I think its high time that I make a real entry.

Before you read this, dont forget please look over the Annotated Bibliography and Definitions. I know Ive left a few of you hanging quite precariously, and I really must apologize for that. Ive just been having an awful time actually getting through the book. Im on page 116, if youd like to know, and what Im assuming is the only vanilla sex in the book has concluded. Ohgawed. Now, I cant make a comment on the mechanics of this, never having had sexual intercourse with a man. Ill leave it up to others (Himesama? Comment?) to fact-check this passage. Instead, I would like to focus on the proceeding scene, in which Christian introduces Ana to his kink. This goes from about page 86 to 100 on the 391-page Nook Book. Ladies and gentlemen, Im actually horrified. This is absolutely the scariest thing, and if anyone assumes this is the way to begin any SM relationship, we have trouble. We have two very distinct problems in this passage: the Nondisclosure Agreement (NDA) and the wine. Let us begin with the NDA. I will start a quote: What does this agreement mean? It means you cannot disclose anything about us. Anything, to anyone. I stare at him in disbelief. This is bad, really bad, and now Im very curious to know. Okay, Ill sign.2 No, no, no, no, no. No. Wiseman1 makes a huge point in his writing that private play is considerably riskier than public play and gives many options about how to protect yourself from getting into a dangerous situation. To go to a very powerful strangers house, not tell anyone where you are, and fail to check in (as Ana does, even in this scene) is asking for trouble. To sign a NDA and to legally give up a right to call for help is the most irresponsible and idiotic thing I can imagine. Christian is seriously to blame for requiring something like that, and Ana is even more to blame for signing it. Remember, your gut feeling is there for a reason. If Christian abuses her from now on, she is facing significant obstacles, especially mentally, to tell others that she is being hurt. That is wrong on so many levels. Since Id like to educate as well as censure: how, my dear audience, can you protect yourself? Again, I will go back to Wiseman (youre going to become very familiar with this man in the future). The best defense, he says, comes in the form of a deterrent. What he advises is something called the silent alarm. The basics are as such: A silent alarm is a safety device used when two people who dont know each other well meet for private play. You set up a silent alarm by telling someone you trust where you will be and with whom you will be playing. If you dont send an Im safe message by an agreed-upon time, your silent alarm partner should understand that your life is in danger.1

The silent alarm works as deterrence you tell your partner that it is in place, that people know where you are and will call the police if necessary. This may seem very extreme, but that, dears, is the point. It should only be used if your life is in danger, and if you are playing with strangers, then that can be a very real possibility. Obviously, youre very responsible for ending the silent alarm before the police are called! Another suggestion is to set up two alarms, especially if you are staying the night one will be after the session (if I dont call by nine, get worried). The second can take place the next day. (Also, Im spending the night, so I will call you before noon the next day).

Well, now that that has been discussed, the other thing I want to discuss is the wine. Would you like a drink?...Im going to have a glass of white wine. Would you like to join me? Yes please, I murmur.2 A few things to note here: First, in the course of this scene, Ana consumes two glasses of wine. This is enough, personally, to get me a little bit loopy. Previously, she has admitted to only haven gotten drunk once in her life (two days ago, if my time frame is correct) and has very low alcohol tolerance due to not drinking. Ever. So already, we can assume she is a little bit impaired. Not dramatically so, but still enough. Second, Christian, the Dom and one who is supposed to be responsible, is also drinking; we dont know how much. Now, Im going to assume that two glasses of wine or so wont be as much of an impairment for him, but it is still something. Kids, let me get on my soap box for a minute: DO NOT. I REPEAT, DO NOT. EVER. DO A SCENE WHEN IMPAIRED IN ANY FASHION. This means: sick, tired, drunk, high, anything. If himesama has been drinking, even if she is not drunk, I refuse to have sex of any kind with her. Consent is the biggest and most important point of SM, and it is the thing that separates us from abusers. Impairment removes consent. It is that simple, if you are drunk, this is no longer SM. As Wiseman says, This form of erotic play requires coordination, empathy, attention to detail, and the ability to react quickly and correctly to unexpected developments, including emergencies. Anybody who would deliberately impair themselves and then do this is grossly unsafe and irresponsible.1 In FSOG, the fact that the NDA, and a resulting demands list is expected to be signed at this juncture only reinforces that what is going on is dangerous, nonconsensual, and stupid. Already, we see the signs of a highly unhealthy relationship. As always, agree or disagree with me, Id like to hear your responses. Please send me an ask, fact check me, ask questions, give commentary. The next entry will probably be on BDSM negotiation, so please look forward to it.

Geeky Domme, out!

Alright. Before I begin, I would like to define a few of the terms that I will be using throughout this blog. Most commonly, I will be speaking often of the abbreviation SM. The common abbreviation BDSM encompasses three distinct ways of looking at kink-based relationships: Bondage and Discipline, Domination and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism. Other common ways of looking at it are Slave and Master. I will be referring to this entire group by the term SM, mostly because my main body of research comes from a book in which this is the common abbreviation. If you are interested, this book is called SM 101: A realistic Introduction, by Jay Wiseman. I will have it in my bibliography section, and I find it a very valuable research, both for the purposes of this project, and also for personal use. For the most part, I will be referring to the character Christian Grey by his given name, or as the Dom. This is short for the Dominator or the sexual leader, and, as this is a Lifestyle (to be defined later), the leader of the relationship. Anastasia Steele will, alternately, be referred to by her given name or as the Sub. This is short of Submissive, who is the follower of a sexual and relationship nature. Finally, what it seems the characters are entering into is called a Lifestyle. This is an agreement between two people to continue an SM relationship based on an expectation that it will be continued 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The participants will be in character the entire time. Example: If himesama and I were in a 24/7 or Lifestyle, I would expect her to obey me at all times, show deference in public, and likely assign her much more public tasks. Obviously, IRL (in real life, noobs) I am wrapped around her little finger, so this does not apply, or at least not completely. I have a few public rules *smirk* Also, a note about capitalization. Oftentimes, I will refer to the proper names of situations (such as Lifestyle) in capital letters. In addition, himesama may often be referred to with a lowercase letter, because she is a submissive. This is accepted practice in writing, although it is by no means a hard and fast rule. Some people just prefer the reinforcement that capitalization provides of power roles. I am doing it so as to give anyone unfamiliar with SM a flavor of the situation. I will add more definitions as needed, and perhaps organize this section.