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February 26, 2009

Volume 6, Issue 22 [ ]
10 FEATURE: sleep on it
4 IN THE LIFE: dealing with Clinton Lake dilemmas
8 THATS DISGUSTING: buggy food coloring
12 WESCOE WIT: I bought you a Snuggie
13 Q & A: laugh it up with Nikki Glaser
16 THIS WEEKEND: trivia junkies
18 REVIEWS: The International is a dud
Clockwise from top right: photo by Tyler
Waugh; photo illustration by Jerry Wang;
photo by Becka Cremer





February 26, 2009
table of contents
Cover photo illustration by Jerry Wang





February 26, 2009
Editor Matt Hirschfeld
Associate editor Jessica Sain-Baird
Designers Erica Birkman, Lauren
Contact Elliot Kort, Stephanie Schneider
Health Sachiko Miyakawa, Megan Weltner
Manual Becka Cremer, Katherine Mulder,
Adam Schoof
Notice Madeline Hyden, Ross Stewart,
Zach White
Play Kelly Breckunitch, Kristopher
Contributors Drew Anderson, Mark
Arehart, Alicia Banister, Taylor Brown,
Chance Dibben, Mia Iverson, Carly
Halvorson, Daniel Nordstrom, Meghan
Nuckolls, Tom Powers, Abigail Olcese,
Brieun Scott, Kelci Shipley, Amanda Sorell
Creative consultant Carol Holstead
Contact us
The University Daily Kansan
111 Stauffer-Flint Hall
1435 Jayhawk Blvd.
Lawrence, KS 66045
Clarifcation: In the February 19 issue of
Jayplay, Kristie Martin was misidentifed in the
article The alternative to healing. She is a
certifed refexologist.
Poker Pub
The Pool Room, 7 p.m., free,
Chess night at Aimees
Aimees Coffee House, 7 p.m.,
free, all ages
Brett Dennen/The
Little Ones
The Bottleneck, 8 p.m., $15-
$16, all ages
The Pink Floyd
The Uptown Theater, 8 p.m.,
$25 to $45, all ages
Fresh Ink
The Jazzhaus, 10 p.m., $3, 21+
thursday, feb 26
Neon Dance Party
The Bottleneck, 10 p.m., prices
vary, 18+
Marshall Brown and
the Baggs
The Jazzhaus, 10 p.m., $3, 21+
Hot Mess w/ Johnny
The Jackpot, 10 p.m., $5 to
$7, 18+
Cyrus D and Godzilla
The Eighth Street Taproom, 10
p.m., $3, 21+
The Visitations/Baby
Birds Dont Drink Milk/
Rooftop Vigilantes
The Replay Lounge, 10 p.m.,
$2, 21+
The Record Bar, 10 p.m., $5,
We The Kings/The Cab
The Granada, 7 p.m., $15, all
The Pajama Game
The Lied Center, 7:30 p.m.,
$20/KU Students, all ages
Ryan Adams and the
The Uptown, 8 p.m., $28.50 to
$44.50, all ages
Joshua Radin/Meiko/
Jesse Harris
The Bottleneck, 8 p.m., $14.50
to $16, all ages
Louis C.K.
The Midland Theater, 8 p.m.,
$30, all ages
A Tribute to Ween
The Jazzhaus, 10 p.m., $4, 21+
Organic Proof w/Miles
The Jackpot, 10 p.m., $5 to
$7, 18+
Ladies of Love Garden
The Eighth Street Taproom, 10
p.m., $3, 21+
friday, feb 27
Reckless Kelly/Sons
of Bill
The Bottleneck, 8 p.m., $13 to
$15, all ages
Right Between the Ears
Liberty Hall, 8 p.m., $15.50 to
$19.50, all ages
The Jazzhaus, 10 p.m., $4, 21+
Smoov Confusion/
Stik Figa/Soul Servers/
Royce Diamond
The Jackpot, 10 p.m., $5 to
$7, 18+
The Breakdown with
Bsears DJ Cyrus D and
The Eighth Street Taproom, 10
p.m., $3, 21+
The Gloves
The Replay Lounge, 10 p.m.,
$2, 21+
Season To Risk/
Restless Breed/The
Mendoza Lie
The Record Bar, 9:30 p.m., $10
p.m., 21+
saturday, feb 28 monday, mar 2
Poker Pub
The Pool Room, 7 p.m.
free, 21+
Jeff Harshbarger
Presents An
Alternative Jazz
The Record Bar, 7 p.m.,
$5, 21+
Jazz on a Sunday
The Eighth Street Taproom,
9 p.m., $2, 21+
Smackdown Trivia!
and Karaoke
The Bottleneck, 8:30 p.m.,
prices vary, 18+
Peter Collins, piano
Swarthout Recital Hall, 7:30
p.m., free, all ages
DJs Joc Max and Miles
The Phoenix Jazz Club, 8 p.m.,
free, 21+
Modest Mouse/
Mimicking Bird
The Uptown Theater, 8 p.m.,
$35, all ages
Original Music Mondays
The Bottleneck, 9 p.m., free,
Karaoke Idol Party
The Jazzhaus, 10 p.m., 21+
The First Monthly
Chomp Womp Night!
The Eighth Street Taproom, 10
p.m., $2, 21+
The Foundry Field
The Replay Lounge, 10 p.m.,
$2, 21+
sunday, mar 1
jayplayers editors note
I dont think I
could handle teetering
the fne line stand-up
comedians pluck
at with every joke.
Taking the risk of
offending some to
tickle the greater numbers funny bone is
just too chancy for my taste.
I have always been surprised at what
makes me huff in a disgruntled fashion and
what makes me teary-eyed with laughter.
The factor in acts that makes me smile
rather than scowl is a shared characteristic
that I can identify with the comedian.
Here are a couple of my favorite
comedians more memorably offensive
Margaret Cho:
I was hanging out in the one gay bar in
all of Scotland. They have one gay bar. Its
called C.C. Blooms. C.C. Blooms is the
name of the character that Bette Midler
played in Beaches. That is the gayest thing
I have heard in my entire life. That place
should just be called Fuck Me In The Ass ...
Bar and Grill.
Jim Gaffgan:
I was looking at a box of Hot Pockets.
They have a warning printed on the side.
Warning: You just bought Hot Pockets.
Hope youre drunk or heading home to a
trailer. You hillbilly, enjoy the next NASCAR
See Madelines Q & A on page 13 for
some insight into comedian Nikki Glasers
comedic style. Heres a sample of her brand
of comedy that was on The Tonight Show with
Jay Leno:
I get jealous of couples a lot. You see
couples out and about and they do the PDA
thing, the public displays of affection. I saw
this couple the other day and this guy was
giving his girlfriend a piggyback ride down
the street. And it was a little over the top.
But something was in me like, Oh, I want
that. Like that is what I want. And then he
like set her back down in her wheelchair.
And then I was like, Maybe thats not what I
thought it was. Thats fne. Its not for me.
Ive seen Beaches like Cho and have
eaten Hot Pockets like Gaffgan, giving me a
common characteristic with each of them.
So if Glaser were to poke fun at
Lawrences liberal looniesId be OK with
that. Shes a fellow Jayhawk.
Matt Hirschfeld, editor
wednesday, mar 4
Tuesday Night Swing
The Kansas Union, 8 p.m.,
free, all ages
The Points
The Replay Lounge, 10 p.m.,
$2, 21+
Brighton, MA
The Record Bar, 10 p.m., $7,
tuesday, mar 3 venues
The Jazzhaus
926 1/2 Massachusetts Street
The Jackpot Music Hall
943 Massachusetts Street
The Eighth Street
801 New Hampshire Street
The Replay Lounge
946 Massachusetts Street
The Lied Center
1600 Stewart Drive
The Bottleneck
737 New Hampshire Street
(Every Saturday)
Best Pool Hall
by Students
$ 2 Imports
$ 3 Jager Bombs
$ 3 Guinness
Sun-Thurs (after midnight)
Sun & Wed Cash Prizes
10 ft. HD TV
925 Iowa (Behind the Merc)
If your bike has been out of commission
or worse, outdoorsfor the past few months,
it probably needs a little work before its ready
to ride.
Leaving a bike outside is not a really great
idea, says Nick Gardner, manager at Cycle
Works, 2121 Kasold Drive. Its like leaving your
car with the windows down all winter.
The best way to guarantee your bike is safe to
ride, Gardner says, is to take it to a professional
bike mechanic. However, Gardner offers this
advice to students who want a quick fx before
riding their bikes to class.
1. Infate
Look at the sides of your bikes tires and
add air to the maximum pressure indicated,
Gardner says. Tire pressure naturally
decreases by about fve psi a week, Gardner
says, so chances are your bikes tires are in
need of some air. If you dont have a bike
pump, head to a gas station or a bike shop.
2. Lubricate
Use a bike chain lubricant on the chain,
cables and housings, Gardner says. He cautions
against using an all-purpose lubricant like WD-
40. Bike-specifc lube is designed to repel dirt,
Gardner says, but WD-40 can just attract it.
For about $4.50, bike chain lubricant is a good
3. Tighten
If you have access to tools, Gardner
recommends tightening all of the accessible
nuts and bolts on your bike.
If these three steps dont seem to be
enough, and your bike needs a little more TLC,
both Cycle Works and Sunfower Outdoor
and Bike, 804 Massachusetts Street, offer basic
tune up packages and free estimates for other
Becka Cremer
Lawrences newest bar, Wildes Chateau
24, is making several moves toward being
environmentally friendly. Will Bohne, a manager
of Chateau, 2412 Iowa Street, says he makes
two trips a week to Wal-Mart to recycle about
150 pounds worth of cardboard, plastic and
glass. All remaining trash is thrown out in one
bag. The bar conserves energy by using low-
energy lights, candles and dimmers switches
for all lighting. Even the outside decorative
lights are solar powered.
We cant do everything but at least we are
doing something, says Kate Giessel, Chateau
public relations representative.
The incentives for bars are not only
environmental but economic. I dont know why
there isnt more of a rush to be doing these kinds
of things because it is so practical, says Dave
Boulter, Chateau owner. He is also the owner of
Henrys, 11 East Eighth Street, where cardboard
and plastic are recycled.
Joe Dougherty, employee at the Sandbar,
17 East Eighth Street, agrees downtown bars
face additional obstacles to recycle for these
reasons. He says the bar recycles everything
it can and would recycle more, such as glass, if
the dumpsters were provided.
Tina Baker, manager at the Red Lyon, 944
Massachusetts Street, says most downtown
businesses recycle cardboard because dumpsters
are provided. Also, the Sandbar has an energy
effcient air system that circulates outside air
in to cool down the bar when it is busy in the
winter instead of using air conditioning.
Frustrating to businesses is the cost of
many environmental technologies, such as
solar power. Boulter says he was looking into
LED solar lights for Chateau but they are not
economically viable right now. We are happy
to do what we can do, he says, but we have
to keep it in perspective.
Katherine Mulder
February 26, 2009
Photo by Becka Cremer
Ready, set, bike:Your bikes probably been MIA for winter,
so make sure to infate, lubricate and tighten your ride.
Contributed photo
Go out eco-guilt free
Setting the mood: Wildes Chateau 24 uses low-energy
lights, candles and dimmers for a more eco-friendly bar.
Ready your bike
for spring
[ d o i t y o u r s e l f ]
in the life of...
A park ranger
Imagine getting called at six in the morning
to help pull someone out of a toilet.
David Rhoades, park manager at Clinton
Lake, had to do just that. A man had fallen into
the septic tank of one of the parks bathroom
facilities. Rhoades and the fre department
rescued the man, who had been trapped for
several hours.
Clinton Lake gets two million visitors a
year, and Rhoades, with two other full-time
park rangers, acts as an adult babysitter. Most
of the time, people are civil, Rhoades says, but
drunk people can be diffcult to deal with and
often endanger themselves. Once, a drunk man
dove into six inches of water at the beach and
broke his neck, he says.
Rhoades work is not just with people; he
helps with the upkeep of Clinton Lakes natural
resources. Rhoades updates weather readings for
the National Weather Service,conducts controlled
grass burnings and checks on the three bald eagles
nests at the lake with the other rangers.
As the park manager, Rhoades works
mainly at his computer and manages the other
rangers. Because the federal government owns
Clinton Lake, Rhoades must make sure all
regulations are met.
Theres lots of paperwork involved with
spending the governments money, Rhoades says.
Rhoades says that a modern park ranger
must be a Jack of all trades because of the infux
of technology. Rangers have to know how to
work in an offce and outside, Rhoades says.
Adam Schoof
Photo by Adam Schoof
Only you can stop forest fres: Or, if you need some help,
you can call up Clinton Lake park ranger David Rhoades.
servvices. i s w.leg o t Go to www egalse r for
ere you c iinfo infoormatio tion on wher get can get
nce! e! FR FREE ta E t E tax assistanc
February 26, 2009
Making the case
for a cause
By Katherine Mulder
Life inside a health care access
Photo by Tyler Waugh
9 to 5: Lixel Barnhill, clinical nurse and medication coordinator at the Health Care
Access Clinic, works around the clock, sometimes 12-hour days, to help Douglas
County residents who cant afford health care.
1. List the Health Care Access Center as
one of your causes on Facebook.
2. Use GoodSearch as your search engine
to help raise money. Go to www.goodsearch.
com and type Health Care Access in the
Who do you GoodSearch for? box. Links
are provided to add GoodSearch to your
search bar. Every search gives one cent to
the clinic.
3. Ask local doctors and/or businesses
if they help support Heath Care Access
Clinic. If not, encourage them to start.
4. Support doctors and/or businesses that
do support the clinic.
5. Salley Zorgry, development director
and volunteer coordinator, says she needs
200 volunteers for the Kansas Marathon
on April 19. All proceeds from the run go
to the clinic. For more information, e-mail
her at
The Health Care Access Clinic
1920 Moodie Road
Lawrence, Kansas 66046
Big ways for students
to help without cash
Lixel Barnhill did not cry as she listed all of
the loved ones who required her care. Two of
her three children have cerebral palsy: 18-year-
old Daniel and 10-year-old Duke. Her daughter,
an 8-year-old named Destiny, is healthy despite
her 13-hour birth was Barnhills hardest
and longest. Then there were her parents.
Her mother had Parkinsons disease and
diabetes. Her father had
Alzheimers disease. She
took this as a sign she
belonged in health care,
so she went to school
to make it offcial.
Monday through
Friday, from 8:30 a.m.
to 4:30 p.m., Barnhill
works with other
workers and volunteers
at the Health Care
Access Clinic in
Lawrence to help
provide health care for
those in the Douglas
County who cant
afford it. These people
face the hard realities
of the bad economy,
and their numbers are
growing faster than
the resources that
assist them. For this
reason Barnhill recently
volunteered to work
two jobs at the center,
as a clinical nurse and
as the medication
coordinator. She also
gave up her offce so
it could be used as
another exam room.
Her desk now sits
in the middle of the
medicine supply
closetroom as small
as it sounds, without
windows but with walls lined with shelves full
of medicine. This is where Barnhill starts and
ends her day.
It is a Thursday. Barnhill agreed to let me
shadow her. I went everywhere she went. This
is her story.

8:30 a.m. Barnhill fnds her purse in
the bottom drawer of her desk. It reminds her
that she worked 12 hours yesterday. It would
have been more if she hadnt accidentally
locked herself out of the clinic last night. On
Mondays and Tuesdays, Barnhill works mainly
as a clinical nurse. Consequently her work
as the medication coordinator piles up. After
having dinner with her family, she returned to
work. Taking a box full of paperwork to her car,
Barnhill accidentally forgot her purse inside.
Yesterday was a long day, she says. One of
those days I just went home and cried to my

9 a.m. Barnhill is calling patients to tell
them their prescriptions are ready when
she is paged. A patient is here to pick up his
medicine; this happens about 30 times a day.
She fnds a brown paper lunch bag and goes
to the waiting room. A man in his 50s takes
the bag and whispers he doesnt have the $2
fee. She says no problem, it happens a lot. On
the way back she is handed six more medical
* * *
Jeri Safarik, nurse practioner at the clinic,
says Barnhill is managing a prescription
program with more than 700 enrolled people.
It is a huge task, the nurse practitioner says.
We keep her busy.
* * *
9:30 am After flling the prescriptions
of fve more patients, Barnhills husband calls.
The school says their 10-year-old son is sick.
Barnhill hangs up to call the school. As she dials
she says, Anytime he even sheds a tear the
school is all over it, which is great but they call
a lot. The school asks her to come get him.
Barnhill frmly explains that she works two
jobs and her husband is in Kansas City but will
come soon.
* * *
Barnhill inspires her coworkers with her
devotion to her job and family. Safarik says
Barnhill takes on so much both personally and
professionally outside of the clinic. Barnhills
sister and her sisters children also live with her
family, and Barnhill is a Girl Scout troop leader.
Barnhill also taught a night nursing class until
she took on the second job at the clinic and
had to stop. She fnally gave up something,
Safarik says.
* * *
Without hanging up the phone, Barnhill
dials the next patient. This time she speaks
Spanish. The patient says she doesnt have the
gas money to drive to the clinic. Barnhill says
she will call the prescriptions in to a nearby
store so she can walk to get them. The patient
then says her diabetic mother needs an eye
exam. Barnhill says shell schedule it. Meanwhile
nurses and workers walk in and out to pick up
charts and medications.
story continued on page 6
clinic with a woman who sees it all
February 26, 2009
9:45 a.m. Only one chart left. A
coworker updates Barnhill about a patient
who was misidentifed at a hospital. A hospital
claimed the patient had surgery and sent the
clinic the paperwork. During an exam at the
clinic, it became clear that the patient could
not have had the surgery documented in her
chart. When they asked the patient about the
surgery, the patient panicked. The hospital was
contacted to correct the information.
10 a.m. Barnhill is paged into an exam
room to translate. Barnhill is the only staff
member who is medically certifed as a Spanish
10:10 a.m. A volunteer nurse asks for
Barnhills help. The nurse doesnt think her
patient, a single mom in high school, can afford a
$4 prescription. Ive been there, Barnhill says,
relating to the patients situation. They look at
the wall with the freebie medications, mostly
donated from pharmaceutical companies. They
fnd an antibiotic. The nurse says, OK, lets give
her our last bottle.
* * *
Safarik describes Barnhill as constantly
moving. You can interrupt her and it is not
a problem, she says. She will still give you a
* * *
Barnhill is back to the eye exam patient. She
looks at an Excel spreadsheet on the computer
to fnd a volunteer doctor who is available.
10:15 a.m. Another page, this time to
fll the role of clinical nurse. She looks for her
stethoscope. It must be in my other desk,
she says laughingly. She fnds it at her desk in
the nurses offce, throws it around her neck,
and escorts the Spanish-speaking patient into
an exam room. He is a male in his 40s with
bronchitis. The patients mother-in-law is in the
waiting room, wanting to pick up the familys
10:30 a.m. On her way back, she is
handed packages full of donated medications
from pharmaceutical companies. Back to
the meds, she says with a laugh. She opens
and organizes them while calling the doctor
to schedule the eye exam. She then calls the
patient to let her know. She gets up to fax the
patients information to the doctors offce.
11 a.m. Back from the fax, eight more
charts are stacked on her desk. Wow, look at
the stacks, Im so happy, she says. Yesterday I
had them piling up back on
the shelves. At some point, I
may eat breakfast. As she sits
down, the nurse practitioner
asks her to come translate
the medication instructions
for the bronchitis patient.
11:30 a.m. The
school calls. They are on a
hunt for my husband, she
says with a smile. She calls
her husband. He says he is
on his way and asks if she
has eaten. I get caught up
and dont get a chance to
eat, she replies.
She goes back to the
charts. One patient is getting
out of jail and requested
reflls on her medications,
but because it has been so
long, her paperwork has
expired. Barnhill gets the
proper forms and starts
flling them out for her.
Another page, this time a patient calling to
ask about a doctors referral. Barnhill answers
the phone as an offce worker delivers the
patients chart.
Photo by Tyler Waugh
Lining the shelves: Lixel Barnhill visits the medicine cabinet a countless
number of times a day to fulfll her dual role as clinical nurse and medication
coordinator at the Health Care Access Clinic of Douglas County.
Noon Barnhill opens the medicine
packages and starts organizing them. She
explains that the amount of medications coming
in isnt even half the amount that it should be.
She looks up at the shelves of medications.
Right now we are really low, she says, Believe
it or not. JP
story continued from page 5
18 to dance. 21 to drink. 841-5855 18 to dance. 21 to drink.
$2 Domestics, Bacardis & Jagerbombs
$2 Domestics & Bacardis
$2 Domestics
eet m
e on
the dance floor.
Featuring latin and top
40 dance music
blueberry muffn
milk chocolate
candy bar
scoop of vanilla
ice cream
one cup of orange juice
tablespoon of honey
Source: The USDA National Nutrient
Database (
February 26, 2009
No candy, no cereal, no ice cream.
Deana Olsen was surprised how much she had
to give up to avoid products that contain high-
fructose corn syrup. Many processed foods
include the sweetener, so Olsen, Lawrence
senior, started to cook using a lot of fresh
Olsen says she felt better since changing her
diet, and eventually she gave up high-fructose
corn syrup completely. Cooking from scratch
required more time and avoiding high-fructose
corn syrup limited the food she could enjoy.
U.S. consumers gorged on an average of 136
pounds each of caloric sweeteners in 2007, of
which high-fructose corn syrup made up more
than 40 percent, according to the Department
of Agriculture. However, some consumers, such
as Olsen, worry high-fructose corn syrup can
cause negative health effects.
Olsen originally avoided the syrup as part
of an allergy test. She found she wasnt allergic
to it, but she says shes still uncomfortable
consuming products containing the syrup.
Olsen says the process of making high-fructose
corn syrup seems chemically and unnatural,
compared with table sugar or honey.
Researchers dont have strong evidence
that high-fructose corn syrup is more unhealthy
than other forms of caloric sweeteners, says
Yong-Cheng Shi, associate professor of grain
science and industry at Kansas State University.
High-fructose corn syrup is made from corn
starch. The process involves enzymes, but Shi
says the syrup can be considered natural, unlike
many low-calorie sweeteners consisting of
High-fructose corn syrup making people
fat and sick is another misconception that
consumers often have. Shi says that high-
fructose corn syrup is as sweet as ordinary
sugar derived from cane and that they both
supply the same number of calories. The
American Medical Association also reported
last year that high-fructose corn syrup does not
contribute more to obesity than other caloric
sweeteners in response to some consumers
Richard Johnson, researcher at the
University of Colorado, has studied the link
between fructose consumption and the
epidemic in obesity, diabetes and the metabolic
syndrome. His research team found fructose
contained in corn syrup and table sugar could
cause the body to produce more uric acid,
which induced the metabolic syndrome.
Both high-fructose corn syrup and table
sugar consist of fructose and glucose. Human
bodies cannot tell the difference between high-
fructose corn syrup and regular sugar once its
digested, Shi says.
Johnson, coauthor of The Sugar Fix, compares
the different health effects that high-fructose
corn syrup and table sugar can create. He
says the free sugar molecules in high-fructose
corn syrupglucose and fructosecan be
absorbed immediately in the body, compared
with table sugar, in which the two molecules
are linked. Fructose absorbed from the corn
syrup circulates the blood and flters through
the liver. He says the research is still under
peer review, but it shows the different abilities
of high-fructose corn syrup and table sugar to
cause fatty liver disease. His research group
found that rats fed high-fructose corn syrup
had developed more fatty liver than the rats
fed table sugar.
Dont let sugar control your life. Whether
its high-fructose corn syrup or other sugar,
awareness and moderation are the keys to
good health, says Marty Glenn, KU lecturer
in nutrition and dietician at Leavenworth VA
Medical Center. Some people choose honey,
maple syrup and brown sugar over high-
fructose corn syrup. However, Glenn says
they all contain higher calories and hardly any
nutritious value. Honey and maple syrup can be
as unhealthy as high-fructose corn syrup, if you
consume the same amount.
Excessive sugar consumption can cause
many health problems, including weight gain,
obesity and diabetes. Glenn says counting your
sugar consumption and limiting it to 20 to
30 grams a day keeps your body heathy. For
example, a can of soda contains more than 35
grams of sugar. Glenn suggests switching to
sugar-free soda, if you drink a soft drink every
day or with every meal. When fountain soda is
available, you can fll the glass half with regular
cola and the other half with sugar-free cola.
This way, you can still enjoy some of regular
cola favor, he says.
Kelly Berkson, Keene, New Hampshire,
graduate student, grew up drinking small
Nothing perfectly
By Sachiko Miyakawa
Get the scoop on the high-
fructose corn syrup thats
in your sugary snacks
Nutrition Facts
count the sugar in your food:
amounts of soft drinks, unlike many of her friends.
She was occasionally given fruit juice, which she
considered a treat. She says this attitude helps
her be aware of consuming sweet products, while
some people have sweets so often and casually.
I like having ice cream and other sweets,
but I still consider them like treats, Keene says.
But some people take them for granted. JP
Graphic by Cat Coquilette
Some kinda rush: High-fructose corn syrup can be a staple in many of your favorite drinks. Sugar intake
should be limited to 20 to 30 grams a day, which can be the sugar count of just one drink.
February 26, 2009
Photo illustration by Tyler Waugh
Bugs in food dye
Dye job: Thought those bug-eating contestants on Survivor
were disgusting? Well, you are eating insects in your jam,
cookies or even cheddar cheese.
thats disgusting
When you eat a big spoonful of strawberry
yogurt or a take a chug of pink lemonade-
favored tea, have you ever thought about
what gives these tasty treats their pink hue?
Well it might surprise you to fnd out that it is
thousands of tiny crushed bugs.
Michael Jacobson, executive director of
Center for the Science in the Public Interest,
says though these insects do not pose a threat
to humans, they might gross some people out.
The colorings come in two forms from the
cochineal insect and are obtained by subjecting
a mass of the crushed insects to steam or dry
heat. They provide a pink, red or purple color
to foods ranging from ice cream and yogurt to
fruit drinks, as well as to pharmaceuticals and
This little bug has caused controversy with
food activists because companies are required
to label the ingredient only as artifcial color
or color added. The insects are also used in
coloring in jam, cookies, alcoholic drinks and
varieties of cheddar cheese.
Megan Weltner
Using garlic is a simple way to spice up an
Italian dish, but it can also tame the common
Garlic is anti-bacterial, anti-viral, anti-septic,
anti-parasitic, anti-fungul and has also been
proven to lower the risk of heart disease. This
natural remedy has been used as both food
and medicine in many cultures for thousands
of years, dating back to Ancient Egypt.
A common misconception is that cooked
garlic also has these medicinal qualities.
This is not the case. Once garlic is cooked,
it loses all disease-fghting qualities. To make
the raw garlic a little easier to handle, Lowen
Millspaugh, assistant wellness manager at the
Community Mercantile, recommends eating it
with food, such as chopped up on a salad.
However, one may want to take caution
when thinking about using such a remedy.
Im not going to lie. It makes your breath
stink and maybe even your pores, Millspaugh
says. Millspaugh says the taste of the garlic
will stay with you for days and even weeks. If
nurture by nature
Raw garlic
Photo illustration by Megan Weltner
Spice of life: Eating raw garlic is a natural way to fght
the common cold, but be cautioned about the spices
potentially bad breath-causing qualities.
bad breath is on the mind, deodorized garlic
capsules should satisfy your appetite.
Megan Weltner
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February 26, 2009
It has to be the Flowbee. Its
a vacuum cleaner that cuts
your hair! Bringing the worlds
of hair cutting and vacuuming
together makes it more than
just the most important
invention. Its the most
important thing ever.
I know Tom Cruises career
was in such a bad place that
his people got together and
realized that hed have to try
and kill Hitler.
Bjrn Borg. He was Swedish,
rocked a sweet ponytail
and made Fila short-shorts
palatable. Plus, he probably
pulled a lot of tennis tail.
My Great Aunt Flake used
to make things with food
derivatives and never put
sugar in anything. Everything
Acid washing was the best,
just because it made dirty
cool. That was something.
Everyone wanted you to
think theyd stumbled into a
laboratory and acid dripped
all over them.
In your opinion,
what is the
most important
invention ever?
What is one thing
you know that
most people do
Who was your
childhood hero?
What was the
worst meal you
ever had?
Name one
trend you wish
would make a
Randy Sklar
AJ Mathews
Overland Park senior
Probably music. Music is
therapy for everybody.
I know what its like to stand
in front of a crowd of 300
people at a packed venue as
they chant your bands name.
My mother. Just because her
life pulled a complete 180
when she had three sons.
Anything at Mrs. Es.
Theyre already coming back,
but I want to see zombies get
Elliot Kort
My girlfriend and I have been dating
for a while. It's gotten really serious
and we're talking about the next step.
Logically, part of that means meeting
her parents. But she's still really hesitant
about the idea of me meeting her dad. Do
I push? Do I lay off? What's the best way
to approach this situation?
Trent, senior
Elliot: Trent, I understand your anxiety. But
Id also caution you to take your time. The
frst impression you make on her parents is
something that could have echoes for a long,
long time. This is especially true if things are
proceeding to the next step. So heres what
you do: Tell your girlfriend that youre really
excited about whatever happens next and
that you look forward to meeting her parents
whenever shes comfortable.
Your girlfriends hesitation about you
meeting her dad suggests her relationship
with him is probably a complicated one. And
plus, countless fathers are dubious about
anyone who might steal their daughter away.
Just like Im sure your mom will size up your
girlfriend when they meet for the frst time.
But the thing to remember here is that family
is forever. Theyll always be there. So proceed
however she sees best. She knows her family
better than anyone.
Carly: First, try to understand her reasons
for not wanting to introduce you to her dad.
She may feel that it's still too soon, or she
may be worried that her dad won't like you.
Never push. If your girlfriend is hesitant, then
the last thing you want to do is push her into
something, especially something big such as
meeting the parents. One thing that you could
do is show her that you're ready for her dads
reaction, whether it's positive or not. It might
help her if she sees that youre confdent and
prepared for the meeting. If she still says no,
then drop it. Shell bring you home when shes
good and ready.
Does it really bother you that you havent
met her dad yet? This relationship is about you
and her, not you, her and her dad. If she has
legitimate reasons for not bringing you home,
then dont worry about it and focus on her.
Shes the important part, anyway.
I have a very good friend whom I love
a lot, but lately she is really pissing me
off. Shes very successful and has had a
lot internships, but thats all she can talk
about. She has no interest in my life or
my other roommates lives, and the only
thing to ever come out of her mouth is
how great she is. Im getting sick of it.
What do I do?
Lindsey, senior
Elliot: Wow. Your very good friend sounds
like anything but. Clearly shes got too much of
an ego. And its not your job to keep her full of
self-adoration. Take her down a few notches.
Tell her that youre not that interested in what
she does at her internships. Also tell her that
if the only thing she can think of to discuss is
her rsum, that you two dont really have that
much in common anymore.
So give her that ultimatum. Not only is it not
fair to you, but its not fair to your roommates.
She comes into their space and doesnt even
acknowledge them? No dice. She needs to
clean up her act or fgure out a way to live her
work life and her social life simultaneously. And
you should be brave enough to tell her that.
Carly: I agree with Elliot, but I believe in
being more blunt. Tell her to shut the hell up.
Sometimes, people get so wrapped up in their
own lives that its hard to pull them out with
hints and signs. A little brutal honesty can easily
fx this problem. Part of the job description of
being a very good friend is to be supportive
and excited for her when good things come
her way.
However, she has responsibilities as a
friend, too. She needs to have genuine interest
in whats going on in your life. If thats too hard
for her, then someone needs to open her eyes.
Have a house meeting and tell her that her
overachieving ways are obnoxious. Mention
that youre happy shes successful, but the
constant bragging overshadows any excitement
you have for her. If she doesnt stop now, its
only going to get worse after college.
Have relationship questions or need some advice? E-mail
*Bitch and Moan is not to be considered as a substitute for professional help.
For now, the couple talks every day
through Skype, web cams and cell phones, just
as much as most couples do, OConnor says.
Every three months the two visit each other;
the last visit was in Ireland over Christmas
It must be the luck of the Irish.
January 15, 2009
with Carly Halvorson and Elliot Kort
Lately, I just havent been interested
in sex. Im too tired, stressed out,
insecure and worried about money.
How do I get over this?
Christina, senior
Elliot:To start, let me state the utterly obvi-
ous: It is clear theres a lot on your mind.That
being said, youre going to have to face a cold,
hard truth.You cant always be in the mood,
no matter how much you hope for the op-
posite. If youre looking to alter your mood,
the biggest key is not to force it.Try to do
little things every day that relax you and that
might (hopefully) take your mind off of what-
ever is bugging you.Take time for yourself.
And also, if your current mood ts you, dont
pressure yourself to change it! Just because
we can get laid all the time doesnt mean we
need to. And besides, whats the point of get-
ting all hot and bothered if you dont want to
be hot and bothered?
Carly: I agree with Elliotthe rst and most
important thing you need to do is take care
of yourself.Women are more prone to getting
distracted during sex than men, so having a
lot on your mind can easily rob you of your
libido.Take practical steps to get rid of your
stressors, like creating a budget or doing
some simple workouts at home. Dont expect
your sex drive to magically appearjust help it
come back. Make your bedroom a no bum-
mer zone. Once you get inside, dont think
about whats stressing you out. Instead, light
some candles; research shows that cucum-
ber scents can heighten arousal. Have a date
night with your partner thats accompanied
by some natural aphrodisiacs, like champagne
and chocolate. For the nale, wear something
that makes you feel sexy and put on your
favorite lacy bra.When you look at yourself
in the mirror and think, Damn, I look good,
then youre more likely to want to have sex.
Around the holidays, when Im
finally home and spending time with
family after months away at school,
everyone is longing to ask me the
same question: so are you see-
ing anyone? Whether I am or not is
irrelevant. If I say yes, the game of
20 questions begins and Im wishing
I could disappear. If I say no, the
conversation comes to a screeching
halt and Im still wishing I could dis-
appear. How can I equip myself to
handle this sticky situation without
disappointing my family and des-
perately wanting to hide under the
Hannah, junior
Elliot: It seems to me that you have to
nd a middle ground.You want two things to
happen: First, you want to assure your folks
that their daughter isnt a shut-in. Second, you
want to avoid an all-out interrogation.The
next time youre home and your parents start
to ask questions, throw them a curve ball. Say,
Well, Ive been seeing someone. But Im not
sure if theres much to it, yet, so I dont want
to blow it out of proportion. This way, your
parents will feel assured that youre out there
meeting people. Also, its unlikely that they will
dedicate a lot of energy to grilling you with
questions. I mean, honestly, what kind of par-
ents ask when youre bringing home a special
someone if youre even hesitant to mention
his name? With any luck, youll be out of the
woods until you want to ll them in on more
Carly: Im a big fan of those interrogations,
actually. I dont get asked a million questions
about anyone Im dating anymore, though,
because I relied on my sarcasm instead of
being straightforward. If you really want to
end the interrogations once and for all, just
tell them that you met your new dating buddy
downtown one night after the bars were
closing. He was the rugged backpacker asking
for money on the corner of Mass. Street.You
knew it was fate when he asked to come
home with you so he could use your shower.
Mention that you really wish you could see
him and talk to him more often, but its dif-
cult when he doesnt have a cell phone, a car,
a bike or however much change is required to
make a call on a pay phone. Say all of this with
a straight face, and you should be okay. I used
this story two years ago, and since then my
holidays are much less intrusive.
I made a resolution this year to walk
out of my fathers life. Ive always
known that my lack of relationship
with him is a principal factor in why
I run from every romantic relation-
ship Ive ever known. How do I start
Jodie, junior
Elliot: One of my personal credos is that
every person has to live on his or her terms.
If youre really going to start over, you need to
keep this in mind from the get-go. Let it be-
come your mantra. If you need to walk out of
your fathers life to have a healthy one of your
own, then that is what you must do.With
regards to starting over with other relation-
ships, Id say you need to be constantly aware
of your own state of mind. Know when your
impulses and instincts are being thrown off by
something, some past baggage thats still hold-
ing you down. In time, youll probably manage
to let go of it all. But if not, by being conscious
of everything going on in your head, at least
youll be mindful enough to keep it all from
hurting you any longer. Do everything on your
terms, and you should be just ne.
Carly: A lot of girls have that one male
gure in their lives that looms ominously
over every new relationship. For some, its
an ex. For otherslike youits their fathers.
This is especially tricky, because it is often
said that girls seek out men who are similar
to their fathers. Its important that you learn
to separate his qualities from any prospect
you may have.You cant help getting caught up
in that fear that your new partner is going to
turn out like your father, but once you do feel
that fear, do something about it. Have a close
friend sit down with you so you can distance
your issues with your father from this new
relationship. Dont linger on the hypothetical,
What if he ? because those situations
simply reinforce your feelings and give you
justication for walking away. It wont be easy,
but with a good support system to pick you
back up, its doable.
Have relationship questions or need some
advice? E-mail
*Bitch and Moan is not to be considered as a substitute
for professional help.
It was more than luck that Maddie
OConnor and Bill Murphy met in Ireland
just about a year ago on OConnors study
abroad semester.
The local pub, the Old Oak, set the
scene for the Irish couple. OConnor says
Murphy roped her in with his Irish accent.
OConnor and Murphy, both juniors at the
time, laughed off the cultural differences by
examining Murphys pronunciations and his
use of slang terms.
Kansas City native and senior
OConnor considers herself Irish because
of her great ancestors, but Murphy tells
her otherwise. Having Irish ancestors
doesnt make you Irish per se, but whos
really checking, Murphy tells her.
Both families have welcomed the idea
of a long distant relationship and are happy
for the couple, but the logistics of what
would happen if the two were to marry
scares them: Who would live where? How
do you get a visa?
How We Met
Stephanie Schneider
Contributed photo
psychology. When we transition from sleep
to wakefulness, the frontal cortex comes
Some peoples front cortex comes online
before they are awake, Ilardi says, and this
allows them to be conscious in their dreams.
Ilardi says there is a small portion of people
who can lucid dream naturally and others
who can lucid dream with practice. Some
people, however, cannot lucid dream.
Paul Atchley, associate professor of
psychology, is a lucid dreamer.
When I do lucid dream, I usually choose
to fy because its cool, Atchley says.
Atchley taught himself to lucid dream by
frst assessing his dreams and keeping a diary
of them. Then, he gained a greater sense of
consciousness in his dreams and he was able
to subtly change them.
all my dreams are
whatever I want
February 26, 2009
and do anything you want with them
Photo illustration by Jon Goering
Pajama talk: Cant quite muster up the courage to talk to your crush in reality? Lucid dream what you want to
happen and maybe make it possible in the real world.
Photo illustration by Jerry Wang
Pipe dream: Create your own outlandish fantasies by controlling your dreams through lucid dreaming.
h o w t o c o n t r o l y o u r
By Adam Schoof

ink unicorns and other monsters used
to chase Tony Campbell in his dreams,
but today he can control them by giving
himself superpowers.
Campbell, Overland Park junior, suffered
from intense recurring nightmares as a child.
With practice, he could tell he was in a dream
and control what was going on in his dreams.
He could make things appear, rewind a dream
and change a dream entirely. Eventually, he
learned to do this consistently.
All my dreams are whatever I want,
Campbell says.
This ability is called lucid dreaming.
When were dreaming, the circuits of the
brain that give us consciousness, the frontal
cortex, are offine, so normally we have a
perception the dream is happening to us,
says Steve Ilardi, associate professor of clinical
Rob Waggoner, author of Lucid Dreaming:
Gateway to the Inner Self, says there are other
ways you can lucid dream.
Waggoner says you can make a suggestion
to yourself before you go to sleep that you will
be conscious in your dreams. Waggoner says
he looks at his hands while he tells himself,
Tonight in my dreams, I will see my hands and
realize that I am dreaming.
When he sees his hands in his dream, then
he knows he is in a dream because he has
associated seeing his hands with being in a
Waggoner says another method of making
yourself lucid dream is mnemonic induction
of lucid dreams (MILD), which was developed
by Stephen LaBerge, a psychophysiologist
who pioneered the study of lucid dreaming.
This method requires you to wake up in the
night, recall your last dream and then imagine
yourself becoming conscious at some point in
that dream. Before you fall back to sleep,
you tell yourself, In the next dream,
I will realize that I am dreaming
and become consciously
aware. Waggoner says
this method gave
him signifcantly
more dreams, but required more work and
repeatedly waking up in the middle of the
Yet another path to lucid dreaming,
Waggoner says, is developing a lucid mind.
This method requires you to have a more
aware awareness, in that you should ask
yourself throughout the day, Am I dreaming
By actively questioning the current reality,
a person is more likely to bring that same
questioning awareness into their dreaming,
Waggoner says.
You can test if you are in a dream by doing
something you cant do in reality, Waggoner
says, such as putting your hand through a wall
or levitating.
Ilardi says having your frontal cortex
online when you are dreaming allows you to
do these reality tests.
When someone is lucid dreaming, they
can say, This makes no sense, Ilardi says.
One of the challenges of lucid dreaming,
Waggoner says, is staying lucid. If you lose
your awareness, then you will lose control of
the dream. Also, if you become too emotional
or stare at an object for too long, then your
dream will collapse,Waggoner says.
Lucid dreaming isnt just for fying around
like Superman. It can be useful for testing out
things you are too afraid to do in real life.
Alicia Lopez, Topeka sophomore, wanted
to have a dream about a guy she liked so she
could tell him about her feelings for him.When
she fnally had a dream with him in it, she was
able to tell him.This gave her some confdence
to tell him in real life, and they are together
after a year.
Ilardi says what Lopez did in her dream is
like when successful athletes visualize a victory.
When you put yourself through a positive
narrative, then you are reinforcing the notion
that you can succeed. JP
11 February 26, 2009
Girl 1: Remember that time
you ditched me at that party?
Im still really pissed about that.
Girl 2: Dude, you cant be mad at me.
I bought you a Snuggie.
Girl 1: Yeah, youre right. Youre
Girl: I can get you the
NuvaRing by Sunday. After
Sunday, its gone.
Guy: Where is it going?
Girl: Everything she owns
smells like vagina.
GTA: You dont want to do acid in a cemetery.
Itll give you bad dreams.
Guy 1: Look at oranges. Theyre
not appealing.
Guy 2: A-peeling. Oh!
Guy 1: Puns!
Guy: Are you having an
after party? I will be
wearing a shirt and pants.
Girl 1: My belly feels big.
Girl 2: Well, I hope youre not
Girl 1: No, really I hope Im not.
Ross Stewart
February 26, 2009
Buy Reg. Price Shoes, Get a T-shirt,
a Hat, or any Winter Item
50 percent off!
1005 Massachusetts
sale ends Sunday, March 22
By Vance Weintraub
After graduating from KU in 2006, Nikki
Glaser left Lawrence for the City of Angels
to pursue a comedy career. Open mic nights
in Kansas City clubs gave the St. Louis native
the confdence to join the competitive
L.A. comedy circuit and last month she
performed on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno.
What was it like to do your
first open mic night?
Generally, for comedians, the frst show is
amazing. Its your frst time and people usually
cut you some slack. They say the people who
stick with comedy always have a good frst
set. If you dont know how great it feels to
hear people laugh at your frst jokes, you have
nothing to hold on to as you go along. Comedy
is like heroin; were always chasing that frst high.
What makes someone funny?
Most comedians had to develop a thick
skin for whatever reason; theyre fat, theyre
nerds, they had to persevere past something in
their lives to make people accept them. Those
are the people who can make the best jokes.
Where do you find your
Just from life. When I frst started comedy,
I was 18 and I hadnt really experienced life.
I talked about sex a lot on stage because I
knew thats what a lot of other comics did,
but I hadnt even had sex. I didnt even know
what was funny about it. But now that Ive had
more experience with relationships and being
out of the college bubble, Im able to get more
material. Now I just try to go out and live life
to its fullest just to get stories to tell on stage.
How did the Jay Leno
opportunity come about?
I did Last Comic Standing when I was a
senior at KU and when I initially auditioned,
two of the guys I auditioned for happened to
be the bookers for The Tonight Show. They liked
me and told me I would perform, but that was
in 2007. Then last month I got a call from a
producer asking me to be on the show that
night. They usually put comedians on the show
when celebrities drop out because they know
that were always available. So it turns out Paula
Abdul dropped out for that night and I thank god
for her pill addiction because I wouldnt have
been there without her. But I thought the set
went really well. The crowd defnitely got me.
Any embarrassing moments
on the set?
I saw Rainn Wilson from The Offce
backstage and accidentally called him Dwight
to his face.
What do you miss about
I miss having the schedule that college
provides for you. Theres no syllabus in the
real life. Theres no one telling you what
to do or when to turn things in. But other
than that, I miss the Jazzhaus, I miss Henrys
and I miss the down-to-earth people in the
Midwest. Lawrence just has nice, cool people.
Madeline Hyden
with Nikki Glaser
13 February 26, 2009
Contributed photo
Laugh a minute: Nikki Glaser, comedian and 2006
graduate, was recently featured on The Tonight Show
with Jay Leno.
BUMP It On The
West Coast Rookies of the Year
Blu: (So)ul Amazing 1 & 2
A certifed purveyor of true, roots hip
hop, Los Angeles native Blu is one of the most
promising MCs to come out of California.
Although not technically a rookie, he released
his critically acclaimed debut album Below the
Heavens with producer Exile in August of 07.
Blu has worked hard, dropping two mixtapes,
an EP and a full length album.
The mixtapes, (So)ul Amazing 1 & 2, play
smooth, fowing and cohesive. Blu also released
an album that rated top
25 of 2008, as the Johnson half of the group
Johnson & Jonson with producer Mainframe.
Blu also teamed up with producer TaRaach for
an experimental hip-hop EP, The Piece Talks.
Blus father was a pastor, and gospel music
infuenced him just as much as MCs such as
Common, Mos Def and Slum Village. If you
like classic, roots hip hop, Blu is a name to get
excited about.
Nipsey Hu$$le: Bullets Aint
Got No Name
If youre more prone to liking trunk rattling,
West Coast gangster rap, Nipsey Hu$$le is
your man. Nipsey oozes that California, G-funk
style and has been gaining a lot of attention
in the hip-hop community. A product of south
central Los Angeles, Slauson Avenue, Nipsey
grew up a devout Rolling 60s Crip and his
music is a refection.
He released two mixtapes alongside DJ
Felli Fel, Bullets Aint Got No Name Volume 1 & 2,
the frst one being an instant, must-have classic.
A few words about the music: his shit bangs.
His lyrics are on point, the hooks are catchy
and the beats are infectious.
Nipsey is looking for a full-time DJ and is
currently running a contest online in order to
fnd one. Expect Nipsey to drop his debut solo
album sometime in the middle of the year.
Tom Powers
Nipsey Hu$$le is a better pick for a spin in your stereo
if youre interested in gangster rap. The Los Angeles rap-
per is searching for a full-time DJ, too. Enter the contest
Blu of Los Angeles was infuenced by Common, Mos
Def and Slum Village growing up.
Sometimes you just get so angry you could
throw that kitchen knife into the wall. Or you
could just screw them in instead and use them
as hangers.
TC STUDIO product designer Tianyi
Chang fused the violent with the insightful in
creating the hooks, which were inspired by her
collection of pocketknives.
The hooks seemed like a practical thing
to me, Chang said. I turned it into something
funny with some humor and I hope people
dont read too far into it.
The knives are attached to the wall with an
anchor. You attach the anchor into the wall and
then screw in the knife hook. Its pretty simple,
but it cant be done in stone or brick with the
included anchors.
Chang isnt interested in mass-producing
her designs. You wont see these in Target or
Wal-Mart and she is focusing more on small
batches of her products.
Theres a desire for something more
unique and personal, though that is not always
possible, Chang said. But its growing in the
Knife hooks
Contributed photo
Hang em high: Knive hooks add a little personality to
your walls.
The hooks are available at
com and for $25 each or in a
pack of fve for $100.
Ross Stewart
miller light
coors light
Join KU fans at the KU/MU Border Showdown
Sunday March 1st at The Eldridge!
Meet your friends, enjoy the best Sunday brunch
in town! Brunch runs from 9:00am - 2:00pm. Cost
$16.95 per person, mimosa included.
Present your KU Alumni Association card
and receive 10% off.
Every Sunday
February 26, 2009
I would have to say Underdog. Hes awesome. Hes a dog that can fy
and take down bad guys, but does it very clumsily.
Miles McDonald, Kansas City, Kansas, freshman
[ If you could be a superhero
for a day, who would you be? ]
Id really want to be Spider-Man. Hes really acrobatic and itd be
tight to just sit on a huge skyscraper and look down at everybody.
Michael Nobo, Topeka freshman
Batman because hes the one thats real. He doesnt have super
powers; he just looks badass.
Dominik Hertzler, Aachen, Germany, freshman
Wolverine because I could get hit by a car and get back up. Thatd
be pretty cool.
Stephan Thrun, Fairway junior
Spider-Man because he does all that crazy shit with his webs.
Will Taylor, Lawrence freshman
Id be the pink Power Ranger because that was my favorite show
growing up. Id like to see them fght Xena in an episode and I would
kick her butt.
Jenny Williams, Tulsa, Oklahoma, freshman
Id be Captain Planet because, I mean, who didnt want fve
rings like that? Its so cool to save the planet.
Marcus Gore, Chicago sophomore
Out About
Nightcrawler because he can teleport and nobody else really
thinks of Nightcrawler. Hes just kind of there and then hes not
Sean Glass, Leavenworth junior
Wonder Woman because shes really cool and I like her costume.
Emily Nabhan, Dallas sophomore
Cyclops because he has some cool, killer shades. I think Id look
good in them.
John Moore, Overland Park senior
Kelly Breckunitch, who would be Green Lantern,
because he can make anything with his ring and can fy
February 26, 2009
February 26, 2009
This Weekend:
Smackdown! Trivia
Were going to smack team Snicklefritz.
That phrase is uttered by our competitors
all night. Were the new kids on the block
tonight, but dont worry, were not trading
physical blows with the competition. Were
playing Smackdown! Trivia, a Jeopardy-esque
competition at The Bottleneck to test our
trivia knowledge.
Lets get ready to ... use our brains?: Smackdown! Trivia
jogs the memory for the most inane answers.
Photo by Kelly Breckunitch
All the way to victory: If you think you have what
it takes to win Smackdown!, check it out at The
Bottleneck on Sundays at 8 p.m.
Photo by Kelly Breckunitch
Oprahs Foopa, Doogie Howser OBGYN
and Extreme Racists are teams that could
only be competing in a trivia competition.
Host Andy Bob says he came up with the
idea in 2000 and the competition attracts
a lot of different people. Well have new
teams show up that leave thinking that they
were in over their heads, Bob says. I like
to encourage them to give it another try.
Weve had many teams become regulars even
after not doing so well their frst few times
Bob says the event attracts people because
of the competitive spirit, but it is different from
competitive sports. People like competition.
Not everybody is into sports, but maybe into
sports statistics, so it gives them a venue to
spew their knowledge, no matter how useless
it may be, Bob says.
So whats the best part of being in charge of
Smackdown? All the time I spend researching
questions, sitting in front of the computer,
carrying boxes of dry erase boards. Its quite
the lifestyle, Bob says. And, of course, being
called Hey, trivia guy! while grocery shopping.
That happens quite a bit, actually.
Take your opportunity to research before
going to Smackdown! because the questions
can be tricky. Do you know what cartoon
character was the frst to have his show
nominated for an Emmy in 1961? It was
actually Huckleberry Hound. Thats the type
of question Bob spends his time researching.
If you feel up to the challenge, Smackdown!
is hosted at The Bottleneck on Sundays at 8
Kelly Breckunitch
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February 26, 2009
MUSIC: Ben Kweller, Changing Horses
Ben Kweller takes a musical turn back
to his roots in South Texas on his latest
release, Changing Horses. Though Kwellers
earlier work features alternative rock
similar to Ben Folds, Changing Horses is
strongly infuenced by Kwellers country
western heritage and is reminiscent of 90s
Fans of Kwellers earlier music may be
alarmed by the drastic difference in tone
and genre. They can rest assured, however.
The music on Changing Horses is a big
change for Kweller, but is defnitely not a
bad one. Kwellers soft spoken voice and
rhythmic piano work are still spectacular,
but are mixed with the twangy sounds of
slide guitar and some country western
The albums only issue is its plethora of
mellow songs. There are some great tunes
on Changing Horses, but they are few in
number and are accompanied by too many
slow ballads.
The albums opening track, Gypsy
Rose, is excellent. The smooth acoustic
guitar is layered nicely with Kwellers laid
back vocals and southern rhythm.
Tracks such as Fight and Wantin
Her Again are fast-paced country jams
flled with excellent steel pedal and slide
guitar solos. Kwellers vocal range is also
impressive on both tracks.
Overall, the album is good, but it lacks
the exciting piano build ups and rock n roll
that Kwellers other music is best known
Danny Nordstrom
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February 26, 2009
BOOK: Tucker Max, I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell
Tucker Max, author of I Hope They
Serve Beer in Hell, is an asshole. He says so
himself in his memoir, which is an alcohol-
induced blur of the shots he takes and the
women he beds during his stint at Duke Law
School. Morally contradicting his prestigious
education, Max scathingly narrates his beer-
goggled trysts, providing jaw-dropping and
revolting frst-hand accounts of every pick
up line and sexual position. Maxs book
was originally published in 2006 and has
remained a New York Times best-seller for 72
weeks, and was recently re-released.
New additions include tales of book
tour debauchery, a drunken dictionary of
defnitions to gauge Maxs lack of sobriety
and a fve-star rating system of the women
he has slept with. The books appeal is
synonymous with Maxs: honest, in-your-
face, and entertaining. At times his rude
and degrading behavior toward women
cemented my own cynical outlook, but I
kept turning every page, hoping for a hint of
a nice guy. It never came.
As if 300 ego-boosting pages arent
enough for Max, a second novel and a
screenplay are in the works, replenishing
the perpetual thirst for beer available in
college bars, liquor stores and even Hell.
Kelci Shipley
MOVIE: Fired Up!
Following a pair of friends who opt out
of football training camp for a cheer camp
to broaden their sexual reach, Fired Up! has
little redeeming factor other than that it is
a fuid waste of time. We are spryly carried
through its 90 minutes of laughs as cheap
and innocuous as a sitcom rerun.
A good insight into the humor of Fired
Up! can be gleaned from the name of the
summer cheer camp at the center of the
movieFired Up UniversityGive me a
F, give me a U, what does that spell? F.U.!
Aside from its sitcomish humor, one
of the flms many faws is that it plays
things too safe. Reneging on its teen-movie
promise of exposed coed gallivanting
on screen, Fired Up! chooses to keep its
characters clothed (with the exception
of one borderline offensive caricature of
a gay cheerleader). This, I bet, was done
to safeguard a PG-13 rating, which really
doesnt mean anything with so many four-
letter words faunted in the flm.
Judd Apatows comedies have shown
crude and heart can work together,
something that Fired Up! seemingly tries to
do. But the flmmakers miscalculated
raunch and the false redemption of the
boorish central characters point to its
cheap heart.
Chance Dibben
MUSIC: Morrissey, Years of Refusal
After the release of Ring Leader of the
Tormentors in 2006, Morrissey is back with
a telltale album. Years of Refusal is livened
with caustic lyrics, energetic vocals and
lively beats and tempos.
Morrissey gives off energy by embedding
his vocals with the edgy sound of the guitar
through the album. The high-tempo tunes
give fans a balance between the playful
sounds in the scathing lyrics.
On the frst track, Something Is
Squeezing My Skull, Morrissey sings about
the different brands of anti-depressants
and carries it out with an upbeat tempo.
He uses the same energy on other songs
such as Im Throwing My Arms Around
Paris, in which he talks about a lost love.
In All You Need is Me, he declares, You
dont like me but you love me/Either way
youre wrong, youre gonna miss me when
Im gone.
Theres a guitar-heavy edgy sound
in songs like Sorry Doesnt Help and
Thats How People Grow Up. In When
Last I Spoke To Carol, the sound of the
Spanish guitar creates a more festive beat.
The added effect of the whistling gives it a
more western cinematic tune.
Its Not Your Birthday Anymore
doesnt come off with the faster, edgy sound
that was introduced in the previous songs.
Its a mellow, techno sound that picks up
during the chorus.
Overall, fans wont be disappointed when
they listen to Years of Refusal because of its
fresh sounds and catchy, yet sinister lyrics.
Brieun Scott
MOVIE: The International
For all its timely premise and layered
storytelling, The International is a surprisingly
generic action thriller. Even more baffing is
that its directed by Tom Tykwer, the German
director who gave us great movies such as Run
Lola Run and Perfume. Given this and the star
power of Clive Owen and Naomi Watts, The
International seems as if it should be poised to
be a pretty taut, solid flm. But its not.
The story centers on two agents, one
from Interpol (Owen) and one from the
New York DAs offce (Watts) trying to
bring down an international bank they think
is a hotbed of laundering for international
organized crime. Of course, the bank, the
IBBC, is able to pull of all kinds of legal
(and illegal) moves to keep witnesses from
coming forward. If you guessed corporate
loopholes and mounting body counts swept
under the rug, youve got it.
Owens Agent Salinger is a driven,
interesting character with a shadowy past
the kind of character he seems born to play.
And the guy does play a good action hero.
Armin Mueller-Stahl (Eastern Promises) also
does a solid job as a bank board member
who turns informant to Owen and Watts
characters. The weak link here is Watts.
Normally, shes the kind of actress who can
bring necessary gravitas to any role that
requires it. But not here. She remains fat and
seems to phone in her performance. Her
character, Eleanor Whitman, is a motherly
character, both in her role as an actual
mother (shes married and has a son) and in
her relationship to Owens Agent Salinger.
Overall, The International isnt a movie
with a whole lot to say. The character
relationships that might have saved it from
mere mediocrity just arent there. The
action sequences are good, but theyre just
barely worth the wait.
Abby Olcese
February 26, 2009
Rolling over the
cold shoulder
By Ross Stewart
Life is transitionsthe only thing to do is deal with them in stride
Moments before my alarm goes off, I wake
up and roll over.
Good morning, I say to her.
And she says, Hey, softly to me.
Its blissful waking up in a warm bed when
its cold outside.
The speakers on my alarm pop and National
Public Radio flls the room. Israel and Palestine
are at it again. Buildings have been razed in
war; people are buried alive; gallons of blood
are poured onto a sea of listeners who are just
like me, starting their day.
Do you want some tea or toast? I ask.
Sure, she says bleary-eyed. Thats the
quiet answer. The morning-speak if you will
one-word answers from the groggy.
My house in the morning has this almost
pre-moving-out-of-your-folks feeling. The
smell of my childhood permeates the furniture
and foors. It smells like home. That scent of
comfort. That aura of safety.
Crossing cold hardwood, I put the kettle
on the stove. From the kitchen I can still hear
NPR. Private investors from Wall Street are
funding the presidential inauguration with
$150 million.
I think to myself that its strange they need
bailout money yet can pay for the inauguration.
I cant even pay rent past August. I want to go
to graduate school. I am soon to be out of
money. I applied to be a GTAIll apply for
loans. Id like some governmental aid.
As I saunter back to my room I fantasize
about private investors from Wall Street giving
$150 million to college students for tuition
and fees and thinking how its never going to
I lie back down in bed while the kettle boils
and gently tease my hand along her back.
I wish the entire day were like this. Soft
sheets, like a cloud of cool.
No stress. Just calm. Soft discussions. Some
about worries. Do you think Ill make anything
of myself? Do you think Im pretty? Do you think
were going anywhere? Should we date?
While in bed, the world seems at a distance.
I can forget about war. I can forget about the
kettle on the stove. I can forget about the
future. I can forget just like I forgot what most
of elementary school was like.
Then the worry seeps in. The day seeps
in. Life seeps in. And I fght it at frst. But the
worry takes over. Then Im left with the day.
And Im stuck. Absolutely stuck in this
frame of mind where I dont feel like I can say
anything other than I dont know what my
priorities will be after this summer. I graduate
from college in six months. I dont know what
Ill be doing. I dont know how Im going to
afford to eat. Pay rent. Sleep. Shower. I dont
want to mooch off of my parents. I dont know
what Ill be calling myself. A graduate student;
a worker; a freelance writer; a musician; a bum;
a soon-to-be law student.
Life is about transitions. Flow. And fowing
from one phase of my life to the other is
proving diffcult. I crave certainty as much as
every other man. And I know that Ill come to
a point where this morning will be a year ago
and it will seem so far away. So I shouldnt be
so concerned, but I still am.
Looking at my worried expression, she asks
me whats wrong. And I say that its nothing,
though we both know thats a lie.
I lie in bed and stare at the ceiling thinking
nothing for a minute with a contemplative look
on my face. Im hoping that something brilliant
will creep into my brain to relieve me of my
worries. I know the only thing that will relieve
me of them is time, but it will just be another
exchanging of time with worries.
The kettle goes off and I run into the
kitchen with this strange fear that it might just
blow up. I think thats absurd. JP
Photo illustration by Ryan Waggoner
Sleepyhead: Waking up in the morning provides a time of clarity to refect on what you appreciate, but also what you are most worried about.
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