Rubys Thesis draft 3 *Ask Kathy can I write in the past and in the first person since this

is a process paper? **Does Masters have an apostrophe (how my ADD manifests in my work? Answer this thoughout the paper- also possible working title for thesis?) create chapter titles: CHAPTER 1 THESIS STATEMENT, BACKGROUND AND HISTORY ESTABLISH YOUR THESIS Thesis statement: As a person with attention deficit disorder, de-cluttering my physical environment as well as becoming organized in both my personal and professional lives led to gradual success as an actor and comedic sketch writer: the long steep journey. WHY YOUR THESIS STATEMENT A.D.D. is the acronym for attention deficit disorder which is defined as, A syndrome, usually diagnosed in childhood, characterized by a persistent pattern of impulsiveness, a short attention span, and often hyperactivity, and interfering especially with academic, occupational, and social performance.1 In order to qualify for this diagnosis one must present six of the following nine criteria: INATTENTION (need 6 of 9) 1. often fails to give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work or other activities. 2. often has difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or play activities. 3. often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly. 4. often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (no if oppositional behavior or doesnt understand instructions). 5. often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities.
1 The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition copyright 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company.
Updated in 2009. Published by Houghton Mifflin Company.

6. often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to engage in tasks or activities that require sustained mental effort (such as schoolwork or homework). 7. often loses things necessary for tasks or activities (e.g., toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools). 8. often easily distracted by extraneous stimuli. 9. often forgetful in daily activities. HYPERACTIVITY-IMPULSIVITY (need 6 of 9) 1. often fidgets with hands or feet or squirms in seat. 2. often leaves seat in classroom or in other situations in which remaining seated is expected. 3. often runs about or climbs excessively in situations in which it is inappropriate (in adolescents or adults, may be limited to subjective feelings of restlessness) 4. often has difficulty playing or engaging in leisure activities quietly 5. is often "on the go" or often acts as if "driven by a motor" 6. often talks excessively 7. often blurts out answers before questions have been completed 8. often has difficulty awaiting turn. 9. often interrupts or intrudes on others (e.g., butts into conversations or games) REQUIREMENTS 1. Present at least 6 months, maladaptive and inconsistent with development level 2. Some symptoms that caused impairment were present before age 7 3. Some impairment from the symptoms is present in two or more settings (e.g., at school {or work} and at home) 4. There must be clear evidence of clinically significant impairment in social, academic or occupational functioning. 2 All of these elements combined resulted in me unsuccessfully attempting the impossible: taking on a full course load every quarter at Antioch, continuing with my busy babysitting schedule and committing to all my performance related rehearsals, shows and endeavors. Throughout my graduate studies, looking back I see how many times I was in over my head and overly ambitious to the detriment of completing my course work on time. Reality quickly sunk in in the fall of 2009 as I struggled to submit the
2

http://www.mental-health-today.com/add/dsm.htm

paperwork for the classwork on time, hold onto my jobs, and continue to perform at the improv theaters. This resulted in me getting sick frequently due to exhaustion and overextending myself, which meant I had to take several quarters off in order to recover. Unfortunately, this cycle continued several times throughout the first three and half years and I had to learn this lesson several times over before I stopped the madness and slowed down. I began my individualized masters degree journey in the fall of 2009, right before the way that I had been living my life began to unravel. Ever since I was young I have been someone who has over extended herself, taken on too many projects, and suffered from burn out. Since I was thirteen, I have been diagnosed with A.D.D.; consequently I struggled and still struggle with disorganization, time management, impulsivity, making decisions, following through or completing tasks, concentration and hoarding which is often times a side effect of people who have A.D.D. For someone who has A.D.D. it is extremely difficult to focus, complete tasks and not get inspired or distracted by every little thing that calls their attention. Every moment is a new opportunity to become distracted and one has to constantly tell oneself to focus, stick to what one is doing, and complete the task at hand. This involves constant discipline, which is hard to sustain when youre someone like me who tends to be drawn in different directions simultaneously. Everything felt overwhelming and made me feel scared to start anything. I was afraid to fail, so I would procrastinate. In times this became a vicious circle, which impeded the progress in my academic endeavor.

As I began my studies at Antioch University in the fall of 2009 I realized that I was not only extremely disorganized but also a hoarder. There was clutter all over my desk and papers everywhere not filed nor organized. This made it hard to start assignments as I didnt have a clean desk space and lacked the mental space to tackle this. The learning experience of how to be an organized individual in this rapidly growing and diversifying technological age was relevant to my endeavor to succeed as a student, actor and writer. In the words of Jerry Garcia, What a long strange trip its been.3 Indeed. It has been and continues to be an arduous, demanding effort to struggle with the effects of my A.D.D. in my personal, academic, and artistic endeavor, a journey for life. CHAPTER TWO DECLUTTERING MY LIFE The initial steps toward de-cluttering my life started with my physical environment. After realizing there were unopened boxes all over my apartment from a move I had made in 2006, clutter in every room of the apartment, and receiving notice from my superintendents that my apartment constituted a fire hazard (as there were stacked newspapers in front of the fire escape) I came to accept I was a hoarder. The time had come to start the de-hoarding process. The process of de-hoarding was exhaustive and has taken me three and a half years to get in control of. The de-hoarding project has been as much a part of my graduate

Garcia, Jerry. Truckin. Grateful Dead. 1970. CD.

studies as the courses themselves. This project was all encompassing to the point that it became a central theme in my solo show, which is my thesis project. I will show through the solo project how I dealt with de-hoarding, time management, and gaining focus. Much like in my real life project, the solo show, Hot Mess centers around the central character, Ruby who is struggling to stay focused, organized, and arrive on time due to A.D.D. In the solo show, the character Ruby refuses to accept that she is a hoarder. This was an element drawn from my real life. I decided to write a solo show based upon my real life struggles because there is comedy in truth and truth in comedy. AS the great Sid Cesaer said, Comedy has to be based on truth. You take the truth and you put a little curlicue at the end.4

In one scene Ruby arrives to Goodwill in an attempt to purge herself from her things and then eventually takes them all back. The next scene after that she is at her therapists office is talking about not being a hoarder, even though the audience has just seen proof that she struggles parting with items. The humor in this scene comes out from when Ruby says in Hot Mess, But I am not a hoarder. This is not a joke but rather the humor stems out of someone who is in complete denial, which is a very human thing we all do and can relate to. As Matthew M. Hurlet and Daniel C. Dennett explain in the book, Inside Jokes: Using Humor to Reverse Engineer, Neil Simon, for instance, avoids jokes and wisecracks, and evokes humor from the "Sid Caesar." BrainyQuote.com. Xplore Inc, 2013. 31 July 2013. http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/s/sidcaesar105961.html
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untoward consequences of imbalances and weaknesses in characters for whom we care: When people care, even the slightest joke will get a big laugh, for theyll be so caught up in whats going on,.5 At the end of the solo show, Ruby returns to GoodWill to donate items to victims of Hurricane Sandy which was, true to my real life. This moment is poignant because it shows that noth only the character in the show Ruby, but also the real life Ruby, myself is getting healtheir and maturing. It is a sweet end and there are a couple lines in that second Good Will scene where the audience laughed. The first moment is when Ruby says, You see this blanket? It's actually just fleece fabric. I bought it when I dressed up as cotton candy one year for Halloween. This moment is funny because the idea here is that nothing Ruby has is what ti appears to be and that there is a story behind every object. Its also very specific and audiences love specificity. The second moment is after Ruby says, And I have all these travel sized shampoos and conditioners. I dont know why. I don't even travel! How did they get in my apartment? Who knows?

There is truth in comedy. The truth is funny. Honest discovery, observation, and reaction is better than contrived invention.6

Hurley, Matthew M., D. C. Dennett, and Reginald B. Adams. Inside Jokes: Using Humor to Reverse-engineer the Mind. Cambridge, MA: MIT, 2011. Print.
5 6

Halpern, Charna, Del Close, and Kim Johnson. Truth in Comedy: The Manual of Improvisation. Colorado Springs, CO: Meriwether Pub, 2011. Print.

Insert here the article read: Throughout my graduate school studies I have been seeing a therapist for my hoarding, anger, obsessive tendencies and A.D.D. Thus the development of myself as a human being as well as my show was an internal process as it was a working through ones internal psyche. One brings them self to the piece whether it be writing, acting or singing. One element I had to work on was getting confidant in my voice. Due to my A.D.D. and learning differently from other students throughout my academic career, I developed a feeling of less than that caused me to stifle my voice a lot, grip my vocal chords and breathe superficially. All of these physical manifestations caused me to not feel comfortable singing, caused me to not project in scenes, and also caused me to have vocal fry. At times I could emotionally feel my chest cave in and I could almost feel my physical body cave in as well. I always felt dumb or unabke to keep up with the other students in my school and this made me very self-conscious and physically restrict my voice. Most people would not assume I was like this was as I was someone who stood up for herself but just because you stand up for yourself doesnt mean you dont feel insecure and suffer. In fact all of my acting and improv teachers commented on how often I was not supporting my breath and how I was restricing my vocal chords, causing me to have vocal fry. In order to conquer the chest from caving in issue from a technical aspect I began to do an exercise where I would lift up my arms and expose my chest out. It felt so vulnerable doing this at the beginning. But then I began to gain confidence doing this. Lifting up from my chest gave me better posture and also helped me connect my internal confidence to my voice. I began projecting more and taking deeper

breaths. Another exercise I had to master in order to perform with vocal efficiency was slowing down when I spoke and enunciating. I began doing the following vocal exercises before rehearsals to stretch out my mouth and tongue. I would do the following vocal warm-ups of massaging my jaw while saying Topeka, Topega. Then I would say Unique, New York ten times. Then I would say Red Leather, Yellow Leather ten times. All of these mouth exercises helped me get agility around the heavy dialogue that was in my script. It also helped me slow down when I spoke and enunicate. CHAPTER # DRAWING FROM LIFE EXPERIENCE Many artisits draw from real experiences to create their art as something that is personal can be the most powerful and also be universal. The process of me dehoarding and figuring out how to be organized is something that many people can relate to, specifically American audiences. In the western world there is a strong attachment to objects. Our reliance on objects seems to have taken over. Moreover in a twenty-four seven news cycle and being constantly bombarded with advertisments, news and techonology it is hard to find a respite from the to-do list. As a society we seem to be overscheduled and underslept and the notion of being someone tied dow with internal and external baggage is a very relatable idea. In my show as was true in my life, the physical manifestations of having too much also weighed dow my character. My character was unable to focus not just because of the A.D.D. but because she had all this baggage she was carrying around. This caused her to feel more overhwhelemed and overstimulated. In one scene from the

solo show HOT MESS, Ruby tells her therapist that she went to, The Container Store and spaced out for eighty-three minutes. After this confession in the show, Ruby does a flashback to her experience at The Container Store via a dream sequence created by the sound design of an angelic choir and the light design of blue and green lights popping up and pulling Ruby into a trance. When Ruby returns from her dream sequence experience at The Container Store and says to her therapist, I bought nothing the audience laughed heartily. One of the reasons they laughed was because they could connect to this idea and experience themselves. Robert Provine, Ph.D, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County claims in his article A big mystery: Why do we laugh? that Laughter is part of the universal human vocabulary.7 There is humor in shared expereinces and in others story we can see ourselves reflected back which can produce laughter because you are recognizing what is going on and what is humoress about the situation in your personal way. The best experience is life experience and life experience is what an actor, writer, or improviser has to draw upon at a moments notice to help them onstage or on film. For me I am able to perform or write material that is comedic (and dramatic) by using improv techniques and looking at the situation or character from a comedic lense first. If tragedy cannot exist without comedy, and comedy cannot exist without dramatic tension, then it makes sense to me that this lense is one of many ways to get into the role or material.

http://www.nbcnews.com/id/3077386/ns/technology_and_sciencescience/t/big-mystery-why-do-we-laugh/#.UfnGLmRT1SQ
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I began writing my solo show in the winter of 2010. I knew that thesis projects took a long time to put together so I wanted to start as soon as possible. I began talking solo writing classes with Becky Drysdale. Her approach to putting together solo shows was not that you would talk at the audience, as she considered that to be more in the genre of storytelling. Rather, in her class she had us create sketches where we were the solo performer in the sketch. Sometimes talking to another imaginary character on the stage or sometimes talking to ourselves. Occasionally she would let us talk or sing or dance and speak to the audience but it had to be within a given context. Becky also encouraged us to use our real life experiences, opinions, or point of views to come up with pieces. One of the pieces I began working on in her class was a song I wanted to sing to the audience. I am not a singer/songwriter but I had an idea for a piece that involved me singing this song as an alternative to it being a speaking song. The song ended up making it into my solo show but it went through many re-writes before it ended up in my show. I began writing it in February 2010 and wasnt done changing it until July 24th, 2013. Again, I am not a songwriter. One of the first things I had to learn about songwriting was structure. The second thing I had to learn about songwriting was rhyming. The third element I had to learn about songwriting was that the genre had to match the theme or content of the piece. In other words one shouldnt just chose to rap in a song because they like to rap. It should also fit the context of what the songwriter is trying to say. In my piece the song go from a folksy, acoustic song to a rap as the bridge since both those genres celebrate expressing who you the person singing is as an individual. I also got together with

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my friend Paul so we could write the music together. Then we performed this song two times at open mics. Both times I filmed us performing and audio recorded us performing. Both times I was terribly nervous and constricted my voice a lot. A fellow improviser who has known me for 7 years said I didnt seem to be my normal, comfortable, confidant self up on that stage. Although that feedback stung, I also realized he was correct. I was visibly uncomfortable sharing my voice, my words and singing. I knew that the song would be a huge element to the show and that if I didnt perofrm it well it would be a really sour note within the show. There were only two options, get comfortable singing in public and really sell it or take the entire piece out. I did not want to take the piece out for several reasons. First because I thought it was a great piece that showed who I was as person as opposed to just telling the audience. Second it would provide a different energy to the piece. It comes about a third of the way in the show just when an audience needs a palatte cleanser. I am someone who is very conscious of enrgies and want to entertain my audience so I find that I want to surprise them in some way when I perform that is still grounded and connected to the work. That meant that I could not shy away from this challenge because energetically it would hurt the show but mistly and thirdly it would really hurt my self- confidence. For all the work that I put into the solo show, if I didnt have the song in the piece it would feel like I bailed out on mking my show stronger and I bailed on confronting my fear and conquering it. My only choice was to do the song and do it exceedingly well.

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Getting comfortable singing in front of others, into a microphpone, by myself was one of the greatest challenges I have ever faced in my life. I am not saying this to be dramatic. I would honestly rather have been naked onstage than sung fully clothed. However, I am someone who constantly wants to challenge herself and who didnt want to feel a prisioner to her voice anymore. Ever since eighth grade I had begun shying away from singing, being in musicals, and constricitng my voice. I knew that putting the song in my show would force me to come out of my shell. Also, I thought it would be fun to put something in my show that I am not good at. As a starting point to get comfortabe singing, I worked with my friends Elana Fishbein, Robin Rothman Taylor, Taren Sterry, Jolene Turner and with my guitar player Paul Obedzinski. We re-worked the rhyming lines and the rap section so that there would be a lot of energy behind it. Being able to ask for help is something I have always struggled with. While my ability to ask for help has improved I found it difficult for me to reach out when I had a roadblock. In December, when I staged HOT MESS for its second test run, I did not reach out enough for help with getting direction on my solo show. As a result I and my show suffered. There was a lack of pace and conciseness. The show felt more like it was telling and not showing. This is my one regret in regards to staging my show in December and something that I am aware of and changing about myself. With regards to my thesis project I was able to reach out and ask for help from ten friends who gave me their time and helped me get off book, helped me edit down the show, helped by directing me and helped by giving me encouragment and support.

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The next step of my improvement and gradual success as an actor and comedy writer was achieved through my comedy production and internship course with Josh Ruben and Vincent Peone of j+v films. Through this internship and filmmaking experience I was able to get acquainted with much of the intricacies of film production; it awakened me to how important it is for all the aspects of production to coalesce in order to have a successful, quality final product. By seeing an entire process from pre-production, to production, to post production I was able to see how I could map out all the elements involved in creating a project so that it does not feel overwhelming and it can be completed on time and successfully. Documenting the internship for the journal was its own intricate mission. At first, I felt overwhelmed aggregating all the notes I had from each shoot for the production journal. This was in part due to the fact that I had never done production work before and wasnt sure how to journal about it since each experience was new and its own project. The other factor was that no one I knew had done this kind of documenting before, so I had no guide or anyone to follow in terms of how to record my experience. It was a difficult challenge for me to figure out how to talk about all the nuances that went into each shoot. Some shoots didnt provide me with the time or ability to document exactly what was happening on set and I found it difficult remembering everything that happened when I went to notate about it after the shoot. However, as the internship continued, I figured out ways of organizing my thoughts and by the time it was the final shoot I had the time and ability to write down everything that happened that day on the set while I was

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on set. Being able to have finally figured out how to document the experience was very helpful. My brain felt organized! One of the things that helped me figure out how to be organized and manage my time was working as a production assistant at my internship with filmmakers and original content creators Josh Ruben and Vincent Peone at j+v films. Interning with them was one of the greatest experiences in my graduate school education. The internship and working with them reinforced what I had already learned about the principles of comedy writing and performance and taught me a great deal about what one needs to know about filmmaking. Vinny and Josh kept challenging me throughout my internship and gave me new tasks so that I wouldnt become bored and so that I could learn more which was perfect for someone with A.D.D. and who is a hard worker. If I am not constantly stimulated I get bored and working on a production set with them I never felt bored. They gave me a lot of responsibilities and them putting so much faith in me made me trust myself more. Josh and Vinny would only give me what they thought I could handle and part of production is learning to juggle many things at one time. As I am an experiential learner I found that learning about filmmaking by being on a set to be invaluable. One thing I learned about filmmaking was that much like in life or an improv scene, in the midst of a production something new or unexpected might come up and cause the shoot to shift in a different direction. This is how I felt about my timeline for my grad school. However, something else I learned about filmmaking which is also true about improv is that no matter what elements surprise you or take you off your projected path, you must continue on

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and finish the project- this is good training for learning to keep focus and complete the task. Also, in finalizing my internship journal I realized I would need to create an organized visual media display to showcase the photos and videos from the shoots I worked on. This meant I needed to create a webpage, with its coresponding website, to showcase all the filmed work I did. Figuring out how to create a website and supplemental web pages took a long time and delayed me even more in finishing up my coursework for my internship. I am now much better at learning new technology and software, that was not the case at the beginning of my master degree; it intimidated me so much my brain would feel cloudy every time I had to approach learning something new that was computer based, causing me to shut down and further procrastinate. Essentially, with every new program, I was learning another language and this made my learning curve quite slow. Whenever I was dealing with new technology or software I also found myself getting lost in a series of details, and intricacies unnecesssary to the central task. This meant having to learn to prioritze what was essential to the central process. In essence, asking myself is this really this important or necessary right now for the project you are working on? How does it contribute in a meaningful way to the task at hand..

The internship also forced me to write scripts using a professional screenwriting software called Final Draft as well as instill in me the discipline to

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write several times a week. This is important as I had to write and re-write every week for my solo show. Among the pivotal learning experiences that I acquired through both the solo show-endeavor and the internship are: the ability to organize a project from beinning to end and see it through, the capacity to integrate theory, technqiue and practice into a finished product, an attitude to collaborate with professionals in the field, research pertinent resources and establish a database and network, ability to discuss with confidence and eloquence the subject matter at hand, development of more comfort around technological devices and procedures, such as iMovie, website design, GarageBand, and many others. As the internship required me to write, perform, and share my own original material I in turn learned how to prepare and integrate for all of these undertakings as well as prepare with confidance for my solo show. This meant I had to wear many hats in order to fuilfill the projects for my internship as well as my solo show: as a creator, writer, producer, actor and editor. The condition of attention deficit disorder encompasses different characteristics that require different approaches to overcome its limiting circumstances like difficulty for focusing, time management skills and organization. (Give examples) Through the solo project I was able to focus on my writing and developing a monologue as it challenged me to perform in front of an audience. By working in the internship I learnd to maintain concentration on different tasks as I performed and

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integrated them. Through it all I had to develop precise time management skills geared towards the most professional and fruitful end product. I now reference my own internship journal whenever I start a new project in order to make sure I have prepared well and have everything systematized. Having a methodical arrangement is not only helpful in my everyday life, but also for my day job and artistic endeavors. All of it has proven to be useful as I am able to map out what needs to happen in a sophisticated, systematic way. For most of this internship and through out the graduate school process I felt like I had no map as no one had done the kind of specialized masters I had done and there was no booklet or roadmap for me to follow. I had to learn this on my own and create it all on my own. Doing this demanding and heavily detailed internship led me to build strong organization skills and helped me feel confidant in producing my own work, my solo show. I realize that while attention deficit disorder is not a syndrome that can be cured but rather a disorder of the brain whose origins we have barely begun to research it does not have to be an incapacitating condition. There are different tools and approaches that can help us to compensate and to overcome to a degree that will allow us to be successful in whatever journey we choose in life. In my case, the successful pursuit of a career in acting and writing sketch comedy. Something I learned from during my comedy production and filmmaking internship from my supervisors Josh Ruben and Vincent Peone, is that as an artist you have in your power to collaborate with whomever you like to build your own production team. I have begun to follow this example since the internship and have collaborated with several friends and people in the industry on my solo show Hot

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Mess, either by rehearsing it with me or seeing me perofrm one of the scenes live at an open sketch mic. Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.8 This Samuel Beckett quite encapsulates well my experience during the IMA program. opportunity intersects with preparation. To get a mastery of sketch writing I created learning activities where I would watch other peoples sketches, attend classes, participate in class exercises, and compose sketches by either improvising an idea and then writing out that sketch based on the improvised scene or by writing a sketch based on an idea for a character or a premise I had, presenting it to a class or my teacher, getting feedback on the material and re-writing it until it was good enough to be performed live or film it for the web. 1. ADD THIS IN: THIS REQUIRES DISCIPLINE AND SEEING TASKS THROUGH TIL THE END ACTING AND SOLO SHOW PIECE: For any performance the actors job is to tell the story and play the action. Something that I learned in the Mike Nichols class that I took as part of my IMA is be your characters best advocate. Fight for them. Be on their side. Dont detach yourself and judge your character. To that end I would also add be vulnerable and tel your characters story. These acting performance techniques I used when approaching how to perform the material in my solo show. In order to act in a naturalistic manner, one can and should use their own life experience to tell the story. I believe in whatever work you do, you must bring yourself to the work, because it is all you have. In the case of my solo show I am using my own life experince to tell the story. And in that there is truth in comedy and comedy in truth. After taking the improv to sketch writing and solo show writing class as well as the comedy production and film making internship, I have learned how to properly write, produce, film and edit my own material. In order to develop a self-designed masters one must also have the hutzpah to take on such an endeavor AS WELL AS THE DISCIPLINE. I REMEMBER KATHY TALKING ABOUT DISCIPLINE TALK ABOUT DISCIPLINE TALK ABOUT WORKING WITH RAY RAY HAM: I worked with Rachel Hamilton, a Second City Alum and 30 Rock cast member on my solo show for my thesis project. Rachel has staged and directed her own solo shows as well as directed other sketch and solo shows that went on to being seen at The New York Fringe Festival. Rachel
8

Samuel Beckett

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has been an acting, solo show writing and improv teacher for 25 years and knows what a show needs in order to flow, land, breathe, and captivate an audience. There was a lot of cooperation involved and many of my projects could not have been completed without calling upon friends or fellow filmmakers to lend me their time, equipment and/or skills.

**Self Evaluation Journal add ins **Being vulnerable **RESPOINSIBILITIES OF THE INTERNSHIP: That felt daunting and in the beginning I was unable to organize all the new information well. By the end I fully mastered how to organize myself through trial and error and by taking a moment to figure out how my brain worked. **I also stopped procrastinationg towards the end. My procrastination was never a symptom of laziness but always in response to feeling overwhelmed, isolated, alone and like I should have all the answers. Throught this internship and the grad school program I became better at being an advocate for myself, reaching out for help and as Josh once advised me, Bring aggressive. I would say in th past two months I have really been able to be aggressive and complete tasks with ease. One because I figured out how to do it and had somewhat of a roadmap and two because I had confidence from figuring out other things in the past. Showing up and being a part of the production was daunting, full of hard work, and required me to be able to adapt to new information and go from there. However I later realized that was the easy part. Coming up with my own material, writing, editing, and producing it was the hard part. The even harder part was putting my voice out there for others to se. dapting to new information and wearing many different *Play the action *Need both comedy and drama *Jacquelines notes here Knowing what one wants to do and how one learns best is integral in creating their own program. I know and knew then what I needed to get better. The program had yet to be designed. I knew whom I wanted to study from, my iodls, heroes and people in the community whos work I admore. Me neing vulnerable and Kathy and me crying in class Acting is behaving truthfull under imaginary circumstances. Process Paper Be vulnerable

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Just start Be bold and dare to try new things Risk failure Attempt to do that which terrifies you and do that in your solo show Singing, dancing and telling my truth Truths are the unversail language, my personal expericne made relatable Journey started years ago, culminating in tis Skills I learned in production helped me with this Write, rewrite, throw it all out Rewrite Just start here will be mistakes made. Recognize it. Correct it and move on. Like babysitting or being a parent it is a learn as you go. You just have to start. So much pressure to get it right and be perfect. Must make mistakes to get better. Afraid I wont do well that inhibites me. Mkes me procrastinate So much of this internship and recording my experiences has been learning as I go along and learning by doing process. In life you will learn as you go. You will never know ahead of time everything to expect and you will never be fully competent or perfectly organized when you first start a project. So many times it is hard for me to start something when I havent figured out the exact structure or process. This causes me to procrastinate because I dont know how to start. What I have learned from production is to just start. Just go with any idea you have and begin the work. You must begin so that you can finish and you must continue to complete. You can never get better if you dont start. The last journal entry from my production journal is more in depth as I had time and access on-set to write down my notes on my computer. Also by this time I had experience working on a set several times, which made me more aware of what I needed to write down for my journal entry. I also had more responsibilities so there was more to write about. After working on several productions that I had figured out how to organize my thoughts for the purposes of this journal. Self Evaluation Journal Asking myself what? What do they want me to do. All the technology was new to me and everytime I looked at a new word I didnt know I felt like the cont went into a MS-Type font or became another language. Essentially I was learning another language and this made my learning curve quiote slow. Whenever I was dealing with new technology or software I also found myself going down certain rabbit holes and investigating the Prioritizing. Felt overwhelmed after the internship aggregating all the notes and files. As the internship continues I fugired out ways of organizing myself and by the day of the last shoot I had the time and ability to write down everything that happened day of the set while on set. Some shoots, didnt provide me with the time or ability to do this.

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For most of this internship and throughout the grad school process I felt like I had no map. No one had done the kind of specialized masters I had done and there was no booklet or roadmap for me to follow. I ahd to learn this on my own and create it all on my won. That felt daunting and in the beginning I was unable to organize all the new information well. By the end I fully mastered how to organize myself through trial and error and by taking a moment to figure out how my brain worked. I also stopped procrastinationg towards the end. My procrastination was never a symptom of laziness but always in response to feeling overwhelmed, isolated, alone and like I should have all the answers. Throught this internship and the grad school program I became better at being an advocate for myself, reaching out for help and as Josh once advised me, Bring aggressive. I would say in th past two months I have really been able to be aggressive and complete tasks with ease. One because I figured out how to do it and had somewhat of a roadmap and two because I had confidence from figuring out other things in the past. **Showing up and being a part of the production was daunting, full of hard work, and required me to be able to adapt to new information and go from there. However I later realized that was the easy part. Coming up with my own material, writing, editing, and producing it was the hard part. The evn harfer part was putting my voice out there for others to se. dapting to new information and wearing many different CONCLUSION: success is often the moment when opportunity intersects with preparation. My mother who also has ADD and has 3 graduate degrees says that I am someone who with a little talent and creativity I can weave an afghan out of a piece of yarn This self-designed masters was a challenging but fruitful endeavor. I feel that I have truly learned the core principles of comedy writing and performance as well as the basics of filmmaking. Through this experience I was able to get accustomed with much of the intricacies that goes into any production whether it be film, acting, or writing. This masters awakened me to how important it is for all the aspects of any creative production to coalesce in order to have a quality and successful final product. I feel like without this self-designed masters I would not have learned this much and am grateful there was a program where I could create what I have always wanted to study and master.

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