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Seccion 1:respúestas anzuelo ... 4 Seccion2:día siguiente ............ 10 Seccion3:haciendo planes. ..... 13 Section4:respuestas doradas . 18 Seccion 5:poniéndolo sexual ... 25 Seccion 6:situacionales .......... 30 Seccion 7:humor aleatorio ...... 35

© 2012, todos los derechos reservados primera edicion The 99 Best Texts of ALL TIME by Bobby Rio (TSB Magazine) and Rob Judge (Date Hotter Girls, LLC) © 2012, All

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Este libro incluye copyright 2012 con todos los derechos reservados. Es ilegal copiar, distribuir, o crear obras derivadas de este libro integro o en parte o contribuir a la copia, distribución, o creación de obras derivadas de este libro. Cuando usted compro este libro, usted acepto esta declaración: “©2012, todos los derechos reservados usted entiende que la información contenida en este libro es una opinión, y debe ser utilizada exclusivamente con fines de entretenimiento personal. Usted es responsable del uso adecuado, y nada en este libro deberá ser considerado para uso legal o personal.”

Seccion 1 Respuestas anzuelo T e x T Texto de un hit asombroso # 9 9 te gustan las piñas coladas y/o correr bajo la lluvia? T e x T # 9 8 eL geNeRadOr dE peQueÑos Cuáles son tus sentimientos a cerca tener un pequeño? 4 .

R es p o ns e Bait T roJo o bLanCo ? Cuál es tu vino favorito? e x T # 9 7 # 9 6 T GirL’s e x T GOt taLent I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re an in-the-closet creative nerd. What secret talent do you possess? T PuPPy e x T eyes # 9 5 text Most important question ever: do you prefer big dogs or small dogs? 5 .

steal some cars. and maybe bake some gingerbread cookies…what you up to? e x T # 9 4 T M u s i c P i r a t e F i r s t M at e Bored at work…give me a good jam to illegally download on the company computer e x T # 9 3 T textinG e x T a # 9 2 FOreiGner Even your texts have a weird accent… where are they from? 6 .R es p o ns e Bait T absurd Weekend PLans Weekend’s here! Finally time to smoke some crack. get busted on a few counts of racketeering.

R es p o ns e Bait T LauGHinG @ bad MOvies Please tell me that you DON’T secretly go to the Twilight movies e x T # 9 1 # 9 0 T We e x T aLL tHink it Am I the only one who finds perverse pleasure when assholes from high school get fat? (Thank you Facebook!) T inked e x T dOGGy # 8 9 st yLe I’m considering getting my dog a tramp stamp… do you know any good tattoo artists? 7 .

” Can you translate this womanese for me? e x T # 8 6 8 .R es p o ns e Bait T d e a d a n y W ay . L a s t r e s O r t e x T # 8 8 # 8 7 I feel like Bruce Willis in the Sixth Sense lol am I a ghost? Do you respond to texts from dead people? T GOOd e x T Luck cHarM Red or black? Quick! T L ea rn t O s P e a k WOMan I just overheard a girl calling some guy a “random creeper.

R es p o ns e Bait T sHe’s a cHarMinG Lass What sorts of things do you do when you aren’t charming the pants off dreamy guys named [your name]? e x T # 8 5 9 .

Section 2 The Day After T attack e x T # 8 4 OF tHe cOuGars Things got pretty wild after you left last night…some aggressive cougar grabbed my butt! And I have the handprints to prove it! –Rob.) Rob 10 . that dashing man from [venue] T POr e x T L at i n a # 8 3 LOve Hola! Encantado de concorele! Mucho gusto .

GOOd text e x T # 8 2 # 8 1 Hey badass…when you get bailed out of jail. just wanted to say it’s Rob and enjoyed meeting you last night! T textinG e x T anOnyMOus # 8 0 I was trying to kick my text addiction. but decided to relapse just for you 11 . hit me up T u n d e r s tat e d aWesOMe e x T For lack of a more Shakespearean first text.The Day A fter T bad GirL.

T sOuL-destrOyinG Fun I think I sprained my soul last night e x T # 7 8 12 . I’m a little scared.The Day A fter T WiLd e x T # 7 9 niGHt After last night we owe a large debt to karma.

] 13 . You = my date. Will be fun—let me know .Section 3 Making Plans T d i v e b a r M at H e q u at i O n e x T # 7 7 Monday night = dive bar night. Let’s get a drink later! T rOMantic e x T # 7 6 exPLOrer Come join me for a romantic adventure.

M a ki n g P l an s T PHOne b O O k nOstaLGia e x T # 7 5 # 7 4 Wow. Let’s do something about that. just scrolling through my phone and realize we never met up. what you doing later? T siMPLe e x T directness Drinks? Later? T nerd e x T LOve # 7 3 FOr tWO There’s a nerdy movie I want to see. So tragic. but I need a cute nerdy girl to watch it with…know any? 14 .

M a ki n g P l an s T back e x T tO tHe # 7 2 O L d d ay s Let’s be traditional and enjoy an old fashioned drink together T tHe irOn cHeF e x T # 7 1 OF LOve Cancel your plans tonight—I am preparing you a culinary experience that will rock your face off T deLiciOus e x T # 7 0 surPrise Tonight I will plan everything. All I need to know is if you have peanut allergies… everything else will be a surprise! 15 .

It’s safe to go out again. you. and your dog go on a double date? T take e x T tHe # 6 7 PLunGe Shark week’s over.S ectio n Title T cOOkinG e x T uP # 6 9 LOve Slaving over a hot oven for you lady! What time are you free tonight? T GirL e x T WitH # 6 8 a dOG How about me. my dog. Meet for drinks? Later? 16 .

when are we gonna go on that crime spree? T d at e P L a n n e r c O M P L i M e n t Will your wit and charm be making an appearance tonight at [venue]? e x T # 6 5 17 .M a ki n g P l an s T MOck e x T GanG # 6 6 banGers Yo gangsta.

e x T # 6 4 tHe H at e r a i d T i n s u Lt e x T turnarOund # 6 3 If by inappropriate you mean utterly charming. Hate.Section 4 Golden Responses T dOn’t drink Don’t.] 18 . then you’re right .

G o ld e n R es p o n s es T Hear tHru e x T # 6 2 GraPevine tHe Can only tell you over a glass of wine. T sO e x T MucH # 6 1 in cOMMOn You like (something you like)?! It’s as if you know my soul! T GOOd babisMs e x T # 6 0 tO knOW These are good [girl’s name]-isms to know 19 .

Let me explain absurdity over a strong drink… e x T # 5 9 T textuaL e x T # 5 8 WisdOM Your texts are always packed with Confucius-esque wisdom T nO resPOnse breaker e x T # 5 7 You know I love shy girls and here you are acting like one! 20 .G o ld e n R es p o n s es T MisunderstOOd HuMOr You thought I was serious. Wow.

our text convos are so good that 100 years from now high school kids will study them like they now read Shakespeare T aMazinG e x T Where did you learn to text like this? It’s like you channel the ghost of Voltaire with your thumbs T Hard e x T tO Get # 5 4 text Why you always playing hard to get lady? 21 .G o ld e n R es p o n s es T text e x T cOMPLiMent # 5 6 # 5 5 texts You know.

See you at 8? T Mass e x T text # 5 1 H at e r Mass texts are about as polite as punches in the face 22 . that text was abysmal T FLake e x T bustinG # 5 2 101 You’re sick? Here’s the cure…STRONG DRINKS WITH HOT GUYS NAMED [your name].G o ld e n R es p o n s es T aFter e x T a # 5 3 bOMb On a scale from 1 to 10.

G o ld e n R es p o n s es T aFter e x T # 5 0 HiLarit y Hilarious! I wish my phone had a laugh track…that was comedy gold! T aFter e x T sWeetness # 4 9 How many other guys did you text that to? .] T aFter e x T # 4 8 buLLsHit The lady doth protest too much methinks 23 .

G o ld e n R es p o n s es T sLOW e x T # 4 7 texter Is the Pony Express delivering your texts?! You take forever to respond! Don’t think so much about it—just text! T request e x T # 4 6 Line Wear the black dress you know I love! 24 .

Section 5 Getting Sexual sexy cOMMandO Wish you were here to cuddle under a blanket. drink wine. and watch a Rambo movie T e x T # 4 5 T PiLLOW FiGHt cHaLLenGe On a scale from 1 to awesome. how would you rate your pillow fighting ability? e x T # 4 4 25 .

G e t ting S ex ual T sHe’s sick. Even if you had the Ebola virus. yOu’re s ick e r You’re sick? Well I’d still make out with you shamelessly. e x T # 4 3 T HOtness e x T # 4 2 requst The question is “sexy lingerie?” and the answer is “yes!” T H O L i d ay e x T # 4 1 cHeer Tis the season to be cuddling…don’t be a Grinch with your cuddles! 26 .

It will be a night of greatness or tragedy.G e t ting S ex ual T cHddLe e x T # 4 0 caLL-Out How good are your cuddling skills? T sexy e x T Or traditiOnaL # 3 9 Needed: Whipped cream. vodka. and a trampoline.] T Funny e x T & # 3 8 sexuaL I just want to cradle you in my arms and feed you applesauce 27 . Orrrrrrrr we can just go out to dinner .

G e t ting S ex ual T neW e x T years # 3 7 trends I heard making out with dreamy guys named [your name] is IN for 2012 T O b v i O u s Ly e x T # 3 6 sexuaL Won’t answer that. I prefer to have an aura of mystique surrounding me and my penis T cuddLe e x T # 3 5 tiMe What are you doing right now and how can we add some cuddling to that? 28 .

Let’s take a field trip back to the days when making out was considered “risqué” T MassaGe e x T # 3 3 tHearPy It’s 10:23 on a Monday morning and I’m in the mood to give some charming lady a massage… 29 . .G e t ting S ex ual T back e x T tO # 3 4 tHe d ay s . .

Sober me gave him a stern lecture this morning and it WON’T happen again 30 . My apologies for the poor behavior.Section 6 Situational T arrivinG e x T # 3 2 tO a d at e Just got here… look for man holding the bushel of flowers in front of the Mexican string quartet playing love ballads in your honor T bad e x T drunk # 3 1 beHaviOr Drunk me was misbehaving last night.

white picket fence. [Your name] wants to see you later for some hot magic at the [venue] .5 children T Funny neW years text My New Years Resolution is to start texting in the third person. e x T # 2 9 T WOrkinG . e x T # 2 8 WitH LOve I have to work tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text. and 2. 31 .S it uatio n al T Out e x T OF # 3 0 tOucH Sorry I’ve been MIA…working hard so we can have that house in the hills.

T best e x T b i r t H d ay # 2 6 text It’s birthday season! Act surprised when the midget pops out of the cake I sent you…my way of saying happy birfday! T Pre-GaMe e x T # 2 5 text WARNING: This is the last sober text you will receive from me for the night.S it uatio n al T Winter e x T d at e # 2 7 text The colder it gets. spelling. Admire the grammar. the better hot chocolate tastes. and punctuation while it lasts! 32 . Meet me later for a winter wonderdate.

Hope he never got that figgy pudding. what a demanding prick! T neW e x T years # 2 2 HiLarit y Text from the future (don’t open until next year)… wanted to say Happy New Years to you before you’re bombarded with mass texts… 33 .S it uatio n al T aFter e x T MessinG # 2 4 uP What are you doing Sunday? My lackluster performance last night was intentional: it can only go up from here! T cHristMas e x T # 2 3 JOker I just realized how bossy the guy who sings “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” comes off.

It’s my b-day gift to my liver. 34 . T nO e x T s u b t Ly # 2 0 at aLL Here’s a hint of the gift I got you: it’s hard to gift-wrap an orgasm.S it uatio n al T r e x T # 2 1 G i F t s e s P O n s i b L e I’m just gonna stay home for my birthday.

Section 7 Random Humor T bad e x T Face Hair # 1 9 d ay My friend just tried to convince me to grow a handlebar mustache. He was overwhelmingly unsuccessful. Made my morning… e x T # 1 8 35 . Do you have any feelings on mustaches? T O L d c r e e P e r c O M M e n ta r y Just saw an old man on a scooter w/ kneepads checking out babes.

listening to Mozart. sipping aged Scotch.R and o m Hu m o r MOckinG c O r P O r at e Sweatpants to job interview = poor life decision T e x T # 1 7 # 1 6 T beinG e x T an a r i s t O c r at In the penthouse. Wow… 36 . thinking of you T distant e x T # 1 5 MeMOries I was just reminded me of you.

R and o m Hu m o r T based e x T On a true stOry # 1 4 # 1 3 Confession: The Twilight films are loosely based on my life T F a M i Ly e x T Weirdness My grandfather just slipped me a condom. Our relationship went from 0 to awkward FAST! T best LOOkinG cHiLdren Let’s spawn some Zoolander-looking children together…keep your day planner open! e x T # 1 2 37 .

Can you learn the drums by Tuesday? T sHOOtGun e x T # 1 0 textinG Is it possible to get married over text? Because if I have another beer. that might sound like a great life decision T Fear e x T OF # ninJas 9 There may or may not be a ninja in my room right now 38 .R and o m Hu m o r T r e x T O c k s # 1 1 t a r s Let’s start a rock band.

I reached an all time low drinking 4loco out of a Gatorade bottle e x T # 6 39 . you don’t want to see me…. Please tell me you will join me in my hatred of sappy Starbucks music! e x T # 8 T s at u r d ay n i G H t Fe ve r Tonight you will see the greatest dance moves from a heterosexual man…OF ALL TIME e x T # 7 T F u n n y s e L F .R and o m Hu m o r T s ta r b u c ks Music s u c k s The music in Starbucks makes me want to slit my wrists.d e P r e c at i n G Actually.

Would much rather be wrestling alligators with you T cOFFee e x T # 3 addict I need Starbucks rehab. bored at work. and I’m STILL craving some vente love… 40 .R and o m Hu m o r T HOLd e x T On tO t H at FeeLinG # 5 Please tell me you haven’t stopped believing per the advice of Journey T d ay d r e a M s e x T # 4 OF Her Ahh. 3 times today.

R and o m Hu m o r breakFast OF cHaMPs Just ate a pancake that changed my life T e x T # 2 T tHuMb e x T # 1 LOve Texting you makes my thumbs happy 41 .

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