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Welcome To
“Boost Your Self Esteem
To New Heights”!
Introduction
Exactly what were you looking for when you typed that
term into the search box … or were referred to
SelfEsteemPlus by a friend?
© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus
© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus
© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus
No Grey Areas.
© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus
© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus
Now that you really ‘Want To’ (The First Golden Rule),
and you are giving yourself the ‘Chance To’ (The
Second Golden Rule) … all that is needed now is The
Third Golden Rule …
© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus
© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus
© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus
Robert Scanlon
Note: If someone else has given you this workbook, you are still
welcome to use it – please visit us at www.selfesteemplus.com for
further resources.
While you are there, make sure you subscribe and receive the
FREE 21-Day E-course that accompanies this workbook and
guarantees it will come to life in your hands.
© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus
Contents
Introduction ....................................................................... 1
The Three Golden Rules ...................................................... 1
How this course works best ................................................. 9
WORKBOOK SECTION 1: Finding Out More About Your Self
Esteem.............................................................................. 12
How To Define YOUR Self Esteem ........................................12
So What Is ‘High’ Self Esteem? ...........................................13
My Self Esteem .................................................................14
My Thoughts, My Feelings, My Physiology = My “STATE OF
MIND” .............................................................................17
Analyze Your Current State Of Mind .....................................18
SECTION 1 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS ..............................20
WORKBOOK SECTION 2: Influencing Your Self Esteem ..... 21
The Power Of Your Own Self Esteem Metaphor ......................21
How Are You Comparing Yourself? .......................................24
SECTION 2 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS ..............................26
WORKBOOK SECTION 3: Setting Up High Self Esteem....... 27
Designing Your Future .......................................................27
Future Pacing ...................................................................32
How To Unravel Your Self Esteem ........................................34
SECTION 3 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS ..............................37
WORKBOOK SECTION 4: When Your Self Esteem Doesn’t Go
To Plan.............................................................................. 38
The Success Spiral – Or How To Get Anything You Ever Want In
Your Life! .........................................................................38
How To Ask For What You Want – The Correct Way To Be
Assertive .........................................................................41
Tap Into The Incredible Strength Of Your Unconscious Mind By
Using Affirmations .............................................................44
SECTION 4 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS ..............................46
WORKBOOK SECTION 5: Accelerate Your Progress Towards
High Self Esteem............................................................... 47
Self Limiters – How To Take The Brakes Off! .........................47
Create Multiple Paths To Happiness! ....................................51
Compelling Desires: Making 100% Happiness Inevitable .........53
SECTION 5 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS ..............................54
NOTES:.............................................................................. 56
© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus
You are holding the present in your hands. It feels good, precious.
You try to read the instructions, but they are written in a language
you don't yet understand.
• Self image
• Feelings of self-worth
• The feelings you have about yourself
• Confidence levels
Someone has just told you that if you can throw a ball through a
target hole, you'll win $1 million!
How interested would you be in finding out what distance you had
to throw, what size the ball and hole is and where exactly the hole
is positioned in relation to the ball?
How would you describe high self esteem if you felt you had it
right now? How would you think and feel. What would you be
doing?
Now let’s start to get into what you believe your own self esteem is
made up of … we’ll begin by describing someone with high self
esteem.
My Self Esteem
To continue the analogies, what if you knew exactly how to get
from A to B to change your self-esteem?
So let's start with point A, finding out exactly what your self-
esteem is presently comprised of.
As you do this, notice what you are thinking, feeling and doing.
If you find you are struggling with this then try to imagine that
someone else is writing this about you. And just let it flow – there
is no right or wrong way to do this.
Now you will benefit from refining and expanding on your initial
definition. This will allow you to personalize your definition of high
self-esteem and therefore exactly define point B, which is where
you'd like to end up.
From now on, rate your self esteem every day to gain a sense of
any variations, especially if they are connected with significant
events. You’ll notice it is not a static thing!
There are certainly days where I can barely muster a ‘6’ – but the
real difference for me now is I usually know exactly what the cause
is and exactly which technique or action plan will help me lift
myself out of it.
And of course, what you may have used to rate as a ‘10’, after a
while spending time and effort on self improvement, as you raise
the bar on yourself, this might only get a 5 or 6!
And more to the point, you WILL prove to yourself that your self
confidence and self esteem is changeable, does move and that
YOU can influence it!
Don’t settle for mediocrity – I’ve been there and it’s pretty
average!
Imagine you had just won millions in The Lottery. How would
you be thinking? What would you be feeling? What would you
do immediately?
OK, now ‘be as if’. How much of these sensations can you
create into your mind and body right now?
Good!
My Thoughts, My Feelings, My
Physiology = My “STATE OF MIND”
Question: What does it take to make a great meal?
In other words if you have all the correct ingredients and know all
the correct steps and have all the correct equipment around you,
then you can duplicate any of the greatest recipes in the world.
We will begin by gaining insight into your current 'recipe' for self-
esteem in -- your "State Of Mind".
At any one time, your general state of mind can be simply broken
down into:
The outside
The inside
From this, what can you notice about any areas where you are
‘doing’ poor thinking, poor feeling or poor physiology?
And likewise (so you can model your own success), what can you
notice about any areas where you are already ‘doing’ strong
thinking, good feelings or supportive physiology?
* This can include the way I hold myself, sit, or typically stand.
The clothes I wear, my fitness levels, my general health, my body
shape and size, my typical diet.
Any of these can support or get in the way of high self esteem.
• Take a walk
• Spend 5 mins breathing deeply
• Do some stretches
• Eat something fresh
• Drink a lot of water
• Go for a swim
• Shift your body position – stand and hold yourself ‘as if’ you
are the most successful you have ever been
What do you now know about your self esteem and self
confidence?
The more detailed the metaphor and the more it resonates with
your sense of self esteem, the more likely you are able to use it to
gain a shift.
Turn the sound down on your TV when the ads come on.
Now with only the visuals to stimulate you and without words to
distract your thoughts, you’ll see that the most powerful
influencers in the world – the media – know exactly how to use
metaphors to drive a straight line into your unconscious mind.
I am sure, like me, you will enjoy a good laugh when you see
these visual metaphoric messages for what they are.
Those with high self esteem use less emphatic adjectives – and
leave the use of extreme adjectives for describing positive
states.
Let's take a look at comparison filters and how they work. (And
you might want to re-read this section in your Email Lesson 2)
Now let’s make some combinations and you’ll see just how crazy
this can get!
SCENARIO A
With an idol’s:
They cannot win in this scenario! Their idol (or ‘expert’ if you
prefer) has already (ie in the past) demonstrated an ideal behavior
or state.
SCENARIO B
With:
It only takes one small change to change your life – so take a look
now at how you are comparing yourself. Could you change this to
be more empowering just by thinking about it?
How did you change your metaphor and what effect has it had?
What can you now change about who you compare yourself to?
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I thought so!
I will admit the next two exercises "The Future" and "Future
Pacing" will take some effort on your behalf. There are lots of
sections for you to fill out – but it is YOUR MOVE INTO YOUR
FUTURE you are describing, so take the time to do it thoroughly.
Maybe some sections will end up filled in more than others and
that is fine.
It is likely you will need two or three goes at the next section to
really nail it. But if there is one key skill I have personally come to
rely on year in year out it would be the skill of deliberately creating
the future I desire.
What have I ‘left behind’? What person was it that I used to ‘be’
in the past?
5 years ago.
Note: Think about what you were doing at that time. What kind of
thoughts and feelings and behaviors would you have been experiencing?
It might help you to think about significant events in your life at this time,
such as changes in your job, your relationship, your family, travel,
holidays, houses, vehicles, financial situation, how your wardrobe may
have changed, the kind of music you may have been listening to. These
can all help as hooks for you to determine what your state of mind
(thoughts, feelings and behaviors) may have been at that time.
10 years ago
15 years ago
‘X’ years ago (Use your choice of ‘X’. Of course this depends on
your age right now!)
What am I ‘becoming’?
Note: Obviously you are not likely to be able to predict what clothes you
will be wearing or what music you might be listening to. But you could
probably describe with some degree of accuracy the type of job you might
have, the type of home you may live in, the type of relationship and
family you may have, the kind of holidays you are taking, what your
financial situation will be like. Once again these will help act as hooks for
your state of mind.
Next week?
Tomorrow?
Future Pacing
Now how would you like to learn the extraordinarily powerful
success skill that inexorably directs your unconscious mind
towards success every minute of every day, including when you
are asleep?
“You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you
will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you "
But maybe there is a part of you that doesn’t want to believe that
you are capable of more. That you can ‘be’ and ‘do’ more.
Step 1.
In your mind’s eye, take yourself out into the future. Maybe
this is very clear, maybe you just have a sense of it, it
doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you do it.
Step 2.
Now go to a time past the event or moment in your life you
are concerned with and in your mind’s eye, imagine that it
has already happened absolutely superbly. In particular
focus on you and how awesomely you performed.
Step 3.
Now, hold onto those feelings you are now experiencing
and bring them back to the present with you.
So to get around this, you can re-pattern how your own mind
is literally setting up your future by consciously editing your movie
of your future for greater success.
Remember, you are in control. Practice this skill over and over.
“Oh my God – what on earth is that and how do I get out of it?” I
hear you saying!
The difficulty with this is that it can turn one’s own perception of
something like ‘self esteem’ into a ‘thing’ that we can somehow
replace, purchase at a supermarket or simply throw away.
Fortunately, this is very easy to break down and unravel. But few
bother to do it, instead apparently remaining content with ‘a poor
relationship’ or ‘an unhappy marriage’ or ‘a bad friendship’ … or
even ‘low self esteem’.
1. Break it down.
What is your self esteem ‘composed of’? Is it to do with
certain behaviors at certain times? Or thoughts that drive
you batty? Or a lack of confidence just when you really
needed it? Or a specific feeling that always occurs around
certain people?
2. Look for parts of this set of behaviors that you are most in
control of.
* You’ll need to refer to your Email Lesson 3 for the definition and
application of de-nominalization skills.
Now let’s break this down into some easy to follow steps …
Plus, this exercise builds on all the others you have completed so
far and by now, you should be getting a real sense of where you
are at, what you need to make some changes to and what will be
easiest to start with.
When do you plan to ‘future pace’ your entire day surpassing your
expectations?
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1. Set up an outcome
2. Take action
3. Calibrate your success so far (in progressing
towards, or not, your outcome)
4. Be flexible
1. My outcome is:
And in turn this can dent self esteem purely because it feels as if
the ‘locus of control’ has been taken out of your hands.
They’ve learned that assertiveness can help them quickly get what
they want, when they want it, without resorting to aggression or
deception.
It is the skill to ask for what you deserve – and the right to ask
for what you want.
One technique is to ensure that all your statements are made from
your own point of view. You must always talk about what you
want, not what others should be or do.
Below is the one simple letter in the alphabet that becomes your
best friend for being truly assertive …
“I”
For example:
Whereas;
… is not.
If you could ask for whatever you wanted right now, what
would you ask?
Do all of this, and you are already adding to a better place to live
in.
And you might be disappointed when I tell you that this is all about
using affirmations, every day. Because affirmations got a bad
name in the 60s and as a result, many have downplayed or
belittled their power. Ha! They are wrong wrong wrong … which is
a shame for them really. But luckily not for you and me!
All you need is enough time and space to be able to take stock;
apply some of the techniques here and make a slight change.
• And others simply repeat them over and over in their heads
when needed – or just whilst out for a walk.
Here are some powerful affirmations to help you boost your self
esteem.
Rules:
OK, now try creating some for yourself. Try just changing some of
the examples above to start with and gain some experience.
Here’s a powerful little tip that helps deal with any annoying
little negative voices in your head.
The ones that can say “it’s not true; it won’t work” when you
repeat an affirmation to yourself.
Up until now …
What have you now asked for that ‘up until now’, you didn’t have
the confidence to?
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And then we’ll push the accelerator button and show you how to
make it all happen more effectively, faster and with great
satisfaction.
OK, let’s find out what is it that you think you “can’t” or “couldn’t”
do and we’ll get some of those self-limiters removed with a really
powerful technique.
I can’t …
I couldn’t …
I won’t because ….(fill in the ‘because’ part here. Use more paper
if you have to.)
Now quickly list at least three actions you can take, for
example:
Low self esteem can be made worse by only ever having ONE WAY
to be happy.
The more specific and rare the availability of the dependence, the
worse it gets!
The more different ways you have to get the outcomes you desire
that evoke the feelings you want …..
No compromises either!
Step 1.
Describe how you want to be, think and do NOW in as much detail
as you possibly can.
Tips:
Step 2.
Now turn it up in your own mind …
Self esteem is a moving target. There are always ups and downs.
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Actions that will prove to yourself for once and for all that
you are building your self esteem higher and higher every
day.
Add them into your diary (while you are there, diarize a full
course review in 3 months time – you’ll be amazed at how
you’ve changed!).
Robert
NOTES: