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--I

Photo Contest
Directorships
Short Story Contest
CCES
Spews
Eng Soc
Get Informed!
I
Bock in Block!
The Village Apocalyst
where you are. I have a very hard time imagining what kind of a
pathetic, lazy lower life form you would have to be to find this
product appealing. Either that, or you're just an engineer who real-
Mario 8ellabarba
VP Dancing on the Ledge at 'On Tap"
Help, I've STRESSED and I can" wake up/
1:
he term's almost over, it's the last lW, the Expos have the best record in base-
ball, Italy made it to the World Cup finals, and my basketball team won our
division after three years of failing to do so. I'm waiting for the big fall now.
As I plunge into the abyss, I've taken the time to notice a few things that seem to
be causing the rest of the world to jump in after me. I've had over a month to think
about these, so the list is pretty long.
- Certain governments, who shall remain nameless, still haven't realized that the
best way to rut down on highway accident and death rates is not to raise speeding
fines, lower speed limits, or even to introduce new ways of screwing offenders (can
you say "Photo Radar"?). It may just be possible that the way to reduce acddents
and deaths would be to maintain higher quality roads, and not give a driver's license
to every Tom, Dick and Mary who can put a car in gear and parallel park Better yet,
why don't they just start painting giant chevrons in a repeating patterns all over the
roads to distract incompetent drivers even more? [! - Ed]
- Hart to Hart is back (at least for one episode), and what I want to know is: WHY?
I had heard rumours last year that this cataclysmic event would take place, having
read an article about 'Hart to Hart" fans pressuring ABC to put the show back on the
air. At the time, I was foolish enough to ignore this,warning, based on my belief that
there weren't any 'Hart to Hart" fans who were capable of putting together a com-
plete sentence, much less an organized push to reinstate their favourite show.
- The World Cup was decided on penalty kicks! What a shitty way to win a game,
and an even shittier way to lose one. Being a fan ofItaly myself, I have to admit that
they didn't play well enough to deserve a win, but they may as well start drawing
straws to see who wins the most coveted sporting prize in the world. Another sign
of the apocalypse is tied in here, Claire was actually right about something! She said
Italy was going to lose. Of course, she said this before every game they played, so I
guess she was bound to be right eventually.
- C&D prices have gone up! Saints preserve us! How am I going to manage to
scramble together the extra 10 cents it will cost me to get my breakfast? Maybe ru
just have to start putting pennies in the gumball machine in the Orifice. On second
thought, that might encourage Dawn to speed my journey towards my ultimate
demise. What the hell, we're all going to die anyway.
- Now you, yes you, can buy yourself a remote control watch. That's right, if you
decide to get your fat ass up out of your annchair to plop yourself down on the
couch, you no longer have to worry about forgetting to pick up the
1V IVCR/stereo/blender/car ignition remote on the way. Now, you can get your-
self a watch with a built in remote control, so you can change channels no matter
ly likes gizmos.
- Pizza Hut actually believes that doing the 'ooey-gooey" is an appetizing
prospect. Combined with the great slogan on the inside of their pizza boxes, 'Tastes
great reheated," they certainly do know how to get our mouths watering.
- The Engineering Society is now the rightful protector of the boar. Maybe we can
'protect" the Pink Tie some more now, too.
- A couple of ads caught my eye while I was in the States recently: Gtting a
divorce? Want to make it fast and simple? CalII-312-BREAKUP. What next, drive-
thru divorce courts? It wouldn' t surprise me, they already have drive-thru wedding
chapels in, where else, Las Vegas. Been in an acddent? Want to sue? Need a lawyer
as fast as humanly possible before your minor injuries begin to heal? Just call 1-800-
PAINFUL for fast, easy legal service. Personally, I'm glad more lawyers and law
firms have started to advertise, it makes it a lot easier to decide not to go to them for
legal advice.
- Don Cherry admitted that he was stupid, June 8,1994, 17:58GMT
- David Hasslehoff, IN CONCERT! Yours for only $14,95 on Pay-per-View. What
a deal! What an opportunity! Oh, waiL! can't stand that guy. Besides, without KI1T
and that ultra-cool streaming light on his hood, it just isn't worth the effort to pick up
the remote and tune in. Unless, of course, you had a remote control with you every-
where you went. Implants, maybe?
- Oprah Winfrey hosted and Richard Marx was asked to perlorm at the World
Cup '94 opening ceremonies, resulting in an immediate impact on power grids as
every 1V set outside of the US was simultaneously turned off for half an hour.
With all of these signs pointing towards the end, it is becoming increasingly
important that we each celebrate the following sacred occasions in our own, private
way (or, with a bunch of other people, I really don't care).
July 16 - the safety pin is invented, 1849. HUGE batch party, 1994
J 22 - The first Sony Walkman goes on sale, 1979
J 24 - Instant coffee is invented (hhmmmm, coffee), 1938
J 28 - 'The Hustle" hits #1 on the Disco charts, 1975. Oh, and the last day of classes.
J 31 - The last Playboy Gub in the US closes, 1988
August 2 - The elevator is invented, 1743. (And, it was faster than the one in CPH)
A 7 - Borden is sued over a Cracker Jack box containing no prize, 1982
A 11 - Hulk Hogan is born, 1953
A 13- World record cow chip toss, 266 feet, 1981
A 20 - Robert Plant is born, 1948
A 26 -The first roller coaster is built in America, 1929
A 27 - The first American vomits after riding a roller coaster, 1929
A 30 - The last episode of 'The Brady Bunch" airs, 1974
A 31 -The Beatles make their last public appearance, 1966
And don't forget, September is National Chicken Month!
IEEE News Break
four are preferable to help share the costs. If you
cannot find anyone, come to them meeting anyways
and groups can be arranged. Meetings will be held
in the McNaughton Center (E2-3359) starting at
by Samson Tam
IEEE Secretary
B
or those of you who are not aware, the IEEE represents the Institute of Electri-
cal and Electronics Engineers and serves to promote and provide information
in the field of electrical engineering and computers. The Student Branch con-
tinues in that goal to provide students with the information and facilities to explore
and learn. With only a month and a half to go before the summer term ends, the
IEEE Student Branch have a number of events coming up.
1) Microcontrolled Robotics Workshop - Starting July 4th and going
on for three weeks, Mark Pundsack (Director of the McNaughton Center) and Scott
Palmer will be presenting workshops on building a 6811-based autonomous vehicle
that will demonstrate the basic robotic characteristics. These workshops are open to
the new and the experienced and would be a great chance to try your hands at
designing a working robot. The design will be rather simple having only a contact
sensor and motor control (although additional sensors could be added). The parts
will be distributed in a kit provided by MIT that includes the MIT mainboard with a
6811 microcontroller with 2K EEPROM, a Radio Shack toy car, documentation and
assorted switches and parts. The MIT mainboard are used by many people all over
North America because it is both powerful and compact. The package costs $110. If
you're interested, please contact Mark (email address: rnspundsa@elecom2) for
more information on getting a kit or if you have any questions. Groups of three or
4:30pm. A prototype of the final product can be found in the McNaughton Center.
And if you're wondering where this will lead to,there is a Robotic Olympics compe-
tition coming up in November where you could enter your robots. More details to
follow.
2) Seminar - On July 12th, Professor Selvakurnar will be presenting a seminar
on the Fabrication of Microchips. Professor Selvakurnar is the IEEE Chapter Chair
for the Circuits and Systems and Electronic Devices societies in the Kitchener-Water-
100 section. His seminar will include a 20 minute movie prior to his talk All are
welcome to attend. The time and place will be posted up in the first two weeks of
July.
3) Video - On July 26th, our Director of External Affairs, Marc Carrier, will pre-
sent a video made by the Defense and Gvil Institute of Environmental Medicine
(OClEM) that will detail an experimental implementation of a Virtual Reality Navy
Ship's Bridge Simulator for the Canadian Armed Forces. The work from this project
has fallen under the hands of many a co-op student with 85% of the software being
perlonned by co-op students. Again, all are welcome and the time and place will
be posted up around the middle of July.
For more information on the above events, please watch for posters or subscribe
to the uw.ieee newsgroup. You can contact the IEEE Student Branch at
ieeesbJlelectrical or visit the McNaughton Center in E2-3359 from 1:30 - 4:30pm
on Tuesday, Wednesday or Thursday. If you would like to participate in the IEEE
Student Branch, please drop by the McNaughton Center or attend the next exeru-
tive meeting on July 6th at 4:30pm. Well, that covers the news. Until next time.
EdItor-in-ChIef
Kim Farwell
Assistant editor
I
Ad Gurus
Could Be You!
Layout
Colin Young
KataJina Princz
Nick Boldt
Darkroom Troll
Scott Chandler
Office Mascot
Andy Chan
Administrative Assistant
Marc RiSdale
Contributors
ClaVe Anderson
Mario Bellabarba
Fish
The Iron Warrior Magazine
Le Guardien by Rick Kathuria (Black & White)
Photo Contest Winner
In This Issue:
Volume 2 Issue 3
20 July, 1994
Ge tIn volved! ..... , . , . , , , , . , . , , , , , , . , , .. , , .. , .. , .. , .4
. It's time to start thinking about directorships!
Photo Contest Winners .. " ... """ ........ ,,6
If you liked our cover, check out the rest!
P**5 is Going Places." II"" II ",,,,,,,,,,", 10
All the Details!
From the Deans' Desks " .. " ... " .......... 72
Yes, Watstar is Overcrowded -- Looking Toward the Future
Referendum ....... ,. , , '" .. ,' .. ,' ........ , , ., , .... 73
Come out an d vote!
UW Police, .. "."." .. " ,,' , . , . , , , .. , , . , , , .. , ... , , " 75
So, CAN you rollerblade on Ring Road?
Spe ws, , , , , , , , , , , . , , , , . , ... , .... , , , I , , , I , , , , , , 16
Everything that's going on
Dear IW",., " "'" I.""" """'" "'" '" '" "" '" 7 8
Do you have something to say?
Editorial . I I I , I, , I ,. I , , , , , , , ,. 19
.----------- -
Get Involved Dommit!
Alison Pearse
4A Chemical
I
want to talk to you about getting involved in life
outside of assignments and text books. There are a
on of worthwhile groups, teams and organb..ations
at this school that are available to all of us. Each of them
can help make University a better experience, but none
of them is more diverse and allows more room for your
growth than the Engineering Society. University of
Waterloo Engineers get tJtings done! Look around you
and imagine life without the C & D, P.o.E.T S., the Ori-
fice, the Video Editing Room, the Engmeering Dark-
room and the WEEP. Plus, there are dozens of events
sponsored and run by EngSoc such as, tournaments,
Shadow Program, Bus Push, games for K-W's children
on Canada day ... the list goes on, but you get the point!
All of these events and services are brought to you
through your Engineering Society. All of these activities
and services are run by directors. Any\xxiy can apply to
be a director. In fact, there are probably a lot of people in
your class right now who have directorships and are
making life in Engineering a heck of a lot more fun than
your profs are. If you aren't already a part of this, what
are you waiting for? AJJ you have to do is fill out a
directorship application form, available in the Orifice.
The directorships allow for your creativity and if there
are any projects you'd like to try (services that we don't
currently offer that you think would be worthwhile)
then please come and talk to us! We are very flexible.
If you want to find out about any of the Director-
ships, detailed descriptions are in the Engineering Soci-
ety Policy Manual in the Orifice. Just ask Betty for it.
There are also short descriptions of the directorships in
the paper.
The benefits of getting involved are innumerable.
They include the warm, fuzzy feeling you get from a
job well done, the empowerment of effecting change,
visibility among your peers and appreciation of your
efforts. Besides it's really amazing the difference you
can make to the lives of fellow students by doing small
things and running even the smallest of events. One
final comment: its better than sex (almost) and nearly as
good as cheesecake.
Pros of Being a Director/Class-Rep
Meet funky and intellectually stimulating people
(all of them, especially Speaker, Campus Wide)
Looks better than you could ever imagine on a
resume (all of them)
Directors quote "If we can do this we can do just
about anything" (Canada Day)
If you don't like the way something is done,
change it! (use your imagination)
Don't bitch about things you're not willing to
change (SAC Rep, Fed Rep)
Influence people (Iron Warrior, Engmewsletter,
Publicity, Blotter)
Give Waterloo Engineers and Engineers in general
a better place in the heart of our community (Bus Push,
Charities, Shadow, Canada Day, Public Relations, Fron-
trwmers)
Learn how to run an office (Orifice Manager)
Learn how to run a small business (C & D, Novel-
ties)
Influence the fashion consciousness of Waterloo
Engineers (Novelties)
Hang arOtmd the orifice and get good blackmail
material on executive members (Mario) .
Make sUre your opinions about profs and courses
are heard (Course Critiques, Academics)
Make events happen, tournaments, pubs, road
trips etc (Social, Athletics)
Chose the programming schedule for the TV in
POETS (POETS)
Hang out in POETS on official business (POETS,
Exec ... everyone else)
Make the Co-op department accountable to the
students (SAC Rep)
Fmd out first hand what is going on in the Federa-
tion of Students (Fed Rep)
Gives you something riveting to talk about in inter-
views (all of them)
Show off our school to local high school students
(Shadow)
Promote engineering to high school students (Fron-
trunners, Shadow)
Motivate and inspire (Class Rep Advisors, Spirit)
Organize a Bus-Push for Big-Sisters ... its quite an
amazing feat! (Bus Push)
Plan Tal-Eng, a phota-contest, movie nights etc.
(Arts)
Cons of Being a Director/Oass--Rep
Time commitment (not really a problem, just figure
out which directorship requires the same amount of
time that you're willing to put into it)
I just can't think of any others!
If you're tJtinking about being a Director or would
like to get involved in the Engineering Society in some
way, please come and talk to any of the Exec (Ali, Dave,
Claire or Mike), or Betty or anyone who happens to be
in the Orifice. We've got a good thing going, but only
because people like you get involved! So ... GET
lNVOL YED DA.MI'vJIT!
Applications are due Friday, July 22 b 3:00 pm,
Betty in the Orifice. Thanks in advance for applying :)!
Electrical Engineering Survival
Principles and Laws
Jon Pocock, Paul Grzeszczak
1 B Electrical
N
ot to be ou tdonc by Newton, Einstein and
other great thinkers, members of the IB Electri-
cal class have discovered laws and principles
governing Electrical Engineering. These are by no
means universal, however recognizing the ones that
apply to your engineering department will help you
survive engineering.
Fundamental Theorem of Electrical Engineering:
If you don't get the mark you'd like to get, you get to
like the mark you got.
Todd's Law:
The sooner you get behind the more time you have to
catcl1 up.
The Absolute Difference Principle:
The only difference between Electrical Engineering
and Boat Racing is that with Boat Racing you only feel
like shit the day after.
Desperation Principle:
Engineering Student EtJtics is like a complex number;
it is composed of both a real and imaginary part; as you
approacl1 the due date, the real part becomes negligible.
Paul's Paradox:
The more you manage your time, the less time you
have to manage.

The only thing better than your Jab is someone else's.

The Jess you come to class, the more you tJtink you
know.
Electrical Engineering Time Contraction;
During an exam, each minute is shorter than the pre-
vious one, such that the last minute approaches zero.
Question Transfo.nnation by Parts Theorem:
Half the answer is contained in the question, the other
half you get from the T A.
Two other, yet to be defined principles include:
1) You don't get marks for attendance or participa-
tion.
2) Exam preparation hint No matter how brilliant
you tJtink you are, the exam will be just as brutal.
Eng Soc Fee Referendum
Tuesday, July 26th
[omeOut and Uote

Winter '95 Directorships
M!
PlicatiOn forms are available in the Orifice and
are due by Friday July 22th at 3:00pm. Please
completed application forms to Betty in
the Orifice.
Detailed descriptions of these positions are available
in the Engineering Society Policy Manual. Just ask
Betty if you want to see it.
Don't miss out on a pleasurable experience!
EXTERNAL
Campus Wide Activities (1) Arrange events with
other societies on campus and continually promote
community spirit with fellow Waterloo students (how-
ever the student feels is best).
Public Relations (1) Work closely with the VP Exter-
nal in publicizing Engineering. Prepare public press
statements to promote the work of the society and be
available to answer community concerns with regards
to the Engineering opinion on various issues. Maintain
close liaison with other pu blications such as the Gazette,
Chronicle and Record.
Highschool Shadow (1-2) Arrange for High School
students to come and spend a day with an Engineering
student.
Bus Push (2-3) Get crazy engineers to pull a bus for
charity - Big Sisters of Kitchener-Waterloo to be specific.
This is an awesome opportunity for UW Engineers to
show how much they care about their community.
ESSCO Rep (1) Provide a liaison with the Engineer-
ing Student Society Conference of Ontario. Attending
awesome conferences can be joined with this director-
ship.
Fed Rep (1) Be a representative of the Engineering
. Society on the Federation of Students Council. Inform
on the Feds to Engineering Students.
Ol.arities (2-3) Plan events such as plant sales or Mas-
tercard booths that will help engineering students use
their. time and abilities to benefit the community. Each
charities event should be fun and exciting and involve
as many people as possible.
. Fronh'unners Programs (1) Continue developing and
implementing our high school visit program. The objec-
tive of the program is to promote engineering as a pro-
fession.
Explorations (1) Work closely with the VP-Extemal
to plan "Explorations" - a one day workshop for ele-
mentary school dtildren. This program is designed to
promote engineering, science and technology and has
an annual enrollment of approximately 2CXXl kids.
Social (2) Road Trips (Brunswick House and Blue
Jays) and inter-faculty pubs are the mission for this
directorship. The Social Directors also hold the great
Ear pub. The key to this directorship is fun.
INTERNAL
Arts (2) Tal-Eng, Stratford, Movie nights, BNAD, and
lots of artistic contests (photography, short story, and
maybe something new). This directorship reminds stu-
dents that there is more to life than another Calculus
assignment.
Class Rep Advisors (2) Ensure Oass Reps act effec-
tively by sharing tips on motivating classes. It's your job
to aid communication between Class Reps their classes.
Engi-Newsletter (2) Remember thinking about
which prof quote was best this week? This directorship
provides all students with a weekly dose of announce-
ments and humour.
Athletics (2) A great directorship since you would
have to organize (or assign classes to organize) the
numerous sporting events that take place each term -
Engineering Floor Hockey, Volle balL MudbowL etc.-
while having fun yourself.
1"'"*5 Allocating points for each activity in a fair and
accurate method with the mission to get each class to
P ARTlOP A TE to the classes' full abilities.
Special Events (2) You organize raft races, Twister,
inverted milk boatracing, and other excellent events
with the help of classes. EngWEEK, EngWEEKEND,
posters, participants and excitement are in your
purview.
Take Some News (2) Pick up the Eng Soc video cam-
era and record Engineering Students doing silly things
as well as serious things to put together a series of
shows for POETS to keep people informed and titillat-
ed.
Publicity (2) Work with the Eng. Soc. Prez, to estab-
lish and implement a communication plan for Eng Soc
events and activities. Also, PROMOTE, make posters,
PROMOTE, talk to people, PROMOfE, and help other
directors inform engineering students about exciting
events. Also take care of the White board and the Pixel
board.
Darkroom Director Improve the current darkroom
situation so that everyone can enjoy working there with
all the necessary supplies, equipment and training pro-
vided.
Exchange (2) Be friendly to Exchange Students, and
help them feel comfortable with life in Waterloo. Vari-
ous events can be run including pubs or BBQs.
Spirit Directors (2) These people will be responsible
for livening up the place with Spirit Days and other
stimulating events .
Secretary (1) Take minutes at EngSoc council meet-
ings and ensure Class-Reps, Exec and Directors get
copies so that everyone is kept infonned.
SERVICES
P.O.E.T.S. Manager (2) Contact bar, services with
requests for lots more beer every-day-all-the-time-and-
then-some as well as providing other services like
music, darts, and popcorn. The managers co-ordinate
all of the pubs during the term.
P.O.E.T.S. Programming Director Responsible for
scheduling of movies, television programs and music.
Also should delegate taping.
C&D (3) Leam to manage a srnaJJ business at scht"lOl.
TI1e C&D managers take part in the day-to-day organi-
zation, accounting, customer relations as well as sam-
pling new food products and improving the effective-
ness of our C&O.
Orifice Director (2) Spend time increasing the useful-
ness of the Eng Soc center of operations through capitaJ
improvements and day to day operations. Learn how
to take over for Betty (although nobody can do her job
as well as she can) just in case she needs help.
Recycling (2) Work with the university recycling
committee and with each engineering class to operate a
system of recycling within the engineering buildings.
Novelties (2) This directorship is suited to someone
who wants to try their hand at marketing, sales, and
artistic pursuits (ie thinking of new t-shirt ideas). Eng
Soc is always willing to try new novelty ideas SO if you
are an idea person or just like to go shopping for zero
people then apply for this job.
Finance Director (1) Introduce yourself to EngSoc
finances. This position will help anyone interested in
running for the exec position ofVP-Fmance.
IRON WARRIOR
Editors (2) Fun, ftm, fun; pleasure, pleasure, pleasure.
Layout EditolS (2) In charge of putting together the
best nev.lSpaper on campus.
Photo Editor Take pictures of enticing engineering
events, POETS Patron of the Week, and Exec OR dele-
gate to your staff. Free film.
Advertising Manager (1) Get to know what's going
on in KW, and where th best deals are - make some
great local. contacts (get on VIP guest lists). And maybe
get these folks t9 advertise in the IW.Co-ordinator of the
advertising staff.
Advertising Staff (unlimited) TI1e more people sign
up, th more fun it'll be! Don't be left out in the cold.
Office Administrator (1) Schmooze with the editors,
clffi!\ up after them, generally attend to IW's every need
and feign importance.
ACADEMICS
Speaker (1) The individual with this job must keep
the council meetings fun and running smoothly by
bribing long-winded directors to be quiet with lol-
lipops. The speaker provides the agendas for each
meeting and will also organize the Joint Council each
term.
SAC Rep (1) Students Advising Co-op. This is the
students' voice to the Co-op department You have to
tell them what we want.
W.E.E.F. Assistant Director (2) Assist the WEEF
Endowment Director in various activities including
meetings, IW articles, directions to proceed and busi-
ness needs. This is an excellent position for anyone
interesting in getting involved in any or all aspects of
theWEEF.
Academics (1) Encourage students and professors to
contribute to the exam binders in the Orifice. Join edu-
ca tion committees that exist on campus including teach-
ing at the university or course critiques, and schmooze
with the profs.
Course Critiques (1-2) Work with the DEAN to run
the term's critiques used to evaluate the courses and the
teaching methods of the professors on campus .
S.F.F. Rep (1) Student rep to the Sandford Fleming
Foundation. Work with S.F.F. in organizing debates,
technical speaker competitions and other exciting stuff.
Policy Manual (1-2) Keep track of updates made to
the Fllg Policy M.\))ual so th,lt din:: ton; knnw what
their olt ",\1 alx)ul. This dinxtor.-hip b for
anyol\p who has some ('xpcrit'rlCl' with gngS<X' and
Ii, 'S working behind Uw S( '11l"'S.
UnWanl Ads (]) Inform stutil'nl'i on how II com-
plete critiques "bout their Co-op on WalSt.ar .mci on
how to uS42 th > system.
For anyone working on or about the University of
Waterloo the next two directorshIps 'In' for Fall 1994.
Off-Tenn Rep Keep A-Soc in lin . Attend l'Oun-
cil meetings and continually voice B-&x/s opinion. Send
reguJar lThtil-outs to dire tors and d:1SS reps to I t every-
one know about Joint Council and Waterloo happen-
ings while they are off skiing in the Rockies or scuba
diving in Florida. You will keep ev rryonc informed.
Blotter (I) Each tenn a desk blotter is produced by
Eng Soc for the students. The blotter needs to be put
together complete with calendars and advertisements
during the winter term so it can be printed in May and
distnbuted at the beginning of term. This director will
plan the blotter and has artistic license to improve it.
Hope by Anoosh Asgharzadeh (LlUILRJ'
wallowing in a sea of bad poetry number three
penguins flap their wings in air
but they never get nowhere
kiwis have short stubby things
'cause they're birds we call them wings
chickens fly like large gold bricks
the same can be said of the ostrich
what's the use of flightless birds?
their wings don't work they're birdy nerds
chase 'em round and round i say
chase 'em 'cause they can't flyaway
Window by Shuk-Man Ho (Black & White)
wallowing in a sea of bad poetry number four
sliced squid tentacles on a sesame seed bun
yum yum good! would you like some?
spread on mayonnaise and mustard hot
not too much butter or yer artrees might clot
some salt and pepper but just a tad
now eat it quick before it goes bad
wallowing in a sea of bad poetry number fiye
hedgehogs have poky prickly backs
like big balls of sharp thumbtacks
tho' they're round and good for rolling
they should never be used [or bowling
'cause no one ever really wins
when the ball gets stuck to the pins
- trevor quayle
Short Story Contest Winner:
Nothing But The Best
Marc Risdale
4A Alchemy
l
~ s days like this when I ~ n for the ~ p l ~ days of
high school. There was virtually nothing m my life
worth worrying about and yet I can still rernernber
fretting rabidly about essays and exams. Things were so
much easier then Most of my basic needs were met by
my parents and the only reason to have a job was to
have some pocket change. They don't even collect
income tax until you turn eighteen! Most of my friends
had part-time jobs after school and I was no exception
I was a bag-boy. You know, I was the guy who duti-
fulJy stands right behind the cashier and thanklessly
loads your purchases into the lovely polyethylene bags
emblazoned. with the store's colourful logo. It was an
alright job but we were at the bottom rung of the evolu-
tionary ladder of grocery store employees. TIle position
held little prestige or recompense. Most of US hoped for
more, in as much as part-time high school students
could have ambition, that is. Don't get me wrong, none
of us wanted to make a career of it (except maybe Phil
the geek) but there was always the allure of higher pay
and more responsibility. The stock guys had the flash
and the glamour. The deli and bakery people had the
skills. The produce department had, well, let's just say
they had a certain je ne sais quoi. All these jobs were
great but the guys who worked in the meat department
were different, some how more mysterious. I was
always fascinated by their stoic demeanour. All we had
was common sense. Whoopee.
11lis hierarchy of grocery store jobs was always most
evident at lunch when everyone, out of some sort of
social-conditioning, sequestered themselves into their
own little groups. The cocky stock guys were loud and
sat at the front of the staff room TIle deli and bakery
people sat and quietly made fun of the stock guys. The
produce people acted weird at their table. TIle cashiers
sat like divas in their tight lillle social circle. Of course,
we, the bag-boys were relegated to the small table
behind the older, smoking cashiers, generally hacking,
wheezing and hoping for some respite from the
onslaught of yellowing carcinogens. The only hope we
had was to someday be promoted to a more distin-
guished department.
Every night when the store closed, we, the bag-boys
(I wish they could have come up with a more
respectable job title than that; it sounds like some ood
sexual :metapoor.), would run around like decapitated
chickens cleaning the store and getting ready for the
next morning. We could have a lot of fun at it if Phil-
the-tyrant wasn't working but we would always work
the hardest and finish the latest of any of the depart-
ments, except, of course, for the meat department.
As we punched the time-clock, we would just start to
see the butchers and their helpers emerge from the
giant cooler down at the end of the hall in the back
room They walked slowly and proudly, looking and
smelling like they'd just steppOO out of some particular-
ly violent and macabre sado-masochistic fantasy. Their
white hard hats were spattered with blood and meaty
remnants of animal flesh. Their red aprons strove to
camouflage the crimson stains on their white coats. Still
clinging to their steel-toe boots were bloody bits of mar-
row, ground beef and fat. It was magical. They looked
like post-mcxlem witch doctors. You could almost hear
the chicken bones knock like hollow wood in their
pockets. There was a sublime kind of beauty and poetry
about the whole situation Ghastly perhaps, but it was
poetry none the less. Call me a hopeless romantic.
Their mystique was no less enhanced by the fact that
the position of their department in the grocery store
was more remote from that of anyone else. It was a long
and lonely journey to the end of the hall. The only
things at the end of that hall were a couple of thread-
bare mops and long dead skids of Chow-Chow and
devilled ham. Abandon all hope ye who enter here.
My strange fascination with these quasi-apocalyptic
workers didn't end there. It began to affect my sleeping
habits. It captured my imagination to the point that I
started having dreams about what actually went on
behind the enonnous white cooler door that separated
the meat department from the rest of the world.
Slowly, I ease down the hall towards the giant white
door. I can't believe someone had the gall to set the
lights swinging. I swear; it looks like there's something
moving in and about those oscillating shadows. The
nerve of some people is just unbelievable. What am I
doing here anyway? What time is it? Oh well, I'd better
open the big white door. Yesiree, there's the door. Wait
a second; I don't want to open the door! What's going
on here? Why is my hand reaching for the handle? I'm
opening tre door? I'm being drawn inside as if into a
vacuum. The lights aren't even on. What the ... TIle door
shuts. I'm drowning in the inky blackness. Flash! I
cover my eyes. God, it's bright! I regain my senses at the
calming buzzing of the fluorescent lights. What's that
smell? It's like weeks old trash on a humid summer
day. The dry buzz of the fluorescents amplifies and
transforms into the souro of enonnous flies swooping
and diving about me. I uncover my eyes. I'm in the
meat freezer. No problems here. Nosiree, just sides of
beef hanging from hooks ... Wait a second this isn't beef;
these are corpses. They look like they've been stuck
with meat hooks in the back of the neck, the soft part
just below the skull. I walk closer, unable to tum away
or even look away. I'm face to face with the bloodless,
greying face of a middle aged woman Her putple lips
are fixed in a hideously complacent grimace. Her red-
dish hair, tom from her scalp in spots, frames her face
like a veil. Right near the collar bone, there's what
appears to be a sickly blue tattoo: "100% PURE. CANA-
DA GRADE A", with an accompanying bright pink
seal: "NOIHING BUT 1HE BES1."
My eyes blew open. Cold sweat ran between the
small of my back and the sheets. Shit
For the next week at work. I couldn't bring myself to
go anywhere near the end of the hall. Just the thought
of it gave my the shakes. Nightmares suck.
Finally, after days of denial, I screwed all my courage
to the sticking place and decided to confront my dread-
ful, yet ridiculous, fear. I just can't express how stupid I
felt being scared of the meat locker so I felt compelled to
do something aboutit.
After all the aisles were swept clean and all the boxes
were crushed and baled, I sat down in the staff room
and waited for all the butchers and their helpers to
leave their "dungeon of doom".
One by one, they trundled into the change room,
leaving bits of pork in their wake. This was my big
chance.
I snuck to the end of the hall. It sure was a relief to
find that the lights weren't swinging. I faced the dread-
ed door. It's weird how such a pleasant white enamel
finish can look so foreboding in a moment of high anxi-
ety. I almost turned back but I stopped myself mid-
stride. This was something I had to do no matter how
silly it felt. I grabbed the handle, held my breath and
swung open the door.
Ah-ha! Just as I thought row upon row of roasting
chickens and pork chops, sausage links and hams.
What a relief. There certainly weren't any corpses in
here. Nosiree!
I turned to see a solitary, hairless body hanging in the
corner just behind the door. I let out a tiny whelp,
closed my eyes and prayed that my sulx:onscious was
just pulling a stupid stunt. My eyes creaked open and I
got closer only to recognise the tattoo: 1/100% PURE.
CANADA GRADE A", and the same pink stamp:
"NOIHING BUT TIlE BEST." 'Thank god it was only a
side of beef. Hrnrnph.
Well, time marched on. Most of my co-workers got
the promotions they deserved. Some of them went to
the stock room, others to the produce department. I
went to the bakety. Still, that old fascination lingers.
KAshbright
Meat IRpartment Manager
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Midnight Sun -- Not Just For
Breakfast Anymore
Amanda Sealey
Midnight Sun Correspondent
I never thought when I was growing up that 1'd be
involved in a project to build a car. Funny how univer-
sity is one of those horizon-expanding things. Don't tell
anyone I said that
discussing braking systems, Ackerman steering, and
array configurations. They got to look at the winning
cars from SunRayce 93, and make plans to build some-
thing better. They heard
about problems with other
Of course, it's not all work. Last weekend, six lucky
members of the MS ill team were handed free passes to
the Indy 500, so that they could take the MS I down to
be viewed and try to drum
up some sponsorship.
The ball really started rolling on this project at the
beginning of this term. 1here were lots of meetings!
First, there were meetings with Raytheon They volun-
teered to build the frame of the car, and help out with
their expertise ... we can never get enough of that Well,
if we've got someone to build it, then we'd better
design it, right? Glenn Edwards, an architecture stu-
dent currenUy on work term in Toronto (who's seen
way too much of the road between here and Toronto
this term), is the frame and aerobody manager. Gary
Darnel is the electrical manager, and Peter de Schultess
is the mechanical manager. They each began having
weekly meetings for the people in their respective
groups. Send us a note if you're interested in coming
out to the meetings (usually Monday night), and we'll
let you know when the next one is scheduled. The
meetings provide an opportunity for everyone to give
an update on their assigned tasks, and additional
design work is done. Fraser Gunn, our quality control
manager, makes sure everybody toes the line. Actual-
ly, Fraser is our catch-all manager, who gets to do any-
thing that doesn't fall uroer anyone else's umbrella.
cars ("Oh shit, we'd better
not to that!"), and some good
ideas ("Oh shit, we were
going to do that!"), and a
careful breakdown of the
new-for-95 rigorous race
rules ("Oh shit, we can't do
that anymore!"). They
returned with a refined
vision of the Midnight Sun
ill. Many thanks go to the
Sandford Fleming Founda-
tion, who picked up the tab
for this trip.
MIDNIGHT SUN
You'd think we'd have had
enough suit & tie dressing
on work term! But no, they
voluntarily donned their
formal garb and headed
down under the sweltering
sun to impress the public.
Again, the effort was not in
vain They collected a list
of contacts who might be
willing to contribute to the
project, and a good case of
sunburn. What else are
weekerds for? You might SOLAR RACE TEAM
After a month of meetings, the weekend of the Sun-
Rayce 95 conference rolled around. Our four fearless
leaders hopped in a car and drove 8 hours to indi-
anapolis. When they got there, they were told their
hotel rooms had been given away. So they slept on the
street. (Just kidding, the hotel management found
them rooms in another hotel.) The conference was a
hJtbed. of information and ideas. They stayed up late
Newly inspired, we now
prepared for the design
charest, a weekend-long
meeting for the entire team to design, design, design
Everyone crawled out of bed early (?) Saturday mom-
1.'1g, and headed down to the System ~ i g n seminar
room for 10:00AM. The mechanical crew began work
on the front suspension, linkages, and steering compo-
nents. Glenn built a new model of the frame. The l ~
!rical crew began designing the array, and det:ennining
the motor specs. It was a long and productive week-
end. We existed on pop, coffee, potato chips, pizza, and
stale doughnuts. Typical.fare for a university student
' We emerged from the end of the weekend at 1O:OOPM
Sunday evening, exhausted, dirty, but triumphant We
now had on paper a fairly accurate idea of which of the
pictures in our heads would work, and which
wouldn't Now, we have to do a litUe refining to make
the pictures meet the specs.
Three $ and fifty
W
ith three dollars and fIfty cents fIfty cents, I often wish I could buy 1
(Canadian, of course), one could song (2 if I'm lucky) on a CD with it, or
have the pleasure of a beer, maybe a piece of cheesecake at a local
except if you're in Hull, Montreal or cafe type place. Someday you might
Toronto. Two toothbrushes or 16 rolls of have a hankering for a road trip, you
two-ply toilet paper or maybe a bottle could put seven litres of gas in a car and
of Tilex to have a mildew free tub, one go for all your worth but good luck get-
of these things is worth three dollars ting vel)' far. If you're in 4A ChE and
and fifty cents. How about a sock, two if pay for the pop in the fridge then it
you're lucky, or a new pair of under- would get you seven pOps, maybe three
wear, good elastics and all - wow three pizza pops and a bag of chips. If you
dollars and fifty cents goes a long way don't pay it might get you a kick in the
these days. If you get to a sale, three head, but thats another story entirely.
dollars and fifty cents could make you Think about what three dollars and fifty
the proud owner of 10 packets of Mr. cents really means to you. I know
Noodles, or perhaps you would prefer a where I can get my money's worth -do
head of broccoli and a small packet of you?
cheese. When I have three dollars and
ask why, with only 2
weeks to go until finals,
they are spending an entire
weekend in Toronto with a car, but I don't have an
answer for that. You'll have to ask them
The design work for the MS ill will be completed by
the end of this term. and construction of the MS ill will
begin in early September. By January, the team hopes
to have completed construction of the car, and to begin
initial testing and driver training. New members to the
team will be welcome on all stages of the project. We
can be contacted either at the office, .E2 1307G, tJuough
Watstar, midsun@zeus, or through Dave Walsh. Sys-
tems ~ g n Engineering, who is our illustrious project
manager.
....
Banner Takes Trip!
Banner
Fish, Indy
AICoH20LiCs
E
was the day before Canada day, a fateful day.
Road bips have always been a good time and from
revious experience they are worth a lot of shmt
points. You see, overseeing the P""S points is my job,
and who says the director should be the only one privi-
leged enough to leave town.
I suggested this idea to a group of nine studly, hand-
some guys who were looking extremely bored after
putting up with a shortened week of classes. They
gladly rescued me from my perch and then asked me
to lie low in the orifice while they made the necessary
arrangements to take me on vacation.
The three days of hiding out included playing with
asbestos and listening to the P""*5 guy attempting to
find out what happened to "his" banner.
Monday came around soon and I was snuck into a
waiting bag. In this bag I was given a tour of local
Waterloo fast food joints, before going to the air-condi-
tioned comfort of the D.c. library. I was bored out of
my strings while my chauffeur worked on his phys
chem lab report.
After a quick stop at aftemoon class we headed to a
residence that seemed to be named after some type of
hospital. After a quick meal of Mr. Noodles it was time
to head off to Toronto.
The ride was in style, a smooth riding Honda Civic
and a couple of guys hanging out the windows
attempting to make every truck that could poSSibly
have an air hom honk for us. (Please note that 75% of
truckers will honk for you and only 7% give you the
finger.)
long trek from Yonge street to the CN Tower. Along
the way, we had the incredibly good fortune of seeing
the bus used in the greatest shmt ever performed in
Canada.
After a brief search around the mini-put and yet
another photo opportunity in front of the great tower
itself, I suggested that we visit the local Universities.
FIrst stop: some polytechnical institute. Not a very
big or impressive place, so only a few of the stickers
were used at this establishment. They joined the adorn-
ments left over from previous friendly visits. After vis--
iting their student lounge and student office it was
decided to head onto greater prizes.
The U of T sticker attacks reached all of the major
Engineering buildings, including a really nice chemical
engineering lounge (which I think this school lacks).
The guys even interrupted a meeting in the undergrad
office to grab me a coke and sticker up the interior
walls.
The trek back to the cars was most productive. I
noticed seven 7cxx) foot film reels, one of which found
its way into some Math Soc office a few days later. The
bip home was uneventful after the guys were able to
repair the Ovic.
A couple days later a reward was offered to anyone
who would return me to the P"'5 director, who was too
busy planning the straw hat stunt (ask someone in Ele-
Corn; they know) to look for me. And my gracious
hosts returned me.
r must end by thanking m ~ hosts for giving me the
greatest time of the term! So go out and participate,
and have fun out there.
In Toronto, the first stop was the magnificent Sky- ..,.., ....... r-.".-______ ~ - - ~ - . . . _
Dome. After a quick tour of the facilities I then had the
privilege of hanging in straight away centrefield After
an attempt to hang from a hotel window, another
photo opportunity presented itself.
The City T.V. weather guy "just call me Harold",
was so excited to see us that we received plenty of
exposure on the local television. The next stop was to
meet the rest of the crew coming in from Waterloo at a
local establishment. Th y attempted to rip tiS off, so
over we went to Lick's for 3/4 pound burgers.
While two of the group went to move the other
inconspicuous car from where it was making mini-
mum wage to a more reasonable locale, the rest of the
group hoisted me on their shoulders, and began the
Referendum:
-Read
-Get informed
-Vote
Phat Tyre Phun
Phor All
Marc Risda/e
4A Alchemy
T
he morning of Saturday, June 11th, 1994, saw the
dawn of a new era in EngSoc cycling. It was the
day of the first Off-Ring Road Oassic, destined to
become one of the premiere races of all time.
The sun crested the horizon just before six. My coffee
was brewing and I was so excited I could hardly keep
my raisin bran down. This was going to be a great day.
Dew condensed onto the sun dappled blades of jade
grass of Breithaupt park as I marked the course. A
smile danced on my lips as I contemplated the immi-
nent action. The double track trail climbed moderately
from the start/finish line up through the first stand of
tall trees. From there, the hard-pack dropped steeply
not once but twice, ending with a high speed uphill
After the tight hairpin, there was a flat-out sprint to the
loamy, near-vertical climb to the veldt. The grassy
downhill was followed by a few sweeping turns
through a small thicket and a harrowing playground
crossing. Oimbing into the third stand of trees, loose
single-track carried over to a short descent and a dou-
ble-jump. From there, it was only a short climb to the
log-hop, followed by a sweeping downward turn.
Another mild climb was ended with a ride down a set
of natural stairs. The final climb ended with an air-
show of a drop. From there, it was only a short sprint to
the start/ finish area.
The novices made quick work of their three laps of
the course and the competitive class absolutely tore
through their six laps. If you weren't there, you missed
a great chance to race against some of the region's
friendliest and most talented riders.
All in all, there were twenty-cight participants, each
making significant conbibutions to the $265 donation
to the Food Bank of Waterloo Region.
Special thanks go out to all the volunteers, the City of
Kitchener and especially all the sponsors: Ziggy's Cycle
and Sport, J.K. Akeroyd & Associates, K.J. Belun &
Associates, Topley Copy, Dr. Disc and Jamieson's
Wheel Goods. It was a most memorable event.
FInal Standings:
Men's Novice: Men's Competitive:
1. OiffTao 1. Josh Hall
2. Mathew Dugan 2. Scott Nevin
3. Brian Huang 3. Gus Rungis
4. Kevin Godber 4. Chris Hughes
5. TasinAli 5. Dave Thompson
6. Dan Playfair 6. James Merrifield
7. Roman Hatashita 7. Mike Rumpel .
8. Robert Majka 8. Wade Doxtedator
9. Chris Price 9. Art Giurici
10. Wally Preston 10. Dave Jolmson
11. Marc Gelinas
Women's Novice: 12. Roaul Khan
1. Robin Thompson
2. Kim Jones Women's Competitive
3. Kathleen Ansell 1. Marcela Garzon
4. Jane Powell 2. CindyKoo
CCES 96 ... WHAT'S UP WITH ALL THESE
ACRONYMS ANYWAY??
Amy McCleverty
CCES 96 co-chair
H
ve you heard that the Waterloo Engineering
Societies (A & B) are hosting the cas? If you
ve, you're one step ahead of most people It
would be even more impressive if you knew what
c:c:E5 stood for and why its such a big deal that we're
hosting the conference in January 1996. The purpose of
this article is not to provide relief for insomniacs, but
then again, things are not always used for the purposes
that they were intended - who could have predicted
that a spatula could be your best friend if you didn't
have any twist-offs left and you forgot your "tooY' key
ring at home? But I digress... No, the reason I'm writ-
ing this article is to give you an idea of what the heck
cas 96 is all about, why you should be exdted that
we're hosting it, and most importantly, why you
should get involved and help out as much as you can.
Much like the Federation of Students (a.k.a. "the
Feds"), the Engineering Society here at UW is part of a
national hierarchy. The Feds are governed by the
Ontario Universities Student Assodation (OUSA) and
the Canadian Federation of Students (CFS). Similarly,
EngSoc is governed by the Engineering Student Soci-
eties Council of Ontario (ESSCO) and the Canadian
Federation of Engineering Students (CFES). The CFES
doesn't really have that much of a direct impact on you
or 1, as far as EngSoc goes; except for one
activity ... CCES. Each year, all the Engineering Societies
across Canada come together for a week of "activities".
Its an excellent chance to find out what other sodeties
are doing (i.e. "borrow" ideas) and get to know people
all around the country. Its called the Congress of Cana-
dian Engineering Students C C ~ ) and what it boils
down to is a whole lot of fun.
This year, the conference was hosted by the Universi-
ty of Calgary. 8 delegates in total were sent from A and
B Soc (Piyush Bhatnagar, Ron Butler, Steve Codrington,
Nancy Faesson, Casey Colak, Kim Jones, Amy Mc.Gev-
erty (that's me!), and Marc Risdale). There were
approximately 185 delegates in total from the Universi-
ty of Victoria, Memorial University of Newfoundland,
and everything in between. The theme of the confer-
ence was ''Ingenuity: Engineering in the 21st Century".
Discussions focused on how to make Canada a more
dominant engineering force in the future, and how to
get more out of our education. Each day there were
meetings and panel discussions about many different
engineering-related topics such as: student engineering
publications (organized by Marc Risdale), engineering
education (including a presentation by Waterloo's own
Dr. Norman R. Ball), the environment, and how to
organize a Youth in Engineering and Science (YES)
camp - complete with hands-on activities guaranteed to
get your hands dirty. There is a more detailed descrip-
tion of the various discussions that took place in the
February 94 issue of Project Magazine, but you'd better
get to the'orifice quick to pick up a copy because they're
going like hotcakes! Each evening there was something
different; there were "hospitality" suites where several
universities gave out complementary drinks (we had a
tough time dedding between a batch party and a nauti-
cal; so we did both!), there was a pub crawl and of
course there was an opening and closing dinner. There
were also tours to local sites and businesses such as
Canada Olympic Park (where the Winter Olympics
were held in 1988), NOVA's Winchill Lake Compressor
Station, oriliem Telecom's Wireless Communication
Plant and Canadian Airlines Maintenance Program.
Another highlight of the conference was the ski-a-thon.
All delegates were told to get pledges in their home
towns and on the second last day we all skied at lake
Louise in Banff. Quite a bit of money was raised for the
literacy foundation (all monies raised were donated in
the delegates' local areas) Despite the fact that Waterloo
won the award for the most spectacular wipe outs (did I
mention it was the A-Soc delegates?), a good time was
DEFlNlTEL Y had by all! Its hard to put into words the
amount of work that is involved in running one of these
conferences, but it definitely needs to be recognized that
the engineering students in Calgary did an awesome
ph.
OK, so now that you know what CCES is all about,
you're probably wondering how to get involved! Luck-
ily for you, Waterloo won its bid to host the conference
in January 1996. There are two chair people - one
from each sodety. Casey Colak is the chairperson from
A-Soc, and I am the chairperson from B-Soc. There's a
lot of work to be done and we're going to need a lot of
people's time, creativity, energy and devotion.
The following is a brief list of some of the areas where
we'll need help:
Fundraising (BIG TIME - need corporate sponsors
to help raise $100,00:))
Event plaJUUng
Hotel accommodations
Organizing speakers
Organizing workshops
Organizing industry tours
Translation (one quarter of the delegates were from
Quebec)
Conference newsletter
Delegate packages
Planning a FUNdraiser for charity
This is not a comprehensive list; it is intended to give
you an idea of what's to come and what's involved in a
conference of this magnitude. My main goal for this
tenn is to make people aware of what's going on, as
well as to get an indication of how many people are
interested in helping out. I don't have a fum date set as
to when I'll be running an organizational/ informational
meeting, but it will either be later this term or very early
next term - keep your eye out for an announcement.
In the meantime, if you're really interested in finding
out more infonnation about CCES 96, you can talk to
me or any of the other delegates who attended CCES 94
All Work and No Conferences Make
Mario 8el/abarba
VP Praying for a Miracle
How much can something be STRESSED
before it snaps?
a
the weekend of June 24th, I It a certain need
get back to my roots, my culture, my pt'Ople.
Yes, it was St. Jean Baptiste day. Not only that,
it was also the weekend of the ESSCO Annual General
Meeting, attended by our fearless vice-leaders Claire
Anderson and Dave Thompson, as well as len Smith
from 2B Geo, and myself. The conference was held at
the University of Ottawa, which was about as close to
Quebec as I could get without actually having to set
foot in it.
For those of you who don't know what ESSCO
stands for (this included me until about two months
ago), it's an acronym for the Engineering Student Soci-
eties Council of Ontario. Representatives of Eng Sacs
from Lakehead to U of Ottawa get together once a year
and discuss issues whicl1 are felt to be of importance to
the betterment of our sodeties. Topics of discussion at
this year's AGM were student apathy, the improve-
ment of frosh orientations, fundraising for charities,
how many times Dave can throw up in 24 hours, and
attempts to increase environmental awareness in our
education.
The environmental issue is one which will most
probably affect incoming engineering students. A res0-
lution was passed in which the FSSCO executive was
I
mandated to ask the Deans of Engineering across
Ontario to consider the inclusion of an Environmental
Ethics course in first year, as well as the creation of a
series of non-technical electives with an environmental
theme. I'm not really sure where an Environmental
Ethics course would fit in first year. Maybe we can get
them to LImp ;r.1phiCS or (, RTRAN.
Just in caS(' YOli got t1w in'll rt'S.,>inn lh.l( lh ' l: mn.'r-
en was aU work and no pl,1y, I 'I 111' f ul it thb W,ly:
th y 1(.>1. us boatra 'at the U of :lawc1 pub (a f lthetic
display on lhe part of those who F arti iP.lll'<.i, m.Kk 01 '
wish that Kevi.n or ](, 'ith had Ix '11 thl'rt' to ki k some
ass). The fun and ex itcmcnt WilS just too much for
some, but those who survived the first night had an
even better time on Saturday. Jen even Inanagt'lJ to get
herself arrested at the sleazy dive of a pub we Wert'
hanging out in for an hour or so. Then it was dinn 'r,
dancing, and BATCl I. Y(''S, we UW engjne('n; have a
way of spreading our brand of joy evcrywhU'"C we go.
And alway rcmembcr, the most important thing you
put on doesn't leave a white sticky mess.
The next FSSCO AGM will take place n 'xt sum-
mer back in Ottawa at Carleton University, mainly
because they wanted it, and 4/5 of the newly lectccl
ESSCO executive are from Ottawa. Coil1cidence, or
conspiracy? Think about it. And, think about applying
to go to this conference next year. I guarantee you'll
have a blast.
From the Deans' Desks
Been Waiting Long?
E
t's midnight at the end of term, and all the comput-
ers in Engineering are in use. We call it saturation;
tudents call it frustration. Economics and logistics
indicate that it's probably the way of the future, but
does it need to be?
The use of computers has become more prevaJent in
Engineering, for specialized course materials, report
preparation, personal interest and electronic communi-
cation. With the introduction of network news, UWin-
fo, and (eventually) on-line co-op job placement, this
usage is likely only to increase. Towards the end of the
last few terms, this has manifested itself in full rooms,
long lines, and sometimes heated confrontation. In try-
ing to find solutions to the problem, we have been
examining the loading trends in the public Watstar
Increasing the Numbers
This is the most obvious solution, although there is a
limit to the amount of expansion that can be done,
given space and monetary restrictions. For September,
we hope (with partial funding from WEEF) to add an
additional 15 public-access machines, to be located in
CPH 3390A, and CPH 'EiJ7. Along with adding new
equipment, individual departments within Engineering
are looking at their currently available hardware, and
determining which of their machines can be made
openly available when not specifically required for lab-
oratory use. As an example, Electrical and Computer
Engineering hopes to free up a number of special-pur-
pose lab machines in this way.
rooms (E2-1308B, E2-1302, Elr 1 08, CPH-2367). Upgrading Existing Facilities
In a series of charts (Figure 1) developed over the end The purpose of this strategy to open some of the bot-
of last tenn, we were able to see the usage take a rough- tlenecks that slow down the current setup. We hope to
ly sinusoidal see improve-
curve, with a low ments in the CUI-
""atstar Station Usage inEllOO March, Week
at six o'clock in the 4. rent servers by
meeting the needs of the bulk of the user popal
while discouraging excessive or irresponsible USE
few users. This quota would apply only to hOl
greatest usage, so that those close to, or exceeding
limit would be encouraged to work outside of "]
time". This idea, still under development, wou
implemented on an experimental basis this autum
Templates and Tutorials
Work Reports, Resumes, Projects and Lab
required of every student in Engineering. For the
part, each of these multiply-requested items arE
pared on an individual basis, so that a lot of tiJ
spent figuring out style, layout, font, and fonn. Ir1
junction with the Engineering Computer User SUI
Centre, we hope to develop a series of Stylesheets, '
plates, and Tutorials, to provide guidelines to cru
users through preparation of these written u b ~
so that time and effort can go toward content, ane
time will be spent labouring at the keyboard.
morning, and a upgrading the ' Homeward Processing
high between 30 hardware with
noon and four 25 faster disks and
0' clock. As the III 20 processors, or by
system became S doubling up the
sa tura ted (more ~ 15 machinery itself.
students, more 10 We are looking at
time, more due 5 changing our
dates) this peak 0 print queueing
lengthened, even- 1 2 3 456 789101112131415161718192021222324 strategy: large
tually stretching HoUi jobs will be print-
past midnight and l ed separately, so
--M -----T --W --Th----F
into the early that average time
hours of the mom- L--______________________ ---' per print job
ing. Interestingly, Figure 1 decreases.
the usage between
eight d clock and noon didn't change. A casual survey
was aJso performed over a number of weeks to exam-
ine visually what the Watstar stations were being used
for throughout the day, with the results divided into
eight categories (Figure 2, Table 1).
Informing the Users
A "due-date bulletin board" is being added to the
existing "notices" command, to provide a centralized
look-up point for deadlines. While we aren't in a posi-
tion.to dictate when assignments and projects are due,
we hope that this facility will help professors more
As prices drop and performance rises, more
more students are bringing a computer with t
when they enroll at Waterloo. While we have
some success with integration of these remote macl
(through the use of dial-in lines, sytek, and telnet;
are now looking at concentrating our efforts on b
access to an increased number of machines througl
university-wide terminal server system.
We hope to increase the range of abilities that t
machines can exercise, as well. File transfer and F
ing, mail and news reading are targetted for imp!
ment, providing technically-solid, convenient, and ,
doounented methods of accessing Watstar remo
Since a teInet-accessed machine takes up less sc
floor space than one requiring seating room, these a
tional watstar machines do not need additional,
currently unavailable, lab space.
The Future ...
In addition to these inunediate plans, we are 1001
at on-<ampus connections for portable computers, d The most interesting change is the rise in "Operating
System" time (where there was no application software
in usc), as the term wore on. This may be an indication
of more "thinking time" in front of the screen, a reluc-
tance to release a scarce computer, or a desire to avoid
being observed reading new or mail.
efffftively&nedulecom- r------------------------------------,
cated stations to simi
printing of materials
pared or formatte(
So What Now?
Given that the usage of computing is on the rise,
what are our options for reducing the frustration of sat-
uration? The answers we are proposing include:
1) increasing the number of workstations available to
the undergraduate population;
2) upgrading existing facilities, to increase productivi-
ty and reduce waiting times;
3) providing a means of informing users when the
"crunch times" are likely to be;
4) encouraging users to spread the load more evenly,
and to use more carefully the scarce resources;
5) developing templates and tutorials to make routine
~
computing tasks simpler;
6) installing additional networking and computing
hardware to allow users to make better use of home
computing.
puter-related projects,
and help students recog-
nize when the Watstar
labs are likely to be
busiest.
Encouraging Respon
sible Usage
WBtstar Usage by Category, March 2B-April1
Malh,scieriific
Operatirg 6%
System
20%
Graphics
3%
Programmirg
12% News
3%
Mail
13%
Word
Processing
34%
9%
A little over a year ago,
in an attempt to curb our
ever-increasing printing
costs, we undertook a
survey of the number of
draft pages printed by
the average student. L----------F.-I-g-U-re-2----------'
From this data we estab-
home, and squeez
maximum usage out
limited number
machines, while squ
ing the users of th
machines as little as I
sible. In this way
hope to continue pro'
ing the undergradu
population with
quality of service t
has been praised
among the best av,
able.
lished our "draft print quota", a print limit which cov-
ers the requirements of most of the undergraduate pop-
ulation, while safeguarding the system against overuse.
Most users never exceed this quota, and may not even
be aware of its existence.
Prepared by Dr. William J. Wilson, Associate Dean
Computing, .and Paul McKone, Systems a n a ~
Engineering Computing.
In the same way, we are looking at establishing a
"computing in prime time quota", aimed at invisibly
Tbe Eng Soc ExecutIve
A
ll fee paying Engineering students at University
of Waterloo are members of the Engineering
Society. The Engineering Society is an organiza-
tion run by student volunteers to provide services to
all Engineering students and to improve our educa-
tional experience.
In order to accomplish this, the Engineering Society needs
two things. The first is enthusiastic volunteers, the second is
money. Currently, EngSoc's key source of revenue is student
fees. That is the $10.50 on this terms fee statement
The Engineering Society supports many worthwhile ser-
vices. This support is comprised of student volunteers, funds,
loans and office facilities. Some of these services are (but are
not limited to):
C&D
POETS Pub/Lounge
EngiNewsletter
Frosh Week
NoveltJes
Course Cr1tJ.ques
Athletics
Frontrunners
Semi-Formal
Recycling
SAC
Take Some News
Sandford flemming
ExploratJons
Cheap Photocopies
Iron Warrior
Bus Push
Darkroom
Betty - OrifIce Secretary
Pubs
Canada Day
Old Midterms & Finals
P**5
Special Events
Eng Week
Shadow Program
Watpubs
The TOOL
GradComm.
Poster Supplies
Due to the increasing number, success and rising costs of
programs which the Engineering Society supports, many ben-
efidal programs may lose some of their funding. To this end,
the Executive, Oass-Reps and Directors, have agreed to hold a
Referendum on Tuesday, July 26. The Engineering Sod-
ety asks you to support lncrea.sJng the Engineering
Society fee by a mere $3.50 (0.1896 of total fees) to
$14.00. Vote YES.
This fee lnaease would allow for the following
things:
Proper maintenance of current equipment and services
the Engineering Society's back-up fund
Provide a fum finandal base for Engineering Society affili-
ated groups such as Orientation, Grad Corom and the Iron
Warrior Magazine
Increasing the influence as a student sodety able to rep-
resent the positions of its members
Wlthout this fee increase:
Services may be reduced
Cost of Photocopies and Novelties may increase
Ently fees may be charged for Athletic Events
Orifice and C & D hours of operation may be reduced
Fees may be charged for use of POETS, barbecues, video
camera
The Engineering Society does not want to see any of the
above happen, and only you can stop it Vote YES.
The University of Waterloo has an Engineering student pop-
u1ation comparable to that at the University of Toronto. The
University of Toronto Engineering Society fee is $16.25 for a 4
month period (compare this to $14 ... ) and the services and
strength of U of T's Eng Soc is comparable to that of Water-
loo's Engineering Society. e in r uested is
a bargain when it is compared to other Ontario Engineering
Student Sodeties.
The Referendum will be held in the CPH Foyer on Tuesday,
Ju1y 26. Remember to bring your student card with you to
vote. Please contact any of the Exec if you have any questions
about the EngSoc fee. We will be more than happy to answer
any questions that you may have and we can be reached
through the Orifice (CPH 1327). K P you eyes open for dass
visits: ask your Oass-Rep when!
Vote YES for a stronger Engineering Society and a better
University experience! Vote YFS to the $14.00 Engineering
Sodetyfee!
The Engineering Society 'B' Executive are:
Alison Pearse
President Claire Anderson
VP External
Dave Thompson
VP Internal
Michael Worry
VP Finance
The Sandford Fleming Foundation
4306 Cart Pollock Hall, University of Waterloo
Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3G 1
Waterloo Campus Activities
(519) 888-4008
'he Technical Speaker Competition was held on Friday, June 3rd with three participants. Results were:
Winner:
Jon o c o c ~ f!ectrica[ fngineering
Other Participants:
Sriram 'lJarblia, Computer 'Engineering
Jerry Cfiuang, Systems 'lJesign 'Engineering
)ur thanks ~ o Professor George Davidson, Mechanical Engineering, for managing the Technical Speaker Competition for
he Foundation over the past several terms.
Check for SFF event updates on UWlnfo, under the Faculty of Engineering.
Funding for this award comes from your student contributions and depends on it for continuation.
An organization devoted to the advancement of engineering education.
Hope From Convocation
At Convocation in May John A Schey was awarded
the title of Professor Emeritus. This is the speech he pre-
sente<i.
Madame Olancellor, Mr. President, Members of Fac-
ulty and Staff, Graduating Class, Ladies and Gentle-
men:
Convocation is an occasion to look back on five or
more years of study and work; to offer thanks to those
who gave you emotional and financial support, per-
haps even to some of your professors.
Only a few years ago it was also a time of unbound
optimism, when the major decision to be faced was
whether to take one of the job offers right away or
spend a few months travelling around the world.
Today you are facing a Jess certain furture. In the
name of competitiveness, companies are moving their
operations to lower-wage jurisdictions; those that
remain go through the painful exercise of downsizing;
the social fabric of community is unravelling, with more
and more demands placed on dwindling resources.
This is not how the future was supposed to unfold.
Some twenty years ago, in his book on 'The Corning of
Post-Industrial Society", Daniel Bell argued most per-
suasively that we were entering a n w era, one in which
knowledge was tlle primary source of wealth, services
replaced manufacturing, and the scientist took the place
of the engineer.
These ideas found enthusiastic reception among
assorted experts and even influenced public policy.
The prophecy seemed to hold when employment
~
dropped in manufacturing and grew in services, and
~ there seemed to be no limit to the growth of wealth. All
of us were the beneficiaries of this optimism, even you:
you were asked to pay but a fraction of the coot of your
education, with the rest coming from an abstract source
called government.
The error of our ways has recently come to haunt us.
True, the service sector has grown, but some of this
growth has come from a simple reorganization of the
economy, with corporations fanning out tasks that are
more effectively performed by service untis. Yet anoth-
er part of growth reflected a shift of activities from the
family to the public domain and an increase in leisure
activities. As we measure it, the GNP grew, and we
rushed to distribute this enlarged economic pie. In real-
ity though we proceeded to construct a pie; we first
decided how much everyone should be entitiled to and
then, when the slices added up to more than the whole,
we went and borrowed the difference. The result is that
much of the wealth you will generate will go for the
payment of interest.
... your future, while holding
many challenges, also
promises many rewards.
With a background like this, it would seem foolish to
be optimistic about the future. And yet, I am convinced
that your future, while holding many challenges, also
promises many rewards. I am, of course, acutely aware
of teh difficulties of predicting the future; as Niels Bohr
said: "prognostication is difficult, especially as it per-
tains to the future". Nevertheless, there are signs ~ t
can guide us inour prognostication.
First of all, I am optimistic for you because you are
well equipped to take a constructive part in the knowl-
edge-based economy. You received your education
from professors who often are at the cutting edge of
development, and you have the tools with which to
contribute to that development.
... difference between the US
and Japan was that in the
US the best minds were
educated to produces
personal wealth and in
Japan to produce national
wealth.
You are also entering a world that is changing. The
very problems that have led to our present difficulties
have also alerted many people to realities. To para-
phrase Samuel Johnson, "knowing to be hanged in a
fortnight's time concentrates the mind wonderfully" .
We are not quite at the fortnight yet, and not everyone's
mind is concentrated, but most people recognize by
now that social responsibility begins with wealth cre-
ation. The Japanese physicist Leo Esaki once remarked
that the difference between the US and Japan was that
in the US the best minds were educated to produce per-
sonal wealth and in Japan to produce national wealth.
This graduating class is proof that in Canada too
some of the best minds can be educated to produce
national wealth. Because, even though we are
undoubtedly in the midst of a transformation to an
. .. we are evolving into a new
industrial society in which
know ledge and the
embodiment of this
knowledge are paramount.
Hope ... continued
information society, the output of the engineer remains
one of the most important foundations of national
wealth. There is a good reason for this; knowledge is,
surprisingly enough. relatively cheap, and wealth is cre-
ated most rapidly when knowledge is sold not in itself
but is embodied in products. Indeed, instead of enter-
ing a post-industrial society, we are evolving into a new
industrial society in which knowledge and the embodi-
ment of this knowledge are paramount.
There are many players needed in this society, and
engineers certainly have vital roles to play. It is the
engineer who provides the infrastructure without
which we cannot function; who rpoduces the materials
on which our industrial output is based; who designs
and builds the hardware and much of the software on
which we all depend. To quote just the example of the
automotive industry, many predicted its disappearance
in the information age, just as the buggy maker had dis-
appeared with the advent of the automobile. What
these experts failed to notice is that the automobile
replaced another mode of transportation, and that
mobility seems to be a universal human desire.
I know that there are alternative modes of transporta-
tion in Star Trek, but it tis not too risky to predict that,
for a long while, transportation will still be by the auto-
mobile or some other hardware. Instead of withering,
the auto industry has transformed itself into a high tech
enterprise, one that is among the largest consumers of
microelectronic devices, and one that challenges design-
ers and engineers with tasks no less demanding than-
does the design of a space vehicle. Similar examples
abound and, companies that had cut back severely, are
beginning to see the need for engineers if they want to
survive in a fiercely competitive world economy.
Your education has given you a head start, and you
need not be told yet again that staying ahead will
demand lifelong learning. I would, however, like to
suggest to yo also to
tasks beyond the strictly professional ones. For a vari-
ety of reasons, wealth consumption has always had
higher status than wealth generation, particularly in the
Anglo-Saxon world. As a corollary to this, engineers
also have had a relatively low status and have played a
limited role in society.
Some of the damage is self-inflicted; engineering stu-
dents used to be known more for their drinking than
... engineers are among the
main creators of national
wealth ...
their responsible attitudes, and I am glad that you ha\
made real effort to correct this image. Another reason is
that ingineers seldom participate in policy making. Yet
I would like to encourage you to playa role in society at
large, not because you will necessarily become better
politicians, but because you can bring disciplined, ratio-
nal thi.nking to problem areas often governed by em0-
tions. It is not all clear how others, less fortunate, are
going to fare in teh new economic order, and it will take
concerted effort of the best minds to find solutions. If
UWPolice
engineers are among the main creators of national
wealth. th y should also take responsible roles in shar-
ing out this wealth.
As our world is shrinking, you can also conbibute to
the well-being of others. In the middle ages, if you
wanted mobility, you entered the cl1urch; today, as my
own ample shoVV'S, you become a scientist or an engj-
neer. Economi development is not a zero-sum game.
If you dev t me of our energies to help other pe0-
ple, you increa the benefits to your own people too.
Youare fortunate in that you have been educated in teh
intemationallanguage of science and technology, but
fluency in another language will surely help in building
the human contacts that are so essential to true coopera-
tion.
Unless you ucceed as an entrepreneur, you may not
become rich as engineers, and ou may e en have to
work very hard to ftnd that first job, but YOli can leave
here in the firm knowledge the, ultimatel , your activi-
ties will truly benefit humankind.
Safety and Security
On Campus x 4911
Off Campus x 888-4911
IW Staff
This is the new security information column from the
University of Waterloo Police. Hopefully it will be a
regular feature in future Iron Warriors. If you have any
concerns you would us to address, we will be more
than happy to include them.
E
hline skating has been growing in popularity over
the past few years. Many students have inline
kates and some even depend on them to commute
to and from the university. To clarify the aunpus regu-
lations: Inline Skating is prohibited on all campus road-
ways, pathways and walkways. This includes Ring
Road. Inline skating is prohibited in all buildings on
campus. If you commute to campus on skates, please
remove them once you reach the limits of the campus.
No, the UW police are not intentionally trying to
spoil your fun. The pedestrian paths are for pedestrians
and these paths are not wide enough to be safely
shared with inline skaters. Ring Road is barely wide
enough to allow two-way traffic Bicycles and pedestri-
ans provide enough of a hazard. Cars have more
momentum than skaters and the UW police do not
want to scrape you off the pavement.
As pleasant as it is to skate on the nice smooth hall-
ways of the campus buildings you are a hazard to other
people trying to use those hallways as pedestrians.
There blin m, no to mention people opening a
door into your path suddenly. And stairs are a hazan:l
all their own.
It is a $25 fine if you are found skating on campus.
Make the safe decision and walk, please.
vP-x
Conferences
S
Anyone?
l
can't believe its time to write my last spew already!
The term has gore by so fast.
Directorship applications are now available in the
Orifice, so please take the time to read the descriptions
given in this issue of the Iron Warrior and apply. Being
a director can be a great experience so if you have never
done it before, now is a good time to try it. If you have
any questions or just aren't sure what you would like to
do, talk to any of the exec members or current directors,
they will be able to fill you in on anything you want to
know. Just a reminder to new and old directors, the
director's potluck is coming up, so start whipping up
some interesting dishes, as wonderful prizes will be
awarded for those that stand out.
Now, onto the topic of all my spews ... CONFER-
ENCES! I am now accepting applications for the 1995
Canadian Congress of Engineering Students (CCES '95)
and the Professional Engineers of Ontario (PEO) Stu-
dent Conference. CCES '95 will be held in New
Brunswick from January 2 to January 8,1995. This is the
largest annual engineering student conference in Cana-
da and is also one of the best. Not only is it a blast, but a
lot of worthwhile issues are covered through round
table discussions and speakers. As I hope most of you
know already, Waterloo will be 00sting this conference
in 1996. It would be beneficial to have those organizing
the 1996 conference attend one before, so preference
. . .
. .
will be given to those applying that plan to help out
with CCES 1996. The PEO Student Conference will be
held either in October or January, l-asted by the Univer-
sity of Windsor. This is an excellent opportunity for
engineering students to learn more about the PEO and
meet other students from all over Ontario. Applications
for these conferences can be found right by my desk in
the Orifice (ask Betty if you can't find them), and they
are due ( in my box) by the end of lectures. Make sure
you put a phone number where you may be reached
after exams, because decisions on who will attend will
not be made until then
There has been a lot of discussion this term about
Project Magazine and how many copies of this publica-
tion that we receive each month. Just to let everyone
know, we have cut the number sent to us in half, so we
won't have tons 0' boxes of these lying around the Ori-
fice. Another solution to this problem is for people to
come by and pick one up, they can make inte.resting
reading (and they are FREE!). Also, the ProMag people
are in the midst of preparing their September issue with
a focus on "the electronic superhighway". They are
looking for students to write articles and/or supply
information on this topic. If anyone would be interested
in this, please let me know and I can give you all the
details.
Well, that's it for me ... I hope you all have a great
worktenn. Thanks for making this exeCs first term in
office so much fun 0 mean it, really). See ya soon
Feds
Spew
AweyGets
Left At Home
A vvey Peters
Sr. Officer Internal Affairs
I-E
mmnunm. The Exec is out of town at a confer-
ence ... skiing at Whistler if you can believe it. ..
I get to write an article for IW. What nasty
rumours could I start? I wonder is .... never mind. I like
this job.
Anyway ... what have the Feds been up to lately?
Well, we now have a new look for "the organization",
thanks to Mark Ng. D:>es it say we're committed to stu-
dents, we're business-oriented and we provide great
services on campus? According to our panel of judges,
it says all that and more. (If you trunk it just says
"FEDS", use your imagination) So Mark wins $250,
and the new logo is on display in the Fed Offia:! (CC
235) if you're interested in seeing it in living colour.
Other things in the works ... we're going to be doing a
brief telephore survey over the rext week or so, to find
out how you find out about stuff we do. So if you get a
phone call from me, please be nice - I won't use too
much of your time, and heck, we might be able to
improve publicity of concerts ani events on campus as
a result
Basically, we're doing what a lot of Orientation-types
are doing right now - gearing up for Frosh week. ani
the first week back on campus. There are some pretty
novel ideas floating arourrl about row to raise our prcr
file: I think everybody sOOuld just read our "spew."
Words of wisdom for the week? Party hard, work in
moderation. and suffer through finals. See ya in Sep-
tember.
VP-F
s ~
Suring the
Midnight Oil ...
Michael Worry
VPFinance
lIf
o from the land of referendums, generous
Deans and late nights in the Orifice. The big
ews around the Engineering Society is the
upcoming referendum to decide student support for
the new fee structure. We strongly encourage you to
read our "YOlE YES" article. What can you do with
$3.50 nowadays anyways? The EJ:gineering Society
has a wide variety of programs that needs your sup-
port!
I mentioned in the first sentence our generous
Dean- he has offered financial support which made
this issue of the Iron Warrior possible, as well as
extending us a line of credit until we can recover from
debts from previous terms. Thanks!
I'd also like to thank our C&D managers, especial-
ly Amanda and I...ea.h,. for the amount of time they've
devoted to the society. Their dedication and profes.-
sionalism serves as an example to us all.
Many other directors deserve recognition- Kim,
Colin and the rest of the IW staff for their Phoenix final
issue, the Orifice directors for their help when Betty
was sick, the Canada Day directors for putting on a
great day, and many others for helping out behind the
scenes. Hats off to Ali, Claire and Dave for their advice
through the term. Finally, thanks to my roommate,
Guy, and my girlfriend, Georgia, for encouraging me
to sleep once in awhile. ;)
A few reminders: I would like all expense forms
for the term submitted by the last day of classes. If you
can't make the deadline, drop me a note. Over the next
few days I will be invoicing for personal calls from the
Orifice- so if you've been using your personal long dis-
tance codes, stop by the Orifice and pay up! Finally,
EngSoc donations for the term WILL BE YarED ON
in the final Council meeting. All groups such as the
esc, Concrete Toboggan, Mini-Baja, Midnight SUI\
IEEE, and CASI are invited to make a presentation for
the $400 available.
The classes and lab thing aside, I've really enjoyed
this term.. I've met a lot of great people, and been part
of many cool events. 1he VP Finance position teaches
much about accounting, politics and compromises-
skills invaluable for one planning to run their own
company. I am opening a Finance Directorship and
would encourage people considering running for VP-
Finance to apply. The ropes are much easier to learn
with somebody who's been through it all, and it
would make you a shoe-in come election time. Think
about it To the rest, thanks for all the fish, and best of
luck for finals!
Getting Involved -- Now's the Time
Alison Pearse
President
H
ya there
everyone! I
an' t
believe how fast the term has gone ... actually lets make
that 5 years! I know I decided to come to Waterloo at
the last minute and on a whim, I'd just like to say right
now, it was the best damn whim I've ever had! If any-
one else feels the same way, come and let me know!
StilL we have a little over 220 days (knock on wood ... )
until we get our Iron Rings and I can't say that the
thought doesn't send chills down my spine!
Here is a quick run down of some of the events that
have occurred rerently that you may have had the plea-
sure of participating in The Off-Ring Road Oassic was
a mountain biking race through Breithrupt Park in
Kitchener. 1his proceeds from this race went to the K-
W Food Bank and totaled over $200! Kudos to Marc
Risdale for his imagination in organizing a trulyexcit-
ing event! On July 8, Operation Leather Storm (aka the
Semi-Formal, but more of a costume party) occured at
the Waterloo Brewers Hall and the place will never be
the same; the music was great the food was scrump-
tious (tasty Egyptian), the costumes were hilarious
(mooooo ... you know who you are!)
Canada Day was an outstanding success. Thanks
and a pitcher of their favorite BEvERage to Viddles and
Matt in AlCoH20LiCs for their time and energy. Kids
. (bmn ... ),
tugged at the Tug-O-War, slid down a funky water
slide, ran an obstacle course, learned the finer points of
Boat-Racing (Kool-Aid style of course), played volley-
ball and were entertained in the usual Engineering
style! Thanks to everyone who carne out to help in the
festivities, once again Waterloo Engineers showed their
incredible spirit.
A HUGE thank-you to Amanda and I..eah. who have
spent countless hours working to fix the C & D prices
so that we don't lose money. What else can I say ... we
really do appreciate the time they have spent on the C
& 0 this term.
There will be a Referendum on Tuesday, July 26. The
question being asked is whether or not you support
increasing the Engineering Society fee from $10.50 to
$14.00. For more information on the Engineering Soci-
ety fee, please read the article that has been written for
this issue. If you have any questions (anything at all)
regarding the fee, please, please ask anyone of the Exec
(Dave, Mike, Claire or myself) ... we don't bite (unless
you ask nicely)! We can be reached through the Orifice,
just ask Betty how!
They're here!!!! The day you've all been waiting for ...
Directorship Applications are now available in the Ori-
fice. If you have ever felt the urge to get involved, we
have something for you! If you don't see anything for
you, we'll find something! GET INVOL YEO lDOAY!
If you have any questions about any of the director-
ships, please ask me! I can be contacted by leaving a
note on my desk in the Orifice or send me email at
ajpea.rse<OCherncal. Directorship Application forms are
due Friday, July 22, by 3:00 pm If you haven't decided
by then, send me an email message before Saturday
(we're a pretty flexible bunch. especially Dave)!
You will know which Directorship you have been
chosen for on Monday, July 25. We will try to call you
and let you know if time allows, but a list will be posted
in CPH Foyer on Monday. Thanks in advance for
applying!
The last EngSoc B Council meeting for the term will
be Wednesday, July 27. This will happen immediately
following the Potluck in PC) Potlu '
all Class-Reps and Directors (from this term and for
next term). Please sign-up in the Orifice so we know
what everyone will be bringing for the meal. We will be
giving out awards to recognize the hard work done
some outstanding Directors and CJass..Reps.
For everyones information, the last day the C & 0
will be open this term is July 28 (that's Thursday), and
the Orifice will close before exams at 2pm on Friday,
July 'l9 (so get your novelties before we sell out)!
Reinvestment Strategies
Peter Roschke
Endowment
Director
W:
ell, I guess
this is my
last spew.
I'm not feeling very nostalgic though. In some ways I
wish I had more time here, but in other ways I'm damn
glad to be going. 1his spew really only serves the pur-
pose of announcing the acclamation of the new "A soC'
Waterloo Engineering Endowment F01.mdation Direc-
tor. Chris Nekkers is a second year chemical engineer-
ing student and he will be taking over the foundation
with some of his ch em frieros (including ''"Iha Frosh").
I know that Chris is very capable and will do an excel-
lent job in his new position. Later on in this paper I have
included a proposed reinvestment strategy for your
money, prepared for us by ScotiaMcLeod. I hope you
will read this and give me some feedback on what you
think. 1his strategy will be presented to our board of
directors, and if acce pted it will be possible for students
to have a more active role in the investment of their
money. HopefulIy, this will work out. If you have any
questions or concerns please email me at meday@elec-
trieal, or drop by the W.E.E.F. office. I would like to
thank all those who have helped me out in the past 16
month; and I would also like to thank everyone who
continues t 0 support the W.E.E.F.
VP-t
5 ~
Can't Wait 'Till Finals!
Dave Thampson
V P Internal
C ~ w like dat, blah. my h'alergies. Welcome back
JV the IW, and a hearty one at that.
Well, it's nice to be finally done 300, yippee. These
past couple of weeks have been pretty screwed up, and
now Bad Cats is broken. I'm not sure what to do with
all this spare time I have now ('cha, as ill. It's been a
while but I'll try to remember all that's happened since
thelastIW.
Hmmmrnm ... It all started with a bike race, and what
a bike race it was. The Off Ring Road Gassic attracted a
selection of top National riders, including yours truly,
Miss Kimmy, and Marcella. Big sloppy one to Marc for
pulling it off in style and to all who showed up to help
out! and you missed it if you weren't there.
I was disappointed that there was no swimming pool
at Fed during Summerfest. Viddles and myself were all
ready, but all they had was a mud pit Yummy.
nada Da was awesome. Somehow, they man-
aged to have perfect weather. Sunny with just a brmth
of wind. The little munchkins had a wonderful time,
but not nearly as much fun as the volunteers. If you
missed it, there's always next year. Hey, Matt ... you
did't shave your head. What's up with that??
Holy Busy Week. The slave auction went rather well,
so I'm told. How long will Moose's house stay clean,
and what's up with that life guard?
Operation Lealhcr Storm W<l.'l pretty yummy. Rumor
has it that pri of garlic is going up, though. 1 n'l
drink Blue Nun. what ver you do. And the n Saturday
was Tal Eng at the Bomber. Did you g't your Malibu
Stacey album? Ali and John did a greelt job M 'ing,
even if they don't remember it all. All the acts wer
great, ranging from Brenl doing A: /OC to Simon and
Shane doing Australian kids songs, to those crazy sys-
tems folks and their renditions of The ranbcrries. A
wonderful time was had by all, and no one got
Bounced!
Thrown in that mess was the ESSCO AGM, which
was hosted by U of Ottlwa, in, of all places, Ottawa. I
don't remember a whole lot, except there was a
shop, which spawned a mandate for FSSCO. The man-
date is to try and get a general environm ntal awaren
ess course as a mandatory first year COurse for all engi-
neers. With environmental issues becoming as impor-
tant as they are, it was felt that a lot of engineers really
don't understand what is going on out in the real world.
So, who knows, your children may save the world.
I never thought I would hear myself say this, but I
can't wait until finals get !-ere. ~
Faster and faster, until the fear of death is overcome
by the thrill of speed ... enjoy.<fave
MPP's Are Competent
To the Editor,
Forgive me this is already a dead horse, but I felt
COIllJEllied to discuss a topic that has already passed
from favour in the media's eyes. The subject I am
referring to is the same-sex partners bill defeated in the
provincial parliament nary a month ago. After months of
on-air debates and phone-in polls, the mecfla drOWed it
like a hot potato oo::e the bill failed to pass a second
reading. Indeed, the last mention the issue was during
the Gay Pride Day rally at Queen's Pari< a few weeks
ago when thousands of homosexual men and women
c::orYJregated in a 'trilliant and clever" grab at attention by
"cirding the jerks." By this, they meant to ercirde the
provincial parliament with plastic tape, thus demonstrat-
ing their distaste for the MPPs therein (at least figurative-
ly).
Now, I am not about to question the validity of their
claim to equal rights in circumstances of equal worth but
I do question their dloice of targets for their protest.
Surely, one can not expect truckloads of men and
women to be dropped off in every city and small town in
Ontario to vent their frustration but at least then they
would be blaming the right people.
This is not a letter defending the flip-flop morals of
Lynn (sp?) nor is it a letter defending the
prejudices of the people truly responsible for the bill's
early demise but it is a letter defending the rompetency
of the MPPs in question. let us say, for the sake of
argument that "good politics" is the action of MPP's who
morally weigh the opinions of their constituents against
their own tenets and beliefs. let us also take into
ronsideration the that virtually every public opinion
pole taken outside of Cabbagetown was marginally
against the I1CJW-<jefuoct bill. Based on these premises,
there is no reason to believe that these MPP's were
practising anything other than "good politics." I then see
no reason for them to be circled in some sort of neo-
puritanical witch buming. Cynics may call the result of
the open vote pandering to popularity or vote-gettlng but
I prefer to live in my fantasy world of "good politics."
If I rernerrber rorrectly, these MPP's were elected
because the people voting for them thought that they
would be getting a voice, albeit a small one, in the
goings-on of the province. If an MPP is getting hundreds
of letters and phone calls a day decrying the existence of
gay rights and the decline of family values, then is he or
she not morally bound to take these feelings urder
advisement? Certainly. any nurrber of counter exaJ1l)les
could be drawn against the situation but is it not encour-
aging to octuaIly see the opinion of the majority be
heard? Of course, the only problem is that it worked
directly against some of those who most often COf1'l)Iain
about being spoorrfed legislation that is deemed to be
for the good of the provirce.
In my hurrble opinion, the 001tIe against homophobia
is better foLght where it resides: the hearts and nlnds of
the citizens of fNery region of Ontario. It does little to no
good to blame the MPPs for the convictions of the
ma<iSeS. The one thing night effect is the changing of
chameIs in thousands of Ontario homes from the
news to a rerun of Cheers on a less politically explicit
chameI.
Mate Risdale
4AAIchemy
Co-op Gets a Pat on the
Back
To the editor,
Too often, I hear baleful words decrying co-op. Too
often, I read articles which c:ritbse it. Certainly co-op has
its problems. Certainly the occasionaJ bureaucratic
bungling can have a major, detrimental effect on
someone's However, how often has co-op done a
good, even excellent, job, and gone unnoticed?
Due to the woeful state of the economy this toon, I had
the misfortune (fortune?), like many others, to end up in
second rounds. Fo! Weeks, nothing. Then, bIamrno! A
job offer the very day I had an interview for a dfferent,
incredibly desirable job. I traipsed to the coordinator's
office, hoping against hope that I could at least have the
dlance to see how the interview would go. (I should note
at this point that I was offered the first job based on
resume only).
Well, not only was the coordinator friendly, she was
understanding, and above all acromrrodating. AND, I
got a call bright and early the next morning, telling me I'd
been offered the second job! Thanks to the coordinator's
flexibility, I now have my job of dloice.
Although this is just one good experience, I hope
everyone will think of all the joOO they've gotten purely
due to the efforts of the co-op department. I certainly
don't believe that I'd have had as many or as good joOO
I'd had to find them on my own. Cofll)al"e yourself to a
rofTl)atriot at a non-co-op engineering school. How
many of them end up selling knives, magazines, or used
bubble gum by phone all summer?
So, thank you, Anne Bieth. And thanks to co-op for
making my last workterm a good one.
Kim Jones
4AChem
More on "Womyn"
To the editor,
Warning: this is a shameless vent
When I read Kim's article about "womyn" vs. "women",
I felt reN heights of irritation. This is not a reflection on
either Kim or her article per se (the article itself was well
written, and I realize you rw edtors are having difficulty
firdng material) [Not since the first issue -Ed] but rather
on the that I find the whole dspute iraeci)Iy sn.pd.
(So here she goes crl:ing to it, you say, what a sily bit!
Wei, I justify myself on the grounds that I dd say this
was a shameless vent) 'MTy, you may be wordefing (or
most Ii<eIy not) do I find the enti"e dsJxJte so irritating?
l..i<e Kim, I am roncerred with the socieIaI dscord
by those who speI "wOmen" ircorredly
aa:oo:ing to the cictionary? NO! The is that I think
those who oppose the "Worrrfrl' speIing are reading
WAY too rruch into things.
I have heard several pro-'\yomen" or ant-'\yomyn"
arguments and they tend to fall into 1)
Those ''worrryrf are destroying the purity/correctnessIIra-
cition of the English language. 2) Those "worrryr{' hate
men and should not go around provoking them with
alternate gender-spellings.
To the first group: Shame on you, particularly since
most of you are
artsies and/or
EngIish-majors! You
should krow by now
that the English
language is one of
the most bastardized
lurrps of words and
grammatical rules on
the planet It can't
decide between Latin
and Germanic roots,
it sucks up '1oreign" words at the drop of a hat (note that
peristroika is not usually written in quotes anymore,
although it has not yet made it into the WordPerfect
dictionary), and as Kim pointed out, the British and
AmerX:ans can't even agree on how to spell comrron
words (the Canadians can't decide). Add to this atrocities
like '1ite" dressing and I'm afraid your cry for a "pure"
language is quite meaningless.
To the second group: Don't be so touchy! I am sure it
is true that some 'womyn" hate men, just as some
'Women" hate men and some men hate either 'womyn",
'women", or both. Some of these people have good
reasons for doing so and most do not. While I certainly
agree that womyn and/or women should not run around
alienating men, any man who gets terribly upseta.bout
the spelling 'womyn" simply does nOt have enough to
occupy his mind. In ack:lition, there are many much less
sinister reasons for the 'womyn" spelling: 1) It looks cool
in calligraphy. 2) For you Wa::a enthusiasts, it looks
kincla Celtic. 3) Some people are idealists and believe
that the written language really does shape our thoughts
and that the best way to a perfect society is through
rorrpletely gerder neutral language, down to spelling. 4)
A variation on 3), some people are still irritated about the
Man=Humanity thing. 5) Anti-'womyn" baiting.
So in conclusion, although I personally spell "women",
I think that those who object to 'womyn" should spend
their time on something a little more meaningful. Even if
a1I'womyn" actually do hate men (which I know is
untrue) certainly an alternate spelling is a pretty calm and
socially well-adjusted way of expressing it.
T.
Civerely Damaged
[Yes, there are a lot more important things to wony
about than how a gender-name is spelled. Unfortunately
women (ard men) are cAvelling on littfe things like that
instead of moving forward ard making changes. We
aren't going to get anywhere unless we can agree on
name. 'Womyn" as the word does look cool, but since it
has become a political issue on its own, it is a detriment
to the rurrent movement to gain more rights for the
female Homo sapiens sapiens. Only when we have
allained the rights we aave do we have any business
searctrng for a new name. - Ed]
Descrimination By Bathroom
Do you have a c1ass in E1? Well, if you never
have, don't worry. Even if you aren't in Engi-
neering your chances are pretty good. As a
Chemmie type, I've spent most of my student
career in E1, and it's not a bad place to be unless
you have to use the facilities.
Engineering 1 is the oldest academic building
on the campus. It was built back in the days
when Engineers were men, at least in the minds of any architect designing a building.
That's right. Most of the washrooms were for men Now the designer of the building
wasn't so narrow-minded as to forego women's washrooms altogether. 'There's a big
one down by the main lecture hall E1 1SOl, for those infrequent female visitors. And
there's a women's staff washroom near the Chern Eng Offices "for the secretaries". If
you aren't familiar with the layout of E1, this one public women's washroom is as far
from every classroom (except for E1 1SOl, mind you) as you can possibly get within
the confines of the building. Discrimination by bathroom.
Obviously I was not the first person to notice this because sometime in the past the
men's washroom in the centre of the building on the second floor was converted to a
women's washroom. But this leaves no public men's washroom on the second floor
of E1. Okay, there are staff washrooms and there are washrooms for both sexes side
by side on each floor of the E1 extention of Carl Pollock Hall, but we seldom venture
down there. 1he whole point is that if you are a female student on the third floor or a
male student on the second floor, you are a victim of bathroom discrimination
_ Sittiijg in c1ass and you gotta go. Female, third floor: gotta sneak out the back door,
truck your way down tfIe hall, down cti!"Statrs and around the comer. After you fin-
ish what you came for, you have to retrace the whole thing. You are lucky if you
make it back while the prof is on the
same board. On that ten minute
Well, this is my last issue as editor.
It's been fun, stressful and educational,
as the VP Finance will attest. But hey,
we got the final issue off the ground.
I'm pretty impressed, though I can't
speak for everyone. Ron flew all the
way across the country to see me, and
spent the night here, watching me set
up a newspaper. Sorry Ron.
I have a lot of people to thank this
term:
Colin Young - you weren't even on the staff, yet you pulled through when we
needed it most
Andy and Marc for being there to chip in when I needed you
MicheaI for helping set me on the road to straightening out the finances of this
monster
Dean Bums for giving us some financial grace and making this issue possible
Ali and Caire for listening to mewhine
Everyone who wrote letters to the editor
Everyone who submitted articles
Everyone who came and told me that they read the paper, because that made it all
worthwhile.
I hope everyone had a fun term. I know a lot of people were (and are) working
really hard this terxn. but the Eng Soc directors put in a lot of time to come up with
lots of fun things to lighten things up. Thanks a lot. Especially to the Exec - don't
they ever sleep?
More thanks to the people who lent me their notes, and my lab partners who
helped make it possible for me to divide my time between the beloved IW Mac and
between c1ass break - well, let's just say the
girls on the third floor know all the guys with
classes on the second floor because they meet
in the stairwelJ every day.
During the school day it's just an inconve-
nience you live with. Hey, the people with
classes on the wrong floor for their sex are
probably in pretty good physical shape. But
after hours, those late night studying sessions,
the little signs on the doors seem to become
invisible. I'm used to it by now, but the first
time I saw a guy come out of the women's
washroom I was a little surprised. Most of the
guys are decent enough to check whether the
bathroom is empty before commandeering it.
And the girls studying up on the third floor
follow similar protocol. 1he biggest problem
is that unless you post a door guard (which
almost defeats the purpose of ignoring the
sign - it would take two of you less time to
brave the stairs than to take turns) you may
find someone of the opposite sex wandering
in without checking if you are there. I mean if I yell, "Any guys in there?" before
entering a women's washroom, something is wrong.
I guess this behaviour might raise a few eyebrows, and offend a few people, but
most university students have lived in Village or in mixed houses. My sister lives
with five other people, three of them male. When they take a shower they leave the
bathroom unlocked and my sister thinks nothing of having a chat with one of the
guys while she's rinsing her hair and he's sitting on the john Okay, maybe that's just
a little more lax than most of us.
But hey, we should really be thankful we have bathrooms at all. And doubly
thankful that they are indoors and heated. It wasn't many generations ago that the
outhouse was a familiar site at the back of each and every house. Imagine some of
those cold mornings of the winter past when you would have had to shovel the path
then brave the icy seat with your tender bottom.
How often do you appreciate your bathroom? That just sounds silly. 1he bath-
room is just something that has to be cleaned (or not be cleaned in some cases). 1he
om time you aEPreciate your bathroom is when you don't have it. When you are
camping in the wilderness, when you are wailing in tine at the seventh inning
(especially when the opposite sex has no line at all), when it is inconveniently far-
away: when you are suffering bathroom discrimination
the dear Study Room PC.
1he Referendum is coming up. Hopefully you've read a little about it by now.
You might find the account a little bit biased in favour of the ~ side. That's not
because The Iron Warrior wants to pick a side, but \x.U\usc W I'( 'ivcd no ubmis-
sions against the Eng Soc Fee increa .
Even though this referendum does not involv a lot of money, it is imf rtanl
because it involves you and your support for Eng Soc. I know t.herc arc JX'OpL out
there who think Eng Soc is an exclusive club, and that tre Eng Soc goes to food,
drink and romforts for those few individuals. Well, hey, take a look at the graph on
the back page. That's where you fee goes. In fact, the portions of that pie U'lal are edi-
ble are conswned by the people who get involved in Eng Soc events Oike Canada
Day and Tournaments) moreso than the directors themselves.
But we don't have a "No" campaign to present to you. We have tried to provide
as much unbiased information as possible and the most important thing is that you
make an informed decision and rome out and vote. Hey, if you have o ~ about
how your money is being spent, please come and talk to us. You probably have
some good ideas. Please share them.
For those who aren't aware, 1he Newspaper on the U of T campus is being sued
for 1.3 Million Dollars for damages to a U of T presidential candidate. Supposedly
the paper printed anonymous letters and an article based on one of those letters
which hurt this candidate's reputation People are being acx:used and are of course
denying any ronnection with the aronymous letters. The childishness of this aside, I
have to ask myself what newspaper would ever print an anonymous letter? We will
leave out your name, if you want, but someone on staff always knows every author's
identity. And please don't sue us - well, you won't get much anyway!
Hoping for a blacker financial future for The Iron Warrior,
Kim

Your Engineering Society Student Contribution
Payroll & Office Expenses 58.2%
Exec Discretion 8.3%
POETS 1.5%
Social 1.7%
TOOL 2.3%
Exec Budgets 2.8%
Donations 3.3%
Joint Council 3.5%
Special Events 4.5%
Athletic Prizes 7.6%
Class and Director Awards 6.4%
Numbers represent average over past three terms. Many events are partly or fully self-supporting and use
EngSoc for financial backing. This chart shows only events supported by EngSoc Student Contributions. Here is
a partial breakdown of some areas:
Payroll
~ Belty's Salary
~ Bank Charges
~ Office Supplies
Exec Discretion
~ Joint Exec Council
~ President's awards
~ C D Dinner
.. Anything not budgeted for originally.
Question:
Class & Director Awards
.. Class Rep Directors
"P5
.. Council Refreshments
Special Events
~ C a n a d a Day
.. Semi-Formal
.. Frontrunners
.. Spirit Director
"Watpubs
Donations
.. Any student group needing funding
- Concrete Toboggan
-Mini - Baja
-IEEE
-CASI
- Midnight Sun
-CSC
- Many others
Should the Eng Soc Fee be raised?
$10.50 (now) to $14.00?
~ Polling Tuesday, July 26, 1994
CPR Foyer 9:00 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.
Get Informed. Come Out and Vote.

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