ASSIGNMENT/ASSESSMENT ITEM COVER SHEET

Student Name:
Sonia FIRST NAME Carpenter FAMILY / LAST NAME
Email: c3109550@uon.edu.au

Student Number: Course Code

3 1 0 9 5 5 0

Course Title
Specialist Studies in English 2
(Example)

E D U C 4 0 9 0
(Example)

A B C D 1
Campus of Study:

Intro to University
(eg Callaghan, Ourimbah, Port Macquarie) 12/04/13 11:59pm Due Date/Time:

Callaghan

Assessment Item Title:

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Quality Analysis and Feedback

Tutorial Group (If applicable): Lecturer/Tutor Name: Julie Bowe Extension Granted: Yes

Thursday 1-3pm

Word Count (If applicable):

1575 w/o quotes, references

No

Granted Until:

Please attach a copy of your extension approval

NB: STUDENTS MAY EXPECT THAT THIS ASSIGNMENT WILL BE RETURNED WITHIN 3 WEEKS OF THE DUE DATE OF SUBMISSION
Please tick box if applicable Students within the Faculty of Business and Law, Faculty of Science and Information Technology, Faculty of Engineering and Built Environment and the School of Nursing and Midwifery: I verify that I have completed the online Academic Integrity Module and adhered to its principles Students within the School of Education: "I understand that a minimum standard of correct referencing and academic literacy is required to pass all written assignments in the School of Education; and I have read and understood the School of Education Course Outline Policy Supplement, which includes important information related to assessment policies and procedures. I declare that this assessment item is my own work unless otherwise acknowledged and is in accordance with the Universitys academic integrity policy available from the Policy Library on the web at http://www.newcastle.edu.au/policylibrary/000608.html I certify that this assessment item has not been submitted previously for academic credit in this or any other course. I certify that I have not given a copy or have shown a copy of this assessment item to another student enrolled in the course. I acknowledge that the assessor of this assignment may, for the purpose of assessing this assignment: Reproduce this assessment item and provide a copy to another member of the Faculty; and/or Communicate a copy of this assessment item to a plagiarism checking service (which may then retain a copy of the item on its database for the purpose of future plagiarism checking). Submit the assessment item to other forms of plagiarism checking. I certify that any electronic version of this assessment item that I have submitted or will submit is identical to this paper version.

DATE STAMP HERE

Turnitin ID: (if applicable)

320945299

Signature:

Sonia Carpenter_____________________________

Date: __12/04/2013______

Insert this way

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 1 - annotated feedback

c3109550

Your use of the words community and corrupted show that you recognise language is a good way to distinguish the different qualities of the two worlds! Just be aware of the connotations of a word like corrupted, because it can make you sound biased, unless you plan to discuss why you chose the word corrupted.

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 1 - annotated feedback

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EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 1 - annotated feedback

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This sentence goes for eight lines! Try replacing some of the commas with a full stop to create shorter, sharper sentences.

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 1 - annotated feedback

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This is impressive attempt to discuss the film technique of perspective that we discussed in class. Your response could have been better at answering the question if you had Peter discuss how he used this technique to portray the change in Samuels character, and through Samuel the differences between his and Books worlds.

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 1 - annotated feedback

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Your answer demonstrates a sound understanding of Weirs representation of two different worlds in Witness; in your words the Amish community and the corrupted world of Philedelphia. (The correct spelling is Philadelphia) I especially like your attention to detail in your example on page 2, when you mention Happy Valley. If you explored the significance of the name Happy Valley and the film technique of juxtaposition, your response would have been even better. The language you used is appropriate for the intended HSC audience, and purpose, but you need to be careful with spelling and grammatical errors. Feel free to ask me for more information on complete sentences, parentheses and apostrophes to help your writing.

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 2 - annotated feedback

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EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 2 - annotated feedback

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EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 2 - annotated feedback

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This sentence is excellent! The use of I tried written from Peter Weirs perspective is imaginative and the sentence is a good example of integrating discussion of technique into answering the question on the different worlds. It only could have been better if the next paragraph, where you use a specific example were added to this paragraph, as this would strengthen your point through example.

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 2 - annotated feedback

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This is a great paragraph. It contains a topic, specific example references from the film as well as a mention of how those techniques form a part of Peter Weirs representation of the different worlds in Witness. This is answering the question very well. The only weakness here is the fact that this paragraph is only two very long sentences. Try to break your sentences up into short, sharp statements. This is easier to read, and makes your points more effective.

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 2 - annotated feedback

c3109550

Your answer has great language and structure, and shows that you have a well-developed understanding of the qualities and techniques of the film Witness, so well done!

Apart from a few spelling and grammatical errors; for example you spelt juxtaposition as Juxtoposition
throughout your response, your interview transcript has explicit, quality discussion of the different worlds in Witness through the characters, especially on pages 3 and 4 of your response. Overall, your response is consistently critical, interpretive and imaginative, and the language you use is appropriate and skilful, demonstrating a good understanding of the text and the techniques as well as how to structure a response to creative questions like this one. Well done!

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 3 - annotated feedback

c3109550

I see here that you are attempting to use language to show that you understand the different worlds that the question is asking you about is the Amish and mainstream American society. Just be careful with using words like normally and uncivilised. (next page) This indicates you are biased; it sounds like you think the Amish are not normal, or "a savage people." It is fine if that is your opinion, but you need to discuss it further. Your response from Peter about their technology and clothing does not necessarily define them as not normal or uncivilised.

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 3 - annotated feedback

c3109550

Try to phrase your questions to be more specific. There are three different elements in the exam question (see my final comment) that you could choose to focus individual interview questions on. By simply repeating the exam question like this, you are making it harder to answer, because the question is too broad to answer all at once.

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 3 - annotated feedback

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I see you are using this quote as a technique to show violence EDUC4090 Assignment 1 c3109550 Student script 3 - annotated feedback is a defining feature of the different worlds, but make sure Peter says it is a technique to strengthen our response.

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Student script 3 - annotated feedback

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I can see that you have remembered the scenes we discussed in class but you have some difficulty finding ways to connect to the question being asked. Your response contains a lot of narrative of scenes but needs more discussion of how your examples demonstrate Peter Weirs use of John, Samuel and film techniques to represent the different worlds in Witness. For example, you tell us about Samuel identifying McPhee, (page 4) but what you need to tell us is that how both John and Samuel act in this scene is a representation of how different their worlds are. When you use quotes like on pages 4 and 5, you can strengthen your response by talking about how what is said in the quote you chose answers the question. Good attempt.

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Assessment of HSC work samples (general feedback)

c3109550

Good responses covered all of the three essentials areas of this question: they created an interview script which discussed the characters John Book and Samuel Lapp, Weirs representation of different worlds, and the use of relevant film techniques. Great responses integrated the discussion of these distinctive qualities of Witness throughout their entire answer, and the result was a sustained critical, interpretive and imaginative response composed with skill one of the criteria for the highest mark band. Weaker responses only referred to some aspects of Peter Weirs film in their response. The best responses used both film techniques and scenes that we had discussed in class as well ones of their own. The average response only used the examples discussed in class, but also managed to use these examples to directly answer the question. The weaker responses ONLY used the example scenes and techniques from class, and their use of them was without explanation of how they answered the question. In the final HSC exam, you will be answering a question under similar conditions. You need to have a list of film techniques drawn from class examples and your own understanding of the film, and this list should contain a variety of techniques and quotes, so that whatever exam question you are given, you will have some techniques to use. The second marking criteria for this task refers to how much your response acknowledged that the film Witness itself, and the film techniques within it, are products of Peter Weirs creative design choices. The best responses acknowledged this by explicitly discussing Peter Weirs choice to make this film, often by asking him his ideas behind Witness. Strong responses also interviewed Peter about his film techniques as a part his use of the medium of film. Weaker responses usually did one or the other, but not both.

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Assessment of HSC work samples (general feedback)

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As per the third marking criteria, skilful use of language means little or no spelling or grammatical errors. Many responses struggled in this area. The correct use of speech marks, pronouns and complete sentences go a long way in raising the standard of your response. Effective use of language concerns how you phrased your interview questions and responses to express your ideas. The best responses asked critical, direct questions as an interviewer, and their responses from Peter were direct, imaginative and addressed single parts of the question. Strong interview questions are those that helped you answer the each component of the exam question through Peter Weir. Weaker responses had vague questions, or used the exact wording of the exam question. This made it harder for them to answer through Peter Weir, as the exam question is very broad; using the exam question also minimised the marks you could have received for a creative response.

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Discussion of a current issue, trend or strategy and how it relates to evaluation of the work samples

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Despite the variety of text types and the increasing use and support for technology in English study, as a strategy for inclusion and accessibility of English (Dudeney & Hockly, 2007, p. 88; Kajder, 2003; Miller, 2012; Wolsey & Grisham, 2012) fifty per cent of HSC course assessment requires the memorisation of large volumes of information to be related by a student under time pressured exam conditions. Student responses to this task found it difficult to construct and deliver a creative, handwritten work in a 45 minute time period. The volume of writing was low for all responses; the handwriting legible, but unclear. Common typing slang and error were evident in the abbreviation of words and omission of letters in the responses; thanx and intesting are examples.

Academia contends over the value of teaching students grammar and for many valid reasons.(Watson, 2010) The reality is that these student scripts suffer from distinct lack of knowledge of grammar and correct sentence structure. Film techniques are evidently memorised, and somewhat poorly synthesised; the students are not aware of how to use language to judge which examples or techniques supplied in class are best suited to integrate into their response. The task claims to assess six of the total thirteen HSC English outcomes. Two of these outcomes explicitly address language development. There is no reference to the specific HSC English (Standard) Content on the task description or rubric and none of the students performed to an exemplary standard across all four marking criteria. This demonstrates the impossibility of assessing this many outcomes in a single task. The students most commonly did well with the marking criteria composes a critical and/or interpretive and/or imaginative response simply due to the broad scope of the criteria. As long as the students did not deviate from the prescribed interview script format, and they used first-person speech conventions they were able to satisfy the imaginative component. Their critical and interpretative skills could then be assumedly measured through the identifiers absent from the task

EDUC4090 Assignment 1 Discussion of a current issue, trend or strategy and how it relates to evaluation of the work samples

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sheet but available in the syllabus. Specific, syllabus-based indicators should be made available to students for all HSC tasks. Perhaps this could explain why they all struggled with the marking criteria on their use of language. It is the pressure of the out-dated handwritten form of the HSC examination, and the quantity of writing and knowledge that this examination expects, that dictated the design of this task, which is evidently a HSC rehearsal. 3.4 of outcome 3 language for making connections, questioning, affirming, challenging, speculating about and generalising about texts (Board of Studies NSW, 2009, p. 32) presented significant challenge to at least two of the scripts, who struggled with comparative words for distinguishing the Amish America from Books America.

Appropriate vocabulary, along with the purpose for learning HSC content knowledge is often marginalised, despite is significance to success construction of the written HSC responses, due to the intense pressure of the handwritten format of the HSC, as demonstrated in this task and the work it produced. The innovative idea of marking student written responses through podcasts that the students must listen to in order to receive their mark, marries the weaknesses in the language use in these responses with the significance of coherency and synthesis in HSC responses. The student [] hears[s] the effect of poor spelling, careless pronouns, run-on sentences. (Faulkner, 2011, p. 88)

References Board of Studies NSW. (2009). English Stage 6 Syllabus. (2009643). Sydney: Board of Studies NSW. Dudeney, G., & Hockly, N. (2007). How to teach English with technology: Harlow : Pearson/Longman. Faulkner, N. (2011). How to Maximise Student Learning After Assessment Whilst Minimising the Pain of Correction (In Search of The Holy Grail). [Shap shots]. English in Australia, 46(3), 87-88. Kajder, S. B., -. (2003). The tech-savvy English classroom. Portland: Stenhouse Publishers. Miller, S. (2012). Multimodal Composing in Classrooms: Learning and Teaching for the Digital World. Hoboken: Taylor and Francis, 2012. Watson, K. (2010). Grammar and Usage: History and Myth. English in Australia, 45(2), 31-37. Wolsey, T., & Grisham, D. (2012). Transforming writing instruction in the digital age : techniques for grades 5-12. New York: The Guilford Press.