The Rocky Heart Why Am I So Weak

http://www.markmallett.com/blog/2009/01/living-wells/

FOR several years, I have asked Jesus why it is that I am so weak, so impatient in trial, so seemingly devoid of virtue. "Lord," I have said a hundred times, "I pray every day, I go to Confession every week, I say the Rosary, I pray the Office, Ive gone to daily Mass for years why, then, am I so unholy? Why do I buckle under the smallest trials? Why am I so quick-tempered?" I could very well repeat the words of St. Gregory the Great as I try to respond to the Holy Fathers call to be a "watchman" for our times.
Son of man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel. Note that a man whom the Lords sends forth as a preacher is called a watchman. A watchman always stands on a height so that he can see from afar what is coming. Anyone appointed to be a watchman for the people must stand on a height for all his life to help them by his foresight. How hard it is for me to say this, for by these very words I denounce myself. I cannot preach with any competence, and yet insofar as I do succeed, still I myself do not live my life according to my own preaching. I do not deny my responsibility; I recognize that I am slothful and negligent, but perhaps the acknowledgment of my fault will win me pardon from my just judge. St. Gregory the Great, homily, Liturgy of the Hours, Vol. IV, p. 1365-66

As I prayed before the Blessed Sacrament, begging the Lord to help me understand why I am so sinful after so many efforts, I looked up at the Crucifix and heard the Lord finally answer this painful and pervasive question

THE ROCKY SOIL The answer came in the Parable of the Sower:
A sower went out to sow Some fell on rocky ground, where it had little soil. It sprang up at once because the soil was not deep, and when the sun rose it was scorched, and it withered for lack of roots Those on rocky ground are the ones who, when they hear, receive the word with joy, but they have no root; they believe only for a time and fall away in time of trial. (Mt 13:3-6; Lk 8:13)

As I gazed at the scourged and torn body of Jesus hanging above the Tabernacle, I heard the most gentle explanation in my soul: You have a rocky heart. It is a heart lacking in charity. You seek Me, to love Me, but you have forgotten the second part of My great commandment: to love your neighbor as yourself.

My body is like a field. All My wounds have torn deep into My flesh: the nails, the thorns, the scourge, the scrapes in my knees and hole torn in my shoulder from the cross. My flesh has been cultivated by charityby a complete self-giving that digs and tills and tears at the flesh. This is the kind of love of neighbour I am speaking of, where through seeking to serve your wife and children, you deny yourselfyou dig into your flesh. Then, unlike rocky soil, your heart will become tilled so deep that My Word can take root within you and bear rich fruit instead of being scorched by the heat of trials because the heart is superficial and shallow. Yes, after I diedafter I gave everythingthat is when my Heart was pierced through, a Heart not of stone, but of flesh. From this Heart of love and sacrifice gushed forth water and blood to flow over the nations and heal them. So too, when you seek to serve and give all of yourself to your neighbour, then my Word, given to you through all the means by which you seek Meprayer, Confession, the Holy Eucharistwill find a place in your heart of flesh to sprout. And from you, My child, from your heart will flow the supernatural life and that holiness that will touch and convert those around you. Finally, I understood! How often I have been praying or "doing my ministry" or busy speaking with others about "God" when my wife or children needed me. "I am busy serving the Lord," I would convince myself. But the words of St. Paul take on a new meaning:
If I speak in human and angelic tongue but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. (1 Cor 13:1-3)

Jesus sums it up:

Why do you call me, Lord, Lord, but not do what I command? (Lk 6:46)

THE REAL MIND OF CHRIST I have been hearing over and over again this past year the words of the Lord,
Yet I hold this against you: you have lost the love you had at first. Realize how far you have fallen. Repent, and do the works you did at first. (rev 2:4-5)

He is speaking to the Church, He is speaking to me. Have we become so consumed in apologetics, Scripture studies, theological courses, parish programs, spiritual reading, signs of the times, prayer and contemplation that we have forgotten our vocation to loveto show others the face of Christ through selfless acts of humble service? Because this is what will convince the world, the way the Centurion was convincednot by Christs preachingbut ultimately by what he witnessed take place before him on the Cross at Golgotha. We should be convinced by now that the world will not be converted by our eloquent sermons, slick websites, or clever programs.
If the word has not converted, it will be blood that converts. POPE JOHN PAUL II, from poem "Stanislaw"

I receive letters every day detailing the flood of blasphemies that continue to pour out of the Western media. But is this the real blasphemy?
My name is constantly blasphemed by unbelievers,says the Lord. Woe to the man who causes my name to be blasphemed. Why is the Lords name blasphemed? Because we say one thing and do another. When they hear the words of God on our lips, unbelievers are amazed at their beauty and power, but when they see that those words have no effect in our lives, their admiration turns to scorn, and they dismiss such words as myths and fairy tales. From a homily written in the second century, Liturgy of the Hours, Vol. IV, p. 521

It is the daily tilling of our flesh, the cultivation of our stony hearts so that Love Himself may spring up in themthat is what the world is longing to taste and see: Jesus living in me. Then my preaching, my webcasts, my books, my programs, my songs, my teachings, my writings, my letters, my words take on a new powerthe power of the Holy Spirit. And more than thatand here really is the messageif my aim is to lay down my life for others each moment, serving and giving and cultivating self-denial, then when trials and tribulations come, I will not fall away because I have "put on the mind of Christ," I have already taken upon my shoulder the cross of suffering. My heart has become a heart of flesh, of good soil. The little seeds of patience and perseverance that He has given through prayer, study, etc. will then take root in this soil of love, and thus, the blaring sun of temptation will not scorch them nor will they be carried away by the wind of trials.
Love bears all things (1 Cor 13:7)

This is the task that lay before me, before all of us:
Therefore, since Christ suffered in the flesh, arm yourselves also with the same attitude (for whoever suffers in the flesh has broken with sin), so as not to spend what remains of ones life in the flesh on human desires, but on the will of God. (1 Pet 4:1-2)

This attitude of loving self-denial, it is this that breaks our rancid covenant with sin! It is this "mind of Christ" that conquers trials and temptations rather than the other way around. Yes, charity is faith in action.
The victory that conquers the world is our faith. (1 Jn 5:4)

CONTEMPLATION AND ACTION It cannot be prayer alone, contemplation without action. The two must be married: to love the Lord your God and your neighbour. When prayer and action are married, they give birth to God. And this is a real birth of sorts: for Jesus is planted in the soul, nurtured through prayer and the Sacraments, and then through an attentive giving and sacrifice of my very self, He takes on flesh. My flesh.
always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our body. (2 Cor 4:10)

Who is a better model of this than Mary, as seen in the Joyful Mysteries of the Rosary? She conceived Christ through her "fiat". She contemplated Him there in her womb. But that was not all. Despite her own needs, she crossed the hill country of Judah to assist her cousin Elizabeth. Charity. In these first two Joyful Mysteries we see the marriage of contemplation andaction. And this union produced the Third Joyful Mystery: the birth of Jesus.

MARTYRDOM Jesus is calling His Church to prepare for martyrdom. It is above all, and for most, a white martyrdom. It is time O God, it is time to live it. On November 11th, 2010, the day we remember those who gave their lives for our freedoms, I received this word in prayer: The soul that has been emptied, like My Son emptied Himself, is a soul in whom the seed of the Word of God may find a resting place. There, the mustard seed has room to grow, to spread its branches, and so fill the air with the fragrance of the fruit of the Spirit. I desire that you be such a soul, My child, one who constantly pours forth the aroma of My Son. Indeed, it is in cultivating the flesh, in digging out the stones and weeds, that there is room for the Seed to find a resting place. Leave no stone unturned, not a single weed standing. Make the soil rich by

the blood of My Son, co-mingled with your blood, shed through self-denial. Do not fear this process, for it will bear the most beautiful and delicious fruit. Leave no stone unturned and no weed standing. Emptya kenosisand I will fill you with My very Self. Jesus: Remember, without Me you can do nothing. Prayer is the means by which you receive the grace to live a supernatural life. When I died, My flesh in so far as I became man was unable to restore itself to life, but as God, I was able to conquer death and be raised to new life. So too, in your flesh, all you can do is diedie to self. But the power of the Spirit in you, given to you through the Sacraments and prayer, will raise you to new life. But there must be something dead to raise, My child! Thus, charity is the rule of life, the complete giving of self away so that the New Self may be restored.

BEGIN AGAIN I was about to leave the church when, the Lord in His mercy (so I would not despair), reminded me of those wonderful words of hope:
Love covers a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8)

Let us not look over the plow at the soil our self-love has left unturned and rocky. But setting are eyes on the present moment, begin again. It is never too late to be a saint for Jesus so long as you have breath in your lungs and a word upon your tongue: fiat.
Amen, amen, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit May Christ dwell in your hearts through faith that you may be rooted and grounded in love (cf. Eph 3:17)

RELATED READING: Broken Living Wells

Broken

FROM a reader:
So what do I do when I forget that sufferings are His blessings to bring me closer to Him, when I am in the middle of them and get impatient and angry and rude and short tempered when Hes not always at the forefront of my mind and I get caught up in emotions and feelings and the world and then the opportunity to do the right thing is lost? How do I ALWAYS keep Him in the forefront of my heart and mind and not (re)act like the rest of the world that doesnt believe?

This precious letter summarizes the wound in my own heart, the fierce struggle and literal war that has broken out in my soul. There is so much in this letter that opens the door for light, beginning with its raw honesty

THE TRUTH SETS US FREE Dear reader, you need to be encouraged because, more than anything, you see. That perhaps is the greatest difference between you and "the rest of the world." You see your poverty; you see your great need for grace, for God. The great peril of our times that has spread like a plague is that fewer and fewer souls see their actions and lifestyles for what they are. Pope Pius XII said,
The sin of the century is the loss of the sense of sin. 1946 address to the United States Catechetical Congress

On the one hand, you are very much like the world; that is, you need a Savior still. On the other hand, you see this and desire it, and that is the fork in the road between Heaven and Hell. The very first truth that sets me free is the truth of who I am, and who I am not. I am broken; I am not virtuous; I am not who I want to be but "angry and rude and short tempered." When yousee this in yourself, and confess it openly to God (even if its the thousandth time), you bring your wound into the Light, Christ the Light, who can heal you. God, of course, has always seen this weakness in you, and so it is no surprise. And He also knows that the trials He permits in your life will trigger these weaknesses. So why does He allow these hardships that cause you to fall? St. Paul wondered as well, even begging God to free him from his weakness. But the Lord responded:
My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness. (2 Cor 12:9)

St. Paul responds with a remarkable revelation, a key to this dilemma:

Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Cor 12:10)

St. Paul reveals that the key to contentment is not, as I wrote last time, the absence of weaknesses, hardships, and constraints, but insurrendering to them. How is this possible!? How can one be content with a short temper, passions, and weaknesses? The answer is not that you should be content with your sin. Not at all. But that your path forward is one of tremendous humility before God because you can do nothing without Him. Without your own merits, you now depend absolutely upon His mercya pilgrim, you could say, who travels with her face to the ground. 17th century French monk, Brother Lawrence, often forgot the presence of God, making many mistakes along the way. But he would say, "There I go again, Lord, I have forgotten You and done my own thing. Please forgive me." And then he would rest again in the presence and will of God, rather than spend any more time bemoaning his frailty. It takes great humility to stop looking at how imperfect one is! His practice of being in Gods presence was not limited to when he was undisturbed, but ...holding with Him at all times and at every moment humble and loving converse, without set rule
or stated method, in all time of our temptation and tribulation, in all time of our dryness of soul and disrelish of God, yes, and even when we fall into unfaithfulness and actual sin. Brother Lawrence, The Practice of the Presence of God, Spiritual Maxims, p. 70-71, Spire Books

There is more to say on this renewal of the mind, but let me add that the more one desires to become a saint, the more he or she must rely upon gracenot the other way around! Unlike a child who turns 18 and then leaves home having grown in maturity, spiritual maturity is one of more and more dependence upon God. Thats why I say the path forward is one of becoming smaller and smaller. Jesus said as much when He told grown adults they must become like little children to enter the kingdom.

INNER WAR It is difficult, as you say, to keep God in the forefront of our daily lives, that is, to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. Indeed, peace comes through seeking the presence of God, not through the absence of crosses. But being with God, resting in His presence moment by moment ("the practice of the presence of God") is a difficult thing because of our wounded human nature. We were made for communion with God, but original sin dealt a blow to our bodies, these earthen vessels, putting them into rebellion against Gods laws. Our spirit, cleansed in Baptism, is made new and freed from slavery to the flesh through the power of the Holy Spirit. But we must continually open our hearts to this Spirit! That is, we can open our homes to an invited guest, but then do our own thing and ignore him. So too, the Holy Spirit is our invited Guest, but we can also ignore Him and instead entertain the flesh. That is, we can become subject again to the flesh. As St. Paul says,
For freedom Christ set us free; so stand firm and do not submit again to the yoke of slavery. (Gal 5:1)

But I hear you crying out, "I dont want to submit again! I do want to be good, I do want to be holy, but I cant!" Again, St. Paul is crying right along with you:
What I do, I do not understand. For I do not do what I want, but I do what I hate For I know that good does not dwell in me, that is, in my flesh. The willing is ready at hand, but doing the good is not. For I do not do the good I want, but I do the evil I do not want Miserable one that I am! Who will deliver me from this mortal body? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord. (Rom 7:15-25)

Perhaps many of us have mistaken the end for the way. That is, we have read a story of some saint who floated on the air and responded in utter perfection to every incident in his or her life. That may very well be, but that would be an extraordinary soul given extraordinary graces for extraordinary purposes. The ordinary soul and ordinary path of sainthood in the Church is "through Jesus Christ our Lord," that is the Way of the Cross."What slave is greater than his master?" If Jesus had to take the hard and narrow road, so too will we. I repeat:
It is necessary for us to undergo many hardships to enter the kingdom of God. (Acts 14:22)

The most painful hardship most of us will have to endure is that of facing daily our spiritual poverty, our utter lack of godliness, that great abyss in our souls that only God can fill. Thus, the path forward is not a leap, but baby steps, literally, like a little child constantly reaching for its mother. And we must continually reach for Gods presence because its in those arms that we find strength, protection, and our nourishment at the breast of Grace.

The life of prayer is the habit of being in the presence of the thrice-holy God and in communion with him. Catechism of the Catholic Church, n.2565

But we dont acquire this habit except by "baby steps."

We cannot pray at all times if we do not pray at specific times, consciously willing it. CCC, n.2697

HUMILTY AND TRUST Fortunately, in this age of sin, we have a saint who chronicled her miseries and then wrote down the verbal responses she heard our Lord give her. Ive written of these diary entries before, butif youll excuse meI need to hear them again. Within this conversation lies two key points that our Lord gently reveals to St. Faustina: the need for humility (opposite of self-love) and the need to trust in His mercy absolutely, even should ones faults pile up to the Heavens.

Conversation of the Merciful God with a Soul Striving after Perfection. Jesus: I am pleased with your efforts, O soul aspiring for perfection, but why do I see you so often sad and depressed? Tell Me, My child, what is the meaning of this sadness, and what is its cause? Soul: Lord, the reason for my sadness is that, in spite of my sincere resolutions, I fall again into the same faults. I make resolutions in the morning, but in the evening I see how much I have departed from them. Jesus: You see, My child, what you are of yourself. The cause of your falls is that you rely too much upon yourself and too little on Me. But let this not sadden you so much. You are dealing with the God of mercy, which your misery cannot exhaust. Remember, I did not allot only a certain number of pardons. Soul: Yes, I know all that, but great temptations assail me, and various doubts awaken within me and, moreover, everything irritates and discourages me. Jesus: My child, know that the greatest obstacles to holiness are discouragement and an exaggerated anxiety. These will deprive you of the ability to practice virtue. All temptations united together ought not disturb your interior peace, not even momentarily. Sensitiveness and discouragement are the fruits of self-love. You should not become discouraged, but strive to make My love reign in place of your self-love. Have confidence, My child. Do not lose heart in coming for pardon, for I am always ready to forgive you. As often as you beg for it, you glorify My mercy. Soul: I understand what is the better thing to do, what pleases You more, but I encounter great obstacles in acting on this understanding. Jesus: My child, life on earth is a struggle indeed; a great struggle for My kingdom. But fear not, because you are not alone. I am always supporting you, so lean on Me as you struggle, fearing nothing. Take the vessel of trust and draw from the fountain

of life-for yourself, but also for other souls, especially such as are distrustful of My goodness. Soul: O Lord, I feel my heart being filled with Your love and the rays of Your mercy and love piercing my soul. I go, Lord, at Your command. I go to conquer souls. Sustained by Your grace, I am ready to follow You, Lord, not only to Tabor, but also to Calvary.
taken from Divine Mercy in My Soul, Diary of St. Faustina, n. 1488

As with St. Paul, St. Faustinas peace and joyand even zealcame, not because she presented to the Lord a list of successes, but because she trusted in His love and mercy. She had nothing to show except humility. This is profound. What I am writing to you is very important, because if you do not accept it, do not accept this limitless Mercy, you risk allowing your soul to wander into the dangerous waters of despair, the very shoals that carried Judas to his perdition. Oh my goodness, dear reader, I feel within myself the powerful undertow of despair pulling at my own soul! And so then, together, you and I, we must fight for our lives. Moreso, we must fight for our King and the souls He wishes to touch preciselythrough our weakness! He knows what Hes doing, and even in this state of utter nothingness that we find ourselves in, He has already said that He is powerful. Our duty then at this moment is to pick ourselves up from the puddle of self-pity and begin to walk again. In this regard, frequent Confession is a safeguard, strength and constant help in times of sorrow. Is not the breast of Grace ultimately found upon the bosom of Mother Church? But I must correct you on one thing. With God, nothing is lost:
This firm resolution to become a saint is extremely pleasing to Me. I bless your efforts and will give you opportunities to sanctify yourself. Be watchful that you lose no opportunity that My providence offers you for sanctification. If you do not succeed in taking advantage of an opportunity, do not lose your peace, but humble yourself profoundly before Me and, with great trust, immerse yourself completely in My mercy. In this way, you gain more than you have lost, because more favor is granted to a humble soul than the soul itself asks for.. . Divine Mercy in My Soul, Diary of St. Faustina, n. 1360

Living Wells

WHAT does it mean to become a living well?

TASTE AND SEE What is it about souls who have achieved a degree of holiness? There is a quality there, a "substance" which one wants to linger in. Many have left changed people after encounters with Blessed Mother Teresa or John Paul II, even though at times little was spoken between them. The answer is that these extraordinary souls had become living wells.
Whoever believes in me, as scripture says: Rivers of living water will flow from within him. (John 7:38)

The psalmist writes:

O taste and see that the Lord is good! (Ps 34:8)

People are hungering and thirsting to taste and see the Lord, today. They are searching for Him on Oprah Winfrey, in a bottle of booze, in the refrigerator, in illicit sex, on Facebook, in witchcraft in a vast number of ways, trying to find the happiness for which they were created. But Christs plan was that humanity would find Him in His Churchnot an institution, per sebut in its living members, its living wells:
We are ambassadors for Christ, as if God were appealing through us. (2 Cor 5:20)

This century thirsts for authenticity The world expects from us simplicity of life, the spirit of prayer, obedience, humility, detachment and self-sacrifice. POPE PAUL VI, Evangelization in the Modern World, 22, 76

This is what St. Paul meant when he said,

I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me (Gal 2:20)

If we break this sentence into three parts, we find the anatomy of a "living well."

"I HAVE BEEN CRUCIFIED" When a water well is drilled, all the silt, rock, and soil have to be removed to the surface. This is what it means to be "crucified with Christ": to bring into the light all of the silt of self, the rock of rebellion, and the soil of sin. It is very difficult for the Christian soul to be a vessel of pure Living Waters with these mixed into It. The world tastes, but is left unsatiated by the brackish waters which have tainted the graces they longed to drink of. The more one dies to self, the more Christ rises within.
Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains just a grain of wheat; but if it dies, it produces much fruit. (John 12:24)

Yet, a "drilled hole" is not enough. There has to be a casing which can "contain" the Living Water of the Holy Spirit

"IT IS NO LONGER I WHO LIVE" In wells, a casing of stone or concrete is built along the inner walls to keep the earth

from "backsliding" into the well.

We build

such a casing by "good works." These stones are the formof the Christian, the outersign which says "I am a container of the Living Waters." As Scripture says,
Your light must shine before others, that they may see your good works and glorify your heavenly Father Demonstrate your faith to me without works, and I will demonstrate my faith to you from my works. (Matt 5:16; James 2:18)

Yes, the world must taste and see that the Lord is good. Without a visible well, Living Waters are hard to find. Without the casing, the well will begin to cave in under "the lust of the flesh and the lust of the eyes and the pride of life" (1 John 2:16) and become overgrown with the thorns of "worldly anxiety and the lure of riches" (Matt 13:22). On the other hand, wells with only "good works," but lacking the "substance" of an authentic living faith in Christthe Living Watersare often "like whitewashed tombs, which appear beautiful on the outside, but inside are full of dead mens bones and every kind of filth on the outside you appear righteous, but inside you are filled with hypocrisy and evildoing." (Matt 23:27-28). In his first encyclical, Pope Benedict stresses that loving ones neighbour has two components: one is the act of love, the good deed itself, and the other is the Love whom we transmit to the other, that is, God who is love. Both must be present. Otherwise the Christian risks being reduced to merely a social worker and not a divinely appointed witness. He notes that the Apostles were not to
...carry out a purely mechanical work of distribution: they were to be men full of the Spirit and of wisdom(cf. Acts 6:1-6). In other words, the social service which they were meant to provide was absolutely concrete, yet at the same time it was also a spiritual service. POPE BENEDICT XVI, Deus Caritas Est, n.21

To follow the commandments of Jesus, producing good works along the way, means it is no longer I who live, or rather, I living for myself, but for my neighbour. However, it is not "I" that I wish to give, but Christ

"CHRIST WHO LIVES IN ME" How does Christ live in me? Through an invitation of the heart, that is, prayer.
Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if any one hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me. (Rev 3:20)

It is prayer which draws the Holy Spirit into my heart, that fills my words, actions, and thoughts with the presence of God. It is this Presence then which flows out of me into the parched souls of those seeking to quench their spiritual thirst. Somehow today, we have lost the understanding of the necessity of prayer in the Christian life. If Baptism is the initial flood of grace, it is prayer which continually fills my soul with Living Water for my brother to drink. Is is possible that the busiest, most active, most apparently

talented Christian ministers today are offering at times little more than dust to the world? Yes, it is possible, for what we have to give is not just our knowledge or service, but the living God! We give Him by emptying ourselves continuallygetting out of the waybut then continually filling ourselves with Him through an interior life of prayer "without ceasing." The bishop, priest, or layman who says he has "no time to pray" is the one who needs to pray the most, otherwise, his or her apostolate will lose its power to change hearts. It is also prayer which enables me to discover and build up, according to my vocation, the stones necessary to become a visible oasis in the desert of the world:
Prayer attends to the grace we need for meritorious actions.Catechism of the Catholic Church, n. 2010

Like a recirculating pump, good works themselves, if done in a spirit of genuine charity, further draw Living Waters into the soul in what becomes a rhythmic pattern between the interior and exterior life of the Christian: repentance, good works, prayer drilling the well deeper, building its form, and filling it with God.
Love grows through love. POPE BENEDICT XVI, Deus Caritas Est, n.18 Remain in me, as I remain in you Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love. (John 15: 4-5, 10)

WHAT KIND OF WELL DO YOU WISH TO BE? This is not to say that God cannot work through willing or even unwilling individuals. Indeed, there are many who have "charisms" which appear powerful. But they are often like shooting stars which dazzle for a moment, then are soon forgotten, their lives brightening for only a brief moment, but leaving no lasting compass. What I am speaking of here are those fixed stars, those blazing suns called "saints" whose light continually reaches toward us even long after their earthly lives have burned out. This is the living well you are to become! A well who offers Living Waters that change and transform the world around you, leaving His Presence long after your presence is gone. Let me summarize everything I have said here in the words of St. Paulone of the greatest living wells in Christianity whose Year we continue to celebrate. The Christians life is built upon Jesus, as a well is built upon the earth.
If anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, or straw, the work of each will come to light, for the Day will disclose it. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each ones work. (1 Cor 3:12-13)

What are you building your well with? Gold, silver, and precious stones, or wood, hay, and straw? The quality of this well is determined by the "interior life" of the soul, the relationship you have with God. And prayer is the relationshipa communion of love and truth expressed in obedience and humility. Such a soul is often not even aware that he is building a well of precious gems but others are. For they can taste and see in him that the Lord is good. Jesus said a tree is known by its fruit. It is the hidden interior life of the tree which determines the fruit: the health of the roots, the sap, and the core. Who can see the bottom of a well? It is that deep interior life of the well, where fresh Waters are drawn, where there is stillness, and silence, and prayer that God is able to seep into the soul so that others may lower the cup of their desire into your heart and find Him for whom they have been longing. This is the kind of Christian that Mother Mary has been appearing for decades now to generate. Apostles who, formed in the womb of her humility, will become living wells in the Great Desert of our times. Thus she says, "Pray, pray, pray" that you will have Waters to give.
The saintsconsider the example of Blessed Teresa of Calcuttaconstantly renewed their capacity for love of neighbour from their encounter with the Eucharistic Lord, and conversely this encounter acquired its real-ism and depth in their service to others. Love of God and love of neighbour are thus inseparable, they form a single commandment In the example of Blessed Teresa of Calcutta we have a clear illustration of the fact that time devoted to God in prayer not only does not detract from effective and loving service to our neighbour but is in fact the inexhaustible source of that service. POPE BENEDICT XVI, Deus Caritas Est, n.18, 36 We hold this treasure in earthen vessels (2 Cor 4:7)

Clothed in Christ

ONE could summarize the recent five writings, from The Tiger in the Cage to The Rocky Heart, in the simple phrase: clothe yourself in Christ. Or as St. Paul put it:
put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the desires of the flesh. (Rom 13:14)

I want to wrap those writings together, to give you a simple image and vision of what Jesus asks of you and me. For many are the letters I receive that echo what Ive written in The Rocky Heart that we want to be holy, but grieve that we fall so short of holiness. Its often because we strive to be a butterfly before entering the cocoon

THE CATERPILLAR AND THE BUTTERFLY The caterpillar is not the prettiest creature. It slithers on the ground until it finally weaves a cocoon. Within this silken "tomb," there is a metamorphosisa change from one creature into a completely different creature, a butterfly. When we are baptized, God literally gives us a new nature through the power of the Holy Spirit. Our fallen nature, destroyed by original sin is removed, and we are given a new nature made in His image. Now, some compare this to a butterfly, with the baptized soul emerging like a caterpillar from the waters of baptism into a new creature. If this is case, why then do I feel anything but new, often struggling with old habits and sins like my slithering old self? I am not flying but falling. A better comparison may be that the Sacrament of Baptism is the birth of the caterpillar. For, in the state of original sin, we are truly dead to Christ, separated eternally. But in Jesus, we have the hope of new life. He is the firstborn of creation, thehead of the Mother butterfly, which is His body, the Church. I am "born again" through her Sacraments. I am part of the "larvae" that emerges from the baptismal font. I do not emerge yet as a butterfly, but rather as a caterpillar that contains the full genetic code to become one. In baptism, the full potential is now given by grace to become who I truly am meant to be: a soul, fully free, fully able to not only fly to God, but soar above the world and its fleshly passions with the wings of the Spirit.

THE ACCUSER Herein lies the point of attack of Satan upon Gods children. He accuses us for not being "perfect", not being "holy". "You should be a butterfly, but you are merely a maggot!" he sneers. You see how his words always appear true at face value, but they are not the full reality. Yes, we are to be butterflies, but in our weakness we truly are like maggots that as of yet cannot fly. But God knows this! Thats why He sent the Holy Spirit to finish the work begun in Christ:
I am confident of this, that the one who began a good work in you will continue to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus. (Phil 1:6)

Even St. Paul admitted that he was still "under construction":

Brothers, I for my part do not consider myself to have taken possession. Just one thing: forgetting what lies behind but straining forward to what lies ahead, I continue my pursuit toward the goal, the prize of Gods upward calling, in Christ Jesus. (Phil 3:13-14)

So why do we believe the accuser if even the inspired Word of God does not speak of "instant holiness" but of a process of transformation, one not ultimately completed until Heaven?
All of us, gazing with unveiled face on the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, as from the Lord who is the Spirit. (2 Cor 3:18)

Our goal as believers is to become like the model butterfly the Blessed Virgin Mary: to simply enter into the cocoon of Gods willwhere transformation will happen through Gods power, not our own. There we come with all the dust and dirt of our sinful slithering, trusting that He can make all things work to the good.

ENTERING THE COCOON: SOLITUDE AND SERVICE In nature, the caterpillar often finds a place of solitude to build its cocoon. This is symbolic of the necessity to enter the solitude ofprayer. Jesus spoke of this cocoon:
When you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. (Matt 6:6)

When you pray, when you enter the secret room of your heart, God will give to you more and more the graces and power to transform the inner self conceived in baptism. However, if you make excuses to avoid this cocoon, that you dont have time or that it is too dry or that prayer is just for "holy" people, then metamorphasis is going to be a very long way off if ever. For the Mother Butterfly teaches us:
Prayer attends to the grace we needCatechism of the Catholic Church, n.2010

Lack of prayer means a lack of the graces you need.

Prayer is the life of the new heart. Catechism of the Catholic Church, n.2697

No prayer means, simply, your new heart is dying, not drawing upon the life it needs for transformation. What more do I need to say? To decide for prayer is to to decide for God, or rather, a relationship with Him who alone can transform you:
prayer is the living relationship of the children of God with their Father CCC, n.2565

(I grew up the most hyper and distracted person you can imagine. If prayer is possible for me, its possible for anybody.) The cocoon is not only a place of communion in the heart, but a place in the Kingdom. And Jesus told us exactly where that place needs to be:
the one who humbles himself will be exalted. Rather, whoever wishes to be great among you will be your servant; whoever wishes to be first among you will be the slave of all.(Luke 14:11; Mark 10:4344)

Through humble service, the lowly caterpillar will be raised up to a beautiful butterfly. As I wrote in the The Rocky Heart, we need to have the heart of a servant in order to bear fruit.
Whoever remains in me and I in him will bear much fruit, because without me you can do nothing If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Fathers commandments and remain in his love. (jn 15:5, 10)

Who cannot rise from the table and be the first to start dishes? Who cant get off the couch and mow the elderly widows lawn or shovel a seniors

sidewalk? Who cant change a diaper without being asked or take out the garbage? Or sit and listen to someone air out their heart? This is what Jesus means to be a servant: to do the will of God expressed each day in the simple duty of the moment. His yoke is easy and His burden light. But often, in the process of serving, we fight with our laziness, selfishness, or temptation. This is part of the cocoonthe darkness of the cocoon. But it doesnt mean you arent growing in Him. It means simply that you need still need a Savior, you need His mercy, you need the grace of the cocoon.

JUST DO IT If you enter into this cocoon of prayer and service, contemplation and action, then something incredible will begin to take place. The life of Jesus, that spiritual "genetic code" written into your heart in baptism, will begin to unfold. You will truly begin to grow the wings of the Spirit (that is, the freedom to fly above the chains of sin); the eyes of the Son (that is, wisdom); and the colors of the Father (that is virtue and holiness). But this takes time, dear brother. It takes patience, dear sister. The cocoon is a place of darkness; of waiting; of giving up the old so as to take on the new. It is the place of battle, of decision, of beginning again. It is the place of faith and surrender where sometimes we feel God has abandoned us because, in our opinion, we are wingless and blind. But He replies: My child, that is what YOU see. And yet, you are here in the cocoon, you have chosen to begin again and remain with Me. Do not judge yourself, for you cannot see the wings growing, pressed out of sight. Your eyes are covered over by the film of darkness and trial and even by My own hand so that you will not become proud at the beauty growing within. Do not judge, for I am the Creator, and I know when my children are ready to fly you need only trust like a little child and persevere that you may be clothed in Me.

For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ your life appears, then you too will appear with him in glory. Put to death, then, the parts of you that are earthly: immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and the greed that is idolatry anger, fury, malice, slander, and obscene language out of your mouths. Stop lying to one another, since you have taken off the old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed, for knowledge, in the image of its creator. Put on then, as Gods chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. (Col 3:3-14)

RELATED READING: When you fail over and over again, begin again and again:Beginning Again Hope for the despairing soul: One Word Hope for the soul in mortal sin: To Those in Mortal Sin