Love …………….

Defination : A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from
kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness………..

Definations can be in various aspects and senses … above stated one is the common definition of Love .

Definaiton 2 : (Websters) : A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to
make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.

And the Definition form the Devils Dictionary : A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the
patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease, like caries and many other ailments,
is prevalent only among civilized races living under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing pure air and
eating simple food enjoy immunity from its ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than
to the patient.

From a psychoanalytic point of view, love is the investment in, and ability to be loved by, another without
experiencing this love as a subjective threat, such as that represented by the (das Ding) .
For psychoanalysis the genesis of the love investment must be taken into consideration and the very different
modalities through which it manifests itself must be identified……………….

Difference Between Love and Infatuation :

It is important to differentiate love from infatuation or being in love (Verliebtheit), which is associated with a
pathological feeling (Leidenschaft) .

Start of the Genisis Of Love : The genesis of love begins with the oral relation of the infant's mouth and the
mother's breast: "The picture of the child at the mother's breast has become the model of all sexual relations" (Bible
Ist Testament ) .Also, in choosing an object later in life, the child will attempt "to reestablish this lost happiness" ….
But this happiness, even if it is marked by this choice of a primary infantile object, must later reunite and conjoin
two libidinal currents, the tender current arising from infantile cathexis and the sensual current that appears during
puberty, "The man will leave his mother and father—as the Bible indicates—and will follow his wife—tenderness
and sensuality are therefore reunited" …

Yet, in "On the Universal Tendency to Debasement in the Sphere of Love" , Man recalls the difficulty of loving and
the numerous splits that remain: "When they love, they do not desire, and when they desire, they cannot love."

As People have said : “The Impossible Generalized Man today is the critic who believes in loving those unworthy
of love as well as those worthy --yet believes this only insofar as no personal risk is entailed. Meaning he loves no
one, worthy or no. This is what makes him impossible”

The Word Love is generally related with words as ( Hate , Apathy , Lust , Friendship , Money , Growth , Intimacy ,
commitment and Passion )….

History of cupid : Cupid is the most famous of Valentine symbols and everybody knows that boy armed with bow
and arrows, and piercing hearts . He is known as a mischievous, winged child armed with bow and arrows. The
arrows signify desires and emotions of love, and Cupid aims those arrows at Gods and Humans, causing them to
fall deeply in love. Cupid has always played a role in the celebrations of love and lovers . In Greece he was known
as Eros, the young son of Aphrodite, the goddess of love and beauty. To the Roman's he was Cupid, and his mother
was Venus.

As far as Writers have written on this topic there are various emotions associated with love :

• Courtly love
• Religious love
• Erotic love
• Platonic love
• Familial love
• Puppy love
• Romantic love

Psychology of love :

In modern Western culture, kissing is a common expression of affection in romantic relationships.

Psychology depicts love as a cognitive and social phenomenon. Psychologist Robert Sternberg formulated a
triangular theory of love and argued that love has three different components: Intimacy, Commitment, and Passion.
Intimacy is a form by which two people can share secrets and various details of their personal lives. Intimacy is
usually shown in friendships and romantic love affairs. Commitment, on the other hand, is the expectation that the
relationship is going to last forever. The last and most common form of love is sexual attraction and passion.
Passionate love is shown in infatuation as well as romantic love. This led researchers to further refine the model by
separating Passion into two independents components: Erotic Passion and Romantic Passion.

Following developments in electrical theories, such as Coulomb's law, which showed that positive and negative
charges attract, analogs in human life were developed, such as "opposites attract". Over the last century, research on
the nature of human mating, such as in evolutionary psychology, agree that pairs unite or attract to each other owing
to a combination of opposites attract, e.g. people with dissimilar immune systems tend to attract, and likes attract,
such as similarities of personality, character, views, etc. In recent years, various human bonding theories have been
developed described in terms of attachments, ties, bonds, and or affinities.

It is in simple terms that love is a combination of the "concern for the spiritual growth of another", and simple
narcissism. In combination, love is an activity, not simply a feeling.

“ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not
proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps
no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love
never fails “

Philosophical views :
People, throughout history, have often considered phenomena such as "love at first sight" or "instant friendships" to
be the result of an uncontrollable force of attraction or affinity. One of the first to theorize in this direction was the
Greek philosopher Empedocles, who in the 4th century BC argued for the existence of two forces, love (philia) and
strife (neikos), which were used to account for the causes of motion in the universe. These two forces were said to
intermingle with the classical elements, i.e., earth, water, air, and fire, in such a manner that love served as the
binding power linking the various parts of existence harmoniously together.

Also, an ancient proverb states that “love is a high form of tolerance”. This view is one that many philosophers
and scholars have researched, and is widely accepted.

Love as a normal phenomena relates to various other aspects , emotions and practices of human nature :

Affectional orientation :

• Affectional orientation is an alternative term for sexual orientation. It is based on the perspective
that one's orientation is not limited to sexuality but also to ones affectionality. To holders of this
view, one's orientation is defined by whom one is predisposed to fall in love with, sexual attraction
being only a part of a larger dynamic. The term is also used by some who consider themselves
asexual and only feel emotional attraction to describe the gender or genders they are romantically
attracted to

Altruism :

• It is selfless concern for the welfare of others. It is a traditional virtue in many cultures, and central
to many religious traditions. In English, this idea was often described as the Golden rule of ethics. In
Buddhism it is considered a fundamental property of human nature and is a form of love towards
genisis and human culture . Altruism can be distinguished from a feeling of loyalty and duty.
Altruism focuses on a motivation to help others or a want to do good without reward, while duty
focuses on a moral obligation towards a specific individual Some individuals may feel both altruism
and duty, while others may not. Pure altruism is giving without regard to reward or the benefits of
recognition.

Beauty :

• Beauty is a quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the
mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (such as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful
design or pattern, or something else (such as personality). Said another way, "beauty" is a quality of
a person, object, place, or idea that provides a perceptual experience of pleasure, affirmation,
meaning, or goodness. The subjective experience of "beauty" often involves the interpretation of
some entity as being in balance and harmony with nature. This leads to powerful feelings of
attraction and emotional well-being.In its most profound sense, beauty may engender a salient
experience of positive reflection about the meaning of one's own existence. An "object of beauty" is
anything that reveals or resonates with personal meaning. Hence religious and moral teachings often
focus on the divinity and virtue of beauty, and to assert natural beauty as an aspect of a spirituality
and truth.The literal opposite of beauty is ugliness, i.e. the perceived lack of beauty, which
stimulates displeasure and engenders a deeply negative perception of the object.
 Falling in love :
It’s a term used to describe the process of moving from a feeling of neutrality towards someone, to one of love.
The usage of the term "fall" implies many things: that the process may have been in some way inevitable or
uncontrollable, risky or putting the lover in a state of vulnerability, that the process is irreversible, or all of these
things. The term is generally used to describe an (eventual) love that is strong, although not necessarily
permanent.

Flirting :

Flirting is a form of human interaction, usually expressing a sexual or romantic interest in the other person. It can
consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated.
Flirting is often used as a means of expressing interest and gauging the other person's interest in courtship, which
can continue into long term relationships.

Flirting may consist of stylized gestures, language, body languages :

• Eye Contacts
• “ Protean Signals “ such as touching ones`s hair .
• Casual touches ; such as a woman gently touching a man's arm during conversation .
• Smiling suggestively .
• Winking
• Sending notes , poems or small gifts.
• “ Footsies “ the feet under the table practice.
• Teasing .

Love at first site :

Love at first sight is when a person feels romantic passion for a complete stranger upon his or her initial
encounter with the stranger. The term can be used casually to refer to a mere sexual attraction or crush, but it
usually refers to actually falling in love with someone literally the very first time one sees him or her, along with
the deep desire to have an intimate relationship with that person. The stranger may or may not be aware that the
other person has any such notion, and may not even be aware of the other person's presence .Sometimes two
people experience this phenomenon towards each other at the same time, usually when their eyes meet.

Check this out :

If Love's a Sweet Passion, why does it torment?
If a Bitter, oh tell me whence comes my content?
Since I suffer with pleasure, why should I complain,
 Or grieve at my Fate, when I know 'tis in vain?
Yet so pleasing the Pain is, so soft is the Dart,
That at once it both wounds me, and Tickles my Heart.

Love Letter :

A love letter is a popular way to express feelings of love in written form. Sometimes sent in the mail, and
increasingly by electronic mail, the letter may be anything from a short and simple message of love to a lengthy
explanation of feelings.Sometimes letters are preferable to face-to-face contact because they can be written as the
thoughts come to the author. This may allow feelings to be more easily expressed than if the writer were in the
beloved's presence. Further, expressing strong emotional feelings to paper or some other permanent form can be an
expression within itself of desire and the importance of the beloved and the lover's emotions. The expression of
feelings may be made to an existing love or in the hope of establishing a new relationship.

The increasing rarity and consequent emotional charm of personal mail may also serve to emphasize the emotional
importance of the message.As with any letter, a love letter could be written in any structure or style. One
historically popular method is as a sonnet or other form of poem. William Shakespeare's sonnets are often cited as
good examples of how to write emotional themes. There have been published books collecting models and
suggestions for love letters.After the end of a relationship, returning love letters to the sender or burning them can
symbolise the hurt felt.

Romantic love :
Romantic love is a form of love that is often regarded as different from mere needs driven by sexual desire, or lust.
Romantic love generally involves a mix of emotional and sexual desire, as opposed to Platonic love. There is often,
initially, more emphasis on the emotions than on physical pleasure.

Properties of romantic love purported are ;

• It must take you by surprise (be the result of a random encounter).

• It cannot be easily controlled.
• It is not overtly (initially at least) predicated on a desire for sex as a physical act.
• If requited, it may be the basis for lifelong commitment.

The Triangular Theory of Love :

he triangular theory of love characterizes love in an interpersonal relationship on three different scales: intimacy,
passion, and commitment. Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these
three elements; for example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic
relationship develops .

According to the theory , A Relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or
more .
The Seven Forms of Love : ( Combinations )

Combinations of intimacy, passion, and commitment

Intimacy Passion Commitment
Nonlove
Liking or friendship x
Infatuation or limerence x
Empty love x
Romantic love x x
Companionate love x x
Fatuous love x x
Consummate love x x x

1. Nonlove is the absence of all three of Sternberg's components of love.

2. Liking in this case is not used in a trivial sense. Sternberg says that this intimate liking characterizes true
friendships, in which a person feels a bondedness, a warmth, and a closeness with another but not intense passion or
long-term commitment.

3. Infatuated love is often what is felt as "love at first sight". But without the intimacy and the commitment
components of love, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.

4. Empty love: Sometimes, a stronger love deteriorates into empty love, in which the commitment remains, but the
intimacy and passion have died. In cultures in which arranged marriages are common, relationships often begin as
empty love.

5. Romantic love: Romantic lovers are bonded emotionally (as in liking) and physically through passionate arousal.

6. Companionate love is often found in marriages in which the passion has gone out of the relationship, but a deep
affection and commitment remain. Companionate love is generally a personal relation you build with somebody
you share your life with, but with no sexual or physical desire. It is stronger than friendship because of the extra
element of commitment. The love ideally shared between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the
love between deep friends or those who spend a lot of time together in any asexual but friendly relationship.

7. Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage in which a commitment is motivated
largely by passion, without the stabilizing influence of intimacy.

8. Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing the ideal relationship toward which many people
strive but which apparently few achieve. Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even
harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. "Without
expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves can die" (1987, p.341). Consummate love may not be permanent.
For example, if passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.

Amedues …………………
…

Chetan Sharma .