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It Is Just A Dress Not A Yes

18 Sep 2012 | Women | By NeetaKolhatkar

Pic Courtesy: sarahlaurenscott.co.uk

The poster held by female protestors is just a little more telling of the fact of what women are now compelled to say to men, especially the authorities in India. The most recent expose by Tehelka on what the Delhi police feels regarding women rape is horrifying. But one thing is for sure... it is at least as bad, if not more, in other parts of the country. An absolute feudal country, which still would turn the hands of the clock to the lordly old times, to ensure slavery and archaic traditions existed along with the landed estates; this is the very thought that rules modern India. In most cases of assault on womenmolestation and rape, if the woman is traveling late or wearing clothes that they are comfortable in, the woman deserves the outcome, is the predominant thought. Take a pause and look around. People are very aspiring, and however limited the resources; every parent ensures their children get trendy dresses. People from the traditional middle-class get their daughters to wear modern clothes. All this stops in many families because a growing girl or lady is not expected to wear such clothes. The usual taunts being, girls from good families dont wear clothes like this. I am sure this statement has more overtones of envy than any reality. The attacks on women are being atrociously justified and attributed to womens dressing. Moreover, women are being accused of luring men to attack them. This ridiculous thought is stretched to the extent that women complain of rape.The general perception which prevails is that a woman partying, traveling late at night, hanging out with men is of a loose character and deserves anything untoward. This sadly is perpetuated even through our films and serials, which are a strong medium of influence.

Having covered crime for a major part of my career, I've personally faced taunts from people across our society. If I wore sleeveless on any day, it was considered blasphemous way back in the nineties, when I was covering for a mainstream television channel. The chic look of short hair and modern clothes for a Hindi news channel was scorned by even colleagues, forget the rest of society. So before we point fingers, we need to understand that people who stick to this ridiculous ideology that a dress is a sanction for any overture, we need to remember that these sorts are among us, sometimes within our four walls of home or work. Women are groomed to believe they are weaker, vulnerable and hence need protection. In India we have not had a renaissance, revolution per say. Weve had individuals who have fought for womens rights, but it was on the lines of a feminist movement and empowering women in the true sense that shouldve taken place. While all efforts are to induct women in the working force, the fact that woman has her own identity, each unique and the rest needing to keep up with the changing socio cultural dynamics, is seen to be evidently lacking. Hence when I point to the feudal mind-set it is carried especially by those in power, who seem to feel threatened at the loss of it. Hence the head of the family, usually a patriarch will enforce norms of keeping women lower and often hidden. Enforce popular perceptions that would automatically make women feel they are at a risk if they tried to break them or come into their own being. Invariably we see this feudal mentality among officers and politicians. And there begins the basic problem. The very caretakers of our society, officials to ensure there is proper governance, law and order will themselves carry forward this attitude of women needing to boey certain rules. Women have the ability to adjust and evolve. I will not get into the gender and sex politics at this point of time. But the popular perceptions that re-iterated by majority men regarding womans dress code and marital status is appalling. A leading police officer, who happens to be a divorcee, and me, a rather senior, single lady journalist in the profession would so very often exchange notes on our personal experiences. Forget the ordinary women like me. Lady officer friends would get sad at the rumour mongering that male police would indulge in. Believe me, one could not get fooled by her height and her demeanor; commanding authority was enough to make dreaded criminals shiver in their pants. When I told her that nearly every single male police officer was curious about my marital status, often was called for appointments late at night, which I would excuse myself from and invariably was asked whether I was married and why in the middle of interviews for stories. It was distressing after a point. And i lightly hinted that I would now start fibbling and say Im either a divorcee or a widow to avoid more questions and unnecessary advice on why I am still single, how marriage is good and then subtle hints to check whether I am available.

That was when she got serious and said Never say you are a divorcee, next thing you will hear, Neeta deserved it and because there must be a problem with you, you got divorced. These men will show sympathy only to widows. Dont even say youre single. She told me this with immense sadness, because a majority of male officers held a grouse against her being a divorcee. Hence she must be that type and a fast woman. She was a single parent who had broken many new territories which wont be documented, but the stories that were circulated about her were that she needed a drink every night, she likes men, etc. And here was a woman officer! So there was absolutely no question of revealing dresses. This basic mentality that women still cant choose their right to be who they are and wear the kind of clothes they want. Else they are asking for trouble. This ideology has sadly spread across all income groups, castes, religions in our society. And the worst part is these are men in authority, who forcibly mould the minds of many. If the law enforcer believes a woman has enticed someone and deserves the actionmolestation, eve-teasing or even rape, then imagine how appallingly lightly the offender is going to take his deliberate offence? Now, this is the scariest part of the crime. A system and the authority that perpetuates the belief in the accused that a criminal has the right to commit a crime against a woman because she has called it upon herself. As a result we see half-hearted attempt to investigate, moreover help the victim to find escape routes, deliberately ignoring vital clues, evidence and a complete failure to investigate the crime. This obviously has immensely complicated cascading effects. A distraught woman whose life is totally torn apart, facing severe social ridicule and scorn and worse still, a looming fear all her life the offender on the loose can attack her again. This really isnt a safe society anymore. It also tells us that our cities are not safe. It is ridiculous to constantly compare Delhi to Mumbai and say how many degrees does them apart. It is most immature a way to reject a reality. Some trainers and NGOs have been taking programmes to sensitise the police to the changing social realities. There are seminars too. Yet, at the local police station, when a poor woman goes to complain against her husbands physical abuse, dont be shocked to hear when the police say, Why cant you take a slap or 2 from your husband, he is your man only. Compromise. we will threaten him, beat him but dont come to the police station every time. The root of all these problems is that our police come from the society we are in. They are out of a milieu only for 8-10 hours in a day and they return to their socio-cultural milieu, which dictates their thoughts and actions. Right at the induction level for every

constable upwards, at the police training school, is what we need urgent interventions. Else this current situation is only likely to get much worse. Image Source Pic Courtesy: sarahlaurenscott.co.uk Permalink The opinions expressed by authors and those providing comments are theirs alone, and do not reflect the opinions of halabol.com. While we have reviewed their content to make sure it complies with our Terms and Conditions, Halabol is not responsible for the accuracy of any of their information.
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NeetaKolhatkar Follow I last worked as a Deputy Editor with NewsX. It has been my endeavor to use my skills, experience and integrity to benefit society through good journalism, to see the truth behind every story and present it in a lucid form. My career pans working with various media agencies including DNA Newspaper, BAG Films, DD News, Times of India, Zee News, Aaj Tak, and UTV.

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