me! might e+cite me to eli"er myself $y such means! with honor! from her tyranny! an was sensi$le what amage that might $e to my chil ren. 2o she was now "ery ten er to me on e"ery occasion. I fell e+tremely ill. I thought that &o ha accepte of my willingness to sacrifice all to him! an reAuire that of my life. 1uring this illness! my mother7in7law went not from my $e si e# her many tears pro"e the sincerity of her affection. I was "ery much affecte at it! an thought I lo"e her as my true mother. How! then! shoul I lea"e her now! $eing so far a "ance in age0 The mai ! who till then ha $een my plague! too, an inconcei"a$le frien ship for me. 2he praise me e"erywhere! e+tolling my "irtue to the highest an ser"e me with e+traor inary respect. 2he $egge par on for all that she ha ma e me suffer! an ie of grief after my eparture. There was a priest of merit! a spiritual man! who ha fallen in with temptation of ta,ing upon him employment which I was sensi$le &o i not call him to o. Cearing it might $e a snare to him! I a "ise him against it. He promise me he woul not o it! an yet accepte it. He then a"oi e me! 5oine in calumniating me! gra ually fell away from grace! an ie soon after. There was a nun in a monastery I often went to! who was entere into a state of purification! which e"eryone in the house loo,e on as istraction. They loc,e her up an all who went to see her calle it phren-y or melancholy. I ,new her to $e e"out I reAueste to see her. As soon

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as I approache ! I felt an impression that she sought purity. I esire of the 2uperior that she shoul not $e loc,e up! nor shoul people $e a mitte to see her! $ut that she woul confi e her to my care. I hope things woul change. I isco"ere that her greatest pain was at $eing counte a fool. I a "ise her to $ear the state of foolishness! since Gesus Christ ha $een willing to $ear it $efore Hero . This sacrifice ga"e her a calmness at once. But as &o was willing to purify her soul! He separate her from all those things for which she ha $efore the greatest attachment. At last! after she ha patiently un ergone her sufferings! her 2uperior wrote to me that 3I was in the right! an that she ha now come out of that state of e5ection! in greater purity than e"er.6 The *or ga"e to me alone at that time to ,now her state. This was the commencement of the gift of iscerning spirits! which I afterwar recei"e more fully. The winter $efore I left home was one of the longest an har est that ha $een for se"eral years =1D?9@. It was followe with e+treme scarcity! which pro"e to me an occasion of e+ercising charity. %y mother7in7law 5oine me heartily an appeare to me so much change . I coul not $ut $e $oth surprise an o"er5oye at it. /e istri$ute at the house ninety7si+ o-en loa"es of $rea e"ery wee,! $ut pri"ate charities to the $ashful poor were much greater. I ,ept poor $oys an girls employe . The *or ga"e such $lessings to my alms! that I i not fin that my family lost anything $y it. Before the eath of my hus$an ! my mother7in7law tol him that I woul ruin him with my charities! though he himself was so charita$le! that in a "ery ear year! while he was young! he istri$ute a consi era$le sum. 2he repeate this to him so often! that he comman e me to set own in writing all the money I lai out! $oth what I ga"e for the e+pense of the house! an all that I cause to $e $ought! that he might $etter 5u ge of what I ga"e to the poor. This new o$ligation! which I was $rought un er! appeare to me so much the har er! as for a$o"e ele"en years we ha $een marrie I ne"er $efore ha this reAuire of me. /hat trou$le me most was the fear of ha"ing nothing to gi"e to such as wante . Howe"er! I su$mitte to it! without retrenching any part of my charities. I i not in ee set own any of my alms! an yet my account of e+penses was foun to answer e+actly. I was much surprise an astonishe ! an esteeme it one of the won ers of Pro"i ence. I saw plainly it was simply gi"en out of Thy treasury! O my *or ! that ma e me more li$eral of what I thought was the *or .s! an not mine. Oh! if we $ut ,new how far charity! instea of wasting or lessening the su$stance of the onor! $lesse ! increase an multiplie it profusely. How much is there in the worl of useless issipation! which! if properly applie ! might amply ser"e for the su$sistence of the poor! an woul a$un antly $e restore ! an amply rewar e to the families of those who ga"e it. In the time of my greatest trials! some years after my hus$an .s eath =for they $egan three years $efore my wi owhoo ! an laste four years after@ my footman came one ay to tell me! =I was then in the country@ that there was in the roa a poor sol ier ying. I ha him $rought in! an or ering a separate place to $e ma e rea y for him! I ,ept a$o"e a fortnight. His mala y was a flu+! which he ha ta,en in the army. It was so nauseous! that though the omestics were charita$ly incline ! no$o y coul $ear to come near him. I went myself to ta,e away his "essels. But I ne"er i anything of the ,in which was so har . I freAuently ma e efforts for a full Auarter of an hour at a time. It seeme as if my "ery heart was going to come up# yet I ne"er esiste . I sometimes ,ept the poor people at my house to ress their putri sores# $ut ne"er met with anything so terri$le as this. The poor man! after I ha ma e him recei"e the sacrament! ie . /hat ga"e me now no small concern was the ten erness I ha for my chil ren! especially my younger son! whom I ha strong reasons for lo"ing. I saw him incline to $e goo # e"erything seeme to fa"or the hopes I ha concei"e of him. I thought it running a great ris, to lea"e him to another.s e ucation. %y aughter I esigne to ta,e with me! though she was at this time ill of a "ery te ious fe"er. Pro"i ence was please ! howe"er! so to or er it that she spee ily reco"ere . The ties! with which the *or hel me closely unite to Himself! were infinitely

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stronger than those of flesh an $loo . The laws of my sacre marriage o$lige me to gi"e up all! to follow my spouse whithersoe"er it was His pleasure to call me after Him. Though I often hesitate ! an ou$te much $efore I went! I ne"er ou$te after my going of its $eing His will# an though men! who 5u ge of things only accor ing to the success they seem to ha"e! ha"e ta,en occasion from my isgraces an sufferings! to 5u ge of my calling! an to run it own as error! illusion an imagination# it is that "ery persecution! an a multitu e of strange crosses it has rawn upon me! =of which this imprisonment I now suffer is one!@ which ha"e confirme me in the certainty of its truth an "ali ity. I am more than e"er con"ince that the resignation which I ha"e ma e of e"erything is in pure o$e ience to the i"ine will. The gospel effectually in this point shows itself to $e true! which has promise to those that shall lea"e all for the lo"e of the *or ! 3an hun re fol in this life! an persecutions also.6 An ha"e not I infinitely more than an hun re fol ! in so entire a possession as my *or hast ta,en of me# in that unsha,en firmness which is gi"en me in my sufferings! in a perfect tranAuillity in the mi st of a furious tempest! which assaults me on e"ery si e# in an unspea,a$le 5oy! enlarge ness an li$erty which I en5oy in a most straight an rigorous capti"ity. I ha"e no esire that my imprisonment shoul en $efore the right time. I lo"e my chains. E"erything is eAual to me! as I ha"e no will of my own! $ut purely the lo"e an will of Him who possesses me. %y senses in ee ha"e not any relish for such things! $ut my heart is separate from them. %y perse"erance is not of myself! $ut of Him who is my life# so that I can say with the apostle! 3It is no more I that li"e! $ut Gesus Christ that li"eth in me.6 It is He in whom I li"e! mo"e! an ha"e my $eing. To return to the su$5ect! I say that I was not so reluctant to go with the New Catholics! as I was to engage with them! not fin ing a sufficient attraction! though I sought for it. I longe in ee to contri$ute to the con"ersion of wan ering souls! an &o ma e use of me to con"ert se"eral families $efore my eparture! one of which was compose of ele"en or twel"e persons. Besi es! Cather *a Com$e ha written to me! to ma,e use of this opportunity for setting off! $ut i not tell me whether I ought to engage with them or not. Thus it was the Pro"i ence of my &o alone! which or ere e"erything! to which I was resigne without any reser"e# an that hin ere me from engaging with them. One ay reflecting humanly on this un erta,ing of mine! I foun my faith staggering! wea,ene with a fear lest I were un er a mista,e! which sla"ish fear was increase $y an ecclesiastic at our house! who tol me it was a rash an ill7a "ise esign. Being a little iscourage ! I opene the Bi$le! an met with this passage in Isaiah! 3Cear not thou worm Gaco$! an ye men of Israel. I will help thee saith the *or ! an thy Re eemer! the holy one of Israel.6 =Chap. D1>1<@ an near it! 3Cear not# for I ha"e re eeme thee! I ha"e calle thee $y thy name# thou art mine. /hen thou passest through the waters! I will $e with thee.6 I ha a "ery great courage gi"en me for going! $ut coul not persua e myself that it woul $e $est to settle with the New Catholics. It was! howe"er! necessary to see 2ister &arnier! their superior at Paris! in or er to ta,e our measures together. But I coul not go to Paris! $ecause that 5ourney woul ha"e hin ere me from ta,ing another! which I ha to ta,e. 2he then! though much in ispose ! resol"e to come an see me. In what a won erful manner! O my &o ! i st Thou con uct things $y Thy Pro"i ence! to ma,e e"erything come to the point of Thy will4 E"ery ay I saw new miracles! which $oth ama-e an still more confirme me# for with a paternal goo ness Thou too,est care of e"en the smallest things. As she inten e setting off! she fell sic,. An Thou permitte it to fall out so! to gi"e room there$y for a person! who woul ha"e isco"ere e"erything! in the meantime to ta,e a 5ourney to see me. As this person ha gi"en me notice of the ay she inten e to set off! seeing that ay was e+cessi"ely hot! an so sultry that I imagine that $eing ta,en so much ten er care of as she was at home! they woul

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not suffer her to $egin her 5ourney! =which really pro"e to $e the case! as she afterwar tol me!@ I praye to the *or to $e please to grant a win to rise! to mo erate the "iolent heat. 2carce ha I praye ! $ut there arose su enly so refreshing a win ! that I was surprise an the win i not cease uring her whole 5ourney.

8
I went to meet her! an $rought her to my countryhouse! in such a way that she was not seen or ,nown of any$o y. /hat em$arrasse me a little was! that two of my omestics ,new her. But as I was then en ea"oring the con"ersion of a la y! they thought that it was on this account I ha sent for her! an that it was necessary to ,eep it secret! that the other la y might not $e iscourage from coming. Though I ,new nothing of contro"ersial points! yet &o so furnishe me that I i not fail to answer all her o$5ections! an resol"e all her ou$ts! to such a egree! that she coul not $ut gi"e herself up entirely to &o . Though 2ister &arnier ha a goo share of $oth of grace an natural un erstan ing! yet her wor s ha not such an effect on this soul as those with which &o furnishe me! as she assure me herself. 2he e"en coul not for$ear spea,ing of it. I felt a mo"ement to $eg her of &o ! as a testimony of His holy will concerning me. But He was please not to grant it then! $eing willing that I shoul go off alone without any other assurance than His i"ine Pro"i ence was con ucting all things. 2ister &arnier i not eclare her thoughts to me for four ays. Then she tol me she woul not go with me. At this I was the more surprise ! as I ha persua e myself that &o woul grant to her "irtue what He might refuse to my emerits. Besi es! the reason she ga"e appeare to me to $e merely human! an "oi of supernatural grace. That ma e me hesitate a little# then! ta,ing new courage! through the resignation of my whole self! I sai ! 3As I go not thither for your sa,e! I will not fail to go e"en without you.6 This surprise her! as she ac,nowle ge to me# for she thought that! on her refusal! I woul ecline my purpose of going. I regulate e"erything! wrote own the contract of association with them as I thought proper. No sooner ha I one it! $ut I felt great pertur$ation an trou$le of min . I tol her my pain! an that I ha no ou$t $ut the *or eman e me at &ene"a! yet i not let me see that He woul ha"e me to $e of their congregation. 2he esire to ha"e some time till after prayers an communion! an that then she woul tell me what she thought the *or reAuire of me. Accor ingly. He irecte her contrary $oth to her interests an inclination. 2he then tol me that I ought not to connect myself with her! that it was not the *or .s esign# that I only ought to go with her sister.s! an that when I shoul $e there! Cather *a Com$e! =whose letter she ha seen@ woul signify to me the i"ine will. I entere at once into these sentiments! an my soul then regaine the sweets of inwar peace. %y first thought ha $een =$efore I hear of the New Catholics going to &e+@ to go irectly to &ene"a. At this time there were Catholics there in ser"ice! an otherwise# to ta,e some little room without any noise! an without eclaring myself at first# an as I ,new how to ma,e up all sorts of ointments to heal woun s an especially the ,ing.s e"il! of which there is a$un ance in that place! an for which I ha a most certain cure. I hope easily to insinuate myself $y this way an with the charities which I shoul ha"e one to ha"e won o"er many of the people. I ha"e no ou$t $ut! if I ha followe this impulse! things woul ha"e succee e $etter. But I thought I ought to follow the sentiments of the Bishop rather than my own. /hat am I saying0 Has not Thy eternal /or ! O my *or ! ha its effect an accomplishment in me0 %an spea,s as man# $ut when we $ehol things in the *or ! we see them in another light. )es! my *or ! Thy esign was to gi"e &ene"a not to my cares! wor s or wor,s! $ut to my sufferings# for the more I see things appear hopeless! the more o I hope for the con"ersion of that city $y a way ,nown to Thee only. Cather *a Com$e has tol me since! that he ha a strong impulse to write to me! not to engage with the New Catholics. He $elie"e it not to $e the will of the *or concerning me# $ut he

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omitte oing it. As to my irector! %. Bertot! he ie four months $efore my eparture. I ha some intimations of his eath! an it seeme as if he $eAueathe me a portion of his spirit to help his chil ren.

I was sei-e with a fear! that the chec, I ha felt! at gi"ing so largely in fa"or of the New Catholics! what I ha esigne for &ene"a! was a stratagem of nature! which oes not lo"e to $e strippe . I wrote to 2ister &arnier to get a contract rawn up accor ing to my first memorial. &o permitte me to commit this fault! to ma,e me the more sensi$le of His protection o"er me.

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PART T/O

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CHAPTER 1 I went off in a strange renunciation! an in great simplicity! scarcely a$le to ren er the reason why I shoul in such a manner Auit my family! which I most ten erly lo"e! $eing without any positi"e assurance! yet hoping e"en against hope itself. I went to the New Catholics at Paris! where Pro"i ence wrought won ers to conceal me. They sent for the notary! who ha rawn up the contract of engagement. /hen he rea it to me! I felt such a repugnance to it! that I coul not $ear to hear it to the en ! much less sign it. The notary won ere an much more so when 2ister &arnier came in! an tol him! that there nee e no contract of engagement. I was ena$le through i"ine assistance! to put my affairs in "ery goo or er! an to write sun ry letters $y the inspiration of the 2pirit of &o ! an not $y my own. This was what I ha ne"er e+perience $efore. It was gi"en me at that time only as a $eginning! an has since $een grante me much more perfectly. I ha two omestics! whom it was "ery ifficult for me to ischarge! as I i not thin, to ta,e them with me. If I ha left them! they woul ha"e tol of my eparture# an I shoul ha"e $een sent after. I was when it $ecame ,nown. But &o so or ere it that they were willing to follow me. They were of no use to me! an soon after turne into Crance. I too, with me only my aughter! an two mai s to ser"e us $oth. /e set off in a $oat upon the ri"er! though I ha ta,en places in the stage7coach! in or er that! if they searche for me in the coach! they might not fin me. I went to %elun to wait for it there. It was surprising that in this $oat the chil coul not for$ear ma,ing crosses! employing a person to cut rushes for her to use for that purpose. 2he then put aroun ! an all o"er me! a$o"e three hun re of them. I let her o it! an inwar ly apprehen e that it was not without its meaning. I felt an interior certainty that I was going to meet with crosses in a$un ance an that this chil was sowing the cross for me to reap it. 2ister &arnier! who saw that they coul not restrain her from co"ering me with crosses! sai to me! 3/hat that chil oes appears to $e significant.6 Turning to the little girl! she sai ! 3&i"e me some crosses! too! my pretty pet.6 3No!6 she replie ! 3they are all for my ear mother.6 2oon she ga"e her one to stop her importunity! then continue putting more on me# after which she esire some ri"er7flowers! which floate on the water! to $e gi"en her. Brai ing a garlan she put it on my hea ! an sai to me! 3After the cross you shall $e crowne .6 I a mire all this in silence! an offere myself up to the pure lo"e of &o ! as a "ictim! free an willing to $e sacrifice to Him. 2ome time $efore my eparture! a particular frien ! a true ser"ant of &o ! relate to me a "ision she ha respecting me. 32he saw my heart surroun e with thorns# that our *or appeare in it

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well please # that! though the thorns seeme li,ely to tear it! yet! instea of oing that! they only ren ere it fairer! an our *or .s appro$ation the stronger.

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At Cor$eil! =a little town on the ri"er 2eine! si+teen miles south of Paris!@ I met with the priest whom &o ha first ma e use of so powerfully to raw me to His lo"e. He appro"e of my esign to lea"e all for the *or # $ut he thought I shoul not $e well suite with the New Catholics. He tol me some things a$out them! to show that our lea ings were incompati$le. He cautione me not to let them ,now that I wal,e in the inwar path. If I i ! I must e+pect nothing $ut persecution from them. But it is in "ain to contri"e to hi e! when &o sees it $est for us to suffer! an when our wills are utterly resigne to Him! an totally passe into His. /hile at Paris I ga"e the New Catholics all the money I ha . I reser"e not to myself a single penny! re5oicing to $e poor after the e+ample of Gesus Christ. I $rought from home nine thousan li"res. As $y my onation I ha reser"e nothing to myself an $y a contract lent them si+ thousan # this si+ thousan has returne to my chil ren $ut none of it to me. That gi"es me no trou$le# po"erty! thus procure ! constitutes my riches. The rest I ga"e entirely to the sisters that were with us! as well to supply their tra"eling e+penses! for the purchase of furniture. I i not reser"e so much as my linen for my own use! putting it in the common fun . I ha neither a loc,e coffer! nor purse. I ha $rought $ut little linen for fear of mistrust. In wanting to carry off clothes I shoul ha"e $een isco"ere . %y persecutors i not fail to report that I ha $rought great sums from home! which I ha impru ently e+pen e ! an gi"en to the frien s of Cather *a Com$e. Calse as I ha not a penny. On my arri"al at Annecy a poor man was as,ing alms. I! ha"ing nothing else! ga"e him the $uttons from my slee"es. At another time I ga"e a poor man a little plain ring! in the name of Gesus Christ. I ha worn it as a to,en of marriage with Him. /e 5oine the flying stage at %elun where I left 2ister &arnier. I went on with the other sisters with whom I ha no acAuaintance. The carriages were "ery fatiguing# I got no sleep through so long a 5ourney. %y aughter! a "ery ten er chil ! only fi"e years of age! got scarcely any. /e $ore great fatigue without falling sic, $y the way. %y chil ha not an hour.s uneasiness! although she was only three hours in $e e"ery night. At another time half this fatigue! or e"en the want of rest! woul ha"e thrown me into a fit of sic,ness. &o only ,nows $oth the sacrifices which He in uce me to ma,e! an the 5oy of my heart in offering up e"erything to Him. Ha I ,ing oms an empires! I thin, I woul yiel them up with still more 5oy! to gi"e Him the higher mar,s of my lo"e. As soon as we arri"e at the inn! I went to church an staye there till inner time. In the coach! my i"ine *or commune with me! an in me! in a manner which the others coul not comprehen ! in ee not percei"e. The cheerfulness I showe in the greatest angers encourage them. I e"en sang hymns of 5oy at fin ing myself isengage from the riches! honors an entanglements of the worl . &o in such a manner protecte us. He seeme to $e to us 3a pillar of fire $y night! an a pillar of a clou $y ay.6 /e passe o"er a "ery angerous spot $etween *yons an Cham$erry. Our carriage $ro,e as we were coming out of it. Ha it happene a little sooner! we woul ha"e perishe . /e arri"e at Annecy on %ag alene.s e"e! 1D?1. On %ag alene.s ay the Bishop of &ene"a performe i"ine ser"ice for us! at the tom$ of 2t. Crancis e 2ales. There I renewe my spiritual marriage with my Re eemer! as I i e"ery year on this ay. There also I felt a sweet remem$rance of that saint! with whom our *or gi"es me a singular union. I say union! for it appears to me that the soul in &o is unite with saints! the more so in proportion as they are conforma$le to Him. It is a union which it pleases &o sometimes to re"i"e after eath! an awa,en in the soul for His own glory. At such times eparte saints are ren ere more intimately present to that soul in &o # an this re"i"al is as it were an holy intercourse of frien with frien ! in Him who unites them all in one immortal tie.

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That ay we left Annecy! an on the ne+t went to prayers at &ene"a. I ha much 5oy at the communion. It seeme to me as if &o more powerfully unite me to Himself. There I praye to Him for the con"ersion of that great people. That e"ening we arri"e late at &e+! where we foun only $are walls. The Bishop of &ene"a ha assure me that the house was furnishe # un ou$te ly he $elie"e it to $e. /e lo ge at the house of the sisters of charity! who were so ,in as to gi"e us their $e s. I was in great pain of min for my aughter! who "isi$ly lost weight. I ha a strong esire to place her with the Ersulines at Tonon. %y heart was so affecte on her $ehalf! that I coul not for$ear weeping in secret for her. Ne+t ay I sai ! 3I woul ta,e my aughter to Tonon! an lea"e her there! till I shoul see how we might $e accommo ate .6 They oppose it strongly! after a manner which seeme "ery har 7hearte as well as ungrateful! seeing she was a s,eleton. I loo,e upon the chil as a "ictim whom I ha impru ently sacrifice . I wrote to Cather *a Com$e! entreating him to come an see me! to consult together a$out it. I thought I coul not in conscience ,eep her in this place any longer. 2e"eral ays passe without my ha"ing any answer. In the meantime I $ecame resigne to the will of &o ! whether to ha"e succor or not.

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CHAPTER : Our *or too, pity on the lamenta$le con ition of my aughter! an so or ere it! that the Bishop of &ene"a wrote to Cather *a Com$e! to come as spee ily as possi$le to see us! an to console us. As soon as I saw that father! I was surprise to feel an interior grace! which I may call communication# such as I ha ne"er ha $efore with any person. It seeme to me that an influence of grace came from him to me! through the innermost of the soul# returne from me to him! in such a way that he felt the same effect. *i,e a ti e of grace it cause a flu+ an reflu+! flowing on into the i"ine an in"isi$le ocean. This is a pure an holy union! which &o alone operates! an which has still su$siste ! an e"en increase . It is an union e+empt from all wea,ness! an from all self7interest. It causes those who are $lesse with it to re5oice in $ehol ing themsel"es! as well as those $elo"e ! la en with crosses an afflictions'(an union which has no nee of the presence of the $o y. At certain times a$sence ma,es not more a$sent! nor presence more present# a union un,nown to men! $ut such as are come to e+perience it. It can ne"er $e e+perience $ut $etween such souls as are unite to &o . As I ne"er $efore felt a union of this sort with any one! it then appeare to me Auite new. I ha no ou$t of its $eing from &o # so far from turning the min from Him! it ten e to raw it more eeply into Him. It issipate all my pains! an esta$lishe me in the most profoun peace. &o ga"e him at first much openness of min towar me. He relate to me the mercies &o ha shown him! an se"eral e+traor inary things! which ga"e me at first some fear. I suspecte some illusion! especially in such things as flatter in regar to the future# little imagining that &o woul ma,e use of me to raw him from this state an $ring him into that na,e faith. But the grace! which flowe from Him into my soul! reco"ere me from that fear. I saw that it was 5oine with e+traor inary humility. Car from $eing ele"ate with the gifts which &o ha li$erally conferre upon him! or with his own profoun learning! no person coul ha"e a lower opinion of himself than he ha . He tol me as to my aughter! it woul $e $est for me to ta,e her to Tonon! where he thought she woul $e "ery well situate . As to myself! after I ha mentione to him my isli,e to the manner of life of the New Catholics! he tol me! that he i not thin, it woul $e my proper place to $e long with them. It woul $e $est for me to stay there! free from all engagements! till &o ! $y the gui ance of His Pro"i ence! shoul ma,e ,nown to me how he woul ispose of me! an raw my min to the place whither he woul ha"e me remo"e. I ha alrea y $egun to awa,e regularly at mi night! in or er to pray. I awo,e

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with these wor s su enly put in my min ! 3It is written of me! I will o thy will! O my &o .6 This was accompanie with the most pure! penetrating! an powerful communication of grace that I ha e"er e+perience . Though the state of my soul was alrea y permanent in newness of life# yet this new life was not in that immuta$ility in which it has $een since. It was a $eginning life an a rising ay! which goes on increasing unto the full meri ian# a ay ne"er followe $y night# a life which fears eath no more! not e"en in eath itself# $ecause he who has suffere the first eath! shall no more $e hurt of the secon . Crom mi night I continue on my ,nees till four o.cloc, in the morning! in prayer! in a sweet intercourse with &o ! an i the same also the night following. The ne+t ay! after prayers! Cather *a Com$e tol me! that he ha a "ery great certainty! that I was a stone which &o esigne for the foun ation of some great $uil ing. /hat that $uil ing was he ,new no more than I. After whate"er manner then it is to $e! whether His i"ine %a5esty will ma,e use of me in this life! for some esign ,nown to himself only! or will ma,e me one of the stones of the new an hea"enly Gerusalem! it seems to me that such stone cannot $e polishe ! $ut $y the stro,es of the hammer. Our *or has gi"en to this soul of mine the Aualities of the stone! firmness! resignation! insensi$ility! an power to en ure har ness un er the operations of His han . I carrie my little aughter to the Ersulines at Tonon. That chil too, a great fon ness for Cather *a Com$e! saying! 3He is a goo father! one from &o .6 Here I foun a hermit! whom they calle Anselm. He was a person of the most e+traor inary sanctity that ha appeare for some time. He was from &ene"a# &o ha miraculously rawn him from thence! at twel"e years of age. He ha at nineteen years of age ta,en the ha$it of hermit of 2t. Augustine. He an another li"e alone in a little hermitage! where they saw no$o y $ut such as came to "isit their chapel. He ha li"e twel"e years in this hut! ne"er eating anything $ut pulse with salt! an sometimes oil. Three times a wee, he li"e on $rea an water. He ne"er ran, wine! an generally too, $ut one meal in twenty7four hours. He wore for a shirt a coarse hair cloth! an lo ge on the $are groun . He li"e in a continual state of prayer! an in the greatest humility. &o ha one $y him many signal miracles. This goo hermit ha a great sense of the esigns of &o on Cather *a Com$e an me. But &o showe him at the same time that strange crosses were preparing for us $oth# that we were $oth estine for the ai of souls. I i not fin ! as I e+pecte ! any suita$le place for my aughter at Tonon. I thought myself li,e A$raham! when going to sacrifice his son. Cather *a Com$e sai ! 3/elcome! aughter of A$raham46 I foun little encouragement to lea"e her an coul not ,eep her with myself! $ecause we ha no room. The little girls! whom they too, to ma,e Catholics! were all mi+e an ha contracte ha$its as were pernicious. To lea"e her there I thought not right. The language of the country! where scarce anyone un erstoo Crench! an the foo ! which she coul not ta,e! $eing far ifferent from ours! were great har ships. All my ten erness for her was awa,ene ! an I loo,e on myself as her estroyer. I e+perience what Hagar suffere when she put away her son Ishmael in the esert that she might not $e force to see him perish. I thought that e"en if I ha "enture to e+pose myself! I ought at least to ha"e spare my aughter. The loss of her e ucation! e"en of her life! appeare to me ine"ita$le. E"erything loo,e ar, in regar to her. /ith her natural isposition an fine Aualities! she might ha"e attracte a miration! if e ucate in Crance! an $een li,ely to ha"e such offers of marriage! as she coul ne"er hope to meet with in this poor country# in which! if she shoul reco"er! she woul ne"er $e li,ely to $e fit for anything. Here she coul eat nothing of what was offere her. All her su$sistence was a little unpleasant an isagreea$le $roth! which I force her to ta,e against her will. I seeme li,e a secon A$raham! hol ing the ,nife o"er her to estroy her. Our *or woul ha"e me ma,e a

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sacrifice to Him! without any consolation! an plunge in sorrow! night was the time in which I ga"e "ent to it. He ma e me see! on one si e the grief of her gran mother! if she shoul hear of her eath! which she woul impute to my ta,ing the chil away from her# the great reproach! it woul $e accounte among all the family. The gifts of nature she was en owe with were now li,e pointe arts which pierce me. I $elie"e that &o so or ere it to purify me from too human an attachment still in me. After I returne from the Ersulines at Tonon! they change her manner of iet! an ga"e her what was suita$le# in a short time she reco"ere .

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CHAPTER ; As soon as it was ,nown in Crance that I was gone there was a general outcry. Cather e la %othe wrote to me! that all persons of learning an of piety unite in censuring me. To alarm me still more! he informe me that my mother7in7law! with whom I ha entruste my younger son an my chil ren.s su$stance! was fallen into a state of chil hoo . This! howe"er! was false. I answere all these fearful letters as the 2pirit ictate . %y answers were thought "ery 5ust! an those "iolent e+clamations were soon change into applauses. Cather *a %othe appeare to change his censures into esteem# $ut it i not last. 2elf interest threw him $ac, again# $eing isappointe in his hopes of a pension! which he e+pecte I woul ha"e settle on him. 2ister &arnier! whate"er was her reason! change an eclare against me. I $oth ate an slept little. The foo which was gi"en us was putri an full of worms! $y reason of the great heat of the weather! also $eing ,ept too long. /hat I shoul ha"e formerly $ehel with the greatest a$horrence! now $ecame my only nourishment. )et e"erything was ren ere easy to me. In &o I foun ! without increase! e"erything which I ha lost for Him. That spirit! which I once thought I ha lost in a strange stupi ity! was restore to me with inconcei"a$le a "antages. I was astonishe at myself. I foun there was nothing which I was not fit for or in which I i not succee . Those who o$ser"e sai that I ha a pro igious capacity. I well ,new that I ha $ut meager capa$ilities! $ut that in &o my spirit ha recei"e a Auality which it ha ne"er ha $efore. I thought I e+perience something of the state which the apostles were in! after they ha recei"e the Holy &host. I ,new! I comprehen e ! I un erstoo ! I was ena$le to o e"erything necessary. I ha e"ery sort of goo thing an no want of anything. /hen Gesus Christ! the eternal wis om! is forme in the soul! after the eath of the first A am! it fin s in Him all goo things communicate to it. 2ometime after my arri"al at &e+! the Bishop of &ene"a came to see us. He was so clearly con"ince ! an so much affecte ! that he coul not for$ear e+pressing it. He opene his heart to me on what &o ha reAuire of him. He confesse to me his own e"iations an infi elities. E"ery time when I spo,e to him he entere into what I sai ! an ac,nowle ge it to $e the truth. In ee it was the 2pirit of truth which inspire me to spea, to him! without which I shoul $e only a mere simpleton. )et as soon as those persons spo,e to him! who sought for preeminence! an who coul not suffer any goo $ut what came from themsel"es! he was so wea, as to $e impose on with impressions against the truth. This wea,ness has hin ere him from oing all the goo which otherwise he might ha"e one. After I ha spo,en to him! he sai that he ha it in his min to gi"e me Cather *a Com$e for irector# he was a man illuminate of &o ! who well un erstoo the inwar path! an ha a singular gift of pacifying souls. &reatly was I re5oice when the Bishop appointe him! seeing there$y his authority unite with the grace which alrea y seeme to ha"e gi"en him to me! $y a union an effusion of supernatural life an lo"e. The fatigues I ha ! an watchings with my

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aughter! threw me into a "iolent sic,ness atten e with e+Auisite pain. The physicians 5u ge me in anger! yet the sisters of the house Auite neglecte me# especially the stewar ess. 2he was so penurious! that she i not gi"e me what was necessary to sustain life. I ha not a penny to help myself with! as I ha reser"e nothing to myself. Besi es! they recei"e all the money which was remitte to me from Crance! which was "ery consi era$le. I practice po"erty an was in necessity e"en among those to whom I ha gi"en all. They wrote to Cather *a Com$e! esiring him to come to me! as I was so e+tremely ill. Hearing of my con ition he was so touche with compassion as to wal, on foot all night. He tra"ele not otherwise! en ea"oring in that! as in e"erything else! to imitate our *or Gesus Christ. As soon as he entere the house my pains a$ate # when he ha praye an $lesse me! laying his han on my hea ! I was perfectly cure ! to the great astonishment of my physicians# who were not willing to ac,nowle ge the miracle.

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These sisters a "ise me to return to my aughter. Cather *a Com$e returne with me. A "iolent storm arose on the *a,e! which ma e me "ery sic,! an seeme li,ely to upset the $oat. But the han of Pro"i ence remar,a$ly appeare in our fa"or# so much so! that it was ta,en notice of $y the mariners an passengers. They loo,e upon Cather *a Com$e as a saint. /e arri"e at Tonon! where I foun myself so perfectly reco"ere ! that! instea of ma,ing an using the reme ies I ha propose ! I went into a retreat! an staye twel"e ays. Here I ma e "ows of perpetual chastity! po"erty an o$e ience! co"enanting to o$ey whate"er I shoul $elie"e to $e the will of &o also to o$ey the church! an to honor Gesus Christ in such a manner as He please . At this time I foun that I ha the perfect chastity of lo"e to the *or ! it $eing without any reser"e! i"ision! or "iew of interest. Perfect po"erty! $y the total pri"ation of e"erything that was mine! $oth inwar ly an outwar ly. Perfect o$e ience to the will of the *or ! su$mission to the church! an honor to Gesus Christ in lo"ing Himself only# the effect of which soon appeare . /hen $y the loss of oursel"es we are passe into the *or ! our will is ma e one an the same with that of the *or ! accor ing to the prayer of Christ! 3As thou Cather art in me! an I in thee! grant that they also may $e one of us.6 Gohn 1J>:1. Oh! $ut it is then that the will is ren ere mar"elous! $oth $ecause it is ma e the will of the *or ! which is the greatest of miracles# also $ecause it wor,s won ers in Him. Cor as it is the *or who wills in the soul! that will has its effect. 2carcely has it wille $ut the thing is one. But some may say! /hy then so many oppressions en ure 0 /hy o not these souls! if they ha"e such a power! set themsel"es free from them0 /e answer that if they ha any will to o anything of that sort against i"ine pro"i ence! that woul $e the will of flesh! or the will of man! an not the will of &o ! Gohn 1>1;.

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I rose generally at mi night! wa,ing at the proper time# $ut if I woun up my alarm7watch! then I use not to awa,e in time. I saw that the *or ha the care of a father an a spouse o"er me. /hen I ha any in isposition! an my $o y wante rest! He i not awa,e me# $ut at such times I felt e"en in my sleep a singular possession of Him. 2ome years ha"e passe wherein I ha"e ha only a ,in of half7sleep# $ut my soul wa,e the more for the *or ! as sleep seeme to steal from it e"ery other attention. The *or ma e it ,nown also to many persons! that He esigne me for a mother of great people! $ut a people simple an chil li,e. They too, these intelligences in a literal sense an thought it relate to some institution or congregation. But it appeare to me that the persons whom it woul please the *or that I shoul win o"er to Him! an to whom I shoul $e as a mother! through His goo ness! shoul ha"e the same union of affection for me as chil ren ha"e for a parent! $ut a union much eeper an stronger# gi"ing me all that was

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necessary for them! to $ring them to wal, in the way $y which He woul lea them! as I shall show.

8
CHAPTER < I woul willingly suppress what I am now a$out to write if anything of it were my own! also on account of the ifficulty of e+pressing myself as $ecause few souls are capa$le of un erstan ing i"ine lea ings which are so little ,nown! an so little comprehen e . I ha"e myself ne"er rea of anything li,e it. I shall say something of the interior ispositions I was then in! an I shall thin, my time well employe ! if it ser"es you who are willing to $e of the num$er of my chil ren# it ser"es such as are alrea y my chil ren! to in uce them to let &o glorify Himself in them after His manner! an not after their own. If there $e anything which they o not comprehen ! let them ie to themsel"es. They will fin it much easier to learn $y e+perience than from anything I coul say# e+pression ne"er eAuals e+perience. After I ha come out of the trying con ition I ha"e spo,en of I foun it ha purifie my soul! instea of $lac,ening it as I ha feare . I possesse &o after a manner so pure! an so immense! as nothing else coul eAual. In regar to thoughts or esires! all was so clean! so na,e ! so lost in the i"inity! that the soul ha no selfish mo"ement! howe"er plausi$le or elicate# $oth the powers of the min an the "ery senses $eing won erfully purifie . 2ometimes I was surprise to fin that there appeare not one selfish thought. The imagination! formerly so restless! now no more trou$le me. I ha no more perple+ity or uneasy reflections. The will! $eing perfectly ea to all its own appetites! was $ecome "oi of e"ery human inclination! $oth natural an spiritual! an only incline to whate"er &o please ! an to whate"er manner He please . This "astness or enlarge ness! which is not $oun e $y anything! howe"er plain or simple it may $e! increases e"ery ay. %y soul in parta,ing of the Aualities of her 2pouse seems also to parta,e of His immensity. %y prayer was in an openness an singleness inconcei"a$le. I was! as it were! $orne up on high! out of myself. I $elie"e &o was please to $less me with this e+perience. At the $eginning of the new life! He ma e me comprehen ! for the goo of other souls! the simplicity an esira$leness of this passage of the soul into &o . /hen I went to confess! I felt such an immersion of the soul into Him! that I coul scarcely spea,. This ascension of the spirit! wherein &o raws the soul so powerfully! not into its own inmost recess! $ut into Himself! is not operate till after the eath of self. The soul actually comes out of itself to pass into its i"ine o$5ect. I call it eath! that is to say! a passage from one thing to another. It is truly a happy passo"er for the soul! an its passage into the promise lan . The spirit which is create to $e unite to its i"ine Origin! has so powerful a ten ency to Him! that if it were not stoppe $y a continual miracle! its mo"ing Auality woul cause the $o y to $e rawn after it $y reason of its impetuosity an no$le ascent. But &o has gi"en it a terrestrial $o y to ser"e for a counterpoise. This spirit then! create to $e unite to its Origin! without any me ium or interstice! feeling itself rawn $y its i"ine o$5ect! ten s to it with an e+treme "iolence# in such sort that &o ! suspen ing for sometime the power which the $o y has to hol $ac, the spirit! it follows with ar ency. /hen it is not sufficiently purifie to pass into &o ! it gra ually returns to itself# as the $o y resumes its own Auality! it turns to the earth. The saints who ha"e $een the most perfect ha"e a "ance to that egree! as to ha"e nothing of all this. 2ome ha"e lost it towar the en of their li"es! $ecoming single an pure as the others! $ecause they then ha in reality an permanence what they ha at first only as transient fruitions! in the time of the pre"alence or ominion of the $o y. It is certain then that the soul! $y eath to itself! passes into its i"ine O$5ect. This is what I then e+perience . I foun ! the farther I went! the

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more my spirit was lost in its 2o"ereign! who attracte it more an more to Himself. He was please at first that I shoul ,now this for the sa,e of others an not for myself. In ee He rew my soul more an more into Himself! till it lost itself entirely out of sight! an coul percei"e itself no more. It seeme at first to pass into Him. As one sees a ri"er pass into the ocean! lose itself in it! its water for a time istinguishe from that of the sea! till it gra ually $ecomes transforme into the same sea! an possesses all its Aualities# so was my soul lost in &o ! who communicate to it His Aualities! ha"ing rawn it out of all that it ha of its own. Its life is an inconcei"a$le innocence! not ,nown or comprehen e of those who are still shut up in themsel"es or only li"e for themsel"es. The 5oy which such a soul possesses in its &o is so great! that it e+periences the truth of those wor s of the royal prophet! 3All they who are in thee! O *or ! are li,e persons ra"ishe with 5oy.6 To such a soul the wor s of our *or seem to $e a resse ! 3)our 5oy no man shall ta,e from you.6 Gohn 1D>::. It is as it were plunge in a ri"er of peace. Its prayer is continual. Nothing can hin er it from praying to &o ! or from lo"ing Him. It amply "erifies these wor s in the Canticles! 3I sleep $ut my heart wa,eth#6 for it fin s that e"en sleep itself oes not hin er it from praying. Oh! unuttera$le happiness4 /ho coul e"er ha"e thought that a soul! which seeme to $e in the utmost misery! shoul e"er fin a happiness eAual to this0 Oh! happy po"erty! happy loss! happy nothingness! which gi"es no less than &o Himself in His own immensity! no more circumscri$e to the limite manner of the creature! $ut always rawing it out of that! to plunge it wholly into His own i"ine essence. Then the soul ,nows that all the states of self7pleasing "isions! openings! ecstasies an raptures! are rather o$stacles# that they o not ser"e this state which is far a$o"e them# $ecause the state which has supports! has pain to lose them# yet cannot arri"e at this without such loss. In this are "erifie the wor s of an e+perience saint# 3/hen I woul !6 says he! 3possess nothing through self7lo"e! e"erything was gi"en me without going after it.6 Oh! happy ying of the grain of wheat! which ma,es it pro uce an hun re fol 4 The soul is then so passi"e! so eAually ispose to recei"e from the han of &o either goo or e"il! as is astonishing. It recei"es $oth the one an the other without any selfish emotions! letting them flow an $e lost as they come. They pass away as if they i not touch. After I finishe my retreat with the Ersulines at Tonon! I returne through &ene"a an ! ha"ing foun no other means of con"eyance! the Crench resi ent lent me a horse. As I ,new not how to ri e I ma e some ifficulty of oing it# $ut as he assure me that it was a "ery Auiet horse! I "enture to mount. There was a sort of a smith! who loo,ing at me with a wil haggar loo,! struc, the horse a $low on the $ac,! 5ust as I ha got upon him! which ma e him gi"e a leap. He threw me on the groun with such force that they thought I was ,ille . I fell on my temple. %y chee,$one an two of my teeth were $ro,en. I was supporte $y an in"isi$le han an in a little time I mounte as well as I coul on another horse an ha a man $y my si e to ,eep me up. %y relations left me in peace at &e+. They ha hear at Paris of my miraculous cure# it ma e a great noise there. %any persons in reputation for sanctity then wrote to me. I recei"e letters from %a emoiselle 1e *amoignon! an another young la y! who was so mo"e with my answer! that she sent me a hun re pistoles for our house! an let me ,now $esi es that! when we wante money! I ha only to write to her# an that she woul sen me all I coul esire. They tal,e in Paris of printing an account of the sacrifice I ha ma e! an inserting in it the miracle of my su en reco"ery. I on.t ,now what pre"ente it# $ut such is the inconstancy of the creature! that this 5ourney! which rew upon me at that time so much applause! has ser"e for a prete+t for the strange con emnation which has since passe upon me.

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CHAPTER 8

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%y near relations i not signify any eager esire for my return. The first thing they propose to me! a month after my arri"al at &e+! was not only to gi"e up my guar ianship! $ut to ma,e o"er all my estate to my chil ren an to reser"e an annuity to myself. This proposition! coming from people who regar e nothing $ut their own interest! to some might ha"e appeare "ery unpleasing# $ut it was in no wise so to me. I ha not any frien to a "ise with. I ,new not anyone whom I coul consult a$out the manner of e+ecuting the thing! as I was Auite free an willing to o it. It appeare to me that I ha now the means of accomplishing the e+treme esire I ha of $eing conforma$le to Gesus Christ! poor! na,e ! an strippe of all. They sent me an article to e+ecute! which ha $een rawn un er their inspection! an I innocently signe it! not percei"ing some clauses which were inserte therein. It e+presse that! when my chil ren shoul ie! I shoul inherit nothing of my own estate! $ut that it shoul re"ol"e to my ,in re . There were many other things! which appeare to $e eAually to my isa "antage. Though what I ha reser"e to myself was sufficient to support me in this place# yet it was scarcely enough to o so in some other places. I then ga"e up my estate with more 5oy! for $eing there$y conforme to Gesus Christ! than they coul ha"e who as,e it from me. It is what I ha"e ne"er repente of! nor ha any uneasiness a$out. /hat pleasure to lose all for the *or 4 The lo"e of po"erty! thus contracte ! is the ,ing om of tranAuillity. I forgot to mention that towar the en of my misera$le state of pri"ation! when 5ust rea y to enter into newness of life! our *or illuminate me so clearly to see that the e+terior crosses came from Him! that I coul not har$or any resentment against the persons who procure me them. On the contrary! I felt the ten erness of compassion for them! an ha more pain for those afflictions which I innocently cause to them! than for any which they ha heape upon me. I saw that these persons feare the *or too much to oppress me as they i ! ha they ,nown it. I saw His han in it! an I felt the pain which they suffere ! through the contrariety of their humors. It is har to concei"e the ten erness which the *or ga"e me for them! an the esire which I ha"e ha ! with the utmost sincerity! to procure them e"ery sort of a "antage. After the acci ent which $efell me =fall from the horse@ from which I soon won erfully reco"ere ! the 1e"il $egan to eclare himself more openly mine enemy! to $rea, loose an $ecome outrageous. One night! when I least thought of it! something "ery monstrous an frightful presente itself. It seeme a ,in face! which was seen $y a glimmering $lueish light. I on.t ,now whether the flame itself compose that horri$le face or appearance# for it was so mi+e an passe $y so rapi ly! that I coul not iscern it. %y soul reste in its calm situation an assurance! an it appeare no more after that manner. As I arose at mi night to pray! I hear frightful noises in my cham$er an after I ha lain own they were still worse. %y $e often shoo, for a Auarter of an hour at a time! an the sashes were all $urst. E"ery morning while this continue ! they were foun shattere an torn! yet I felt no fear. I arose an lighte my wa+can le at a lamp which I ,ept in my room! $ecause I ha ta,en the office of sacristan an the care of wa,ing the sisters at the hour they were to rise! without ha"ing once faile in it for my in ispositions! e"er $eing the first in all the o$ser"ances. I ma e use of my little light to loo, all o"er the room an at the sashes! at the "ery time the noise was strongest. As he saw that I was afrai of nothing! he left off all on a su en! an attac,e me no more in person. But he stirre up men against me! an that succee e far $etter with him# for he foun them ispose to o what he prompte them to! -ealously! inasmuch as they counte it a goo thing to o me the worst of in5uries. One of the sisters whom I ha $rought with me! a "ery $eautiful girl! contracte an intimacy with an ecclesiastic! who ha authority in this place. At first he inspire her with an a"ersion for

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me! $eing well assure that if she place confi ence in me! I shoul a "ise her not to suffer his "isits so freAuently. 2he was un erta,ing a religious retreat. That ecclesiastic was esirous to in uce her to ma,e it! in or er to gain her entire confi ence! which woul ha"e ser"e as a cloa, to his freAuent "isits. The Bishop of &ene"a ha gi"en Cather *a Com$e for irector to our house. As he was going to cause retreats to $e ma e! I esire her to wait for him. As I ha gaine some share in her esteem! she su$mitte e"en against her inclination! which was to ha"e ma e it un er this ecclesiastic. I $egan to tal, to her on the su$5ect of inwar prayer! an rew her into the practice of this uty. Our *or ga"e such a $lessing thereto! that this girl ga"e herself to &o in right earnest! an with her whole heart an the retreat completely won her o"er. 2he then $ecame more reser"e ! an on her guar ! towar this ecclesiastic! which e+cee ingly "e+e him. It enrage him $oth against Cather *a Com$e an me. This pro"e the source of the persecutions which afterwar $efell me. The noise in my cham$er! which may ha"e $een trace to him! en e as these commence . This ecclesiastic $egan to tal, pri"ately of me with much contempt. I ,new it! $ut too, no notice. There came a certain friar to see him! who mortally hate Cather *a Com$e! on account of his regularity. These com$ine together to force me to Auit the house! that they might $ecome masters of it. All the means they coul e"ise they use for that purpose. %y manner of life was such! that in the house I i not me le in affairs at all! lea"ing the sisters to ispose of the temporalities as they please . 2oon after my entrance into it I recei"e eighteen hun re li"res! which a la y! a frien of mine! lent me to complete our furniture! which I ha repai her at my late gi"ing up of my estate. This sum they recei"e ! as well as what I ha $efore gi"en them. I sometimes spo,e a little to those who retire thither to $ecome Catholics. Our *or fa"ore with so much $ene iction what I sai to them! that some! whom they ,new not $efore what to ma,e of! $ecame sensi$le! soli women! an e+emplary in piety. I saw crosses in a$un ance li,ely to fall to my lot. At the same time these wor s came! 3/ho for the 5oy that was set $efore him en ure the cross.6 He$. 1:>:. I prostrate myself for a long time with my face on the groun ! earnestly esiring to recei"e all thy stro,es. Oh! Thou who spare not thine own son4 Thou coul st fin none $ut Him worthy of Thee! an thou still fin est in Him hearts proper for thee. A few ays after my arri"al at &e+! I saw in a sacre an mysterious ream =for as such I "ery well istinguishe it@ Cather *a Com$e fastene up to an enormous cross! strippe in li,e manner as they paint our 2a"iour. I saw aroun it a frightful crow ! which co"ere me with confusion! an threw $ac, on me the ignominy of his punishment. He seeme to ha"e most pain! $ut I more reproaches than he. I ha"e since $ehel this fully accomplishe . The ecclesiastic won o"er to his party one of our sisters! who was the house7stewar an soon after the prioress. I was "ery elicate! the goo inclination which I ha i not gi"e strength to my $o y. I ha two mai s to ser"e me# yet! as the community ha nee of one of them for their coo,! an the other to atten the oor an other occasions! I ga"e them up! not thin,ing $ut they woul allow them to ser"e me sometimes. Besi es this! I let them still recei"e all my income! they ha"ing ha my first half of this year.s annuity. )et they woul not permit either of my mai 7ser"ants! to o anything for me. By my office of sacristan I was o$lige to sweep the church! which was large! an they woul not let anyone help me. I ha"e se"eral times fainte o"er the $room an ha"e $een force to rest in corners. This o$lige me to $eg them! that they woul suffer it sometimes to $e swept $y some of the strong country girls! New Catholics! to which at last they ha the charity to consent. /hat most em$arrasse me was that I ne"er ha washe . I was now o$lige to wash all the "estry linen. I too, one of my mai s to help me! $ecause in attempting it I ha one up the linen most aw,war ly. These sisters pulle her $y the

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arms out of my cham$er! telling her she shoul o her own wor,. I let it Auietly pass! without ma,ing any o$5ection. The other goo sister! the girl I 5ust mentione ! grew more an more fer"ent. By the practice of prayer in her e ication of herself to the *or she $ecame more an more ten er in her sympathy with me. It irritate this ecclesiastic. After all his impotent attempts here! he went off to Annecy! in or er to sow iscor ! an to effect more mischief to Cather *a Com$e.

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CHAPTER D He went irectly to the Bishop of &ene"a! who till then ha manifeste much esteem an ,in ness for me. He persua e him! that it woul $e proper to secure me to that house! to o$lige me to gi"e up to it the annual income I ha reser"e to myself# to engage me thereto! $y ma,ing me prioress. He ha gaine such an ascen ancy o"er the Bishop! that the people in the country calle him the *ittle Bishop. He rew him to enter heartily an with -eal into this proposition! an to resol"e to $ring it a$out whate"er it shoul cost. The ecclesiastic! ha"ing so far carrie his point! an $eing swelle with his success! no longer ,ept any measures in regar to me. He $egan with causing all the letters which I sent! an those which were irecte to me! to $e stoppe . That was in or er to ha"e it in his power to ma,e what impressions he please on the min s of others! an that I shoul neither $e a$le to ,now it! nor to efen myself! nor to gi"e or sen to my frien s any account of the manner in which I was treate . One of the mai s I ha $rought wante to return. 2he coul ha"e no rest in this place! the other that remaine was infirm! too much ta,en up $y others to help me in anything. As Cather *a Com$e was soon to come! I thought he woul soften the "iolent spirit of this man! an that he woul gi"e me proper a "ice. In the meantime they propose to me the engagement! an the post of prioress. I answere ! that as to the engagement it was impossi$le for me! since my "ocation was elsewhere. An I coul not regularly $e the prioress! till after passing through the no"itiate! in which they ha all ser"e two years $efore their $eing engage . /hen I shoul ha"e one as much! I shoul see how &o woul inspire me. The prioress replie Auite tartly! that if I woul e"er lea"e them it were $est for me to o it imme iately. )et I i not offer to retire! $ut continue still to act as usual. I saw the s,y gra ually thic,ening an storms gathering on e"ery si e. The prioress then affecte a mil er air. 2he assure me! that she ha a esire! as well as I! to go to &ene"a# that I shoul not engage! $ut only promise her to ta,e her with me! if I went thither. 2he preten e to place a great confi ence in me! an professe a high esteem for me. As I am "ery free! an ha"e nothing $ut uprightness! I let her ,now that I ha no attraction for the manner of life of the New Catholics! $y reason of the intrigues from without. 2e"eral things i not please me! $ecause I wante them to $e upright in e"erything. 2he signifie that she i not consent to such things! $ut $ecause that ecclesiastic tol her they were necessary to gi"e the house a cre it in istant parts an to raw charities from Paris. I answere that if we wal,e uprightly &o woul ne"er fail us. He woul sooner o miracles for us. I remar,e to her that when! instea of sincerity! they ha recourse to artifice! charity grew col ! an ,ept herself shut up. It is &o alone who inspires charity# how! then! is it to $e rawn $y isguises0 2oon after! Cather *a Com$e came a$out the retreats. This was the thir an last time that he came to &e+. The prioress! after she ha $een tampering a goo eal with me! ha"ing written him a long letter $efore his coming! an recei"e his answer! which she showe me! now went to as, him whether she woul one ay $e unite to me at &ene"a. He answere with his usual uprightness! 3Our *or has ma e it ,nown to me that you shall ne"er $e esta$lishe at &ene"a.6

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2oon after she ie . /hen he ha uttere this eclaration! she appeare enrage against $oth him an me. 2he went irectly to that ecclesiastic! who was in a room with the house7stewar # an they too, their measures together! to o$lige me either to engage or retire. They thought that I woul sooner engage than retire! an they watche my letters.

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/ith a esign to lay snares for him! he reAueste Cather *a Com$e to preach. He i on this te+t! 3The Iing.s aughter is $eautiful within.6 That ecclesiastic! who was present with his confi ant! sai that it was preache against him! an was full of errors. He rew up eight propositions! an inserte in them what the other ha not preache ! a 5usting them as maliciously as e"er he coul ! then sent them to one of his frien s in Rome! to get them e+amine $y the 2acre Congregation! an $y the InAuisition. Though he ha "ery illy igeste them! at Rome they were pronounce goo . That greatly isappointe an "e+e him. After ha"ing $een treate in this manner! an oppro$riously re"ile $y him in the most offensi"e terms! the Cather! with much mil ness an humility! tol him that he was going to Annecy a$out some affairs of the con"ent. If he ha anything to write to the Bishop of &ene"a! he woul ta,e care of his letter. He then esire him to wait awhile! as he was going to write. The goo Cather ha the patience to wait a$o"e three hours! without hearing from him# though he ha treate him e+cee ingly ill! so far as to snatch out of his han s a letter I ha gi"en him for that worthy hermit I ha"e mentione . Hearing he was not gone! $ut was still in the church! I went to him! an $egge him to sen to see if the other.s pac,et was rea y. The ay was so far gone that he woul $e o$lige to lo ge $y the way. /hen the messenger arri"e ! he foun a ser"ant of the ecclesiastic on horse$ac,! or ere to go at full spee ! to $e at Annecy $efore the Cather. He then returne an answer! that he ha no letters to sen $y him. This was so contri"e ! that he might gain time to prepossess the Bishop for his purposes. Cather *a Com$e then set off for Annecy! an on his arri"al foun the Bishop prepossesse ! an in an ill humor. This was the su$stance of the iscourse Bishop'()ou must a$solutely engage this la y to gi"e what she has to the house at &e+! an ma,e her the prioress of it.

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C. *a Com$e'(%y lor ! you ,now what she has tol you herself of her "ocation! $oth at Paris an in this country. I therefore o not $elie"e that she will engage# nor is there any li,elihoo that! after Auitting her all! in the hope of entering &ene"a! she shoul engage elsewhere! an there$y put it out of her power to accomplish the esigns of &o in regar to her. 2he has offere to stay with those sisters as a $oar er. If they are willing to ,eep her as such! she will remain with them# if not! she is resol"e to retire into some con"ent! till &o shall ispose of her otherwise. Bishop'(I ,now all that# $ut I li,ewise ,now that she is so "ery o$e ient! that! if you or er her! she will assure ly o it. C. *a Com$e'(It is for that reason! my lor ! that one ought to $e "ery cautious in the comman s which they lay on her. Can I in uce a foreign la y! who! for all her su$sistence! has nothing $ut a small pittance she has reser"e to herself! to gi"e that up in fa"or of a house which is not yet esta$lishe ! an perhaps ne"er will $e0 If the house shoul happen to fail! or $e no longer of use! what shall that la y li"e on0 2hall she go to the hospital0 An in ee this house will not long $e of any use! since there are no Protestants in any part of Crance near it. Bishop'(These reasons are goo for nothing. If you o not ma,e her o what I ha"e sai ! I will egra e an suspen you.

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This manner of spea,ing somewhat surprise the Cather. He well enough un erstan s the rules of suspension! which is not e+ecute on such things. He replie >

3%y lor ! I am rea y! not only to suffer the suspension! $ut e"en eath! rather than o anything against my conscience.6 Ha"ing sai that! he retire . He irectly sent me this account $y an e+press! to the en that I might ta,e proper measures. I ha no other course to ta,e $ut to retire into a con"ent. I recei"e a letter informing me that the nun to whom I ha entruste my aughter ha fallen sic,! an esiring me to go to her for some time. I showe this letter to the sisters of our house! telling them that I ha a min to go# $ut if they cease to persecute me! an woul lea"e Cather *a Com$e in peace! I woul return as soon as the mistress of my aughter shoul $e reco"ere . Instea of this! they persecute me more "iolently! wrote to Paris against me! stoppe all my letters! an sent li$els against me aroun the country. The ay after my arri"al at Tonon! Cather *a Com$e set off for the "alley of Aoust! to preach there in *ent. He ha come to ta,e lea"e of me! an tol me that he shoul go from thence to Rome! an perhaps not return! as his superiors might etain him there# that he was sorry to lea"e me in a strange country! without succor! an persecute of e"eryone. I replie ! 3%y father! that gi"es me no pain# I use the creatures for &o ! an $y His or er. Through His mercy! I o "ery well without them! when He with raws them. I am "ery well contente ne"er to see you! an to a$i e un er persecution! if such $e His will.6 He sai he woul go well satisfie to see me in such a isposition! an then eparte . As soon as I got to the Ersulines! a "ery age an pious priest! who for twenty years past ha not come out of his solitu e! came to fin me. He tol me that he ha a "ision relati"e to me# that he ha seen a woman in a $oat on the la,e# an that the Bishop of &ene"a! with some of his priests! e+erte all their efforts to sin, the $oat she was in! an to rown her# that he continue in this "ision a$o"e two hours! with pain of min # that it seeme sometimes as if this woman were Auite rowne ! as for some time she Auite isappeare # $ut afterwar she appeare again! an rea y to escape the anger! while the Bishop ne"er cease to pursue her. This woman was always eAually calm# $ut he ne"er saw her entirely free from him. Crom whence I conclu e! a e he! that the Bishop will persecute you without intermission. I ha an intimate frien ! wife of that go"ernor of whom I ha"e ma e some mention. As she saw I ha Auitte e"erything for &o ! she ha a warm esire to follow me. /ith iligence i she ispose of all her effects an settle her affairs in or er to come to me# $ut when she hear of the persecution! she was iscourage from coming to a place! from whence she thought I shoul $e o$lige to retire. 2oon after she ie .

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After Cather *a Com$e was gone the persecution raise against me $ecame more "iolent. But the Bishop of &ene"a still showe me some ci"ilities! as well to try whether he coul pre"ail on me to o what he esire ! as to soun out how matters passe in Crance! an to pre5u ice the min s of the people there against me! pre"enting me from recei"ing the letters sent me. The ecclesiastic an his family ha twenty two intercepte letters! opene ! on their ta$le. There was one wherein was sent me a power of attorney to sign! of imme iate conseAuence. They were o$lige to put it un er another co"er! an sen it to me. The $ishop wrote to Cather *a %othe! an ha no ifficulty to raw him into his party. He was isplease with me on two accounts.

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Cirst! that I ha not settle on him a pension! as he e+pecte ! an as he tol me "ery roughly se"eral times. 2econ ! I i not ta,e his a "ice in e"erything. He at once eclare against me. The $ishop ma e him his confi ant. It was he who uttere an sprea a$roa the news a$out me. They imagine ! as was suppose ! that I woul annul the onation I ha ma e! if I returne # that! ha"ing the support of frien s in Crance! I woul fin the means of $rea,ing it# $ut in that they were much mista,en. I ha no thought of lo"ing anything $ut the po"erty of Gesus Christ. Cor some time yet! the Cather acte with caution towar me. He wrote me some letters! which he a resse to the Bishop of &ene"a! an they agree so together! that he was the only person from whom I recei"e any letters! to which I returne "ery mo"ing answers. He! instea of $eing touche with them! $ecame only more irritate against me. The $ishop continue to treat me with a show of respect# yet at the same time he wrote to many persons in Paris! as i also the sisters of the house! to all those persons of piety who ha written letters to me! to $ias them as much as possi$le against me. To a"oi the $lame which ought naturally to fall upon them for ha"ing so unworthily treate a person who ha"e gi"en up e"erything to e"ote herself to the ser"ice of that iocese. After I ha one this! an was not in a con ition to return to Crance! they treate me e+tremely ill in e"ery respect. There was scarcely any ,in of false or fa$ulous story! li,ely to gain any cre it! which they i not in"ent to cry me own. Besi e my ha"ing no way to ma,e the truth ,nown in Crance! our *or inspire me with a willingness to suffer e"erything! without 5ustifying myself# so that in my case nothing was hear $ut con emnation! without any "in ication. I was in this con"ent! an ha seen Cather *a Com$e no further than I ha"e mentione # yet they i not cease to pu$lish! $oth of him an me! the most scan alous stories# as utterly false as anything coul $e! for he was then a hun re an fifty leagues from me. Cor some time I was ignorant of this. As I ,new that all my letters were ,ept from me! I cease to won er at recei"ing none. I li"e in this house with my little aughter in a sweet repose! which was a "ery great fa"or of Pro"i ence. %y aughter ha forgotten her Crench! an among the little girls from the mountains ha contracte a wil loo, an isagreea$le manners. Her wit! sense an 5u gment! were in ee surprising! an her isposition e+cee ingly goo . There were only some little fits of pee"ishness! which they ha cause to arise in her! through certain contrarieties out of season! caresses ill applie ! an for want of ,nowing the proper manner of e ucation. But the *or pro"i e in regar to her. 1uring this time my min was preser"e calm an resigne to &o . Afterwar that goo sister almost continually interrupte me# I answere e"erything she esire of me! $oth out of con escension! an from a principle which I ha to o$ey li,e a chil . /hen I was in my apartment! without any other irector than our *or $y His 2pirit! as soon as one of my little chil ren came to ,noc, at my oor! he reAuire me to a mit the interruption. He showe me that it is not the actions in themsel"es which please Him! $ut the constant rea y o$e ience to e"ery isco"ery of His will! e"en in the minutest things! with such a suppleness! as not to stic, to anything! $ut still to turn with Him at e"ery call. %y soul was then! I thought! li,e a leaf! or a feather! which the win mo"es what way soe"er it pleases an the *or ne"er suffers a soul so epen ent upon! an e icate to Him! to $e ecei"e . %ost men appear to me "ery un5ust! when they rea ily resign themsel"es to another man! an loo, upon that as pru ence. They confi e in men who are nothing! an $ol ly say! 32uch a person cannot $e ecei"e .6 But if one spea,s of a soul wholly resigne to &o ! which follows him faithfully! they cry alou ! 3That person is ecei"e with his resignation.6 Oh! i"ine *o"e4 1ost thou want either strength! fi elity! lo"e! or wis om! to con uct those who trust in thee an who are thy earest chil ren0 I ha"e seen men $ol enough to say! 3Collow me! an you shall

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not $e misle .6 How sa ly are those men misle themsel"es $y their presumption4 How much sooner shoul I go to him who woul $e afrai of mislea ing me# who trusting neither to his learning nor e+perience! woul rely upon &o only4

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Our *or showe me! in a ream! two ways $y which souls steer their course! un er the figure of two rops of water. The one appeare to me of an unparallele $eauty! $rightness an purity# the other to ha"e also a $rightness! yet full of little strea,s# $oth goo to Auench thirst# the former altogether pleasant! $ut the latter not so perfectly agreea$le. By the former is represente the way of pure an na,e faith! which pleases the 2pouse much! it is so pure! so clear from all self7lo"e. The way of emotions or gifts is not so# yet it is that in which many enlightene souls wal,! an into which they ha rawn Cather *a Com$e. But &o showe me! that He ha gi"en him to me! to raw him into one more pure an perfect. I spo,e $efore the sisters! he $eing present! of the way of faith! how much more glorious it was to &o ! an a "antageous for the soul! than all those gifts! emotions an assurances! which e"er cause us to li"e to self. This iscourage them at first an him also. I saw they were paine ! as they ha"e confesse to me since. I sai no more of it at that time. But! as he is a person of great humility! he $i me unfol what I ha wante to say to him. I tol him a part of my ream of the two rops of water# yet! he i not then enter into what I sai ! the time for it $eing not yet come. /hen he came to &e+! it was to ma,e the retreats. I tol him the circumstances of a certain time past# he recollecte that it was the time of so e+traor inary a touch with which the *or fa"ore him! that he was Auite o"erwhelme with contrition. This ga"e him such an interior reno"ation! that! ha"ing retire to pray! in a "ery ar ent frame of min ! he was fille with 5oy! an sei-e with a powerful emotion! which ma e him enter into what I ha tol him of the way of faith. I gi"e these things! as they happen to come to my remem$rance! without carrying them on in or er. After Easter! in 1D?:! the $ishop came to Tonon. I ha occasion to spea, to him! which when I ha one! our *or so pointe my wor s that he appeare thoroughly con"ince . But the persons who ha influence him $efore returne . He then presse me "ery much to return to &e+ an to ta,e the place of Prioress. I ga"e him the reasons against it. I then appeale to him! as a $ishop! esiring him to ta,e care to regar nothing $ut &o in what he shoul say to me. He was struc, into a ,in of confusion# an then sai to me! 32ince you spea, to me in such a manner! I cannot a "ise you to it. It is not for us to go contrary to our "ocations# $ut o goo ! I pray you! to this house.6 I promise him to o it. Ha"ing recei"e my pension! I sent them a hun re pistoles! with a esign of oing the same as long as I shoul $e in the iocese. The $ishop sai to me! 3I lo"e Cather *a Com$e. He is a true ser"ant of &o an he has tol me many things to which I was force to assent for I felt them in myself. But!6 a e he! 3when I say so! they tell me I am mista,en! an that $efore the en of si+ months he will run ma .6 He tol me! 3he appro"e of the nuns! which ha $een un er the care an instruction of Cather *a Com$e! fin ing them to come up fully to what he ha hear of them.6 Crom thence I too, occasion to tell him 3that in e"erything he ought to refer himself to his own $reast! or to the instructions there imme iately recei"e ! an not to others.6 He agree to what I sai ! an ac,nowle ge it to $e right# yet no sooner was he returne ! than! so great was his wea,ness that he re7entere into his former ispositions. He sent the same ecclesiastic to tell me that I must engage myself at &e+# that it was his sentiment. I answere ! that I was etermine to follow the counsel he ha gi"en me! when he ha spo,en to me as from &o ! since now they ma e him spea, only as man.

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CHAPTER ?

%y soul was in a state of entire resignation an "ery great content! in the mi st of such "iolent tempests. Those persons came to tell me a hun re e+tra"agant stories against Cather *a Com$e. The more they sai to me to his isa "antage! the more esteem I felt for him. I answere them! 3Perhaps I may ne"er see him again! $ut I shall e"er $e gla to o him 5ustice. It is not he who hin ers me from engaging at &e+. It is only $ecause I ,now it to $e none of my "ocation.6 They as,e me! 3/ho coul ,now that $etter than the $ishop06 They further tol me! 3I was un er a eception! an my state was goo for nothing.6 This ga"e me no uneasiness! ha"ing referre to &o the care of reAuiring! an of e+acting what He reAuires! an in whate"er manner He eman s it. A soul in this state see,s nothing for itself! $ut all for &o . 2ome may say! 3/hat! then! oes this soul06 It lea"es itself to $e con ucte $y &o .s pro"i ences an creatures. Outwar ly! its life seems Auite common# inwar ly! it is wholly resigne to the i"ine will. The more e"erything appears a "erse! an e"en esperate! the more calm it is! in spite of the annoyance an pain of the senses an of the creatures! which! for some time after the new life! raise some clou s an o$structions! as I ha"e alrea y signifie . But when the soul is entirely passe into its original Being! all these things no more cause any separation or partition. It fin s no more of that impurity which came from self7see,ing! from a human manner of acting! from an unguar e wor ! from any warm emotion or eagerness! which cause such a mist! as it then coul neither pre"ent nor reme y! ha"ing so often e+perience its own efforts! to $e useless! an e"en hurtful! as they i nothing else $ut still more an more efile it. There is in such case no other way or means of reme y! $ut in waiting till the 2un of Righteousness issipate those fogs. The whole wor, of purification comes from &o only. Afterwar this con uct $ecomes natural# then the soul can say with the royal prophet! 3Though an host shoul encamp against me! my heart shall not fear. Though war shoul rise up against me! in him will I confi e.6 Cor then! though assaulte on e"ery si e! it continues fi+e as a roc,. Ha"ing no will $ut for what &o sees meet to or er! $e it what it may! high or low! great or small! sweet or $itter! honor! wealth! life! or any other o$5ect! what can sha,e its peace0 It is true! our nature is so crafty that it worms itself through e"erything# a selfish sight is li,e the $asilis,.s! it estroys. Trials are suite to the state of the soul! whether con ucte $y lights! gifts! or ecstasies! or $y the entire estruction of self in the way of na,e faith. Both these states are foun in the apostle Paul. He tells us! 3An lest I shoul $e e+alte a$o"e measure! through the a$un ance of re"elations! there was gi"en to me a thorn in the flesh! the messenger of 2atan to $uffet me.6 He praye thrice! an it was sai to him! 3%y grace is sufficient for thee# for my strength is ma e perfect in wea,ness.6 He pro"e also another state when he thus e+presse himself! 3Oh! wretche man that I am4 who shall eli"er me from the $o y of this eath06 To which he replies! 3I than, &o ! it is one through Gesus Christ our *or .6 It is He who conAuers eath in us through His own life. Then there is no longer a sting in eath! or thorn in the flesh! capa$le of paining or hurting any more. At first in ee ! an for a pretty long time after! the soul sees that nature wants to ta,e some part with it in its trials# then its fi elity consists in withhol ing it! without allowing it the least in ulgence! till it lea"es e"erything to go on with &o in purity as it comes from Him. Till the soul $e in this state! it always sullies! $y its own mi+ture! the operation of &o # li,e those ri"ulets which contract the corruption of the places they pass through! $ut! flowing in a pure place! they then remain in the purity of their source. Enless &o through e+perience! ma,es ,nown His gui ance to the soul! it can ne"er comprehen it. Oh! if souls ha courage enough to resign themsel"es to the wor, of purification! without ha"ing any wea, an foolish pity on themsel"es! what a no$le! rapi an happy progress woul they ma,e4 But few are willing to lose the earth. If they a "ance some steps! as soon as the sea

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is ruffle they are e5ecte # they cast anchor! an often esist from the prosecution of the "oyage. 2uch isor ers oth selfish interest an self7lo"e occasion. It is of conseAuence not to loo, too much at one.s own state! not to lose courage! not to affor any nourishment to self7 lo"e! which is so eep7roote ! that its empire is not easily emolishe . Often the i ea which a man falsely concei"es of the greatness of his a "ancement in i"ine e+perience! ma,es him want to $e seen an ,nown of men! an to wish to see the "ery same perfection in others. He concei"es too low i eas of others! an too high of his own state. Then it $ecomes a pain to him to con"erse with people too human# whereas! a soul truly mortifie an resigne woul rather con"erse with the worst! $y the or er of Pro"i ence! than with the $est! of its own choice# wanting only to see or to spea, to any as Pro"i ence irects! ,nowing well that all $esi e! far from helping! only hurt it! or at least pro"e "ery unfruitful to it. /hat! then! ren ers this soul so perfectly content0 It neither ,nows! nor wants to ,now! anything $ut what &o calls it to. Herein it en5oys i"ine content! after a manner "ast! immense! an in epen ent of e+terior e"ents# more satisfie in its humiliation! an in the opposition of all creatures! $y the or er of Pro"i ence! than on the throne of its own choice. It is here that the apostolic life $egins. But o all reach that state0 Hery few! in ee ! as far as I can comprehen . There is a way of lights! gifts an graces! a holy life in which the creature appears all a mira$le. As this life is more apparent! so it is more esteeme of such! at least! as ha"e not the purest light. The souls which wal, in the other path are often "ery little ,nown! for a length of time! as it was with Gesus Christ Himself! till the last years of His life. Oh! if I coul e+press what I concei"e of this state4 But I can only stammer a$out it.

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Being as I ha"e sai with the Ersulines at Tonon! after ha"ing spo,en to the Bishop of &ene"a! an seeing how he change ! 5ust as others turne him! I wrote to him an to Cather *a %othe $ut all my efforts were useless. The more I en ea"ore to accommo ate matters! the more the ecclesiastic trie to confoun them! hence I cease to me le. One ay I was tol that the ecclesiastic ha won o"er the goo girl whom I early lo"e . 2o strong a esire I ha for her perfection that it ha cost me much. I shoul not ha"e felt the eath of a chil so much as her loss# at the same time I was tol how to hin er it! $ut that human way of acting was repugnant to my inwar sense# these wor s arose in my heart! 3E+cept the *or $uil the house.6 An in ee He pro"i e herein Himself! hin ering her from yiel ing to this eceitful man! after a manner to $e a mire ! an "ery thwarting to the esigns of him an his associates. As long as I was with her she still seeme wa"ering an fearful# $ut oh! the infinite goo ness of &o ! to preser"e without our ai what without His we shoul ine"ita$ly lose4 I was no sooner separate from her! $ut she $ecame immo"a$le. As for me! there scarcely passe a ay $ut they treate me with new insults# their assaults came on me at unawares. The New Catholics! $y the instigation of the Bishop of &ene"a! the ecclesiastic! an the sisters at &e+! stirre up all the persons of piety against me. I ha $ut little uneasiness on my own account. If I coul ha"e ha it at all! it woul ha"e $een on account of Cather *a Com$e! whom they "ilely asperse ! though he was a$sent. They e"en ma e use of his a$sence! to o"erset all the goo he ha one in the country! $y his missions an pious la$ors! which were inconcei"a$ly great. At first I was too rea y to "in icate him! thin,ing it 5ustice to

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o it. I i not o it at all for myself# an our *or showe me that I must cease oing it for him! in or er to lea"e him to $e more thoroughly annihilate # $ecause from thence he woul raw a greater glory! than e"er he ha one from his own reputation.

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E"ery ay they in"ente some new slan er. No ,in of stratagem! or malicious e"ice in their power! i they omit. They came to surprise an ensnare me in my wor s# $ut &o guar e me so well! that therein they only isco"ere their own male"olence. I ha no consolation from the creatures. 2he who ha the care of my aughter $eha"e roughly to me. 2uch are the persons who regulate themsel"es only $y their gifts an emotions. /hen they o not see things succee ! an as they regar them only $y their success! an are not willing to ha"e the affront of their pretensions $eing thought uncertain! an lia$le to mista,e! they see, without for supports. As for me who preten e to nothing! I thought all succee e well! inasmuch as all ten e to self7 annihilation. On another si e! the mai I ha $rought! an who staye with me! grew tire out. /anting to go $ac, again! she stunne me with her complaints! thwarting an chi ing me from morning till night! up$rai ing me with what I ha left! an coming to a place where I was goo for nothing. I was o$lige to $ear all her ill7humor an the clamor of her tongue. %y own $rother! Cather *a %othe! wrote to me that I was re$el to my $ishop! staying in his iocese only to gi"e him pain. In ee ! I saw there was nothing for me to o here! so long as the $ishop shoul $e against me. I i what I coul to gain his goo will! $ut this was impossi$le on any other terms than the engagement he eman e ! an that I ,new to $e my uty not to o. This! 5oine to the poor e ucation of my aughter! affecte my heart. /hen any glimmering of hope appeare ! it soon "anishe # an I gaine strength from a sort of espair. 1uring this time Cather *a Com$e was at Rome! where he was recei"e with so much honor! an his octrine was so highly esteeme ! that the 2acre Congregation was please to ta,e his sentiments on some points of octrine! which were foun to $e so 5ust! an so clear! that it followe them. %eanwhile the sister woul ta,e no care of my aughter# when I too, care of her she was isplease . I was not a$le! $y any means! to pre"ail on her to promise me that she woul try to pre"ent her contracting $a ha$its. Howe"er! I hope that Cather *a Com$e! at his return! woul $ring e"erything into or er! an renew my consolation. )et I left it all to &o . A$out Guly! 1D?:! my sister! who was an Ersuline! got permission to come. 2he $rought a mai with her! which was "ery seasona$le. %y sister assiste in the e ucation of my aughter! $ut she ha freAuent 5arring with her tutoress'(I la$ore $ut in "ain for peace. By some instances which I met with in this place! I saw clearly that it is not great gifts which sanctify! unless they $e accompanie with a profoun humility# that eath to e"erything is infinitely more $eneficial# for there was one who thought herself at the summit of perfection! $ut has isco"ere since! $y the trials which ha"e $efallen her! that she was yet "ery far from it. O! my &o ! how true it is that we may ha"e of Thy gifts! an yet $e "ery imperfect! an full of oursel"es4 How "ery straight is the gate which lea s to a life in &o 4 How little one must $e to pass through it! it $eing nothing else $ut eath to self4 But when we ha"e passe through it! what enlargement o we fin 4 1a"i sai ! =Psalm 1?>1K@ 3He $rought me forth into a large place.6 An it was through humiliation an a$asement that he was $rought thither. Cather *a Com$e! on his arri"al! came to see me> The first thing he sai was a$out his own wea,ness! an that I must return. He a e ! 3that all seeme ar,! an there was no li,elihoo that &o woul ma,e use of me in this country.6 The Bishop of &ene"a wrote to Cather *a %othe to get me to return# he wrote to me accor ingly to o it. The first *ent which I passe with the Ersulines! I ha a "ery great pain in my eyes# for that same imposthume which I formerly ha $etween the eye an the nose! returne upon me three times. The $a air! an the

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noisome room which I was in! contri$ute hereto. %y hea was frightfully swelle ! $ut great was my inwar 5oy. It was strange to see so many goo creatures! who i not ,now me! lo"e an pity me# all the rest enrage against me! an most of them on reports entirely false! neither ,nowing me! nor why they so hate me. To swell the stream of affliction yet more! my aughter fell sic, an was li,ely to ie# there was $ut little hope of her reco"ery! when her mistress also fell ill. %y soul! lea"ing all to &o ! continue to rest in a Auiet an peacea$le ha$itation. Oh! Principal an sole o$5ect of my lo"e4 /ere there ne"er any other rewar of what little ser"ices we o! or of the mar,s of homage we ren er Thee! than this fi+e state a$o"e the "icissitu es in the worl ! is it not enough0 The senses in ee are sometimes rea y to start asi e! an to run off li,e truants# $ut e"ery trou$le flies $efore the soul which is entirely su$5ecte to &o . By spea,ing of a fi+e state! I o not mean one which can ne"er ecline or fall! that $eing only in Hea"en. I call it fi+e an permanent! compare with the states which ha"e prece e it! which were full of "icissitu es an "ariations. I o not e+clu e a state of suffering in the senses! or arising from superficial impurity! which remains to $e one away! an which one may compare to refine $ut tarnishe gol . It has no more nee to $e purifie in the fire! ha"ing un ergone that operation# $ut nee s only to $e $urnishe . 2o it seeme to $e with me at that time.

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%y aughter ha the smallpo+. They sent for a physician from &ene"a! who ga"e her o"er. Cather *a Com$e then came in to "isit! an pray with her. He ga"e her his $lessing# soon after she won erfully reco"ere . The persecution of the New Catholics against me continue an increase # yet! for all that! I i not fail to o them all the goo in my power. %y aughter.s mistress came often to con"erse with me! $ut much imperfection appeare in her iscourses! though they were on religious su$5ects. Cather *a Com$e regulate many things in regar to my aughter! which "e+e her mistress so much! that her former frien ship was turne into col ness. 2he ha grace! $ut suffere nature too freAuently to pre"ail. I tol her my thought on her faults! as I was inwar ly irecte to o# $ut though! at that time! &o enlightene her to see the truth of what I sai ! an she has $een more enlightene since! yet the return of her col ness towar me ensue upon it. The e$ates $etween her an my sister grew more tart an "iolent. %y aughter! who was only si+ years an a half ol ! $y her little e+terities foun a way to please them $oth! choosing to o her e+ercises twice o"er! first with the one! then with the other! which continue not long# for as her mistress generally neglecte her! oing things at one time! an lea"ing them at another! she was re uce to learn only what my sister an I taught her. In ee the changea$leness of my sister was so e+cessi"e! that! without great grace! it was har to suit one.s self to it# yet she appeare to me to surmount herself in many things. Cormerly! I coul scarce $ear her manners# $ut I ha"e since lo"e e"erything in &o ! who has gi"en me a "ery great facility to $ear the faults of my neigh$or! with a rea iness to please an o$lige e"eryone an such a compassion for their calamities or istresses as I ne"er ha $efore. I ha"e no ifficulty to use con escension with imperfect persons# I shoul $e secretly smitten if I faile therein# $ut with souls of grace I cannot $ear this human manner of acting! nor suffer long an freAuent con"ersations. It is a thing of which few are capa$le. 2ome religious persons say that these con"ersations are of great ser"ice. I $elie"e it may $e true for some! $ut not for all# for there is a perio wherein it hurts! especially when it is of our own choice# the human inclination corrupting e"erything. The same things which woul $e profita$le! when &o ! $y His 2pirit! raws to them! $ecome Auite otherwise! when we of oursel"es enter into them. This

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appears to me so clear! that I prefer $eing a whole ay with the worst of persons! in o$e ience to &o ! $efore $eing one hour with the $est! only from my own choice an inclination.

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The or er of i"ine pro"i ence ma,es the whole rule an con uct of a soul entirely e"ote to &o . /hile it faithfully gi"es itself up thereto! it will o all things right an well! an will ha"e e"erything it wants! without its own care# $ecause &o in whom it confi es! ma,es it e"ery moment o what He reAuires! an furnishes the occasions proper for it. &o lo"es what is of His own or er! an of His own will! not accor ing to the i ea of the merely rational or e"en enlightene man# for He hi es these persons from the eyes of others! in or er to preser"e them in that hi en purity for Himself. But how comes it that such souls commit any faults# $ecause they are not faithful! in gi"ing themsel"es up to the present moment. Often too eagerly $ent on something! or wanting to $e o"er7faithful! they sli e into many faults! which they can neither foresee nor a"oi . 1oes &o then lea"e souls which confi e in Him0 2urely not. 2ooner woul He wor, a miracle to hin er them from falling! if they were resigne enough to Him. They may $e resigne as to the general will! an yet fail as to the present moment. Being out of the or er of &o ! they fall. They renew such falls as long as they continue out of that i"ine or er. /hen they return into it! all goes right an well. %ost assure ly if such souls were faithful enough! not to let any of the moments of the or er of &o slip o"er! they woul not thus fall. This appears to me as clear as the ay. As a islocate $one out of the place in which the economy of i"ine wis om ha fi+e it! gi"es continual pain till restore to its proper or er! so the many trou$les in life come from the soul not a$i ing in its place! an not $eing content with the or er of &o ! an what is affor e therein from moment to moment. If men rightly ,new this secret! they woul all $e fully content an satisfie . But alas4 instea of $eing content with what they ha"e! they are e"er wishing for what they ha"e not# while the soul! which enters into i"ine light $egins to $e in para ise. /hat is it that ma,es para ise0 It is the or er of &o ! which ren ers all the saints infinitely content! though "ery uneAual in glory4 Crom whence comes it that so many poor in igent persons are so contente ! an that princes an potentates! who a$oun to profusion! are so wretche an unhappy0 It is $ecause the man who is not content with what he has! will ne"er $e without cra"ing esires# an he who is the prey of an unsatisfie esire! can ne"er $e content. All souls ha"e more or less of strong an ar ent esires! e+cept those whose will is lost in the will of &o . 2ome ha"e goo esires! so as to suffer martyr om for &o # others thirst for the sal"ation of their neigh$or! an some pant to see &o in glory. All this is e+cellent. But he who rests in the i"ine will! although he may $e e+empt from all these esires! is infinitely more content! an glorifies &o more. It is written concerning Gesus Christ! when he ro"e out of the temple those who profane it. 3The -eal of thine house hath eaten me up.6 Gohn :>1J. It was in that moment of the or er of &o ! that these wor s ha their effect. How many times ha Gesus Christ $een in the temple without such a con uct0 1oes not He occasionally say of himself! His hour was not yet come0

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After Cather *a Com$e returne from Rome! well appro"e ! an furnishe with testimonials of life an octrine! he performe his functions of preaching an confessing as usual. I ga"e him an account of what I ha one an suffere in his a$sence! an what care &o ha ta,en of all my concerns. I saw his pro"i ence incessantly e+ten e to the "ery smallest things. After

ha"ing $een se"eral months without any news of my papers! when some presse me to write! an $lame my neglect! an in"isi$le han hel me $ac,# my peace an confi ence were great. I recei"e a letter from the ecclesiastic at home! which informe me that he ha or ers to come an see me! an $ring my papers. I ha sent to Paris for a pretty consi era$le $un le of things for my aughter. I hear they were lost on the la,e! an coul learn no further ti ings a$out them. I ga"e myself no trou$le# I always thought they woul $e foun . The man who ha ta,en charge of them ma e a search after them a whole month! in all the en"irons! without hearing any news. At the en of three months they were $rought to me! ha"ing $een foun in the house of a poor man! who ha not opene them! nor ,new who $rought them there. Once I ha sent for all the money which was to ser"e me a whole year# the person who ha $een to recei"e cash for the $ill of e+change! ha"ing put that money in two $ags on horse$ac,! forgot that it was there! an ga"e the horse to a little $oy to lea . The money fell from the horse in the mi le of the mar,et at &ene"a. That instant I arri"e ! coming on the other si e! an ha"ing alighte from my litter! the first thing I foun was my money. /hat was surprising! a great throng was in this place an not one ha percei"e it. %any such things ha"e atten e me. These accounts may suffice to show the continual protection of &o . The Bishop of &ene"a continue to persecute me. /hen he wrote! it was with politeness an than,s for my charities at &e+# while at the same time he sai to others that I 3ga"e nothing to that house.6 He wrote against me to the Ersulines with whom I li"e ! charging them to hin er me from ha"ing any conferences with Cather *a Com$e. The superior of the house! a man of merit! an the prioress! as well as the community! were so irritate at this! that they coul not for$ear testifying it to him. He then e+cuse himself with a preten e respect! saying! he i not mean it that way. They wrote to him that 3I i not see the Cather $ut at the confessional! an not in conference# that they were so much e ifie $y me! as to thin, themsel"es happy in ha"ing me! an to esteem it a greater fa"or from &o .6 /hat they sai out of pure charity was not pleasing to the Bishop! who! seeing they lo"e me in this house! sai ! that I won o"er e"ery$o y to myself an that he wishe I were out of the iocese. Though I ,new all this! an these goo sisters were trou$le at it! I coul ha"e no trou$le $y reason of the calm esta$lishment which I was in. The will of &o ren ering e"erything eAual to me. The creatures! howe"er unreasona$le or passionate they appear! not $eing regar e in themsel"es $ut in &o # an ha$itual faith causes e"erything to $e seen in &o without istinction. Thus! when I see poor souls so ruffle for iscourses in the air! so uneasy for e+planations! I pity them. They ha"e reasons! I ,now! which self7lo"e causes to appear "ery 5ust. To relie"e myself a little from the fatigue of continual con"ersation! I esire Cather *a Com$e to allow me a retreat. It was then that I let myself $e consume $y lo"e all the ay long. Also I percei"e the Auality of a spiritual mother# for the *or ga"e me what I cannot e+press for the perfection of souls. This I coul not hi e from Cather *a Com$e. It seeme to me as if I entere into the inmost recesses of his heart. Our *or showe me he was His ser"ant! chosen among a thousan ! singularly to honor Him# $ut that He woul lea him through total eath! an the entire estruction of the ol man. He woul ha"e me contri$ute thereto an $e instrumental to cause him to wal, in the way in which He ha le me first# in or er that I might $e in a con ition to irect others! to tell them the way through which I ha"e passe . The *or woul ha"e us to $e conforme ! an to $ecome $oth one in Him# though my soul was more a "ance now! yet he shoul one ay pass $eyon it! with a $ol an rapi flight. &o ,nows with what 5oy I woul see my spiritual chil ren surpass their mother. In this retreat I felt a strong propensity to write! $ut resiste it till I fell sic,. I ha nothing to write a$out! not one i ea to $egin with. It was a i"ine impulse! with such a fulness of grace as

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was har to contain. I opene this isposition of mine to Cather *a Com$e. He answere that he ha a strong impulse to comman me to write! $ut ha not are to o it yet! on account of my wea,ness. I tol him! that 3wea,ness was the effect of my resistance!6 an I $elie"e it woul ! through my writing! go off again. He as,e ! 3But what is it you will write06

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I replie ! 3I ,now nothing of it! nor esire to ,now! lea"ing it entirely to &o to irect me.6 He or ere me to o so. At my ta,ing the pen I ,new not the first wor I shoul write# when I $egan! suita$le matter flowe copiously! nay! impetuously. As I was writing I was relie"e an grew $etter. I wrote an entire treatise on the interior path of faith! un er the comparison of torrents! or of streams an ri"ers. As the way! wherein &o now con ucte Cather *a Com$e! was "ery ifferent from that in which he ha formerly wal,e =all light! ,nowle ge! ar or! assurance! sentiment@ now the poor! low! espise path of faith! an of na,e ness# he foun it "ery har to su$mit thereto. /ho coul e+press what it has cost my heart $efore he was forme accor ing to the will of &o 0 %eanwhile! the possession which the *or ha of my soul $ecame e"ery ay stronger! insomuch that I passe whole ays without $eing a$le to pronounce one wor . The *or was please to ma,e me pass wholly into Him $y an entire internal transformation. He $ecame more an more the a$solute master of my heart! to such a egree as not to lea"e me a mo"ement of my own. This state i not hin er me from con escen ing to my sister! an the others in the house. Ne"ertheless! the useless things with which they were ta,en up coul not interest me. That was what in uce me to as, lea"e to ma,e a retreat! to let myself $e possesse of Him who hol s me so closely to Himself after an ineffa$le manner.

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I ha at that time so ar ent a esire for the perfection of Cather *a Com$e! an to see him thoroughly ie to himself! that I coul ha"e wishe him all the crosses an afflictions imagina$le! that might con uce to this great an $lesse en . /hene"er he was unfaithful! or loo,e at things in any other light than the true one'(to ten to this eath of self'(I felt myself on the rac,! which! as I ha till then $een so in ifferent! "ery much surprise me. To the *or I ma e my complaint# He graciously encourage me! $oth on this su$5ect an on that entire epen ence on Himself which He ga"e me! which was such that I was li,e a new $orn infant. %y sister ha $rought me a mai ! whom &o was willing to gi"e me to fashion accor ing to His will! not without some crucifi+ion to myself. I $elie"e it ne"er is to fall out! that our *or will gi"e me any persons without gi"ing them wherewith to ma,e me suffer! whether it $e for the purpose of rawing them into a spiritual life! or ne"er to lea"e me without the cross. 2he was one on whom the *or ha conferre "ery singular graces. 2he was in high reputation in the country! where she passe for a saint. Our *or $rought her to me! to let her see the ifference $etween the sanctity concei"e an comprise in those gifts! with which she was en owe ! an that which is o$taine $y our entire estruction! e"en $y the loss of those "ery gifts! an of all that raise us in the esteem of men. Our *or ha gi"en her the same epen ence on me! as I ha in regar to Cather *a Com$e. This girl fell grie"ously sic,. I was willing to gi"e her all the assistance in my power! $ut I foun I ha nothing to o $ut to comman her $o ily sic,ness! or the isposition of her min #

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all that I sai was one. It was then that I learne what it was to comman $y the /or ! an to o$ey $y the /or . It was Gesus Christ in me eAually comman ing an o$eying.

2he! howe"er! continue sic, for sometime. One ay! after inner! I was mo"e to say to her! 3Rise an $e no longer sic,.6 2he arose an was cure . The nuns were "ery much astonishe . They ,new nothing of what ha passe ! $ut saw her wal,ing! who in the morning ha appeare to $e in the last e+tremity. They attri$ute her isor er to a "i"i imagination. I ha"e at sun ry times e+perience ! an felt in myself! how much &o respects the free om of man! e"en eman s his free concurrence# for when I sai ! 3Be heale !6 or! 3Be free from your trou$les!6 if such persons acAuiesce ! the /or was efficacious! an they were heale . If they ou$te ! or resiste ! though un er fair prete+ts! saying! 3I shall $e heale when it pleases &o ! I will not $e heale till He wills it#6 or! in the way of espair! 3I cannot $e heale # I will not Auit my con ition!6 then the /or ha no effect. I felt in myself that the i"ine "irtue retire in me. I e+perience what our *or sai ! when the woman afflicte with the issue of $loo touche him. He instantly as,e ! 3/ho touche me06 The apostles sai ! 3%aster! the multitu e throng thee! an press thee# an sayest thou! /ho touche me06 He replie ! 3It is $ecause "irtue hath gone out of me6 =*u,e ?><8!<D@. Gesus Christ ha cause that healing "irtue to flow! through me! $y means of His /or . /hen that "irtue met not with a correspon ence in the su$5ect! I felt it suspen e in its source. That ga"e me some pain. I shoul $e! as it were! isplease with those persons# $ut when there was no resistance! $ut a full acAuiescence! this i"ine "irtue ha its full effect. Healing "irtue has so much power o"er things inanimate! yet the least thing in man either restrains it! or stops it entirely. There was a goo nun much afflicte an un er a "iolent temptation. 2he went to eclare her case to a sister whom she thought "ery spiritual! an in a con ition capa$le of assisting her. But far from fin ing succor! she was "ery much iscourage an cast own. The other espise an repulse her! an treating her with contempt an rigor! she sai ! 31on.t come near me! since you are that way.6 This poor girl! in a frightful istress! came to me thin,ing herself un one on account of what the sister ha sai to her. I console her an our *or relie"e her imme iately. But I coul not for$ear telling her that assure ly the other woul $e punishe ! an woul fall into a state worse than hers. The sister who ha use her in such a manner came also to me! highly please with herself in what she ha one! saying! she a$horre such tempte creatures. As for herself! she was proof against such sorts of temptations! an that she ne"er ha a $a thought.6 I sai to her! 3%y sister! from the frien ship I ha"e for you I wish you the pain of her who spo,e to you! an e"en one still more "iolent.6 2he answere haughtily! 3If you were to as, it from &o for me! an I as, of Him the contrary! I $elie"e I shall $e hear at least as soon as you.6

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I answere with great firmness! 3If it $e only my own interests which I as,! I shall not $e hear # $ut if it $e those of &o only! an yours too! I shall $e hear sooner than you are aware.6 That "ery night she fell into so "iolent a temptation that one eAual to it has sel om $een ,nown. It was then she ha ample occasion to ac,nowle ge her own wea,ness! an what she woul $e without grace. 2he concei"e at first a "iolent hatre for me! saying that I was the cause of her pain. But it ser"e her! as the clay i to enlighten him who ha $een $orn $lin . 2he soon saw "ery well what ha $rought on her so terri$le a state. I fell sic, e"en to e+tremity. This sic,ness pro"e a means to co"er the great mysteries which it please &o to operate in me. 2carce e"er was a isor er more e+traor inary! or of longer continuance in its e+cess. 2e"eral times I saw in reams Cather *a %othe raising persecutions against me. Our *or let me ,now that this woul $e an that Cather *a Com$e woul forsa,e

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me in the time of persecution. I wrote to him! an it isAuiete him greatly. He thought his heart was unite to the will of &o an too esirous of ser"ing me! to a mit such esertion# yet it has since $een foun Auite true. He was now to preach uring *ent! an was so much followe ! that people came fi"e leagues! to pass se"eral ays for the $enefit of his ministry. I hear he was so sic, that he was thought to ie. I praye to the *or to restore his health! an ena$le him to preach to the people! who were longing to hear him. %y prayer was hear ! an he soon reco"ere ! an resume his pious la$ors. 1uring this e+traor inary sic,ness! which continue more than si+ months! the *or gra ually taught me that there was another manner of con"ersing among souls wholly His! than $y speech. Thou ma est me concei"e! O i"ine /or ! that as Thou art e"er spea,ing an operating in a soul! though therein thou appearest in profoun silence# so there was also a way of communication in thy creatures! in an ineffa$le silence. I hear then a language which $efore ha $een un,nown to me. I gra ually percei"e ! when Cather *a Com$e entere ! that I coul spea, no more. There was forme in my soul the same ,in of silence towar him! as was forme in it in regar to &o . I comprehen e that &o was willing to show me that men might in this life learn the language of angels. I was gra ually re uce to spea, to him only in silence. It was then that we un erstoo each other in &o ! after a manner unuttera$le an i"ine. Our hearts spo,e to each other! communicating a grace which no wor s can e+press. It was li,e a new country! $oth for him an for me# $ut so i"ine! that I cannot escri$e it. At first this was one in a manner so percepti$le! that is to say! &o penetrate us with Himself in a manner so pure an so sweet! that we passe hours in this profoun silence! always communicati"e! without $eing a$le to utter one wor . It was in this that we learne ! $y our own e+perience! the operations of the hea"enly /or to re uce souls into unity with itself! an what purity one may arri"e at in this life. It was gi"en me to communicate this way to other goo souls! $ut with this ifference> I i nothing $ut communicate to them the grace with which they were fille ! while near me! in this sacre silence! which infuse into them an e+traor inary strength an grace# $ut I recei"e nothing from them# whereas with Cather *a Com$e there was a flow an return of communication of grace! which he recei"e from me! an I from him! in the greatest purity. In this long mala y the lo"e of &o ! an of Him alone! ma e up my whole occupation! I seeme so entirely lost to Him! as to ha"e no sight of myself at all. It seeme as if my heart ne"er came out of that i"ine ocean! ha"ing $een rawn into it through eep humiliations. Oh! happy loss! which is the consummation of $liss! though operate through crosses an through eaths4

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Gesus was then li"ing in me an I li"e no more. These wor s were imprinte in me! as a real state into which I must enter! =%att. ?>:9@ 3The fo+es ha"e holes! an the $ir s of the air ha"e nests! $ut the 2on of man hath not where to lay his hea .6 This I ha"e since e+perience in all its e+tent! ha"ing no sure a$o e! no refuge among frien s! who were ashame of me! an openly renounce me! when uni"ersally ecrie # nor among my relations! most of whom eclare themsel"es my a "ersaries! an were my greatest persecutors# while others loo,e on me with contempt an in ignation. I might as 1a"i say! 3Cor thy sa,e I ha"e $orne reproach# shame hath co"ere my face# I am $ecome a stranger to my $rethren! an an alien unto my mother.s chil ren# a reproach to men! an espise of the people.6 He showe me all the worl in a rage against me! without anyone aring to appear for me an assure me in the ineffa$le silence of His eternal /or ! that He woul gi"e me "ast num$ers of chil ren! which I shoul $ring forth $y the cross. I left it to Him to o with me whate"er He please ! esteeming my whole an sole interest to $e place entirely in His i"ine will. He ga"e me to see how the 1e"il was going to stir up an outrageous persecution against prayer! yet it shoul pro"e the source of the same prayer! or rather the means which &o woul ma,e use of to esta$lish it. He ga"e me to see farther how He woul gui e me into the wil erness! where He

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woul cause me to $e nourishe for a time. The wings! which were to $ear me thither! were the resignation of my whole self to His holy will. I thin, I am at present in that wil erness! separate from the whole worl in my imprisonment. I see alrea y accomplishe in part what was then shown me. Can I e"er e+press the mercies which my &o has $estowe on me0 No# they must e"er remain in Himself! $eing of a nature not to $e escri$e ! $y reason of their purity an immensity. I was often to all appearance at the point of eath. I fell into con"ulsions from "iolent pains which laste a long time with "iolence. Cather *a Com$e a ministere the sacrament to me! the Prioress of the Ersulines ha"ing esire him to o it. I was well satisfie to ie! as was he also in the e+pectation of my eparture. Cor! $eing unite in &o after a manner so pure! an so spiritual! eath coul not separate us. On the contrary it woul ha"e more closely unite us. Cather *a Com$e! who was on his ,nees at my $e si e! remar,ing the change of my countenance! an how my eyes fa e ! seeme rea y to gi"e me up! when &o inspire him to lift up his han s! an with a strong "oice! which was hear $y all who were in my room! at that time almost full! to comman eath to relinAuish its hol . Instantly it seeme to $e stoppe . Thus &o was please won erfully to raise me up again# yet for a long time I continue e+tremely wea,! uring all of which our *or ga"e me new testimonies of His lo"e. How many times was He please to ma,e use of His ser"ant to restore me to life! when I was almost on the "ery point of e+piring4 As they saw that my sic,ness an pain i not entirely en ! they 5u ge that the air of the la,e on which the con"ent was situate ! was "ery pre5u icial to my constitution. They conclu e that it woul $e necessary for me to remo"e. 1uring my in isposition! our *or put it into the heart of Cather *a Com$e to esta$lish a hospital in this place for the poor people sei-e with mala ies! to institute also a committee or congregation of la ies to furnish such as coul not lea"e their families to go to the hospital with the means of su$sistence uring their illness! after the manner of Crance! there ha"ing $een yet no institution of this ,in in that country. /illingly i I enter into it# an without any other fun than Pro"i ence an some useless rooms which a gentleman of the town ga"e us! we $egan it. /e e icate it to the holy Chil Gesus! an He was please to gi"e the first $e s to it from my pension. He ga"e such a $lessing that se"eral other persons 5oine us in this charity. In a short time there were nearly twel"e $e s in it an three persons of great piety ga"e themsel"es to this hospital to ser"e it! who! without any salary! consecrate themsel"es to the ser"ice of the poor patients. I supplie them with ointments an me icines! which were freely gi"en to such of the poor people of the town as ha nee of them. These goo la ies were so hearty in the cause! that! through their charity! an the care of the young women! this hospital was "ery well maintaine an ser"e . These la ies 5oine together also in pro"i ing for the sic, who coul not go to the hospital. I ga"e them some little regulations such as I ha o$ser"e when in Crance! which they continue to ,eep up with ten erness an lo"e. All these little things! which cost $ut little! an which owe all their success to the $lessing which &o ga"e them! rew upon us new persecutions. The Bishop of &ene"a was offen e with me more than e"er! especially in seeing that these small matters ren ere me $elo"e . He sai that I won o"er e"ery$o y. He openly eclare ! 3he coul not $ear me in his iocese!6 though I ha one nothing $ut goo ! or rather &o $y me. He e+ten e the persecution to those goo religious women who ha $een my assistants. The prioress in particular ha her own share to $ear! though it i not last long. As I was o$lige ! on account of the air! to remo"e! after ha"ing $een there a$out two years an a half! they were then more in peace an Auietness. On another si e! my sister was "ery weary of this house# an as the season for the waters approache ! they too, occasion from thence to sen her away with the mai which I $rought with me! who ha moleste me e+cee ingly in my late illness. I only ,ept her whom Pro"i ence ha sent me $y means of my sister. I ha"e e"er thought that &o ha or ere my sister.s 5ourney

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only to $ring her to me! as one chosen of Him an proper for the state which it was His pleasure to cause me to $ear.

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/hile I was yet in ispose ! the Ersulines! with the Bishop of Herceil! earnestly reAueste the Cather7general of the Barna$ites! to see, among the religious! a man of merit! piety an learning! in whom he might place confi ence! an who might ser"e him for a pre$en an a counselor. At first he cast his eyes on Cather *a Com$e# yet $efore he a$solutely engage him with the sai $ishop! he wrote to him! to ,now whether he ha any o$5ection thereto. Cather *a Com$e replie that he ha no other will $ut that of o$eying him! an that he might comman him herein as he shoul thin, $est in the case. He ga"e me an account of this! an that we were going to $e entirely separate . I was gla to fin that our *or woul employ him! un er a $ishop who ,new him! an woul $e li,ely to o him 5ustice. )et it was some time $efore he went! matters not $eing all arrange .

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CHAPTER 1;

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I then went off from the Ersulines an they sought for a house for me at a istance from the la,e. There was $ut one to $e foun empty which ha the loo, of the greatest po"erty. It ha no chimney $ut in the ,itchen! through which one was o$lige to pass. I too, my aughter with me an ga"e up the largest room for her an the mai who was to ta,e care of her. I was lo ge in a little hole on straw! to which I went up $y la er. As we ha no other furniture $ut our $e s! Auite plain an homely! I $rought some straw chairs an some 1utch earthen an woo en ware. Ne"er i I en5oy a greater content than in this little hole! which appeare so "ery conforma$le to the state of Gesus Christ. I fancie e"erything $etter on woo than on plate. I lai in all my pro"isions! hoping to stay there a long time# $ut the 1e"il i not lea"e me long in such sweet peace. It woul $e ifficult for me to tell the persecutions which were stirre up against me. They threw stones in at my win ows which fell at my feet. I ha put my little gar en in or er. They came in the night! tore it all up! $ro,e own the ar$or! an o"erturne e"erything in it! as if it ha $een ra"age $y sol iers. They came to a$use me at the oor all night long! ma,ing such a rac,et as if they were going to $rea, it open. These persons ha"e since tol who the person was that put them on such wor,. Though from time to time I continue my charities at &e+! I was not the less persecute for it. They offere one person a warrant to compel Cather *a Com$e to stay at Tonon! thin,ing he woul otherwise $e a support to me in the persecution! $ut we pre"ente it. I ,new not then the esigns of &o ! an that He woul soon raw me from that poor solitary place! in which I en5oye a sweet an soli satisfaction! notwithstan ing the a$use. I thought myself happier here than any so"ereign on earth. It was for me li,e a nest an a place of repose an Christ was willing that I shoul $e li,e Him. The 1e"il! as I ha"e sai ! irritate my persecutors. They sent to esire me to go out of the iocese. All the goo which the *or ha cause me to o in it was con emne ! more than the greatest crimes. Crimes they tolerate ! $ut me they coul not en ure. All this while I ne"er ha any uneasiness or repentance for my ha"ing left all# not that I was assure of ha"ing one the will of &o therein. 2uch an assurance woul ha"e $een too much for me. But I coul neither see nor regar anything! recei"ing e"erything ali,e from the han of &o ! who irecte an ispose of these crosses for me either in 5ustice or in mercy. The %archioness of Prunai! sister of the chief 2ecretary of 2tate to his Royal Highness =the 1u,e of 2a"oy@ an his prime minister! ha sent an e+press from Turin! in the time of my illness! to in"ite me to come to resi e with her# an to let me ,now that! 3$eing so persecute as I was in this iocese! I shoul fin an asylum with her# that uring that time things might grow

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$etter# that when they shoul $e well ispose she woul return with me an 5oin me with a frien of mine from Paris! who was willing also to come to la$or there! accor ing to the will of &o !6 I was not at that time in a con ition to e+ecute what she esire an e+pecte to continue with the Ersulines till things shoul change. 2he then wrote to me a$out it no more. This la y is one of e+traor inary piety! who ha Auitte the splen or an noise of the Court! for the more silent satisfaction of a retire life! an to gi"e herself up to &o . /ith an eminent share of natural a "antages! she has continue a wi ow twenty7two years# has refuse e"ery offer of marriage to consecrate herself to our *or entirely an without any reser"e. /hen she ,new that I ha $een o$lige to lea"e the Ersulines! yet without ,nowing anything of the manner in which I ha $een treate ! she procure a letter to o$lige Cather *a Com$e to go to pass some wee,s at Turin! for her own $enefit! an to $ring me with him thither! where I shoul fin a refuge. All this she i un,nown to us. As she has tol us since! a superior force mo"e her to o it! without ,nowing the cause. If she ha eli$erately reflecte on it! $eing such a pru ent la y! she pro$a$ly woul not ha"e one it# $ecause the persecutions! which the Bishop of &ene"a procure us in that place! cost her more than a little of humiliations. Our *or permitte him to pursue me! after a surprising manner! into all the places I ha"e $een in! without gi"ing me any rela+ation. I ne"er i him any harm! $ut on the contrary! woul ha"e lai own my life for the goo of his iocese. As this fell out without any esign on our part! we! without hesitation! $elie"e it was the will of &o # an thought it might $e the means of His appointment to raw us out of the reproach an persecution we la$ore un er! seeing myself chase on the one si e! esire on the other. It was conclu e that Cather *a Com$e shoul con uct me to Turin! an that he shoul go from thence to Herceil. Besi e him! I too, with me a religious man of merit! who ha taught theology for fourteen years past! to ta,e away from our enemies all cause for slan er. I also too, with me a $oy whom I ha $rought out of Crance. They too, horses! an I hire a carriage for my aughter! my cham$ermai an myself. But all precautions are useless! when it pleases &o to permit them to $e frustrate . Our a "ersaries imme iately wrote to Paris. A hun re ri iculous stories were circulate a$out this 5ourney# come ies were acte on it! things in"ente at pleasure! an as false as anything in the worl coul $e. It was my $rother! Cather e la %othe! who was so acti"e in uttering all this stuff. Ha he $elie"e it to $e true! he ought out of charity to ha"e conceale it# much more! $eing so "ery false. They sai that I was gone all alone with Cather *a Com$e! strolling a$out the country! from pro"ince to pro"ince! with many such fa$les! as wea, an wic,e as they were incoherent an $a ly put together. /e suffere all with patience! without "in icating oursel"es! or ma,ing any complaint. 2carcely were we arri"e at Turin! $ut the Bishop of &ene"a wrote against us. As he coul pursue us no other way! he i it $y letters. Cather *a Com$e repaire to Herceil! an I stai at Turin! with the %archioness of Prunai. But what crosses was I assaulte with in my own family! from the Bishop of &ene"a! from the Barna$ites! an from a "ast num$er of persons $esi es4 %y el est son came to fin me on the eath of my mother7in7law! which was an augmentation of my trou$les. After we ha hear all his accounts of things an how they ha ma e sales of all the mo"ea$les! chosen guar ians! an settle e"ery article! without consulting me. I seeme to $e there entirely useless. It was 5u ge not proper for me to return! consi ering the rigor of the season. The %archioness of Prunai! who ha $een so warmly esirous of my company! seeing my great crosses an reproaches! loo,e col ly upon me. %y chil li,e simplicity! which was the state wherein &o at that time ,ept me! passe with her for stupi ity. Cor when the Auestion was to help anyone! or a$out anything which &o reAuire of me! He ga"e me! with the wea,ness of a

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chil ! the e"i ent to,ens of i"ine strength. Her heart was Auite shut up to me all the time I was there. Our *or ! howe"er! ma e me foretell e"ents which shoul happen! which since that time ha"e actually $een fulfille ! as well to herself as to her aughter! an to the "irtuous ecclesiastic who li"e at her house. 2he i not fail! at last! to concei"e more frien ship for me! seeing then that Christ was in me. It was the force of self7lo"e! an fear of reproach! which ha close up her heart. %oreo"er! she thought her state more a "ance than in reality it was! $y reason of her $eing without tests# $ut she soon saw $y e+perience that I ha tol her the truth. 2he was o$lige for family reasons to lea"e Turin! an go to li"e on her own estate. 2he solicite me to go with her! $ut the e ucation of my aughter i not permit. To stay at Turin without her seeme improper! $ecause! ha"ing li"e "ery retire in this place! I ma e no acAuaintance in it. I ,new not which way to turn. The Bishop of Herceil! where Cather *a Com$e was! most o$ligingly wrote to me! earnestly entreating me to come! promising me his protection! an assuring me of his esteem! a ing! 3that he shoul loo, upon me as his own sister# that he wishe e+tremely to ha"e me there.6 It was his own sister! one of my particular frien s! who ha written to him a$out me! as ha also a Crench gentleman! an acAuaintance of his. But a point of honor ,ept me from it. I woul not ha"e it sai that I ha gone after Cather *a Com$e! an that I ha come to Turin only for the purpose of going to Herceil. He ha also his reputation to preser"e! which was the cause that he coul not agree to my going thither! howe"er importunate the Bishop was for it. Ha we $elie"e it to $e the will of &o ! we woul $oth of us ha"e passe o"er these consi erations. &o ,ept us $oth in so great a epen ence on His or ers! that He i not let us fore,now them# $ut the i"ine moment of His pro"i ence etermine e"erything. This pro"e of "ery great ser"ice to Cather *a Com$e! who ha long wal,e in assurances! to ie to them an to Himself. &o $y an effect of His goo ness! that he might thus ie without any reser"e! too, them all from him. 1uring the whole time of my resi ence at Turin! our *or conferre on me "ery great fa"ors. I foun myself e"ery ay more transforme into Him! an ha continually more ,nowle ge of the state of souls! without e"er $eing mista,en or ecei"e therein! though some were willing to persua e me to thin, the contrary. I ha use my utmost en ea"ors to gi"e myself other thoughts! which has cause me not a little pain. /hen I tol ! or wrote to Cather *a Com$e a$out the state of some souls! which appeare to him more perfect an a "ance than the ,nowle ge gi"en to me of them! he attri$ute it to pri e. He was angry with me! an pre5u ice against my state. I ha no uneasiness on account of his esteeming me the less! for I was not in a con ition to reflect whether he esteeme me or not. He coul not reconcile my willing o$e ience in most things! with so e+traor inary a firmness! which in certain cases he loo,e upon as criminal. He a mitte a istrust of my grace# he was not yet sufficiently confirme in his way! nor i he uly comprehen ! that it i not in any wise epen on me to $e one way or another. If I ha any such power I shoul ha"e suite myself to what he sai ! to spare myself the crosses which my firmness cause me. Or! at least! I woul ha"e artfully issem$le my real sentiments. I coul o neither. /ere all to perish $y it! I was in such a manner constraine ! that I coul not for$ear telling him the things! 5ust as our *or irecte me to tell them to him. In this he ha gi"en me an in"iola$le fi elity to the "ery last. No crosses or pains ha"e e"er ma e me fail a moment therein. These things then! which appeare to him to $e the strong pre5u ice of a conceite opinion! set him at "ariance against me. Though he i not openly show it! on the contrary trie to conceal it from me# yet how far istant soe"er he were from me! I coul not $e ignorant of it. /hy spirit felt it! an that more or less! as the opposition was stronger or wea,er# as soon as it a$ate or en e ! my pain! occasione there$y! cease . He also! on his si e! e+perience the same. He has tol me an written to me many times o"er! 3/hen I stan well with &o ! I fin I am well with you. /hen I am otherwise with Him! I then fin myself to $e so with you also.6 Thus he saw clearly that when &o recei"e him! it was always in uniting him to me! as if He woul accept of nothing from him $ut in this union.

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/hile he was at Turin! a wi ow who was a goo ser"ant of &o ! all in the $rightness of sensi$ility! came to him to confess. 2he uttere won erful things of her state. I was then at the other si e of the confessional. He tol me! 3He ha met with a soul gi"en up to &o # that it was she who was present# that he was "ery much e ifie $y her# that he was far from fin ing the li,e in me# that I operate nothing $ut eath upon his soul.6 At first I re5oice at his ha"ing met with such a holy soul. It e"er gi"es me the highest 5oy to see my &o glorifie . As I was returning! the *or showe me clearly the state of that soul! as only a $eginning of e"otion mi+e with affection an a little silence! fille with a new sensation. This an more! as it was set $efore me! I was o$lige to write to him. On his first rea ing of my letter he isco"ere the stamp of truth in it# $ut soon after! letting in again his ol reflections! he "iewe all I wrote in the light of pri e. He still ha in his min the or inary rules of humility concei"e an comprise after our manner. As to me! I let myself $e le as a chil ! who says an oes! without istinction! whate"er it is ma e to say an o. I left myself to $e le wheresoe"er my hea"enly Cather please ! high or low# all was ali,e goo to me. He wrote to me! that! at his first rea ing of my letter there appeare in it something of truth# $ut that on rea ing it o"er again! he foun it to $e full of pri e! an of preference of my own iscernments to that of others. 2ome time after he was more enlightene in regar to the state I was in. He then sai ! 3continue to $elie"e as you ha"e one# I encourage an e+hort you to o it.6 2ome time after he sufficiently isco"ere ! $y that person.s manner of acting! that she was "ery far from what he ha thought. I gi"e this as only one instance. I might gi"e many others! $ut this may suffice.

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CHAPTER 1< One night in a ream our *or showe me! that He woul also purify the mai whom He ha gi"en me! ma,e her truly enter into eath to herself. I freely resol"e to suffer for her! as I i for Cather *a Com$e. As she resiste &o much more than he! an was much more un er the power of self7lo"e! she ha more to $e purifie from. /hat I coul not tolerate in her was her regar for herself. I saw clearly that the e"il cannot hurt us only so far as we retain some fon ness for this corrupt self. This sight was from &o . He ga"e me the iscerning of spirits! which woul e"er accept what was from Him! or re5ect what was not# that not from any common metho s of 5u ging! not from any outwar information! $ut $y an inwar principle which is His gift alone. It is nee ful to mention here that souls which are yet in themsel"es! whate"er egree of light an ar or they ha"e attaine ! are unAualifie for it. They often thin, they ha"e this iscernment! when it is nothing else $ut sympathy or antipathy of nature. Our *or estroye in me e"ery sort of natural antipathy. The soul must $e "ery pure! an epen ing on &o alone! that all these things may $e e+perience in Him. In proportion as this mai $ecame inwar ly purifie ! my pain a$ate ! till the *or let me ,now her state was going to $e change ! which soon happily ensue . In comparison of inwar pain for souls! outwar persecutions! though e"er so "iolent! scarce ga"e me any. The Bishop of &ene"a wrote to ifferent persons. He wrote in my fa"or to such as he thought woul show me his letters! an Auite the contrary in the letters which he thought I woul ne"er see. It was so or ere that these persons! ha"ing showe each other their letters recei"e from him! were struc, with in ignation to see in him so shameful a uplicity. They sent me those letters that I might ta,e proper precautions. I ,ept them two years! an then $urne them! not to hurt the prelate. The strongest $attery he raise against me was what he i with the 2ecretary

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of 2tate! who hel that post in con5unction with the %archioness of Prunai.s $rother. He use all imagina$le en ea"ors to ren er me o ious. He employe certain a$$ots for that purpose! insomuch that! though I appeare "ery little a$roa ! I was well ,nown $y the escription this $ishop ha gi"en of me. This i not ma,e so much impression as it woul ha"e one! if he ha appeare in a $etter light at Court. 2ome letters of his! which her royal highness foun after the prince.s eath! written to him against her! ha effect on the princess! that! instea of ta,ing any notice of what he now wrote against me! she showe me great respect. 2he sent her reAuest to me to come to see her. Accor ingly I waite on her. 2he assure me of her protection! an that she was gla of my $eing in her ominions. It please &o here to ma,e use of me to the con"ersion of two or three ecclesiastics. But I ha much to suffer from their repugnances an many infi elities'(one of whom ha "ilifie me greatly'(an e"en after his con"ersion turne asi e into his ol ways. &o at length graciously restore him.

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As I was un etermine whether I shoul place my aughter at the Hisitation of Turin! or ta,e some other course# I was e+cee ingly surprise ! at a time I least e+pecte it! to see Cather *a Com$e arri"e from Herceil. He tol me that I must return to Paris without any elay. It was in the e"ening! an he sai ! 3set off the ne+t morning.6 I confess this su en news startle me. It was for me a ou$le sacrifice to return to a place where they ha crie me own so much# also towar a family which hel me in contempt! an who ha represente my 5ourney! cause $y pure necessity! as a "oluntary course! pursue through human attachments. Behol me then ispose to go off! without offering a single wor in reply! with my aughter an my mai ! without any$o y to gui e an atten us. Cather *a Com$e was resol"e not to accompany me! not so much as passing the mountains. The Bishop of &ene"a ha written on all si es that I was gone to Turin to run after him. But the Cather Pro"incial! who was a man of Auality! an well acAuainte with the "irtue of Cather *a Com$e! tol him! that it was improper an unsafe to "enture on these mountains! without some person of acAuaintance# the more as I ha my little aughter with me. He therefore or ere him to accompany me. Cather *a Com$e confesse to me that he ha some reluctance to o it! an only o$e ience! an the anger to which I shoul ha"e $een e+pose ! ma e him surmount it. He was only to accompany me to &reno$le! an from thence to return to Turin. I went off then! esigning for Paris! there to suffer whate"er crosses an trials it shoul please &o to inflict. /hat ma e me go $y &reno$le was the esire I ha to spen two or three ays with a la y! an eminent ser"ant of &o ! an one of my frien s. /hen I was there Cather *a Com$e an that la y spo,e to me not to go any farther. &o woul glorify Himself in me an $y me in that place. He returne to Herceil! an I left myself to $e con ucte as a chil $y Pro"i ence. This la y too, me to the house of a goo wi ow! there not $eing accommo ations at the inn. As I was or ere to stop at &reno$le! at her house I resi e . I place my aughter in a con"ent! an resol"e to employ all this time in resigning myself to $e possesse in solitu e $y Him who is the a$solute 2o"ereign of my soul. I ma e not any "isit in this place# no more ha I in any of the others where I ha so5ourne . I was greatly surprise when! a few ays after my arri"al! there came to see me se"eral persons who ma e profession of a singular e"otion to &o . I percei"e imme iately a gift which He ha gi"en me! of a ministering to each that which suite their states. I felt myself in"este ! all of a su en! with the apostolic state. I iscerne the con itions of the souls of such persons as spo,e to me! an that with so much facility! that they were surprise at it! an sai one to another! that I ga"e e"ery one of them 3the "ery thing they ha stoo in nee of.6 It was thou! O my &o ! who i st all these things# some of them sent others to me. It came to such e+cess! that! generally from si+ in the morning till eight in the e"ening! I was ta,en up in spea,ing of the *or . People floc,e on all si es! far an near! friars! priests! men of the worl ! mai s! wi"es! wi ows! all came one after another. The *or supplie me with

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what was pertinent an satisfactory to them all! after a won erful manner! without any share of my stu y or me itation therein. Nothing was hi from me of their interior state! an of what passe within them. Here! O my &o ! Thou ma est an infinite num$er of conAuests ,nown to Thyself only. They were instantly furnishe with a won erful facility of prayer. &o conferre on them His grace plentifully! an wrought mar"elous changes in them. The most a "ance of these souls foun ! when with me! in silence! a grace communicate to them which they coul neither comprehen ! nor cease to a mire. The others foun an unction in my wor s! an that they operate in them what I sai . Criars of ifferent or ers! an priests of merit! came to see me! to whom our *or grante "ery great fa"ors! as in ee He i to all! without e+ception! who came in sincerity. One thing was surprising# I ha not a sylla$le to say to such as came only to watch my wor s! an to critici-e them. E"en when I thought to try to spea, to them! I felt that I coul not! an that &o woul not ha"e me o it. 2ome of them in return sai ! 3The people are fools to go to see that la y. 2he cannot spea,.6 Others of them treate me as if I were only a stupi simpleton. After they left me there came one an sai ! 3I coul not get hither soon enough to appri-e you not to spea, to those persons# they come from such an such! to try what they can catch from you to your isa "antage.6 I answere them! 3Our *or has pre"ente your charity# for I was not a$le to say one wor to them.6 I felt that what I spo,e flowe from the fountain an that I was only the instrument of Him who ma e me spea,. Ami this general applause! our *or ma e me comprehen what the apostolic state was! with which He ha honore me! that to gi"e one.s self up to the help of souls! in the purity of His 2pirit! was to e+pose one.s self to the most cruel persecutions. These "ery wor s were imprinte on my heart> 3To resign oursel"es to ser"e our neigh$or is to sacrifice oursel"es to a gi$$et. 2uch as now proclaim! 'LMBlesse is he who cometh in the name of the *or !. will soon cry out! 'LMAway with him! crucify him..6 /hen one of my frien s spea,ing of the general esteem the people ha for me! I sai to her! 3O$ser"e what I now tell you! that you will hear curses out of the same mouths which at present pronounce $lessings.6 Our *or ma e me comprehen that I must $e conforma$le to Him in all His states# an that! if He ha continue in a pri"ate life with His parents! He ne"er ha $een crucifie # that! when He woul resign any of His ser"ants to crucifi+ion! He employe such in the ministry an ser"ice of their neigh$ors. It is certain that all the souls employe herein $y apostolic estination from &o ! an who are truly in the apostolic state! are to suffer e+tremely. I spea, not of those who put themsel"es into it! who! not $eing calle of &o in a singular manner! an ha"ing nothing of the grace of the apostleship! ha"e none of its crosses# $ut of those only who surren er themsel"es to &o without any reser"e! an who are willing with their whole hearts to $e e+pose ! for His sa,e! to sufferings without any mitigation.

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Among so great a num$er of goo souls! on whom our *or wrought much $y me! some were gi"en me only as plants to culti"ate. I ,new their state! $ut ha not that near connection with! or authority o"er them! which I ha o"er others. It was then that I comprehen e the true maternity $eyon what I ha one $efore# for those of the latter ,in were gi"en me as chil ren! of whom some were faithful. I ,new they woul $e so# they were closely unite to me in pure charity. Others were unfaithful# I ,new that of these some woul ne"er return from their infi elity! an they were ta,en from me. 2ome! after slipping asi e! were reco"ere . Both of them cost me much istress an inwar pain! when! for want of courage to ie to themsel"es! they ga"e up the point# an re"olte from the goo $eginning they ha $een fa"ore with.

Our *or ! among such multitu es as followe Him on earth! ha few true chil ren. /herefore He sai to His Cather! 3Those that thou ga"est me I ha"e ,ept! an none of them is lost $ut the son of per ition!6 showing that He lost not any $esi e of His apostles! or isciples! though they sometimes ma e false steps. Among the friars who came to see me! there was one Or er which isco"ere the goo effects of grace more than any other. 2ome of that "ery or er ha $efore this! in a little town where Cather *a Com$e was in the e+ercise of his mission! $een actuate with a false -eal! an "iolent in persecuting all the goo souls which ha sincerely e icate themsel"es to &o ! plaguing them after such a manner as can scarce $e concei"e . They $urne all their $oo,s which treate of silence an inwar prayer! refusing a$solution to such as were in the practice of it! ri"ing into consternation! an almost into espair! such as ha formerly le wic,e li"es! $ut were now reforme ! an preser"e in grace $y means of prayer! $ecoming spotless an $lameless in their con uct. These friars ha procee e to such an e+cess of wil -eal as to raise a se ition in that town! in which a father of the oratory! a person of istinction an merit! recei"e stro,es with a stic, in the open street! $ecause he praye e+tempore in the e"enings! an on 2un ays ma e a short fer"ent prayer! which insensi$ly ha$ituate these goo souls to the use an practice of the li,e. I ne"er ha so much consolation as to see in this little town so many pious souls who with a hea"enly emulation ga"e up their whole hearts to &o . There were girls of twel"e or thirteen years of age! who in ustriously followe their wor, almost all the ay long! in silence! an in their employments en5oye a communion with &o ! ha"ing acAuire a fi+e ha$it. As these girls were poor! they place themsel"es two an two together! an such as coul o it rea to the others who coul not. One saw there the innocence of the primiti"e Christians re"i"e . There was in that town a poor laun ress who ha fi"e chil ren! an a hus$an paralytic! lame in the right arm! an yet worse istempere in min than in $o y. He ha little strength left for anything else than to $eat her. This poor woman $ore it with all the mee,ness an patience of an angel! while she $y her la$or supporte him an his fi"e chil ren. 2he ha a won erful gift of prayer! an ami her great suffering an e+treme po"erty! preser"e the presence of &o ! an tranAuility of min . There was also a shop,eeper! an one who ma e loc,s! "ery much affecte with &o . These were close frien s. 2ometimes the one an sometimes the other rea to this laun ress# an they were surprise to fin that she was instructe $y the *or Himself in all they rea to her! an spo,e i"inely of it. Those friars sent for this woman! an threatene her much if she i not lea"e off prayer! telling her it was only for churchmen to pray! an that she was "ery $ol to practice it. 2he replie ! that 3Christ ha comman e all to pray!6 that He ha sai ! 3/hat I say unto you I say unto all6 =%ar, 1;>;;! ;J@! without specifying either priests or friars# that without prayer she coul not support her crosses an po"erty# that formerly she ha li"e without it! an then was "ery wic,e # that since she ha $een in the e+ercise of it! she ha lo"e &o with all her soul# so that to lea"e off prayer was to renounce her sal"ation! which she coul not o. 2he a e that they might ta,e twenty persons who ha ne"er practice prayer! an twenty of those who were in the practice of it. Then! sai she! 3Inform yoursel"es of the li"es of $oth sorts! an ye will see if ye ha"e any reason to cry out against prayer.6 2uch wor s as these! from such a woman! one woul thin, might ha"e fully con"ince them# $ut instea of that! it only irritate them the more. They assure her that she shoul ha"e no a$solution till she promise them to esist from prayer. 2he sai that epen e not on her! an that Christ is master of what He communicates to His creatures! an of oing with it what He pleases. They refuse her a$solution# an after railing at a goo tailor! who ser"e &o with his whole heart! they or ere all the $oo,s without e+ception! which treate on prayer to $e $rought to them. They $urne them with their own

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han s in the pu$lic sAuare. They were "ery much elate with their performance# $ut all the town presently arose in an uproar. The principal men went to the Bishop of &ene"a! an complaine to him of the scan als of these new missionaries! so ifferent from the others. 2pea,ing of Cather *a Com$e! who ha $een there $efore them on his mission! they sai that these seeme as if they were sent to estroy all the goo he ha one. The $ishop was force to come himself to that town! an there to mount the pulpit! protesting that he ha no share in it! an that these fathers ha pushe their -eal too far. The friars! on the other si e eclare ! they ha one all they i ! pursuant to the or ers gi"en them. There were also at Tonon young women who ha retire together! $eing poor "illagers! the $etter to earn their li"elihoo an to ser"e &o . One of them rea from time to time! while the others were at wor,! an not one went out without as,ing lea"e of the el est. They wo"e ri$$an s! or spun! the strong supporting the wea,. They separate these poor girls! an others $esi e them! in se"eral "illages! an ro"e them out of the church. It was the friars of the "ery or er whom our *or ma e use of to esta$lish prayer in =I ,now not how@ many places. Into the places where they went! they carrie a hun re times more $oo,s of prayer than those which their $rethren ha $urne . The han of &o appeare to me won erfully in these things.

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One ay when I was sic,! a $rother who ha s,ill in curing iseases! came for a charita$le collection! $ut hearing I was ill! came in to see me! an ga"e me me icines proper for my isor er. /e entere into a con"ersation which re"i"e in him the lo"e he ha for &o ! which he ac,nowle ge ha $een too much stifle $y his occupations. I ma e him comprehen that there was no employment which shoul hin er him from lo"ing &o ! an from $eing occupie within himself. He rea ily $elie"e me! as he alrea y ha a goo share of piety! an of an interior isposition. Our *or conferre on him many fa"ors! an ga"e him to $e one of my true chil ren. I saw at this time! or rather e+perience the groun on which &o re5ects sinners from His $osom. All the cause of &o .s re5ection is in the will of the sinner. If that will su$mits! how horri$le soe"er he $e! &o purifies him in his lo"e! an recei"es him into his grace# $ut while that will re$els! the re5ection continues. Cor want of a$ility secon ing his inclination! he shoul not commit the sin he is incline to! yet he ne"er can $e a mitte into grace till the cause ceases! which is this wrong will! re$ellious to the i"ine law. If that once su$mits! &o then totally remo"es the effects of sin! which stain the soul! $y washing away the efilements which he has contracte . If that sinner ies in the time that his will is re$ellious an turne towar sin! as eath fi+es fore"er the isposition of the soul! an the cause of its impurity is e"er su$sisting! such soul can ne"er $e recei"e into &o . Its re5ection must $e eternal! as there is such an a$solute opposition $etween essential purity an essential impurity. An as this soul! from its own nature necessarily ten s to its own center! it is continually re5ecte of the *or ! $y reason of its impurity! su$sisting not only in the effects! $ut in their cause. It is the same way in this life. This cause! so long as it su$sists! a$solutely hin ers the grace of &o from operating in the soul. But if the sinner comes to ie truly penitent! then the cause! which is the wrong will! $eing ta,en away! there remains only the effect or impurity cause $y it. He is then in a con ition to $e purifie . &o of his infinite mercy has pro"i e a la"er of lo"e an of 5ustice! a painful la"er in ee ! to purify this soul. An as the efilement is greater or less! so is the pain# $ut when the cause is utterly ta,en away! the pain entirely ceases. 2ouls! are recei"e into grace! as soon as the cause of sin ceases# $ut they o not pass into the *or Himself! till all its effects are washe away. If they ha"e not courage to let Him! in His own way an will! thoroughly cleanse an purify them! they ne"er enter into the pure i"inity in this life.

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The *or incessantly solicits this will to cease to $e re$ellious! an spares nothing on His si e for this goo en . The will is free! yet grace follows it still. As soon as the will ceases to re$el! it fin s grace at the oor! rea y to intro uce its unspea,a$le $enefits. O! the goo ness of the *or an $aseness of the sinner! each of them ama-ing when clearly seen4

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Before I arri"e at &reno$le! the la y! my frien ! saw in a ream that our *or ga"e me an infinite num$er of chil ren all uniformly cla ! $earing on their ha$its the mar,s of can or an innocence. 2he thought I was coming to ta,e care of the chil ren of the hospital. But as soon as she tol me! I iscerne that it was not that which the ream meant# $ut that our *or woul gi"e me! $y a spiritual fruitfulness! a great num$er of chil ren# that they woul not $e my true chil ren! $ut in simplicity! can or an innocence. 2o great an a"ersion I ha"e to artifice an isguise.

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CHAPTER 1D The physician of whom I ha"e spo,en! was ispose to lay open his heart to me. Our *or ga"e him through me all that was necessary for him# for though ispose to the spiritual life! yet for want of courage an fi elity he ha not uly a "ance in it. He ha occasion to $ring to me some of his companions who were friars# an the *or too, hol of them all. It was at the "ery same time! that the others of the same or er were ma,ing all the ra"ages I ha"e mentione ! an opposing with all their might the Holy 2pirit of the *or . I coul not $ut a mire to see how the *or was please to ma,e amen s for former amages! pouring out His 2pirit in a$un ance on these men! while the others were la$oring "ehemently against it! oing all they coul to estroy its ominion an efficacy in their fellow7mortals. But those goo souls instea of $eing staggere $y persecutions! grew the stronger $y it. The 2uperior! an the master of the no"ices of the house in which this octor was! eclare against me! without ,nowing me. They were grie"ously chagrine that a woman! as they sai ! shoul $e so much floc,e to! an so much sought after. *oo,ing at things as they were in themsel"es! an not as they were in the *or ! who oes whate"er pleases Him! they ha contempt for the gift which was lo ge in so mean an instrument! instea of esteeming the *or an His grace. )et this goo $rother at length got the superior to come to see me! an than, me for the goo which he sai I ha one. Our *or so or ere ! that he foun something in my con"ersation which reache an too, hol of him. At length he was completely $rought o"er. He it was! who some time after! $eing "isitor! isperse such a num$er of those $oo,s! $ought at their own charge! which the others ha trie utterly to estroy. Oh! how won erful art Thou! my &o 4 In all Thy ways how wise! in all Thy con uct how full of lo"e4 How well Thou canst frustrate all the false wis om of men! an triumph o"er their "ain pretentions4 There were in this no"itiate many no"ices. The el est of them grew so "ery uneasy un er his "ocation! that he ,new not what to o. 2o great was his trou$le that he coul neither rea ! stu y! pray! nor o scarcely any of his uties. His companion $rought him to me. /e spo,e awhile together! an the *or isco"ere to me $oth the cause of his isor er an its reme y. I tol it to him# an he $egan to practice prayer! e"en that of the heart. He was on a su en won erfully change ! an the *or highly fa"ore him. As I spo,e to him grace wrought in his heart! an his soul ran, it in! as the parche groun oes the gentle rain. He felt himself relie"e of his pain $efore he left the room. He then rea ily! 5oyfully! an perfectly performe all his e+ercises! which $efore were one with reluctance an isgust. He now $oth stu ie an praye easily! an ischarge all his uties! in such a manner! that he was scarce ,nown to himself or to others. /hat astonishe him most was a remar,a$le gift of prayer. He saw that there was rea ily gi"en

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him what he coul ne"er ha"e $efore! whate"er pains he too, for it. This enli"ening gift was the principle which ma e him act! ga"e him grace for his employments! an an inwar fruition of the grace of &o ! which $rought all goo with it. He gra ually $rought me all the no"ices! all of whom partoo, of the effects of grace! though ifferently! accor ing to their ifferent temperaments. Ne"er was there a more flourishing no"itiate. The master an superior coul not for$ear a miring so great a change in their no"ices! though they i not ,now the cause of it. One ay! as they were spea,ing of it to the collector! for they esteeme him highly on account of his "irtue! he sai ! 3%y fathers! if you will permit me! I will tell you the reason of it. It is the la y against whom you ha"e e+claime so much without ,nowing her! whom &o has ma e use of for all of this.6 They were "ery surprise # an $oth the master! though a "ance in age! an his superior then su$mitte hum$ly to practice prayer! after the manner taught $y a little $oo,! which the *or inspire me to write! an of which I shall say more hereafter. They reape such $enefit from it! that the superior sai to me! 3I am $ecome Auite a new man. I coul not practice prayer $efore! $ecause my reasoning faculty was grown ull an e+hauste # $ut now I o it as often as I will! with ease! with much fruit! an a Auite ifferent sensation of the presence of &o .6 An the master sai ! 3I ha"e $een a friar these forty years! an can truly say that I ne"er ,new how to pray# nor ha"e I e"er ,nown or taste of &o ! as I ha"e one since I rea that little $oo,.6 %any others were gaine to &o ! whom I loo,e on to $e my chil ren. He ga"e me three famous friars! of an or er $y which I ha"e $een! an still am! "ery much persecute . He ma e me also of ser"ice to a great num$er of nuns! of "irtuous young women! an e"en men of the worl # among the rest a young man of Auality! who ha Auitte the or er of the ,nights of %alta! to ta,e that of the priesthoo . He was the relation of a $ishop near him! who ha other esigns of preferment for him. He has $een much fa"ore of the *or ! an is constant in prayer. I coul not escri$e the great num$er of souls which were then gi"en me! as well mai s! as wi"es! priests an friars. But there were three curates! one canon! an one gran 7"icar! who were more particularly gi"en me. There was one priest for whom I suffere much! through his not $eing willing to ie to himself! an lo"ing himself too much. /ith a sa regret I saw him ecaying! falling away. As for the others there are some of them who ha"e continue ste fast an immo"a$le! an some whom the tempest has sha,en a little! $ut not torn away. Though these start asi e! yet they still return. But those who are snatche Auite away return no more. There was one true aughter gi"en me! whom our *or ma e use of to gain many others to Him. 2he was in a strange state of eath when I first saw her! an $y me He ga"e her life an peace. 2he afterwar ! fell e+tremely ill. The octors sai she woul ie# $ut I ha an assurance of the contrary! an that &o woul ma,e use of her to gain souls! as he has one. There was in a monastery a young woman confine in a state of istraction. I saw her! ,new her case! an that it was not what they thought it was. As soon as I ha spo,en to her she reco"ere . But the prioress i not li,e that I shoul tell her my thoughts of it! $ecause the person who ha $rought her thither was her frien . They plague her more than $efore! an threw her $ac, again into her istraction. A sister of another monastery ha $een for eight years in a eep melancholy! unrelie"e $y anyone. Her irector increase it! $y practicing reme ies contrary to her isor er. I ha ne"er $een in that monastery# for I i not go into such places! unless I was sent for! as I i not thin, it right to intru e! $ut left myself to $e con ucte of Pro"i ence. I was "ery much surprise that at eight o.cloc, at night one came for me from the prioress. It was in the long ays of summer! an $eing near! I went. I met with a sister who tol me her case. 2he ha gone to such e+cess! that seeing no reme y for it! she ha ta,en a ,nife to ,ill herself. The ,nife fell out of her han an a person coming to see her ha a "ise her to spea, to me. Our *or ma e me ,now at first

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what the matter was# an that He reAuire her to resign herself to Him! instea of resisting Him as they ha ma e her o for eight years. I was instrumental to raw her into such a resignation! that she entere at once into a peace of para ise# all her pains an trou$les were instantly $anishe # an ne"er returne again. 2he has the greatest capacity of any in the house. 2he was presently so change as to $e the a miration of the whole community. Our *or ga"e her a "ery great gift of prayer an His continual presence! with a faculty an rea iness for e"erything. A omestic also! who ha trou$le her for twenty7two years past! was eli"ere from her trou$les. That pro uce a close tie of frien ship $etween the prioress an me! as the won erful change an the peace of this sister surprise her! she ha"ing so often seen her in her terri$le sorrow. I also contracte other such ties in this monastery! where there are souls un er the *or .s special regar ! whom He rew to Himself $y the means He ha $een please to ma,e choice. I was specially mo"e to rea the Holy 2criptures. /hen I $egan I was impelle to write the passage! an instantly its e+plication was gi"en me! which I also wrote! going on with inconcei"a$le e+pe ition! light $eing poure in upon me in such a manner! that I foun I ha in myself latent treasures of wis om an ,nowle ge which I ha not yet ,nown of. Before I wrote I ,new not what I was going to write. An after I ha written! I remem$ere nothing of what I ha penne # nor coul I ma,e use of any part of it for the help of souls. The *or ga"e me! at the time I spo,e to them =without any stu y or reflection of mine@ all that was necessary for them. Thus the *or ma e me go on with an e+planation of the holy internal sense of the 2criptures. I ha no other $oo, $ut the Bi$le! nor e"er ma e use of any $ut that! an without e"en see,ing for any. /hen! in writing on the Ol Testament! I ma e use of passages of the New! to support what I ha sai ! it was without see,ing them! they were gi"en me along with the e+plication# an in writing on the New Testament! therein ma,ing use of passages of the Ol ! they were gi"en me in li,e manner without my see,ing anything. I ha scarce any time for writing $ut in the night! allowing only one or two hours to sleep. The *or ma e me write with so much purity! that I was o$lige to lea"e off or $egin again! as He was please to or er. /hen I wrote $y ay! often su enly interrupte ! I left the wor unfinishe ! an He afterwar ga"e me what He please . If I ga"e way to reflection I was punishe for it! an coul not procee . )et sometimes I was not uly attenti"e to the i"ine 2pirit! thin,ing I i well to continue when I ha time! e"en without feeling His imme iate impulse or enlightning influence! from whence it is easy to see some places clear an consistent! an others which ha"e neither taste nor unction# such is the ifference of the 2pirit of &o from the human an natural spirit. Although they are left 5ust as I wrote them! yet I am rea y! if or ere ! to a 5ust them accor ing to my present light. 1i st thou not! O my &o ! turn me a hun re ways! to pro"e whether I was without any reser"e! through e"ery ,in of trial! or whether I ha not yet some little interest for myself0 %y soul $ecame here$y rea ily too plia$le to e"ery isco"ery of the i"ine will! an whate"er ,in of humiliations atten e me to counter$alance my *or .s fa"ors! till e"erything! high or low! was ren ere ali,e to me. %ethin,s the *or acts with His earest frien s as the sea with its wa"es. 2ometimes it pushes them against the roc,s where they $rea, in pieces! sometimes it rolls them on the san ! or ashes them on the mire! then instantly it reta,es them into the epths of its own $osom! where they are a$sor$e with the same rapi ity that they were first e5ecte . E"en among the goo the far greater part are souls only of mercy# surely that is well# $ut to appertain to i"ine 5ustice! oh! how rare an yet how great4 %ercy is all istri$uti"e in fa"or of the creature! $ut 5ustice estroys e"erything of the creature! without sparing anything. The la y! who was my particular frien ! $egan to concei"e some 5ealousy on the applause gi"en me! &o so permitting if for the farther purification of her soul! through this wea,ness! an the pain it cause her. Also some confessors $egan to $e uneasy! saying that 3it was none of my

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$usiness to in"a e their pro"ince! an to me le in the helps of souls# that there were some of the penitents which ha a great affection for me.6 It was easy for me to o$ser"e the ifference $etween those confessors who! in their con ucting of souls! see, nothing $ut &o ! an those who see, themsel"es therein. The first came to see me! an re5oice greatly at the grace of &o $estowe on their penitents! without fi+ing their attention on the instrument. The others! on the contrary! trie un erhan to stir up the town against me. I saw that they woul $e in the right to oppose me! if I ha intru e of myself# $ut I coul o nothing $ut what the *or ma e me o. At times there came some to ispute an oppose me. Two friars came! one of them a man of profoun learning an a great preacher. They came separately! after ha"ing stu ie a num$er of ifficult things to propose to me. Though they were matters far out of my reach! the *or ma e me answer as 5ustly as if I ha stu ie them all my life# after which I spo,e to them as He inspire me. They went away not only con"ince an satisfie ! $ut affecte with the lo"e of &o . I still continue writing with a pro igious swiftness# for the han coul scarcely follow fast enough the 2pirit which ictate . Through the whole progress of so long a wor, I ne"er altere my manner nor ma e use of any other $oo, than the Bi$le itself. The transcri$er! whate"er iligence he use ! coul not copy in fi"e ays what I wrote in one night. /hate"er is goo in it comes from &o only. /hate"er is otherwise from myself# I mean from the mi+ture which I ha"e ma e! without uly atten ing to it! of my own impurity with his pure an chaste octrine. In the ay I ha scarcely time to eat! $y reason of the "ast num$ers of people which came thronging to me. I wrote the canticles in a ay an a half! an recei"e se"eral "isits $esi es. Here I may a to what I ha"e sai a$out my writings! that a consi era$le part of the $oo, of Gu ges happene $y some means to $e lost. Being esire to ren er that $oo, complete! I wrote again the places lost. Afterwar when the people were a$out lea"ing the house! they were foun . %y former an latter e+plications! on comparison! were foun to $e perfectly conforma$le to each other! which greatly surprise persons of ,nowle ge an merit! who atteste the truth of it. There came to see me a counselor of the parliament! a ser"ant of &o ! who fin ing on my ta$le a tract on prayer! which I ha written long $efore! esire me to len it. Ha"ing rea it an li,e it much! he lent it to some frien s! to whom he thought it might $e of ser"ice. E"eryone wante copies of it. He resol"e therefore to ha"e it printe . The impression was $egun! an proper appro$ations gi"en to it. They reAueste me to write a preface! which I i ! an thus was that little $oo, printe . This counselor was one of my intimate frien s! an a pattern of piety. The $oo, has alrea y passe through fi"e or si+ e itions# an our *or has gi"en a "ery great $ene iction to it. Those goo friars too, fifteen hun re of them. The e"il $ecame so enrage against me on account of the conAuest which &o ma e $y me! that I was assure he was going to stir up against me a "iolent persecution. All that ga"e me no trou$le. *et him stir up against me e"er so strange persecutions. I ,now they will all ser"e to the glory of my &o .

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A poor girl of "ery great simplicity! who earne her li"elihoo $y her la$or! an was inwar ly fa"ore of the *or ! came all sorrowful to me! an sai ! 3Oh my mother! what strange things ha"e I seen46 I as,e what they were! 3Alas6 sai she! 3I ha"e seen you li,e a lam$ in the mi st of a "ast troop of furious wol"es. I ha"e seen a frightful multitu e of people of all ran,s an ro$es! of all ages! se+es an con itions! priests! friars! marrie men! mai s an wi"es! with pi,es! hal$erts an rawn swor s! all eager for your instant estruction. )ou let them alone

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without stirring! or $eing surprise an without offering any way to efen yourself. I loo,e on all si es to see whether anyone woul come to assist an efen you# $ut I saw not one.6

2ome ays after! those! who through en"y were raising pri"ate $atteries against me! $ro,e forth. *i$els $egan to sprea . En"ious people wrote against me! without ,nowing me. They sai that I was a sorceress! that it was $y a magic power I attracte souls! that e"erything in me was ia$olical# that if I i charities! it was $ecause I coine ! an put off false money! with many other gross accusations! eAually false! groun less an a$sur . As the tempest increase e"ery ay! some of my frien s a "ise me to with raw! $ut $efore I mention my lea"ing &reno$le! I must say something farther of my state while here. It seeme to me that all our *or ma e me o for souls! woul $e in union with Gesus Christ. In this i"ine union my wor s! ha won erful effect! e"en the formation of Gesus Christ in the souls of others. I was in no wise a$le of myself to say the things I sai . He who con ucte me ma e me say what he please ! an as long as He please . To some I was not permitte to spea, a wor # an to others there flowe forth as it were a eluge of grace! an yet this pure lo"e a mitte not of any superfluity! or a means of empty amusement. /hen Auestions were as,e ! to which an answer were useless! it was not gi"en me. It was the same in regar to such as our *or was please to con uct through eath to themsel"es! an who came to see, for human consolation. I ha nothing for them $ut what was purely necessary! an coul procee no farther. I coul at least only spea, of in ifferent things! in such li$erty as &o allows! in or er to suit e"eryone! an not to $e unsocia$le or isagreea$le to any# $ut for His own wor ! He Himself is the ispenser of it. Oh! if preachers were uly careful to spea, only in that spirit what fruits woul they $ring forth in the li"es of the hearers4 /ith my true chil ren I coul communicate $est in silence! in the spiritual language of the i"ine /or . I ha the consolation some time $efore to hear one rea in 2t. Augustine a con"ersation he ha with his mother. He complains of the necessity of returning from that hea"enly language to wor s. I sometimes sai ! 3Oh! my *o"e! gi"e me hearts large enough to recei"e an contain the fulness $estowe on me.6 After this manner! when the Holy Hirgin approache Eli-a$eth! a won erful commerce was maintaine $etween Gesus Christ an 2t. Gohn the Baptist! who after this manifeste no eagerness to come to see Christ! $ut was rawn to retire into the esert! to recei"e the li,e communications with the greatest plenitu e. /hen he came forth to preach repentance! he sai ! not that he was the /or ! $ut only a Hoice which was sent to ma,e way! or open a passage into the hearts of the people for Christ the /or . He $apti-e only with water! for that was his function# for! as the water in running off lea"es nothing! so oes the Hoice when it is past. But the /or $apti-e with the Holy &host! $ecause He imprinte Himself on souls! an communicate with them $y that Holy 2pirit. It is not o$ser"e that Gesus Christ sai anything uring the whole o$scure part of His life! though it is true that not any of His wor s shall $e lost. Oh *o"e! if all thou hast sai an operate in silence were to $e written! I thin, the whole worl coul not contain the $oo,s that shoul $e written. Gohn :1>:8. All that I e+perience was shown me in the Holy 2cripture. I saw with a miration that there passe nothing within my soul which was not in Gesus Christ an in the Holy 2criptures. I must pass o"er "ery many things in silence! $ecause they cannot $e e+presse . If they were e+presse they coul not $e un erstoo or comprehen e . I often felt much for Cather *a Com$e! who was not yet fi+e in his state of interior eath! $ut often rose an fell into alternati"es. I was ma e sensi$le that Cather *a Com$e was a "essel of election! whom &o ha chosen to carry His name among the &entiles! an that He woul show him how much he must suffer for that name. A carnal worl 5u ges carnally of them! an

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imputes to human attachment what is from the purest grace. If this union $y any e"iation $e $ro,en! the more pure an perfect it is! the more painfully will it $e felt# the separation of the soul from &o $y sin $eing worse than that from the $o y of eath. Cor myself I may say I ha a continual epen ence on &o ! in e"ery state# my soul was e"er willing to o$ey e"ery motion of His 2pirit. I thought there coul not $e anything in the worl which He coul reAuire from me! to which I woul not gi"e myself up rea ily an with pleasure. I ha no interest at all for myself. /hen &o reAuires anything from this wretche nothing! I fin no resistance left in me to o His will! how rigorous soe"er it may appear. If there is a heart in the worl of which Thou art the sole an a$solute master! mine seems to $e one of that sort. Thy will! howe"er rigorous! is its life an its pleasure. To resume the threa of my story! the Bishop of &reno$le.s Almoner persua e me to go for some time to %arseilles! to let the storm pass o"er. He tol me that I woul $e well recei"e there! it $eing his nati"e soil! an that many people of merit were there. I wrote to Cather *a Com$e for his consent. He rea ily ga"e it. I might ha"e gone to Herceil# for the Bishop of Herceil ha written me "ery o$liging letters! earnestly pressing me to come. But a human respect! an fear of affor ing a han le to my enemies! ga"e me an e+treme a"ersion thereto. Besi e the a$o"e! the %archioness of Prunai! who! since my eparture from her! ha $een more enlightene $y her own e+perience! ha"ing met with a part of the things which I thought woul $efall her! ha concei"e for me a "ery strong frien ship an intimate union of spirit! in such a manner that no two sisters coul $e more unite than we. 2he was e+tremely esirous that I woul return to her! as I ha formerly promise her. But I coul not resol"e upon this! lest it shoul $e thought that I was gone after Cather *a Com$e. There ha $een no room gi"en to any$o y to accuse me of any in irect attachment to him# for when it epen e on myself not to continue with him! I i not o it. The Bishop of &ene"a ha not faile to write against me to &reno$le! as he ha one to other places. His nephew ha gone from house to house to cry me own. All this was in ifferent to me# an I i not cease to o to his iocese all the goo in my power. I e"en wrote to him in a respectful manner# $ut his heart was too much close to yiel to anything. Before I left &reno$le! that goo girl I ha"e spo,en of came to me weeping! an tol me that I was going! an that I hi it from her! $ecause I woul ha"e no$o y ,now it# $ut that the 1e"il woul $e $efore me in all the places I shoul go to# that I was going to a town! where I woul scarce $e arri"e ! $efore he woul stir up the whole town against me! an woul o me all the harm he possi$ly coul . /hat ha o$lige me to conceal my eparture! was my fear of $eing loa e with "isits! an testimonies of frien ship from a num$er of goo persons! who ha a "ery great affection for me. I em$ar,e then upon the Rhone! with my mai an a young woman of &reno$le! whom the *or has highly fa"ore through my means. The Bishop of &reno$le.s Almoner also accompanie me! with another "ery worthy ecclesiastic. /e met with many alarming acci ents an won erful preser"ations# $ut those instant angers! which affrighte others! far from alarming me! augmente my peace. The Bishop of &reno$le.s Almoner was much astonishe . He was in a esperate fright! when the $oat struc, against a roc,! an opene at the stro,e. In his emotion loo,ing attenti"ely at me! he o$ser"e that I i not change my countenance! or mo"e my eye$rows! retaining all my tranAuillity. I i not so much as feel the first emotions of surprise! which are natural to e"ery$o y on those occasions! as they epen not on oursel"es. /hat cause my peace in such angers as terrify others! was my resignation to &o ! an $ecause eath is much more agreea$le to me than life! if such were His will! to which I esire to $e e"er patiently su$missi"e.

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A man of Auality! a ser"ant of &o ! an one of my intimate frien s ha gi"en me a letter for a ,night of %alta! who was "ery e"out! an whom I ha"e esteeme since I ha"e ,nown him! as a man whom our *or esigne to ser"e the or er of %alta greatly! an to $e its ornament an support $y his holy life. I ha tol him that I thought he shoul go thither! an that &o woul assure ly ma,e use of him to iffuse a spirit of piety into many of the ,nights. He has actually gone to %alta! where the first places were soon gi"en him. This man of Auality sent him my little $oo, of prayer an printe at &reno$le. He ha a chaplain "ery a"erse to the spiritual path. He too, this $oo,! an con emning it at once! went to stir up a part of the town! an among the rest a set of men who calle themsel"es the se"enty7two isciples of 2t. Cyran. I arri"e at %arseilles at ten o.cloc, in the morning! an that "ery afternoon all was in a noise against me. 2ome went to spea, to the $ishop! telling him that! on account of that $oo,! it was necessary to $anish me from the city. They ga"e him the $oo, which he e+amine with one of his pre$en s. He li,e it well. He sent for %onsieur %ala"al an a father Recollect! who he ,new ha come to see me a little after my arri"al! to inAuire of them from whence that great tumult ha its rise! which in ee ha no other effect on me than to ma,e me smile! seeing so soon accomplishe what that young woman ha foretol me. %onsieur %ala"al an that goo father tol the $ishop what they thought of me# after which he testifie much uneasiness at the insult gi"en me. I was o$lige to go to see him. He recei"e me with e+traor inary respect! an $egge my e+cuse for what ha happene # esire me to stay at %arseilles! an assure me that he woul protect me. He e"en as,e where I lo ge ! that he might come to see me. Ne+t ay the Bishop of &reno$le.s Almoner went to see him! with that other priest who ha come with us. The Bishop of %arseilles again testifie to them his sorrow for the insults gi"en me without any cause# an tol them! that it was usual with those persons to insult all such as were not of their ca$al! that they ha e"en insulte himself. They were not content with that. They wrote to me the most offensi"e letters possi$le! though at the same time they i not ,now me. I apprehen e that our *or was $eginning in earnest to ta,e from me e"ery place of a$o e# an those wor s were renewe in my min ! 3The fo+es ha"e holes! an the $ir s of the air ha"e nests! $ut the 2on of man hath not where to lay his hea .6 In the short time of my stay at %arseilles! I was instrumental in supporting some goo souls! an among others an ecclesiastic! who till then was unacAuainte with me. After ha"ing finishe his than,sgi"ing in the church! seeing me go out! he followe me into the house in which I lo ge . Then he tol me that the *or ha inspire him to a ress me! an to open his inwar state to me. He i it with as much simplicity as humility! an the *or ga"e him through me all that was necessary for him! from whence he was fille with 5oy! an than,ful ac,nowle gments to &o . Although there were many spiritual persons there! an e"en of his intimate frien s! he ne"er ha $een mo"e to open his min to any of them. He was a ser"ant of &o ! an fa"ore $y Him with a singular gift of prayer. 1uring the eight ays I was at %arseilles! I saw many goo souls there. Through all my persecutions! our *or always struc, some goo stro,e of His own right han ! an that goo ecclesiastic was eli"ere from an an+iety of min ! which ha much afflicte him for some years. After I ha left &reno$le! those who hate me! without ,nowing me! sprea li$els against me. A woman for whom I ha great lo"e! an whom I ha e"en e+tricate from an engagement which she ha continue in for se"eral years! an contri$ute to her iscar ing the person to whom she ha $een attache ! suffere her min to resume its fon ness for that pernicious engagement. 2he $ecame "iolently enrage against me for ha"ing $ro,en it off. Although I ha freely $een at some e+pense to procure her free om! still she went to the Bishop of &reno$le! to tell him that I ha counsele her to o an act of in5ustice. 2he then went from confessor to confessor! repeating the same story! to animate them against me. As they were too suscepti$le of the pre5u ices infuse ! the fire was soon ,in le in all Auarters. There were none $ut those who ,new me! an

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who lo"e &o ! that too, my part. They $ecame more closely unite to me in sympathy through my persecution. It woul ha"e $een "ery easy for me to estroy the calumny! as well with the Bishop of &reno$le. I nee e only to tell who the person was! an show the fruits of her isor er. I coul not eclare the guilty person! without ma,ing ,nown at the same time the other who ha $een her accomplice! who now! $eing touche of &o ! was "ery penitent! I thought it $est for me to suffer an $e silent. There was a "ery pious man who ,new all her history! from the $eginning to the en of it! who wrote to her! that if she i not retract her lies! he woul pu$lish the account of her wic,e life! to ma,e ,nown $oth her gross iniAuity an my innocence. 2he continue some time in her malice! writing that I was a sorceress! with many other falsehoo s. 2ome time after she ha such a cruel remorse of conscience on this account! that she wrote $oth to the $ishop an others to retract what she ha sai . 2he in uce one to write to me! to inform me that she was in espair for what she ha one# that &o ha punishe her. After these recantations the outcry a$ate ! the $ishop isa$use ! an since that time he has testifie a great regar for me. This creature ha ! among other things! sai that I cause myself to $e worshippe # also other unparallele follies. Crom %arseilles I ,new not how or whither I shoul turn ne+t. I saw no li,elihoo either of staying or of returning to &reno$le! where I ha left my aughter in a con"ent. Cather *a Com$e ha written to me that he i not thin, I ought to go to Paris. I e"en felt a strong repugnance to the i ea of going! which ma e me thin, it was not yet the time for it. One morning I felt myself inwar ly presse to go somewhere. I too, a con"eyance to go to see the %archioness of Prunai! which was! I thought! the most honora$le refuge for me in my present con ition. I thought I might pass through Nice on my way to her ha$itation! as some ha assure me I might. But when I arri"e at Nice! I was greatly surprise to learn that the con"eyance coul not pass the mountain. I ,new not what to o! nor which way to turn! alone! forsa,en of e"ery$o y! an not ,nowing what &o reAuire of me. %y confusion an crosses seeme to increase. I saw myself! without refuge or retreat! wan ering as a "aga$on . All the tra esmen! whom I saw in their shops! appeare to me happy! in ha"ing a welling of their own in which to retire. Nothing in the worl seeme har er than this wan ering life to me! who naturally lo"e propriety an ecorum. As I was in this uncertainty! not ,nowing what course to ta,e! one came to tell me that ne+t ay a sloop woul set off! which use to go in one ay to &enoa# an that if I chose it! they woul lan me at 2a"ona! from whence I might get myself carrie to the %archioness of Prunai.s house. To that I consente ! as I coul not $e supplie with any other way. I ha some 5oy at em$ar,ing on the sea. I sai in myself! 3If I am the regs of the earth! the scorn an offscouring of nature! I am now going to em$ar, on the element which a$o"e all others is the most treacherous# if it $e the *or .s pleasure to plunge me in the wa"es! it shall $e mine to perish in them.6 There came a tempest in a place angerous for a small $oat# an the mariners were some of the wic,e est. The irritation of the wa"es ga"e a satisfaction to my min . I please myself in thin,ing that those mutinous $illows might pro$a$ly supply me with a gra"e. Perhaps I carrie the point too far in the pleasure I too,! at seeing myself $eaten an $an ie $y the waters. Those who were with me! too, notice of my intrepi ity! $ut ,new not the cause of it. I as,e some little hole of a roc, to $e place in! there to li"e separate from all creatures. I figure to myself! that some uninha$ite islan woul ha"e terminate all my isgraces! an put me in a con ition of infalli$ly oing Thy will. Thou esigne st me a prison far ifferent from that of the roc,! an Auite another $anishment than that of the uninha$ite islan . Thou reser"est me to $e $attere $y $illows more irritate than those of the sea. Calumnies pro"e to $e the unrelenting wa"es! to which I was to $e e+pose ! in or er to $e lashe an tosse $y them without mercy. By the tempest we were ,ept $ac,! an instea of a short ay.s passage to &enoa! we were ele"en ays ma,ing it. How peacea$le was my heart in

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so "iolent an agitation4 /e coul not lan at 2a"ona. /e were o$lige to go on to &enoa. /e arri"e there in the $eginning of the wee, $efore Easter.

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/hile I was there I was o$lige to $ear the insults of the inha$itants! cause $y the resentment they ha against the Crench $ecause of the ha"oc of a late $om$ar ment. The 1oge was newly gone out of the city! an ha carrie off with him all the coaches. I coul not get one! an was o$lige to stay se"eral ays at e+cessi"e e+penses. The people there eman e of us e+or$itant sums! an as much for e"ery single person as they woul ha"e as,e for a company at the $est eating place in Paris. I ha little money left! $ut my store in Pro"i ence coul not $e e+hauste . I $egge with the greatest earnestness for a carriage at any price! to pass the feast of Easter at the %archioness of Prunai.s house. It was then within three ays of Easter. I coul scarce any way get myself to $e un erstoo . By the force of entreaty! they $rought me at length a sorry coach with lame mules! an tol me that they woul ta,e me rea ily to Herceil! which was only two ays Gourney! $ut eman e an enormous sum. They woul not engage to ta,e me to the %archioness of Prunai.s house! as they ,new not where her estate lay. This was to me a strong mortification# for I was "ery willing to go to Herceil# ne"ertheless the pro+imity of Easter# an want of money! in a country where they use e"ery ,in of e+tortion an tyranny! left me no choice. I was un er an a$solute necessity of su$mitting to $e thus con"eye to Herceil. Thus Pro"i ence le me whither I woul not. Our muleteer was one of the most $rutal men# an for an increase of my affliction! I ha sent away to Herceil the ecclesiastic who accompanie us! to pre"ent their surprise at seeing me there! after I ha proteste against going. That ecclesiastic was "ery coarsely treate on the roa ! through the hatre they $ore to the Crench. They ma e him go part of the way on foot! so that! though he set off the ay $efore me! he arri"e there only a few hours sooner than I i . As for the fellow who con ucte us! seeing he ha only women un er his care! he treate us in the most insolent an $oorish manner. /e passe through a woo infeste with ro$$ers. The muleteer was afrai ! an tol us! that! if we met any of them on the roa ! we shoul $e mur ere . They spare no$o y. 2carcely ha he uttere these wor s! when there appeare four men well arme . They imme iately stoppe us4 The man was e+cee ingly frightene . I ma e a light $ow of my hea ! with a smile! for I ha no fear! an was so entirely resigne to Pro"i ence! that it was all one to ie this way or any other# in the sea! or $y the han s of ro$$ers. /hen the angers were most manifest! then was my faith the strongest! as well as my intrepi ity! $eing una$le to wish for anything else than what shoul fall out! whether to $e ashe against the roc,s! rowne ! or ,ille in any other way# e"erything in the will of &o $eing eAual to me. The people who use to con"ey or atten me sai that they ha ne"er seen a courage li,e mine# for the most alarming angers! an the time when eath appeare the most certain! were those which seeme to please me the most. /as it not thy pleasure! O my &o ! which guar e me in e"ery imminent anger! an hel me $ac, from rolling own the precipice! on the instant of sli ing o"er its i--y $row0 The more easy I was a$out life! which I $ore only $ecause Thou wast please to $ear it! the more care Thou too,est to preser"e it. There seeme a mutual emulation $etween us! on my part to resign it! an on thine to maintain it. The ro$$ers then a "ance to the coach# $ut I ha no sooner salute them! than &o ma e them change their esign. Ha"ing pushe off one another! as it were! to hin er each of them from oing any harm# they respectfully salute me! an ! with an air of compassion! unusual to such sorts of persons! retire . I was imme iately struc, to the heart with a full an clear con"iction that it was a stro,e of Thy right han ! who ha other esigns o"er me than to suffer me to ie $y the han of ro$$ers. It is Thy so"ereign power which ta,es away their all from Thy e"ote lo"ers# an estroys their li"es with all that is of self without pity or sparing anything.

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The muleteer! seeing me atten e only with two young women! thought he might treat me as he woul ! perhaps e+pecting to raw money from me. Instea of ta,ing me to the inn! he $rought me to a mill! in which there was a woman. There was $ut one single room with se"eral $e s in it! in which the millers an muleteers lay together. In that cham$er they force me to stay. I tol the muleteer I was not a person to lie in such a place an wante to o$lige him to ta,e me to the inn. Nothing of it woul he o. I was constraine to go out on foot! at ten o.cloc, at night! carrying a part of my clothes! an to go a goo way more than a Auarter of a league in the ar,! in a strange place! not ,nowing the way! crossing one en of the woo infeste with ro$$ers! to en ea"or to get to the inn. That fellow! seeing us go off from the place! where he ha wante to ma,e me lo ge! hoote after us in a "ery a$usi"e manner. I $ore my humiliation cheerfully! $ut not without feeling it. But the will of &o an my resignation to it ren ere e"erything easy to me. /e were well recei"e at the inn# an the goo people there i the $est in their power for our reco"ery from the fatigue we ha un ergone. They assure us the place we ha left was "ery angerous. Ne+t morning we were o$lige to return on foot to the carriage for that man woul not $ring it to us. On the contrary! he ga"e us a shower of fresh insults. To consummate his $ase $eha"ior! he sol me to the post! where$y I was force to go the rest of the way in a postchaise instea of a carriage. In this eAuipage I arri"e at Ale+an ria! a frontier town! su$5ect to 2pain! on the si e of the %ilanese. Our ri"er too, us! accor ing to their custom! to the posthouse. I was e+cee ingly astonishe when I saw the lan la y coming out not to recei"e him! $ut to oppose his entrance. 2he ha hear there were women in the chaise! an ta,ing us for a ifferent sort of women from what we were! she proteste against our coming in. On the other han ! the ri"er was etermine to force his entrance in spite of her. Their ispute rose to such a height! that a great num$er of the officers of the garrison! with a mo$! gathere at the noise! who were surprise at the o humor of the woman in refusing to lo ge us. /ith earnestness I entreate the post to ta,e us to some other house! $ut he woul not# so o$stinately was he $ent on carrying his point. He assure the lan la y we were persons of honor an piety too# the mar,s whereof he ha seen. At last! $y force of pressing entreaties! he o$lige her to come to see us. As soon as she ha loo,e at us! she acte as the ro$$ers ha one# she relente at once an a mitte us. No sooner ha I alighte from the chaise! than she sai ! 3&o shut yoursel"es up in that cham$er har $y! an o not stir! that my son may not ,now you are here# as soon as he ,nows it he will ,ill you.6 2he sai it with so much force! as i also the ser"ant mai ! that! if eath ha not so many charms for me! I shoul ha"e $een rea y to ie with fear. The two poor girls with me were un er frightful apprehensions. /hen any stirre ! or came to open the oor! they thought they were coming to ,ill them. In short they continue in a rea ful suspense! $etween life an eath! till ne+t ay! when we learne that the young man ha sworn to ,ill any woman who lo ge at the house. A few ays $efore! an e"ent ha fallen out! which ha li,e to ha"e ruine him# a woman of a $a life ha"ing there pri"ately mur ere a man in some esteem! that ha cost the house a hea"y fine# an he was afrai of any more such persons coming! not without reason.

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CHAPTER 1? After these a "entures an others which it woul $e te ious to recite! I arri"e at Herceil. I went to the inn! where I was $a ly recei"e . I sent for Cather *a Com$e! who I thought ha $een alrea y apprise of my coming! $y the ecclesiastic whom I ha sent $efore! an who woul $e of so much ser"ice to me. This ecclesiastic was only a little while arri"e . How much $etter on the roa shoul I ha"e fare ! if I ha him with me4 Cor in that country they loo, upon la ies! accompanie with ecclesiastics! with "eneration! as persons of honor an piety. Cather *a

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Com$e came in a strange fret at my arri"al! &o so permitting it. He sai that e"ery one woul thin, I was come after him! an that woul in5ure his reputation! which in that country was "ery high. I ha no less pain to go. It was necessity only which ha o$lige me to su$mit to such a isagreea$le tas,. The father recei"e me with coolness! an in such a manner as let me sufficiently see his sentiments! an in ee re ou$le my pain. I as,e him if he reAuire me to return! a ing! if he i ! 3I woul go off that moment howe"er oppresse an spent! $oth with fatigues an fastings.6 He sai that he i not ,now how the Bishop of Herceil woul ta,e my arri"al! after he ha gi"en o"er all his e+pectations of it! an after I ha so long! an so o$stinately! refuse the o$liging offers he ha ma e me# since which he no longer e+presse any esire to see me. It seeme to me then as if I were re5ecte from the face of the earth! without $eing a$le to fin any refuge! an as if all creatures were com$ine to crush me. I passe that night without sleep! not ,nowing what course I shoul $e o$lige to ta,e! $eing persecute $y my enemies! an a su$5ect of isgrace to my frien s. /hen it was ,nown at the inn! that I was one of Cather *a Com$e.s acAuaintance! they treate me with greatest respect an ,in ness. They esteeme him as a saint. The father ,new not how to tell the $ishop of my arri"al! an I felt his pain more than my own. As soon as that Prelate ,new that I was arri"e ! he sent his niece! who too, me in her coach! an carrie me to her house. These things were only one out of ceremony# an the $ishop! not ha"ing seen me yet! ,new not what to thin, of a 5ourney so "ery une+pecte ! after I ha thrice refuse ! though he sent e+presses on purpose to $ring me to him. He was out of humor with me. Ne"ertheless! as he was informe that my esign was not to stay at Herceil! $ut to go to the %archioness of Prunai.s house! he ga"e or ers for me to $e well treate . He coul not see me till Easter 2un ay was o"er. He officiate all the e"e an all that ay. After it was o"er! he came in a chaise to his niece.s house to see me. Though he un erstoo Crench har ly any $etter than I i Italian! he was "ery well satisfie with the con"ersation he ha with me. He appeare to ha"e as much fa"or for me as he ha of in ifference $efore. He concei"e as strong a frien ship for me as if I ha $een his sister# an his only pleasure! ami his continual occupations! was to come an pass half an hour with me in spea,ing of &o . He wrote to the Bishop of %arseilles to than, him for ha"ing protecte me in the persecutions there. He wrote to the Bishop of &reno$le# an he omitte nothing to manifest his regar for me. He now seeme to thin, alone of fin ing out means to etain me in his iocese. He woul not hear of my going to see the %archioness of Prunai. On the contrary! he wrote to her to come an settle with me in his iocese. He sent Cather *a Com$e to her! on purpose to e+hort her to come# assuring her that he woul unite us all to ma,e a congregation. The %archioness entere into it rea ily! an so i her aughter. They woul ha"e come with Cather *a Com$e! $ut the %archioness was sic,. The $ishop was acti"e an earnest in collecting an esta$lishing a society of us! an foun se"eral pious persons an some "ery e"out young la ies! who were all rea y to come to 5oin us. But it was not the will of &o to fi+ me thus! $ut to crucify me yet more. The fatigue of tra"eling ma e me sic,. The girl also whom I $rought from &reno$le fell sic,. Her relations! who were co"etous too, it in their hea s that! if she shoul ie in my ser"ice! I woul get her to ma,e a will in my fa"or. They were much mista,en. Car from esiring the property of others! I ha gi"en up my own. Her $rother! full of this apprehension! came with all spee # the first thing he spo,e to her a$out! although he foun her reco"ere ! was to ma,e a will. That ma e a great noise in Herceil. He wante her to return with him! $ut she refuse . I a "ise her to o what her $rother esire . He contracte a frien ship with some of the officers of the garrison! to whom he tol ri iculous stories! as that I wante to use his sister $a ly. He

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preten e she was a person of Auality. They ga"e out what I was still afrai of!'(that I was come after Cather *a Com$e. They e"en persecute him on my account. The $ishop was much trou$le ! $ut coul not reme y it. The frien ship he ha for me increase e"ery ay# $ecause! as he lo"e &o ! so he i all those whom he thought esire to lo"e &o . As he saw me so much in ispose ! he came to see me with assi uity an charity! when at leisure from his occupations. He ma e me little presents of fruits an other things. His relations were 5ealous. They sai that I was come to ruin him! an to carry off his money into Crance! which was farthest from my thoughts. The $ishop patiently $ore these affronts! hoping still to ,eep me in his iocese! when I shoul $e reco"ere . Cather *a Com$e was the $ishop.s pre$en an his confessor. He esteeme him highly. &o ma e use of him to con"ert se"eral of the officers an sol iers! who! from $eing men of scan alous li"es! $ecame patterns of piety. In that place e"erything was mi+e with crosses! $ut souls were gaine to &o . There were some of his friars! who! after his e+ample! were a "ancing towar perfection. Though I neither un erstoo their language nor they mine! the *or ma e us un erstan each other in what concerne His ser"ice. The Rector of the Gesuits too, his time! when Cather *a Com$e was gone out of town! to pro"e me! as he sai . He ha stu ie theological matters! which I i not un erstan . He propoun e se"eral Auestions. The *or inspire me to answer him in such a manner! that he went away $oth surprise an satisfie . He coul not for$ear spea,ing of it. The Barna$ites of Paris! or rather Cather e la %othe too, it in hea to try to raw Cather *a Com$e to go an preach at Paris. He wrote to the Cather7general a$out it! $ecause they ha no one at Paris to support their house! that their church was eserte # that it was a pity to lea"e such a man as Cather *a Com$e in a place where he only corrupte his language. It was necessary to ma,e his fine talents appear at Paris! where he himself coul not $ear the $ur en of the house! if they i not gi"e him an assistant of such Aualifications an e+perience. /ho woul not ha"e thought all this to $e sincere0 The Bishop of Herceil! who was "ery much a frien of Cather7general! ha"ing a "ice thereof! oppose it! an answere that it woul $e oing him the greatest in5ury to ta,e from him a man who was so e+cee ingly useful to him! an at a time when he ha the greatest nee of him. The Cather7general of the Barna$ites woul not agree to the reAuest of Cather e la %othe! for fear of offen ing the Bishop of Herceil. As to me! my in isposition increase . The air! which is there e+tremely $a ! cause me a continual cough! with freAuent returns of fe"er. I grew so much worse that it was thought I coul not get o"er it. The Bishop was afflicte to see it! $ut! ha"ing consulte the physicians! they assure him that the air of the place was mortal to me! whereupon he sai to me! 3I ha rather ha"e you li"e! though istant from me! than see you ie here.6 He ga"e up his esign of esta$lishing his congregation! for my frien woul not settle there without me. The &enoese la y coul not easily lea"e her own city! where she was respecte . The &enoese $esought her to set up there what the Bishop of Herceil ha wante her to set up. It was a congregation almost li,e that of %a ame e %iramion. /hen the Bishop ha first propose this! howe"er agreea$le it appeare ! I ha a presentiment that it woul not succee ! an that it was not what our *or reAuire of me! though I su$missi"ely yiel e to the goo proposal! were it only to ac,nowle ge the many special fa"ors of this prelate. I was assure that the *or woul ,now well how to pre"ent what He shoul now reAuire of me. As this goo prelate saw he must resign himself to let me go! he sai to me! 3)ou were willing to $e in the iocese of &ene"a! an there they persecute an re5ecte you# I! who woul gla ly ha"e you! cannot ,eep you.6 He wrote to Cather *a %othe that I shoul go in the spring! as soon as the weather woul permit. He was sorry to $e o$lige to let me go. )et he still hope to ha"e ,ept Cather *a Com$e! which pro$a$ly might ha"e $een! ha not the eath of the Cather7general gi"en it another turn.

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Here it was that I wrote upon the Apocalypse! an that there was gi"en me a greater certainty of all the persecutions of the most faithful ser"ants of &o . Here also I was strongly mo"e to write to %a ame 1e Ch'('('(. I i it with great simplicity# an what I wrote was li,e the first foun ation of what the *or reAuire of her! ha"ing $een please to ma,e use of me to help to $ring her into His ways! $eing one to whom I am much unite ! an $y her to others. The Bishop of Herceil.s frien ! the Cather7general of the Barna$ites! eparte this life. As soon as he was ea ! Cather *a %othe wrote to the Hicar general who now hel his place till another shoul $e electe renewing his reAuest to ha"e Cather *a Com$e as an assistant. The father! hearing that I was o$lige on account of my in isposition to return into Crance! sent an or er to Cather *a Com$e to return to Paris! an to accompany me in my 5ourney! as his oing that woul e+empt their house at Paris! alrea y poor! from the e+penses of so long a 5ourney. Cather *a Com$e! who i not penetrate the poison un er this fair outsi e! consente thereto# ,nowing it was my custom to ha"e some ecclesiastic with me in tra"eling. Cather *a Com$e went off twel"e ays $efore me! in or er to transact some $usiness! an to wait for me at the passage o"er the mountains! as the place where I ha most nee of an escort. I set off in *ent! the weather then $eing fine. It was a sorrowful parting to the Bishop. I pitie him# he was so much affecte at losing $oth Cather *a Com$e an me. He cause me to $e atten e ! at his own e+pense! as far as Turin! gi"ing me a gentleman an one of his ecclesiastics to accompany me. As soon as the resolution was ta,en that Cather *a Com$e shoul accompany me! Cather *a %othe reporte e"erywhere 3that he ha $een o$lige to o it! to ma,e him return into Crance.6 He e+patiate on the attachment I ha for Cather *a Com$e! preten ing to pity me. Epon this e"eryone sai that I ought to put myself un er the irection of Cather *a %othe. In the meantime he eceitfully palliate the malignity of his heart! writing letters full of esteem to Cather *a Com$e! an some to me of ten erness! 3 esiring him to $ring his ear sister! an to ser"e her in her infirmities! an in the har ships of so long a 5ourney# that he shoul $e sensi$ly o$lige to him for his care#6 with many other things of the li,e nature. I coul not resol"e to epart without going to see my goo frien ! the %archioness of Prunai! notwithstan ing the ifficulty of the roa s. I cause myself to $e carrie ! it $eing scarcely possi$le to go otherwise on account of the mountains. 2he was e+tremely 5oyful at seeing me arri"e. Nothing coul $e more cor ial than what passe $etween us. It was then that she ac,nowle ge that all I ha tol her ha come to pass. A goo ecclesiastic! who li"es with her! tol me the same. /e ma e ointments an plasters together! an I ga"e her the secret of my reme ies! I encourage her! an so i Cather *a Com$e! to esta$lish an hospital in that place# which was one while we were there. I contri$ute my mite to it which has e"er $een $lest to all the hospitals! which ha"e e"er $een esta$lishe in reliance on Pro"i ence. I $elie"e I ha forgotten to tell! that the *or ha ma e use of me to esta$lish one near &reno$le! which su$sists without any other fun than the supplies of Pro"i ence. %y enemies ma e use of that afterwar to slan er me! saying that I ha waste my chil ren.s su$stance in esta$lishing hospitals! though! far from spen ing any of their su$stance! I ha e"en gi"en them my own. All those hospitals ha"e $een esta$lishe only on the fun of i"ine Pro"i ence! which is ine+hausti$le. But so it has $een or ere for my goo ! that all our *or has ma e me to o His glory has e"er $een turne into crosses for me. As soon as it was etermine that I shoul come into Crance! the *or ma e ,nown to me! that it was to ha"e greater crosses than I e"er ha . Cather *a Com$e ha the li,e sense. He encourage me to resign myself to the i"ine will! an to $ecome a "ictim offere freely to new sacrifices. He also wrote to me! 3/ill it not $e a thing "ery glorious to &o ! if He shoul ma,e

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us ser"e in that great city! for a spectacle to angels an to men06 I set off then with a spirit of sacrifice! to offer myself up to new ,in s of punishments! if pleasing to my ear *or . All along the roa something within me repeate the "ery wor s of 2t. Paul! 3I go $oun in the 2pirit unto Gerusalem! not ,nowing the things shoul $efall me there! sa"e that the Holy &host witnesseth! saying! that $on s an afflictions a$i e me. But none of these things mo"e me# neither count I my life ear unto myself! so that I might finish my course with 5oy.6 =Acts :9> ::!:;!:<.@ I coul not for$ear to testify it to my most intimate frien s! who trie har to pre"ail on me to stop! an not to procee . They were all willing to contri$ute a share of what they ha ! for my settlement there! an to pre"ent my coming to Paris. But I foun it my uty to hol on my way! an to sacrifice myself for Him who first sacrifice Himself for me. At Cham$erry we saw Cather *a %othe! who was going to the election of a Cather7general. Though he affecte an appearance of frien ship! it was not ifficult to isco"er that his thoughts were ifferent from his wor s! an that he ha concei"e ar, esigns against us. I spea, not of his intentions! $ut to o$ey the comman gi"en me to omit nothing. I shall necessarily $e o$lige often to spea, of him. I coul wish with all my heart it were in my power to suppress what I ha"e to say of him. If what he has one respecte only myself! I woul willingly $ury all# $ut I thin, I owe it to truth! an to the innocence of Cather *a Com$e! so cruelly oppresse ! an grie"ously crushe so long! $y wic,e calumnies! $y an imprisonment of se"eral years! which in all pro$a$ility will last as long as life. Though Cather *a %othe may appear hea"ily charge in what I say of him! I protest solemnly! an in the presence of &o ! that I pass o"er in silence many of his $a actions.

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CHAPTER 1K 2carcely ha I arri"e at Paris when I rea ily isco"ere the $lac, esigns entertaine against $oth Cather *a Com$e an me. Cather *a %othe who con ucte the whole trage y! artfully issem$le ! accor ing to his custom# flattering me to my face! while he was aiming the ,eenest woun s $ehin my $ac,. He an his confe erates wante ! for their own interest! to persua e me to go to %ontargis =my nati"e place@! hoping! there$y! to get the guar ianship of my chil ren! an to ispose of $oth my person an effects. All the persecutions from Cather *a %othe an my family ha"e $een atten e on their part with "iews of interest# those against Cather *a Com$e ha"e sprung from rage an re"enge! $ecause he! as my irector! i not o$lige me to o what they wante # as well as out of 5ealousy. I might enter into a long etail on this! sufficient to con"ince all the worl # $ut I suppress! to a"oi proli+ity. I shall only say! that they threatene to epri"e me of what little I ha reser"e to myself. To this I only replie that I woul not go to law! that if they were resol"e to ta,e from me little I ha left =little in ee in comparison of what I ha gi"en up@ I woul surren er it entirely to them# $eing Auite free an willing not only to $e poor! $ut to $e e"en in the "ery e+tremity of want in imitation of our *or Gesus Christ. I arri"e at Paris on %ag alene.s e"e! 1D?D! e+actly fi"e years after my eparture from that city. After Cather *a Com$e arri"e ! he was soon followe an much applau e . I percei"e some 5ealously in Cather *a %othe hereupon! $ut i not thin, that matters woul $e carrie so far as they ha"e $een. The greater part of the Barna$ites of Paris! an its neigh$orhoo ! 5oine against Cather *a Com$e! in uce from se"eral causes that particularly relate to their or er. But all their calumnies an e"il attempts were o"erthrown $y the unaffecte piety he manifeste ! an the goo which multitu es reape from his la$ors. I ha eposite a little sum of money in his han s =with the consent of his superior@ to ser"e for the entrance of a nun. I thought myself o$lige in conscience to o it. 2he ha ! through my

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means! Auitte the New Catholics. It was that young woman whom I mentione $efore! whom the priest of &e+ wante to win o"er. As she is $eautiful! though "ery pru ent! there always continues a cause for fear! when such an one is e+pose in the worl . *a %othe wante to ha"e that money! an signifie to *a Com$e that! if he i not ma,e me gi"e it to him for a wall! which he ha to re$uil in his con"ent! he woul ma,e him suffer for it. But the latter! who is always upright! answere that he coul not in conscience a "ise me to o anything else! $ut what I ha alrea y resol"e ! in fa"or of that young woman. Hence he an the pro"incial ar ently longe to satisfy their esire of re"enge. They employe all their thoughts on the means of effecting it. A "ery wic,e man who was employe for that purpose! wrote efamatory li$els! eclaring that the propositions of %olinos! which ha $een current for two year past in Crance! were the sentiments of Cather *a Com$e. These li$els were sprea a$out in the community. Cather *a %othe an the pro"incial! acting as persons well affecte to the church! carrie them to the official! or 5u ge of the ecclesiastical court! who 5oine in the ar, esign. They showe them to the Arch$ishop! saying! 3It was out of their -eal! an that they were e+cee ingly sorry that one of their fraternity was an heretic! an as such e+ecra$le. They also $rought me in! $ut more mo erately! saying Cather *a Com$e was almost always at my house! which was false. I coul scarcely see him at all e+cept at the confessional! an then for a "ery short time. 2e"eral other things eAually false they li$erally ga"e out concerning $oth of us. They $ethought themsel"es of one thing further li,ely to fa"or their scheme. They ,new I ha $een at %arseilles! an thought they ha a goo foun ation for a fresh calumny. They counterfeite a letter from a person at %arseilles =I hear it was from the Bishop@ a resse to the Arch$ishop of Paris! or to his official! in which they wrote the most a$omina$le scan al. Cather *a %othe came to try to raw me into his snare! an to ma,e me say! in the presence of the people whom he ha $rought! that I ha $een at %arseilles with Cather *a Com$e. 3There are!6 sai he! 3shoc,ing accounts against you! sent $y the Bishop of %arseilles. )ou ha"e there fallen into great scan al with Cather *a Com$e. There are goo witnesses of it.6 I replie with a smile! 3The calumny is well e"ise # $ut it woul ha"e $een proper to ,now first whether Cather *a Com$e ha $een at %arseilles! for I o not $elie"e he was e"er there in his life. /hile I was there! Cather *a Com$e was la$oring at Herceil.6 He was confoun e an went off! saying! 3There are witnesses of its $eing true.6 He went imme iately to as, Cather *a Com$e if he ha not $een at %arseilles. He assure him he ne"er ha $een there. They were struc, with isappointment. They then ga"e out that it was not %arseilles $ut 2eisel. Now this 2eisel is a place I ha"e ne"er $een at! an there is no $ishop there. E"ery imagina$le e"ice was use to terrify me $y threats! forge letters! an $y memorials rawn up against me! accusing me of teaching erroneous octrines! an of li"ing a $a life an urging me to flee the country to escape the conseAuences of e+posure. Cailing in all these! at length *a %othe too, off the mas,! an sai to me in the church! $efore *a Com$e! 3It is now! my sister! that you must thin, of fleeing! you are charge with crimes of a eep ye.6 I was not mo"e in the least! $ut replie with my usual tranAuillity! 3If I am guilty of such crimes I cannot $e too se"erely punishe # wherefore I will not flee or go out of the way. I ha"e ma e an open profession of e icating myself to &o entirely. If I ha"e one things offensi"e to Him! whom I woul wish $oth to lo"e! an to cause to $e lo"e $y the whole worl ! e"en at the e+pense of my life! I ought $y my punishment to $e ma e an e+ample to the worl # $ut if I am innocent! for me to flee is not the way for my innocence to $e $elie"e .6 2imilar attempts were ma e to ruin Cather *a Com$e. He was grossly misrepresente to the ,ing! an an or er procure for his arrest an imprisonment in the Bastile.

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Although on his trial he appeare Auite innocent! an they coul not fin anything whereupon to groun a con emnation! yet they ma e the ,ing $elie"e he was a angerous man in the article of religion. He was then shut up in a certain fortress of the Bastile for life# $ut as his enemies hear that the captain in that fortress esteeme him! an treate him ,in ly! they ha him remo"e into a much worse place. &o ! who $ehol s e"erything! will rewar e"ery man accor ing to his wor,s. I ,now $y an interior communication that he is "ery well content! an fully resigne to &o . *a %othe now en ea"ore more than e"er to in uce me to flee! assuring me that! if I went to %ontargis! I shoul $e out of all trou$le# $ut that if I i not! I shoul pay for it. He insiste on my ta,ing himself for my irector! to which I coul not agree. He ecrie me where"er he went! an wrote to his $rethren to o the same. They sent me "ery a$usi"e letters! assuring me that! if I i not put myself un er his irection! I was un one. I ha"e the letters $y me still. One father esire me in this case to ma,e a "irtue of necessity. Nay! some a "ise me to preten to put myself un er his irection! an to ecei"e him. I a$horre the thought of eceit. I $ore e"erything with the greatest tranAuillity! without ta,ing any care to 5ustify or efen myself! lea"ing it entirely to &o to or er as he shoul please a$out me. Herein he was graciously please to increase the peace of my soul! while e"ery one seeme to cry against me! an to loo, on me as an infamous creature! e+cept those few who ,new me well $y a near union of spirit. At church I hear people $ehin me e+claim against me! an e"en some priests say it was necessary to cast me out of the church. I left myself to &o without reser"e! $eing Auite rea y to en ure the most rigorous pains an tortures! if such were His will. I ne"er ma e any solicitation either for Cather *a Com$e or myself! though charge with that among other things. /illing to owe e"erything to &o ! I ha"e no epen ence on any creature. I woul not ha"e it sai that any $ut &o ha ma e A$raham rich. &en. 1<>:;. To lose all for Him is my $est gain# an to gain all without Him woul $e my worst loss. Although at this time so general an outcry was raise against me! &o i not fail to ma,e use of me to gain many souls to Himself. The more persecution rage against me the more chil ren were gi"en me! on whom the *or conferre great fa"ors through His han mai . One must not 5u ge of the ser"ants of &o $y what their enemies say of them! nor $y their $eing oppresse un er calumnies without any resource. Gesus Christ e+pire un er pangs. &o uses the li,e con uct towar His earest ser"ants! to ren er them conforma$le to His 2on! in whom He is always well please . But few place that conformity where it ought to $e. It is not in "oluntary pains or austerities! $ut in those which are suffere in a su$mission e"er eAual to the will of &o ! in a renunciation of our whole sel"es! to the en that &o may $e our all in all! con ucting us accor ing to His "iews! an not our own! which are generally opposite to His. All perfection consists in this entire conformity with Gesus Christ! not in shining things which men esteem. It will only $e seen in eternity who are the true frien s of &o . Nothing pleases Him $ut Gesus Christ! an that which $ears His mar, or character. They were continually pressing me to flee! though the Arch$ishop ha spo,en to myself! an $i en me not to lea"e Paris. But they wante to gi"e the appearance of criminality $oth to me an to Cather *a Com$e $y my flight. They ,new not how to ma,e me fall into the han s of the official. If they accuse me of crimes! it must $e $efore other 5u ges. Any other 5u ge woul ha"e seen my innocence# the false witnesses woul ha"e run the ris, of suffering for it. They continually sprea stories of horri$le crimes# $ut the official assure me that he ha hear no mention of any. He was afrai lest I shoul retire out of his 5uris iction. They then ma e the ,ing $elie"e 3that I was an heretic! that I carrie on a literary correspon ence with %olinos =I! who ne"er ,new there was a %olinos in the worl ! till the &a-ette ha tol me of it@ that I ha written a angerous $oo,# an that on those accounts it woul $e necessary to issue an or er to

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put me in a con"ent! that they might e+amine me. I was a angerous person! it woul $e proper for me to $e loc,e up! to $e allowe no commerce with any one# since I continually hel assem$lies!6 which was "ery false. To support this calumny my han writing was counterfeite ! an a letter was forge as from me! importing! that I ha 3great esigns! $ut feare that they woul pro"e a$orti"e! through the imprisonment of Cather *a Com$e! for which reason I ha left off hol ing assem$lies at my house! $eing too closely watche # $ut that I woul hol them at the houses of other persons.6 This forge letter they showe the ,ing! an upon it an or er was gi"en for my imprisonment. This or er woul ha"e $een put in e+ecution two months sooner than it was! ha I not fallen "ery sic,. I ha inconcei"a$le pains an a fe"er. 2ome thought that I ha a gathering in my hea . The pain I suffere for fi"e wee,s ma e me elirious. I ha also a pain in my $reast an a "iolent cough. Twice I recei"e the holy sacrament! as I was thought to $e e+piring. One of my frien s ha acAuainte Cather *a %othe! =not ,nowing him to ha"e ha any han in C. *a Com$e.s imprisonment@ that she ha sent me a certificate from the inAuisition in Cather *a Com$e.s fa"or! ha"ing hear that his own was lost. This answere a "ery goo purpose# for they ha ma e the ,ing $elie"e that he ha run away from the inAuisition# $ut this showe the contrary. Cather *a %othe then came to me! when I was in e+cessi"e pain! counterfeiting all the affection an ten erness in his power! an telling me 3that the affair of Cather *a Com$e was going on "ery well! that he was 5ust rea y to come out of prison with honor! that he was "ery gla of it. If he ha only this certificate! he woul soon $e eli"ere . &i"e me it then!6 sai he! 3an he will $e imme iately release .6 At first I ma e a ifficulty of oing it. 3/hat4 sai he! will you $e the cause of ruining poor Cather *a Com$e! ha"ing it in your power to sa"e him! an cause us that affliction! for want of what you ha"e in your han s.6 I yiel e ! or ering it to $e $rought an gi"en him. But he suppresse it! an ga"e out that it was lost. It ne"er coul $e got from him again. The Am$assa or from the Court of Turin sent a messenger to me for this certificate! esigning the proper use of it to ser"e Cather *a Com$e. I referre him to Cather *a %othe. The messenger went to him an as,e him for it. He enie I ha gi"en it to him! saying! 3Her $rain is isor ere which ma,es her imagine it.6 The man came $ac, to me an tol me his answer. The persons in my cham$er $ore witness that I ha gi"en it to him. )et all signifie nothing# it coul not $e got out of his han s# $ut on the contrary! he insulte me! an cause others also to o it! though I was so wea, that I seeme to $e at the "ery gates of eath. They tol me they only waite for my reco"ery to cast me into prison. He ma e his $rethren $elie"e that I ha treate him ill. They wrote to me that it was for my crimes that I suffere # an that I shoul put myself un er the control of Cather *a %othe! otherwise I shoul repent it# that I was ma an ought to $e $oun # an was a monster of pri e! since I woul not suffer myself to $e con ucte $y Cather *a %othe. 2uch was my aily feast in the e+tremity of my pain# eserte of my frien s! an oppresse $y my enemies# the former $eing ashame of me! through the calumnies which were forge an in ustriously sprea # the latter let loose to persecute me# un er all which I ,ept silence! lea"ing myself to the *or . There was not any ,in of infamy! error! sorcery! or sacrilege! of which they i not accuse me. As soon as I was a$le to $e carrie to the church in a chair! I was tol I must spea, to the pre$en . =It was a snare concerte $etween Cather *a %othe an the Canon at whose house I lo ge @. I spo,e to him with much simplicity! an he appro"e of what I sai . )et! two ays after they ga"e out that I ha uttere many things! an accuse many persons# an from hence they procure the $anishment of sun ry persons with whom they were isplease ! persons whom I ha ne"er seen or of whom I ne"er hear . They were men of honor. One of them was $anishe ! $ecause he sai my little $oo, is a goo one. It is remar,a$le that they say nothing to

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those who prefi+e their appro$ations! an that! far from con emning the $oo,! it has $een reprinte since I ha"e $een in prison! an a "ertisements of it ha"e $een poste up at the Arch$ishop.s palace! an all o"er Paris. In regar to others! when they fin faults in their $oo,s! they con emn the $oo,s an lea"e the person at li$erty# $ut as for me! my $oo, is appro"e ! sol an sprea ! while I am ,ept a prisoner for it. The same ay that those gentlemen were $anishe ! I recei"e a lettre e cachet! or seale or er to repair to the Con"ent of the Hisitation of 2t. %ary.s! in a su$ur$ of 2t. Antoine. I recei"e it with a tranAuillity which surprise the $earer e+cee ingly. He coul not for$ear e+pressing it! ha"ing seen the e+treme sorrow of those who were only $anishe . He was so touche with it as to she tears. An although his or er was to carry me off irectly! he was not afrai to trust me! $ut left me all the ay! esiring me to repair to 2t. %ary.s in the e"ening. On that ay many of my frien s came to see me! an foun me "ery cheerful! which surprise such of them as ,new my case. I coul not stan ! I was so wea,! ha"ing the fe"er e"ery night! it $eing only a fortnight since I was thought to $e e+piring. I imagine they woul lea"e me my aughter an mai to ser"e me.

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CHAPTER :9 On Ganuary :K! 1D??! I went to 2t. %ary.s. There they let me ,now I must neither ha"e my aughter nor a mai to ser"e me! $ut must $e loc,e up alone in a cham$er. In ee it touche me to my heart when my aughter was ta,en from me. They woul neither allow her to $e in that house! nor any$o y to $ring me any news of her. I was then o$lige to sacrifice my aughter! as if she were mine no longer. The people of the house were prepossesse with so frightful an account of me! that they loo,e at me with horror. Cor my 5ailer they single out a nun! who! they thought! woul treat me with the greatest rigor! an they were not mista,en therein. They as,e me who was now my confessor. I name him# $ut he was sei-e with such a fright that he enie it# though I coul ha"e pro uce many persons who ha seen me at his confessional. 2o then they sai they ha caught me in a lie# I was not to $e truste . %y acAuaintance then sai they ,new me not! an others were at li$erty to in"ent stories! an say all manner of e"il of me. The woman! appointe for my ,eeper! was gaine o"er $y my enemies! to torment me as an heretic! an enthusiast! one crac,$raine an an hypocrite. &o alone ,nows what she ma e me suffer. As she sought to surprise me in my wor s! I watche them! to $e more e+act in them# $ut I fare the worse for it. I ma e more slips an ga"e her more a "antages o"er me there$y! $esi e the trou$le in my own min for it. I then left myself as I was! an resol"e ! though this woman woul $ring me to the scaffol ! $y the false reports she was continually carrying to the prioress! that I woul simply resign myself to my lot# so I re7entere into my former con ition. %onsieur Charon the Official! an a 1octor of 2or$onne! came four times to e+amine me. Our *or i me the fa"or which He promise to His apostles! to ma,e me answer much $etter than if I ha stu ie . *u,e :1>1<!18. They sai to me! if I ha e+plaine myself! as I now i ! in the $oo, entitle ! 2hort an Easy %etho of Prayer! I woul not now ha"e $een here. %y last e+amination was a$out a counterfeit letter! which they rea an let me see. I tol them the han was no way li,e mine. They sai it was only a copy# they ha the original at home. I esire a sight of it! $ut coul not o$tain it. I tol them I ne"er wrote it! nor i I ,now the person to whom it was a resse # $ut they too, scarcely any notice of what I sai .

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After this letter was rea ! the official turne to me an sai ! 3)ou see! ma am! that after such a letter there was foun ation enough for imprisoning you.6 3)es! sir!6 sai I! 3if I ha written it.6 I showe them its falsehoo s an inconsistencies! $ut all in "ain. I was left two months! an treate worse an worse! $efore either of them came again to see me. Till then I ha always some hope that! seeing my innocence! they woul o me 5ustice# $ut now I saw that they i not want to fin me innocent! $ut to ma,e me appear guilty. The official alone came the ne+t time! an tol me! 3I must spea, no more of the false letter# that it was nothing.6 3How nothing!6 sai I! 3to counterfeit a person.s writing! an to ma,e one appear an enemy to the 2tate46 He replie ! 3/e will see, out the author of it.6 3The author!6 sai I! 3is no other than the 2cri"ener &autier... He then eman e where the papers were which I wrote on the 2criptures. I tol him! 3I woul gi"e them up when I shoul $e out of prison# $ut was not willing to tell with whom I ha lo ge them.6 A$out three or four ays $efore Easter he came again! with the octor! an a "er$al process was rawn up against me for re$elling! in not gi"ing up papers. Copies of my writings were then put into their han s# for I ha not the originals. I ,now not where those who got them from me ha"e put them# $ut I am firm in the faith that they will all $e preser"e ! in spite of the storm. The prioress as,e the official how my affair went. He sai ! "ery well! an that I shoul soon $e ischarge # this $ecame the common tal,# $ut I ha a presentiment of the contrary. I ha an ine+pressi$le satisfaction an 5oy in suffering! an $eing a prisoner. The confinement of my $o y ma e me $etter relish the free om of my min . 2t. Goseph.s ay was to me a memora$le ay# for then my state ha more of Hea"en than of earth $eyon what any e+pression can reach. This was followe ! as it were! with a suspension of e"ery fa"or then en5oye ! a ispensation of new sufferings. I was o$lige to sacrifice myself anew! an to rin, the "ery regs of the $itter raught. I ne"er ha any resentment against my persecutors! though I well ,new them! their spirit an their actions. Gesus Christ an the saints saw their persecutors! an at the same time saw that they coul ha"e no power e+cept it were gi"en them from a$o"e. Gohn 1K>11. *o"ing the stro,es which &o gi"es! one cannot hate the han which He ma,es use of to stri,e with.

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A few ays after! the official came! an tol me he ga"e me the li$erty of the cloister! that is! to go an come in the house. They were now "ery in ustrious in urging my aughter to consent to a marriage! which ha it ta,en place! woul ha"e $een her ruin. To succee herein! they ha place her with a relation of the gentleman whom they wante her to marry. All my confi ence was in &o ! that He woul not permit it to $e accomplishe ! as the man ha no tincture of Christianity! $eing a$an one $oth in his principles an morals. To in uce me to gi"e up my aughter they promise me an imme iate release from prison an from e"ery charge un er which I la$ore . But if I refuse ! they threatene me with imprisonment for life an with eath on the scaffol . In spite of all their promises an threatenings! I persistently refuse . 2oon after! the official an octor came to tell the prioress I must $e closely loc,e up. 2he represente to them that the cham$er I was in! was small! ha"ing an opening to the light or air! only on one si e! through which the sun shone all the ay long! an $eing the month of Guly! it must soon cause my eath. They pai no regar . 2he as,e why I must $e thus closely loc,e up. They sai I ha committe horri$le things in her house! e"en within the last month! an ha

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scan ali-e the nuns. 2he proteste the contrary! an assure them the whole community ha recei"e great e ification from me! an coul not $ut a mire my patience an mo eration. But it was all in "ain. The poor woman coul not refrain from tears! at a statement so remote from the truth.

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They then sent for me! an tol me I ha one $ase things in the last month. I as,e what things0 They woul not tell me. I sai then that I woul suffer as long an as much as it shoul please &o # that this affair was $egun on forgeries against me! an so continue . That &o was witness of e"erything. The octor tol me! that to ta,e &o for a witness in such a thing was a crime. I replie nothing in the worl coul hin er me from ha"ing recourse to &o . I was then shut up more closely than at first! until I was a$solutely at the point of eath! $eing thrown into a "iolent fe"er! an almost stifle with the closeness of the place! an not permitte to ha"e any assistance. In the time of the ancient law! there were se"eral of the *or .s martyrs who suffere for asserting an trusting in the one true &o . In the primiti"e church of Christ the martyrs she their $loo ! for maintaining the truth of Gesus Christ crucifie . Now there are martyrs of the Holy &host! who suffer for their epen ence on Him! for maintaining His reign in souls! an for $eing "ictims of the 1i"ine will. It is this 2pirit which is to $e poure out on all flesh! as saith the prophet Goel. The martyrs of Gesus Christ ha"e $een glorious martyrs! He ha"ing run, up the confusion of that martyr om# $ut the martyrs of the Holy 2pirit are martyrs of reproach an ignominy. The 1e"il no more e+ercises his power against their faith or $elief! $ut irectly attac,s the ominion of the Holy 2pirit! opposing His celestial motion in souls! an ischarging his hatre on the $o ies of those whose min s he cannot hurt. Oh! Holy 2pirit! a 2pirit of lo"e! let me e"er $e su$5ecte to Thy will! an ! as a leaf is mo"e $efore the win ! so let me $e mo"e $y Thy 1i"ine $reath. As the impetuous win $rea,s all that resists it! so $rea, thou all that opposes Thy empire. Although I ha"e $een o$lige to escri$e the proce ure of those who persecute me! I ha"e not one it out of resentment! since I lo"e them at my heart! an pray for them! lea"ing to &o the care of efen ing me! an eli"ering me out of their han s! without ma,ing any mo"ement of my own for it. I ha"e apprehen e an $elie"e that &o woul ha"e me write e"erything sincerely! that His name may $e glorifie # that the things one in secret against His ser"ants shoul one ay $e pu$lishe on the housetops# for the more they stri"e to conceal them from the eyes of men! the more will &o in His own time ma,e them all manifest. August ::! 1D??! it was thought I was a$out coming out of prison! an e"erything seeme to ten towar it. But the *or ga"e me a sense that! far from $eing willing to eli"er me they were only laying new snares to ruin me more effectually! an to ma,e Cather *a %othe ,nown to the ,ing! an esteeme $y him. On the ay mentione ! which was my $irth ay! $eing forty years of age! I awa,e un er an impression of Gesus Christ in an agony! seeing the counsel of the Gews against Him. I ,new that none $ut &o coul eli"er me out of prison! an I was satisfie that He woul o it one ay $y His own right han ! though ignorant of the manner! an lea"ing it wholly to Himself. In the or er of 1i"ine Pro"i ence my case was lai $efore %a ame e %aintenon! who $ecame eeply intereste in the account gi"en her of my sufferings! an at length procure my release. A few ays afterwar I ha my first inter"iew with the A$$e Cenelon.

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Coming out of 2t. %ary.s I retire into the community of %a . %iramion! where I ,ept my $e of a fe"er three months! an ha an imposthume in my eye. )et at this time I was accuse of

going continually out! hol ing suspecte assem$lies! together with other groun less falsehoo s. In this house my aughter was marrie to %ons. *. Nicholas CouAuet! Count e Hau+. I remo"e to my aughter.s house! an on account of her e+treme youth! li"e with her two years an an half. E"en there my enemies were e"er forging one thing after another against me. I then wante to retire Auite secretly! to the house of the Bene ictines at %ontargis! =my nati"e place@ $ut it was isco"ere ! an $oth frien s an enemies 5ointly pre"ente it. The family in which my aughter was marrie $eing of the num$er of A$$e Cenelon.s frien s! I ha the opportunity of often seeing him at our house. /e ha some con"ersations on the su$5ect of a spiritual life! in which he ma e se"eral o$5ections to my e+periences therein. I answere them with my usual simplicity! which! as I foun ! gaine upon him. As the affair of %olinos at that time ma e a great noise! the plainest things were istruste ! an the terms use $y mystic writers e+plo e . But I so clearly e+poun e e"erything to him! an so fully sol"e all his o$5ections! that no one more fully in$i$e my sentiments than he# which has since lai the foun ation of that persecution he has suffere . His answers to the Bishop of %eau+ e"i ently show this to all who ha"e rea them. I now too, a little pri"ate house! to follow the inclination I ha for retirement# where I sometimes ha the pleasure of seeing my family an a few particular frien s. Certain young la ies of 2t. Cyr. ha"ing informe %a . %aintenon! that they foun in my con"ersation something which attracte them to &o ! she encourage me to continue my instructions to them. By the fine change in some of them with whom $efore she ha not $een well please ! she foun she ha no reason to repent of it. 2he then treate me with much respect# an for three years after! while this laste ! I recei"e from her e"ery mar, of esteem an confi ence. But that "ery thing afterwar rew on me the most se"ere persecution. The free entrance I ha into the house! an the confi ence which some young la ies of the Court! istinguishe for their ran, an piety! place in me! ga"e no small uneasiness to the people who ha persecute me. The irectors too, um$rage at it! an un er prete+t of the trou$les I ha some years $efore! they engage the Bishop of Chartres! 2uperior of 2t. Cyr! to present to %a . %aintenon that! $y my particular con uct! I trou$le the or er of the house# that the young women in it were so attache to me! an to what I sai to them! that they no longer hear,ene to their superiors. I then went no more to 2t. Cyr. I answere the young la ies who wrote to me! only $y letters unseale ! which passe through the han s of %a . %aintenon. 2oon after I fell sic,. The physicians! after trying in "ain the usual metho of cure! or ere me to repair to the waters of Bour$on. %y ser"ant ha $een in uce to gi"e me some poison. After ta,ing it! I suffere such e+Auisite pains that! without spee y succor! I shoul ha"e ie in a few hours. The man imme iately ran away! an I ha"e ne"er seen him since. /hen I was at Bour$on! the waters which I threw up $urne li,e spirits of wine. I ha no thought of $eing poisone ! till the physicians of Bour$on assure me of it. The waters ha $ut little effect. I suffere from it for a$o"e se"en years. &o ,ept me in such a isposition of sacrifice! that I was Auite resigne to suffer e"erything! an to recei"e from His han all that might $efall me! since for me to offer in any way to "in icate myself! woul $e only $eating the air. /hen the *or is willing to ma,e any one suffer! He permits e"en the most "irtuous people to $e rea ily $lin e towar them# an I may confess that the persecution of the wic,e is $ut little! when compare with that of the ser"ants of the church! ecei"e an animate with a -eal which they thin, right. %any of these were now! $y the artifices ma e use of! greatly impose on in regar to me. I was represente to them in an o ious light! as a strange creature. 2ince! therefore! I must! O my *or ! $e conforma$le to Thee! to please Thee# I set more "alue on my humiliation! an on seeing myself con emne of e"ery$o y! than if I saw myself on the summit of honor in the worl . How often ha"e I sai !

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e"en in the $itterness of my heart! that I shoul $e more afrai conscience! than of the outcry an con emnation of all men4

of one reproach of my

8
CHAPTER :1 At this time I ha my first acAuaintance with the Bishop of %eau+. I was intro uce $y an intimate frien ! the 1u,e of Che"reuse. I ga"e him the foregoing history of my life! an he confesse ! that he ha foun therein such an unction as he ha rarely one in other $oo,s! an that he ha spent three ays in rea ing it! with an impression of the presence of &o on his min all that time. I propose to the $ishop to e+amine all my writings! which he too, four or fi"e months to o! an then a "ance all his o$5ections# to which I ga"e answers. Crom his unacAuaintance with the interior paths! I coul not clear up all the ifficulties which he foun in them. He a mitte that loo,ing into the ecclesiastical histories for ages past! we may see that &o has sometimes ma e use of laymen! an of women to instruct! e ify! an help souls in their progress to perfection. I thin, one of the reasons of &o .s acting thus! is that glory may not $e ascri$e to any! $ut to Himself alone. Cor this purpose! He has chosen the wea, things of this worl ! to confoun such as are mighty. 1 Cor. 1>:J. Gealous of the attri$utes which men pay to other men! which are ue only to Himself! He has ma e a para o+ of such persons! that He alone may ha"e the glory of His own wor,s. I pray &o ! with my whole heart! sooner to crush me utterly! with the most rea ful estruction! than to suffer me to ta,e the least honor to myself! of anything which He has $een please to o $y me for the goo of others. I am only a poor nothing. &o is all7powerful. He elights to operate! an e+ercise His power $y mere nothings. The first time that I wrote a history of myself! it was "ery short. In it I ha particulari-e my faults an sins! an sai little of the fa"ors of &o . I was or ere to $urn it! to write another! an in it to omit nothing anyway remar,a$le that ha $efallen me. I i it. It is a crime to pu$lish secrets of the Iing# $ut it is a goo thing to eclare the fa"ors of the *or our &o ! an to magnify His mercies. As the outcry against me $ecame more "iolent! an %a ame %aintenon was mo"e to eclare against me! I sent to her through the 1u,e of Beau"illiers! reAuesting the appointment of proper persons to e+amine my life an octrines! offering to retire into any prison until fully e+culpate . %y proposal was re5ecte . In the meantime! one of my most intimate frien s an supporters! %ons. CouAuet! was calle away $y eath. I felt his loss "ery eeply! $ut re5oice in his felicity. He was a true ser"ant of &o . 1etermine to retire out of the way of gi"ing offense to any! I wrote to some of my frien s! an $a e them a last farewell# not ,nowing whether I were to $e carrie off $y the in isposition which I then ha ! which ha $een a constant fe"er for forty ays past! or to reco"er from it. Referring to the Countess of &. an the 1uchess of %.! I wrote! 3/hen these la ies an others were in the "anities of the worl ! when they patche an painte ! an some of them were in the way to ruin their families $y gaming an profusion of e+pense in ress! no$o y arose to say anything against it# they were Auietly suffere to o it. But when they ha"e $ro,en off from all this! then they cry out against me! as if I ha ruine them. Ha I rawn them from piety into

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lu+ury! they woul not ma,e such an outcry. The 1uchess of %. at her gi"ing herself up to &o ! thought herself o$lige to Auit the court! which was to her li,e a angerous roc,! in or er to $estow her time on the e ucation of her chil ren an the care of her family! which! till then! she ha neglecte . I $eseech you! therefore! to gather all the memorials you can against me# if I am foun guilty of the things they accuse me of! I ought to $e punishe more than any other! since &o has $rought me to ,now Him an lo"e Him! an I am well assure that there is no communion $etween Christ an Belial.6 I sent them my two little printe $oo,s! with my commentaries on the Holy 2criptures. I also! $y their or er! wrote a wor, to facilitate their e+amination! an to spare them as much time an trou$le as I coul ! which was to collect a great num$er of passages out of appro"e writers! which showe the conformity of my writings with those use $y the holy penmen. I cause them to $e transcri$e $y the Auire! as I ha written them! in or er to sen them to the three commissioners. I also! as occasion presente ! cleare up the u$ious an o$scure places. I ha written them at a time when the affairs of %olinos ha not $ro,en out! I use the less precaution in e+pressing my thoughts! not imagining that they woul e"er $e turne into an e"il sense. This wor, was entitle ! Nthe Gustifications.. It was compose in fifty ays! an appeare to $e "ery sufficient to clear up the matter. But the Bishop of %eau+ woul ne"er suffer it to $e rea . After all the e+aminations! an ma,ing nothing out against me! who woul not ha"e thought $ut they woul ha"e left me to rest in peace0 Fuite otherwise! the more my innocence appeare ! the more i they! who ha un erta,en to ren er me criminal! put e"ery spring in motion to effect it. I offere the Bishop of %eau+ to go to spen some time in any community within his iocese! that he might $e $etter acAuainte with me. He propose to me that of 2t. %ary e %eau+! which I accepte # $ut in going in the epth of winter I ha li,e to ha"e perishe in the snow! $eing stoppe four hours! the coach ha"ing entere into it! an $eing almost $urie in it! in a eep hollow. I was ta,en out at the oor with one mai . /e sat upon the snow! resigne to the mercy of &o ! an e+pecte nothing $ut eath. I ne"er ha more tranAuillity of min ! though chille an soa,e with the snow! which melte on us. Occasions li,e these are such as show whether we are perfectly resigne to &o or not. This poor girl an I were easy in our min s! in a state of entire resignation! though sure of ying if we passe the night there! an seeing no li,elihoo of anyone coming to our succor. At length some wagoners came up! who with ifficulty rew us through the snow. The $ishop! when he hear of it! was astonishe ! an ha no little self7complacency to thin, that I ha thus ris,e my life to o$ey him so punctually. )et afterwar he enounce it as artifice an hypocrisy. There were times in ee when I foun nature o"ercharge # $ut the lo"e of &o an His grace ren ere sweet to me the "ery worst of $itters. His in"isi$le han supporte me# else I ha sun, un er so many pro$ations. 2ometimes I sai to myself! 3All thy wa"es an thy $illows are gone o"er me!6 =Psa. <:>J@. 3Thou hast $ent thy $ow an set me as a mar, for the arrow# thou has cause all the arrows of thy Aui"er to enter into my "eins6 =*am. ;>1:!1;@. It seeme to me as if e"eryone thought he was in the right to treat me ill! an ren ere ser"ice to &o in oing it. I then comprehen e that it was the "ery manner in which Gesus Christ suffere . He was num$ere with the transgressors! =%ar, 18>:?@. He was con emne $y the so"ereign pontiff! chief priests! octors of the law! an 5u ges epute $y the Romans! who "alue themsel"es on oing 5ustice. Happy they who $y suffering for the will of &o un er all the li,e circumstances! ha"e so near a relation to the sufferings of Gesus Christ4 Cor si+ wee,s after my arri"al at %eau+! I was in a continual fe"er! nor ha I reco"ere from my in isposition! when I was waite on $y the $ishop! who woul fain ha"e compelle me to gi"e it

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un er my han ! that I i not $elie"e the /or incarnate! =or Christ manifest in the flesh@. I answere him! that 3through the grace of &o ! I ,now how to suffer! e"en to eath! $ut not how to sign such a falsehoo .6 2e"eral of the nuns who o"erhear this con"ersation! an percei"ing the sentiments of the $ishop! they 5oine with the Prioress! in gi"ing a testimonial! not only of my goo con uct! $ut of their $elief in the soun ness of my faith. The $ishop some ays after! $rought me a confession of faith! an a reAuest to su$mit my $oo,s to the church! that I may sign it! promising to gi"e me a certificate! which he ha prepare . On my eli"ering my su$mission signe ! he! notwithstan ing his promise! refuse to gi"e the certificate. 2ome time after! he en ea"ore to ma,e me sign his pastoral letter! an ac,nowle ge that I ha fallen into those errors! which he there lays to my charge! an ma e many eman s of me of the li,e a$sur an unreasona$le nature! threatening me with those persecutions I afterwar en ure ! in case of noncompliance. Howe"er! I continue resolute in refusing to put my name to falsehoo s. At length! after I ha remaine a$out si+ months at %eau+! he ga"e me the certificate. Cin ing %a . %aintenon isappro"e of the certificate he ha grante ! he wante to gi"e me another in place of it. %y refusal to eli"er up the first certificate enrage him! an as I un erstoo they inten e to push matters with the utmost "iolence! 3I thought that although I were resigne to whate"er might fall out! yet I ought to ta,e pru ent measures to a"oi the threatening storm.6 %any places of retreat were offere me# $ut I was not free in my min to accept of any! nor to em$arrass any$o y! nor in"ol"e in trou$le my frien s an my family! to whom they might attri$ute my escape. I too, the resolution of continuing in Paris! of li"ing there in some pri"ate place with my mai s! who were trusty an sure! an to hi e myself from the "iew of the worl . I continue thus for fi"e or si+ months. I passe the ay alone in rea ing! in praying to &o ! an in wor,ing. But the 1ecem$er :J! 1DK8! I was arreste ! though e+cee ingly in ispose at that time! an con ucte to Hincennes. I was three ays in the custo y of %ons. es &re-! who ha arreste me# $ecause the ,ing woul not consent to my $eing put into prison# saying se"eral times o"er! that a con"ent was sufficient. They ecei"e him $y still stronger calumnies. They painte me in his eyes! in colors so $lac,! that they ma e him scruple his goo ness an eAuity. He then consente to my $eing ta,en to Hincennes. I shall not spea, of that long persecution! which has ma e so much noise! for a series of ten years. imprisonments! in all sorts of prisons! an of a $anishment almost as long! an not yet en e ! through crosses! calumnies! an all imagina$le sorts of sufferings. There are facts too o ious on the part of i"ers persons! which charity in uces me to co"er.

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I ha"e $orne long an sore languishings! an oppressi"e an painful mala ies without relief. I ha"e $een also inwar ly un er great esolations for se"eral months! in such sort that I coul only say these wor s! 3%y &o ! my &o ! why hast thou forsa,en me46 All creatures seeme to $e against me. I then put myself on the si e of &o ! against myself.

<9
Perhaps some will $e surprise at my refusing to gi"e the etails of the greatest an strongest crosses of my life! after I ha"e relate those which were less. I thought it proper to tell something of the crosses of my youth! to show the crucifying con uct which &o hel o"er me. I thought myself o$lige to relate certain facts! to manifest their falsehoo ! the con uct of those $y whom they ha passe ! an the authors of those persecutions of which I ha"e $een only the acci ental o$5ect! as I was only persecute ! in or er to in"ol"e therein persons of great merit# whom! $eing out of their reach $y themsel"es! they! therefore! coul not personally attac,! $ut $y confoun ing their affairs with mine. I thought I owe this to religion! piety! my frien s! my family! an myself. /hile I was prisoner at Hincennes! an %onsieur 1e *a Reine e+amine me! I passe my time in great peace! content to pass the rest of my life there! if such were the will of &o . I sang

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songs of 5oy! which the mai who ser"e me learne $y heart! as fast as I ma e them. /e together sang thy praises! O my &o 4 The stones of my prison loo,e in my eyes li,e ru$ies# I esteeme them more than all the gau y $rilliancies of a "ain worl . %y heart was full of that 5oy which Thou gi"est to them who lo"e Thee! in the mi st of their greatest crosses.

8
/hen things were carrie to the greatest e+tremities! $eing then in the Bastile! I sai ! 3O! my &o ! if thou art please to ren er me a new spectacle to men an angels! Thy holy will $e one46

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1ecem$er! 1J9K. Here she left off her narrati"e! though she li"e a retire life a$o"e se"en years after this ate. /hat she ha written $eing only one in o$e ience to the comman s of her irector. 2he ie Gune K! 1J1J! at Blois! in her se"entieth year.

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