The One Day War

Judith Soloway

Good morning, fellow Americans. Welcome to the One Day War. WCDW will be your eye
s and ears for today bringing you live coverage of a momentous day in our history. As part of our
bicentennial celebration of the Civil War, we are proud to participate in Professor Brainards proj
ect, the One Day War
Im sure there isnt an American out there who hasnt heard of the project. It has been the
most talked about subject in our country for many months. Now the great day, April 9, 2065, is h
ere, and we are all part of it.
The weather is perfect and visibility is excellent. There isnt a cloud overhead; the sky is bl
ue and clear. From our place here on the grandstand, we have a perfect vantage point. While we
are waiting, weve arranged an exclusive interview with Professor Brainard, father of the One Da
y War.
-Professor, I know how busy you are supervising this enormous undertaking, and we appre
ciate your giving us an interview. To begin with, could you give us some background informatio
n about the project?
-I am very please to speak with you. At this point, the project is rolling along according to s
chedule, and I am here to advise on any problems that may arise. You asked for some backgroun
d. Well, as you may know, Im considered an expert on the Civil War, and I was asked to plan a
bicentennial celebration.. One disturbing aspect of the Civil War, like any other war, was how ex
pensive and inefficient it was. Using our modern day technology, we are able to reconstruct one
battle that is the equivalent of all the battles fought during the entire war! The major expenses in
any war involve the movement of troops and machinery, medical equipment and personnel, and
burial expenses. Doing all this during wartime is difficult, expensive, and inefficient. Given our c
ultural and scientific development these past two hundred years, there was no reason we couldnt
produce the same effect at a fraction of the cost. The most brilliant part of the plan was the most
obvious: why not bury the soldiers right on the battlefield and eliminate a lot of cost and trouble?
The battlefield becomes the cemetery. Once we settles on this idea, the other details fell into plac
e.
An assembly line procedure was adopted. The computer chose the soldiers. We hired diggi
ng crews, masons, gardeners, and florists. We saved a tremendous amount of money by not needi
ng any war machinery except for one revolver per soldier. Naturally, there was no need for medi
cal teams and supplies. The families of the soldiers knew well in advance, so they could plan acc
ordingly and put their personal affairs in order.
-Did you encounter any difficulties with the plan?
-A little, at first. Some members of Congress thought the plan was inhumane. I explained t
o them that the net result was the same as waging the war for four years at a greater expense and
inconvenience to the general population. Moreover, there would be no involvement with civilian
s whatsoever ? no attacks, no burning of houses, no families killed by marauding soldiers. They a
greed unanimously that my plan was safer, more efficient and more humane that the Civil War.
We did encounter a strong objection form the Western Union lobby in Washington. They
would be losing revenue from the telegrams usually sent to the families of the soldiers. We work
ed out an agreement allowing the company to manufacture the small American flags that will be
given to each family.
And now, Professor Brainard, after months of planning, your project is about to become a r
eality. Thank you, Professor. I know I speak for the entire nation when I salute you as a remarka
ble man and a true patriot.

Its 8:30, and we are almost ready for the project to get under way. Before us on this imme
nse battlefield, stretched out for miles, are the two opposing armies. The soldiers stand at attentio
n in neat rows, an army of blue facing an army of gray. They stand very still like marble statues.
On our left, we can see the digging machines and their crews waiting silently. Behind them are th
e masons and gardeners. On our right, we can see the florists.
Here in the grandstand are all the dignitaries: the President, Vice President, Speaker of the
House, Senate Majority Leader, members of the Cabinet, the Supreme Court Justices and represe
ntatives of the Armed Forces.
We all rise for our National Anthem. The President approaches the podium. When he gives
the signal, the band will play Taps, and on the last note of the Taps, watch the soldiers.
With military precision, each man withdraws his pistol, places it to his temple, and in uniso
n 204,000 shots ring out. The noise is deafening like a huge explosion. Gunsmoke fills the air. T
he sky is now gray as if a strom has suddenly blown in. The field is very quiet. The rows of gray
and blue fallen bodies are now irregular. I guess its hard to plan a perfect fall even with intensiv
e training and devotion to ones country. The soldiers have done their part. Now its time for the
rest of the team to go to work.
The grandstand viewers file out of their seats and into the waiting limousines. The Presiden
t shakes Professor Brainards hand. As the last officials leave, the digging machines and their cre
ws move onto the field. They work from left to right digging each trench, burying each body, and
leveling the ground. The stone masons follow. They place a stone at each soldiers grave. Every
stone has already been engraved with the soldiers name and dates of birth and death. The crews
work efficiently, row after row. The landscapers follow the masons. They place strips of sod over
the newly dug earth. Now the florists unload their trucks and put fresh floral bouquets on each gr
ave.
We are watching the final phase of the One Day War. The digging crews have left the field
, the masons have gone, the florists are leaving, and the buses of widows and orphans are arrivin
g. All the families of the soldiers will be here at the same time. They have all been transported he
re at government expense. They file out onto the field. The ushers and hostesses, dressed in tuxe
dos and long gowns, direct each family to its particular gravesite. Each family receives an identif
ication tag and a small American flag. The military band is playing When Johnny Comes Marchi
ng Home Again. We all stand at attention as a gentle breeze blows over the field.
It is truly amazing what American ingenuity can accomplish. This morning what was an or
dinary field has been transformed into a military cemetery. It has been a beautiful day! Ive been
honored to help bring this momentous project into your homes. Yes, its been a perfect day. Goo
d night, Americans. Sleep well.

WCDW .! !
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