available at all times (18:22 RSV), and willing to refer the more difficult problems to Moses (18:26).

INTRODUCTION
QUALIFICATIONS FOR COUNSELING We are called to counsel, whether we are young or adult, we all have opportunities and obligations to give guidance and wise counsel to other people. As sons and daughters of the New kingdom Nation, we have the obligation to nurture, guide and counsel those whom we are bringing to the Father, Lord Jesus Christ through His Appointed Son.

Although all of us are called to counsel, certain qualifications are set. 1. Scriptural knowledge of the will of God (Romans 15:14; Colossians 3:16).

The most significant resource we bring 2. Divine wisdom in ones relationship to into our personal counseling is our grateful others (Colossians 3:16) experiences of spiritual acceptance by God. These enable us to respond to Him and to be 3. Good will and concern for other spirit-led by Him. (2 cor.1:4) Who members of the body of Christ (Romans comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we 15:14) may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God . The faithIn addition to the three basic qualification of a based counseling skills you learn will be helpful in counselor, he must be a man of faith and hope. focusing the way you drawn on your experience As a man of faith, he will believe the promises of with God. God, thus, he become also a man of hope. Without hope and encouragement that many counselees need. This means that his orientation will be toward Gods solutions, not merely toward mans problems.

WHAT IS PASTORAL COUNSELING?

Pastoral Counseling is a unique form of counseling which uses spiritual resources as well as psychological understanding for healing and growth. It is provided by Pastoral Counselors who are not only mental health professionals but persons who have in-depth spiritual and theological training. Most pastoral counselors are ordained Kingdom Ministers or persons otherwise designated by the Appointed Son of God in the New Kingdom Nation. BASIC CONSIDERATIONS IN COUNSELING When the children of Israel were camped at the foot of Mount Horeb , Moses had a visit from His Father-in-law, a man named Jethro (Exodus 18:1-7). The older man was glad to learn details about the journey from Egypt , but he was distressed to discover that Moses was spending entire days listening to complaints and judging the people. Then, as in-laws are sometimes inclined to do, Jethro decided to offer advice. He told Moses that he was wearing himself out and suggested that able men be selected to handle some of the less serious problems. These men were to be God-fearing, honest (Exodus 18:21),

AUTHORITY OF COUNSEL There is need for divine authority in counseling. Counselors, who exercise the authority of God, are not authorities in their own right. Although they must use the authority vested in them by God, they must not exceed the biblical limits of that authority. Counselors who advise illegal acts or teach children to dishonor parents violate Gods authority rather than act according it.

SIX-STAGE MODEL FOR COUNSELING To be an effective counselor, to fulfill the role of a caring shepherd and minister Gods answer to problem situation in peoples lives, we need a plan. The following is a six-stage model for an effective counseling.

STAGE 1 EXPLORE PROBVLEMS

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

In this first contact, rapport is established. Listen to the concerns and encourage examination of these concerns. Seek to develop mutual trust. If there is need, let the counselee ventilate feelings. Be as caring and genuine as you can.

STAGE 6 REVIEW AND FEEDBACK This is a first item session after the first. How have you been doing since we last talked? Progress depends on assessing each stage. Keep in focus the counselees own level of functioning and needs. View progress in terms of reality as it relates to the persons needs and feelings. The process of counseling is fluid from stages 1 through 5.

STAGE 2 DEFINE THE PROBLEMS

Encourage discussion until the feelings and the facts have been verbalized enough so both you and the counselee can define the THE PERSONS INVOLVED IN COUNSELLING problem in concrete terms. Do not allow generalities but reach a definition you can write The answer is that the biblical counseling out in full. If this cannot be done, return to stage context, always involves a minimum of three: 1. Where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst.(MAT.18:20). It is by no means selfevident that the persons involved in counseling are the counselor and the counselee. Counseling STAGE 3 IDENTIFY ALTERNATIVES can be defined as a relationship between two or Help the counselee examine alternatives more persons in which one person ( the available now. These should be specific, listed in counselor) seeks to advise, encourage and/ or writings. The counselee states as many as assist another person or persons ( the possible, but the counselor may assist or lead in counselee/s) to deal more effectively with the developing the list of possible directions. The problems of life. Counseling may have several most usable alternatives are usually defined in goals, including changing the counselees behavior, attitudes or values; preventing more this session. serious problems from developing; teaching social skills; encouraging expression of emotions; giving support in times of need; instilling insight; guiding as a decision is made; teaching STAGE 4 PLAN STRATEGIES responsibility; stimulating spiritual growth; and helping the counselee to mobilize his inner in times of crisis. Unlike Critically evaluate the alternatives that resources have been defined and rehearse the action steps psychotherapy, counseling rarely aims to to be taken. Give the counselee assistance in radically alter or remold the personality. deciding how many alternatives are realistic in view of his feelings and readiness to act. At this In truly biblical counseling, therefore, point some teaching may be necessary, for all where a counselor and counselee meet in the problems cannot be systematically and name of Jesus Christ, they may expect the very completely solved. The major goal at this point is presence of Christ as counselor-in-charge. to develop a realistic and workable plan.

STAGE 5 COMMITMENT TO ACTION This is a critical stage. The counselee is to decide which action to undertake. The commitment must be specific, and the counselor cannot act for the person seeking answers to his problems. The counselee must be committed to trying. Help him to see that partial success is not the total solution nor is partial failure the end of hope. Make it clear that you as counselor will be a partner in assessing progress.

THE CHARACTERISTICS OF THE COUNSELOR

Self- understanding Freud believed that as a first step in becoming competent, the counselor must develop insight into the unconscious layers of his own soul.

Self- understanding is a very desirable counselor characteristic. By knowing

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

about ourselves we are better able to evaluate and control our own behavior, and we can more fully appreciate the feelings and actions of our counselee.

Psychological characteristics textbook writers have listed a number of psychological traits which are assumed to make counselors more effective, including sincerity, compassion, patience, flexibility, selfconfidence, optimism, approachability, mental alertness, common sense, fairness, emotional stability, good grooming, freedom from distracting mannerisms, breadth of knowledge, and ability to keep from appearing shocked. While all are desirable and worth developing, it is unlikely that any one person could possess them all or that all are necessary for successful counseling.

be completely uninvolved and emotionally detached from their counselees, but today it is recognized that cold aloofness and close personal involvement are equally undesirable. The counselor must be sufficiently detached to be objective but sufficiently involved to feel with the counselee. Occasionally he may express his own emotions or share something from his personal experience.

Ability to get along with people Good counselors are at ease in a variety of social settings. If a person generally has trouble relating to people, this will not suddenly change in a counseling room. The key to success is not so much the techniques employed, important as they are, rather it is the total attitude of the counselor, how he feels about people, what he believes about them and about himself.

Understanding of others if the relationship is to be fruitful, the counselor must have at least some understanding of the counselee. By listening carefully, watching the counselees behavior during the interview, and attempting to see things from his perspective, we can increase our understanding of his feelings, attitudes, and problems. In so doing, we also demonstrate our own interest and concern.

Experience Counselors with greater experience often show more self-confidence and an increased ability to understand, accept, and successfully help their counselees.

Acceptance This involves genuine respect and interest in the counselee as a person rather than as a case. Such acceptance does not necessary mean approval or agreement, for we may not like a persons opinions and may conclude that his past behavior is repulsive or sinful. But we must accept him as a person whom God loves and foe whom Christ died.

Spiritual characteristics The effective Christian counselor must also possess spiritual qualifications. Then, as the days of Moses, pastoral counseling should be capable, god fearing, honest, readily available, and willing to get help when they encounter difficult cases (Exodus 18:21-22). The counselor should also be a student who is thoroughly familiar with the Word of God (2 Timothy 2:15), and a man who seeks to be a follower of Christ (1 Peter 2:21) whose very name is Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6, RSV)

Social distance Counselors were once taught that they should

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

THE CHARACTERISTICS OF THE COUNSELEE

Effective counseling is not completely dependent on the counselors characteristics and skills. If the counselee is uncooperative or uninterested in changing his behavior, the interviews will not be very fruitful, regardless of the counselors skills. When children are forced to talk with the pastor, for example when rebellious delinquents are sent for psychiatric The Book of Proverbs says that one can help, often there is little improvement. For best also know a lot about others by looking into his results, the counselee must really want to own heart. (Proverbs 27:19) as in water change. face answereth the face, so the heart of man to man." As a matter of fact, a counselor can know everything that is necessary for him to know either the word of God. Apart from the Scriptures, he is actually helpless. COUNSELING SKILLS AND TECHNIQUES Good counseling is difficult work. It is time-consuming emotionally draining, physically exhausting and frequently unsuccessful. By developing proficiency in the following skills and techniques, however, we should be able to increase our overall counseling effectiveness.

What should a counselor know about a counselee before he or she enters the counseling room? Its his/her Attitudes, weaknesses, strengths, family background, cultural and financial background; if a counselee is a student, the counselor must know about his or her school performance, involvement in other school activities, even the kind of friends he or she has.

For the counselor it is also important to prepare for the interview with prayer. We can commit the counseling session to God, asking that we will be made sensitive to t he needs and feelings of the counselee and that will be led by the Holy Spirit as we counsel. Such prayer is no substitute for training and p reparation, but all our activities, including those for which we are highly trained, should be committed to the Lord who guides our thoughts and actions ( proverbs 16:3; 3:5-6). The counselor should meet the BEFORE THE INTERVIEW counselee at the exact time of appointment. Being ten or fifteen minutes late and giving no real explanation will make the counselee assume he has forgotten or that he isnt important Whenever possible, it is best to enough to meet on time. spend a few minutes in preparation prior to the start of a counseling session. When we received guests into our houses, we usually tidy the house and give the appearance that the guest is welcome and expected. A person coming for counseling should receive with at least as much as courtesy. Then, we should review the counselees case history and remind ourselves of the details of any previous counseling with him. It is embarrassing to get one persons problem confused with anothers and it is distressing to the counselee, who naturally prefers to think that he and his problems ate uppermost in your mind

DURING THE INTERVIEW

The counseling session must be primarily a relationship between concerned people rather than a period which the counselor is so concerned about skills that he forgets everything else.

A counselor should already know a lot about the counselee before a session begins. And before the counselee walks into the room, a counselor already knows a lot about him or her. Such knowledge will aid a counselor in understanding a counselees actions and words and be able to help well.

Start by working on the relationship Counselees often approach an interview with fear, trembling, and a number of misconceptions. They may be uncomfortable at the

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

thought of discussing their personal problems, and uncertain about what is going to happened during the interview. At the beginning, therefore, the counselor has a responsibility to support and stimulate the counselee. Support involves breaking the ice with a casual comment or two and inviting the counselee to have a seat. With some counselee it might be desirable to give indications of what will happened during he interview. For example, the counselor might say: Im glad for this opportunity to talk about the things that are concerning you.Occasionally a person wants to talk about some problem but is reluctant to mention it, but often this will give the counselee the encouragement he needs to start talking.

the counselees speech and actions. Sometimes we see inconsistencies or grasps in a story. The person who says he is happy in his work but later talks about changing jobs, or the person, who describes his family but forgets to mention his father, may be revealing something that we might ask about later.

Dont be afraid of silence When nothing is being said, most of us feel very uncomfortable; but in counseling such silence is often very meaningful. It may indicate that the counselee is struggling to control an emotion, thinking about an important issue, or debating whether to tell you more. At such times an understanding comment like its hard to talk sometimes isnt it? or an encouraging remarks such as Take your time can let the counselee know that it is all right to be silent.

Listen attentively Church leaders spent a lot of time their talking. This, after all, is an important part of their job, but too often it carries over into interviews as the counselors feels that he must be constantly giving wise advice or asking a lot of questions. Such an attitude greatly hinders good counseling. When we learn to listen, the counselee has the opportunity to express his feelings, let of steam, or get things off his chest. In doing, he often feels better, and at the same time gives us valuable information that we might have missed otherwise.

Question wisely Beginning counselors often make the mistake of asking too many questions. It is best to use questions sparingly and to think before you ask. Use the following guidelines:

1. Ask open-ended questions. An open-ended question is very broad and gives the counselee plenty of opportunity to respond with his opinions or further information. How did you feel about failing? or What do you think now about your religious training? or What happened next? are broad questions which stimulate further discussion. In contrast, closed questions like Where you frustrated because you failed? Do you think your religious training was not

Watch carefully A good counselor can learn a great deal by carefully observing

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

relevant? or Is that the end of your story? invite a one-word answer like yes. Then counselee responds with his preference and the discussion stops. 2. Avoid either- or questions. Do you want to get married or stay single? presents two alternatives. The counselee responds with his preference and the discussion stops. 3. Try to use indirect questions. Direct questions are straight queries; indirect questions inquire without seeming to do so. How does it feel to have your marriage breaking up? is direct. I wonder how it feels to have your marriage breaking up is indirect. Both of these require an answer and both shows the counselors interest, but the indirect question keeps the counselee from feeling that he is being quizzed. 4. Learn how to respond. In counseling, all types of responses should be used at times, although one or two many predominate in any given interview. In addition to these verbal responses, such things as head nods, approving looks and smiles, or even periods of silence can stimulate further discussion or convey to the counselee how we are react. 5. Make use of spiritual resources. Two of the greatest weaknesses of Pastoral counselors are an over and under use of spiritual resources. Some Christians are of the opinion that reading the Bible or saying prayer is all that is needed for successful counseling. Sometimes this is all that is needed, but in most cases such an approach is likely to be unsuccessfully and frustrating to the counselee. It also gives the impression that the Bible reading and prayer are magic charms that suddenly make everything right. At the other extreme are pastoral

counselors who tent to ignore prayer and the Scriptures in their counseling, using psychological techniques almost excclusively. Once again, no hard and fast rules can be given for the use of prayer or Bible reading. Many Christians counselors pray aloud at the beginning and/or end of an interview, and sometimes they feel led to pray at other times. When it is relevant, the counselor may also want to read a Bible Passage during an interview. Christians counselees should also be encouraged to spend time daily in bible reading, prayer, and quite meditation. The extent to which spiritual resources will be used in counseling depends on the counselor, the counselee and the problem.

6. End positively. It is desirable to end an interview smoothly, and, when possible, to have the counselee go away with feelings of hope and encouragement.

AFTER THE INTERVIEW

When the counselee leaves, the counselor should jot down some notes and briefly evaluate the interview. This should be done immediately so that details are not forgotten. When your reactions and a summary of the session are recorded on paper, you have a convenient memory jogger to consult before the next interview. The counselor must keep the interview in his confidence. Some pastors are sincerely amazed that even though their availability is well-advertised still nobody comes for counseling. Frequently these are the men who like to describe counseling cases in sermons or who let counseling details slip into other casual conversations. Even when the names and

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

details are changed, counselees and prospective counselees often decided to go for counseling to a person who will keep quite. At times, of course the counselor may wish to discuss the situation with a more experienced counselor for helpful suggestions, but these confidants should be few and selected with extreme care.

and time-consuming tasks. However, questionnaires designed for use in pastoral counseling are especially helpful in giving background information about a counselee. Test results, like other records, should be kept confidential and locked in a safe place.

OTHER CONSIDERATIONS Appointments At times a Christian counselor is needed immediately and without warning. When a loved one dies or a person suddenly becomes ill, the pastor must be available to offer whatever help or support he can. For most other counseling, however, it is best to set a specific prearranged appointment. This is more convenient for everyone involved. Professional counselors limit the length of an interview to fifty minutes. There is nothing sacred about this, but many experienced counselors feel that when a session is longer, less is accomplished. Keeping records Counselors differ in the extent to which they become involved with note- taking during an interview. If he wants to take notes, the counselor might make a matter-off-fact comment at the start of the interview, such as Id like to jot down a few things as we walk, so u can keep the whole picture in mind. Then, during the the interview he should limit his writing to brief statements which can be elaborated later. Notes taken during and after an interview should be kept in a locked cabinet. If this is not possible, it is probably best that records not be kept at all.

COUNSELING ETHICS Every counselor, professional or nonprofessional, should be concerned about his ethical responsibilities and obligations. As Christians, we are responsible to God, and to the counselee and the community, for all that we do in a counseling situation. If a counselee informs us that he plans to commit murder, for example, we have an obligation to protect the counselee and his proposed victim. Many ethical decisions are not that clear-cut, however, and we must search the Scriptures and seek for the guidance of the Holy Spirit as we decided what to do in a given situation. Keep confidences What is told in confidence should be kept in confidence. This means that information should not be shared without the counselees permission, and that material from interviews generally should not be presented as sermon illustrations. The good counselor also avoids discussing one counselee and his problems with another counselee. Recognize your limitations Apart from Jesus, no one counselor ever has the ability and training to help everyone who needs or wants help. Some people should be referred to a more experienced counselor, or to a lawyer, medical doctor, or other specialist. Avoid physical contact Apart from handshake, it is usually best to avoid touching a counselee. Sometimes sexual and other emotional involvement begins at least in the counselees mind when physical contact is permitted.

Psychological tests Some of these tests measuring intelligence, interests, special abilities or personality give results which could be helpful. The disadvantage is that the administration and interpretation of such tests are usually skilled

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

Do not use counselees to satisfy your own desires The counselors need for people to depend on him, for example, often influences his counseling. An understanding of ones own weak points as well as reliance on the Holy Spirit helps the counselor to avoid such temptations. Do not try to hide your Spiritual values. The counselors beliefs will enter everything he does, including his counseling. It is only fair to the counselee, therefore, that he have some knowledge of his counselors Spiritual commitment. To do otherwise is a form of dishonestly. Do not force or pressure counselee to continue counseling We encourage people to get counseling, the person who does not want help probably not change regardless of counselor. the can but will the

other people and to get overly involved emotionally. Motives for this maybe noble, but such over-involvement is emotionally and physically wearing. It interferes with our family relationships and hinders our effectiveness in dealing with noncounseling responsibilities. Close associations with the opposite sex Just because a counselor is a Christian there is no guarantee he will never be stimulated by members of the opposite sex. One of the counselors tasks is to keep the counselee from becoming attached to him/her; and if the readiness for emotional attachment is present on the counselors side too, the counseling relationship is irreparably ruined. Information slips In spite of the counselors best intentions, there is always a danger that he will inadvertently reveal some confidential information. To void this, we should make it a practice not to talk about other people (James 3:1-10; Peter 3:10). A lopsided ministry sometimes the minister or other religious worker so enjoys his counseling that he begins to neglect his other responsibilities. Counseling is an important part of the ministry, and the KLC leader should strive to be an effective as counselor as possible. But he must remember that, unless he is involved in a specialized counseling ministry, he also has responsibility for Bible teaching, the preparation of sermons, and other leadership tasks in the Kingdom ministry.

DANGERS IN COUNSELING In counseling, there are a number of hidden dangers. When we are of them, we are less likely to run into difficulties that might otherwise seriously hinder our counseling effectiveness. Some of the more common dangers in counseling, we should try to get the views of others involved. Over reliance on one-sided information All of us describe events and problems as we see them FROM OUR OWN PERSPECTIVE. In counseling, we usually hear only one side of an issue the counselees but this may be only part of the story. In some situations, such as in marriage and family counseling, we should try to get the views of other involved.

THE COUNSELING PROCEDURE Even when they have knowledge of counselors experience deep feelings frustration, uncertainty, and even a sense of personal uselessness when called upon for help. Frequently when people pour out their problems, the church leader is so unsure about what to do that he feels incompetent and highly insecure.

Jumping to premature conclusions The counselor must listen attentively and avoid making early conclusions about a problem and its solutions. By trying to move too quickly, we may waste a lot of time and mental energy, since the problem which the counselee describes at How one does built confidence and first may not be the real or most pressing overcome feelings of frustration and insecurity? problem. One answer appears to be time and experience. As he counsels with a variety of Over-involvement It is difficult for people and grows in maturity, the counselor compassionate and sensitive people to be becomes more proficient and self-assured. objective in their counseling. Too often we are tempted to shoulder the problems of

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

TYPES OF COUNSELING

Supportive Counseling Leaders, especially ministers, often find themselves giving support and encouragements in times of need. Supportive counseling is most often used with people who are having difficulty standing alone amid the problems of life. Alcoholics, for example, often need such support. Others who normally get along quite well may fall apart in times of crisis and need someone to lean on while they adjust to a disappointing failure, the loss of a loved one, or some other catastrophe. In supportive counseling, the goal is not to encourage immature dependency on another person. Rather, the counselor gives temporary support and helps the person to gain strength and perspective which will allow him to use his personality resources more effectively in coping with life situations. Discourage the counselee from denying a problem exists. It is more healthy if he can be helped to face the problem realistically and attempt to understand it; express and discuss his restatements, guilt or other

negative feelings; accept some responsibility for coping with the problem; explore various ways to handle the situation; recognize and accept the fact that some things cannot be changed (such as the death of a loved one); communicate with relatives, friends, and others. In all these he may be helped towards taking practical steps, however small, to handle the problem constructively.

Confrontational Counseling In his dealing with people, Jesus often confronted them with their sins. He confronted the rich young ruler with his over concern for riches (Luke 18:22)), the Samaritan woman with her immortality (John 4:17-18), His disciples with their little faith (Matthew 8::26; 14:31), and the religious leaders with their sin (Matthew 12:34; John 8: 4445).

It is one thing for Jesus who knew no sin to be pointing out the sins of others, but it is quite another thing for Gods Children who have beams in their eyes

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

to be confronting other men with their weaknesses. However, to face up to their sins. Hiding ones immoral actions only creates guilty frustration and neurotic anxiety. If we confess them, and to do something about changing himself.

Preventive Counseling

Educational Counseling Most human behavior is learned behavior. We learn how to talk, think, dress, and act in social situations. When problems come into our lives we draw upon past learning to work out a solution, or we avoid the problems by using defensive mechanisms or other learned escapist techniques.

If so much behavior has been learned, it seems reasonable to assume that counseling should consist primary of education in which the ineffective behavior is unlearned and the counselee learns more appropriate ways of acting. Whether or not all counseling is basically relearning is another issue for debate, but there can be no doubt that much of the pastoral counselors work involves education.

Counseling does not exist solely for the purpose of getting people out trouble. Sometimes its goal is to keep people from getting into trouble. Marriage counseling for example, is usually concerned about helping partners who are having difficulty in getting along, but premarital counseling tries to anticipate problems before they arise and to help couples avoid or deal with potentially disruptive situations. The latter is preventive counseling it an attempt is made to anticipate problems before they arise or deal with beginning problems before they get worst.

Spiritual Counseling In one sense all pastoral counseling is really spiritual counseling. As followers of our Lord Jesus Christ, we are duly-bound to make disciples of all men and to help those who are weak (Matthew 28:19-20; Romans 15:1; Galatians 6:1-2; 1 Thessalonians 5:14). Because of this, we cannot be timed in raising spiritual issues, even when the presented problem

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

10

seems to be of a no spiritual nature (such as a request for information).

Referral Counseling

There several basic guidelines for making referrals. First, the counselor must keep the counselees best welfare in mind. If we ask at every stage, What is best for him? The referral is likely to arise more smoothly. Second, the referral must be done in such a way that the counselee does not feel rejected. Frequently it takes considerable courage for a counselee to come and talk about a personal problem. Third, the counselee should be part of the decision to refer. The counselor can discuss the situation with him, outline what other help is available, and indicate why it might be better to refer.

takes place over coffee, in a hospital room, during informal home visit, or in the hallway after a meeting. It is a way of ministering to the needy and, in doing, we are serving the risen Christ ( Matthew 25:37-40)

Group Counseling Groups have proved an effective means of pastoral counseling. By meeting with several counselees at once, the group leader makes better use of his time, and more important, provides an environment where a number of people can work together to honestly show their feelings and help each other with problems. Group counseling has a greatly increased in recent years.

COUNSELING TO DIFFERENT INDIVIDUALS

a. Informal Counseling Informal counseling may not seem so important. Opportunities for informal counseling are many such as

Parent-child Counseling

Today, kids grow up quicker and want to be free earlier in life than their parents did. Parents often find it difficult to keep face with the lightning changes in their children, and as a result, conflict occurs. There can be many areas of conflict: there childrens friends, chores around the home, allowance, school and homework, and discipline,

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

11

to name a few. Many parents run to their church, young people is active listening. Adolescence crying, I dont know what to do with my kids. does not readily lay out their thoughts and feelings even to a compassionate counselor. It is important for parents to realize that first and foremost, they must establish rules Counselors who build favorable relationship with governing the home, which are equitable, adolescents to it by careful listening where reasonable and adolescents real concerns are opened. The book Proverbs says, He who answers before that is folly and his keepable. Respect is learned as a response to listening authority. They must be as flexible as they can shame.(Proverbs 18:13). where their childrens identity, independence and self-esteem are concerned. Children need a lot of support and encouragement. Conflicts are never resolved by argument or fighting. b. Counseling Senior Adult Members Close communication with their children will do much to avoid conflict. Parents must be made to understand this important element in rearing their children and building up their families. This means not only meaningful conversation, but spending quality time with them. This personal affection will help create positive self-image in their kids and fortify family solidarity. Most importantly, they must teach their children to live by Biblical standards. The bible says train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.(Proverbs 22:6) Many parents see the wayward ways of their children as their fault and so they are laden with guilt. Parents must learn to accept Gods forgiveness for all their shortcomings and to forgive themselves for their foolishness and wrong actions. The term senior or adult describes a broad spectrum of the human population. Some find it an affirming term a sign of having reached an age of wisdom, experience and faith. Other find the term discounting or marginalizing- a veiled form of ageism to exclude the needs and concerns of the older members of the faith community. Psalms 92:14 says In old age they still produce fruit; they are always green and full of sap. Adults enter learning experiences in a problem- centered frame of mind and commonly show a concern for immediacy. They tend to see their lives as a series of challenges and problems that must be dealt with, not a body of content they must memorized for a test. Paul wrote that Titus ought to teach others to live self- controlled, upright and Godly lives in this present age (Titus 2:12)

Counselor must encourage adults to seek and embrace God as their King, to care for others b. Counseling Young People from a deeper place in their souls and to nurture their own interior lives through creative, new Young people are, for many, the most simple ways such as Praying, Caring, and frustrating group of people to work with in a Nurturing. counseling setting. In an effort to develop personal identity, adolescents often resist help Praying encourages activities such developing and show little improvement. personal parables. Caring challenges seniors to be available to others, to become true listeners, Adolescence is a period of stress and and to be faithful to those in need. Nurturing turmoil for many young people. While the provides concrete and creative suggestions for difficulties that occur in adolescence are due in soul nurturing. part to lack of experiences may exacerbate or create significant struggles: physical changes, sexual, social, religious, and moral. c. Counseling a Co- Worker in Christ As the adolescent grows in his awareness of his own thoughts and feelings, he also grows in Every child of the kingdom must reach the his awareness of how easy it can be to hide them fourth level of Spiritual Growth, which is being from others. Worker in the Spirit. It is the level where a Kingdom member has already gained deep The most important and fundamental skill understanding to the ministry and the Word of required for successful helping relationship with God, whether a full-time worker, adult, or young

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

12

people. Everyone needs motivation to achieve It is Describe fir us in the book of James : Pastor Apollos standard on excellence. Is any sick among you? Let him call for elders of the church and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer of faith shall save Counseling a co-worker in the spirit is the sick, and the Lord shall rise him up different from the usual counseling. It takes a (James 5:14-15) Such personal with the person process that is biblical. Joshua 7 has a account allows elder to comfort and counsel and give any for it. When Joshuas army lost in the battle practical help in the spirit of the word of God. against the Amorites, they found out that Israel had sinned against the Lord because of one man f. Counseling the Dying named Achan. He stole garments and treasures which incurred Gods wrath. A dying person is enervated, often in pain and nauseated; without appetite for food and To solve the problem, the 12 tribes of Israel entertainment. He is a psychologically and was called to face the Lord and be taken and physically incapable of listening to talk about the judged. Of the twelve tribe of Judah was taken. case histories of others, community tragedies or From Judah , the family of Zarhites was taken; the world situation. summoned man by man and Zabdi was taken. Zabdi brought out his household man by man The counselor should stand near the bed and Achan, the son of carmi, the son of Zabdi, in the place where can most easily see and hear the son of Zerah, was taken and judged. him. Although the patients vision may be blurred, the reassurance of seeing an emissary of When one Kingdom member is in need of God, even fuzzily, is very valuable in these last counseling for some fault (e.g. consecutive hours of his life. absents on meetings, worships services, failures of duties, and others), or when a problem arises The Senses of touch and sound are in an area, the BM Head or the Coordinator will important also. From the counselor, too, the call for a meeting. He will discuss the over-all patient may appreciate the tactile expression of concerns of the congregation and addressed the concern, particularly during prayer. This may well problem in a generalized way, addressing the prove a means of spiritual communication. Christ spirit rather than any particular person. If this used the laying of hands (Mark 5:23; 7:32). fails to make the wanted change, further analysis This practice, made part of the lie of the church, and investigation will be made. The member was used in used in both healing and blessings concerned is thus visited by an authorized person (Acts 9:17) What Wholesome expression of the BM Head, the Coordinator, or a PCM 4. Facts loving concern, tenderness and faith can be are gathered and confirmed at this stage; after embodied in this simple act. which a report is then submitted to the Executive Pastor. The member is then given a g. Pre-marital Counseling memorandum calling him or her to the Kingdom office (wherever it may be) for the counseling Marriage is the union of a man and and close fellowship. woman, each of whom is a unique individual, a person with a unique identity. If the relationship But after the close counseling and still the is to involve the communication of the two spirit is not rebuked and the problem is not identities, each to the other, in such a way as to resolved, disciplinary action is given as contribute to growth and fulfillment, it should appropriate. begin with an examination of each persons uniqueness.

Pre-marital counseling is regarded as a process rather than the delivery of information; as such; it is only one stage in the over-all God is aware of the health needs of his process of preparation in marriage. children, and the scriptures reveal Himself as God our healer. He can and does according to His The goals of counseling include the will. And He wants us to come to Him in loving achievement of the genuine happiness in trust, claiming the healing that was purchased for marriage, stability of the family unit, and the us by Jesus Christ by who stripes you have enhancement of marriage and family relationship been healed (I Peter 2:24). in general. We also believe in h continuation of the process after the wedding has taken place. After the couple has had the opportunity to gain e. Counseling the sick

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

13

new insights into the meaning of marriage and the family living. Thus, it discusses the odds and ends of marriage before a couple goes right through it. Thinking through marital responsibility is important for the couple to know. Below are practical issues discussed in pre-marital counseling:

guilt is accompanied by feelings of regret and self-condemnation. Types of guilt a. Objective guilt it exists apart from our feelings. Here the person has broken some legal standard and he is guilty whether he feels it or not. Objective guilt divided into three types: the social guilt, psychological guilt and theological guilt.

Affection and sexuality. This discusses about the couples view about love and sexuality. Values. This deals with such issues as types of occupation, whether and when to have children and family life. Faith. This deals with how God will work in a marriage. Communication. This takes place whenever the words of the behavior of one person have some kind of effect upon another person. It has to do with the relationship that develops as a result of events that have a bearing upon one another, whether those events are statements, gestures, facial expression, words, poems, or so happenings. Nurture. This provides concrete and creative suggestions for a happy marriage.

Social guilt here the individual is guilty because he has broken a law or accepted a rule that most people around him obey.

Psychological guilt this arise because I have done something which goes against my own personal standards.

PROBLEMS IN COUNSELING 1. Guilt - Guilt has been described as the place where psychology and religion meet. Probably there is no other topic which equal interest to both theologians and psychologists. Dr. Ernest Jones, a psychoanalyst who wrote a three- volume biography of Freud, once described guilt as the most difficult and the most important problem in the whole realm of psychology. Almost all of mans troubles, Jones, believed, can be traced to our inner feeling of guilt. Meaning and prevalence of guilt Guilt arises when we have consciously done something wrong: when we have violated ethical, legal, moral, or religious standards. Often, but not always,

Theological guilt sometimes called ontological, it refers to our standing before God. According to the Bible, all men have sinned and have come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). We have all disobeyed God, ignored His voice at times, and selfishly refused to trust Him. We are guilty of breaking our relationship with God, even though we might not feel such guilt.

b. Subjective guilt - is a feeling or inner experience of remorse because of ones actions. 2. A Look at Inferiority Adler reached a further conclusion. Little children are not the only people who feel inferior; all of us

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

14

feel inferiority to some extent. To be a human being, he once wrote, means the possession of inferiority that is constantly spurring us on to greater achievements. Feelings of inferiority and incompleteness are not abnormal. They are the great driving force of mankind, the real motivation in life. 3. Discouragement is as old as man himself. If we look into the Bible, we discover that there were many times in the ancient past when people showed discouragement. The Old Testament records one situation when the children of Israel became much discouraged in the midst of their wilderness wanderings (Numbers 20: 14-21. the people had been in the wilderness for a long time and probably were tired.

e. Physical. The primary cause of discouragement. f. Spiritual. There is also the possibility; however, that some of our discouragement comes from God. He too may hinder our earthly ambitions and this could lead to discouragement, especially when we fail to grasp the wisdom of Gods divine plan for our lives.

The Causes of Discouragement a. Frustration over our inability to accomplish some task. When a person gets frustrated because he cant succeed at doing something he often gets discouraged at the same time. Sometimes these happen because the task is too long or too time-consuming. b. The behavior of others. The scriptures instruct fathers not to provoke their children lest these little ones become discouraged (Colossians 3:21). The word provoked means to irritate or to be too exacting and sometimes we get discouraged because people provoke us.

4. Homosexuality - There are large individual differences in homosexual behavior. Some people are exclusively homosexual while others are sexually attracted to both sexes. Some are basically heterosexual but engage in homosexual acts when in prison, the military, boarding schools, or other situations when the opposite sex is not around. 5. Mental Health - Mental health is defined as the successful performance of mental function, which results in productive activities, fulfilling relationships with other people, and the capacity to adjust to change and cope with difficulties and hardships. From early childhood until late life, mental health is considered the springboard of thinking and communication skills, learning, emotional growth, resilience for recovering quickly and self-esteem. A persons mental health is subject to any variety of changes in life, either from genetic causes, to environmental stressors, or physiological changes that may occur during their lifetime.

c. Separation from people we love and respect. Everyone knows the sadness and discouragement that are usually present when a loved Hope one has died. d. Lack of purpose in life. Philosophers talk about existential despair, a deep discouragement which comes because men have no direction and no apparent meaning in life. The Bible says about the importance of Hope (I Cor. 13) and now abided faith, hope, and charity In counseling it is very vital for a counselor to encourage the essence of hope in his sessions. First of all, he must be a man of hope. He himself must believe that there is hope on everything to persuade the counselee. He

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

15

must also fully convince of the faithfulness of God in fulfilling His promises. Every counselee needs hope. It is the duty to develop bright ideas to help the counselee to cope up with his problems. He should strongly emphasize Gods promises that are fund in scripture, were written to give hope. There is no other basis of hope rather than the bible.

Prayer The counselor should prepare for counseling largely by prayer. We note in James 5:16 that is the prayer of the righteous man that avail much. It important to observe that prayer is one determining factor on the counseling session supposed by James, prayer itself id the essential element of the counseling process.

Conclusion

Our Almighty Father, Lord Jesus Christ is our true counselor and comforter through His Appointed Son, our beloved Pastor, Pastor Apollo C. Quiboloy. As we walk in His way, problems and trial come but we have faith that we can overcome it because the Son is with us. As Children, Sons and Daughters of the Almighty Father, we are more than conquerors. The Holy Scriptures and the fresh manna of the Fathers revelations is our daily manual of true counseling is given to us by the Father through His Appointed Son to minister not to be ministered.

We are all called to counsel-Delivering the truth, fulfilling His will.

Pastoral Counseling ACQ College of Ministries

16