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Self Esteem Plus

Welcome To
“Boost Your Self Esteem
To New Heights”!

Introduction

The Three Golden Rules

From the desk of Robert Scanlon

A very close friend of mine, and professional colleague


of many years, was reviewing the first draft of this
course and raised an amazingly simple yet powerful
point. One that frankly I already knew and should have
applied!

“Robert, why do they download and start your


course?”, he asked me.

“Because they find it through the search engines and


discover a great free course!” I exclaimed proudly!

“Aaah, so you miss the point already” he gently


rebuked, “I didn’t ask ‘how’, I asked ‘why’ …”

Hmmm I reflected, he’s absolutely correct. I was so


caught up in ensuring I could make a great free course
on Self Esteem and Self Confidence available that I
forgot the Three Golden Rules Of Change.

Oh? … You want to know what they are?

OK then, but be prepared to know a secret formula that


once you know it, will irreversibly change the way you
will approach your own development.
Self Esteem Plus

And in so doing, you will guarantee that you will extract


the maximum from applying the cutting edge tools and
techniques contained in this workbook … and the
coaching Email Lessons you will receive over the next
21 days.

The Three Golden Rules Of Change

Why did you download and start this course?

What is your motivation?

Do you have pain, confusion and suffering in your life –


or are you wanting to boost yourself back to that
wonderful state of ‘feeling happy for no reason at all’?

This is your clue to The First Golden Rule

1. Motivation: To “Want To Change”

You have to want to change.

And sometimes this is difficult when the topic is Self


Esteem and Self Confidence, because often the reason
that people like you are searching for help in the first
place is that you feel de-motivated and un-inspired.

(If you are a counselor or teacher reading this then the


above statement probably applies to your clients and
students. However, I have found one of the best ways
to help teach techniques that build self esteem is to
model them by using them myself. Why not take this
opportunity to polish up your own self esteem and self
confidence along the way? ☺)

So let’s reflect for a moment.

Exactly what were you looking for when you typed that
term into the search box … or were referred to
SelfEsteemPlus by a friend?

It would have been one of two things:

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

ONE: To avoid/reduce/eliminate pain and


suffering

TWO: To find ways to feel better, happier,


achieve certain goals and milestones

And sometimes a combination of those two things.

It is the old-fashioned ‘carrot and stick’ motivation


theory in its full glory.

Mind you, it is a fact that human beings are far more


motivated to move quickly away from painful situations
than they are to move towards feeling good.

In my profession we call this the ‘burning deck


syndrome’ – a powerful motivator for change.

So, just take a moment to note down YOUR motivation:

I want to avoid/eliminate from my life the following:

I want to adopt/gain/have the following in my life:

And any time you are struggling to apply yourself to the


course, or feeling de-motivated and un-inspired, think
of those two areas you noted down above.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

You’ll also be able to overcome procrastination more


easily! Try wondering what your life might be like in
five years from now if you do absolutely nothing, given
what you just wrote down above.

Ouch! But this is a great way to get your energy in


motion!

And even if you are currently feeling very de-motivated


and un-inspired, fear not. My job is to take you by the
hand, step-by-step, into the new world you want to
create for yourself.

And keep these thoughts in mind:

• It’s not always as hard as you think to change.

• There is always someone worse off than you.

• There is always someone better off than you.

• Sudden flashes of insight usually DON’T occur


whilst doing the course – it usually happens in
what we call an “in the shower moment” – when
your brain is not so busy and your mind really
gets to work.

Here is a tip to help this process:

Start noticing the little things.

• You’re walking down the street and you have an


idea or a positive thought occurs to you.

• You’re in the kitchen making dinner and


something flashes into your head.

• You wake up in the morning with an intuition


about something.

• You get the urge to call a friend/relative you


haven’t spoken to for a long time.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

This is your own unconscious mind trying to help you


seek solutions.

We have a ‘solution-seeking-device’ in our mind (it’s


actually a physical spot in the brain called the Reticular
Activating System). It is ‘always on’, but by training
yourself to use it, to direct it, it can have a phenomenal
effect on the speed of your progress and hence your
motivation.

Phew! The First Golden Rule, Motivation, is a book in


and of itself.

However, you were motivated to find this course in


some way shape or form, so stick with that idea …add
in the expectation that change can and will occur … and
you are ready to move to the Second Golden Rule …

2. Opportunity: Give Yourself “The Chance To


Change”

We live in a world (most of the Western world anyhow)


where we have been conditioned to make instant
judgments.

It’s Black or it’s White.

No Grey Areas.

Yet one of the very definitions of intelligence (not IQ –


but Philosophical Intelligence) is the ability to hold a
minimum of two – and preferably many more – points
of view SIMULTANEOUSLY.

To live with Grey Areas.

And in our ‘sum it up instantly’ world this makes us


uncomfortable.

Unfortunately it also makes it more difficult to apply


and sustain deep change.

Unless of course you allow yourself the ‘chance to’ grow


and develop, to find the ‘opportunity’ to change.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

Many will continue to search for a black and white


magic pill – “The 7 Secrets To A New Life In 3 Hours Or
Less!” (Hey this 21-day course itself could be another
example … but more on that later …).

The worlds of science and medicine have redefined our


beliefs around healing. Some good (surgery, disease
eradication) and some not so good (take a pill to make
you happy, to change behaviors).

But Nature refuses to work that way.

When you plant something beautiful in your garden,


you wouldn’t expect to come back in 5 minutes and see
it fully grown would you? (if you live in a concrete
jungle, you’ll have to use your imagination. Which is
good mental exercise anyhow.)

Of course not – we give Nature its own ‘opportunity’ to


grow, its own ‘chance to make it’.

And Nature comes through … day in day out.

Now this does not mean change will always be slow!

It simply means we must be patient … to learn to live


‘in the now’ … to learn to be motivated by, and to
notice the little things (The First Golden Rule) … to
expect that change can and will occur if you give it the
opportunity.

So give this course to yourself as an opportunity to


change, to grow, to develop.

Allow the tools and techniques the chance to work, to


filter through your mind and body.

And most importantly, give yourself the chance to take


this opportunity by making the time available for each
of the techniques. 20 minutes spent now will reward
you with a lifetime of pleasure.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

And as I said before, sometimes nature does produce


very rapid change. I had one experience of sudden and
profound change that was a direct result of allowing my
mind to take it’s own course.

I was walking to a business appointment and I had a


sudden mind-expanding realization bubble up from my
unconscious mind.

It was something I had already put my mind to about 6


weeks before and was frustrated at the time because I
couldn’t instantly work out the solution.

But I wrote my issue and desires down and gave myself


permission, patience … and the ‘chance to’ discover it
when I was ready.

And when the realization came it fundamentally


changed my whole identity – who I was and who I was
becoming (you’ll learn about how to do this yourself
later in the course). And it happened in seconds!

So give yourself the opportunity to do the course and


the chance for it to work for you over time.

Now that you really ‘Want To’ (The First Golden Rule),
and you are giving yourself the ‘Chance To’ (The
Second Golden Rule) … all that is needed now is The
Third Golden Rule …

3. Skill: The “How To Change”

Have you ever been to a motivational seminar, come


out all pumped up and then wondered days later what
you were supposed to do?

If you have, then you’ll already know how frustrating it


is to be highly motivated but not know the ‘how to’.

But there are literally tons of so-called courses, books


and seminars out there that supply plenty of “what you
are supposed to do” in a very entertaining and
motivational manner – but there is no substance, no
new skills learned.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

When it comes down to the “how exactly do I do that?”,


these guys are lost.

You may even remember from my website that this is


one of my personal ‘pet hates’.

Being all revved up by some guru then being let down


with no practical techniques.

The ‘how to’ is a critical element! (I guess that’s why it


is The Third Golden Rule!)

You’ve probably heard the popular definition of


insanity:

“Repeating the same behavior over and over


again and expecting different results”

Like continually hitting your head against a brick wall,


all that changes is that your head will start to hurt!

In fact this definition of insanity is probably a


paraphrase from Albert Einstein who said:

“The significant problems we


face cannot be solved at the
same level of thinking we were
at when we created them”

This means we need new skills in order to change


ourselves.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

This is generally accepted when it comes to How-To Want-To


say; driving a car or preparing a new style of Positive uptake of learning
depends on good

cookery, or even learning to use computers. balance of three drivers

But it is not so well accepted when it comes to Chance-To


learning new mental skills. Which is exactly what you
will need to help you boost your self esteem and self
confidence!

Luckily for you, I believe the ‘how to’ component to be


a ‘mission-critical’ part of boosting self esteem.

So this course is literally packed with new skills and


techniques for you to learn that most of the ‘gurus’
have never heard of!

And from time to time, you’ll have to give yourself


some ‘chance to’ learn these new skills … and it isn’t
always going to be comfortable.

But if it was comfortable, you wouldn’t be looking for


this course now, would you! ☺

Let’s take Einstein’s advice and get stuck straight into


changing your thinking … firstly some housekeeping so
you know how it all unfolds over the next 21 days.

How this course works best

Please enjoy using this free workbook – it condenses


many many, thousands of hours of studying,
developing and teaching these concepts.

And if you have recently subscribed, this an exciting


time! Shortly you will receive Email Lesson 1 containing
instructions for beginning your FREE 21-Day E-course
… and your journey to boosting self esteem.

You will receive a total of 5 Email Lessons over the next


21 days (and some secret ‘unadvertised free bonuses’
after that!). For best results, I recommend you read the
entire Email Lesson instructions FIRST before using the
relevant workbook section.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

Plus you will find at times you are switching between


the workbook and the Email Lessons – this is not a
‘normal’ way of reading and can even seem confusing.

However, it is completely intentional!

The mind codes ‘interrupted tasks’ in a different way –


and when the interrupted tasks are properly designed,
ensures deeper and more sustainable learning.

This means these Email Lessons are CRITICAL to you


getting the best out of the course.

If you miss any, need them re-sent, or they are getting


trapped in spam filters, you can get help at
http://www.selfesteemplus.com/self-esteem-course-support.htm.

The workbook is also deliberately designed to contain


working sections for you to fill in as you go – it will
become your own map and blueprint for the future.

Throughout you will also find references to


‘Recommended Resources’ which I have personally
selected for their quality … many of which have free self
esteem and self confidence courses and downloads.

You can click on the hyperlinks to be taken directly to


the recommended sites! Or for the whole list visit
http://www.selfesteemplus.com/self-esteem-resources.htm.

Complete each lesson diligently, make some time for


yourself and you will enjoy great progress.

It could be the difference that makes the difference …

Robert Scanlon
Note: If someone else has given you this workbook, you are still
welcome to use it – please visit us at www.selfesteemplus.com for
further resources.

While you are there, make sure you subscribe and receive the
FREE 21-Day E-course that accompanies this workbook and
guarantees it will come to life in your hands.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

Contents

Introduction ....................................................................... 1
The Three Golden Rules ...................................................... 1
How this course works best ................................................. 9
WORKBOOK SECTION 1: Finding Out More About Your Self
Esteem.............................................................................. 12
How To Define YOUR Self Esteem ........................................12
So What Is ‘High’ Self Esteem? ...........................................13
My Self Esteem .................................................................14
My Thoughts, My Feelings, My Physiology = My “STATE OF
MIND” .............................................................................17
Analyze Your Current State Of Mind .....................................18
SECTION 1 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS ..............................20
WORKBOOK SECTION 2: Influencing Your Self Esteem ..... 21
The Power Of Your Own Self Esteem Metaphor ......................21
How Are You Comparing Yourself? .......................................24
SECTION 2 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS ..............................26
WORKBOOK SECTION 3: Setting Up High Self Esteem....... 27
Designing Your Future .......................................................27
Future Pacing ...................................................................32
How To Unravel Your Self Esteem ........................................34
SECTION 3 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS ..............................37
WORKBOOK SECTION 4: When Your Self Esteem Doesn’t Go
To Plan.............................................................................. 38
The Success Spiral – Or How To Get Anything You Ever Want In
Your Life! .........................................................................38
How To Ask For What You Want – The Correct Way To Be
Assertive .........................................................................41
Tap Into The Incredible Strength Of Your Unconscious Mind By
Using Affirmations .............................................................44
SECTION 4 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS ..............................46
WORKBOOK SECTION 5: Accelerate Your Progress Towards
High Self Esteem............................................................... 47
Self Limiters – How To Take The Brakes Off! .........................47
Create Multiple Paths To Happiness! ....................................51
Compelling Desires: Making 100% Happiness Inevitable .........53
SECTION 5 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS ..............................54
NOTES:.............................................................................. 56

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. May not be
distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

WORKBOOK SECTION 1: Finding Out


More About Your Self Esteem
Imagine someone has just given you a beautifully brightly wrapped
present.

There is some ribbon around the outside.

There is a label on the outside addressed to you on which is


written: "The secrets to feeling on top of the world for the rest of
your life!"

You are holding the present in your hands. It feels good, precious.

You want to open it.

You start to open it, excited to begin.

Inside is a note with some instructions.

You try to read the instructions, but they are written in a language
you don't yet understand.

So let's begin now and learn the language of self-esteem, self-


confidence, and just how to feel on top of the world every single
day.

We’ll start by making sure we understand the term self esteem.

How To Define YOUR Self Esteem


It’s not something you have, it’s something you do.

Self esteem is a learned behavior (how many babies have you


seen with low self esteem?!)

The only person in control of your self esteem is you.

So what is the definition of self esteem?

It is totally personal. Even the experts cannot agree on a definitive


definition. Why? Because it is something you do, not something
you have and is therefore constantly changing.

Some generalized definitions could classify self esteem as:

• Self image
• Feelings of self-worth
• The feelings you have about yourself
• Confidence levels

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 12


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

The good news is, “it” can be changed.

You just have to want to! … So do you? ☺ … Good. Let’s get


started then!

Refer to your FREE E-Course email “LESSON 1: Finding


out more about your self esteem” for more information
and instructions for the following exercises.

So What Is ‘High’ Self Esteem?


“When I grow up, I want to be somebody. I just wish I had been a
bit more specific!” Lily Tomlin

Someone has just told you that if you can throw a ball through a
target hole, you'll win $1 million!

How interested would you be in finding out what distance you had
to throw, what size the ball and hole is and where exactly the hole
is positioned in relation to the ball?

By learning about "high self-esteem"; your mind is likely to already


begin searching for ways to get there -- to win the lottery!

Let's start with a brief definition of high self-esteem.

If you are deeply and almost wholly satisfied with yourself;


then you could say you have high self esteem.

How would you describe high self esteem if you felt you had it
right now? How would you think and feel. What would you be
doing?

Now let’s start to get into what you believe your own self esteem is
made up of … we’ll begin by describing someone with high self
esteem.

I would describe someone with high self esteem as:

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 13


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

Now let’s turn to you (refer to Email Lesson 1) …

My Self Esteem
To continue the analogies, what if you knew exactly how to get
from A to B to change your self-esteem?

First you would need to know exactly what A and B are!

So let's start with point A, finding out exactly what your self-
esteem is presently comprised of.

As you do this, notice what you are thinking, feeling and doing.

If you find you are struggling with this then try to imagine that
someone else is writing this about you. And just let it flow – there
is no right or wrong way to do this.

To me, I would describe my self esteem as:

I would generally describe low self esteem as:

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 14


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

Now you will benefit from refining and expanding on your initial
definition. This will allow you to personalize your definition of high
self-esteem and therefore exactly define point B, which is where
you'd like to end up.

I would generally describe high self esteem as:

Now, between your definitions of low and high self esteem, on a


scale of 1-10 (where 1 = LOW and 10 = HIGH), how would you
rate yourself today?

I would rate my self esteem today as: __________

Notes: What does this say about me?

From now on, rate your self esteem every day to gain a sense of
any variations, especially if they are connected with significant
events. You’ll notice it is not a static thing!

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 15


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

I find this a fascinating reflection of the moving and dynamic entity


that is ‘me’.

There are certainly days where I can barely muster a ‘6’ – but the
real difference for me now is I usually know exactly what the cause
is and exactly which technique or action plan will help me lift
myself out of it.

The scores definitely move!

And of course, what you may have used to rate as a ‘10’, after a
while spending time and effort on self improvement, as you raise
the bar on yourself, this might only get a 5 or 6!

And more to the point, you WILL prove to yourself that your self
confidence and self esteem is changeable, does move and that
YOU can influence it!

Keep aiming higher and you’ll succeed.

Don’t settle for mediocrity – I’ve been there and it’s pretty
average!

< Instant self esteem tip

Imagine you had just won millions in The Lottery. How would
you be thinking? What would you be feeling? What would you
do immediately?

OK, now ‘be as if’. How much of these sensations can you
create into your mind and body right now?

Good!

Do this for practice whenever you can ….

L Recommended Internet Resource:


Think Right Now have an excellent range of CDs and audiotapes
specifically directed at self esteem and self esteem for kids.
Go to: http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Think-Right-Now

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 16


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

My Thoughts, My Feelings, My
Physiology = My “STATE OF MIND”
Question: What does it take to make a great meal?

Answer? A great recipe!

In other words if you have all the correct ingredients and know all
the correct steps and have all the correct equipment around you,
then you can duplicate any of the greatest recipes in the world.

Sure to refine it you might want to repeat it several times, to


improve your skill level, but it is a repeatable process!

Building self esteem is no different. By coming to an


understanding of how your self-esteem is made up -- its recipe if
you like -- then you are more likely to be able to use specific skills,
tools and techniques to take control of the recipe and change it to
one which is more to your liking.

We will begin by gaining insight into your current 'recipe' for self-
esteem in -- your "State Of Mind".

At any one time, your general state of mind can be simply broken
down into:

• The thoughts you have


• The feelings (emotions) you are experiencing
• Your body’s ‘state’ (physiology)

The outside

The inside

All combine to produce your:


“State of Mind”

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 17


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Self Esteem Plus

Analyze Your Current State Of Mind


What are your thoughts, feelings and typical ‘physiology’ (what
you are currently ‘doing’ with your body)?

What biases do you notice – are you more inclined to describe


your state of mind by what you are thinking, … by what you are
feeling … or by what you are doing/being in your body?

From this, what can you notice about any areas where you are
‘doing’ poor thinking, poor feeling or poor physiology?

And likewise (so you can model your own success), what can you
notice about any areas where you are already ‘doing’ strong
thinking, good feelings or supportive physiology?

Now let’s help you apply this to your state of mind …

My current thoughts are:

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 18


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Self Esteem Plus

My current feelings are:

My current physiology* is:

* This can include the way I hold myself, sit, or typically stand.
The clothes I wear, my fitness levels, my general health, my body
shape and size, my typical diet.

Any of these can support or get in the way of high self esteem.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 19


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
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< Instant self esteem tip

Changing your physiology has an instant effect on your


thoughts and feelings.

To think and feel differently, try doing something different


physically:

• Take a walk
• Spend 5 mins breathing deeply
• Do some stretches
• Eat something fresh
• Drink a lot of water
• Go for a swim
• Shift your body position – stand and hold yourself ‘as if’ you
are the most successful you have ever been

Notice how this can change things for you!

L Recommended Internet Resource:


To help re-condition your very own thoughts, why not try the
world-famous Sedona Method? They have a 2-hour free seminar
on DVD that will get you started.
Go to: http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Sedona-Method

SECTION 1 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS

Ponder these questions for a while …

What do you now know about your self esteem and self
confidence?

What can you do to change your state of mind?

How did your self esteem ‘scores’ change this week?

What has already changed for the better as a result of these


specific exercises?

What are some action items you can do right now?


....................................................................................
....................................................................................
....................................................................................
....................................................................................
....................................................................................
....................................................................................

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 20


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

WORKBOOK SECTION 2: Influencing


Your Self Esteem

Refer to your FREE E-Course email “LESSON 2:


Influencing your self esteem” for more information and
instructions for the following exercises.

The Power Of Your Own Self Esteem


Metaphor
This next technique you are about to learn is so powerful and
frankly somewhat advanced, that I debated whether to include it in
this early on in the course -- or even at all!

It is also a little unusual … which may well be the reason why it


works so sensationally. Your conscious mind is not able to make
much sense out of it and for the most part will simply give up
trying to make sense of it.

Which from our point of view is wonderful because we can deal


directly with the much more powerful unconscious mind!

So stick with the process and hold onto your hats!

So we are firstly going to describe the negative/limiting parts of


your current state by using a metaphor:

• Could it be a black hole; brown muddy pit; burning fire?


(for example).
• Or a dull sound; an annoying voice?
• A feeling of concrete heaviness; deep water pressure?
• Or just ’stuck in glue’?

The more detailed the metaphor and the more it resonates with
your sense of self esteem, the more likely you are able to use it to
gain a shift.

Now let’s take control of the metaphor!

Your unconscious mind responds well to metaphor. So by all


means, play with changing it – give the black hole a ladder to get
out from; attach a volume control to the annoying voice to turn it
down; give yourself an oxygen cylinder for the deep water.

Or maybe use a solvent on the stuck glue?

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 21


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

A metaphor (or metaphors) I would use to describe my self


esteem is:

I could change; modify; influence this metaphor(s) by:

A completely new and inspiring metaphor(s) for me might be:

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 22


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Metaphors are so powerful and in fact exist all around us.

Try this experiment:

Turn the sound down on your TV when the ads come on.

Now with only the visuals to stimulate you and without words to
distract your thoughts, you’ll see that the most powerful
influencers in the world – the media – know exactly how to use
metaphors to drive a straight line into your unconscious mind.

Shampoo making you ‘free as a bird’?

Ice cream making you sexy?

Fast food creating one happy family relationship?

I am sure, like me, you will enjoy a good laugh when you see
these visual metaphoric messages for what they are.

< Instant self esteem tip

Start to shift your self description … by shifting your adjectives

“I’m really pissed off …” “I’m mildly peeved …”

“I’m sooo depressed …” “I’m a bit down today …”

“I can’t seem to do “I’m not yet able to do


what others do …” something that others can …”

Those with low self esteem tend to use extreme adjectives to


describe negative states.

Those with high self esteem use less emphatic adjectives – and
leave the use of extreme adjectives for describing positive
states.

L Recommended Internet Resource:


Who comes up with some of this ‘new age woo-woo’ stuff? Much of
it has been developed and refined over time. If you want to know
more, Self Growth have released an amazing 460-page eBook
“Self Improvement – The Top 101 Experts” Go to:
http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Top-Experts

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 23


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Self Esteem Plus

How Are You Comparing Yourself?


Have you ever wondered why some people don't seem to give two
hoots about how they compare to others?

It is because each of us has a unique filter that causes us to draw


comparisons with ourselves and/or others in a particular way.

This can be either extremely empowering all extremely


disempowering!

Of course to be incredibly self-confident I would recommend


choosing the more empowering method.

Let's take a look at comparison filters and how they work. (And
you might want to re-read this section in your Email Lesson 2)

Comparisons are very helpful in gaining an insight to how you are


setting yourself up with either limiting or empowering behavior.

Your sense of self satisfaction is directly related to how you are


comparing yourself at any time.

Here are some typical comparison categories:

• Worst, mediocre, best, ideal


• Past, present, future
• Self, others (who is the other? Friend, family, idol, enemy,
someone you despise and would hate to ‘be like’, general
public, not comparable at all)

Now let’s make some combinations and you’ll see just how crazy
this can get!

SCENARIO A

Worst Mediocre Best Ideal Past Present Future Self Others


Self X X X
Compared X X X
to: (idol)

The person in this example is continually comparing their:

Worst possible state/state in the future

With an idol’s:

Most ideal possible state/state in the past

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 24


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Self Esteem Plus

They cannot win in this scenario! Their idol (or ‘expert’ if you
prefer) has already (ie in the past) demonstrated an ideal behavior
or state.

Our person in the example is referencing that performance and


comparing it to how, in the future sometime, they will
personally demonstrate their worst behavior or state.

It is hard for anyone to feel empowered in that situation!

Now compare that to the following scenario:

SCENARIO B

Worst Mediocre Best Ideal Past Present Future Self Others


Self X X X
Compared X X X
to:

In this example this person is comparing:

Their own best state/state in the present

With:

Their own worst state/state in the past.

Now that would feel more empowering!

It only takes one small change to change your life – so take a look
now at how you are comparing yourself. Could you change this to
be more empowering just by thinking about it?

I make comparisons about myself in the following ways:

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 25


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Self Esteem Plus

I could change; modify; influence this comparison by:

L Recommended Internet Resource:


Self hypnosis and hypnosis in general is a powerful tool to help
you. Hypnosis Downloads have an extensive range of highly
specific downloadable programs – from self esteem to overcoming
insecurity. And if you feel a little unsure, (I was like that before I
studied trance therapy) visit their page ‘Learn Hypnosis’ and take
the free course!
Go to: http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Hypnosis-Downloads

SECTION 2 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS

Ponder these questions for a while …

How did you change your metaphor and what effect has it had?

What can you now change about who you compare yourself to?

What has already changed for the better as a result of these


specific exercises?

What are some action items you can do right now?

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© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 26


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

WORKBOOK SECTION 3: Setting Up


High Self Esteem

Refer to your FREE E-Course email “LESSON 3: Setting


up high self esteem” for more information and instructions
for the following exercises.

Would you be interested in learning the skill of continually setting


yourself up for success and continually doing the best you possibly
can to create the future … exactly as you want it to unfold?

I thought so!

I will admit the next two exercises "The Future" and "Future
Pacing" will take some effort on your behalf. There are lots of
sections for you to fill out – but it is YOUR MOVE INTO YOUR
FUTURE you are describing, so take the time to do it thoroughly.
Maybe some sections will end up filled in more than others and
that is fine.

However the payoff is immeasurable.

It is likely you will need two or three goes at the next section to
really nail it. But if there is one key skill I have personally come to
rely on year in year out it would be the skill of deliberately creating
the future I desire.

What lies ahead is pure gold!

Note: The premises outlined in E-Mail Lesson 3 are worth getting


very clear in your mind before you begin.

Designing Your Future


Whether you like it or not, you are always creating your future.
And not just your environment and the things around you, but
your own ‘self’ or ‘identity’.

Are you the same person you were 5 years ago?


10 years ago?

Here is a very powerful exercise to help you improve your self


esteem. First let’s take a look at where you have come from …

What have I ‘left behind’? What person was it that I used to ‘be’
in the past?

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 27


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

We’ll begin by starting at 5 years ago, then progressively moving


backwards.

5 years ago.

Note: Think about what you were doing at that time. What kind of
thoughts and feelings and behaviors would you have been experiencing?
It might help you to think about significant events in your life at this time,
such as changes in your job, your relationship, your family, travel,
holidays, houses, vehicles, financial situation, how your wardrobe may
have changed, the kind of music you may have been listening to. These
can all help as hooks for you to determine what your state of mind
(thoughts, feelings and behaviors) may have been at that time.

10 years ago

15 years ago

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 28


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Self Esteem Plus

‘X’ years ago (Use your choice of ‘X’. Of course this depends on
your age right now!)

Now, let’s get your ‘unconscious programming’ to set up


your future.

What am I ‘becoming’?

State this positively, using everything you have already learned!

What person will I be 10 years from now?

Note: Obviously you are not likely to be able to predict what clothes you
will be wearing or what music you might be listening to. But you could
probably describe with some degree of accuracy the type of job you might
have, the type of home you may live in, the type of relationship and
family you may have, the kind of holidays you are taking, what your
financial situation will be like. Once again these will help act as hooks for
your state of mind.

In 5 years from now?

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 29


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Self Esteem Plus

In 2 years from now?

1 year from now?

6 months from now?

12 weeks from now?

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 30


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

6 weeks from now?

Next week?

Tomorrow?

< Instant self esteem tip

A journey of 1,000 steps begins with the first step.

Paraphrased from an old Chinese proverb, there is no easier


way to gain momentum and boost your self esteem by taking
the first step.

Perhaps the first step has already been taken in downloading


this e-course?

Maybe the next step is doing something tomorrow that


absolutely proves to you that you are in control and you can
become whatever you desire.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 31


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

Future Pacing
Now how would you like to learn the extraordinarily powerful
success skill that inexorably directs your unconscious mind
towards success every minute of every day, including when you
are asleep?

Funnily enough, this skill is routinely used by world competitive


athletes and sports stars, yet routinely ignored by the masses!

My daily life changed the moment I started to use this skill.

“You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you
will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you "

James Allen; Author of "As a man thinketh”

But maybe there is a part of you that doesn’t want to believe that
you are capable of more. That you can ‘be’ and ‘do’ more.

To help activate more of your potential, this skill, called future


pacing, is a skill you can use everyday to positively direct your
mind.

It cleverly taps into the science of Autogenics, a success-oriented


mental mapping technique used by high performance athletes and
sports competitors the world over.

And it is so simple to do!

Step 1.
In your mind’s eye, take yourself out into the future. Maybe
this is very clear, maybe you just have a sense of it, it
doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you do it.

Step 2.
Now go to a time past the event or moment in your life you
are concerned with and in your mind’s eye, imagine that it
has already happened absolutely superbly. In particular
focus on you and how awesomely you performed.

Step 3.
Now, hold onto those feelings you are now experiencing
and bring them back to the present with you.

Your unconscious mind is happily influenced by totally fictitious


events. If it wasn’t, you would never be frightened in a horror
movie!

Unfortunately, it is also influenced (and yes, sometimes


frightened) by your own internal horror movies. And it is even
possible that you don’t know you are watching them!!

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 32


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

So to get around this, you can re-pattern how your own mind
is literally setting up your future by consciously editing your movie
of your future for greater success.

Now make it real by writing it down.

I am now future pacing the following qualities into my very being

And here are some upcoming events I am future pacing to happen


with far greater confidence and personal power

Remember, you are in control. Practice this skill over and over.

And remember it works whether you use it or not, so you may as


well be ‘driving the bus’.

L Recommended Internet Resource:


If you want to know more about how to repattern your mind and
embrace more positive thoughts, Think Right Now (Mike Brescia)
has plenty of information specifically focused on repatterning your
own mind. I recommend you sign up for Mike’s free success
course!
Go to: http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Think-Right-Now

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 33


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

How To Unravel Your Self Esteem


Have you ever felt stuck?

As if no matter what you do you can't seem to climb out of the


hole you feel you are in?

And as if the answer somehow seemed to be 'outside of you'?

Almost certainly you were stuck in a ‘nominalization’!

“Oh my God – what on earth is that and how do I get out of it?” I
hear you saying!

Thankfully, although it is a little known concept, the technique for


freeing yourself is relatively easy … so let’s get into it!

Self esteem is a noun. In particular, it is an intangible noun. That


means in this case it defines a concept, not something concrete.
Can you see, hear, feel, taste or smell self esteem? No. So it
doesn’t exist!

It is a fabrication! A convenient way to describe a collection of


learned behaviors, thoughts, beliefs, actions.

If you want a really technical term, it is a ‘nominalization’. A set of


verbs (things we ‘do’), turned into one noun (something
someone can ‘have’ or ‘not-have’).

For instance, a ‘relationship’, a ‘marriage’, a ‘friendship’ are not


‘things’ but just intangible nouns each defining a specific concept.

The difficulty with this is that it can turn one’s own perception of
something like ‘self esteem’ into a ‘thing’ that we can somehow
replace, purchase at a supermarket or simply throw away.

Like a relationship, marriage or friendship.

A ‘gestalt’. (Refer to your Email Lesson 3 for more information


about ‘gestalt’.)

Fortunately, this is very easy to break down and unravel. But few
bother to do it, instead apparently remaining content with ‘a poor
relationship’ or ‘an unhappy marriage’ or ‘a bad friendship’ … or
even ‘low self esteem’.

But not you!

When you use the skill of ‘de-nominalizing’* concepts such as


these, you will quickly take control of your self esteem and
will be more likely to find easy points of change.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 34


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

De-nominalize* your gestalt using the following steps:

1. Break it down.
What is your self esteem ‘composed of’? Is it to do with
certain behaviors at certain times? Or thoughts that drive
you batty? Or a lack of confidence just when you really
needed it? Or a specific feeling that always occurs around
certain people?

Try to really analyze it, break it down. Remember ‘It’ is not


really an ‘It’, it is just what you ‘do’.

2. Look for parts of this set of behaviors that you are most in
control of.

3. Brainstorm some different behaviors in this area that you


could try. Make sure you have more than 3.

4. Use this traction to gain momentum and to help banish


‘stuck states’.

* You’ll need to refer to your Email Lesson 3 for the definition and
application of de-nominalization skills.

Now let’s break this down into some easy to follow steps …

1. Break it down. What are all the components of my ‘self esteem’?

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 35


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

2. What do I feel I have most control over? Something I can really


do differently without tons of effort?

3. Now have some fun brainstorming different behaviors you can


try. Go crazy!

4. What will you choose to try NOW?

By ‘chunking down’ your self esteem and the actions you


can take, it becomes much easier to make changes.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 36


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

Sometimes life can seem a little overwhelming – particularly when


the negative emotions are running at the peak.

By unraveling your sense of self esteem, you’ll quickly notice that


it doesn’t have to be all wrapped up in one big nasty thing, and
that there are actions you can take right away to help yourself
feel better.

Plus, this exercise builds on all the others you have completed so
far and by now, you should be getting a real sense of where you
are at, what you need to make some changes to and what will be
easiest to start with.

And you’ve already learned some awesome tools and techniques to


start boosting your self esteem and self confidence NOW!

L Recommended Internet Resource:


It’s often helpful to practice your confidence skills as well – they
definitely help in setting up high self esteem. Why not take the 6-
part free course at Uncommon Knowledge?
http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Free-Self-Confidence-Course

SECTION 3 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS

Ponder these questions for a while …

What is better about who you have already become?

What have you now left behind … for good?

When do you plan to ‘future pace’ your entire day surpassing your
expectations?

What have you used successfully to ‘get unstuck’?

What has already changed for the better as a result of these


specific exercises?

What are some action items you can do right now?

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© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 37


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

WORKBOOK SECTION 4: When Your


Self Esteem Doesn’t Go To Plan

Refer to your FREE E-Course email “LESSON 4: When


your self esteem doesn’t go to plan” for more
information and instructions for the following exercises.

The Success Spiral – Or How To Get


Anything You Ever Want In Your Life!
I’m not sure if you would like to learn just how to get anything you
ever wanted in your life – but just in case you do, here is the
process!

Well documented by many popular personal development gurus,


this 4-step formula is the ultimate simple tool for personal change.

Some have found it difficult to apply it to self esteem issues,


perhaps because they have not ‘broken down the self esteem
issue’ into definable elements (see Lesson 3!).

So how do you get success in any area of life?

Follow this amazingly powerful yet simple 4-step formula:

1. Set up an outcome
2. Take action
3. Calibrate your success so far (in progressing
towards, or not, your outcome)
4. Be flexible

1. My outcome is:

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 38


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Self Esteem Plus

2. Some action I can take now towards attaining this outcome


is:

3a. I have the following evidence showing progress towards this


outcome:

3b. I have the following evidence showing progress away from


this outcome:

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 39


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

4. Consequently these are the activities I must adjust or do


differently to reduce movement away from my outcome and step
up movement towards it:

< Instant self esteem tip

Emotion = Energy In Motion.

Get action happening – any action – and you’ll soon discover


where and how you’ll need to change things.

Do nothing and you’ll get nothing! And no feedback as to what


you should be doing.

To paraphrase a famous quote: “The definition of insanity is


doing the same thing over and over and expecting
different results.”

L Recommended Internet Resource:


Having goals and affirmations for your success (as you will see
later in this course) is a great way to unlock your own inner power.
Most people don’t realize how powerful they already are! To put
affirmations and goals right onto your computer where you can
access their power everyday, go to Affirmware.

Jeff Staniforth has developed an excellent software program


specifically for harnessing the power of affirmations on your
computer! He also has a free affirmations course for you!
Go to: http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Affirmation-Software

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 40


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

How To Ask For What You Want –


The Correct Way To Be Assertive
Do you say yes to everything?

Not asking for what you really want or need?

Sometimes things don’t go to plan because circumstance works


against us … the person you asked for help refuses … or someone
you are trying to communicate with effectively responds
aggressively … or you get asked to do something you don’t want to
(or really can’t afford to waste time doing).

Or maybe you just reacted needlessly angrily or hurt to something.

And in turn this can dent self esteem purely because it feels as if
the ‘locus of control’ has been taken out of your hands.

Without exception, someone with high self esteem is highly likely


to have evolved solid assertiveness skills.

They’ve learned that assertiveness can help them quickly get what
they want, when they want it, without resorting to aggression or
deception.

Let us learn how to do that now!

First of all, what is assertiveness?

It is the skill to ask for what you deserve – and the right to ask
for what you want.

• To be treated with respect


• To have and express your own feelings and opinions
• To be listened to and taken seriously
• To set your own priorities
• To say NO without feeling guilty
• To ask for what you want
• To get what you pay for
• The right to ask for information from professionals, e.g.
doctors, accountants
• Enough self-assurance to make mistakes
• To choose not to assert yourself, where appropriate

It is sometimes easier to say what assertiveness is than to practice


the skill of doing it. Nonetheless, it is an essential skill to grow and
develop your self esteem.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 41


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

One technique is to ensure that all your statements are made from
your own point of view. You must always talk about what you
want, not what others should be or do.

Below is the one simple letter in the alphabet that becomes your
best friend for being truly assertive …

“I”
For example:

“I would like to have more time so I can get my work done”

… is a request made assertively.

Whereas;

“You need to leave me alone and stop interrupting me”

… is not.

Now it is your turn …

If you could ask for whatever you wanted right now, what
would you ask?

Eg, I’d like to be unconditionally accepted by my mother

Write your own “I” statements here

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 42


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

I would personally recommend beginning practicing assertiveness


skills by pre-planning every occasion.

It is so easy to get tongue-tied when emotions run high – then


afterwards think “Oh, if only I had said xxx instead” and then beat
yourself up about it.

Don’t do that! So what if you stumble when trying to be assertive?

Practice with a friend if you can. Have them be a ‘devils advocate’


so you can practicing responding when the heat is on.

And give yourself the ‘chance to’ practice, practice, practice.

Remember, it not just about ‘being nice’.

It is about asking for, and getting, what you rightfully deserve.

It is about putting a stop to abusive or destructive behaviors from


others.

And it is about creating quality communication and removing


blame and justification.

Do all of this, and you are already adding to a better place to live
in.

L Recommended Internet Resource:


Unstoppable Confidence has a superb eBook, based on many of
the principles we use in this course. If improving your confidence
is a major goal of yours, then check it out.
Go to: http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Unstoppable-Confidence

L Recommended Internet Resource:


Remember to check out the free 6-part self confidence course at
Uncommon Knowledge. I really love what one of the creators,
Roger Elliott says about self esteem!
http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Free-Self-Confidence-Course

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 43


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

Tap Into The Incredible Strength Of


Your Unconscious Mind By Using
Affirmations
Would you like to know a neat ‘show-stopper’ technique that will
keep you on track to a positive state of mind time and time again?

And you might be disappointed when I tell you that this is all about
using affirmations, every day. Because affirmations got a bad
name in the 60s and as a result, many have downplayed or
belittled their power. Ha! They are wrong wrong wrong … which is
a shame for them really. But luckily not for you and me!

OK, so what is an affirmation and why will it help me so


dramatically?

Strong affirmations can help break the downward spiral that


sometimes occurs with self esteem.

All you need is enough time and space to be able to take stock;
apply some of the techniques here and make a slight change.

Hey presto, the downward spiral is arrested.

So don’t knock affirmations, they can be extremely powerful. The


only reason they sometimes don’t work for other people is because
they haven’t done the detailed work that you have in this
workbook.

How should you use affirmations?

Whatever works for you!

• Some people write them over and over.

• Others listen to tapes with soothing background music.

• Some use affirmation software on their computers.

• And others simply repeat them over and over in their heads
when needed – or just whilst out for a walk.

• Or maybe you’ll print some out and stick them up in your


house, above the bathroom mirror, next to the computer,
at work over your desk …

Self esteem affirmations

Here are some powerful affirmations to help you boost your self
esteem.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 44


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

I am in control of my self esteem.

I have everything I need to ‘be’ and ‘do’ whatever I want.

Everyday in every way, I am becoming better and better.

People are attracted to me.

I express myself fully and assertively when I need to.

I can change anything I want to in my life.

I take responsibility for making my own changes.

Now let’s make some affirmations just for you!

Rules:

Must be stated positively


“I am no longer lacking in confidence” is in fact stated negatively –
what I don’t want.

“I am growing in confidence” is stated positively – what I do want.

Must be stated as if happening now


“I am …” as opposed to “I will be …”.

Oh and by the way, it doesn’t matter or diminish the effect if you


don’t believe it!

OK, now try creating some for yourself. Try just changing some of
the examples above to start with and gain some experience.

Write your personal affirmations here

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 45


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

L Recommended Internet Resource:


Affirmware has developed an excellent software program for
harnessing the power of affirmations on your computer!
Go to: http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Affirmation-Software

< Instant self esteem tip

Here’s a powerful little tip that helps deal with any annoying
little negative voices in your head.

The ones that can say “it’s not true; it won’t work” when you
repeat an affirmation to yourself.

Repeat them prefaced with the words:

Up until now …

“I’m too shy to ask him …” becomes …

“Up until now, I am too shy to ask him …”

SECTION 4 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS

Ponder these questions for a while …

What are you already applying the Success Spiral to?

What have you now asked for that ‘up until now’, you didn’t have
the confidence to?

What do you plan to ask for more often?

What is your most powerful affirmation and where do you see it or


experience it every day?

What has already changed for the better as a result of these


specific exercises?

What are some action items you can do right now?

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© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 46


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

WORKBOOK SECTION 5: Accelerate


Your Progress Towards High Self
Esteem

Refer to your FREE E-Course email “LESSON 5:


Accelerate your progress towards high self esteem” for
more information and instructions for the following exercises.

In this section of the course, we’ll start bringing everything


together – you’ll be surprised at how far you have already come!

And then we’ll push the accelerator button and show you how to
make it all happen more effectively, faster and with great
satisfaction.

Might be a good time to think about your goals.

What kind of person do you want to become?

What really needs to change right now?

Where do you really want to make a big difference in YOUR life …


and the lives of the others around you?

And watch out, because you’ll be busting some of your limiting


beliefs in the next few pages!

Self Limiters – How To Take The


Brakes Off!
My Mom used to say to me (OK, still does!) “There is no such thing
as can’t!”

Are you someone who tells themselves “I can’t”?

Well, there is no such thing!

It simply means you are choosing not to do it.

Can’t afford it? – Not really, just choosing not to at this


moment in time.

Can’t do it? – Not really, just won’t do it (for whatever


reason)

Can’t approach that person and ask them for a date?


Not really, just choosing to let the fear be bigger than me
so I won’t do it.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 47


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

OK, let’s find out what is it that you think you “can’t” or “couldn’t”
do and we’ll get some of those self-limiters removed with a really
powerful technique.

Now list some typical “I can’t/couldn’t …” scenarios for you:

I can’t …

I couldn’t …

I’ll be happy when …

Now expand these to get the real reason or root belief …

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 48


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

I won’t because ….(fill in the ‘because’ part here. Use more paper
if you have to.)

I choose not to because …

I don’t feel that way now because …

Now here is the powerful part. Brainstorm answers to this


statement:

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 49


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Self Esteem Plus

I can now choose to overcome this limiting belief by …

Now quickly list at least three actions you can take, for
example:

• Find or create an affirmation you can use – “I am an


attractive person that others like to be around”.

• Refer to some evidence, no matter how small, that you


have done something like this before; or there is something
little and achievable in the next 48 hours that proves the “I
can’t ..” wrong.

• Using physical movement eg taking a power walk, or going


for swim to clear the mind. Get the stuck “I can’t …”
thinking out of your body.

L Recommended Internet Resource:


Changing deeply held “I can’t” beliefs can be made easier with
some self hypnosis. Check out the enormous and highly
professional range of downloadable programs at Hypnosis
Downloads. And while you are there, why not visit their page
‘Learn Hypnosis’ and take the free course?
Go to: http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Hypnosis-Downloads

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 50


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Self Esteem Plus

Create Multiple Paths To Happiness!


How would you feel if ANYTHING you did, ANY ACTION you took,
inevitably led you towards feeling on top of the world every day
and achieving more of your goals and desires?

Pretty good right?

Well that’s what we are going to do right here, right now!

Firstly, let’s examine a fundamental self esteem and self


confidence issue …

Low self esteem can be made worse by only ever having ONE WAY
to be happy.

• I’m going to marry Brad Pitt


• I have to own a mansion in (insert suburb here)
• I’ll be rid of all my problems when I win Lotto
• I’ll be happy when I’ve had the cosmetic surgery
• I’ll only be happy when I get (insert person’s name here)’s job
• I’ll be OK once (insert person’s name here) loves me
• I’ll be happy when I can date like the other guys do
• I’ll feel great when I have the 2005 model Corvette with all the
options (insert other material items here)

The more specific and rare the availability of the dependence, the
worse it gets!

But there is a huge flaw in this thinking … it assumes that some


highly specific (or even unique) person, external event or
circumstance is responsible for your emotional state.

Whereas those with high self esteem realize that …

Happiness is made by you, inside you.

It doesn’t come from money. I know plenty of unhappy rich


people!. Lack of money can be difficult of course. But don’t
imagine that money alone changes what is inside of you. It is you
who does that, not the money! So treat each and every day as a
“Lotto-Winning Day”!

It doesn’t come from your looks. Plenty of unhappy


supermodels!

It doesn’t come from others or relationships. More likely,


they bring all their own hopes pinned on you making them happy!

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 51


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Self Esteem Plus

Oh dear. Seems a little bleak.

Alright, so here is what you do: Make your outcomes achievable


in multiple ways.

• Does it have to be Brad Pitt personally, or someone who


evokes that feeling IN YOU?
• What other suburbs or houses would evoke that feeling in you?
• How else would you feel much better about your image,
without having surgery?
• What would you do with your life if you never won The Lottery?

The more different ways you have to get the outcomes you desire
that evoke the feelings you want …..

Then it virtually becomes guaranteed that you’ll be happy!

Brainstorm a huuuuge list of paths by which your desires will be


satisfied. When any one, two or three of them happen, you’ll be
delighted in knowing they’ll suit you just fine.

No compromises either!

Here is my huge list of ways to gain my outcomes, desires and


fullest happiness …

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 52


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Self Esteem Plus

Compelling Desires: Making 100%


Happiness Inevitable
Now let’s make this incredible journey of improving your self
esteem sooo compelling, soooo juicy, soooo awesome, soooo
exciting, soooo hi-energy that you wonder why it hasn’t already
happened.

Step 1.
Describe how you want to be, think and do NOW in as much detail
as you possibly can.

Tips:

• Think of an ideal day/week.


• Typical friends you would have around you
• How you are adding to the world (your job, your business,
your family, your community)

Step 2.
Now turn it up in your own mind …

Put it on the big screen.


Add a marching band and stirring music.
Roll up a crowd to applaud your progress.
Create a team of tireless hi-energy cheerleaders.
Imagine a movie-lot backdrop of infinite resources in
offices, warehouses, houses, people all around you, ready
to come forward to help you at your slightest whim.

You have an unlimited budget, so go for it!

Leave everyone better off after meeting you.

Self esteem is a moving target. There are always ups and downs.

Luckily, a little known fact makes an enormous difference. Self


esteem is not a limited resource. If mine goes up, yours does not
go down to ‘balance the checkbook’.

In fact, if you practice helping others to raise their self esteem ….


then yours rises too!

So vow to leave everyone better off after meeting you. No matter


how bad a day they seem to be having.

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 53


May not be distributed, copied or reprinted without author’s permission.
Self Esteem Plus

< Instant self esteem tip

Make “I’m unique” a statement of the unique elements you


bring to our world. Not a liability or a Robinson Crusoe-like
position of un-rescue-ability.

Don’t be ‘terminally unique’ – “no-one can help me because I’m


not like all the others” – … be uniquely you.

SECTION 5 INTEGRATION QUESTIONS

Ponder these questions for a while …

What limiting beliefs have you broken through already?

What evidence do you already have that things have changed?

How many paths to happiness have you already created?

What ONE THING makes your future intensely compelling?

What has already changed for the better as a result of these


specific exercises?

What are some action items you can do right now?

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L Recommended Internet Resource:


Looking for more? Self Growth have released a 460-page
eBook “Self Improvement – The Top 101 Experts” which
condenses pretty much all of the great advice from recognized
experts such as: Tony Robbins, Dr. Phil, Zig Ziglar, Les Brown, Norman
Vincent Peale, John Gray, Harville Hendrix, Leo Buscaglia, Barbara
DeAngelis, Laura Schlessinger, Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Marianne
Williamson, Caroline Myss, Louise Hay, Sylvia Browne, Dalai Lama, James
Redfield, Stephen Covey, John Maxwell, Ken Blanchard, Tom Hopkins,
Tom Peters, Robert Allen, Robert Kiyosaki, Napoleon Hill, Bob Proctor,
Dale Carnegie, Brian Tracy, Og Mandino, Po Bronson. Saves you plenty
of research time continuing your journey!
Go to: http://www.selfesteemplus.com/Top-Experts

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 54


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Self Esteem Plus

And lastly and most importantly …

Make a long list of things you can do NOW …… Right NOW!

Actions that will continue to reinforce your positive beliefs.

Actions that will prove to yourself for once and for all that
you are building your self esteem higher and higher every
day.

Write ‘em down.

Stick ‘em up around the place.

Put them on a screen saver.

Add them into your diary (while you are there, diarize a full
course review in 3 months time – you’ll be amazed at how
you’ve changed!).

Things I can do right now!

All the best for your journey!


Do write to me at mystory@selfesteemplus.com and let me know
your story so far … I’d love to hear from you! Maybe your thoughts
could help inspire someone else …

Robert

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 55


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Self Esteem Plus

NOTES:

© 2005, www.selfesteemplus.com & Robert Scanlon. All Rights Reserved. Page 56


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