Getting along with yourself lack of closeness to their parents during childhood,

a lack of the kind of unconditional love that could have assured them of their intrinsic value and ability to overcome challenges

view themselves as stupid, clumsy, weak, and inept at social games or sports, despite real achievements... not in touch with their feelings. Their authentic self is carefully hidden in the belief that it would jeopardize the minimal acceptance and love they have received. They think, 'If I act the way I really feel -- childlike, brilliant, loving, and 'crazy' -I'll be rejected.' ...

compulsive giver since childhood.

They are 'nice' by other people's standards, however, they are conditional lovers.

They are giving only in order to receive love.

Karma: parents, country, culture (India) So we come to our Guru.

We need to feel worthy, accepted, loved without condition.

Deep down we dont want to earn love.

We want to learn how to give love as a gift with no strings attached.

So, where do we start?

With the only person we have control over: ourselves.

In the ultimate sense, only love can change others.

If you approach yourself in that consciousness of love and endless understanding you can't help but win in the end. But you must also have the patience to go on trying. (slightly paraphrased) ONLY LOVE How to Change Others p 56

To be able to get along with yourself is marvelous. Most people know how difficult it is to get along with others. But have you ever given thought to getting along with yourself? That is most difficult. Separate your psychological perceptions from yourself and you will see how you are constantly fighting with yourself. You do not like anyone or anything if you do not like yourself. If one does not get along with himself, how could he be expected to get along with others? Getting along with self is the most important point in getting along in this world.

So first and foremost you must learn truly to appreciate and love yourself. But when I say love yourself, I do not mean love for your egotism, selfishness, and self-interest. (It is instinct, of course, in man to save himself in the face of danger; self-preservation is the law of life.) Love yourself because you are a child of God with divine potentials; it is your love and concern for this potential self that inspires and inspirits unfoldment of your true soul-nature.

You cannot get away from yourself, even if you fly away from civilization to the farthest corner of the earth. That is why God wants you to correct yourself where you are. Some people live in the worst circumstances and are wonderful in their ability to get along with themselves. Others have every opportunity in the world, but they cannot get along with themselves; they are constantly at war within. JSR p139

The extent to which we love ourselves determines whether we eat right, get enough sleep, smoke, wear seat belts, exercise, and so on. Each of these choices is a statement of how much we care about living.

An important problem many people have with themselves is that self-love has come to mean only vanity and narcissism. The pride of being and the determination to care for our own needs have gone out of the meaning.

Nevertheless, an unreserved, positive self-acceptance remains the essence of physical, mental and spiritual health,

Self-esteem and self-love are not sinful. They make living a joy instead of a chore. Love Medicine, Miracles, Bernie Siegel p66

Becoming a peacemaker begins with learning how to be at peace with ourselves. This means selfhonesty--acknowledging that we have lessons to learn--and also self-acceptance. We are loved unconditionally by God and Guru; it is not necessary to bolster our self-worth through outward assertiveness. So often the need to be right is rooted in inner insecurity, which itself springs from lack of a real relationship with God and Guru. It leads to a major pitfall--becoming locked into one's own way of thinking. We find ourselves so convinced of our own thoughts and viewpoints that we can no longer let in the feelings and opinions of others. If we are too busy justifying or rationalizing our pet ideas, we cannot take the first step toward a broader understanding, which includes others and meets them halfway. Closing our minds limits our growth and abilities. I admire the person who has a deeply held conviction and can still say, "This is what I perceive to be right. But lest I be wrong, I am willing to listen to your point of view." BOGA p12

We need to free ourselves from these dead weights. The secret in doing so is to live in the present. The past is gone; now is the time to make a sincere effort to live our lives as we know God would want us to. If we make a misstep, we should immediately correct ourselves, inwardly ask His help, and try to choose the right course. Instead of dwelling on past errors, focus on the joy the Lord feels when He sees us grow in strength and wisdom. Positive effort, with our attention focused on God, brings a sense of freedom and enthusiasm, and gives tremendous impetus to the will. Dynamic will supported by God's blessing can accomplish anything. Above all, we can become perfect lovers of God, attuned to Him, absorbed in His love, guided by His wisdom--in control of our destiny. FJWY ch33

Even while striving to improve yourself, learn to stand alone, secure in your own virtues and self-worth.

Always strive to be an angel within, no matter how others behave. Be sincere, kind, loving, and understanding.

Anyone who does not respond to goodness is not worthy of your attention. Even if you have to lose a loved one, it is better to let him go thinking of you as an angel rather than as a green-eyed monster of jealousy. Leave with that person a beautiful thought of your love, and that love will ever remain in his heart. JSR p162 Be a friend to all. Even if your love and trust are betrayed by some, don't worry. Always be yourself; you are what you are. This is the only sincere way to live. Though all may not want to be your friend, you should befriend all, never expecting anything in return. I understand and love all, but I never expect of anyone that he should be my friend and understand me. On the strength of this principle, I am at peace with myself and the world, and never feel any cause for worry. DR ch18

to forgive is to let go When we have peace of mind as a single goal, we can then take the second step, forgiveness,

and choose to see others as extending Love,

or being fearful and calling for help in the form of Love.

With this new perception, it becomes easier to give both total Love and acceptance to the other person and therefore to experience inner peace at the same time. Love is letting go of fear p 24

In your efforts to get along with others, do not be a doormat or everyone will want to run your life for you. If they cannot dominate you, they get angry; and if you listen to them and do their bidding, you become spineless. Then how are you to behave?

When you find resistance to your ideals, the best way is to just remain quiet but firm. Say nothing. Do not get angry.

Verbal punch after punch you may get, but do not permit it to provoke you. Refuse to quarrel. Eventually those persons will understand that you do not mean to anger them, but at the same time you have your own good reasons for not wanting to do what they request of you.

Doormat

When you are too much imposed upon by people who take advantage of you, do not spinelessly permit them to hurt you; yet do not inject the poison of injury into them either. Rather, keep such persons at a distance by the use of a few firm statements. 2-39-7

It is all right not to become a doormat, letting others trample upon you. It is good to be firm, silently resisting ill treatment, but at no time should you lose your inner calm attitude of forgiveness and your unruffled mentality, especially when you are the target of criticism.

Few people can control their outer behavior, Fewer can control their inner balance during a bombardment of unkindness from others. As a student of Self-realization, you should learn to control your outer and inner behavior. A storm of anger extinguishes the flame of peace, in whose light alone you can behold the Spirit. 3-53-3 Criticism

What you are before God and your own conscience, that is what you are. Even if the whole world misunderstands you, nothing is lost; you are what you are. To stand criticism is a very effective way of becoming a better individual. Though it is easier to criticize others than to find fault in yourself, it is of prime importance to correct yourself first. I learned from Master to pick myself to pieces when criticized. If I find any flaw there, I correct myself; and when I do not find anything, I smile. JSR p381

Fear of God

God does not vindictively punish man for human mistakes. He is a very kind, forgiving, and loving Lord. Never harbor a fear of Him, Even as a child I resisted the philosophical concept of a vengeful God. I could not accept a God who sternly chastised His children for their errors, their sins. Does one love that kind of father? The child lives in fear of and runs away from a parent who wrathfully strikes or spanks him when he does wrong. We are like children before the Divine. He knows human weakness and man's susceptibility to maya, His cosmic delusion. Even before we commit a wrong action, He knows it. When we err, we ought to recognize our mistake and go to Him, childlike, to seek forgiveness and to ask for His blessing that tomorrow we may do better. To get in the habit of communication with God in this way deepens one's relationship with Him. In that closeness, based upon love and the sincere effort of the devotee to do better, God is not going to punish His child. Only Love How to Find Favor with God p 118

A benign father could never eternally burn a soul, made in His own image, for its temporary mistakes on earth. God, as a just Judge, could not infinitely punish a child soul for a finite period of sin. The idea of eternal punishment is illogical. A soul through eternity is made after the image of God. Even a million years of sin could not change its essential eternal divine character. Man's unforgiving wrath against the evil actions of his brethren has created this misconception of hell-fire. SCC ch3

Sorrow has no being of its own. It has no objective existence, but arises rather in the subjective nature of the sufferer. Constantly you affirm sorrow, therefore it exists. Deny it in your mind and it will exist no longer. This assertion of the Self is what I call the hero in man. It is his divine or essential nature. In order to acquire freedom from sorrow, man must assert his heroic self in all his daily activities.

The root of sorrow lies in the dearth [lack] of heroism and courage in the character of the average man. When the heroic element is lacking in the mental makeup of a person, his mind becomes susceptible to the breath of all passing sorrows. Mental conquest brings happiness into life, but sorrow arises out of mental defeat. As long as the conqueror in man is awake, no sorrow can cast its shadow over the threshold of his heart. 1-12-2-3

Balance Recklessness

Anchor your mind in God so that you can smile that perpetual smile--that God inspired, strong smile of balanced recklessness, that million dollar smile that no one can take from you. L32

Victim Consciousness

... Never blame anyone else for what happens to you. Blame yourself; but don't punish yourself, for that is wrong. And never indulge in self-pity; that also is wrong. Always remember this: You are the child of God, and meditation is the way by which you can realize you are His. OL ch2

...If our feelings are easily wounded, it simply means we are catering to our ego. We do not have the right attitude if we cannot bear to have anyone criticize or say anything unkind about us. Let others say what they will. If our minds are on God, and if we are striving to do our best, does it really matter what people think of us? Whenever negation has been directed my way, I have made it a practice to pray: "Lord, what do You think of me? If I am wrong, correct me, discipline me. Change me." We should always look for what He is trying to teach us in every situation. FJWY ch3

Persons of strong character are usually the happiest. They do not blame others for troubles that can usually be traced to their own actions and lack of understanding. They know that no one has any power to add to their happiness or detract from it unless they themselves are so weak that they allow the adverse thoughts and wicked actions of others to affect them.

Criticism

Isn't it true, however, that when anyone criticizes us, if we take it

with the right attitude, we benefit? It doesn't really matter whether

it is said in a mean or unkind way, or in an understanding way. It

would be nicer and to the critic's advantage to speak kindly; but in

the ultimate sense, a person's unkindness is his own problem. Your

problem is how you react. FJWY ch26

Circumstance does not make the man, it reveals him to himself...A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile, and commences to search for the hidden reasons which regulate his life. As he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition, and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; he ceases to kick against circumstances, but begin to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of discovering the hidden powers and possibliities within himself. As A Man Thinketh, Pg 17, 26-27 "Forget the past," Sri Yukteswar said. "The vanished lives of all men are dark with many shames. Human conduct is ever unreliable until man is anchored in the Divine. Everything in future will improve if you are making a spiritual effort now." AY p116 True Nature

What you are is much greater than anything or anyone else you have ever yearned for. God is manifest in you in a way that He is not manifest in any other human being. Your face is unlike anyone else's, your soul is unlike anyone else's, you are sufficient unto yourself; for within your soul lies the greatest treasure of all-God.

Love

The distinction between human and spiritual is made only by human beings. They are not separate. They are woven together. If you do not open your heart to human beings, you will find it difficult to open your heart to God. If you do not love human beings, including yourself, you will find it difficult to love God. Your spiritual path begins in your humanness, with the simple day-to-day willingness to be honest, kind, and loving, to the best of your ability. --Ron Scolastico

Become like a flower; if you pick a beautiful rose and crush it in your hands, it gives off a sweet fragrance. That's the way a devotee of God should be. No matter how he is crushed by unkindness from anyone, he gives off the sweet fragrance of forgiveness. Daya Mata

There is no greater tonic than pure love, which beautifies the body and mind of man. It cannot be described; it can only be felt. The greatest love is born of utility. We do not love anything that is useless or harmful, or that causes us permanent suffering. If you serve another with deeds of kindness, or good advice, or protection -- that is "usefulness." Even our love of God is born of usefulness.

One who does not love his fellow beings cannot love God, or feel divine joy.

Your ever-readiness to help others without distinction of sex, creed, or caste will make your heart big enough to receive all humanity therein. Once the love of all human beings and living things enters your heart, it will be the one heart of God. Feeling all hearts as one, you will feel the one Cosmic Heart beating behind all hearts. Recognizing no individual selfish love, feeling the same love for all, you will feel the one great love which is everlasting and which ever burns as a pure white flame, dispelling all darkness.

Recognizing the God-love burning in all heart lamps, you will see and feel only God-love flowing through everything and everybody. Every time you meet a receptive human being, demonstrate by actions, and then make him feel, that you are interested in his physical , mental, and spiritual welfare as much as you are interested in your own all-round welfare. Never neglect to do what you can for yourself in the form of others. To know Spirit you must become the Spirit and find yourself as manifested through the bodies and minds of others. Make the bubble of ego one with the ocean Spirit. Make it big and behold all the bubbles of living beings floating in it. Break the boundaries of selfishness and include in it all living beings and universes -- everything