Savannah Choate Instructor: Malcolm Campbell English 1103 18 September 2013 Fast Draft Parenting: Quantity v.

Quality There are different aspects and logistics behind why majority of Americans believe children are better off raised by both their mother and father. Dont two parents give their children twice the love, attention, and resources than a single parent could manage to give? And how could one as an individual fulfill their childs needs without the love and support of the other parent? Researchers have several theories to explain why children growing up with single parents have an elevated risk of experiencing problems, but in the age when single motherhood is becoming more and more common, mothers along with social science research are beginning to challenge these views. According to Paul R. Amato, a distinguished Professor of Sociology and Demography for Pennsylvania State University, Most children living with single parents are economically disadvantaged, unable to afford the books, home computers, and private lessons to succeed in school. Likewise, single parents cannot afford clothes, shoes, cell phones, and other consumer goods that give their children status among their peers. They live in rundown neighborhoods with high crime rates, low-quality schools, and few community services. While it is true that many families with two parents tend to have higher incomes, it is not true that single parents raise their children under dirt poor conditions. Bryce Covert from ThinkProgress found that the income of single mothers has nearly tripled since 1960. But beyond that, author and single

Choate 2 mother Pamela Gwyn Kripke points out there is also the beauty that emerges from the strain, the impediments, even the sometimes terrifying knowledge that their parents might fail them. No single mom wants to fail themprovide less, teach less, support less, be lessbut it is in our minds that we might. So we struggle, and over the long term, we impart to our children that struggle can be good. This is something they know intimately. Single parents, in addition to their economic hardships, are often stigmatized by the public to find it difficult to function as parents. They are known to be less emotionally supportive of their children, have fewer rules, dispense harsher discipline, are more inconsistent in dispensing discipline, provide less supervision, and engage in more conflict with their children. Many of these deficits in parenting presumably result from struggling to make ends meet with limited financial resources and trying to raise children without the help of the other biological parent. In the reality, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, single parents often develop closer relationships with their children than do parents in more traditional, two-parent families. Other relationships may become more important, too, such as the children's connections with their uncles, aunts, or grandparents. These children with single mothers often have strong bonds with uncles or grandpa, filling the void of a father figure. Although some parents remain locked in conflict for many years, especially if a divorce is involved, most gradually disengage and communicate little with one another. At best, claims Paul R. Amato, most children living with single parents experience parallel parenting rather than cooperative co-parenting. In contrary, during nationally demonstrative samples taken by CoAbode, several different types of U.S. households were used for a study, such as: two-parent biological households, single-mother households, adoptive households, stepmother, and stepfather households. The dissimilarities between the relationships each child had with grades,

Choate 3 siblings, friends, and even substance abuse showed very little to no differences at all. Social scientist researchers found that the cause for problematic children, in fact, did not concern if they lived with both parents or not. Instead, whether children had any trouble with these interactions depended on whether there was a great deal of conflict within families, high amounts of disputes between parents, or endless arguments between parents and kids. Children living with single parents are assumed to be exposed to more stressful experiences and circumstances than are children living with married parents. Although scholars define stress in somewhat different ways, most assume that it occurs when external demands exceed people's coping resources. However, I myself can vouch as a child brought up by a single mother that I know the effects of stress. In my case, it made me a stronger person. It has taught me how to efficiently deal with stressful situations without turning to my mom to handle every little thing for me. A quite different way society looks at single parenting not focused on economic hardship, the quality of parenting, and exposure to stress is that many poorly adjusted individuals either never marry in the first place or see their marriages end in divorce. In other words, people like Paul Amato believe these children raised by single moms carry traits that select them into single parenthood. There is power in the negative example, and my kids have witnessed it firsthand, claims Pamela Gwyn Kripke. They have felt the rancor, lived for a time in the forbidden middle. Yet they have learned and have emerged with the kind of human insight that will serve them wellthe kind of insight I wish I had had before making a bad choice. Instead of hiding things, the author started conversations about options, self-knowledge, and trust. She would tell them about integrity, morality, honesty, and teach them the difference between emotion and reason. I told them about the boyfriends they would one day have and the

Choate 4 qualities that they should look for in a mate. As a result, my daughters know how to make decisions for themselves and advocate for their needs. Mom and Dad. In our cultural fantasies, according to Bella DePaulo, the author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After, that team will always be #1 when it comes to raising happy and healthy kids. But with studies and statistics showing single parent families becoming more widespread in the United States, why wouldnt the quality of one parent be able to measure up to the quantity of two parents?