3/01/2013

Dear Cyclists of New Zealand, I hate you. It may sound extremely harsh but unfortunately for you, it is true. My feelings of deep resentment and hate towards you are not ones that are the result of one certain incident; they have built up as I have been both a witness of and a victim of your rude and quite often unlawful actions whilst using the roads of New Zealand. If you are going to decide to use the road alongside us motor vehicle users then you should follow the same road rules as us and you should do everything in your power to not be a distraction and a disturbance. For some bizarre reason a large proportion of you seem to believe that you dont need to follow these rules and also dont need to worry about how much of a nuisance and an annoyance you are being to other road users. I will now list a number of the ways in which you constantly break road rules or agitate motor vehicle users, therefore creating a major hazard on the roads. Two or more cyclists riding beside each other. Quite often you will do this, and quite often you will be cycling at a speed well below the speed limit. Not only does this annoy road users who have to slow down and wait for a clear stretch of road in which they can pass you safely by crossing onto the incoming lane, it means that we are forced to look at your backside that you squeezed into your two sizes too small Lycra shorts. Its not pleasant. Riding in the middle of the road or not far enough to the side in which a car can safely pass. So unnecessary. Seriously, do you just do this to annoy us? No one is interested in your new cycling gloves or wind resistant helmet so if your intention was to force us to look at this stuff then its a lost cause. Either invest in a car or move to the bloody side, and stay there. Running red lights. If you decide to cycle on the road, you must follow the road code. This means that you cannot run ANY red light. While waiting for a light to go green I quite often see a cyclist wizz past me and go straight through the intersection or pedestrian crossing. This is illegal and dangerous. You could injure yourself or someone else. In saying that, you injuring yourself might actually be a good thing if it means you are unable to cycle anymore. Leaning on my car whist stopped at a traffic light or in traffic. This is one of your actions that frustrates me the most. Dont touch my car. I dont want your sweaty handprints all over my windows and newly washed surfaces. How would you like it if I went for a run then walked into your house and proceeded to rub my sweat all over your windows and walls? You wouldnt be impressed. So stop.

Wearing your cycling clothes in public eateries following a ride. A lot of you seem to go to cafes or restaurants for a coffee or a meal following a ride. This doesnt negatively impact me in anyway, although eating following exercise does seem counterproductive for you. The problem I have with this is when I am in a caf and along waddles 5 sweaty cyclists wearing fluoro tops and disgustingly revealing lycra shorts. As I bite into my scone & sip on my mocchacino the last thing I want is to do is look at a middle aged mans bulge and have the stench of dry sweat waft through the air. Its revolting, rude and unnecessary. Go home & shower before going into public eateries please. I understand that there are a large number of cyclists who completely respect the road code & it is these people who I am more than happy to share the road with. It is the rest of you who this letter is for. If you read this letter and noticed that you do one or more of the things that I stated then you need to take a good hard look at yourself. You need to drop the pretentious attitude that for some reason seems to come with being a cyclist and you need to start being a responsible user of the road and member of society. You complain about why you have a bad reputation all the time so I wrote this letter to explain to you why this is. I hope you now know and do all that you can to change your actions. Sincerely, Hamish James.