KEYS TO WINNING WAYS SERIES (2)

The appreciation
Recently I received an e-mail from a former client, just wishing me Happy New Year and up-dating me on some changes she had made in her life. Her final comment, though, fairly rocked me back. One of our main areas of work had been on her relationship with her mother, and she said, I am eternally grateful for the work we did on this relationship. Things have never been better; we see each other now as two grown-up friends, and actually seek opportunities to be together. Without going into any details, this would have been an impossibility four years ago. This client did not have many sessions and has obviously put in the work to get this result. I had virtually forgotten our sessions, but the small gesture of appreciation made a huge impact. It made my day, the rest of which I tackled with renewed vigour and determination. But why was that? I believe that, no matter how grounded or enlightened any of us might be, it is always renewing for a contribution to be recognised and approved of. I dont mean to confuse this with the business of self-esteem being dependent on the opinion of others - far from it. We must rate ourselves according to our own standards and values and stop being limited by the ill-formed judgements of others. However we are all human and, until we reach the dizzy heights of Ghandi, Mother Teresa, or Buddha, a little bit of gratitude goes a very long way. It also has the added advantage of zapping negative thinking. This set me thinking about our second key, Appreciation, or an attitude of gratitude - and I decided to trawl through my life thinking about all the things I appreciate. I do my best thinking while walking, and started with my immediate surroundings, then moved on to my family, friends and business associates, deliberately skipping over the things that did not inspire appreciation. Then I went back to the first moments of my life, just to see who I would say thank you to if I could. I was having fun until I got to my primary one teacher. She was old school, even for those days, and the humiliation of being spanked for rubbing a lovely big glob of red paint into a wooden desk is still burned into my grown-up heart. Is there anything here that I can be grateful for? I wondered. On putting the humiliation aside, I

In the second article of our series to encourage reflection and personal growth, life coach Jo Middlemiss explains how you can practise an attitude of gratitude - and why it is worth putting in the work needed to appreciate the bright side.

APPRECIATION: The key for Mary?

Mary had been in the same post for 10 years and had always enjoyed it. Recently, though, lots of things had been getting on her nerves. She felt taken for granted in the schools she visited, and cross that her manager had appeared to ignore an audit she had undertaken. New, younger members of staff had joined the department and seemed to be from a completely different generation. Mary felt that it was perhaps time to move on or away, taking her skills and knowledge with her. Jo says, Working to develop an attitude of gratitude could really help Mary. By observing every time someone says thank you to her, and making sure she notices and takes opportunities to thank other people, Mary would create a more appreciative culture. In turn this would help Mary to recognise successes, however small, and to feel more positive about herself and other people. She would then be in a better frame of mind to decide what direction she really wants to take - and to make any changes for positive rather than negative reasons.

How many times has something that seemed like a disaster or failure actually turned out for the best, teaching you an invaluable lesson?

remembered that she had given me one of the greatest gifts of my life, the ability to read with enthusiasm and joy. She was also a wonderful artist and used to illustrate stories on the blackboard. I remember that all 45 of us were entranced at story time. Its a small example of a small incident but, without the search for appreciation, I would have missed an opportunity to remember something very important to me. I would say thank you now to Miss Burns, but she is long gone to her eternal reward.

IF YOU WANT TO FACE EACH DAY WITH RENEWED VIGOUR IMPROVE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS RECOGNISE NON-MATERIAL GIFTS
unconsciously. If Appreciation is to be used to best advantage, then it must be consciously practised, perhaps by asking yourself Who am I grateful to? What did s/he do? Why am I grateful? How can I show it? This can apply to happy things but also to less than positive experiences. How many times has something that seemed like a disaster or failure actually turned out for the best, teaching you an invaluable lesson? One of my best friends has a very advanced case of secondary breast cancer but starts her day with a search for things to appreciate. This diverts her from her own problems and she tackles each day with renewed vigour. Susan Jeffers, in her book End the Struggle and Dance With Life, emphasises this by opening her chapter on gratitude with the quotation: In daily life, we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness

Impact on others
This reminds me of a fictional book I read over the holidays, The Five People You Meet in Heaven, by Mitch Albom. It is not a religious book, but it does explore the idea that we never really know the impact we are having on others just by living out our lives either consciously or

22

SPEECH & LANGUAGE THERAPY IN PRACTICE SPRING 2005

RESOURCES

key
that makes us happy (Brother David Steindl-Rast). And this leads me on to the key that is the topic of our next article, Abundance - for when appreciation is present, we see the world in a different light. Everyone has inside himself... A piece of good news! The good news is that you really dont know how great you can be, How much you can love, What you can accomplish, What your potential is. How can you top good news like this? The above was not written by some sage or guru or me, but by a twelve year old Anne Frank (see Frank et al, 1997), forced to live a life of cramped restriction simply because she was Jewish. If she could appreciate the wonders of our potential, then perhaps we can all try just a little bit harder to look on the bright side. Jo Middlemiss is a qualified Life Coach with a background in education and relationship counselling, tel. 01356 648329, www.dreamzwork.co.uk. Jo offers readers a confidential and complimentary halfhour telephone coaching session (for the cost only of your call.)

resources
Lets sign
DEAFSIGN has a range of British Sign Language resources for use with all educational systems based on BSL. The Lets Sign Series has been developed by Deaf and hearing contributors for use in schools, at home and in adult education by people of all ages and abilities.

Free learning disability resource

1) Lets Sign & Write (CD-Rom with manual), by Cath Smith and Widgit Software
800 commonly used signs and variations in plain line drawings or full colour that can be inserted into Word or Publisher or used in Symbol Software for tailor-made materials. 42 single site user, 53 multiple user, single geographical site

Check The Map is a not-for-profit site that gives free promotion to all learning disability services across the UK and Ireland. The developers have likened it to a learning disability Yellow Pages as you can search by town, region or category to find every service. You can also promote any learning disability related service or resource without any charge. www.checkthemap.org

Inclusive childminding
A CD-ROM training resource, Inclusive Childminding working with disabled children, is aimed at supporting registered childminders to feel more confident in their ability to work with disabled children. 30 inc. p&p, e-mail the National Childminding Association for England and Wales on info@ncma.org.uk.

2) Lets Sign Dictionary

Over 1300 BLS signs, suitable for beginners and BSL Level 1 & 2 courses. 13.99

New from Signalong

The whole Signalong Basic Vocabulary Phase 1 manual is now available on a CD-ROM of animated signs modelled by five different virtual signers. Other releases are The Well Man, with signs for mens health issues and self-examination, and Playtime: Book 1 - My Toys, to help introduce signing at an early stage through play. The Signalong Database is 39.50, The Well Man is 12.00 and My Toys 8.00, tel. 0870 7743752. www.signalong.org.uk

3) Lets Sign Early Years collection a. Early Years & Baby Signs
48 of the most useful first signs for babies and young children with A3 reminder posters. 6.99

Book about caring

A book reviewed in the Fragile X Societys newsletter may be of interest to anyone working with carers. The Selfish Pigs Guide to Caring was written by the husband of someone suffering from Huntingtons Disease, but reviewer Kathryn Silk says the honesty of the feelings expressed and the information covered is relevant to anyone who is a carer. The Selfish Pigs Guide to Caring by Hugh Marriott, 9.95, e-mail polperro.press@virgin.net. www.fragilex.org.uk

b. Flashcards
The same 48 signs on laminated cards with captions to describe movement. 9.99 All from Forest Books, plus 2 p&p per order, tel. 01594 833858, e-mail forest@forestbooks.com. www.deafsign.com, contact cath@deafsign.com, tel: 01642 580505.

Hearing dogs awareness

School children can learn about deafness and hearing dogs through an awareness raising pack from the Hearing Dogs for Deaf People charity. The Togs for Dogs Day Schools Information Pack supports key stages 1-2 and 3-4 of the national curriculum and is available on request to all schools and childrens community groups. To register, tel. 01844 348100 or see www.hearing-dogs.co.uk.

All about stroke

The Stroke Association website has been re-designed with new features including Professionals - a section where you can find out about research funding, conferences and regional support services All About Stroke - answers to your questions Publications shops - order specialist publications and resource packs free. www.stroke.org.uk

References
Albom, M. (2004) The Five People You Meet in Heaven. Time Warner Paperbacks. Frank, A., Frank, O., Pressler, M. & Massotty, S. (1997) The Diary of a Young Girl: Definitive Edition. Penguin Books Ltd. Jeffers, S. (2005) End the Struggle and Dance With Life: How to Build Yourself Up When the World Gets You Down. Hodder Mobius.

Early support
Early Support Professional Guidance seeks to ensure that young children, particularly those with complex health needs, receive coordinated, high quality child and family centred services based on assessed need. Written for health, education, social services and voluntary agencies, with input from families, the guidance explains what is involved in achieving the standards set out in the National Service Framework for Children. The Early Support Pilot Programme is a government initiative to improve services for disabled children under three and their families. www.espp.org.uk

Best practice in Downs Syndrome

A website for health professionals, run by the UK Downs Syndrome Medical Interest Group, encourages best practice medical care for people with Downs Syndrome in the UK and Ireland. It includes the UK Downs Syndrome growth charts. www.dsmig.org.uk For more resources see p. 28
SPEECH & LANGUAGE THERAPY IN PRACTICE SPRING 2005

23