Was Ernest Hemingway a Vampire?

Historians and Literary Critics Now Say Yes

He always claimed to be just another writer, but, was he? Earnest Hemingway was apparently killed in his twenties while working as an ambulance driver on the Italian front in World War One. An Austrian shell landed right near Hemingway as he was handing out chocolates to troops, but strangely, he lived to write his first novel about the events.

He seemed to die, yet he lived. He drank heavily at night in Parisian bars, and slept all day. He seemed to suck the life blood out of people along with their life stories. He sat at tables with women till the wee hours, but never seemed to desire sexual pleasures. He went to Spain during the Spanish Civil War and championed the evil Stalinist forces. He was shot several times, yet each time the bullets from the Catholic Fascist forces with Franco and the Nazis could not keep him down.

No one thought to put a stake through his heart.

When there were no active war zones to play in Hemingway loved to hunt and kill animals, especially big wild animals in Africa. He turned his hunting trips into novels dripping

with blood and self-satisfaction.

When WW2 raged Hemingway was driving across Northern France waving a pistol and shooting any Nazis who could not get out a cross to ward off this evil spawn of the devil. German Catholics were more likely to survive an encounter with Hemingway, because they had rosaries with them and a

Christian cross. Pope Ratzinger was a young soldier in the German Wehrmacht in 1945 when he warded off Hemingway with a small silver Cross.

Then Hemingway moved to Cuba to foment a Communist Revolution. In the 1940s he was seen frequently along the shore fishing and adopted a local son he took for long boat rides and longer conversations. The boys name was Fidel Castro. Hemingway wrote a book about a thinly disguised vampire passing his trade down to a young boy The Old Man and The Sea Vampire. In the original version the old man bites and sucks the blood out of a hapless shark who swims near his boat. But Hemingway changed the story so

that Hollywood could make a sugar coated movie about the

book. In 1961 Hemingway finally killed himself with a silver bullet as the FBI was closing in on him in his Idaho hideout. Soon after the Soviet Union collapsed and Fidel Castro was forced to retire, proving that Hemingway, an Evil Vampire, was a major force in history helping Communists and their Evil Empire.