How To Get What You Want

Part of the Bluelady Muse DiscoverMe Series

By Kellie Jo Holly

Important Note
If your problem revolves around how your partner, family member or friend treats
you, then solving it requires a different sort of help than this workbook offers.
Nothing you say or do can force someone else to hurt you emotionally or
physically. If your problem involves continual feelings of pain or remorse in your
relationship, it is possible that your partner, family member or friend abuses you,
and you should look further into that possibility before continuing. Start at Verbal
Abuse Journals.

2005 Bluelady Muse; All rights reserved. This e-Book is compliments of Bluelady Muse. You
may distribute this e-Book freely from your site or via email so long as it remains unchanged.
Give proper credit to Bluelady Muse if you use it on your web site by providing a web link to
http://www.blueladymuse.com.

Table of Contents
Thinking Problems ............................................................................................................................. 6
Turn Your Problem Inside Out ........................................................................................................... 1
Identify the Problem ..................................................................................................................... 1
Your Reactions to the Problem ..................................................................................................... 1
Your Support System ..................................................................................................................... 2
Your Beliefs About the Problem .................................................................................................... 2
Similar Problems And The Big Picture ........................................................................................... 3
Your Conclusions To This Point ..................................................................................................... 4
Solving Your Problem ........................................................................................................................ 6
Your Goal ....................................................................................................................................... 6
Your Best Support System ............................................................................................................. 8
Visualize Success ............................................................................................................................... 8
Congratulations ............................................................................................................................... 10

Thinking Problems
Before we get started, there are a few common thinking errors to consider. As you go through
this workbook, double-check your thinking so you do not sabotage yourself or your solution.
All or nothing thinking
You see no middle ground. You assume if you do not fix it right now then you never will. In
reality, the solution you find today may not work, but that only suggests that you try again.
Emotional reasoning
You think that how you feel about yourself is how others feel about you too. You feel like a jerk
because you accidentally insulted a co-worker so you think everyone else thinks youre a jerk,
too. In reality, your co-workers know you didnt know the situation and could not have known
your statement would be insulting.
Fortune-telling
You predict that things will turn out badly, no matter what you say or do. You feel paralyzed and
powerless when, in reality, no one is ever powerless over their thinking or behavior.
Minimizing and maximizing
You consider your mistakes to be bigger and your successes to be smaller than they are. In
reality, the situation is often reversed but we emphasize our failures (hurts) more than our
successes (joys).
Overgeneralization
You predict your future based on a single event. You think that because you made a bad decision
last year that your entire life is ruined. Why try? In reality, convincing yourself your life is over
leads to Depression and more failure.
Shoulds and oughts
You tell yourself what you should and ought to do (judgment) instead of what you could do
(possibilities). Shoulds and oughts imprison your thinking and limit your options. In reality,
mentally changing those words to coulds will empower you.

Turn Your Problem Inside Out

Before solving your problem, you have to understand it completely. Clear your mind of judgment
and blame - those thoughts are not going to help you now. It is time to examine this problem
from its beginning point so you can solve this one and any other associated problems hovering
around it. Everything cam work out if you put some thought into it right now.
Say aloud - I want to understand this multi-faceted problem so I am conscious of what it will take
to resolve it.

Identify the Problem

What is the problem? _____________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
What was going on right before you experienced the problem? ___________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
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Your Reactions to the Problem

Who noticed this problem first? ____________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
How did you react when you figured out there was this problem? _________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
How do you feel about your reaction to this problem? Was your reaction typical of you or outside
your usual thoughts or behaviors? ___________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
How does this problem affect your
Social Relationships _______________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
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Emotional State _________________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Mental State ___________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Health: ________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________

Your Support System

Who did you tell about this problem? ________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
How did they react when you told them? _____________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
How did you feel about their reaction? What did you say? What did you say to yourself about
their reaction?
I felt __________________________________________________________________________
I said to them ___________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
I said to myself __________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Will you go to this person with your problems in the future? Why or why not? _______________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Who else could you tell who would support you in solving this problem? Who can you trust with
your feelings? ___________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________

Your Beliefs about the Problem

Since reacting to this problem, what have you come to believe about it? ____________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
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If a loved one told you they had this problem, what would you say to them? _________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
How would you feel about a loved one who shared this problem with you? __________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
How did you react to your problem compared to how you would have reacted to a loved one
with this problem? Did you react as lovingly with yourself as you would have with your loved
one? Do you still believe you reacted appropriately to the problem? Why? ___________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Alternate Beliefs About the Problem
What is a better way to think about this problem? Use coulds instead of shoulds and avoid
the other thinking errors too! ______________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________

Similar Problems and the Big Picture

When is the earliest time that you remember this or something very similar to this as being a
problem?
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
When is the most recent time that something similar to this has been a problem? ____________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
How are the earliest and most recent times similar? ____________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Fill in these sentences while comparing the current problem to similar ones:
How could you better react in the future? When this type of problem occurs in the future, I
could ________________________________________________________________________
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What do you believe that keeps this problem alive? ____________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
What could you stop doing, saying or thinking that will help to solve this recurring problem? ___
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
What could you start doing, saying or thinking that will help to stop this recurring problem? ____
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
What are you willing to do, say, or think to resolve this problem? This is the big one. If you are
not willing to do what you could do, think about it some more. Your solutions must be ones you
are willing to do.
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________

Your Conclusions to This Point

What conclusions do you draw from this information?
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
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_______________________________________________________________________________
Read your conclusions. Are these conclusions complete? Give three more conclusions that you
do not have written down already stretch your mental muscle and open your intuitive mind.
1.) ____________________________________________________________________________
2.) ____________________________________________________________________________
What positive things will happen when you solve this problem? Allow yourself some silliness,
especially toward the end. (List at least twenty future possibilities.)
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

_________________________________________________________________________
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7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.

_________________________________________________________________________
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Draw a picture or doodle about how you will feel after you solve this problem:
Your drawing does not have to be a work of art - stick figures and meaningful symbols are
acceptable!

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Solve Your Problem

Now that you have totally identified and thought through this problem, it is time to come up with
a plan, or goal, to solve the problem. Which results do you want the most? Look at your list of
twenty benefits you will receive when you solve this problem. Pick your favorite result - it
becomes your goal.

Your Goal
Use only positive statements for your goal. Repeating a negative word to your subconscious is
counter-productive. For example, a goal stating, I will not binge on chocolate and other food
creates an interesting negative result. The statement turns into I will binge on chocolate and
other food in your subconscious mind. You do not want that! A better goal would read, I will
eat healthy meals and snacks at certain times of the day to increase my metabolism and health.
Write your goal (your favorite result from your list of 20 possibilities):
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
What issues or obstacles may surface to hinder your success as you strive to attain your goal?
Number these obstacles so you can refer to them easily in the next sections. The more obstacles
you identify now, the easier it will be to reach your goal.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.

_________________________________________________________________________
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What will you do when faced with those obstacles?

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.

_________________________________________________________________________
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What will you do if faced with an unforeseen obstacle?

_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
What are the stepping points to reaching my goal? Define three to seven stepping points along
the way where you will pause to celebrate your progress.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________________

Assign a date to reach each of the stepping points above. Your first point should be no more than
21 days from today.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

_________________________________________________________________________
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Now, decide how you will reward yourself when you pause to reflect on each stepping point.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.

_________________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________________
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_________________________________________________________________________

Write your goal again: ____________________________________________________________

_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
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Your Best Support System

Where will you turn to in times of crisis? Your support system could be made up of a
combination of people, organizations, self-help techniques, or any other choice that will help you
overcome a trouble-spot. Make sure you list more than threeyour first choice may not be
available when you need it.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________
_________________________________________________________________________

Visualize Success
Right now, visualize how you will look and feel when you accomplish your goal. Who will be with
you? With whom will you share your accomplishment? How will you congratulate yourself?
Are you outside or inside? Are you at home or away? Are there any scents around you? Can you
hear any sounds or music? What clothes will you wear? Who or what will touch your skin? Make
this success visualization REAL.
If you do not feel confident in visualizing your success, then write what it will be like here.
_______________________________________________________________________________
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Draw your feelings or yourself on the day you accomplish your goal

Promise yourself that you will refer to your list of 20 positive benefits of accomplishing your goal.
Choose one item each day, and visualize (or write or draw) how you will feel when you reach that
positive point in your life. Write that promise to yourself here:
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Promise yourself that you will visualize yourself at the completion of your goal or contact one of
your support sources the moment when or if you feel unmotivated or stuck. Write that promise
to yourself here:
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Promise yourself that you will revise your plan if it is too restrictive or not restrictive enough as
you strive to meet your stepping points. Write that promise to yourself here:
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Write your goal here:
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
_______________________________________________________________________________
Write the date on which you will attain your goal here: __________________________________
Write the reward you will give yourself on the day you attain your goal here:
_______________________________________________________________________________

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Congratulations
You have a goal and a plan to solve your problem! You understand many elements surrounding
the problem and hold the power to turn the negative situation into a positive one.
You focused your intent and you have at least 20 reasons explaining why solving this problem is
preferable to continuing in the same manner. Use that list to fuel your desire if you feel it wane,
and add other positive outcomes as they come to you.
You are not alone in this process. You have listed helpful resources to turn to in times of crisis.
This list may change too. As you delve into the process, you may find some resources are not so
helpful. Trying to force a resource to help is counter-productive to your success. It takes energy
to force a square peg into a round hole energy better spent on attaining your goal! Drop that
resource, find another possibility to replace it, and move forward.
Remember that sometimes our loved ones do not have the capability to help sustain us as we
hoped. Dont begrudge their inability to help you as much as you would have liked. Learn from
the situation, find a different resource and resolve to turn to your loved one at another time
when he or she is more capable of being the resource you need.
Remember, the best of intentions are not enough to make something happen. You must cultivate
an environment in your mind that allows you to make it happen. Open up, visualize the result,
and know that whatever it is troubling you today will be in the past very soon.
You can do this! Now relax, and let the process work for you.

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