Fifty Shades of No Way!

By Deanna Doss Shrodes Presented at Assemblies of God Pen-Florida Womens Breakaway October 12, 2012 Fifty Shades of Grey has swept the nation, and the world, for that matter. Fifty Shades of Grey has topped best-seller lists around the world, including the United Kingdom and the United States. The series has sold 40 million copies worldwide, with 32 Million sold in the USA and the book rights having been sold in 37 countries, setting the record as the fastest-selling paperback of all time. Readership is not limited to unchurched women. There is a need to address this subject, and Marsha Woolley, our state womens ministries director, has asked me to talk about this today. Is Fifty Shades of Grey just a harmless novel? Well, first lets establish that its pornography. No one seems to be debating this fact. I do want to point out, its hard core porn and presents a particular danger for women. Well unpack this truth more as we go along The book glorifies a female character that is controlled and abused by her partner. Who is excited about this book? Hmmmm.you might be surprised. Many women even many in our very own womens ministries groups are reading it. I am even aware of women in ministry -- pastors wives, who have read it! There is a pastors wife Im acquainted with in another state. Ive known her as extremely conservative, and modest. Ive never even heard her discuss her personal life to any great degree before. But she has read all three of the books in the 50 Shades Trilogy and claims they have revolutionized her marriage. She

reports that her sex life and in particular her sexual response was dead until she read the books and suddenly its alive, claiming this book has created an awakening for her. Many people use what they claim the book has done for their marriage as proof positive that its okay to read it. Does the end justify the means? Were going to talk about that today. What other evidence do we have of the books influence, other than sales? The books take the reader through the journey of a couples BDSM relationship. For those unaware of what that is, the term stands for bondage, discipline/dominance, submission/sadism & masochism. Hardware Store Sales Numerous articles have come out in the press about hardware stores running out of supplies. Not just any supplies but the specific supplies used in the book for bondage, discipline and domination. Women around the world are attempting to re-create in their bedrooms at home, scenes from the book. Hotel Bibles There are hotels that have replaced bibles with copies of the book. Mommy Porn Genre The books have created a whole new genre called, Mommy Porn because so many women and in particular young mothers are downloading it. Its easy to hide. Anyone can download it discreetly on mobile device without anyone knowing. Many dont hide it. The other day when I mentioned the book, one of the older ladies in my church remarked, Ive seen so many women with that book, out and about around town

A few months ago my husband and I were on vacation and when I went the pool for a while, I noticed several women sitting out in the sun, reading it on their lounge chairs. Baby Boom Evidently the books are being credited with a baby boom. The Dont Criticize Unless Youve Read It Argument Many people criticize speakers or writers who warn of the dangers of this book, without reading it. There is an effort to silence the voice of anyone who has not read it, claiming we couldnt possibly know for sure if it is wrong or dangerous if we have not thoroughly participated in it ourselves. I ask you: Do we try cocaine so we can speak of the dangers? (By the way, according to psychologist Dr. Victor Cline and Focus on the Family, pornography can be a more difficult addiction to break than cocaine.) Pornography is nothing to sample, even to be fully aware for a message such as this one. I do not have to sample Fifty Shades of Grey to be able to speak to the issue adequately. Christian Leaders See the Dangers Fifty Shades of Grey has hit the pulpit, the blogosphere, Christian magazines and leaders are speaking out about the dangers. A lot of them are speaking about how it has the potential to negatively affect your marriage. Others are speaking about how to spice up your marriage without reading the books. Many are coming out with alternative suggestions and books that are pure, to revive the sexual aspect of your marriage. While I agree with all that Christian pastors, womens leaders, bloggers, authors, speakers are sayingI want to say something else.

Ive heard no one say it so far. And I cant believe were missing this message. I keep waiting for someone to say it. And its bothering me. Before I can share what I believe the most important response to this book is, I must first educate you without harming you. I have studied as much as I can about this book without reading it or tainting myself with its pornographic content. Whats it About? First, Ive been informed by quite a number of gifted non-Christian professional writers who have read the book that the writing is actually poor. They say it sells well only because of its sexual content. I trust the word of these writers, respecting their level of literary skill. Pornographic books or movies by their very nature dont have amazing plots. They dont need a good plot. Sex is what sells them. As I mentioned at the outset, Fifty Shades of Grey chronicles the details of a controlling and abusive relationship. The main character, Anastasia Steele, is nave 21 year old virgin. She meets a mysterious and powerful man with beautiful gray eyes. His name, ironically enough, is Christian Grey. He is amazing in the worldly sense of the word. First, hes crazy rich. He makes somewhere in the neighborhood of $100,000 per hour. He plays classical piano and is a pilot, among his other talents. He woos her and proceeds to take her on a wild ride, introducing her to everything she knows sexually and grooming her to be his. She makes the transition from girlfriend, to fiance, to wife, in a short time. He wants her to be his "submissive." Why the interest in this? Because he wants to make women submit to him who look like his "birth mother." Christian Grey is adopted. He is angry at his birth mother for not being able to keep him and take care of him.

My message today is not about adoption, however I must mention this. The book is hurtful to the adoption community of which I am a part. You see, I am an adult adoptee. I am in close relationship with other adult adoptees some of whom are Christians, many who are not. A lot of those adoptees have read the book and came away from it quite offended. Not necessarily because of the sexual content, but because of how the book portrays adoptees and foster children, and even birth mothers as psycho-paths or potential ones. So going on with the theme of the book, Anastasia has a challenging job ahead of her because she feels the need to fix Christian and his post-adoption issues. Thus, she puts up with his ridiculous control and abuse. Anastasia has a free will and a mind of her own. However, any time she asserts herself she winds up in danger. Hazardous situations ensue when she tries to assert any level of independence from Christian. She also ends up in peril when interacting with one of Christian's former foster brothers who was never adopted. The book indicates that Christians need to control every detail of Anastasias life, as well as his former foster brothers mental issues are the direct result of their experiences in adoption and foster care. Along with all of this drama of trying to help Christian through his post-adoption related issues, every day life is portrayed as nothing but one glorious orgasm. The book details Christian and Anastasias sexual escapades that go constantly as if all they have to do in life is have sex. The title of the book comes from the way Christian describes himself to Anastasia. He says that hes 50 shades of messed up. 50 Shades of Grey IS fifty shades of messed up Many Christian writers and speakers give the important and needed message that pornography is wrong. Its not a blessing to a marriage, even if it seems to ignite a spark previously missing. They bring a message that we are called to love, not lust. Thats true too.

Insightful adoption blogs speak of the harm this book has caused the adoption community. All of these things are valuable points that need to be brought forward. And here is what I want to say today that is my main reason for saying NO WAY to 50 Shades of Grey. Why NOT 50 Shades of Grey? Because we were made for more than this. God didnt create us to be in bondage, disciplined, dominated, or submitted to abuse. Fifty Shades of Grey is a huge step backwards for women everywhere. Whether they are Christians, or unchurched women, this book is one giant regression from our intended purpose. It is not freeing. By its very content, it is bondage. It opens the door to normalize something that is not natural or normal. What about the marriage bed undefiled? Many of you may have attended workshops or seminars I have presented for our district, for quite a number of years, on the subject of biblical sexuality and marriage. I have always been careful to remind women, or couples, of the marriage bed being undefiled as Hebrews 13:4 states, marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled. As long as husband and wife walk in agreement, and no harm comes to either, there is freedom in the marriage bed. Sexual fun and fulfillment in the marriage is exactly what God created and intended.

So why is 50 Shades of Grey unbiblical? Especially when some people, even Christians or those in ministry say it has brought sizzle to their marriage? Its so clear. I cant believe so many people dont see this. Heres the answer: ABUSE IS DEFILEMENT. Abusive, control, and domination are by their very definition defiled. Mistreatment of Gods daughters is defilement. There is nothing hot about abuse. There is nothing hot about your husband needing to know where you are all the time. There is nothing endearing about your partner controlling what you wear or criticizing your friendships. There is nothing in the least bit wonderful about being in the position of "fixing" a man who hurts you. There's nothing enticing about a man who strips you of your resources with the intention of eliminating whatever independence you might have from him. There's nothing wonderful about being with someone who doesn't understand the meaning of the word "NO." Does NO apply to husbands? Yes. Even a husband must have respect when his wife says no at times. Are we to withhold sex from our marriage partner? No, unless there is a compelling and legitimate reason such as fasting and prayer for a brief time, or illness. I Corinthians 7 says that neither husband or wife should withhold sex, however this doesnt ever mean force, rape or coercion would be biblically allowable. Ephesians 5:21 says, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

What about one another dont we understand? Sexual force by a spouse is absolutely unacceptable. Godly marriage by true definition is characterized by mutual submission. Lovemaking - not domination. When did real lovemaking go out of style? Are people really so desperate that they stoop to this cheap substitute for a thrill instead of really taking the time to learn to make love with their spouse? Its not really all that. Its not as bad as youre describing Yes, it is. Even just a little bit, just a hint of abuse, does not make it right. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for Gods holy people. Ephesians 5:3 Not EVEN A HINT. What about not even a hint dont we understand? But were just kidding --itsall in fun Quite honestly, some things are not okay to kid around about. Theres nothing funny about the mistreatment of another human being. I will use an illustration most of us who are mothers will understand. There are times our children may mistreat their siblings and say its all in fun. Have you ever sat at your dinner table and had one of the kids say to one of the others, youre stupid or youre a butthead or youre fat? Ever walked in the room and seen one of your boys trying to beat up their brother? They might say, were just playing, Mom.

But do most of us mothers allow that? No. We have more sense than that. We know they might like to make cutting remarks and call each other fat or try to beat one another up. But although they might temporarily like to do that, we know its not good for them. In fact we know its horrible and can leave scars on their lives that even as adults. They are left to try to get those words, youre fat and youre stupid out of their heads. Its not healthy. Even in fun. So we put a stop to it because we are sane, rational thinking women. How have some women been sold a bill of goods that its okay to act out a fantasy whereby were getting tied up, beaten down, and abused by our husbands? By the way, in the book they dont just play-act. Its real. Anastasia finds herself in truly dangerous situations. What about people who say, But I like it. I like to be mistreated. It turns me on.? Sometimes we start liking things that are bad for us. Everything that initially feels good is not good for us. Hebrews 11 tells us that sin is pleasurable FOR A SEASON. Just because you may have read 50 Shades and say, it immediately did something so amazing for us as a couple means NOTHING. I want to read you a portion of Romans 1 in the Message Bible because it says it so clearly. Romans 1:24-27 (The Message) 24-25 So God said, in effect, If thats what you want, thats what you get. It wasnt long before they were living in a pigpen, smeared with filth, filthy inside and out. And all this because they traded the true God for a fake god, and worshiped the god they made instead of the God who made themthe God we bless, the God who blesses us. Oh, yes!

26-27 Worse followed. Refusing to know God, they soon didnt know how to be human eitherwomen didnt know how to be women, men didnt know how to be men. Sexually confused, they abused and defiled one another There is a downward spiral that occurs with pornography. The couple that feels that initial spark from it is the same as the young teenager who sees nudity in an R-rated movie and finds it very exciting. Soon though, it will be tame and boring. And they become desensitized. The need for more explicit forms of pornography becomes great. Where do you go to from there? Considering that Fifty Shades starts with BDSM (which is usually considered VERY explicit and graphic in the porn world), where to next??? Its basically like skipping the gateway drugs and going straight to heroin! Anyone who needs a cheap thrill to breathe life into a dead existence is going to quickly be forced to find greater and more shocking thrills. After going down this road, a return to normal, innocent, Godly sexual health might never be possible, save for the redemptive work of Jesus. The truth is that many people believe their sex life needs to be naughty to be powerful. Nothing could be further from the truth. We need to renew our minds and come back to truth that HOLY and HOT go together. Why have women been so quick to jump on the 50 Shades Bandwagon? They are in desperation. Many do have dead sex lives, and want a revival in this area of their lives. I dont blame them for wanting amazing sex. God created us as sexual beings. He designed us to have powerful orgasms, and lovemaking with our husband that makes it seem as if the earth either spins or stands still for a while. We long to have that. We need to have that.

When our sex lives are less than powerful, it is tempting to stoop to trying cheap imitations and substitutes when we long for the real thing. It takes more effort for a husband and wife to learn to make love in a way that is mutually fulfilling throughout the seasons of their marriage. Marriage is work. Great sex is work. Its not like what the movies portray that everything is effortless. My message to you today is, accept no substitutes for the real thing. Accept no cheap imitation for what God has for you. He didnt make you for abuse. And in the context of marriage He has made you for mutual respect. Tender touch. Passionate lovemaking. Beautiful women of God, I plead with you to not accept the substitute of abuse and degradation for the destiny that God has for you.

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